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Autumnal Potpourri

By Castafae
Created: 2023-12-12 11:09:18
Updated: 2023-12-29 04:56:44
Expiry: Never
oc/neet/neetpone

  1. >You walk down the hallway of a small apartment complex.
  2. >The carpet under your boots was firm but somehow cushy at the same time.
  3. >The reason you focus on such a small detail is because it was… really quiet.
  4. >It wasn’t *silent*, but it seems the ponies around here are rather mild mannered compared to some other complexes you’ve visited.
  5. >As you approach your destination, your pace slows a little as you glance down at the clipboard in your hand.
  6. >Your assignment was about as vague as usual. An apartment number, but not a name in sight.
  7. >If you’d hazard a guess, it might be something to do with the whole ‘friendship’ aspect of your work.
  8. >’Alrighty Ahnon, just remember that while you’re there to check up on them, you’re also there to be their buddy! Get to know them, okay?’
  9. >Lavender Melon was a nice mare and certainly meant well, but her cheery insistence of Twiggle’s weird new ‘learn as you go’ mentality was a little much.
  10. >You would have liked to at least know the name of the pony you’re helping! That would make this a lot easier. Especially if they wind up not being home.
  11. >Speaking of names…
  12. >Clipped to your clipboard is a plastic name tag which reads: ’Caretaker Anonymous’
  13. >The picture they took of you barely had your face in frame, but you can’t exactly blame them.
  14. >You’re pretty sure that was the first time they’ve ever had to adjust the camera for someone as tall as you.
  15. >’Caretaker’
  16. >You didn’t have a problem with the job when Twiggles first thrust it upon you, but as time went on, you felt like it was really just an excuse to have you out of sight and out of mind.
  17. >But your gripes with the reasoning behind your employment doesn’t detract from the fact that you like your job.
  18. >Helping ponies get back up on their hooves after an injury or just helping them out in general gives you… perspective?
  19. >Hm, maybe you just like being useful.
  20. >As you approach apartment 603, you take a deep breath.
  21. >Enough dawdling Anon, it’s time to do what you came here for.
  22. >You adjust your tie once you make it in front of the door, and after psyching yourself up…
  23. >You knock.
  24.  
  25. >...
  26. >...
  27. >...Huh.
  28. >Nothing.
  29. >You knock again, but a little louder this time.
  30. >Maybe… they’re out?
  31. >Wait.
  32. >You hear something.
  33. >Somewhere inside you hear some muffled shuffling.
  34. >It slowly gets clearer and clearer until-
  35. >It stops.
  36. >You have a feeling this mystery pony is near now.
  37. “Hello?”
  38. >You hear the pony behind the door sigh.
  39. >”Are you who I think you are?”
  40. >An exasperated mare’s voice rings out.
  41. >You’re unsure if it’s just the door between you, but her voice is rather soft.
  42. “That depends, were you expecting a pizza?”
  43. >”No, but free pizza would have probably made this a lot better...”
  44. >”Well… I’m sorry to disappoint you.”
  45. >You clear your throat.
  46. “As you might already know… I’m here because a concerned party decided to give us a call.”
  47. >”Concerned party, huh? Guess they weren’t concerned enough to check up on me themselves if you’re here…”
  48. >There was a hint of bitterness in her voice at first, but it fades quickly into a sort of indifference by the time she trails off.
  49. >You hear a hoof lightly set itself on the door.
  50. >”Was… was it my dad?”
  51. >The almost pleading tone to her question catches you briefly off-guard.
  52. “I… I’m not sure. I wasn’t given much context…”
  53. >She’s quiet for some time, but after another soft sigh on her part, you hear something click.
  54. >”Let's just get this over with.”
  55. >You take a step back as the door creaks open.
  56. >Standing in the doorway is… a lanky pegasus.
  57. >Compared to most ponies you’ve encountered thus far, she was on the taller side, but this was contrasted by her being skinny enough for her to almost look like a yearling who never left her awkward phase between filly and mare.
  58. >She wore a baggy autumn themed sweater that seemed too big for her despite her tallness and poking out of the sides of it were a pair of wings that looked like they needed a good preening.
  59. >Her coat reminded you of maple brown sugar and her slightly unkempt mane was a brownish red mess which came down to her chest. It was hard to make out from this angle, but it looks like her tail was in a fairly similar unkempt state.
  60. >You try to look her in the eyes, but immediately realize that her mane was in the way, leaving you with only the lower half of a fairly neutral expression.
  61. >”...You still there?”
  62. >You blink.
  63. “Ah- Sorry about that, I kind of spaced out for a second there…”
  64. >Maybe staring for what was probably a very uncomfortable amount of time isn’t the best first impression.
  65. >”No worries dude.” She murmurs as she turns around. “Please close the door once you’re inside.”
  66. >With that, she walks further into her apartment.
  67.  
  68. >And what an apartment it uh- it was.
  69. >The walls were completely bare and what little furniture she had was against them, leaving a large gap in the middle of the living room with nothing but a sea of carpet.
  70. >Despite the somewhat barren nature of it, the warm light coming from a lamp nearby made the place almost feel… cozy.
  71. >You close the door behind you and take a deep breath to flush the awkwardness out of your system, but in the process catch the scent of warm cider with a hint of allspice… or maybe clove? You’re not very good with your spices.
  72. >Seeing that there were no mugs out and you can clearly see the meager kitchen just off to the side, you’re not entirely sure where it’s coming.
  73. >It’s nice though.
  74. >She has rather plain taste in decor, but she certainly knows how to make a home feel homely.
  75. >It doesn’t take you long to notice her sitting on her couch, hugging a throw pillow.
  76. >What little of her expression you can see tells you that she’s deep in thought, or at the very least, distracted.
  77. >A quick glance around makes the lack of seating apparent, so you decide to stand for the moment.
  78. >After a bit of shuffling around, you finally lift up your clipboard.
  79. “Alright… I suppose I should introduce myself.”
  80. >Her grip on the pillow tightens as her ears swivel in the direction of your voice, but she still doesn’t turn her head. “Go ahead.”
  81. >You clear your throat, an action that you feel will wind up being a recurring thing today.
