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/homeless/ Displacement

By BlondieAnon
Created: 2023-07-03 16:21:12
Updated: 2023-08-08 02:10:16
Expiry: Never

  1.  
  2. >You've been homeless before
  3. >Multiple times, actually
  4. >Unsupportive family
  5. >Making right choices, even when they aren't necessarily the smart choices
  6. >Each time, you had a certain number of items with you
  7. >Clothes
  8. >Gadgets and entertainment
  9. >Money
  10. >A car
  11. >God gifts a homeless man with a car the world
  12. >But not in Equestria
  13. >Not in fucking Ponyville
  14. >You were carrying light, trading coins and some of your earthly knickknacks for a Canterlot-made rucksack
  15. >Not quite modern American military durable, but your detailed requests put your bag on par with the Celestian Guard
  16. >You're not sure if that is the right name for them but their saddlebags were pretty rugged
  17. >Not all, but most of the ponies that saw you trekking in seemed...
  18. >Excited?
  19. >They weren't acting like you were some mystical creature
  20. >Or maybe they were?
  21. >Maybe small towns bred small minds
  22. >"Omigosh, you're a hewwwwwwwman, aren't ya?!"
  23. >A deceptively nondescript filly comes up to you
  24. >She's small enough to be a football
  25. >You kneel down, curiosity piqued
  26. >Not once did you ever say what manner of mammal you were
  27. "Me? Yeah. A funny looking one, sure, but still a human. What's up?"
  28. >"Anon said that hewmanamans are tall with hair on their faces and had funny eyes and were faggots!"
  29. >If you were drinking, you would have sprayed the filly down
  30. >Since you were more on the parched side... all you can do is stare at her in sheer disbelief
  31. "...Huh?"
  32. >You have funny eyes?
  33. "I... well. Where is this... Anon?"
  34. >As if she were waiting to be asked, she vibrates with enough energy that you're worried she would noclip through the ground
  35. >"She's at Sugarcube Corner, of course! Let's GO!"
  36. >She bolts off at blue hedgehog speed
  37. >Was she just looking for an excuse to go there?
  38. >Not like you have much else, and the name "Anon" already is getting more ponies to look at you a little funny
  39. >While she did leave a trail in the dirt that could lead to generations of trench warfare, you were able to also see her bouncing around the front door of the aforementioned Corner
  40. >Upon seeing you, she reared up and flapped her front legs with reckless abandon
  41. >This must be the place
  42. >"Mr. Hewamanalana! Anon lives here!"
  43. >This is...
  44. >What even is this?
  45. >If you were going to give yourself a name here, you're pretty sure you would stick with "Anon" too
  46. "Is that right? Well, I appreciate the help."
  47. >You heft the rucksack and open the door
  48. >Little Miss Speed bolts in faster than you can make a quip for
  49. >The bakery smells glorious
  50. >"Anon! Anonanonanananananonamona! Heweyman alert! Huey-Mann alert!"
  51. >This filly must understand the concept of an inside voice, there is no other reason why she so joyously tramples on it
  52. >Upstairs you hear a muffled scream
  53. >Along with some clattering
  54. >At least one curse you're familiar with
  55. >Banging
  56. >Stomping
  57. >More cursing
  58. >...
  59. >What sounds like some nervous humming
  60. >Light steps down the staircase to your left
  61. >In awe at this entire vaudeville act, you see a...
  62.  
  63. >Plump
  64. >Fatigued
  65. >Nervous
  66. >Green mare with a pitch dark mane
  67. >She doesn't even make it down the stairs fully before her green eyes glue to you
  68. >Her jaw drops
  69. >The look in her eye
  70. >"Holy shit."
  71. >She descends far more cautiously
  72. >This pony looks like she's either going to burst into tears or explode in some sort of confetti bomb of happiness
  73. >She looks up at you in raw awe, like you're some sort of monument
  74. >That look in her eye
  75. >You can't place your finger on it
  76. >But it feels like...
  77. >It's...
  78. >It's on the tip of your tongue
  79. >It's like that feel when...
  80. >"You're real. Aren't you."
  81. >Her voice is low, monotonous
  82. >She swallows hard
  83. >You do the same in kind
  84. "Yeah. Painfully so."
  85. >The filly remains quiet
  86. >"I'm... uh. I'm Anon."
  87. >Her face twitches into an uncertain smirk
  88. >"And... you are too... right...?"
  89. >You tilt your head and shrug with a mix of guilt and relief
  90. "Yeah... yeah, I guess I'm Anon too."
  91. >That dual admission leads to the filly giving a squeaky cheer
  92. >"Yay, Anon found Anon foundanonfoundanonfoundan-"
  93. >She is become speed
  94. >She gallops laps around the two of (You) until the green mare holds her hind leg out
  95. >The filly trips on the hoof and tumbles into a mountain of pillows
  96. >Apparently this isn't the first time she's had to do that
  97. >You sit down on the floor, watching the mare
  98. >She sits down as well, though the stance change is different
  99. >"I never thought I'd see another human again."
  100. "How long have you been here?"
  101. >"Since as long as I could remember. I woke up one day as some little foal and..."
  102. >Her eyes roam over your body
  103. >"And then you show up, still wearing earth clothes, still a human..."
  104. >Her eyes drop down to your crotch
  105. >"And I bet you're packing enough down there to make me scream bloody murder."
  106. >What?
  107. "What?"
  108. >The entire tone changed from that borderline husky hypothetical
  109. "...I have many questions. Including why you just said that."
  110. >"Hey, Zippo! Can you go explore for a while? Aunt Anon's gotta talk with her friend."
  111. >As if she were merely waiting for the coast to be clear, the filly bursts from the downy mountain and gives a solid salute
  112. >"I'll go tell every pony in Equestria that you finally found your huwemon!"
  113. >The mare gives a lazy chuckle and appropriately lackluster salute back
  114. >"Start with the orchard, will ya? This really does call for a celebration."
  115. >The filly zips off, leaving the door to slowly close on it's own
  116. >As soon as the door closes with a faint "click", the mare dives forward and stuffs her face into your chest
  117. >"I'M NOT ALONE ANYMORE!"
  118. >The pony screams and nearly bursts into tears on the spot
  119. >It's that sort of ugly crying that you've only seen when pets are put down
  120. >When a precious family heirloom is broken by careless packing and moving
  121. >When the reality hits you that most of your family is long passed and gone
  122. >Ignoring the mixture of liquid coming from the eyes, nose and mouth, you reflexively hug the pone that slowly curls up to you as hard as she can
  123. >You could almost call it "pathetic"
  124.  
  125. >...
  126. >...
  127. >...
  128. >"...Thanks for letting me get it all out, man. I... I don't know what happened to me there."
  129. "Nah. No, you're alright."
  130. >Thankfully you have a few shirts to spare
  131. >You let her use the one she got messy as a glorified snot rag
  132. >You both sit near each other
  133. >Not close
  134. >But not far away either
  135. "So... what happened? You popped up and became a pony, huh?"
  136. >"Yeah. I had all of these raunchy fantasies. I wanted to go on massive adventures. I wanted a big harem all to myself and be king of the world."
  137. >You look at the mare
  138. >Given her physique, it seems like she doesn't do much adventuring
  139. "So why didn't you?"
  140. >Anon shrugs
  141. >"I did go on some, when I was a filly... a lot of them were really fun. But... I kinda pushed things a little too hard too."
  142. "What did you push on?"
  143. >"That I was the only girl in a group of boys and knew how babies were made."
  144. >Your eyebrow raises
  145. >She grins
  146. >"Don't worry. It didn't end up at all like my Alcor fantasies. I just weirded them all out. Kept talking about things they didn't understand. And how could they, right?"
  147. >She leans back
  148. >With her back to the wall, she's almost sitting like you
  149. >Like a human
  150. >Her head and eyes go to the ceiling
  151. >"Nothing but normies everywhere in the real world... and then you pop up here. And they aren't even normies. They're just... themselves. And you really see just how much of yourself is you, and how much is what you were plugged into."
  152. >The weariness in her voice brings a sense of longingness to your heart
  153. "Yeah... well... unless we can find a source of electricity, I'm gonna be unplugged pretty permanently soon."
  154. >The mare's head snaps to you
  155. >"...What do you mean by that? Do you got a phone?"
  156. >You chuckle
  157. "Dude. I got more than just a phone. I got my 2DS, I got a little Gameboy-looking thing that has near seven hundred games on there that I put on. I got my Steam Deck an-"
  158. >"Hold on, shut up."
  159. >The mare rolls onto her front hooves
  160. >She glares at you
  161. >Hard
  162. >"What the fuck is a Steam Deck?"
  163. "...fuck. You really have been here for a while, haven't you?"
  164. >"Answer me, bitch."
  165. >You snort
  166. "It's basically a beefier Switch that can play emulators and a shit ton of PC games. Uses Linux."
  167. >The mare stares
  168. >You can almost hear the gears turning in her head
  169. >"...The fuck is a Switch?"
  170. "Nintendo's most recent console. Handheld, can be docked to play on a TV."
  171. >The growing apprehension-or excitement-makes her hooves shift to re-adjust her weight
  172. >"...Can you show me?"
  173. "Sure."
  174. >Deciding this place is as good as ever, you unload your ruck
  175. >Seven shirts
  176. >Seven pairs of pants
  177. >Seven pairs of socks
  178. >Fourteen pairs of underwear
  179. >Two empty battery banks
  180. >A phone that has 85% power, once turned on
  181. >Switch
  182. >Deck
  183. >RG353 pseudo-Game Boy
  184. >A variety of power cords, USB cables and USB-to-wall adapter plugs
  185. "I had one of those cheapo hiking watches, my wallet and a headlamp. But I traded those for the sack."
  186. >With how neatly everything is placed out, Anon just gawks at the vidya
  187.  
  188. >"Th..."
  189. >Anon sighs
  190. >"They're too fucking small for hooves. What the fuck, why did Reggie abandon me?"
  191. "Reggie's been gone for a while. Bowser took over."
  192. >She looks at you like you called her retarded
  193. >"Excuse me?"
  194. "Yeah. Guy named Bowser is the new Reg."
  195. >She stares off into space
  196. >She shakes her head
  197. >"Yeah, no. Now you're just fucking with me. I know you are."
  198. >You shrug it off
  199. >Some people will never admit that Reggie retired on top
  200. >Anon looks at all of the handheld consoles
  201. >She carefully puts her hoof to the side of the Deck
  202. >The analog controller may as well be a grape
  203. >And her hoof may as well be a boxing glove
  204. >"...Dude... after all the time..."
  205. >She sits in front of you
  206. >Facing you
  207. >The look on her face is one of complete resolution
  208. >"I will asphyxiate on your nuts every day for the rest of my life if you can find a way to let me play any of them."
  209. >As tempting as that is, your immediate answer is a laugh
  210. "I don't know how I could do that. The most I could do is turn into some Let's Player and have you tell me what to do."
  211. >Her eyes dart down to your crotch and back
  212. >"I will asphyxiate on your nuts every day for the rest of my life if I can watch you play games."
  213. "You have a particular fascination with one of those two things you keep bringing up."
  214. >"I literally found a unicorn. In a world full of actual fucking unicorns. I'm already about ready to show you my ahegao and tell all the mares here that you're my long-lost husband."
  215. >You can't help but laugh at that
  216. >And while you're laughing, she just...
  217. >Continues to stare at you
  218. >Hard
  219. >Your laughing dies down once her awkward gloomy aura invades your space
  220. >"I'm not kidding. You're basically a time traveler, my sense of smell is so strong I went crazy for a few weeks after my first heat, and I've made some friends and ended up getting them on the hardcore human train. That dick-and your video games-are mine."
  221. >You wouldn't normally think that a chubby green talking pony could be threatening to you
  222. >But this sense of aggressive autism and pent up sexual energy
  223. "...I still need a source of power."
  224. >"Oh don't you worry about power, monkey man. I'll get you your fucking power."
  225. >What a menacing pony
  226. "...Well alright then."
  227. >You shift your sitting position to cross your legs
  228. >You may be more in danger here than out in the wilderness
  229. "So... what happens next?"
  230. >"Well you're crashing with me."
  231. >She stops you the millisecond you open your mouth
  232. >"Shut up. You get a bed, you get a mare, and you get food. There's a reason why you came to Ponyville specifically, right?"
  233. >Of course
  234. >She probably did the same thing
  235. "Twilight."
  236. >"Yup."
  237. "Guessing she knows stuff about humans?"
  238. >She rolls her eyes
  239. >"She doesn't know shit. I spent years talking to her and researching whatever I could. There's no portal, EQG isn't canon after all, there's no spells that can go to earth. And even if there were, there's no way to tell that they go to earth until after you go through."
  240.  
  241. "Until after you go through? What, were they portals?"
  242. >"Yeah. One led to an active volcano, one led to an underwater cave, I called it quits after the seventh portal led to a freaking mass of tentacles."
  243. >She looks at you
  244. >At the consoles
  245. >"I... I'm sorry man. But you're stuck. I'm stuck."
