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RGRE Promptbin 004

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-18 00:23:10
Expiry: Never
/rgre/promptbin

  1.  
  2.  
  3.  
  4. >Guards surround her in brightly-polished armor
  5. "Nyeh heh heh, I knew what you were the moment you caught my eye."
  6. >Push her to follow him
  7. "Being as old and learned in the Ways as I am, you can see it. Behind the innocent eyes, beneath the mortal flesh, it is there."
  8. >They're a little rough, but they're skellies, what can you do?
  9. "Oh how long it's been since someone has actually breathed the airs of these halls. You will be perfect, just perfect, for what I have in store!"
  10. >He brings her into an antechamber with several large and imposing doors
  11. >He turns to face her, glowing red eyes inside a bleached skull boring into her soul
  12. "Now, my little pony..."
  13. >His bony arms raise and point at doors.
  14. "Choose."
  15. >"W-what?"
  16. "Choose a door. Choose which of my works you will experience first."
  17. >She points at one at random.
  18. >He begins to cackle
  19. "Ah ha ha ha! I knew it, I could see it in you! You wish to witness THE GREATEST OF MY DARK DESIGNS!"
  20. >His head kicks back in laughter, and soon his skellies join him in it
  21. >Even while laughing he forces down a heavy lever
  22. >Rumbles through the castle shake Rarity's bones
  23. >What did she do to deserve this?
  24. >The door ascends slowly, a wispy fog flowing out into the room and hiding her own hooves
  25. >His laughter gets more excited, as if he's eager to bring her doom
  26. >A bright light flips on, illuminating the hall deep within the castle, far away from the light of the sun
  27. "Behold! Behold a thousand years of refinement!"
  28. >It's...it's...
  29. "They're perfect for the season, and your coat. My bright designs are two doors to the left, but I keep them locked away until summer because I'm not some kind of plebeian."
  30.  
  31.  
  32. >This is Chit Chat and Grape Vine reporting live from the Annual Grand Manehattan Fashion Show. 
  33. >We have a very exciting day here at the Manehattan Grand Hall where the elites of the fashion world come and gather to show everybody their work.
  34. >Speaking of elites this year's Dark horse duo who have taken everybody by storm.
  35. >The Element of Generosity herself and her partner the mysterious masked bipedal who calls himself Ahnon!
  36. >After that disaster on the gala years ago no one expected Madame Rarity to show herself in public again. 
  37. >We'll she is a national hero, Chit Chat.
  38. >So imagine my surprise when she showed herself with Ahnon, a literal army of supermodels and with their Spring collection. 
  39. >And now everybody is lining up and trying to *ahem* kiss derriere. 
  40.  
  41. >"Oh Darling! I didn't expect to be in here!"
  42. >Soon we'll have complete and total global domination.
  43. >"You mean the fashion world, Right Darling?"
  44. >Of course diamond butt, I've already conquered death and world conquest is so last millennia.
  45. >"It's about to start Darling! Where's Jimmy?"
  46. >The fashionable lich made a grabbing motion with his hands, Rarity can feel the walls between worlds thinning and from a small tear in space, steps a skeletal pony wearing star-shaped shades.
  47. >The skeletal pony bows to Anon and Rarity. A snap from Anon's finger, a well made illusion covered "Jimmy".
  48.  
  49.  
  50. NO ONE UGLY ALLOWED
  51. >Everyone was surprised by the small pony's strong and loud voice.
  52. FASHION IS THE ART 
  53. >Models came strutting and sashaying on the ramp one by one.
  54. DESIGNERS ARE THE GODS
  55. >The envious designers wish that these models are wearing their creations.
  56. MODELS PLAY THE PART OF ANGELS IN THE DARK!
  57. >the other models wish they're wearing one of Madame Rarity's line. 
  58. WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD EVER DARE TO GO AGAINST
  59. >Rarity is trying to hold back her tears of happiness and the Masked biped has ominous levels of smug in his posture.
  60. THAT BEAUTY IS A TRADE AND EVERYONE IS PAID
  61. FASHIONISTAAAAAA
  62.  
  63.  
  64.  
  65.  
  66.  
  67.  
  68.  
  69.  
  70.  
  71. >Pinkie flirts with everyone
  72. >Absolutely everyone
  73. >Most of the time it's harmless fun on her part, and almost everyone brushes it off with a laugh
  74. >Sometimes a few will flirt back, but rarely are they serious.
  75. >Anon was serious.
  76. >And funny.
  77. >She was not prepared for that combination
  78.  
  79.  
  80.  
  81.  
  82.  
  83. >It had finally come to this.
  84. >Flash Sentry, the biggest douche in the school, wanted to fight you.
  85. >Truth be told, you sort of expected this reaction
  86. >Filling up his locker with twenty pounds of fresh dogshit tends to have that effect on a person.
  87. >”Come on bitch, I’m going to teach a you lesson you won’t soon forget.”
  88. “Flash, buddy, can we just call it even? You’re a dick and I filled your locker with shit. They cancel each other out.”
  89. >”I’m going to fucking kill you!”
  90. >Screaming loudly, the blue haired teen flung himself in your direction.
  91. >The crowd of other students and a bored looking Yankee Doodle, the history teacher, watched as he did.
  92. >Shouldn’t teachers try to stop these sorts of fights—
  93. >Perhaps you should’ve paid attention instead of asking these sorts of questions.
  94. >Flash’s tackle brought you both to the ground.
  95. >Some of the on looking girls cheered, whether for you or Flash, you weren’t exactly sure.
  96. >”Heck yeah! Two guys fighting is always hot.”
  97. >That sounded remarkably like Rainbow Dash, that instigating cunt.
  98. >Flash, having no sort of inner monologue to distract him, raised his fist, ready to strike the first blow.
  99. >This was probably going to hurt.
  100. >Feeling the fist make contact with the side of your face you—
  101. >Wait a tick… that didn’t hurt, at all.
  102. >Your little sister hit harder than this, and she’s six for fucks sake.
  103. “Dude, you hit like a girl.”
  104. >Fist raised high yet again, Flash stopped, cheeks reddening in embarrassment, he looked ready resume his feeble attacks.
  105. >”You fucking asshole. I may be a girl, but I’ll still kick your ass.”
  106. >What?
  107. >Pounding fists fell on your chest, as murmurs broke out amongst the crowd watching the scene.
  108. >”Flash is a girl?”
  109. >”No wonder Flash always changed in the girls locker room.”
  110. >”So that’s why he didn’t have a dick when we showered, it all makes sense now.”
  111. >”Shouldn’t someone stop her then? It’s not cool for girls to beat up defenseless guys.”
  112. >Squinting a little, you examined his— err, her face.
  113. >Definitely feminine features.
  114. >Eyes lowering you also noticed two barely noticeable bumps on her chest.
  115. >Yup, those are tits, not big ones, but still tits.
  116. >It was around this moment that you realized the position you two were in.
  117. >Flash straddling you, and Anon Jr the fourth, also coming to the realization that there was a chick straddling you.
  118. >Sure it might have been under the pretext of fighting, but the little bastard didn’t give two shits.
  119. >Flash also seemed to notice.
  120. >Jumping up faster than you could have ever expected, she pointed an accusatory finger at you.
  121. >”You’re a fucking creep Anon!”
  122. >Running away from you and the mob of confused students, Flash took off down the hall and out of sight.
  123. >You learned something new today.
  124. >And that little something is that Flash is a chick.
  125. >Scratch that, you also learned your dick didn’t give a fuck.
  126.  
  127.  
  128.  
  129.  
  130.  
  131.  
  132. >Anon was sent to Equestria in a untamed wilderness
  133. >This was before the Princesses claimed that land and united the kingdom
  134. >Anon tried learning how to stay alive long enough to not be alone. Pic Related
  135. >When he figures it out he is so old that he just goes lich instead
  136. >Goes to sleep to try and not go crazy from being in his body for too long
  137. >Mane 6 accidentally find him and wake him up
  138. >Pets Rarity not because he understands there are people with him, but because she is a colorful pony
  139. >Twilight curious as to why the obviously dark magic monster not being aggressive starts looking around what could be considered a lab.
  140. >She finds Anon's notes, slowly figuring out that he was slowly loosing his mind
  141. >Takes Anon back too Ponyvill to see if she can help he regain his sanity
  142. >Till then, everyone treats him like that doddering old man that is nice to everyone, but doesn't know where he is.
  143. >He makes little magic shows for the Foals, petting everyone without care of if they are grown little mares.
  144.  
  145.  
  146. >Lichanon is...surprisingly popular with foals. Once they get over his unsettling appearance, that is. 
  147. >It helps that he has a goofy sense of humor and cracks lots of jokes about being a skellington.
  148. >A bunch of them paint his undead bones in swirls of bright colors, and he starts wearing tie-dyed robes and tee shirts with funny sayings. 
  149. >It helps even more that he's pretty useful to have around, since he comes to the defense of the town regularly. 
  150. >He learns that a few foals are having horrific nightmares that Luna can't seem to get a handle on. 
  151. >Playing a hunch, he drains some life from some obnoxious timberwolves to empower some plush toys and gifts them to them.
  152. >the nightmare-inducing, fear-eating aberration is very, very surprised to find itself attacked and overwhelmed by a couple dozen animated, heavily-armed sapient toys who employ swarm tactics.
  153. >Several exhausted foals will be sleeping much better from now on. 
  154. >As a side benefit, many monsters that encounter Lichanon become raw materials and fuel for more protective toys for fillies and foals, and eventually start avoiding Ponyville altogether
  155.  
  156.  
  157.  
  158. >Cherilee is watching the fillies play with Anon.
  159. >The skeletal creature is doing cute little magic shows.
  160. >At first everyone was wary but soon warmed up to the harmless skeletal biped.
  161. >Wait. What the BUCK is that!
  162. >From the treeline comes the largest and muscular manticore you've ever seen. Holy buck that shit is JACKED.
  163. >Thank Celestia and Luna that it still haven't noticed you and the foals.
  164. >You usher the fillies and Anon as fast as calm possible.
  165. >But you're not that lucky when somefilly screamed and got the manticore's attention.
  166. >The Manticore roared and started to charge at you.
  167. >You resolved to put yourself before the fillies and hope while the manticore is munching you the fillies reach safety.
  168. >The manticore is at mid-pounce when the sudden rattling and straining of chains can be heard.
  169. >The manticore is hanging mid-air. Bound by spectral chains.
  170. >It's suddenly several degrees colder and darker. An unnatural darkness.
  171. >Anon is shambling towards the struggling creature.
  172. >The loud beating of a heart and a strange, harsh language can be heard from everywhere your eardrums are starting to hurt.
  173. >Fortunately the fillies seems to be unaffected and are they asleep?
  174. >The Heartbeat is going faster and faster the Manticore is trying to break it's bond harder.
  175. >The heartbeat and the chanting comes to a crescendo.
  176. >Anon points to the manticore then makes a crushing gesture. The heartbeat stops, the beast falls limp and you fall to unconsciousness.
  177. >You were jolted awake when you hit your muzzle on the table.
  178. >Anon is sitting on the floor DT and Applebloom are sleeping on his lap.The others are sleeping on a snuggle pile.
  179. >Strange dream. You open the curtains and you squeak in surprise. Outside is a large and dead manticore.
  180. >Anon just winks at you and makes a shushing gesture
  181.  
  182.  
  183. >Whenever Anon appears, there is always xylophone music. 
  184. >Nobody knows where it comes from.
  185. >All his scary stories end with some variation of 
  186. "THERE WAS A SCARY SKELLY IN YOU ALL ALONG!!!"
  187. >The fillies no longer fear him.
  188. >He's come a long way, all his edges mellowed.
  189. >He swings buy the town once a week to buy milk
  190.  
  191.  
  192.  
  193. >Some of the parents observe that perhaps Anon spends so much time with the foals because he can't ever have foals of his own
  194. >A good stallion like that, who is so good with foals, shouldn't live forever without a mare to guide him
  195. >It just isn't proper
  196. >His coltish whimsy should be tempered by a mare's steadfast reasoning
  197. >Some fillies eavesdrop on their parents and talk among themselves
  198. >They resolve to get him a special somepony
  199. >They find an old, abandoned, haunted house in the everfree near the castle of the twin sisters
  200. >The ghost of a lonely mare, who died during the collapse of her house, with bones exposed and empty eyes like Anon, tries to scare them away
  201. >She gets confused when they're happy they found a ghost
  202. >Her eyes are just like Anon's, just a little less solid
  203. >Tell her about Anon and how she should meet him
  204. >She follows them curiously
  205. >Anon initially concerned for the fillies, think they're being haunted
  206. >They get him to put away the spectral coffins and chains
  207. >Ask him to at least let her ask him out
  208. >Anon can't say no to four sets of big, innocent eyes
  209. >Anon and ghostpone hit it off
  210. >Builds her a skelepone body with a mask the foals can paint for her to inhabit
  211. >She becomes a staple of the community right next to Anon
  212. >Fillies come to her for advice about colts
  213. >"Haunts" foals' rooms at night, tucking them in, reading bedtime stories in her spoopy voice, or checking (and scolding) the monsters under their beds
  214. >Teaches fillies how to be marely so they won't fail their family like she did in life
  215. >Her and Anon live out the life their undeath has stolen from them, albeit without the ability to have foals of their own
  216. >But this unlife is good enough for them
  217.  
  218.  
  219.  
  220.  
  221.  
  222.  
  223.  
  224. >Anon walks around Ponyville
  225. >Young earth pony filly innocently asks him where his sisters are and why they aren't escorting him around town
  226. >Tinypone's parents find her and call her over
  227. >Thank you for bringing her back to them
  228. >Tinypone fusses and insists that she was escorting you around to make sure you wouldn't get hurt
  229. >D'aww
  230. >Decide to humor her
  231. >You say that -you- should be thanking -her- for being a big filly and keeping you safe
  232. >Watch as tinypone puffs her chest tuft up with pride
  233.  
  234. >Tiny pony develops a crush on Anon and decides that he'll be her (and her sister's) husband when she grows up
  235. >Declares this to her family with all the finality and confidence of a 5 year old saying that after he graduates kindergarten he's going to go out and find himself a wife
  236.  
  237.  
  238. >Anon as an ara ara dilf
  239. >Anon oblivious but still kind and overly cuddly
  240. >Anon promising to accept tinypone's proposal if he is still single when she grows up (spoiler: he is)
  241. >Anon terrified that ponies will see him as a pedo, and misinterpreting them thinking of it as adorable
  242. >Tiny pone conscripts big sis to reel Anon in so they can herd up
  243. >Tiny pone asks for mom's help, mom is proud that her filly is so confidant that she playfully does. Falls for Anon herself and is in the predicament of herding with her daughter or betraying her trust
  244.  
  245.  
  246.  
  247. >you will never be accepted into Equestria as an airship captain
  248. >you will never be given a top notch crew to patrol the skies of Equestria with
  249. >they will never grow to become fiercely loyal and loving of their captain to a fault
  250. >you will never travel all across Equestria with them and even over the vast oceans to new lands
  251. >you will never get into a relationship with the ships qt mechanic mare
  252.  
  253.  
  254.  
  255.  
  256.  
  257. >be BlindAnon in Equestria
  258. >You were walking one day and suddenly in candy hoers land
  259. >All you hear is sexy girl voices and it smells like candy, cookies, and fruit
  260. >Fluffy girl pones lead you around by gently grabbing your hand in their mouth
  261. >Bang head on nearly every door sill. Pones are horrified and start massive reconstruction project
  262. >Mares constantly masturbate when alone with you. You wonder why the candy smell gets stronger while chatting with a mare at home
  263. >crotch constantly bumps into the crotch high pones flanks
  264.  
  265.  
  266.  
  267.  
  268.  
  269. >mares just suddenly start appearing one day.
  270. >claiming husbandos left and right.
  271. >said husbandos get mocked relentlessly in the mainstream for being unable to get a real woman.
  272. >mocking intensifies after interspecies marriage is fully legalised
  273. >the laughter stops roughly two years later when the human-pony divorce rate is still at 0.
  274.  
  275. Travel between worlds starts to be commonplace. A sort of "Match-maker" service/industry springs up where Mares go to Earth to find a husbando. They can either live with their husbando on Earth or take them back to Equestria with them (most go back).
  276.  
  277. >mares have been coming and going for some time now
  278. >often see groups of them walking down the sidewalks, taking in the sights
  279. >notice one mare in a group isn't paying attention to what her friends are talking about
  280. >her eyes are completely locked onto you
  281. >cock your head at her in a question
  282. >she gets the biggest, most beatific smile you've ever seen anyone make and pushes her way through her friends, trotting over to you
  283. >several months later you're going through the portal together to live with her
  284. Turns out mares just know when they see their mate.
  285.  
  286.  
  287. >Anon is not interested in being a horsefucker
  288. >When pony comes up to him at work and asks him out he politely declines and she leaves
  289. >Yet the pony doesn't give up
  290. >She shows up every day to try and quietly asks him if he wants to go on a date with her
  291. >Anon still isn't interested though he starts getting flustered as to why this mare is set on him
  292. >Even the mares friends that came with her are telling her to give it up
  293. >This goes on for a couple of weeks
  294. >Finally one day the mare comes to say goodbye
  295. >Its the last day of her "love" visa 
  296. >Anon asks if she found someone to take back with her
  297. >He is kinda disappointed when she says yes
  298. >After she leaves he feels like something is wrong
  299. >he goes to follow her and finds her standing at the bus stop with her friends who each have humans with them
  300. >She is by herself with her head down
  301. >Anon is about to go to her but he stops himself last second
  302. >He doesn't even know this mare and besides he isn't a horsefucker
  303. >She gets on the bus with the others and leaves
  304. Sad times in pony land
  305.  
  306. Secret epilogue
  307. >Anon finds himself stepping off a train in a small town punnily called Ponyville
  308. >Its taken the first week of his "love visa" but he finally managed to find out her name and where she is from
  309. >It was pretty hard to talk the ponies into telling you but when you explained the situation they finally relented
  310. >It might take Anon the rest of his month long visa to find out what happened to her but it will be worth it if he can find out what happened with "Sweetie Belle"
  311.  
  312.  
  313.  
  314.  
  315. >The portal to Equestria has a side effect.
  316. >Magic leaks through too.
  317. >Harmony magic.
  318.  
  319. >The Tree of Harmony begins to influence Earth.
  320. >Earth in general becomes less shit.
  321. >Slowly at first, but soon it gains momentum.
  322. >It's not a utopia, and it probably never will be, but it's a noticeable improvement
  323.  
  324.  
  325.  
  326. >certain groups of "humans" are immune or incapable of being affected by this magic
  327. >they become the races of villains on earth
  328. >unable to purge them from the planet, the harmonious humans left remaining decide to contain them in one area of the world
  329.  
  330.  
  331.  
  332.  
  333.  
  334.  
  335. "Come on, Bonbon, nine bits!"
  336. >"I'm not going below ten, Anon."
  337. "I've got the bits right here! Just say nine and you've got a sale - I walk out that door with some candy, you make a profit, deal?"
  338. >"Ten bits and thats final!"
  339.  
  340. >You are Anon, and currently you're in Bonbon's candy store trying to haggle for a bag of caramels
  341. >Now, you love arguing with Bonbon McFrownyface as much as anyone, but this time there's actually a practical season why you haggle
  342. >You only have nine bits, and you really want some candy
  343. A bag of caramels usually costs 16 bits, so you've made quite some progress
  344. >Unfortunately that seems to be as far as you'll get
  345. >Bonbon has already dropped 6 bits off the price, and you could tell she would not budge any further
  346. >She really wants to stay in the double digits, you guess
  347. >Realizing you can't win, you decide to play another game
  348. >Your goal is no longer to make a purchase, but to piss Bonbon off enough to chase you out of the store
  349. >You won't really gain anything from it, but at least it'll make you feel better
  350.  
  351. >You put an arm on the counter and lean in with a sleazy expression
  352. "How about this? Nine bits and I'll give you a kiss right on your cute little muzzle"
  353. >You wiggle your eyebrows for good measure
  354. >Never let it be said you didn't put effort into everything
  355. >Oh, you can already see her face turn red, with anger no doubt
  356. >Except she looks more embarrassed than angry...
  357. >Still, that could work just as well
  358. >Bonbon's eyes dances around the room, which is empty save for the two of you, before she turns her attention back to you
  359. >"O-ok... Deal."
  360.  
  361.  
  362.  
  363.  
  364.  
  365.  
  366. > Mare finds depressed Anon sitting on a park bench, a colorful gift box on his lap
  367. > Asks him what is wrong
  368. > He tells her his date stood him up again
  369. > The present was for his date
  370. > The mare tries to comfort him, and succeeds a little
  371. > He gives her a fragile little smile
  372. "You've been so nice to me, how about I give this present to you? Go ahead and open it."
  373. > The mare tries to refuse, but he's insistent 
  374. > She lifts the lid, wondering if she should really take advantage of a distraught stallion like this
  375. > Itsadick.poster
  376. > She blushes hard, looking around nervously
  377. > Is it a prank?
  378. > Anon pats her cheek, a predatory grin on his face
  379. "Go ahead, it's yours. Use it however you like."
  380. > She stares hungrily at it
  381. > "Oh, I most definitely will."
  382.  
  383.  
  384.  
  385.  
  386.  
  387. >Anon becomes an incredibly skilled fisherman.
  388. >Gilda visits town one day and spots him by a lake.
  389. >She looks down on his "colty" patient method and tries to one up him by using the famous Griffon method.
  390. >That is, swooping down and snatching a fish from the lake in an instant.
  391. >Something in her horny bird brain assumed he would be all over her after pulling such a wicked stunt, but he was unfazed by it.
  392. >She couldn't say the same when he pulled out a gigantic monster of a fish that was twice her size using that weird tool.
  393. >And so, a (one-sided) rivalry began
  394.  
  395.  
  396.  
  397.  
  398. >Twilight discovers Anon's fuck plushes and dakimakura
  399. >She thinks he has them for hug and not for fug since it's normal for stallions to be into that cutesy stuff
  400. >Mares start gifting him random plushes in the hopes of getting in his good graces
  401.  
  402.  
  403.  
  404.  
  405.  
  406. The portal opens at random, and only lets a specific person in at a time, everyone is chosen by random magic.
  407.  
  408. Because discord is a good guy but fucking loves chaos, he set every anon up with a fairly high end computer so they can interact with humans on the other side, shits chos and shit and feeds its own magical portal just by using the thing. 
  409.  
  410. The catch is anon will show up randomly to a pony in desperate need. The anons are lonely, the mares are lonely, and equestrias bullshit magic decided to fix that. 
  411.  
  412. You are anon, and you just got shit out next to the loneliest queen buggums that ever existed
  413.  
  414.  
  415.  
  416.  
  417. >Anon in RGREqG
  418. >Anon confides in <waifu of your choice> that he's pretty sure most of the guys are gay, based on the way they act
  419. >Is uncomfortable with what he believes to be passes made at him by Flash and his friends
  420. >Hangs around with <waifu> and her friends more often instead of the guys as a result
  421. ><waifu> and friends connect the dots pretty quickly and do nothing to convince Anon that he's wrong
  422. >End result is that they get to enjoy a boy's attention all to themselves, one that's all alone
  423. >"No, this is great! He doesn't walk between classes with a pack of guys like all the other boys do! This means if we ever wanna, you know, grab him and have some fun, he won't have any backup."
  424.  
  425.  
  426.  
  427.  
  428.  
  429. >Bonnie just wanders around the school even though she isn't registered to attend it
  430. >Thanks to winning a few genetic lotteries, Bonnie looks like she's in her mid teens even though she's in her late 20s
  431. >Tries to pick up boys half her age
  432.  
  433.  
  434.  
  435. Maybe Bon Bon just belongs to an O&O club and roleplays as a rogue. She gets really into character and sometimes likes to pretend she's a spy or a secret agent after she and her friends are done with a session for the day
  436.  
  437.  
  438. >Tries to be like her idol, Jane Bond
  439. >Casually misandristic while remaining suave and irresistible to whichever handsome man is following him around in that movie, Bonnie tries to emulate her
  440. >Fucks up
  441. >Comes off as classically tsundere while she tries to build up the nerve to grab a boy without warning and kiss him
  442.  
  443. >Spends most of her money on overpriced Made in Yakyakistan 'spy' gadgets
  444. >Stalks Anon while telling herself she's 'protecting' him
  445. >Gets caught when he reaches his porch, and the automatic light overwhelms her cheap nvgs
  446.  
  447. "What are you doing here?"
  448. >"N-nothing! Definitely not st-stalking you or anything!"
  449. "Cut the crap, Bon-bon."
  450. >Anon flutters his eyes and makes his best pleading face/pose
  451. "Please tell me what you're doing, please?"
  452. >"I-I-I was...."
  453. "Pretty please?"
  454. >"I WAS HOPING I COULD SUCK YOUR DICK, OK?!"
  455. "Oh Bonny-bon-bonbon. All you had to do was ask."
  456.  
  457. >...
  458. >You fucking what?
  459. >Anon smiles and wriggles his eyes brows before walking over to the door and holding it open invitingly.
  460. >A grin splits your face and you take a step inside his house.
  461. >Eat your fucking heart out, Jane Bond.
  462.  
  463.  
  464. >Anon has trouble adjusting to RGR here
  465. >Tells Bonbon about it, because she'd definitely try her hardest to keep the top-secret secret of you origin
  466. >Not that anyone would believe her anyway
  467. "Bonny, I have a favor I need to ask you, now that you know."
  468. >"A-anything, Anon."
  469. "Well, I want to fit in here, and that would involve me learning how to act like a man would around here. Since I'm not from around here, I need someone to teach me."
  470. >"Well...I suppose I could ask Caramel or Thunderlane to help you with that, they're pretty coltish."
  471. "I also need someone to show me what females are supposed to be like. Strong, independent, take-charge, that sort of thing?"
  472. >Bonbon starts to hyperventilate a little bit
  473. "Do you think you could help me?"
  474. >Anon. 
  475. >The boy of her dreams
  476. >Is asking her to be alpha for him
  477. >She can finally act like Jane Bond
  478. >Mare-handle him
  479. >Kiss him whenever SHE wants
  480. "Breathe, Bonny, breathe."
  481.  
  482.  
  483.  
  484.  
  485.  
  486.  
  487. > Anon shows up, and the local alpha bastard takes him under his wing
  488. > Teaches Anon the ways of manipulating females, how to never pay for a drink at the bar, etc
  489. > Some of it seems pretty gay to Anon, but it's hard to argue with the results
  490. > Anon is still very much the janefilly, but he has learned how to lead a mare around by her teats
  491. > And unlike his mentor, Anon always leaves his victims satisfied
  492.  
  493. >The bastard takes you aside
  494. >"Anon, I was just inform that not only are you in 'open relationships' with four different girls, but there are currently ten more competing to oust one of them. Is this true?"
  495. "Yeah, aint it grand?"
  496. >He places a hand on your shoulder and looks deep in your eyes for a moment
  497. >Then down across the nice shirt you're wearing that belongs to Rarity
  498. >Past the scarf that Fluttershy knitted you
  499. >The nice workboots that Applejack bought for you
  500. >Then he looked across the hall to your lunchtable where they sat
  501. >And the other tables nearby that were filled with women watching them and you, like sharks, waiting to capitalize on a moment of weakness
  502. >You could use a new watch, you realize.
  503. >You could probably get DT to buy you one
  504. >All you'd need to do is flutter your eyelashes, grab her arm and hold it close, inspecting the one she wears
  505. >The bastard in front of you is starting to tear up
  506. >"I heard caramel ask you for advice earlier in the hall today about women."
  507. >That's right, he did.
  508. >"Anon, I'm *sniff* I'm so proud of you."
  509. >He places his hand on your head, ruffling your 'just woke up' style of hair
  510. >"The student has finally become the master. Go with my blessing, apprentice, and rule with a soft hand and come-hither eyes."
  511.  
  512.  
  513.  
  514.  
  515. >Anon casually walks around in boxers in the private quarters of the palace, where he, Celestia, and Cadence live.
  516. >To Cadence, it's like a your hot step-sister walking around in lingerie. oblivious to how flustered it makes you
  517.  
  518.  
  519.  
  520.  
  521.  
  522. >Anon wants to prove to Applejack that he'd be a good worker on her farm
  523. >Takes the initiative and milks the farm's cows 
  524. >Applejack is puzzled about where he got all that milk
  525. >Anon is informed that Sweet Apple Acres doesn't have any cows
  526. >"That explains why they all tried to give me their addresses."
  527.  
  528.  
  529.  
  530.  
  531.  
  532. > Anon is transported to Equestria via shenanigans
  533. > The catch is, so is his widowed mother
  534. > She finds work in stallion dominated fields, and quickly becomes friends with a lot of her coworkers
  535. > The stallions start to compete for her attention, gratified every time she recognizes the skill and effort they put into cooking, sewing, etc
  536. > She starts colluding with the older stallions, setting Anon up with their daughters
  537. > The poor mares are embarrassed that their parents had to arrange the thing, but they don't want to turn down a date with a handsome stallion either
  538. > Anon is just glad his mom is getting out and focusing her attentions elsewhere
  539. > It's hard being an only child
  540.  
  541.  
  542.  
  543.  
  544.  
  545. > Prison counselor Anon
  546. > Has a very effective paternal aura, very soothing to the troubled mares
  547. > And then there are the little encouragements he gives them when they are doing better
  548. > It starts as patting their withers, then petting their heads, then inching ever closer to running his fingers through their tufts
  549. > There are rumors that if you get out early on good behavior, he'll suck your clit
  550.  
  551.  
  552.  
  553.  
  554.  
  555.  
  556. >Anon has problems finding a well paying job in RGRE due a combination of being male, and there not being a sizable market for his particular profession in Equestria
  557. >ends up becoming a prostitute and partners up with a mare who acts as his pimp
  558. >they actually have a decent working relationship because Anon's human libido means he's almost always DTF and marshmallow pones don't have the deviant fetishes humans do in real life
  559. >over the years, pimp mare gets more stallions to work for her
  560. >Anon is promoted to bottom bitch, and is in charge when pimp mare is away
  561. >Anon's customers consist of a lot of the prominent mares of Ponyville, so he has a lot of potential blackmail in case he gets in trouble with local authorities
  562. >things get difficult when Anon accidentally knocks up one of his customers
  563. >Anon wants to be there for his kid while the mare just wants to pretend the foal is her husband's and pretend she never fucked a prostitute.
  564. >shenanigans ensue
  565.  
  566.  
  567.  
  568.  
  569.  
  570.  
  571. >Celestia is secretly feigning ignorance in the hope her and Anon hook up.
  572. >Or Celestia IS ignorant to what's going on, Anon being her "special little colt" and all, but whimsically hopes he and Cadence will hook-up.
  573. >Or...
  574.  
  575. >You freeze, you tea-cup pausing just shy of your lips.
  576. >Your eyes widen as steam tickles your nostrils.
  577. >Your Niece desires your Son.
  578. >Your Niece. Son.
  579. >Granted you're all not biologically-related, but none of you considered that an issue for even a heartbeat's worth of thought.
  580. >Family is more than blood.
  581. >...Niece. Son.
  582. >Celestia.scroll has crashed. Please contact Canterlot support
  583.  
  584.  
  585.  
  586.  
  587.  
  588.  
  589. >Cadence walks in.
  590. >Sees Anon sparring with Cadet Shining.
  591. >Oggles her "cousin's" bare, sweaty torso.
  592. >Shining and Anon think she's looking at Shining.
  593. >Anon tries to be a bro and set them up, but Cadence keeps shooting down Shining without a thought and hitting on a dense Anon.
  594. >Celestia is torn between rooting for Cadence and trying to stop the attempts because her little colt is growing up
  595.  
  596.  
  597.  
  598.  
  599.  
  600.  
  601.  
  602. >Anon shows up to sleep-over pool party with his pillow, two blankets, and an interesting box.
  603. >Upon getting a closer look at the box, ponies are confused as to why anon would bring a small inflatable pool to a very large outdoor in-ground pool.
  604. >Anon does not answer their questions. At the end of the day, as all the ponies file in to figure out sleeping arrangements, anon simply proceeds to inflate the mini-pool and say "I've got mine covered".
  605. >Ponies who witness what he does next cannot decide whether Anon is an idiot, or a genius
  606.  
  607. >Host-stallion's sister heard he was having an all-stallion's sleepover.
  608. >She stalks them, sneaks over when they all go to sleep, sees the hot apelien sleeping in a pool inside a pool, and immediately gets the urge to struggle-snuggle him.
  609. >Anon wakes up to a snuggle buddy.
  610. >Mare is afraid of repercussions.
  611. >Anon has morning wood
  612.  
  613. >You are Anon, and you're in nirvana.
  614. >This cotton-candy cloud is warm, tastes of blackberries, and is as soft as fuck.
  615. >It also makes the most adorable squeaking noise!
  616. >You snuggle down and grind against it, nibbling.
  617. >It squeaks.
  618. >You smile and sleep the sleep of the dreamer.
  619.  
  620. >You are Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.
  621. >Well, just Cadence.
  622. >And your cousin is nibbling your mane and humping your rear.
  623. >He seems to like your shampoo, which is why you chose it in the first place.
  624. >He nibbles your ear and you feel his tip poke your dock.
  625. >Another squeak escapes you, and Anon sighs in contentment.
  626. >...
  627. >Stupid, sexy Anon
  628.  
  629.  
  630.  
  631.  
  632.  
  633.  
  634. >Be Strawberry "cock-vice" Sunrise
  635. >And you're on a trip to Canterlot with the boy you're dating. 
  636. >Normally you'd be all for it; you know, going to fancy joints, bar hopping, squeezing the jizz out of that slutty cock under the silken hotel sheets -- the good stuff. 
  637. >But no, you're off to see this colt's mom.
  638. >It's just a fun, fantastic family trip, yup.
  639. >You're not nervous by the way; you just don't know what to expect. 
  640. >Anon's different, really different.
  641. >He doesn't play those mind games boys love, praise the sun.
  642. >Aaannnddd he's, like, a monkey thing err hoomen?
  643. >Not a pony.
