ARCHIVE Twilight studies Anon and Mac (RGRE)


                                            >Journal of Twilight Sparkle.

                                            >Officially one thousand and three years since the initial banishment of Nightmare Moon and redemption of Princess Luna.

                                            >Season; Summer.

                                            >Moon in scorpio, Sun in virgo.

                                            >This journal is dedicated to the official study of the elusive and beautiful creature we know as the 'stallion'.

                                            >In particular, studies may be in part directed to the creature dubbed 'Anon' for a majority of this tomes textual corpus.

                                            >Comparisons in the natural Equine Stallion and the endangered solitary Human 'Male' may prove useful.

                                            >Subjects of today's study; Anon and Big Mac. What does the interaction of a stallion and human 'male' look like?

                                            >Also, do they practice kissing on each other?

                                            >Measures taken for safety and integrity of research: Binoculars and residence inside large apple tree.

                                            >Location: Sweet Apple Acres, naturally.

                                            >Observation and record of interaction: At approximately thirteen hundred hours Subjects Anonymous and Big Macintosh (hereby referred to as Anon and Bic mac) Spotted exiting Apple Family Home.

                                            >"Anon," the words dribbled off of Big Macs lips like a quiet ghost, the hint of something curious in his voice.

                                            >"Yeah?"

                                            >"How long you reckon you been here for now?"

                                            >Anon stops, his hands buried deep into his pockets as he looks up into the sky.

                                            >Subject looks into the sky for a while, I'm worried about potential compromise-until he turns his gaze back to Big Mac. His hoove..

                                            >Strike, 'Hand' Lifts up to rub at the back of his head. Nervous?

                                            >"I dunno jeeze, it'd just turned to 2010 when I came into Equestria.."

                                            >"Maybe three years?"

                                            >"Hrm," Big Mac mutters, chewing on a piece of hay (note; Cute!)

                                            >At this point, both subjects become quiet. Big Mac begins to tarry on about farm with tasks while Anon follows him.

                                            >Big Mac really shouldn't be doing this kind of work by himself, Applejack and Apple Bloom should step in as the mares of the family. Belongs in kitchen cooking for matriarch of family, Granny Smith.

                                            >later that night, you're in the office trying to explain the same thing that ATC tried to explain

                                            "It looked like a portal or something just swallowed it."

                                            >you shrug, there wasn't much you could see from the other end of the tarmac

                                            >CO puts a report in to his higher ups, as of now it's just reported missing

                                            >you have dinner on-base and head back to your dorm

                                            >it was shared, but not that bad, there was a kitchen and a shared bathroom between you and the other guy

                                            >hardly even saw him

                                            >after falling asleep, you wake up to a strange sound in your side of the bedroom

                                            >in the dark, you take your pillow and throw it

                                            >there's a light thump and a gasp

                                            >"I-I've been spotted..."

                                            "Jenkins fuck outta here, get your own psp."

                                            >"Uh..."

                                            >...

                                            >you feel around for the lamp by your bed and twist the knob to turn it on

                                            >going from pitch black to light was painful as ever, you squinted around the empty room

                                            >what was it that you heard?

                                            >then you notice something posed in the corner holding perfectly still

                                            >it looked like a robot or something, you jump back and press against the opposite wall, rolling out of bed

                                            "Oh shi-"

                                            >"Hold on, don't freak out." it says, realizing it's been spotted and coming across the room

                                            >it's the fucking terminator or something

                                            >or Black Mirror, or maybe Deus Ex Machina

                                            >you didn't know any other killer robot movies

                                            >you get up and keep the bed between you and it, going the other way as it tries to come around

                                            >"Please, can we talk?"

                                            >Highly unusual for stallion to be given position of hard labor especially, perhaps this is due to lack of proper male role model in the Apple family.

                                            >Note to self; observe for any signs of stallion whimsy in regards to 'gender equality', lack of proper traditional values may explain stallion radicalization.

                                            >Approximately two hours pass before Big Mac speaks again, his body is covered in beautiful foamy glistening sweat in the light of Celestia's sun.

                                            >Apple bucking is hard work, there's a light pant that comes from him before speaking as he pulls his legs back and sets them onto the ground.

                                            >Anon is picking up fallen apples for his companion, when stallion in question finally does speak again.

                                            >"Don't suppose you have a marefriend then, do you?"

                                            >Anon stops, he's since then stood over a barrel with bundle of apples grasped in his arms.

                                            >"Uh," Anon looks to Big mac, then back to the apples in his arm before proceeding to drop the load into the awaiting barrel beneath.

                                            >"No, no 'marefriend'...I'm not.." Subject appears to be struggling with articulating his thoughts.

                                            >"Why's that now 'Nonymous?"

                                            >"Not really interested in fucking horses to be honest with you,"

                                            >Big Macs eyes widen at the drop of the anti-stallion slur, light blush forming on his cheeks he turns his head away from Anon.

                                            >"Ain't uh," he coughs into the air " Ain't never heard somep0ny call a mare that before."

                                            >Apple family at least seems to have traditional values when it comes to swearing.

                                            >Subjects begin to go back to bucking and collection of apples after period of awkward silence.

                                            >Anon seems uncomfortable with light intrusive questioning into his private romantic affairs. Possibly a stallion with his virtue intact?

                                            >Perhaps Anon needs help learning to be brave in dating mares. Opening up..