  246. >You're used to harder times
  247. >Being displaced
  248. >Not ever truly having a home to call your own
  249. >At least now, in the moment, this doesn't phase you beyond the sinking feeling of your heart dropping down to your gut
  250. >Your eyes lose their focus, enough that you get a slight head rush
  251. "So..."
  252. >You gulp
  253. "So what now? I'm here. I still have clothes. My boots aren't so bad."
  254. >"Well lucky for you, you have a sexy mare with a human fetish."
  255. "Really? Tell me it's Fluttershy. I always knew she was hard up for the HMD."
  256. >Your lifted spirit is met with the most bitter grimace
  257. >The chubby mare speaks in a slow, harsh tone
  258. >"I mean me, you fucking idiot."
  259. "...oh. Yeah. Well, I mean I haven't really done any appraisal yet so... you know."
  260. >You shrug away the tension
  261. >Or try to
  262. >You automatically feel a strong sense of kinship with the mare
  263. >But it's that familiar kinship... that comes from a console exclusive player and a desktop gaming player
  264. >Just enough unknown or not synced opinions to make small gaps feel that much wider
  265. >She huffs and whips her head back in a very showy attempt to show her disproval with class
  266. >Due to her less than stellar mane, it doesn't come across as some flowing cascade of inky black hotness
  267. "You know, you could really use a brushing."
  268. >"Yeah and I could really use a dicking too. Now find me someone who has both hands to hold a brush and a dick."
  269. >Her repeated blunt insertions are just...
  270. "Listen. You don't talk like this around that little zoomer, do you?"
  271. >Anon looks at you like you insulted her on an existential level
  272. >"Wha-no! Dude, you're the first thing that understands me in this world that I've been open to. I've told my story to rabbits, fish, turtles, timberwolf pups, fucking timber itself."
  273. >She shrugs and juts her head forward, as if to assert that those were not a sign of weakness
  274. >"I mean, I have to. I don't want to think I'm some schizo. But to ponies, I'm... well, I guess I'm kinda like how I was at home. Or how I wished I could be. I'm nice, I help out. I really undersell myself and let others give me praise instead. It's... worked out. I've kinda built up a life here. In Ponyville, I mean."
  275. >She nods upward
  276. >"I stay here a lot of the time but I got a few places all over. They're not big. They're... not even necessarily mine. But I have a few places..."
  277.  
  278. >She doesn't sound confident
  279. >"I don't have a ton either. I guess. Without computers or video games, I really didn't have a lot that I could want."
  280. "What have you done for so long?"
  281. >She looks you in the eye
  282. >"Masturbate, work, sleep, eat."
  283. >You shouldn't, but your mouth moves faster than your mind
  284. "So what were you doing before I popped up?"
  285. >"Multi-tasking."
  286. >You can't stop yourself from giving a twitch "heh"
  287. "...you're serious, aren't you."
  288. >"You have no idea how hard it is to feel truly satisfied when you have hooves, you can't physically touch yourself, and cleanup is a messy affair."
  289. "Or you're just a messy mare."
  290. >Another instinctual answer
  291. >This time she's the one to go "heh"
  292. >With a strong sigh, she nods to the side of her head
  293. >"I guess so."
  294. >With all of the cards laid out on the table and seemingly no secrets left, the bakery goes quiet
  295. "So what do I do?"
  296. >Anon looks at you
  297. >Even if her neutral expression is stoic, you can see some form of empathy present
  298. >"Let me talk to Twilight about getting some form of juice to your stuff. She owes me a favor. After that... well, you're a human. Big, strong, you don't look like a NEET. You can find work all over the place that I could never do. I'm not that strong or durable, but you could do an hour's worth of work in a third of the time I bet."
  299. >Enjoyment
  300. >And work
  301. >No matter where you are, you gotta have a way to pay for things and a way to stop yourself from thinking too hard on your situation
  302. "That works. Sure."
  303. >You don't want to be a charity case
  304. >But
  305. "I'm kinda hungry."
  306. >"So hungry you could eat out a horse?"
  307. "Almost."
  308. >She chuckles
  309. >"Sure. I can make a mean bear claw. I'll whip up a batch just for you. This place is crazy stocked all the time."
  310. >With a sudden bounce in her step, she gets up and goes beyond the display counter
  311. >"You can pay me back later with some of that HMD, 'kay?"
  312. >Whether or not you want to be, you're stuck
  313. >But you've been through worse
  314. >And with less friendly figures involved
  315. >You'll get through this too
  316.  
  317.  
  318. >"Wow, you really are a human like Anon said... and... your name is Anon too?"
  319. >The famous purple book-hungry legend herself is in your presence
  320. >With near a dozen books floating around her, spinning in an asymmetrical cycle
  321. "Yeah, that's right."
  322. >You can't really say too much in regards to the name
  323. >Maybe one day you can use your real name
  324. "It's a... common name. Like John. Or Lucas."
  325. >"I knew exactly one Lucas when I was a human, you know."
  326. >The green mare is around too
  327. >The bear claws are still in the oven
  328. >Twilight brings one journal to her face
  329. >A pair of quills start flitting away at the paper
  330. "Man... you seem a lot more powerful than season one..."
  331. >"Hey, shush about that sort of stuff. We aren't in canon, remember? You-know-who never got sent to you-know-where. So they never had to find the you-know-whats."
  332. >Anonmare leans over to whisper to you
  333. >Without it sounding like a whisper
  334. >Twilight doesn't seem to pay attention
  335. >"Please, keep talking. I'm drawing you as a real life example as a human. It's fascinating to see how Anon turned into a pony when coming here... but you're even wearing your normal human clothing too."
  336. >The mercurial swaying and swinging of books and quills stop without hesitation
  337. >"...Anon and Anon... oh my... is there perhaps something I can do to make it easier to differentiate between you two?"
  338. >Anon looks at you, momentarily at a loss for a quick answer
  339. >Adopting an old accent, you push out your jaw and lips
  340. "Why yesh you can. The name's Bond. Vaga Bond."
  341. >Twilight looks up at you to absorb the information
  342. >After a tick, she giggles
  343. >"Ha ha, I get it! Well... if you really don't mind it, Bond it is!"
  344. >With that, the magical literary circus resumes
  345. >Anon looks at you with a queer look
  346. >"You really hiding it?"
  347. "Look who's talking, "Anon"."
  348. >You shrug and keep your eyes on Twilight
  349. >She's more gorgeous than any art would suggest
  350. >Her mane is meticulously styled
  351. >Her eyes are sharp and focused
  352. >Her coat seems to be just long enough that you could imagine petting it for hours
  353. >Is it some form of early winter coat?
  354. >You glance back to Anon
  355. >Her mane is messy and chaotic
  356. >The chubby factor and dulled, perpetually concerned eyes are another stark contrast
  357. >The coat seems similar, if a little shorter
  358. >It truly is alien to be so much bigger than both of them
  359. "So Twilight."
  360. >"Yes, Mr. Bond?"
  361. >Twilight answers with an adorable giggle
  362. "I was told that you could power up my gadgets. They use electricity but if you outright blast them... well, they're going to just break."
  363. >"You were? Well I could try... but I'll need to hold onto them. You won't mind, right?"
  364. >You do mind
  365. >You aren't sure you want to be torn away from what few things you have
  366. >Worse, if your things get magically fried, you'll have nothing but scrap
  367. "Only if you can do your best to not ruin them. If Anon couldn't ever go back home, I don't think I can. And if I lose those too..."
  368.  
  369. >"I promise I won't let anything happen. In return, could you tell me more about yourself? Anon spent years telling me stories but..."
  370. >"But they weren't stories! See? My proof is sitting right here."
  371. >The audible friction between them is palpable
  372. "What's there to know?"
  373. >Twilight ignores Anon's temper and smiles with something uplifting enough to make nearly any man feel energized
  374. >"Why, everything! Who you are, where you came from, what your world is like. Anon told me a ton of things and this will not just corroborate her tales, but give me even more insight into humans!"
  375. >Her enthusiasm is genuine, no doubt
  376. >Anon grumbles something and trots off, leaving you to focus on the request
  377. "Well... why don't I start on the recent and go backward?"
  378. >"Yes, please! Don't worry about the flow, just go with it. But, uhm, please do tell me if you go back further in your life or not. Context."
  379. "Sure. Well... I used to live with my family. Until they moved. I had plans with moving in with a friend but he changed his mind for something that suited him better."
  380. >You aren't saying that happened recently
  381. >It had happened years ago
  382. >But that was the start of a lot of things for you
  383. >An awakening of a sort
  384. "Back then, I really didn't think about much. My stuff was my stuff. My room was my room. My food and so on... it was all just there. You know?"
  385. >"Go on."
  386. >The myriad of scribbling is a bit of a distraction
  387. >You feel self-conscious knowing that someone is paying such close attention to your words
  388. "Well. When push came to shove, I was kinda cast off. Everyone had theirs, and I was told to just... go find mine. At the time, I kept what little furniture I had in a storage unit, or threw it away. None of it was valuable enough to sell, and I didn't have the means or time to make a garage sale."
  389. >You don't think you were weak, per say, back then
  390. >But you were simply less experienced
  391. >How could you have done anything more, without guidance?
  392. "That taught me a lot. I had a couch to sleep on, from another friend. I had my hardware and gadgets and all kinds of things and..."
  393. >You shake your head
  394. >This suddenly feels all silly
  395. "Well. I've learned a lot since then. That was years ago."
  396. >"Noted."
  397. "Most recently, I just made the wrong choices. The choices didn't directly lead to me losing everything... but they were a failure on my part all the same."
  398. >You don't feel like you should go too deeply into detail
  399. >At least, not so readily
  400. "Last I recall, I went to a gym."
  401. >"A gym?"
  402. "Yeah."
  403. >"To take your mind off of things?"
  404. >You chuckle and pick at your fingernails
  405. "Nah, nothing could do that. You get a gym membership, you always have a bathroom and shower. Twenty-four seven. I didn't really like it because you do it enough times and people recognize you but... a way's a way, right?"
  406. >"I do. I'm sorry you had to do that. What happened when you were in your gym?"
  407. "Well I was taking a shower. And I went back to my car-"
  408. >"An automobile?"
  409.  
  410. "That's the one. I just went to shut my eyes and woke up in Canterlot. I had the clothes on my back, my pockets full, and my clothes and gadgets in a trash bag. I didn't have anything else with me since this time was... more sudden. I didn't have a chance to prepare."
  411. >Twilight breaks eye contact from one of her journals
  412. >"Does this mean that you met Princess Celestia?"
  413. >Good ol' Sunbutt
  414. "No, of course not. I woke up in some sort of... closet. I managed to sneak out before anyone saw me and then I saw a leatherworker."
  415. >You drag up a hand and point to your rucksack
  416. "Strapping, Sling & Offspring. I recommend them. The son took interest in some of my stuff so I... kinda traded away some things and they made that in exchange. I wager they think my old college ID will be kept as a trophy, or sold as some antique one day."
  417. >That wasn't the... precise order of things
  418. >But it's clean
  419. >Safe
  420. >Appropriate for recording and eventual retelling
  421. >"Wow... I haven't heard of them before."
  422. >Anon loudly coughs from wherever she is
  423. >"Bear claws are almost ready! Hungry, dear?"
  424. >Twilight holds up a hoof
  425. >"Yes, please!"
  426. "Sorry if I'm leaving out details. I guess I'm... not the best story teller. I'm surprised you wanted to interview me so quickly."
  427. >"It's alright, Mr. Bond!"
  428. >She can't seem to be able to say that without laughter
  429. >"I'm very excited to learn more about humans. And, if you're new to our land, I'm happy to help you! From the sound of things, it seems like Anon will be happy to help too."
  430. >That's one way to put it
  431. "Yeah, sure."
  432. >Despite the very open offer, you don't resist your need to ask
  433. "I don't want to cause any waves. Do you know a good place I could spend a few nights?"
  434. >You rattle off your internal checklist
  435. >First concern?
  436. >Safety
  437. >Well you're in Ponyville...
  438. >So you're pretty safe
  439. >Next is lodging
  440. >That is higher up than food to you
  441. >"Hey, I mentioned my bed already! It's a done deal!"
  442. >More shouting from across the bakery
  443. >You don't say anything but you gesture to the source of the voice
  444. >Twilight nods
  445. >She probably knows Anon well enough
  446. "I just... I want to be alone for a while, at least when it's time to wind down. Give my mind a chance to slow down. Especially if I really am... here. Which means I'm not going back."
  447. >It took a good amount of willpower to not say "back home"
  448. >As if you could ever have actually gone back to the last place you considered your home
  449. >"I understand, Mr. B."
  450. >Not a giggle
  451. >But still a knowing smile
  452. >"Anon may have told you, but I helped set her up with a number of temporary places she can stay. Of course, it also changes what her job is for the day, but she's very talented! I could ask around and maybe you could sleep at one of the other locations if you want privacy?"
  453. >If it's a network Twilight is a part of, it must be legit
  454. "What kind of jobs has she done?"
  455.  
  456. >"Well she can bake, clean, count really well, good at taking notes..."
  457. >Twilight's eyes search over the room like she's trying to remember all of the petty sounding skills
  458. >"You know you could have asked me, right?"