  644. >At least you're staying in the castle, so that's nice. 
  645. >Who was his mom again? 
  646. >She wasn't a servant, maybe, or was she some stuffy bureaucrat?
  647. >Ah geez; okay, you've been tuning out his silly guy speak half the time, but come on.
  648. >He likes apples, *apples*! 
  649. >Pfff, colts. 
  650. >Well, you knew she was a pony, and thank goodness.
  651. >You don't think you could handle being grilled by a hoomen mare even bigger than Anon!
  652. >And she's sure to put the heat on you, but her little colt has already tasted the Strawberry~. 
  653. >Eh, so long as she doesn't know her son calls you mommy too, things should be fine.
  654. >Here's your stop; where is she?
  655. >Anon said she'd meet you at the statio- Is that Princess Celestia?!
  656. >Wow, what a nice surprise!
  657. >She must be on her way to Ponyville to see Princess Twilight.
  658. >Wait.
  659. >Why is Anon running towards her?
  660. >Why aren't the guards stopping him?
  661. >Why is she NUZZLING him?!
  662. >.
  663. >.
  664. >.
  665. >Oh no.
  666. >Wait, wait, wait... he's *that* Anonymous?
  667. >As in Prince Anonymous? 
  668. >You are not a smart mare. 
  669. >Shoot, she's staring right at you!
  670. >Wew, calm down, girl.
  671. >You're only going to be under the scrutiny of the most... powerful... mare... in... the world!
  672. >Heh, heh.
  673. >You gulp.
  674.  
  675.  
  676.  
  677.  
  678. > Be Anon, going to Twilight for some career counseling
  679. > When you first came here, you thought you had dodged the tattoo plague
  680. > So you worked odd jobs and put clothes on slowly at the local bar whenever you ran low on bits
  681. > But no, the tattoo plague got you too
  682. "I'm thinking it's like the old tribal tattoos we used to have. All those bugs and rolled up newspaper, that sort of nebulous thing coming out of that guy's head, probably his hopes and dreams, all are things that I've killed."
  683. > Twilight shivers
  684. > "That's terrible."
  685. "No, you're racist. But that's not the point. See that pole stuck in a pile of crap?"
  686. > You helpfully point to the image on your hip
  687. > Twilight nods
  688. "It's an ancient human symbol for making things up to make other people angry, and possibly laugh. According to the horse magic here, that means that's my special talent, right?"
  689. > She nods again
  690. > "Anonymous, I would appreciate it if you would stop using whore's as a descriptor for everything you find unfamiliar. But you are correct, that does seem to be your cutie mark."
  691. > You pull your pants back up, and she blushes
  692. "Right. So, the question is, is there a job somewhere where I can do that? Like, at a newspaper or something?"
  693. > Twilight chews her lip, glancing discreetly while you buckle your belt
  694. > "W-well, I imagine there may be some gossip magazines that would hire you, or the army could use you as a pre-battle taunter. Are you sure that's what it means?"
  695. > You nod seriously
  696. "I'm sure. Thanks for the advice, princess. See you at the bar tonight? Rarity made me a long scarf, and I'm going to work it into my routine."
  697. > She blushes even harder
  698. > "You don't have to do that, Anon, I could sup-"
  699. > You close your hand around her muzzle
  700. > Her wings slowly start to extend
  701. "I like doing it. You mares are so cute when you're hot and bothered."
  702. > You let go of her muzzle and turn to leave
  703. > "I'm cute?"
  704. > You turn and wink
  705. "Very cute."
  706. > She tips over, steam rising from her head
  707.  
  708.  
  709.  
  710.  
  711. >Anon wolf-whistles.
  712. >"Damn, Princess: your Niece has it on!"
  713. >You choke on your wine, laughing, though part of you wants to whack him with your wing.
  714. >Cadence, however, despite being a married mare, couldn't help but trot a little taller after hearing that compliment.
  715. >Anon may be an ass, but he was your family's ass.
  716. >...
  717. >Luna still can't look at him without blushing.
  718. >"Damn fine full moon" indeed, Sister.
  719.  
  720.  
  721.  
  722.  
  723.  
  724.  
  725. >Celestia is at her wits end trying to get the "don't be an easily preyed on slut" talk through your head.
  726. >Luna insists her sister should make you understand the horrors of being forcefully dragged into a mare's chambers and ravished endlessly.
  727. >By forcefully dragging you into her chambers and ravishing you endlessly.
  728. >To her horror, Celestia almost thinks it's a good idea, appealing even.
  729. >Horse apples, maybe she and Luna really are that that old.
  730.  
  731.  
  732.  
  733.  
  734.  
  735.  
  736. >Anon draws a puppy and appends that text at the bottom
  737. >Ponies genuinely believe in it
  738. >Anon makes a killing selling protection charms
  739. >He made the first one as a joke, but she took it seriously
  740. >He tried to explain that it was a joke and didn't work
  741. >He didn't want to be a swindler
  742. >Up until a malevolent spirit shows up at his home, arms crossed and tapping its feet
  743. >Anon has made unlife very hard for him
  744.  
  745.  
  746.  
  747.  
  748.  
  749. >Anon ends up RGRE a few years before the show starts 
  750. >is hired by Spoiled Rich and Filthy Rich as a live in nanny to look after infant Diamond Tiara
  751. >Anon practically raises her because her parents are often busy with their jobs and out of the house for weeks at a time 
  752. >Diamond sees him as a second father, doing all the things her parents typically were supposed to do 
  753. >he feeds her, he bathes her, he takes her to and from school, he plays with her, he helps her with homework, etc...
  754. >However, what Diamond's parents have failed to noticed is that Anon's human gender roles have rubbed off on her a bit
  755. >That changes when Spoiled Rich walks in on Diamond playing dress up with Anon
  756. >She's angry, and not wanting her daughter to grow up to be a dyke, fires Anon.
  757. >Diamond is heartbroken 
  758. >her parents hire a new nanny, who Diamond hates because he's not Anon
  759. >Plus, Spoiled Rich spends more time at home now to stomp out the 'colty' behaviors Anon taught her
  760. >This leads to her bitter and bullying personality in canon
  761. >However, occassionally Diamond can sneak away from her family for a few hours and hang out at Anon's house, where she can be herself
  762.  
  763.  
  764.  
  765.  
  766. >Teen Cadence can sense her cousin Anon has a crush on another mare
  767. >For the first time in her life, she's trapped between wanting to fulfill her duty as princess of love, and wanting to steal a young stallion away from some beta mare
  768.  
  769.  
  770.  
  771.  
  772. >"Wait, you're serious? Trixie? Trixie Lulamoon?"
  773. >You take the sucker out of your mouth and nod with a smile.
  774. >Anonymous looks like he just saw a ghost.
  775. "Yeeeep. I heard her talking to one of her friends in the bathroom today. She wants you BAD."
  776. >The human looks down at the ground and rubs his head.
  777. >Why is it so fun to tease him?
  778. >Probably because he's so cute when he's confused.
  779. >But this is actually pretty funny.
  780. >Trixie is probably the biggest beta-mare at school.
  781. >How could she think she has a chance with one of the most popular males at Canterlot High?
  782. >"Gee, Cadence... What do you think I should do?"
  783. >You chuckle and give him a playful push.
  784. "Go get her, tiger."
  785. >He rubs his head again, "Well I think she's in my art class. I can sit beside her tomorrow... Do you know what kind of stuff she's into?"
  786. >You freeze with your sucker in front of your mouth.
  787. "What?"
  788. >Anon shrugs, "Well if she's interested in me, I think I should at least try to learn some things about her."
  789. >Several alarms are going off in your head.
  790. "A-Anon, you can't be serious? I was just teasing you!"
  791. >He looks disappointed.
  792. >"So she doesn't like me?"
  793. "No, she does, but you CAN'T be serious about going after her, right?"
  794. >His brow furrows, "Why not? I'm single and she's pretty cute."
  795. >Trixie is cute?
  796. >You want to laugh.
  797. "She's like the biggest beta-mare I know!"
  798. >"Beta-mare?"
  799. "You know outside of school, she wears a sunhat? An actual sunhat!"
  800. >Anon shrugs, "What's wrong with sunhats?"
  801. >Oh Celestia, he doesn't know...
  802. "She also once gave a speech in front of the whole class about how mares are evil and take advantage of stallions every chance they get. She thought it would actually make stallions sympathize an sleep with her or something!"
  803. >Anon is now silent.
  804. "You can NOT show this girl any interest, trust me. She's SUPER creepy."
  805. >Anon shakes his head.
  806. >"I don't know about any of that, but I'm going to talk to her. I think she's pretty cute. I'll see you tomorrow, Cadence."
  807. >You stand in stunned silence as Anon walks back to his house.
  808. >Your sucker falls from your hoof and into the dirt.
  809. >What just happened?
  810. >How could a male actually be interested in... In HER?!
  811. >An un-ironic sunhat wearer?
  812. >A sudden rage fills you.
  813. >A jealous rage.
  814. >Beta-mares are a filthy pest in society.
  815. >And no sweaty beta-mare is going to put her hooves on Anonymous.
  816. >You will make sure of that.
  817.  
  818.  
  819.  
  820.  
  821. >Anon walks out of the shower.
  822. >Cadence sees him walking around in a towel.
  823. >Greets his cousin casually.
  824. >She's family, after all.
  825. >No awkwardness at all for him.
  826. >Her, however...
  827. >Splash.
  828. >You sniff the air.
  829. >A pleasant scent, not unlike bubblegum and ice-cream, carries on the room's soft-breeze.
  830. "You smell that, Cuz?"
  831. >She just twitches.
  832. >You loved your cousin, but she could be as odd as shit, sometimes
  833.  
  834.  
  835. >Ponies are naturally a physically touchy-feelsy species.
  836. >Although raised and adopted by Celestia, he still has the innate human desire of having personal space.
  837. >This means physical contact, while not exactly rare, is all the more precious and meaningful coming from him
  838.  
  839.  
  840.  
  841. >Celestia tries to get Cadence to be a good influence on her rebellious son.
  842. >Anon ends up showing her fun and being "bad".
  843. >Horrified, Celestia watches as pseudo-incestual antics occur
  844.  
  845.  
  846.  
  847.  
  848. > Anon mentions to his marefriend that he misses the more challenging games from back home
  849. > Marefriend scrunches at the implication that equestrian games are easy
  850. > She sits him down and has him play Friendly Links
  851. > He chooses stallion during character creation, which is to say, easy mode
  852. > The tutorial is interacting with your family
  853. > The first boss is becoming friends with the chatty stallion florist
  854. > Marefriend can't believe the difficulty he had with that one
  855. > But he navigates the silent guardsmare's social links flawlessly
  856. > Marefriend begins to lose it when Anon deliberately ignores her husbando's questline
  857. > He makes it worse by following the Trixie path right up to the altar
  858. > All is forgiven when he dumps the Trixie then and there
  859. > TwoSpecialSomeponiesPlay.crystalball
  860.  
  861.  
  862.  
  863.  
  864.  
  865. > Team play
  866. > Mares get together as a herd to woo virtual stallions
  867. > You got the Muscle, who intimidates the other mares away
  868. > The Tongue, to charm the stallion and introduce the other mares of the herd
  869. > The Dyke, who goes with the stallion during shopping trips and bonds over colty stuff, often mediating between the stallion and the rest of the herd
  870. > The Bank, who works long and hard at her job as the main financial pillar of the herd
  871.  
  872. >Dating sim mmo.
  873.  
  874. >Entire herd of mares trying to complete a date with King Sparklebottom III.
  875. >One mare holds his amora while the rest support her and prevent off various disasters.
  876. >"Okay it's phase two so get ready for the jealous coltfriend, how's the second course coming?"
  877. "Just waiting on the spices, the runner mistimed the patrol and had to-"
  878. >"Buck, the chickens in the market got loose, thats a wipe girls."
  879.  
  880.  
  881.  
  882. > Twilight insists the main 6 need training before asking out the anon of their dreams
  883. > Finally get it down flawlessly
  884. > Time to put it into practice 
  885. > Anon ends up helping out with their jobs and pays for the meals
  886. > Takes the "Dyke" Rainbow Dash to get dressed up and look super cute
  887. > He ends up as the silver tongue flustering mares unintentionally who have never been complimented in their life about that 
  888. > Asks them personal questions to get to the them better
  889. > They had only prepared questions for him as "stallions like to be center of attention"
  890.  
  891.  
  892. > The game developers come to ask anon to be in there next biggest game/expansion
  893. > The day after release anon is flooded with fans
  894.  
  895.  
  896.  
  897. >Ok.
  898. >You got this; you have all you need now.
  899. >Today is the 69th day of your campaign to obtain the heart of the last conquest of this game.
  900. >Checking the menu one more time, alright.
  901. >Your Char, Int, Str, Speed, Magic, Smooth, Resistance and Determination are maxed.
  902. >Your bank account is in the 6 digits, you can buy any item now.
  903. >You got help from his friends, co-workers, even your other suitors, to talk to him and butter him up.
  904. >All to help you improve your effect on him.
  905. >You got Princess Cadence’s Love Detector, to know how much you will need to woo him and a fragment of the crystal heart to aid you break his heart locks in the case he has ice king ability.
  906. >You got Princess Twilight's charm of charms and the silky mane and care curse on you.
  907. >You won Princess Luna's Dreamy door charm, letting you share dreamscape with other ponies.
  908. >You even got Princess Celestia's help, a liquid that she gave you in exchange of casting a spell that lets her feel the pleasure you will get.
  909. >But it was worth it, a liquid known in the lore as "The king's delight"
  910. >That and you got the items and crafter the item "The Queen's delight"
  911. >Both of these chemicals improve all your stats, and increase the libido to max.
  912. >And both this improve the fertile effect in both of you.
  913. >But not only that.
  914. >The effects are permanent if you managed to make him drink the potion under his consent
  915. >Now is the time.
  916. >Looking at the in-game clock, you prepare yourself.
  917. >Today is Wednesday, his day off.
  918. >He gets up at 9:00 am, and leaves his house at 10:00 am.
  919. >Goes through the market for 2 hours and goes to eat at SCC.
  920. >Then it's a gamble, if he goes for pancakes, orange juice and water, then you can have an opportunity.
  921. >But if he goes for pancakes, orange juice, water and coffee, then you are in trouble.
  922. >The problem here is the coffee.
  923. >You managed to change the coffee machine under order with a side quest.
  924. >But even with the exchange, the random factor goes wild.
  925. >Let's hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
  926. >You have Zecora's cool beans, jungle fever blend, and your target's favorite mix.
  927. >Some Celestial bread, some griffon bacon and lettuce.
  928. >It's now or never.
  929. >HERE I GO!
  930. >-SAVE SPOT-
  931. >LEEEROOOOYYY-
  932. >"Honey, I’m home!"
  933. >!
  934. >With the speed of a thousand suns, you close the game and then open a new one.
  935. >Star-made 2 Legacy of the fullness.
  936. >You have to get back to your life.
  937. >You wanted to finish this game today, but there is always a tomorrow.
  938. >Moving away from the computer, you walk to the living room, to greet your husband Anon the human and help him with the groceries.
  939. >All of that while thinking of a strategy to conquest and get laid with the final boss, Anon the human.
  940. >I'LL BUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT AND HAVE YOUR CHILDREN, ANON THE HUMAN!!!
  941.  
  942.  
  943. The type he likes is the lonely geeky mare, who is almost coltishly shy and easily flustered. After verifying those were really his preferences, the game developers made him the last conquest, a message of hope to their main audience
  944.  
  945.  
  946.  
  947. >Requires low stats in everything except Int which must be mid range to max
  948. >Must have been turned down by at least four other stallions
  949. >Must not have a notoriety level above 2
  950. >Will not be interested in herds above 3 members
  951. >Relationship will immediately fail if magic items are used that directly or indirectly affect him
  952. >He has a very hard to predict conversation AI
  953. >If you get through all of this he is the most loving partner
  954. >also the only one with fully scripted sex scenes included at Anon's demand
  955.  
  956.  
  957.  
  958. >This route is the longest and there is no cheating.
  959. >Meet him at the bar after the first year.
  960. >Little by little, and with each date and approach, your stats start to rise.
  961. >Your character starts to grow and improve together with him.
  962. >Together you defeat all the insecurities of the both of you.
  963. >He loses his ability to cast Ice king on you.
  964. >Gains a new ability named Spagetti-mancy.
  965. >Once he gets that perk, the first date can be triggered.
  966. >The first date is in his house, a meal made by him.
  967. >The second date is triggered by bringing an axe near his house on autumn.
  968. >Anon and pony will go to the forest to get wood.
  969. >Not sex, but good times, very good show.
  970. >Gets teased for not being able to provide what his stallion wants.
  971. >Anon appears behind them, running for his life, axe in hand.
  972. >A pack of timber wolfs are hunting him.
  973. >Escape automatically if you are a Pegasus, unicorn or alicorn.
  974. >Special Minigame if you are a earth-pony.
  975. >This event triggers the 3th date if the 2th date was on the final week of autumn.
  976. >He didn't manage to get enough wood to not freeze in his house.
  977. >This date is to help him get more wood.
  978. >Even if you managed to get all the wood, he will suggest to live with you for a the winter
  979. >The 4th date is when you finally declare to him.
  980. >On one afternoon of winter, you and he will lie together.
  981. >And with that the love scene will be triggered.
  982. >All the good shit that we love and clop to.
  983. >All the time with one hand holding her hoof.
  984. > <3
  985.  
  986.  
  987. >The mares who play the game find out that the Anon is a real being living in Equestria.
  988. >The ultimate husbando is REAL. IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE!
  989. >Then they find out that he got married shortly after the game came out
  990.  
  991.  
  992. > A good portion of the players eventually move on, finding happiness in herds and real stallions
  993. > Some mares don't, waiting and hoping 
  994. > Anon's wife gives birth to a son
  995. > Green Text grows up with an extraordinary amount of female attention
  996. > Fillies of parents who played the game
  997. > Older mares still hoping for that perfect human-style romance
  998.  
  999.  
  1000.  
  1001. >By the power of Love Magic Bullshit, every time an Anon finds Love (whether one mare or a herd of them) and is taken 'off the market', soon after, a new Anon will appear innaquestria
  1002.  
  1003.  
  1004. >Anon can only be encountered in the last act of the game, on a full-naked-ironmare run
  1005. >That is, you must encounter every stallion in the preceding acts without using any items or spells, and not die of embarrassment once.
  1006. >Bedding all of them is mechanically impossible given the constraints, as is winning the game, and it was considered a lose state until P#obosMos#3r on twitchy.tail recorded the first such run, and requests to add a second win condition flooded the devs
  1007.  
  1008.  
  1009. >It starts out as a simple rumor, but then becomes a confirmed fact once people start posting guides on how to complete the Anon route on the Ponynet
  1010. >Hundreds of Anons summoned from multiple Earths through the power of love magic
  1011. >Some find happiness with the mares that completed the game
  1012. >Others had their lives totally uprooted and are justifiably pissed off
  1013. >Then you get odd situations where fillies manage to complete the game, and KidAnons are summoned
  1014. >Or sharing save files on the Ponynet, allowing even total noobs to the game to summon their own Anon
  1015. >Game gets recalled to stop what is essentially kidnapping males en mass, but the ROM is already on the Ponynet so anypony who knows where to look can find it.
  1016.  
  1017.  
  1018.  
  1019.  
  1020.  
  1021.  
  1022. >Cadence is concerned about her ape cousin.
  1023. >He was always a janefilly when they were little, but unlike other colts, he hasn't grown out of it yet.
  1024. >She tries to peer pressure Anon into doing more colty things, and telling him it'll help him find a good mare.
  1025. >Cadence is worried he could drive them away with this phase of his; she "playfully" adds that she'd gladly take him no matter how he acts though. (wink wink)
  1026.  
  1027. >Cadence can't get a date because of how Anon is intimidating is to the average stallion.
  1028. >Hilariously, he has no idea why these stallions are so flighty around him.
  1029. >So he shrugs and goes off to play a more rugby-like version of hoofball.
  1030. >Anon can't get a date with an interested mare because of his Janefilly attitude.
  1031. >That, and he seems to like the "dykes".
  1032. >...And Cadence kinda unintentionally intimidates those straight, faux-dyke mares who might show interest in him.
  1033. >Neither understand why they're so romantically untouchable.
  1034. >Celestia finds the situation hilarious, but watches over her charges in the background
  1035.  
  1036.  
  1037.  
  1038.  
  1039.  
  1040. >Spitfire's slowly lagging performance soars after she starts dating you.
  1041. >Ha. And everyone was talking shit about a "old" 30 year old mare being Captain.
  1042. >But she has to give her spot as a drill instructor to someone else because having hot meals, daily dickings, and loving cuddles at home mellowed her out too much.
  1043.  
  1044. >Poor Spitfire was so dedicated to her career that the last time she was laid was in highschool over 10 years ago.
  1045. >You fuck her at the height of her estrus and knock her up in one go. 
  1046. >The brutally broken dry spell and primal satisfaction of being inseminated puts her out for days.
  1047. >The whole Wonderbolt academy is left confused when she doesn't show up.
  1048. >The captain NEVER takes days off. Not in all the years she's been there. 
  1049. >The maternity leave notice a month or two later throws the whole academy in an uproar
  1050.  
  1051. >No one knows who the father of her foals is.
  1052. >Ponies speculate but none have any idea of the truth
  1053. >That is until Anon turns up at one of her last shows before her maternity leave kicks in
  1054. >He greets her after her performance is done with a hug and a kiss
  1055.  
  1056.  
  1057. >Turns out Anon lives directly under the the Academy
  1058. >They met when she came to speak with him about his complaints regarding a recent tornado caused by one of the students
  1059. >They immediately hit it off
  1060.  
  1061.  
  1062.  
  1063.  
  1064.  
  1065.  
  1066. >Your kid is born.
  1067. >They were expecting a large alpha-predator alicorn thing.
  1068. >But little Proteus is the smollest, the cutest and most precious foal.
  1069. >NMM was outraged when she saw how small your kid is.
  1070. >"It must be Luna's fault. It fed from my magic and essence , so there's no reason for IT to be small and cu-I mean puny."
  1071. >She can't help but cringe and blush like a tomato whenever she remembers her panic during Luna's pregnancy.
  1072. >Whenever she thinks no one is looking she plays and coddle your kid
  1073.  
  1074.  
  1075.  
  1076. >Anon is a complete janefilly, in all aspects except one
  1077. >When it comes to cooking, he is a typical Stallion.
  1078. >His kitchen is his kingdom.
  1079. >He's extremely opinionated, and will argue endlessly about how his way of cooking is the best, and how all these other faggots have no idea what they're doing.
  1080. >The only stallion to ever convince him he was doing it wrong was Mr. Cake.
  1081.  
  1082. >Most mares are terrible at cooking, but the few who are good at it, are strangely persuasive to him. >Whereas most stallions will ignore a mares advice on how to run their kitchen on principle.
  1083. >But Anon actually listens to Pinkie and Bon Bon, and especially Granny Smith, when they have some advice for him
  1084.  
  1085.  
  1086.  
  1087.  
  1088.  
  1089. >There is an immense fear of dying alone among mares, as such a thing happens with alarming frequency. 
  1090. >A rare few end up in small herds were they're treated well.
  1091. >Many end up in larger herds were the unlucky ones are largely pushed to the side for favorite mares. 
  1092. >But since they're the stronger gender, they keep it to themselves. It results in frazzled emotions and lapses in thought. 
  1093.  
  1094. >Get a waifu and remain mono
  1095. >With the looming and emotionally taxing pain of being alone gone, she can think straight. 
  1096. >All the genuine and loving one-on-one attention lets her focus on other things. Like the newfound common sense the peace of mind gives her. 
  1097. >Like blinders being taken off, your waifu takes a step back and sees all the absurd actions and leaps of thought that go on around her, all done by other ponies. It shocks her that she didn't see it before. 
  1098. >Only the other extremely rare mono mares like Mrs Cake and Cadence see it too. 
  1099. >Love really is a life changer...
  1100.  
  1101.  
  1102.  
  1103.  
  1104.  
  1105.  
  1106. >Villain Anon in RGRE
  1107. >figures out ponies literally need love and friendship to function properly
  1108. >introduces the internet to Equestria, including the pony version of 4chan
  1109. >the shitposting and bile affects everyone who uses the site, with only the ponies who don't have computers remaining unaffected 
  1110. >depression skyrockets across the country
  1111. >Anon's robot army easily conquers most of Equestria in their depressed state
  1112.  
  1113.  
  1114.  
  1115.  
  1116.  
  1117.  
  1118. >Waiting for the girls to come home from a day of hard work at their respective places.
  1119. >First one to arrive is Harshwhinny, with a saddle filled with papers.
  1120. >Always take the couch and spreads her being on it.
  1121. >Taking her coat and saddle off of her is the last thing she always do.
  1122. >Not much problem, you use this to test the water and snake some kisses, pets and scratches.
  1123. >Next is Photo Finish and Prim Hemline who came yelling at each other.
  1124. >One defending her camera with her life and the other trying as she only can, to take away that thing.
  1125. >The put their equipment on each side of the house.
  1126. >You can hear the grunting of their workers as they put more of their work tools inside the house.
  1127. >To your mares, something cold, like a beer and soft music.
  1128. >The crew will finish to acomodate their tools in half an hour and go home.
  1129. >You have some snacks and drinks for them.
  1130. >The next to arrive is Stormy Flare, carring what looks like a new coat for her.
  1131. >That diet that she has been on is good for her.
  1132. >That and the D.
  1133. >You can't forget the D.
  1134. >Arriving with magic and the smell of ozone, is Twilight Velvet.
  1135. >As low on battery as the rest, she lets herself go over Hash.
  1136. >Who is too tired to discuss or put Velvet on her place.
  1137. >The family is complete.
  1138.  
  1139. >You were courted by older mares.
  1140. >Mares that were alone, despite their status, money and fame.
  1141. >And when they found you, they got to know once again what it feels to have someone to live for and with once again.
  1142. >Someone who will help them and be their rock on uncertain times.
  1143. >Someone who will be there when the day ends and they arrive home.
  1144. >And that will be there for as long as they want, in the good and bad times.
  1145.  
  1146. >Sometime past and they get a little nervious when they think Anon is getting distant.
  1147. >They fear that they will back to square one, alone and sad.
  1148.  
  1149.  
  1150.  
  1151. >Velvet formulates a plan, so stupid it might work.
  1152. >Behind Anon's back, with their wealth combined, they buy potions to revert their aging and be 20 years younger.
  1153. >With their bank accounts empty and in peril of being broke, they obtain everything and wait for the right time.
  1154. >Anon will never know what hit him.
  1155.  
  1156. >Anon feels that the girls are getting sadder and unstable arround him.
  1157. >Insecure with themselves.
  1158. >Losing fluffyness on their turf.
  1159. >White feathers.
  1160. >Not being able to use more magic,
  1161. >The feel old.
  1162. >But Anon has a solution
  1163. >An stupid one, but will work.
  1164. >Spring is here and with that, heat is coming.
  1165. >And soon, he will.
  1166. >Trains his D to max effect on them.
  1167. >Wax On, Wax OFF, move like a butterfly, stings like a bee and shots like a firehose.
  1168. >They will be full like turkey
  1169.  
  1170.  
  1171.  
  1172.  
  1173.  
  1174. >Anon tries several times to abandon his guard or get her to quit
  1175. >Runs into the centre of the Everfree where the worst beasts live, hydras, dragons, etc. etc.
  1176. >It never works
  1177. >Even after running himself ragged for the entire day he still always opens his door to see the guardmare sitting on the other side waiting for him
  1178. >Eventually gives up trying to get rid of her
  1179. >Order her to only speak when spoken to and only do something when ordered to after she attempts to coddle him
  1180. >Does many things that could put a soft colt like him in deep danger
  1181. >Guard mare has to sit in silence, screaming internally as her charge puts himself in harms way every other minute
  1182.  
  1183. >Anon just outright ignores the mare and does his daily routine.
  1184. >Any attempt at interference has him either ignoring her efforts or calmly pushing her out the way.
  1185. >Twilight, who thought this might get him to consider settling down somehow, screams internally.
  1186. >Guard pone feels lonely as Anon won't even acknowledge her, outside of ensuring she has food, water, and somewhere to snooze
  1187.  
  1188.  
  1189.  
  1190. >Anon stumbles out of a bar
  1191. "Knight, walk me home, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  1192. >Anon goes to the gym
  1193. "Knight, spot me for this lift, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  1194. >Anon goes to the pool
  1195. "Knight, apply liberal amounts of sunscreen to my body, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  1196. "Knight, guide my inflatable pool raft around, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  1197. >Anon accepts an unintentional challenge
  1198. "Knight, hold my beer, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  1199. >Anon gets hit on by a married mare
  1200. "Knight, give me a quickie, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  1201. >Anon falls in love
  1202. >"Knight, please accept my hand in marriage, my heart wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  1203.  
  1204.  
  1205.  
  1206.  
  1207.  
  1208. >Chrysalis comes back with her swarm to conquer Equestria again
  1209. >sets her sights on Ponyville first this time
  1210. >before her forces even reach the town, massive sinkholes open up along it's outskirts
  1211. >different colored, healthier, more vicious looking changelings pour out in droves and begin engaging her forces on every front
  1212. >Chrysalis shits herself as her changelings get their shit smacked
  1213. >ponies shit themselves as an entire hive pops out of the ground like out of a horror movie
  1214. >except the monsters are protecting them all
  1215.  
  1216.  
  1217.  
  1218. >Chrysalis comes back with her swarm to conquer Equestria again
  1219. >sets her sights on Ponyville first this time
  1220. >before her forces even reach the town, massive sinkholes open up along it's outskirts
  1221. >different colored, healthier, more vicious looking changelings pour out in droves and begin engaging her forces on every front
  1222. >Chrysalis shits herself as her changelings get their shit smacked
  1223. >ponies shit themselves as an entire hive pops out of the ground like out of a horror movie
  1224. >except the monsters are protecting them all
  1225.  
  1226.  
  1227.  
  1228.  
  1229. *YOU HAVE TWENTY-THREE NEW VOICEMAIL MESSAGES. FIRST MESSAGE.*
  1230.  
  1231. >"Anon, quit playing. I'm willing to tell you which mare would be your perfect match. For free. I know all stallions are interested in that kind of stuff. Call me back." 
  1232.  
  1233. *MESSAGE DELETED. NEXT MESSAGE.*
  1234.  
  1235. >"Hey, Anon. You're getting up there in age... Isn't your biological clock ticking?"
  1236.  
  1237. *MESSAGE DELETED. NEXT MESSAGE.*
  1238.  
  1239. >"Hey Anon, I have this friend who's like, totally rich. She's single and wants a traditional stallion. Should I set up a date?"
  1240.  
  1241. *MESSAGE DELETED. NEXT MESSAGE.*
  1242.  
  1243.  
  1244. >"Anon! I just don't want you to be one of those crazy cat stallions! Please call me ba-"
  1245.  
  1246. *MESSAGE DELETED. NEXT MESSAGE.*
  1247.  
  1248.  
  1249.  
  1250.  
  1251.  
  1252.  
  1253.  
  1254. >Siege of Ponyville day 1
  1255. >You've dreaded this day. War among your kind.
  1256. >Luckily Anon is in Labyrinthia buying his cheeses or something.
  1257. >He's not a weak willed pony colt but you don't want him to see his children shed blood.
  1258. >Especially if your opponent is Queen Chrysa-
  1259. "MOOOM! MOOOOOOOOM!"
  1260. >Yes dear? Im kinda busy at the moment.
  1261. "I know mom. But this is vewy important!"
  1262. >*sigh* "Sure, honey what's the problem?"
  1263. "You know that room where store all the food andd we weren't supposed to go or else we're gonna have a vewy bad tummy ache?"
  1264. >"yes"
  1265. "Sandy fell in the largest vat...since yesterday"
  1266. >"what? Oh....OH!"
  1267. >Suddenly the earth shook
  1268. >You can hear several reports from your excavation teams several tunnels collapsed
  1269. and sub level 2B is inaccessible.
  1270. >You can feel something burrowing across the no pone's land towards the enemy lines.
  1271. >The ground in the middle of the enemy camp erupted with the force of an angry god.
  1272. >A massive serpentine creature that resembles changeling larvae but with plates of cruel sharp chitin covering it's titanic body started wreaking havoc in the enemy lines.
  1273. SKREEEEEEEOOOOOOONK! 
  1274. DAAAAAAAAADYYYYYYYYY WHERE ARE YOU? I MISS YOU!
  1275. >Oh thousand-eyed god above, I'm sorry Queen Chrysalis
  1276.  
  1277.  
  1278.  
  1279.  
  1280.  
  1281. >Chrysalis isn't evil, just a giant sperg
  1282. >her old mare liked to talk with her hooves, if you know what I mean
  1283. >did her level best to make sure her daughter wasn't one of those colt-y mares, all soft and caring and shit
  1284. >the result is that, as an adult, Chrysalis literally doesn't know how to ask for things
  1285. >like at all
  1286. >want an ice cream cone?
  1287. >invade the store
  1288. >need to buy some stamps?
  1289. >invade the post office
  1290. >can't open the peanut butter jar because fuck hooves?
  1291. >invade Canterlot and hope for the best
  1292. >so when she hears that one of her former infiltrators, one of her daughters, has fallen in love and settled down, she does what any self respecting mother-in-law does: she goes to check the guy out to make sure he's not some gold digging whorse
  1293. >by invading Ponyville
  1294. >because it turns out that invading a post office for stamps gets you blacklisted
  1295.  
  1296.  
  1297.  
  1298.  
  1299.  
  1300. >Anon doesn't know that ponies only become irrational and crazy when deprived of love or friendship.
  1301. >Glimmer, being an orphan, had no parental love and Sunburst was her only source of friendship 
  1302. >That's why she went completely batshit when he moved away.
