GREEN   1324   2
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/homeless/ Displacement

By BlondieAnon
Created: 2023-07-03 16:21:12
Updated: 2023-08-08 02:10:16
Expiry: Never
nsfwanonymous/aie/anonfillyanonmare

  1. (https://boards.4channel.org/mlp/thread/40074116#p40086585)
  2.  
  3. >You've been homeless before
  4. >Multiple times, actually
  5. >Unsupportive family
  6. >Making right choices, even when they aren't necessarily the smart choices
  7. >Each time, you had a certain number of items with you
  8. >Clothes
  9. >Gadgets and entertainment
  10. >Money
  11. >A car
  12. >God gifts a homeless man with a car the world
  13. >But not in Equestria
  14. >Not in fucking Ponyville
  15. >You were carrying light, trading coins and some of your earthly knickknacks for a Canterlot-made rucksack
  16. >Not quite modern American military durable, but your detailed requests put your bag on par with the Celestian Guard
  17. >You're not sure if that is the right name for them but their saddlebags were pretty rugged
  18. >Not all, but most of the ponies that saw you trekking in seemed...
  19. >Excited?
  20. >They weren't acting like you were some mystical creature
  21. >Or maybe they were?
  22. >Maybe small towns bred small minds
  23. >"Omigosh, you're a hewwwwwwwman, aren't ya?!"
  24. >A deceptively nondescript filly comes up to you
  25. >She's small enough to be a football
  26. >You kneel down, curiosity piqued
  27. >Not once did you ever say what manner of mammal you were
  28. "Me? Yeah. A funny looking one, sure, but still a human. What's up?"
  29. >"Anon said that hewmanamans are tall with hair on their faces and had funny eyes and were faggots!"
  30. >If you were drinking, you would have sprayed the filly down
  31. >Since you were more on the parched side... all you can do is stare at her in sheer disbelief
  32. "...Huh?"
  33. >You have funny eyes?
  34. "I... well. Where is this... Anon?"
  35. >As if she were waiting to be asked, she vibrates with enough energy that you're worried she would noclip through the ground
  36. >"She's at Sugarcube Corner, of course! Let's GO!"
  37. >She bolts off at blue hedgehog speed
  38. >Was she just looking for an excuse to go there?
  39. >Not like you have much else, and the name "Anon" already is getting more ponies to look at you a little funny
  40. >While she did leave a trail in the dirt that could lead to generations of trench warfare, you were able to also see her bouncing around the front door of the aforementioned Corner
  41. >Upon seeing you, she reared up and flapped her front legs with reckless abandon
  42. >This must be the place
  43. >"Mr. Hewamanalana! Anon lives here!"
  44. >This is...
  45. >What even is this?
  46. >If you were going to give yourself a name here, you're pretty sure you would stick with "Anon" too
  47. "Is that right? Well, I appreciate the help."
  48. >You heft the rucksack and open the door
  49. >Little Miss Speed bolts in faster than you can make a quip for
  50. >The bakery smells glorious
  51. >"Anon! Anonanonanananananonamona! Heweyman alert! Huey-Mann alert!"
  52. >This filly must understand the concept of an inside voice, there is no other reason why she so joyously tramples on it
  53. >Upstairs you hear a muffled scream
  54. >Along with some clattering
  55. >At least one curse you're familiar with
  56. >Banging
  57. >Stomping
  58. >More cursing
  59. >...
  60. >What sounds like some nervous humming
  61. >Light steps down the staircase to your left
  62. >In awe at this entire vaudeville act, you see a...
  63.  
  64. >Plump
  65. >Fatigued
  66. >Nervous
  67. >Green mare with a pitch dark mane
  68. >She doesn't even make it down the stairs fully before her green eyes glue to you
  69. >Her jaw drops
  70. >The look in her eye
  71. >"Holy shit."
  72. >She descends far more cautiously
  73. >This pony looks like she's either going to burst into tears or explode in some sort of confetti bomb of happiness
  74. >She looks up at you in raw awe, like you're some sort of monument
  75. >That look in her eye
  76. >You can't place your finger on it
  77. >But it feels like...
  78. >It's...
  79. >It's on the tip of your tongue
  80. >It's like that feel when...
  81. >"You're real. Aren't you."
  82. >Her voice is low, monotonous
  83. >She swallows hard
  84. >You do the same in kind
  85. "Yeah. Painfully so."
  86. >The filly remains quiet
  87. >"I'm... uh. I'm Anon."
  88. >Her face twitches into an uncertain smirk
  89. >"And... you are too... right...?"
  90. >You tilt your head and shrug with a mix of guilt and relief
  91. "Yeah... yeah, I guess I'm Anon too."
  92. >That dual admission leads to the filly giving a squeaky cheer
  93. >"Yay, Anon found Anon foundanonfoundanonfoundan-"
  94. >She is become speed
  95. >She gallops laps around the two of (You) until the green mare holds her hind leg out
  96. >The filly trips on the hoof and tumbles into a mountain of pillows
  97. >Apparently this isn't the first time she's had to do that
  98. >You sit down on the floor, watching the mare
  99. >She sits down as well, though the stance change is different
  100. >"I never thought I'd see another human again."
  101. "How long have you been here?"
  102. >"Since as long as I could remember. I woke up one day as some little foal and..."
  103. >Her eyes roam over your body
  104. >"And then you show up, still wearing earth clothes, still a human..."
  105. >Her eyes drop down to your crotch
  106. >"And I bet you're packing enough down there to make me scream bloody murder."
  107. >What?
  108. "What?"
  109. >The entire tone changed from that borderline husky hypothetical
  110. "...I have many questions. Including why you just said that."
  111. >"Hey, Zippo! Can you go explore for a while? Aunt Anon's gotta talk with her friend."
  112. >As if she were merely waiting for the coast to be clear, the filly bursts from the downy mountain and gives a solid salute
  113. >"I'll go tell every pony in Equestria that you finally found your huwemon!"
  114. >The mare gives a lazy chuckle and appropriately lackluster salute back
  115. >"Start with the orchard, will ya? This really does call for a celebration."
  116. >The filly zips off, leaving the door to slowly close on it's own
  117. >As soon as the door closes with a faint "click", the mare dives forward and stuffs her face into your chest
  118. >"I'M NOT ALONE ANYMORE!"
  119. >The pony screams and nearly bursts into tears on the spot
  120. >It's that sort of ugly crying that you've only seen when pets are put down
  121. >When a precious family heirloom is broken by careless packing and moving
  122. >When the reality hits you that most of your family is long passed and gone
  123. >Ignoring the mixture of liquid coming from the eyes, nose and mouth, you reflexively hug the pone that slowly curls up to you as hard as she can
  124. >You could almost call it "pathetic"
  125.  
  126. >...
  127. >...
  128. >...
  129. >"...Thanks for letting me get it all out, man. I... I don't know what happened to me there."
  130. "Nah. No, you're alright."
  131. >Thankfully you have a few shirts to spare
  132. >You let her use the one she got messy as a glorified snot rag
  133. >You both sit near each other
  134. >Not close
  135. >But not far away either
  136. "So... what happened? You popped up and became a pony, huh?"
  137. >"Yeah. I had all of these raunchy fantasies. I wanted to go on massive adventures. I wanted a big harem all to myself and be king of the world."
  138. >You look at the mare
  139. >Given her physique, it seems like she doesn't do much adventuring
  140. "So why didn't you?"
  141. >Anon shrugs
  142. >"I did go on some, when I was a filly... a lot of them were really fun. But... I kinda pushed things a little too hard too."
  143. "What did you push on?"
  144. >"That I was the only girl in a group of boys and knew how babies were made."
  145. >Your eyebrow raises
  146. >She grins
  147. >"Don't worry. It didn't end up at all like my Alcor fantasies. I just weirded them all out. Kept talking about things they didn't understand. And how could they, right?"
  148. >She leans back
  149. >With her back to the wall, she's almost sitting like you
  150. >Like a human
  151. >Her head and eyes go to the ceiling
  152. >"Nothing but normies everywhere in the real world... and then you pop up here. And they aren't even normies. They're just... themselves. And you really see just how much of yourself is you, and how much is what you were plugged into."
  153. >The weariness in her voice brings a sense of longingness to your heart
  154. "Yeah... well... unless we can find a source of electricity, I'm gonna be unplugged pretty permanently soon."
  155. >The mare's head snaps to you
  156. >"...What do you mean by that? Do you got a phone?"
  157. >You chuckle
  158. "Dude. I got more than just a phone. I got my 2DS, I got a little Gameboy-looking thing that has near seven hundred games on there that I put on. I got my Steam Deck an-"
  159. >"Hold on, shut up."
  160. >The mare rolls onto her front hooves
  161. >She glares at you
  162. >Hard
  163. >"What the fuck is a Steam Deck?"
  164. "...fuck. You really have been here for a while, haven't you?"
  165. >"Answer me, bitch."
  166. >You snort
  167. "It's basically a beefier Switch that can play emulators and a shit ton of PC games. Uses Linux."
  168. >The mare stares
  169. >You can almost hear the gears turning in her head
  170. >"...The fuck is a Switch?"
  171. "Nintendo's most recent console. Handheld, can be docked to play on a TV."
  172. >The growing apprehension-or excitement-makes her hooves shift to re-adjust her weight
  173. >"...Can you show me?"
  174. "Sure."
  175. >Deciding this place is as good as ever, you unload your ruck
  176. >Seven shirts
  177. >Seven pairs of pants
  178. >Seven pairs of socks
  179. >Fourteen pairs of underwear
  180. >Two empty battery banks
  181. >A phone that has 85% power, once turned on
  182. >Switch
  183. >Deck
  184. >RG353 pseudo-Game Boy
  185. >A variety of power cords, USB cables and USB-to-wall adapter plugs
  186. "I had one of those cheapo hiking watches, my wallet and a headlamp. But I traded those for the sack."
  187. >With how neatly everything is placed out, Anon just gawks at the vidya
  188.  
  189. >"Th..."
  190. >Anon sighs
  191. >"They're too fucking small for hooves. What the fuck, why did Reggie abandon me?"
  192. "Reggie's been gone for a while. Bowser took over."
  193. >She looks at you like you called her retarded
  194. >"Excuse me?"
  195. "Yeah. Guy named Bowser is the new Reg."
  196. >She stares off into space
  197. >She shakes her head
  198. >"Yeah, no. Now you're just fucking with me. I know you are."
  199. >You shrug it off
  200. >Some people will never admit that Reggie retired on top
  201. >Anon looks at all of the handheld consoles
  202. >She carefully puts her hoof to the side of the Deck
  203. >The analog controller may as well be a grape
  204. >And her hoof may as well be a boxing glove
  205. >"...Dude... after all the time..."
  206. >She sits in front of you
  207. >Facing you
  208. >The look on her face is one of complete resolution
  209. >"I will asphyxiate on your nuts every day for the rest of my life if you can find a way to let me play any of them."
  210. >As tempting as that is, your immediate answer is a laugh
  211. "I don't know how I could do that. The most I could do is turn into some Let's Player and have you tell me what to do."
  212. >Her eyes dart down to your crotch and back
  213. >"I will asphyxiate on your nuts every day for the rest of my life if I can watch you play games."
  214. "You have a particular fascination with one of those two things you keep bringing up."
  215. >"I literally found a unicorn. In a world full of actual fucking unicorns. I'm already about ready to show you my ahegao and tell all the mares here that you're my long-lost husband."
  216. >You can't help but laugh at that
  217. >And while you're laughing, she just...
  218. >Continues to stare at you
  219. >Hard
  220. >Your laughing dies down once her awkward gloomy aura invades your space
  221. >"I'm not kidding. You're basically a time traveler, my sense of smell is so strong I went crazy for a few weeks after my first heat, and I've made some friends and ended up getting them on the hardcore human train. That dick-and your video games-are mine."
  222. >You wouldn't normally think that a chubby green talking pony could be threatening to you
  223. >But this sense of aggressive autism and pent up sexual energy
  224. "...I still need a source of power."
  225. >"Oh don't you worry about power, monkey man. I'll get you your fucking power."
  226. >What a menacing pony
  227. "...Well alright then."
  228. >You shift your sitting position to cross your legs
  229. >You may be more in danger here than out in the wilderness
  230. "So... what happens next?"
  231. >"Well you're crashing with me."
  232. >She stops you the millisecond you open your mouth
  233. >"Shut up. You get a bed, you get a mare, and you get food. There's a reason why you came to Ponyville specifically, right?"
  234. >Of course
  235. >She probably did the same thing
  236. "Twilight."
  237. >"Yup."
  238. "Guessing she knows stuff about humans?"
  239. >She rolls her eyes
  240. >"She doesn't know shit. I spent years talking to her and researching whatever I could. There's no portal, EQG isn't canon after all, there's no spells that can go to earth. And even if there were, there's no way to tell that they go to earth until after you go through."
  241.  
  242. "Until after you go through? What, were they portals?"
  243. >"Yeah. One led to an active volcano, one led to an underwater cave, I called it quits after the seventh portal led to a freaking mass of tentacles."
  244. >She looks at you
  245. >At the consoles
  246. >"I... I'm sorry man. But you're stuck. I'm stuck."