  82. “My name is Anon, I’m your… aide for today.”
  83. >Describing yourself as a ’Caretaker’ has always been something you’ve skirted around since it never felt accurate.
  84. >None of the ponies you’ve been assigned to were helpless, they just needed a push in the right direction or a helping hand… So ‘aide’ felt a little more appropriate.
  85. >Before you can start on the rest of your spiel, the mare pipes up.
  86. >”...What’s the point of this?”
  87. “I… What do you mean?”
  88. >She finally turns her head, though she doesn’t seem to be looking at you in specific.
  89. >”These visits.” Her hooves press into the pillow. “I thought I was doing pretty okay on my own… Why would… whoever called… care? They didn’t care before...”
  90. >The mare lowers her head. “I didn’t want to be in some dumb program, even if my dad- he- I know he means well, but…” Her wings ruffle a little and the agitation in her voice falters. “I don’t need somepony at my beck and call… I’m fine.”
  91. >She mumbles another ‘I’m fine’ under her breath as you set your clipboard somewhere nearby.
  92. >It sounds like she’s trying to convince herself more than anything.
  93. >You quietly walk over to the couch and sit down beside her, an action which apparently catches her off guard, as she flinches a little and looks over at you.
  94.  
  95. >Even with her lying against the right armrest, her hooves barely left her side of the couch.
  96. >You guess even if she’s tall by pony standards, she’s still just a little pony to you at the end of the day.
  97. “I know how frustrating that can feel. That sort of… lack of autonomy you might be feeling. I promise I'm not here to take that away from you. I’m just here if you need me for anything, anything at all. Be it to talk or just… sit around. It’s your call at the end of the day.”
  98. >She’s still for an awfully long time and due to not being able to see her eyes, you’re unsure if she’s staring at you or the cushion between the two of you.
  99. >She quietly balls herself up and lowers her head. “You’re not like the last one.”
  100. “I guess that means this isn’t the first time?”
  101. >She nods. “I tried to do everything I could to dodge having another one of you come since that last mare was so… urgh! I felt like a helpless little filly again… She wouldn’t let me do anything by myself!”
  102. >That doesn’t sound like any of the ponies from your office…
  103. “Anyone I would know?”
  104. >”I dunno. You don’t smell like the others.”
  105. >Huh?
  106. >”They all smelled strongly of aloe sanitizer and rubbing alcohol… It was like having a doctor barge into your house and trying to give you a checkup right then and there. It wasn’t invasive or anything and I knew they were just trying to help or whatever, but it was still pretty awful.” She shudders. “I friggin’ hate doctors…”
  107. >She shifts her weight a bit. “But uh- but you? You just smell like a normal pony… I think? I dunno… It’s kinda different and your hoofsteps are weird. I mean- It’s just that I’ve only heard a single pair of them, which is really unusual and uhm… Y-yeah.”
  108. >She fidgets with her hooves a bit. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. I didn’t mean to imply that you’re a weird pony…”
  109. “Well I… That’s because I’m not a pony.”
  110. >She lifts her head. “What?”
  111. “Aw c’mon, it feels pretty obvious mare!”
  112. >You lift up your arms and give her a good ol’ fashion jazz hands.
  113. >Which she… doesn’t react to.
  114. >She tilts her head. ”I don’t really get the joke…”
  115. >Oh she’s gotta be messing with you.
  116. >You cross your arms and huff in a theatrical manner.
  117. “What are you, blind?”
  118. >”...Yeah?”
  119. >You freeze up.
  120. >She brings her forehooves to her face and parts the front of her mane.
  121. >...Revealing a pair of cloudy pale red eyes.
  122.  
  123. >She was clearly trying to look at you, but her fair assumption made her gaze fall somewhere around your midsection rather than your face.
  124. >Celestia’ssaltlickhowthehelldidyounotnoticethatsoonerthesignswerealltherewhatthefuckAnon.
  125. >After your mind finishes up mentally vomiting, you finally snap out of it and shake your head.
  126. “I-I… I’m really sorry.”
  127. >”Yeah… you should be.”
  128. >You let out a sigh and lower your gaze, feeling awf-
  129. >Wait.
  130. >Is- Is she laughing?
  131. >You glance back up and watch her snicker behind her hooves.
  132. >Her laugh was nasally, awkward, and really… cute.
  133. >“Hah… Don’t sweat it dude, I’m not mad or anything. I didn’t think about bringing it up so it’s partially on me.”
  134. >This doesn’t change the fact you probably should have paid attention a little more.
  135. >How do you even miss something as important as that?
  136. >She shakes her head a bit, letting her mane settle back into place.
  137. >”I’m kinda surprised though. You’re telling me nobody told you? Like at all?”
  138. >You rub the back of your neck and chuckle nervously.
  139. “My boss’s boss has this thing about ‘learning as you go’... All I knew about you beforehand was your apartment’s number.”
  140. >”Well that’s dumb.”
  141. “Yeah well, you can blame our glorious princess of friendship for that one… She was the one who had the idea initially.”
  142. >”Who?”
  143. >The genuine question almost gets a laugh out of you, but you stifle it down in your throat before it can rise.
  144. >You wave a hand dismissively… to yourself, you suppose.
  145. “Eh, nopony important, really. She’s just kind of a big nerd with wings.”
  146. >”Wow… nerds with wings are in power these days? I bet she’s got a boatload of bits just by lazing around! She could buy a really nice humidifier with that kind of cash…”
  147. >From her little smile, you guess she finds the thought appealing.
  148. “I’m pretty sure she isn’t even getting paid. She’s more like the princess of internships… and taxes, apparently. I unfortunately learned *that* friendship lesson last week...”
  149. >It was only eight bits that you miscounted but she wound up giving you a morning long lecture about the importance of quintuple checking and blah blah blah...
  150. “She’s always too busy to hang out or grab coffee, but to explain taxes to a grown ass man? Purplesmart is on the case!”
  151. >Jeez…
  152. >The only response the mare can give is a tentative ”That’s weird.” to your rambling.
  153. “Yeah but it is what it is, I guess...”
  154. >After a short stint of dead air, she pipes up.
  155. >”Hey, what did you mean about that whole ‘not being a pony’ thing?”
