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RGRE Promptbin 003

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 18th December 2020 12:21:17 AM

  1. >because of your marely personality and the fact that you have nipples you have been challenged to some friendly wrestling by a Minotaurs passing through town
  2.  
  3. >tfw monkeytaurs are legendary creatures in Bovarian culture
  4. >at least that's what she thinks you are
  5. >your species's strength and power has been shilled by minotaurs longer than either of you have been alive
  6. >news of this 'little' contest has spread across the land, many tall bovine amazons have come from far and wide to witness it
  7. >you've never set foot in a gym in your life
  8.  
  9.  
  10. >However, as you soon discover, that's not needed
  11. >For all their bulk, minotaurs are surprisingly weak
  12. >Bovarian culture idolizes strength, and excessive muscle is considered a sign of beauty
  13. >Over the centuries have perfected the art of easy, visible gains
  14. >They look like roided up bodybuilders, but in terms of actual strength, they're not much stronger than an average human
  15.  
  16.  
  17. >anon starts lifting 
  18. >he gets gains but most aren't visible 
  19. >he has almost no muscle tone
  20. >Minotaurs are baffled 
  21. >any mino that spent that much time lifting would look like the hulk
  22.  
  23.  
  24. >A story begins to spread
  25. >the monkeytaur is quietly drinking in a tavern, when four drunken minotaurs decide to pick a fight with the small, slightly-built creature
  26. >They're emboldened when the monkeytaur tries to politely discourage the fight by any means he can
  27. >They find that the monkeytaur is not only insanely strong, but very, very agile as well. 
  28. >One minotaur lands a haymaker which does exactly nothing. The monkeytaur simply keeps dodging and weaving and avoiding every other blow.
  29. >It ends with three unconscious minotaurs, all of whom succeeded in knocking each other unconscious in their efforts to land a hit on the monkeytaur
  30. >The last minotaur decides that cowardice is the better part of valor and runs, leaving monkeytaur Anon to his drink. 
  31. >"The Juggernaut Monkeytaur is faster than lightning and stronger than ten minotaurs. He is a storm, and only a lunatic or a fool picks a fight with a storm."
  32.  
  33.  
  34.  
  35. >The legend grows and spreads
  36. >Minotaurs begin making pilgrimages to the Monkeytaur to prove themselves. 
  37. >the goal isn't to defeat him, since no one ever has, it's just to see how long they can stand up to him in a fight. 
  38. >in each and every case, the Monkeytaur tries to dissuade them
  39. >when they refuse, he takes them down as fast as possible while doing as little damage as possible
  40. >even losing a fight to him becomes a mark of prestige
  41.  
  42.  
  43.  
  44.  
  45.  
  46.  
  47. >Anons adventures have ended.
  48. >He's saved the world, conquered the horsepussy, even removed the stick from Luna's ass.
  49. >After settling down with a certain purple spastic princess they had some kids.
  50. >Those kids grew up, with Anon taking on a very paternal role because while he might be a dick they're his kids and he'll be damned if they're not brought up right.
  51. >His two daughters got married and moved away.
  52. >But now, they're coming back to ponyville.
  53. >It's time for the grandkids to meet their kind and borderline psychotic abuelito
  54.  
  55. "Now nieta, making burritos is an art, first, you start from the skin..."
  56. "Nieta, you don't worry about boys. Work hard, and boys will come to you, just like your abuela."
  57. "Remember always, you have the blood of a conquistador in you. If you ever lose faith in yourself, remember that abuelito has faith in you."
  58.  
  59.  
  60.  
  61.  
  62.  
  63. >A long time ago, before Sombra rose to power, the Crystal Empire was home to several humans.
  64. >The Empire had aided the human kingdom in their time of need, and in gratitude, they sent a small group of Guards for the royal family, and the Crystal Heart.
  65. >But Sombra distrusted them, he suspected they would oppose his ambitions and his methods.
  66. >It was not a simple endeavor, for they were resistant to many forms of magic, but he was able to seal them away
  67. >They were all but forgotten until the newest Princess of the Empire stumbled upon them and accidentally shattered the spell entombing them in crystal.
  68.  
  69. >Captain Anonymous and his men find themselves flung far into the future, and thrown into a duty they hadn't really expected
  70. >Giving the Empress a break and babysitting Flurry Heart
  71. >Stallions are supposed to be good with kids right?
  72. >Anonymous has a bad feeling about this, after hearing the palace staff gossiping, and learning of their nickname for his new charge.
  73. >'The Alicorn of Mayhem
  74.  
  75.  
  76.  
  77.  
  78. >Anon is walking home on hearts and hooves day
  79. >He ventured into town only to grab some of those bomb ass heart shaped sugar cookies from SCC
  80. >He decides to take a short cut through the park
  81. >As he is walking past mares and stallions acting all lovey dovey something out of place strikes his ears
  82. >Its crying
  83. >He follows the sound and finds a lone mare seated on a bench crying into a mostly destroyed flower bouquet
  84.  
  85.  
  86.  
  87.  
  88.  
  89. *Pic of singed and injured mane 6*
  90. >Not all of their adventures are as happy go lucky as others
  91. >It leaves them more disheveled than most would be comfortable with, to say the least
  92. >But that won't stop them
  93. >After all, who's gonna do it if not them?
  94. >But it's not the wounds that hurt
  95. >Those never last, and there's never any serious damage
  96. >What hurts is that outside of their family they have no one to comfort them
  97. >no one to hold them close and tell them everything will be alright
  98. >All they have is each other so on the rare occasion that a stallion does approach one of them they have to deny them
  99. >It's either all of them or none of them
  100.  
  101.  
  102. >They were the heroes that saved the world
  103. >Again
  104. >They were dirty, battered, and bruised
  105. >But victorious
  106. >Evil had risen, and been beaten back
  107.  
  108. >Soon they would be back on the dusty trail
  109. >Heading back home
  110. >But for now, they rested in the nearly empty saloon as the long day came to an end
  111. >Then sleep, and a new day
  112. >That was the plan anyway
  113.  
  114. >Right up until the sound of wood slamming drew their attention to the entrance
  115. >A familiar face was looking around wildly, before settling it's gaze on them and rushing over
  116. >They could see a torrent of emotions battling for control of his features
  117. >Joy, fear, anger, relief, love
  118. >His jaw moved and he gesticulated wildly with his hands, but he couldn't seem to figure out what he wanted to say or do first.
  119. >His eyes darted back and forth to their various injuries
  120. >Twilight noticed that his eyes were drawn repeatedly to her own bandaged one.
  121. >"Anon! It's uh, it's not as bad as it looks?" Twilight managed to say, without as much confidence as she would have liked
  122. "We're all fine, darling. Nothing a little rest and recuperation won't fix." Rarity added.
  123.  
  124. >His face scrunched up
  125. >He stood straighter, closed his eyes, took a deep breath and visibly calmed himself
  126. >They could barely hear him mumble to himself 
  127. "Sunbutt is gonna have a new bootprint cutie mark when I'm done with her."
  128. >When he looked again he nudged Pinkie's slice of cake closer to her and ruffled her poofy hair
  129. >She hummed happily and licked some frosting off.
  130.  
  131. >"Pull up a seat sugarcube, you look like you ran from home all the way here." AJ waved her bandaged hoof down at his dusty dishelved clothes
  132. >She squeezed Dash against her side with the other and whispered, "Hey, Dashie, guess who's here?"
  133. >Rainbow just mumbled sleepily and nuzzled AJ's side
  134.  
  135.  
  136.  
  137.  
  138.  
  139.  
  140.  
  141. >go to fancy restaurant
  142. >tell them to leave the fucking flowers out of the pasta
  143. >they act like you just committed a culinary sin with their barely concealed contempt
  144. >go to smoothie joint
  145. >order a strawberry smoothie
  146. >no hay, you tell them
  147. >they keep all the leaves on the strawberries 
  148.  
  149. Reeeeeeee
  150.  
  151.  
  152.  
  153.  
  154.  
  155. >Anon trolls on the pony internet
  156. >Likes to frequent boards just to make fun of the kissless virgins
  157. >Ponies tell him to kill himself and stream it
  158. >For a laugh he fakes his own death on a stream
  159. >The lonely mares realize they just killed someone
  160. >Not just anyone but a stallion!
  161. >And not just ANY stallion but the only REAL human in equestria
  162. >Anon singlehandedly breaks the pony internet for a few days until he puts out another video proving he is alive
  163.  
  164.  
  165.  
  166.  
  167. >Anon's scent acts like catnip to the ponies
  168. >Despite still trying to act marely, they end up being like drugged up cats
  169. >Tensions arise between Canterlot, the Crystal Empire, and Ponyville as each Princess tries to persuade Anon to stay/migrate
  170. >The only pony immune is one Anon has a mutual dislike of/is mutually tsundere of (Luna?)
  171. >They're forced to be around each other due to circumstances
  172.  
  173.  
  174.  
  175.  
  176. >anon has a super potato on stream
  177. >potato's alone are bad enough but he added pulled pork (ponies think he pulled it from the bone), queso with RED PEPPER, sour cream and GREEN FUCKING ONIONS.
  178. >anon just at the pony equivalent to breaking into a hospital drug room and injecting your self with everything and eating all the pills in sight
  179.  
  180.  
  181.  
  182.  
  183. I always like the old prompt idea that NOTHING in Equestria can survive losing too much magic in their bodies, but Anon can, and there are certain (moderately rare) materials/environments that are "universally" known to be very dangerous, as they drain ALL magic from the very localized environment.
  184. >IE, a specific kind of uncomon/rare mineral (say, certain forms of obsidian?) will kill any known life that touches it for longer than a second or two TOPS.
  185. >Anon uses a lump the size of his fist as a paper weight on his desk.
  186. >Inevitably, Twilight is ecstatic about the discovery of any life that can thrive despite prolonged exposure to something that could kill even dragons with mere seconds of contact.
  187.  
  188. This sort of thing allows for shenanigans to abound. Also, this adds the potential for anon to be incredibly dangerous, and he's playing on easy-mode when hunting large game in the forest.
  189.  
  190. >Roseluck: "Princess Twilight says Anon kills the animals he eats from the Everfree by stabbing them with bucking VOID STONE!"
  191. >Lily: "Isn't that the black death rock stuff that steals all the mana in you?!"
  192.  
  193. It'd be like the pony equivalent of an interdemensional alien chick who was entirely immune to ionizing radiation.
  194.  
  195.  
  196.  
  197.  
  198.  
  199. > Ponies don't even known about blood, bone or actual medicine
  200. > Every "injury" can be healed by a half-assed bandage, every "disease" can be healed by the same pill (made from flour and sugar)
  201. > Ponies think Anon used a terrifying magical curse that filled asshole pony's snout with red, warm and sticky substance to make him feel "un-healable" pain
  202. > Anon just shrug and say that he got much worse from drunken fight with his friends
  203. > Humans are the Cenobites of Equestria
  204.  
  205.  
  206.  
  207.  
  208. >Anon came to Equestria wearing bondage gear
  209. >Nothing super crazy, just a basic leather harness
  210. >Doesn't even have a codpiece
  211. >By Equestrian standards, it's an unspeakable torture device
  212. >To lock a stallion up, confine him with the very skin of another dead creature-!
  213. >Twilight tries to 'rescue' him from it, but he gets pissed and whacks her hard enough to bruise
  214. >She thinks it's some horrific alien infection that'll kill her slowly
  215. >Anon is a terrifying succubus from another dimension
  216.  
  217.  
  218.  
  219.  
  220. >Fluttershy has mild telepathic and empathic abilities (Harmony magic be crazy yo)
  221. >She can't totally control when they work, and it's mostly limited to simple animals
  222. >That's how she can communicate with them and understand them when they 'talk' to her.
  223.  
  224. >She discovers by accident that it also works on Anon
  225. >At first she thought she'd just let her daydreaming get away from her
  226. >But soon realizes that the lewd thoughts running through her head are from Anon's POV
  227. >His fantasies about what he'd like to do to her
  228. >Unf
  229. >She would never have guessed, he didn't show any outward signs of arousal that she could tell
  230. >And colts didn't think these things
  231. >Not even alien ones
  232. >Did they?
  233.  
  234.  
  235.  
  236.  
  237.  
  238. >Anon, a metal head, forms a double-act with Rarity
  239. >They shred the guitar, yo
  240. >Become famous throughout Equestria
  241. >Despite the prejudices of his having a dong
  242. >They grow closer
  243. >Rock Star Lifestyle
  244. >Somehow completes some bullshit ascension thing during a masterful performance
  245. >We bad Alicorn OC of Shred Metal now
  246. >Less than happy of being turned into a goddamn pony
  247. >At least he still has his dick
  248. >No gender-bending bullshit, mercifully
  249. >Unfortunately, a whole new can of stereotypes, expectations, and preconceptions hit him as he's their version of a "pretty pony princess" now
  250. >Even the Princesses act different around him
  251. >Relationship becomes strained with Rarity as situation pressures them
  252.  
  253.  
  254.  
  255.  
  256. >After returning to Equestria to settle down, Sunset begins dating Anon.
  257. >Having lived in a world where gender-roles are opposite to Equestria's, Anon and her settle in well together.
  258. >Other ponies are baffled by how they interact/act.
  259. >...Trixie, Starlight, and Twilight might feel a bit of envy towards Sunset for nabbing Anon, too.
  260.  
  261.  
  262.  
  263.  
  264.  
  265.  
  266. >other countries take note of the first alicorn prince EVER
  267. >dragons keep show up trying to kidnap Anon
  268. >even Spike has an urge he can't explain to try kidnapping Anon
  269. >foreign leaders try to court Anon or set their daughters up with him
  270. >Shining is unreasonably suspicious of him due to Anon's domain being carnal pleasure
  271. >Anon basically is forced into a role of a Disney Princess
  272.  
  273.  
  274.  
  275. The dragons wake up one morning to find their Dragon Lord, Ember, missing. She's not seen until weeks later, when she's "discovered" to have been in Prince Anon's house - exhausted, messy, having difficulty walking, and steadfastly refusing to say anything about the last week.
  276. Her subjects know, though. The look in her eyes says it all. They all know the score, now. Everything has changed. For you see, in Soviet RGRE, princes kidnap dragons
  277.  
  278.  
  279.  
  280. >Mares become somewhat aggressive when pregnant
  281. >Normally this means the mare is a bit snippy and hotheaded
  282. >Not your Bananahush though
  283. >Something about pregnancy really caused her to come out of her shell
  284. >The way she struts around head high presenting her engorged belly like its a diamond ring
  285. >You wouldn't recognize her if you didn't know better
  286. >Though you think you might need to have a talk with her
  287. >If she keeps chirping at Dash like that you know there will be trouble
  288.  
  289.  
  290.  
  291.  
  292.  
  293. >Fluttershy sniffled
  294. >She wasn't going to cry
  295. >She wasn't
  296. >Big mares didn't cry over this kind of thing
  297.  
  298. >That kind of behavior was why she was in this situation
  299. >Sitting at home
  300. >Alone
  301. >Fantasizing about a male who cared
  302. >Who loved her
  303. >Who loved her all the more for her unmarelyness
  304. >Who would be happy to raise a family with her
  305. >And hold her close on cold nights
  306.  
  307. >Why couldn't Anon be real?
  308.  
  309.  
  310. >Discord was at a loss.
  311. >Fluttershy was miserable, and it made him feel miserable just seeing her like this.
  312. >Once upon a time, he might have tried one of a few 'obvious' (to him) solutions to her problem.
  313. >But a small voice in the back of the chaotic mess that he called his mind, (that sounded remarkably like her), said that it would not be a story with a happy ending.
  314. >For either of them.
  315.  
  316. >Then something she said gave his brain a good shake and something new fell out of the idea tree.
  317. >'Why couldn't they be real?'
  318. >Why, whoever said they weren't, my dear?
  319. >Humans are oh so real, they just aren't *here*.
  320. >Yet.
  321. >Oh, it would be tricky, but he could do it.
  322. >He'd wager even Sparkle could pull it off given proper motivation, but that bit of mischief got put on the back burner for another time.
  323.  
  324. >Just call me the matchmaker!
  325. >Lets see if we can find a perfect human horsebando for dear little Fluttershy...
  326.  
  327.  
  328.  
  329.  
  330.  
  331.  
  332. >The mane 6/7 are the best of friends
  333. >They spend a lot of time together
  334. >Which has gotten people to start talking
  335. >One of them overhears a conversation between a couple of background ponies and learns that everyone thinks that they're a lesbian herd
  336. >Nuh-uh, mama didn't raise no dyke
  337. >The girls have to find a male, or else everyone is going to think they munch carpet
  338.  
  339. >They have a reputation for being neurotic and bat-shit insane, courtesy of their adventures, feats, and everyday shenanigans.
  340. >No stallion wants to be in a herd with them.
  341. >They list their options (stallions who aren't family):
  342. >Tenderhoof is discounted straight away.
  343. >Flash Sentry won't return Twilight's calls, and has gone into hiding.
  344. >They slump in defeat, until they see a semi-naked Anon, smothered in ketchup and mustard war-paint, run screaming through Ponyville, chasing Lyra.
  345. >"Looks like Anon's found out who was stealing his socks."
  346. >So, to be seen as a Lesbian Herd, or to shack up with the mentally-unbalanced human.
  347. >...Fuck.
  348. >Now, to just convince him...
  349.  
  350.  
  351.  
  352. >Anon doesn't hold anything against them, not anything major at least, but he doesn't consider them friends.
  353. >On his end anyway, some of the mane 6 are only ever so slightly aware they're not on great terms with him.
  354. >Unbeknownst to them, he even views a couple as borderline nuisances only slightly better than Lyra.
  355. >So Twilight decides it's about time Anon got an extended friendship lesson.
  356. >At least that's her front, and the excuse she'll be using to avoid suspicion.
  357. >The plan is simple, each mare in the herd will spend a week with him one on one in an attempt to strengthen bonds between them.
  358. >To help create new and exciting experiences between them, they'll also be sent on vacation to new and exotic places each time. For instance a camping trip with Rainbow Dash, or to a booming Saddle Arabian city with Rarity.
  359. >All on the state's dime, but let's keep that hush hush for now. 
  360. >Surely, Celestia wouldn't mind if she knew why.
  361. >Maybe Cadence would foot the bill.
  362. >As long as they don't fail, they'll be happy to... right?
  363. >... Let's hope they don't abuse their funds either...
  364. >There's also a check from the treasury involved if he "passes" because there's no way Anon would cooperate otherwise (Celestia hasn't agreed to this but she'd cross that bridge when she got to it).
  365. >While her friends would typically try to reign in Twilight's schemes and overplanning, they aren't about to object to an all expense paid vacation of their choosing
  366.  
  367.  
  368.  
  369.  
  370.  
  371. >In a reversal of how virility and the ability to provide for a large family is masculine and praise worthy, fertility in a mare is a point of pride. 
  372. >Having the resources to keep a large number of children and a stallion content is a high social mark.
  373. >If you can have a number of healthy foals and keep your body in shape after, it's an even higher social mark and worth bragging over. 
  374. >After having 6 or 7 lively foals with a loyal, monogamous male and keeping her model figure, Fluttershy's already high standing rises to an exalted level
  375.  
  376.  
  377.  
  378.  
  379.  
  380.  
  381. >Pegasi have a layer of fat over their lean muscle to insulate them from the cold that comes with flight. 
  382. >That means even world class athletes like Rainbow have some plush to them, making for an extra snugly hug. 
  383. >But Rainbow is extremely insecure over the fact that she'll never have the same marely muscle tone as Applejack. All of Rainbow's effort will never show thanks to the pegasus fat.
  384. >Even unicorns are better defined than the average pegasus because they burn calories using magic all day.
  385. She'll never be anyone's big,
  386. strong mare...
  387.  
  388.  
  389.  
  390.  
  391.  
  392.  
  393. How would each pone react to accidentally hurting anon?
  394.  
  395. > Rainbow Dash
  396. Nervous apologies, making a lame joke, following Anon around to make sure he's okay, and that nothing hits him where she hurt him
  397. Panic if he actually cries a little, compulsively buying Anon flowers and chocolate.
  398. > Pinkie Pie
  399. Horrified silence for the first minute, with full mane deflation. Then an overwhelming flood of "I'm so sorry!" and cupcakes. Possibly dropping a bag of flour on her head, if she was foalsitting the twins recently.
  400.  
  401. > Fluttershy
  402. Completely shutting herself in, contemplating nipponese square number games.With enough coaxing, Anon might reassure her enough that she opens the door and talks to him. At that point, she insists on excessively bandaging the injury. She might instinctively kiss it better, and then nearly die from embarrassment.
  403.  
  404. > Rarity
  405. Get ready for a lot of pampering and bribing. Do you like going to the spa? How about the opera? Dinner? How about a new wardrobe? 
  406.  
  407. > Applejack
  408. She probably accepts Anon's claim that it doesn't hurt that much, but she still insists on him punching her so that they are square. For the next month, anon finds apple pies on his doorstep.
  409.  
  410. > Twilight Sparkle
  411. Nervous breakdown, before and/or after teleporting Anon to the hospital. Almost turns herself in to the guard for assault, before Anon talks her out of it.
  412.  
  413.  
  414. > Cadance
  415. Apologizes simply, and asks if he is alright. Fetches an ice bag or bandaid or whatever, and a carton of ice cream. She's lived with a stallion long enough not to panic, and no one says no to good ice cream.
  416.  
  417. > Luna
  418. Apologizes regally, and moves on with her day/night. However, you later find on your doorstep a small filigreed box with some jewelry inside. A note at the bottom indicates that this is a donation to you dowry, as is traditional. Your dreams for the next little while are mostly comforting, with one or two wet dreams Luna accidentally starts, and can't bring herself to stop watching.
  419.  
  420. > Celestia
  421. Motherly concern as she summons the royal physician, but you can see the suppressed panic with the depths of her eyes. At the end of the day, she invites you to her chambers for tea. You end up reassuring her that you are fine, and that the soreness is almost entirely gone. She is glad that you are feeling better, it's one less thing to worry about after her long, trying day. You ask her about it, and before long, she is laying her head in your lap as you stroke her mane, saying all the things she couldn't say in court. Celestia accidentally falls asleep in this position, and you can't bring yourself to move. In the morning, she is quite embarrassed about trapping you that way, and teleports you to your room to avoid gossip. Later, you are offered the post of Royal Confidant.
  422.  
  423. > Chrysalis
  424. She laughs maniacally and tries to pass it off as a tactic to break your spirit. Drones raid high class restaurants and beautiques. At night, when she thinks you are sleeping, she cuddles up and strokes your hair.
  425.  
  426. > Sombra
  427. CRYSTAAAAAAALLLLLLLSSSSSS
  428.  
  429.  
  430. > Anon didn't get much sleep the night before
  431. > Trips on his way to get the morning paper
  432. > Scrapes his knee, which he then washes off and ignores
  433. > Throughout the day, ponies bump into him etc and suddenly worry that they are the one that caused the injury
  434.  
  435.  
  436.  
  437.  
  438.  
  439.  
  440. Celestia is fascinated by Anon because he's like nothing she's ever seen before -- and for someone who's lived for thousands of years, that's impressive.
  441.  
  442. The fact that their child is an alicorn is mind-boggling and of great importance -- if Anon's species can breed with ponies and bring new alicorns into the world by reproduction than ascension...
  443.  
  444. That he's shacked up with her new niece gives her the perfect opportunity to study him as he lives and grows.
  445.  
  446. Basically, while not entirely altruistic in her motives, they're still benign and harmless
  447.  
  448.  
  449.  
  450. >Celestia wants Anon and Cadence to marry as soon as they graduated school.
  451. >Tries to get him to accept the title of Prince, but she grows frustrated when Anon refuses, being humble and all.
  452. >Fascinated by his nature, and secretly records her observations like Twilight would.
  453.  
  454.  
  455.  
  456.  
  457.  
  458.  
  459.  
  460. Luna and Anon start dating.
  461. Anon is happy to remain monogamous, but Luna grows sympathetic to her lonely sister.
  462. Persuades Anon to let her in their relationship.
  463. Celestia, however, is subordinate to her younger sister in herd affairs, since Luna was first/the alpha.
  464. Despite the gratitude she feels, Celestia can't help but feel rankled by the fact her younger sister is dominant in the herd dynamic, and that Anon prefers her as a first option
  465.  
  466.  
  467.  
  468. >Luna is back, and de-Nightmared
  469. >But all is not well in Canterlot
  470. >They try to put on their regal masks, and pretend that all is well for their little ponies
  471. >But those closest to them can tell that things are strained.
  472. >The sisters do love each other, but old problems fester
  473. >The elements are powerful, but not all powerful. It will take time to heal wounds millennia in the making.
  474.  
  475. >Time and the loving assistance of a third who, like Luna, finds himself in a place strange and alien to him.
  476.  
  477. >They may be princesses, but they are also siblings
  478. >They squabble over petty shit, and sometimes don't realize that something serious isn't petty, and vice versa
  479.  
  480. >But now instead of just sisters, they are herd sisters
  481. >Anon helps balance them out, calm them down, and when all else fails, sometimes they just need a good dicking.
  482. >Luna was a virgin, there is much conjecture over how this factored in to the problems long ago
  483. >And in learning to adapt to this new world, he helps Luna adjust to a world that changed while she was gone
  484.  
  485.  
  486.  
  487.  
  488.  
  489. >Applejack has liked Anon for ages, mostly because he's not a pansy like most stallions.
  490. >Anon, however, finds her to be a hick, though he's too polite to say that.
  491. >He meets Strawberry Sunrise, and takes a liking to her snark.
  492. >Jealousy ensues as Applejack sees the object of her affections shack up with that "apple-hating varmit!"
  493.  
  494.  
  495.  
  496.  
  497.  
  498.  
  499. >Celestia remains as pure as white snow
  500. >Intellectually knows about dating and sex, but has never experienced it first hand and is quite naive
  501. >Cadence finds her innocence adorable, though she'd never say that
  502. >Luna is an utter whorse
  503. >Mostly because she craved attention, any attention, a thousand years ago before falling to the Nightmare
  504. >Cadence is wearing Shining Armour out, and is seeking a third to not only help keep her satisfied sexually, but also help raise Flurry and be a bro to Shining's geeky/marely habits
  505. >Luna just wants to buck Anon's brains out in a "friends-with-benefits-but-you're-exclusively-mine" kinda deal
  506. >L-lewd.
  507. >Celestia is trying to woo Anon like something straight from a Disney romcom, but not only is her inexperience working against her, Anon is baffled by her attempts
  508. >Unknown to the three princesses, Anon has been engaging in stress-relief with Twilight, Glimmer, Shimmer when she visits, and Trixie
  509. >They're obvious about it but the three other princesses are blind
  510.  
  511.  
  512.  
  513.  
  514.  
  515.  
  516. >Cadence and Anon date but amicably break up, realising they're better off as friends with benefits.
  517. >They keep in touch after she moves to canterlot, say's shining reminds her of those "fa/tg/uy's' anon talked about, jokes about introducing shiny to the magic of hands.
  518. >Anon attends the wedding as cadence's guest, finally meets shining and they hit it off hard, turns out a lot of nerd shit on earth has an equestrian equivalent.
  519. >Cadence seems a bit jealous, probably just stress, gives her some space.
  520. >Feels like shit afterwards for being fooled by a changeling.
  521. >He and shiny bond over shared "I'm a fucking idiot." sentiments, get wasted a few times and end up snuggling (no homo) afterwards.
  522. >Cadence walks in on pic related and is excited that her old bestie gets along great with her new husband, makes herself the meat of a snuggle sandwich.
  523. >Pretty princess love powers let know there's nothing untoward going on, so she enjoys teasing two flustered stallions in the morning by suggesting she joins in on their fun next time.
  524. >Threesome actually ends up happening after sombra is defeated, emotions running high all around.
  525. >A couple weeks after Flurry's born anon's practically kidnapped by Twilight and the Princesses to see if his 'help' was what made her come out alicorn.
  526. >He's barely left the empire before suddenly being teleported into Flurry's room, where she's crying up a storm over not getting good night headpats from her uncle.
  527.  
  528.  
  529.  
  530.  
  531.  
  532. > Anon turns 30 on Earth
  533. > Studies conjuration
  534. > There and a half years later, he opens a portal to Equestria
  535. > Twilight and twilight variants crushing hard on the fellow wizard genius
  536. > Have spellcasting contests in front of his tower
  537. > At first, Anon gets irritated at the daily thaumic surges disrupting his research
  538. > A month later, the constant spellcasting has worn the fabric of reality rather thin
  539. > Anon lectures the mares on the dangers of dimensional ruptures
  540. > The go home in shame, while Anon gets to work
  541. > The next day, a powerful thaumic shockwave ripples out from Anon's tower
  542. > Unicorns faint for miles around
  543. > When Twilight and company come to, they fear the worst
  544. > They rush to Anon's tower, filled with guilt
  545. > They find Anon sitting smugly on his throne, a Kirin mare and a Demoness mare glaring at each other while Anon digs his fingers through their manes
  546. > Before him, a portal lies open, edged with obsidian and platinum
  547. > Twilight can't believe the Celestial and Infernal beings aren't fighting
  548. > And why are they wearing sexy black panties?
  549. > She asks him as much
  550. > He gazes at her with eyes full of wisdom and an unsettling amount of whimsy
  551. "Because I'm a wizard."
  552. > "But- lacy panties?"
  553. "WIZARD!"
  554.  
  555. > The two part episode ends with "just because a stallion acts like a sexy, evil wizard, doesn't mean he is evil."
  556.  
  557.  
  558.  
  559.  
  560.  
  561.  
  562. >Anon has an encyclopedic knowledge of human literature
  563. >He decides to plagiarize and ponify his knowledge to make a comfy career as an author
  564. >All of his protagonists are non-RGR masculine stallions
  565. >He's praised by stallionists for writing strong, independent stallions, who don't need no herds
  566. >Most mares find Anon's work cringey because they don't see an ounce of non-RGR masculinity in any of the stallions they know
  567. >Think how dumb it was when Rey beat Kylo Ren without any Force or combat training. That's how most mares see it, but for different reasons.
  568. >Stallionists take legitimate criticism of Anon's work too personally
  569. >Readergate
  570. >something something RGRE
  571.  
  572.  
  573.  
  574.  
  575.  
  576. >Anon has narcolepsy, falling asleep at random times.
  577. >When he collapses or drifts off, mares just shake their heads and place a blanket/pillow down for him.
  578. >Some, like Applejack and the Flower Sisters, have taken to stashing a blanket/pillow around their stalls, just in case.
  579. >When villains show up, they're often upstaged in their dramatic introductions when Anon falls asleep, and the once terrified ponies sigh, ignore them for a minute while they make him comfortable. before giving them the "go on" motion.
  580. >Even some of the female villains break character, feeling annoyed, to make the sleeping stallion comfortable
  581.  
  582.  
  583.  
  584. >"This day has been just perfect, the kind of da"
  585. "ZzzzZzz"
  586. >"Seriously? Right Now? Eurgh"
  587. >"I dont have time for this, Drone, go be his pillow so i can have my reprise."
  588. >She was being literal, but this particular changeling was never all that good at inanimate object mimicry.
  589. >Anon gets cuddly in his sleep, drone #491 is okay with that.
  590. >Team Chrysalis blasts off again.jpg
  591. >Anon and drone still sleeping in the the middle of the floor, the latter having slipped into a food coma
  592.  
  593.  
  594.  
  595.  
  596.  
  597.  
  598.  
  599. >The villains often kidnap Anon because there's only one of him and he's easy to pick out from the crowd.
  600. >Being a known friend of Twilight and co. also means there's something more personal at stake.
  601. >He always tries his hardest to escape or hinder his captors but still gains a Princess Peach tier reputation for being a bachelor in distress.
  602. >Anon gets tired of all the comics, the porn parodies involving him being raped by his captors, and ponies treating him even more delicately than they do the average stallion.
  603. >Time to finally stop being a meme and become a hero, or die inside trying.
  604.  
  605.  
  606.  
  607. >Anon fucking loses it
  608. >lathers his entire body in Tomato Sauce
  609. >throws handfuls of sauce at villain
  610. >Villain tries to lick off the sauce
  611. >throws up everywhere
  612. >ponice arrive to the sight of anon hunched over the poor soul, shouting "YALL BEEN PLAYING CHACKERS, BUT I'VE BEEN PLAYING CHESS FO YEARS!!"
  613. >And that's why Anon is still single
  614.  
  615.  
  616. >Anon hams up the "damsel" role to villainess who wants to "rape" the alien stallion she's just kidnapped.
  617.  
  618. >Tells her he'll willingly do anal (mares fantasize about getting a stallion to stick it in their dirtiest hole).
  619. >She faces away.
  620. >Anon retrieves his personal bottle of squeeze >Ketchup from his pants pocket. (It's normal, okay?!)
  621. >Stealthily gives the mare a ketchup enema after fucking her silly. (Being ponies, and entirely unfamiliar with humans, she expects that amount of "volume" when he finishes).
  622. >5 minutes later, the Mane 6 show up to save Anon.
  623. >Anon nowhere to be found.
  624. >Kidnapper is hunched over, vomiting/shitting her guts out.
  625. >M6 rush her to the ponyville hospital.
  626. >Anon is already back in town.
  627. >Kidnapper dies.
  628. >Would-be villians hear vague (and now horribly inaccurate word-of-mouth version of) the story about how the monkey creature killed a mare by vigorous +15 minute long anal sex.
  629. >ConflictingDeathBySnooSnooFaces.scroll
  630.  
  631.  
  632.  
  633.  
  634.  
  635.  
  636. > Anon is hanging out with Starlight Glimmer
  637. > After some prodding, she tells how she got her cutie mark
  638. > Using a gem on a ribbon to hypnotise a classmate
  639. > Realising how powerful control of the mind is
  640. > Starlight realises this is sounding pretty supervillain-y 
  641. > Quickly assures that she only uses hypnosis for good, like helping ponies overcome fears
  642. > Anon is interested, asks to be hypnotised
  643. > She does so, but only realises after he's under that he didn't tell her what he wanted her to hypnotise him for
  644. > Starlight hesitates for a long while, before climbing into his lap and snuggling up to his chest
  645. > Derpy accidentally drops something on Starlight's roof, and Glimglam panics
  646. > Scrambles out of Anon's lap, and brings him out of hypnosis
  647. > As she calms down, Anon tilts his head
  648. > "I feel... warm and comfy, sorta. Was that you?"
  649. > Starlight confesses to cuddular assault and braces for stallion outrage
  650. > Anon pats his lap
  651. > "Did you think you were done? I require more cuddles."
  652.  
  653. > Starlight learns once again that influencing others has no lasting negative consequences
  654.  
  655.  
  656.  
  657.  
  658.  
  659.  
  660.  
  661. >Put a fence up to keep ponies from eating your flowers
  662. >Wake up to find Twilight laying on her side and munching on your grass
  663. >Mares lust after Anon for his superior lawn-care skills
  664. >Anon unknowingly reinforces the stereotype that stallions should either be in the kitchens or the fields
  665.  
  666.  
  667.  
  668.  
  669.  
  670.  
  671. >Your marefriend starts eating different fruits just to see if you notice the different taste.
  672. >You do.
  673. >There's something weirdly touching and immensely hot to her that you know her taste that well
  674.  
  675.  
  676.  
  677. >Anon and Rainbow Dash are a couple
  678. >Estrus hits, and for once Rainbow isn't concerned about how the constant heat in her groin will distract her from work, and she isn't afraid that she'll feel so desperate that she'll be tempted to go out and find some poor, defenseless stallion to take advantage of
  679. >Is so excited she nearly squirts when Anon agrees to go down on her as much as she wants
  680. >Immediately regrets it
  681. >Wakes up two hours later, dehydrated and extremely sore
  682.  
  683. >Tells stories to her friends after estrus passes, wearing a thousand-yard stare
  684. >"I never thought I could ever cum too much. Having a stallion eat me out for hours and hours was a fantasy every teenage mare has, but I never thought it would actually happen."
  685. >She takes a long drag from her mug of cider and puts her head in her hooves
  686. >"Oh, Celestia... why did it actually happen?"
  687.  
  688.  
  689.  
  690. >Rainbow has been very sneaky about her estrus ever since that incident.
  691. >Who would have thought that after getting a coltfriend she would have to end up using icicles for "that" again
  692.  
  693. >"Oh Raaaaiiinbooooow~"
  694. >Buck.
  695. >BUCK.
  696. >You gallop off with your gross, slimy cooler in your mouth, hoping to reach the bathroom and lock yourself inside of it before your coltfriend reaches you.