  1303. >Twilight's forgiveness and acceptance of her allowed Starlght to become rational enough to realize she's in the wrong 
  1304. >Anon's open disdain for Starlight threatens to cause her to backslide into full on crazy cult leader and timeline ruiner
  1305. >he doesn't believe it when Twilight tells him about the 'ponies need love and friendship thing'
  1306. >for the safety of Equestria, the Mane Six have to do the impossible
  1307. >not only do they have to get Anon to forgive Starlight, they have to get him to be friends with her before she reverts to villainy
  1308.  
  1309.  
  1310.  
  1311. >The the immense surprise of everyone, it actually works. Someway, somehow, Anon and Starlight become the best of friends.
  1312. >With a real and loyal friend to lean on, Starlight can push away her loneliness and think clearly.
  1313. >But with the sudden clarity, she makes a disheartening discovery. 
  1314. >Many of the ponies who seemed friendly to her were just putting on an act to avoid making her revert. The only ones who really wanted to be her friends are Trixie and Twilight, neither of whom have the time to always give her the attention she needs. 
  1315. >She tries to mare up and keep it all to herself.
  1316. >But the breakdown in the arms of her only male friend is inevitable
  1317.  
  1318.  
  1319. >Anon isn't surprised.
  1320. >He knew ponies couldn't be THAT friendly and forgiving.
  1321. >If ponies need friendship and love to be sane, then its only natural that some ponies would be willing to fake affection if it meant preventing madness 
  1322. >Now, Starlight has only one option
  1323. >to go out and earn friendship the hard way
  1324. >with Anon at her side, she sets out to try and truly befriend everyone she's wronged who hasn't already forgiven her like Twilight and Trixie
  1325.  
  1326. >In an effort to get away from ponyville and search for new friends, Starlight wants to go questin'
  1327. >Twilight allows it because she feels partly responsible and it'll be a good friendship TRIAL.
  1328. >Only if Anon and Trixie joins her on the road. They should also send her reports once in a while.
  1329. >Que in DnD/Shadowrun-esque shenanigans in reports.
  1330. >After defeating a crazed imprisoned god of dreams, they're coming back.
  1331. >Starlight introduces her new friends. A massive and feral looking diamond dog, a scarred old colt who wears the pelt of a bear (they told her he's one of those Hermit Kung Pone masters), a griffon pirate and a goat liche priest.
  1332. >a bunch of weirdoes but Twilight senses that they share a true bond of friendship.
  1333. >Twalot is a marely mare and doesn't shed tears, Spike is just chopping onions in the room again
  1334.  
  1335.  
  1336.  
  1337.  
  1338.  
  1339.  
  1340. >Rarity will never treat you to lunch and insist on paying the bill
  1341. >Rarity will never compliment you on how nice your outfit looks
  1342. >You will never retort that since she designed and constructed it, she should get the credit for how good it looks
  1343. >Rarity will never effortlessly return the compliment and insist that the clothes look good because you're wearing them
  1344.  
  1345.  
  1346.  
  1347.  
  1348.  
  1349.  
  1350. >Mares tire of listening to AJ talk politics
  1351. >Especially when she's been hitting the hard cider
  1352. >They say she'll never land herself a stallion if she keeps up that kind of crazy talk
  1353. >Anon stumbles into her life
  1354. >He goes to the bar to drink with her
  1355. >Just stares at her while she rants
  1356. >She blushes when she thinks he's judging her harshly
  1357. "You know what, AJ? You're makin' a lot of sense."
  1358.  
  1359.  
  1360.  
  1361.  
  1362.  
  1363. >Anon has no cultural context for her behavior and has no idea she's sunhat-tipping; just thinks she's interested in him
  1364. >Finds the idea of someone standing up for him refreshing
  1365. >Rarity's friends are in various states of disbelief and disgust when Rarity's cringey m'lady-ing actually lands her a coltfriend
  1366.  
  1367.  
  1368.  
  1369.  
  1370. >tfw you accidentally ("accidentally") mark an off-limits male with your scent
  1371. >Now everyone thinks he's a slut
  1372.  
  1373. >Cadence's smug smile intensifies as the mare Anon showed interest in instinctively backs off.
  1374. >Anon is confused and saddened.
  1375. >Luckily, Cousin Cadence is there to comfort him...
  1376.  
  1377. >Cadence and Anon have a tradition where they spend their Friday nights eating greasy, unhealthy pizza at home together.
  1378. >She feels threatened when Fleur, a mare interested in Anon, weasels her way into an invite one night.
  1379. >BackAwayFromMyStallionWhorse.scroll
  1380.  
  1381. >Fleur sits close to him, on the other side of Cadance
  1382. >She gets a deep whiff of the scent that marks him "off-limits"
  1383. >Cadance gets up to use the restroom
  1384. >Fleur throws herself across his lap
  1385. >Sniffs at Cadance's spot on the couch because of a sneaking suspicion
  1386. >Puts two and two together
  1387. >Cadance comes back to Fleur with an evil grin on her face
  1388. >She whispers later in Cadance's ear about making a deal
  1389.  
  1390. >Did Fleur just sniff Cadence's seat when she got up and then they smiled at each other when Cadence came back?
  1391. >I have to get the fuck out of here...
  1392.  
  1393. Anon is now convinced they are lesbians.
  1394.  
  1395.  
  1396.  
  1397.  
  1398.  
  1399.  
  1400.  
  1401. >The gender ratio is incredibly skewed.
  1402. >This had the consequences you'd expect like herds, and mares running things.
  1403. >But this birthed many unsavory practices throughout the ages.
  1404. >For much of history, stallions couldn't say no.
  1405. >Ponykind couldn't afford such a thing, especially with how savage and untamed the land was.
  1406. >In fact, it's been less than a century since most of Equestria banned compulsory marriage. 
  1407. >This practice varied from a town by town, or region by region, basis.
  1408. >Typically, as soon as a colt hit puberty he had to choose a herd within his community or risk being auctioned off, becoming a public stud, or being physically coerced into marrying on a first come first serve basis. 
  1409. >This was so ubiquitous, that the proto-Equis word for stallion, husband, and father were the same. 
  1410. >An unmarried stallion was simply an oxymoron in those days.
  1411. >Equestria likes to pretend it never happened.
  1412. >Many more look away from the fact that it still happens in remote places and small communities.
  1413. >Due to centuries of treaties, loopholes, and laws set by duchesses that the crown can't supersede, compulsory marriage lives on.
  1414. >Most simply don't see it as too big of an issue, there a bigger things to worry about, and others even defend it as a cultural tradition.
  1415. >While Princess Celestia has never publicly supported it, there are numerous accounts by castle staff over the long years claiming she condones it.
  1416. >The modern version is a bit "nicer", and states a stallion must be unmarried by 21 for it to go into effect.
  1417. >Still, there are numerous cases every year of mares traveling with an unwitting male friend to these places in order to trap him into a marriage.
  1418. >As it turns out, Ponyville is one such place.
  1419. >Up until now, Anon was exempt due to being unable to breed with ponies.
  1420. >*was*
  1421. >On the insistence of one of the princesses, Anon had to send a sperm sample last week.
  1422. >Mayor Mare is about to receive a letter; a letter with the results
  1423.  
  1424.  
  1425. >Mares tell stories about a male so bitchy that not even The Princesses could deal with him.
  1426. "If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best" he was often heard saying.
  1427. >when asked to quote on Anonymous Princess Celestia, had this to say: "Mr.Anonymous is exempt from all compulsory marriage."
  1428. >when asked if this was to appease the feminists she said: "We do this not for his sake but to protect the poor mare who thinks that is a good idea."
  1429.  
  1430. "I'm not trapped in this marriage to you, you're trapped in this marriage to ME!"
  1431.  
  1432.  
  1433. >Anon unleashes his true, inner autism upon being forcibly married
  1434. >His mares don't last a month before they're heading to the divorce courts
  1435. >Anon gets half their stuff
  1436. >Repeat until nopony tries to marry him for the sake of their own sanity; not even the marely mares who are convinced that all his previous wives were pansies who couldn't handle one little stallion
  1437. >Anon is now a rich man with 3 houses thanks to the divorce agreements
  1438.  
  1439. >Eventually there is no hope left in Mare
  1440. >Nopony will marry him
  1441. >Not even the most daring of homohoers
  1442. >Public outcry against this reaches Celestia's ears
  1443. >She sees an opportunity that the world will accept
  1444. >She announces plans to marry Anon, since she is the most Marely of Mares and can handle him
  1445. >Even if he's trying on her patience, she can just wait out his death
  1446. >All while getting that hot, hateful, angry monkey-dick sex
  1447. >No divorce court would hear their case, since she her daycourt is literally the highest authority in the land
  1448. >How will Anon escape this time?
  1449.  
  1450.  
  1451.  
  1452.  
  1453.  
  1454.  
  1455.  
  1456.  
  1457.  
  1458. >Anon has no idea about the RGR setting
  1459. >Just thinks pone are polite because if a giant started hanging around your neighborhood back home you wouldn't want to fuck with it either.
  1460. >Rarity does Rarity things
  1461. >Cute
  1462. >Friends stunned that the cringy sunhatduchess was the first to grab a male
  1463. >To add salt to the wound the NEET who was once confused with a stallion so hard she had a short modeling career is the first to herd with him. 
  1464. >Something something all "masculine" herd
  1465.  
  1466.  
  1467. >Anon has no idea about the RGR setting
  1468. >Just thinks pone are polite because if a giant started hanging around your neighborhood back home you wouldn't want to fuck with it either.
  1469. >Rarity does Rarity things
  1470. >Cute
  1471. >Friends stunned that the cringy sunhatduchess was the first to grab a male
  1472. >To add salt to the wound the NEET who was once confused with a stallion so hard she had a short modeling career is the first to herd with him. 
  1473. >Something something all "masculine" herd
  1474.  
  1475.  
  1476.  
  1477.  
  1478.  
  1479.  
  1480. > Anon is married to a mafia Donna
  1481. > He thinks she just has a rowdy group of friends, who are fond of pranks
  1482. > It's cute how they will pounce on someone who's feeling down and tickle them 
  1483. > The pony is always so grateful, they give them bits
  1484. > Meanwhile, the organized crime world fears him, if he thinks their shakedown tactics are cute, what level of violence is he willing to commit?
  1485.  
  1486.  
  1487.  
  1488. >Anon in RGRE gets tangled up in mafia warfare
  1489. >"Ayyy gals check out this sexy stud I just picked up"
  1490. >Innuendos, double entendres, horrible pick up lines, and cat calls abound
  1491. >Anon just thinks it's a gang of misunderstood mares
  1492. >Like the Jets, they even fucking sing in the streets, what more would he need to convince him
  1493. >Goes along on their gang activities
  1494. >"Drug runs", just passing salt and super purified sugar
  1495. >"Money laundering", sneaking into the house of one of the member's parent's and getting some money for snacks or the movies WITHOUT asking or even wiping their hooves on the doormat
  1496. >"Drive-bys", just egging somepony's house
  1497.  
  1498.  
  1499. >One of the made mares ask Anon
  1500. >Anon jokingly tells them about that Godfather scene.
  1501. >At the next summit all the Dons agree never to let anon know the existence of their world
  1502.  
  1503.  
  1504. >"Did you hear about what happened to the mare that disrespected Anon to his face?"
  1505. >>"No, what happened, is she ok?"
  1506. >"She slapped his ass and called him a cocksucker in public, so he...he..."
  1507. >>"Spit it out!"
  1508. >"He slapped her ice cream on the ground, stomped on it with his shoe, and then--oh I get the chills just talking about it--he put her face in it while giving her a wedgie with her own tail!"
  1509. >>"Eugh, no wonder the boss likes him."
  1510. >"Yeah, the poor mare was walking funny for a couple days, since nopony could figure out how to untie the knot he made with her tail to keep it in place."
  1511. >>"Whoa."
  1512. >"The worst part was he found her a few days later and apologized to her for reacting like that to something so small, like he did something wrong."
  1513. >>"What kind of mind games is he playing?"
  1514. >"I dunno, but this just confirms my hunch that the Boss likes dangerous stallions."
  1515.  
  1516.  
  1517.  
  1518. >Anon starts dating the heiress to one of the largest crime families in Equestria.
  1519. >He doesn't know this, and her parents are just happy their daughter found a guy that isn't just after the money and power her family wields.
  1520. >Before they can wed he has to be introduced into the family business.
  1521. >He excels far better than any of them ever expected him to.
  1522. >His methods are brutal, his schemes are brilliant, his poker face is frigid, and he can stomach things not even the Donna herself can watch.
  1523. >"Dey'll do an amazin' job once dey take ovah, won' dey love? I'm so proud of our little Flutter Shy."
  1524. >She was never that into leading the family anyway.
  1525. >And while it's a bit unorthodox, that stallion she's getting married to is the perfect successor.
  1526.  
  1527. >Anon is in a loving relationship with a nice mare who loves animals.
  1528. >A few months before their wedding he finds out that she's also rich as fuck.
  1529. >Her parents frequently come to him for help with troublesome neighbors and customers. And they even got him a pretty sweet job.
  1530. >He's more than happy to help them out with their problems. Sometimes a big tall guy is all you need to get bitchy people in line.
  1531. >They're weird but Anon thinks they'll make great in-laws
  1532.  
  1533.  
  1534.  
  1535.  
  1536. >Anon's pone mafia family try to keep him unaware of their dealings
  1537. >They constantly get caught in the act by him
  1538. >They are all unsure of whether to be scared that he brushes it all off as nothing or proud they got a stallion like him into the family
  1539. >The Godmother (and a pone Anon sees as his actual mother considering she raised him for so many years) ends up getting foalnapped by a rival family
  1540. >Message left on her bedroom walls in cupcake frosting
  1541. >Ransom letter is made with letters cut from Playcolt magazines with a cut lock of her mane and tail to show that the rival gang is serious
  1542. >A few weeks pass and everypony is freaking out while Anon wonders what they're freaking out about when they know where she is
  1543. >The rival gang left the return address on the envelope
  1544. >The gang battle that goes on is a god damn water balloon fight
  1545. >Anon charges in Rambo style, a few belts of balloons strapped to his chest
  1546. >The rival gang focuses on him but their will is faltering because he just won't stay down because he keeps getting up even if they get it in his eyes
  1547. >Anon charges into the centre of them trying to roar but only having it coming out as hearty laughter
  1548. >'Detonates' his chest full of pressurized water balloons thanks to the help of a handy needle with cries of "Aloha Snackbar"
  1549. >Finds mama mafia in a really small bedroom, no board game or magazines to entertain her, and only getting two meals a day with no snacks
  1550. >Picks her up and tucks her under his hoodie
  1551. >It's cold and she forgot her scarf when she got foalnapped
  1552. >Helps her recover from her "traumatic experience" as she calls it, with daily doses of home-made meals courtesy of Anon and nightly cuddles
  1553. >Godmother asks for them for a whole month "to recover"
  1554. >Anon can never say no to his drama queen mom
  1555.  
  1556.  
  1557.  
  1558.  
  1559.  
  1560.  
  1561.  
  1562.  
  1563. >Anon is a Hell Knight.
  1564. >But an outcast from Hell because he's as lazy as fuck.
  1565. >Too lazy to be evil.
  1566. >Mares aren't sure how to act around a stallion that can lob fire from his hands or stomp a Changeling Queen into the dirt
  1567. >Ursa Major invades Ponyville while the mane 6 are away trying to stop the big bad
  1568. >All part of the big bad's plan
  1569. >Anon lobs his sword of extra edge with edge on the side into the Ursa's chest
  1570. >Holds it down and dislocates it's jaw
  1571. >The girl's return to an intact town
  1572. >They head to Anon's house to give him a souvenir from their adventure
  1573. >They find his house decorated in the beast's coat and his pantry full of it's meat
  1574. >Anon greets them with a smile and some cider to celebrate
  1575.  
  1576.  
  1577.  
  1578.  
  1579.  
  1580.  
  1581. >Pony mafia family starts in the first place as a simple but massive family
  1582. >Original mother and father loved each other a little too much
  1583. >Though they always say there's no such thing
  1584. >They couldn't provide for their huge family through legal means
  1585. >Eventually their name grows, feared by many, and revered by some
  1586. >The family has a tendency to take in orphans and teenage runaways
  1587. >Under the guise of raising a criminal army in actuality the mother just can't stand the sight 
  1588. >All the kids are enrolled in public school, it helps to educate them traditionally, but they're also given goals to pull of by the end of each day, steal this, successfully lie to them, detonate this in there so you can grab that, etc. etc
  1589. >Eventually they come across Anon and take him in, worried he'll be treated badly for being an alien
  1590. >You gain two reputations, one inside the family and one outside
  1591. >From the outside you're like a silent monster
  1592. >Whenever a pony at school would bully one of your younger siblings you'd end up behind them, their backup taken out without a sound, your arms crossed, eyes boring into them with your glare
  1593. >You finally got the attention of the other families when you got into a fight with each of their still enrolled heirs
  1594. >They had stolen your (secretly favorite) sister' favourite hat and dropped a cupcake on her head
  1595. >They ended up with doodles on their body with permanent marker and their manes and tails left bald with you walking away like it was nothing
  1596. >You're brought into the family business the day after
  1597. >Your mother, while proud you knew how to do such things that even the most hardened members of the gang has trouble stomaching, thinks you need to learn how to protect yourself
  1598. >Earth Pony? Extend arm
  1599. >Pegasus? Bear hug
  1600. >Unicorn? You can blow out their horn like a candle
  1601. >To the mafia world you're unstoppable machine that could win your mother the underworld if she wanted
  1602. >But that's just outside, to your family you're one of the softest and laziest beings to ever exist
  1603. >You're hardly ever found not lying in bed or on the couch, or when you finally do go out to get some fresh air, on the hammock
  1604. >When you can't play with your younger siblings you make up for it by preparing their favourite meals
  1605. >When your mother stresses herself out too much over a task you get off your ass and get it done so she can finally gets some rest
  1606. >You're always willing to drop your work to give your family a hug if they're feeling down about something and talk it out with them
  1607.  
  1608.  
  1609.  
  1610. >Mares were relieved when Anon and Blueblood stopped hanging out together.
  1611. >They thought Anon might become a cunt like Blue
  1612. >But the Canterlot Royal Family knows the terrible truth.
  1613. >They just separated the two bros because they ALWAYS gets involved in buddy cop like incidents.
  1614. >Anon with his "Human Skills" and Blueblood with his Royal smooth talking and other curiously related skills.
  1615. >Go to the port to buy some fish and meat, They stumble upon an international smuggling operation.
  1616. >A trip to Las Pegas? They pick up a mare on the run from the Mob
  1617. >Vacation to Neighpon? Get caught in an ancient blood feud between two clans
  1618. >The amount of property damage can only be repaid by using Her Majesty's Cake Fund.
  1619. >A few uninhabited islands "disappeared" when they broke the news to Celestia by the way
  1620.  
  1621.  
  1622. >Anon feels terrible just seeing the cute pones having scraped knees
  1623. >never wants to see them without smiles
  1624. >But being from earth he's pretty -dense- and most cartoon physics/magic doesn't apply
  1625. >Blueblood's adventures always seems to somehow invite fights and trouble
  1626. >Anon doesn't want troubu
  1627.  
  1628.  
  1629.  
  1630.  
  1631.  
  1632.  
  1633. > Anon celebrates his first birthday in Equestria
  1634. > Pinkie throws a huge party, Applejack breaks out the good cider
  1635. > Anon is genuinely touched, and appreciates what they are doing for him
  1636. > But he still misses home, and his birthday is a reminder of how far away that is
  1637. > As the night wears on, he gets drunker and drunker
  1638. > Not to be outdone by a stallion, a number of mares try to match his drinking, forgetting he is about twice the size of them
  1639. > Eventually Anon wobbles home with a band of thoroughly sloshed mares and collapse in a big snuggle pile
  1640. > The next morning, the mares wake up in the bed of a stallion with no memory of what happened that night
  1641. > They look at each other, and the sleeping Anon 
  1642. > "We have to take responsibility. Looks like we're a herd now."
  1643.  
  1644.  
  1645. >Hang out at a bar and get drunk.
  1646. >An equally drunk mare or two puts the moves on you, and it works. 
  1647. >You wake up in a pile of ponies with fuzzy memory and a sticky dick.
  1648. >Oh. Oh shit.
  1649. >Freakout thinking that you're going to be nailed for sexing up drunk mares.
  1650. >They wake up, then freakout to.
  1651. >Then... Apologize for taking advantage of you?
  1652. >Wat
  1653.  
  1654.  
  1655.  
  1656.  
  1657.  
  1658. >Pinkie has dozens of friends, but never once has she had a coltfriend
  1659. >She was raised with traditional family values, so she'd love to be a wife and mother that brings home the haybacon.
  1660. >But her excitable, party-loving personality always lands her in the friend zone.
  1661. >Pinkie's face when her clone not only lost her virginity before she did but is starting a family with a stallion who genuinely loves her
  1662.  
  1663. >Clone Pinkie knows about her original's pain.
  1664. >She is a perfect copy after all
  1665. >She slowly but surely eases Anon into the Idea of forming a herd with Pinkie
  1666. >Pinkie receives a formal letter of invitation to their herd.
  1667. >Her teary eyed smile was so bright and radiant it almost mutated gummy into gummyzilla
  1668. >Meanwhile at the Crystal Empire, Candy-ass' had sudden multiple orgasms
  1669.  
  1670.  
  1671.  
  1672.  
  1673. >Mirror Pool clones initially start off as carbon copies of the original.
  1674. >Over time however, as they experience life and have their own experiences, these mutate the original's cloned experiences into their own individual experiences.
  1675. >Creating new personalities, etcetera.
  1676. >Once they get to this point and the Mirror Pool magic used to create them has been slowly replaced by ambient natural magic, they're considered their own individual pony.
  1677. >However, the success-rate for copies achieving this are very low, since they either degrade, commit suicide due to an identity crisis, etcetera.
  1678.  
  1679. >Cadence, when she was young, accidentally cloned herself.
  1680. >She never knew about her clone.
  1681. >Paranoid about what will happen if discovered, she runs.
  1682. >In reality, Celestia would probably do all she could to keep Clonedence alive, since she's a boss like that.
  1683. >Clone meets young-Anon on the road.
  1684. >They grow up together as street rats, his presence and acceptance causing her to survive.
  1685. >Eventually fall in love, get married in a private ceremony.
  1686. >One day, as late teens/early adults, they get caught in an undercover sting operation by the Royal Guard.
  1687. >Thus they were revealed to the world and the Royals
  1688.  
  1689.  
  1690. >While still young and wandering alone, Cadence hears about a magic pool that can create clones if you speak the right phrase to it.
  1691. >It's perfect! She can have a sister so she doesn't have to lookout for herself anymore. 
  1692. >When she actually finds the book about the pool and the pool itself, she starts to get cold hooves. Clones and magic aren't really things to trifle with. 
  1693. >But...
  1694. >She does it and hops in.
  1695. >Thing is, her clone stumbles out and falls, hitting her head. 
  1696. >Cadence freaks out, thinking her clone is dead and regrets the choice instantly as she tearfully runs away. 
  1697. >The clone wakes up, her memory jumbled and missing.
  1698. >She wakes up just in time for a disgruntled and freshly dropped into RGRE teen Anon to stumble across from her. 
  1699. >That's how your mother and I met, Anon says to the smiling little filly in his lap.
  1700. >The father and daughter get up, heading off to start dinner for when the mother gets home from another day of breadwinning.
  1701. >Little do they know, Twilight was passing right over their close-knit and isolated village on her way to a friendship problem.
  1702. >And her eyes locked right into the pink alicorn doppelganger in the street below
  1703.  
  1704.  
  1705. >Although Cadance cloned herself before she became an Alicorn, the Mirror Pool was able to copy the potential for ascension into Clone Pegasus Cadance 
  1706. >As such, when the clone performs a nearly impossible task in name of her love towards her family, she ascends
  1707. >Equestria now has two Princesses of Love
  1708.  
  1709. >Cadance is the Princess of Love
  1710. >Eros, erotic love, when two ponies love each other very much
  1711. >Clonedance is Princess of Familial Love
  1712. >She's a model parent and wife, while her 'sister' is the ideal girlfriend, but not a great family member
  1713.  
  1714. >Cadence may not be a particularly good parent, but she is the MASTER at romance
  1715. >She instinctively knows how to properly cultivate and maintain romantic relationships, not just her own but everypony else's.
  1716. >Clonedence is everything a stallion could want in a wife and mother of their children, but she's just as bad at romance as the average mare.
  1717. >Anon doesn't really care, because he's a man not a stallion, and the romance in their relationship is more unspoken rather than visible
  1718. >Clonedence instinctively knows how to resolve familial issues among ponies in ways that make every pony involved feel closer to one another
  1719.  
  1720.  
  1721.  
  1722.  
  1723.  
  1724.  
  1725.  
  1726.  
  1727. >Cherry Berry
  1728. >Strawberry Sunrise
  1729. >Lightning Dust
  1730. >Trixie
  1731. >Redheart
  1732.  
  1733. >The town's ponies widly regard Anon's herd to be full of grumpy, gaping assholes. 
  1734. >But since ponies judge things differently, they're like mild human women to Anon that are easily tamed with affection and open to sex. The familiar feeling is comforting, and all the benefits of dating mares are still there.
  1735. >Deep down, his mares are truly grateful that he's willing to love them despite their foul attitudes. It would take death to part them
  1736.  
  1737.  
  1738.  
  1739.  
  1740.  
  1741. >Redheart returning home after a hard, long shift in the early AM.
  1742. >Anon is there with dinner waiting for her.
  1743. >Gives her a hoof-rub.
  1744. >Snuggles down with husbando who puts up with her shit, like a sleep-deprived temper.
  1745. >He makes it all worthwhile
  1746.  
  1747.  
  1748. >Anon shows up every now and then for an "appointment"
  1749. >Doctors think its cute a stallion would show up to see his wife at work
  1750. >Anon gets in an empty bed
  1751. >Tells Redheart he needs the "procedure"
  1752. >"I don't think I'll have time for that."
  1753. "Uh, it's a quick procedure, in and out same day in fact."
  1754. >"That doesn't--"
  1755. "Are you a doctor?"
  1756. >"Noooo...I'm a nurse."
  1757. "Well then how would you know?"
  1758. >"You're not a doctor either."
  1759. "Oh but I am. I'm a doctor of love, baby."
  1760. >Anon points finger-guns at his waifu
  1761. "And I know you need a dose of your medicine."
  1762.  
  1763.  
  1764.  
  1765.  
  1766.  
  1767.  
  1768. >Anon ends up coming to Equestria and setting traps to catch food.
  1769. >After catching RD the mares of ponyville start actively seeking out his traps to get laid.
  1770. >After about a week of this several mares are arrested on bestiality charges and rape due to Anon being unable to legally consent under Equestrian law.
  1771. >they think Anon is traumatized by being raped when he's wracked with guilt himself for "raping" tiny horses
  1772.  
  1773.  
  1774.  
  1775.  
  1776.  
  1777.  
  1778.  
  1779. >There's a language barrier, so Anon can't tell Rainbow is intelligent right away.
  1780. >He just sees a colorful equine caught in his trap. Oh well. Food is food in this crazy ass forest.
  1781. >Rainbow, being the thrill junkie that she is, is both terrified and a little aroused at being caught. It jumps to a whole new level when the tall thing that set the trap pulls out a knife and starts to approach from behind. 
  1782. >As Anon gets closer to the struggling pony, he notices that it's a female.
  1783. >One that can't move...
  1784. >And he's been out in this forest for a long time...
  1785. >Alone...
  1786. >Primal urges slowly overpower shame.
  1787. >Rainbow's fear turns to confusion when the tall thing stops to fumble with it's leg coverings. 
  1788. >It undoes a belt and a zipper to reveal..!
  1789. >He, not it, Rainbow realizes. 
  1790. >And he's at full mast. 
  1791. >The fear is suddenly gone, but the thrill just keeps climbing
  1792.  
  1793.  
  1794. >Rainbow keeps going back for free sex after she's let go the first time. 
  1795. >And the mysterious Hunter seems to appreciate the attention too.
  1796. >Slowly, the wild sex turns into slower paced lovemaking, and an actual relationship forms even if they barely understand each other.
  1797. >Rainbow has found herself staying in the modest cabin her biped lover made more often than she does her own home. 
  1798. >Too bad no one believes her about him, since that's like a guy saying he meets an amazon sized injun huntress in the woods for free grade A pussy
  1799.  
  1800.  
  1801.  
  1802.  
  1803.  
  1804.  
  1805. > Zecora vacations in her homeland
  1806. > Sets some monkey traps
  1807. > Baits them with booze 
  1808. > Catches the biggest ape she's ever seen
  1809. > Uses zebra fu to subdue it and tie it up
  1810. > Rolls it onto it's back, only to see a huge dick standing at attention
  1811. > Good times ensue
  1812.  
  1813.  
  1814.  
  1815.  
  1816. >She used to wash off when coming back to town.
  1817. >Now she's so used to the scent that she doesn't bother. 
  1818. >The smell of male clings to her like thick cloud, and EVERYONE can smell it. 
  1819. >But that can be explained. No one knows what the scent could really be.
  1820. >But then she shows "handmade" gifts that she says her mysterious male made for her.
  1821. >Well, maybe she's just flying far out to places and getting them to keep the ruse up?
  1822. >But when Rainbow, one of the least academic ponies around, starts accidentally slipping words from an unknown language into her speech, the doubts begin to fade.
  1823. A few brave mares even try their luck in the forest, trying to find their own tall two-legged hunter
  1824.  
  1825.  
  1826.  
  1827.  
  1828.  
  1829.  
  1830. >Teenaged you meets teen Twilight in Canterlot long before she moves to Ponyville.
  1831. >For whatever reason, something just clicked, and you find yourself her best friend despite how trying you both can be for the other at times.
  1832. >But since you're a bit of an autist as well, she never really grows out of it herself.
  1833. >Slowly you and Twilight both grow closer, and before you know it, you're balls deep in her in a bout of passion and hormones.
  1834. >The rest is history. You stayed together until your work calls you out of Equestria for what might be years just a week before the 1000th SSC.
  1835. >Just before you go, Twilight tearfully swears she'll marry you when you return, that she'll miss you everyday, and that she wants no one else.
  1836. >You starting counting the days to your return.
  1837. >Time passed 
  1838. >Twilight's friends wonder why she never seems interested in stallions. 
  1839. >Of all the mares who should be wanting dick, an autistic librarian would be high on that last.
  1840. >And after her alicornifcation, she even rejects that stallions that come to HER.
  1841. >Finally, one of them asks.
  1842. >She didn't expect stifled laughs when she said her fiance was called out of Equestria by his work. 
  1843. >Then she explains WHO he is, AKA a unique, mono male from another world, and the laughs are barely hidden now.
  1844. >Her friends don't believe her? 
  1845. >She bites her tough and lets it go. This'll be just like the wedding invasion where proof walks itself in the front door.
  1846. >A week later while the girls are meeting, Spike rushes in absolutely ecstatic, saying "He's back!"
  1847. >The look between each other with confusion, all but the wide-eyed Twi that is. 
  1848. >Then a tall form steps into view just behind the little drake.
  1849.  
  1850.  
  1851.  
  1852.  
  1853.  
  1854.  
  1855. >Herding is standard in Equestria
  1856. >Mono relationships are borderline taboo, and it's commonly believed that they're abusive
  1857. >Like the mare is somehow preventing the stallion from adding other mares to the herd and is forcing him to stick with her
  1858. >When Anon gets together with one mare and one mare only, ponies around town start to whisper amongst themselves
  1859. >"She can't do that! She's stealing his love all for herself!"
  1860. >"What a selfish mare."
  1861. >"Poor stallion doesn't even know he's being hurt."
  1862.  
  1863.  
  1864. >Anon hooks up with Rainbow Dash
  1865. >The Loyalty in her is thrilled that Anon doesn't want anybody but her, but the borderline hostile looks and general disapproving attitude from everyone around her is starting to damage her pride
  1866.  
  1867.  
  1868. >Anon finally figures out what's going on after he asks Rainbow.
  1869. >Well shit. This won't do. He needs a way to deflect this bullshit away from his precious waifu. The society has changed, but the game remains the same.
  1870. >Protect. That. Smile.
  1871. >An idea hits him. Ponies put a lot of stock into things like emotion and instinct so... 
  1872. >Eventually, he gets to start his plan when a mare asks him why's mono.
  1873. >She gets taken on a ruse cruise.
  1874. >Human males are jealous and competitive things thanks to an equal gender ratio.
  1875. >So much so, that crimes of passion when females were involved are common. It can go from destroyed friendships all the way to heinous and premeditated murder.
  1876. >He admits to the slowly more horrified mare that he once threw a rival for his last girlfriend's affections out of a high window in uncontrollable rage.
  1877. >And other females trying to tempt a male away from his partner are not immune to the resulting anger. 
  1878. >That's why monogamy is a thing on earth, he says, because that instinct to remove rivals and distractions in males. 
  1879. >The mares eyes are as wide as dinner plates as she hears that.
  1880. >The actual statistics of the crimes are omitted, and the window he was talking about was only about 6 feet high, but he keeps that to himself as what he said is still technically true.
  1881. >The number of mares wanting in drops like a rock, but more rumors start to spread...
  1882.  
  1883.  
  1884.  
  1885. >Anon's stallion friends start dropping subtle (and "subtle") hints that there's help available if he needs it and that they're there for him
  1886. >This ranges from:
  1887. >A) two of his friends pretending to be unaware that Anon is nearby while they talk to each other about how their (fictional) friend got help because his mare wasn't treating him right
  1888. >to
  1889. >B) Caramel buying a rape whistle for Anon and giving it to him under the excuse that he thought it was Anon's birthday.... 1 whole week after they celebrated Anon's birthday.
  1890. >Ponies are concerned, but nopony wants to do anything that might make Anon even more emotionally distressed
  1891. >All they can do is wait for Rainbow to do something illegal and look out for bruises on his skin
  1892. >Meanwhile, Anon and Rainbow are busy cuddling in front of Anon's fireplace
  1893.  
  1894.  
  1895.  
  1896.  
  1897.  
  1898.  
  1899.  
  1900.  