  247. >You're used to harder times
  248. >Being displaced
  249. >Not ever truly having a home to call your own
  250. >At least now, in the moment, this doesn't phase you beyond the sinking feeling of your heart dropping down to your gut
  251. >Your eyes lose their focus, enough that you get a slight head rush
  252. "So..."
  253. >You gulp
  254. "So what now? I'm here. I still have clothes. My boots aren't so bad."
  255. >"Well lucky for you, you have a sexy mare with a human fetish."
  256. "Really? Tell me it's Fluttershy. I always knew she was hard up for the HMD."
  257. >Your lifted spirit is met with the most bitter grimace
  258. >The chubby mare speaks in a slow, harsh tone
  259. >"I mean me, you fucking idiot."
  260. "...oh. Yeah. Well, I mean I haven't really done any appraisal yet so... you know."
  261. >You shrug away the tension
  262. >Or try to
  263. >You automatically feel a strong sense of kinship with the mare
  264. >But it's that familiar kinship... that comes from a console exclusive player and a desktop gaming player
  265. >Just enough unknown or not synced opinions to make small gaps feel that much wider
  266. >She huffs and whips her head back in a very showy attempt to show her disproval with class
  267. >Due to her less than stellar mane, it doesn't come across as some flowing cascade of inky black hotness
  268. "You know, you could really use a brushing."
  269. >"Yeah and I could really use a dicking too. Now find me someone who has both hands to hold a brush and a dick."
  270. >Her repeated blunt insertions are just...
  271. "Listen. You don't talk like this around that little zoomer, do you?"
  272. >Anon looks at you like you insulted her on an existential level
  273. >"Wha-no! Dude, you're the first thing that understands me in this world that I've been open to. I've told my story to rabbits, fish, turtles, timberwolf pups, fucking timber itself."
  274. >She shrugs and juts her head forward, as if to assert that those were not a sign of weakness
  275. >"I mean, I have to. I don't want to think I'm some schizo. But to ponies, I'm... well, I guess I'm kinda like how I was at home. Or how I wished I could be. I'm nice, I help out. I really undersell myself and let others give me praise instead. It's... worked out. I've kinda built up a life here. In Ponyville, I mean."
  276. >She nods upward
  277. >"I stay here a lot of the time but I got a few places all over. They're not big. They're... not even necessarily mine. But I have a few places..."
  278.  
  279. >She doesn't sound confident
  280. >"I don't have a ton either. I guess. Without computers or video games, I really didn't have a lot that I could want."
  281. "What have you done for so long?"
  282. >She looks you in the eye
  283. >"Masturbate, work, sleep, eat."
  284. >You shouldn't, but your mouth moves faster than your mind
  285. "So what were you doing before I popped up?"
  286. >"Multi-tasking."
  287. >You can't stop yourself from giving a twitch "heh"
  288. "...you're serious, aren't you."
  289. >"You have no idea how hard it is to feel truly satisfied when you have hooves, you can't physically touch yourself, and cleanup is a messy affair."
  290. "Or you're just a messy mare."
  291. >Another instinctual answer
  292. >This time she's the one to go "heh"
  293. >With a strong sigh, she nods to the side of her head
  294. >"I guess so."
  295. >With all of the cards laid out on the table and seemingly no secrets left, the bakery goes quiet
  296. "So what do I do?"
  297. >Anon looks at you
  298. >Even if her neutral expression is stoic, you can see some form of empathy present
  299. >"Let me talk to Twilight about getting some form of juice to your stuff. She owes me a favor. After that... well, you're a human. Big, strong, you don't look like a NEET. You can find work all over the place that I could never do. I'm not that strong or durable, but you could do an hour's worth of work in a third of the time I bet."
  300. >Enjoyment
  301. >And work
  302. >No matter where you are, you gotta have a way to pay for things and a way to stop yourself from thinking too hard on your situation
  303. "That works. Sure."
  304. >You don't want to be a charity case
  305. >But
  306. "I'm kinda hungry."
  307. >"So hungry you could eat out a horse?"
  308. "Almost."
  309. >She chuckles
  310. >"Sure. I can make a mean bear claw. I'll whip up a batch just for you. This place is crazy stocked all the time."
  311. >With a sudden bounce in her step, she gets up and goes beyond the display counter
  312. >"You can pay me back later with some of that HMD, 'kay?"
  313. >Whether or not you want to be, you're stuck
  314. >But you've been through worse
  315. >And with less friendly figures involved
  316. >You'll get through this too
  317.  
  318.  
  319. >"Wow, you really are a human like Anon said... and... your name is Anon too?"
  320. >The famous purple book-hungry legend herself is in your presence
  321. >With near a dozen books floating around her, spinning in an asymmetrical cycle
  322. "Yeah, that's right."
  323. >You can't really say too much in regards to the name
  324. >Maybe one day you can use your real name
  325. "It's a... common name. Like John. Or Lucas."
  326. >"I knew exactly one Lucas when I was a human, you know."
  327. >The green mare is around too
  328. >The bear claws are still in the oven
  329. >Twilight brings one journal to her face
  330. >A pair of quills start flitting away at the paper
  331. "Man... you seem a lot more powerful than season one..."
  332. >"Hey, shush about that sort of stuff. We aren't in canon, remember? You-know-who never got sent to you-know-where. So they never had to find the you-know-whats."
  333. >Anonmare leans over to whisper to you
  334. >Without it sounding like a whisper
  335. >Twilight doesn't seem to pay attention
  336. >"Please, keep talking. I'm drawing you as a real life example as a human. It's fascinating to see how Anon turned into a pony when coming here... but you're even wearing your normal human clothing too."
  337. >The mercurial swaying and swinging of books and quills stop without hesitation
  338. >"...Anon and Anon... oh my... is there perhaps something I can do to make it easier to differentiate between you two?"
  339. >Anon looks at you, momentarily at a loss for a quick answer
  340. >Adopting an old accent, you push out your jaw and lips
  341. "Why yesh you can. The name's Bond. Vaga Bond."
  342. >Twilight looks up at you to absorb the information
  343. >After a tick, she giggles
  344. >"Ha ha, I get it! Well... if you really don't mind it, Bond it is!"
  345. >With that, the magical literary circus resumes
  346. >Anon looks at you with a queer look
  347. >"You really hiding it?"
  348. "Look who's talking, "Anon"."
  349. >You shrug and keep your eyes on Twilight
  350. >She's more gorgeous than any art would suggest
  351. >Her mane is meticulously styled
  352. >Her eyes are sharp and focused
  353. >Her coat seems to be just long enough that you could imagine petting it for hours
  354. >Is it some form of early winter coat?
  355. >You glance back to Anon
  356. >Her mane is messy and chaotic
  357. >The chubby factor and dulled, perpetually concerned eyes are another stark contrast
  358. >The coat seems similar, if a little shorter
  359. >It truly is alien to be so much bigger than both of them
  360. "So Twilight."
  361. >"Yes, Mr. Bond?"
  362. >Twilight answers with an adorable giggle
  363. "I was told that you could power up my gadgets. They use electricity but if you outright blast them... well, they're going to just break."
  364. >"You were? Well I could try... but I'll need to hold onto them. You won't mind, right?"
  365. >You do mind
  366. >You aren't sure you want to be torn away from what few things you have
  367. >Worse, if your things get magically fried, you'll have nothing but scrap
  368. "Only if you can do your best to not ruin them. If Anon couldn't ever go back home, I don't think I can. And if I lose those too..."
  369.  
  370. >"I promise I won't let anything happen. In return, could you tell me more about yourself? Anon spent years telling me stories but..."
  371. >"But they weren't stories! See? My proof is sitting right here."
  372. >The audible friction between them is palpable
  373. "What's there to know?"
  374. >Twilight ignores Anon's temper and smiles with something uplifting enough to make nearly any man feel energized
  375. >"Why, everything! Who you are, where you came from, what your world is like. Anon told me a ton of things and this will not just corroborate her tales, but give me even more insight into humans!"
  376. >Her enthusiasm is genuine, no doubt
  377. >Anon grumbles something and trots off, leaving you to focus on the request
  378. "Well... why don't I start on the recent and go backward?"
  379. >"Yes, please! Don't worry about the flow, just go with it. But, uhm, please do tell me if you go back further in your life or not. Context."
  380. "Sure. Well... I used to live with my family. Until they moved. I had plans with moving in with a friend but he changed his mind for something that suited him better."
  381. >You aren't saying that happened recently
  382. >It had happened years ago
  383. >But that was the start of a lot of things for you
  384. >An awakening of a sort
  385. "Back then, I really didn't think about much. My stuff was my stuff. My room was my room. My food and so on... it was all just there. You know?"
  386. >"Go on."
  387. >The myriad of scribbling is a bit of a distraction
  388. >You feel self-conscious knowing that someone is paying such close attention to your words
  389. "Well. When push came to shove, I was kinda cast off. Everyone had theirs, and I was told to just... go find mine. At the time, I kept what little furniture I had in a storage unit, or threw it away. None of it was valuable enough to sell, and I didn't have the means or time to make a garage sale."
  390. >You don't think you were weak, per say, back then
  391. >But you were simply less experienced
  392. >How could you have done anything more, without guidance?
  393. "That taught me a lot. I had a couch to sleep on, from another friend. I had my hardware and gadgets and all kinds of things and..."
  394. >You shake your head
  395. >This suddenly feels all silly
  396. "Well. I've learned a lot since then. That was years ago."
  397. >"Noted."
  398. "Most recently, I just made the wrong choices. The choices didn't directly lead to me losing everything... but they were a failure on my part all the same."
  399. >You don't feel like you should go too deeply into detail
  400. >At least, not so readily
  401. "Last I recall, I went to a gym."
  402. >"A gym?"
  403. "Yeah."
  404. >"To take your mind off of things?"
  405. >You chuckle and pick at your fingernails
  406. "Nah, nothing could do that. You get a gym membership, you always have a bathroom and shower. Twenty-four seven. I didn't really like it because you do it enough times and people recognize you but... a way's a way, right?"
  407. >"I do. I'm sorry you had to do that. What happened when you were in your gym?"
  408. "Well I was taking a shower. And I went back to my car-"
  409. >"An automobile?"
  410.  
  411. "That's the one. I just went to shut my eyes and woke up in Canterlot. I had the clothes on my back, my pockets full, and my clothes and gadgets in a trash bag. I didn't have anything else with me since this time was... more sudden. I didn't have a chance to prepare."
  412. >Twilight breaks eye contact from one of her journals
  413. >"Does this mean that you met Princess Celestia?"
  414. >Good ol' Sunbutt
  415. "No, of course not. I woke up in some sort of... closet. I managed to sneak out before anyone saw me and then I saw a leatherworker."
  416. >You drag up a hand and point to your rucksack
  417. "Strapping, Sling & Offspring. I recommend them. The son took interest in some of my stuff so I... kinda traded away some things and they made that in exchange. I wager they think my old college ID will be kept as a trophy, or sold as some antique one day."
  418. >That wasn't the... precise order of things
  419. >But it's clean
  420. >Safe
  421. >Appropriate for recording and eventual retelling
  422. >"Wow... I haven't heard of them before."
  423. >Anon loudly coughs from wherever she is
  424. >"Bear claws are almost ready! Hungry, dear?"
  425. >Twilight holds up a hoof
  426. >"Yes, please!"
  427. "Sorry if I'm leaving out details. I guess I'm... not the best story teller. I'm surprised you wanted to interview me so quickly."
  428. >"It's alright, Mr. Bond!"
  429. >She can't seem to be able to say that without laughter
  430. >"I'm very excited to learn more about humans. And, if you're new to our land, I'm happy to help you! From the sound of things, it seems like Anon will be happy to help too."
  431. >That's one way to put it
  432. "Yeah, sure."
  433. >Despite the very open offer, you don't resist your need to ask
  434. "I don't want to cause any waves. Do you know a good place I could spend a few nights?"
  435. >You rattle off your internal checklist
  436. >First concern?
  437. >Safety
  438. >Well you're in Ponyville...
  439. >So you're pretty safe
  440. >Next is lodging
  441. >That is higher up than food to you
  442. >"Hey, I mentioned my bed already! It's a done deal!"
  443. >More shouting from across the bakery
  444. >You don't say anything but you gesture to the source of the voice
  445. >Twilight nods
  446. >She probably knows Anon well enough
  447. "I just... I want to be alone for a while, at least when it's time to wind down. Give my mind a chance to slow down. Especially if I really am... here. Which means I'm not going back."
  448. >It took a good amount of willpower to not say "back home"
  449. >As if you could ever have actually gone back to the last place you considered your home
  450. >"I understand, Mr. B."
  451. >Not a giggle
  452. >But still a knowing smile
  453. >"Anon may have told you, but I helped set her up with a number of temporary places she can stay. Of course, it also changes what her job is for the day, but she's very talented! I could ask around and maybe you could sleep at one of the other locations if you want privacy?"
  454. >If it's a network Twilight is a part of, it must be legit
  455. "What kind of jobs has she done?"
  456.  
  457. >"Well she can bake, clean, count really well, good at taking notes..."