  697. >Unlimited sex during estrus.
  698. >What a deal, you thought.
  699. >After the 15th or 16th orgasm, you passed out and woke up to the sensation of another climax ripping through your body, Anon still buried deep inside of you.
  700. >The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak!
  701. >You slam the bathroom door closed and lock the door, listening carefully for Anon's footsteps.
  702. >...they're fading away.
  703. >You lower yourself down onto the cooler and nearly moan out loud as the numbing magic kicks in.
  704. "Celestia," you whimper, "I can just hear my friends now. 'Too much sex, Rainbow? What are you, a dyke?' "
  705. >You roll onto your side and press your hooves to your eyes.
  706. >...
  707. >...m-maybe you'll go find Anon in a few hours once your cooter has a chance to heal up a bit.
  708. >A familiar needy burn grows in the pit of your stomach and you can't help but laugh, feeling punch-drunk from the heat.
  709. >Maybe you're making this out to be worse than it actually is.
  710. "Unlimited sex," you grunt, adjusting the cooler inside of you, "Is worth feeling a little bit sore."
  711.  
  712.  
  713. >The first few days of estrus are a near-rabid fuckfest. More time is spent on sex than anything else.
  714. >Mid-point calms some, as both you and Rainbow need to recover from the first few days. There's still sex, just less frantic and a bit slower placed.
  715. >Estrus tapers off. The urge for sex is wearing off, but Rainbow is still plenty fertile. The last few days are spent slowly making love with a focus on deep-seated bonding more than anything. It's a slow-burning sort of mating that can last an hour in one session. Now with her mind a bit more clear, Rainbow has to heavily debate on if she wants to take a leap and stop taking her contraceptive pills.
  716. >A few years down the line, she simply foregoes the pills from the start
  717.  
  718.  
  719.  
  720.  
  721.  
  722.  
  723.  
  724. >Be anon, biggest troll around
  725. >Rewrite Twilight for pones
  726. >Don't change the name at all just to fuck with Twiggles
  727. >Don't change the genders either because fuck conforming
  728. >Get an army of NEETpone fangirls who dream of vampone stallions stalking them so they don't have to put any effort into the relationship
  729.  
  730.  
  731.  
  732.  
  733.  
  734. >Anon is able to solve certain problems in Ponyville
  735. >Can be blunt with his mare friends in ways that another mare wouldn't, because his "has penis" status lets him say shit without the risk of getting clocked in the face
  736. >Tells off Applejack for being weird with getting help from her friends with the farm
  737. >Is able to talk down Rainbow Dash from fucking up the weather factory to keep Tank from hibernating, because Rainbow thinks that Anon is more "in touch" with his emotions since he's a colt and probably knows what he's talking about
  738. >In return, Anon enjoys the sexual tension that comes from having good friends of the opposite gender who are cock-hungry enough that they'd jump at the chance to herd with him
  739.  
  740.  
  741.  
  742.  
  743. >The CMC misinterpret Anon's friendliness and praise after they inadvertently save him as wanting to herd with them.
  744. >Anon isn't entirely sure what's going on but does humor them a little thinking it's just a brief game.
  745. >Applejack and Rarity think their little sisters are just fooling around so they brush it off, and jokingly congratulate them.
  746. >The CMC decide to plan a big wedding with the help of all their friends and maybe some former enemies.
  747. >Unbeknownst to all the grown-ups (the few that didn't laugh it off) and the supposed groom
  748.  
  749.  
  750.  
  751.  
  752.  
  753. >At first a bragging point, Rainbow become desperate when Anon begins to wear her out through too much sex.
  754. >Starts to affect her Wonderbolt training, so she begs her friends for help.
  755. >At first, it's AJ to join as a third.
  756. >But then Applejack is too sore to buck trees (kek).
  757. >Pinkie agrees next, thinking her boundless energy will wear Anon out.
  758. >She ends up too tired to party.
  759. >Rarity is next, thinking all he needs is a "lady's touch" to make him "slow down" and "enjoy the journey, not the end result".
  760. >She ends up too tired to bother with her makeup (gasp!).
  761. >Fluttershy just "eeps!" and passes out when he strokes her mane.
  762. >Twilight, then Glimmer falls the same way.
  763. >Eventually, they beg for help from the Princesses.
  764.  
  765.  
  766.  
  767.  
  768.  
  769. >Be in herd with M6
  770. >Mares are generally bisexual as a result of the biased gender ratio and over a thousand of years of Celestia's motherly "I love you no matter what, but don't disappoint me please" rule.
  771. >In bed eating out Rainbow (being tied down excites her, due to obvious "opposite-of-her-daily-norm" reasons).
  772. >Twiggles, Appul, Squiggle Tail, and Flutterbutter are out doing things.
  773. >Pinkie dropped by during her lunch hour to sniff her new coltfriend's dirty hamper-underwareretrieve her forgotten lunch.
  774. >Ponka hears familiar sound from bedroom.
  775. >Pinks pushes the bedroom door open with her snootle.
  776. >See Pinkie eyeing you and Rainbow with envious bedroom eyes.
  777. >Tell Pinkie in a seductive voice: "I put a skittle deeeeeep inside Rainbow, but I can't seem to get it out, and my weak stallion jaw muscles are getting too tired! I would be oh-so "appreciative" if you would help getting it out!"
  778. >Pinkie dives head first into Rainbow's fillybits like a slobbering vacuum with a tongue.
  779. >RainbowOhFace.skittles
  780. >Proceed to get working on Pinkie while she's busy working on Rainbow
  781.  
  782.  
  783.  
  784.  
  785. Cadence and FemShining fell in love, but need a herd because a princess being full homo like a commoner is forbidden. Who do they want? Someone they both can love, and will love them both back. Who do they pick? You.
  786.  
  787.  
  788.  
  789.  
  790.  
  791. >Cadence and Pinkie? Fluttershy? Rarity? Gleaming Shield? form the Love Squad, designed to bring love to lonely mares and stallions.
  792. >After a few successful cases, their next target is Anon.
  793. >Unfortunately, Anon has no interest in being a horse-fucker, and their various CMC-style antics fail.
  794. >Anon suspects something's up, but doesn't notice anything overt.
  795. >The Squad grow increasingly frustrated with this whimsical stallion.
  796. >And also find themselves growing more fixated on him...
  797.  
  798.  
  799.  
  800.  
  801.  
  802. In RGRE, porn is a "family" business, usually shot within a willing stallion's herd. Almost every porno you get from that producer will have the same colt and small selection of mares. There are occasionally one-offs with different colts when one wants to experiment, though these often become collectors items and are hard to acquire
  803.  
  804.  
  805. >Anon becomes renown porn star.
  806. >Hundreds of lonely mares have participated with him throughout the yeras, he does all sorts of "extremes" that other stallions would NEVER do anal, watersports, belly-to-belly, and even hoofholding!
  807. >Anon stars in and produces the only porno to ever feature a princess. Celestia chastises Luna for her archaic and horrible treatment of stallions, until Anon starts sending Luna flirty letters with flowers and a copy of his latest work
  808.  
  809.  
  810.  
  811.  
  812.  
  813. > Be Pinkie Pie, party mare extraordinaire!
  814. > Zecora's birthday party went great!
  815. > She loved how you brought in elements of her home, like hibiscus punch and special potato pancakes
  816. > And then there was all the dancing and singing...
  817. > Yeah, it was a good time for everypony, even that shy stallion, Anon
  818. > He's so sweet, helping clean up after everypony had left except you and him
  819. > At first you thought he was interested in you, which would be...
  820. > Well, he is very sweet
  821. > A good personality
  822. > And kinda funny when you get him talking!
  823. > It's just a shame that his outside doesn't match
  824. > As you grab the punch bowl in your mouth, you hear a sigh
  825. > You turn to see Anon leaning on his broom, frowning
  826. > Uh oh
  827. > "I thought it would be different here, you know?"
  828. > You set the bowl back down and focus on wiping the table
  829. "What would be different, Nonny?"
  830. > He shakes his head and gets back to sweeping
  831. > "I thought with so many mares and so few stallions, I might find someone. Or they could find me."
  832. > You are not equipped to handle this, you know it
  833. > Where is Cadance when you need her?
  834. > Well, you can't say nothing
  835. "Don't worry, I'm sure the right mare for you is out there, somewhere!"
  836. > He laughs then, the sad, no-good laugh
  837. > I-it's not like you made a joke...
  838. > "You're a good mare, Pinkie. And thank you for always inviting me to your parties."
  839. > You force a bit of cheer, even as your mane droops a bit
  840. "Of course, Nonny! You're my friend!"
  841. > He smiles at that, and you can see he does feel a little better
  842. > "Want me to get that punch bowl for you? Seems kinda heavy."
  843. > You shake your head vigorously
  844. "I got it, I am a mare, after all!"
  845. > He chuckles, and you wonder if you could just not look at him, maybe...
  846. > You seize the bowl in your mouth and bounce off to the kitchen sink
  847. > It wouldn't work out, you'd have to wake up to that face in the morning
  848.  
  849.  
  850.  
  851.  
  852.  
  853. >500 years.
  854. >You've been her lover for half a millennium. 
  855. >And for some time now, she's been dreaming of living a quiet life with you.
  856. >A simpler one without servants or yesmares.
  857. >Without a country to rule, great castle, or the noise of Canterlot. 
  858. >Despite you telling her otherwise, she feels that you wouldn't want to give up the luxury and comfort of royalty.
  859. >She rarely lets it show, but her beliefs regarding males were deeply ingrained and quite cynical by her standards. 
  860. >It frustrates you that after all this time a small part of her is still afraid.
  861. >So deeply afraid that you'll leave and go chasing after the next shiniest crown
  862.  
  863.  
  864.  
  865.  
  866.  
  867. >celestia Legitimately thinks Stallions arent as good as mares considering her millenia of experience
  868. >the Royal guard are exactly what everypony thinks: eye candy
  869. >though they DO go through the same degree of training mares do
  870. >she never shows it because of her momlestia-ing every pony
  871. >in comes anon and joins the guard
  872. >thinking its gonna be like the being a beef eater in england
  873. >breezes through basic training
  874. >doing whatever a mare can do with more strength and force
  875. >gets to prove what stallions cant do
  876. >men can very much do as if second nature
  877.  
  878.  
  879.  
  880. >Rainbow has been very sneaky about her estrus ever since that incident.
  881. >Who would have thought that after getting a coltfriend she would have to end up using icicles for "that" again
  882.  
  883. >"Oh Raaaaiiinbooooow~"
  884. >Buck.
  885. >BUCK.
  886. >You gallop off with your gross, slimy cooler in your mouth, hoping to reach the bathroom and lock yourself inside of it before your coltfriend reaches you.
  887. >Unlimited sex during estrus.
  888. >What a deal, you thought.
  889. >After the 15th or 16th orgasm, you passed out and woke up to the sensation of another climax ripping through your body, Anon still buried deep inside of you.
  890. >The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak!
  891. >You slam the bathroom door closed and lock the door, listening carefully for Anon's footsteps.
  892. >...they're fading away.
  893. >You lower yourself down onto the cooler and nearly moan out loud as the numbing magic kicks in.
  894. "Celestia," you whimper, "I can just hear my friends now. 'Too much sex, Rainbow? What are you, a dyke?' "
  895. >You roll onto your side and press your hooves to your eyes.
  896. >...
  897. >...m-maybe you'll go find Anon in a few hours once your cooter has a chance to heal up a bit.
  898. >A familiar needy burn grows in the pit of your stomach and you can't help but laugh, feeling punch-drunk from the heat.
  899. >Maybe you're making this out to be worse than it actually is.
  900. "Unlimited sex," you grunt, adjusting the cooler inside of you, "Is worth feeling a little bit sore."
  901.  
  902.  
  903. >The first few days of estrus are a near-rabid fuckfest. More time is spent on sex than anything else.
  904. >Mid-point calms some, as both you and Rainbow need to recover from the first few days. There's still sex, just less frantic and a bit slower placed.
  905. >Estrus tapers off. The urge for sex is wearing off, but Rainbow is still plenty fertile. The last few days are spent slowly making love with a focus on deep-seated bonding more than anything. It's a slow-burning sort of mating that can last an hour in one session. Now with her mind a bit more clear, Rainbow has to heavily debate on if she wants to take a leap and stop taking her contraceptive pills.
  906. >A few years down the line, she simply foregoes the pills from the start
  907.  
  908.  
  909.  
  910.  
  911.  
  912.  
  913.  
  914. >Be anon, biggest troll around
  915. >Rewrite Twilight for pones
  916. >Don't change the name at all just to fuck with Twiggles
  917. >Don't change the genders either because fuck conforming
  918. >Get an army of NEETpone fangirls who dream of vampone stallions stalking them so they don't have to put any effort into the relationship
  919.  
  920.  
  921.  
  922.  
  923.  
  924. >Anon is able to solve certain problems in Ponyville
  925. >Can be blunt with his mare friends in ways that another mare wouldn't, because his "has penis" status lets him say shit without the risk of getting clocked in the face
  926. >Tells off Applejack for being weird with getting help from her friends with the farm
  927. >Is able to talk down Rainbow Dash from fucking up the weather factory to keep Tank from hibernating, because Rainbow thinks that Anon is more "in touch" with his emotions since he's a colt and probably knows what he's talking about
  928. >In return, Anon enjoys the sexual tension that comes from having good friends of the opposite gender who are cock-hungry enough that they'd jump at the chance to herd with him
  929.  
  930.  
  931.  
  932.  
  933. >The CMC misinterpret Anon's friendliness and praise after they inadvertently save him as wanting to herd with them.
  934. >Anon isn't entirely sure what's going on but does humor them a little thinking it's just a brief game.
  935. >Applejack and Rarity think their little sisters are just fooling around so they brush it off, and jokingly congratulate them.
  936. >The CMC decide to plan a big wedding with the help of all their friends and maybe some former enemies.
  937. >Unbeknownst to all the grown-ups (the few that didn't laugh it off) and the supposed groom
  938.  
  939.  
  940.  
  941.  
  942.  
  943. >At first a bragging point, Rainbow become desperate when Anon begins to wear her out through too much sex.
  944. >Starts to affect her Wonderbolt training, so she begs her friends for help.
  945. >At first, it's AJ to join as a third.
  946. >But then Applejack is too sore to buck trees (kek).
  947. >Pinkie agrees next, thinking her boundless energy will wear Anon out.
  948. >She ends up too tired to party.
  949. >Rarity is next, thinking all he needs is a "lady's touch" to make him "slow down" and "enjoy the journey, not the end result".
  950. >She ends up too tired to bother with her makeup (gasp!).
  951. >Fluttershy just "eeps!" and passes out when he strokes her mane.
  952. >Twilight, then Glimmer falls the same way.
  953. >Eventually, they beg for help from the Princesses.
  954.  
  955.  
  956.  
  957.  
  958.  
  959. >Be in herd with M6
  960. >Mares are generally bisexual as a result of the biased gender ratio and over a thousand of years of Celestia's motherly "I love you no matter what, but don't disappoint me please" rule.
  961. >In bed eating out Rainbow (being tied down excites her, due to obvious "opposite-of-her-daily-norm" reasons).
  962. >Twiggles, Appul, Squiggle Tail, and Flutterbutter are out doing things.
  963. >Pinkie dropped by during her lunch hour to sniff her new coltfriend's dirty hamper-underwareretrieve her forgotten lunch.
  964. >Ponka hears familiar sound from bedroom.
  965. >Pinks pushes the bedroom door open with her snootle.
  966. >See Pinkie eyeing you and Rainbow with envious bedroom eyes.
  967. >Tell Pinkie in a seductive voice: "I put a skittle deeeeeep inside Rainbow, but I can't seem to get it out, and my weak stallion jaw muscles are getting too tired! I would be oh-so "appreciative" if you would help getting it out!"
  968. >Pinkie dives head first into Rainbow's fillybits like a slobbering vacuum with a tongue.
  969. >RainbowOhFace.skittles
  970. >Proceed to get working on Pinkie while she's busy working on Rainbow
  971.  
  972.  
  973.  
  974.  
  975. Cadence and FemShining fell in love, but need a herd because a princess being full homo like a commoner is forbidden. Who do they want? Someone they both can love, and will love them both back. Who do they pick? You.
  976.  
  977.  
  978.  
  979.  
  980.  
  981. >Cadence and Pinkie? Fluttershy? Rarity? Gleaming Shield? form the Love Squad, designed to bring love to lonely mares and stallions.
  982. >After a few successful cases, their next target is Anon.
  983. >Unfortunately, Anon has no interest in being a horse-fucker, and their various CMC-style antics fail.
  984. >Anon suspects something's up, but doesn't notice anything overt.
  985. >The Squad grow increasingly frustrated with this whimsical stallion.
  986. >And also find themselves growing more fixated on him...
  987.  
  988.  
  989.  
  990.  
  991.  
  992. In RGRE, porn is a "family" business, usually shot within a willing stallion's herd. Almost every porno you get from that producer will have the same colt and small selection of mares. There are occasionally one-offs with different colts when one wants to experiment, though these often become collectors items and are hard to acquire
  993.  
  994.  
  995. >Anon becomes renown porn star.
  996. >Hundreds of lonely mares have participated with him throughout the yeras, he does all sorts of "extremes" that other stallions would NEVER do anal, watersports, belly-to-belly, and even hoofholding!
  997. >Anon stars in and produces the only porno to ever feature a princess. Celestia chastises Luna for her archaic and horrible treatment of stallions, until Anon starts sending Luna flirty letters with flowers and a copy of his latest work
  998.  
  999.  
  1000.  
  1001.  
  1002.  
  1003. > Be Pinkie Pie, party mare extraordinaire!
  1004. > Zecora's birthday party went great!
  1005. > She loved how you brought in elements of her home, like hibiscus punch and special potato pancakes
  1006. > And then there was all the dancing and singing...
  1007. > Yeah, it was a good time for everypony, even that shy stallion, Anon
  1008. > He's so sweet, helping clean up after everypony had left except you and him
  1009. > At first you thought he was interested in you, which would be...
  1010. > Well, he is very sweet
  1011. > A good personality
  1012. > And kinda funny when you get him talking!
  1013. > It's just a shame that his outside doesn't match
  1014. > As you grab the punch bowl in your mouth, you hear a sigh
  1015. > You turn to see Anon leaning on his broom, frowning
  1016. > Uh oh
  1017. > "I thought it would be different here, you know?"
  1018. > You set the bowl back down and focus on wiping the table
  1019. "What would be different, Nonny?"
  1020. > He shakes his head and gets back to sweeping
  1021. > "I thought with so many mares and so few stallions, I might find someone. Or they could find me."
  1022. > You are not equipped to handle this, you know it
  1023. > Where is Cadance when you need her?
  1024. > Well, you can't say nothing
  1025. "Don't worry, I'm sure the right mare for you is out there, somewhere!"
  1026. > He laughs then, the sad, no-good laugh
  1027. > I-it's not like you made a joke...
  1028. > "You're a good mare, Pinkie. And thank you for always inviting me to your parties."
  1029. > You force a bit of cheer, even as your mane droops a bit
  1030. "Of course, Nonny! You're my friend!"
  1031. > He smiles at that, and you can see he does feel a little better
  1032. > "Want me to get that punch bowl for you? Seems kinda heavy."
  1033. > You shake your head vigorously
  1034. "I got it, I am a mare, after all!"
  1035. > He chuckles, and you wonder if you could just not look at him, maybe...
  1036. > You seize the bowl in your mouth and bounce off to the kitchen sink
  1037. > It wouldn't work out, you'd have to wake up to that face in the morning
  1038.  
  1039.  
  1040.  
  1041.  
  1042.  
  1043. >500 years.
  1044. >You've been her lover for half a millennium. 
  1045. >And for some time now, she's been dreaming of living a quiet life with you.
  1046. >A simpler one without servants or yesmares.
  1047. >Without a country to rule, great castle, or the noise of Canterlot. 
  1048. >Despite you telling her otherwise, she feels that you wouldn't want to give up the luxury and comfort of royalty.
  1049. >She rarely lets it show, but her beliefs regarding males were deeply ingrained and quite cynical by her standards. 
  1050. >It frustrates you that after all this time a small part of her is still afraid.
  1051. >So deeply afraid that you'll leave and go chasing after the next shiniest crown
  1052.  
  1053.  
  1054.  
  1055.  
  1056.  
  1057. >celestia Legitimately thinks Stallions arent as good as mares considering her millenia of experience
  1058. >the Royal guard are exactly what everypony thinks: eye candy
  1059. >though they DO go through the same degree of training mares do
  1060. >she never shows it because of her momlestia-ing every pony
  1061. >in comes anon and joins the guard
  1062. >thinking its gonna be like the being a beef eater in england
  1063. >breezes through basic training
  1064. >doing whatever a mare can do with more strength and force
  1065. >gets to prove what stallions cant do
  1066. >men can very much do as if second nature
  1067.  
  1068.  
  1069.  
  1070.  
  1071.  
  1072. >Mare has psyched herself up to put on a grand wedding.
  1073. >She just accepted that this is how it has to be a long time ago, because stallions *always* want huge extravagant weddings.
  1074. >Anon would actually prefer a small casual wedding. Immediate family and a few friends, no need to invite the entire town
  1075.  
  1076.  
  1077.  
  1078.  
  1079.  
  1080. >Luna was troubled.
  1081. >The Dreamscape had seen a severe change.
  1082. >This was not the work of a tantabus, nor some other foul presence.
  1083. >The dreams themselves were happy joyous things, but the pain they caused was not mitigated by this.
  1084. >One after another, a lonely pony would dream of a strange creature, who loved them, cared for them.
  1085. >And then they would wake, to find that it was just a dream, never to come to pass in reality.
  1086. >But there was something strange going on.
  1087. >In all her many years, she had never seen a creature such as this, neither in the world, nor in the dreamscape.
  1088. >Nor had she seen some of the wondrous creations that the dreams sometimes featured, not even in this modern age.
  1089. >Where then, did these little ponies learn of it?
  1090. >She suspected they hadn't.
  1091. >It took careful probing, but she eventually discovered the source.
  1092. >At the very edge of the dreamscape, the fabric was thin, so very thin.
  1093. >On the other side of the gossamer threads, lay another dreamscape, that she had never before seen.
  1094. >One filled with the creatures, these 'humans', and the strange world they inhabited
  1095. >And within their dreams, she found her little ponies as well, in a cruel mirror of the manifestations back home.
  1096. >They too, dreamed of love, and woke to find themselves alone.
  1097.  
  1098. >There had to be something that could be done to ease this suffering
  1099. >Some way to bridge the gap between worlds?
  1100. >Perhaps the answers lay in Starswirl's research, he was often fascinated by the idea of other realities...
  1101.  
  1102.  
  1103.  
  1104.  
  1105.  
  1106. >The hardass Captain Spitfire has a thing for gentle maledom, and to a lesser extent, pred/prey play.
  1107. >After a long day of screaming at bumbling recruits and doing the work of her less competent team members, she just wants to come home to a loving stallion and not be in charge for once. 
  1108. >Too bad such a thing won't be happening, since she scares most stallions... Hell, none of them can even stutter out a reply when she flirts with them. She can't just drop her public personality either. 
  1109. >Looks like another lonely night home.
  1110. >Alone
  1111.  
  1112.  
  1113.  
  1114.  
  1115. >You're fucking your boss. She's a surly, bitter mare who is just a handful of years away from 40
  1116. >It all started with some mean-spirited and somewhat sexist flirting from her. She never in a million years expected you to rise up and meet her halfway with some alien banter. 
  1117. >Then the flirting became genuine.
  1118. >She said you didn't have the nerve to follow through one day, and have sex with her in a broom closet. 
  1119. >A sweaty hour later, she's sitting in your lap and panting, feeling just like a horny teen in highschool again and realizing that she still has time for those missed opportunities.
  1120. >It's the worst kept company secret that you and her bang, but everyone keeps turning a blind eye because of how mellow and happy the bosslady is now.
  1121. >Then, a new intern from the local University starts, and gets all the wrong ideas from what goes on...
  1122.  
  1123.  
  1124.  
  1125.  
  1126.  
  1127.  
  1128. >Zephyr Breeze tries to hit on Dash
  1129. >Mid-flirt, Anon comes breezing in with a "Hey, babe" and a peck on Rainbow's cheek
  1130. >Engage wingboner.exe
  1131. >Then he goes over and pets Fluttershy
  1132. >Zephyr is pissed that someone has nabbed Dash and is with his sister
  1133. >So not fair!
  1134. >His attempts of coltish intimidation don't even register to Anon, much to Rainbow and Fluttershy's amusement
  1135. >When Anon gets in a fist/hoof fight with Spitfire, Zephyr is intimidated
  1136. >And baffled when he sees them drinking moonshine after, like best buds
  1137. >Who are each missing some teeth
  1138.  
  1139.  
  1140.  
  1141.  
  1142. >RGRE ships are traditionally thought of as male, because the all-mare crews would claim the ships to have finicky personalities, and were prone to bouts of stallionish whimsy.
  1143.  
  1144. For the past ~1200 years, ships have all had various penis-themed images carved into the rudder (because every stallion needs a cock, and "rudder" sounded a lot like "rutter" to less-educated and horny mares alike).
  1145.  
  1146. >The pride of Equestrian Navy is the Starswil the Bearded, a modern Galleon with the largest, bronze cast battering ram in the recorded history.
  1147. >The galleons have no reason for having battering rams at the front, because of canons.
  1148. >Celestia insisted anyway
  1149.  
  1150.  
  1151.  
  1152.  
  1153.  
  1154.  
  1155. >Convince dragon waifu that love and family are the greatest of treasures. 
  1156. >Her power suddenly jumps several magnitudes, and jumps again every time she has another child with you. 
  1157. >Before long, she's standing on the same plateau as the alicorns, Discord, and other worldly powers. 
  1158. >All because she loves her family
  1159.  
  1160.  
  1161.  
  1162.  
  1163.  
  1164. >Every few years the media digs up shit she said before their parents were born and she gets shit on by stallionists and political pundits.
  1165. >She also has a political gaffe every other decade by saying something that would have been acceptable decades, sometimes a century or two, ago
  1166.  
  1167.  
  1168.  
  1169. >"...AND FURTHER MORE"
  1170. >celestia raises her hoof while still sipping her tea
  1171. >everypony stops speaking
  1172. "Look out the south window."
  1173. >everypony scrambles to the windows trying to see what the princess is talking about
  1174. "See the badlands from here?"
  1175. >everypony is puzzled
  1176. >the stallionists are so confused they almost forgot why they were here
  1177. >"princess dont igno-"
  1178. "Do you know WHY its dusty and lifeless?"
  1179. >the stallionists start shaking but push their luck
  1180. >"i-if you t-think intimidating us is gonna sto-"
  1181. "It is my field."
  1182. >ponies are confused further
  1183. >"The field where i grow my fucks."
  1184. >the stallionists gasp, mares try to hold in their laughter, the prissier stallionists faint
  1185. >"Lay thine eyes upon it and see that its barren."
  1186. >daintily sips her tea
  1187.  
  1188.  
  1189.  
  1190.  
  1191. Glimglam is hanging out with the girls. 
  1192. >The topic of sexual escapades comes up.
  1193. >Glim just sits there, puzzled as they talk around her.
  1194. >Why are they measuring the time in seconds and orgasms as singular things?
  1195.  
  1196.  
  1197. >In a moment of pure autism, Starlight offers to let them watch when they call bullshit on her being literally fucked unconscious once. 
  1198. >You come home to six uncomfortable, red-faced mares and a smiling Starlight, who explains with a perfectly straight face. 
  1199. >This mare is going to be the death of you
  1200.  
  1201.  
  1202.  
  1203.  
  1204.  
  1205.  
  1206. >Anon has a herd of dangerous predators
  1207. >A dragon, a griffon, a Diamond Dog, and a Changeling
  1208. >The mares in town are constantly afraid for his safety while being cautiously terrified of his herd
  1209. >A few of the braver mares in town flirt with Anon shamelessly
  1210. >As long as they are sure none of his herd are around
  1211.  
  1212.  
  1213.  
  1214.  
  1215.  
  1216. >Moondancer repeatedly tries to summon a human husbando through pagan rituals
  1217. >It backfires every time ala monkey's paw where her descriptions fuck up the process
  1218.  
  1219.  
  1220. >At first this Anon is just average. 
  1221. >Then he started to show different skillsets at varying levels. 
  1222. >At one time he's silent as a tiger stalking it's prey then the next day he's as graceful as a toaster in a tub of water.
  1223. >His mannerisms shifts at the same time too.
  1224. >Turns out Anon is a gestalt made of different horsefuckers at /mlp/
  1225. >But they love Moonie with all their hearts.
  1226. >Except for that fag who wants to see Moondancer squirm when he makes her alpha in a herd full of athletic and combat veteran mares
  1227.  
  1228.  
  1229.  
  1230.  
  1231. > Celestia is a big pervert, but must not show it due to her public image of being so pure and motherly
  1232. > Gets caught by Anon in a compromising situation
  1233. > Anon purposefully teases and seduces her throughout the day
  1234. > That evening, she takes out all her sexual frustration on him
  1235.  
  1236. >Love blooms between the two biggest perverts in the realm
  1237. >Never in her many years had she ever found a male who even came close to her deviancy
  1238. >Now she had found one who matched her, and dare she think it, even surpassed her in degeneracy
  1239. >Shall we see how deep this pit of depravity goes?
  1240. >Dare you enter our magical realm?
  1241.  
  1242.  
  1243.  
  1244.  
  1245. >Luna would have re-asserted herself over the madness of Nightmare Moon hundreds and hundreds of years earlier if she had a companion - more importantly, her daughter - with her on the moon
  1246. >Losing her daughter (in her mind, as a direct result of Celestia's banishment and refusing to send more air) kept her resentment and anger fresh for the entire 1000-year banishment
  1247. >Years later, after Luna returns to Equestria, she meets and eventually courts Anon, the resident aplelien.
  1248. >When she eventually falls pregnant with his child, her immediate reaction is happiness and joy
  1249. >The second reaction (the one that takes place about a split-second after the happiness) is a desperate fear that Celestia will take her child away from her again
  1250. >Maybe even Anon, too
  1251. >Luna decides to mare up and protect her mate and her foal at all costs
  1252. >Celestia is baffled at why Luna suddenly became borderline hostile for no good reason, nor why she won't let Celestia near her brother-in-law.
  1253.  
  1254.  
  1255.  
  1256.  
  1257.  
  1258. > As a side effect of however Anon came to Equestria, he has spontaneous transitional dislocation disorder
  1259. > Whenever he crosses or opens a threshold, there is a chance it will open upon an entirely different threshold
  1260. > He opens the fridge, and on the other side is Celestia's sauna
  1261. > He turns the key in his front door's lock, and Rarity clenches around the strange object stimulating her rear entrance
  1262. > At first he was very apologetic, but now he just says sorry, and moves on
  1263. > The mares don't complain about having a hot stallion occasionally appear
  1264. > A poor deluded few believe he is a sex faerie that will reward them if they can capture him
  1265. > Pinkie Pie and Discord are the only ones who can reliably find him
  1266.  
  1267.  
  1268.  
  1269.  
  1270.  
  1271.  
  1272. >Starlight begins settling in to her new life in Ponyville.
  1273. >Being a student of friendship, etcetera.
  1274. >One day, however, Twilight and the others are visibly nervous.
  1275. >Turns out Anon, Twilight's overprotective lover, is returning to Equestria after doing "something" for Luna in a far-flung land.
  1276. >After coming home soaked in green blood one night in the past, the Six learned not to ask questions about his duties.
  1277. >Starlight is unconcerned: he's a stallion, after all.
  1278. >She'll just easily charm him.
  1279. >Er, not that she'd try to steal him from Twilight!
  1280. >Really!
  1281. >They want Anon to become friends with Starlight, but know that things could easily go south.
  1282. >When he arrives, their fears are confirmed after a disastrous Pinkie Party.
  1283. >He knows that she tried to brainwash his friends and lover.
  1284. >He knows she tried to fuck over the timeline.
  1285. >Frankly, it's lucky that she's friends with his friends and Twi, otherwise he'd snap her neck, dismember her corpse, and leave it for the Worms in the Gorge.
  1286. >Glimmer is unnerved by the obvious sociopath.
  1287. >Now Twi and her friends must try to have the two build a rapport, or a friendship.
  1288. >Otherwise, she may suffer from an "accident".
  1289.  
  1290.  
  1291.  
  1292.  
  1293.  
  1294. >Herd up with some birdhorses and start a family.
  1295. >While earthponies and unicorns are a bit odd in culture, they've got nothing on the near-different society that is pegasi. You don't realize that until you're living with some. 
  1296. >Under their father's wings is a favorite place for pegasus foals to sleep. Because who doesn't love the warmth and security that Dad can provide?
  1297. >Since you don't have wings, you have an old style bomber jacket made for you, complete with fuzzy inside lining and foal-sized pockets.
  1298. >Now you can't go anywhere without one or two of your kids in the jacket and snuggled into your side.
  1299. >It's just one of many birdhorse things you happily pick up
  1300.  
  1301.  
  1302.  
  1303.  
  1304.  
  1305. >Anon appears a while before season 1.
  1306. >He's the kind of guy who likes the graveyard shift, and tends to sleep the day away.
  1307. >At least he would if he could. And now that he's in Equestria he can.
  1308. >Goes to the Summer Sun Celebration because he wants to see this supposed immortal ruler in person.
  1309. >When Nightmare Moon appears and the ponies cower away, Anon decides to go along with it.
  1310. "YEAH! FUCK THE SUN! ETERNAL NIGHT SOUNDS AWESOME!"
  1311. >Nightmare Moon becomes flustered over a male showing such enthusiasm for her night.
  1312. >They have a brief dialogue back and forth, before going off to a corner to actually talk to each other.
  1313. >Twilight is super confused and tries to interrupt, but she gets shut down each time.
  1314.  
  1315. Two possibilities from here.
  1316.  
  1317. >Anon helps her by pointing out when she's accidentally helping the heroes.
  1318. >She actually wins but is much more fair and reasonable compared to the one in the universe Starlight created.
  1319. >Anon is thought by the masses to be a concubine NMM took for herself, but he really acts as a friend to her.
  1320.  
  1321. or
  1322.  
  1323. >Her genuine friendship with Anon prompts the elements of harmony to simply eject her from Luna's body.
  1324. >In her panic she grabs Anon and teleports away.
  1325. >The mane six and Celestia+Luna think it's to do unspeakable things to him.
  1326. >It was actually just a panicked "grab everything I care about and run" situation
  1327.  
  1328.  
  1329.  
  1330.  
  1331. >Spike, being raised by Celestia and Twiggles, is a typical RGRE male (with minor differences because Dragon)
  1332. >He cooks, cleans, runs errands, likes to be helpful, and would make a perfect house horseband for a lucky mare
  1333.  
  1334. >Rarity, being in the running with Fluttershy for the least marely mare in town, wants a janefilly stallion to sweep her off her hooves
  1335. >So she never really considered Spikey Wikey seriously as a romantic partner
  1336. >She knows he's crushing on her (which does wonders for her ego), but she's not interested in a boy who acts like a typical RGRE stallion.
  1337. >Spike overhears her explaining this to one of the Mane 6, (perhaps Fluttershy)
  1338. >After a throwing a bit of a pity party for himself (he is a stallion after all), he decides he's not giving up just yet.
  1339. >Enlists the help of the most marely male he knows to teach him how to "be a man" and appeal to Rarity
  1340. >RomCom wingman shenanigans ensue with Anon trying to help Spike
  1341.  
  1342.  
  1343.  
  1344.  
  1345.  
  1346.  
  1347. I always liked the idea that Humans exude a sense of being "Old Testament, biblical-levels of destructive force", more so to wildlife and villains than your average pony. And not because humans are super threatening in appearance, but because we're so creative, and they can sense it.
  1348. They can sense the raw potential we have for destruction. We've surpassed all other races known on Equus in our ability to destroy, and even the beings in Tartarus cannot compare to the human potential for world destruction.
  1349.  
  1350. We are a race who, on our home world (our ONLY world!), have had an all-encompassing life ending weapon system all locked onto each other for DECADES now.
  1351. It's like we're all standing in a room, waist deep in gasoline, everyone's got matches, and we're all just one major political faux pas away from intentionally obliterating every living thing we've ever observed.
  1352.  
  1353. And on seeing him, Equestrian species can FEEL humanity's raw capacity for immense destructive potential emanating forth from anon. 
  1354. The more instinctual the species is, the more easily they can sense it, and the more they fear it.
  1355.  