  1901. > Draconian legends speak of the scaleless, a race of soft, pleasing servants, imperfectly made in the image of dragonkind
  1902. > When the dragons hear the description of the creature the ponies have found, they realize the legends are true
  1903. > Dragonesses flock to Ponyville, to pay court to the first scaleless in millennia
  1904. > Some want Anon as a status symbol, or as a bargaining chip
  1905. > Others hope to breed him with minotaurs, to see if more near-humans can be produced this way
  1906. > Of course, there are those that want to see if the more bawdy tales are true
  1907. > Ember is more interested in keeping him out of the clutches of her political opponents, while perhaps visiting a certain librarian's assistant
  1908.  
  1909.  
  1910. >If the scaleless are not courted properly they have been known to kill dragons.
  1911. >a properly courted scaleless are some of the best servants ever known
  1912.  
  1913.  
  1914.  
  1915.  
  1916.  
  1917.  
  1918. >4Pon
  1919. >Humie
  1920. >Implication that you are a character in a popular cartoon show
  1921.  
  1922. >You will never exist in a world where people like you enough that they will argue passionately that you are the best human
  1923. >You will never exist in a world where they will firmly and stubbornly believe in you no matter how many arguments and discussions they have
  1924. >You will never exist in a world where a tiny cute poner will look at your picture and say, "This one is my favorite!"
  1925.  
  1926.  
  1927.  
  1928.  
  1929.  
  1930.  
  1931.  
  1932. >Canterlot castle has just as many weird traps and passages that the everfree castle does, but all the mechanisms are at alicorn height.
  1933. >Anon uses them to picks off the changelings one by one the moment their backs are turned.
  1934. >Startled yells and screams are cut off almost immediately afterwards.
  1935. >Everyling is absolutely terrified and wont go around the castle without 5 other guys watching their back.
  1936. >Whispers quickly spread of a horrible shadow demon with gangly limbs and horrific strength that's feasting on all the victims it can find.
  1937.  
  1938. >In actuality, anon was in the kitchen when the swarm invaded because fuck weddings, and months of surprise pinkie hugs has conditioned him to instantly shove a baked good into her mouth to pacify her.
  1939. >It works surprisingly well on changeling ambushes.
  1940. >Turns out "Baked with love" is an actual thing in equestria, and the combined sugar / emotion rush is enough to leave them in a semi-cohrent stupor
  1941.  
  1942.  
  1943.  
  1944.  
  1945. >Pregnancy is trying, but the protections put in place by the ritual keep life threatening issues away.
  1946. >A'non insists on being the one to deliver the foal, even throwing ponies who try to stop him out of the way.
  1947. >The foal is born a normal pegasus, but larger than a normal one, part of the reason a petite mare like Rainbow was struggling so much.
  1948. >A'non painstakingly moves his cabin one log at a time closer to Ponyville, right on the outskirts, then enlarges it for a family. 
  1949. >The little booger is hungry all the time, so much so that Rainbow has to take lactation stimulants. Though the tyke is quickly weened when the canine teeth grow in. After that, a taste for meat makes itself apparent.
  1950. >Childhood is a mix of normal schooling (with the occasional fight for shit talk), flying lessons and sports games with mom. With dad, hunting trips and spiritual trips.
  1951. >Bullying is a frequent problem since the foal is just so different. Both in body and behavior. 
  1952. >With the genes of a world class athlete and an alien woodland conqueror, the little foal grows like a weed. At 12, they can stare most adults in the eyes. 16, they're closer to their monolith of a father in size.
  1953.  
  1954.  
  1955.  
  1956.  
  1957.  
  1958.  
  1959.  
  1960.  
  1961. >Formation of a single large pseudo-herd happens sometimes with sports or athletic teams.
  1962. >Soarin, who is alone with an entire team of mares, is delighted to have you even if you aren't on the team.
  1963. >Normally herds max out around 7 members, 1 stallion and 6 mares.
  1964. >For some time, it was just Soarin with 10-15 mares, and he just can't be everywhere at once and please them all despite how much he loves his team. That's why he has bags under his eyes all the time.
  1965. >With that many mares, it becomes socially acceptable for another male to enter. 
  1966. >It's the weirdest team/family you've even been dragged into
  1967.  
  1968.  
  1969.  
  1970.  
  1971.  
  1972.  
  1973. > Anon is arbitrarily rich because of reasons
  1974. > Selling his tech to Twilight or something
  1975. > Buys a mansion in the foothills of Canterlot mountain
  1976. > Needs someone to take care of the pool
  1977. > Hires [mare of your choice], and slowly seduces them while they work
  1978.  
  1979. Bonus points if the mare is actually Celestia in disguise
  1980.  
  1981. > Tia sees Anon's ad in the paper
  1982. > Recognizes it for a stallion wanting to torment a poor mare
  1983. > She carefully constructs a resume to be as ripe for the picking as she can
  1984. > Anon hires her
  1985. > They proceed to see who can sexually frustrate the other more
  1986. > The first one to pounce on the other loses
  1987.  
  1988.  
  1989. >All most immediately anon figures out who he hired.
  1990. >Dosent say any thing.
  1991. >Continues to play their game.
  1992. >Every time the incidents get more and more insane until they are both practically grinding on each other
  1993.  
  1994.  
  1995.  
  1996.  
  1997.  
  1998.  
  1999.  
  2000. >Mares of Ponyville are fully aware that Anon is an alien species from where-the-fuck-ever
  2001. >Expect him to have some kind of exotic penis
  2002. >Ponies have flat heads
  2003. >Griffons have barbs
  2004. >Minotaurs are weird, thin, and long (and are frequently made into canes)
  2005. >Mares express disappointed when they find out Anon's penis doesn't have anything special about it
  2006. >Anon responds by introducing them to >muh superior human stamina
  2007.  
  2008.  
  2009.  
  2010.  
  2011.  
  2012.  
  2013. >There's this romantic tradition in Equestrian pop culture.
  2014. >It's been played straight, subverted, parodied, deconstructed, -- the works.
  2015. >Imagine a young stallion at a busy diner, all by his lonesome.
  2016. >For whatever reason, maybe there were no smaller tables available*, he's sitting at one of the larger tables or perhaps a booth.
  2017. >That's when a band of mares stroll in and seat themselves at his table.
  2018. >If it's a booth, one of the mares is almost certainly sitting beside him.
  2019. >She puts a foreleg over his shoulder, whispering sensual promises into his ear, secure in the fact that he can't excuse himself without her say so.
  2020. >Though he didn't plan on it, the flustered stallion is now on a date with the heroines.
  2021. >The booth variant gets a *lot* of criticism and scrutiny by stallionist types.
  2022. >They say it's too aggressive and predatory.
  2023. >This iconic cliche goes by a few names, but you know it as a "surprise date" or even "proactive dating."
  2024. >Why is this on your mind you might ask?
  2025. >Because you were trapped in a booth by a herd who just invited themselves in.
  2026. >Only one problem...
  2027. >Besides having your personal space invaded. 
  2028. >This shit only happens in movies, at least nowadays, but the mares attempting it on you are too spaghetti to realize it.
  2029.  
  2030. *(In some variations, a buddy of the herd is working at the diner, so they go out of their way to arrange this seating. This can be used to quickly justify it, but sometimes it becomes a gag scene in itself as she fights tooth and nail to make it happen.)
  2031.  
  2032.  
  2033.  
  2034.  
  2035.  
  2036.  
  2037.  
  2038. >artist anon
  2039. >total loser on earf
  2040. >cant get a job with an fine arts degree
  2041. >but in equestria there's no shortage to patrons
  2042. >especially models
  2043. >FEMALE models
  2044. >not that hard to convince mares to stand to pose in lewd ways for your works
  2045. >actually you dont have to say anything
  2046. >its like their default pose
  2047. >get payed in bits and pussy
  2048.  
  2049.  
  2050.  
  2051.  
  2052. >Anon freaks out about being famous
  2053. >Changes his appearance and identity, becomes a recluse.
  2054. >Can't resist the siren call of gold, starts drawing again.
  2055. >Speculation that this new artist is actually Anon under a new name, but nobody knows for sure
  2056.  
  2057.  
  2058.  
  2059.  
  2060.  
  2061.  
  2062. >Since he's a unique species, Anon gets assigned a permanent guard. 
  2063. >The guardsmare dreads it. Her few other times guarding stallion nobles and dignitaries were just awful.
  2064. >The snobs could barely be called male with how rude and unpleasant they are, treating her like a common servant or a dullard. And now she's been perma placed on VIP duty?
  2065. >Should have listened to dad and gone to university... No one ever told her how stressful being a royal guard was, or that it made normal ponies avoid you all the time. At least the pay for the assignment will be nice. 
  2066. >But all the missed opportunities...
  2067. >But... Her new gig doesn't suck...
  2068. >Her new charge is just so easy going and self-sufficient that the guard feels... Unneeded. Out of place. 
  2069. >He treats her like a friend, not like a servant or a burden.
  2070. >Outings where he pesters her to relax, meals that he tries to pay for, circles of friends her includes her in. 
  2071. >He even tried to get her to take his bed until the crown paid to expand his home for her.
  2072. >The rare nibble of fair treatment makes the little guard hunger for more of her charge's affection, sharply rebelling against her training. 
  2073. >But she has to have more, or she'll never be content
  2074.  
  2075.  
  2076. >Anon starts to make her snacks, remarking about army food
  2077. >She tries to decline, spilling some half-assed excuse about how she's too used to the mess trays back at the Canterlot barracks
  2078. >Anon decides to try something new to entice her to eat the snack he made for her
  2079.  
  2080. >Be an extremely nervous guardsmare
  2081. >You are worried that if you ate his cooking, you might jump his bones at that moment.
  2082. >You think your excuse worked, because he can't possibly have-
  2083. >"Alright then, let's get this out onto a tray!"
  2084. >clack!
  2085. >Your mouth gapes open as he plops a metal mess tray onto the table in front of you and begins to fill the different compartments with various soups, vegetarian chili, bread, crackers and a small round pound cake.
  2086. >He finishes with a glass of orange juice and steps back with a smile
  2087. >"Nice!"
  2088. >Celestia help you...
  2089.  
  2090.  
  2091.  
  2092.  
  2093. >Whether ponies or pseudo-humans, Equestrian creatures seem to have impeccable scent
  2094. >After that Sunset chick rubbed her tits on your face (no complaints from you) a little while ago, all that ass-grabbing in the hallways went away.
  2095. >And the dick-grabbing.
  2096. >And the dick-SQUEEZING.
  2097. >These girls have no idea how to handle sensitive goods, so you're thankful that Sunset worked it all out.
  2098. >Everyone seems to avoid you now, though, like you're a baby bird that got picked up by some dumbass and now your parents won't take you back to their nest.
  2099. >Everyone, of course...
  2100. >"Hey there, greenbean."
  2101. >...except for Sunset.
  2102. >Two slender arms wrap around your stomach from behind, and you feel your girlfriend press her face into the hair on the back of your head.
  2103. >Instinctively, you reach down and slide your fingers in between Sunset's, who practically purrs in approval.
  2104. >She takes a deep breath of your scent (dude's shampoo in this world is flowery as shit) and nuzzles you.
  2105. >As usual, she makes her weird horsey knickering sounds as she does so.
  2106. >Sunset pulls away from you and rests her head on your shoulder.
  2107. >"You doin' anything tonight, sweet thing? I just bought a new bra yesterday, and I need a stallion's eye to make sure it's not too dyke-y."
  2108. >Remember that thing in high school where all your classmates called stuff "gay"?
  2109. >That exists here, only it's a bunch of teenage girls calling each other dykes.
  2110. >Apparently, things being too "dyke-y" is a legitimate worry amongst the female population here in school.
  2111. "And miss a chance to stare at your tits, Sunny? You couldn't keep me away if you tried."
  2112. >Sunset squeezes you around the middle a little bit harder and nuzzles the side of your face.
  2113. >"What sort of properly-raised stallion says that, Anon? You big slut."
  2114. >She nuzzles you again and pulls you back against her chest, protectively.
  2115. >"But you're MY slut."
  2116. >Sunset nuzzles you in near silence for a few more seconds, muttering about sluts, innocence, and "protecting his smile".
  2117. >"Say, since I'm showing you MY bra, will you show me yours?"
  2118. >Yeah, that's a thing here.
  2119. >Testicle-bras.
  2120. >Something to do with preventing sagging later in life and keeping men pure with their testicles un-molested, but you didn't buy into that.
  2121. >Partly because the only ball-bras you could buy were frilly as shit, and partly because each individual pair cost at least $30.
  2122. >Fuck that noise.
  2123. "Sunset, I don't WEAR a ball-bra."
  2124. >Sunset grip on your hand briefly becomes vice-like as she shudders against you.
  2125. >"That's what mama likes to hear. Are you..."
  2126. >She swallows hard, and you suddenly become aware of her heavy breathing.
  2127. >"...wearing one now?"
  2128. >You can't help but grin; the novelty of being able to have this sort of effect on women is NEVER going to wear off.
  2129. "Nope."
  2130. >Sunset gently bites your earlobe and releases your hands so that her own have an opportunity to wander.
  2131. >"B-Buck, that's hot."
  2132. >Things are pretty okay for you here in Canterlot High
  2133.  
  2134.  
  2135.  
  2136.  
  2137.  
  2138.  
  2139.  
  2140. >"Th-That's enough!"
  2141. >Fluttershy stomps in front of you, hands balled into fists and clutched to her chest.
  2142. >Her face is a bright red, but the angry expression makes you wonder if it's because she's flustered, of if it's because she's actually upset with you.
  2143. >"Y-You're always teasing me, Anon!"
  2144. >Fluttershy releases one of her hands from its fisty state of being and raises a single figure.
  2145. >Either she's pointing accusingly at you, or she's going to count off a list.
  2146. >Like the way you r-rub up against me when you walk b-by!"
  2147. >She extends another figure; you guess she was counting after all.
  2148. >"The c-comments about my-"
  2149. >Fluttershy glances away from your face momentarily, almost involuntarily, and her gaze drops to her chest.
  2150. >After a moment, she's glaring back up at you.
  2151. >If it were possible, her face is even redder.
  2152. >"-my b-boobs... And the... a-and..."
  2153. >Fluttershy goes to raise a third finger, but she hesitates.
  2154. >Her third finger falters, and it just looks like she's making a weird sort of clawing gesture at you.
  2155. >Fluttershy looks left and right nervously, and then leans in close.
  2156. >"And the..."
  2157. >She swallows audibly.
  2158. >"H-Hand holding..."
  2159. >The poor girl squeaks and covers her face with her hands.
  2160. >It seems that the l-lewdness of hand-holding in the hallways and when she walks you home from school was just too much for her.
  2161. >But not for long
  2162. >Slowly but surely, Fluttershy's rapid breathing down to normal, and she lowers her hands.
  2163. >When her eyes peek over her fingertips, you're surprised at the intensity of her stare.
  2164. >"From now on, mister..."
  2165. >Fluttershy lowers her hands completely and darts forward to grab your own appendages.
  2166. >"I-I'm going to be the one w-who holds YOUR hands, got it?!"
  2167. >Your friend has the most indignant expression on her face, and she's huffing through her nose like a bull.
  2168. >The confident mask cracks ever so slightly, and the old Fluttershy you know and love seeps through.
  2169. >"I-If that's alright with y-you, I mean..."
  2170.  
  2171.  
  2172.  
  2173.  
  2174.  
  2175. >"What?!"
  2176. >You grab Rainbow Dash by her shoulders and pull her back into her seat.
  2177. "Rainbow Dash! Calm down!"
  2178. >Lucky for you, everyone else seemed too occupied with their business to pay very much attention to your friend's loud outburst.
  2179. >Rainbow Dash, however, does not calm down.
  2180. >"How could Fluttershy be the first one of us to get her tits groped by a boy?!
  2181. "...first one?"
  2182. >Rainbow grabs her small tits with both hands and wriggles them around vigorously.
  2183. >"And why wasn't it me? Boys like a flat chest, right?"
  2184. >She looks at the assembled group of all your (present) friends; Sunset, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie.
  2185. >None of them return the gaze.
  2186. >"R-Right?"
  2187. >Dead silence.
  2188. >"Girls? I said, boys like a fla-"
  2189. >She suddenly stops and glares at you.
  2190. >"What did you mean, 'first one'? Did any of you girls already con a boy into touching you?"
  2191. >Rarity huffs and looks down her nose at Rainbow Dash, who still has not released her hold on her modest assets.
  2192. >"I did not 'con' anybody into exploring my body, Rainbow Dash."
  2193. >She smirks slightly and rests a hand on her bosom.
  2194. >"In fact, HE came to ME."
  2195. >The smirk widens and a light blush appears on Rarity's cheeks.
  2196. >"...he also came to me as well."
  2197. >Sunset snickers and leans back, thrusting her chest forward against her already too-small shirt.
  2198. >Rainbow growls; she knows what Sunset's doing.
  2199. >"You know my boyfriend Coggy, right? A little bit of teat-twisting was what started our relationship."
  2200. >She pats her tits fondly, which jiggle slightly under the fabric of her shirt.
  2201. >"He was so excited about'em that I was almost worried he was a slut."
  2202. >As a collective, you all turn to Pinkie Pie to hear what her story is.
  2203. >Pinkie, however, is busy unwrapping a cupcake that is at least 50% icing.
  2204. >AKA the perfect amount of icing.
  2205. >Without looking away from her treat, Pinkie speaks up.
  2206. >"Mister Cake."
  2207. >Fuck.
  2208. >The rest of the girls (Rainbow included) mutter approvingly at her for snagging a DILF like that
  2209.  
  2210.  
  2211.  
  2212.  
  2213.  
  2214.  
  2215.  
  2216. >After the episode Triple threat, King Thorax decided to hire Anon has a life coach to make him more assertive.
  2217. >The major roadblock being that changeling gender roles are reveresed and Thorax can barely get most of the hive to listen to him.
  2218. >Anon being a military training sergeant before he came to Equestria puts King Thorax thru the training from hell to make THE alpha bug, not just 'an' alpha bug. 
  2219. >At one point in their training Anon and Thorax spent five hours yelling each other hoarse because Anon wanted to see Thorax's warface
  2220.  
  2221.  
  2222.  
  2223.  
  2224.  
  2225. >Be Spitfire.
  2226. >"Do you like pussy!?"
  2227. >Be laying on a cloud.
  2228. >"Sir yes sir!"
  2229. >Thunderlane decided to try and test you.
  2230. >"Bullshit! You look like a cock sucker!"
  2231. >He pulled a very old rule on wonderbolt instructors on you.
  2232. >"Sir no sir!"
  2233. >Apparently he didn't feel 'safe' with a mare instructor.
  2234. >"Did I ask for you opinion on that pretty boy!? Get lower to the ground, I want you to taste that mud!"
  2235. >He thought he'd get away without his three year check, he thought wrong.
  2236. >"Sir I can't sir!"
  2237. >"Bullshit you can't! Get down there!" Anon yells pushing Thunderlane lower with a foot.
  2238. >What Thunderlane failed to realize is that A. Anonymous the human is a legal drill instructor by Equestria law.-
  2239. >"Sir yes sir!"
  2240. >-and B. Colts have alot less rules on what they can and can't do as a drill instructor.
  2241. >"If I don't see those wings doing fifty more push ups by zero five hundred, you'll be running twenty miles tomorrow! Do you understand me!"
  2242. >So that means old Thunder will be enjoying his month with Anon -alot-.
  2243. >"Sir yes sir!"
  2244. >"Faster! We don't have all morning!"
  2245. >You sigh getting more comfortable on the cloud.
  2246. "Ahh, I love the sound of progress~"
  2247. >"Who said that? Who the fuck said that!?"
  2248. >Oh buck.
  2249. "I-it's just me, Spitfire!"
  2250. >The human glares up at you as you look down.
  2251. >"You're looking a bit chubby Spitfire. Get your ass down here and do some push ups." He says pointing at the floor.
  2252. "What? You can't tell me what to do! I'm the ca-"
  2253. >"Now!" He yells.
  2254. "Sir yes sir!"
  2255. >Today you learned not to interrupt Anon's training
  2256.  
  2257.  
  2258.  
  2259.  
  2260. >be spitfire
  2261. >in your office checking this year's quarterly reports
  2262. >and more importantly 
  2263. >the performance review of one Drill Instructor Anonymous
  2264. >Wonderbolt's academy's very own flightless biped
  2265. >i don't know what possessed the princesses to allow a FLIGHTLESS instructor to work in a pegasai academy let alone a male one
  2266. >but you couldn't really argue with them now could you?
  2267. >maybe if you could find a sizable enough transgression in his record you can take it to the throne and be finally be rid of him
  2268. >especially after that stunt at the track
  2269. >stupid Mare/stallion rule separation
  2270. >now lets see....
  2271. >?
  2272. "zero percent drop out rate?"
  2273. >but i saw thunder lane and a couple of other stallion recruits file those last week
  2274. >they didn't go through with it?
  2275. >there are some comments
  2276. "pushes you hard beyond the limits you know only to break the limits you've never knew you had"
  2277. >only 20 in 100 of stallion recruits stay during the whole course of the 6 month training 
  2278. >barely 8 of those 20 pass
  2279. >soarin
  2280. >bless his balls
  2281. >is the very cream of the crop
  2282. >graduated with honors with you and fleetfoot despite the odds way before these absurd rules separating training regimes of both mares and stallions
  2283. >reports from observers says that D.I. Anonymous uses harsher versions of the flight academy's training SOP
  2284. >but how the hay did he get a ZERO percent drop out rate?
  2285. >the comments from recruits doesn't really explain much
  2286. >by all rights, he should've scared every last one of the trainees out of the academy 
  2287. "no use here"
  2288. >you turn the page checking to see the progress reports of the recruits under his care
  2289. >despite all that, no way he could've improved those sissy colts 
  2290. >every last one of them was a whiny stallionist trying to prove something
  2291. >shit, they even put their reason for joining in the recruitment form "anything a mare can do a stallion can do better"
  2292. >....
  2293. "they're all in the nineties" 
  2294. >physical
  2295. >academic
  2296. >navigation
  2297. >etc.
  2298. >no way anonymous is JUST a stallion
  2299. >accomplishing this after just 4 weeks
  2300. >that's it 
  2301. >im putting a request for anon's full file
  2302. >this has to be one of the princesses' crazy plans again
  2303.  
  2304.  
  2305.  
  2306.  
  2307.  
  2308.  
  2309.  
  2310.  
  2311. "Ok, FINE, I'll sit though you telling me who to avoid. jesus christ you are such a fucking pain"
  2312. >Cadence has a look of happy the conversation is finally going her way, mixed in with I want to get the last word in
  2313. >She chooses to put it to the side for now. 
  2314. >"Great, get a pen and paper, You are going to need to write this down"
  2315.  
  2316. >You are anon, and you are in your high school's pa room
  2317. >You look down at your notes, 107 girls and 3 of the extremely effeminate guys are on the list
  2318. >Its her cutie mark, so you trust her
  2319. "Excuse me, This is anon, will the following creatures please report to the auditorium..."
  2320.  
  2321. ~Long list later and running from one of the teachers~
  2322.  
  2323. >You arrive at the auditorium
  2324. >Sad Sack is honestly one of the dumbest teachers you have ever had the displeasure of knowing
  2325. >You call a meeting in the auditorium, if he wanted he could have waited here
  2326. >Well what do you expect from a stalinist
  2327. >You look over the crowd, and they look back
  2328. "Ok, I will make this short and simple, cadance has told me to avoid each and every one of you because you either want to fuck me and leave, or are to beta for her 'standards'"
  2329. >You look over a few of the ultra 'betas'
  2330. >10/10 feminine creatures, many of which have really nerdy hobbies that you are also interested in
  2331. "I have I have gathered you all here for a proposition, want to make the biggest fuckin herd in equestria with me?"
  2332. >You could almost hear a pin drop 
  2333. >But really, all you heard was the squelching of 107 winking vaginas
  2334. >"FIRST"
  2335. >The home ec teacher flood board yelled out
  2336. >How the fuck she ever got the job you don't know, celestia had a weird sense of humor
  2337. >"Anon, I am your mom"
  2338. >Celestia pipes up, obviously uncomfortable but looking aroused at the same time
  2339. "That just makes it hotter"
  2340. >You see the blush on her face
  2341. >"I am also adopted, so while you are my mom, this is far from as weird as it could possibly be"
  2342.  
  2343. >You are cadance, 1000 miles from school, and you feel a great disturbance in the charts
  2344.  
  2345.  
  2346.  
  2347.  
  2348.  
  2349.  
  2350. >Through a combination of circumstantial synchronicity, obscure rituals, exactly 4986 rubber bands, some desperately lonely souls and enough bleach to sterilize a hospital, a dimensional rift rips open as seperate universes attempt to occupy the same moment in space-time simultainiously.
  2351. >Obviously as this would create such a mess in the grand scheme of things, it's fixed pretty sharpish.
  2352. >Sure a few inhabitants may have been accidently misplaced, but they were never destined for much anyway so it was considered far too much effort to remake everything a -third- time, especially on Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-4D-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker night.
  2353. >Groaning softly, Moondancer tried to recover from the feeling of her horn trying to invert itself into her forehead.
  2354. >"Ow, that really smarts..."
  2355. >If the magically induced headache wasnt enough, the backlash from the obviously failed ritual was also effecting her hearing.
  2356. >Shaking her head to try fix the odd stereo effect, she gets up on her hooves and blearily opens her eyes to check her room for damages.
  2357. >Hearing a thump and muffled curse to her left, she jerks her head in that direction with thoughts of accidentally summoned demons running through her mind.
  2358. >Instead she see's a relatively tall creature bent over slightly and cradling it's head in his hands (minotaur>) and groaning softly after apparently hurting itself on your low ceiling.
  2359. >Seeing no immediate danger signs, she felt it safe enough saying something to announce her presence.
  2360. >"Well, this was unexpected."
  2361. >"Well, this is unusual."
  2362. >Whirling around to the opposite direction at the unexpected voice, she comes face to face with what appears to be a mirror.
  2363. >Only her reflection was sitting down, waving -his- hoof at her and smiling nervously at the sudden attention.
  2364.  
  2365.  
  2366.  
  2367. >Anon is somewhat of a loner in Equestria, no mares or stallions want to come near him for fear that he'll try to lure them into taking part in his disgusting career choice
  2368. >Only the princesses and elements give him the time of day
  2369. >But he has no clue what's going on, he just puts it down to these cute ponies just being a bunch of racists
  2370. >Applejack can't bear the idea of lying to herself anymore
  2371. >Goes to confront him about his lecherous nature
  2372. >Anon is stunned by Applejack's bluntness but is none the less clueless about what she's talking about
  2373. >They both go to Twilight to figure out what's going on
  2374. >Turns out Anon and Applejack were right, he never got into porno
  2375. >Anon likes the horse pussy sure, but horse stds? no thank you
  2376. >Turns out that the Anon in the porno is a super advanced animated golem
  2377. >Created by a, previously desperate fetish porno producer, unicorn mare, who had approached Anon when he first came to Equestria before the girls found out about him
  2378. >Used his likeness to create a lucrative business
  2379. >Ponies expect the Equestrian run-of-the-mill song and dance forgiveness routine
  2380. >Anon isn't Equestrian run-of-the-mill
  2381. >Kicks the shit out of the mare for essentially ruining his life and making him a social pariah for the better part of his entire time hear for her own sick fetish
  2382. >Mare escapes through convoluted means, but not before cutting her ties with the golem
  2383. >Golem begins to go on a rampage with no magical tether to keep him docile
  2384. >Can't be stopped because golems are created by a specific magic source and can only be affected by it
  2385. >Still retains some of it's artificial identity
  2386. >Seeing Anon causes it to freak out (imagine seeing a perfect clone of yourself)
  2387. >Girls expect colt throwdown
  2388. >Pilgrim.jpeg
  2389. >Anon manages to talk down the golem and they become fast friends
  2390. >Now Anon has a dude friend who acts like a dude friend from earth and Applejack gets to reaffirm her faith in her pure husbando
  2391.  
  2392.  
  2393.  
  2394.  
  2395.  
  2396.  
  2397.  
  2398. >Anon said he was planning to wait.
  2399. >They had all the time in the world.
  2400. >Children were a big commitment.
  2401. >No need to rush in.
  2402. >Foals could come later.
  2403. >That was the plan.
  2404. >Before he spent too much time around them.
  2405.  
  2406. >"I told you, didn't I tell you? Freaky alien stallion from beyond time and space or not, Strange reverse gender roles culture or not, he's still a stallion."
  2407. >"What are we going to do about it?"
  2408. >"Well at least one of us is gonna have to do our wifely duty. I saw that look in his eye, I don't think we're gonna be able to talk him out of this."
  2409. >"I think your right, our stallion went full baby crazy."
  2410. >"Maybe we could adopt one."
  2411. >"There's an idea."
  2412. >"I thought you all said you wanted foals though?"
  2413. >"I /do/ want foals, just not /right now/."
  2414. >"And I'm kinda nervous about it myself. I want to do it, but it's kinda scary, isn't it? I don't know if I'm ready."
  2415.  
  2416. >"Well you need to figure it out soon, Dash. Did you know he's already written over a dozen letters about it?"
  2417. >"What?"
  2418. >"Celestia, Luna, Cadance, even the magic university, all asking about being able to impregnate you with magic."
  2419.  
  2420.  
  2421.  
  2422.  
  2423.  
  2424.  
  2425. >Anon becomes a "stallionist" Video Game Developer
  2426. >Lures in countless sun checkmarks into tweeting about it
  2427. >Journalists write about it
  2428. >200KB (Thousand Bit) Kicksterter overshot by 1GB
  2429. >Then it comes out
  2430. >Shitty 2D fighting game
  2431. >Main character is just you in your underwear edited into different poses
  2432. >Final boss is the word "Matriarchy" that you beat in 1 hit
  2433. >The entire soundtrack is fucking kazoos
  2434.  
  2435. >Still praised for being a subversive take on gaming
  2436.  
  2437.  
  2438.  
  2439.  
  2440. >with the money he made hires actual other game devs this time
  2441. >the most are mares with one token stallion
  2442. >all are skeptical of his intentions, especially after his last game
  2443. >but money is money
  2444. >tells them not to worry, explains to them his plan about a game that will set the standard for games to come
  2445. >he plans to devise a game that will make the player question every action they take (ala spec ops the line)
  2446. >while being set in a massive beyond brilliant immaginative world (bioshock infinite)
  2447. >tells his crew
  2448. "go nuts, we've got a LOT SJW cash to burn"
  2449.  
  2450.  
  2451.  
  2452.  
  2453.  
  2454.  
  2455. >Anon was dropped into normal Equestria at first.
  2456. >Plenty of friends, but romantic prospects were grim at best. Even worse than on earth.
  2457. >Refusing to be a virgin loser in two worlds, Anon summons a succupony
  2458. >Succupony expects the usual. She, a demon who has mastered all mortal pleasures, indulges some weird fetish, takes some lust-powered lifeforce as payment, then fucks off.
  2459. >Imagine her surprise when her latest contractor is an alien, and that's not even considering his request.
  2460. >A wholesome relationship, even if it's just an act.It's a first for her.
  2461. >Easy enough. Being a pretend wife is certainly a more sedate contract. The absurd stamina of her summoner in bed more than covers payment. 
  2462. >But it's not long before her summoner's lonely tales and genuine treatment of her seize her heart.
  2463. >...
  2464. >Well, what's a mortal's lifespan anyway? There's no harm in staying with this new and intriguing lover.
  2465. >And Anon's joy at her choice to stay with him warms parts of her the succupony turned waifu didn't know she had. 
  2466. >Too bad it's all cut short when Twilight finds out that the mysterious mare Anon is seeing is a demon.
  2467. >All it took was one poorly aimed banishing spell to send both Anon and his waifu tumbling across space and time.
  2468. >Right into RGRE.
  2469. >Succupony waifu can only growl in irritation.
  2470. >With a distraught lover with his life turned upside down AGAIN, mares suddenly interested in said lover whom is already claimed, and her own bearings shot to hell, succupony waifu has her work cut out for her.
  2471.  
  2472.  
  2473.  
  2474.  
  2475.  
  2476.  
  2477. >Suncourt in session
  2478. >Throne room crowded as ponies mingle while trying to get The Princess™ to fix things as usual.
  2479. >Pamf
  2480. >Some green ape looking thing in a flower covered suit just appeared next to the princess in a small explosion of petals.
  2481. >Gay, but also looks tasty.
  2482. >"I need help with my greenhouse, so I'm taking this."
  2483. >Pamf
  2484. >In another deliciously homosexual explosion, the ape thing disappeared just as quickly as he came, with The Princess™ in tow.
  2485. >As a royal guard, you should probably do something other than curse the princesses luck at getting out of court early, or on getting foalnapped by a fabulous stallion, but the opportunity for a late breakfast appears to be calling your name
  2486.  
  2487. >Celestia enjoys feast of the freshest fruits courtesy of her warping admirer.
  2488. >A bad nectar joke is all the warning Celestia gets when she feels lips on her 'lips'.
  2489. >"Wow, the fruit trick does work! It's even sweeter than I thought."
  2490. >Unf! Why can't all villains be like this!?
  2491. >Can this tall male even be called a villain?
  2492.  
  2493. >Mane6 show up with the elements of harmony.
  2494. >"Twilight i swear to me if you ruin this you'll be graduating magic kindergarten along with your great grandfoals."
  2495.  
  2496.  
  2497.  
  2498.  
  2499.  
  2500.  
  2501.  
  2502.  
  2503.  
  2504. >Anon uses his Power to fuck with Ponies.
  2505. >Like making it seem that the human just disappeared in the evergreen forest
  2506. >Ponyville loses its shit trying to find him
  2507. >Later he shows up again but another Stallion disappeared who was helping the search parties
  2508.  
  2509. Plus:
  2510. >Twilight eventually assumes that Anon is messing with them and is infact somehow that Unicorn that always wents missing when he is found and vice versa.
  2511. >Everybody thinks shes crazy
  2512.  
  2513.  
  2514.  
  2515.  
  2516.  