  458. >Twilight's eyes search over the room like she's trying to remember all of the petty sounding skills
  459. >"You know you could have asked me, right?"
  460. >Twilight is ignoring the bitter commentary...
  461. >You aren't so sure if you can do the same
  462. >"It's a lot, I can assure you!"
  463. "Sounds legit."
  464. >You're surprised Anon could find work at all
  465. >You half imagined her to be some sort of charity case
  466. "Well I can do a bit more than that. I don't want any handouts, I'll work for what I need to."
  467. >With the show and continuity hiccups in mind, you press on something with a bit of hope
  468. "I've... heard of the local mail mare. Derpy Hooves. Would she need help with her routes by chance...?"
  469. >There's no use of the Elements of Harmony
  470. >But that shouldn't erase her from existence
  471. >Right?
  472. >Twilight lights up, as if she weren't already illuminated by your alien tales
  473. >"Now that is an excellent idea! I can look at you now; all packages sorted, delivered, and kept safe no matter the turbulence!"
  474. "It helps that I don't like crashing into things. And that I walk everywhere. Because of the lack of wings."
  475. >"I'm sold! I'll contact Derpy tomorrow. If you don't mind getting up early, would you like to join me? We can do breakfast while we're at it; my way to welcome you to Ponyville. And to Equestria!"
  476. >Nice
  477. >Being somewhat polite and networking has worked in your favor yet again
  478. >You don't know how much that sort of work would pay, but you never saw Derpy want for anything
  479. >She's pretty cute too
  480. >As if on time, Anon comes out, balancing a plate on her head and her rump
  481. >"Speaking of breakfast, hot claws coming through!"
  482. >She gets in between you and Twilight and turns toward the purple book horse
  483. >She bows down, tilting the plate off of her mane with some skill
  484. >"That one's all yours, feel free to grab it how you like."
  485. >You see the plate
  486. >And a mix of pink in all of that green
  487. >And some darker shades of green, now that you see the details
  488. >You take the plate, flustered enough that Twilight clears her throat
  489. "T... thanks."
  490. >"Any time, champ. And I do mean "any"."
  491. >"T-thank you, Anon! These look lovely, your recipe is really starting to make me wonder if even Pinkie will be able to stand up to them during the next bake sale!"
  492. >Anon , smug and full of self worth, puffs out her chest and trots back to behind the counter
  493. >"Anypony want anything to drink?"
  494. >"I'm good, thank you!"
  495. "Milk please."
  496. >Your answer comes out so naturally, you only realize what you said after noticing what you caught an eyeful of
  497. >Twilight seems to notice this and gives you an embarrassed smile
  498. >She lowers her voice
  499. >"Anon is a little... forward at times. I don't remember the last time I've seen her be this confident."
  500. "I noticed."
  501. >At least you aren't forced to play along like this isn't all happening the way it is
  502. "So where is Pinkie, anyway? I didn't know she shared with Anon here."
  503.  
  504. >"Oh, she's with her family! Every now and again she visits home for a few weeks. She's a super duper party planner... but I think that after a lot of parties, she goes from super duper to super poopered out."
  505. "Ah, nice. I can see that. What better way to recharge those batteries than to rock out with her smock out?"
  506. >"Anon used to say the same thing! But with a different word... is that a human saying?"
  507. >And what word could that possibly be, you wonder...
  508. "It has to be."
  509. >Anon comes back, balancing a glass of milk on her head
  510. >She looks sly, like this is an accomplishment to pull off
  511. >To be fair, you are impressed
  512. >"Straight from the tap."
  513. >You glance at Twilight
  514. >The subtle nod she give tells you that she doesn't mean that tap
  515. >You take the glass
  516. >The milk is cold so it's definitely not from the proverbial tap
  517. "Thanks, lass."
  518. >The compliment has a visible effect in cheering up the mare
  519. >Despite the fatigued aura emanating from her, it is at least offset by a genuine smile
  520. >"You hear that, Purple? I'm a lass."
  521. >"That's right, I heard."
  522. >Out of nowhere, you get the most curious sense of deja vu
  523. >Of a teacher watching her unlikely pupil grow
  524. >Where have you felt that sense of earnest pride mixed with the acceptance of lowered expectations?
  525. >The milk tastes nice
  526. >You haven't had milk in years
  527. >The bear claw itself is positively crunchy, but soft on the inside
  528. >"I got some pushback before but I insist on swapping out the almond paste with hazelnut. Trust me, I know which nuts are the best. Mr. Bond."
  529. >Twilight, while not visibly perturbed, scribbles something into one of her journals
  530. "Y... yeah. In this instance? I agree. Hazelnut is exceptionally hard to beat."
  531. >The texture is different enough but it melts on your tongue
  532. >Twilight scarfs her pastry down
  533. >You aren't afraid of them being spiked but it is reassuring to see her eat so freely
  534. "So, to recap so I know how to prepare. Wear something professional for the post office and help out Derpy as needed, right? Ponyville doesn't look like the biggest place in the world so I just need a map or something."
  535. >"That's right! I'll meet you there. If I send a letter to Princess Celestia, she will surely figure out a good wage for you. I'm sure she's aware of us finally getting a human friend to visit."
  536. >That sounds promising
  537. >But if that's the case, why didn't anyone roll out the red carpet for Anon?
  538. >"Hey, mind if I go and help out too?"
  539. >Anon chirps up, desperate to be a part of the conversation
  540. "Don't you have here to watch out for?"
  541. >"Nah. Tomorrow is my usual marathon ma..."
  542. >Anon's eyes narrow and shift to Twilight
  543. >Twilight is as nonplussed as can be, smiling
  544. >With just a tiny bit of bear claw shrapnel on the corner of her mouth
  545. >"Marathon... math... problem... solving..."
  546. >"Please don't get the pages wet again, Anon."
  547. >It's true what they say about females who are too casual with their conversations
  548. "...alright. So... battery power?"
  549. >"Yes! I'll look into those after I leave."
  550. >Bitchin'
  551.  
  552. >With a sense of dread, you surrendered one of your electronics to Twilight
  553. >One of your battery banks
  554. >If it charges, doesn't blow up, and can even charge your other items?
  555. >That's a big step up
  556. >If it fails?
  557. >You at least have the other one
  558. >"I'll leave you two alone, thank you for the interview! Remember, bright and early tomorrow!"
  559. >Like that, you're left alone with Anon again
  560. >"Purple is always like that, you know. Helpful, all smiles. It's hard to tell what she's thinking sometimes."
  561. >So you don't feel so useless, you've opted to do some dishes
  562. >You didn't know there was a stack of plates up in Anon's room
  563. >Somehow you aren't so shocked
  564. "Well, it sounds like she got me a job. So that works."
  565. >"It sure does. When I was a filly, I remembered a lot more about how to do things but I just... couldn't, here. Even writing sucked. Do you know how hard it is to write with your fucking mouth?"
  566. "No, and I'm thankful I won't have to know."
  567. >Anon trots in circles behind you, watching you wash
  568. >"Fucking hands too... do you know how hard it is to wash stuff with hooves? I'm basically a walking, talking fleshlight over here."
  569. >You can imagine
  570. >You've always had to work with your hands in one way or another
  571. >Lot of dumb muscle work, especially
  572. >You couldn't do that if you were smaller or clumsier
  573. >Even now, you may be able to really impress everyone just by virtue of being able to more carefully organize and deliver mail
  574. >"I said I'm basically a walking, talking fleshlight."
  575. >The last times you were a hobo, you usually had a job
  576. >Accumulating money wasn't the hard part
  577. >Finding a place to live was
  578. >Friends or family could help out
  579. >If you had any
  580. >Any sort of hotel would be three times the price of an apartment
  581. >Apartments would go up in price every year
  582. >And the furnishing
  583. >Fuck furnishing, even filling the fridge or freezer would take such a high amount
  584. >Your clothing would have cost nearly a grand alone if it weren't for the sales they had
  585. >At least they're all durable
  586. >Meant to be resistant to cuts, scraps, punctures
  587. >Everything needed for a roaming v-
  588. >"Look at me before I scream, you fucking fag."
  589. >That snaps you out of your near meditative state
  590. >You roll your eyes and half-turn to see the green mare openly presenting to you
  591. >"I'm a fleshlight. And I'm free."
  592. >You can only be coy in pretending that you don't know mare anatomy well
  593. >Whatever spark was stoked has led to a full forest fire
  594. >And the fire marshal is out to lunch
  595. "You're something alright."
  596. >You're not gonna lie
  597. >Cranking it in the woods isn't your precise cup of tea
  598. >But your mind is just too occupied to fall victim to the coomer ways
  599. >You turn back to focus on the dishes
  600. >How in the world does a pony use soapy water without tasting the soap after?
  601. >Or is it that they don't use the soap and the dishes are covered in pony saliva?
  602. >...
  603. >You hope the dishes you grabbed were only coated in mouth saliva
  604. >A frustrated growl comes from behind
  605. >"You fucking loser, what's the deal?"
  606.  
  607. "What's what deal?"
  608. >You can talk and wash
  609. >Best to not look at the green pony, lest you encourage her
  610. >"Your deal! Twilight said she'll get you a job, you're gonna be paid by Sunbutt herself, now isn't the time to fucking do dishes and mope around! Now's the time to fuck the everloving shit out of some poor, abandoned pony into loving you!"
  611. >There is anger in her voice
  612. >True fury
  613. >You know that tone
  614. >You've spoken in that tone
  615. >Like a tempting poison, it has made you look for reasons to deploy it
  616. >But the tone, itself, is poisoned with something else
  617. >Desperation
  618. >Madness
  619. >Something you wouldn't call healthy
  620. "Nah. Thanks, I'm not into the nohooves. But right now... I don't know. I just got a lot to think about right now."
  621. >Your hands are bright pink from how hot the water is
  622. >It's just hot enough to make you want to stop
  623. >But not hot enough where you need to stop
  624. >"What's to think about? You aren't going to find anywhere better than here, you know. You aren't going to make any friends better than the ones you'll find here."
  625. >The mare's voice turns bitter
  626. >Snide
  627. >"You aren't ever going home, man. You're going to die here."
  628. >It isn't just her words that caused your body to react
  629. >And it wasn't just that poking, trollish tone to help rub it in
  630. >It was that it was true
  631. >It takes you a second to realize what you just did
  632. >You turned around and whipped a plate down, vertically
  633. >It shattered into dozens of pieces, maybe a foot away from the mare's flank
  634. >The look in her eye
  635. >It's the look that comes from being told "you're going to die here"
  636. >Neither of you move
  637. >Or blink
  638. >Or breathe
  639. >That poison
  640. >So deliciously bolstering
  641. >You could do worse
  642. >You could do so much worse
  643. >If you really were fine with the consequences
  644. "I need a broom."
  645. >What felt like entire minutes of silence ended in a second by your demand
  646. >You wouldn't apologize
  647. >You learned that apologies are weakness
  648. >You don't necessarily believe it
  649. >Even if people do take advantage of weakness
  650. >Anon, fearful and shocked, just nods
  651. >You return to your washing
  652. >God damn it
  653. >You aren't the sort to do that
  654. >And you aren't the sort of dipshit to ruin someone else's items
  655. >What if that was a priceless family plate?
  656. >What then, vagrant?
  657. >You refuse to budge from your spot or stop until you finish the rest of the dishes
  658. >You check every single one to see if they're somehow stamped or have a factory mark
  659. >No dice
  660. >All of them look like they're hand painted
  661. >Hoof painted?
  662. >Ponies probably paint with their mouths too, don't they
  663. >By the end of it all, your hands are pruned up and raw
  664. >Fuck
  665. >"I got that broom for you."
  666. >Mare's voice again
  667. >She sounds quiet
  668. >Meek
  669. "Thanks."
  670. >You should clean up but you just stand there
  671. >You'll move when you're ready
  672. >When your legs don't feel like boulders
  673. >"I'm sorry. I really am."
  674. >The tremble in your lip and jaw says you are better off not responding
  675. >Who knows what poison you'll spit
  676.  
  677. >You count to ten
  678. >Inhale
  679. >Count to eight
  680. >Exhale
  681. >You aren't so focused that you can stick with the ten second rule
  682. >Playing Wolfenstein taught you that
  683. >It works
  684. >Not because breathing itself helps, but because counting and focusing your mind on something so small distracts you from what's angering you
  685. >It's not a way to sooth, but more distract until there is a natural subside
  686. >Six cycles in, you finally turn around
  687. >The broom is comically small but you make it work
  688. >The wood section the plate impacted has just the tiniest bumps
  689. >A scar, to always remind others of your failure
  690. >Something that could go back to impact you down the line in unknown ways
  691. >Anon thought well enough ahead to include a dust pan
  692. >Without a word, she points you to the back door
  693. >You duck out just long enough to dump the evidence of your failure
  694. >With the matter settled as well as it could be, you return to the front where your limited property is spread out
  695. >That is all that you own
  696. >Not even a plate of your own
  697. >Or a spoon
  698. >You don't even own a fucking spoon
  699. >Anon tries to hide the volume of her hooves clopping on the floor while returning to you
  700. >"I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me. You're the only guy I've ever met since I was reborn here. If you go off and... just go. I don't know if I'll be able to keep up."