  156. “Just that. I’m not a pony.”
  157. >”Cool but uh- what are you? Wait- Don’t tell me! I’ll figure it out.”
  158.  
  159. “What do you mean by th-”
  160. >Before you can react, she unfurls a wing forward and brushes it up against you, resulting in her wingtip going all the way from your leg to the side of your face.
  161. >While sudden enough to make you jump a little, the touch was rather pleasant.
  162. >You guess that makes you even, huh?
  163. >Even if it’s just the tip, you can tell her wings are really soft.
  164. >They’d probably be much softer if she took better care of them, though…
  165. “So… did you figure it out?”
  166. >”Nope.”
  167. >The response was flat, but she didn’t sound disappointed.
  168. >She folds her outstretched wing back to her side. “That was kinda pointless… But! I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re pretty tall.”
  169. “Well… You got that one right.”
  170. >She leans back against the armrest again with a sigh. “Mind giving me a hint?”
  171. “I mean… I could just tell-”
  172. >She wiggles a hoof in the air briefly. “Ah buh buh! Hints only… uh… guy.”
  173. “You forgot my name already?”
  174. >The mare crosses her forelegs. “I wasn’t really paying attention before. I was kinda…”
  175. “Ticked off?”
  176. >She shrugs. “More or less, yeah.”
  177. >You straighten up a bit.
  178. “The name’s Anon. It’s nice to meet you.”
  179. >She extends a hoof in the direction of your voice. “Nice to meet you too, Anon.”
  180. >With a sly smile, you extend your hand and…
  181. >Grab hold of her hoof.
  182. >You can’t help but chuckle a little as her face screws up.
  183. >”What… is that?”
  184. “That my dear mare… is your hint.”
  185. >You give her hoof a little squeeze and then let go.
  186. >You can practically see the gears turning in her mind as she sits there with her hoof still in the air.
  187. >She lifts her head enough that it’s *almost* like she’s looking at your face.
  188. >”Are you a bucking minotaur?”
  189. “Nah, but that’s a pretty good guess.”
  190. >You yawn into your hand.
  191. “If you’re that good of a guesser, I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon enough.”
  192. >You clear your throat.
  193. “But enough of that for now. Let’s go back to introductions.”
  194. >She relaxes herself into the armrest once more. “Sure thing, Not Minotaur.”
  195. “One last hint, I don’t have *any* hooves.”
  196. >”Got it.”
  197. >She pauses for a moment and her ears flick. “I uh- I guess you probably don’t know my name yet, huh?”
  198. “That’s a negative, chief.”
  199. >She sits up once more and brings a hoof to her chest. “I’m… I’m Autumn.”
  200. “...That’s all?”
  201. >”Y-yep.”
  202. “I mean… Usually pony names are a little more than a single-”
  203. >”O-okay okay! Jeez… I’ll just… I’ll just say it.”
  204. >You blink.
  205. >You didn’t really notice how embarrassed she was until now.
  206.  
  207. >”M-my name is… Autumnal… P-Potpourri…” She starts to mumble into her throw pillow near the end. “Autumnisjustfinethoughi’dreallypreferjustthat…”
  208. “Sounds like you’re not a fan of potpourri.”
  209. >She lifts her head to protest. “No that’s not… I-I like potpourri a lot! I got tons of it and it smells nice and stuff, but… It’s- it’s just…”
  210. >Autumn’s grip on her pillow tightens once more. “N-nopony says it right a-and it's too long and uhm- uh…”
  211. >She wriggles in place a bit.
  212. >”It’s so awkward and didn’t roll off the tongue like everypony else's but my- my mom always had this way of saying it that just worked and maybe it was because she was my mom that I liked how she said it and I could never say it like she did a-and nopony believed me when I told them they were saying it wrong so I just stopped introducingmyselfasAutumnalp-p-puh…”
  213. >Autumn’s ramblings stop abruptly as she finally takes a deep breath.
  214. >A red-eared Autumn raises her wings a little as if she’s thinking of hiding herself, but she quickly folds them back up and clears her throat.
  215. >“S-sorry…”
  216. “It’s alright, I didn’t mean to open any cans of worms.”
  217. >She lets out a small, nervous laugh. “Y-yeah, that was on me… I guess I’m not so good at keeping my trap shut.”
  218. “Well… When was that last time you got to just talk, Autumn?”
  219. >”I… I dunno? I used to talk to my dad a lot on the phone but he hasn’t answered my calls in… uhm… a-awhile? That’s why I… I got so excited when you said something about a concerned party…”
  220. >She fumbles with her forehooves. “It was probably just one of my dumb neighbors though… I haven’t left my apartment in a bit.”
  221. “Define a bit.”
  222. >Autumn looks up at you. “Maybe a month?”
  223. >Jesus.
  224. “When uh- when was the last time you ate?”
  225. >”Uhm… Yesterday.”
  226. “And what *did* you eat?”
  227. >”...”
  228. >You lean in enough that she notices your breathing, resulting in her squeaking a little and shrinking down.
  229. “...Autumn.”
  230. >”A-a sandwich!”
  231. “What kind of sandwich?”
  232. >”Bread a-and uhm… ketchup? I think I still have a few packets in a drawer somewhere but I’m k-kind of uhm… out of bread now?”
  233. >You get up with a stretch and then turn to Autumn, who was still staring up at where you were, her face flush.
  234. “Well, I think I’ve found what we’re going to do first.”
  235. >”Whu-”
  236. >You bend down enough to give her nose a light booping, causing her to scrunch briefly and sputter.
  237. “We’re going to go shopping!”
  238. >”W-wait!”
  239. >You walk on over to where you left your clipboard and pick it up. As you do, you hear Autumn flop around.
  240. >You glance behind you and see the amusing sight of Autumn upside down and half off the couch, her hind hooves in the air and her tail flowing down to her now exposed belly and almost brushing against her chin.
  241. >Like this, you can clearly see her beet red face and murky eyes as her mane is pooled on the floor.
  242.  
  243. >”We- we can’t!”
  244. >Autumn shrinks a little and crosses her hindlegs. “I- I mean… I can’t.”
  245. “Why not?”