  1356. If Anon were to stroll right through the heart of the Everfree, even the most dangerous of creatures would run upon spotting him.
  1357. If anon were to walk through Tartarus itself, the inhabitants would either back away in fear, or bow out of respect.
  1358.  
  1359. -------------------
  1360.  
  1361. Meanwhile, the average mare or stallion is entirely clueless. Sure, the strange inter-dimensional alien stallion triggers a sense of "dangerous predator" in them like gryphons do, but for the life of them, they can't figure out why creatures attacking from the everfree run from him on sight.
  1362.  
  1363. Twilight, of course, is immensely interested in studying this phenomenon
  1364.  
  1365.  
  1366.  
  1367. I like the opposite but similiar idea actually. Humans are terrifying not because they exude anything, but because they don't. Pony's pick up instinctually on the cute mark and harmony magic that is inherent in all ponies. Even dragons and griffons have similiarish enough things for them to interact with. It fills everything they do, from speaking to working to just napping.
  1368.  
  1369. Humans though don't have that, they are completely magic-devoid. So instead of finding anything to interact with magically, they just find a strange unsettling nothing. It's a subtle but forboding feeling being around humans because of it.
  1370.  
  1371.  
  1372.  
  1373.  
  1374.  
  1375.  
  1376. >Flutters, while beautiful, is mocked as the most unmarely mare that many have ever seen.
  1377. >Constantly thought a lezpony, she can't find ANY male attention. (Much to Fluttershy's dismay, and the relief of the bean counter mares working for the adult toy company "Good Wyvern".)
  1378. >Townsponies criticize the local shut-in who suddenly takes an interest in the elusive "BigApe" creature hanging around the edges of the Everfree as of late.
  1379.  
  1380. >Busy-barrels and gossipy mares and stallions begin their "I told you so's" when the local shut-in spaghettimancer runs off into the forest with the BigApe, declaring she's in love with the beast.
  1381.  
  1382. ---
  1383.  
  1384. >Months pass, no sign of either of them.
  1385. >Suddenly, Fluttershy re-appears in the town looking for metalworking tools and an anvil to "take back home to the forest".
  1386. >The unusual part is that the once-chubby mare is now FAR more confident, SHREDDED with muscles, has a few new marely facial scars that even make the local wonderbolt Rainbow Dash jelly, and is WEARING THE BONES of various highly dangerous predatory creatures native to the everfree.
  1387. >When questioned about her unusual garb, she only comments that her stallion made it for her as a gift for killing her first Ursa on her own
  1388.  
  1389.  
  1390.  
  1391. >Treehugger and a few other "outdoorsy" mares join Anon and Flutters in their camp
  1392. >It expands quickly as word spreads about a stallion leading a colony in the everfree
  1393. >A colony free of laws and restrictions
  1394. >Where a mare can go and be herself
  1395. >Within two years Anon's little camp has grown to become a small village
  1396. >It teems with mares, stallions, gryphons, deer, and even a minotaur or two
  1397. >As Anon and flutters first foal takes its first tenuous steps so too are steps being taken by Twilight to designate The Everfree and its new residents as its own small kingdom
  1398.  
  1399.  
  1400.  
  1401.  
  1402.  
  1403.  
  1404.  
  1405. >Anon is assumed to be human nobility of high rank, by virtue of the fact that he *always* wears clothes of some kind.
  1406. >Especially because he wears suits for more than just formal events like the Gala.
  1407.  
  1408. >Most pony nobility will go naked in public on occasion
  1409. >Not Anon.
  1410. >this only adds to the speculation about how much power he held back home
  1411. >Could he be a Prince?
  1412.  
  1413.  
  1414.  
  1415.  
  1416.  
  1417.  
  1418.  in RGRE, Fluttershy's personality is in a similar vein to Big Mac's with more animal husbandry and femininity. A touch more socially awkward/inept but a lot less timidity in general. She's a strong silent type, mumbles sometimes, has a tendency to answer other ponies statements with grunts or low hums like she isn't used to talking very much because she spends so much time with animals, but she's starting to get better at expressing herself as time goes on (a la pic related)
  1419.  
  1420. Her skill with animals is less 'kind and motherly with a chance to break out into sternness at misbehavior' like in the show, and more 'marely', more rough around the edges and assured. Like her RGRE self is just as confident around beasties as her show self, just in a more outwardly dominant way. With ponies, of course, she's the complete opposite. Has trouble communicating feelings, doesn't like expressing her opinion on important matters, definitely doesn't actively pursue relationships with the opposite sex, even if she thinks about it. 
  1421.  
  1422.  
  1423.  
  1424.  
  1425.  
  1426.  
  1427. >Anon, due to relationship baggage back on earth, has a crippling fear of intimacy
  1428. >despite all signs pointing to the mares who are interested in him being on the level, he can't shake the feeling that it's all going to come crashing down in flames like it always has with women in the past
  1429. >That they will lie, cheat, and abandon him
  1430. >He makes his excuses and stays alone.
  1431. >He makes friends, but none of them progress beyond that.
  1432. >Though not for lack of trying on their part.
  1433. >They begin to think that perhaps he just doesn't find ponies attractive
  1434. >He protests this, but friendzoning an entire town runs counter to his proclamations of being a horsefucker.
  1435.  
  1436. >Cadence visits and can immediately sense that somethings fucky
  1437. >Her love magic says so, and all signs point to Anon being the one in trouble
  1438. >Hearts shouldn't have such scars and defenses built up around them, it isn't healthy
  1439. >It's time for an intervention
  1440. >Can the Princess of Love help Anon find true love at long last?
  1441. >The shipper is on deck, and she won't be satisfied until she finds him that special somepony
  1442.  
  1443.  
  1444.  
  1445.  
  1446.  
  1447. >Cadence has always been colty. Being a pink, love obsessed princess does that to you.
  1448. >As such, she's always been attracted to marely stallions. It's how Shining, the colt who likes tabletop games and military ambitions caught her attention.
  1449. >But one day during a normal morning in first period, the teacher announces that they're getting a new student. 
  1450. >Oh boy. Big whoop. More meat for the local bullies. Who cares. 
  1451. >The door flies open from a kick with the force of a runaway train, then in walks in someone that makes Cadence's jaw drop.
  1452. >The tallest male she's ever seen, one filled with a raging storm of testosterone and a canine-toothed scowl that just screams "I dare you to fuck with me." (Essentially like every 16-18 year old around.)
  1453. >The now timid teacher seats the huge biped right next to Cadence. 
  1454. >It was right there that Cadence's interest in Shining Armor died, and that she found herself with a much loftier goal.
  1455.  
  1456.  
  1457.  
  1458.  
  1459. >You and Cadence have 4 children before either if you are 30
  1460. >Of course it doesn't show on Cadence since she's an alicorn, and you still look 20ish from constantly absorbing passive alicorn magic.
  1461. >The kids are little exactly what you expect from a human and alicorn making babbys. Crafty, aggressive, little magic power houses with too much energy. They can only be tamed with ether a promise of treats or by Dad's sharp tone. 
  1462. >You gave up on the last part of your childhood for this, but looking back, would you really trade this for anything else?
  1463.  
  1464.  
  1465.  
  1466. >Princesses Celestia, Luna, then Twilight fear foalsitting their extended family than having diplomatic talks with the most violent/rude of species.
  1467. >Twilight ascends, but tries to turn it down because she knows she'll have to foalsit 100% more than she usually does.
  1468. >Destiny aside, Celestia politely says "tough shit".
  1469. >After trying to gain treaties on everything and anything with foreign powers to get out of foalsitting, Equestria becomes an even bigger superpower.
  1470. >The tough, prolonged negotiations cause many nations to just surrender to Equestrian wishes.
  1471. >This instils despair in the Princesses.
  1472. >Even more despair when Cadence announces she's been knocked up again.
  1473. >The happy couple are oblivious to the horror and despair they cause by loving nookie
  1474.  
  1475.  
  1476.  
  1477. BNW copypasta section
  1478.  
  1479.  
  1480. [>Anon gets teleported to eqg universe
  1481. >With the help of twiggles he gets his new life started
  1482. >But there's a problem, with the new influx of students at Canterlot High and Shadow bolt high(whatever there school is called) they can no longer get accept new students.
  1483. >So they send him to baltimare high, where the crime rate is high, school is in a poor urban area ECT
  1484. >So anon not only has to adjust to a new universe with skewed gender roles and a new teenage body, but he has to deal with a shithole of a school too]
  1485.  
  1486. >You sip your 50-50 sweet tea/vodka drink as you read, the drone of the cicadas the only thing stopping silence from reigning
  1487. >The AC broke in your office, but the shitposting must continue - so all the windows were open
  1488. >Celestia's sun was so bright that it seemed to bleach the outside world; all the colors were awash and runny
  1489. >And you continue to sip your ice cold "tea"
  1490. >He speaks first, because they always do
  1491. >"S-so, it plays off of the very popular EQG series, a-and we can bring in attention by-"
  1492. "Summer."
  1493. >The teenager stops rambling and looks at you, swallowing. "I-I'm not sure what that means, but-"
  1494. "It's Summer."
  1495. >"... Yes, it is."
  1496. >The cicadas drone on
  1497. "You can't tell, but I capitalized that word. SUMMER. You know how I can tell?"
  1498. >The teenager looks at you, sweating - and then outside to the bright hot sunlight - and back to you
  1499. >"The heat?"
  1500. "The prompts."
  1501. >"I don't... understand?"
  1502. >You drop his script on the table, not caring that it gets damp from the condensation rings from your drink
  1503. "These prompts are made by people whose hormones are raging, whose brains are developing back-to-front. They're simplistic - no nuance, no big thematical desires or questions asked. I'd say it's simple wish fulfillment, but it's not even worthy of being called that."
  1504. >The kid leans over the table, hands pressed against the top. "Hey! There are plenty of stories that are self-inserts! And don't fucking call me s-"
  1505. "You not only want me to write you into this story, but you want me to put as much hate for anon's school as you have for yours."
  1506. >"So?!"
  1507. "So you're asking me to write angsty teenager mental masturbation material."
  1508. >He inhales sharply, but you continue uninterrupted
  1509. "It's childish. You are a child, on summer break, and you don't like school. Realize once you're out, you don't get breaks anymore. Life happens to you, and there is no annual 3-month pause."
  1510. >You stare out past him
  1511. "...go outside. Youth is wasted on the young."
  1512.  
  1513.  
  1514. [Gelding prompt]
  1515.  
  1516. >You sip your coffee, then place it on the table - ignoring the overly-excited look of the intern writer in front of you
  1517. >"S-so it's also touching on the trap fetish, but not the gay kinda shi-"
  1518. "So."
  1519. >The little horse shuts up
  1520. "Males are supposedly rare in RGRE in order to explain the world; so you decide to remove more from the breeding pool because....?"
  1521. >"W-well, actually, gelding the stallions forces the gender roles to be-"
  1522. "So ignoring the actual body horror of being gelded, this is completely OOC for almost every pony - not to mention, difficult to impossible to enforce."
  1523. >"Well-"
  1524. "Let's also point out that there are naturally still more mares than stallions; you're not only forcing a genetic dead end of these colts you're also forcing a similar genetic dead end for their herd."
  1525. >"But-"
  1526. "So not only would the breeding herds be the only ones to survive, you actually start a cascading population crisis - if out of every herd I can only have 1 breeding stallion, then that number will never increase - because any other stallions that would form new herds would be gelded."
  1527. >"Ok, but the fetis-"
  1528. >You take another unimpressed sip from your coffee mug
  1529. "If a breeding stallion gets killed or is impotent, you've already gelded his siblings, which means just through random attrition you're starting to cut down on the producers of your next generation-"
  1530. >"B-but it's a good prom-"
  1531. "And that's completely ignoring the things I touched upon before - that Celestia, Luna, or any of the common ponies would allow this is wonky as hell."
  1532. >"OOC is fine-"
  1533. "If it doesn't break immersion and serves an actual purpose other than fetish fuel."
  1534. >You place the 'script', if you'd call it that, on the table with a frown.
  1535. "I'm drunk and It's shit. It's a shit idea at face value, it's a shit idea when you break it down. I think that's all there is to it."
  1536. >".... you didn't have to be so mea-"
  1537. "Get out."
  1538. >And BNW never wrote about that fetish ever again, ever.
  1539. THE END
  1540.  
  1541.  
  1542.  
  1543.  
  1544.  
  1545. Anon as a teacher for the troubled youths, leading them improving themselves and each other one innuendo at a time. Only starting a open family with students and his girlfriend with the ones that finished with high passing grades. And offering support to the ones that went around long enough to improve themselves, becoming a pillar in the community on par of Twilight...just with more dickings to the ones that need it. You know, so they don't go crazy and shoot up the area.
  1546.  
  1547.  
  1548.  
  1549.  
  1550.  
  1551.  
  1552. > Principal Celestia has seen enough things come from Equestria to know that you are probably going to save the world, or attempt to take it over
  1553. > She wants to keep you within easy reach of whatever is going to go down, so she hires you as a teacher
  1554. > P.E. teacher, since you really don't have the training and degrees necessary to teach actual classes
  1555. > Mostly, you just follow the lesson plan of the other P.E. teacher, Coach Spitfire
  1556. > Then there was the day they started playing basketball
  1557. > Boys vs boys, girls vs girls, with the curtain splitting the gym into half courts so the two games wouldn't interfere with each other
  1558. > Then one of the girls calls out, "Bras and blouses!"
  1559. > And one team takes off their shirts
  1560. > You spend the rest of the day trying to discreetly hide your erection, but you suspect you end up distracting the girls just as much as they distract you
  1561. > It's going to be a long, hard school year
  1562.  
  1563.  
  1564.  
  1565.  
  1566.  
  1567. >Chrysalis tries to seduce Anon
  1568. >Lovebug is hungry, and Anon has a reputation
  1569. >A reputation for giving out free cuddles and affection
  1570.  
  1571. >When he touches her it disrupts her changeling magic, and reveals her true form
  1572. >Aside from being startled by the change, he doesn't freak out at her for being a parasitic bugpony menace
  1573. >Him not freaking out makes her freak out instead
  1574.  
  1575.  
  1576.  
  1577.  
  1578. >Go to fancy restaurant with birb waifu
  1579. >"May i take your coat sir"
  1580. "No thanks, we're good."
  1581. >Get some odd looks from the other patrons as you sit down with your thick coat.
  1582. >Order some plain breadsticks and a glass of water along with two wines to go with your haysteaks, yours in particually being "Very well done."
  1583. >Surreptiously slip damp pieces of bread inside your jacket the whole evening.
  1584. >After you've finished your meal the waiter returns with the bill and two lollipops.
  1585. >"Compliments of the staff, your foals are very well behaved."
  1586. >Two pairs of eyes blink owlishly from the snug confines of your jacket before babbling happily at the treats.
  1587. >Returning home with your family you put the children to bed before finally taking off the jacket, a thin sheen of sweat covering your body.
  1588. >You'd be grossed out by this if it didnt make the jacket more comforting to your foals and you didnt get to be your waifu's personal salt lick every night
  1589.  
  1590.  
  1591.  
  1592.  
  1593.  
  1594.  
  1595. >Snake lands in Equestria
  1596. >For his next mission, he has to pretend to be the prince of a foreign kingdom so some crusading hero can "save" him
  1597. >The catch? He has to make sure he is as inconspicuous as possible
  1598. >A.K.A. he has to act like a damsel in distress
  1599. >"Oh no. I am trapped in the clutches of these nefarious villains. Waaaaaah, Waaaaaaah."
  1600.  
  1601.  
  1602.  
  1603.  
  1604.  
  1605.  
  1606.  
  1607. >Ponies will often infiltrate their chosen mate's house and try to blend in with background, and then pounce
  1608. >You will never get a surprise-cuddle from Rarity right when you're getting ready for bed
  1609.  
  1610. >Anon suspects a burglary gone wrong until his "attacker" starts to nuzzles his face, and a familiar scent washes over him
  1611. >"My my, Anonymous; is that cologne I smell? I do so love a stallion who knows how to make himself presentable~"
  1612. >Next thing Anon knows, his face is in Rarity's chest tuft and the alabaster mare starts humming while stroking his head
  1613. Cuddle-rape is best rape
  1614.  
  1615.  
  1616.  
  1617.  
  1618.  
  1619.  
  1620.  
  1621. >Your horse daughter will never use you as a base for how males are supposed to act
  1622. >She will never be disappointed by the way colts and stallions behave
  1623. >She will never find the meat that Auntie Twilight keeps around for when the griffon delegates come 'round to the Castle of Friendship, and eat it in front of colts for an easy laugh
  1624.  
  1625.  
  1626.  
  1627.  
  1628.  
  1629.  
  1630. >Some ponies Equestria still practice "Groom Kidnapping"
  1631. >This usually involves a mare (or mares) grabbing a stallion and whisking him away to some grand vacation in an attempt to finally woo the stallion into to herding with them
  1632. >However the tradition was not always so nice
  1633. >Stallions were taken and locked away
  1634. >They were starved and hidden until they agreed to signing marriage papers
  1635. >Sadly this older tradition is still practiced by some dastardly mares
  1636. >When Apple Bloom asks Granny Smith how she got her grandfather to herd with her Granny is happy to tell the story of her and her sisters kidnapping him
  1637. >AB tells the rest of the CMC who decide to follow in Granny's footsteps
  1638. >In less than seventy two hours the three girls have Anon bound and gagged in their clubhouse
  1639.  
  1640.  
  1641.  
  1642.  
  1643.  
  1644.  
  1645.  
  1646. >Anon is rocking out in his dreams
  1647. >Lucid dreaming = bitchin' music videos
  1648. >Luna just so happens to stop by while he's singing villain songs
  1649. >Becomes convinced that he's secretly Equestria's newest supervillian threat, due to music magic logic
  1650. >Because why would anyone sing songs about being evil if they weren't evil?
  1651.  
  1652. >Luna is dismayed because she liked Anon
  1653. >It makes it hurt just a little bit worse when she sees him singing a villainous duet with an illusory Chrysalis.
  1654. >Could they be allies?
  1655. >Could they be...
  1656. >Lovers?
  1657.  
  1658.  
  1659. >Luna continues to visit Anon's dreams to learn more about his dastardly plan.
  1660. >Each song Anon dreams about (coincidentally) tells a story that Luna can follow. And each song tells her something more about Anon.
  1661. >Anon and Chrysalis are planning something big.
  1662. >Anon is lying through his teeth to all of his friends.
  1663. >Anon enjoys it.
  1664. >But then Anon starts singing some guilty pleasures.
  1665.  
  1666.  
  1667. >Luna decides she might be able to redeem him.
  1668. >N-not because her heart still goes dokidoki at the mere sight of him.
  1669. >Maybe Chrysalis is all Anon thinks he can rely on?
  1670. >Maybe she's just using him. That BITCH.
  1671.  
  1672. >Meanwhile Chrysalis has no idea who the fuck Anonymous is or why Luna is invading her dreams over him.
  1673.  
  1674.  
  1675. >Luna visits Anon's dream again.
  1676. >The imagery and surrounding is different
  1677. >No scheming evil minions just blasted and desolate land
  1678.  
  1679.  
  1680. >Luna is scared and aroused. Is Anon just using Chrysalis? so he can lay waste to Equestria next?
  1681.  
  1682.  
  1683. >Luna thinks Anon is going to overthrow Chrysalis with her own minions before invading Equestria.
  1684. >Her scarousal goes through the roof as his song reaches it's climax.
  1685. >Has to leave the dream before she does she might not regret
  1686.  
  1687. >All these different songs and Identities.
  1688. > Evil spirit of corruption, a Lonely Prince and many others.
  1689. >Luna is convinced that Anon is just an unlucky soul to be reborn in unfortunate circumstances that turned or forced him to be evil
  1690. >Luna is determined to break that cycle with LOVE and a lot of rehabilitating snu-snu.
  1691. >All she needs to do is to dismantle Anon and Chrysalis' plot and partnership. 
  1692. >She prepares herself from probably one the most harrowing experience she's going to go through
  1693.  
  1694.  
  1695. >She resolves to join in on his next dream, determined to show him another way of life outside of evil villiany.
  1696. >The dream shudders almost imperceptibly as she takes control and inserts herself.
  1697. >The surroundings are reminiscent of saddle arabia and it's nighttime too, perfect.
  1698. >Finding anon on the balcony of the palace, she lets the dream flow naturally from then on so as not to disturb anon too much, trusting that her inclusion will be enough to ward off or even alter it's inevitable darkness.
  1699. >Letting the dream dictate her actions, she alights on the balcony as Anon addresses her.
  1700. >"How are you doing that?"
  1701. "I'm a magic horse."
  1702. >Even in the dreams of others this accursed autism haunts her.
  1703. >"That's... nice."
  1704. "You uh..., you dont want to go for a ride do you?"
  1705. >A blush comes to her face as she realises the double meaning.
  1706. "We could, get out of the palace, see the world?"
  1707. >"Is it safe?"
  1708. "Sure, do you trust me?"
  1709. >"...what?"
  1710. >Feeling the importantance of the moment, she injects some of her own desire to help him into her next words as she stares into Anon's eyes.
  1711. "Do you trust me?"
  1712. >A moment of uncertainly flashes across his face before it morphs into a grin.
  1713. >"...Yes."
  1714. > Anon clambers onto her back, Luna makes sure he is secure before taking flight, words of a song coming to her from the dream.
  1715.  
  1716. >"I can show you the world..."
  1717.  
  1718.  
  1719.  
  1720.  
  1721.  
  1722.  
  1723.  
  1724.  
  1725. [Falconry with Flurry pic]
  1726. >Unable to fly himself, Anon was disappointed that he couldnt help his foals with this very important skill.
  1727. >Until he remembered a particular activity for certain bird owners back on earth.
  1728. >While he doesnt expect them to go into the pest control business any time soon, finding ribbon wrapped items and soft toys from the air and bringing them back is a sure fire way to improve their hoof-wing-eye cordination.
  1729. >He might not be able to take to the skies on his own, but he'll do everything he can to help his foals soar
  1730.  
  1731.  
  1732.  
  1733.  
  1734.  
  1735.  
  1736. RGRE CATPONES
  1737. >Tiny, soft, and flexible ponies that can (and will) crawl into Anon's lap for a nap
  1738. >Some don't like their bellies touched, others love it
  1739. >Ear-scritching is compared to taking horse-cocaine in terms of raw pleasure
  1740. >Instead of purring, pegasi chirp
  1741. >Earth ponies are cuddle bugs
  1742. >Unicorns are the type who want to climb onto Anon's shoulders and then stay there
  1743. >The barely come up to his knee, and yet these ponies still worry for his safety and are convinced that he can't do half the things that "marely mares" like themselves can do
  1744.  
  1745.  
  1746.  
  1747.  
  1748.  
  1749.  
  1750. >Anon, drunk off his ass, licks the Elements of Harmony like one would with a toad.
  1751. >He's not well-liked in Equestria, the exceptions being Cadence, Spike, Dash, and Luna.
  1752. >Gets high magically.
  1753. >Wakes up next day as a MLP-styled horse.
  1754. >Turns out horses are mythological, and he's just become their physical equivalent to Venus, Aphrodite, Ishtar, etcetera.
  1755. >Ponies become split on whether he was always like this, hiding as a test for them that they failed or sign of humility, or is newly ascended.
  1756. >Some debate on whether he's actually their version of Artemis/Diana, who could be pretty cruel to the opposite (and often same) gender.
  1757. >They begin sperging.
  1758. >Shining feels inadequate, since his wife is now buds with a horse.
  1759. >Anon is just freaking the fuck out because of becoming a talking horse.
  1760.  
  1761.  
  1762.  
  1763.  
  1764.  
  1765. >You caught on to the reverse gender roles quickly and lied, saying that you're a virgin. 
  1766. >You don't want your friends to think you're a slut or something.
  1767. >Dash picks on you and teasingly flirts with you.
  1768. >You try to awkwardly play it off, accidentally cementing your "Virgin" story.
  1769. >Rainbow's flirting becomes more genuine and unsure when she finds herself actually smitten with you.
  1770. >Really, how can you say no? 
  1771. >She's overjoyed with your answer.
  1772. >Your first night with her in bed, though, she nervously admits something to you.
  1773. >She's a virgin herself. All her stories about bagging stallions were just that. Stories. 
  1774. >You come clean and tell her you're NOT a virgin. You just didn't want others to think poorly of you.
  1775. >Naturally, you have to take the lead since the relationship turned sexual.
  1776. >Rainbow nervously leaves herself at your mercy and guidance in bed
  1777.  
  1778.  
  1779. >You let Rainbow brag afterwards that she "rocked [your] world" to save some face with her friends (because she's really good at giving head)
  1780. >You draw the line when she starts bragging how her pegasus pussy made you swear off earth ponies and unicorns forever
  1781.  
  1782.  
  1783.  
  1784.  
  1785.  
  1786.  
  1787.  
  1788. >Pegasi chest-fluff has more significance to it than unicorn or earth pony chest-fluff
  1789. >Since pegasi are so naturally mobile, there is little time for cuddling in a pegasi's life.
  1790. >And because they're often in the air, being in contact with one another can lead to losing flight-control and possible crashes.
  1791. >Think how pilots try not to fly their planes too close to other planes
  1792. >Pegasi have a built-in instinct that tells them cuddling is only done between ponies who trust each other not to knock them out of the sky.
  1793. >For Rainbow to let Anon cuddle her chest-fluff, it's a sign that she sees him as a very important figure in her life
  1794. >Anon does not know this, but many other ponies who see Rainbow guide Anon's face to her chest-fluff DO know that
  1795. >Cue "d'aww"s from the surrounding ponies
  1796.  
  1797.  
  1798.  
  1799.  
  1800.  
  1801.  
  1802. >Alicorns can't have children.
  1803. >The magic in their bodies just means the seed of other magical stallions can't take, overpowering it.
  1804. >Flurry Heart was the exception and a fluke because of how uniquely synergised Shining and Cadence are, magically.
  1805. >After some research of Anon being magically inert (alien, and all), Celestia comes to a startling realisation.
  1806. >Anon's seed would take, since he has no conflicting magic to be overpowered by their own.
  1807. >Baby-crazy alicorns begin stalking Anon
  1808.  
  1809.  
  1810.  
  1811.  
  1812.  
  1813.  
  1814. >Luna is attracted to Anon
  1815. >Visits one of his dreams that, by pure coincidence, involves Luna (but non-sexually)
  1816. >Luna's presence and her attraction to Anon triggers a change in the dream, and dream-Luna suddenly starts doing l-lewd things to Anon
  1817. >Luna is unaware that she was responsible for the change and is under the impression that Anon wants her tiny rump
  1818. >Cue real-life consequences to dreams in the form of a letter inviting Anon to visit Canterlot Castle
  1819.  
  1820. >is under the impression that Anon wants her tiny rump
  1821. T-tiny rump?
  1822. >Luna keeps scouting Anon's dreams, 'j-just to investigate' and totally not because she finds them hot. Her subconsciousness keeps projecting onto the dream-Luna, and the circle continues.
  1823. >She starts feeling guilty about that. What if she is corrupting the poor, innocent and pure stallion with her irresistible sexiness?
  1824. >Cue mix of wanting to use him as a royal breeder and white-knight his honor.
  1825. >This is going to be one interesting visit for Anon either way
  1826.  
  1827. >Luna is a bundle of sexually-frustrated nerves
  1828. >Tries to say two things at once: to tell him that it's nice to meet him face-to-face, and to ask him if he wants to sit down for some tea
  1829. >Like the "are you fucking sorry" meme, it gets mixed up
  1830. >"G-Greetings, Anonymous! W-Would you like to sit on my face?"
  1831. >Anon and Celestia think it's hilarious; Luna is humiliated and can only be brought back by hugs from Anon
  1832.  
  1833.  
  1834.  
  1835.  
  1836.  
  1837.  
  1838.  
  1839. >Manly man dad is either extremely disappointed or extremely proud of you in you depending on whether you became a man by Equestrian standards or kept your full-blooded earth standards
  1840. >Despite how weird he finds them he's impressed you were able to snag a pony like your waifu
  1841. >He gives you extra points if you herded
  1842. >Meanwhile all the single mares left in town are thrilled to meet the man who made Anonymous and who, despite his age, is considered top tier dilf by the mares
  1843. >Your mom is just happy your safe then immediately goes to criticize how poorly kept your house is and makes sure to interrogate your wife to make sure she's being good to you
  1844. >Bonus points from her if you gave her grandfoals
  1845. >Siblings are weirded out and disgusted at you for fucking a pony
  1846. >They're even more weirded out when the ponies keep trying to hit on them
  1847.  
  1848.  
  1849.  
  1850.  
  1851.  
  1852.  
  1853. >You will never fluster Luna
  1854. >The way you wear clothing mixed in with conversation about humanity's nudity taboo will never make Luna uncomfortably aware of her own nudity
  1855. >She will never worry that she's flashing you her cooter and take actions to cover herself
  1856. >These actions will never inevitably result in her accidentally showing you her juicy horse pussy
  1857.  
  1858.  
  1859.  
  1860.  
  1861.  
  1862.  
  1863.  
  1864. >Anon has to learn how to speak Equis.
  1865. >He's also spell resistant so they can't cheat either.
  1866. >He's seen as even more foreign and exotic.
  1867. >Mares say lewd stuff about him while he's there because they're sure he can't understand.
  1868. >They patronize and underestimate him even more, because they think he's cutesy and childish due to being unable to fully articulate himself.
  1869. >While tutoring him Twilight (or some other pony) starts to develop a crush on him.
  1870. >She wants to try courting him even though it will be difficult since the language barrier hasn't completely crumbled.
  1871.  
  1872.  
  1873.  
  1874.  
  1875. >Turns out Equis has a lot of dialects and weird local slang.
  1876. >You were helping Pinkie Pie move some stuff when Limestone came over to visit.
  1877. >Pinkie was a bit occupied at the moment so you asked her sister if she could grab the other side of this stupidly long table.
  1878. >Things got quiet real fast.
  1879. >Limestone's face was so red and she started clearing her throat as if the heavy silence was crushing it.
  1880. >You didn't know it was even possible to see the blush past their coats.
  1881. >What's wrong? You didn't mispronounce something, did you?
  1882. >She seemed to mull something over before tentatively reaching a forehoof out towards your crotch.
  1883. >That's when Pinkie gasped and swatted it away in the blink of an eye.
  1884. >Pinkie started rambling so fast you couldn't make out their conversation.
  1885. >If you could call it that, she did most of the talking with Limestone grunting here and there.
  1886. >Later, Pinkie slowly, as in agonizingly slow; she had no middle ground, explained that in their neck of the woods "grab" in certain contexts was something dirty.
  1887. >It meant you were down to fuck.
  1888. >This was something crass mares said to stallions, and certainly never the other way around.
  1889. >That day you learned to be cautious about which version of "grab" you were using.
  1890. >You still had one question though.
  1891. >What the hell was a rock farm?
  1892. >Was that slang too?
  1893.  
  1894.  
  1895. >Ponies are tactile and physical affection is much more complicated than human physical affection.
  1896. >Different touches have different meanings, and it's almost like speaking a whole new language when Anon touches (or is touched by) a pony.
  1897.  
  1898.  
  1899. >Anon appears in Canterlot and stays with the Princesses
  1900. >Grows close to Luna, who is fond of the way he admires her night sky
  1901. >Anon lived in the city, and his former experience with the night sky was pitch blackness and maybe 100 tiny dots; the Equestrian night sky is amazing and beautiful to him, and is very impressed with Luna
  1902. >Anon knows that ponies are touchy-feelie, and so he goes to pat Luna's head fondly
  1903. >Ends up rubbing the area behind her ears
  1904. >Luna squirms, blushes, and shyly leans onto him
  1905. >Purposefully (and gently) pushes him over so that she's lying on top of him
  1906. Luna acts like the tiny baby pony from this video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8USUINYQrs [Open]
  1907. >Anon is happy that he's getting along with his new friend, and so he lays there scratching Luna's back and rubbing her ears
  1908. >Celestia shortly walks in on them to check up on Anon and is utterly shocked to see Luna and Anon in what he learns is quite a compromising position
  1909. >Luna scrambles off of him and flies away to hide in her room (under the bed, of anybody's curious)
  1910. >Celestia is very concerned for Anon and asks if he's okay, asks if he feels safe in the castle, etc
  1911. >From what he understands, Anon was doing something VERY intimate with Luna
  1912. >Ear-scratching was a bit like rubbing a lady's chest in terms of the pleasure Luna received, and a stallion only ever touches a mare's back when he's trying to tell her that he wants to mount her
  1913. >To Anon's surprise, Luna lying down on him (the part he thought he would get in trouble for) wasn't considered intimate at all, and was just one of the mildly friendly ways ponies touch each other
  1914. >Anon has a lot to learn about accidentally molesting his friends
  1915.  
  1916.  
  1917.  
  1918. >Some mares hate having to listen to Anon slowly stammer his way through a sentence, like an elderly Russian man trying to vodka his way through the English language
  1919. >Some mares, on the other hand, like listening to Anon speak and think that he has a musical (almost Gaelic) accent
  1920. >Rarity, in particular, is fascinated with how English sounds
  1921.  
  1922.  
  1923.  
  1924.  
  1925. >Another Anon is in Equestria
  1926. >For some reason, he can speak perfect Equis and English
  1927. >As a result, he has to act as a translator for the first Anon
  1928. >But that doesn't mean he can't have some fun, right?
  1929. >"Tell her I'd like to have her over for lunch
  1930. "Anon would like to eat you out for lunch"
  1931.  
  1932.  
  1933.  
  1934.  
  1935. >Princess Celestia was coming over to visit the alien tomorrow afternoon.
  1936. >She wanted to check up on her new and unusual subject's progress and well-being.
  1937. >Now that he could at least string sentences together, she might even get to know the poor, lost colt properly this time.
  1938. >Twilight got really antsy and worked up upon hearing the news.
  1939. >She couldn't stay in one place for more than a minute, and asking her what the big deal was earned Anon some nearly indecipherable big words in response.
  1940. >Despite being the Princess of Friendship, she had insisted he address her familiarly.
  1941. >She had no choice now but to give her charge a crash course and review on addressing royalty in Equis.
  1942. >While he knew how to address an elder or superior in the workplace there were a few key differences to addressing blue blooded nobility and royalty.
  1943. >It was honestly a bit archaic, but everypony who wasn't close to the princesses knew to use it.
  1944. >Celestia arrived early, well before the afternoon in fact, acting her usual sunny self.
  1945. >That didn't help the purple pony's mood too much.
  1946. >Twilight was sweating profusely when her old mentor stepped down from her carriage.
  1947. >Even if she knew she should have nothing to worry about, maybe.
  1948. >Was she forgetting something? 
  1949. >Something big?
  1950. >She counted her lucky stars that it wasn't Luna visiting.
  1951. >Now that would have been a real nightmare.
  1952. >The Princess of Friendship eventually let out the breath she didn't know she was holding.
  1953. >And it was at this precise moment that Anon called Celestia by a pet name.
  1954. >A pet name that he used for Twilight.
  1955. >It was essentially a diminutive or corruption of the word "princess".
  1956. >Oh, buck.
  1957. >She never bothered to correct him before because it was a guilty pleasure of hers.
  1958. >It was unprofessional and probably deceptive, but...
  1959. >But it made her feel all tingly inside when he called her that.
  1960. >Sun, she needed a coltfriend.
  1961. >That is, if she survived this supremely awkward moment.
  1962. >Was this karma?
  1963.  
  1964. >Celestia is pleased with the pet name. Only friends and lovers give others pet names.
  1965. >She's excited about having someone who doesn't brown nose and try to suck up.
  1966. >Anon might have an inkling of what's happening but he's just happy that the large white horse is prancing with happiness.
  1967. >Twilight's mind is racing a million miles an hour, Is she gonna have to compete with her beloved teacher?
  1968.  
  1969.  
  1970. Twiggles wouldn't be worried about trying to compete, she'd be worrying about how the TARTARUS she's going to swing getting into a herd with anon and Celestia (the immortal goddess leader of the land) who THINKS OF HER AS A DAUGHTER
  1971.  
  1972.  
  1973. >THINKS OF HER AS A DAUGHTER!
  1974. That's kinda hot.
  1975.  
  1976. But seriously, I think it would just make any fun time they have together more... I don't know, intimate. Like not in a "I'm fucking my pseudo-daughter" way, but in an "I'm sharing a very personal and intimate moment with the mare I trust the most... no homo" way instead. 
  1977.  