  701. >Her pitiable tone and stance is as defeated as you imagine a pony can look
  702. >You still can't answer
  703. >You don't have it in you to pursue this circle jerk of emotions
  704. >You've already been there and done that
  705. >"You can do whatever you want. I won't tell anypony."
  706. >It's a sorrowful admission
  707. >Acceptance for the inevitable
  708. >So why not take her up on it?
  709. >You grab the bootleg Gameboy
  710. "Come here. You ever see something like this?"
  711. >Since you're talking about something you like, it's natural to sound excited
  712. >Anon's brow lowers at it
  713. >"It's... a Gameboy. But it has shoulder buttons?"
  714. "Yup. It can emulate PSP games too."
  715. >"You're kidding."
  716. "Nope. Lemme show you what I have on it. Last I checked, I have around eight hundred games on it. As far back as the Super Nofriendo to as recent as PSP, and everything in between."
  717. >You scoot back until your back is too the wall
  718. >You sit with your legs open wide
  719. >Taking the cue, Anon skitters to your front with haste
  720. >She sits between your legs, openly pushing back on your front
  721. >With your arms back in front of you, both of you can see the screen
  722. "I used the last of my bank to charge this up. It's at 100% now, so that's around five or so hours. Lot better than the Deck or Switch."
  723. >"Jesus. What did it cost you?"
  724. "About the price of two big name games."
  725. >You won't lie
  726. >Having any sort of warm body in contact with you is nice
  727. >You haven't touched another living being in months
  728. >You probably haven't had a hug in... at least four years
  729. "Now I'm gonna start scrolling. You find something you like, I'll play it."
  730. >"...that's pretty sweet. You got Battletoads?"
  731. "Don't be a faggot."
  732.  
  733. >It feels warm
  734. >You haven't felt this warm in a while
  735. >You miss her
  736. >Silly and high-maintenance
  737. >Took years to adjust to people
  738. >But she was your best buddy
  739. >If only you could have made smarter choices that first time, you...
  740. >...
  741. >...
  742. >. . . ?
  743. >You sharply inhale and bring your head up
  744. >You fell asleep
  745. >You look down and see the chubby green mare cozied up to you
  746. >Not just cozied up
  747. >But pressed hard into you
  748. >You feel your shirt sticking to you
  749. >It's near her mouth so you can only presume it's that sort of drool
  750. >Your handheld is...
  751. >You press the power button
  752. >Good, it automatically shut off
  753. >61% power
  754. >The clock on it was off even when you were on earth, by around six hours
  755. >You never felt the need to change the date on it
  756. >Given it seems to be even further away from the apparent time here...
  757. >It's the equivalent of maybe midnight
  758. "Ah... crap."
  759. >You missed out on your chance for a dinner
  760. >You're a bit thirsty
  761. >And you really aren't that comfortable on the wood floor
  762. >At least dirt and grass eventually yields
  763. >You nudge at the mare
  764. >Whether or not she's tired, you need to get up
  765. "Hey, wake up. You need to go to bed."
  766. >The response you get is a drawn out groan
  767. >"I'm ok. You can be my bed."
  768. >Somehow you were expecting that
  769. "Get up. I need to pee."
  770. >Silence
  771. >You get the feeling that she's trying to find a way to talk you out of moving
  772. >"...Yeah, I got nothing. Make liquid with your solid snake."
  773. >She drags herself to her hooves and moves just far away to safely plop back down
  774. >You make your way outside into the crisp Ponyville night life
  775. >If there is any night life
  776. >It's dead quiet out, safe for the nocturnal life
  777. >It really is picturesque
  778. >The sky, too...
  779. >Those aren't just satellites
  780. >Those are all stars
  781. >You watch the sky while following the main road out into the wilderness
  782. >You don't like the lack of toilet paper so after doing your business, you grab some leaves to at least attempt to dry yourself with
  783. >Washing machines that fit human clothes are few and far between
  784. >You may have bathed in a far-too-chilly stream a few times but you haven't been able to snag any soap for yourself either
  785. >You can argue whether or not the lack of security is a mind killer
  786. >Or your inability to prepare food in any way
  787. >But feeling dirty
  788. >Feeling like an animal
  789. >The sheer accumulation of dirt
  790. >Disgusting
  791. >You don't rush to go back to the bakery
  792. >You don't have anywhere you need to be, and you can't just stop dead asleep
  793. >It gives you a chance to see at least a good portion of Ponyville
  794. >The houses
  795. >The sparse lamp lights that almost aren't even needed
  796. >The lack of stranger or danger
  797. >Except for you
  798. >Even if you don't have any intention of being hostile, how many ponies would know that?
  799. >They freaked out about a zebra
  800. >You're at least three levels of weirder by clothing and accent alone
  801. "I don't get how you can live in this place and be so..."
  802.  
  803. >Bored?
  804. >Mal-adjusted?
  805. >You can see how it would suck
  806. >But you can also see how much better it could be
  807. >Start fresh
  808. >Fit in
  809. >How hard could it be to have a normal job?
  810. >Be able to afford whatever you want, without a lifetime of bills?
  811. >But Anon...
  812. >You shrug
  813. "Who's to say if I would do any better?"
  814. >You would probably go crazy if you kept all of your old memories
  815. >Or if you left behind anyone
  816. >Or if they even remember you
  817. >Or care
  818. >Would anyone truly care if you were never found again?
  819. >The train of thought, turning sour, makes you divert down another road
  820. >One house is still lit up
  821. >Sounds like Mayor Mare practicing a speech
  822. >That's a silly pony right there
  823. >Maybe it's time to head back
  824. "At least most of my clothes are still clean. Always a good pillow in a pinch."
  825. >Maybe this time if you wake up, you'll be back in your car
  826. >The hopeful impossibility sticks to your mind all the way back to the bakery
  827. >You should be surprised to see Anon sitting outside
  828. >Waiting for you
  829. >But you aren't
  830. "You normally stay up so late?"
  831. >"I couldn't sleep knowing that some human could be out there raping ponies."
  832. >You scoff and blow her off with a lazy hand gesture
  833. "Please. If even a quarter of them act like you do, I'd have gotten at least five invitations to share a bed that's a bit too tiny."
  834. >You don't think you would be able to take them up on the offer though
  835. >"So... this mean that if I want you to come up to my room, you won't?"
  836. >As tempted as you are to say "yes"...
  837. "No. That's alright. It's not mine and, technically, it isn't yours either."
  838. >You walk past her back into the building
  839. >Even at night, the smell of fresh sweetness makes you think a batch of cupcakes were finished just minutes ago
  840. >You could kill for some banana bread, personally
  841. >Without ceremony, you kick off your boots, scoop up some of your clothes, and lay down
  842. >If you lay just right, you don't feel the floor poking at your ribs
  843. >Much better
  844. >Anon flops down in front of you, her head landing next to yours
  845. >Uncomfortably close
  846. >Gazing at you
  847. "Can I help you?"
  848. >"A good night kiss would be nice."
  849. "Dream on, horse-shaped witty insult."
  850. >You close your eyes and inhale
  851. >You don't need to see to tell that she's pushed her face closer to yours now
  852. >You're breathing her breath
  853. >"...just a little one?"
  854. >You huff and puff
  855. >You aim to blow in her face to show her wh-
  856. >She leans in and steals a kiss
  857. >God damn it
  858. >You aren't so spastic that you feel bothered by this, but you just aren't in the mood, this isn't the time or place
  859. >And to be honest, you're just not into that shit right now
  860. >You get distracted, you're screwed
  861. >"Tee-hee."
  862. >Her monotone voice has the most minimal sign of elation
  863. >"Now I can't get married."
  864.  
  865. "You can't get married because you're annoying."
  866. >"Wrong, I can't get married because the stallions are normies and I scare them."
  867. >She is not moving away
  868. >You flip sides
  869. >Rather face the wall than deal with this
  870. "It's not that they're normies, you're just a pain in the ass."
  871. >With a definitive grunt, you finish your argument
  872. "Now go to bed. I got work in the morning. Not all of us can bounce from house to house and do the bare minimum."
  873. >That seemed to hit some form of nerve
  874. >You hear hooves clopping and a grunt
  875. >"Yeah well... maybe you should stop trying to act like you're so above it all, dude. If I were Twilight you'd be balls deep so fast her horn would spin."
  876. >Whether or not that is true, you don't answer
  877. >If you just ignore her, she'll go away
  878. >...
  879. >Probably like what a lot of ponies already do
  880. >You can tell that she isn't moving away
  881. >It's just that feeling
  882. >"...You know, I have a Halloween horn. I can pretend to be a unicorn."
  883. "Good night, fat discount Twiggy."
  884. >That elicits an excited giggle
  885. >She wasn't expecting you to play along with that
  886. >As long as it lets you go to sleep
  887.  
  888. >Morning sun comes too quick
  889. >You slept like the dead but you could honestly be fine with sleeping another hour
  890. >Or eight
  891. >The urge to sleep has never been so strong, when things are so overall stressful
  892. >You can do your best to stay focused and keep a hard nose
  893. >But you'd give a lot to just be able to chill for a few days and play video games without concern
  894. >Deciding against being a bother, you pack up your rucksack and sit outside
  895. >Twilight should be on her way
  896. >Or Derpy
  897. >Someone should be getting to you soon
  898. >A number of ponies are out already
  899. >A lot of them look at you like you're an alien but all you do is wave at them
  900. >Most return a wave and a smile
  901. >That must be all it really takes to win over the local fauna
  902. >Twilight does eventually show up
  903. >Chipper, bright, eager for the day
  904. >Given the number of anons that love her so deeply, would they be able to compliment that drive?
  905. >"Good morning, Mr. B! Have a good sleep?"
  906. "Naturally."
  907. >As amused as ever, she pays no mind at the ponies listening in on their conversation before wandering off
  908. >"How was your first night in Ponyville? I'm sorry I couldn't provide anything better. I'm sure Anon..."
  909. >She purposefully trails off
  910. >As if you're supposed to fill in the details
  911. "Was fine. I just slept on the floor, where my bag was."
  912. >She looks surprised
  913. >"Really? I'm sure she would have offered you her room."
  914. "No, she did. But I'm still a worthless bum. I got bigger concerns."
  915. >Your harsh view more seems to bring out sadness than anything else
  916. >"Oh my, that isn't the case at all! Every pony goes through some tough times, sometimes. Even Anon went through some rough spots!"
  917. >You aren't looking for some sort of pity party
  918. >But you also don't want to drag this out
  919. "I suppose so. But for the now, was the post office somewhere I could help out with?"
  920. >"Absolutely! You'll do great! But our main mailmare is a little..."
  921.  
  922. "Derpy?"
  923. >"Yeah! You've met her?"
  924. "I've heard some stories."
  925. >"That's great! I'll lead the way for us."
  926. >You shuck your ruck with a grunt and a buck
  927. "So how-"
  928. >"So how-"
  929. >Twilight laughs at the simultaneous question
  930. >"Ha ha, I'm sorry. What were you going to ask?"
  931. >She's certainly a kind one, isn't she?
  932. "Ah, sorry. I was going to ask how that battery bank was going. Do you have much electricity in Equestria?"
  933. >"Of course we do! Have you ever heard of Maretropolis or Manehattan?"
  934. "Vaguely, I don't remember those episodes."
  935. >"Ha, Anon said the same things! What about Fillydelphia?"
  936. "I've heard it's always sunny there."
  937. >"I wish! One of my pen pals is from there and she says it rains a whole lot this time of year."
  938. "So that means we should be good?"
  939. >"I think so! I don't know how to... plug it in? But if that doesn't work right, we can always use a bit of good ol' fashion magic!"
  940. "That... that's safe. Right?"
  941. >"Of course! I think."
  942. >Great
  943. >You may lose your battery bank but in return you'll have an electro-magic bomb
  944. >You can commit war crimes despite not being at war with anyone
  945. >"Ta-da! The Ponyville post office!"
  946. >Twilight makes a sharp right and strikes a pose in front of...
  947. >To be honest, it doesn't look like a post office that you know of
  948. >It just looks like a small house
  949. >The two comically sized letter envelopes on the roof do help show that the place, indeed, is the final word in letters
  950. >"Derpy may be out running a few errands but she'll be here soon! There's also Parcel Post! He's our post master, so I think he'll be your main boss. He's an earth pony like Anon, so the good news is that you won't have to ride a blimp to follow him around!"
  951. >She smiles with a squee
  952. >It lasts only long enough for her to get lost in thought
  953. >"...She's a pegasus. In case you didn't know."
  954. "So I've heard.
  955.  
  956. >New jobs are always rough
  957. >You feel out of place
  958. >You're surrounded by things you have no context over
  959. >Even if you're familiar with the basics, there are thousands of little details that you just don't know
  960. >...
  961. >The post office doesn't feel like a new job
  962. >Or even a job at all, honestly
  963. >Parcel Post was happy to meet you, even if you towered over him
  964. >It took no time at all to sort out letters and packages by name
  965. >All thirty of them
  966. >Apparently that was a moderate day
  967. >You never saw Derpy but you didn't mind
  968. >You talked hobbies a lot
  969. >He had over two hundred types of stamps
  970. >You discussed your own hobbies
  971. >You doubt you could enjoy them in Equestria
  972. >You were tempted to ask him about how the mares were...