  246. >She fidgets a bit as she tries to come up with an answer.
  247. >”I uhm- You- you see I- I-” She lets out a frustrated little noise and pouts. “I c-c-can’t think clearly right now! It feels like the blood is rushing to my head a-and my face is burning…”
  248. “I think that might have something to do with you being upside down.”
  249. >Autumn freezes up as if something just clicked in her head..
  250. >She awkwardly attempts to pull down her sweater, but due to her current predicament… It simply hikes back up.
  251. >After watching her fruitlessly try to hide her belly for a bit, she settles on just holding her sweater in place with her forehooves.
  252. >She looks… really embarrassed.
  253. >”...I’m sorry.”
  254. “There’s no need to be, Autumn. Maybe… You should try picking yourself up first, and *then* let yourself think.”
  255. >”...Okay.”
  256. >After taking a deep breath, Autumn wriggles a bit and then pushes off the back of the coach with her hindhooves, making her flop the rest of the way onto the floor.
  257. >She flounders for a moment, but quickly manages to bring herself into a sitting position.
  258. “Better?”
  259. >Autumn quietly adjusts her sweater with a little nod.
  260. >She lowers her head as she idly paws at her sweater collar. “I’m not very… sociable. I- I think it’s best if we just make a list. Then I won’t be a uhm… a- a burden.”
  261. >”Autumn.”
  262. >Her ears swivel in your direction, but she doesn’t lift her head.
  263. “You’ve done this plenty of times, right? Going to the store?”
  264. >Another nod.
  265. “Then why can’t you this time?”
  266. >...
  267. >...No answer.
  268. “I… can’t make you go, but I really do think it would do you some good.”
  269. >You slowly walk over to her and once you’re a good foot or so away, you sit down on the floor.
  270. “I can see your hesitation, but I’ll be right here every step of the way.”
  271. >”I…” She lifts her head just enough for you to see one of her eyes poking out from behind her mane. “I want to go outside.”
  272. “But why haven’t you?”
  273. >”I messed up. Badly.”
  274. “Do you… want to talk about it?”
  275. >Her visible eye almost seems watery. “Is that… okay?”
  276. >A question for herself, really, but you respond regardless.
  277. “I won’t judge, I promise.”
  278. >She swallows dryly.
  279. >Autumn gropes the floor beside her, clearly looking for something, but upon noticing it’s not there, she simply balls herself up a little.
  280. >“I just… wanted to get something to eat, so I went to the grocery store not that far away from here… It was quiet and cool out and you could hear crickets… It was… nice.”
  281. >Her wings ruffle uncomfortably. “I made it inside and after narrowly avoiding the greeter, I beelined for the produce section. I think I wanted some pears, I dunno…”
  282. >She lifts a hoof and does a little pushing motion. “I’m usually really good at not doing it, but I suddenly… bumped into something.”
  283.  
  284. >Her ears droop. “I- I didn’t even hit it that hard at all and I- I don’t know what they were but they all started… r-r-rolling!”
  285. >Autumn brings her hooves to her ears and lightly covers them.
  286. >”Crash after crash after crash… It hurt my ears and m-my hooves were wet a-and I was so shocked that my body wouldn’t move so I just *stood* there and I didn’t know what to do…”
  287. >She sniffles. “I th-thought I was gonna die… There were so many voices and- and somepony *grabbed* me with their magic and moved me away from the noisy thing and… and…”
  288. >Autumn trails off into mumbling, her face behind her hooves.
  289. “That sounds… rough.”
  290. >Yet another sniffle. “Mmhm… And th-the worst part? The WORST part?!”
  291. >She takes a shaky breath and tries to compose herself.
  292. >”She didn’t even yell at me.”
  293. >The bitterness in her voice was palpable.
  294. >You blink.
  295. “I… Why is that a bad thing?”
  296. >Her head lulls and her mane brushes against the carpet. “Because it just confirmed my suspicions.”
  297. >”I know the owner’s voice. When she finally took me aside, she sounded so… painfully comforting. Like she was consoling a scared little foal.”
  298. >You feel the urge to get closer as you notice tears starting to tumble down her face, but stay put.
  299. >”I tried talking to her like an adult, like a *normal* pony. I just wanted to tell her that I’ll pay for whatever they were but she wouldn’t LISTEN to me! None of them would! It was like I wasn’t talking at all a-and- and…” Her breathing hitches. “I tried an-and tried to be normal and show everypony that they don’t have to coddle me b-buh-but it keeps happening! Every time I let my guard down and an accident happens I always try to own up to it but then everypony is always like ‘No no Autumn! You didn’t do anything wrong!’ -But I DID! You- You’re just walking on eggshells because you don’t want to hurt my feelings! Just say it to my face! Say that I’m just a *useless* waste of space who’s only being tolerated because she’s some pathetic blind charity case who’s only still breathing because she’s too scared to off herself!”
  300. >You guess that confirms that she’s more than just a little gloomy sounding, but… Jesus.
  301. >As Autumn grits her teeth and covers her tearstained face with her wings, you realize that her chest is heaving… a lot.
  302. >She’s hyperventilating.
  303. >You don’t think you can sit by any longer.
  304. >You crawl over and sit next to her with a huff.
  305. >With one slow motion, you gently set a hand atop one of her shaky wings.
  306. “I know it doesn’t mean much, but… I’m still here, okay?”
  307. >You glance up and survey the living room.
  308. >Sitting on a low table in a nearby corner is a… really nice record player.
  309. >Next to it is a collection of vinyals nestled in a small clear plastic container.
  310. >You think… It’s time to cheer up a sad mare.
  311. “Do you like music, Autumn?”
  312. >She manages a terribly quiet ‘mhm’.
  313. >You stroke her trembling wing a little.
  314. “I hope you don’t mind, but… I think I’m going to play you some.”
  315.  
  316. >You give her wing a pat right before you get up.
  317. “I’ll be right back.”
  318. >She mumbles a bit, but it’s clear she isn’t paying attention at the moment.
  319. >You gingerly make your way across the carpet and kneel beside the container.
  320. >You didn’t recognize a majority of the artists, but you do see a few with the markings of a familiar cellist.