  459. >Twilight is ignoring the bitter commentary...
  460. >You aren't so sure if you can do the same
  461. >"It's a lot, I can assure you!"
  462. "Sounds legit."
  463. >You're surprised Anon could find work at all
  464. >You half imagined her to be some sort of charity case
  465. "Well I can do a bit more than that. I don't want any handouts, I'll work for what I need to."
  466. >With the show and continuity hiccups in mind, you press on something with a bit of hope
  467. "I've... heard of the local mail mare. Derpy Hooves. Would she need help with her routes by chance...?"
  468. >There's no use of the Elements of Harmony
  469. >But that shouldn't erase her from existence
  470. >Right?
  471. >Twilight lights up, as if she weren't already illuminated by your alien tales
  472. >"Now that is an excellent idea! I can look at you now; all packages sorted, delivered, and kept safe no matter the turbulence!"
  473. "It helps that I don't like crashing into things. And that I walk everywhere. Because of the lack of wings."
  474. >"I'm sold! I'll contact Derpy tomorrow. If you don't mind getting up early, would you like to join me? We can do breakfast while we're at it; my way to welcome you to Ponyville. And to Equestria!"
  475. >Nice
  476. >Being somewhat polite and networking has worked in your favor yet again
  477. >You don't know how much that sort of work would pay, but you never saw Derpy want for anything
  478. >She's pretty cute too
  479. >As if on time, Anon comes out, balancing a plate on her head and her rump
  480. >"Speaking of breakfast, hot claws coming through!"
  481. >She gets in between you and Twilight and turns toward the purple book horse
  482. >She bows down, tilting the plate off of her mane with some skill
  483. >"That one's all yours, feel free to grab it how you like."
  484. >You see the plate
  485. >And a mix of pink in all of that green
  486. >And some darker shades of green, now that you see the details
  487. >You take the plate, flustered enough that Twilight clears her throat
  488. "T... thanks."
  489. >"Any time, champ. And I do mean "any"."
  490. >"T-thank you, Anon! These look lovely, your recipe is really starting to make me wonder if even Pinkie will be able to stand up to them during the next bake sale!"
  491. >Anon , smug and full of self worth, puffs out her chest and trots back to behind the counter
  492. >"Anypony want anything to drink?"
  493. >"I'm good, thank you!"
  494. "Milk please."
  495. >Your answer comes out so naturally, you only realize what you said after noticing what you caught an eyeful of
  496. >Twilight seems to notice this and gives you an embarrassed smile
  497. >She lowers her voice
  498. >"Anon is a little... forward at times. I don't remember the last time I've seen her be this confident."
  499. "I noticed."
  500. >At least you aren't forced to play along like this isn't all happening the way it is
  501. "So where is Pinkie, anyway? I didn't know she shared with Anon here."
  502.  
  503. >"Oh, she's with her family! Every now and again she visits home for a few weeks. She's a super duper party planner... but I think that after a lot of parties, she goes from super duper to super poopered out."
  504. "Ah, nice. I can see that. What better way to recharge those batteries than to rock out with her smock out?"
  505. >"Anon used to say the same thing! But with a different word... is that a human saying?"
  506. >And what word could that possibly be, you wonder...
  507. "It has to be."
  508. >Anon comes back, balancing a glass of milk on her head
  509. >She looks sly, like this is an accomplishment to pull off
  510. >To be fair, you are impressed
  511. >"Straight from the tap."
  512. >You glance at Twilight
  513. >The subtle nod she give tells you that she doesn't mean that tap
  514. >You take the glass
  515. >The milk is cold so it's definitely not from the proverbial tap
  516. "Thanks, lass."
  517. >The compliment has a visible effect in cheering up the mare
  518. >Despite the fatigued aura emanating from her, it is at least offset by a genuine smile
  519. >"You hear that, Purple? I'm a lass."
  520. >"That's right, I heard."
  521. >Out of nowhere, you get the most curious sense of deja vu
  522. >Of a teacher watching her unlikely pupil grow
  523. >Where have you felt that sense of earnest pride mixed with the acceptance of lowered expectations?
  524. >The milk tastes nice
  525. >You haven't had milk in years
  526. >The bear claw itself is positively crunchy, but soft on the inside
  527. >"I got some pushback before but I insist on swapping out the almond paste with hazelnut. Trust me, I know which nuts are the best. Mr. Bond."
  528. >Twilight, while not visibly perturbed, scribbles something into one of her journals
  529. "Y... yeah. In this instance? I agree. Hazelnut is exceptionally hard to beat."
  530. >The texture is different enough but it melts on your tongue
  531. >Twilight scarfs her pastry down
  532. >You aren't afraid of them being spiked but it is reassuring to see her eat so freely
  533. "So, to recap so I know how to prepare. Wear something professional for the post office and help out Derpy as needed, right? Ponyville doesn't look like the biggest place in the world so I just need a map or something."
  534. >"That's right! I'll meet you there. If I send a letter to Princess Celestia, she will surely figure out a good wage for you. I'm sure she's aware of us finally getting a human friend to visit."
  535. >That sounds promising
  536. >But if that's the case, why didn't anyone roll out the red carpet for Anon?
  537. >"Hey, mind if I go and help out too?"
  538. >Anon chirps up, desperate to be a part of the conversation
  539. "Don't you have here to watch out for?"
  540. >"Nah. Tomorrow is my usual marathon ma..."
  541. >Anon's eyes narrow and shift to Twilight
  542. >Twilight is as nonplussed as can be, smiling
  543. >With just a tiny bit of bear claw shrapnel on the corner of her mouth
  544. >"Marathon... math... problem... solving..."
  545. >"Please don't get the pages wet again, Anon."
  546. >It's true what they say about females who are too casual with their conversations
  547. "...alright. So... battery power?"
  548. >"Yes! I'll look into those after I leave."
  549. >Bitchin'
  550.  
  551. >With a sense of dread, you surrendered one of your electronics to Twilight
  552. >One of your battery banks
  553. >If it charges, doesn't blow up, and can even charge your other items?
  554. >That's a big step up
  555. >If it fails?
  556. >You at least have the other one
  557. >"I'll leave you two alone, thank you for the interview! Remember, bright and early tomorrow!"
  558. >Like that, you're left alone with Anon again
  559. >"Purple is always like that, you know. Helpful, all smiles. It's hard to tell what she's thinking sometimes."
  560. >So you don't feel so useless, you've opted to do some dishes
  561. >You didn't know there was a stack of plates up in Anon's room
  562. >Somehow you aren't so shocked
  563. "Well, it sounds like she got me a job. So that works."
  564. >"It sure does. When I was a filly, I remembered a lot more about how to do things but I just... couldn't, here. Even writing sucked. Do you know how hard it is to write with your fucking mouth?"
  565. "No, and I'm thankful I won't have to know."
  566. >Anon trots in circles behind you, watching you wash
  567. >"Fucking hands too... do you know how hard it is to wash stuff with hooves? I'm basically a walking, talking fleshlight over here."
  568. >You can imagine
  569. >You've always had to work with your hands in one way or another
  570. >Lot of dumb muscle work, especially
  571. >You couldn't do that if you were smaller or clumsier
  572. >Even now, you may be able to really impress everyone just by virtue of being able to more carefully organize and deliver mail
  573. >"I said I'm basically a walking, talking fleshlight."
  574. >The last times you were a hobo, you usually had a job
  575. >Accumulating money wasn't the hard part
  576. >Finding a place to live was
  577. >Friends or family could help out
  578. >If you had any
  579. >Any sort of hotel would be three times the price of an apartment
  580. >Apartments would go up in price every year
  581. >And the furnishing
  582. >Fuck furnishing, even filling the fridge or freezer would take such a high amount
  583. >Your clothing would have cost nearly a grand alone if it weren't for the sales they had
  584. >At least they're all durable
  585. >Meant to be resistant to cuts, scraps, punctures
  586. >Everything needed for a roaming v-
  587. >"Look at me before I scream, you fucking fag."
  588. >That snaps you out of your near meditative state
  589. >You roll your eyes and half-turn to see the green mare openly presenting to you
  590. >"I'm a fleshlight. And I'm free."
  591. >You can only be coy in pretending that you don't know mare anatomy well
  592. >Whatever spark was stoked has led to a full forest fire
  593. >And the fire marshal is out to lunch
  594. "You're something alright."
  595. >You're not gonna lie
  596. >Cranking it in the woods isn't your precise cup of tea
  597. >But your mind is just too occupied to fall victim to the coomer ways
  598. >You turn back to focus on the dishes
  599. >How in the world does a pony use soapy water without tasting the soap after?
  600. >Or is it that they don't use the soap and the dishes are covered in pony saliva?
  601. >...
  602. >You hope the dishes you grabbed were only coated in mouth saliva
  603. >A frustrated growl comes from behind
  604. >"You fucking loser, what's the deal?"
  605.  
  606. "What's what deal?"
  607. >You can talk and wash
  608. >Best to not look at the green pony, lest you encourage her
  609. >"Your deal! Twilight said she'll get you a job, you're gonna be paid by Sunbutt herself, now isn't the time to fucking do dishes and mope around! Now's the time to fuck the everloving shit out of some poor, abandoned pony into loving you!"
  610. >There is anger in her voice
  611. >True fury
  612. >You know that tone
  613. >You've spoken in that tone
  614. >Like a tempting poison, it has made you look for reasons to deploy it
  615. >But the tone, itself, is poisoned with something else
  616. >Desperation
  617. >Madness
  618. >Something you wouldn't call healthy
  619. "Nah. Thanks, I'm not into the nohooves. But right now... I don't know. I just got a lot to think about right now."
  620. >Your hands are bright pink from how hot the water is
  621. >It's just hot enough to make you want to stop
  622. >But not hot enough where you need to stop
  623. >"What's to think about? You aren't going to find anywhere better than here, you know. You aren't going to make any friends better than the ones you'll find here."
  624. >The mare's voice turns bitter
  625. >Snide
  626. >"You aren't ever going home, man. You're going to die here."
  627. >It isn't just her words that caused your body to react
  628. >And it wasn't just that poking, trollish tone to help rub it in
  629. >It was that it was true
  630. >It takes you a second to realize what you just did
  631. >You turned around and whipped a plate down, vertically
  632. >It shattered into dozens of pieces, maybe a foot away from the mare's flank
  633. >The look in her eye
  634. >It's the look that comes from being told "you're going to die here"
  635. >Neither of you move
  636. >Or blink
  637. >Or breathe
  638. >That poison
  639. >So deliciously bolstering
  640. >You could do worse
  641. >You could do so much worse
  642. >If you really were fine with the consequences
  643. "I need a broom."
  644. >What felt like entire minutes of silence ended in a second by your demand
  645. >You wouldn't apologize
  646. >You learned that apologies are weakness
  647. >You don't necessarily believe it
  648. >Even if people do take advantage of weakness
  649. >Anon, fearful and shocked, just nods
  650. >You return to your washing
  651. >God damn it
  652. >You aren't the sort to do that
  653. >And you aren't the sort of dipshit to ruin someone else's items
  654. >What if that was a priceless family plate?
  655. >What then, vagrant?
  656. >You refuse to budge from your spot or stop until you finish the rest of the dishes
  657. >You check every single one to see if they're somehow stamped or have a factory mark
  658. >No dice
  659. >All of them look like they're hand painted
  660. >Hoof painted?
  661. >Ponies probably paint with their mouths too, don't they
  662. >By the end of it all, your hands are pruned up and raw
  663. >Fuck
  664. >"I got that broom for you."
  665. >Mare's voice again
  666. >She sounds quiet
  667. >Meek
  668. "Thanks."
  669. >You should clean up but you just stand there
  670. >You'll move when you're ready
  671. >When your legs don't feel like boulders
  672. >"I'm sorry. I really am."
  673. >The tremble in your lip and jaw says you are better off not responding
  674. >Who knows what poison you'll spit
  675.  
  676. >You count to ten
  677. >Inhale
  678. >Count to eight
  679. >Exhale
  680. >You aren't so focused that you can stick with the ten second rule
  681. >Playing Wolfenstein taught you that
  682. >It works
  683. >Not because breathing itself helps, but because counting and focusing your mind on something so small distracts you from what's angering you
  684. >It's not a way to sooth, but more distract until there is a natural subside
  685. >Six cycles in, you finally turn around
  686. >The broom is comically small but you make it work
  687. >The wood section the plate impacted has just the tiniest bumps
  688. >A scar, to always remind others of your failure
  689. >Something that could go back to impact you down the line in unknown ways
  690. >Anon thought well enough ahead to include a dust pan
  691. >Without a word, she points you to the back door
  692. >You duck out just long enough to dump the evidence of your failure
  693. >With the matter settled as well as it could be, you return to the front where your limited property is spread out
  694. >That is all that you own
  695. >Not even a plate of your own
  696. >Or a spoon
  697. >You don't even own a fucking spoon
  698. >Anon tries to hide the volume of her hooves clopping on the floor while returning to you
  699. >"I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me. You're the only guy I've ever met since I was reborn here. If you go off and... just go. I don't know if I'll be able to keep up."