  2517. > ShapeshifterAnon
  2518. >Anon becomes a world-class ladykiller spy, infiltrating cities and organizations that might threaten Equestria's sovreignity. 
  2519. >His main function is to be an informant agent to secret agent Bon Bon, with whom he has short-lived trysts in most of the missions they meet.
  2520.  
  2521. >He's in a different appearance, with a different code name every mission.
  2522. >BonBon just assumes she's getting super suave over time with her come-on attempts when she's on the job. 
  2523. >Central Command doesn't consider it need to know information, so they don't tell her.
  2524. >Anon thinks it's cute.
  2525. >As a result, BonBon, for all her spy expertise, doesn't know a thing.
  2526.  
  2527.  
  2528.  
  2529.  
  2530.  
  2531.  
  2532.  
  2533. >The changeling hive
  2534. >Thousands of colts ruled over by a queen of conquest
  2535. >Down with the matriarchy!
  2536. >Currently you are their prisoner
  2537. >When the male drones saw you being brought in in shackles, they all cuddled around you
  2538. >It was kinda gay
  2539. >But they apparently felt sorry you were going to be a plaything to one of the broodmothers
  2540. >That was kinda hot, which cranked up the gay factor to a whopping 8 when you got an erection thinking about it while snuggling a bunch of dudes
  2541. >Eh, it's cute, no homo
  2542. >Maybe a little
  2543. >The time comes for you to be selected
  2544. >You're brought into the chambers of one of the captains
  2545. >She hisses at you
  2546. >"Are you prepared to have your will stripped away as I mount you and take your seed by force?!"
  2547. >Stop, your dick can only get so erect
  2548. >Still, the very notion of something so cute trying to be intimidating makes your heart do flips
  2549. "Geez, at least buy me dinner first."
  2550. >Apparently your lighthearted joke wasn't what she expected at all
  2551. >Most stallions would be crying by now
  2552. >Immediately the changeling drops her tiny buggy spaghetti, revealing that her bravado was all a ruse
  2553. >"Dinner? O-Oh, right! Dinner! Um, what do colts eat?"
  2554. >She panics and runs out of the room, returning moments later with a dead bird in her mouth, spitting it out at your feet and smiling nervously
  2555. >Well at least she gets points for noticing you're a meat-eater
  2556.  
  2557.  
  2558. "How romantic."
  2559. >"It is? I- I mean yes! It is! The most romanticableble. Now dine and prepare yourself for the struggle snuggles!"
  2560. >Aww, she's making it impossible not to tease her
  2561. "I was thinking more along the lines of a fancy restaurant. You know, a candle-lit dinner followed by a nice walk on the beach? I mean, you do know the dating basics, don't you?"
  2562. >You can practically hear the gears grinding to a halt behind those big blue eyes
  2563. "You are a gentlemare, aren't you?"
  2564. >"I've never taken a colt on a date before..."
  2565. "What was that?"
  2566. >Marinara Explosion coming to a theater near you, directed by Michael Hay
  2567.  
  2568. >So here you sit at La' Lasagna
  2569. >On the chair next to you are flowers
  2570. >She ripped them right out of the ground, stem, dirt and all
  2571. >At least she made quick friends with the lady bugs, which was cute to witness
  2572. >Across from you she's tapping her hooves skittishly against the table in silence
  2573. >Every pony there is staring at you two, whispering amongst themselves
  2574. "You know, it's usually the mare's job to keep a conversation going so her date doesn't get bored."
  2575. >If she had pupils, you swear they would have shrunk just then
  2576. >It's hard keeping this 'coltish' act up, but you're having too much fun
  2577. >"U-Um, well, y-you like Chineighse cartoons?"
  2578. >She immediately slaps a hoof against her face
  2579. >Oh no, it's a neckfluff marefoal
  2580. >That just makes her even cuter
  2581. >You wonder if she plays O&O
  2582. >She probably mains a wizard
  2583.  
  2584.  
  2585.  
  2586.  
  2587.  
  2588.  
  2589. >Be Anon
  2590. >Be stuck in horseland (they call it Equestria..horse-themed puns time!), horsing around without a care in the world with your magnificent wig.
  2591. >Suddendly, a wild mail-horse appears!
  2592. >Let's battle!
  2593. >Anon uses "Dance with me!"
  2594. >Mail-horse uses "Ok Mr.Anon!" - It's super effective!
  2595. >"Anon! What did I tell you about going out alone? What if someone saw you dressed so skim..pi..ly.."
  2596. >"Are you ok book horse?"
  2597. >"...unf"
  2598. Today was a "don't-go-around-asking-for-it" kind of day.
  2599.  
  2600.  
  2601.  
  2602. >Be Princess Cadence, or as Anon calls you, Candy-Ass.
  2603. >Be in Ponyville visiting your sister-in-law
  2604. >Ok, not really - Shiny-poo was mad at you for forgetting to buy him a present while you were visiting Canterlot - stallions..so needy! As if a mare can't have other things on her mind other than them!
  2605. >Wait a minute..did you just see Anon with a wig dancing in the town square with the mail mare?
  2606. >Better investigate what the silly alien stallion is doing - while he might behave very marely, he is still a stallion after all!
  2607. >He is apparently dancing around with that grey-maned mail mare..Derpy was her name? Eh..who cares. Look at that flank!....unf
  2608. >Suddendly you feel something poking your rump while hiding behind a bush and watching the happening
  2609. >"Hi Cadence! How is my favourite sitter doing?"
  2610. > Oh right, be book horse now, and you just found your ex-favourite (monogamist flank-hole...you bet she is forcing your bbbff to be only with her!) sitter hiding behind a bush near the town hall.
  2611. >"Wasniceseeyougottagofastnow!" - Cadence ran away..you bet she ran away because she felt your rightful fury before you even opened mouth! What a powerful presence you must exude..
  2612. >"What was she looki..." - suddendly, see Anon dancing half-naked with Derpy in the middle of the townsquare with a bunch of thirsty mares looking at him
  2613. >Sharing is caring and fosters friendship. As Princess of Friendship you get first dibs.
  2614. >Today was a "teach-anon-about-my-wig-fetish" kind of day
  2615.  
  2616. >Be Derpy, exceptional mail mare! Best mail mare of Ponyville!
  2617. >Also, be only mail mare of Ponyville!
  2618. >You were completing your daily mail tour when you saw "nice-mr-that-always-gives-me-muffins" (others call him Anon..silly others) in the townsquare, seemingly trying to fit a wif on his head.
  2619. >"Hi Mr! May I help you with that wig?" you ask him
  2620. >"You will not steal my magic wig! If you want it, you will have to defeat me!" he roars to the sky, looking straight up to the sun
  2621. >"I am down here Mr! Who are you talking to?" 
  2622. >"I cast Dance!" he says while starting to swing his nice, round flank (be love horse, aka Candy Ass and you were just watching what is essentially soft porn in daylight).
  2623. >"Can I dance with you Mr?" Derpy asked the strange alien stallion
  2624. >"Sure, Dance with me the dance of my people!" 
  2625. >Be mail mare once more, and the nice mr just started dancing the mating dance of pegasi! You didn't know his species was related to yours! Must be his season, poor thing...maybe you can help him out since he is always so nice to you?
  2626. >"Hey Mr.Anon, would you like to..."
  2627. >Suddendly, a challenger appears! No wait..it's just the Princess
  2628. >"DIBS!!!" she screamed, before disappearing with mr.Anon in a purple flash of light
  2629. Today was a "Fuck-OP-Alicorns-with-their-dibs-privilige" kind of day
  2630.  
  2631.  
  2632.  
  2633.  
  2634.  
  2635.  
  2636.  
  2637. > After the battle of the bands defeat, the Dazzlings become merely troubled students
  2638. > Adagio won't talk to anyone, she just broods, her scheming mind grinding its gears
  2639. > Without their powers, what can they do? After making a bid for world domination, everything else seems...
  2640. > Pointless
  2641. > Aria is sullen, and snaps at anyone who talks to her
  2642. > There has been a rise in vandalism in town, but she hasn't been caught yet
  2643. > Sonata is handling their defeat the best
  2644. > She can have normal(ish) conversations with people
  2645. > Pinkie Pie and her get along great
  2646. > But she always looks sad when she's with Aria and Adagio
  2647. > She tries to help them adjust, but they ignore or reject her attempts
  2648. > She doesn't want to leave them, but they are stuck in the past, and she is moving on
  2649.  
  2650. > Sunset Shimmer sees all of this, and wants to help
  2651. > After all, she knows what it's like to lose phenomenal cosmic power
  2652. > So she hatches a plan with her fuckbuddy Anon
  2653. > 1) Play up her relationship with Anon in front of the Dazzlings
  2654. > 2) Emphasize how devasted she would be if he ever left her
  2655. > 3) Lie about waiting until marriage to take his virginity
  2656. > 4) See if the sirens take the bait
  2657. > 5a) If not, have Anon "accidentally" bump into them every so often, wearing increasingly slutty clothes
  2658. > 5b) If they do take the bait, let Anon build up their confidence by achieving this small victory of stealing him away
  2659. > 6)????
  2660. > 7) Redemption
  2661. > 8) Make a herd with all involved
  2662. > There is no way this can go wrong
  2663.  
  2664.  
  2665.  
  2666.  
  2667.  
  2668.  
  2669. >Equestrian Humans are the legendary "unseen ones" who rule the Minotaurs and are venerated by the Gryphons.
  2670. >Small in number, no outsiders and, indeed, most of the Minotaur population as a whole have seen them before.
  2671. >If it weren't for the rare, once-in-a-lifetime glimpse, they'd be considered myths.
  2672. >They live in a small enclave at the heart of the Minotaur lands, like Switzerland-sized.
  2673. >Minotaurs with more human-like features are considered the cream of the crop in society: the closer they are physically to humans (like ponies such as Fleur and Sassy, who have body-types similar to the Princesses).
  2674. >They're pretty much Star Trek's Founders mixed with Guild Wars' Muursat and Babylon 5's Vorlons/Shadows.
  2675.  
  2676. >Celestia and Luna have always been fascinated by them, but to their frustration even they found very little of them.
  2677. >Imagine their surprise when Twilight sends them a letter, mentioning Ponyville's newest resident.
  2678. >Anon, a human from Earth -- a male.
  2679. >Being contrary to what they expect in a male just makes him seem even more Old One'ish.
  2680. >He's confused by their behaviour
  2681.  
  2682. >Meanwhile, the humans of the minotaur lands hear about this
  2683. >Leaving human lands without the king's permission is punishable by execution-by-torture
  2684. >The human king leads a minotaur war party to recapture the rogue traitor
  2685. >Meanwhile, Anon misses indoor plumbing
  2686.  
  2687.  
  2688. >Equestrian Humans are limited in number, like under a hundred, and the all know each other.
  2689. >Hearing of a new human in a foreign land gets them excited, as well as concerned
  2690.  
  2691.  
  2692.  
  2693.  
  2694. >"Ponka, that cake is retarded."
  2695. "I have no idea what you're talking about, it looks fantastic to me!"
  2696. >Be pinkest horse
  2697. >Well, that's one of the many names your bestest friend Nonny calls you
  2698. >You are currently in the kitchen of sugarcube corner cooking the BEST CAKE
  2699. >"No seriously Pinkie this might just be the worst cake I've ever seen you make."
  2700. "Shut up dyke this cake is the BEST! It's the BEST CAKE! Other cakes WISH they were this cake!"
  2701. >"The Icing has all smudged and gotten mixed together, the top layer has collapsed like the soviet union and I'm pretty sure you put in salt instead of sugar."
  2702. "What!? No, I'm pretty sure I grabbed the container saying sugar, Anon."
  2703. >"Which you swapped with salt as a prank five minutes before we started. How that kind of thing hasn't got you fired I don't know."
  2704. >That does sound like the kind of silly thing you'd do
  2705. >But its all lies!
  2706. >This cake is THE BEST, you just know it!
  2707. "Come on Anon, if its so bad then why don't you prove it! Taste test time!"
  2708. >You grab a fork and have yourself a piece of cake straight from the source
  2709. >...
  2710. >Come on Pinkie, poker face. Poker face like Rainbow got drunk and put in both her next paycheck and her dignity in the pot. Again.
  2711. "It's good."
  2712. >"You ponies are terrible liars."
  2713. >Shit, he's on to you! 
  2714. >No you can still save this
  2715. "No seriously, it's good. try some."
  2716. >"I'mma pass."
  2717. >You hop onto the stool by Anon and the cake and hold him by the shoulders
  2718. "Eat my cake Nonny."
  2719. >"No."
  2720. "Do it dyke."
  2721. >"you cant make me."
  2722. >That's where you're wrong my child
  2723. >you start to pull Anon down towards the cake
  2724. "GET YOUR FACE RIGHT IN THAT CAKE MONKEY!"
  2725. >"NEVER!"
  2726. "TASTE MY FROSTING-"
  2727. >"PINKAMENA DIANE PIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THIS POOR COLT!?"
  2728. >You look up from behind the cake
  2729. >Mr Cake is standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a horrified look on his face
  2730. >All he can see is you pulling Anon's head down while demanding he taste your frosting
  2731. >The rest is obscured by cake
  2732. >Aww shit, you're going to jail. Again
  2733.  
  2734.  
  2735.  
  2736. >Anon and Pinkie are friends
  2737. >Pinkie treats Anon like one of the gals
  2738. >Has trained her mind to not even see Anon as a male, the way he walks, talks and acts all help this
  2739. >Other ponies always giving her strange looks, or sometimes getting angry at the way she treats Anon
  2740. >Sometimes ponies make her uncomfortable, asking what Anons like in the sack, asking how often they bang
  2741. >She doesn't want to think of Anon that way, She just wants her friend Anon
  2742. >She doesn't want to ruin it by telling him her true feelings, buried deep down
  2743. >He could never like a weird, silly, unnatractive mare like herself, he's way out of her league
  2744. >Anon feels the same way about Ponks
  2745.  
  2746.  
  2747.  
  2748.  
  2749.  
  2750.  
  2751. >Be Force-User Anon
  2752. >You were a Jedi, then you were a Sith, and now you live among ponies
  2753. >To make a long story short
  2754. >Abandoned the Jedi Order because they were all a bunch of circle jerking hippies
  2755. >Abandoned the Dark Side because they were all a bunch of Edge Lord McAutists
  2756. >Eventually ended up in Equestria, happy to find a place with no super strict guidelines, the closest thing to one being "don't be a prick"
  2757. >yfw meet the nu-Changelings
  2758. >yfw the Feeling Forum
  2759. >yfw can't escape the hippies
  2760.  
  2761.  
  2762.  
  2763.  
  2764.  
  2765.  
  2766. >Old Anon in RGRE.
  2767. >Granny Smith takes a liking to him.
  2768. >Grosses out grandchildren as she tries to bag the slutty old timer
  2769.  
  2770.  
  2771.  
  2772.  
  2773.  
  2774.  
  2775.  
  2776. >Despite having very successful careers, Principal Celestia and Vice-Principal Luna have a hard time attracting male attention
  2777. >Their jobs often demand a lot of their attention, making it hard to find free time to date
  2778. >When they do have time, dates often go wrong
  2779. >Celestia was popular in high school, but focused on getting a career for so long that the moves that she used to use became outdated, if not outright corny
  2780. >Luna has it worse since she was extremely anti-social when she was younger, so she has almost no social skills outside of yelling at teens
  2781. >However, one day a guy named Anon walked in
  2782. >Says he found himself in that magic world that Sunset and that Twilight princess that sometimes and they brought him here
  2783. >He's adult age, knows how to use a computer, and, most importantly, is easy on the eyes
  2784. >That was the day that Anon became their personal secretary
  2785.  
  2786.  
  2787.  
  2788.  
  2789.  
  2790.  
  2791.  
  2792. >Anon is a prince to a human kingdom
  2793. >his father is friends with Celestia and Luna they know Anon for most of his life
  2794. >Father dies somehow leaving Anon as the new king
  2795. >Anon has the potential to be a legendary figure but is surrounded by corrupt/incompetent people
  2796. >Celestia and Luna have to teach him how to rule effectivly even if it goes against their own morals/beliefs
  2797.  
  2798.  
  2799.  
  2800.  
  2801.  
  2802.  
  2803.  
  2804. >Be Anon
  2805. >Poverty-ridden slav from Russia
  2806. >Spend the days squatting and drinking with some friends
  2807. >Never had a gf
  2808. >Too short and not like Chadinov who had many gfs
  2809. >One day you had too many vodkas to sip and decided to try and fly
  2810. >Jump off the top of the tallest commie block you could find holding an umbrella in each hand
  2811. >Wake up in a grassy field
  2812. >Stupid purple horse is standing over you
  2813. >Punch it in the mouth and crawl to look for more alcohols to sip
  2814. >Go towards town sneaky beaky like
  2815. >Roll up on a merchant and try to buy vodkas
  2816. >"We do not take your silly paper money please pay in bit." merchant mare says
  2817. "I have no."
  2818. >"Go away."
  2819. >Grab vodkas and run
  2820. >Many guards come running after you
  2821. >You are hiding in behind a dumpster and sip all of the vodka
  2822. >Now you are drunk you can feel complex emotion beyond rage
  2823. >Guard find you
  2824. >You get arrest by them
  2825. >They take you to jail and sit you in cell
  2826. >There is not cell for stallion, you sit in with mare
  2827. >No one talk to you
  2828. >Just like in Russia
  2829. >After all, not even mother could loving dumb ugly slav
  2830.  
  2831.  
  2832.  
  2833.  
  2834.  
  2835.  
  2836. >Poor Twilight is torn between stopping you from your occasional hunting trip because the woods are no place for a stallion and wanting to join because her trip to EqG left her with a taste for meat
  2837. >Twilight sneaks out to Anon's Everfree hut.
  2838. >Twilight isn't as stealthy as she would like to believe, but is oblivious.
  2839. >Ponies subtly point and giggle, thinking they're knocking boots.
  2840. >In reality, they're chowing down on roast manticore, jerked cockatrice, and smoked hydra steak
  2841.  
  2842.  
  2843. >Eventually she realises she's been busted.
  2844. >Not wanting her habit to become public knowledge, she's forced to maintain the charade of being romantically-involved.
  2845. >It snowballs as the other Princesses learn that Twilight is dating, and congratulate her.
  2846. >It snowballs from there as they enthusiastically intrude.
  2847. >Cadence keeps trying to give tips and hint that she may want to "borrow" Anon sometime.
  2848. >Celestia is all motherly and proud, though wistful.
  2849. >Luna feels ashamed because she has "love at first sight" syndrome over another mare's stallion.
  2850. >The lie becomes increasingly complex and hard to maintain...
  2851.  
  2852.  
  2853.  
  2854.  
  2855.  
  2856.  
  2857.  
  2858. >Anon was feeling depressed ever since he got to Equestria since none of the Ponyville residents didn't take a romantic interest in him.
  2859. >He decides to see out the rest of Equestria to clear his head.
  2860. >Cut to a year later.
  2861. >Ponyville is getting ready to greet Anon.
  2862. >They've even heard he got himself a gf now.
  2863. >Of course, the ground starts to shake with every step.
  2864. >Anon is riding on top of a very smug looking Sphinx
  2865. >"Huh! Like you could meet my incredibly high standards, ape man."
  2866. >Anon proceeds to answer all of her riddles.
  2867. >"Oh no, he's meeting all of my standards!"
  2868. >Anon gives her a riddle she doesn't know the answer to.
  2869. >She immediately presents.
  2870. >"Take me Man-Meat!"
  2871. >Anon gets spelunking gear on.
  2872.  
  2873.  
  2874.  
  2875. >Trick the Sphinx into a wild romp with a pride play, insisting her sexual prowess had declined with age.
  2876. >Once she realizes she's been had, she threatens to kill you where you stand, male or not. 
  2877. >Tell her you'll not fight it, if she can solve a riddle you have for her. You'll even give her a whole month to figure it out. 
  2878. >Ha! Easy!
  2879. >Give her this:
  2880. "Two join and so forms a third,
  2881. A joyous occasion say all who heard,
  2882. The third grows with one, but none will ever be the same,
  2883. You may know what I am, but what is my name?"
  2884. >For the first time in ages, the Sphinx is stumped. Obviously the "what" is a child, but the name?
  2885. >She sits for the entire month, trying to think it over to no avail.
  2886. >On day 31 she finally gives up in humiliation.
  2887. >"Fine..." She grounds out. "I submit. What is the answer?"
  2888. >You just point to the small lump in her middle. 
  2889. "That name is whatever you want it to be. You're the mother after all."
  2890. >She looks at you dryly before a paw squishes you into her side.
  2891. >"You'll be an adequate mate I suppose..." She grumbles, but you can still see the pink on her cheeks. 
  2892. >And that's how you tricked your wife into marrying you
  2893.  
  2894.  
  2895.  
  2896.  
  2897.  
  2898.  
  2899.  
  2900.  
  2901. >Here you Anon
  2902. >Lonely on Earth, lonely in Equestria too
  2903. >Getting drunk on a thursday night in your apartment
  2904. >You had to work in the morning but you'd just call in
  2905. >Mayor Mare didn't need her secretary
  2906. >You pour another glass of whiskey
  2907. >Two years, two fucking years and not a single mare had done so much as talk to you
  2908. >It was about face, frame, and height
  2909. >Even across universes
  2910. >You finish off the bottle and grab another for some late-night drinking on the go
  2911. >Clutching a jug of whiskey, you leave your front door wide open and start walking
  2912. >Not like you had any valuables to lose
  2913. >You remember this one girl who stopped talking to you entirely because of your height and it broke your stupid heart
  2914. >You bang heavily on a nearby door
  2915. >A tired mare opens it cautiously and looks at you
  2916. >"Do you have any idea what time it is?"
  2917. "Fuck you, I'm not short."
  2918. >"What?"
  2919. >You start to walk off
  2920. >"Are you okay?"
  2921. >You finish the bottle and drop it
  2922. >The tired pony watches from a distance as you gingerly lay down in the grass and pass out
  2923. >You wake up the next morning thoroughly baked under the sun
  2924. >A small basket of strawberries is next to you with a note
  2925. >It reads:
  2926. Not sure why you came here to vent, but it's obvious you're going through something. Take a day to enjoy what you /do/ have, not what you don't.
  2927. >With a crude drawing of a happy pony
  2928. >You roll over and walk home with the strawberries
  2929.  
  2930.  
  2931.  
  2932.  
  2933.  
  2934.  
  2935. >dragoness immediately covets and jealously guards him because he's an incredibly exotic and exceedingly rare male
  2936.  
  2937.  
  2938.  
  2939.  
  2940.  
  2941.  
  2942.  
  2943. >Unicorns of myth would be completely docile to virgins, going so far as to fall asleep in their laps.
  2944. >Go to equestria.
  2945. >Unicorns and Alicorns find you irresistibly comfy so long as you stay a virgin.
  2946. >Falling asleep outside will inevitably result in a snuggle pile within short order
  2947.  
  2948.  
  2949.  
  2950.  
  2951.  
  2952.  
  2953. >The Six, realising that ponies are beginning to think they're a "Dyke Herd", make plans to snag a stallion.
  2954. >Glimmer suddenly being there only reinforces ponies' misconceptions.
  2955. >However, all the non-family stallions they know are either dicks, gold-diggers, or terrified of them due to their daily exploits.
  2956. >Flash Sentry is still in hiding.
  2957. >Anon is considered unattractive by pony standards, and given he often chases Lyra through Ponyville half-naked and with ketchup/mustard war-paint, as she steals his socks.
  2958. >Still, he gets along well with half of them, so he's better than nothing.
  2959. >That, and they wouldn't have to worry about him being tempted away.
  2960. >However, due to ponies being proverbial sheep mentally, when it becomes known he's shacking up with a Wonderbolt, the Princess of Friendship, one of Equestria's premier fashionistas, a former supermodel, etcetera, he suddenly, sharply becomes less unattractive and ugly and more "exotic" and an alien beauty.
  2961. >After all, these heroes must see *something* in him they couldn't, right?
  2962. >*They* must be the odd ones to see such an exotic male as being ugly.
  2963. >Right?
  2964. >Thus, the Six suddenly find themselves on the defensive against other mares, and Anon is being offered non-herd poon-tang constantly on a plate.
  2965. >Will he stick to his principles and remain loyal, or will he break and succumb to non-herd poon, like a dying man in a desert handed unlimited ice-cream?
  2966.  
  2967.  
  2968.  
  2969.  
  2970.  
  2971.  
  2972. >Luna wins Anon over by giving him un-politically correct gifts and gestures.
  2973. >Ponies are gob-smacked.
  2974. >Celly be jelly and not knowing whether to be happy for her sister or mortified by what she did to snag him.
  2975.  
  2976.  
  2977.  
  2978.  
  2979.  
  2980. >Awkward virgin Dash
  2981. >Insists on taking the lead, because marely mares take the lead.
  2982. >Desperately trying to appear as if she knows exactly what she's doing, while knowing nothing of the sort.
  2983. >Fumbling her way through foreplay, struggling to find a proper position and actually get it in, and then trying to move without you slipping out again and again.
  2984. >She's lucky you're both so horny that there isn't much thinking happening, or this would be too awkward to continue.
  2985. >But since the overriding concern for both of you is fucking each others brains out, the cringing at how ridiculous you must both seem can wait till post-orgasm
  2986.  
  2987.  
  2988.  
  2989.  
  2990.  
  2991.  
  2992. >Celestia needs to smite this evil.
  2993. >This exotic abomination.
  2994. >This wicked slut.
  2995. >This sexy force of darkness.
  2996. >But by the goddess, she can't bring herself to do it.
  2997. >Even as he twists the dearly departed of her little ponies into his slaves, she can't rain down solar fire like she has done to so many others of his ilk.
  2998. >He's... not doing anything really bad, is he?
  2999. >It's not like he's forming an undead army.
  3000. >They're just building him a castle and acting as servants.
  3001. >Can he really be blamed?
  3002. >With no mare to take care of him, he's been forced to this instead.
  3003. >She's sure, once she offers hm a place in her castle, and starts treating him right, he'll send all those shambling corpses back to their graves.
  3004. >Yes, surely.
  3005. >Now she just has to get Luna to stop trying to kill him.
  3006. >She luckily hasn't been too successful in her attacks yet.
  3007. >Her night magic is not suited for combating the dark arts like her day magic, after all.
  3008. >Once she explains her plan, Luna will surely agree.
  3009. >She explains.
  3010. >Luna accuses her of thinking with her clit
  3011.  
  3012.  
  3013.  
  3014. >Skeptical at first, Anon eventually agrees to the proposition.
  3015. >Until she tells him he has to put the dead back where he found them.
  3016. >He tries to fight it, but she's adamant.
  3017. >He's tempted to rot her heart from the inside out while she's so close.
  3018. >But having the ear of a royal and access to the capital is quite the boon.
  3019. >He didn't even have to resort to mind control or promises or returning her lost loved ones.
  3020. "Fine, but can I at least keep Scruffy, I've... gotten attached."
  3021. >Celestia grimaces as you pet the pony corpse, it's name coming from the fact that the only hide left on its skeleton is a few patches on it's muzzle, resembling a macabre goatee.
  3022. >You give her puppy dog eyes, and scruffy does the same, tilting its head cutely (to you at least), until finally she sighs.
  3023. >"Fine, but he stays in the gardens. I don't want him dragging entrails through the castle."
  3024.  
  3025.  
  3026.  
  3027.  
  3028.  
  3029.  
  3030.  
  3031.  
  3032. >Anon is the sirens' older brother who got banished with them by Star Swirl.
  3033. >Generally doesn't do evil shit anymore, but looks out for his sisters.
  3034. >Meanwhile the Dazzlings are hyper protective of him, even though his magic is just as strong as theirs, allowing him to sing his way out of most situations.
  3035. >Anon manages to convince them to let him wander around by himself for a few years.
  3036. >One day he gets a call from a frantic Adagio telling him they've lost their powers.
  3037. >Anon is annoyed they tried fucking with stuff they shouldn't have AGAIN, but they're still family.
  3038. >There's still a chance he can restore their powers if he can collect the shards of their gems.
  3039. >The problem with that is that the girls got chased out of Canterlot High before they could grab any, and the Rainbooms have them now.
  3040. >Anon has to seduce the Rainbooms in order to get close enough to steal back the gem shards, and maybe get some petty revenge while he's doing it.
  3041.  
  3042.  
  3043. >Anon has to hide his necklace while on campus because the Rainbooms and the other students would recognize it, so no magic
  3044. >Thus he is forced to do this the old-fashioned way, using his masculine wiles.
  3045. >It's not very hard. The Rainbooms are hormonal teenage girls in a world where it's hard to get male attention.
  3046. >All execept for Sunset, the adult unicorn mare in the body of a teenage girl.
  3047. >She's also very obviously the leader.
  3048. >If anyone would know where the gem shards are it's her.
  3049. >Sunset is confused, but definitely not unhappy when the cute new male transfer student seemingly has a crush on her.
  3050. >With her friends encouraging her she asks him on a date, and he says yes.
  3051. >Will Anon successfully retrieve the shards of his sisters' necklaces and break Sunset's heart in the process?
  3052. >Or will his true nature be revealed before his plan is complete, which would certainly get the Rainbooms to blast him with their harmony magic?
  3053.  
  3054.  
  3055.  
  3056.  
  3057.  
  3058.  
  3059.  
  3060. >Be princess Celestia
  3061. >"As we sat there listening to the carolers, I wanted to tell Incognito that it was over now and that everything would be okay. But that was a lie, plus I couldn't speak anyway"
  3062. >His eyes start to tear up
  3063. >"I wish there was some way to go back and undo the past. But there wasn't. There was nothing we could do. So I just stayed silent and tried to telepathically communicate how sorry I was about what happened"
  3064. >His eye slowly rise to meet your gaze 
  3065. >"And I thought of all the grief and suffering and fucked up stuff in the world, and it made me want to escape. I wished with all my heart we could just leave this world behind. Rise like two angels in the night and magically... disappear'
  3066. >Anon just told you how he and his friend were sexually abused when he was young
  3067. >You would feel very sorry for him
  3068. >Except that it isn't a thing in this world 
  3069. >Any pony of any age can engage in intercourse with whomever they desire, within reason and consent of course 
  3070. >And young colts are your favorite , in fact, that was what attracted you to Anon in the first place, you thought he was still in that age for his species 
  3071. >You thought that you would play him with your honeyed words then go down on him like all your mates in the last thousand years
  3072. >But now, for the first time since you banished your sister, you don't know what to do
  3073.  
  3074.  
  3075.  
  3076.  
  3077.  
  3078.  
  3079. >There is no age of consent in Equestria. It goes strictly off of cutie mark status.
  3080. >Cutie mark = adult in the eyes of the law.
  3081. >It's not uncommon for a young colt or filly with a fresh mark to be set up with a trusted adult so their first time is safe and controlled, but still special.
  3082. >Even the most fickle of stallions don't often refuse since it's for the well-being of children. 
  3083. >Of course, no one told you any that. Not until Rainbow, Applejack, and Rarity show up on your door with their wide eyed and red faced sisters in tow.
  3084. >You just had to be friends with the elements...
  3085.  
  3086.  
  3087.  
  3088.  
  3089.  
  3090.  
  3091. > Anon is the weebaboo-pony equivalent of that vampire-loli-that-I-swear-Mr-Judge-she-is-legal-she-is-3000yo-in-the-story
  3092.  
  3093.  
  3094.  
  3095.  
  3096.  
  3097. >Accidental trap FemAnon.
  3098. >Flat chested, professional weightlifter.
  3099. >Girl power, motherfucker.
  3100. >Can crush a watermelon between your thighs.
  3101. >You're powerful legs attract the wrong kind of attention, sadly.
  3102. >These lesbo horses are persistent, but you're not that desperate.
  3103. >You are, however, desperate enough to try some stallion cock.
  3104. >Hey, those donkey shows must have been a thing back home for a reason.
  3105. >Stallions turn you down constantly though.
  3106. >Caramel sits you down.
  3107. >"Anon, I'm flattered, but... I'm not gay."
  3108. "What?"
  3109.  
  3110. >Big Mac is gay though, but must keep it a secret from his very traditional family.
  3111. >Wants desperately to return Anon's approaches, but resists.
  3112. >Sister just thinks the new colt in town is good friends with her brother.
  3113. >It's low, but if it gets her an edge in landing that fine hunk of a stallion, she's will to exploit Big Mac to get closer to Anon.
  3114. >FemAnon realizes Big Mac is the biggest stallion in town, automatically making him the best.
  3115. >And he's not outright disturbed by your flirting.
  3116. >Bonus.
  3117. >Show off your muscles by helping him make cider.
  3118. >Crushing apples in your palms.
  3119. >Gets more of a reaction from his lesbo sister.
  3120. >Why can't these tiny mares let you work your moves in peace?
  3121.  
  3122.  
  3123. > FemAnon finally start getting frisky with BigMac in the barn
  3124. > AppleJack stumble on them without getting noticed
  3125. > Very pissed off because her crush is about to bang someone else
  3126. > Very aroused because stallion on stallion action
  3127. > FemAnon remove her shorts, revealing her "surprise"
  3128. > BigMac is paralyzed in shock
  3129. > AJ don't know what to think
  3130. > Very pissed off because a girl is about to bang her brother
  3131. > Still very aroused by FemAnon
  3132.  
  3133. >AJ still thinks her brother's straight.
  3134. >Worried she's the gay one now.
  3135. >I'm sorry, Ma, you deserve a better daughter than a filly foolin' deviant like me.
  3136. >Still can't stop the burning in her Apple core.
  3137. >Calls FemAnon upstairs after inviting her to dinner at the farm house.
  3138. "AJ, where are you?"
  3139. >Door slowly swings shut, revealing Appul horse with strap-on attachment and real bucking action.
  3140. >"You're a strong mare, Anon, but I gotta make sure you're good enough for ma brother."
  3141. "What?"
  3142. >"We're gonna rassle, Anon."
  3143.  
  3144.  
  3145.  
  3146.  
  3147.  
  3148.  
  3149.  
  3150. >Ponies are flooding Celestia with letters.
  3151. >It just started pouring in one day.