  1978. I'm picturing Twilight blushing up a storm as Celestia gives her all sorts of tips on how to pleasure a stallion. Like the time that Velvet sat Twilight down, gave her her first cider, and demonstrated how to deepthroat a cucumber
  1979.  
  1980.  
  1981. >Celestia says Twilight has been doing a spectacular job so far, but it never hurts to have more tutors who can give you new perspectives on things.
  1982. >She offers him to come visit her castle this evening for some one on one lessons with a more... experienced teacher
  1983.  
  1984.  
  1985.  
  1986. >Like to think you're nearly fluent in Equis.
  1987. >But even after all this time you can't understand a word Applejack says.
  1988. >You just nod and agree to everything she says.
  1989. >You hope no one, especially not the mare herself, has caught on yet
  1990.  
  1991.  
  1992.  
  1993.  
  1994.  
  1995.  
  1996. >Ponies experience love at first sight
  1997. >Celestia in her thousand plus years has never experienced it.
  1998. >Made peace with it long ago.
  1999. >She deduces it must be part of her duty.
  2000. >She will endure.
  2001. >For her beloved little ponies.
  2002. >Receives a letter from Twilight detailing how a magical anomaly pulled an alien into your dimension.
  2003. >Further elaborates that its male, bipedal, an omnivore, and has intelligence on par with the average unicorn.
  2004. >Requests that she bring the alien to meet her.
  2005. >The next day a "human" stands before her.
  2006. >She looks him in the eyes.
  2007. >Her head goes light
  2008. >Her spine shivers
  2009. >Her heart goes tight
  2010. >Her lip quivers
  2011. "W-where have you been?"
  2012.  
  2013.  
  2014. >Celestia sees everything about Anon, but Anon is clueless
  2015. >Celestia perseveres
  2016. >Celestia is nice to Anon
  2017. >Knows everything about him, knows how to act ("act" isn't even the right word; there's nothing artificial about her fondness for him) to make him feel comfortable around her
  2018. >Horrifies her student with her off-colour sexist jokes, knowing that Anon will think they're hilarious
  2019. >Anon quickly warms up to Celestia and by the end of the evening they have promised to stay in contact and Anon has plans to visit her once every 1 or 2 weeks
  2020. >Two months later, Anon is gushing to Pinkie Pie, saying that he never thought he'd ever use the word "soulmate" in his life and actually mean it; meanwhile, Pinkie Pie is trying not to roll her eyes at Anon and his coltish whimsy
  2021.  
  2022.  
  2023.  
  2024.  
  2025.  
  2026.  
  2027.  
  2028. >Fringe-horror:
  2029. >Anon is a regular guy.
  2030. >However, being an alien means he has no resistance to magic.
  2031. >Only his over-engineered biology, in comparison to Equestrian life.
  2032. >After being around him for a while after her "soul-mate" revelation, Celestia and the ponies find him slowly acting different.
  2033. >To her horror, she discovers that the bond, harmless to Equestrian life due to both innate magics being in harmony, is slowly raping Anon's mind and personality to be a perfect fit for her.
  2034. >She must decide whether to break the bond, a painful process (even possibly fatal for him) for both, and accept eternal, agonising loneliness, or watch as her soulmate is reduced to a hollowed-out meat-puppet in personality
  2035.  
  2036.  
  2037.  
  2038.  
  2039.  
  2040. > her entire life flashes before his eyes
  2041. > she just went through the same experience
  2042.  
  2043. > She saw all the "lol" he had watching rekt threads on /b/
  2044. > She saw all the meany mean things he said on /pol/
  2045. > She saw all the things he fapped to
  2046. > ... even "those" videos
  2047. > Anon pretty much broke all the records at evilness and disgustingness in known Equestrian history
  2048. > But soulmate is soulmate, and she is going to show him that a marely mare like her isn't going to be bested by her stallion
  2049. > Cue awkward attempts at being evil, Disney Villain style
  2050. > It just end up being cute
  2051.  
  2052.  
  2053. >Anon is so overwhelmed by the cuteness he basically never leaves the mares side
  2054. >She believes her wicked ways are tempting a malignant stallion
  2055. >She believes that over time she can convince him to take the road to redemption with her
  2056. >Anon is just happy he has a qt pony to cuddle at night
  2057. >Also she lets him know when he puts his clothes on wrong in the morning
  2058.  
  2059. >Anon's actions and behaviour is misconstrued to be something evil/sinister (by pony standards, of course) due to pone-waifu's bias
  2060. >Pone-waifu is convinced that she is the only thing holding Anon back from being a villain
  2061. >Despite seeing all of Anon's life, Pone-waifu refuses to see cultural differences in a different light; knows that humans wear clothes for warmth, but can't help but think Anon is trying to seduce her when he walks around wearing thick wool socks
  2062. >Most likely dismisses cultural differences as "coltish whimsy"
  2063.  
  2064.  
  2065.  
  2066.  
  2067. >Soulmate-mare is amazed at how filthy Anon is compared to the average stallion... or how SHE thinks the average stallion is
  2068. >Anon's soulmate just happens to be a bit of an inexperienced shut-in who is more than happy to tempt Anon with her candyvag in order to distract him from his "evilness"
  2069.  
  2070. >You are Hot Pocket, and you had no idea that colts could be so l-lewd.
  2071. >Anon - your new soulmate - has spent so many hours of his life just... just PLEASURING HIMSELF to dirty moving pictures!
  2072. >You mean, you knew that colts touched themselves, but you thought that they had to be in the mood or something.
  2073. >Like, you always pictured them lying on their beds, lights dim and scented candles filling the room with a gentle haze...
  2074. >Eyes closed and gasping as he explores himself; so innocent, and yet so naughty
  2075. >It always seemed like something more pure than the average mare's desperate jill-off session, where she just stares at a blurry photo of some stallion's sheath and rubs herself.
  2076. >Celestia's Sun, you can still see Anon's face in your head
  2077. >That special face he makes when he cums
  2078. >And soon he'll make that face special, just for you.
  2079. >A dirty grin stretches your face as you wriggle your bottoms around, appreciating the slight jiggle it's got.
  2080. >That's right; colts all the time be talkin' about how you've got the tightest cunt in the land.
  2081. >You'll ruin him for other mares... not that he'll be with any mares other than you, but it's the thought that counts.
  2082. >Your smile falters slightly; it's hardly fair to brag if he's your soulmate and he'll love you forever and he'll never EVER have sex with another m-mare...
  2083. >...s-stupid pegasi, making it rain on your face...
  2084.  
  2085.  
  2086.  
  2087.  
  2088.  
  2089. >Before Twilight ever set hoof in Ponyville the two of them used to drink in private every few months.
  2090. >It was a one on one thing Celestia did for her top students.
  2091. >To see if they were doing well, how their studies were going, and if they were making any friends.
  2092. >Plus it was a good excuse to unwind and get drunk.
  2093. >Poor awkward, nerdy, and virginal Twilight had to hear a bunch of unfiltered drunken lectures about stallions.
  2094. >It was one of the few moments that she realized her teacher was well over a thousand years old.
  2095. >All those recounted experiences that went into way too much detail.
  2096. >The incredibly sexist things she casually told her.
  2097. >And a surprising dose of cynicism when dealing with the fairer sex. 
  2098. >It went on for well over an hour
  2099.  
  2100.  
  2101.  
  2102.  
  2103.  
  2104. >Rainbow is self confident in her body and herself
  2105. >She should be though since she's considered one of the most eligible bachelorettes in Equestria
  2106. >However she's only ever been asked out by stallions then went from there
  2107. >She never thought she'd have to ask one out
  2108. >When she did with Anonshe had no idea how to flirt AT ALL
  2109. >Celestia'sspaghetti.parchment
  2110. >The best she can do is think up the corny pick up lines stallion's used on her in the pat
  2111. >Anon just laughs them off as one of Rainbow's jokes or pranks
  2112. >Rainbow's face when she thinks Anon thinks she's ugly
  2113.  
  2114.  
  2115.  
  2116. >Go to fancy restaurant with birb waifu
  2117. >"May i take your coat sir"
  2118. "No thanks, we're good."
  2119. >Get some odd looks from the other patrons as you sit down with your thick coat.
  2120. >Order some plain breadsticks and a glass of water along with two wines to go with your haysteaks, yours in particually being "Very well done."
  2121. >Surreptiously slip damp pieces of bread inside your jacket the whole evening.
  2122. >After you've finished your meal the waiter returns with the bill and two lollipops.
  2123. >"Compliments of the staff, your foals are very well behaved."
  2124. >Two pairs of eyes blink owlishly from the snug confines of your jacket before babbling happily at the treats.
  2125. >Returning home with your family you put the children to bed before finally taking off the jacket, a thin sheen of sweat covering your body.
  2126. >You'd be grossed out by this if it didnt make the jacket more comforting to your foals and you didnt get to be your waifu's personal salt lick every night
  2127.  
  2128.  
  2129.  
  2130.  
  2131.  
  2132.  
  2133. >The Summer Sun Celebration was actually kind of a big deal for her.
  2134. >It celebrated what she did best while gracing Equestria with the longest of her beautiful days. 
  2135. >It was one of the most hectic, stressful, and yet gratifying experiences no matter how old she got.
  2136. >So for the princess to put aside this precious time of the year for you and forgoing all the crowds, travel, and speeches for once meant a lot.
  2137. >Celestia tried to make it this casual thing but she planned the shit out of this "little" date that was supposedly on short notice.
  2138. >She even planned and ensured that hundreds of gawking ponies wouldn't be following you two all day like they would if this date actually were spontaneous.
  2139. >After all, these festivities represented her. 
  2140. >If something went wrong, it would look bad, and then she'd look bad.
  2141. >Maybe she should just relax and improvise more, some part of her proposed. No need to adhere to her plans so strictly.
  2142. >And the rest of her demanded that part to be silent.
  2143. >Because what kind of stallion fantasizes about an actual low-key, low-budget date from their princess charming?
  2144.  
  2145.  
  2146.  
  2147.  
  2148.  
  2149.  
  2150.  
  2151. >After the first Anon brawl put several of them in the hospital, it was decided that something had to be done.
  2152. >They installed a squared circle in the middle of town
  2153. >They dropped unruly feuding anons in it, told them some rules, and threw in a (usually) impartial referee.
  2154. >Usually just two at a time, but occasionally, you have tag team matches
  2155. >All the way up to a Royal Rumble
  2156.  
  2157. >A literal Royal Rumble, with a Princess as the Prize
  2158. >This Summer Sun Celebration, witness the ultimate struggle, at Waifumania!
  2159. >For our main event, see the hordes of Sunfags duke it out for the affections of Princess Celestia!
  2160.  
  2161.  
  2162.  
  2163.  
  2164.  
  2165. >Anon is just some guy who got summoned by some two-bit mages
  2166. >They were expecting the ender of worlds in bipedal form, but they got Anon instead because they're shit-tier horse-wizards
  2167. >Celestia and Luna crack down on them just as the summoning ritual is complete, and Anon is left standing there in a housecoat and underwear, holding a bowl of cereal and wondering where his kitchen went
  2168. >Celestia and Luna take him into custody but generally treat him like any other stallion
  2169. >They know that the ritual was probably bullshit, but Anon DID still appear when the "summon something to fuck a bunch of shit up" ritual was undertaken
  2170.  
  2171.  
  2172.  
  2173.  
  2174.  
  2175.  
  2176.  
  2177. >Petting/wing-massage; Anon knows ponies like touching more than humans, and so he tries touching ponies. Anon has no frame of reference for what is friend-touching and what is "I want to make with the coitus"-touching in Equestria, and he makes some mistakes
  2178. >Chin-scratching; grooming behaviour is even stronger in ponies than it is in humans, and by grooming a mare friend, Anon is saying "The trust and affection I have for you is on par with (or greater than) the trust and affection I have for my blood-related family"
  2179. >Gift-buying; Anon buys a small, inexpensive present for his mare friend while he's out shopping; something on sale that he grabs on impulse and thinks his friend will like. To ponies, gift-exchange is very significant and acts as a big red flag that the gifter likes the giftee
  2180.  
  2181.  
  2182.  
  2183.  
  2184.  
  2185.  
  2186.  
  2187. >Get stuck in RGREqG
  2188. >Fuck.
  2189. >No hooves
  2190. >Still end up with a Canterlot High gf. Stick to one because polygamy with ponies is weird but they're aliens so it's understandable. Polygamy with girls is just a little too strange.
  2191. >She wants to bang in the backseat of your car, play vidya, and snuggle away her attention starvation.
  2192. >Then she starts saving for a ring at her mom's (or maybe one or more of her multiple step mom's urging) once how low maintenance and agreeable you are sinks in.
  2193. >This is okay, you decide
  2194.  
  2195.  
  2196.  
  2197.  
  2198. >RGREqG gives leniency to girls who snag older guys.
  2199. >A girl has gotta grab what she can, after all.
  2200. >Your 16-17ish waifu is both the shit and the greatest source of envy at school for nabbing you, a monogamous guy in his 20s with a car, job, and lack of fuss when it comes to sex.
  2201. >To a RGREqG girl, that's like winning the lotto twice in a row after being struck by lightning three times and walking away unhurt. 
  2202. >The sheer smug your gf generates causes bunched panties for miles around.
  2203.  
  2204.  
  2205. >Everyone looks
  2206. >Everyone always looks
  2207. >At the girl who walks with with a smile and a limp.
  2208. >At the girl who has the smell of dick on her breath.
  2209. >At the girl who filled out early thanks to the hormone boost from being railed on request.
  2210. >At the girl who gets to avoid the bus, because her boy FIXED A CAR and GIFTED it to her.
  2211. >And when they look at that shit-eating grin...
  2212. >Tits status = Not calm
  2213.  
  2214.  
  2215.  
  2216.  
  2217.  
  2218.  
  2219. >Crystal Empire resurfaces from the space-time void.
  2220. >Anon arrives at the same moment, as a meteor of trans-dimensional fire.
  2221. >Sombra looks up in surprise as a naked Anon crashes into him, screaming "SHIIIIIIIIT!" at the top of his lungs.
  2222. >Sombra is Acme'd to death.
  2223. >Crystal Ponies find him, declares him their saviour, and crown him King.
  2224. >The fact he doesn't want any of this spur them on even more as he is deemed humble and "worthy".
  2225. >The Heart activates and is filled with happiness and patriotism ("Murica, fuck yeah!").
  2226. >Cadence and Shining arrive to find everything up and running again, with the Heart being powered up.
  2227. >And themselves at spear-point.
  2228. >Awkwardness ensues as they realise that the Empire's ponies are RRGRE.
  2229. >Bafflement as they realise this new King is rapidly instituting reforms to make the Empire a powerhouse.
  2230. >"Uh, honey?"
  2231. >Cadence looked at her husband from the sea of new, crystalline skeletons of future skyscrapers and newly-paved pathways.
  2232. >"Hm?"
  2233. >"What do we do now?"
  2234. >Cadence hummed and turned to him with a big grin stretched across her face. "I have absolutely no idea, dear. Exciting, isn't it?"
  2235.  
  2236.  
  2237.  
  2238. "So, these yaks are douches but party animals?"
  2239. >Crystal Empire mistakens his confusion for a command.
  2240. >Invades and annexes Yakistan within 24 hours.
  2241. >Surprisingly enough, the Yaks were pretty cool with it, and not a drop of blood was spilled.
  2242. >Yak and Crystal Pony parties spread across the expanded Empire.
  2243. >Anon's troubles double as he's crowned Emperor of the combined Empire.
  2244. >The Crystal Ponies' industriousness expands into Yakistan, modernising it.
  2245.  
  2246.  
  2247. Celestia wakes up from her nap to find the political landscape brutally murdered.
  2248.  
  2249. Equestria suddenly has a very large and powerful neighbour to the north.
  2250.  
  2251. Has no idea of the personality of this "Unseen Emperor".
  2252.  
  2253. Meanwhile, Anon is out of his depth
  2254.  
  2255.  
  2256. >Anon is curious about what's even further north.
  2257. >Has to be a northpole of some sort right?
  2258. >Scouts are sent out with Yakistan fur coats and supplies against the cold.
  2259. >They come back bringing with them literal Wendigo spirits that had slept for millienia
  2260. >Anon gives them a high five and points them to the mountains if they want it since they like the cold all the time.
  2261. >Queen Windy Skies fearsome leader of the Wendigo spirits. . .is actually kind of touched that a mortal was willing to provide land for them to live on.
  2262. >Most other mortals flee from them or burned their essence with flames and magic.
  2263. >Celestia's face when the Unseen Emperor now has powerful ice spirits under his command
  2264.  
  2265.  
  2266. >ice spirits like to hang around the wild parties they throw to take in the powerful ambient emotions
  2267. >in return they keep all the booze cold for everyone
  2268.  
  2269.  
  2270.  
  2271. >The changeling queen surrenders immediately.
  2272. >A king willing to sacrifice his weakest citizens for a possible advantage is a leader she doesnt want to fuck with.
  2273. >Agree's to diplomacy, offering herself as a concubine in hopes of her hive surviving, 
  2274. >Although tempted by bugpuss, Anon asks why dont they just feed off the ambient love the crystal heart gives out instead of stealing it from a few ponies at time
  2275. >A brief moment of silence occurs before a small thunderclap echos across the tundra, answering the age old question of "What is the sound of one thousand facehooves."
  2276. >Snowling alliance acquired
  2277.  
  2278.  
  2279.  
  2280.  
  2281.  
  2282.  
  2283.  
  2284.  
  2285. >Anon has been serving as Celestia's personal shadow for years.
  2286. >Fucking good at his job.
  2287. >However, the plot's focus is not on Anon's "troubleshooter" career.
  2288. >One day, Celly, who has grown very fond of him over the years, asks him his plans for the future.
  2289. >He bluntly says he'll either die on the job one day, as age catches up to him, or he'll just retreat somewhere after he retires, like the Everfree, alone.
  2290. >Celestia is disheartened.
  2291. >Quietly schemes to either set him up with a trusted pony (such as her sister, niece, or Twi) or herself, if her fondness is something "more".
  2292. >Anon has no idea why odd situations keep happening to him, but he suspects his employer has something to do with it.
  2293.  
  2294.  
  2295.  
  2296.  
  2297.  
  2298.  
  2299.  
  2300.  
  2301. >RGREgG Rainbow gets dicked almost on command now that you're with her and it makes her hormones go crazy.
  2302. >She's already had to replace all her skirts and pants because her now wide hips just would not fit in the old ones.
  2303. >And now she has to wear an extra tight sports bra when playing soccer or running track so her handful sized tits don't bounce everywhere.
  2304. >It's a small price to pay though, she thinks.
  2305. >Because nothing, not even the following sex, feels better than watching your eyes light up when she strips
  2306.  
  2307.  
  2308.  
  2309. [EQG Chrysalis is 25yo, drives a van with "free candy" written on the side]
  2310.  
  2311. >Creepy Chrysalis gets off to flashing dudes in public and getting a reaction out of them
  2312. >Anon still hasn't gotten over the novelty of being in a world of reversed gender roles (in fact, he just got to enjoy being molested on a subway a few hours ago) and reacts positively
  2313. >Chrysalis is confused, yet intrigued
  2314. >Finds out who he is and tries to try more outrageous things
  2315. >Sitcom shenanigans occur and they end up becoming a couple
  2316.  
  2317.  
  2318.  
  2319.  
  2320. >RGREqG
  2321. >Women are even thirstier in high school than they are in Equestria because of teenage hormones
  2322. >Anon cannot catch a moment's rest
  2323. >One minute it's a quick anonymous groping in a busy hallway, where some chick grabs his ass and runs away
  2324. >The next minute it's some girl knocking the books out of his arms so that he either has to bend over and pick them up (earning him a spank) or she has to pick them up FOR him, leading into the most painfully desperate/cringy "please love me I'm so lonely" conversation that does not go away until the two of them reach whatever class Anon is going to
  2325. >I'm looking at you, Lyra.
  2326. >More than once, a particularly daring girl (Gil-something) walked up behind Anon, straight up took her tits out, and then rested them on his shoulders/head
  2327. >The girls aren't very gentle either, and Anon worries for the health of his poor aching penis
  2328. >It's too much of a good thing and Anon just wants one day where his ass doesn't bruise from the pinches and his clothes don't smell like unwashed teenage girl
  2329. >Anon is friends with the humane 6 and they stare at him incomprehensibly when he complains about it
  2330. >Rarity says she'd kill to be in Anon's position (and Rainbow Dash teases Rarity until she finally clarifies that she meant being on the receiving end of male attention; not FEmale attention like Anon is)
  2331. >Anon tries to use the concept of eating nothing but cake and ice cream and getting so sick of it that you'd do anything for a bologna sandwich; nobody really gets it except for Pinkie, who gasps and looks at Anon with horror
  2332. >She rushes around to give Anon a surprisingly platonic hug
  2333. >Of COURSE party-pony would only understand things translated into party-food terms
  2334. >Pinkie and her friends decide to help Anon and form a sort of protective group (codename: whiteknight) to make sure he gets between classes unmolested
  2335. >Each of them secretly hopes/expects Anon to give them a bit of loving for helping a nice young man like him out
  2336.  
  2337.  
  2338.  
  2339.  
  2340.  
  2341.  
  2342. >You are the boyfriend, emotional anchor, and most trusted adult in the unfair and uncertain life of a budding teen RGR girl. 
  2343. >Once the initial thrill of free sex whenever wears off, you find yourself cuddling her and talking as much if not more than you are banging her. 
  2344. >As time goes on, you slowly heal the damage to her that keeps revealing itself to you.
  2345. >All the attention starvation bred from such a romantically competitive life is enough to really fuck up a normal RGR woman, let alone a confused and hormone charged teen. 
  2346. >The more you learn, the more the dark and seldom addressed underbelly of a gender skewed world reveals itself to you.
  2347.  
  2348. >Your gf calls you in the middle of the night.
  2349. >Your annoyance vanishes when you hear her cracking and watery voice. She asks you to come over. 
  2350. >After speeding to her house, you let yourself in and rush to her, fearing the worst. 
  2351. >She practically tackles you while almost in tears. She says she's sorry for calling and breaking down like a little boy, but she just had to know.
  2352. >She had to know that you weren't a cruel dream. 
  2353. >That night, you and her shared a bed in a tight embrace, both wearing a loving smile
  2354.  
  2355.  
  2356.  
  2357.  
  2358.  
  2359.  
  2360. >Emo-pone's friends don't believe her.
  2361. >They go over to her house one day to hang out.
  2362. >No answer when they knock.
  2363. >The door is unlocked and they're close enough friends, so they just walk in.
  2364. >They're fucking right in plain view
  2365.  
  2366. >Teen-mare finds that she doesn't like her punk and scremo CDs now because she can't relate to depressing songs anymore
  2367.  
  2368. >Emo-pone's parents find out about you and her
  2369. >You're sweating bullets because she's 16 and your twenty-something, and in the back of your head you're wondering what it'll be like to be shanked by someone who doesn't have hands in horse-prison
  2370. >Mom-pone looks impressed and claps Emo-pone on the back, much to dad-pone's displeasure
  2371. >Dad-pone doesn't have a problem per se with you being older than his daughter, only that you'll be a bad influence on her; thinks you're some kind of "stallion of the night" and very passive-aggressively shows how much he doesn't like you
  2372.  
  2373.  
  2374.  
  2375. >girlfriend is so worried you're not real
  2376. >ends up moving in with you so she can be as close to you as possible as often as possible
  2377. >RGRE dictates that guys don't like a clingy girl
  2378. >scared that you'll leave her if she keeps going but she feels like she'll have a mental and emotional break if she stops
  2379. >surprise her by only becoming more affectionate with her
  2380. >this makes her even more clingy almost never leaving your side
  2381. >you decide to fuck a baby into her
  2382. >this calms her down in one way but ramps up her emotions in another
  2383. >becomes less clingy towards you slightly but becomes more defensive around others because she's pregnant
  2384.  
  2385.  
  2386.  
  2387.  
  2388.  
  2389. >Moondancer had already resigned herself to a life alone knowing her romantic prospects were grim at best. 
  2390. >One day, you happen by and jump her junky car when it won't start. 
  2391. >Her flustered thanks is so adorable that you give her your number if she ever wants to hang out.
  2392. >One thing lead to another...
  2393. >Now you're both lying naked in her room, furiously button mashing in a close game of Smash Sisters. Loser has to be bottom. 
  2394. >Everyone who ever made a permavirgin joke about Moondancer has to eat their words and then some
  2395.  
  2396.  
  2397.  
  2398.  
  2399.  
  2400. >Awkward girlfriend Moondancer is new to the whole "talking to boys" thing and is testing the waters of what to do with a boyfriend
  2401. >It's mostly throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks
  2402. >One time she took off her sweater and put it over a puddle for you to walk over... forgetting in her "oh shit I have to do a girlfriend-thing now" panic that she was nude underneath, save for a pair of panties
  2403. >Another time (after the previous attempt, whereupon she learned to start wearing a jacket over her sweater once it started to get colder outside) she took off her jacket and slipped it over your shoulders, which was fucking adorable
  2404. >Your relationship with her has its up and down; from that time you BOTH went out of your way to buy gifts for each other on horse-Valentine's day (and ended up cuddling on the couch under a blanket), or that one time she tried to deepthroat you and threw up all over your crotch
  2405. >The pros far outweigh the cons, and you enjoy watching her show you off to her friends almost as much as she does
  2406. >Also, the noises she makes when you go down on her do wonders for your self-esteem.
  2407.  
  2408.  
  2409.  
  2410.  
  2411.  
  2412.  
  2413. >Anon and Waifu are planning their wedding.
  2414. >Celestia shows up and cites an old law giving her the right to sleep with the groom the night before his wedding.
  2415.  
  2416. Plot twist: no sex just cuddling as a way to bless the union
  2417.  
  2418.  
  2419. >she does this for all her male guards and friends when they're getting married
  2420. >tells them if their wives make them cry they'll have to answer to her
  2421.  
  2422.  
  2423.  
  2424.  
  2425.  
  2426.  
  2427. >"Hey Anon! I perfected a new spell! Wanna see it?"
  2428. >Turning around you find Twilight smiling up at you
  2429. "Sure Purplesmart. Whats it do?"
  2430. >She gets a devilish grin on her face
  2431. >"YOU HEARD HIM CONSENT EVERYONE!"
  2432. >She shouts to the mares around you
  2433. >A sudden feeling of dread fills you as her horn lights up and the spell washes over you
  2434. >In a panic you grab her by her front legs and bring her up to your face
  2435. "TWILIGHT WHAT DID YOU JUST DO TO ME!?"
  2436. >"Nothing harmful Anon. I just used a spell on you that should make you express your inner feelings through the magic of song."
  2437. >The fear pulls back as you realize she wasnt turning you into a pony or something even worse
  2438. >Fucking TF fags
  2439. >The wave of relief pulls back as you hear the very familiar wailing of a guitar
  2440. >You dont even have time to curse before your mouth opens as the song pours from it against your will
  2441. >Every mare within earshot is watching you intently
  2442. >As you spill your proverbial guts about your hidden perversion
  2443. >Wings and tails raise to the sky as you belt out your desire to fuck
  2444. >Finally the song as over and you stand there panting
  2445. >The silence filling the town was broken by Rainbow Dash
  2446. >"I told you that your spell didnt work. He just same the same song you did when you cast it on yourself Twi."
  2447. >You meet eyes with the Purple Princess and you would swear that her pupils were shaped like hearts at that very moment
  2448.  
  2449.  
  2450.  
  2451.  
  2452.  
  2453. >Anon gets killed on Earth. 
  2454. >In a stroke of extreme luck(?) he gets reincarnated in RGREquestria, but his memory and human soul are intact. 
  2455. >Maybe born to somepony important, like a Princess or an Element. Maybe just to common ponies. 
  2456. >But one thing is certain.
  2457. >Even if he looks like everyone else, he's still a stranger in a strange land
  2458.  
  2459.  
  2460.  
  2461. >Born as a unicorn colt to a small but loving herd in Ponyville.
  2462. >Quickly find yourself loving your new family, who loves you back even with your percular behavior. It doesn't totally take away the pain of your own death and losing earth, but they're call you have. 
  2463. >Crisis strikes as it usually does in the small town. This time, the heros are running late to stop the monsters.
  2464. >When you find yourself and your terrified family cornered, you learn something new about yourself.
  2465. >Pure protective fury, potent mana made by a human soul, and a lifetime of fictional spells to draw upon makes for some gruesome and bloody results. 
  2466. >If you didn't have attention on you before, you do now.
  2467.  
  2468.  
  2469.  
  2470. >Twilight and Co skid to a stop in front of the deadend alleyway where they heard screaming. 
  2471. >There, they find the last four unaccounted for diamond dog raiders.
  2472. >...Who are now stains on the ground.
  2473. >Numbly, they look further into the alley.
  2474. >Huddled into the corner, looking both releaved and like they had seen Tirek is the last few missing ponies.
  2475. >In front of them, a stone-faced colt, no older than ten. His horn is still lit with crackling magic. 
  2476. >It's Anonymous, the odd foal of one of Ponyville's small herds.
  2477. >The six mares all flinch when the cold, remorseless eyes of the little colt pin them in place. 
  2478. >"A-anonymous? Did you do this?" Twilight hesitantly asks, taking in the carnage with a rebeling stomach.
  2479. >If it was possible, the colt's eyes harden further. "No one threatens to hurt my family and gets away with it. No one."
  2480. >A shiver runs down the spines of the six mares.
  2481. >The childish voice only makes the grim promise that much more chilling.
  2482.  
  2483.  
  2484.  
  2485.  
  2486.  
  2487.  
  2488.  
  2489. >In his previous life Anon was that one guy in your DnD group.
  2490. >That one fucker GM's always hated because of the amount of bullshit he pulled without technically breaking the rules.
  2491. >Bullshit like using prestigigation to 'soil' someones eyeballs.
  2492. >Or using that same spell to make a dragon think it's tongue tastes delicious, causing it to eventually bleed to death after it bites through said organ.
  2493. >Or managing to sacrifice his entire party to become a lich, re-animate them using his new powers, kill his evil 'mentor' and take his place as ruler of the kingdom all while remaining a lawful good paladin.
  2494. >Or using necromancy on a different character to create helicopter skeletons, as they are able to move via magic they have no physical limit to how fast their arms can move, bar friction itself breaking them, and there's no reason said arms cant be sharpened into blades.
  2495. >Or making yet another character a literal bear with maximum bluff and charisma, sucessfully fooling almost everyone into thinking said bear is a regular human with speech issues. The few people that pass the bluff check outed as crazy for insulting Sir Bearington.
  2496.  
  2497.  
  2498.  
  2499.  
  2500.  
  2501.  
  2502.  
  2503. >Anon is very different from the average stallion
  2504. >He's not afraid to get his hands dirty
  2505. >He's ready to lend his time to help others and always seems to have some advice to give whenever it's needed
  2506. >Little faux-pas and slip-ups that would insult a stallion just roll off of Anon's back like water on a duck
  2507. >He's one of the mares, and sometimes his friends forget he's a male (usually remembering immediately after saying something particularly off-color or offensive/sexist, but Anon laughs it off)
  2508. >If you (the reader) were to picture the idea big brother/dad, you would get Anon.
  2509. >When Anon came into Equestria, whatever magics that snatched him up from his home brought his dog with him
  2510. >Years passed and the dog never left his side
  2511. >Unfortunately, dogs don't last quite as long as humans
  2512. >The very first time that the ponies of Ponyville saw Anon cry - not just cry; weep - was when Anon discovered that his companion died of old age in his sleep
  2513.  
  2514.  
  2515.  
  2516.  
  2517.  
  2518. >reborn in ponyville
  2519. >remember your old life
  2520. >surrounded by butch mares that want to protect you
  2521. >only actual girly filly is surrounded by others trying to make her into another dyke-tier mare
  2522. >constantly compliment her on feminine shit she does
  2523. >tell her she looks beautiful in her dresses
  2524. >tell her that they eye shadow really brings out her eyes
  2525. >pamper her and give her massages whenever her friends give her too much shit
  2526. >make her into a romance loving woman who wants nothing more than to be swept off her hooves by a stallion who loves her
  2527. >career path draws more "coltish" mares into your fold and eventually herd
  2528.  
  2529.  
  2530.  
  2531.  
  2532.  
  2533. Celestia's biggest turn on is when you slowly strip off all your clothes for your princess on the balcony before mounting and riding her into the evening sky. She loves how natural it feels, how you bask in her warmth and lean in to keep away the chilly air on your bare skin, and how you can feel the power of her body that could carry you for as long as you desire. You ride her like this until she can't take it anymore and has her way with you on a fluffy cloud, safe from prying eyes.
  2534.  
  2535. She gets a thrill from seeing an uptight colt leave behind those clothes he's so fussy about, and allowing her to take him out into the open. Only for her
  2536.  
  2537.  
  2538.  
  2539.  
  2540.  
  2541. >Apart from the hug she got from her sister, Anon is the first other living creature to touch Luna after she gets back from the moon
  2542. >Anon goes to pull his hand away, but stops
  2543. >Luna has latched onto his arm and is looking at him like a monkey raised in captivity looks at the jungle for the first time
  2544. >It's decided that Anon lives in the castle now
  2545.  
  2546.  
  2547.  
  2548. > Twilight happily takes down readings as you levitate an apple
  2549. > "So, is there a magic using race of humans, or is it common to the whole populace?"
  2550. > You stare at the apple, still not used to the fact that you can do magic
  2551. "I am not entirely sure. There was some folklore that one can only become a wizard by retaining your virginity by the time you turn thirty years old. Honestly, I thought it was a joke until I came here."
  2552. > Twilight's ears flick, and she suddenly finds her parchment even more interesting
  2553. > "...so, do you lose your powers if you have sex?"
  2554. > You shrug
  2555. "Maybe. Like I said, this is the first time I know of a modern human developing magical powers."
  2556. > She glances at you, and you see her eyes dip towards your crotch
  2557. > "Want to experiment on that?"
  2558.  
  2559.  
  2560.  
  2561.  
  2562. >Some ponies like Fluttershy are all for having babies. Lots of them, and soon please.
  2563.  
  2564. >Others are all for having them, but maybe later, they aren't ready yet.
  2565.  
  2566. >Bookhorse sees it as a giant unending test that she hasn't properly studied for.
  2567. >She wants to read every parenthood book she can find before she has a baby.
  2568.  
  2569. >The more reluctant ones are also thinking of the relationship angle though.
  2570. >Having a baby makes her stud very likely to stick around.
  2571. >If they are insecure, they might want a baby even if they don't feel ready, because they want to make sure he stays.
  2572. >Maybe it reassures her when she finds out anon harbors similar fears and thinks a baby will make sure *she* stays with him
  2573.  
  2574.  
  2575.  
  2576.  
  2577. "Anon, why are you stitching those wires into the spine of my journal?"
  2578. >"Testing something."
  2579. "Testing what, exactly?"
  2580. >"This book is able instantly translate written words to it's equestrian counterpart across dimensions, there's zero time lag."
  2581. "Okay, now what does that have to do with this computer?"
  2582. >"Simply put i'm going to flood the journals connection with as much data as possible to see how much it can handle."
  2583. "Whats the point of that?"
  2584. >"If a single book connection can handle even a few megabytes, imagine what ten interlinked could do, or a hundred!"
  2585. >"If this works i could re-create our former home."
  2586. >"It may not have been the nicest of places, hell it was probably one of the worst, but it was ours damn it, and i know more than a few of the guys on both sides of the portal miss it too."
  2587. "Feeling a bit homesick, huh? I understand."
  2588. >Grabbing her little Anon in a hug from behind, she rests her chin on the top of his head and hums contentedly.
  2589. >"O-okay, connections all set up, time to start the test."
  2590. >Grabbing a pen, he writes on the journal.
  2591. >'You ready for this faggot?'
  2592. >A moment passes before a reply is sent.
  2593. >'Suck my dick OP.'
  2594. >Chuckling, he leans over to the computer and types a few commands, laughing to himself as he starts the transfer.
  2595. >"The fact this video exists here is proof that god has a weird sense of humor."
  2596. >Peering over his shoulder, sunset looks at what Anon sent to his equestrian counterpart.
  2597.  
  2598.  
  2599.  
  2600.  
  2601.  
  2602. >Most batpones partake of fruit over blood. 
  2603. >That being said, each batpony has a fruit tree either they or their family has grown. 
  2604. >A mare will present a stallion with the best fruit that her tree produces in hopes of impressing him. The fruit is proof that she's responsible and resourceful. 
  2605. >If he likes it, he'll try dating her. If all goes well and the mare is accepted into his herd, she'll bring a branch of her tree to be grafted to his.