  321. >You thumb through the vinyls for a bit until you pause at one with a particularly worn sleeve.
  322. >’Autumn Nights By Auburn Plume’
  323. >Slipping it out of the collection, you glance over the cover.
  324. >It’s a discolored picture of a lone cabin sitting in the middle of the woods, surrounded by red and orange fallen leaves.
  325. >Vague pony-like shapes linger off to the side of it. From their difference in size and shape, you almost want to say that they were an ethereal little family, posing for a picture with their small abode.
  326. >The scene is warm, but… distant. Like a fond memory you can’t quite recall in detail anymore.
  327. >You think… this is the one.
  328. >Whatever’s on here will help.
  329. >Hopefully.
  330. >You get up and turn to the record player.
  331. >You gently pull the vinyl from its sleeve, which you set atop the container so you can put it away properly later.
  332. >The vinyl itself was modestly plain, the burgundy center simply stating the tracks that were on it.
  333. >What sticks out most about it were the little homemade bumpy labels under each track, or at least an approximation of where each track is.
  334. >You’ve seen braille many times over on Earth, but this was your first encounter with it here.
  335. >Or at least you’re assuming it’s braille. It’s a little… off? It’s not how you remember it, that’s for sure.
  336. >But then again, this is Equestria after all. You’re sure their braille is more accustomed to the use of hooves and whatnot.
  337. >It’s certainly a neat thing to encounter, regardless.
  338. >You clear your throat, trying to focus on the situation at hand instead of marveling at horse dots.
  339. >Anyway… Let’s play this sucker!
  340. >You hoist up the player’s dust cover and place the record snugly in the middle.
  341. >Looking down at the buttons in the front of it, you immediately see the rather large ‘spin’ button.
  342. >Or at least that’s what you’re assuming it is, seeing that once you clicked it the record started to uh- to spin.
  343. >You’re not entirely sure what you’re doing, but this next part you’ve seen loads of times.
  344. >Sticking out your pinkie in an almost posh manner, you hook the tone arm and ease it over until it’s right above the outermost line.
  345. >Alright Anon, all you gotta do now is…
  346. >Drop it.
  347.  
  348. >You let go of the arm, which lazily falls into place, resulting in a quiet crackly rumble to resonate from the pair of tiny built-in speakers.
  349. >The sound persists briefly, until…
  350. >The soft plinks of a lone piano ring out.
  351. >Soon enough, other instruments join in, filling your ears to the brim with musical harmony.
  352. >It’s… quite lovely.
  353. >Up until now, Autumn has been nigh silent behind you, but as the gentle, jazzy intro to the first song plays, you hear her make some sort of noise.
  354. >You turn to look at her and see her staring at the player, her ears perked and her face in an almost confused scrunch.
  355. >She looks like she’s having a hard time registering what’s happening, as she’s currently stiff as a statue, runny tear stains still visible on the fur of her cheeks.
  356. >As she blankly stares in the direction of the music, you take this as an opportunity to sit beside her in front of the couch.
  357. >Just like before, having you brush up against her doesn’t get her to jolt.
  358. >Instead, she simply… leans into you.
  359. >Like you would against a tree after running a marathon.
  360. >Her breathing is a little steadier than before, so that’s a good sign.
  361. “Hey, Autumn?”
  362. >Your voice barely rises above the music that’s playing, but it’s just enough to get her to lift her head and look at you.
  363. >Now that you were so close to her, she seemed to be able to pinpoint your face much easier, as you were currently looking into her puffy, watery eyes.
  364. >”Wh- w-w-whuh…”
  365. >She averts her eyes and swallows dryly, trying to curb the emotionally compromised stutter in her voice.
  366. >Autumn straightens herself up and tries to say something to you, but even with a bit of preparation, all that comes out is a raspy whine.
  367. >You can tell she’s terribly embarrassed by this by how her wings flare weakly, but simply don’t have the strength to attempt to hide her face again, resulting in her letting them rest at her sides again as her reddened face is on full display.
  368. >This would be a lot cuter if she wasn’t in such distress.
  369. “It’s okay, you don’t need to respond. I just need you to do a little exercise with me, okay?”
  370. >You gingerly set a hand on one of her forehooves, noting that she was still trembling a little.
  371. “Just breathe in for… let’s say four seconds, and then breathe out for about the same time. Simple, right?”
  372. >You hope you remember this right.
  373. >Autumn lets out another breathy ‘mhm’ and nods.
  374. “Good, good… It doesn’t need to be perfect, so don’t worry about not being in sync or whatever… Just try to match me as best you can.”
  375. >You give her a brief pat on the back, resulting in her wings ruffling.
  376. “You got this.”
  377.  
  378. >You scooch over until you’re more or less giving her a side hug.
  379. >Seeing that she’s leaning into you a lot more than before, you guess she’s comfortable like this.
  380. “Alright, I suppose I’ll start things up… Just follow along, Autumn.”
  381. >You take a long, deep breath. Shortly after, you hear Autumn join in as well.
  382. >You hold it in for a moment.
  383. >...And then breathe out.
  384. >And then you do it again.
  385. >And again.
  386. >And again…
  387. >You repeat the process long enough for the third or so song on the record to near its end.
  388. >You would have continued onward if it wasn’t for Autumn going dead silent as the fourth song starts up.
  389. >You look over and see that she’s *really* paying attention to the music right now.
  390. >She still looks a little dreary, but it seems like the worst has passed.
  391. “I take it you like this one?”
  392. >She sniffs a bit and rubs one of her eyes. “I… I like the whole thing, really.”
  393. >Autumn takes another deep breath and then leans back against the couch, her forehooves resting above her besweatered belly.
  394. >”But this one is uhm… my favorite.”
  395. “Does it have a name? The song, I mean. I uh- I didn’t take the time to read the tracklist…”
  396. >She nods. “Podzol.”
  397. “Just that huh?”
  398. >”I uhm.. Yeah. It’s- It’s supposed to give off a sort of ‘earthy’ feel? I’ve never frolicked in any forests so I’m not sure what that might be like, but I *have* smelled potting soil before, so… I think I get it a little bit.”
