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RGRE Promptbin 005

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-18 00:24:04
Expiry: Never
/rgre/promptbin

  1. >after being transported to equestria and judge to be a non threat to the state 
  2. >he is given citizenship and eventually works as a [insert job here]
  3. >but he's alone in equestria
  4. >he cant really relate to the stallions, them just being women with dicks
  5. traps are gay 
  6. >the mares see him just see him as another dick to ride
  7. >no matter how 'marely' he himself behaves
  8. >he cant seem to have an honest friendship with either gender
  9. >until he met the, figuratively speaking, 'unicorns' of pony society
  10. >nerdy and unherded stallions
  11. >3 stallions so awkward and sheltered they can't speak or even look at a mare without feeling nervous
  12. >especially after all those stories their over protective parents told them
  13.  
  14. >in comes anon
  15. >he recognized that they weren't mares in the hobby shop he was browsing in
  16. >he immediately saw through their 'clever' disguises of overcoats, sunhats and sunglasses 
  17. >anon frequents it enough and turned down so many mares that nopony really bats an eye
  18. >but for THREE stallions to come in a hobby shop is riot waiting to happen
  19. >they talk it out and eventually anon joins their O&O group
  20. >anon is just happy that he found some non prissy (but still rather cowardly) male friends that he could relate to
  21.  
  22.  
  23.  
  24.  
  25.  
  26.  
  27. >Twilight's family is finally meeting her coltfriend, Anonymous.
  28. >They're a bit intrigued, given how vague she always was with details in letters/conversations.
  29. >Shining is preparing himself to give the "big brother" speech, while Cadence is fascinated by who could've captured Twilight's heart so readily.
  30. >Night Light is happy that they'll be another stallion around that'd tolerate his daughter's eccentricities.
  31. >And then they meet him.
  32. >Suddenly, Shining is feeling just a *little* apprehensive of trying to intimidate a six foot, magically-immune ape.
  33. >Especially one who fondly reminisces about punching the shit out of Villains of the Week.
  34. Starlight still drops a shit on the floor when he prowls around
  35.  
  36.  
  37. >Anon unintentionally has horror movie trope powers.
  38. >Like silently looming up behind ponies.
  39. >It doesn't help his image.
  40. >He has no idea why ponies are so skittish around him
  41.  
  42.  
  43.  
  44.  
  45.  
  46. >Rarity shows her love via expensive gifts and pampering Anon.
  47. >But this was the only way she understood to woo a colt, and she's afraid if the money train ever runs out that he'll leave.
  48. >And the boutique has had an especially rough season lately, finances are getting tight.
  49. >But she feels like she has to keep up the illusion that everything is fine.
  50. >It's times like this that she wonders if being mono is worth it, if she had a herd sister or two, it would take the pressure off a bit.
  51.  
  52. >After straining her purse even more in an effort to pretend nothing is wrong, Anon realizes that something is amiss.
  53. >He doesn't know what, but Rarity knows he suspects something.
  54. >She does not sleep well that night.
  55. >She pulls him closer in the darkness, holds on tighter, fearing that soon he will disappear
  56.  
  57.  
  58.  
  59.  
  60.  
  61.  
  62. >Anon has a poltergeist, but no pony believes him.
  63. >They say he's just being a silly colt, jumping at shadows.
  64. >This is why he needs a heard, to make him feel more secure.
  65. >Anon ignores them though.
  66. >He knows something supernatural is going on.
  67. >At first, he finds his underwear drawer constantly rifled through.
  68. >His boxers tossed haphazardly on the ground.
  69. >Sometimes, there's even wet spots on the groin that he is sure is exctoplasm.
  70. >Whenever he takes a shower, he swears he can hear giggling, and he is forced to clean himself with one hand while the other cups his cock and balls.
  71. >The haunting quickly becomes more overt when he walks into his room to see four pairs of his socks levitating, looking as if they were stretchered over four pony legs.
  72. >The night before Nightmare Night is the first occurrence of the poltergeist interacting with him directly.
  73. >He's doing some quick stretches before hopping into bed, bending over to touch his toes, when he feels something slap his ass.
  74. >With a yelp, he spins around only to see an empty room.