  3152. >'Princess Celestia, Anon ain't got no magic to protect himself from frisky mares always creepin' 'round these parts! Can you fix him up like you did Twilight?'
  3153. >'Princess Celestia, I believe Anon may soon fall victim to the DREADFUL deeds of some promiscuous harlot! You simply MUST do something about my darling!'
  3154. >'Princess Celestia, can you send me a scroll on your laws concerning cross-species cohabitation and/or marriage? Anon said there are laws against these sort of things, and I really can't argue, as I don't know...'
  3155. >Celestia is getting tired of this.
  3156. >She doesn't even know who or what an 'Anon' is.
  3157. >She makes an unannounced visit to Ponyville.
  3158. >The mares are overjoyed, thinking each of their letters have been answered.
  3159. >Then Celestia finds out just what an 'Anon' is.
  3160. >Hfw
  3161. >The ponies of Ponyville are stunned when Celestia starts acting like a stallion around Anon.
  3162. >She's like a giggly colt with his first crush.
  3163. >Anon is impressed the ruler of Equestria came to see him.
  3164. >Now maybe he can get his wish and get a trip to see the dragons he heard about.
  3165. >All he is interested in is seeing a fucking dragon.
  3166. >Riding a fucking dragon.
  3167. >Fucking a fucking dragon.
  3168. >Celestia will do anything within her power to win his affection.
  3169. >Even take him to see dragons
  3170.  
  3171.  
  3172.  
  3173.  
  3174.  
  3175.  
  3176.  
  3177.  
  3178. >Anon wants to make spike huge.
  3179. >But he realizes that he's enabling greed in spike.
  3180. >He may want Spike to become big, but Spike is like a little brother to him at this point.
  3181. >It doesn't feel nice to make your little brother a kleptomaniac even if it means you get to see a huge dragon.
  3182. >Fuck it.
  3183. >He can visit the dragon lands some other day.
  3184. >He stops giving Spike things, and takes him on road trips.
  3185. >He teaches Spike that emotional bonds with ponies and other creatures are more important than material objects.
  3186. >He teaches Spike that courage isn't never getting scared, but being brave even when he is scared.
  3187. >He teaches Spike that failure is not the end if he learns from it.
  3188. >In their journeys, Spike begins collecting rocks, gems, and other assorted baubles. 
  3189. >Souvenirs that had no monetary value.
  3190. >Things that don't even count as treasures.
  3191. >But they're treasures to him, and Spike begins to grow once more.
  3192. >However, instead of the dyel giant greedy dragon, his form is more muscular, balanced, majestic even.
  3193. >His wings unfurled blocks out the sun.
  3194. >The change extends to his personality as well, he was more mature, elegant, and well rounded when compared to other dragons.
  3195. >Anon looks upon his friend and student, and learns a lesson as well.
  3196. >Haste will cause nothing but suffering for all, but patience is always rewarded.
  3197. >Dragon suitors come from all over to woo Spike, bringing gifts that could sustain Equestria for a year.
  3198. >But he turns them all down, claiming that their treasures are 'worthless'.
  3199. >He takes out a small rock, no larger than the hoof of a newborn foal.
  3200. >His most prized possession.
  3201. >The rock he picked up on his first road trip with Anon.
  3202. >Tells the suitors to find him something more valuable than that.
  3203. >They all think that the rock represents the entire world
  3204.  
  3205.  
  3206.  
  3207.  
  3208.  
  3209.  
  3210. >You are anon
  3211. >You have fluttershy under your arm
  3212. >today is the day that you rub it in everyone's face who didn't want you but now keeps trying to get with you.
  3213. "So, if I remember right, carrot top correct?"
  3214. >"Yes anon, have you decided to take me up on your offer? I see you brought fluttershy, so does that mean I get to be the alpha?"
  3215. >You really dont like this mare much anymore
  3216. "First, do you remember what you did when I asked if you wanted to get dinner and see where the night takes us?"
  3217. >She thinks hard, how will she spin this
  3218. >"I'm sorry, I cant recall"
  3219. "Oh, really, well let me remind you. You first started to laugh, saying 'holy bucking shit anon, thats a good one' and when you saw my face crumble a bit, 'Oh you were serious' and proceeded to laugh till you passed out."
  3220. >To her credit, she looks ashamed of that
  3221. "I heard you later telling another mare why you passed out laughing 'can you imagine that plowing into you? How could you even bucking get wet'"
  3222. >Yea, you crushed her spirits a bit
  3223. "So, because you refuse to stop hitting on me, flutters, the alpha of the herd..."
  3224. >At this her eyes go wide
  3225. >She looks at flutters
  3226. >No mare should have all that smug
  3227. "... decided it was only right to show you what you laughed your way out of"
  3228.  
  3229. >Be carrot top
  3230. >It is sundown
  3231. >You need a drink
  3232. >All day fluttershy and anon showed you what you could have had on yor front lawn, at one point you decided to go inside and put them out of your mind
  3233. >Anon picked fluttershy up and plowed her against your window. 
  3234. >You lawn and home are coved in various fluids
  3235. >You are depressed
  3236. >You are desperately horney
  3237. >And you just want a bucking drink.
  3238.  
  3239. >Be anon a week later
  3240. >The castle is barricaded
  3241. >Mares are throwing themselves like changelings at the doors to break them down
  3242. >Apparently your stunt with fluttershy caused all of ponyville to go into an early estrus
  3243. >You look down yo your flutters as aj piles more shit against the door
  3244. >This mare is WAY too smug
  3245.  
  3246.  
  3247.  
  3248.  
  3249.  
  3250.  
  3251. >Anon and Luna can't stop fighting when they're in the same room.
  3252. >Physically fighting. 
  3253. >As in "throw through walls".
  3254. >And the language... eeesh!
  3255. >Ponies avoid getting involved, despite "mare-on-stallion" violence, because the they would get in the crossfire.
  3256. >Celestia and Twilight learned the hard-way.
  3257. >However, one fight becomes aggressive making out.
  3258. >Then they're outright doing each other, much to the ponies' shock.
  3259. >Trouble is, it's on the breakfast table.
  3260. >In-front of Celestia, Cadence, and Twilight
  3261.  
  3262.  
  3263.  
  3264.  
  3265.  
  3266.  
  3267.  
  3268. >They mess with you one day by covering their cutie marks and using the same mane style
  3269. >A prank their own mother and aunt would pull on their father, much to his distress. Something about how a husband should be able to tell. 
  3270. >They forget that you're not exactly typical.
  3271. >Both of them, even macho mare Cloudy squeak when you pick them up and give both a kiss on the lips...
  3272. >... Between their legs. 
  3273. >Flitter's love of cherries gives her away from the taste. 
  3274. >The mares who gave them shit for 'settling for an ape' have no idea what they're missing
  3275.  
  3276.  
  3277.  
  3278.  
  3279.  
  3280.  
  3281. >Anon is the Marshal of Canterlot Castle
  3282. >Despite the name, it's not a military position.
  3283. >He's more of a seneschal, and is the guy in charge of all the maids, butlers, cooks, and other castle staff.
  3284. >Celestia hits on him occasionally, but he's pretty sure she's just joking.
  3285.  
  3286. >Luna however has taken a genuine interest in him.
  3287. >Since her return, she has felt isolated.
  3288. >Canterlot wasn't her home before, she lived in the Castle of the Two Sisters. 
  3289. >She helped build it, she knew all its secrets.
  3290. >The hidden passageways, The loose brick behind which she'd hidden a lewd story she'd written, the spot where she'd indulged in a bit of infantile graffiti and drawn a horse pussy behind the bookcase.
  3291.  
  3292. >Canterlot is a welcome improvement from the barren surface of the moon, but it just doesn't feel like /home/.
  3293. >She feels like an outsider.
  3294. >She only really socializes with her sister, and occasionally the Element bearers.
  3295. >And Anonymous, one of the very few who isn't skittish around her
  3296.  
  3297.  
  3298.  
  3299.  
  3300. >Anon moves into equestria and decides he's gonna take Over the entire nation as a villain
  3301. >main 6 go off to face him in his massive evil citadel only to find out he is a particularly innocent colt and worried about their safety
  3302. >what they assumed were slave are actually willing servants, as he treats everyone with respect
  3303. >always goes on tirades on being evil and monologues his evil plans but always ends up helping like removing monsters and helping the changlings intergrate
  3304. >eventually works himself into a respected position in government right up by the princesses, still talking like he's evil but doing a lot of good
  3305. >one day a random poner like let's say dash tells him he's been pretty bad at all the villain stuff
  3306. "Oh I beg to differ"
  3307. >"what do you mean anon"
  3308. "I thought I did a great job at earning ponies' trust, infiltrating the changelings and getting them a food source to grow with, creating an army of all the villains I've put down over the years, and getting myself in a trusted position perfect for pulling up my coup"
  3309. >pale poner is shocked
  3310. "But do you know what the best part of my plan is?"
  3311. >pony shakes head
  3312. "Nobody is ever going to believe you"
  3313. >he says as he goes to play tea party with some children
  3314.  
  3315.  
  3316.  
  3317.  
  3318. >anon did this just some elaborate plot to get the poner in question to ask him out
  3319. >he knows for a fact that she'll try "change" him
  3320. >he already knew she had the hots for him
  3321. >why not push it along?
  3322.  
  3323.  
  3324.  
  3325. >Stallions aren't supposed to be the romantic aggressors, they have to entice the mares into wooing them.
  3326. >Other stallions are in awe of how well Anon pulled off this feat of masculinity.
  3327. >The sheer level of effort and bullshitting he went through in order to get her is just so romantic.
  3328. >One autist stallion wonders why Anon didn't just say he liked her, the others shush him and insist this way is better.
  3329.  
  3330. >Anon takes this information, and starts publishing cheesy romance novels that are disguised as regular stories until the end, when suddenly mushy love and smut ensues
  3331.  
  3332.  
  3333.  
  3334.  
  3335.  
  3336.  
  3337.  
  3338.  
  3339.  
  3340. >Anon arrives in Equestria
  3341. >The thing is, he already has a kid
  3342. >His daughter arrived with him
  3343. >Beta mares go head over hooves trying to be the provider for the "poor single father just trying to make it"
  3344. >Mares always trying to get brownie points for giving gifts/being nice to Anonette
  3345. >Anonette is trying to hook her dad up with a nice mare, not some Trixie
  3346. >Anon actually wants Trixie
  3347. >The Great And Alpha Trixie doesn't do baggage
  3348.  
  3349.  
  3350.  
  3351.  
  3352.  
  3353.  
  3354. >Pinkie has the problem of having a constantly moist vagene
  3355. >It's the RGRE equivalent of having random boners in public
  3356. >Sweaty virgin mare
  3357. >Too weird for any stallion to be interested in
  3358. >Her constant joking is a front to hide her crippling loneliness
  3359. >Knows she will die alone, forever a weird mare
  3360. >Started accepting it more long ago
  3361. >Just masturbates her loneliness away
  3362. >If her dream stallion finds her, he finds her
  3363. >But she has pretty much given up
  3364.  
  3365.  
  3366.  
  3367.  
  3368.  
  3369.  
  3370. >Spike, being a Muthafuckin' Dragon, is nigh invulnerable to most common hazards in life.
  3371. >When you can take a bath in an active volcano, a lot of things that would kill a pony barely tickle.
  3372. >But being a male dragon, and a 'baby' male dragon at that, ponies insist on coddling him about /everything/.
  3373. >He puts up with it from Rarity, because any attention from his crush is a good thing in his mind.
  3374. >Twilight and Celestia get a pass, because family and mommy issues.
  3375. >But holy horseapples does it drive him crazy when anypony else does it. And they ALL do it.
  3376. >About the only person who wasn't also a dragon that doesn't treat him like he's made of glass, is his self-proclaimed bro, Anon
  3377.  
  3378.  
  3379. >Spike and Anon won a tour to Griffonstone.
  3380. >They returned a few days late.
  3381. >Nobody believed them when they said they got involved and put a stop to a conspiracy involving the throne.
  3382. >Spike and Anon had to ride a sexy griffon general to defeat the conspirators.
  3383. >Nobody believed them until General Katerina Bloodwing went to Canterlot demanding to see Anon the pervert who sullied her honorandnowmusttakeresponsibility and his mighty dragon companion Spike the brave
  3384.  
  3385.  
  3386.  
  3387.  
  3388.  
  3389.  
  3390. > Anon is surprised to find Monopoly: Equestria Edition at a shady secondhand games shop
  3391. > Buys it because of nostalgia
  3392. > When he brings it home and checks it for any major differences, the instructions booklet mentions a complementary summoning circle for use in case of table-flipping
  3393. > Out of curiosity, he uses the circle
  3394. > A bored demon mare rises from the ground, who then looks around in confusion
  3395. "Are you a succubus?"
  3396. > She frowns
  3397. > "No, I'm a ninth circle acc-"
  3398. > Then she notices that Anon is, in fact, male
  3399. > And full of unfulfilled lust
  3400. > She grins
  3401. > "Would you like me to be a succubus?"
  3402.  
  3403. Definitely accountant, and not even the kind that help with embezzlement. Poor Modea is contracted to keep track of the positions of Monopoly pieces and player properties and cash. The most interesting thing she usually gets to do is enforce the bets players make on the outcome of the game
  3404.  
  3405. >Anon decides to make a deal with her. In exchange for sexual favors, she sticks around and helps Anon with his dismal financial situation. A win/win for him. 
  3406. Mares believe he is being held hostage by an evil demon
  3407.  
  3408.  
  3409.  
  3410.  
  3411.  
  3412.  
  3413. > Anon in grorious nipone
  3414. > Works as an engrish teacher
  3415. > Gets groped on the commuter train
  3416. > Ara Ara's as much as possible
  3417.  
  3418.  
  3419.  
  3420.  
  3421.  
  3422.  
  3423.  
  3424.  
  3425. > Old man Anon was Starswirl the Bearded, before scholars convinced themselves that such a magical being could only be a unicorn
  3426. > He was never that interested in fame, so the mistake wasn't corrected
  3427. > Mostly he just putters around the Canterlot library, sorting books and doodling spell formula in the margins of his journals
  3428. > Twilight never knew the old librarian she respected and imitated was also the wizard she idolized
  3429.  
  3430.  
  3431. >Celestia doesn't correct anypony about Anon's true identity because she is protecting him.
  3432. >Nopony bothers him, and leaves him alone to do what he enjoys.
  3433.  
  3434. >Luna feels differently, he deserves recognition for his great deeds.
  3435. >And if he needs protection from the perverts, autists, and pervert autists who will descend upon him, then /she/ will protect him!
  3436.  
  3437.  
  3438.  
  3439.  
  3440. >Looked after the girls when they were young
  3441. >Taught him everything he knew and guided them into learning more than he could
  3442. >Felt his mortality approaching
  3443. >He wanted more time, to make sure they were ok
  3444. >Learned immortality
  3445. >His mental state was mostly alright so no real harm
  3446. >But it was far worse and led to a fate worse than death
  3447. >It was like putting a cover over his mind
  3448. >His years stacking on top of it
  3449. >First he lived a decade longer than he should have, then another, and another
  3450. >A century
  3451. >A millenia
  3452. >Finally it's too much for his mind to handle
  3453. >Without warning, the cover collapses
  3454. >He's immortal so he does keep some of himself intact and is able to care for himself well enough but he's kept the body of a 102 year old, unlike the princesses
  3455. >But he can't remember anything
  3456. >Where he is, who the ponies around him are, who he is
  3457. >He know only 3 things
  3458. >He enjoys books, mostly ends up just blankly staring at them, willing them and his mind to work in tandem to no avail
  3459. >The castle is his home, which is strange because he remembers another place he called home, a bit more secluded, in a forest maybe? was he a hermit before?
  3460. >and that being near the tallest ponies in the castle, whenever they come to visit, help calm him
  3461.  
  3462.  
  3463. He'd be physically older, but not ancient and decrepit.
  3464.  
  3465. Memory problems, but not so severe that he doesn't remember Celestia and Luna's names. Maybe he actually has decent recall of his 'mortal' lifetime, or the highlights of it, it's everything that has happened after his first century or so that is foggy. Or the reverse, where everything is vague (with a few exceptions), except for the last decade or several.
  3466.  
  3467. He'd still be brilliant and magically powerful, but also absentminded and forgets that he can do things, especially if he hasn't done them in a while. But if he focuses on a subject for a while, he can still come up with something new and impressive. 
  3468.  
  3469. He might have figured out what he thought was a 'law' of magic when he was younger, but now he's retracing that research for some reason, but has forgotten doing it the last time. Because he no longer remembers that it 'can't be done', he can actually figure out a way to do it this time.
  3470.  
  3471. Might have a bit of a short attention span, unless he's on one of his autistic laserfocus streaks.
  3472.  
  3473.  
  3474. >When the changelings invaded canterlot, a bunch of them went to the libary and started trashing the place before a stern voice cuts through the chaos.
  3475. >Libarianon scolds the children for making noise in a libary before promptly giving them orders to help clean up the mess.
  3476. >Lings comply out of sheer confusion because even though he's talking in the ToneThatMustBeObeyed he's still giving each of the 30 strong group enough love to kill their hunger completely.
  3477. >A headpat there, a firm word of encouragement here and suddenly they're all corralled in a semi circle of beanbags with hot cocoa as he starts weaving them a story.
  3478. >"Once upon a time, in the magical lands of Equestria..."
  3479. >During a particularly dramatic portion, a bright light flashes by outside, the window and door frames briefly glowing as it passes before darkening once more, the events completely unnoticed by the group as Anon talks about a mysterious masked mare...
  3480. >Hours later, with the moon in the sky and the last would-be invader in dreamland, Anon bustles about placing blankets over each of them before softly speaking.
  3481. >"Go enjoy the party dear, you've spent too much time cooped up as is."
  3482. >The shadows stir breifly before becoming still once more
  3483.  
  3484.  
  3485.  
  3486.  
  3487.  
  3488.  
  3489.  
  3490.  
  3491. >Some guy is the RGREqG version of the High School Alpha Bitch
  3492. >Sunset couldn't has risen to the top of Canterlot High all by herself.
  3493. >She was a literal nobody, knew nothing about human culture, and lacked the social awareness needed despite her ruthlessness due to her sheltered upbringing in Canterlot Castle.
  3494. >She got bullied a lot at first.
  3495. >Some guy was the leader of the popular boys clique
  3496. >Some guy took her under his wing, out of curiosity to see if he could take someone on the bottom of the school's totem pole and raise them to the top.
  3497. >Sunset took to his lessons like a fish to water.
  3498. >They started dating, and ruled the school as Queen and King.
  3499. >But eventually Sunset decided she didn't need him anymore, dumped him, and started dating Flash Sentry who she saw as more attractive.
  3500. >He did not take this well. NO ONE dumps some guy. 
  3501. >What Sunset then lacked in social manipulation ability she made up for by being terrifying enough that very few people would be willing to stand against her.
  3502. >Then came the events of the first movie, knocking Sunset all the way back down to the bottom of the school hierarchy 
  3503. >Meaning, some guy is on top again. 
  3504. >He has the jock girls make Sunset's life miserable like they used to back when they were all freshmen.
  3505. >Now that Sunset's trying to be a good person, it's hard for her to fight back. 
  3506. >The Humane Five, having yet to completely befriend her at this point, are split between thinking Sunset deserves it and not wanting to let Twilight down by not helping her
  3507.  
  3508.  
  3509.  
  3510.  
  3511.  
  3512.  
  3513. >Equestria is a place of peace and harmony, but it wasn't always that way
  3514. >Ponies were forced to work together due to outside threats such as monsters and the occational evil villain
  3515. >However, there hasn't been any evil to vanquish above the occational bully who never learned to share for years, and society is about to come apart because of it
  3516. >Namely, stallionists who believe that they are under-appreciated and under-represented and mares who believe that stallions are overly coddled and should be happy with what they can get
  3517. >This is a story, so diplomacy is obviously out of the question
  3518. >The next best option is for the princesses hire a villain that both mares and stallions would hate equally to bring them closer together
  3519. >This is where Anon comes in
  3520. >Every month or so, Anon dons his villain alter ego to go cause trouble with several royal guards dressed as his henchponies
  3521. >Whatever princess is nearby will come and "fight" him, Anon loses, but gets away at the last second or "escapes" prison
  3522. >This somehow solves everything
  3523.  
  3524.  
  3525.  
  3526.  
  3527.  
  3528.  
  3529. I love the idea of the princesses crying to Anon whenever they need comfort.
  3530.  
  3531. >The Princesses are often hailed as mareliness in physical form
  3532. >They are strong, in charge, and always calm in the face of danger
  3533. >All of the qualities that herd alphas are expected to have
  3534. >Due to maintaining the image of a strong leader, they often have to bottle up their emotions
  3535. >Enters Anon, a being that is not a pony, not a foreign ambassador, and is great to hug
  3536. >Every night, Anon has deal with a crying alicorn as they tell him of all their insecurities
  3537. >"And *sniff* and when they were about to cut the cake, Pinkie *sob* she ate it all IN ONE BITE! I was looking forward to it all day and she didn't even saaavor iiit!!"
  3538. >"Anon, tell us, art we scary? We have tried to improve our personal appearance for years, but a foal began to cry when we only said hello..."
  3539. >"WAAAH!! Anon, me and S-Shiny had a fight and-and-and HE SAID HE HATED MEEEE!!!"
  3540. >"I'm not chubby, I'm within the average weight range for a mare my size! So what if I like to eaten a dozen hayburgers every now and then! Stupid colts, calling me Twiggy-Piggy. I'm not fat at all, am I Anon? By the way, you're out of ice cream."
  3541.  
  3542.  
  3543.  
  3544.  
  3545.  
  3546.  
  3547. >Anon, tired of the ponies' weak ass alcohol, bemoans this regularly.
  3548. >Applejack introduces him to SAA cider, confident it'll scratch his itch.
  3549. >Nope. Still as weak as shit.
  3550. >Applejack Daniels.
  3551. >She's confident her personal brew, known for knocking down mares twice her size after half a bottle, would do the trick.
  3552. >Nope.
  3553. >He drinks three.
  3554. >Not even a buzz.
  3555. >Enraged at having her pride/family's pride shat on, she goes nuts and, in a fit of insanity, brews pretty much pure paint-thinner (aka authentic Russian vodka, but with apples).
  3556. >As she comes down, she realises what utter poison she's made and is horrified.
  3557. >This would give even the Princesses liver and kidney damage.
  3558. >She needs to destroy it.
  3559. >Unfortunately, it's classed as being a toxic chemical,and can only be disposed of in a certain manner, at certain sites.
  3560. >Anon, however, finds it.
  3561. >Now Applejack has to flee from a thirsty and increasingly distabilising Anon, as he hunts her down throughout Ponyville.for the only booze capable of getting him drunk.
  3562. >Applejack doesn't want to go to prison for stallion murder.
  3563.  
  3564.  
  3565.  
  3566.  
  3567.  
  3568.  
  3569. >Minuette and friends are expecting Twilight to come for a visit
  3570. >Twiggle has an emergency quest sprung on her
  3571. >She sends Anon in her place
  3572. >Minuette and friends are confused when a male shows up, expecting to do all the things Twilight would do
  3573. >Anon wants to make a good impression for his waifu Twilight
  3574. >They take him to the bar
  3575. >Anon gets smashed and makes an ass out of himself
  3576. >Now Minuette and her friends keep showing up to Ponyville, asking for Anon
  3577. >Twilight is upset her friends like Anon more
  3578. >A mission comes up for Twilight
  3579. >She's sick and has to send Anon in her place
  3580. >Anon gets to go on a quest with Celestia
  3581. >Anon wants to make a good impression for his waifu Twilight...
  3582.  
  3583.  
  3584.  
  3585.  
  3586.  
  3587.  
  3588. >Anon in RGRE
  3589. >The m6 has to keep an eye on Anon because there's been a bunch of rumors of fillies kidnapping and/or raping stallions
  3590. >Cutie map emergency, they need to fuck off
  3591. >Leave him with the cmc because they trust them
  3592. >Little did they know...
  3593.  
  3594.  
  3595.  
  3596.  
  3597.  
  3598. >A portal opens in Germaneigh.
  3599. >Every so often a human man pops out of the portal, most of whom acclimate to their new home quickly.
  3600. >Germane government scraps it's (badly drafted but genuine in intent) plans to import migrants to fix their falling birth rate when the first human-fathered foal is born.
  3601. >The sudden (and largely imagined) competition kicks Germane stallions off their laurels.
  3602. >Germane shitposting on 4pone hits an all-time high when it's discovered humans can only interbreed with ponies.
  3603. >If you see the Germane flag on 4pone.org/pol/ it's probably a superiority shitpost
  3604.  
  3605. Meanwhile on 4pone.org/pol/...
  3606.  
  3607. >mfw aliens tailor made for mares drop out of the sky.
  3608. >mfw can't be sullied by subraces
  3609. >mfw no face for this greatest feel 
  3610. ZIGGERS, GYPSIEBIRDS, LOLCOWS, ROACHES ALL ETERNALLY BTFO NO RECOVERY EVER
  3611. Enjoy being alone as I cuddle with my humie :^)
  3612.  
  3613.  
  3614.  
  3615.  
  3616.  
  3617.  
  3618.  
  3619. >anon finally finds a gym with equipment he can actually use
  3620. >it's a Minotaur gym 
  3621. >the beeftits aggressively help him work out
  3622. >stand too close when they spot him
  3623. >practically molest him when helping him squat 
  3624. >constantly trying to get him to join the wrestling team
  3625.  
  3626.  
  3627.  
  3628.  
  3629.  
  3630.  
  3631.  
  3632. >Through a series of cascading, archaic legal loopholes that he blunders through unintentionally, Teen Anon ends up marrying Teen Cadence.
  3633. >Thing is, he wants nothing to do with her, as she reminds him of an ex he had on Earth.
  3634. >Cadence feels it is her duty to tame her reluctant new husband's whimsy.
  3635. >Unfortunately, she's smart enough to know that traditional methods of trying to win a stallion's heart won't work in this case, so she has to "think outside the box".
  3636. >Much to Anon's horror
  3637.  
  3638.  
  3639.  
  3640.  
  3641. >tfw Celly knows and wants you to ride her.
  3642. >tfw She gets jealous when Luna and Cadence request the same thing, using her own excuse.
  3643. >You will never be the target of a three-way tug-of-war
  3644.  
  3645. >Twilight all pouty and sad that she is too smol to let you ride her.
  3646. >Pick her up and let her ride you piggyback to make her feel better.
  3647. >Other 3 go from giggling at the ponelet to seething with jealousy in an instant
  3648.  
  3649.  
  3650. >Celestia's feels a bit kinky and suggests some tandem action.
  3651. >Twilight riding Anon riding Celestia.
  3652. >All three are having a great time until Flurry teleports onto her Auntwi and makes it weird.
  3653. >Anon's wondering why the ride ended so soon, but latent paternal instincts kick in and he starts playing with the baby alicorn suddenly attached to his face, to the envy of the adult mares
  3654.  
  3655.  
  3656.  
  3657.  
  3658.  
  3659.  
  3660. >Anon says horsepuss is disgusting/he's unsure about it
  3661. >Reason why he can't start a relationship with a horse
  3662. >Twiggy loves him, never told him
  3663. >Should she simply talk to him? Tell him that sex isn't everything and shit
  3664. >Nah, who is she kidding, she's still a mare, she'll end up wanting the sex and act all pushy, it's in her instincts
  3665. >She might even end up raping him!
  3666. >No, she needs to help him get rid of this horsepussophobia first, then she can talk to him
  3667. >Decides that the better way would be for him to get used to the sight of it
  3668. >So she spends a lot of time with him
  3669. >And a lot of time flashing him her goods
  3670. >It gets her in the mood, way more than expected
  3671. >She didn't know she was an exhibitionist! 
  3672. >In less than a week, she notices that he's not turning away anymore, and even seems kind of intrigued
  3673. >The realization makes her wink, and that makes him look away
  3674. >Damn, not there yet
  3675. >Maybe get to the next phase?
  3676. >Letting him explore it
  3677. >A hands on approach
  3678. >But she can't really tell him that he can touch her
  3679.  
  3680. >Oh, that it! A sex toy!
  3681. >You remember fluttershy mentioning one when she was reading those japaneighse books
  3682. >Maybe you could get one with Anon, and send it anonymously!
  3683. >This is the perfect plan!
  3684. >But how will you know if he uses it?
  3685. >Maybe cast observer wards in his bedroom...
  3686. >But what if he does it out of sight? Or if he turns his back?
  3687. >N-not that you need to see everything, just that you might learn something
  3688. >For science, right?
  3689. >Maybe an invisibility spell?
  3690. >But what if you bump into something or sneeze!
  3691. >That's a sure way to ruin your friendship with him
  3692. >And your chances...
  3693. >You ponder about it for a moment
  3694. >And your eyes widen when you think of that old book on transmogrification 
  3695. >And more precisely, about that spell that let the user transforms himself into an object
  3696. >...
  3697. >Could you...
  3698. >No...
  3699. >Maybe?
  3700. >Wink
  3701. >O-ohhh...
  3702. And then they fugged and have dozens of babies
  3703. THE END
  3704.  
  3705.  
  3706.  
  3707.  
  3708. >everyday it's the same
  3709. >a blank package on the doorstep
  3710. >a disembodied grey ass in the package 
  3711. >your house is filled with such asses
  3712. >they make for decent sex toys but you wonder where they are coming from
  3713.  
  3714. >ponies offer to pay you to get rid of them, but you just go around and collect them every now and then
  3715. >some lumber and wood glue are an easy find in the market
  3716. >soon, you have a couch made with them
  3717. >and a bed, and a pillow
  3718. >also a couple throwbutts lying here or there
  3719. >ponies don't know what to think about a stallion being so nonchalant with an endless supply of supple butts.
  3720. >you recognize the mare these are "based on"
  3721. >you oddly wonder how powerful a mace with a couple of them tied on the end would be
  3722.  
  3723.  
  3724.  
  3725. >Reborn as a unicorn colt with all your old memories intact several years before canon.
  3726. >A human soul stuffed into a pony, really.
  3727. >Love magic so much. It provides such an unreal level of freedom and independence, but you can only figure out so much yourself.
  3728. >The problem with that?
  3729. >No one wants to teach a colt advanced magic. Unicorn society is firm on that.
  3730. >Lower magical potential compared to mares makes it not worth it, says some.
  3731. >Stallions and their wild emotions can't be trusted with it! says others. 
  3732. >It's for your safety as much as our own, son, some sympathetic ones say 
  3733. >The few willing to teach you simply charge too much for you to afford.
  3734. >Even when you point out Starswirl or rising stars like Shining Armor, or show your potential with your human-soul fueled magic, you're still waved away.
  3735. >You're in your teens now, and just as it looks like your dreams might be dead, you bump into someone on a late night walk that would change your life forever.
  3736. >It's none other than the recently returned Moon Princess, Luna.
  3737.  
  3738.  
  3739. >Anon re-creates a temporary clone spell from fiction in his old life.
  3740. >The implications are not lost on anyone with even a halfway dirty mind.
  3741. >Luna has to chant "Not a degenerate student molester" to herself quietly at the thought of drowning in horny teen dick
  3742.  
  3743.  
  3744.  
  3745. >Anon is too beta to make a blatant move
  3746. >But this is expected, he's a stallion after all
  3747. >Luna can't resist peeking on his dreams
  3748. >She accidentally replaces herself in his dream
  3749. >A very lewd dream
  3750.  
  3751.  
  3752. >Celestia and Cadence relentlessly tries to hook Anon and Twilight up
  3753. >Both believing that they are each other's only chance for love
  3754. >No sane mare could handle somepony as abrasive and marely as Anonymous unless they just wanted to prestige of conquering him
  3755. >No self respecting stallion would want a mare as nerdy and bookish as Twilight without her title and status
  3756. >But they get along perfectly with one another though
  3757. >Luna doesn't like it, but doesn't interfere
  3758. >Anon and Twi find it funny if a bit annoying
  3759. >They're just fine as friends.
  3760. >Then the map sends them to Prance..
  3761.  
  3762.  
  3763.  
  3764.  
  3765.  
  3766. Ponies have terrible sex ed, especially on the rock farm.
  3767.  
  3768. >Anon acquires a Shy Pony Herd
  3769. >Fluttershy, Coco, and Marble.
  3770. >While Fluttershy and Coco are secretly huge perverts, Marble is the very definition of "sheltered".
  3771. >She only knows that there's more involved with breeding than literally sleeping with a stallion, because her mother could no longer avoid the topic of sex.
  3772. >Cloudy knew you couldn't just assume the stallion knew what to do after all, Igneous was clueless when they got married.
  3773. >She frankly considered it a miracle that she managed to have four children with him.
  3774. >But since Marble was getting into a herd, and not a monogamous relationship, Cloudy could get away with some basic mechanics, and advice to 'ask your herd sisters'.
  3775.  
  3776.  
  3777. >"You.. um... hold it there till you think you are turning a different color"
  3778. >Fluttershy is is giving some shockingly frank advice while she herself does a big mac impression
  3779. "What about... you know"
  3780. >"Oh... that... yes... coco will take care of it, she tends to enjoy that spot"
  3781. >You look to coco
  3782. >She just meekly nods and looks to the left
  3783. >"If there are any more questions..."
  3784. >Coco chimes in
  3785. >"We could have a practice session, rarity love to help us out and get better."
  3786. >Fluttershy makes a squeaky sound
  3787. >"Thats a great idea coco, rarity could easily help you more then we could with this"
  3788.  
  3789. >You are anon, and when you came home you smelt it again
  3790. >You were transported here with you lot and a portion of your neighbors homes, no idea how it came with but whatever
  3791. >You were a bit paranoid when you arrived here so the whole house was wired with cameras
  3792. >As you look through the tapes, you make a decision
  3793. >You are bringing rarity into the fold
  3794.  
  3795.  
  3796.  
  3797.  
  3798.  
  3799.  
  3800.  
  3801. >In times past if a mare was kidnapping a stallion, the mare would generally tie the stallion to their underside to prevent any chance of escape.