  2606. >A varied herd tree with no branches torn off is a sign of a large and successful family
  2607.  
  2608.  
  2609.  
  2610.  
  2611.  
  2612. >You will never go out to grab the morning paper wearing nothing but a housecoat and your underwear
  2613. >You will never immediately be swarmed by visiting griffons who have deemed you worthy of being a mate
  2614. >You will never spend the next week waiting to be rescued by ponies, all while fighting off griffons with your fists
  2615. >This violence will never make you even more attractive in their eyes
  2616.  
  2617.  
  2618.  
  2619.  
  2620.  
  2621.  
  2622. >Griffons and minotaurs have centuries of bad blood.
  2623. >You keep getting hit on by griffons with raceplay fetishes because you kind of look like a minotaur.
  2624. >We takin' yo bulls, heifers
  2625.  
  2626.  
  2627.  
  2628.  
  2629. You know...RGRE Celestia with Anon would kind of look like a Hugh Hefner or other rich guy type who marries a gold digger half his age. Double points for being a foreign alien for that mail order bride vibe
  2630.  
  2631. >In reality, Anon and Celestia are the most sickeningly-sweet couple you've ever seen
  2632. >Pet names, cuddle-fests, that one time Celestia tried to wear clothes like Anon just so that they could have matching outfits
  2633. >The sort of relationship that reminds you that you'll never make her smile
  2634.  
  2635.  
  2636.  
  2637.  
  2638.  
  2639. >Luna gives you a delicious little block of cheese
  2640. >She's all excited when you tell her how great it tastes.
  2641. >Then she starts rambling about consuming her essence and planning the wedding.
  2642. >Turns out you just ate Luna cheese.
  2643. >And that's like accepting a marriage proposal or something.
  2644. >Man, ponies had some weird courtship rituals back then.
  2645. >Plot twist: Through Celestia you learn, no they didn't. This was outdated before even they were born and Luna is just a weirdo
  2646.  
  2647.  
  2648.  
  2649.  
  2650. >Horse-Paparazzi sneaks around the castle, looking for the Princess and her new golddigger
  2651. >Hears suspiciously princess-like giggling coming from behind a door
  2652. >To her delight, it's unlocked
  2653. >Opens it and pokes her head in
  2654. >Anon is holding Celestia in his arms and planting rapid-fire kisses on her head
  2655.  
  2656.  
  2657.  
  2658.  
  2659. >Be Vera the Minotaur
  2660. >You are visiting Canterlot thanks to a vacation perk that your work offered.
  2661. >Just for fun, you decided to check out it's red light district for some eyecandy.
  2662. >You pass by a place called "The Wet Horn" and take a glance inside one of the viewing windows that they had to show some of the "amusements" it had to offer.
  2663. >Not bad, you think, but you were looking for something a bit more... exotic.
  2664. >"Hey honey, you looking for a good time?"
  2665. >You start a bit and turn towards where the honey sounding voice came from.
  2666. >Right in front of you was a strange biped that was a bit taller than you.
  2667. >The strange being grins.
  2668. >"I can be your good time, hon."
  2669. >You bite your lip, despite the immense temptation, you weren't sure if he was a legal prostitute.
  2670. >"Lickey, lickey, 5 bits honey!"
  2671. >You swear your nose is bleeding now as you take in his lithe form.
  2672. >"A sneaky rub? I can do that too, hon."
  2673. >That's it...
  2674. "H-how much for a..." you start.
  2675. >The biped's grin widens.
  2676. >"You want a pokey? 10 bits."
  2677. >Your hand immediately goes for your coinbag for the appropriate amount of bits, it's been many months since you last got laid.
  2678. >He grabs your wrist and pulls you down the street.
  2679. >"No, lets head to the hotel, then you can pay there."
  2680. "O-okay."
  2681. >You can't believe you're doing this.
  2682. >He looks back to you.
  2683. >"I'll treat you good, cowgirl, I'll love you long time!"
  2684. >Oh gods, the girls back home will never believe this.
  2685.  
  2686.  
  2687.  
  2688.  
  2689.  
  2690. > Cows are sapient
  2691. > Happy cows make the best milk
  2692.  
  2693. > Be Anon, professional milk manwhore
  2694. > There's a field full of cows to make erotic noises at you while you milk them
  2695. > And you get a bonus in your paycheck for each cow you creampie
  2696. > It's not the most glamorous job, but the girls are sweet, and sex is sex
  2697. > When you do the morning deliveries, the ponies tend to avert their eyes
  2698. > You hear them whisper about your unfortunate circumstances, but others say you reek of cow milk
  2699. > ...
  2700. > They aren't totally wrong, but it's rude to exaggerate it that much
  2701. > Some of the more softhearted ponies give you generous tips, saying that they hope you find a better job
  2702. > You would have thought Applejack would be the most disapproving, but she's actually ended up as a pretty good friend
  2703. > She's worked with cows before, and says some of the best stallions she knows have been milkwhores
  2704. > Always offers you a discount, and saves a small keg of cider especially for you
  2705.  
  2706.  
  2707.  
  2708.  
  2709.  
  2710.  
  2711. She looks like Anon is threatening her with a spray bottle.
  2712.  
  2713. >"Honey... Anon, don't you dare!"
  2714. "I dunno, Celestia, I heard you talking to Luna about last night."
  2715. >"A-Aren't I allowed to brag about my amazing stallion?"
  2716. "Nice try. You know how Luna gets with jealousy."
  2717. >"Wait, Anonymous! I-I-I was doing this for you! I-I was thinking about including Luna in our heOHNO IT'S SO COLD!"
  2718.  
  2719. >Be Twilight.
  2720. >A guard is showing you some new areas added to the castle since you left.
  2721. >Normally there is a certain pony to do this but it's easier to just have a guard do it.
  2722. >"-and this hallway has gifts from the griffons given to Celestia-"
  2723. >"AAAAAH! Stop! Atleast warm the water up a bit!" Celestia yells galloping down the hall.
  2724. >"Stop running and take your sprays like a mare!" Anon yells back hot on her trail.
  2725. >...
  2726. >"-over the years. They are all claw crafted vases made by each of the queens of griffons." She says continuing.
  2727. >You give her a unamused look.
  2728. "Just going to completely ignore that, huh?"
  2729. >"Yes, now if you follow me you'll see-"
  2730. >It was this day you learned the guards stopped caring
  2731.  
  2732.  
  2733.  
  2734.  
  2735. >Anon waifus an hoers.
  2736. >Goes to visit her family.
  2737. >Her mother begins with a very vigorous hoofshake and gettng a feel of his butt
  2738. >Quickly devolves into complimenting her daughter on bagging "such a stud", promptly met with equally crude and sincere remarks from Anon.
  2739. >When they're done complementing each others butts, her father drags him to the side with a weird looking book and a very genuine smile.
  2740. >It's family album, with waifu's foal photos.
  2741. >A whole array of the typical embarrasing stuff, from baby bath to deepthroating a door knob at the age of 4
  2742. >Anon loves it.
  2743. >Waifu regrets everything she ever did
  2744.  
  2745.  
  2746.  
  2747.  
  2748.  
  2749.  
  2750. >But surely every mare desires her own foals to continue the family line.
  2751.  
  2752. This is actually an interesting thing to think about in RGRE. Not even counting the 'disappointed dad' trope (or mom, in this case) - mares, being the babby incubators as well as the breadwinners, would probably feel an immense societal pressure or responsibility to continue their family line. All of that could be magnified if the story takes place in a more rural/conservative area or just earlier in time. 
  2753.  
  2754. In short, >yfw your waifu will never propose to you and, when you accept, start introducing you to her friends and family members as 'Anonymous Sparkle' or 'Mr. Pie'. Pic very related
  2755.  
  2756.  
  2757.  
  2758.  
  2759.  
  2760. >Dash is loud and crude about her relationship with you in public. Sort of like a Chad who knows he's hooked a keeper and wants to look cool and spread jealousy.
  2761. >Behind closed doors, shes tripping over herself to apologise for acting like that earlier while at the same time trying to worm into your arms for a hug. 
  2762. >You just wave it off with a smile, understanding the how and why of what she does with a silent promise to keep playing along. 
  2763. >It's because of that Rainbow finds herself shopping for a proposal gift much earlier than she expected
  2764.  
  2765.  
  2766.  
  2767. >Since yours and Rainbow's relationship is so non-standard in RGRE, neither of you are really sure what to do when you knock-up Rainbow. 
  2768. >In some unusual foresight, Rainbow invites her parents over to get their input.
  2769. >After the initial joy of learning that they're going to be grandparents passes, Windy and Bow come up with a plan.
  2770. >They'll stay with you and Rainbow to coach you both through the pregnancy and into parenthood.
  2771. >It sounds like a great deal at first, but then the friction starts.
  2772. >You've never lived with normal ponies at any great length, and Rainbow largely conformed to match your expectations. 
  2773. >The odd rituals, mannerisms, and total disregard for privacy or personal space that the older pegasi have is disconcerting, but that's normal to ponies who live together.
  2774. >They're equally irked by how closed, aggressive, and strange you (and now Dash since she picked up on your habits so heavily) are, even if the sweet ponies try to hide it.
  2775. >More than once your mare's parents have walked in on you and Dash being intimate without realizing why there was a freakout over it.
  2776. >Sometimes they get touchy and then be vaguely offended when you or Dash reject the contact.
  2777. >Even more rarely, they'll get intimate themselves in the communal pegasus nest bed they insist on then be hurt when you and Rainbow leave for the guest room. 
  2778. >The weird cultural disconnect between you and them doesn't seem close fast enough, and everything they do is normal for ponies so it’s not just them. 
  2779. >And none of this stress is counting Rainbow's friends, the media circus over an Element/Wonderbolt's pregnancy from an alien, or the havoc a part-human foal is having on Rainbow's body and hormones
  2780.  
  2781.  
  2782.  
  2783.  
  2784. >a mare who can hardly provide for herself, due to her eyes
  2785. >seen as a complete outcast, since she would never be able to provide care and money for a stallion
  2786. >plus she is so disruptive, no sane colt would want to spend any amount of time with her to even begin the courting
  2787. >meanwhile Anon sees a perfectly fine mare with the mother of all breeding hips, and an innate shitposter nature she is a mailmare you know
  2788. >Derpy has long time ago told herself that she is fine being alone, and that she doesn't need the affection
  2789. >oh filly was she wrong
  2790.  
  2791.  
  2792.  
  2793.  
  2794.  
  2795.  
  2796.  
  2797. > Waifu mare is bi
  2798. > Before Anon, she was in lesbians with other mare
  2799. > Once waifu herds with Anon, other mare is also pulled into the herd
  2800. > Other mare isn't romantically interested in Anon, but it's glad he makes waifu happy
  2801. > Anon and lesbian mare are bros that double team waifu
  2802.  
  2803.  
  2804. >During a particularly nasty estrus, Bonbon gets curious enough about dick to try it.
  2805. >After that estrus, she's now bi rather than strictly homo. 
  2806. >After a bit more soul searching, she decides she's got room in her heart for another. 
  2807. >Lyra is overjoyed that everything is a proper 3 way relationship now
  2808.  
  2809.  
  2810. >still though, your friendship with newly acquired benefits with Bon is much different than that lovey-dovey thing you both have towards Lyra
  2811. >she is the pampered one in your house, even if she plays the tough marely mare with iron tuft and soft teats
  2812. >or something like that
  2813. >meanwhile, you keep throwing casual insults back and forth with Candyhoers, all in good spirit
  2814.  
  2815. "Wow, you sure do know how to suck a dick Bonnie. Have you been practising?"
  2816. >She empties her mouth from, well, you with a loud and extremely lewd pop, and licks her lips dry with a smirk.
  2817. >"Right, says a colt who is being mounted by a mare. Stop being such a faggot and suck that minty clit, or I'll think that we're not the only ones who swing both ways in this house."
  2818. >You wink at her and go back to working Lyra.
  2819. >Who was also very vividly winking as well, even though in different sense.
  2820.  
  2821.  
  2822.  
  2823.  
  2824.  
  2825.  
  2826.  
  2827.  
  2828. >Anon wants to learn baking from Pinkie Pie because, despite having lived alone for years back on Earth, he wants to expand on the list of foods that he can cook for himself
  2829. >Pinkie agrees to help him and tells him to visit the kitchen later that day at the SCC
  2830. >Mr Cake is thrilled to have Anon in his kitchen; believes that Anon is trying to get to a certain mare's heart via her stomach and cannot be convinced otherwise
  2831. >Mr Cake keeps sending knowing looks to Pinkie Pie
  2832. >Pinkie Pie becomes flustered and starts making mistakes in her lessons that all conveniently result in her forehooves and Anon's hands touching; eg reaching for the same thing at the same time, etc
  2833.  
  2834.  
  2835.  
  2836.  
  2837.  
  2838. >Applejack thinks Anon is a slut for wearing socks
  2839. >Doesn't let Anon on the farm after that time he took his boots off and Apple Bloom saw his socks
  2840.  
  2841.  
  2842. >Horse-Christmas approaches
  2843. >Apple Bloom escapes the watchful eye of her sister just long enough to give you a present
  2844. >Applejack calls her back and gives you the stinkeye as she walks past you
  2845. >You open the present on Horse-Christmas morning
  2846. >It's a yellow-and-red pair of socks
  2847. >You make sure to show your gratitude by finding Apple Bloom and lifting your cuff to show that you're wearing them
  2848.  
  2849.  
  2850.  
  2851. >The CMC tries to herd with Anon
  2852. >Their attempts at wooing him are based on incomplete and misunderstood/misheard advice given to them/said in their vicinity by their respective sisters
  2853. >Scootaloo tries to show off her wingspan to him, which he rewards with a wing-massage (unknowingly making Scootaloo crush harder on him)
  2854. >Sweetie Belle surprisingly does not try to cook for him; she dresses up in her sister's clothing as a way of saying "Look at me, colt. See how fancy I am? If I can afford all this, then you wouldn't have to work a day in your life." She predictably trips over the hem of her dress and loses her sunhat to a strong gust of wind. Anon has to comfort her with hugs.
  2855. >Apple Bloom straight up tries to tie him up with a lasso and try to drag him back to Sweet Apple Acres, but she's 1/4 his size and weights 40 lbs
  2856. >Anon thinks the entire affair is adorable
  2857.  
  2858.  
  2859. >After a big misunderstanding the CMC think Anon accepted their marriage proposal.
  2860. >Through adventurous childhood ingenuity, unobservant adults, and dumb luck they manage to set up a huge, expensive ceremony
  2861.  
  2862. >Anon arrives in a nice suit and with a tea pot
  2863. "...this isn't a tea party..."
  2864.  
  2865.  
  2866.  
  2867.  
  2868.  
  2869.  
  2870. >Twiggles is concerned
  2871. >At Anon's request, she learned from Celestia a way to conceal her true form, and become a regular pony (of any of the three tribes)
  2872. >He just wanted his adorable little pudgy unicorn back
  2873. >But Spergle is reading too much into it, and obsessing over what he must "really" be thinking
  2874. >For pony beauty standards, an Alicorn is 10/10
  2875. >She wasn't ugly before, but her dismal luck with stallions, combined with her now hitting the proverbial jackpot on looks, makes her think she was.
  2876.  
  2877. >It's takes time, and the intervention of one of her friends, or Celly, to make her understand what's going on.
  2878. >That human standards of beauty are not the same as a pony's, or that he's just sentimental about her old look.
  2879. >Can't be Anon, because she's convinced he has hidden meanings in what he's saying, because that's what colts do.
  2880. >And he's Anon, he has a bad habit of shitposting in real life, and exaggerating wildly about humans and Erf for giggles, so his credibility *may* have suffered a tiny bit.
  2881. >Anon can hear Apple Hoers of Honesty in the background saying "I told ya so, sugarcube."
  2882. >So somebody else has to be the one to convince her
  2883.  
  2884.  
  2885.  
  2886.  
  2887.  
  2888. >Anon lives in Canterlot.
  2889. >Serves as the defacto human ambassador.
  2890. >Not much to really do other that a bit of a conversation piece, but he gets to go to all these noble parties that he wants.
  2891. >Brings home a Saddle Arabian mare from an ambassadorial meeting.
  2892. >All the ponies in his herd freak the fuck out, but they're all way too maledommed to actually challenge him.
  2893.  
  2894.  
  2895.  
  2896.  
  2897.  
  2898.  
  2899. >  Anon is the Professor of Tromatikology at Celestia's school for gifted youngsters
  2900. > His students are generally intimidated by an omnivore wielding a severed unicorn horn, working dark magic
  2901. > That is part of why his course is required for prospective guards and agents of the crown
  2902. > Then there are the mares who are turned on by a powerful, sexy, possibly evil older stallion
  2903. > Those are immediately booted from any enforcement program they are in, as well as thaumaturgic research
  2904.  
  2905.  
  2906.  
  2907.  
  2908.  
  2909.  
  2910.  
  2911. >Anon is sick
  2912. >Fluttershy has been interested in him, but been too timid to make obvious moves
  2913. >This presents the perfect opportunity to get close to him
  2914. >She volunteers to take care of him
  2915. >But Anon is also a terrible patient
  2916.  
  2917. >It's more than just a simple cold, he needs actual rest and care if he wants to get better and not be a miserable wretch for the next week or more
  2918. >But he's stubborn, keeps wanting to get up and do things, like nothing is wrong.
  2919. >Flutters has been firm for his own good, one of the few reasons she can get over her shyness and show some backbone.
  2920. >He's going to rest and get better and that's exactly what she's going to make sure he does
  2921.  
  2922.  
  2923.  
  2924.  
  2925.  
  2926. >You end up sick.
  2927. >Despite her love and best efforts, your waifu just isn't that great of a caretaker.
  2928. >One of your stallion friends happens by and once he sees you're sick, he shoos your waifu away to take her place caring for you. 
  2929. >"Go do girl things, you silly mare," he says. "This is something that needs a stallion's touch."
  2930. >You and him have some weird, but sincere male bonding in an RGR sense
  2931.  
  2932.  
  2933.  
  2934.  
  2935.  
  2936.  
  2937. >Weeb-mare will never nervously try to get you interested in her animes
  2938. >She will never vibrate with excitement as she browses her collection of horse-DVDs
  2939. >You will never sit on her couch and try to ignore the cans of soda hastily tucked away mostly out of sight
  2940.  
  2941.  
  2942.  
  2943.  
  2944.  
  2945. Fluttershy has been reading many of Twilight's books on relationships and, with additional advice from family and friends, has come up with a plan to jumpstart your relationship. She's going to take you to see a scary movie in the hopes that you'll snuggle up for "protection". Not only that, but she hopes you'll see her as more a mare and less of a chicken
  2946.  
  2947. >Anon is a scaredy cat who doesn't like horror movies very much unless they are the cheesiest of the cheesy monster movies.
  2948. >We're talking rubber suit monsters man.
  2949. >Flutters takes him to an actually scare movie
  2950. >Plan works flawlessly
  2951. >If by flawlessly you mean Anon is subconsciously conflicted about whether he should be trying to protect her or getting her to protect him.
  2952. >Because on the one hand, she's a tiny timid pony
  2953. >But on the other, she has a reputation for staring down manticores, hydras and full grown dragons.
  2954. >But mission is accomplished, he's certainly nervously latching on to her
  2955.  
  2956.  
  2957.  
  2958.  
  2959.  
  2960. >Your and Starlight's daughter learns that Star blew you nearly every day while she was still breast feeding. 
  2961. >So at least a tiny amount of cum was used to make Starlight's milk. 
  2962. >You daughter gags
  2963. >Star tilts her head in confusion, and then puts her hindhoof in her mouth as she often does.
  2964. >"Why would that be gross, sweetie? You started life as a semen coated eggcell, remember that. I don't think more indirect help from your father would hurt you."
  2965. >Daughter is now rushing to the bathroom with a green face. 
  2966. >Your sides are in orbit and now need an alicorn to move them
  2967.  
  2968.  
  2969.  
  2970. > Be Dienw, son of the Lleuad, Lady of Moonlight
  2971. > Even after your mom jumped into the abyss, the age of dark has been becoming brighter and brighter
  2972. > Your crossdressing sister ran off to who knows where, probably with that insane furless crystal tiger lady
  2973. > Now all that's left in Annal Ronghol is you, the gold courtesans, the gnomish guard, Biugh the Midwife, and Sasha, one of Lleuad's ladies in waiting
  2974. > It leaves you with little to do, but recline upon your divan, waiting for the next petrified pilgrim
  2975. > One of the gnomes climbs up the cushions, discreetly whispering in your ear
  2976. > "Lord Dienw, the pilgrims have left, ah, certain carvings in the floor outside your door."
  2977. > You raise an eyebrow, spreading your legs slightly to get more comfortable
  2978. "And what do the stoneskin carvings say?"
  2979. > The gnome coughs
  2980. > "I'd rather not repeat the words, suffice it to say, it is somewhat vulgar."
  2981. > You grin, glad for this little diversion
  2982. "Guardsgnome, that does not suffice. Tell me, word for word, what they have carved."
  2983. > The poor gnome licks her lips
  2984. > "As you command, my prince."
  2985. > She swallows nervously
  2986. > "Magnificent purse ahead."
  2987. > Strange, you wonder what they mean by that
  2988. > "Beware of wondrous spear."
  2989. > Ah
  2990. > "Try give head."
  2991. > That would be nice
  2992. > "Accept seed."
  2993.  
  2994. > Be Luna, once more in your natural form due to the effects of a certain branch of petrified wood
  2995. > You have journeyed far to find a cure for your golemic affliction
  2996. > And now you kneel before a truly magnificent prince
  2997. > His power fills him to immensity, but what arrests your attention is...
  2998. > "...faithful pilgrim, I bequeath to you the Lady needle, to pierce..."
  2999. > You gaze up the skirts of his robes, at his titanic godhood
  3000. > Dear stars, you can't look away
  3001. > And how the crown jewels shift slightly as he breathes
  3002. > You sense something wrong
  3003. > Ah, he's stopped talking
  3004. > You blush, purposefully looking at his face rather than...
  3005. > He holds out an obsidian needle, which you accept with your magic and tuck into your saddlebags
  3006. > Dienw grins at your reddened cheeks
  3007. > "Methinks you would prefer to receive a different needle, pilgrim."
  3008. > You answer without thinking,
  3009. "Nay, Lord, I could not call such a thing a needle, despite its penetrative aspect."
  3010. > Then you realise what you said, and blush even more vibrantly
  3011. > Prince Dienw slides off his divan, towering over you even as he kneels
  3012. > "Rejoice, pilgrim. I have heard your prayers, and will grant you my blessing."
  3013. > His robes slowly fall to the floor
  3014. > "You may not be able to receive my fullness, but I assure you your cup shall overflow."
  3015. > Buck yes
  3016.  
  3017.  
  3018.  
  3019.  
  3020.  
  3021. >colt on colt action. you two might as well fulfill that fantasy.
  3022.  
  3023. >Have a harebrained idea.
  3024. >Make a """ColtxColt""" porno and sell for huge monies. 
  3025. >Have your mare wear a realistic strap-on with the same color as her coat and a mask to keep her ID a secret.
  3026. >Fuck her into a puddle on cam.
  3027. >Even with a budget of like 20 bits and what you think is an obviously fake dick on the """colt""", it sells like crazy to mares all over.
  3028. >You never tell your kids that their collage funds come from a fake gay porno you and your wife made
  3029.  
  3030.  
  3031. >Your daughter's friends tell her they found a copy of a legendary porn flick.
  3032. >It's hot Minotaur x stallion porn.
  3033. >Oh what
  3034. >Video finally makes it into daughters hooves
  3035. >She runs to her room, locks the door, and pops the video in, ready for the shlick of a lifetime.
  3036. >Oh fuck it's really...hot?
  3037. >Wait...
  3038. >Her face when it's her dad with a pair of fake horns fucking her mom who is wearing a strap on. 
  3039. >Her face when she recalls how her friends said they had mind-blowing orgasms rubbing themselves off to this
  3040.  
  3041.  
  3042.  
  3043.  
  3044.  
  3045.  
  3046.  
  3047.  
  3048. >Celestia can be a bit awkward around stallions she finds attractive due to going many years without intimate male company.
  3049. >It's not obvious all the time, but every now and then there's a big, uncharacteristic slip-up.
  3050. >Like the time she insisted you eat ALL the eggs she cooked for breakfast. 
  3051. >In a very strong and regal manner, by her standards, at that.
  3052. >The tension in the room got really thick and what followed was her staring intensely the entire time you ate.
  3053. >As it turned out...
  3054. >It gets to Celestia when Luna doesn't eat the breakfast she made, and on top of that gets little respect from her sister for a "colty" hobby.
  3055. >She couldn't stand the idea of you being like that too and essentially dropped her royal spaghetti.
  3056. >Luna teases her about the incident all the time now and jokingly calls her a creeper
  3057.  
  3058.  
  3059.  
  3060.  
  3061.  
  3062. >Luna is apparently the more mischievous royal sister, fitting in with her nighttime motif
  3063. >She has a penchant for good-natured tricks and jokes, which the two of you exchange whenever you meet
  3064. >You later found out that this was a bizarre form of courtship from her pre-moon days. You've apparently been married for quite some time.
  3065. >Luna puts her grown on her flank as some kind of dumb joke one day, and you decide to play along
  3066. >You spend the entire day talking to her ass as though it were her face; the subtle jab was something that Luna picked up on
  3067. >At one point, Luna does a minor favor for you; holds a door open ("stallions first") or pulls a chair out from underneath a table
  3068. >Something that you decide to reward her with a kiss on the cheek.
  3069. >Or, you know, her "cheek".
  3070. >Next thing you know, a flustered Luna has teleported out of the room, leaving you alone with a confused and amused Celestia
  3071.  
  3072.  
  3073.  
  3074.  
  3075.  
  3076.  
  3077. >You will never be the caring neighbor to drunk musician fanatic Octavia
  3078. >You will never bring her insider when she forgets the keys to her house after blacking out
  3079. >You will never give her a quick bath and a spot on your bed, you deciding to sleep on the couch
  3080. >You will never welcome a tired Vinyl Scratch inside in the morning, making coffee/tea/hang over special for you Vinyl and Octi
  3081. >You will never use the smell of the breakfast your cooking to wake her up like a god send househusband
  3082. >You and Vinyl will never share shit eating grins when she comes down embarrassed and in pain from drunkenness
  3083. >You will never quickly go over and hold her up, fussing over how she's feeling this morning
  3084. >She will never blush when you kiss her on the cheek and say breakfast will be ready in a moment, pecking Vinyl on the nose as you pass
  3085. >You will never go to the living room together to snuggle the morning away with your grateful musical neighbors
  3086.  
  3087.  
  3088.  
  3089. >Tavi is always keeping up the view of her being a high class lady that indulges in the finer arts.
  3090. >Except it's all a ploy, because she is a mare with a poor-paying, colty job.
  3091. >She is desperately lonely, and what little she gets out of being the "high class" member is squandered by her being earth pony. Canterlot is racist like that.
  3092. >So it is only natural that when drunk, and she is drunk more and more in the recent days, she lets go of all the leashes and unloads her mostly sexual frustration.
  3093. >It would be a shame if she did that on some innocent colt and get reported to authorities, that would ruin her.
  3094. >But you won't do that, would you?
  3095.  
  3096.  
  3097.  
  3098. >Octavia ends up downright molesting you in a somewhat public place.
  3099. >Witnessing ponies are shocked, and want to help you.
  3100. >Stallions are fainting, mares are getting aggresive with her. 
  3101. >You end up intervening, saying it's not big deal before hoofs start flying.
  3102. >Seeing they are not convinced, you take the poor musician with you - she is clearly wasted out of her mind and needs a place to sleep.
  3103. >On the way to your home she keeps going on about how she is going to give you "great time" and trying to undo your pants.
  3104. >But she passes out before you even reach the door.
  3105. >You decide to wash her up, doubly so when she pukes into the bathtub.
  3106. >Still reeking of alcohol, the grey mare is carefully placed down and snuggled in blankets on your bed.
  3107. >You took the couch that night.
  3108.  
  3109. >In the morning you prepare breakfast for two, a bit sore from an uncomfortable sleeping position.
  3110. >But the musician did not get to appreciate your fine craftsmanship of lukewarm cereal, because the moment she woke up and walked downstairs, she was a stumbling mess of frantic apologies, embarrassment and hungover.
  3111. >Despite your insistence on it not being necessary, she vowed to repay you for this, somehow.
  3112. >Little did you know, it would only push her deeper into the spiral of drowning regrets in alcohol.
  3113. >If you want to fix this mare, you will have to work a bit harder than that.
  3114.  
  3115. >You will never bring a beautiful and talented mare back from the rock bottom, cure her new-found addiction and restore her self-confidence.
  3116. >You will never see her shine brighter than ever before, watching her compose and perform with passion that could only come from meeting her muse - you.
  3117. >She will never write songs about you
  3118.  
  3119.  
  3120.  
  3121.  
  3122.  
  3123. >Pony herds are extremely close. So close that the average human would be weirded out. That makes things like incest not frowned upon so long as foals aren't produced. 
  3124. >Some places even encourage it, saying that losing your virginity should be in a safe environment with someone close to you.
  3125. >A herd will often sleep in one large bed, foals included. Extended family are invited in if they're visiting. 
  3126. >There's no shame between a herd, so intimacy with others around is acceptable. In fact, most colts and fillies don't need "The Talk" to go in depth since they learn most everything from watching their parents. Such a thing is perfectly normal, and most young ponies eventually lose interest in watching their parents. A separate bedroom is often used for something more hardcore than usual.
  3127. >For a pony coming into puberty, it often falls to an older sibling or parent to help and guide them through the confusing time. Be that help a simple talk or something more physical depends. 
  3128. >Everypony knows all this, but it's not a topic for polite conversation outside the herd. 
  3129. >There are countless other things that make up the simple, but still confusing family units in Equestria.
  3130. >Too bad no one bothered to mention any of that to you when you started a family.
  3131.  
  3132.  
  3133. >"Honey, I need your help with our daughter's education."
  3134. "Sure thing. What's up?"
  3135. >"She's the only filly in class that doesn't know how to give a blowjob."
  3136. "And that's how it's going to stay until she gets her buttprint if I have anything to say about it."
  3137. >Waifu tears up
  3138. >"But don't you want our daughter to learn?"
  3139.  
  3140.  
  3141. >Your daughters go out as adults.
  3142. >They're beyond disappointed with each relationship they try because you accidentally set their expectations, both sexual and emotional, in males so high. 
  3143. >They come together and cook up a scheme.
  3144. >They need a portal to earth, dad's home world
  3145.  
  3146.  
  3147. >Once children leave home as adults to start/join herds of their own, it's no longer appropriate to have a sexual relationship with parents or siblings. 
  3148. >Young mares fathered by humans leaving home find themselves miserable quickly. 
  3149. >After a life of having the itch between their legs scratched at Dad's convenience, suddenly going without is an unpleasant test of resolve.
  3150. >Do they shamefully go back home, or do they tough it out?
  3151.  
  3152.  
  3153.  
  3154.  
  3155.  
  3156. > Be Violet Anderson De Lis
  3157. > Mom warned you that living on your own would be hard
  3158. > And you sorta expected it, your parents are pretty great, and you dearly love your brothers and sisters
  3159. > So obviously, nopony is going to tuck you in at night and pet your hair
  3160. > You were braced for that
  3161. > But your apartment is quiet
  3162. > So quiet
  3163. > You hope somepony answers your ad for a roommate, but who knows when that will be
  3164. > With a sigh, you get to your hooves and put on your coat and gloves
  3165. > You lock the door behind you, and stride off into the twilight streets of Palomino
  3166.  
  3167. > The ponies are getting used to the second generation, but you still garner a fair few stares
  3168. > As you walk, a group of zebra mares stop what they are doing and watch you warily
  3169. > You nod to them, and they immediately nod back
  3170. > Once you pass by, they break back into conversation, slapping each other on the withers
  3171. > It seems satyrs like you have something of a reputation for violence
  3172. > It's not entirely unearned, not when your dad taught you some human-style martial arts
  3173. > You pat your coat pocket, reasurred by the weight of the sand stored inside
  3174.  
  3175. > You finally arrive at the city park, and sit on a bench
  3176. > The sound of teens galloping, parents murmuring, and of foals shrieking calms you
  3177. > You breath fog into the autumn air, ignoring the way the few stallions give you a wide berth, even with their marefriends
  3178. > Celestia, you miss home
  3179. > Where everyone knew your name, and dad always listened, and...
  3180. > In spite of yourself, you feel a tear drip down your cheek
  3181. > The ponies around you start whispering
  3182. > The bench creaks as somepony sits beside you and wraps an arm around your shoulders
  3183. > "Hey, are you alright?"
  3184. > You blink away the tears in your eyes and look at the person beside you
  3185. > It's another satyr!
  3186. > He doesn't even look like one of your brothers!
  3187. > You blush, wiping at your face
  3188. "I-I'm fine, just a little homesick, you know?"
  3189. > He smiles at you, giving your shoulder a squeeze, just like dad did
  3190. > "Oh yes, that was my entire first month. Of course, the mares are a bit nicer to me, but it's nothing like how family is."
  3191. > You find yourself leaning towards him
  3192. "Right! Like, why does hay have to be in everything?"
  3193. > He nods, eyes closed
  3194. > "Preach it, sister. Don't get me started on flowers."
  3195. > You nervously smooth back your hair
  3196. "Funny you should say that, since my name is Violet."
  3197. > He raises his eyebrows
  3198. > "Really?"
  3199. "Really. Voilet Anderson De Lis, at your service."
  3200. > He smiles
  3201. > "That's a pretty name. I'm Doc Brown Scratch. You come here often?"
  3202. > You find yourself instinctively snuggling up against him, an island of warmth and comfort
  3203. "Every night. It's so... lively."
  3204. > He hums in agreement, leaning his head on top of yours
  3205. > "I think I'll join you in that, if you don't mind. You found a good place."
  3206. > Feeling incredibly forward, you reach out and grab his hand, intertwining your fingers
  3207. "I'd like that, Doc."
  3208. > You thought Dad was joking about how lewd handholding is, but Celestia banish it, the tent in Doc's pants tells you dad was right all along
  3209. > You can hear his heart beating a mile a minute
  3210. > It's kind of amazing producing this kind of reaction in a stallion
  3211. > "Violet, why don't we go back to my apartment for some, ah, coffee."
  3212. > You grin
  3213. > Maybe you won't need a roommate after all
  3214.  
  3215.  
  3216.  
  3217.  
  3218.  
  3219. >Despite being fine with using voice, you never show your face online.
  3220. >You still gain some local popularity, as well as orbiters and haters, because you can actually play the game.
  3221. >So when you went to a major con in your area, your biggest detractors were in for quite a surprise.
  3222. >Who could have guessed this slutty "gamer" colt would turn out be a giant ape monster?
  3223.  
  3224.  
  3225.  
  3226. >The in-game chat has goes deathly silent for several seconds in the aftermath of your first brutal attack.
  3227. >You smirk, hardly being able to imagine what was going through their heads at this moment.
  3228. >"H-Haha, were you even, uh, aiming for me?" a feminine voice eventually mumbles to the sound of background gunfire.
  3229. >The target of her trash-talk, once spirited in her retorts, doesn't say a word in her own defense.
  3230. >Your smile stretches wider as you peek around a digital corner and spot a ruby-red flank on the other side, another opportunity making itself known.
  3231. >A switchblade clicks open on your screen as you move in, and in one swift moment your pixely foe has been downed via backstab.
  3232. "Nnnnnn, b-buck," you groan sensually, biting your lip for effect on the last word.
  3233. >More silence.
  3234. >You're practically choking on your own giddy laughter now, and can't help but notice that the next enemy combatant you run into can't hit you to save their life even though you aren't juking very well.
  3235. >After several more embarrassing misses you twitch your cursor across her digital head, ending the little avatar's misery.
  3236. >That isn't to say there isn't plenty more to come, though. 
  3237. >You really put you back into this one.
  3238. "Ohhhh my god... b-baby don't-don't st-nnn... you're so... tight... s-squeezing me... ah!" 
  3239. >Your next kill doesn't even put up a fight.
  3240. >The the flashing accolades you earn from your second headshot kill in a row are accepted gladly, as will be the easy points you rake in at the end of the match.
  3241. >You don't exactly need them anymore, but it's always nice being able to pop a few lootcrates to your sweetie pie to further her quest for that freaking rainbow-colored M4 when she hops on to play with you.