  399. >Autumn wiggles her hindhooves a bit. “But… I think I found my own meaning, innaway.”
  400. >You press your back into the couch like she has, and lounge.
  401. >Or attempt to, anyway. You’re not able to kick back as easily as she can, not being a little pony and all.
  402. “What’s your take away? It… just kinda seems like an instrumental track to me. This whole record is like that, but this one feels a little… different?”
  403. >Autumn brushes a bit of mane out of her face, seemingly not bothering with hiding it like she did before her breakdown.
  404. >”Do you hear the noise in the background?”
  405. >You pause your thoughts for a moment and listen.
  406. “I… Huh. What *is* that?”
  407. >”Birds, bugs, wind… All sorts of sounds of nature.”
  408. >That’s… yeah, that’s exactly what you’re hearing.
  409. >It’s just mixed together in such a way that if you’re not pinpointing it, you wouldn’t make out anything in specific.
  410. “It’s all blended and stuff.”
  411. >Autumn stifles a laugh. It’s weak, but you’re happy she’s able to do it at all.
  412.  
  413. >”It’s like sitting among the fallen leaves, listening to some band playing in the distance.”
  414. >Her little smile persists as she lifts a hoof and traces something in the air.
  415. >”You can hear them just off to your left, just out of view, but no matter how many circles you twirl around in… They’re still there right beside you. Distant, but beside you nevertheless.”
  416. >Autumn’s hoof falls back to her side and she lets out a soft sigh.
  417. >”It’s like you’re not so alone, you know? You might not be able to see them, but you *know* they’re there. I… I like it.”
  418. >She turns her head in your direction with a little chuckle. “That’s kinda pathetic, huh? Trying to replace company with uh- with sound?” She fidgets a bit with her forehooves. “I… I even have a soundscape somewhere that’s literally just chatter with a bit of piano in the back. Like the kind you’d hear in a busy coffee shop? It’s…”
  419. >Autumn’s ears droop. “I-it’s nice... It feels like you’re a part of something instead of just existing in some sort of bubble.”
  420. “So… That’s why you like music?”
  421. >She narrows her eyes briefly as she thinks, but ultimately, she shakes her head.
  422. >”It’s… music is an escape, but I don’t *want* to see it that way. All that- that dumb embarrassing stuff is just me slipping up and letting it get to me, you know?”
  423. >She throws up her forehooves. “I don’t even know why I just told you all that junk! It’s totally unnecessary and- and… Gosh, why am I so friggin…”
  424. >Autumn lets out a defeated sigh and goes limp, letting herself gently slide out of her leaning position and flop onto the ground..
  425. >”I feel so vulnerable. I don’t get it.”
  426. “Well…”
  427. >You lean over and prod her lightly in an exposed bit of belly, resulting in her quickly pulling her sweater back down with a little mumble.
  428. “Have you considered that you might be lonely?”
  429. >Autumn pouts. “Gee Anon, I never thought of that! What a revelation…”
  430. “Aw c’mon! Be serious, Autumn.”
  431. >Her ears fold back once more as she lets out a drawn out sigh.
  432. >”I don’t have friends, for starters. My dad is either ignoring me, or is too busy to even *call*. And worst of all, I utterly embarrassed myself and was infantilized in the one grocery store I know the route of, and haven’t left my apartment ever since! So yeah, I’m lonely.”
  433. >She lets out a frustrated huff. “I’m a lot of things right now…”
  434. >As if on cue, a low growl pierces the soft music around you, resulting in Autumn rolling away from you and curling up with a small ashamed noise.
  435.  
  436. “One of those things being hungry, right?”
  437. >”Y-yeah…”
  438. “I think… that brings us back to our little store problem.”
  439. >Autumn sits up, now sitting somewhere roughly near the middle of the living room.
  440. >”I suppose it does, huh?”
  441. >You shift your weight while you mull over your words.
  442. “I know you’re not willing to go to *that* particular store, but surely we can figure something out, right?”
  443. >You rap your fingers against the carpet.
  444. “How about… the convenience store I saw on the way here!”
  445. >She tilts her head. “There’s a uh- a convenience store nearby?”
  446. >You nod to yourself.
  447. “Yeah, there is. It’s not big or anything, but I think it’d be a perfect fit for a sort of… trial run.”
  448. >”Trial run?”
  449. “Uh-huh. A sort of light jaunt to get you back in the swing of going out and such. We’ll go out, get some grub, and come back! Easy as- uh-”
  450. >Could she make a pie?
  451. “As… instant mac n’ cheese.”
  452. >That’s a little better.
  453. >Maybe.
  454. >Autumn paws idly at the carpet, her head bowed and her unkempt mane starting to get in her face again.
  455. >”I- I dunno if I’m ready yet, Anon…”
  456. “Hey, if it’s any consolation… I’ll be right here every step of the way.”
  457. >You get up and make your way over to the fidgety mare in the middle of the room, and kneel down in front of her.
  458. >You lay a hand on her head and can’t help but smile as she squeaks a little at the sudden contact.
  459. >You pet her mane slowly as you speak.
  460. “Autumn? I know it’s hard for you, but I really do think a bit of fresh air will help clear your head. If you stay cooped up like this you’re just going to feel even worse. You don’t have to rush it, but at least try, okay?”
  461. >She doesn’t move right away, simply letting your hand stay between her ears.
  462. >But soon enough, she lifts her head.
  463. >And... laughs.
  464. >Unlike her previous one, this laugh was much more akin to the one she let out when you first learned of her predicament, nasallyness and all.
  465. >She punctuates the end of her mirth with a small smile.
  466. >”Dude, you sound just like my mom.”
  467. >You share in her smile.
  468. “Is that a good thing?”
  469. >”Yeah… Yeah it is. Thank you Anon and uhm… t-think fast!”
  470. >Before you can react, Autumn swiftly wraps her hooves around you and squeezes.
  471. >It’s not the most comfortable of hugs since she can’t exactly see what she’s doing and currently has her face planted into your chest, but it’s genuine and heartfelt.
  472. >And really, that’s all that matters.
  473. >Without a second thought, you return the gesture.
  474. >You bring your arms around her, tucking your hands under her wings as you do, so you can get as good a grip as you can.