  3802. >The more crude or daring mares would tie an additional rope to where the face was to her dock, so the stallion could get something to 'eat'.
  3803.  
  3804. >This shows up in cheesy fantasy romance novels that stallions read
  3805. >Nopony ever said any of the sexy shenanigans they get up to have to actually make sense, as long as it's hot.
  3806.  
  3807. All the fantasy Novels have their mares with the same body shapes as celestia
  3808.  
  3809.  
  3810.  
  3811.  
  3812.  
  3813.  
  3814. >Anon arrives in RGREquestria.
  3815. >It's everything he's ever dreamed of.
  3816. >He plows a different mare every night.
  3817. >Even get's a few quickies in during the day with a few of the more kinky mares.
  3818. >Ally sex is best sex.
  3819. >This will never get old.
  3820. >... Until it starts to.
  3821. >Months pass.
  3822. >Anon gets all of his pent up carnal desires out of his system after having spent a lifetime on Earth as a virgin.
  3823. >He starts to like the cuddles after as much as the sex, but mares don't.
  3824. >He's lucky if they even spend the night.
  3825. >Even then, they always sneak out before he's awake.
  3826. >Maybe sex isn't all there is after all.
  3827. >Maybe he needs companionship.
  3828. >Anon starts looking for a serious relationship instead of one-night stands.
  3829. >There's no takers.
  3830. >His reputation makes sure of that...
  3831.  
  3832.  
  3833. >Anon moved to land of minotaurs.
  3834. >Starts a new life, gets married.
  3835. >Pony tourist recognizes him as one of her old fucks and brings it up.
  3836. >Begins to insult the cow for her poor choice in stallions.
  3837. >Minotaur lady does not like this.
  3838. >Mare goes home in body cast.
  3839.  
  3840.  
  3841. or, instead of violence, 
  3842. >the minotaur lady just starts spouting insults
  3843. >other minotaur cows join in on it
  3844. >all pony mares are whorsemongers
  3845. >they like to pass dicks between the whole town.
  3846. >pony bulls are passed around like the village plow
  3847. >anon was right to leave that place
  3848. >he finally found someplace that he can be treated right
  3849. >bulls wouldn't let themselves be taken advantage of like that
  3850. >does she like abusing stallions?
  3851. >she has to go back.
  3852. >mare leaves in tears
  3853. >anon loves his taur waifu even more
  3854. >promises to himself she won't be able to walk tomorrow morning
  3855.  
  3856.  
  3857.  
  3858.  
  3859.  
  3860.  
  3861. >Be manlet Anon in giant horsequestria
  3862. >You're walking towards the market to get something to eat when someone calls your name
  3863. >"Nonny! Over here!"
  3864. >You see Pinkie Pie sitting at a nearby cafe, eating lunch with her friends
  3865. >You walk over and say hi to them
  3866. >"Nonny, come have lunch with us!"
  3867. "Oh, uh, okay. Let me grab a chair."
  3868. >"Before you could take a step, a pair of hooves grabbed you and put into a tight hug
  3869. >"Here, best seat in the house!"
  3870. >>"Pinkie darling, don't be so rough with Anon! You could hurt him, marehandling him like that!"
  3871. >"Aww, he's just peachy, aren'tcha Nonny?"
  3872. >Pinkie starts to nuzzle the top of your head
  3873. "Uh, yeah. Can someone hand me a menu?"
  3874. >>>"Here, you can have some of my sandwich."
  3875. >Fluttershy hands you half of her sandwich, which might as well be a foot long sub in your comparatively small hands
  3876. >You take a bite and all the mares simultaneously went "aww" as they gushed over how "cute" you were
  3877. >You would complain that you weren't cute, but they would just say how "adorable" your pouting is.
  3878.  
  3879.  
  3880.  
  3881.  
  3882.  
  3883.  
  3884. >Anon arrives in ponyville
  3885. >He sluts around for a while
  3886. >Mares love the great sex without the risk of getting tied down with pregnancy or a relationship
  3887. >Until one day a mare ends up pregnant
  3888. >In less than a month the truth spreads
  3889. >Anon not only can somehow knock up a pony
  3890. >He also seems to be extremely fertile
  3891. >Its a massive scandal as almost half the mares in town end up carrying his bastards
  3892. >Mares that are in committed relationships are caught in their infidelity
  3893.  
  3894.  
  3895.  
  3896. >Vengeful hormonal mares blaming Anon for them getting kicked out of their herd
  3897. >desperate clingy mares trying to get Anon to join their herd since they are baring his children
  3898. >Meanwhile Anon is seeking a certain mare
  3899. >That purple asshole who told him he was as good as sterile when it came to miniature horses
  3900.  
  3901. >She isnt hiding from Anon
  3902. >She is hiding from all of her friends who are now pregnant and know it was her fault
  3903.  
  3904.  
  3905.  
  3906.  
  3907.  
  3908. > Insecure Anon in Equestria
  3909. > Isn't used to actual compliments, or being the center of attention, and is easily flustered
  3910. > Because he is male, it's seen as cute and endearing
  3911. > His stallion friends try to get him to dress better and meet some mares
  3912. > Rarity overhears this while helping one of the stallions with a ball bra fitting, and immediately pounces
  3913. > She sets up a blind date between Anon and Fluttershy
  3914. > After mutual spaghetti containment failures, they bond over how scary talking to other people is, and so on
  3915.  
  3916.  
  3917.  
  3918.  
  3919.  
  3920. >Where was Anon Starswirl all those years?
  3921. >He fucked up a time travel spell
  3922. >Though in his defense, being one of the pioneers in the field of time magic, he had no way of knowing just how badly Glimmy was going to fuck with the timestream.
  3923. >So one of his experiments sent him to the future around the time of Glim's time fuckery.
  3924. >And he can't go back without risking some serious shit, because the wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff is all messed up on both ends.
  3925.  
  3926. >But that's OK, things seem to have turned out more or less alright since he's been gone.
  3927. >Lulu's millennia long timeout on the moon is the only thing that really gives him pause
  3928. >He's not sure, but he thinks that could have been avoided had he been around.
  3929. >But she's back, and not evil anymore, and has glomped on and been rather clingy to her mentor since he showed up again (so has Celly, but far more restrained).
  3930.  
  3931.  
  3932.  
  3933.  
  3934.  
  3935.  
  3936. >Cadence keeps cooking for her cousin, Anon.
  3937. >Unfortunately, like most mares in RGRE, she's pretty useless in the kitchen.
  3938. >The food is Bender-level in quality, though prettier because cartoon land.
  3939. >No LSD "flavour", unfortunately.
  3940. >Now Anon not only has to do all he can to evade or "dispose" of her meals without her knowing, he also has to cover for her new foalsitting charge, Twilight.
  3941. >Celestia finds it hilarious... until Cadence reveals she baked her a dessert
  3942.  
  3943. >Candy and Shining invite Anon to the castle for a few days or whatever
  3944. >Candy asks Anon to help her make the perfect peetzer, and Shining goes 'yeah, if Anon is with her, I'm sure it'll be fine, he's a stallion after all!'
  3945. >Of course, Anon is just as shit as Candy at cooking and they end up making the worst peetzer horseworld has ever seen
  3946. >A hawaiian
  3947.  
  3948.  
  3949.  
  3950.  
  3951.  
  3952. >KnightAnon vows his life to Sunbutt/Moonbutt
  3953. >They're not too sure about it but maybe it'll help him adapt?
  3954. >It must be hard for a stallion to find himself in another world all alone etc
  3955. >Decides to take back her liege's old castle and starts burning down the everfree
  3956.  
  3957. >Not chopping down a viable path instead of one that twists and turns.
  3958. >Not building a proper road back to it.
  3959. >Not using it as a base for foray's into the forests mysteries.
  3960. >Not receiving a daily blessing from the tree of harmony to protect you from magic bullshit like a cockatrice's stare.
  3961. >Not paying tribute to the local dragon so he doesnt fuck shit up after you barge into his territory Because your leige frowns upon slaying when other options are available.
  3962. >Not encouraging the castle back into a thriving settlement as word spreads of your deeds.
  3963. >Not unintentionally becoming it's leader as everypony always looks to you for guidance within the forest.
  3964. >Not being released from your vow after long service to the kingdom and being gifted the castle and surrounding land you worked so hard on.
  3965. >Not going down in Equestrian history as Lord Anon Ever-free and siring a legion of foals
  3966.  
  3967.  
  3968.  
  3969.  
  3970.  
  3971.  
  3972. > When Celestia and Luna fire the spell that would petrify Discord, he rips Anon from Earth as a body shield
  3973. > In horror, the sisters try to change the spell, not wanting to trap an innocent with Discord
  3974. > Unfortunately for everyone involved, things go weird
  3975. > Anon doesn't quite block the spell for Discord, as the chaos magic from the summoning links the two
  3976. > Meanwhile, the harmony spell is unstable, caught between two purposes and slamming into chaos magic
  3977. > The end result is all three magic users banished into stasis, and Anon stuck in Equestria, soaking up the magical equivalent of Chernobyl
  3978. > The ponies show up later, finding one super magical being and all others banished
  3979. > They immediately crown him Prince of Equestria, and would he please do something about the sun and moon?
  3980.  
  3981. > Over the years, society slowly shifts towards patriarchal lines, with the slightly more abundant mares taking more of the foal-rearing duties because of teats
  3982. > Horse marriages are typically evenly split between one or two mares per stallion, though there are exceptional herds that are larger
  3983. > Stallions tend to get higher paying, higher prestige jobs and thus support the family with maybe some minor help from the wives
  3984. > Prince Anon tries to stop the ponies from being so sexist, but the damn things just look up to him so much that they think stallions are better
  3985. > It doesn't help that he still has his original gender role expectations subconsciously influencing how he interacts with the ponies
  3986. > By the time Celestia and Luna return from stasis, they find a world of delicate mares and assertive stallions
  3987.  
  3988.  
  3989. >Anon is revered like O.G Old testament God.
  3990. >The first few decades were kinda rough.
  3991. >From Nobles trying to taking advantage of a clueless colt to outright treason.
  3992. >Even the surrounding countries formed a coalition to take Equestria apart.
  3993. >That was until Anon took a page from Zeus' book and smote the belligerents to smithereens.
  3994. >Anon pretty much mellowed out now. And historians are arguing if Anonymous the Kind Protector really did blast the Griffon High King and the Jarls to high heavens, Unleashed 10 plagues upon Labyrithia and smacked every Diamond Dog with a newspaper on the snootle and made it rain for 40 days
  3995.  
  3996.  
  3997.  
  3998.  
  3999.  
  4000.  
  4001.  
  4002. >RGREqG
  4003. >A common strat for girls trying to secure a lovelife is to form a clique and invite a guy in as a pampered 'friend' to groom him as a bf/husband. The groups max out around 3 or 4 girls. 
  4004. >Many subconsciously do this in elementary/middle school without even realizing it. If you don't have a guy firmly hooked in your little group by the end of highschool, then hopes start to look bleak.
  4005. >Too bad the humane 6 (7 with Sunset) are so scattered and wild in personality and interests that a guy who likes one of them could hate another. The large number of them also hobbles their efforts despite being attractive as individuals.
  4006. >But at the same time, they don't want to break up their legendary friendship over guys...
  4007. >Just as they're lamenting over it one day at lunch, the kinda womanly new guy who just moved in sits at their table.
  4008. >HE came to THEIR table. 
  4009. >When a conversation is tentatively started, they think that hope may not be lost. 
  4010. >And the more they hang out with the odd guy who dropped into their life, the more the 7 realize that they may have just lucked out hard
  4011.  
  4012. ----
  4013.  
  4014. >Anon's journal: Day 4
  4015. >Established contact with the all single (fucking how) main cast after dodging that queer Caramel who wants to go-to the spa or something.
  4016. >All of them were acting weirdly into me.
  4017. >Something is also fucky about this place.
  4018. >I'll figure it out. I'm not reliving highschool again without smashing puss this time though. 
  4019.  
  4020.  
  4021.  
  4022.  
  4023. >CMC have a huge crush on anon.
  4024. >Anon finds their antics cute and is amused that he has his own fanclub.
  4025. >Mares see how good he is with the little fillies and he's rapidly elevated to 9/10 horsebando status.
  4026. >Becomes a 10 after a compatability potion is found.
  4027. >CMC work tirelessly to cockblock every mare that thinks they can muscle in on their colt.
  4028.  
  4029.  
  4030.  
  4031.  
  4032.  
  4033.  
  4034. >Anon and Pharynx become fast friends due to the fact they really get each other
  4035. >They both think Thorax is cool but still a pansy
  4036. >They think the nu-changelings are hard to look at
  4037. >They both act like guys from earth
  4038. >They both enjoy messing with anyone whenever the opportunity presents itself
  4039. >Anon and Pharynx's fw
  4040. >The girls expect Anon to finally calm down and stop his "phase of attempting to be a mare due to all his whimsy" and finally start acting like a stallion
  4041. >Thorax expects the same from Pharynx
  4042. >In actuality they are all in for a rude awakening
  4043.  
  4044.  
  4045.  
  4046.  
  4047.  
  4048.  
  4049. In reference to the Celestia and Luna getting banished with discord leaving Anon ad king prompt, what if Anon named Celestia and Luna as having been his beloved wives/lovers in an attempt to stem the flow of political marriage proposals. 
  4050. He figures the story will die after a while, amd ponies will just think he's a solo ruler not interested in love.
  4051. The story doesn't die, since ponies lobe a true romance, and so the tale of two sisters becomes the tale of the lost loves.
  4052. When the two return, they find themselves rushed to the castle by hordes of ponies excitedly talking about how there will hopefully be little princes and princesses running around the castle soon.
  4053.  
  4054. Maybe Anon keeps a mare as his "Right hand" pony, who acts as his Aide is many situations. It is a coveted position of high honour that includes being spell locked into secrecy so you can't blab that the king cuddles and/or fucks you at night
  4055.  
  4056.  
  4057.  
  4058.  
  4059.  
  4060.  
  4061.  
  4062. >Rather than face another defeat, Nightmare separates herself from Luna right before the Elements zap her and flees away from Ponyville and the Everfree.
  4063. >Resigned to playing the long game, Nightmare disguises herself into a unicorn to lay low and consolidate her power.
  4064. >But her intimidating demeanor isn't so easily suppressed, and it puts off any ponies willing to rent their home to her while she builds her strength.
  4065. >Until she finds one oddly bold and brash male, a sort she's never seen before. 
  4066. >An agreement is struck, and she's got a home now. 
  4067. >A male with his own home. How unusual the new era is. 
  4068. >It's... A sedate and strangely comfortable life she lives. Her room mate is agreeable and freely affectionate, if odd in behavior, and a mare of her extraordinary skills can easily bring in money. 
  4069. >Nightmare falls into a comfortable routine, her plans slowly being pushed back further and further. 
  4070. >Before she knows it, it's been several years. She's nearly a year into a coveted mono marriage with her room mate turned husband, and almost 2 months into her second pregnancy. 
  4071. >That dusty snatch, busybody Celestia can't say that, she muses with a smile. 
  4072. >With the love of a dedicated mate, the friends she's gained in her community, and a budding family, Nightmare finds her previous plans leave a sour taste in her mouth now. 
  4073. >The best way to get back at Celestia now is to live a life she'll always be denied. 
  4074. >A happy life.
  4075. >But trotting home one day, a spell washes over her and strips her disguise away, making her blood run cold. 
  4076. >She turns to the gasp behind her, finding the last ponies she wanted to ever see.
  4077. >The Elements.
  4078.  
  4079.  
  4080. > The elements realize that the nice mare married to Anon is actually Nightmare
  4081. > They trap her, and send a letter to Celestia asking about how to handle this emotionally charged situation
  4082. > Anon shows up at the same time Sunbutt does
  4083. > She orders the elements to release Nightmare and gives Anon a medal, congratulating him on redeeming a threat to Equestria 
  4084. > The first five alicorn cake party is a bit strained, but Cadence instantly takes a liking to Nightmare, and eagerly asks her for how she fell in love with Anon
  4085. > Anon and Shining bond over being janefillies and talking about their kids
  4086.  
  4087.  
  4088.  
  4089.  
  4090.  
  4091.  
  4092.  
  4093. >teen cadance starts to get existential about her shipping-vision
  4094. >worried that if one's true love is arbitrarily assigned, what else could be?
  4095. >locks herself up to avoid her "one" in an attempt to keep her free will/fuck the system
  4096. >checks every day to keep track of where they are
  4097. >there's more than one
  4098. >there's more of them every day
  4099. >sunhorse eventually manages to get her out of her room
  4100. >she still tries to avoid her "ones"
  4101. >gets an idea one day after a particularly convoluted attempt to avoid them
  4102. >starts dating people she has no comparability with
  4103. >at all
  4104. >painedlovehorse.scroll
  4105. >anything to keep THEM away
  4106. >in pops anon with his standard issue magical immunity
  4107. >total blind spot in cadance's love-dar
  4108. >she's still wary, but celestia's pretty much forcing them together to get anon acclimated and to get cadance out of her phase
  4109. >something something edgy love-horse
  4110. >something something RGRE
  4111. >something something happy ending with anon and cadance together
  4112.  
  4113.  
  4114.  
  4115.  
  4116.  
  4117.  
  4118. >With a steady source of love keeping her stable, Nightmare realized that her 'blot out the sun' idea had quite a few holes in it. 
  4119. >She's still angry about her loss to Celestia though.
  4120. >Instead, Nightmare gets much more petty and personal. She pretends it's all behind her while rubbing her comfy domestic life in Celestia's face in the guise of being friendly and open. 
  4121. >It's missed by most, but Celestia and Luna are well aware of what's going on
  4122.  
  4123.  
  4124. >Anon shacks up with Nightmare somewhere remote.
  4125. >Over time, as their relationship grows, she becomes less Nightmare-looking and more Luna-looking.
  4126. >This contributes to her disguise.
  4127. >Years down the line, she's rumbled -- her iconic laugh gave her away.
  4128. >To the Elements and Sisters' surprise, however, Nightmare has changed.
  4129. >She no longer wants to do evil things, and is content with being a wife/mother.
  4130. >Celestia and Luna, however, see something different: she no longer has the same interests as she once did, and is pretty much a "new mare".
  4131. >Thinking back on it, Celestia realises that Cadence changed mentally when she began dating Shining.
  4132. >They now become worried that alicorns, when in love, suffer personality rewrites
  4133.  
  4134.  
  4135. >Be Celestia.
  4136. >"Come on Celly~ I'll make you go supernova~" Incognito says rubbing his hands on your shield.
  4137. "W-While you are quite beautiful, and sweet, and kind, and se- No! J-Just stay back! L-Luna, help sister!"
  4138. >You pled as you look over to her.
  4139. >"We are having our own problems sister of mine!" She says as she tries her best to fly away from unknown but the roof of the room keeps her confined.
  4140. >Unknown catches her hoof and you have to watch as he pulls her down and wraps his arms around her lovingly.
  4141. >"Let me hear that 'Royal Voice' cutie~" He says gripping her flanks.
  4142. >Your sister blushes and mumbles a quiet "Okay." as the human nuzzles her and your sister teleports herself and Unknown away.
  4143. >You look around hoping to find help before your shield falls when you see your old student Twilight slams through the doors.
  4144. "Twilight dear, you came just in time! Quickly, help m-"
  4145. >Twilight slams the door shut behind her and holds her self against it.
  4146. >A soft almost caring scratching is heard from the other side.
  4147. >"Twily, no need to be afraid~ Don't you wanna study biology~?" A husky voice calls from the other side of the door.
  4148. >Twilight's ears perk up.
  4149. >"S-Study?" She ask the voice as she puts less weight against the door.
  4150. >"Mhmm, and afterwards we can cuddle by a nice warm fireplace while we read~" It promises as Twilight fully removes herself from blocking the door and slowly opens it. "Come on Twily, let's be study partners~" The voice says as two hands reach out from beyond the darkness, beckoning her closer.
  4151. "Twilight! No!"
  4152. >You call out, but it falls on deaf ears and she trots towards the out stretched hands allowing them to pull her in.
  4153. >Your eyes are pulled back to Incognito by a sniffle.
  4154. >"Don't you want my love?" Incognito ask looking pitiful. "Aren't I good enough for you?" He ask looking as though he's ready to cry.
  4155. >Your marely instincts begin screaming at you to protect the smile, but you try to ignore it and keep your shield up, fearing that you'll never be the same if you accept.
  4156. >"I-it's alright. " He says between sniffles as he begins to walk away. "I'm sure I can find someone else..." He says with a voice that tells he doesn't believe himself.
  4157. >You can't take it anymore and drop the shield and gallop towards the human and wrap your frount hooves around him when you reach him.
  4158. "You are beautiful! You are good enough! Never think otherwise, you're a perfect colt!"
  4159. >You shout as he wraps his arms around you returning the hug.
  4160. >"So you want foals?" He ask.
  4161. >You don't even think before answering, not even caring if you become a new pony.
  4162. "Yes! Yes, we can have a million foals so long as you know you're perfect!"
  4163. >You cry out as you keep thinking one thing: Protect the smile
  4164.  
  4165.  
  4166.  
  4167.  
  4168.  
  4169. >Teen Cadence wants her newly-arrived classmate, Anon.
  4170. >Only trouble is his overprotective twin sister, Incognito.
  4171. >Cadence can't work them out due to human gender-roles and the fact they're fiercely over-protective of each other.
  4172. >Candy Ass must navigate the minefield to have any chance of nailing Anon
  4173.  
  4174.  
  4175.  
  4176.  
  4177.  
  4178.  
  4179. >Why does Bulk Biceps lift?
  4180. >Nopony knows. Whenever they ask, he just grunts and goes back to his reps.
  4181. >He lifts to forget. To lose himself in the moment and not think about the future.
  4182. >Or the past.
  4183. >Especially those six mares, back in high school... Who saw a weak colt, all alone, and took advantage...
  4184. >He wants to forget how they threw him down, how they ripped off his shorts, the hooting and hollering as they took turns pounding his cock...
  4185. >He wants to forget the way they looked at him after, smiling like hungry sharks...
  4186. >And the rumors that spread around school, that he was loose, that he was a slut... Nopony would ever believe his story, even if he weren't too ashamed to tell it.
  4187. >Then, one day, when he was closest to ending it all... He picked up a barbell, and pledged that no mare would take advantage of him again.
  4188. >Nopony knows why Bulk Biceps lifts
  4189.  
  4190.  
  4191.  
  4192.  
  4193.  
  4194. > Anon is convinced he won't be able to find love due to his various insecurities and looking like a weird alien
  4195. > Volunteers for the Crystal Empire's space program
  4196. > Turns out that bipedal bodies are the best for zero-g work
  4197. > His mission is to continue construction on the orbiting space station, the Satellite of Love
  4198. > There he'll join a crew of minotauress runts
  4199. > Cadence sends him cheesy romcom movies, the best she can find
  4200. > Anon sits and watches them in his downtime, with the help of his Minotaur friends
  4201. > Coworker roll-call
  4202. > Can Lot
  4203. > Lawn Turbo
  4204. > Thrifty
  4205. > Crooooooow
  4206.  
  4207.  
  4208.  
  4209.  
  4210.  
  4211.  
  4212. > Tall femanon
  4213. > None of the guys back on Earth wanted to date her, intimidated by her height
  4214. > Accepts her lot as a background woman
  4215. > Fantasizes about overpowering a man and having her way with him
  4216. > Making him pay attention to her
  4217. > Shenanigans happen
  4218. > Shows up in Equestria
  4219. > All of a sudden, Femanon is the center of attention
  4220. > Mares joke about her height a little, but talk as if Femanon has got a real advantage
  4221. > She catches stallions staring at her, but when she looks them in the eye, they blush, smile, and give her a little wave
  4222. > Femanon as has always liked horses, but in the way that girls do
  4223. > Sometimes, she'll sit next to a stallion, and notice him try to cover his lap as politely as possible
  4224. > After she realizes what he's hiding, she finds herself starting to like these little horses as a woman
  4225.  
  4226.  
  4227.  
  4228.  
  4229. >"Top story today, Hurricane McFarko was successfully dispersed an hour ago with no reported incidents, all thanks to the timely aid of our feathered friends on the weather patrol, we'll move over to John who has the detai-"
  4230. >The sound of your door opening prompts you to turn the television off and stretch your legs a little from your position on the couch, you're not going to be moving for a while.
  4231. >"In the living room hun."
  4232. >Muffled clips and clops echo through your house as your tired mare trudges her way towards you.
  4233. >You made the mistake of picking her up one day after work, silly pegasi pride had her tiredly chewing your ear off the entire ride home.
  4234. >You'll pay her back with extra vigerous brushies and pampering, so it all works out.
  4235. >Slowly makes her way to the couch, she's clearly drained after rushing out, helping with the hurricane and then flying back.
  4236. >"I heard the news, good job with McFuckyou."
  4237. >Chuckling weakly at the name, it turns into a grunt as she lifts herself onto the couch before flopping across your lap.
  4238. "Mmphrr"
  4239. >"Yes dear."
  4240. >Running your hands over her withers and flanks, you coax a long groan out of her as she begins to melt into a warm puddle of pony under your ministrations.
  4241. >This is as much for your benefit as her's, to reassure yourself that she's okay.
  4242. >No matter how confident she is in her ability, or how much faith you have in her and other members of the 'weather patrol' to do their self appointed jobs, being a first responder is dangerous work, and one day she might come home more than simply tired.
  4243. >You lose track of time in your musings, but eventually notice her slow, even breathing.
  4244. >Gently lifting her into your arms, you make your way to the bedroom as she unconsciously nuzzles into your embrace.
  4245. >She's going to scrunch hard when she realises you let her fall asleep, might as well face the music in a comfy bed
  4246.  
  4247.  
  4248.  
  4249.  
  4250.  
  4251. > Be Anon, walking in the desert
  4252. > The last thing you remember, you were asking directions from someone who sounded a lot like John de Lancie
  4253. > You are beginning to suspect you will never find that Olive Garden
  4254. > Still, the desert has to run out sometime, so you press on
  4255. > To pass the time, you start to hum
  4256. > It's a good song, but you can never remember how it ends
  4257.  
  4258. > Be Eagle Eye, border guard
  4259. > It's another full day, watching the southern wastes
  4260. > Not a changeling in sight
  4261. > You reach out a hoof for your glass of water, but pause
  4262. > The water ripples again
  4263. > You immediately come to full alertness, scanning the area
  4264. > A dark mass of clouds spills over from the southern horizon
  4265. > As it approaches, you can feel the tremors in the ground
  4266. > You immediately grab the anomaly scroll and toss it into the green messenger fire
  4267. > You turn back to the coming storm as the first peals of thunder reach you
  4268. > Hidden in those distant booms is a low, masculine growling
  4269. > Your ears prick forward, even as the tremors intensify, thrumming pleasantly in your chest
  4270. > At last, you make out a tall, slender figure walking unperturbed in the midst of the storm
  4271. > A Minotaur bull, perhaps?
  4272. > You spread your wings and glide from the top of the watch tower
  4273. > As you lite on the ground as you finally understand what he is growling
  4274. > "I am the Lord of the Wastelands."
  4275. > Lightning crashes into the ground, glassing the sand
  4276. > "A modern day man of steel."
  4277. > You cautiously approach
  4278. > Clearly this bull is possessed, but if you are quick enough, you might be able to knock him out of it
  4279. > "I gather darkness to please me."
  4280. > You tense, ready to pounce
  4281. > "AND I COMMAND YOU TO KNEEL BEFORE THE GOD OF THUNDER AND ROCK AND ROLL"
  4282. > Your knees buckle under the force of his will, your marehood moistening
  4283. > Why do evil stallions have to be so hot?
  4284. > The hornless bull stands over you, gazing at you with madness in his eyes
  4285. > Forgive me, mother, you might just let crazy stick it in you
  4286. > "THE SPELL YOU'RE UNDER WILL SLOWLY ROB YOU OF YOUR VIRGIN SOUL"
  4287. > Buck yes
  4288.  
  4289. > Be Celestia, finishing off your after-lunch cake
  4290. > Abruptly, a scroll flares into being in front of you
  4291. > You open it with a thought, glancing at the report
  4292. > An anomaly approaching southern border tower 113?
  4293. > Perhaps you should dispatch Twilight to deal with it, she can always use more experience in the field
  4294. > You begin to write the delegating letter when another scroll appears
  4295. > Continuous heartsong?
  4296. > Possible incubus activity?
  4297. > Well well, you may have to deal with this personally~
  4298.  
  4299. > You find the bull striding through a meadow, dark clouds roiling overhead
  4300. > You smile at him, and introduce yourself
  4301. "I am Princess Celestia, and I welcome you to Equestria. Will you tell me your name?"
  4302. > He gazes at you for a long moment before speaking
  4303. > "You've got something about you."
  4304. > You smirk, fluffing your tuft
  4305. > "You've got something I need."
  4306. > Hewantsthev.scroll
  4307. "And what would that be, colt?"
  4308. > The bull approaches slowly
  4309. > "Daughter of Aphrodite, hear my words and take heed."
  4310. > Who is Aphrodite?
  4311. > "I was born on Olympus, to my father a son."
  4312. > Hmm, you haven't heard of such a place
  4313. > Is he whimsical, or from another world?
  4314. > "I was raised by the demons,"
  4315. > Oh ho~, incubus training
  4316. > Nice
  4317. > "Trained to reign as the one GOD OF THUNDER AND ROCK AND ROLL."
  4318. > Mmm, that's some nice masculine royal voice
  4319. > "THE SPELL YOU'RE UNDER WILL SLOWLY ROB YOU OF YOUR VIRGIN SOUL"
  4320. > You rear up and set your forehooves on his shoulders
  4321. "My dear colt, my soul hasn't been a virgin for a long time~."
  4322. > He grins
  4323.  
  4324.  
  4325. > Be Anon, waking up in a strange bed
  4326. > You feel oddly refreshed, and begin to sit up
  4327. > A white leg slides down your chest
  4328. > You look to the side as a horse nuzzles up against you
  4329. > Hold on, horses don't usually have horns
  4330. > Or wings
  4331. "Huh."
  4332. > "Good morning, handsome. Up for another round?"
  4333. > As you gaze into the sultry eyes of your bedmate, you feel yourself hardening
  4334. > You might nor remember, but your body sure does
  4335. > Time to make some more memories
  4336.  
  4337.  
  4338.  
  4339.  
  4340. >Anon works for Celestia
  4341. >weird psychic powers can detect and intimately understand magic
  4342. >much sharper than the average unicorn's arcane senses
  4343. >stationed as a desk guard to "scan" visitors to the castle
  4344. >nothing much happens
  4345. >pretty much just shoot the shit with his buds
  4346. >honestly think Celestia just gave him the job to make him feel more independent and capable
  4347. >occasional mention some unusually talented unicorns that come and go
  4348. >Celestia thanks him for alerting her to some future students
  4349. >next day shit hits the fan
  4350. >changeling tried to sneak in
  4351. >Anon and buds manage to subdue her
  4352. >something something rgre
  4353. >something something bugwife
  4354.  
  4355.  
  4356.  
  4357.  
  4358.  
  4359.  
  4360. voodoo Anon when?
  4361. >RGRE makes mares think he's just there to do a few flashy moves to get them into bed
  4362. >They're a bit disappointed he isn't wearing the slutty magician outfit, that's the best part of the act after all
  4363. >They start seeing that a lot of what he does turns true
  4364. >Stallions and mares become enraged when they go through drudgery and bad luck and thank him when they go through leisure and good luck
  4365. >Mares insist that he stop before he gets hurt
  4366. >One particularly insistent one becomes his self-appointed body guard
  4367. >The few times he does get attacked she has little time to defend him as the attacking party is caught in some shenanigans that no one can make sense of with Anon left undisturbed
  4368. >Often after the attacker is left dazed and bruised some pony claim they see the shadow of something as tall as a doll sneaking away
  4369. >The girls begin to acccuse him of being Discord, or a piece of him, torn apart from the main body and given sentience
  4370. >Voodoo Anon messes with Discord by predicting his future, and having it come true
  4371. >After meeting the princesses, Celestia finds him refreshingly amusing, whilst Luna becomes somewhat unsettled by him
  4372. >Uses Tarot cards to see into future events
  4373. >When the next BBEG arrives most ponies go running in fear whilst Anon just goes about like it's a normal day already knowing what's going on
  4374.  
  4375.  
  4376.  
  4377.  
  4378.  
  4379. >those 3 are a package deal
  4380. >super dick hungry and possessive
  4381. >chain-you-to-the-wall type of possessive
  4382. >that turns many stallions away
  4383. >and if that wasn't enough some mares that got a beef to pick with them thrown a rumor that they are not even mares to begin with
  4384. >that makes remaining stallions keep clear from them
  4385. >which makes them even more desperate and possessive
  4386. >enter Anon
  4387. >he heard this crazy thing about 3 hot traps looking for sum fuck
  4388. >trio decides to play along and act like they have dicks to get hot monkey dick of their own
  4389. >shenanigans ensue
  4390.  
  4391.  
  4392.  
  4393.  
  4394.  
  4395.  
  4396. >Day Kung Fu Master in Equestria
  4397. >Anon was a huge martial arts buff before he landed in Equestria
  4398. >He had become a master of just about every form of martial arts thanks to Master Chung's 5 Easy Steps training VHSs
  4399. >In a world devoid of effective martial arts, Anon creates a dojo in order to pass on his teachings
  4400. >Everypony thinks that it's a self defense class to help teach colts how to protect themselves from forceful mares
  4401. >To their surprise, it is extreme combat training that can turn your body into a weapon
  4402. >Years pass and Anon only has a few dedicated students (with Rainbow Dash being one of them, who is still only a yellow belt despite training for years)
  4403. >Ponies are too peaceful to fully use Anon's martial art style
  4404. >There has only been one pony who has been able to use his techniques to the fullest extent: his own son
  4405. >However, he gave up his training in order to become a "normal" colt
  4406. >Even though it's been years since he last practiced, he stills retains his huge strength
  4407. >Every time his facade slips, he can hear what his dad said when he quit:
  4408. It's too late to be a normie now, son. Once you start, you can't go back
  4409.  