                                            >Big Mac could hold him gently and nicker at his neck and remind him that he's loved and safe here. Tell him any herd is lucky to have him and show him how easy it is to please a mare..

                                            >Note to self: Bring napkins on next outing, large droplets of sweat from forehead damaging and smudging ink of journal.

                                            >Another approximate thirty minutes pass as the two set on work for the farm.

                                            >Both subjects covered in thick sweat from working under the heat of the summer sun. I cannot help but imagine what the smell of the two would be like down there.

                                            >This should be stated that it is NOT perverted to enjoy the stench of a stallion, they simply have a delectable aroma to them that your average mare lacks.

                                            >Ten more minutes pass before either party speaks again.

                                            >"Hope y'can forgive me now," big mac says with an apple between his teeth before dropping it into a free barrel set beside the tree.

                                            >"Ain't really meant to upset you none, just was wondering is all."

                                            >Anon shrugs, says nothing.

                                            >A minute or so of silence here.

                                            >"Just worry, know it can be lonely not having nop0ny that's all."

                                            >"..Look," Anon sighs, the two finish filling the barrels of this tree and move to the next.

                                            >It is at this time, terrifyingly, I have realized they have been slowly moving toward tree I have taken residence in.

                                            >Prayers are said to Celestia that research is not damaged with their finding of me.

                                            >"I appreciate it, honestly. Sorry i got a bit aggressive back there. Just..it's a little uncomfortable to have to explain over and over again that I'm not interested in mares."

                                            >Big Mac eyes him for a moment, then nods. Is Anon implying what I think he is?

                                            >"Well," the voice of the red stallion is cool like the water of the town fountain is.

                                            >"Well?" asks Anon, leaning himself back against the tree I've taken residence in.

                                            >"Don't suppose you'd like to be boyfriends now would you?"

                                            >Anon's eyes go wide at this question, he shifts his stance to a noticeably more offensive stance.

                                            >"Look I don't know what kind of idea you got here but-"

                                            >Big mac walks up closer to him, he whispers out a quiet "Shhh," lifting up his big hoove to Anons lips and pressing them shut.

                                            >Anon visibly sweating more as the stallion nearly pins him against the tree, pulling his hoove back down.

                                            >"Anon, y'aint gotta be scared none."

                                            >"Oh jesus christ,"

                                            >"I know it's hard, lots of things are hard. A long life alone makes me pretty hard at times. Can't lie none and say I wasn't hard when you said you'd be helping out around the farm this mornin'"

                                            >"Oh god somehow I knew it would all end like deliverance.."

                                            >Oh.

                                            >Oh Celestia, this is vital research. Currently finding self extremely aroused, thus testing obviously for the natural reaction of stallion induced stimuli on mares.

                                            >Current research tool; branch underneath me.

                                            >This does not count as masturbation as it is purely research, I'm not a sex offender like Fluttershy.

                                            >"I like 'ya and I want 'ya Anon,"

                                            >"Oh christ please, come on man not like this-"

                                            >"Anon no need to worry, I'll go easy on you in the dungeon this week too."

                                            >Now slick branch creaking loudly due to increased friction from as conversation continues. Anon and Big Mac stop speaking to look around for moment.

                                            >Gotta be more careful.

                                            >"You don't gotta do this Mac-"

                                            >"Me and Spike have been boyfriends long while now too, nice to have somep0ny else now join."

                                            >"What."

                                            >What?

                                            >"Sure, me and ol' Spike go oubliette crawling on weekends together."

                                            >"Big Mac, when you say boyfriends what exactly do you mean..?"

                                            >Big mac lowers a brow at the question "Mean that we should be close pals, ain'tcha ever had a friend before Anon?"

                                            >A moment of silence, Anon takes in a sharp exhale and then doubles over pressing his hands to his knees.

                                            >"Ohhh god, fuck man," he breathes out, beads of sweat dripping onto the ground.

                                            >"Yeah," a rough exhale "Yeah I'll be friends with you and Spike that sounds nice."

                                            >"Y'all alright now there Anon? You don't look so good.."

                                            >"I'm fine just uh, just got a little heated there. Think we could go inside soon?"

                                            >Big mac rolls his eyes "Sure thing,"

                                            >"Just gotta get the apples outta this here tree first."

                                            >Fifteen hundred hours approximately, research now officially compromised.

                                            >No need to panic, just gotta turn off the automatic writing spell and teleport outta here.

                                            >Oh no. No no no no no.

                                            >Teleportation spell compromised, I..

                                            >I can't 'let go' of the branch.

                                            >Please Celestia don't let Big Mac-

                                            >With a mighty thunderous collision Big Mac's hooves make impact with the bark of the tree fiercely.

                                            >Apples detach and fall at rapid pace to the ground, the slick mare juices covering the branch form into a globule and drop down onto the forehead of a now standing Anon.

                                            >Anon looks up to see the wet assailant and screams, the branch breaks still clenched inside.

                                            >Everything turns to black when the ground catches me.


                                            >Now night fall.

                                            >Currently in hospital bed.

                                            >Nurse redheart informed me that "Your body refused to..let the branch go."

                                            >Being treated for broken leg and 'severe vaginal splinters.'

                                            >Big Mac and Anon bought the lie you told Applejack about checking the trees for parasprites apparently.

                                            >Tearful apology letter for bucking a branch into you and bouquet at your bedside.

                                            >Conclusion; praise harmony for stallion whimsy.