  700. >Her pitiable tone and stance is as defeated as you imagine a pony can look
  701. >You still can't answer
  702. >You don't have it in you to pursue this circle jerk of emotions
  703. >You've already been there and done that
  704. >"You can do whatever you want. I won't tell anypony."
  705. >It's a sorrowful admission
  706. >Acceptance for the inevitable
  707. >So why not take her up on it?
  708. >You grab the bootleg Gameboy
  709. "Come here. You ever see something like this?"
  710. >Since you're talking about something you like, it's natural to sound excited
  711. >Anon's brow lowers at it
  712. >"It's... a Gameboy. But it has shoulder buttons?"
  713. "Yup. It can emulate PSP games too."
  714. >"You're kidding."
  715. "Nope. Lemme show you what I have on it. Last I checked, I have around eight hundred games on it. As far back as the Super Nofriendo to as recent as PSP, and everything in between."
  716. >You scoot back until your back is too the wall
  717. >You sit with your legs open wide
  718. >Taking the cue, Anon skitters to your front with haste
  719. >She sits between your legs, openly pushing back on your front
  720. >With your arms back in front of you, both of you can see the screen
  721. "I used the last of my bank to charge this up. It's at 100% now, so that's around five or so hours. Lot better than the Deck or Switch."
  722. >"Jesus. What did it cost you?"
  723. "About the price of two big name games."
  724. >You won't lie
  725. >Having any sort of warm body in contact with you is nice
  726. >You haven't touched another living being in months
  727. >You probably haven't had a hug in... at least four years
  728. "Now I'm gonna start scrolling. You find something you like, I'll play it."
  729. >"...that's pretty sweet. You got Battletoads?"
  730. "Don't be a faggot."
  731.  
  732. >It feels warm
  733. >You haven't felt this warm in a while
  734. >You miss her
  735. >Silly and high-maintenance
  736. >Took years to adjust to people
  737. >But she was your best buddy
  738. >If only you could have made smarter choices that first time, you...
  739. >...
  740. >...
  741. >. . . ?
  742. >You sharply inhale and bring your head up
  743. >You fell asleep
  744. >You look down and see the chubby green mare cozied up to you
  745. >Not just cozied up
  746. >But pressed hard into you
  747. >You feel your shirt sticking to you
  748. >It's near her mouth so you can only presume it's that sort of drool
  749. >Your handheld is...
  750. >You press the power button
  751. >Good, it automatically shut off
  752. >61% power
  753. >The clock on it was off even when you were on earth, by around six hours
  754. >You never felt the need to change the date on it
  755. >Given it seems to be even further away from the apparent time here...
  756. >It's the equivalent of maybe midnight
  757. "Ah... crap."
  758. >You missed out on your chance for a dinner
  759. >You're a bit thirsty
  760. >And you really aren't that comfortable on the wood floor
  761. >At least dirt and grass eventually yields
  762. >You nudge at the mare
  763. >Whether or not she's tired, you need to get up
  764. "Hey, wake up. You need to go to bed."
  765. >The response you get is a drawn out groan
  766. >"I'm ok. You can be my bed."
  767. >Somehow you were expecting that
  768. "Get up. I need to pee."
  769. >Silence
  770. >You get the feeling that she's trying to find a way to talk you out of moving
  771. >"...Yeah, I got nothing. Make liquid with your solid snake."
  772. >She drags herself to her hooves and moves just far away to safely plop back down
  773. >You make your way outside into the crisp Ponyville night life
  774. >If there is any night life
  775. >It's dead quiet out, safe for the nocturnal life
  776. >It really is picturesque
  777. >The sky, too...
  778. >Those aren't just satellites
  779. >Those are all stars
  780. >You watch the sky while following the main road out into the wilderness
  781. >You don't like the lack of toilet paper so after doing your business, you grab some leaves to at least attempt to dry yourself with
  782. >Washing machines that fit human clothes are few and far between
  783. >You may have bathed in a far-too-chilly stream a few times but you haven't been able to snag any soap for yourself either
  784. >You can argue whether or not the lack of security is a mind killer
  785. >Or your inability to prepare food in any way
  786. >But feeling dirty
  787. >Feeling like an animal
  788. >The sheer accumulation of dirt
  789. >Disgusting
  790. >You don't rush to go back to the bakery
  791. >You don't have anywhere you need to be, and you can't just stop dead asleep
  792. >It gives you a chance to see at least a good portion of Ponyville
  793. >The houses
  794. >The sparse lamp lights that almost aren't even needed
  795. >The lack of stranger or danger
  796. >Except for you
  797. >Even if you don't have any intention of being hostile, how many ponies would know that?
  798. >They freaked out about a zebra
  799. >You're at least three levels of weirder by clothing and accent alone
  800. "I don't get how you can live in this place and be so..."
  801.  
  802. >Bored?
  803. >Mal-adjusted?
  804. >You can see how it would suck
  805. >But you can also see how much better it could be
  806. >Start fresh
  807. >Fit in
  808. >How hard could it be to have a normal job?
  809. >Be able to afford whatever you want, without a lifetime of bills?
  810. >But Anon...
  811. >You shrug
  812. "Who's to say if I would do any better?"
  813. >You would probably go crazy if you kept all of your old memories
  814. >Or if you left behind anyone
  815. >Or if they even remember you
  816. >Or care
  817. >Would anyone truly care if you were never found again?
  818. >The train of thought, turning sour, makes you divert down another road
  819. >One house is still lit up
  820. >Sounds like Mayor Mare practicing a speech
  821. >That's a silly pony right there
  822. >Maybe it's time to head back
  823. "At least most of my clothes are still clean. Always a good pillow in a pinch."
  824. >Maybe this time if you wake up, you'll be back in your car
  825. >The hopeful impossibility sticks to your mind all the way back to the bakery
  826. >You should be surprised to see Anon sitting outside
  827. >Waiting for you
  828. >But you aren't
  829. "You normally stay up so late?"
  830. >"I couldn't sleep knowing that some human could be out there raping ponies."
  831. >You scoff and blow her off with a lazy hand gesture
  832. "Please. If even a quarter of them act like you do, I'd have gotten at least five invitations to share a bed that's a bit too tiny."
  833. >You don't think you would be able to take them up on the offer though
  834. >"So... this mean that if I want you to come up to my room, you won't?"
  835. >As tempted as you are to say "yes"...
  836. "No. That's alright. It's not mine and, technically, it isn't yours either."
  837. >You walk past her back into the building
  838. >Even at night, the smell of fresh sweetness makes you think a batch of cupcakes were finished just minutes ago
  839. >You could kill for some banana bread, personally
  840. >Without ceremony, you kick off your boots, scoop up some of your clothes, and lay down
  841. >If you lay just right, you don't feel the floor poking at your ribs
  842. >Much better
  843. >Anon flops down in front of you, her head landing next to yours
  844. >Uncomfortably close
  845. >Gazing at you
  846. "Can I help you?"
  847. >"A good night kiss would be nice."
  848. "Dream on, horse-shaped witty insult."
  849. >You close your eyes and inhale
  850. >You don't need to see to tell that she's pushed her face closer to yours now
  851. >You're breathing her breath
  852. >"...just a little one?"
  853. >You huff and puff
  854. >You aim to blow in her face to show her wh-
  855. >She leans in and steals a kiss
  856. >God damn it
  857. >You aren't so spastic that you feel bothered by this, but you just aren't in the mood, this isn't the time or place
  858. >And to be honest, you're just not into that shit right now
  859. >You get distracted, you're screwed
  860. >"Tee-hee."
  861. >Her monotone voice has the most minimal sign of elation
  862. >"Now I can't get married."
  863.  
  864. "You can't get married because you're annoying."
  865. >"Wrong, I can't get married because the stallions are normies and I scare them."
  866. >She is not moving away
  867. >You flip sides
  868. >Rather face the wall than deal with this
  869. "It's not that they're normies, you're just a pain in the ass."
  870. >With a definitive grunt, you finish your argument
  871. "Now go to bed. I got work in the morning. Not all of us can bounce from house to house and do the bare minimum."
  872. >That seemed to hit some form of nerve
  873. >You hear hooves clopping and a grunt
  874. >"Yeah well... maybe you should stop trying to act like you're so above it all, dude. If I were Twilight you'd be balls deep so fast her horn would spin."
  875. >Whether or not that is true, you don't answer
  876. >If you just ignore her, she'll go away
  877. >...
  878. >Probably like what a lot of ponies already do
  879. >You can tell that she isn't moving away
  880. >It's just that feeling
  881. >"...You know, I have a Halloween horn. I can pretend to be a unicorn."
  882. "Good night, fat discount Twiggy."
  883. >That elicits an excited giggle
  884. >She wasn't expecting you to play along with that
  885. >As long as it lets you go to sleep
  886.  
  887. >Morning sun comes too quick
  888. >You slept like the dead but you could honestly be fine with sleeping another hour
  889. >Or eight
  890. >The urge to sleep has never been so strong, when things are so overall stressful
  891. >You can do your best to stay focused and keep a hard nose
  892. >But you'd give a lot to just be able to chill for a few days and play video games without concern
  893. >Deciding against being a bother, you pack up your rucksack and sit outside
  894. >Twilight should be on her way
  895. >Or Derpy
  896. >Someone should be getting to you soon
  897. >A number of ponies are out already
  898. >A lot of them look at you like you're an alien but all you do is wave at them
  899. >Most return a wave and a smile
  900. >That must be all it really takes to win over the local fauna
  901. >Twilight does eventually show up
  902. >Chipper, bright, eager for the day
  903. >Given the number of anons that love her so deeply, would they be able to compliment that drive?
  904. >"Good morning, Mr. B! Have a good sleep?"
  905. "Naturally."
  906. >As amused as ever, she pays no mind at the ponies listening in on their conversation before wandering off
  907. >"How was your first night in Ponyville? I'm sorry I couldn't provide anything better. I'm sure Anon..."
  908. >She purposefully trails off
  909. >As if you're supposed to fill in the details
  910. "Was fine. I just slept on the floor, where my bag was."
  911. >She looks surprised
  912. >"Really? I'm sure she would have offered you her room."
  913. "No, she did. But I'm still a worthless bum. I got bigger concerns."
  914. >Your harsh view more seems to bring out sadness than anything else
  915. >"Oh my, that isn't the case at all! Every pony goes through some tough times, sometimes. Even Anon went through some rough spots!"
  916. >You aren't looking for some sort of pity party
  917. >But you also don't want to drag this out
  918. "I suppose so. But for the now, was the post office somewhere I could help out with?"
  919. >"Absolutely! You'll do great! But our main mailmare is a little..."
  920.  
  921. "Derpy?"
  922. >"Yeah! You've met her?"
  923. "I've heard some stories."
  924. >"That's great! I'll lead the way for us."
  925. >You shuck your ruck with a grunt and a buck
  926. "So how-"
  927. >"So how-"
  928. >Twilight laughs at the simultaneous question
  929. >"Ha ha, I'm sorry. What were you going to ask?"
  930. >She's certainly a kind one, isn't she?
  931. "Ah, sorry. I was going to ask how that battery bank was going. Do you have much electricity in Equestria?"
  932. >"Of course we do! Have you ever heard of Maretropolis or Manehattan?"
  933. "Vaguely, I don't remember those episodes."
  934. >"Ha, Anon said the same things! What about Fillydelphia?"
  935. "I've heard it's always sunny there."
  936. >"I wish! One of my pen pals is from there and she says it rains a whole lot this time of year."
  937. "So that means we should be good?"
  938. >"I think so! I don't know how to... plug it in? But if that doesn't work right, we can always use a bit of good ol' fashion magic!"
  939. "That... that's safe. Right?"
  940. >"Of course! I think."
  941. >Great
  942. >You may lose your battery bank but in return you'll have an electro-magic bomb
  943. >You can commit war crimes despite not being at war with anyone
  944. >"Ta-da! The Ponyville post office!"
  945. >Twilight makes a sharp right and strikes a pose in front of...
  946. >To be honest, it doesn't look like a post office that you know of
  947. >It just looks like a small house
  948. >The two comically sized letter envelopes on the roof do help show that the place, indeed, is the final word in letters
  949. >"Derpy may be out running a few errands but she'll be here soon! There's also Parcel Post! He's our post master, so I think he'll be your main boss. He's an earth pony like Anon, so the good news is that you won't have to ride a blimp to follow him around!"
  950. >She smiles with a squee
  951. >It lasts only long enough for her to get lost in thought
  952. >"...She's a pegasus. In case you didn't know."
  953. "So I've heard.
  954.  
  955. >New jobs are always rough
  956. >You feel out of place
  957. >You're surrounded by things you have no context over
  958. >Even if you're familiar with the basics, there are thousands of little details that you just don't know
  959. >...
  960. >The post office doesn't feel like a new job
  961. >Or even a job at all, honestly
  962. >Parcel Post was happy to meet you, even if you towered over him
  963. >It took no time at all to sort out letters and packages by name
  964. >All thirty of them
  965. >Apparently that was a moderate day
  966. >You never saw Derpy but you didn't mind
  967. >You talked hobbies a lot
  968. >He had over two hundred types of stamps
  969. >You discussed your own hobbies
  970. >You doubt you could enjoy them in Equestria
  971. >You were tempted to ask him about how the mares were...