  973. >But you got the idea that he didn't care too much about them
  974. >Not in that particular way
  975. >But still a bro
  976. >"Oh, by the way! A package for you. We had such a good day, I almost forgot about it."
  977. "Yeah?"
  978. >He chomps down on a box from beneath his sorting desk, whipping it up into the air
  979. >It lands on your desk without even a single bounce
  980. "...Woah. Nice sling, king."
  981. >You rotate it as if it were some Resident Evil key item
  982. >It's professionally wrapped, sealed, stamped and everything
  983. >But it's lacking a "to" or "from"
  984. >You carefully rip into it
  985. >But who can truly be careful when it feels like Christmas?
  986. >The box itself is merely a façade
  987. >Inside is a large fabric pouch
  988. >On it is a pair of embroidered letter envelopes
  989. "It's not empty."
  990. >"Nope... looks pretty full, if you ask me."
  991. >It isn't
  992. >You open the bag, noting that it can be closed again through a woven cord
  993. >Coins
  994. >True blue Equestrian coinage
  995. >You thought you'd see Celestia's face on them
  996. >Or her butt
  997. "...How much is in here?"
  998. >"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiit's enough to pay for two weeks' worth of wages. And a little extra."
  999. >You're at a complete loss
  1000. >You look at the smiling postal dork
  1001. "You're kidding. I can't take this."
  1002. >"Sure you can! It means you'll be here for the next two weeks at least, right?"
  1003. >You want to ask where he got the money from
  1004. >Was it his own?
  1005. >Twilight?
  1006. >Sunbutt?
  1007. "Well. Yeah. Of course, yeah."
  1008. >There was no way you were going up just up and leave now
  1009. >At least not until you worked enough to cover the amount you were actually paid
  1010. "I don't know what to say. How much is this?"
  1011. >"Enough where you can take care of yourself, Bond."
  1012. >Oh yeah
  1013. >You did give him that goofy alias
  1014. "Thanks. I will. I... uh."
  1015. >You're not really sure what to do next
  1016. "I'll do that."
  1017. >Without much else, you grab the pouch, toss it from hand to hand a few times... and fasten the cord to one of your belt loops
  1018. >Maybe it's a little tacky to have on display
  1019. >But fuck it, you're no longer dirt poor
  1020. >You reclaim your rucksack, lingering out of a sense of...
  1021. >Is it guilt?
  1022. "Thanks for the help, Post. I mean it."
  1023. >"If that's true, then you're gonna help me sort my new batch of Saddle Arabian stamps! They're due in two days."
  1024. "Bring 'em on."
  1025. >If work in Equestria is this easy, how bad could Anon have it?
  1026.  
  1027.  
  1028. >You were confident when you left
  1029. >With your pay received in advance, what could you do?
  1030. >In a rush, you had to ask what you couldn't do
  1031. >You could eat like a king, finally
  1032. >Rent a room
  1033. >Have a hot shower
  1034. >The possibilities were limitless
  1035. >Until it landed
  1036. >The momentary euphoria was eroded by the sinking feeling of not knowing what anything cost
  1037. >Would five bits be equivalent of five bucks?
  1038. >How much was even five bucks, back home?
  1039. >You didn't count your coinage, so you don't have a precise measurement of how long it can last you
  1040. >And that's all you're getting for the next two weeks from there
  1041. >No
  1042. >This isn't an opportunity to celebrate, even if you had something worth celebrating
  1043. >This is just a shaky first step forward
  1044. >The first of a thousand
  1045. >Having gracefully defeated your own elation, you head back to Sugarcube Corner
  1046. >Exhaustion and a thick blanket of malaise dictate that sleep is more important
  1047. >Real sleep
  1048. >Not just an uncomfortable nap where you wake up to check your phone every two hours
  1049. >Not like you'll ever have to worry about reception again
  1050. >No one's at the bakery, which is hard to believe
  1051. >Maybe it's because Pinkie's out and Anon is in
  1052. >You don't think you'd be a regular customer either if the staff on duty was some fat green pervert
  1053. >You set your rucksack down to the side as soon as you enter, taking a seat beside it
  1054. >At least now you can count your bits
  1055. >Eighty
  1056. >What does that mean to you?
  1057. >It isn't even a hundred
  1058. >If you look at food, you're screwed on being able to cook or really prepare anything
  1059. >So that means the pony equivalent of fast food
  1060. >Whatever fast food you can eat
  1061. >You can buy tools...
  1062. >How many weeks' worth of pay will that take?
  1063. >Where will you stay during that time, and how much will that cost?
  1064. >You really want to just sleep
  1065. >All of these unknowns are really starting to dig into your head
  1066. >Moving is easy
  1067. >Being in the moment means you don't have time to second guess or hesitate
  1068. >But now you have nearly an entire day before you go back to work
  1069. >Twilight hasn't confirmed if she can recharge your gadgets
  1070. >If she can't, what then?
  1071. >Are you just going to hold onto pieces of plastic that don't hold any further practical value?
  1072. >You already got rid of your wallet and IDs
  1073. >Of course, you can always track those down and buy them back whenever you get the means
  1074. >"Woah, look at Mr. Moneybags here. That the only sack you're gonna empty in front of me?"
  1075. >How long has Anon been sitting there?
  1076. >She looks impressed
  1077. >And like she just woke up
  1078. "One sack too many as is. Do you know how much this is?"
  1079. >She nods
  1080. >And yawns
  1081. >And is still yawning
  1082. >...
  1083. >...
  1084. >...
  1085. >It's still going
  1086. >Is she doing this on purpose?
  1087. >Stopping herself from nearly falling back, she focuses her glazed over eyes to your stacks of bits
  1088. >"Enough where we could eat like a Princess for a month."
  1089. "No, fuck that. I need to start a nest egg and buy some gear."
  1090. >"Gonna shoot up your workplace already?"
  1091.  
  1092. "I'd rather start here with you as my main target."
  1093. >"Fill me with even more holes. Thanks."
  1094. >You ignore her train of commentary
  1095. >It won't lead to anything worthwhile
  1096. "I need cooking utensils. Camping gear. Stuff that'll be worthwhile."
  1097. >"Why? You don't need to cook when ponies have invented beds."
  1098. >You calmly communicate to Anon that she is a complete jackass through a harsh stare
  1099. "You see a bed around here?"
  1100. >"No, because this is the where the bakery is. Dumbass."
  1101. >You've just about had it wi-
  1102. >"But my bed is pretty big, you know. Same with wherever I end up going next."
  1103. >You think you recall hearing something about that
  1104. "You or Twilight mentioned that you don't have any singular home, right?"
  1105. >"Yup. Pretty sweet deal, I hardly have to clean up after myself."
  1106. >She sounds almost proud of herself
  1107. "Why?"
  1108. >Anon shrugs it off like it's nothing
  1109. >"Equestrian NEETbux, I guess. I work a little, I help out with stuff, I let ponies poke me about Earth and I get to live easy."
  1110. >Given she's the only pony you've seen in such a state, you can't help but wonder...
  1111. "How much do you actually remember about Earth?"
  1112. >"Enough. I remember vidya pretty well, and anime. Imagine explaining Evangelion to ponies. And then saying that it's one of the most popular animes ever."
  1113. "Do you even remember Evangelion that well?"
  1114. >Anon doesn't look so confident
  1115. >"Well... yeah. Who doesn't remember the key details?"
  1116. "How long have you even been here? Obviously, enough to grow up from. What did you say, you were reborn?"
  1117. >Anon sighs
  1118. >She rolls her eyes to try to shrug it away
  1119. >"I remember enough. Maybe I remember more about being a pony than being a human, but so what? That doesn't change the fact that I am a human."
  1120. "Was."
  1121. >"Same difference."
  1122. >Not really
  1123. "...You remember how old you were, at least?"
  1124. >"No."
  1125. "Last job?"
  1126. >"...no."
  1127. >You want to ask if she even remembers any human family
  1128. "So who are your parents here?"
  1129. >"Jesus, you say you aren't interested in me but you're asking me twenty questions here."
  1130. "Well... it's kinda weird, isn't it? Being here. Being a human. You're a pony."
  1131. >You poke her chest to accentuate the obvious
  1132. "And if you're on this quasi-disabled housing plan, where are your pony folks?"
  1133. >Anon slumps
  1134. >More so than normal
  1135. >You didn't think ponies could have such bad posture
  1136. >"I don't know. Twilight said I was found outside in a basket. There was a notebook with it, in a language she didn't understand."
  1137. "That could have been in English."
  1138. >You lean forward, ready to get up if given the right answer
  1139. "Where is it?"
  1140. >"Dust."
  1141. "W...what?"
  1142. >Anon sneers with averted eyes
  1143. >"I got mad at Purple one day because I thought she was lying to me. Hiding something I needed to know. I thought she wanted to stop me from going home."
  1144. >She may say that she was mad but the remorse on her face is crippling
  1145. >"So I took it. Ripped out pages. Threw it in a fireplace. Told her that she'll get what she wants because now neither of us would ever know how it'll get me back."
  1146.  
  1147. >She forces a laugh
  1148. >"And you wanna know the funny part?"
  1149. >She doesn't wait for an answer
  1150. >"She used to say that she hid it from me because I already had a habit of acting out. I tore up one of her favorite stories just by being some... fucking stupid foal. And she was right."
  1151. >She stares at you
  1152. >"She was completely right. She was worried I'd fuck it up, but said it too nicely. And I fucking fucked it all up."
  1153. >You're worried she may cry but she doesn't get more emotional than the shell-shocked stare
  1154. >You weren't expecting this deeper admission
  1155. >You aren't sure what to say to that
  1156. >"So. Yeah. I... I don't know my parents. And everyone treats me a bit like a pity project. And I don't remember enough to even know if that book was in English."
  1157. >There's no escaping this conversation
  1158. >And you aren't lowering yourself to her perceived level and turn this into a sexual thing
  1159. "It sounds like you've been waiting to tell someone that."
  1160. >"I've been waiting for someone to tell me it was in some alien language."
  1161. "And not English?"
  1162. >"Yes."
  1163. >You brought out a game to play last night, so...
  1164. "Well, alright. You remember Final Fantasy. Obviously."
  1165. >"Better than you remember how to jack off."
  1166. >Whether or not that's a twitch response, that's a good sign that she isn't so completely lost
  1167. >As exhausted as you are, this is giving you a focus
  1168. "Good. Then you should be able to read it."
  1169. >One position swap later and she's sitting between your legs again
  1170. >You didn't particularly ask for this but you can't just have all of that get thrown at you and not do anything
  1171. >You decide to load up your FF9 save
  1172. >You've started a new file at least ten times
  1173. >And you keep getting filtered three or so hours in
  1174. >Maybe it doesn't help that you've completed it so many times since childhood
  1175. "Alright, easy. So I take it you can read this just fine."
  1176. >"Well yeah. Your skills suck by the way."
  1177. >You don't really have any skills available, since it is still the start of the game
  1178. "So what's this?"
  1179. >"Trash."
  1180. "And this one?"
  1181. >"Also trash."
  1182. "How about this one."
  1183. >"Keep it."
  1184. "...well alright. Have you even played this one before? I like those first two ones."
  1185. >"Well yeah, of course. I remember Vivi, he was in everything for a while."
  1186. "In that case, what do you think of the name I gave him?"
  1187. >A pause
  1188. >"...Gay."
  1189. "Seriously?"
  1190. >"Yeah. I was worried that this was gonna be hard."
  1191. "...I guess so."
  1192. >"Thanks for checking with me. I knew I wasn't crazy."
  1193. >Her confidence seems to be back to it's usual level
  1194. >Whatever counts as "usual" for an apathetic, almost mocking tone
  1195. >"You look wiped out. If I bake you an early dinner, can we talk shit about your waifu?"
  1196. >You scoff from the sheer audacity
  1197. "How the hell is my waifu shit?"
  1198. >"Because you have shit taste."
  1199. >Anon pushes her flank against your stomach before trotting off
  1200. >"Otherwise you'd be alllllll over me."
  1201. >Emotional rollercoaster that situation was... it's at least over now
  1202. >You should feel relieved
  1203. >But
  1204. >You didn't change Vivi's name
  1205.  
  1206. >You empty your rucksack enough for it to act as a decent pillow
  1207. >Do you break this to Anon?
  1208. >No
  1209. >She's mentally unstable enough as is
  1210. >Even you can tell that and you haven't spoken to her for more than a full day it feels like
  1211. >Twilight...
  1212. >She's autistic
  1213. >But the good kind
  1214. >It means she may have copied the script down somewhere
  1215. >Or at least have a good memory
  1216. >Is that any of your business, though?
  1217. >You need to take care of yourself
  1218. >Your eyes close
  1219. >Once you establish yourself, you can go and help out
  1220. >If you have no choice in the matter
  1221. >You're in Ponyville and you haven't had the energy to even chase after Flutterbutt
  1222. >You can only imagine how soft her coat would be
  1223. >If you can put on your best Q impersonation, maybe that would make her melt?