  3242. >This little... 'hobby' of yours was entertaining enough on it's own, though.
  3243. >At least two of the twelve competitors have gone fully AFK, and that number is steadily growing.
  3244. >You abuse absent enemies ruthlessly whenever you happen to find their respawn, racking up even further digital kudos on the way.
  3245. >You haven't taken any damage in at least three full minutes.
  3246. >Whenever you do actually run into an enemy, they're either too flustered to mount a defense or literally handing themselves to you on a silver platter in an effort to hear just a little more.
  3247. >The timer is ticking down, and at this point less then half the room is even playing the game anymore.
  3248. "M-More, pleeaase," you whine, popping off several more shots when you catch another mare out, finishing off another of the few players who were still moving.
  3249. "Buck me. Buck me like your hard little slut... h-harder... faster... ah! Ahh!"
  3250. >You're just cleaning house now.
  3251. >It's like your fighting bots without any AI.
  3252. >They're practically lining up for you to cleave them down.
  3253. >In fact, your almost certain that the only ones still moving are actually looking for you.
  3254. >Looking to get shot by you, that is.
  3255. >Buck, b-buck! I'm close! I'm so, so close. A-Almost, nnnn, almost! Don't stop! I-I'm almost!" you cry into your mic.
  3256. >"M-Me too," a second voice whispers over the global, her high-pitched voice coming out in a heavy puff of breath.
  3257. >You manage to get off one more shot, downing a final enemy before the timer ticks down to zero and the match officially ends.
  3258. "Uggh! Cumming! Take-take it... all! Ahh! Ahh! Oooooo..." you sigh, capping off your performance gloriously for effect.
  3259. >A satisfied look adorns your face as the counter on your screen zooms up past tripple digits, delivering unto you that sweet, addicting cyber currency.
  3260. >You stick around in the lobby for a while more, but no one else has spoken since your last voice message.
  3261. >They aren't even typing anything in chat.
  3262. >You take your time disconnecting and make no move to join another game, sitting at your menu screen instead.
  3263. >Waiting.
  3264. >Waiting for the inevitable.
  3265. >Sure as the sunrise a tiny ding rings out in your headphones to accompany a tiny popup in the lower right.
  3266. >And then another. 
  3267. >And then a few more.
  3268. >Ding ding ding, twelve in total if you had to take a wild guess.
  3269. >Twelve notifications.
  3270. >Twelve pending friend requests
  3271.  
  3272.  
  3273.  
  3274.  
  3275.  
  3276. >Villain Anon foalnaps Princess Twiggles
  3277. >They all wait for the inevitable demands, threats, and general villainy to ensue, now that Equestria's primary problem solver is neutralized
  3278. >What could his evil plan possibly be?
  3279.  
  3280. >It's been a week, and they've heard nothing
  3281. >No ransom note
  3282. >No evil minions acting on his behalf
  3283. >No evil plan of any sort apparently underway
  3284. >What could he possibly be up to?
  3285. >Could he be using her for some horrible magical ritual?
  3286.  
  3287. >They finally tracked down his evil lair
  3288. >And they discovered his dastardly plot
  3289. >He wanted her plot
  3290. >So he took her home and made her his waifu
  3291.  
  3292.  
  3293.  
  3294. >Heroes burst in.
  3295. >Anon's wearing an apron that says "Fry-king tasty." while carrying a stack of pancakes.
  3296. Twilight is sat frozen, a fork floating forgotten in front of her.
  3297. >His dastardly mustache twitching in ire, he launches into a rant about how 'blasted heroes' never use the front door like normal people.
  3298. >They all somehow get seated at the table, a few pancakes set before each of them as anon continues ranting into the kitchen, twilight covering her face in embarassment
  3299.  
  3300.  
  3301.  
  3302.  
  3303.  
  3304. > Applejack is used to stallions flirting with her, trying to get her to haggle down her prices
  3305. > And so she doesn't believe him when Anon tells her he's interested
  3306. > She still agrees to go on a date with
  3307. > Other stallions have done that too, and it can be nice having a colt pretending to be interested in her
  3308. > It's a good thing she didn't change, because Anon doesn't take her to some fancy restaurant, no
  3309. > He takes her on a short hike up to a cliff near the edge of town, just to watch the sun set
  3310. > The view is breathtaking, and she feels the embers of her old wanderlust stir
  3311. > Applejack no longer wants to leave Ponyville, but she does want something new, an adventure
  3312. > She grudgingly asks what Anon is after
  3313. > He spouts coltishly fancy descriptions of her beauty and strength
  3314. > Most of it rings true, but she can tell he's hiding something
  3315. "Out with it, Anon. Why are you really courtin' me?"
  3316. > He looks away, blushing
  3317. > "What I said was true, but..."
  3318. > Here it comes
  3319. > The moment of disappointment, when it was all a lie, or a fit of whimsy, or making his real marefriend jealous
  3320. > "I also want to fuck your ass so much."
  3321. "What in tarnation-"
  3322.  
  3323. > And that's how Anon became an apple
  3324.  
  3325.  
  3326.  
  3327.  
  3328. >Anon buys a little bit land next to SAA that Applejack had been eyeing up.
  3329. >While initially pissed, she and the rest of the Apples are stunned when their new neighbor is as hot as fuck.
  3330. >Anon builds himself a nice, small cabin, and uses the land to grow very rare, very sought-after plants and vegetables.
  3331. >His customers include the Princesses, and very well-off ponies.
  3332. >However, he always puts aside a portion of his exotic foodstuffs for Applejack and her family.
  3333. >AJ is unsure whether he's trying to court her, or is just being friendly.
  3334. >On the other hoof, a stallion that actually works for a living? Isn't namby-pamby?
  3335. >A catch.
  3336. >Unfortunately, other mares are sniffing around...
  3337.  
  3338.  
  3339.  
  3340.  
  3341. >The reason why Appuls are so "pure" is sorely because stallions are really not into anal.
  3342. >Sticking his precious dick in the dirty hole? Eww.
  3343. >In reality, AJ is a dirty slut like all mares. Only the tradition of no procreation before marriage keeps her from shagging with Anon.
  3344. >She reveals nervously to him that he will not get to stick it in before they get together for real.
  3345. >Many potential partners have left her for that - nowadays it's "shag before you bag" kind of deal.
  3346. >She is basically shaking with fear of losing him during the conversation - why would he care that she is willing to do anal? Every mare is.
  3347.  
  3348. >Meanwhile Anon's face when he realises that going brown is kosher
  3349.  
  3350.  
  3351.  
  3352.  
  3353.  
  3354.  
  3355. >Big Mac is the result of a wandering human banging his and AJ's mom while she was already in a relationship with their dad.
  3356. >Fluer was the first child conceived from the human when he was secretly summoned into Equestria by her mother to "Strengthen the DeLys bloodline". After she was impregnated the human decided to travel this new world rather than be sent home.
  3357. >Its been twenty years since then and Fluer is searching all over equestria for other children of the wanderer.
  3358. >She is hoping to find the man that is her true father so she can get questions that she has had for many years answered
  3359.  
  3360.  
  3361.  
  3362.  
  3363.  
  3364.  
  3365. >Like cats, your children will rub up against your legs and want to be picked up. 
  3366. >In the herd bed, they're practically glued to your side. 
  3367. >You don't mind really. In fact, it's adorable that your kids want to be around you so much. 
  3368. >When they get older and start school, the attachment issues become apparent.
  3369. >It's the human tribalism part of their brain going haywire and telling them to cling to the only other human around. 
  3370. >Turns out having unique children is not without unique issues
  3371.  
  3372.  
  3373.  
  3374. >the boys inherit your xenophila
  3375. >they bring home dragons, changelings, gryphons, buffalo, yaks, etc.
  3376. >chill burst introducing his wendigo marefriend made hearthswarming a bit awkward, but the ice sculptures she made for everyone smoothed things over
  3377.  
  3378.  
  3379.  
  3380.  
  3381.  
  3382.  
  3383.  
  3384. >Spitfire is secretly into gentle maledom.
  3385. >Being a captain of a elite guard unit and a celeb means she has to take charge all the time for everything.
  3386. >It gets old fast. 
  3387. >Behind closed doors though, she surrenders herself to you, letting you do what you will to her. 
  3388. >After the first few nervous days, you get into the swing of it, but it all ends up being loving anyway. (Not that Spitfire minds)
  3389. >Spits never knew how much she was going to enjoy the ease of being subservient for once
  3390.  
  3391.  
  3392.  
  3393.  
  3394.  
  3395.  
  3396.  how marely you'd make your waifus feel after talking them into joining you in your everfree hunting endeavors.
  3397.  
  3398. "I saw a chimera once!"
  3399. >"You saw a chimera... once? HAH! My herd and I KILLED one just last week. And our stallion ATE IT!"
  3400.  
  3401. >"While we're on the topic of cockatrice, they used to go after Applejack's pig friends out in their pen."
  3402. "Oh my! Even dragons are afraid of a cockatrice!"
  3403. >"Did you know that they use their prey's own natural mana pool against them to turn them to stone? My coltfriend doesn't have any magic of his own, so he's entirely immune. He says they're easy to catch, and taste like chicken."
  3404.  
  3405.  
  3406. >killing chimeras
  3407. >not fucking them pregnant.
  3408. >The chimera in the fire swamp is captured and convicted of banditry.
  3409. >Instead of prison, they're enrolled in Anon's controversial new rehabilitation program.
  3410. >Among other things, it involves forcing them to have a child and using their maternal instincts to mold them.
  3411. >By learning to work together with their herd prison sisters to take care of their bundles of joy, they're shaped into better people
  3412.  
  3413.  
  3414.  
  3415.  
  3416.  
  3417.  
  3418.  
  3419. Prench maid uniform could be something like a guy wearing a speedo/short shorts while working as a poolboy for a cougar. In other words, a sexually agressive member of the fairer sex has employed someone more for the eye candy than for their cleaning proficiency.
  3420.  
  3421. So, if a mare like Luna is wearing the uniform, it is most likely a part of sexy roleplaying. Although, what if the princesses like to disguise themselves and spend some time working as an ordinary mare? It could start out as merely a change of pace, something that helps them stay grounded in the concerns of the common pony. But when they answer an ad for a housemaid, they experience the novelty of a stallion seducing them not for power, or wealth, or fame, but out of lust for their bodies.
  3422.  
  3423.  
  3424.  
  3425.  
  3426.  
  3427.  
  3428. >Twilight's ascension did wonders for her body. 
  3429. >All the little imperfections on her melted away. The slight sag of her flanks, the asymmetrical placement of her cutie marks, the little notch in her horn's spiral, the one slightly crooked tooth, acne scars under her cheek fur you could only see up close.
  3430. >All little things that add up and kept her attractiveness firmly at average at best.
  3431. >But those are gone, and even the already okay parts of her are enhanced to supermodel levels. Twi could very easily stroll up to a fashion show and steal the runway in rags, even without a princess status.
  3432. >Too bad the change only attracted the most convincing and deceiving gold diggers while intimidating normal stallions, leaving her still >tfw no bf
  3433. >She has to find somepony who won't overly judge her based on her looks or status, and isn't too afraid to approach her.
  3434. >But who..?
  3435. >*Ping!*
  3436. >Twilight yelps and jumps when a coin bounces off her flank and right back into the hand that threw it.
  3437. >"Oh nice! You really CAN bounce a bit off that ass now!" Says Anonymous, the resident bipedal alien with a grin. "Who knew that growing wings would fill you out so well?" He says.
  3438. >"Anyway, I returned my books to Spike. You might consider letting the kid go play, it's so damn nice outside today. Hell, the the kiddo wants, I've been needing a new fishing buddy."
  3439. >Twilight blinks, then smiles deviously.
  3440. >"Twi?"
  3441. >Yes.... Perfect
  3442.  
  3443.  
  3444.  
  3445.  
  3446.  
  3447. >Anon is the only one who doesn't give a fuck if they're alicorns or princesses.
  3448. >Despite being the mareliest mares in Equestria.
  3449. >All others are either bit-diggers, have an agenda of some type, or are too intimidated.
  3450. >Alicorns converge on Anon, hoping to tempt him.
  3451. >Celestia falls for him when he makes a crack about her ass and cake in public.
  3452. >Nobles are horrified, but Celestia is thrilled by the implication of his actions.
  3453. >Anon defends Luna in public when ponies are being douches (Nightmare Night, etcetera).
  3454. >Twilight is still his dorky friend, and though he makes cracks about her looks after being an alicorn, she knows he's just being sarcastic.
  3455. >He openly calls Cadence a "mind-raping whorse" when he sees her use her magic on a quarrelling couple.
  3456. >Love-hate, but slowly becomes more love over time.
  3457. >Shining is just relieved that he'll soon have someone to commiserate with: ya know, having a batshit significant other, and all
  3458.  
  3459.  
  3460.  
  3461.  
  3462.  
  3463.  
  3464.  
  3465. >get a qt unicorn maremaid (kek)
  3466. >it's a bit less common than stallion maids, due to them being less of an eye candy, but you found one anyway, and quite a nice one at that
  3467. >she is also happy because she usually gets to work with dried, proper prim mares who want to avoid accusations of getting a colty plaything in a maid uniform
  3468. >explain her duties to her
  3469. >nothing weird yet just the usual cleaning and taking care of your plants
  3470. >she gets to work right away with an adorable spring in her step
  3471. >but stops right away as you grab the dusting feather she was levitating in her magical grip
  3472. >explain to the poor confused mare that you are allergic to magic (you're not)
  3473. >request from her that she uses her mouth or hooves instead
  3474. >because you asked nicely instead of demanding, and because you are a colt, she agrees and tries to go on with her mouth
  3475. >frantic flailing about ensures, as a pony who was used to using magic her whole life has to now do some earth pony labour
  3476. >you're going to tell her that you were merely jesting, but not yet
  3477. >not until you get some of the adorkableness in your system
  3478.  
  3479.  
  3480.  
  3481.  
  3482. > Be Rag Time, waiter at the Sunrise Diner in Canterlot
  3483. > You could be generously described as a big ol healthy colt, but you get by with friendliness and the tips are good
  3484. > The door rings in the quiet hour before the morning rush
  3485. > In walks Octavia, who climbs up onto a seat by the counter
  3486. > She's looking more tired than usual, and something about her...
  3487. > You bring a mug of coffee and smile
  3488. "Mornin', Tavia. Haven't seen you around these past couple of days, how ya been?"
  3489. > She looks up as you set the mug before her
  3490. > "Good morning, Rag. I... it's been complicated."
  3491. > You give her a half smile, and lean on the counter
  3492. "I might not be a beauty king, but I am pretty good at listening."
  3493. > Octavia straightens up slightly, takes a sip of her coffee, and tells you all about it
  3494.  
  3495.  
  3496. > Be Octavia, wrung out after the orchestra concert
  3497. > It doesn't help your mood any to see the coltfriends of some of your colleagues whisk them away with coltishly giggles and whimsy
  3498. > You pack up your cello and head back to your apartment
  3499. > It's silent, back home
  3500. > You set your case by the door, and walk to the bedroom
  3501. > You spend a solid minute staring at your empty, cold bed
  3502. > You need a drink
  3503.  
  3504. > The bar is filled with the chatter of ponies, and you let it wash over you
  3505. > After the first shot of whiskey, you are halfway to feeling better
  3506. > That's when you see him
  3507. > A slender hornless Minotaur stallion, sharply dressed, decadently leaning against the bar and nursing his drink
  3508. > Maybe it was the whiskey talking
  3509. > Maybe it was the ache between your legs
  3510. > But you trotted right over, and gave him a smile
  3511. "What's a colt like you doing in a mare like me? I mean-"
  3512. > He gives you a warm smile and you feel unaccountably clever
  3513. > Something about his eyes makes you think he sees right through you
  3514. > When he does speak, it's with a velvety baritone voice
  3515. > "If you want me to go with you, that's alright with me. I'm a long way from home and going nowhere, and right now?"
  3516. > He knocks back his drink
  3517. > "Anywhere's a better place to be."
  3518.  
  3519. > It feels like a dream, bringing him back to your apartment
  3520. > You feel self-conscious about how small and bare it is, but you can tell he doesn't see it
  3521. > He just goes directly to your bedroom, shedding clothes as he does
  3522. > You follow, heart in your throat as he bares the lines of his body to you, one by one
  3523. > The moonlight shines softly on his skin as he lays back in your bed, a welcoming smile on his face
  3524. > You climb up over him, gazing at what you had only fantasized about before
  3525. > You start off slow, just gently kissing him and stroking his chest
  3526. > But he pulls your flanks down, his stallionhood hot against your lower lips
  3527. > "Make love to me, filly."
  3528. > And you do, oh how you do
  3529.  
  3530.  
  3531. > You wake up the next morning, bright and early
  3532. > You spend a long time gazing at his sleeping face, and the supple planes of his chest
  3533. > It was real!
  3534. > You have a hot stallion in your bed!
  3535. > He had sex with you!
  3536. > You grin at the memories, and give him a peck on the lips
  3537. > He doesn't wake, even when your stomach growls
  3538. > You give him a kiss on the cheek, and slip out of bed to go buy some breakfast for the two of you
  3539.  
  3540. > You come back to your apartment with a stack of steaming pancakes in a box, and set the table for two
  3541. > When everything is ready, you go back to your room
  3542. > Only to find it empty
  3543. > On the dresser, you see the note he left
  3544. > It simply said, "It's time I moved on."
  3545. > You crumple then and there, tears leaking from your eyes
  3546. > You had hoped...
  3547. > But no, not with a plain mare like you
  3548.  
  3549.  
  3550. > By the time you are done telling Rag Time your story, the colt is wiping away tears
  3551. > He speaks with a sigh
  3552. > "I wish I was handsome, or that you were halfway blind, or that I wasn't so damn fat. I wish you would come with me, when I leave for home. Because we know too much about being alone."
  3553. > You spend a long minute just looking at him, feeling the hollow in your heart fill a little
  3554. > You reach out and hold his hoof, and give him a half-grin
  3555. "I will go with you. It sounds like a better place to be, and goodness knows we could both stand to be less lonely."
  3556.  
  3557.  
  3558.  
  3559.  
  3560. >Luna had moments of clarity while banished to the moon
  3561. >The nightmare moon persona would fade and she would be left there alone and forgotten
  3562. >She used magic to conjure up Anon as an illusion to keep her sane
  3563. >His form having come to her in a dream
  3564. >She spelled it to have him vanish when NMM reasserted herself
  3565. >She gets back from the moon and finds Anon waiting for her
  3566. >No matter what she tries she cant dispel him
  3567. >Turns out that in her madness she somehow made him real rather than just make him an illusion
  3568. >She finds out that whenever Nightmare Moon took over that Anon was banished to Equestria by her spell
  3569. >He has lived among ponies on and off for almost 1000 years
  3570. >There are hundreds of tales of handsome and mysterious stallions waiting for their love to return
  3571.  
  3572.  
  3573.  
  3574.  
  3575.  
  3576. >Anon has settled in the life of being a "not-so stallion" househusband for Luna.
  3577. >They're genuinely in love.
  3578. >Cooks her meals and shit. Genuine romance cliches.
  3579. >Celestia, however, begins to have "naughty thoughts": noticing Anon's ass when he walks, stuttering when he talks to her, etcetera.
  3580. >Luna and Anon don't notice Celestia's behavior, but Cadence does
  3581.  
  3582.  
  3583.  
  3584.  
  3585.  
  3586.  
  3587. >The creatures most summoned from the depths of Tartarus are incubi, lean sexy studs with the sole purpose of filling the desperately lonely and dirty minded unicorn mares' deep fantasies fueled by some of the least prestigious books they've read
  3588. >Poor succubi pones are mostly relegated to the real weird and boring cases, like someone actually trying to gain demonic powers for their own benefits.
  3589. >Rarely do they get to indulge in the more carnal pleasures (because decieving power crazy mortal mares with contrived pacts and stealing their souls is fun, but not that fun), and most cases that is with mares too.
  3590. >Reading too many books does this to you.
  3591. >Or sometimes, the beginning conjurer wizard mare messes up, meaning to summon an incubus, while being too proud to admit her mistakes.
  3592. >As long as nobody brings holy water, it's a minor inconvenience.
  3593. >Sometimes it's even fun, getting to corrupt a straight pony into the evil ways of same sex hoof holding
  3594. >In general though, those are fringe cases and being a succubus pone sucks.
  3595. >Enter Lyra
  3596. >She might have borrowed a wrong book from Twilight, but I mean it's not HER fault that the cover was written in crimson red runes and she couldn't make out the title.
  3597. >And she REALLY needed to make that cake, it was a special occasion.
  3598. >And so she summoned a sexy devil pony.
  3599. >Improvising happens, and she pulls a task out of her ass for her to do.
  3600. >Seduce Anon.
  3601. >She might have meant it as "make him fall in love with me", not "make him fall in love with you"
  3602. >Too bad though, as she was already gone.
  3603. >Oh well, it's not like anything bad will happen, right?
  3604. >He probably won't be interested anyway, being all un-colty and such.
  3605.  
  3606. >Be Anon
  3607. >Best birthday gift ever
  3608.  
  3609.  
  3610. >Turns out human souls are by default more corrupt than a ponies, apparently someone stole an apple once and the stain never came out.
  3611. >Succupony brings her A-game, happy to finally get summoned for seduction purposes.
  3612. >Gets increasingly flustered as the night goes on, Anon being completely unfazed about her unholy attributes and enthusiastic about performing all sorts of kinky shit like hoof massages.
  3613. >When he starts talking about pet play she starts to think he may be too much for her to handle alone.
  3614. >She starts thinking up a plan to trick him into summoning some of her sisters when he opens his mouth.
  3615. >"Hey, you're a demon pony from hell, right?"
  3616. "It's called tartarus but yes, that is my home, why do you ask?"
  3617. >"Because while i love pinkie to bits, her idea of a good party is something i'd throw for a 12 year old at most, not a guy that just turned 27."
  3618. >"From what i've gathered you guys probably know how to throw a more 'appropriate' party than the rest of these ponies combined, so how do we go about inviting some of your friends here, maybe get some hell-booze to make it a night we dont remember?
  3619. "...We could definitely bring some of my, 'friends' here, along with some of our alcohol if that is what you desire, although be warned that it is far stronger than equestrian cider."
  3620. >"If it's not strong enough to remove paint then i'm going to be disappointed."
  3621. >...Sweet tirek he's serious, you might need to call the whole coven for this, he'll drink you under the table before he even gets buzzed.
  3622. "Okay, well, to summon everybody we need for a party is going to take a lot of energy, which means we're going to have to perform an extremely unholy act."
  3623. >"I'm listening."
  3624. "You need to orgasm inside my ass, completely wasting your seed, i know this sounds uncomfortand your pants are gone."
  3625. >"Ready when you are."
  3626. >Staring at the humans erect baby maker, the succupony makes a mental note to thank her summoner for giving her such a 'hard' task
  3627.  
  3628.  
  3629.  
  3630.  
  3631. Succy running away from a freaked out summoner, and finding herself in this weird monkey's house. She has to plead and bargin for him to not give away her being here, and tries to seduce him. Anon, through a mixture of being a faggot and realising this is some kind of hellspawn, decides to not get seduced so easily, and instead makes her do some other tasks. Like washing his dishes, and having her being baffled in the process. There stands an alien being twisted and corrupted beyond the level most ponies are capable of achieving. And yet he is making her do household chores. I want to see Anon sexually frustrate the succupony by not putting out and to have them see waifu/husbando material in eachother
  3632.  
  3633.  
  3634.  
  3635. >Anon, through years of fapping to ever-more fucked-up porn, has come full circle
  3636. >He no longer desires the most deviant and fantastical sex acts
  3637. >Instead, a reciprocal loving relationship with sex for the purpose of pleasing his love is his fetish
  3638. >Along with plenty of cuddling and hoof-holding
  3639. >Succupone follows him around everywhere, badgering or teasing him, trying to get him to fuck her in all sorts of strange ways
  3640. >He continues on like nothing is wrong
  3641. >It's just another pony following him around, having adventures with him
  3642. >She's never been summoned this long, so she doesn't know what to do
  3643. >Anon takes the lead
  3644. >Anon forces her to do all sorts of things a good wife would do
  3645. >Since she can't get the HMD, her succubus nature settles for satisfying his emotional needs
  3646. >She's inexperienced, though, so she doesn't guard her own heart
  3647. >One day he comes home from work and she kisses him on the cheek, welcoming him home, without realizing it
  3648. >She starts to glow and lifts up in the air, undergoing a blinding white transformation
  3649. >She flutters to the ground, covered in gold jewelry, bereft of horns, with extra wings
  3650. >She doesn't know why one kiss would cause something like that
  3651. >Anon explains to her
  3652. "I did some reading. Turns out Candyass was right. True Love, returned, can save your soul."
  3653. >...what?
  3654. >Anon hadn't given in and used her body to satisfy his lust despite all her attempts.
  3655. >All she had to do was genuinely return her love to him.
  3656. >He had loved her all along
  3657.  
  3658.  
  3659.  
  3660.  
  3661.  
  3662.  
  3663.  
  3664. >Frosted cake in alley this morning, hooves tread on burst confection. 
  3665. >This town's enraptured with me.
  3666. >I've seen its true smile.
  3667. >The streets are extended plates and the plates are full of food.
  3668. >And when the plates finally fill up, all the guests will eat.
  3669. >The accumulated leftovers of all their party's and dancing will foam up around their mouths and all the worst pones, and mayors will look up and shout "Stop partying"... and I'll whisper "No."
  3670.  
  3671.  
  3672.  
  3673.  
  3674.  
  3675.  
  3676. > Fluttershy loves animals cause she gets the affection she can't get from stallions
  3677. > Shes given up on finding a male and spends all her time caring for animals like they were her children
  3678. > She had a break down at the gala cause the rejection from the animals their was just too much
  3679.  
  3680.  
  3681.  
  3682.  
  3683. >Anon likes Flutters
  3684. >Unused to the attention, she can barely carry a conversation at first
  3685. >Unless he injures himself and her need to help overrides her anxiety.
  3686. >She either spills spaghetti all over the place, or mumbles so quietly Anon can barely understand her.
  3687. >One day after he leaves she fears he won't bother to come back
  3688. >Unbeknownst to her, he'd forgotten something and came back to find her in tears
  3689. >Before she realizes he's back, she's snug in his arms
  3690. >Mare's aren't supposed to cry all over a stallion, but Fluttershy can't bring herself to care
  3691.  
  3692.  
  3693.  
  3694.  
  3695.  
  3696.  
  3697. >Anon and Luna hate each other.
  3698. >Each time they're in the same room, snarky and insulting comments pass between the two.
  3699. >Physical violence often happens, too.
  3700. >Celestia and the guards learnt to stay out of it after the last fight had them thrown out of the windows, head-first.
  3701. >Celestia always tries to make sure breakfast time has them not meeting, like Luna eating at 7 and Anon, 8.
  3702. >One morning, Celestia finds them entering the dining room at the same time.
  3703. >She promptly ducks under the table, fearing the worst.
  3704. >Eventually looks up after hearing no property damage to find them being all lovey-dovey.
  3705. >Turns out they both had signed up to an anonymous dating service, and were unknowingly matched.
  3706. >They got on like a house on fire, and when it came time to meet and reveal their identities, they were shocked.
  3707. >Things fell into place there.
  3708. >Everyone else, however, wishes they'd go back to being violent.
  3709. >The lovey-dovey displays are making them feel ill
  3710.  
  3711.  
  3712.  
  3713.  
  3714.  
  3715. >Comedy involving hilariously stupid attempts to assassinate Anon by bad guys, because reasons.
  3716. >They use poisons, Anon shrugs and uses them to season his food. Mmmm, spicy!
  3717. >They use traps, Anon sees them and avoids them, or worse, doesn't even realize they're traps and isn't fazed at all. 
  3718. >They try to kill him, instead he misinterprets their attack as an accident on their part and tries to help them up. They kill themselves by accident, and Anon is horrified.
  3719. >They try again, and instead an entire team of increasingly-rattled assassins accidentally kills each other like Wile E. Coyote. 
  3720. >The leader is pushed over the edge and finally just tries to corner him in his house to beat him to death with a club. Pinkie Pie shows up with a cake to try to cheer Anon up, hits the leader with the door causing him to fall three stories with a scream into a conveniently-placed woodchipper.
  3721. >Whoopsie!
  3722.  
  3723.  
  3724.  
  3725.  
  3726. >Anon has a particularly bad fight with his longtime marefriend.
  3727. >They often have spats and break up for a day or three before getting back together, and it's seen as nothing new by the ponies.
  3728. >Some even tick it off as a weekly event in their calendars.
  3729. >However, this one is different: she pushed him to breaking point.
  3730. >Anon finally dumps her ass.
  3731. >Goes on a vacation to either Canterlot or the Empire to clear his head.
  3732. >She thinks he'll come crawling back to her in a few days, and that this is all "coltish whimsy".
  3733. >Two weeks later, he returns... to collect his stuff and have a "Goodbye Party" from Pinkie.
  3734. >He met a mare there; they've fallen for each other hard and fast, and he's moving in with her.
  3735. >Ex-Marefriend realises she's fucked up badly and she'll have to "fight for her stallion".
  3736. >Until she discovers who this mystery mare actually.
  3737. >A) Princess fucking Luna.
  3738. >Who's still as vicious as she was in the past.
  3739. >An actual fight would occur.
  3740. >B) Princess Celestia, who (thanks to naivety and being out of the dating game for hundreds of years) would likely challenge her with a "fuck off huge" mace or battleaxe, and clad in armour-plating.
  3741. >...Welp
  3742.  
  3743.  
  3744. >Who is it?
  3745. >Who's that mare-whore who took advantage of your colt while he was upset and vulnerable!? 
  3746. >How did she even hook up with your sweet Anonymous?
  3747. >Did she get him drunk first?
  3748. >Did she promise to buy him something shiny?
  3749. >Damn it, you knew you should have bought Anon more jewelry!
  3750. >Now he's going to be overwhelmed by that blasted mare's "generosity", and she'll convince him that you were a cheapskate who didn't love him because you didn't buy him enough presents.
  3751. >This shit's the worst.
  3752. >You're gonna have to buy him a nice suit at and at least two nice cooking books if you want to smooth things over with him.
  3753. >Don't worry, foal! Your old mare's coming!
  3754.  
  3755. >Before you sits Princess Luna, who looks especially smug today.
  3756. >Anon is sitting in her lap, and Luna has her forelegs wrapped around his chest.
  3757. >You can barely see Anon's head through that thick chest fluff that's burying him from behind.
  3758. >You resist the urge to look down at your slightly below average sized chest fluff self-consciously
  3759. "Son of a bitch."
  3760.  
  3761.  
  3762.  
  3763.  
  3764.  
  3765.  
  3766. >A Kid Anon is very direct and cynical.
  3767. >Common-sense is lacking in Equestria, apparently.
  3768. >Villain of the week pops up?
  3769. >He walks up behind and whacks them over the head with a pillow-case filled with doorknobs.
  3770. >Ponies don't know how to react to this young colt being...
  3771.  
  3772.  
  3773. >Cadence and Luna fight over being his "mother".
  3774. >Anon just shakes his head and wanders off when they argue.
  3775. >Blueblood styles himself his nemesis.
  3776. >Anon can get away with shit because who would they believe? A Prince known to be a dick, or a cute, innocent foal.
  3777. >...Blueblood self-foils due to being inept
  3778.  
  3779.  
  3780.  
  3781.  
  3782.  
  3783.  
  3784.  
  3785. >The sound of the front door shutting makes you look up from the book you are reading
  3786. >However it is the shout of "DADDYYY!" that gets your attention.
  3787. >No sooner had the shout died did you see a small blue pegasus with the black mane fly into the room on unsteady wings
  3788. >Even though you are concerned you smile as you see your daughter fly her way over to you
  3789. >Ever since Dash taught her how to fly she has flown EVERYWHERE she could
  3790. >The little filly flies over to you and lands against your chest with a dull thud
  3791. >Guess she still needs to work on her landings
  3792. >"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"
  3793. >You chuckle and ask her
  3794. "Whats wrong honey? Did something happen?"
  3795. >She raises her head up from your chest and asks
  3796. >"Daddy are you evil?"
  3797. >The question leaves you taken aback and causes the smile to fall off your face
  3798. "Of course I'm not evil. Why would you ask that?"
  3799. >She lets out what must be a relieved sigh
  3800. >"Cousin Fiji says that she heard auntie AJ say that you were a bad egg. She said...She said that you are up to no good!"
  3801. >You sigh and make plans to have a word with AJ before you wrap your arms around your daughter
  3802. >She lets out a squeak as you pull her even closer to you
  3803. "Storm you know how Auntie Pinkie is the element of laughter?"
  3804. >She nods
  3805. "Well its her job to make everypony in Equestria smile as much as she can. That is why she throws parties and does everything she does. Well I have a very similar job."
  3806. >She tilts her head inquisitively before asking
  3807. >"You do? What is it?"
  3808. >Gently you place your hand on her cheek
  3809. "My job is to protect your smile. To love you, care for you, and protect you so that nothing ever makes you lose that precious smile."
  3810. >You finish by giving her a little tickle
  3811. >She giggles and tries to fight back but your wigglers are too nimble for her
  3812. >After a few seconds you stop and her giggles slowly fade
  3813. >"So you are definitely not evil?"
  3814. "Would me being evil make you sad?"
  3815. >She nods quietly
  3816. "Than I am not evil."
  3817. >She smiles widely showing the canines she inherited from you
  3818. "Now go on up to your bedroom and play. Mom will be home soon."
  3819. --SEVERAL HOURS LATER---
  3820. >Be Anon
  3821. >your precious girls finally are asleep and you manage to sneak out to your back door
  3822. >Looking up at the moon you give a quick whistle in three bursts
  3823. >Out of a nearby tree flies a bat pony who eyes you carefully
  3824. >"Did you have something to report Anon."
  3825. >You nod
  3826. "Yeah guys I am out. What we are doing is starting to get to my daughter."
  3827. >The mare nods understandably
  3828. >"Got it. You are looking out for your family like a good stallion. Equestria needs more ponies like you."
  3829. >You smile and offer the mare your hand
  3830. "Stay safe Eclipse. If you or your friends ever need to lay low gimme a shout."
  3831. >She gives you a curt nod and starts to fly away
  3832. >Suddenly she stops and turns back
  3833. >"May your night last eternal brother."
  3834. "And yours as well sister."
  3835. >As you head back inside you cant help but to sigh in defeat
  3836. >Maybe fostering a communist revolution to put Luna in power wasn't the best way to entertain yourself while Dash was out saving the world
  3837.  
  3838.  
  3839.  
  3840.  
  3841.  
  3842. > Anon tries to avoid the Mane 6 because of all the batshit stuff they get sucked into.
  3843. >Starlight gets added to that list when she moves to Ponyville, much to her confusion.
  3844. >Anon chats up/is getting chatted up by Cloudchaser and Flitter, with the Flower Sisters conflicting with them over Anon.
  3845. >Meanwhile, the Six (and Glimmer) are in a rut.
  3846. >Stallions are either family, bit/fame-diggers, complete douches, or too scared of them.
  3847. >tfw Flash Sentry went into hiding from Twilight.
  3848. >The only stallion they can think of that isn't scared of them or fits the above criteria is Anon.
  3849. >...Come to think of it, while he actively avoids them, it's not out of fear.
  3850. >This bears some investigation.
  3851. >And by investigation, really it means spying, "coincidentally" meeting him in areas, etcetera.
  3852. >Anon is freaked out at the sudden interest, and is worried that he'll be sucked up into one of their batshit insane escapades
  3853.  
  3854.  
  3855.  
  3856.  
  3857.  
  3858.  
  3859. >Blueblood would be better off getting to know and love one of the guardsmares or maids, someone who knows who he actually is beneath the mask he's forced to wear
  3860.  
  3861. >Blueblood is smitten with a maid
  3862. >His parents very sternly disapprove of this.
  3863. >He is of the nobility, so he is expected to marry a mare from another noble house.
  3864. >If he wants her as a mistress, they could tolerate that, but absolutely not until after he is married to a noblemare and has an heir on the way.
  3865. >He's resisted their efforts to arrange a marriage for him, he wants a mare he can love, not just a marriage of political convenience.
  3866. >Normally he wouldn't be able to refuse effectively, but his 'cousin's' ascension to become the Princess of Love has proven most helpful for him. 
  3867. >She intervened on his behalf, insisting that he had the right to marry for love, and his parents backed down
  3868.  
  3869.  