  972. >But you got the idea that he didn't care too much about them
  973. >Not in that particular way
  974. >But still a bro
  975. >"Oh, by the way! A package for you. We had such a good day, I almost forgot about it."
  976. "Yeah?"
  977. >He chomps down on a box from beneath his sorting desk, whipping it up into the air
  978. >It lands on your desk without even a single bounce
  979. "...Woah. Nice sling, king."
  980. >You rotate it as if it were some Resident Evil key item
  981. >It's professionally wrapped, sealed, stamped and everything
  982. >But it's lacking a "to" or "from"
  983. >You carefully rip into it
  984. >But who can truly be careful when it feels like Christmas?
  985. >The box itself is merely a fa├žade
  986. >Inside is a large fabric pouch
  987. >On it is a pair of embroidered letter envelopes
  988. "It's not empty."
  989. >"Nope... looks pretty full, if you ask me."
  990. >It isn't
  991. >You open the bag, noting that it can be closed again through a woven cord
  992. >Coins
  993. >True blue Equestrian coinage
  994. >You thought you'd see Celestia's face on them
  995. >Or her butt
  996. "...How much is in here?"
  997. >"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiit's enough to pay for two weeks' worth of wages. And a little extra."
  998. >You're at a complete loss
  999. >You look at the smiling postal dork
  1000. "You're kidding. I can't take this."
  1001. >"Sure you can! It means you'll be here for the next two weeks at least, right?"
  1002. >You want to ask where he got the money from
  1003. >Was it his own?
  1004. >Twilight?
  1005. >Sunbutt?
  1006. "Well. Yeah. Of course, yeah."
  1007. >There was no way you were going up just up and leave now
  1008. >At least not until you worked enough to cover the amount you were actually paid
  1009. "I don't know what to say. How much is this?"
  1010. >"Enough where you can take care of yourself, Bond."
  1011. >Oh yeah
  1012. >You did give him that goofy alias
  1013. "Thanks. I will. I... uh."
  1014. >You're not really sure what to do next
  1015. "I'll do that."
  1016. >Without much else, you grab the pouch, toss it from hand to hand a few times... and fasten the cord to one of your belt loops
  1017. >Maybe it's a little tacky to have on display
  1018. >But fuck it, you're no longer dirt poor
  1019. >You reclaim your rucksack, lingering out of a sense of...
  1020. >Is it guilt?
  1021. "Thanks for the help, Post. I mean it."
  1022. >"If that's true, then you're gonna help me sort my new batch of Saddle Arabian stamps! They're due in two days."
  1023. "Bring 'em on."
  1024. >If work in Equestria is this easy, how bad could Anon have it?
  1025.  
  1026.  
  1027. >You were confident when you left
  1028. >With your pay received in advance, what could you do?
  1029. >In a rush, you had to ask what you couldn't do
  1030. >You could eat like a king, finally
  1031. >Rent a room
  1032. >Have a hot shower
  1033. >The possibilities were limitless
  1034. >Until it landed
  1035. >The momentary euphoria was eroded by the sinking feeling of not knowing what anything cost
  1036. >Would five bits be equivalent of five bucks?
  1037. >How much was even five bucks, back home?
  1038. >You didn't count your coinage, so you don't have a precise measurement of how long it can last you
  1039. >And that's all you're getting for the next two weeks from there
  1040. >No
  1041. >This isn't an opportunity to celebrate, even if you had something worth celebrating
  1042. >This is just a shaky first step forward
  1043. >The first of a thousand
  1044. >Having gracefully defeated your own elation, you head back to Sugarcube Corner
  1045. >Exhaustion and a thick blanket of malaise dictate that sleep is more important
  1046. >Real sleep
  1047. >Not just an uncomfortable nap where you wake up to check your phone every two hours
  1048. >Not like you'll ever have to worry about reception again
  1049. >No one's at the bakery, which is hard to believe
  1050. >Maybe it's because Pinkie's out and Anon is in
  1051. >You don't think you'd be a regular customer either if the staff on duty was some fat green pervert
  1052. >You set your rucksack down to the side as soon as you enter, taking a seat beside it
  1053. >At least now you can count your bits
  1054. >Eighty
  1055. >What does that mean to you?
  1056. >It isn't even a hundred
  1057. >If you look at food, you're screwed on being able to cook or really prepare anything
  1058. >So that means the pony equivalent of fast food
  1059. >Whatever fast food you can eat
  1060. >You can buy tools...
  1061. >How many weeks' worth of pay will that take?
  1062. >Where will you stay during that time, and how much will that cost?
  1063. >You really want to just sleep
  1064. >All of these unknowns are really starting to dig into your head
  1065. >Moving is easy
  1066. >Being in the moment means you don't have time to second guess or hesitate
  1067. >But now you have nearly an entire day before you go back to work
  1068. >Twilight hasn't confirmed if she can recharge your gadgets
  1069. >If she can't, what then?
  1070. >Are you just going to hold onto pieces of plastic that don't hold any further practical value?
  1071. >You already got rid of your wallet and IDs
  1072. >Of course, you can always track those down and buy them back whenever you get the means
  1073. >"Woah, look at Mr. Moneybags here. That the only sack you're gonna empty in front of me?"
  1074. >How long has Anon been sitting there?
  1075. >She looks impressed
  1076. >And like she just woke up
  1077. "One sack too many as is. Do you know how much this is?"
  1078. >She nods
  1079. >And yawns
  1080. >And is still yawning
  1081. >...
  1082. >...
  1083. >...
  1084. >It's still going
  1085. >Is she doing this on purpose?
  1086. >Stopping herself from nearly falling back, she focuses her glazed over eyes to your stacks of bits
  1087. >"Enough where we could eat like a Princess for a month."
  1088. "No, fuck that. I need to start a nest egg and buy some gear."
  1089. >"Gonna shoot up your workplace already?"
  1090.  
  1091. "I'd rather start here with you as my main target."
  1092. >"Fill me with even more holes. Thanks."
  1093. >You ignore her train of commentary
  1094. >It won't lead to anything worthwhile
  1095. "I need cooking utensils. Camping gear. Stuff that'll be worthwhile."
  1096. >"Why? You don't need to cook when ponies have invented beds."
  1097. >You calmly communicate to Anon that she is a complete jackass through a harsh stare
  1098. "You see a bed around here?"
  1099. >"No, because this is the where the bakery is. Dumbass."
  1100. >You've just about had it wi-
  1101. >"But my bed is pretty big, you know. Same with wherever I end up going next."
  1102. >You think you recall hearing something about that
  1103. "You or Twilight mentioned that you don't have any singular home, right?"
  1104. >"Yup. Pretty sweet deal, I hardly have to clean up after myself."
  1105. >She sounds almost proud of herself
  1106. "Why?"
  1107. >Anon shrugs it off like it's nothing
  1108. >"Equestrian NEETbux, I guess. I work a little, I help out with stuff, I let ponies poke me about Earth and I get to live easy."
  1109. >Given she's the only pony you've seen in such a state, you can't help but wonder...
  1110. "How much do you actually remember about Earth?"
  1111. >"Enough. I remember vidya pretty well, and anime. Imagine explaining Evangelion to ponies. And then saying that it's one of the most popular animes ever."
  1112. "Do you even remember Evangelion that well?"
  1113. >Anon doesn't look so confident
  1114. >"Well... yeah. Who doesn't remember the key details?"
  1115. "How long have you even been here? Obviously, enough to grow up from. What did you say, you were reborn?"
  1116. >Anon sighs
  1117. >She rolls her eyes to try to shrug it away
  1118. >"I remember enough. Maybe I remember more about being a pony than being a human, but so what? That doesn't change the fact that I am a human."
  1119. "Was."
  1120. >"Same difference."
  1121. >Not really
  1122. "...You remember how old you were, at least?"
  1123. >"No."
  1124. "Last job?"
  1125. >"...no."
  1126. >You want to ask if she even remembers any human family
  1127. "So who are your parents here?"
  1128. >"Jesus, you say you aren't interested in me but you're asking me twenty questions here."
  1129. "Well... it's kinda weird, isn't it? Being here. Being a human. You're a pony."
  1130. >You poke her chest to accentuate the obvious
  1131. "And if you're on this quasi-disabled housing plan, where are your pony folks?"
  1132. >Anon slumps
  1133. >More so than normal
  1134. >You didn't think ponies could have such bad posture
  1135. >"I don't know. Twilight said I was found outside in a basket. There was a notebook with it, in a language she didn't understand."
  1136. "That could have been in English."
  1137. >You lean forward, ready to get up if given the right answer
  1138. "Where is it?"
  1139. >"Dust."
  1140. "W...what?"
  1141. >Anon sneers with averted eyes
  1142. >"I got mad at Purple one day because I thought she was lying to me. Hiding something I needed to know. I thought she wanted to stop me from going home."
  1143. >She may say that she was mad but the remorse on her face is crippling
  1144. >"So I took it. Ripped out pages. Threw it in a fireplace. Told her that she'll get what she wants because now neither of us would ever know how it'll get me back."
  1145.  
  1146. >She forces a laugh
  1147. >"And you wanna know the funny part?"
  1148. >She doesn't wait for an answer
  1149. >"She used to say that she hid it from me because I already had a habit of acting out. I tore up one of her favorite stories just by being some... fucking stupid foal. And she was right."
  1150. >She stares at you
  1151. >"She was completely right. She was worried I'd fuck it up, but said it too nicely. And I fucking fucked it all up."
  1152. >You're worried she may cry but she doesn't get more emotional than the shell-shocked stare
  1153. >You weren't expecting this deeper admission
  1154. >You aren't sure what to say to that
  1155. >"So. Yeah. I... I don't know my parents. And everyone treats me a bit like a pity project. And I don't remember enough to even know if that book was in English."
  1156. >There's no escaping this conversation
  1157. >And you aren't lowering yourself to her perceived level and turn this into a sexual thing
  1158. "It sounds like you've been waiting to tell someone that."
  1159. >"I've been waiting for someone to tell me it was in some alien language."
  1160. "And not English?"
  1161. >"Yes."
  1162. >You brought out a game to play last night, so...
  1163. "Well, alright. You remember Final Fantasy. Obviously."
  1164. >"Better than you remember how to jack off."
  1165. >Whether or not that's a twitch response, that's a good sign that she isn't so completely lost
  1166. >As exhausted as you are, this is giving you a focus
  1167. "Good. Then you should be able to read it."
  1168. >One position swap later and she's sitting between your legs again
  1169. >You didn't particularly ask for this but you can't just have all of that get thrown at you and not do anything
  1170. >You decide to load up your FF9 save
  1171. >You've started a new file at least ten times
  1172. >And you keep getting filtered three or so hours in
  1173. >Maybe it doesn't help that you've completed it so many times since childhood
  1174. "Alright, easy. So I take it you can read this just fine."
  1175. >"Well yeah. Your skills suck by the way."
  1176. >You don't really have any skills available, since it is still the start of the game
  1177. "So what's this?"
  1178. >"Trash."
  1179. "And this one?"
  1180. >"Also trash."
  1181. "How about this one."
  1182. >"Keep it."
  1183. "...well alright. Have you even played this one before? I like those first two ones."
  1184. >"Well yeah, of course. I remember Vivi, he was in everything for a while."
  1185. "In that case, what do you think of the name I gave him?"
  1186. >A pause
  1187. >"...Gay."
  1188. "Seriously?"
  1189. >"Yeah. I was worried that this was gonna be hard."
  1190. "...I guess so."
  1191. >"Thanks for checking with me. I knew I wasn't crazy."
  1192. >Her confidence seems to be back to it's usual level
  1193. >Whatever counts as "usual" for an apathetic, almost mocking tone
  1194. >"You look wiped out. If I bake you an early dinner, can we talk shit about your waifu?"
  1195. >You scoff from the sheer audacity
  1196. "How the hell is my waifu shit?"
  1197. >"Because you have shit taste."
  1198. >Anon pushes her flank against your stomach before trotting off
  1199. >"Otherwise you'd be alllllll over me."
  1200. >Emotional rollercoaster that situation was... it's at least over now
  1201. >You should feel relieved
  1202. >But
  1203. >You didn't change Vivi's name
  1204.  
  1205. >You empty your rucksack enough for it to act as a decent pillow
  1206. >Do you break this to Anon?
  1207. >No
  1208. >She's mentally unstable enough as is
  1209. >Even you can tell that and you haven't spoken to her for more than a full day it feels like
  1210. >Twilight...
  1211. >She's autistic
  1212. >But the good kind
  1213. >It means she may have copied the script down somewhere
  1214. >Or at least have a good memory
  1215. >Is that any of your business, though?
  1216. >You need to take care of yourself
  1217. >Your eyes close
  1218. >Once you establish yourself, you can go and help out
  1219. >If you have no choice in the matter
  1220. >You're in Ponyville and you haven't had the energy to even chase after Flutterbutt
  1221. >You can only imagine how soft her coat would be
  1222. >If you can put on your best Q impersonation, maybe that would make her melt?