  1224. >Imagine what you could do if you found Rainbow Dash, too
  1225. >How fast do those hips...
  1226. >...
  1227. >...
  1228. >...
  1229. >A hoof pokes at your stomach
  1230. >"Hey, wake up."
  1231. >RD sounds weird
  1232. >Come here
  1233. >She's faster but you're stronger
  1234. >"H-hey, watch it, they're still hot!"
  1235. >Good thing you're a southerner
  1236. >You like hot wings
  1237. >"...well if you aren't gonna wake up..."
  1238. >...Wait
  1239. >RD doesn't smell like sweets
  1240. >And shame
  1241. >You open your eyes just in time to see Anon leaning in for a kiss
  1242. >The last micro-second before lips come in contact, you slide your hand up
  1243. >She ends up not just kissing your palm, but her tongue lashes out at it
  1244. >Like a freaking mouth hugger's proboscis
  1245. "What seems to be your malfunction?"
  1246. >She stops
  1247. >If her eyes were opened before, they're tightly closed now
  1248. >"...nuht-then."
  1249. >You shove your palm into her face to push her away
  1250. >To your horrific dismay, your hand forces it's way into her mouth
  1251. >She's as surprised as you are disgusted
  1252. >Ponies do have big mouths, don't they
  1253. "I close my eyes for three minutes and you try to pull this shit. Who are you, Bruce Willis?"
  1254. >"Ahmm mhmm?"
  1255. >She pushes your hand out of her mouth with a flour-caked hoof
  1256. >"You were out for over an hour. You kept mumbling so I presumed you were either talking to me or... I don't know, having a stroke?"
  1257. >With a grimace, you smear your saliva-coated hand over her coat
  1258. "So your answer to me having a stroke was to drown me in your spit."
  1259. >"No, my answer of gargling your tonsils came from you saying you wanted to cum in me."
  1260. "I absolutely did not say such a thing."
  1261. >"How do you know?"
  1262. "Because you don't have wings and I want to cum in something that has the ability to go fast."
  1263. >"And yet you bitch that I'm moving fast."
  1264. "Fucking..."
  1265. >This wasn't even really cute before but you're too tired for this shit
  1266. "What do you even want?"
  1267. >"I said I was going to bake an early dinner. Do you even remember half the crap I say to you?"
  1268. >Oh yeah
  1269. >You think you recall that
  1270. >You could use fun
  1271. >But you could use sleep more
  1272. "You're not much of a home maker, are you."
  1273. >You aren't wanting to directly insult her yet again, at least right now
  1274. >But the kitchen looks like a mess
  1275. >The fire going on probably isn't supposed to be like that
  1276.  
  1277. >"Hey I'm out of practice, ok? Cooking used to be my specialty, you know."
  1278. "Used to?"
  1279. >"You gotta be motivated to do stuff like that."
  1280. >Because you lack the means and energy to escape, you're subjected to Anon's idea of an early dinner
  1281. >More bear claws
  1282. >Eggs
  1283. >Biscuits that are not quite uniform in shape
  1284. >A bowl of melted cheese?
  1285. >"Well don't act so shocked."
  1286. >Do you compliment the shapes?
  1287. >Are the shapes on purpose?
  1288. >Why the cheese?
  1289. "I am shocked. I haven't seen a spread like this in... I don't remember how long."
  1290. >It isn't quite a compliment but Anon takes it as one
  1291. >"Heh. Good. I'm not that out of practice."
  1292. >You don't know about that
  1293. >You end up eating near twice as much as Anon does
  1294. >The cheese makes for a good dip for the biscuits
  1295. >By the end of it, you're both bloated with a sense of satisfaction
  1296. >"Ahh... that was good stuff. You won't find that in a Canterlot kitchen."
  1297. >Anon is on her back, legs splayed out
  1298. >All you can think is that she looks a bit like road kill
  1299. "Well their biscuits wouldn't look like that."
  1300. >"Of course not. They lack my flair."
  1301. "I'm exhausted..."
  1302. >You've tried to be nice about it
  1303. >Or avoid it
  1304. >But fuck it
  1305. >You've slept on dirt or hard flooring since you ended up in horse world
  1306. "I don't even care right now, man. I'm tired. My shit stinks. I haven't been around soap. I need a hot bath. If you've been offering, can I at least take a bath somewhere?"
  1307. >Anon's head immediately lifts up
  1308. >"Why yes. Yes you can."
  1309. >You're taken upstairs to an outright extravagant bedroom
  1310. >A pink, heart-decorated door is your goal
  1311. >Beyond it
  1312. >Sweet Celestian winking it's a bath tub
  1313. "Oh fucking finally."
  1314. >Anon readies the bath with impressive speed
  1315. >Soap suds here
  1316. >A... bath bomb... there?
  1317. >Whatever
  1318. >You're in some girly pony house
  1319. >Worse
  1320. >In some girly pony's bathroom
  1321. >You're gonna reek like Pink no matter how you slice it
  1322. >"Alright, ready."
  1323. >Anon returns to you
  1324. >And sits
  1325. "...thanks."
  1326. >What are you going to do, pet her?
  1327. >She's waiting for something
  1328. >You look around the bathroom and shrug
  1329. "Do I need to do something else?"
  1330. >"I'll take your clothes for you."
  1331. "Get out before I drown you in bright purple and pink bubbles."
  1332. >"I can scrub your back?"
  1333. >...
  1334. >You feel like this is going to have to be your payment
  1335. "Dude. Seriously."
  1336. >"Ok, fine."
  1337. >Anon puffs out her cheeks and struts off
  1338. >"No jerking off in the tub either."
  1339. "Out."
  1340. >"Unless you really need to."
  1341. "Now!"
  1342. >You assist her exit with a too-gentle kick in the flank and close the door behind her
  1343. >Finally, a bath
  1344. >Man was not meant to go so long without soap and hot water
  1345.  
  1346.  
  1347. >God bless baths
  1348. >Celestia bless them, even
  1349. >Shit gym showers
  1350. >Gas station showers
  1351. >Cleaning yourself in a chilly pond
  1352. >Watching for stray snapping turtles or stray ponies
  1353. >It all led up to this
  1354. >You don't even mind that you can only smell cotton candy and mare
  1355. >The smell's nice too
  1356. >...
  1357. >Too good to smell like Anon
  1358. >Must be the scent of Pinkie
  1359. >That
  1360. >Is glorious
  1361. >You nearly dissolve in the tub but manage to slink out and wring yourself dry
  1362. >With your sinuses, throat and very soul cleansed all you need are a few q-tips
  1363. >You don't question the collection of comically sized cotton swabs
  1364. >Could be a pony thing
  1365. >Could be a Pinkie thing
  1366. >Doesn't matter
  1367. >You shove those halfway into your skull to ensure maximum cleanliness
  1368. >You are man
  1369. >You have conquered the elements to enjoy civilization once more
  1370. >You also don't know for sure if you'll be able to take a second shower here so you better just enjoy it for now
  1371. >You already have that plate to explain, after all
  1372. >With a towel wrapped around the waist, you walk out in a cloud of pretty smelling steam
  1373. >You're fed
  1374. >Clean
  1375. >And dogshit tired
  1376. >At least Anon looks happy to see you
  1377. >She's on Pinkie's bed, flopped on her side
  1378. >"Damn you smell pretty. Did you clean everywhere?"
  1379. "I cleaned enough to wash your mouth out just through pure proximity."
  1380. >You see a few piles of books everywhere
  1381. >You get the feeling most of them haven't been touched
  1382. "Were you just... waiting here?"
  1383. >"For you to swab my mouth out with your proximity? No. Don't be retarded."
  1384. >Anon flops over to her other side
  1385. >She could use a bath too
  1386. >Or maybe it's just how her mane looks so flat compared to every pony else
  1387. >"I was thinking of what we could do tomorrow. You're new to town, you got money, we can tot-"
  1388. "I got work."
  1389. >You roll her over a few times and collapse on the bed
  1390. >Sweet Jesus it feels so good your back actually hurts from the confusing world of comfort
  1391. >"Fuck that! Call in sick or something."
  1392. "I'm not just going to leave the place hanging."
  1393. >"Why not? I did whenever I had to sort mail."
  1394. >You yank a pillow out from under her green belly, to claim for your own head
  1395. "That's because you're a lazy shit."
  1396. >"You say that but you're the one who's without a paddle. I have connections."
  1397. "What you have, is pity."
  1398. >"Same thing."
  1399. >You bury your head in the pillow to yawn
  1400. >You're far too tired for this
  1401. >Equestria
  1402. >Starting out from zero
  1403. >...
  1404. >What was left behind
  1405. >You would do a lot better just not having the chance to stop and think
  1406. >Maybe if you just focus on tomorrow
  1407. >Derpy's pretty cute
  1408. >Would you be able to chill with her?
  1409. >You're not sure where to find any muffins
  1410. >Is it a moral problem to hit on the derp-eyed mare?
  1411. >"...hey, don't you snore while I'm talking to you."
  1412. >You were snoring?
  1413. >Impossible
  1414. "Hm? Sorry, start again."
  1415. >"I was going to. So ungrateful..."
  1416. >You can hear Anon huff and stamp around on the bed
  1417. >Like a cat trying to make her bed after being disturbed
  1418.  
  1419. >"I said, when I was a filly I convinced every pony in Ponyville that humans had psychic powers. I actually managed to get in a pretty big battle with Applebloom. Foals died, you know."
  1420. "I don't believe you."
  1421. >"Well... they almost died. Applejack caught us and tanned our flanks. She's such the fucking worst waifu, she wasn't fun at all. I asked her if she liked the taste of Big Mac's ligmas. She didn't even give me the chance to say "balls", she was so steamed."
  1422. >How interesting
  1423. >Mind-numbingly interesting
  1424. >"...You know, I think I used to have a big sister like her. When I was a human."
  1425. >When she was a human...
  1426. >Is there any chance that she could be lying?
  1427. >She knows too much to be a mere pony
  1428. >And that outburst she first had
  1429. >If you were a pony...
  1430. >"Another time, I caught RD nutting in a cloud. She said she had an itch but I knew... you try to fool me and say those hooves aren't mashing? Pu-leaaaaase."
  1431. >This dull, monotonous voice
  1432. >It's actually not that bad
  1433. >The change in volume is so minor that it sounds like white noise
  1434. >"Speaking of, you've been in Equestria for how many days now?"
  1435. "Weeks."
  1436. >Weeks, plural
  1437. >And many, many miles
  1438. >"Dude, you've been here for weeks and haven't even sunk your flag in one pony? Jesus... you gay or something?"
  1439. "No."
  1440. >"Sure... If I had a dick, I would go "oh hey, Purple. You wanna check my book marker?" And then I go wuuh-paw, slap it down. Heheheh..."
  1441. >The creepy giggling from this mare is making you question things
  1442. "What were you as a human?"
  1443. >Your question causes Anon to audibly trip up
  1444. >"I... well what kind of question is that? Isn't it obvious?"
  1445. "My gut says fujoshi."
  1446. >Good thing you can speak with your eyes closed
  1447. >Even if your focus is near it's logistical limits
  1448. >"...what?"
  1449. "I'm saying you're a dyke with bepis envy."
  1450. >You nuzzle the pillow
  1451. "Deal with it."
  1452. >"That... no, I wasn't that! There's no way I was even close to that."
  1453. >Silence
  1454. >Finally, a chance to rest
  1455. >"I wasn't some old timer. I guess I remember that much at least."
  1456. >It's not that you don't care
  1457. >But to be fair, you don't
  1458. >But you just need to be able to clear your mind
  1459. >"...Is it bad if I said I didn't remember? I mean, I do. Obviously. But. You know."
  1460. "Who cares?"
  1461. >That's your only answer
  1462. >"...well it matters to me. I care. I think."
  1463. >The next thing you're cognizant of, a blanket is over you
  1464. >Feels nice
  1465. >All of the lights went down too, or were turned off fully
  1466. >"I wanna tell you some more stories about me. You wanna listen?"
  1467. >Not really
  1468. "Sure."
  1469. >You cap off your response with a dire yawn
  1470. >There's no way you're going to last another minute at this rate
  1471. >"Cool. Well... when I was a filly, I..."
  1472. >Her words mesh into relaxed, dull diatribes and badly mimicked voices
  1473. >It isn't the worst thing you've listened to
  1474. >"....earned how to start fires with just my tail and a..."
  1475. >If it helps her out, where's the harm?
  1476. >She's satisfied in sharing
  1477. >You can sleep
  1478. >"...you're not listening, are you."
  1479. >...
  1480. >"...Good night."
  1481. "Guh'ni"
  1482. >"Heh, knew it."
  1483.  
  1484.  
  1485.  
  1486. >Despite your fatigue, you wake up without any alarm
  1487. >The concern of missing your second day of work plagued the back of your mind more than the sinking feeling you got upon learning that the names were difficult to read
  1488. >It wasn't a complete loss, as many letters had cutie marks added to the names
  1489. >But how far would that really take you?