  3870. >Blueblood first encounters Anon when he's tormenting some nobles
  3871. >Blueblood sees something inside Anon he hasn't seen in a very long time
  3872. >They both bond by tormenting nobles, subtly ruining dinner parties, wearing ridiculous costumes together and acting like nothing is the matter, and corrupting all the young noblefillies
  3873.  
  3874. >Blueblood is just a male celestia in terms of mischief but with FAR more social freedom
  3875. >and he know this
  3876. >anon and blueblood abuse this to no end
  3877. >celestia has never felt more pride for her nephew
  3878.  
  3879.  
  3880.  
  3881.  
  3882.  
  3883.  
  3884. >Anon was turned into a pile of Terminator-like goop on entering Equestria.
  3885. >However, remains in the shape of his original human self in public.
  3886. >Also worried about being dissected or something.
  3887. >Ponies are friendly but physically repulsed/uneasy around him, but are mostly polite because of being a male.
  3888. >Pinkie discovers by chance he can physically alter himself.
  3889. >Predictably, it leaks out.
  3890. >Now knowing that he can shape-shift, ponies who once scorned him are trying to butter him up
  3891.  
  3892. >When Anon wants to take an incognito vacation from Ponyville, he assumes the form of a normal pony stallion.
  3893. >By a million-to-one chance, Pinkie and the others are in Manehatten the same time Anon is.
  3894. >They pass him in the street, and Pinkie, being Pinkie, senses something off about that stranger on the street and follows her gut, stalking him.
  3895. >Anon is rumbled
  3896.  
  3897.  
  3898. >Ponies find out Anon is a shapeshifter
  3899. >Become convinced that he is a Changeling
  3900. >Chrysalis hears about this, and 'aww hell naw's' her way to Ponyville to investigate
  3901.  
  3902.  
  3903. >Chrysalis planned to demonstrate her obvious superiority and convince him to join her hive
  3904. >Then she saw him transform
  3905. >Not in a flash of magical fire, but liquid SHINY AND CHROME
  3906. >She might be a little bit intimidated
  3907.  
  3908.  
  3909. >Aggresively joins his 'hive' to try and discover his secrets, offering the services of her own in exchange.
  3910. >Which basically translates to the entire changeling swarm taking up residence in Anon's basement.
  3911. >This basically confirms he's some sort of super changeling in the eyes of everypony.
  3912. >It was only after the intial panic subsided that they realised that nothing's come out of anon's house since the swarm descended on it.
  3913. >Princesses personally investigate, find anon sporting a dozen extra arms, petting and scritching a circle of changelings while teaching a larger group what appears to be basic algebra while a slightly chubby looking Chrysalis is comatose on a bed in the corner.
  3914. >Turns out humans, even terminator-esque puddles of sentient mercury dont simply 'run out' of Love.
  3915. >Luna curses over the fact her favorite snuggle buddy is apparently now occupied indefinitely
  3916.  
  3917.  
  3918.  
  3919.  
  3920.  
  3921.  
  3922. >Anon wants RD to pick out a pet to complete the "normal family" theme for their new home.
  3923. >Rainbow wants herd sisters to share Anon with because no one believes her when she brags about him lasting more than a minute (let alone if she told them HOW long he lasts), to avoid being branded hot-stallion-hogging monogamist scum, and of course she wants said herd sisters to be ponies she already considers friends because she's loyal.
  3924.  
  3925. >Anon is pleasantly shocked/surprised coming home from a trip to the market to find RD leading a ball-gagged, gimp-suit-wearing Fluttershy around by a collar.
  3926.  
  3927. Fluttershy is amazed but ecstatic that her extremely kinky BDSM femsub fetish only turns on Anon, and that RD is fine with being her dom (though she refuses to dominate Anon, because her momma didn't raise no stallion beater).
  3928.  
  3929.  
  3930.  
  3931.  
  3932.  
  3933.  
  3934. >Luna has been starved of affection most of her life
  3935. >The lings don't care that she was once NMM
  3936. >If anything that just encourages them
  3937. >She's been the villain, she understands what it is to be feared and hated
  3938. >After Anon manages to introduce Luna and Chrysalis on more friendly terms than their last encounter, the rest of the lings quickly adopt the moon princess as an honorary member of the hive.
  3939. >Cuddles for all
  3940.  
  3941.  
  3942.  
  3943.  
  3944.  
  3945.  
  3946. >Historian makes it to equestria.
  3947. >Studies ancient histories of the various races.
  3948. >Ancient pegasi writings are all in Latin.
  3949. >Talks about a band of warriors that revered the ancient tribe as bringers of lightning and thunder, offering tribute in exchange for favorable weather.
  3950. >Most of the group was decimated when they attempted to invade tartarus, apparently in an effort to make their way home "By marching out the other side."
  3951. >The few survivors passed on their knowledge to their winged rescuers, who carried on the traditions and customs of these Ro-manes as a sign of respect.
  3952. Bloody romans
  3953.  
  3954.  
  3955.  
  3956. >For all their talk and nature of "love and friendship", ponies are still as a vicious as any other species when it comes to mates.
  3957. >Anon has been dating Flitter and Cloudchaser for a few months, and they're pretty happy.
  3958. >While not the strongest ponies around, they've managed to "stake their claim" and cleverly fend off any "herd poachers" after Anon.
  3959. >At least until Cadence comes to town.
  3960. >Despite Shining, she's smitten by Anon on sight.
  3961. >Stays in Ponyville on the guise of "holiday and to see family".
  3962. >In reality, there's begins competing for Anon.using traditional "wooing", puffing up her chest fluff, doing things to try to make Anon see she'd be a better provider than the two sisters, trying to intimidate them in displays of dominance, etcetera.
  3963. >Anon has no idea what's going on.
  3964.  
  3965.  
  3966. >After some time, he catches on.
  3967. >No one expected the sudden offense or aggression that popped up out of him.
  3968. >There's no way in hell anyone is taking him away from his mares. All who try are doomed to fail
  3969.  
  3970. >Shining was the one who accidently spilled the beans after a night of drunken (platonic) cuddling.
  3971. >Understands anon's position, he's a bit of a deviant himself in regards to monogamy.
  3972. >Promises to tell his wife to back off,
  3973. >She dismisses it as coltish whimsy, pointing out that "he's obviously comfortable enough with you to cuddle, he just needs to see how great i am compared to those two other mares."
  3974. >Ignoring her husbands increasingly frantic gestures, she continues on in a rant outlining her objective superiority, the resources of the empire and the companionship of another stallion.
  3975. >Turning away from her now facehoofing husband, she spots anon a short distance away looking in her direction, he must have been checking out her ass, the cheeky colt.
  3976. >A smile on her face and a strut in her step, she puffs out her fluff as she walks over to him.
  3977. "Hi Anon, i heard you and shiny had a fun night together!"
  3978. >Expression unreadable, the human looks past her towards the stallion currently trying to touch the back of his head through his muzzle.
  3979. >"You have three seconds."
  3980. >Cadance cocks her head in confusion.
  3981. "Three seconds for wha-"
  3982. >Fwoom.
  3983. "!"
  3984. >Eyes crossed, the pink princess can only stare at the clenched fist inches away from her, stopped only by a thin, hastily erected barrier.
  3985. >"You may have your looks, your status, your empire and your husband."
  3986. >Crck
  3987. >A small crack appears on the second impact.
  3988. >"But those two mares you disparage so much have something that you will never have."
  3989. >Anon leans in close, their faces practically touching if not for the barrier.
  3990. >"My heart."
  3991. >"I love those two mares with every fibre of my being, i love their smiles, i love their laughs, i love their attitudes, i love their cooking, i love their hugs, I. Love. Them."
  3992. >Jabbing a finger at the cracked barrier to punctuate his words, he finishes with the same passion that drew her to him in the first place.
  3993. >"I. Dont. Love. You."
  3994. >The shield shatters, much like her heart
  3995.  
  3996.  
  3997. Jesus, so edgy. Why not just
  3998.  
  3999. "Cadence?"
  4000. >"Y-yes, Anon?" The Alicorn smiles, her extremely fluffy chest tuft flowing in the breeze
  4001. "Yeah, so. I've been dating horses long enough to ask them about their social norms and body language, so I think ... you're trying to flirt with me?"
  4002. >She smirks. "Well well, I'm glad to see it's finally wo-"
  4003. "Yeah, no. I appreciate the interest - it's flattering, really - but I'm happy with my girls. Besides, in my culture, once you decide to marry someone you don't just... like, abandon them. At least not without a messy and hilarious divorce fight that scars your children for life."
  4004. >"O-oh." The alicorn's smile disappears, her forehoof smoothing down her chesttuft. "I had no idea - I'm sorry."
  4005. "It's alright. Nine times out of ten you can solve most problems by just talking it out instead of assuming shit, or going edgy and getting violent."
  4006. >"Getting violent? What the hay?!"
  4007. "I know. It's summer, when bad prompts reign and edgy anger is the only answer to every problem"
  4008. >"Huh. Glad nopony's gonna write those prompts!"
  4009. "Hahahahaha- I'm the only one who's supposed to be self aware, Cant'dance."
  4010. >"Ah shit. I need to read my contract closer."
  4011. "Salright."
  4012.  
  4013.  
  4014.  
  4015.  
  4016.  
  4017.  
  4018.  
  4019. >Twiggy is concerned about your monogamist tendencies and brings up a statistic like over half of all monogamist stallions come from broken homes.
  4020. >She says you can tell her anything, and that she'll always be there to lend an ear and support you
  4021.  
  4022.  
  4023.  
  4024.  
  4025.  
  4026.  
  4027. >There technically *is* a "Royal Herd".
  4028. >It's composed of Celestia, Luna, Cadence and her husband, and Twilight post-Ascension.
  4029. >Blueblood, much to his irritation, is a Prince in Name Only, and thus isn't included.
  4030. >There are "sub-herds" too, where members of one can belong to another, but any conflicting matters are subordinate to the "main's" decision in the hierarchy.
  4031. >Hence why Twilight and the other 5 can be in their own herd, and why Shining and Cadence are in a "herd of two".
  4032. >However, agreements between the main herd members were that, even though Shining was the only current stallion in the herd, he was Cadence's alone.
  4033. >Hence the marriage.
  4034. >Unfortunately, Anon dating Celestia has thrown a monkey-wrench into matters.
  4035. >While friendly with Luna, he's in love with Celestia.
  4036. >However, expectations are that he's supposed to be with all the mares in a herd.
  4037. >That includes Twilight and Cadence, each of who have an interest in him too.
  4038. >Luna just doesn't really give a fuck, and will go with whatever happens.
  4039. >She's more interested in wine and pizza, behind closed doors.
  4040.  
  4041.  
  4042. Stallions cannot have blood relatives in their herds for incestuous deformity reasons.
  4043. Additionally, Cadence has made it EXTREMELY clear that she's keeping Shining all to herself (she moved to a thousand-years-behind-the-times empire specifically to escape the social backlash of royalty keeping a 9.5/10 stallion of noble birth all to herself).
  4044.  
  4045. Lastly, the stallion of the Diarchs would certainly have to maintain primary residence in Canterlot for numerous reasons (public, political, and almost certainly legal).
  4046.  
  4047.  
  4048.  
  4049.  
  4050.  
  4051.  
  4052. > At Flurry Heart's cute-ceañera, she meets a strange minotaur bull accompanying one of the guests
  4053. > He is very charming, and has the best stories
  4054. > Flurry Heart ends up becoming friends with Anon, and grows quite fond of him in some undefined way
  4055. > One day, she sees him through a window, accepting some bits from a well-dressed mare
  4056. > At once, a myriad of strange events and subtle glances make sense
  4057. > The next day, as he sips tea in her parlor, she pulls out a bag of bits
  4058. "Anon, will you be my courtesan?"
  4059. > He nearly chokes on his tea
  4060. > "What gave you that idea, McFlurry?"
  4061. "Remember when Beautiful Hide gave you a bag of bits in the diamond room?"
  4062. > He chuckles weakly
  4063. > "So you saw that little exchange..."
  4064. "And she kissed you on the cheek, and it made me feel..."
  4065. > She blushes under his gaze, frowning
  4066. "I didn't like it."
  4067. > He sighs
  4068. > "Do you even know what courtesans do?"
  4069. > She blushes even harder
  4070. "M-make mares have foals, and kiss, and let the mare grab their butt."
  4071. > He chuckles
  4072. > "Fair enough. Now, let's see if you can afford me."
  4073. > He opens the bag and starts counting
  4074. > ...
  4075. > Flurry nibbles worriedly on a tea biscuit
  4076. > ...
  4077. > "One hundred ninety-three?"
  4078. > She looks down, unable to meet his gaze
  4079. "It's all I have."
  4080. > Anon ruffles her mane
  4081. > "It's not my usual,"
  4082. > She sags in her chair
  4083. > "But you get the friends discount, so it'll be enough."
  4084.  
  4085. > The next day, Anon retires from escorting
  4086. > Due to his connections at both Canterlot and the Crystal Empire, he becomes a courier, well known for his discretion
  4087. > And whenever he returns to the Crystal Empire, a certain filly is always ready with a bag of bits and a blush
  4088.  
  4089.  
  4090.  
  4091.  
  4092.  
  4093.  
  4094.  
  4095. >Anon's connection to the rulers of the crystal empire gets him all sorts of courier work sending and receiving packages to the frozen north
  4096. >As a result, Anon starts hanging around the Crystal Empire more often
  4097. >Despite his retirement, Flurry still wants to pretend that he still is one because it makes her feel like a grown-up mare
  4098. >He performs his "courtesan" duties with Flurry without fail
  4099. >Tea Parties, escorting her during birthdays, acting as a guide during her trips around Equestria since he's so well-travelled, and being her snuggle-buddy whenever she's feeling lonely or scared
  4100. >Some of the gossip rags accuse Flurry of reverse-grooming her own stallion, so candyass tries to set him up with one of the mares in her empire
  4101. >Anon nearly chokes on his food when she offhandedly calls him "Uncle Anon" at dinner
  4102.  
  4103.  
  4104.  
  4105.  
  4106.  
  4107.  
  4108. >Anon is eager to go on adventures with them. 
  4109. >But he's a shitter who doesn't know his limits, and many of his attempts to help out backfire.
  4110. >He has to git gud with the help of (some of*) his herd and overcome his now infamous reputation as a bachelor in distress. 
  4111. >*Some of the herd just want him to stay out of it entirely at this point
  4112.  
  4113. >Anon goes adventuring with his mares
  4114. >Villains always target him
  4115. >They assume he's weak and can't put up much of a fight if they do target him, he's only a stallion after all what threat could he pose?
  4116. >Even the male villains tend to assume that only they are special and other males are weak and stereotypical.
  4117. >He gets captured or KO'ed (or both) about as often as not, but Anon is a stubborn bastard and always puts up much more of a fight than the villain was expecting.
  4118. >Predictably, this pisses off his mares.
  4119. >Sometimes this is the desired effect by the villain (they tend to be the tricky ones with an ace up their sleeve)
  4120. >But more frequently it just backfires spectacularly
  4121.  
  4122.  
  4123.  
  4124.  
  4125.  
  4126. >Anonymous The Human
  4127. >Discovery’s and writing by: Twilight Sparkle
  4128. >Published by: Twilight Sparkle
  4129. >Disclaimer: This book is not to insult Anonymous the human. It is not to imply that he is nothing but a animal. It is to advance knowledge of the human.
  4130. >It is a common misconception that humans eat only vegetation like a pony.
  4131. >But it is quite the contrary.
  4132. >The humans can eat a wide assortment of things that a pony cannot, such as but not limited to: Meat, potatoes, egg plants, tomatoes, onions, peppers, and cauliflower.
  4133. >While a lot of those may sound dangerous to a pony, to Anonymous they are just another thing on the menu.
  4134. >I know that the fact that humans eat meat may be frightening at first, but don’t fear.
  4135. >Humans don't put ponies, griffons, or minotaurs on the menu.
  4136. >In fact, our human is quite gentle with ponies.
  4137. >During a test Anonymous was left with three rambunctious fillies hyped up on sugar.
  4138. >The fillies pestered the human -a lot-, yet he showed no aggression.
  4139. >Instead, it found the nearest blankets, swaddled them, and laid them to bed.
  4140. >The test was continued
  4141. >There was a pink earth pony, a rainbow maned pegasus, and a mint coated unicorn placed before him.
  4142. >Again he was pestered, and again no aggression. 
  4143. >He swaddled the pegasus and earth pony, and allowed the unicorn to poke his hand.
  4144. >The test was conclusive.
  4145. >Not only was he not aggressive, but he was in a sense fatherly.
  4146. >After a quick check of his *Very clean*home my theory was correct.
  4147. >Humans are the perfect house colts.
  4148. >But there is one problem.
  4149. >There is only one, and he's mine.
  4150. >His pancakes?
  4151. >Mine.
  4152. >His cleaning?
  4153. >Mine.
  4154. >His HMD?
  4155. >Definitely mine.
  4156. >Yes, it is a very sad problem for every mare.
  4157. >Except for my herd and me.
  4158. >Because he belongs to my herd and me.
  4159. >The end.
  4160.  
  4161. >Be Moondancer.
  4162. >Never before have your teats been so twisted by a book
  4163.  
  4164.  
  4165.  
  4166.  
  4167.  
  4168.  
  4169. >Mares often spy on and "overhear" stallion gossip.
  4170. >Many take what they say to heart.
  4171. >Anon, chatting to Big Mac, says he thinks Twilight has a bit of chub to her ass, while Cadence's is "bony".
  4172. >Unfortunately, in a million to one chance, the two sisters-in-law were having a family day, and overheard.
  4173. >Anon is confused why Twilight takes up running one day, and why Cadence is now frequently seen at Hayburger's, gorging.
  4174. >And why they try to show their flanks off more.
  4175. >MaresAndValidation.scroll
  4176.  
  4177.  
  4178.  
  4179.  
  4180.  
  4181. >>Twilight is basically the one confirmed pony to want it
  4182.  
  4183. >The Sparkles are minor nobles.
  4184. >Twilight always resented her stuffy and restricted upbringing, but she played along to not make her family look bad.
  4185. >Even as Celestia's protege, Twilight was still expected to adhere to the noble ways and form a small herd with a stallion of equal standing.
  4186. >In an act of subconscious defiance, Twilight slowly turns into a xenophile and finds herself firmly disinterested with other ponies. 
  4187. >If her family knew about the short relationship she had with a griffin as a teen, they would lose their shit. 
  4188. >Sort of like a highborn son dating a common, non-native woman.
  4189. >Then you, a not-fussy and relatable male of the most exotic sort strolls into town.
  4190. >Twilight was hopelessly smitten after she first talked to you
  4191.  
  4192.  
  4193. >Dating Anon becomes the ultimate rebellious symbol for mares everywhere
  4194. >Paparazzi follow him around for pics to include in teen magazines
  4195. >Anon doesn't know about it because they all know the rules: don't tell Anon and seduce him on your own terms, or this good thing they got going will be done for
  4196. >Anon belatedly notices the uptick in emo teenage pones in ponyville
  4197. >Each one coming on to him in different ways, he thinks
  4198. >Not just emopones, though, some buff mares have been hitting on him, some thin mares, all types really
  4199.  
  4200.  
  4201.  
  4202.  
  4203.  
  4204.  
  4205. >You've been dating Rainbow for awhile, and both of you are happy in your monogamous relationship.
  4206. >Rainbow's father is killed in a horrific accident, leaving her mother Windy Whistles a wreck of a widow. The lovey mare and her husband were mono as well.
  4207. >Of course, Rainbow will not have her mom suffer alone, so Windy's invited to live with you and Rainbow until she can get back on her hooves.
  4208. >You obviously have nothing against it. This is your mare's nearly broken mom after all. 
  4209. >Days turn to weeks, and Windy still isn't getting better. Being around her daughter and you has eased her pain a bit, but she's still got nothing but a cold and empty home in Cloudsdale to return to. The usually peppy mare's loneliness and depression is driving Rainbow mad.
  4210. >Windy just can't function without something to love.
  4211. >But then, Rainbow hatches a wild idea, so wild it might just work. She not totally over her father's death herself, but needs to do this for her mom.
  4212. >The day that Rainbow comes to you, her face determined, and asks you to form a herd with her and her own mother is the most shocking one of your life
  4213.  
  4214.  
  4215.  
  4216.  
  4217.  
  4218.  
  4219.  
  4220. >Anon doesn't realise he's a noble, even a minor one.
  4221. >When he finally catches on, he's like "huh. Okay."
  4222. >Drives the aristocracy of Equestria nuts: titles are a precious thing, not handed out like confetti, and those chosen are often considered the creme-de-la-creme, no matter their species or origin, due to the Princesses' "vetting process" (which doesn't mean fuck al to them in reality, kek).
  4223. >Anon secretly amuses the Princesses with his not acting like a stallion, a noble, and winding up the upper-crust
  4224.  
  4225.  
  4226.  
  4227.  
  4228.  
  4229.  
  4230.  
  4231.  
  4232. >Anon is butt-ugly to ponies.
  4233. >He's still a male, though.
  4234. >However, when it's learned by the mares of Equestria that he feels the same way about them, they feel offended.
  4235. >"Eh, I don't find you ponies attractive. Your eyes can be creepy; you're stubby and oddly-proportioned from my perspective, with chubby bellies, and even the supposedly most "beautiful" mares look like they've overdosed on something we had back home called "Botox"."
  4236. >Hypocrites.
  4237. >They're reluctant to being it up though because male
  4238.  
  4239.  
  4240.  
  4241.  
  4242.  
  4243.  
  4244. >Anon and Flutters, being the betas they are, are both crushing on each other, oblivious to the other having a more than platonic interest in them, and neither can work up the nerve to make a blatant move.
  4245. >Both of them just drop tiny easily dismissed hints of interest, and hang out as much as they can get away with.
  4246. >Ponies are less into personal space than humans, so friends snuggling up isn't anything abnormal.
  4247. >If anyone teases them about being a couple, they just stammer, turn red, and quietly deny it. More so if they are actually together when somebody says it.
  4248.  
  4249.  
  4250.  
  4251.  
  4252.  
  4253.  
  4254.  
  4255.  
  4256. >"AAAANOOON! GET UP HERE! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!"
  4257. >You are Anon and your Marefriend Rainbow Dash is yelling at you from the upstairs of her cloud house
  4258. >You were having a nice day relaxing and reading Daring Do to each other on the couch when Rainbow excused herself to the toilet
  4259. >You had just sat there waiting for her, daydreaming about how the fuck you would get down from this deathtrap if Rainbow wasn't here when she started yelling
  4260. "Coming Skittles!"
  4261. >"GOOD.... AND DON'T CALL ME THAT."
  4262. >Sniggering your way up the cloudstairs you find RD standing in the doorway to the cloudbathroom
  4263. >"Anon! Take a look... at THIS!" she says, while gesturing at the toilet
  4264. >...
  4265. "What is wrong with you Rainbow?"
  4266. >"No, seriously, take a look at it. That's like, the biggest dump any pony has ever taken. We need to get Twilight up here as an authority, I think I broke a world record!"
  4267. >She hoof pumps as she says world record
  4268. >Eyebrow raised, you step through the doorway and have a look inside the toilet
  4269. >Oh wow
  4270. "That's a fucking giant shit."
  4271. >"I KNOW RIGHT!"
  4272. "I don't think I've ever taken a shit that big, and I'm twice your size."
  4273. >"Well of course not. Stallions don't poop."
  4274. >You don't even want to know if she's serious
  4275. "How did this even come out of you?"
  4276. >"It slipped out the back entrance while I wasn't looking."
  4277. "Oh fuck you Rainbow that jokes terrible."
  4278. >"you loved it."
  4279. >RGRE Rainbow is a fun waifu
  4280.  
  4281.  
  4282.  
  4283.  
  4284. >These 3 coltish sisters insist that they're a package deal.
  4285. >They're also high maintenance compared to other mares.
  4286. >To nearly any stallion, taking them is a supremely shitty deal.
  4287. >But to you, it's three free and very thirsty waifus who need far less maintenance than a woman and promise to provide for you. 
  4288. >It's like hitting the lottery. 
  4289. >So why do all your stallion friends keep going on and on about how awful you must have it?
  4290.  
  4291.  
  4292.  
  4293.  
  4294.  
  4295.  
  4296. Anon trolls the hell out of twilight with piss poor grammar, then he starts to troll her with what he says, emphasizing words till twilight realized he is thinking the wrong word when talking, think your and you're. This gets under her skin so hard she damn near has an aneurysm
  4297.  
  4298.  
  4299.  
  4300.  
  4301. >New expansion pack for 'Planet of Ponycraft' is released
  4302. >New race is green-skinned humanoids, similar in shape to an existing and long-time creative director for the game
  4303. >All male
  4304. >PoP, a game with the unfortunate reputation of being purely for basement dwellers already, becomes even more ripe for public mockery 
  4305. >Fans of the series are wary about the new expansion for this and other reasons
  4306. >Refer to it as the 'husbando simulator' Expac leading up to and after release
  4307. >Update drops
  4308. >Players are pleasantly surprised
  4309. >The last few expacs have been rather shaky in areas, but the current build offers interesting new dungeons with a new, reasonable gearing system
  4310. >All classes are touched up and brought closer to each other in balance then they have been in years
  4311. >One class in particular, one that never gets any love, is almost completely overhauled into something new and exciting and functions well at launch with few-to-no experience-ruining bugs
  4312. >You know the one
  4313. >Yeah, that one
  4314. >Not everyone likes the gender lock on the new race, but few of them can resist the fresh eye-candy
  4315. >Overworld is flooded with green humanoids for weeks after release
  4316. >Scant armor barely covers anything; large, occasionally bejeweled codpieces
  4317. >Player numbers increase gradually improve
  4318. >"I didn't really play it or like it that much" 
  4319. >"9/10 --PGN" 
  4320. >Stallionists screech 'SEXISM' loudly and are largely ignored
  4321. >The porn scene for PoP explodes back into relevance 
  4322. >Tuftbeards at critical mass
  4323. >'eh pretty gay i guess' End
  4324.  
  4325. >When the expansion was in early development they thought to address the 'all male' thing to avoid claims of pandering.
  4326. >Their solution was to make females for the race.
  4327. >By, of course, making the females bigger and more monstrous than the husbando males
  4328.  
  4329.  
  4330.  
  4331.  
  4332.  
  4333.  
  4334. Imagine magic in Equestria as the ability to shape the world according to your desires.
  4335. The more you believe that your vision of the world is true, the more you are able to change the world around you.
  4336. That would explain why the insane Discord is able to change it so much.
  4337. >Enter Anon as a child.
  4338. >As a child, growing up and dying are not real to him.
  4339. >Thus, Anon is immortal, unable to grow up, staying a child forever.
  4340. >When his friends start passing on he is unable to do the adult thing and move on.
  4341. >As time passes, rather than lose his memories, he is able to remember everything without flaw.
  4342. >One last death and he can no longer take it, running away.
  4343. >A few centuries later, Twilight and the mane 6 are called on for a friendship lesson.
  4344. >They find a strange city.
  4345. >Every day, everypony does the same things.
  4346. >Every day is the same as yesterday.
  4347. >It is almost as if time never passes in the town.
  4348. >The names and faces of some ponies in the town are also identical to famous ponies in the past.
  4349. >It's an idyllic town, and looks almost like a historical reenactment.
  4350. >The only one that stands out is a young monkey, who lives in a small house with his adoptive parents.
  4351. >He claims to know nothing about the town being weird and insists that everything is fine.
  4352. >He throws temper tantrums when they point out something weird.
  4353. >And then all the ponies around town will drop everything that they are doing to comfort and reassure him.
  4354. >And everything will go back to the way it was.
  4355. >How should the M6 go about this problem?
  4356.  
  4357.  
  4358.  
  4359.  
  4360.  
  4361.  
  4362. >Anon goes for a walk around Ponyville
  4363. >Decides to whistle a little tune to keep himself occupied
  4364. >Tune varies in pitch, tone and rhythm as he varies up the songs he whistles
  4365. >Pegasi mares get varying signals from "I will kill you! your children! and your grandchildren if you touch my birdbath!" to "I want sum fuk"
  4366. >Stallions never straight up just ask for sex, you have to do so many loops and tricks it'd put a Wonderbolt to shame
  4367. >They certainly can't pass this up
  4368. >But what was that about "pancakes on the roof" and the fact he'd kill us?
  4369. >It must be like those Japaneighse animes which they totally don't watch
  4370. >Pegasi mare after pegasi mare goes up behind Anon each one interrupted from their attempt to get his attention by the next
  4371. >They get interrupted so quickly they don't even get a sound out 
  4372. >As more join behind him the more nervous and awkward they feel about the whole thing
  4373. >One of two things will happen next
  4374. >Either Anon will be tackled by a swarm of every single pegasus mare and some married ones tooand carried off to a nice secluded cloud for an hour or 48
  4375. >Or a trail of unconscious pegasi will be left in Anonymous' wake
  4376. >The innocent pure stallion none the wiser as the pegasi fight as quietly as possible, since those sensitive, sweet colts hate fighting right?
  4377.  
  4378.  
  4379.  
  4380.  
  4381.  
  4382.  
  4383. >Mares realize that Anon's average-sized penis is literally too big to fit inside of them
  4384. >Work hard to stretch themselves out for him
  4385. >A mare saying "he was too big to fit inside" is like a man saying "my penis was too small to penetrate"
  4386. >Rainbow Dash is especially smol, and Anon can just barely finger her
  4387.  
  4388.  
  4389.  
  4390.  
  4391. >Anon is pretty much RGRE ditzy bimbo, unknowingly and innocently teasing a bunch thirsty mares.
  4392. >RD has nearly cracked and spilled her spaghetti, but he's just too innocent!
  4393.  
  4394. >AJ wants to tell him to stop slutting it up all the time, but that earnest look he gets on his face every morning when he greets her convinces her that he'd break if he ever found out how shameful his behaviour is
  4395. >Pinkie wonders out loud if Anon is actually aware of how he's acting, but gets shot down by all her friends
  4396. >"There's no way colts think about sex as much as a mare does."
  4397.  
  4398.  
  4399.  
  4400.  
  4401.  
  4402. "So, nice weather we're having right?"
  4403. >"Mhm"
  4404. >Be Celestia
  4405. >A very, very nervous Celestia.
  4406. >Why were you so nervous?
  4407. >Because you embarrassed yourself the day before while spending time with him.
  4408. >Getting your mack on and trying to seduce the colt. Stuff like that.
  4409. >At least, you tried until a rather large spider landed on him after passing under a tree.
  4410. >Being the smooth marely mare you were, you tried to swat it just before Anon noticed and freaked out.
  4411. >Until it jumped onto your wing that is.
  4412. >You couldn't help it, but you freaked right the buck out as the little shit started scurrying around on your back.
  4413. >You were ready to cover yourself in ethereal fire to incinerate the thing, but a very amused Anon just reached over and PICKED IT UP.
  4414. >WITH HIS WIGGLERS.
  4415. >AND THAT BUCKER WAS LAUGHING.
  4416. >Involuntary shivers overtook you as the two of you walked through the gardens.
  4417. >You made sure that there were no spiders anywhere to ruin this opportunity.
  4418. >Grinnig, you looked over to Anon and opened your mouth to lay on the pickup line Luna told you.
  4419. >Right as Anon grinned himself.
  4420. >And opened his mouth.
  4421. >You presumed that words would come out, preferrably words such as "I love you" or "want to go out?"
  4422. >Nope.
  4423. >It was a spider that came out.
  4424. >A BUCKING HUGEASS SPIDER THAT CRAWLED OUT OF HIS MOUTH AND ONTO HIS FACE.
  4425. >You swear the denizens of the faraway Minotaur kingdom could have heard your yell.
  4426. >You also reckon that the gardeners will kill you later on for the crater you left behind in your haste to get away from the eight legged freak.
  4427.  
  4428. >You are Anon and goddamn, that was the best fucking reaction that you could hope for.
  4429. >Thank you spiderbro for being cool with hiding in your mouth
  4430.  
  4431.  
  4432.  
  4433.  
  4434.  
  4435. >You and Luna are together.
  4436. >Luna changes herself to match how you dream of her.
  4437. >She ends up as OGR feminine and voluptuous as a pony can be. Wide hips, curvy body, delicate features, full teats, the works. 
  4438. >Despite most ponies finding her appearance odd, it still invokes hastily suppressed erections from even the biggest stallion prudes and mysteriously intense envy from mares.
  4439. >That's what gave you the first clue that the reverse gender roles of Equestria might be artificial, if there are still unconscious reactions like that. 
  4440. >But that still leaves the question as to why?
  4441.  
  4442.  
  4443. >Luna passes a mare and a stallion guard in the castle after her "makeover"
  4444. >Stallion guard has his legs crossed as he hides his throbing erection. He's horrified that "mount the colty princess" is dominating his thoughts.
  4445. >Is... Is he gay?
  4446. >The mare guard unconsciously puffs up her tuft in an intimidation display as Luna walks by, but no one notices thanks to her armor.
  4447. >She stops a second later and hopes to horsegod that no one saw that. Puffing up at a princess? That's a one way ticket to a court marshall
  4448.  
  4449.  
  4450.  
  4451.  
  4452.  
  4453.  
  4454.  
  4455. >Anon works 10h/day to pay for the house
  4456. >At morning he milk AJ cows
  4457. >At noon he working at local roe store, releasing egg masses of some seaponies and other nautical nightmares.
  4458. >At evening he works in silk production, his job is to ensure that spiderpone produces 80 meters of silk thread, no matter how sore her spinner-web is.
  4459.  
  4460. After the job he is approached by spiderpone, she says that if he would go on a date with her she will give him big-ass chunk of chimera leg.
  4461. >Anon brightens up, FINALLY MEAT!
  4462. >He goes on a date with her
  4463. >She gives him "meat"
  4464. >They rut, they sleep
  4465. >anon wakes up alone in the morning
  4466. >decides to check out his "prize" in the fridge
  4467. >of course it is wrapped in web
  4468. when anon tries to unwrap "meat" turned out that it just some rocks and sticks wrapped in web
  4469.  
  4470. >Anon milks her extra hard at work now, not showing her mercy.
  4471. >She will beg for it, but no matter how sensitive her spinneret gets after she ejects web fluid, he ignores her and keeps going.
  4472. >She now passes out multiple times a day during work from the orgasms
  4473.  
  4474.  
  4475.  
  4476.  
  4477.  
  4478.  
  4479. >Carrying Celestia over your shoulder has made you kinda thirsty.
  4480. >Luckily you've got a pair of alicorn teats right here.
  4481. >Shift her further up your shoulder and dip a head under your hindleg.
  4482. >Even thousands of years worth of life didn't stop the colty squeak that came from Celestia when a pair of lips latched onto her nipple. 
  4483. >Out in public.
  4484.  
  4485.  
  4486.  
  4487.  
  4488.  
  4489.  
  4490. >Nightmare Moon smiles warmly to you as you eat your healthy, balanced breakfast
  4491. >"I see that you have hastily finished your glass of milk."
  4492. >You nod happily, mouth full of Moon Flakes.
  4493. >"Would you care for some more, husband?"
  4494. >Holding out your glass, the moon queen retrieves the pitcher of milk and refills it for you, still smiling.
  4495. >"Do you enjoy it? I made it myself."
  4496. >You freeze as the words register, but after a moment, your regular movements resume.
  4497. >You can't seem to break eye contact as the creamy fluid travels down your throat
  4498. >Her fluid
  4499. >...
  4500. >She has such a nice smile
  4501.  
  4502.  
  4503.  
  4504.  
  4505.  
  4506.  
  4507. >Anon walks into the Day Court. 
  4508. >Just walks right up to Celestia and hefts her up onto his shoulder, giving her plot a quick rub in the process
  4509. >"Comfy up there?"
  4510. >Walks out telling everyone, "I'm borrowing her for a while."
  4511.  
  4512. >You are Celly belly
  4513. >Today is much more interesting than you thought it was going to be.
  4514. >Being draped over a bipeds shoulder as you were, you had a magnificent view of his flank
  4515. >And you could stare at it all you wanted, and he wouldn't even know!
  4516.  
  4517. >A Stallion had *never* done this before.
  4518. >Sure a male villain or three had abducted you, or attempted to anyway, but they'd never asked you about what you'd like for lunch when they did.
  4519. >Never told you they had a nice spot picked out for a picnic
  4520. >And certainly never rubbed your plot with lewd intentions.
  4521. >It was a well known fact that male villains were all prudes and weren't interested in getting any.