  1223. >Imagine what you could do if you found Rainbow Dash, too
  1224. >How fast do those hips...
  1225. >...
  1226. >...
  1227. >...
  1228. >A hoof pokes at your stomach
  1229. >"Hey, wake up."
  1230. >RD sounds weird
  1231. >Come here
  1232. >She's faster but you're stronger
  1233. >"H-hey, watch it, they're still hot!"
  1234. >Good thing you're a southerner
  1235. >You like hot wings
  1236. >"...well if you aren't gonna wake up..."
  1237. >...Wait
  1238. >RD doesn't smell like sweets
  1239. >And shame
  1240. >You open your eyes just in time to see Anon leaning in for a kiss
  1241. >The last micro-second before lips come in contact, you slide your hand up
  1242. >She ends up not just kissing your palm, but her tongue lashes out at it
  1243. >Like a freaking mouth hugger's proboscis
  1244. "What seems to be your malfunction?"
  1245. >She stops
  1246. >If her eyes were opened before, they're tightly closed now
  1247. >"...nuht-then."
  1248. >You shove your palm into her face to push her away
  1249. >To your horrific dismay, your hand forces it's way into her mouth
  1250. >She's as surprised as you are disgusted
  1251. >Ponies do have big mouths, don't they
  1252. "I close my eyes for three minutes and you try to pull this shit. Who are you, Bruce Willis?"
  1253. >"Ahmm mhmm?"
  1254. >She pushes your hand out of her mouth with a flour-caked hoof
  1255. >"You were out for over an hour. You kept mumbling so I presumed you were either talking to me or... I don't know, having a stroke?"
  1256. >With a grimace, you smear your saliva-coated hand over her coat
  1257. "So your answer to me having a stroke was to drown me in your spit."
  1258. >"No, my answer of gargling your tonsils came from you saying you wanted to cum in me."
  1259. "I absolutely did not say such a thing."
  1260. >"How do you know?"
  1261. "Because you don't have wings and I want to cum in something that has the ability to go fast."
  1262. >"And yet you bitch that I'm moving fast."
  1263. "Fucking..."
  1264. >This wasn't even really cute before but you're too tired for this shit
  1265. "What do you even want?"
  1266. >"I said I was going to bake an early dinner. Do you even remember half the crap I say to you?"
  1267. >Oh yeah
  1268. >You think you recall that
  1269. >You could use fun
  1270. >But you could use sleep more
  1271. "You're not much of a home maker, are you."
  1272. >You aren't wanting to directly insult her yet again, at least right now
  1273. >But the kitchen looks like a mess
  1274. >The fire going on probably isn't supposed to be like that
  1275.  
  1276. >"Hey I'm out of practice, ok? Cooking used to be my specialty, you know."
  1277. "Used to?"
  1278. >"You gotta be motivated to do stuff like that."
  1279. >Because you lack the means and energy to escape, you're subjected to Anon's idea of an early dinner
  1280. >More bear claws
  1281. >Eggs
  1282. >Biscuits that are not quite uniform in shape
  1283. >A bowl of melted cheese?
  1284. >"Well don't act so shocked."
  1285. >Do you compliment the shapes?
  1286. >Are the shapes on purpose?
  1287. >Why the cheese?
  1288. "I am shocked. I haven't seen a spread like this in... I don't remember how long."
  1289. >It isn't quite a compliment but Anon takes it as one
  1290. >"Heh. Good. I'm not that out of practice."
  1291. >You don't know about that
  1292. >You end up eating near twice as much as Anon does
  1293. >The cheese makes for a good dip for the biscuits
  1294. >By the end of it, you're both bloated with a sense of satisfaction
  1295. >"Ahh... that was good stuff. You won't find that in a Canterlot kitchen."
  1296. >Anon is on her back, legs splayed out
  1297. >All you can think is that she looks a bit like road kill
  1298. "Well their biscuits wouldn't look like that."
  1299. >"Of course not. They lack my flair."
  1300. "I'm exhausted..."
  1301. >You've tried to be nice about it
  1302. >Or avoid it
  1303. >But fuck it
  1304. >You've slept on dirt or hard flooring since you ended up in horse world
  1305. "I don't even care right now, man. I'm tired. My shit stinks. I haven't been around soap. I need a hot bath. If you've been offering, can I at least take a bath somewhere?"
  1306. >Anon's head immediately lifts up
  1307. >"Why yes. Yes you can."
  1308. >You're taken upstairs to an outright extravagant bedroom
  1309. >A pink, heart-decorated door is your goal
  1310. >Beyond it
  1311. >Sweet Celestian winking it's a bath tub
  1312. "Oh fucking finally."
  1313. >Anon readies the bath with impressive speed
  1314. >Soap suds here
  1315. >A... bath bomb... there?
  1316. >Whatever
  1317. >You're in some girly pony house
  1318. >Worse
  1319. >In some girly pony's bathroom
  1320. >You're gonna reek like Pink no matter how you slice it
  1321. >"Alright, ready."
  1322. >Anon returns to you
  1323. >And sits
  1324. "...thanks."
  1325. >What are you going to do, pet her?
  1326. >She's waiting for something
  1327. >You look around the bathroom and shrug
  1328. "Do I need to do something else?"
  1329. >"I'll take your clothes for you."
  1330. "Get out before I drown you in bright purple and pink bubbles."
  1331. >"I can scrub your back?"
  1332. >...
  1333. >You feel like this is going to have to be your payment
  1334. "Dude. Seriously."
  1335. >"Ok, fine."
  1336. >Anon puffs out her cheeks and struts off
  1337. >"No jerking off in the tub either."
  1338. "Out."
  1339. >"Unless you really need to."
  1340. "Now!"
  1341. >You assist her exit with a too-gentle kick in the flank and close the door behind her
  1342. >Finally, a bath
  1343. >Man was not meant to go so long without soap and hot water
  1344.  
  1345.  
  1346. >God bless baths
  1347. >Celestia bless them, even
  1348. >Shit gym showers
  1349. >Gas station showers
  1350. >Cleaning yourself in a chilly pond
  1351. >Watching for stray snapping turtles or stray ponies
  1352. >It all led up to this
  1353. >You don't even mind that you can only smell cotton candy and mare
  1354. >The smell's nice too
  1355. >...
  1356. >Too good to smell like Anon
  1357. >Must be the scent of Pinkie
  1358. >That
  1359. >Is glorious
  1360. >You nearly dissolve in the tub but manage to slink out and wring yourself dry
  1361. >With your sinuses, throat and very soul cleansed all you need are a few q-tips
  1362. >You don't question the collection of comically sized cotton swabs
  1363. >Could be a pony thing
  1364. >Could be a Pinkie thing
  1365. >Doesn't matter
  1366. >You shove those halfway into your skull to ensure maximum cleanliness
  1367. >You are man
  1368. >You have conquered the elements to enjoy civilization once more
  1369. >You also don't know for sure if you'll be able to take a second shower here so you better just enjoy it for now
  1370. >You already have that plate to explain, after all
  1371. >With a towel wrapped around the waist, you walk out in a cloud of pretty smelling steam
  1372. >You're fed
  1373. >Clean
  1374. >And dogshit tired
  1375. >At least Anon looks happy to see you
  1376. >She's on Pinkie's bed, flopped on her side
  1377. >"Damn you smell pretty. Did you clean everywhere?"
  1378. "I cleaned enough to wash your mouth out just through pure proximity."
  1379. >You see a few piles of books everywhere
  1380. >You get the feeling most of them haven't been touched
  1381. "Were you just... waiting here?"
  1382. >"For you to swab my mouth out with your proximity? No. Don't be retarded."
  1383. >Anon flops over to her other side
  1384. >She could use a bath too
  1385. >Or maybe it's just how her mane looks so flat compared to every pony else
  1386. >"I was thinking of what we could do tomorrow. You're new to town, you got money, we can tot-"
  1387. "I got work."
  1388. >You roll her over a few times and collapse on the bed
  1389. >Sweet Jesus it feels so good your back actually hurts from the confusing world of comfort
  1390. >"Fuck that! Call in sick or something."
  1391. "I'm not just going to leave the place hanging."
  1392. >"Why not? I did whenever I had to sort mail."
  1393. >You yank a pillow out from under her green belly, to claim for your own head
  1394. "That's because you're a lazy shit."
  1395. >"You say that but you're the one who's without a paddle. I have connections."
  1396. "What you have, is pity."
  1397. >"Same thing."
  1398. >You bury your head in the pillow to yawn
  1399. >You're far too tired for this
  1400. >Equestria
  1401. >Starting out from zero
  1402. >...
  1403. >What was left behind
  1404. >You would do a lot better just not having the chance to stop and think
  1405. >Maybe if you just focus on tomorrow
  1406. >Derpy's pretty cute
  1407. >Would you be able to chill with her?
  1408. >You're not sure where to find any muffins
  1409. >Is it a moral problem to hit on the derp-eyed mare?
  1410. >"...hey, don't you snore while I'm talking to you."
  1411. >You were snoring?
  1412. >Impossible
  1413. "Hm? Sorry, start again."
  1414. >"I was going to. So ungrateful..."
  1415. >You can hear Anon huff and stamp around on the bed
  1416. >Like a cat trying to make her bed after being disturbed
  1417.  
  1418. >"I said, when I was a filly I convinced every pony in Ponyville that humans had psychic powers. I actually managed to get in a pretty big battle with Applebloom. Foals died, you know."
  1419. "I don't believe you."
  1420. >"Well... they almost died. Applejack caught us and tanned our flanks. She's such the fucking worst waifu, she wasn't fun at all. I asked her if she liked the taste of Big Mac's ligmas. She didn't even give me the chance to say "balls", she was so steamed."
  1421. >How interesting
  1422. >Mind-numbingly interesting
  1423. >"...You know, I think I used to have a big sister like her. When I was a human."
  1424. >When she was a human...
  1425. >Is there any chance that she could be lying?
  1426. >She knows too much to be a mere pony
  1427. >And that outburst she first had
  1428. >If you were a pony...
  1429. >"Another time, I caught RD nutting in a cloud. She said she had an itch but I knew... you try to fool me and say those hooves aren't mashing? Pu-leaaaaase."
  1430. >This dull, monotonous voice
  1431. >It's actually not that bad
  1432. >The change in volume is so minor that it sounds like white noise
  1433. >"Speaking of, you've been in Equestria for how many days now?"
  1434. "Weeks."
  1435. >Weeks, plural
  1436. >And many, many miles
  1437. >"Dude, you've been here for weeks and haven't even sunk your flag in one pony? Jesus... you gay or something?"
  1438. "No."
  1439. >"Sure... If I had a dick, I would go "oh hey, Purple. You wanna check my book marker?" And then I go wuuh-paw, slap it down. Heheheh..."
  1440. >The creepy giggling from this mare is making you question things
  1441. "What were you as a human?"
  1442. >Your question causes Anon to audibly trip up
  1443. >"I... well what kind of question is that? Isn't it obvious?"
  1444. "My gut says fujoshi."
  1445. >Good thing you can speak with your eyes closed
  1446. >Even if your focus is near it's logistical limits
  1447. >"...what?"
  1448. "I'm saying you're a dyke with bepis envy."
  1449. >You nuzzle the pillow
  1450. "Deal with it."
  1451. >"That... no, I wasn't that! There's no way I was even close to that."
  1452. >Silence
  1453. >Finally, a chance to rest
  1454. >"I wasn't some old timer. I guess I remember that much at least."
  1455. >It's not that you don't care
  1456. >But to be fair, you don't
  1457. >But you just need to be able to clear your mind
  1458. >"...Is it bad if I said I didn't remember? I mean, I do. Obviously. But. You know."
  1459. "Who cares?"
  1460. >That's your only answer
  1461. >"...well it matters to me. I care. I think."
  1462. >The next thing you're cognizant of, a blanket is over you
  1463. >Feels nice
  1464. >All of the lights went down too, or were turned off fully
  1465. >"I wanna tell you some more stories about me. You wanna listen?"
  1466. >Not really
  1467. "Sure."
  1468. >You cap off your response with a dire yawn
  1469. >There's no way you're going to last another minute at this rate
  1470. >"Cool. Well... when I was a filly, I..."
  1471. >Her words mesh into relaxed, dull diatribes and badly mimicked voices
  1472. >It isn't the worst thing you've listened to
  1473. >"....earned how to start fires with just my tail and a..."
  1474. >If it helps her out, where's the harm?
  1475. >She's satisfied in sharing
  1476. >You can sleep
  1477. >"...you're not listening, are you."
  1478. >...
  1479. >"...Good night."
  1480. "Guh'ni"
  1481. >"Heh, knew it."
  1482.  
  1483.  
  1484.  
  1485. >Despite your fatigue, you wake up without any alarm
  1486. >The concern of missing your second day of work plagued the back of your mind more than the sinking feeling you got upon learning that the names were difficult to read
  1487. >It wasn't a complete loss, as many letters had cutie marks added to the names
  1488. >But how far would that really take you?
  1489. >It was the first day of work, after all
  1490. >No matter how many new starts you have, there are always the new gig jitters
  1491. >You sit up, plainly aware that you went to sleep with just a towel wrapped around your waist
  1492. >By the looks of it, the towel went unmolested
  1493. >The would-be molester, however...