  1490. >It was the first day of work, after all
  1491. >No matter how many new starts you have, there are always the new gig jitters
  1492. >You sit up, plainly aware that you went to sleep with just a towel wrapped around your waist
  1493. >By the looks of it, the towel went unmolested
  1494. >The would-be molester, however...
  1495. >Anon is sleeping on her back
  1496. >Nuzzling a Twilight doll
  1497. >Is that normal to ponies or is it merely some autism support toy?
  1498. >You're a little too worried to ask Twilight
  1499. >As much as you want to bug her on the power supply update, work has to come first
  1500. >If you keep that going without issue, you can build a reputation
  1501. >Build a reputation, and any possible future failures will be...
  1502. >Mitigated
  1503. >You slink away from the bed back to the bathroom
  1504. >There is a toilet
  1505. >Despite what fiction told you, ponies do indeed have indoor plumbing
  1506. >And it is glorious
  1507. >You could stand to buy some toilet paper for yourself, too...
  1508. >But...
  1509. >As you use it, only one question comes to mind
  1510. >How does the Pinkie Pie
  1511. >Use
  1512. >The toilet paper...?
  1513. >...
  1514. >Best not think too hard
  1515. >As ready as can be expected, you slink downstairs with the pile of your dirty clothes
  1516. >Now that you're in town, and got paid, you can figure out who you can take laundry to
  1517. >Ponies may get by on mostly wearing nothing but you don't have the grapes to swing everything out in public without concern
  1518. >You strip off your towel and put the dirty clothing on it
  1519. >New underwear
  1520. >Shirt
  1521. >Pants
  1522. >Bam, you're in business again
  1523. >You could still use a good shave but you're feeling better than ever since the last...
  1524. >Has it been a month already?
  1525. >A month has already passed...
  1526. >Feels like a matter of hours
  1527. "Well. Better than sleeping all day, right?"
  1528. >As if your past self could answer
  1529. >Your ruck lighter due to the change of clothes, you slip it on and slip out the door
  1530. >Going off of your phone...
  1531. >You're already over an hour away from having to be there
  1532. >But you have nowhere else to be or nothing else to do so why not hurry up and wait?
  1533. >Barely any ponies are awake at this timei
  1534. >Those that are seem to just be roaming around
  1535. >One watering her flowers waves a hoof
  1536. >None of them seem to be afraid of you despite being a hulking naked flesh beast wearing fabrics
  1537. >Could this be due to Anon?
  1538. >Twilight?
  1539.  
  1540. >Probably a mix of the two
  1541. >How old even is Twilight, at this point?
  1542. >Canon doesn't seem to be the case here
  1543. >Would it be a faux pas to ask about Princess Luna, or Nightmare Moon?
  1544. >Part of you thinks you should just smile and nod
  1545. >Safer that way
  1546. >You found the postal office faster today than yesterrday
  1547. >Means Ponyville isn't as expansive as you think
  1548. >Still haven't seen a corner store though
  1549. >You knock on the door a few times and slump down your ruck
  1550. >Parcel Post will either let you in or show up on his own time
  1551. >Either way works
  1552. >...
  1553. >...
  1554. >...
  1555. >Waiting is for the birds
  1556. >You pull out your phone
  1557. >No new messages
  1558. >No new emails
  1559. >Of course, no reception
  1560. >Is anyone looking for you back home?
  1561. >Does it matter?
  1562. >If you could just make one last c-
  1563. >"IIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiincomiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!"
  1564. >The screaming cry makes you crouch down by reflex
  1565. >A grey blue smashes through...
  1566. >The door
  1567. "What the hell was that?"
  1568. >You peer through the pegasus-shaped hole in the wood
  1569. "...That you, Derpster?"
  1570. >"I'm ohkay!"
  1571. >That goofy voice
  1572. >The near death experience
  1573. >Yeah, it's probably her
  1574. >Taking advantage of the situation, you open the door from the inside and step in
  1575. >Derpy landed in a pile of soft letters and papers...
  1576. >That...
  1577. >You sorted yesterday
  1578. >Ah crap
  1579. "That was a helluva spill. You do that on purpose?"
  1580. >The durable pegasus rotates her head on a well-oiled swivel to you
  1581. >It takes maybe a full second for your question to register
  1582. >She squees with a smile and pushes an envelope from out of her mane
  1583. >"I meant to go through the window but I think I missed."
  1584. >...
  1585. >There was a window?
  1586. "To be fair, you made a window in the door. Just gotta find some glass."
  1587. >Derpy isn't as embarrassed from your creative thinking
  1588. >"Are you here to drop off a package?"
  1589. "Me? No, I. I guess I work here now. Parcel Post is my... I guess he's my supervisor."
  1590. >"Awww, well I think he's super too! I saw him while flying in, he shouldn't be too far behind!"
  1591. "I hope that means he's walking and not flying."
  1592. >Derpy drags herself out of the pile, carefully avoiding any other letter laying near
  1593. >As careful as a Derpy can be
  1594. >"I think it's neat you're helping out, Mr. uhhh..."
  1595. >She focuses on you just long enough that both eyes focus on you
  1596. >For around a second
  1597. >Just to repel like two positive magnets
  1598. >"What's your name again?"
  1599. >You've already stuck with an alias for so long
  1600. >Why not make it more official?
  1601. "The name'sh Bond. Mish-tah Bond."
  1602. >You slip into your Sean Connery accent, duck lips included
  1603. >It may come back to bite you but if Anon could genuinely go so long with that name and not have an identity crisis, why should you be worried?
  1604. >"It's sure nice to meet'ya, Mishtah Bond!"
  1605. >Derpy takes your hand and shakes it
  1606. >The shake goes full motion and back, leading to her entire foreleg bending like rubber
  1607. >"Can you help me re-sort these letters? I think I gotta take them all out for delivery today. And I think I made a mess."
  1608. "Sure, I don't mind. Color-coded, right?"
  1609.  
  1610.  
  1611. >As much as you expected Derpy to be all hooves and falls, she's actually quite adept at sorting
  1612. >There's a method to her madness
  1613. >More importantly
  1614. >She's actually rather careful
  1615. >Packages are placed with care
  1616. >Letters are lined up
  1617. >Maybe it's just because she's focused
  1618. >Or moving so slow you've spent the last hour just watching and asking questions
  1619. "I... uh... got another question."
  1620. >"What is it, Mr. Bomb?"
  1621. >You don't have it in you to correct her
  1622. "I'm... not the best at reading. What are some ways I could help sort things out? There are the colors, sure. But is there anything else I can do?"
  1623. >You could write things down in your own language but that would require you needing a constant translator
  1624. >Derpy looks at you
  1625. >And the ghost of Cesar Romero that must be to your right by a few feet
  1626. >She smiles
  1627. >"Aw, it's ok! It really is. It took me a long time too. I go by the color first."
  1628. "Yeah."
  1629. >"Then I start matching cutie marks!"
  1630. >Derpy swats her flank just far enough to almost topple over a tower of letters
  1631. >As long as you don't address it, Derpy's Law means she won't randomly start wrecking things until you tell her to be careful
  1632. >You think
  1633. "...That works? Some of them don't have cutie marks on them. And wouldn't that be the sender?"
  1634. >Your question leads to her freeze-framing on the spot
  1635. >...
  1636. >The view of her flank is nice
  1637. >"..."
  1638. >One eye blinks
  1639. >The other follows
  1640. >"That's a good question."
  1641. >She straightens herself out, ending the possible workplace harassment
  1642. >"Just do what I do and ask around! No pony I know would ever want letters that don't go to them."
  1643. >As sound as her logic is, you can't help but wonder where Parcel Post is
  1644. >A quick check of your phone shows that it is the...
  1645. >Equivalent of noon
  1646. >Maybe
  1647. >You didn't know the day would go by so quickly
  1648. "It's getting to be lunch time. You mind if I head out real quick? I can set my timer for a half hour."
  1649. >Derpy looks at you and your shadow clone break dancing out of arm's reach
  1650. >"Huh? Oh. Sure! I'm hungry too."
  1651. >She says that
  1652. >But she doesn't go off to grab something
  1653. >You stare at her
  1654. >She stares back, possibly
  1655. "..."
  1656. >"..."
  1657. "..."
  1658. >"..."
  1659. "...I'm gonna head out."
  1660. >"Ok!"
  1661. >You jump a little at how quickly she replies
  1662. "T...thanks."
  1663. >You slip out with a moderate sense of haste
  1664. >You don't dislike Derpy at all
  1665. >But talking to her feels so weird
  1666. >You're used to just seeing her fuck things and ponies up
  1667. >Not only is she rather decent at her job, her mannerisms are just odd
  1668. >Doesn't help that she was right in front of you
  1669. >Why didn't Twilight elicit that other reaction?
  1670. "Maybe it's because I've been on auto pilot..."
  1671. >Speaking of, why are you heading back to SugarCube Corner?
  1672. >You have the entire town to explore
  1673. >You didn't even bring your rucksack with you
  1674. >What are the odds Derpy somehow launched it to Mars?
  1675. >You waltz in like you own the place, just to see Anon setting up a display cart
  1676. >You didn't expect to see her being productive
  1677. >She didn't expect to see you at all
  1678.  
  1679. "Free samples?"
  1680. >Anon looks at the treat cart
  1681. >And you
  1682. >"I'll give you a full course meal if you think you can handle it."
  1683. "Flaccid pass, thanks."
  1684. >You gawk at the cart
  1685. "Fork over some of the claws."
  1686. >"Sure, four bits."
  1687. "Seriously?"
  1688. >"When I'm on the clock... yup."
  1689. >She looks as cheerful as her dead tone
  1690. >"Pinkie isn't a slaver driver like Twilight but she does charge me rent when I'm here. The idea is that I either fork over my own money, or make it and still supply Ponyville with baked goods that turn a good day great."
  1691. >She tries her best to give a wide smile
  1692. >It looks soul crushing
  1693. "You sound... motivated."
  1694. >"Dude, I hate being some cart filly. If you made me cum in front of the entire town, I'm pretty sure I could sleep like a foal at night."
  1695. >You can't help but notice the terminology
  1696. >"But I have to wear this apron, talk to random ponies and convince them my stuff is worth buying? Just fucking send me back to Earth."
  1697. >She sounds absolutely and completely morose
  1698. "...well how about a deal?"
  1699. >"I acquire orgasm, you acquire a very organic drink that will definitely be healthy for a human?"
  1700. "No, I-"
  1701. >You frown at her
  1702. >Her dead expression grows into the smallest smiles
  1703. >It's almost insidious
  1704. "Dude. Gross. Come on."
  1705. >You shake your head to rid yourself of the thought
  1706. >If it were Derpy though...
  1707. "How about we play something out? I buy one, chomp it down, make a scene about how great it is?"
  1708. >Anon seems to genuinely perk up
  1709. >"Really?"
  1710. "Sure. I mean, maybe bring down the price a little an-"
  1711. >"I can't do that but we have some lemonade left over from a few days back."
  1712. >You leer at her
  1713. >Her mind lags a second long enough to understand the implication
  1714. >"...Oh! Oh. Heh. No. Don't worry, this is the real deal. I even put it in a bottle."
  1715. "Jesus, no! I don't want your... lemonade! Not now or ever. Nevermind."
  1716. >You turn to head out, only to stop when you hear a borderline shriek
  1717. >"Wait! Wait wait wait, I didn't mean it that way. Please help me."
  1718. >Damn it all
  1719. >You can't just split
  1720. "...alright."
  1721. >You turn around
  1722. "So what do you have in mind?"
  1723. >"I can... uh..."
  1724. >Her eyes dart all over you, as if an assessment would help her diplomacy check
  1725. >"How about I brew some tea? And... free tea with purchase?"
  1726. "...What kind of tea you got?"
  1727. >Between your tone and raised eyebrow, Anon regains some semblance of confidence
  1728. >"I got some herbal tea Fluttershy gave me. Supposed to help wake me up."
  1729. >That sounds suspicious enough to make you wary
  1730. >But you don't have all day for lunch
  1731. "Sure. Want me to go wander around and act like you don't know me?"
  1732. >"Nah, just be there to buy some and the rest will fall into place."
  1733. >Sounds good enough
  1734. >Thankfully you do still have your bag of bits on you
  1735. >Your rucksack may be a welcome weight off of your shoulders but that needs to be stapled to you
  1736. >You watch her get started
  1737. >It's impressive how much a pony can do without hands
  1738.  
  1739. "So have you been around Derpy much? She's teaching me the wonderful world of pony postal problems."
  1740. >"She's weird. I don't like her."
  1741. "Why, because she's competition?"
  1742. >"No!"
  1743. >Her denial is suspiciously defensive
  1744. >"...I mean, no. It's because she just acts weird. You can never tell when things will be ok or if she'll cause your house to implode."
  1745. "Oh come on, she isn't that bad. Right?"
  1746. >"Ugh."
  1747. >Anon rolls her eyes
  1748. >"I once watched her sneeze on a wagon and it fell apart. The nails? Fucking, literally, popped out. It's cute as a cartoon, but nightmarish to be around. I bet she could bump into me and knock my skull into my ass."
  1749. "That doesn't sound fair. She isn't that bad..."