  4522. >Discord was the only exception you could recall. A prude he was not. He took great joy in trying to embarrass anyone and everyone with his antics in the past. But he was only interested in 'wild mares' who had a tenuous grasp on reality. Neither you nor your sister had ever been in his strike zone
  4523.  
  4524.  
  4525.  
  4526.  
  4527. >A group of drunk, rowdy mares will never convince you to follow them home, where they proceed to fuck you until you can't feel your legs
  4528. >The next morning, you will never reassure some upset tiny baby poners that they did -not- rape you and that you are -not- going to go to the police
  4529.  
  4530.  
  4531.  
  4532.  
  4533.  
  4534.  
  4535.  
  4536. >Go to a family dinner with Twilight because she wants to show off to her parents that she's no longer turbo pathetic for being a lonely virgin as a princess.
  4537. >Everything goes well.
  4538. >Too well.
  4539. >Time to ruin it.
  4540. >Slip a hand under Twilight's lusciously thicc rear.
  4541. >No one is sure why she squeaked or suddenly started sweating bullets.
  4542. >But you and her know.
  4543. >The good ol' two in the pink, one in the stink
  4544.  
  4545.  
  4546.  
  4547.  
  4548.  
  4549.  
  4550. >Being cradled by a slightly larger being causes a mild soperific effect in ponies.
  4551. >It's thought to be instinctive reaction dating all the way to pre-tribal days, toensures parent and foal develop a healthy bond and to help orphaned foals quickly assimilate to a new family.
  4552. >Anon just so happens to be the correct proportions for most ponies to be effected when picked up by him.
  4553. >As it makes him the ultimate snuggle buddy, nopony seems to mind.
  4554. >Months later, half of equestria subconsciously regards Anon as one of their parents.
  4555. >Go to him with their problems, listen to his advice, almost start a crusade when a gryphon accidently scratches him, crawl into his bed when they wake up from a nightmare before luna can arrive, etc.
  4556. >Anon's surprisingly okay with being the kingdom's collecive dadmom, citing that ponies are for "hug" and not "fug".
  4557.  
  4558.  
  4559.  
  4560. > Celestia and Luna get some seriously mixed signals
  4561. > On one hoof, he is a stallion of their stature with phenomenal patience and caring for the little ponies
  4562. > There's a sense of common cause, of a certain kinship
  4563. > Celestia is still taller than him, and begins to think of him as a cute, reliable younger brother
  4564. > Luna is slightly shorter, and begins to think of him as an admirable older brother
  4565. > One summer day, they join him and other ponies for a holiday on the beach
  4566. > They were not prepared for the sheer muscular definition he was hiding under his clothes
  4567. > The little ponies are unaffected, because Anon is projecting some serious dad aura
  4568. > Hawaiian shorts and a smudge of sunscreen across his nose the little ponies are too short to reach
  4569. > The royal sisters don't know where to look
  4570. > My Little/Older Brother Can't Be This Hot
  4571. > Meanwhile, Anon gets worried because the princesses can't seem to relax, even when they are supposed to be on vacation
  4572.  
  4573.  
  4574.  
  4575.  
  4576.  
  4577.  
  4578.  
  4579. >Ponies were pretty cool with your wanderlust, at first.
  4580. >You were bigger than them, and only an annoying few didn't understand you were different.
  4581. >That was, until you came down with a debilitating fever, jaundice, and naseau.
  4582. >It turned out ticks were your most common foe in the Everfree.
  4583. >Because of course they'd have them here too.
  4584. >This time they lost the battle, but won the war.
  4585. >One of them gave you a long thought dead disease.
  4586. >This was thanks to you not having adaptions ponies developed to combat it.
  4587. >Since then, everyone in town treated you like a delicate waif.
  4588. >It was one thing to deal with a few white knights, but you couldn't boop the whole town! 
  4589. >Sexism wasn't something you could just brush off with everyone against you.
  4590. >You hated how smug and relieved Twilight acted after ponies "finally started listening".
  4591. >Ridiculous!
  4592. >You've come back with bruises and worse without complaints.
  4593. >You got one life-threatening disease, and everyone thought you were made of glass.
  4594. >Sure, you nearly died ...and your friends had to go on a big, stupid quest to cure it, but aside from that!
  4595. >It didn't give them the right to gang up and stop you every time you tried to sneak out into the Everfree.
  4596. >The outdoors were your passion!
  4597. >You tried telling Dash how it was like being unable to fly -- that it was killing you, but you ended up having to explain to the panicked pegasus that it was only figuratively doing so. 
  4598. >You just wanted things to go back to the way they were.
  4599. >But how?
  4600. >You'd have to prove yourself in some crisis and save your friends at this point.
  4601. >Too bad there hasn't even been a stray monster since this whole fiasco. 
  4602. >Surely the friendship map would go off?
  4603. >Not a single blip from it in six months.
  4604. >It didn't even give hint that this was putting a strain on your friendships. 
  4605. >Fine.
  4606. >If you couldn't find a crisis; you'd make one.
  4607. >You grinned with mischief on the mind, and slathered a chunk of your fish into the large pool of ketchup on your plate.
  4608.  
  4609.  
  4610.  
  4611.  
  4612.  
  4613.  
  4614. >Anon's human love is like heroin to Changelings
  4615. >Chrissie is hooked through the bag on it
  4616. >She's ashamed of her weakness and being brought so low by her addiction to Anon, it's just not marely, dammit! 
  4617. >Their weird relationship has her going away for days at a time to try to kick her habit, and then coming back desperate and begging for her fix
  4618.  
  4619.  
  4620.  
  4621.  
  4622.  
  4623.  
  4624.  
  4625. >You are NMM
  4626. >You were mid speech when this delightful specimen of masculinity walked right up to you on those oh so long legs of his
  4627. >You couldn't sense a trace of fear on him
  4628. >He had a strange look upon his flat face
  4629. >One you had not seen directed at you in so long, that you found yourself doubting that you were truly in the waking world
  4630. >It was only his words that prevented you from sinking into a sudden panic at the thought that your freedom was an illusion, that you were still trapped within your prison.
  4631.  
  4632. "Take me with you, my beautiful Queen."
  4633.  
  4634. >All thoughts came to a sudden halt
  4635. >You would have worried about having a silly look on your face, but your brain was too busy rebooting to think about that.
  4636. >It was a command and a desperate plea in one.
  4637. >You couldn't have imagined that flirting tone underlying it all.
  4638. >Whatever you were saying suddenly seemed so unimportant
  4639.  
  4640. >You are random background pone
  4641. >And your night just got even weirder than it already was
  4642. >The scary mare just froze in place for a bit midsentence, then turned herself and Anon into a glowy sparkly shadow cloud thing and zoomed off towards the Everfree.
  4643. >Everypony is freaking out.
  4644. >You have decided you are going to bed, and hoping everything is normal when you wake up
  4645.  
  4646.  
  4647.  
  4648.  
  4649.  
  4650.  
  4651. The princesses are literally perfect. I wouldn't want anyone but one of them if I made it to Equestria and I'd probably die sad and alone because of it.
  4652. I'm now thinking of a scenario where a pony you friendzoned understands this, ans so she works extremely hard until she ascends to princesshood in an attempt to win you over.
  4653. >mare you passed on comes to your house one morning and knocks on your door
  4654. >open it to see she's as tall as Luna now, with wings and horn
  4655. >shyly asks if she's good enough for you yet
  4656.  
  4657.  
  4658.  
  4659.  
  4660.  
  4661.  
  4662.  
  4663.  
  4664. >Be Anon
  4665. >Its been almost a year since Nightmare Moon took over Equestria
  4666. >Things were great
  4667. >Well they were for you at least
  4668. >She found you in Ponyville and immediately claimed you
  4669. >Something about "breeding hips"
  4670. >First she treated you like a whore which was both good and bad
  4671. >Eventually she fell for you and declared you "Prince Consort"
  4672. >You would be lying if you said you didn't enjoy the title
  4673. >And when she moans "My Prince!" into your ear during sex?
  4674. >Fucking diamonds in your pants
  4675. >Usually after a day of hard fucking you two wake up together cuddling
  4676. >Which is strange why you are alone in your bed today
  4677. >Getting out of bed you go to the main chambers of your shared bedroom and find a purple mare standing in the middle of the room
  4678. >She is draped in silk and wearing the symbol of NMM on her chest
  4679. >She looks up from the ground as you walk in and eyes you nervously
  4680. "Uh...what are you doing in here?"
  4681. >She ducks her head and her horn lights up slightly
  4682. >The magic seems to sputter for a moment before you see it envelop a letter on the nearby table
  4683. >It gently floats over to you
  4684. >You grab it out of the the air and notice it has NMM's seal
  4685. >Cracking the seal you quickly unfold the letter and begin reading
  4686. "My dearest Anon,
  4687.  
  4688. I am sorry to say that duty pulls me from you. It seems the griffons refuse to accept that the era of my sisters oppression is over. They continue to resist and harass my soldiers. So I have decided to personally see that they understand their new place in this world. I fear that this task my take me several weeks as these cowards flee rather than fight and die like I had hoped. 
  4689.  
  4690. As such I am worried that without me to hold you that you might find yourself lonely in my absence. So to keep you entertained I leave to you one of my personal toys to amuse yourself with. Try not to damage her too badly as I am hoping to show you all of the wonderful tricks I have taught her when I return.
  4691.  
  4692. With deepest love, Nightmare Moon"
  4693.  
  4694.  
  4695.  
  4696.  
  4697.  
  4698.  
  4699.  
  4700. >> Granny Smith thinks Anon is a tree
  4701. >Anon takes a nap on a convenient park bench
  4702. >wakes up with his legs buried up to the knee, surrounded by bountiful offerings of manure and fish meal and curious ponies
  4703. Granny Smith: "Oh great spirit! Please bless us with your fertility, and increase our harvest with my granddaughter Applejack's virginal blood! Plow her deeply and fully, planting in her womb the essence of your fecundity; and if ye should be moved by coltish whimsy, please let her try the butt stuff. She's really into that, oh spirit of the bud and the branch. I'm not trying to pressure you; it'd just be nice to be able to eat carrots and other such vegetables and tubers again. I swear, she'll stick just any old thing up there. Takes after her ma, she does. Why, I remember my old marble rolling pin-"
  4704. >they say that on moonless nights you can still hear AJ screaming
  4705.  
  4706.  
  4707.  
  4708.  
  4709.  
  4710.  
  4711.  
  4712.  
  4713. >Anon's stallion friends whine and moan until he joins them for a "colt's night out"
  4714. >Tries not to feel distinctly uncomfortable as they all lounge around in their horsepajamas and watch [a punny horse version of the term 'chick flicks']
  4715. >Keeps seeing movement out of the corner of his eye, particularly where the windows are
  4716. >Catches sight of a rainbow tail darting out of sight and figures out that mares are spying on an all-colt sleepover
  4717. >Anon's watched enough of my Japanese animes to know what they expect to happen, and goes out of his way to keep things as unlewd as possible
  4718. >Rejects the offer to play drunken twister
  4719. >Rejects to join in on the stallions showing off their newest "cute" testicle bras
  4720. >The only time he even touches one of the stallions is to rub his belly because he ate too much junk food and was feeling sick (he cheated on his diet and his body was not ready for the intake of carbs and sugars)
  4721. >Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash and a few other pegasi are in shock at just how l-lewd a stallion can possibly be
  4722. >"C-Colt on colt belly rubs!?"
  4723.  
  4724.  
  4725.  
  4726.  
  4727.  
  4728.  
  4729. >tfw there's practically no female nudity taboo in RRGEqG
  4730. >the bare minimum is something to cover the pussy so males don't feel threatened
  4731. >Pussies are the symbol of female oppression in RGREEQG to the stallionists
  4732. >the symbolism is everywhere
  4733. >hotdogs have a little slit in the middle
  4734. >cars have v shaped grills
  4735. >building are wider than they are tall
  4736. >Anon can't figure out why he always has a craving for tuna 
  4737. >Plot twist: Anon knows why he has this boner, and it's the world that doesn't notice
  4738. When it gets particularly hot in the summer some girls take their top off. They don't understand why anon keeps staring at them with a drooly mouth
  4739.  
  4740. >Anon and the humane 7 are hanging out at Rarity's private beach
  4741. >You're chilling under the umbrella while the girls set up volleyball
  4742. >Dash asks you to play to make the teams even
  4743. >You joke.
  4744. "Sure, my team's shirts, your teams skins"
  4745. >Dash, Scilight, AJ, and Pinkie pop their tops off without a second thought, exposing their wonderfully perky A and B cups to you
  4746. >It's GLORIOUS
  4747. >Then you look over at your team. >Sunset, Rarara, and Flutteryshy's shirts are straining to contain their C+ melons
  4748. >What could have been?!
  4749.  
  4750.  
  4751.  
  4752. It could even go the other way.
  4753.  
  4754. >Dash just asked you to play some beach volleyball.
  4755. >Why not, might be fun.
  4756. "Sure, whose side am I on?"
  4757. >You ask while standing up and stretching.
  4758. >" You can be on Sunset's team."
  4759. >She points to the side with the previously mentioned bacon haired girl, Fluttershy, and Rarity.
  4760. >You nod and walk to your side of the net while continuing to stretch and warm up.
  4761. >Once everyone is on there sides Dash clears her throat.
  4762. >"Y-You know... We should do something like shirts and skins so we can tell our teams apart. Hey Anon, how bout your team be skins?"
  4763. >"Rainbow Dash!"
  4764. >Fluttershy scolds her friend with the tone you've heard a mother telling a child in that 'ya done fucked up' voice.
  4765. >"Heh-heh... j-just kidding Anon."
  4766. >She quickly apologizes.
  4767. >You however shrug and grab the bottom of your shirt and start to pull it up and over your head and throw it outside the net area.
  4768. >Time seems to slow down and you can feel everyone's eyes on you.
  4769. " So we serve first or what?"
  4770. >You pick up the ball and look at them.
  4771. >They quickly move their glances away from your chest like a guy who was caught looking at a girl's breasts back home would do.
  4772. >Not that you ever did that, you always kept looking.
  4773. >"Can I switch sides?"
  4774. >You hear Pinkie say as the rest of your team starts to pull their tops off.
  4775. >It's going to be a good day.
  4776.  
  4777.  
  4778.  
  4779.  
  4780.  
  4781.  
  4782.  
  4783.  
  4784. >At the edge of the Everfree, there stands a monument.
  4785. >Each Anon felt compelled to contribute to it in some manner. To commemorate the sacrifice that made everything possible.
  4786. >To remember the Anon who gave everything, to make their dreams reality.
  4787.  
  4788. >Discord thought the mismatched eyesore was a thing of beauty, but he also thought it a little strange that someone other than him would create such a thing.
  4789. >So he asked them about it.
  4790.  
  4791. "He'd understand"
  4792. "He was an autist. We're autists"
  4793. "It was inevitable."
  4794. "It's what he would have wanted."
  4795. "If there's justice in the multiverse, he's got his own waifu wherever he is."
  4796.  
  4797.  
  4798.  
  4799.  
  4800.  
  4801.  
  4802.  
  4803. >The Princess of Love has a kissless virgin teenage daughter.
  4804. >It's quite embarrassing that Flurry rarely leaves her chambers -- reputation scarring even. 
  4805. >She's holed up all for that Hyperspace Hyperwars stuff.
  4806. >Not only that, but Shining is still using those good filly points that they came up with when she was three!
  4807. >That's where you come in.
  4808. >Cadence figures she just needs a push.
  4809. >Just a little something to jumpstart her love life.
  4810. >So she's paying you a hefty sum to be Flurry Heart's boyfriend.
  4811. >After all, you were childhood friends so the princess is probably banking on her daughter trusting your feigned sincerity. >And probably because you're not going to immediately regard her as an irredeemable creep for needing a pretend boyfriend.
  4812.  
  4813.  
  4814.  
  4815.  
  4816.  
  4817.  
  4818. >You will never have one of the mane 6 as a marefriend
  4819. >You will never be dragged into conflicts with the mane 6 simply by being associated with them
  4820. >Wrong place at the wrong time, that sort of thing
  4821. >Your marefriend will never feel horrible for being, in her mind, responsible for you getting hurt on these adventures
  4822. >You will never point out that she and her friends get more banged up than you do
  4823. >Your marefriend will never brush off her injuries and focus on your scrapes and bumps
  4824. >"It's a mare's job to look after her stallion, Anon. I don't know how I'd be able to stand it if you got seriously injured because of me."
  4825. >You will never cuddle and comfort her for the sake of her peace of mind
  4826.  
  4827.  
  4828.  
  4829.  
  4830.  
  4831.  
  4832. >Anon gets invited to a sleepover.
  4833. >When he gets there he finds that he's the only guy and the girls are barely wearing anything.
  4834.  
  4835. "steady there old boy, mustn't let them know you're a total slut."
  4836.  
  4837. >You stand there, completely motionless.
  4838. >No sudden movements here; these thirsty students will pounce on you the moment they sense weakness.
  4839. >They're all giving you a look that promises a sore dick and a ruined reputation.
  4840. >....and then reality dawns on you.
  4841. >Horror spreads through your belly like an eldritch creature trying to escape as you remember one very important detail.
  4842. "Oh, no."
  4843. >Sweat drips down the back of your neck and something stirs in your pants.
  4844. "I'm a slut."
  4845. >The girls must have smelled your fear, because each of them adorns a toothy, victorious grin, and they all start to form a circle around you.
  4846. >As one of them starts to play with the hem of her panties, you realize that this house will be your tomb.
  4847. >....your reputation's tomb, anyway
  4848.  
  4849.  
  4850.  
  4851.  
  4852.  
  4853.  
  4854. >Anon wants to experience life on the high seas.
  4855. >Ships are usually crewed by exclusively mares and are thus superstitious about having stallions on board.
  4856. >At the same time being out at sea for months at a time can be lonely, causing some mares crave to the company of the fairer sex.
  4857. >Anon is forced to lie about his gender in order to join the crew of a merchant ship
  4858. >Anon gets found out trading bits for givin a dickin
  4859. >He's not allowed to use swords anymore
  4860. >Captain "takes her share" of Anon, but vows to drop him off at next port
  4861. >They get raided by another ship
  4862. >Boarding party fails to fight off the other crew
  4863. >Anon is now part of the other ship's haul of loot
  4864. >This keeps happening before they can get to port to drop him off
  4865. >Captain Blackbeard is actually the eighth captain he's "served under"
  4866.  
  4867.  
  4868.  
  4869.  
  4870.  
  4871.  
  4872. >Rainbow was previously a kissless virgin fibbing in a hilariously hammy and obvious way about her sexual experience that she thought sounded cool.
  4873. >"Yeah gals I sucked his dick so good that he passed out."
  4874. >Then she starts dating you, and her friends can't tell the fibs from truth.
  4875. >"Yeah gals I don't even have breakfast anymore I just suck a fat load out of my guy. Check it out he rubbed some in my tuft now so now it smells like cock."
  4876.  
  4877.  
  4878.  
  4879.  
  4880.  
  4881.  
  4882.  
  4883. >Foalsit Flurry often because the young alicorn responds well to more strictness than literally "none at all" like her other caretakers often try.
  4884. >And Shiny and Candy pay well too.
  4885. >At some point, you practically become part of their family. 
  4886. >Being around both you and Shining gives Flurry a very skewed view on males.
  4887. >She's got her loving, honest, virtuous and family oriented father. A 1 in 10000 stallion.
  4888. >And she's her strong, prideful, protective, and self-sacrificing foal-sitter (read: 2nd father). A male who is totally unique.
  4889. >Flurry has just got you two and the polite but bland stallion castle staff to base her knowledge of stallions on. 
  4890. >And it's a very enticing thought to her. 
  4891. >When Flurry finally hits her teens and starts dating, she realizes all she knows are lies before her 3rd SNAFU of a date is over. 
  4892. >She's been cheated
  4893.  
  4894. > When Anon's son grows to adulthood, he finds Flurry an embittered, lonely mare
  4895. > He still has fond memories of her
  4896. > And from when he was starting puberty, more than a few sexual fantasies about the mare that used to babysit him
  4897. > Meanwhile, Flurry is worried Anon's wife is going to kill her for laying a hoof on their precious colt
  4898.  
  4899.  
  4900.  
  4901.  
  4902.  
  4903. >Anon somehow convinces twiggles with talk of science, pioneering, and exploring the unknown so close to them
  4904. >Anon volunteers to taste-test the horn emissions of every unicorn in town
  4905. >Argues that he has a wider palette because he's an omnivore
  4906. >Twiggles puts up a sign for volunteers
  4907. >Castle is surrounded the next day by the entire unicorn population of ponyville and surrounding towns
  4908. >[Anon's hand-rubbing intensifies].jpg
  4909.  
  4910.  
  4911.  
  4912.  
  4913.  
  4914.  
  4915. >Anon is forced to be a school teacher add the only job he can get, and he gets sexually harassed by the fillies until their sisters/mothers find out and take him out to make it up to him...
  4916.  
  4917.  
  4918. >Anon is able to understand pony language but can never speak it due to human mouth/vocal structure. He is unable to make any meaningful connections with any pony until Vinyl teaches him to make music and she romances the lonely Anon through music. 
  4919.  
  4920.  
  4921. >Anon is seen as an animal by much of equestria and he is given to fluttershy as a new creature to watch after. However, she understands him and vows to keep him safe from the rest of the world. 
  4922.  
  4923.  
  4924. >Anon builds a self sufficient home out on the edge of town but oddly things keep breaking in ways that require him to call AJ over to help fix them... how convenient for her...
  4925.  
  4926.  
  4927. >Anon is seen as an oddity and prized for his strange beauty as a model. Rarity and others seek to use him for money, but fluttershy steps in and gets him out before he becomes a pill addicted runway whore. 
  4928.  
  4929.  
  4930. >Anon finds a cup cake at his front door every morning until one day he catches pinkie red handed. She confesses that it was because "You had said that you thought the design on the frosting was pretty, and I think you're pretty when you're happy. So its a win win!"
  4931.  
  4932.  
  4933. >Pinkie fell for Anon hard, but her crushing self esteem issues mean she would never be able to directly ask him out
  4934. >Her never ending desire to make people happy pushes her towards the lonely and handsome alien despite the almost overwhelming panic that builds when she's near him.
  4935. >She constantly does things in the background to make him happy
  4936. >When its market day before Anon goes out shopping she calls favours/ threatens stall mares to give him discounts and the best of their stock
  4937. >When he eats at restaurants or sees shows she makes sure he gets the best seats at the house
  4938. >His sink breaks, and the town plumber is suddenly free and able to make repairs immediately
  4939. >But Anon still seems sad, and will hide away alone in his house some days
  4940. >Anon has been feeling lonely and been missing home lately
  4941. >Pinkie Pie snaps one day when all her best efforts cant seem to draw out a smile
  4942. >She confronts Anon, demands to know why he's so sad, admits what she's been doing, admits her feelings and just slowly devolves into just begging Anon to let her see him smile again
  4943. >Anon starts to cry and hugs Pinkie
  4944. >When he pulls back though, she sees it, his wonderful smile
  4945. >Pinkie swears to protect that smile
  4946.  
  4947.  
  4948.  
  4949.  
  4950. >Fluttershy found her opposite sex alien doppleganger
  4951. >It must be destiny
  4952.  
  4953. >They try to court each other by acting "alpha", because they assume a shy mare/man will scare them off. 
  4954. >It's the most painful and awkward thing to watch imaginable
  4955.  
  4956. >After they finally manage to get together, they are stuck with the most vanilla sex life imaginable
  4957. >Both of them are humongous perverts with many kinks in common
  4958. >But they don't know that, and neither is willing to be the first one to ask for more
  4959. >The extent of their discussion of sexuality basically started and ended at what position would even work properly
  4960.  
  4961. >"Oh, no."
  4962. >Fluttershy tucks her tail in between her hind legs and looks around nervously.
  4963. >"What if he finds out I'm a super-lewd mare?"
  4964.  
  4965.  
  4966.  
  4967.  
  4968.  
  4969.  
  4970. >You are Anon, and you just got "caught" by the guards.
  4971. >You just performed the most heinous crime of stealing one single apple (which sells for a grand total of one bit), and now the guards are on your ass.
  4972. >As per usual, they're all mares.
  4973. >Perfect.
  4974. >You back up deeper and deeper into the dead-end alleyway you purposefully went into, putting on your best shocked expression as the guards slowly approach you.
  4975. >There's even an L-curve right near the end, so ANYTHING could happen back there and nopody would EVER find out.
  4976. "Oh, no!"
  4977. >You lay it on THICK.
  4978. >like your dick, get it?
  4979. >D-do you get it?
  4980. >Being as "distraught" as you are, you drop the apple and bring your hands to your face.
  4981. "I've been caught!"
  4982. >One of the guards breaks away from the others and walks towards you.
  4983. >"Sir, please come with us."
  4984. >Your lip trembles and you do your best not to pop a stiffie too soon.
  4985. "A-Am I in trouble, officer?"
  4986. >The mare, unmoved by your shitty porno-acting (seriously, all you need is a black leather couch to sit on), nods her head.
  4987. >"You are under arrest for thievery, sir. I'd like you to come with us to the station."
  4988. >You start playing with the hem of your shirt, twisting and teasing the material with your fingers and lifting it up just enough to reveal a bit of your stomach.
  4989. "Under arrest? The station? Oh, but officer!"
  4990. >You go down onto your knees so that you're at eye-level with this little cutie-patootie.
  4991. "I'd have a criminal record! And then how would a poor stallion like me ever find employment?"
  4992. >You think about your dead childhood pets and are satisfied when you feel a couple of tears forming.
  4993. >You've really gotta sell it!
  4994. "Isn't there anything..."
  4995. >You finally let yourself really think about what is (hopefully) about to happen with you and these mares, and you feel your growing erection pushing at the loose fabric of your shorts.
  4996. >The guard briefly breaks eye-contact and her gaze darts down to your crotch, but only for a second.
  4997. >When she looks back up, she's starting to blush.
  4998. "...I can do to convince you otherwise?"
  4999. >A perverted smile creeps on on the guard's face.
  5000. >"Well, maybe."
  5001. >She gives a sharp whistle, and the other three female guards approach you.
  5002. >The mare in front of you kicks off one of her little booties and caresses your chest.
  5003. >"How badly do you want to go free, sir?"
  5004. >Jackpot.
  5005.  
  5006.  
  5007.  
  5008.  
  5009. >Anon is Rarity's coltfriend
  5010. >Sometimes gets pulled into whatever mane 6 shenanigans they're involved in just by sheer proximity with them
  5011. >Gets scuffed up sometimes, but the mares (especially Rarity) keep him safe from harm
  5012. >Rarity is worried that he's picking up inappropriate behaviour from her friends
  5013. >"He's just a colt! If he keeps running off with us, one day he'll get seriously hurt!"
  5014. >Everyone returns late one night from one such adventure, and Anon is a bit roughed up
  5015. >Agrees to meet with Rarity at her boutique first thing in the morning to put her fears to rest
  5016. >He doesn't show up on time
  5017. >Unknown to Rarity, Anon forgot to set his alarm and slept in
  5018. >Meanwhile, Rarity is beside herself in worry
  5019. >She doesn't know if she should stick around and wait for him to show up, or rush out to find him and risk him arriving at the boutique while she isn't there to help treat his wounds
  5020. >"Stupid, Rarity! Stupid! What in Equestria were you thinking, letting poor Anonymous accompany you!? Oh, it's so easy to forget that he's a colt when he acts like such a tomfilly! He's probably dying in the streets, all alone, and-"
  5021. >Just as she's about to run out the door, Anon walks in
  5022. >Anon is immediately tackled by his sobbing marefriend
  5023.  
  5024.  
  5025.  
  5026.  
  5027.  
  5028.  
  5029. >Be Anon
  5030. >"First we got that damn zigger comin' around now you." she says pointing a hoof at you. " Why don't ya go get a minotaur huh?"
  5031. >You look at Applejack who is hiding behind her hat.
  5032. >"G-Granny, that's not a-"
  5033. >"Ah don't care what she is! She ain't getting my grandson." Granny Smith says not letting Applejack finish.
  5034. >You think about correcting her.
  5035. >Then you get a devious idea.
  5036. "To be honest I go after stallions over minotaur male because of their cock."
  5037. >Granny Smith is taken aback.
  5038. >"Y-You what!?" The mare ask surprised by what you said.
  5039. "Yeah, minotaurs just don't have that thick girth that a stallions do."
  5040. >"Anon!" Applejack yelps trying to stop you.
  5041. >It's too late little pone!
  5042. "Oh and their loads! They shoot like a fire hose!"
  5043. >Granny has heard enough.
  5044. >"Now you listen here! You better not come near my grandson! Then again it's not like you could even entice him with this pathetic thing you call a cu-" Granny grabs at what she expected to be a vagina.
  5045. >After giving your balls a few gentle squeezes through your pants she slowly raises her gaze to meet your face.
  5046. >Applejack is as red as a Apple her mouth a gasp.
  5047. >You meanwhile have a smile.
  5048. "Then again, you're quite forward Mrs. Smith."
  5049. >You say in you deepest sultry voice you can muster.
  5050. >The elderly pony passes out.
  5051. >"G-Granny!"
  5052. >You check her pulse.
  5053. "She's alive. See you tomorrow AJ!"
  5054. >You say before happily walking home.
  5055. >Today was a get a five year discount on apples to stay quite kind of day
  5056.  
  5057.  
  5058.  
  5059.  
  5060.  
  5061.  
  5062. >In reality I'd probably get swept off my feet by one of the first few background ponies to hit on me, and I would never want to cheat on her.
  5063. >being on the receiving end of a proper courting would make my kokoro go doki doki.
  5064. >Panic because the idea of all that attention is honestly scary
  5065. Likewise
  5066.  
  5067. >Ponk and Fluttershy are the only ones to realise how insecure you are with affection and that you latched onto the first honest bit of it you recieved like a man dying of thirst.
  5068. >Knows how devestated / suicidal you'll be if the relationship doesnt work out for whatever reason.
  5069. >They work in the background to help you, setting up various hyjinks for you and your mare, making sure you know how much they consider you a friend, etc.
  5070. >Operation "Protect-His-Smile" is a go.
  5071.  
  5072.  
  5073.  
  5074.  
  5075.  
  5076. Tiny Appul wants Tiny Dragon
  5077.  
  5078. >Anon is basically Spike's dad at this point
  5079. >Twiggles finds out that pic related happened
  5080. >Is getting set to start freaking out over at Sweet Apple Acres
  5081. >Anon intervenes, tells her that they're just kids, just wait and see how things go.
  5082. >Spike isn't a helpless colt, he's a mothafuckin' firebreathing dragon.
  5083. >Even if she was a horrible mare, she couldn't actually rape him. He'd have to be willing or filly is gonna have a bad time.
  5084. >And Bloom is a good girl, she wouldn't try that.
  5085.  
  5086.  
  5087.  
  5088.  
  5089.  
  5090. >Anon became a villain
  5091. >He forged an army, and set to work.
  5092.  
  5093. >When Celestia finally confronted him, she asked him why he had done it.
  5094. >She was not prepared for his answer
  5095. >She expected a simple lust for power and glory, like Tirek, Sombra, and Grogar.
  5096. >She hadn't expected him to proclaim that it had been for Love.
  5097. >That he had done it for Her.
  5098.  
  5099. >He was nothing. Nobody. 
  5100. >A stranger in a strange land. 
  5101. >He had no noble titles, no wealth, No lands.
  5102. >Nothing that would give him even the slightest chance with the Princess who had stolen his heart without even knowing it.
  5103.  
  5104. >So he took what scraps of knowledge he knew from the histories of his people and exploited them to become powerful and important enough to stand before her as more than a simple commoner.
  5105. >He sought power, not for its own sake, but for a purpose
  5106. >And he would throw it away without hesitation, if it would get him what he truly desired
  5107.  
  5108.  
  5109.  
  5110.  
  5111. >Celestia is in court one day with her sister when Anon walks past, crossing the room to get to another.
  5112. >Instantly Celestia goes wide-eyed, stiff, and tracks him with her eyes until he exits.
  5113. >Heart-eyes.scroll
  5114. >Asks her sister "who was that".
  5115. >Luna is casual in saying that Anon's a good friend that she frequently hangs out with during her nightly duties.
  5116. >Gets a bad feeling when Celestia practically purrs his name in thought.
  5117. >Anon, now has to deal with wooing attempts from an old-fashioned Celestia.
  5118. >Luna is both amused and embarrassed by her behaviour
  5119.  
  5120.  
  5121. "Uh, Luna?"
  5122. >"Hmm?" She looks up from her scroll, and her quill stills mid-stroke. "Is something the matter?"
  5123. >The idly finger your bouncy-ball.
  5124. "Celestia is outside, and she has a, uh, lute, I think?"
  5125. >Luna blinks. "A lute?"
  5126. "Yup."
  5127. >"...My sister is outside, with a lute." 
  5128. >She face-hoofs. "Dear stars above, sister: a lute? Seriously?"
  5129. "Uh..."
  5130. >She gives you a hooded, dead-eye stare.
  5131. >"Prepare your ears for a serenade most unpleasant, my friend, for my sister has the talent of a drunken gryphon regarding her skills in playing musical instruments."
  5132. >That doesn't sound good.
  5133. >Ten seconds later, you're aiming your bouncy-ball dead between Celestia's eyes...
  5134.  
  5135. >You are Celestia, and Tartarus be damned if that paragon of beauty isn't playing hard to get!
  5136. >...You currently have a bouncy-ball impaled on your horn
  5137.  
  5138.  
  5139.  
  5140.  
  5141.  
  5142.  
  5143. >Moondancer has just helped save all of Equestria
  5144. >Is brought before Celestia
  5145. >Celestia gives a rousing speech about how Moondancer managed to overcome all odds and how much Equestria is in debt to her
  5146. >Celestia asks if there is anything that she would desire in return for having helped save so many ponies
  5147. >Moondancer pulls out a mirror
  5148. >Explains how she has been monitoring communications from an alien world
  5149. >A place full of sad and lonely stallions who desire nothing but a loving mare
  5150. >Moondancer asks Celestia if there is any way to bring them to Equestria so that they might find love here
  5151. >Celestia is moved by their plight
  5152. >Celestia, Luna, and Twilight work for weeks trying to find a way to bridge the gap between dimensions but it would require way too much magical power
  5153. >However it is Lovebutt that realizes the power that can bring those poor stallions is already present
  5154. >Use the magic of these Anon's love to bring them to Equestria
  5155. >Within a fortnight they have the spell prepared
  5156. >At dawn with an audience of hundreds of ponies they cast their spell
  5157. >In a flash of light dozens of dazed Anons appear
  5158. >They are in various stages of dress and emotions they stare around at the gathered ponies
  5159. >Celestia steps forward, prepared to explain why they were brought here, when something incredable happens
  5160. >An Anon rushes her and bowls down the guards between them
  5161. >With a herculean heave he grabs Celestia and lifts her over his head
  5162. >All eyes are on him as he lets out a tremendous shout
  5163. >"FUCKING DIBS!"
  5164. >Before running off with the celestial princess in his arms
  5165. >As he turns the corner a bottle of ketchup falls out of his pants pocket and thuds on the ground
  5166. >This snaps the others out of their daze as they begin rushing into the crowd and grabbing mares before booking it away
  5167. >In the chaos no one seems to notice the skinny little Anon who goes over to a smiling Moondancer and scoops her gently up into his arms before he walks away cradling her
  5168.  
  5169.  
  5170.  
  5171.  
  5172.  
  5173.  
  5174.  
  5175. >He may be an ancient sorceror, keeping death at bay with dark magic.
  5176. >But he's still *fabulous*
  5177.  
  5178. >When you're undead, you have lots of time to learn how to sew your own clothes and forge your own armor.
  5179. >He has so many different outfits he had to add an entire new wing to his fortress to display them all.
  5180. >Seemingly everywhere you go in there, you can find a reanimated skeleton doing double duty as a manikin to show off his designs.
  5181.  
  5182. >Then during the course of one of their adventures, Dress Horse stumbled upon him after an unfortunate incident with some of his guards.
  5183.  
  5184. >She was dirty and disheveled, and her hair was tangled, and it was his fault.
  5185. >That simply would not do
  5186. >For he immediately recognized a fellow of fabulousness
  5187. >Time to put these old bones to work.
RGRE Promptbin

One Step at a Time (RGRE) (Big Mac/Femanon)

by Uh-hmmm

[RGRE] Gym Justice

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[RGRE] Dressage

by Uh-hmmm

RGRE Promptbin 016

by Uh-hmmm

[RGRE] Like a Good Neighbor, Starlight is There

by Uh-hmmm