  475. >The underside of her wings were downy, soft, and warm.
  476. >She’s a very cuddly mare.
  477. >The big ol’ sweater certainly adds to that.
  478. >The hug persists.
  479. >For a long, long time.
  480. >Frankly, you feel like it wasn’t just her that needed it.
  481.  
  482. >You’re not entirely sure who stopped hugging who first, but now that the deed was done and dusted, you’ve found yourself sitting beside Autumn once more.
  483. >You wouldn’t call the silence between you ‘awkward’, but it certainly was pervasive.
  484. >With what you can only assume as one of the last songs on the record playing, you continue to sit with her leaning onto you, her wings drooping limply at her sides.
  485. >She wore a mellow expression, her eyes half-lidded and red as she stared blankly in the direction of the music.
  486. >Well uh, her eyes were already kinda red, but due to all the crying they-
  487. >”Anon?”
  488. >You blink.
  489. “I… Yeah, Autumn?”
  490. >She turns her head in an attempt to look at you, but lightly bumps her nose into your shoulder.
  491. >Apparently she wasn’t aware of how close she was, as she scrunches slightly and scoots away an inch or so.
  492. >Now properly distanced by her standards, she resumes looking at you with a small, nervous laugh.
  493. >”I just wanted to say that I’m uh…” She sighs softly. “I’m sorry...”
  494. >You shift your weight slightly.
  495. “What for?”
  496. >She mumbles to herself a little and clears her throat. “For uh- for oversharing and all that jazz…”
  497. >Her head lowers a bit, a slight blush on her face. “And kinda sorta forcing you to hug me…”
  498. >You chuckle a little, making Autumn’s ears flick.
  499. “I wouldn’t say you ‘forced’ me. I could have just sat there, you know.”
  500. >Autumn lets out a quiet little ‘heh’ as she gropes idly at her sweater collar. “That would have been… really awkward.”
  501. “Yeah… Good thing I did, huh?”
  502. >You lean over and nudge her lightly in the shoulder.
  503. >The gesture gets her to wiggle her wings a tad.
  504. “But seriously, I could tell you needed it. After the fit and all.”
  505. >Her blush deepens. “I- I mean… I don’t know if I’d call it a uhm…”
  506. >Autumn takes a deep breath, regaining a fraction of her composure.
  507. >”Okay so maybe it was a fit, so what?”
  508. >You can tell she’s trying to act tough, but the wavering in her voice betrays her true feelings.
  509. “It’s… it’s okay to cry sometimes, Autumn. Or letting out your emotions in general, really. Bottling things up just makes it all sort of implode sooner or later.”
  510. >”I…”
  511. >She shrinks down a little. “I’ll admit that this isn’t the first time, but it’s never happened in front of somepony before…”
  512. >Autumn lays herself on the floor, her head resting against the carpet.
  513. >”Sometimes I start feeling really bad and it just… happens. I hate it.”
  514.  
  515. “Is this a frequent thing?”
  516. >”No, not really… But I guess it happens a lot more when I uh…”
  517. >She lets out a weak laugh. “When I coop myself up, like you said…”
  518. >Her expression is vaguely melancholic as she continues. “Everything just piles on and on until it all comes tumbling down, huh? Is there anything I can even do about it? I mean, I can feel it coming, but I never can calm down quick enough… I don’t get it. I’m always so helpless…”
  519. ”I dunno, Autumn. Emotions… Emotions are complicated. I…”
  520. >You sigh.
  521. ”I wish I had something better to say, but I’m not great at uh- at introspection…
  522. >She turns her head until she’s more or less facing you, looking a little embarrassed. “Gosh, I'm really scatterbrained, huh? Sorry for trying to use you as a sort of… Impromptu therapist.”
  523. “Eh, I don’t mind. I said you could talk about whatever you wanted to, after all.”
  524. >She lifts her head from the ground, her messy mane bobbing slightly as she halts her ascent.
  525. >”But I’m sure this is way above your paygrade, like, all of this.”
  526. >She trails a hoof against the floor. “Letting some sad sack whine at you…”
  527. “Pff, who cares about that? I’m more concerned about you than I’d ever be with some paycheck.”
  528. >Autumn’s ears swivel a little towards you.
  529. >”Do you really… mean that?”
  530. >You rub your chin.
  531. “Hmm…”
  532. >You twirl a finger in the air a bit as she stares through you, anticipating some kind of answer.
  533. >You then give her nose another gentle boop on the snoot, resulting in her scrunching once again.
  534. “Course I do! Do you think I’d do half the stuff I’ve done so far if I didn’t?”
  535. >She squirms a little. ”I-I uhm…”
  536. >Autumn lifts her head, a small, wobbly smile on her face.
  537. >”T-thanks again, Anon...”
  538. “Any time.”
  539. >Autumn sits up once more and straightens her sweater a tad.
  540. >Her wings finally fold to her sides again as she takes a deep breath.
  541. >Frankly, you’re not entirely sure why they got all droopy after the hug, but it doesn’t seem that big of a deal.
  542. >”I… think I’m okay now.”
  543. “You sure?”
  544. >She nods. “I feel… normal? I dunno if that’s the right word to describe it, but I don’t feel all weepy anymore.”
  545. >Autumn’s ears flick, clearly listening out for something.
  546. >Autumn brings herself to her hooves and cranes her neck in the direction of the finished record, now simply playing a soft crackling noise.
  547. >”I’m… gonna turn that off.”
  548. “Ah, do you want help?”
  549. >She shakes her head. “Nah, I’m good. Thanks though.”
  550. “You seem to be in quite the thankful mood, eh?”
  551. >She stifles a laugh. “Hah, I guess I am, dude! I guess I am…”
  552.  
  553. >You watch her shuffle quietly across the room, stopping once she’s in front of the record player.
  554. >She unfurls a wing and feels at the player.
  555. >”Everything seems in order…” She mumbles.
  556. >In one fell swoop she puts the tone arm to rest with her outstretched wing and scoops up the vinyl into a crux of a foreleg.
  557. >”Um- Anon? Where did ya put the slip?”
  558. “It’s on the… One sec, I’ll get it.”