  1494. >Anon is sleeping on her back
  1495. >Nuzzling a Twilight doll
  1496. >Is that normal to ponies or is it merely some autism support toy?
  1497. >You're a little too worried to ask Twilight
  1498. >As much as you want to bug her on the power supply update, work has to come first
  1499. >If you keep that going without issue, you can build a reputation
  1500. >Build a reputation, and any possible future failures will be...
  1501. >Mitigated
  1502. >You slink away from the bed back to the bathroom
  1503. >There is a toilet
  1504. >Despite what fiction told you, ponies do indeed have indoor plumbing
  1505. >And it is glorious
  1506. >You could stand to buy some toilet paper for yourself, too...
  1507. >But...
  1508. >As you use it, only one question comes to mind
  1509. >How does the Pinkie Pie
  1510. >Use
  1511. >The toilet paper...?
  1512. >...
  1513. >Best not think too hard
  1514. >As ready as can be expected, you slink downstairs with the pile of your dirty clothes
  1515. >Now that you're in town, and got paid, you can figure out who you can take laundry to
  1516. >Ponies may get by on mostly wearing nothing but you don't have the grapes to swing everything out in public without concern
  1517. >You strip off your towel and put the dirty clothing on it
  1518. >New underwear
  1519. >Shirt
  1520. >Pants
  1521. >Bam, you're in business again
  1522. >You could still use a good shave but you're feeling better than ever since the last...
  1523. >Has it been a month already?
  1524. >A month has already passed...
  1525. >Feels like a matter of hours
  1526. "Well. Better than sleeping all day, right?"
  1527. >As if your past self could answer
  1528. >Your ruck lighter due to the change of clothes, you slip it on and slip out the door
  1529. >Going off of your phone...
  1530. >You're already over an hour away from having to be there
  1531. >But you have nowhere else to be or nothing else to do so why not hurry up and wait?
  1532. >Barely any ponies are awake at this timei
  1533. >Those that are seem to just be roaming around
  1534. >One watering her flowers waves a hoof
  1535. >None of them seem to be afraid of you despite being a hulking naked flesh beast wearing fabrics
  1536. >Could this be due to Anon?
  1537. >Twilight?
  1538.  
  1539. >Probably a mix of the two
  1540. >How old even is Twilight, at this point?
  1541. >Canon doesn't seem to be the case here
  1542. >Would it be a faux pas to ask about Princess Luna, or Nightmare Moon?
  1543. >Part of you thinks you should just smile and nod
  1544. >Safer that way
  1545. >You found the postal office faster today than yesterrday
  1546. >Means Ponyville isn't as expansive as you think
  1547. >Still haven't seen a corner store though
  1548. >You knock on the door a few times and slump down your ruck
  1549. >Parcel Post will either let you in or show up on his own time
  1550. >Either way works
  1551. >...
  1552. >...
  1553. >...
  1554. >Waiting is for the birds
  1555. >You pull out your phone
  1556. >No new messages
  1557. >No new emails
  1558. >Of course, no reception
  1559. >Is anyone looking for you back home?
  1560. >Does it matter?
  1561. >If you could just make one last c-
  1562. >"IIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiincomiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!"
  1563. >The screaming cry makes you crouch down by reflex
  1564. >A grey blue smashes through...
  1565. >The door
  1566. "What the hell was that?"
  1567. >You peer through the pegasus-shaped hole in the wood
  1568. "...That you, Derpster?"
  1569. >"I'm ohkay!"
  1570. >That goofy voice
  1571. >The near death experience
  1572. >Yeah, it's probably her
  1573. >Taking advantage of the situation, you open the door from the inside and step in
  1574. >Derpy landed in a pile of soft letters and papers...
  1575. >That...
  1576. >You sorted yesterday
  1577. >Ah crap
  1578. "That was a helluva spill. You do that on purpose?"
  1579. >The durable pegasus rotates her head on a well-oiled swivel to you
  1580. >It takes maybe a full second for your question to register
  1581. >She squees with a smile and pushes an envelope from out of her mane
  1582. >"I meant to go through the window but I think I missed."
  1583. >...
  1584. >There was a window?
  1585. "To be fair, you made a window in the door. Just gotta find some glass."
  1586. >Derpy isn't as embarrassed from your creative thinking
  1587. >"Are you here to drop off a package?"
  1588. "Me? No, I. I guess I work here now. Parcel Post is my... I guess he's my supervisor."
  1589. >"Awww, well I think he's super too! I saw him while flying in, he shouldn't be too far behind!"
  1590. "I hope that means he's walking and not flying."
  1591. >Derpy drags herself out of the pile, carefully avoiding any other letter laying near
  1592. >As careful as a Derpy can be
  1593. >"I think it's neat you're helping out, Mr. uhhh..."
  1594. >She focuses on you just long enough that both eyes focus on you
  1595. >For around a second
  1596. >Just to repel like two positive magnets
  1597. >"What's your name again?"
  1598. >You've already stuck with an alias for so long
  1599. >Why not make it more official?
  1600. "The name'sh Bond. Mish-tah Bond."
  1601. >You slip into your Sean Connery accent, duck lips included
  1602. >It may come back to bite you but if Anon could genuinely go so long with that name and not have an identity crisis, why should you be worried?
  1603. >"It's sure nice to meet'ya, Mishtah Bond!"
  1604. >Derpy takes your hand and shakes it
  1605. >The shake goes full motion and back, leading to her entire foreleg bending like rubber
  1606. >"Can you help me re-sort these letters? I think I gotta take them all out for delivery today. And I think I made a mess."
  1607. "Sure, I don't mind. Color-coded, right?"
  1608.  
  1609.  
  1610. >As much as you expected Derpy to be all hooves and falls, she's actually quite adept at sorting
  1611. >There's a method to her madness
  1612. >More importantly
  1613. >She's actually rather careful
  1614. >Packages are placed with care
  1615. >Letters are lined up
  1616. >Maybe it's just because she's focused
  1617. >Or moving so slow you've spent the last hour just watching and asking questions
  1618. "I... uh... got another question."
  1619. >"What is it, Mr. Bomb?"
  1620. >You don't have it in you to correct her
  1621. "I'm... not the best at reading. What are some ways I could help sort things out? There are the colors, sure. But is there anything else I can do?"
  1622. >You could write things down in your own language but that would require you needing a constant translator
  1623. >Derpy looks at you
  1624. >And the ghost of Cesar Romero that must be to your right by a few feet
  1625. >She smiles
  1626. >"Aw, it's ok! It really is. It took me a long time too. I go by the color first."
  1627. "Yeah."
  1628. >"Then I start matching cutie marks!"
  1629. >Derpy swats her flank just far enough to almost topple over a tower of letters
  1630. >As long as you don't address it, Derpy's Law means she won't randomly start wrecking things until you tell her to be careful
  1631. >You think
  1632. "...That works? Some of them don't have cutie marks on them. And wouldn't that be the sender?"
  1633. >Your question leads to her freeze-framing on the spot
  1634. >...
  1635. >The view of her flank is nice
  1636. >"..."
  1637. >One eye blinks
  1638. >The other follows
  1639. >"That's a good question."
  1640. >She straightens herself out, ending the possible workplace harassment
  1641. >"Just do what I do and ask around! No pony I know would ever want letters that don't go to them."
  1642. >As sound as her logic is, you can't help but wonder where Parcel Post is
  1643. >A quick check of your phone shows that it is the...
  1644. >Equivalent of noon
  1645. >Maybe
  1646. >You didn't know the day would go by so quickly
  1647. "It's getting to be lunch time. You mind if I head out real quick? I can set my timer for a half hour."
  1648. >Derpy looks at you and your shadow clone break dancing out of arm's reach
  1649. >"Huh? Oh. Sure! I'm hungry too."
  1650. >She says that
  1651. >But she doesn't go off to grab something
  1652. >You stare at her
  1653. >She stares back, possibly
  1654. "..."
  1655. >"..."
  1656. "..."
  1657. >"..."
  1658. "...I'm gonna head out."
  1659. >"Ok!"
  1660. >You jump a little at how quickly she replies
  1661. "T...thanks."
  1662. >You slip out with a moderate sense of haste
  1663. >You don't dislike Derpy at all
  1664. >But talking to her feels so weird
  1665. >You're used to just seeing her fuck things and ponies up
  1666. >Not only is she rather decent at her job, her mannerisms are just odd
  1667. >Doesn't help that she was right in front of you
  1668. >Why didn't Twilight elicit that other reaction?
  1669. "Maybe it's because I've been on auto pilot..."
  1670. >Speaking of, why are you heading back to SugarCube Corner?
  1671. >You have the entire town to explore
  1672. >You didn't even bring your rucksack with you
  1673. >What are the odds Derpy somehow launched it to Mars?
  1674. >You waltz in like you own the place, just to see Anon setting up a display cart
  1675. >You didn't expect to see her being productive
  1676. >She didn't expect to see you at all
  1677.  
  1678. "Free samples?"
  1679. >Anon looks at the treat cart
  1680. >And you
  1681. >"I'll give you a full course meal if you think you can handle it."
  1682. "Flaccid pass, thanks."
  1683. >You gawk at the cart
  1684. "Fork over some of the claws."
  1685. >"Sure, four bits."
  1686. "Seriously?"
  1687. >"When I'm on the clock... yup."
  1688. >She looks as cheerful as her dead tone
  1689. >"Pinkie isn't a slaver driver like Twilight but she does charge me rent when I'm here. The idea is that I either fork over my own money, or make it and still supply Ponyville with baked goods that turn a good day great."
  1690. >She tries her best to give a wide smile
  1691. >It looks soul crushing
  1692. "You sound... motivated."
  1693. >"Dude, I hate being some cart filly. If you made me cum in front of the entire town, I'm pretty sure I could sleep like a foal at night."
  1694. >You can't help but notice the terminology
  1695. >"But I have to wear this apron, talk to random ponies and convince them my stuff is worth buying? Just fucking send me back to Earth."
  1696. >She sounds absolutely and completely morose
  1697. "...well how about a deal?"
  1698. >"I acquire orgasm, you acquire a very organic drink that will definitely be healthy for a human?"
  1699. "No, I-"
  1700. >You frown at her
  1701. >Her dead expression grows into the smallest smiles
  1702. >It's almost insidious
  1703. "Dude. Gross. Come on."
  1704. >You shake your head to rid yourself of the thought
  1705. >If it were Derpy though...
  1706. "How about we play something out? I buy one, chomp it down, make a scene about how great it is?"
  1707. >Anon seems to genuinely perk up
  1708. >"Really?"
  1709. "Sure. I mean, maybe bring down the price a little an-"
  1710. >"I can't do that but we have some lemonade left over from a few days back."
  1711. >You leer at her
  1712. >Her mind lags a second long enough to understand the implication
  1713. >"...Oh! Oh. Heh. No. Don't worry, this is the real deal. I even put it in a bottle."
  1714. "Jesus, no! I don't want your... lemonade! Not now or ever. Nevermind."
  1715. >You turn to head out, only to stop when you hear a borderline shriek
  1716. >"Wait! Wait wait wait, I didn't mean it that way. Please help me."
  1717. >Damn it all
  1718. >You can't just split
  1719. "...alright."
  1720. >You turn around
  1721. "So what do you have in mind?"
  1722. >"I can... uh..."
  1723. >Her eyes dart all over you, as if an assessment would help her diplomacy check
  1724. >"How about I brew some tea? And... free tea with purchase?"
  1725. "...What kind of tea you got?"
  1726. >Between your tone and raised eyebrow, Anon regains some semblance of confidence
  1727. >"I got some herbal tea Fluttershy gave me. Supposed to help wake me up."
  1728. >That sounds suspicious enough to make you wary
  1729. >But you don't have all day for lunch
  1730. "Sure. Want me to go wander around and act like you don't know me?"
  1731. >"Nah, just be there to buy some and the rest will fall into place."
  1732. >Sounds good enough
  1733. >Thankfully you do still have your bag of bits on you
  1734. >Your rucksack may be a welcome weight off of your shoulders but that needs to be stapled to you
  1735. >You watch her get started
  1736. >It's impressive how much a pony can do without hands
  1737.  
  1738. "So have you been around Derpy much? She's teaching me the wonderful world of pony postal problems."
  1739. >"She's weird. I don't like her."
  1740. "Why, because she's competition?"
  1741. >"No!"
  1742. >Her denial is suspiciously defensive
  1743. >"...I mean, no. It's because she just acts weird. You can never tell when things will be ok or if she'll cause your house to implode."
  1744. "Oh come on, she isn't that bad. Right?"
  1745. >"Ugh."
  1746. >Anon rolls her eyes
  1747. >"I once watched her sneeze on a wagon and it fell apart. The nails? Fucking, literally, popped out. It's cute as a cartoon, but nightmarish to be around. I bet she could bump into me and knock my skull into my ass."
  1748. "That doesn't sound fair. She isn't that bad..."
  1749. >You say that but she did make a Derpy-sized hole in the post office front door without even trying
  1750. >You haven't even found any sign of the wood she burst through
  1751. >"Whatever you say... you're not a Derpyfag, are you?"