  1750. >You say that but she did make a Derpy-sized hole in the post office front door without even trying
  1751. >You haven't even found any sign of the wood she burst through
  1752. >"Whatever you say... you're not a Derpyfag, are you?"
  1753. >Anon glares with the growing aura of disgust
  1754. "She's cute bu I guess not my top pick. Talking to her feels weird."
  1755. >Anon smirks and nods
  1756. >"Good to see you haven't given it up to just any mare out there."
  1757. "Hey, what's it to you? When I save up some more money, maybe I wanna take one out."
  1758. >You add more to it before you're aware you have more to say
  1759. "Besides, I'm exotic. Right?"
  1760. >"Sure, to some. Others don't want to do that sort of thing."
  1761. >The kettle whistles for a microsecond before Anon swings it to the display cart
  1762. >"Just.. you know. Don't feel too let down."
  1763. "Whatever, man... let's go. I'm hungry."
  1764.  
  1765.  
  1766. >After a painful amount of time, you can finally buy your lunch
  1767. >The sinking feeling of parting with four bits is...
  1768. >Harsh
  1769. >That leaves seventy six bits
  1770. >Is that really going to be enough to do anything?
  1771. >At least you took the biggest, heaviest bear claw and have some admittedly nice tea
  1772. >You're more a green tea type, if you had to choose
  1773. >This herbal horse tea isn't so bad
  1774. >"Oh wow! I never actually saw anyone eat her stuff before... is it really that good?"
  1775. >A cautious blue mare creeps up, as amazed at your form as she is that you're eating without turning some funky color
  1776. >Like blue
  1777. "Sure, I like it. I'll admit, I miss burgers but Anon's stuff is some of the best food I've had."
  1778. >Anon has also been the biggest, most consistent source of food you've had
  1779. >Not so positive a thing when you know how little you've had to eat
  1780. >Anon has her chest puffed out during all of this, quietly soaking in the praise
  1781. >Except at the mare's next question
  1782. >"If that's true, why don't I ever see Pinkie Pie selling her things?"
  1783. >"Because I'm usually somewhere else, lady."
  1784. >And there's that classic Anon charm
  1785. >You cut in by reflex
  1786. "To be fair, she changed the recipe and it's untested. You know how Pinkie Pie is, right? She hasn't personally tasted them yet... and Anon is afraid of rejection. Go easy on her."
  1787. >Anon looks at you as if she wants to scream "traitor"
  1788. >But it works on the pony
  1789. >"That... does make sense. Well how are they different, Miss Anon? I won't get an allergic reaction, will I?"
  1790. >Just from the continued conversation, some ponies are starting to pay attention
  1791. >The newfound attention makes her shrink back
  1792. >"Well... you know. I replaced the almond paste with hazelnut. Because... I... uh... n-nuts..."
  1793. >You can tell with a pained sense of empathy that while she can handle talking dirty to you, she just doesn't know how to keep her wit around others
  1794. "She told me that she knows which nuts are best."
  1795. >The crowd gives some sort of laugh, much to Anon's dismay
  1796. "She's weird..."
  1797. >You finish your claw
  1798. "But she claws a good bear. I got..."
  1799. >You check your phone
  1800. >Crap
  1801. >You got maybe eight minutes
  1802. >Whether or not Derpy can time you, you don't want to have a habit of wandering off from work
  1803. "I don't go much time but I'm willing to buy another to top off. If none of you want one, you're gonna be missing out..."
  1804. >You reach into your bag o' bits to pay for another
  1805. >And lose another four bits
  1806. >Another pony steps up
  1807. >Despite the voice, the stallion doesn't look that different from a mare to you
  1808. >"Well I'll take one! I've had hazelnut before when I was in the city!"
  1809. >That seems to spark a few smaller conversations
  1810. >What city?
  1811. >Were the nuts hazy?
  1812. >Where did the tall creature come from?
  1813. >The talk leads to a few immediate sales
  1814. >Anon seems frazzled by the positive attention
  1815. >You'd like to eat more but you gotta split
  1816.  
  1817.  
  1818. >You return to the post office with a minute to spare
  1819. >As big as Ponyville really is, most of it feels...
  1820. >Nondescript?
  1821. >The closest you can think of is an old-school RPG
  1822. >Many houses look the same, plus or minus some small accessories
  1823. >There are no street signs
  1824. >No stop signs
  1825. >To be fair, the few carts or wagons you've come across tend to be overkill when a saddlebag will do
  1826. >The Derpy-sized hole in the door is still there
  1827. >But no Derpy-sized Derpy in sight
  1828. "Hey, I'm back from lunch. What should... I...?"
  1829. >Half of the stacks Derpy made are gone
  1830. >You don't fully understand her sorting procedure but they're almost color-coded?
  1831. >How do you sort ten shades of pink?
  1832. "Derpy, you still here? Parcel?"
  1833. >Unable to stop yourself, you call out using your presentation voice
  1834. "Is anyone around? Anyone alive? Or dead?"
  1835. >The complete silence in the building is enough to send a cold chill down your spine
  1836. >What if this is the sort of Equestria that leads to zombified ponies or some sort of zebra-borne curses?
  1837. "...If you're dead, don't answer."
  1838. >You're being silly if you think they're off tearing ponies apart
  1839. >Very silly
  1840. >...
  1841. >Well what now?
  1842. "Don't tell me I wasn't supposed to come in today. My guy didn't exactly give me a schedule... gotta admit, some of those stamps were actually neat."
  1843. >Not neat enough for you to want to start collecting, of course
  1844. >You plop yourself down to take a sit in front of the rainbow of letters
  1845. >Red
  1846. >Yellow
  1847. >White
  1848. >Blue
  1849. >Green
  1850. >The green stack is deceptively short
  1851. >There are a multitude of what you presume are cutie marks
  1852. >A mysterious one catches your eye
  1853. >Darker green than the rest, with a black question mark on it
  1854. "Well who the hell does this go to?"
  1855. >You stare at the letter for a good, hard minute before your momentary stupidity ricochets out of your skull
  1856. >It's for Anon
  1857. >Obviously
  1858. >You did see her mark but near every time your eyes were even near that area, you were instead met with a face full of mare bits
  1859. >Not that you're against that
  1860. >Bu you'd greatly prefer yellow
  1861. >Or orange
  1862. >Or purple
  1863. >Honestly nearly anything but green
  1864. >You hold up the letter
  1865. >Can't see through the paper well enough to tell what it is
  1866. >It doesn't contain anything solid
  1867. >...
  1868. >...
  1869. >...
  1870. >You technically work for the post office now
  1871. >You're an employee
  1872. >So
  1873. >It isn't stealing if you take the letter
  1874.  
  1875.  
  1876.  
  1877. >To be fair, you're just going to deliver it
  1878. >You slip it into your pocket and continue to search through the stacks
  1879. >Nothing else stands out to you
  1880. >You recognize some of the Mane Six cutie marks but would that be a good enough reason to hit them up for a chat?
  1881. >You don't want to admit it but Anon's words make you feel discouraged
  1882. >What if they really don't want to have anything special to do with a human?
  1883. >It isn't like you have any skills that would immediately gel with them
  1884. >The idea of just trying to hit on one of them also fills you with a sense of disgust
  1885. >If you botch it, you know they'll all speak to each other about you
  1886. >And then there goes your chances with all of them
  1887. >You check your phone
  1888. >It's dying
  1889. >You've already wasted a half hour just sitting here, muttering to yourself and contemplating humanity
  1890. "Hey, uh... I'm gonna take this letter and deliver it. Dark green, question mark. I think it goes to Anon!"
  1891. >No replies
  1892. >At least they aren't arguing against it
  1893. "I'm gonna... go to Sugar Cube Corner. Come find me if you need more help, ok?"
  1894. >You stand up, checking for security cameras
  1895. >It's Ponyville
  1896. >Of course there aren't any
  1897. "...You know... to deliver."
  1898. >Nothing
  1899. "This isn't me cutting out of work early, alright? I'm just going to deliver it."
  1900. >While it makes you feel justified in leaving, you were paid in advance
  1901. >Doesn't that mean a full eight hours?
  1902. >From your last few jobs, your hours dictated near everything that you could do with the rest of your life
  1903. >Is it really so lax here?
  1904. "...Anyone want a snack while I'm out?"
  1905. >Even the walls are still full
  1906. "...Well alright then. See you guys tomorrow. Same time."
  1907. >Making an effort to keep the green letter in full view to not give any pony the wrong idea, you take your items and leave
  1908. >Not even a few steps away and you have a pony come up to you
  1909. >A rather minty fresh green unicorn
  1910. >She looks familiar
  1911. >Who is she again?
  1912. >"Excuse me... you're a human, aren't you?"
  1913. "Y... yeah?"
  1914. >How does she know that?
  1915. >She points a hoof at the letter
  1916. >"And that letter there... that goes to Anon."
  1917. "I-I presume so, yeah. it's green like her."
  1918. >The unicorn stares at you
  1919. >It's the sort of stare only a mare could give
  1920. >You're unsure of what to do
  1921. >"I'm... gonna go."
  1922. "Sure. I'm... I guess, going to go deliver this."
  1923. >"To Anon."
  1924. "Yup."
  1925. >"The pony?"
  1926. "The very same."
  1927. >"Is she still a pony?"
  1928. "I hope?"
  1929. >"And you're not a pony."
  1930. "Still a human."
  1931. >"What's your name?"
  1932. "Bond."
  1933. >"Bond?"
  1934. "Bond."
  1935. >"She was right..."
  1936. "Yeah?"
  1937. >"Human names are so short..."
  1938.  
  1939. >To be fair you don't want to reveal your real name
  1940. >Something about it just feels...
  1941. >Wrong
  1942. >Just like how Anon has stuck with Anon
  1943. >If she even remembers her human name
  1944. "You really like humans don't you."
  1945. >"N-no!"
  1946. >Her stoic expression breaks
  1947. >Wait
  1948. >The memes
  1949. >The human hand-sized magic
  1950. >That one particular animation...
  1951. "Oh shit. You're Lyra."
  1952. >You point at her with the finesse of a grade schooler
  1953. >She seems shocked to her core
  1954. >Albeit in a positive way
  1955. >"Did Anon tell you that orrr...?"
  1956. >She sounds positively revved up
  1957. "No, I..."
  1958. >Do you tell her?
  1959. >She looks at you like she's waiting for it
  1960. >Whatever "it" is
  1961. "...I saw you from the cartoon."
  1962. >"Eeeeeee, it's real! It's really real!"
  1963. >Before you even know what the hell just happened, she goes from trotting in place, to dancing, to galloping off in a madcap dash while giggling like a psycho
  1964. >This has Anon written all over it
  1965. >Good
  1966. >Great
  1967. >Awesome
  1968. >It means you have yet another thing to ask when you get back
  1969. >Another pony comes up to you
  1970. >Rather sturdy looking fellow, generic colors and a relatively small horn
  1971. >"Well that was a neat trick. What's my name?"
  1972. >You handwave him away, starting on your trek back
  1973. "Not now, later Joe."
  1974. >You heard a deep gasp behind you
  1975. >"How did he know that?!"
  1976. >This is getting to be downright meta
  1977. >At least you find your way back to the bakery quicker than before
  1978. >If the world shrinks with familiarity, you may as well be in a dog park in the middle of a cartoonishly violent hell dimension
  1979. "Alright cakecup, I got some new questions for you. And a letter to deliver. Just tell me that this belongs to you so I don't feel like an asshole for taking it."
  1980. >You start talking a few seconds too early because when you enter, Anon is staring at you like you caught her masturbating with a Princess Celestia blowup doll
  1981. >Instead, you see something far worse
  1982. >It's Lyra
  1983. >In a rather familiar looking scarf
  1984. >A foam finger on her horn
  1985. >And a set of curiously massive monkey ears hanging off of the side of her head
  1986. "..."
  1987. >"..."
  1988. >Anon shares an entire conversation with you through eye contact in a fraction of a second
  1989. >Most of it consists of her going "Oh God run away"
  1990. >Or maybe that's the impression you're getting on account of the unicorn's manic smile
  1991. >"The Human-Appreciation-Committee is back open, and after so many years we've finally been validated!"
  1992. "...what?"
  1993. >"Oh God I'm sorry."
  1994. >Anon is worse than defeated
  1995. >She's humiliated
  1996. >"I... come on, let's get this over with."
  1997. >"Bon Bon is gonna fu-reak! She said that this was all silly filly games but look at us now!"
  1998. >You end up sitting on a pony-shaped pillow
  1999. >It's flat, rather than a three-dimensional object
  2000. >Thankfully
  2001. >The two mares are sitting on almost-human looking pillows of similar size
  2002. >Lyra gently taps the wood floor with a fist-shaped gavel
  2003. >A human fist
  2004. >"For our first meeting in years, please allow me to start with an open letter to our new friend, the first human in Equestria!"
  2005. >Aren't you the second?
  2006. >Technically

/bootleg/ Jacky Part One

by BlondieAnon

/bootleg/ Jacky Part Two

by BlondieAnon

/bootleg/ Jacky Part Three

by BlondieAnon

/bootleg/ Jacky Part Four

by BlondieAnon

/bootleg/ Jacky Part Five

by BlondieAnon