  559. >You get up and dust yourself off a bit.
  560. >You walk over to Autumn’s side and grab the sleeve from the top of the container of records.
  561. “Just… put out a hoof I guess?”
  562. >”Gotcha.”
  563. >Autumn sits herself down and takes the sleeve from you with her free hoof once you manage to give it to her.
  564. >She hums to herself as she attempts to slip the vinyl inside the sleeve, a wing steadily laying atop the plastic container of records.
  565. >Autumn gets up, turns to the container, pauses momentarily to think, and then gingerly puts the vinyl away.
  566. >She lets out a sigh and shakes her body in an almost dog-like manner, a couple downy feathers coming off her unkempt wings.
  567. >You briefly wonder what pegasi preening etiquette is, since you kind of want to just cut out the middle mare and take a brush to her wings yourself…
  568. >”Fwuh, all done!”
  569. “How do you know where that one is? You just sorta… stuck it in there.”
  570. >Autumn pauses briefly, tilting her head. “I assure you I know exactly where it is! And even if I miscounted, It’s not hard to tell which one it is by feeling alone.”
  571. >She turns in your direction and does a little gesture with a hoof. “It’s rather rough compared to the rest of my collection and has a bit of a notch on one end, making it quite obvious when you go past it!”
  572. >Autumn sniffs a little. “Helps that it smells like almonds, too.”
  573. “It does?”
  574. >Well, you didn’t exactly go around sniffing her records, so it makes sense you’d miss that.
  575. >She nods. “It’s faint, but it still smells like when my mom first gave it to me on my birthday one year… My dad was baking almond sandies at the time, you see, and he accidentally spilt almond extract on my wrapped present! Mom was a little peeved at the time since it was her first album, but I think she let it go when she realized it thankfully didn’t mess up the vinyl.”
  576. >Autumn stifles a laugh and paws unconsciously at the carpet with a hoof. “In a way… I’m really glad it happened! It made it easy to recognize, even if it's mixed in with the rest of my favorites…”
  577. >Autumn punctuates her nostalgic tangent with a soft sigh.
  578. >”Mmn… Sorry, I got carried away.”
  579. “It’s alright. It’s nice to hear you’ve got some nice memories swimming around in there somewhere.”
  580. >She nods slowly, a dreamy smile on her face.
  581.  
  582. >Seeing that she’s reminiscing right now, you might as well get ready while she’s distracted.
  583. >You get up with a groan and grab your clipboard from off the ground.
  584. >You place it against the wall by the front door and glance back at Autumn.
  585. >Jeez, she’s quick when you’re not looking.
  586. >She’s already back up on the couch, but she seems a little confused as to where her pillow is, as she’s currently groping the couch cushion beside her.
  587. >You briefly survey the area and lock onto the throw pillow laying underneath a nearby table.
  588. >You have a feeling she probably won’t be able to find it in a timely manner…
  589. >You pick it up and turn to Autumn.
  590. “Found your pillow.”
  591. >Man, this thing is soft… No wonder she likes it so much.
  592. >Her ears swivel in your direction. “Oh! I uh- I was looking for that…”
  593. “I could tell!”
  594. >You sit down on the couch and place the pillow between you.
  595. “It’s beside you now.”
  596. >She unfurls a wing and inches it in your direction, slowly making her way to the pillow.
  597. >You think she’s going so slow as to not thwack you with an outstretched wing, but it looks like she’s overthinking things a tad.
  598. >Once she finally identifies it, she pulls it towards herself by curling her wing around it.
  599. >Now within hoof range, she picks it up and brings it into a hug as she leans back into the couch.
  600. >”Thanks dude, uh- again… Heh…”
  601. “No problem, Autumn.”
  602. >As you sit with her, you realize how quiet it was without the music.
  603. >Besides the low rumble of the heat in the apartment, all you could identify was both your breathing and the occasional shifting of weight on the couch.
  604. >Sometimes you miss the white noise of a TV being on 24/7, it makes things feel less lonely.
  605. >But… you suppose that’s what the records are for, huh?
  606. >”Hey, are you still there?”
  607. >You turn to Autumn, who once again had her pillow resting in her lap.
  608. “Hm? Yeah, I am.”
  609. >”I uhm…” She takes a deep breath. “I think I can do it.”
  610.  
  611. “Do… what?”
  612. >She squirms a little, her head bowed slightly. “...Go outside.”
  613. >You smile.
  614. “Really now?”
  615. >She nods curtly. “As- as long as you’re here, I think it won’t be so bad…”
  616. “Baby steps, Autumn. Remember that.”
  617. >Another little nod.
  618. “Like I said, we’ll just hop on over, get dinner, and come right back. I’m sure we’ll grab some holdovers while we’re there too, but that’s the main objective. Sounds good?”
  619. >She brushes a bit of her mane out of her face and looks up at you, a hesitant look in her eye. “Is it okay to admit I’m a little scared?”
  620. >She wiggles a little in place.
  621. >”I mean… What if somepony recognizes me? What… what if they tell the owner of *that* store what I did? What if that owner tells other owners and soon enough I’m blacklisted from every store ever?!”
  622. >Autumn pauses and takes a few deep breaths, very similar to the ones you coached her on before.
  623. >”I… Sorry.”
  624. >If it wasn’t obvious before, that incident at the grocery store was a *really* big deal.
  625. >A big enough deal that she held herself up in her apartment for long enough to be gnawing on sauce packets and bread that you’re really hoping wasn’t moldy yet…
  626. “To answer your question… Yeah, It’s okay. Just don’t let it get the best of you and keep your chin up.”
  627. >”Keep my chin up…”
  628. “If something *does* happen, I’ll be here to smooth things over, okay? But honestly Autumn, I highly doubt anything will.”
  629. >”I know I know… Just… Getting the last bits of anxiety out of my system…”
  630. “I hear screaming into a pillow helps.”
  631. >Autumn squeezes her throw pillow, seemingly offended. “I’d never.”
  632. >You chuckle lightly.
  633. “Alrighty then.”

Testament

by Castafae

Letters for Gray Garden

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Novel Pursuits with Radio Star

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Fae Green Archive

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Fae's Party Adventure

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