  1752. >Anon glares with the growing aura of disgust
  1753. "She's cute bu I guess not my top pick. Talking to her feels weird."
  1754. >Anon smirks and nods
  1755. >"Good to see you haven't given it up to just any mare out there."
  1756. "Hey, what's it to you? When I save up some more money, maybe I wanna take one out."
  1757. >You add more to it before you're aware you have more to say
  1758. "Besides, I'm exotic. Right?"
  1759. >"Sure, to some. Others don't want to do that sort of thing."
  1760. >The kettle whistles for a microsecond before Anon swings it to the display cart
  1761. >"Just.. you know. Don't feel too let down."
  1762. "Whatever, man... let's go. I'm hungry."
  1763.  
  1764.  
  1765. >After a painful amount of time, you can finally buy your lunch
  1766. >The sinking feeling of parting with four bits is...
  1767. >Harsh
  1768. >That leaves seventy six bits
  1769. >Is that really going to be enough to do anything?
  1770. >At least you took the biggest, heaviest bear claw and have some admittedly nice tea
  1771. >You're more a green tea type, if you had to choose
  1772. >This herbal horse tea isn't so bad
  1773. >"Oh wow! I never actually saw anyone eat her stuff before... is it really that good?"
  1774. >A cautious blue mare creeps up, as amazed at your form as she is that you're eating without turning some funky color
  1775. >Like blue
  1776. "Sure, I like it. I'll admit, I miss burgers but Anon's stuff is some of the best food I've had."
  1777. >Anon has also been the biggest, most consistent source of food you've had
  1778. >Not so positive a thing when you know how little you've had to eat
  1779. >Anon has her chest puffed out during all of this, quietly soaking in the praise
  1780. >Except at the mare's next question
  1781. >"If that's true, why don't I ever see Pinkie Pie selling her things?"
  1782. >"Because I'm usually somewhere else, lady."
  1783. >And there's that classic Anon charm
  1784. >You cut in by reflex
  1785. "To be fair, she changed the recipe and it's untested. You know how Pinkie Pie is, right? She hasn't personally tasted them yet... and Anon is afraid of rejection. Go easy on her."
  1786. >Anon looks at you as if she wants to scream "traitor"
  1787. >But it works on the pony
  1788. >"That... does make sense. Well how are they different, Miss Anon? I won't get an allergic reaction, will I?"
  1789. >Just from the continued conversation, some ponies are starting to pay attention
  1790. >The newfound attention makes her shrink back
  1791. >"Well... you know. I replaced the almond paste with hazelnut. Because... I... uh... n-nuts..."
  1792. >You can tell with a pained sense of empathy that while she can handle talking dirty to you, she just doesn't know how to keep her wit around others
  1793. "She told me that she knows which nuts are best."
  1794. >The crowd gives some sort of laugh, much to Anon's dismay
  1795. "She's weird..."
  1796. >You finish your claw
  1797. "But she claws a good bear. I got..."
  1798. >You check your phone
  1799. >Crap
  1800. >You got maybe eight minutes
  1801. >Whether or not Derpy can time you, you don't want to have a habit of wandering off from work
  1802. "I don't go much time but I'm willing to buy another to top off. If none of you want one, you're gonna be missing out..."
  1803. >You reach into your bag o' bits to pay for another
  1804. >And lose another four bits
  1805. >Another pony steps up
  1806. >Despite the voice, the stallion doesn't look that different from a mare to you
  1807. >"Well I'll take one! I've had hazelnut before when I was in the city!"
  1808. >That seems to spark a few smaller conversations
  1809. >What city?
  1810. >Were the nuts hazy?
  1811. >Where did the tall creature come from?
  1812. >The talk leads to a few immediate sales
  1813. >Anon seems frazzled by the positive attention
  1814. >You'd like to eat more but you gotta split
  1815.  
  1816.  
  1817. >You return to the post office with a minute to spare
  1818. >As big as Ponyville really is, most of it feels...
  1819. >Nondescript?
  1820. >The closest you can think of is an old-school RPG
  1821. >Many houses look the same, plus or minus some small accessories
  1822. >There are no street signs
  1823. >No stop signs
  1824. >To be fair, the few carts or wagons you've come across tend to be overkill when a saddlebag will do
  1825. >The Derpy-sized hole in the door is still there
  1826. >But no Derpy-sized Derpy in sight
  1827. "Hey, I'm back from lunch. What should... I...?"
  1828. >Half of the stacks Derpy made are gone
  1829. >You don't fully understand her sorting procedure but they're almost color-coded?
  1830. >How do you sort ten shades of pink?
  1831. "Derpy, you still here? Parcel?"
  1832. >Unable to stop yourself, you call out using your presentation voice
  1833. "Is anyone around? Anyone alive? Or dead?"
  1834. >The complete silence in the building is enough to send a cold chill down your spine
  1835. >What if this is the sort of Equestria that leads to zombified ponies or some sort of zebra-borne curses?
  1836. "...If you're dead, don't answer."
  1837. >You're being silly if you think they're off tearing ponies apart
  1838. >Very silly
  1839. >...
  1840. >Well what now?
  1841. "Don't tell me I wasn't supposed to come in today. My guy didn't exactly give me a schedule... gotta admit, some of those stamps were actually neat."
  1842. >Not neat enough for you to want to start collecting, of course
  1843. >You plop yourself down to take a sit in front of the rainbow of letters
  1844. >Red
  1845. >Yellow
  1846. >White
  1847. >Blue
  1848. >Green
  1849. >The green stack is deceptively short
  1850. >There are a multitude of what you presume are cutie marks
  1851. >A mysterious one catches your eye
  1852. >Darker green than the rest, with a black question mark on it
  1853. "Well who the hell does this go to?"
  1854. >You stare at the letter for a good, hard minute before your momentary stupidity ricochets out of your skull
  1855. >It's for Anon
  1856. >Obviously
  1857. >You did see her mark but near every time your eyes were even near that area, you were instead met with a face full of mare bits
  1858. >Not that you're against that
  1859. >Bu you'd greatly prefer yellow
  1860. >Or orange
  1861. >Or purple
  1862. >Honestly nearly anything but green
  1863. >You hold up the letter
  1864. >Can't see through the paper well enough to tell what it is
  1865. >It doesn't contain anything solid
  1866. >...
  1867. >...
  1868. >...
  1869. >You technically work for the post office now
  1870. >You're an employee
  1871. >So
  1872. >It isn't stealing if you take the letter
  1873.  
  1874.  
  1875.  
  1876. >To be fair, you're just going to deliver it
  1877. >You slip it into your pocket and continue to search through the stacks
  1878. >Nothing else stands out to you
  1879. >You recognize some of the Mane Six cutie marks but would that be a good enough reason to hit them up for a chat?
  1880. >You don't want to admit it but Anon's words make you feel discouraged
  1881. >What if they really don't want to have anything special to do with a human?
  1882. >It isn't like you have any skills that would immediately gel with them
  1883. >The idea of just trying to hit on one of them also fills you with a sense of disgust
  1884. >If you botch it, you know they'll all speak to each other about you
  1885. >And then there goes your chances with all of them
  1886. >You check your phone
  1887. >It's dying
  1888. >You've already wasted a half hour just sitting here, muttering to yourself and contemplating humanity
  1889. "Hey, uh... I'm gonna take this letter and deliver it. Dark green, question mark. I think it goes to Anon!"
  1890. >No replies
  1891. >At least they aren't arguing against it
  1892. "I'm gonna... go to Sugar Cube Corner. Come find me if you need more help, ok?"
  1893. >You stand up, checking for security cameras
  1894. >It's Ponyville
  1895. >Of course there aren't any
  1896. "...You know... to deliver."
  1897. >Nothing
  1898. "This isn't me cutting out of work early, alright? I'm just going to deliver it."
  1899. >While it makes you feel justified in leaving, you were paid in advance
  1900. >Doesn't that mean a full eight hours?
  1901. >From your last few jobs, your hours dictated near everything that you could do with the rest of your life
  1902. >Is it really so lax here?
  1903. "...Anyone want a snack while I'm out?"
  1904. >Even the walls are still full
  1905. "...Well alright then. See you guys tomorrow. Same time."
  1906. >Making an effort to keep the green letter in full view to not give any pony the wrong idea, you take your items and leave
  1907. >Not even a few steps away and you have a pony come up to you
  1908. >A rather minty fresh green unicorn
  1909. >She looks familiar
  1910. >Who is she again?
  1911. >"Excuse me... you're a human, aren't you?"
  1912. "Y... yeah?"
  1913. >How does she know that?
  1914. >She points a hoof at the letter
  1915. >"And that letter there... that goes to Anon."
  1916. "I-I presume so, yeah. it's green like her."
  1917. >The unicorn stares at you
  1918. >It's the sort of stare only a mare could give
  1919. >You're unsure of what to do
  1920. >"I'm... gonna go."
  1921. "Sure. I'm... I guess, going to go deliver this."
  1922. >"To Anon."
  1923. "Yup."
  1924. >"The pony?"
  1925. "The very same."
  1926. >"Is she still a pony?"
  1927. "I hope?"
  1928. >"And you're not a pony."
  1929. "Still a human."
  1930. >"What's your name?"
  1931. "Bond."
  1932. >"Bond?"
  1933. "Bond."
  1934. >"She was right..."
  1935. "Yeah?"
  1936. >"Human names are so short..."
  1937.  
  1938. >To be fair you don't want to reveal your real name
  1939. >Something about it just feels...
  1940. >Wrong
  1941. >Just like how Anon has stuck with Anon
  1942. >If she even remembers her human name
  1943. "You really like humans don't you."
  1944. >"N-no!"
  1945. >Her stoic expression breaks
  1946. >Wait
  1947. >The memes
  1948. >The human hand-sized magic
  1949. >That one particular animation...
  1950. "Oh shit. You're Lyra."
  1951. >You point at her with the finesse of a grade schooler
  1952. >She seems shocked to her core
  1953. >Albeit in a positive way
  1954. >"Did Anon tell you that orrr...?"
  1955. >She sounds positively revved up
  1956. "No, I..."
  1957. >Do you tell her?
  1958. >She looks at you like she's waiting for it
  1959. >Whatever "it" is
  1960. "...I saw you from the cartoon."
  1961. >"Eeeeeee, it's real! It's really real!"
  1962. >Before you even know what the hell just happened, she goes from trotting in place, to dancing, to galloping off in a madcap dash while giggling like a psycho
  1963. >This has Anon written all over it
  1964. >Good
  1965. >Great
  1966. >Awesome
  1967. >It means you have yet another thing to ask when you get back
  1968. >Another pony comes up to you
  1969. >Rather sturdy looking fellow, generic colors and a relatively small horn
  1970. >"Well that was a neat trick. What's my name?"
  1971. >You handwave him away, starting on your trek back
  1972. "Not now, later Joe."
  1973. >You heard a deep gasp behind you
  1974. >"How did he know that?!"
  1975. >This is getting to be downright meta
  1976. >At least you find your way back to the bakery quicker than before
  1977. >If the world shrinks with familiarity, you may as well be in a dog park in the middle of a cartoonishly violent hell dimension
  1978. "Alright cakecup, I got some new questions for you. And a letter to deliver. Just tell me that this belongs to you so I don't feel like an asshole for taking it."
  1979. >You start talking a few seconds too early because when you enter, Anon is staring at you like you caught her masturbating with a Princess Celestia blowup doll
  1980. >Instead, you see something far worse
  1981. >It's Lyra
  1982. >In a rather familiar looking scarf
  1983. >A foam finger on her horn
  1984. >And a set of curiously massive monkey ears hanging off of the side of her head
  1985. "..."
  1986. >"..."
  1987. >Anon shares an entire conversation with you through eye contact in a fraction of a second
  1988. >Most of it consists of her going "Oh God run away"
  1989. >Or maybe that's the impression you're getting on account of the unicorn's manic smile
  1990. >"The Human-Appreciation-Committee is back open, and after so many years we've finally been validated!"
  1991. "...what?"
  1992. >"Oh God I'm sorry."
  1993. >Anon is worse than defeated
  1994. >She's humiliated
  1995. >"I... come on, let's get this over with."
  1996. >"Bon Bon is gonna fu-reak! She said that this was all silly filly games but look at us now!"
  1997. >You end up sitting on a pony-shaped pillow
  1998. >It's flat, rather than a three-dimensional object
  1999. >Thankfully
  2000. >The two mares are sitting on almost-human looking pillows of similar size
  2001. >Lyra gently taps the wood floor with a fist-shaped gavel
  2002. >A human fist
  2003. >"For our first meeting in years, please allow me to start with an open letter to our new friend, the first human in Equestria!"
  2004. >Aren't you the second?
  2005. >Technically

/bootleg/ Jacky Part One

by BlondieAnon

/bootleg/ Jacky Part Two

by BlondieAnon

/bootleg/ Jacky Part Three

by BlondieAnon

/bootleg/ Jacky Part Four

by BlondieAnon

/bootleg/ Jacky Part Five

by BlondieAnon