  4410.  
  4411.  
  4412.  
  4413.  
  4414.  
  4415. >Ponies are faster than humans, by a lot, And Earth Ponies are often stronger, but they just don't compare on Endurance.
  4416. >They *need* rest periods more often, and the harder they work, the more often and the longer they need to rest.
  4417. >Rainbow Dash is considered "lazy" by some, but she's really not that bad, when you take in to consideration how hard she pushes herself when she *is* active.
  4418. >In times of extreme need (A survival situation), they can push beyond their limits, but they will suffer for it far more than a human would, and will take longer to recover from it.
  4419.  
  4420. >Foals, while still liable to wake up at random intervals, often couldn't throw a tantrum for very long before tiring themselves out, at least compared to a human child.
  4421. >It's a good thing that foals are just as endurance challenged as their parents, or it would be nigh impossible for the likes of Berry Punch to raise a foal on their own.
  4422.  
  4423. >Papa Anon was expecting raising a family to be a endurance marathon without end, like his parents always talked about.
  4424. >And which he'd gotten a taste of when babysitting for relatives.
  4425. >Anon's foals are more energetic than is usual, but they aren't that bad compared to his baby cousin.
  4426. >His mares are certainly glad they're in a herd, and that Anon can far outlast the young ones, or this would be impossible for them.
  4427. >Other stallions look on in amazement
  4428.  
  4429.  
  4430.  
  4431.  
  4432.  
  4433.  
  4434. >Anon keeps doing everyday shit that convinces them he's like them.
  4435. >Unintentionally drives normal ponies mad, so an exasperated Celestia/Luna has to fix them.
  4436. >"He's lucky he's cute."
  4437. >Cadence looks disturbingly attractive to Anon, but her actual form (like in the epilogue of the three) is the most horrifying.
  4438. >Cadence regularly drives Shining mad but fixes him just a much, hence why he's so scatter-brained
  4439.  
  4440. >ftw it'd be funny if the three way perception filter works both ways
  4441. >anon's spilt blood looks like spilt blood to him after a papercut, but the eldritchcorns see something as nightmarish as celestia, luna, and twilight at the end
  4442.  
  4443.  
  4444.  
  4445. "I... what do you mean, where did I get it from? I meant the stuff that your body produces."
  4446. >You'd expected Twilight to go "Oh." and for her to feel a bit silly for a few minutes; not disbelief and worry to appear on her face.
  4447. >Twilight glances left and right suspiciously, as though afraid that someone might be listening in.
  4448. >She grips both your shoulders with her hooves and looks genuinely concerned for you.
  4449. >"Anon, listen to me."
  4450. >She's speaking like one would to an especially slow-witted person.
  4451. >"Somepony's tricked you into buying something that is very, VERY dangerous and very, VERY illegal. I need you to be brave for me and tell me who's selling adrenaline, okay?"
  4452. >She holds that expression of concern for a solid five or six seconds before it breaks down entirely.
  4453. >"Was it Zecora? I'll BET it was Zecora. That zi-"
  4454. "Twilight, no. I didn't buy adrenaline from anypony, okay? I don't even know where to go to buy pony weed."
  4455. >You try to lighten the mood a little bit, but it doesn't work.
  4456. "Look, I meant as in the stuff your body produces naturally. Really."
  4457. >"Produ - Anon, your body can't just... CREATE something like adrenaline."
  4458. "Except that it totally does."
  4459. >Twilight's snootie is scrunching up a storm.
  4460. >"Except that it DOESN'T."
  4461. "No, it - it fucking DOES, Twilight."
  4462. >"Where, then? Whe-"
  4463. "The adrenal gland, Twi!"
  4464. >Twilight throws her hooves up into the air and turns away from you.
  4465. >"The adrenal gland! What ELSE is there; the salt gland? Maybe... maybe the Nightshade gland? What other impossible body parts do you have, Anon?"
  4466.  
  4467.  
  4468.  
  4469. >"Ooh, his blood is made up of tiny living bubbles!"
  4470. >"Isn't he adorable, Cadence? His entire form is like that. Tiny bubbles supported by a calcium structure, and a tasteful amount of keratin on the top." 
  4471. >"The acidic interior is concerning, but he does keep it safely within himself. I'm sure my friends will be able to look upon him without going mad."
  4472. >"You forget Sparkle, that despite his acid being able to render even our flesh to fluid within minutes, he severely dampens the effect when in contact with us. Why when we kiss there was nothing but a pleasant tingle. You should consider joining sister, Cadence, and myself.
  4473. >"I don't know Princess Luna. I always wanted to join a herd with my friends, and they are still behind the veil."
  4474. >"Twilight, a two-dimensional stallion will never sate you, and in time your friends may be pulled over as well."
  4475. >"Besides Twily, he makes his reproductive fluid salty! No third-dimensional being has ever been that considerate. Even if they go mad, your friends will love him. Trust me, love is my domain."
  4476. Maybe we should wait until they're all alicorns, I don't want to make your friends crazy Twilight. They're cute.
  4477. >You have no idea why the princesses keep LARPing like they're some lovecraftian horror when they let their hair go limp. but you have to admit that it is pretty fun pretending to be an old one
  4478.  
  4479.  
  4480. >Third dimensional beings are the Equestrian equivalent to eldritch abominations from another plane of existence
  4481. >Ponies are unable to comprehend depth, and seeing Anon without some sort of illusion in place is enough to drive them mad
  4482. >This causes one hell of a headache for the Princesses when he shows up in Ponyville one day, since they have to erase the memories of several dozen ponies that witness the rending of existence first hoof.
  4483. >They chalk his unmasked appearance and general confusion up to coltish whimsy
  4484.  
  4485. >Anon is excited by the fact that the ponies look just like they did in the show, 2D and everything
  4486. >Fuck your 3DPD waifus
  4487. >It's a bit weird when the princesses suddenly turn into 3D Earth horses with wings and a horn, but whatever, horsepussy is horsepussy
  4488.  
  4489.  
  4490. >as far as third dimensional beings go Anon is easily one of the gentlest
  4491. >he isn't trying to devour the universe
  4492. >he isn't trying to devour the minds/souls/forms of your ponies
  4493. >in fact he is content only eating select fruits, vegetables, and fish
  4494. >plus he doesn't even harm the ponies who pierce the veil to perceive his true form
  4495. >he just gives them head pats and hugs
  4496. >he even consoles the ones on the brink of madness into returning to the grand harmony
  4497. >perhaps this is the difference in not having such a negative domain as the other third dimensional males of Equestria
  4498. >strangely you cannot sense his domain, though Luna swears by mother's ever flowing teats that his domain is fatherhood based on his dreams and how his patience with foals exceeds your own
  4499. >but you're sure she is just looking for an excuse to mate
  4500. >you're hesitant however
  4501. >despite the fact that he lives outside the veil, he is almost as innocent as any second dimensional stallion
  4502. >the only interest he has shown is long looks at mares' rumps when they're not looking
  4503. >for a time you worried that his domain was lust, but Mi Amore Cadenza sensed no trespass into her realm
  4504. >so your sister's lead is the only one you have, so it will be the one you follow
  4505. >last think you want is for him to have a domain that will cause him to turn on you in the future
  4506.  
  4507.  
  4508. Cultists make crayon drawings to be offered up to the ElderDad
  4509.  
  4510. Those deemed worthy are taken up to be eternally displayed upon the ever cold altar of refrigeration, in the heart of his temple of Ki-chen
  4511.  
  4512.  
  4513. >one Cultist gets a bright idea
  4514. >takes sacrificial dagger and prepares sacrificial feast with intent of presenting them to Father when he awakens
  4515. >being inexperienced novice acolyte, he mortally wounds himself in the process
  4516. >with his last strengths he manages to deliver the offering to the place of Fathers slumber
  4517. >elder patron seeing sacrifice of his follower, heals his wound and revitalizes him
  4518. >truly his power has no bounds
  4519.  
  4520. ====
  4521.  
  4522. >You are Anon in the morning.
  4523. >Bed is warm and comfy, so you are just laying there half awake.
  4524. >Cute pone in black bathrobe enters with a plate of sandwiches on his back.
  4525. >You smile and thank him.
  4526. >You see the tiny cut on his hoof, poor guy had to nick himself when making you your breakfast-in-bed!
  4527. >You kiss his boo-boo and put a pink, heart imprinted band-aid on it.
  4528. >Little colt cuddles into your chest and falls asleep shortly after.
  4529. >You tuck him in your still warm bed, take sandwiches and go see the collateral damage done to the kitchen.
  4530. >Its a chore to be a father figure to dozen of little ponies, but you wouldn't trade it for the world
  4531.  
  4532.  
  4533. > Be Prune Juice, Royal Gardener
  4534. > As a native of the temple-city of Canterlot, you have seen a great many strange things
  4535. > Celestia's true mouth, before she consumes the daily baked offerings
  4536. > The gentle touch of Luna upon your dreams, filling them with serenity
  4537. > The war of the eternals, as the false goddess was struck down by Mli Amoreth Cadenzaloth and her chosen consort
  4538. > The ascension of Celestia's chief acolyte
  4539. > So when one of the trees in the royal gardens begins to grow unnatural, angular growths of wood, you do not descend into gibbering madness, like the one pilgrim from Labyrinthia
  4540. > Instead, you merely watch and wait for the will of the Tall Ones to be made clear
  4541.  
  4542. > The growths have stopped, but only after spreading to two nearby trees
  4543. > You ascend the jagged path, into the divine tumor
  4544. > Within, you find a store of curious devises
  4545. > A tube of far-sight
  4546. > The implements of one Anon'mo'usian ritual, the ceremonial orb and webbed gloves
  4547. > An armory of the deep, implements of cruel hydration
  4548. > And of course, a miniature shrine to the Grand Father, full of pre-wrapped sausages, cheese noodles, and bottles of red Di'jon poison
  4549. > You descend again, to spread the word of the new place of worship
  4550.  
  4551. > Be Anon
  4552. > It turns out, you have access to over a million bits
  4553. > Fortunately, it takes less than that to build a tree fort, especially if the princesses are helping
  4554. > You just hope the little ponies will have fun playing there
  4555.  
  4556.  
  4557.  
  4558.  
  4559.  
  4560. >Ponyville is undergoing a bit of a social crisis.
  4561. >The mane 6 are extraordinary ponies in every way. Power, beauty, wealth, and exalted spots as legendary heroes.
  4562. >Because of this, nearly every free stallion in town is gunning for them, even as the 6 reject them for fear of ending up with a gold digger.
  4563. >It also leaves normal mares not already in a relationship high and dry for the most part.
  4564. >But neither can they ask the 6 to leave...
  4565. >The along comes you, who sees all the wacky shit the 6 get up to and says "Fuck that."
  4566. >And you just stumbled into the perfect town to find a normal mare
  4567.  
  4568.  
  4569.  
  4570.  
  4571.  
  4572.  
  4573. >Night Elf Druid Anonymous lives in the Everfree with his sister, Incognito, who is a Sentinel.
  4574. >Frequently baffle the ponies by their paradoxical familiar yet alien behaviour.
  4575. >"Your Princesses are only a thousand or so years old? Young One, my brother and I are over *ten* thousand years old."
  4576.  
  4577. >The moment that Celestia meets them, she discovers an attraction to older males that she never realized she had
  4578.  
  4579. >Now she just needs to work out a way to not get an arrow through the eye from his overprotective twin.
  4580. >Night Elves, being Night Elves, have a good relationship with Luna due to the whole moon/night thing
  4581.  
  4582.  
  4583.  
  4584.  
  4585.  
  4586. >Anon is the owner of a small horse stable, specializing in racing horses
  4587. >By *insert explanation here*, his house and stable are transported to the outskirts of Ponyville
  4588. >Anon rides into town to try to figure out where he was and quickly finds himself surrounded by curious local ponies interested in the new giant pony and her exotic mate
  4589. >Slightly afraid of how the ponies might react if he told them that the horses he have are considered livestock back home, he runs with the assumption that he and his horses are a "herd."
  4590. >After a few days, Anon and his herd have been accepted into their society, but a few ponies have concerns
  4591. >Some ponies believe that Anon might be an abusive herd: they make him do all the shopping, cooking, and work while they laze around at home, they sleep in different buildings, and they hardly even show their stallion any affection beyond a light nuzzle
  4592. >They want to confront Anon's mares, but they're too intimidated by their size to talk to them directly
  4593.  
  4594.  
  4595. >Anon gets transported with his horses into Equestria
  4596. >in order to not terrify little ponies he says hes herded with his horses 
  4597. >magic slowly starts to turn the horses into sapient beings
  4598. >they are VERY grateful for all Anon put into taking care of them, why, s grateful they decide to corner him one evening and show just how much they appreciate him. All.Night.Long
  4599.  
  4600.  
  4601.  
  4602.  
  4603.  
  4604.  
  4605. >Anon can't be the loving horseband to *every* lonely mare in Equestria.
  4606. >But he can't live with himself if he just leaves them all to their misery either.
  4607.  
  4608. >It started with him just lending a friendly ear to ponies around town
  4609. >Offering advice, or just a hug.
  4610. >And sometimes a shoulder to cry on, that wouldn't judge them as 'unmarely' or 'weak' for it.
  4611.  
  4612. >Cadance was the one who suggested he become an actual counselor/therapist.
  4613. >(Even though she knew it wasn't true, she sometimes felt as if she was the only one around)
  4614.  
  4615.  
  4616. >Mares falling for male therapists is a real problem.
  4617. >It's ten times worse since your concern and affection are genuine.
  4618. >Before long you have stalkers and obsessers
  4619.  
  4620.  
  4621.  
  4622.  
  4623.  
  4624. >Anon keeps waking up to find the Princesses snoozing in his bed.
  4625. >For some reason, his presence causes them to have the best naps they've had in years.
  4626. >Rumours begin to spread that the Princesses have finally snagged that elusive human.
  4627. >It doesn't help that they're beginning to subconsciously treat him as 'their' stallion
  4628.  
  4629.  
  4630.  
  4631.  
  4632. >"Do you want to give my chest tuft a rub, Anon?"
  4633. >Celestia sits down on her haunches and nudges the poofy white bundle of fur on her chest with her horse-wrist joint.
  4634. >It looks so soft and inviting; like she stapled a poofy wig to her chest.
  4635. >"I know it's big, sweetheart, but you don't have to be afraid. Is this your first time with a mare's tuft?"
  4636. >Celestia giggles dismissively.
  4637. "Of course it is; you never pegged me as some kind of 'stallion of the night'."
  4638. >The skin on your hand gently tingles as the golden glow of Celestia's magic envelops it, tugging you and guiding you towards her until your digits are deep in her fur.
  4639. >"I promise I'll be gentle."
  4640. >Celestia softly places her hoof on your shoulder and gives you a half-lidded smoldering gaze.
  4641. >"You know, Anon..."
  4642. >Her hoof slowly slides down your arm, sensually sliding across your skin.
  4643. >You can't help but shiver at the sensation of downy fur and the soft frog of her hoof.
  4644. >"...there is no wrong way to fantasize."
  4645. And then they fucked
  4646.  
  4647.  
  4648.  
  4649.  
  4650.  
  4651.  
  4652. >Tempest is even more jaded and damaged than nearly any mare, and more than most men on earth.
  4653. >She can't process the idea of someone looking out for her without other motives.
  4654. >When you give her a hug and promise to stay at her side, the unicorn simply shuts down, not sure how to respond.
  4655. >The the sight of her hurt and disbelieving face is heartbreaking
  4656.  
  4657.  
  4658.  
  4659.  
  4660.  
  4661.  
  4662. >Anon can't get a job because RGRE
  4663. >Turns to the one skill he knows no one else has in this world
  4664. >He must become a mime again
  4665. >First day back in black and white
  4666. >Ponies panic
  4667. >think he's been posessed by some kind of demon ala-nightmare moon
  4668. >Shenanigans ensue
  4669.  
  4670.  
  4671. >Ponies see Anon behaving out of character
  4672. >He's dressing strangely
  4673. >He's putting on some kind of act where everyone can see him
  4674. >He won't speak a single word when they ask him what he's doing
  4675. >...
  4676. >"Oh, Celestia, that poor colt. He's trying to attract a human mate."
  4677.  
  4678.  
  4679.  
  4680. >Equestrian magic start affecting Anon because reasons
  4681. >Whenever he mimes something it actually happens i.e. pretending to lasso someone, he does it as well as Applejack, he pretends to be in a box, he is actually stuck in a box that is indestructable from the outside
  4682.  
  4683.  
  4684.  
  4685.  
  4686. >Your Equestrian is rough at best. 
  4687. >Because of that, you hestiate when a mare occasionally hits on you, since trying to tell if they're genuine is difficult and you've been baited by cruel normies on Earth enough to be cautious. 
  4688. >But neither do you want to be alone...
  4689. >Get a wild idea. With all of Equestria's kooky magic it might just work. 
  4690. >Wander around town quietly singing a half remembered lovesong duet to yourself.
  4691. >The ponies don't understand the words, but they can tell it's a duet from the pauses. Some try to join only to falter.
  4692. >Eventually, one mare perks up as you pass and sings back in perfect English without even realizing it. 
  4693. >It's only afterward does she realize just what she sang. 
  4694. >Got em
  4695.  
  4696.  
  4697.  
  4698.  
  4699.  
  4700.  
  4701.  
  4702. >Ponies have big heads and big eyes, thus qualifying as cute by human standards
  4703. >Anon has tiny eyes like a foal, thus qualifying him as cute by pony standards
  4704. >Anon gets hit with "oh my fucking god, that's adorable" moments about ponies just as often as ponies get those moments about him
  4705.  
  4706. "Oh, sweet Celestia, look at him, Bonnie!"
  4707. >Bon Bon sighs like a long-suffering mare-servant and sips her coffee, deliberately looking in the opposite direction of where you're pointing.
  4708. >"Yeah, I've seen him, Lyra."
  4709. >You pay no mind to your grumpy best friend (who you sometimes kiss but don't tell anypony) as you watch big ol' adorable Anonymous try to navigate a pony-sized seat.
  4710. "B-But look! He's trying to sit on the chair, and it's too big for him!"
  4711. >"I know."
  4712. >Why is he so adorable?
  4713. >Colts are cute enough as it is (you've yet to see an ugly one, anyway), but big mister Anonymous is too big for everything and he's got those tiny adorable eyes of a foal and AAAAAAH
  4714. "He looks so grumpy with his tiny 'lil eyes!"
  4715. >"I kno-"
  4716. "I wanna hug him!"
  4717. >"I KNOW, Lyra!"
  4718.  
  4719.  
  4720. >Be Anon
  4721. >That one tiny mint-green pony is walking up to you
  4722. >ohfuck she's doing a happy little trot
  4723. >All in all, it makes her look a lot more amicable than her cream-coloured girlfriend.
  4724. >They're not subtle at all.
  4725. >You shuffle uncomfortably in your impossibly small horse-chair as she approaches, and wonder if you should try to push out a chair for her.
  4726. >You never tire of seeing tiny adorable ponies sitting down like puppers sit, and you just so happen to be (attempting to be) sitting in a coffee shop, so...
  4727. "Morning, Lyra."
  4728. >You kick out blindly with your right leg and try to kick one of the chairs that're tucked under your table.
  4729. "Wanna join me for coffee?"
  4730. >Lyra ogles at your antics and giggles into a hoof.
  4731. >"No thanks, Nonny," she says, "I already have a best friend."
  4732. >Not subtle at ALL.
  4733. >"But..."
  4734. >Lyra trots over to you and gives you the sweetest widdle smile and peers up at you with her enormous eyes.
  4735. >"...I wouldn't say no to a hug from a nice colt."
  4736. >You're half-buried under your comically-small table and are unable to get up and hug her, so you settle on raising up the arm that's closest to Lyra.
  4737. >Lyra squeals and launches at you, propping herself up on her hind legs and wrapping her stubby legs around the side of your chest.
  4738. >You reach down to rest your hand on her back andoops you just groped her butt.
  4739. >Lyra freezes in place, and you can practically FEEL Bon Bon glaring at you.
  4740.  
  4741. >You are Lyra
  4742. >This is less cute and more lewd than you thought it would be.
  4743. >You aren't sure how you feel about this
  4744.  
  4745.  
  4746.  
  4747.  
  4748.  
  4749. >Anon is immortal, but not in the usual sense.
  4750. >Instead of being, unaging, undying, undead, or resurrecting when killed, he reincarnates.
  4751. >Whenever he dies, within a few years, he is reborn, and begins anew.
  4752.  
  4753. >His memory is a curious thing. He often remembers nothing as a child, glimpses of the past come as he grows into a man. The older he gets, the more he remembers, usually.
  4754. >Sometimes he has 'blind' lives, where he remembers next to nothing.
  4755. >Sometimes he has 'vivid' lives, where his memory is exceptionally good, his time as Starswirl was one such occasion.
  4756. >But usually it's sorta vague, though with a clear sense of Identity as "Anonymous"
  4757. >He's almost always human (regardless of the species of his current mother), though occasionally he lives the life of a pony.
  4758. >(Discord only giggled and refused to answer when he was asked if he knew anything about that when it happened.)
  4759.  
  4760.  
  4761.  
  4762.  
  4763.  
  4764.  
  4765. >Over her multi thousand year life, Celestia has never heard a heartsong that reached out to her.
  4766. >Countless stallions and more than a few mares have come to her with songs they made themselves, only to fail out.
  4767. >And all the relationships she tried regardless either fizzled out or ended in tragedy. 
  4768. >After many hundreds of years, she simply forced a smile and resigned herself to be alone. Maybe it was a sign, she thinks. That she's to serve Equestria without silly distractions like love. It's for lesser ponies. 
  4769. >Imagine her surprise when she's out for a walk one day, and a strange melody catches her ear over the street noise.
  4770. >A low, alien tounge it is, but her blood burns and her soul reaches desperately for the male voice on the wind. The words aren't Equestrian, but the meaning of each one blazes as bright as her sun in her mind.
  4771. >A pause.
  4772. >Her heart races.
  4773. >It's her turn.
  4774. >Her voice flows into words she never knew before, each filled with longing for the first singer. The air thums with magic older than even the alicorns. 
  4775. >She pauses, her senses straining and the rest of the busy world forgotten. 
  4776. >...More lines find her ears, each word filled with hesitation and hope. It's the most beautiful thing to ever grace the Princess.
  4777. >The world brightens and her heart swells.
  4778. >Decorum is forgotten as the Princess spreads her wings and abandons the startled guards around her. 
  4779. >She must find her other half at all costs!
  4780. --
  4781. >Far away from Canterlot, a man blinks as he nervously sings back to the angelic voice in the distance in his own language.
  4782. >She replies back, finishing her line perfectly, sending warmth radiating through his chest. 
  4783. >Did... Did it work? Just who is it that seems to be closing in on him?
  4784.  
  4785. >The harmony magic does more than fuel the heartsong.
  4786. >Celestia's dulling sense of time sharpens so the days, months, and years no longer blend together.
  4787. >The honed "off switch" she's had for her emotions stops working. 
  4788. >Her thoughts stop dwelling on grim what ifs and old regrets.
  4789. >Her long past menopause body is suddenly heated with a fertile estrus cycle. She can tell it won't be the only one.
  4790. >It's like she's a teen again. All because she finally heard and fulfilled a heartsong.
  4791. >She lets out a delighted laugh and eagerly speeds up to her new mate, leaving her panicking pegasus guards in the dust
  4792.  
  4793.  
  4794. >Celestia smashes through the ceiling just as Anon is preparing for bed
  4795. >You know, the usual:
  4796. >Candles lit, rose pedals all over the sheets, music by Barbara White
  4797. >Nobody else is there, Anon just likes to treat himself
  4798. >#justboythings
  4799. >Was just about to break open his chilled champagne when Celestia makes herself known
  4800.  
  4801.  
  4802.  
  4803.  
  4804. >Errybody wants anon
  4805. >Some through legitimate interest, some for exotic fetches, some for the bragging rights of banging an alien
  4806. >Anon don't want none of that shit
  4807. >"Obviously he's just playing hard to get, you know how stallions are."
  4808. >Someone (lets say Luna) brings up some outdated law that was never officially revoked
  4809. >Basically, any mare can "lay claim" to anon, and all they have to do to marry him is complete a challenge against his champion
  4810. >They are allowed to choose the test (strength, skill, smarts, etc.), but anon chooses the specifications of the challenge 
  4811. >(If a mare chose a challenge of wits then he could choose a game of chess or a riddle or anything in keeping with the category) 
  4812. >Usually the champion would be anon's mother or sister.
  4813. >Because this is not possible, anon must choose a champion 
  4814. >He chooses himself.
  4815. >Mares from all over Equestria come to make the challenge.
  4816. >Anon beats them all through loopholes and clever tricks
  4817.  
  4818.  
  4819.  
  4820.  
  4821.  
  4822. >Twilight, after seeing how well Starlight and Trixie get along, decides it'd be a good idea to introduce all the formerly evil unicorns to each other.
  4823. >She puts Anon in charge of the meetings, given he's anti-magic which SHOULD prevent them from blowing up the building she's designated for this little club.
  4824. >Shenanigans ensue
  4825.  
  4826.  
  4827. >Anon in a herd with Starlight, Trixie, Shimmer, Moondancer, and Shadow.
  4828. >Utterly dysfunctional, but they make it work.
  4829. >Ponies in Ponyvile are baffled by the herd's dynamic.
  4830. >Cadence studies them from afar, like Twilight from Pinkie Keen, as they're a fascinating, contradiction to what she knows.
  4831.  
  4832. >Shimmer is the most level-headed due to her reformation on EQG Earth, and takes the position of Lead.
  4833. >She conflicts with Shadow, as said mare is used to being in charge.
  4834. >Starlight is overly-eager to fit into something "normal", and is thus a bit overbearing.
  4835. >She doesn't understand normal herd dynamics, so the others have to reign her in.
  4836. >Moondancer is often exasperated by her herdmates, but helps Shimmer keep things together, despite being as awkward as Glimmer.
  4837. >Shadow is damaged, but Anon is helping her recover.
  4838. >Trixie is... Trixie
  4839.  
  4840.  
  4841.  
  4842.  
  4843.  
  4844.  
  4845. > Anon just wants a simple, peaceful life
  4846. > Unfortunately, being a home realtor is significantly stranger in magic horseland
  4847. > No matter where he goes, there's always something going wrong
  4848. > Poltergeists, changeling invasions, one of Princess Twilight's escaped experiments, and so on
  4849. > Even worse, the royalty seem to think he is some sort of adventuring hero, who sells homes in between escapades
  4850. > So whenever Scooby Doo level shenanigans start up, they commission good ol' Anon to go investigate
  4851. > And it's not like he can really say no to physical goddesses, and he usually does end up with a mansion or something to sell
  4852. > Cadence is the only who seems to realize he isn't a hero, but she takes some sadistic enjoyment in watching him deal with all the absurdity
  4853. > If only Yearling would stop publishing those frankly embarrassing embellishments of Anon's adventures
  4854. > So what if he is a "strong male character", and colts look up to him
  4855. > Anon can't complain too much, publicly
  4856. > He's got an image to maintain
  4857. > So he writes his memoirs, and plans on releasing them when he retires
  4858.  
  4859.  
  4860.  
  4861.  
  4862.  
  4863. >The Princesses use Anons ignorance on pony culture to live out their fetishes 
  4864. >Celly's into mommy play
  4865. >Treats Anon like a foal
  4866. >Cadence is into bukkake (but with milk)
  4867. >Tries to convince him her milk is a magical cure-all
  4868. >Luna is worst of all.
  4869. >She's into...
  4870. >Cuddling 
  4871. >Tells Anon that because he's human, she can only protect him from nightmares when in close proximity to him. 
  4872. >Anon reluctantly agrees (not like he had a choice anyway)
  4873. >End's up waking up with all three in his bed (four if you count chrysalis)
  4874.  
  4875.  
  4876.  
  4877.  
  4878.  
  4879. > Mares have different preferences for dong length, according to the depths of their marehood
  4880. > Marelets are made fun of for having shallow vags
  4881. > "What if your husbando has a big cock?"
  4882. > But then there's the testes debate
  4883. > Dilf animoos with big, swaying sacks
  4884. > Colts with delicate, petite nuts
  4885. > Some like stallions to not shave, but smooth balls are common in the various forms of erotica
  4886. > /d/ always has at least one tanuki thread
  4887.  
  4888. > Anon finds /fit/ 
  4889. > It's filled with muscle mares and Minos 
  4890. > All those mares posting homoerotic ironically/unironically
  4891. > /b/ filled with rate my vag threads
  4892.  
  4893.  
  4894. > Each type of pony has their roles in porn, especially in nipponese porn
  4895. > Earth pony mares are brutes who pin stallions with bodily strength
  4896. > Unicorns are the most common sadists/femdom, using their magic to torment and/or tease the stallion, doing things like unsheathing them in public
  4897. > Pegasi mares are the stereotypical cuck, watching from the clouds as their stallion gets taken by a more capable mare
  4898. > Earth pony stallions have that farmboy purity going for them, as well as some Amazonian themes, so they have a number of depictions
  4899. > The big senior in the sports team who falls for the beta pegasus mare
  4900. > The strong, independent stallion who is humbled by the V
  4901. > The devoted coltfriend who is blackmailed into lewd acts
  4902. > Meanwhile, unicorn stallions tend to be depicted as more intelligent, but prideful
  4903. > Honor students at Celestia's school for the gifted, who pick some lucky mare to satisfy their curiosity about lewd things
  4904. > Older stallions who like to watch young mares squirm as the unicorn twists their teats
  4905. > Arrogant bastards to be raped by a gang of mares
  4906. > Pegasus stallions are usually depicted as more timid, or on the opposite end, incredibly slutty
  4907. > The quiet, pure coltfriend who will do anything to make his marefriend happy
  4908. > The naughty little brother that teases his older sister
  4909. > The promiscuous slut who is tamed by the tender affection of the earnest, yet uncool mare
  4910.  
  4911.  
  4912.  
  4913.  
  4914.  
  4915. >Twilight has a grimoire of fetish spells she made herself.
  4916. >They're mostly tame to anyone who has been on the internet for years, but to ponies it's all downright deviant. 
  4917. >She's sad that no stallion would ever agree to use any of them, but she keeps adding to it.
  4918. >Then you accidentally pick it up and go through it, commenting on how hot some of the content is right in front of Twi.
  4919. >To say she latched onto you is an understatement. 
  4920. >And that's how you proved that nerds are freaks in bed
  4921.  
  4922.  
  4923.  
  4924.  
  4925.  
  4926.  
  4927. >Humans are considered mythological predators of the Changeling species.
  4928. >Chrysalis' horror when, as "Cadence", she sees Anon walking around Canterlot, chatting to Celestia, etcetera
  4929.  
  4930.  
  4931. I'm just imagining humans being like succubi to the changelings.
  4932. >Humans can spot a changeling in a crowd of ponies.
  4933. >Humans are degenerates that lure changelings in and do terrible things like hoof holding and getting them addicted to their salty bodies.
  4934. >If the chaneling tries to fight back strong human emotions fueled from adrenaline and endorphins can overload the changeling senses
  4935.  
  4936.  
  4937.  
  4938.  
  4939.  
  4940.  
  4941. > You look between the two reality warpers
  4942. "What I don't get is, if Eris is supposed to be you from a parallel dimension, why does she look young and cute, while you are old and grizzled."
  4943. > Discord rolls his eyes
  4944. > "It's very simple. How attractive I seem to you is directly proportional to how much I want to get in your pants."
  4945. > You slowly turn to look at Eris
  4946. > She winks at you
  4947.  
  4948.  
  4949.  
  4950.  
  4951.  
  4952. > Twilight Zone grows up in Ponyville, as bookish and autistic as her parents
  4953. > Local ponies have gotten used to her predator heritage, but visitors still get panicky, seeing her or Anon for the first time
  4954. > Most stallions are intimidated by her
  4955. > She's got a reputation as a cold, calculating perfectionist
  4956. > She's actually bad at communicating, and ponies do tend to listen when she offers possible corrections
  4957. > Twilight Zone is considering study abroad in the dragonlands, maybe the drakes will be less frightened of her
  4958.  
  4959.  
  4960. >some eldritch guy trying to mind-fuck everyone 
  4961. >all who opposed him is dead or broken
  4962. >enter Twilight Zone
  4963. >she extrudes little something and throws it at eldritch guy
  4964. >eldritch guy starts to boil from inside
  4965. >it`s skin becomes red
  4966. >slime starts to pour out of every hole on it`s body
  4967. >it stops breathing 
  4968. >dead
  4969.  
  4970. >turned out the eldritch guy got most severe allergic reaction to peanuts.
  4971.  
  4972. >Twilight Zone looks at the now cured, shocked everyone and says with her creepy monotone voice:
  4973.  
  4974. There is no miracles here, the tomorrow depends on what you studied yesterday.
  4975.  
  4976.  
  4977.  
  4978.  
  4979.  
  4980.  
  4981.  
  4982. >The tireless hardass site director eventually comes to you despite her hate of using SCPs for personal reasons.
  4983. >Melts into your touch, and not just because of your powers.
  4984. >Quiet praise of her hard work makes her crack a real smile.
  4985. >She falls into the first restfull sleep she's had in decades in your lap.
  4986. >These ponies maybe wonky and holding you against your will, but you understand why. 
  4987. >More importantly, you understand how much they sacrifice so the rest of the world isn't over run with things that make Tirek look tame. 
  4988. >Maybe it's best that you stay here. Not for the world, but for the ones who defend it.
  4989.  
  4990.  
  4991. > Anon can invoke musical sequences at will
  4992. > It's the sort of power that can destabilize entire towns, or even cities
  4993. > He brought into custody of the SCP Foundation to contain his influence
  4994. > Eventually he goes into the field, for crowd control among other things

A Dazzling Christmas

by Uh-hmmm

A Dream Proposition

by Uh-hmmm

A Morning Ride

by Uh-hmmm

Adagio's Lullaby

by Uh-hmmm

An Acquired Taste (Scat)

by Uh-hmmm