  75. >Then his boxers get yanked down around his ankles.
  76. >His hands fly to cover himself, but a strong shove to his shoulders has him toppling backwards.
  77. >Underwear serving as a trip wire, he lands on the mattress, sprawled out on his back.
  78. >A whisper in his ear, "The barrier between the living and dead is thinnest this night, you know."
  79. >Anon feels a weight settle in his lap before it begins grinding up and down against his privates.
  80. >"Let's see how close they can get, hmm?"
  81. >As Little Anon hardens, the human can't help but wonder.
  82. >Does this count as necrophilia?
  83.  
  84.  
  85.  
  86.  
  87.  
  88.  
  89. > Femanon wanders into a small Minotaur town in Equestria
  90. > A bunch of tauresses are gathered around a milk cart, arguing over whether or not liking cuntbulls is gay
  91. > After a moment of tit envy, Femanon wades into the discussion, glad to have found some nice, familiar degeneracy
  92. > The group eventually goes their own ways, but the milk tauress takes a liking to Femanon
  93. > Asks if she will teach her sons about having good taste
  94. > The eldest is plain and diligent, but handsome enough
  95. > The second is a feisty, independent bull
  96. > The third is a sweet, bookish sort of bull
  97. > The fourth and fifth sons are pure shotacon bait
  98. > So she teaches them about the dangers of edge, etc
  99. > Femanon is good friends with Rarity, one of the few females that she can easily relate to
  100. > Rarity comes to check on Femanon, and ends up falling for the eldest son
  101. > But then there's the childhood friend of the eldest, a humble butcher tauress...
  102.  
  103.  
  104.  
  105.  
  106.  
  107. >Anon and Femanon live in Equestria
  108. >Life is fine and they were quickly accepted by the locals
  109. Surprisingly, a lot of mares became interested in the new "human stallion" and wanted to get to know him
  110. >Due to tradition, mares need to get approval of the eldest female in order to date a male
  111. >Femanon hazes every mare that tries to get close to her brother as revenge for when he did it to her
  112. >The challenge of getting close to Anon just made mares want him more, but had no idea how to get over the wall that Femanon made
  113. >That is, until one mare challenged Femanon to a duel for Anon's hoof in horsemarriage
  114.  
  115.  
  116.  
  117.  
  118.  
  119. >Nightmare Night
  120. >Ponk is throwing a costume party
  121. >Obviously
  122. >Anon says he has to grab some beer or something before heading out
  123. >Ponies accept it, and continue to the party
  124. >An hour later, a confused and exhausted Anon busts into the room
  125. >Dressed in the best Starswirl costume any of them had seen, and rocking a downright GODLY beard
  126. >It makes Twilight's look like a piece of shit in comparison
  127. >She's a bit miffed, but goes over to ask him about it
  128. >Maybe its actually some human wizard instead, and they totally didn't come with the same costume!
  129. >Of course it isn't
  130. >Anon explains that he got bumfucked into the past, just like how he got into Equestria in the first place
  131. >He was a bit sad at first, but got better once he realized he could actually do magic now
  132. >Years passed and he made a name for himself
  133. >Even got to meet the Princesses at last, and even get to know them
  134. >Now it seems his stint in the past has finished, and he's back in the present
  135. >Or whatever he's supposed to call it
  136. >Twilight just smiles and nods, not-so-subtly casting a drug-detection spell
  137. >Anon catches it, and has to restrain the urge to bring down the wrath of God
  138. >That always worked when someone ignored him and chalked everything up to "coltish whimsy"
  139. >Or even worse: ALIEN coltish whimsy
  140. >For a time, anyway
  141. >It's not as bad as it was Back Then, but he can see it in their eyes
  142. >None of them believe him
  143. >Well, maybe he should get in touch with the Princesses again?
  144. >Sure, its been a while, but they had a good thing going
  145. >Even made a cello with their hairs
  146. >Naturally, he called it a Cellu
  147. >But how to send it, and what to do in the mean time?
  148.  
  149.  
  150. >Celestia and Luna knew the moment they saw him, despite their initial shock.
  151. >To preserve the timeline, they pretended they were ignorant of him.
  152. >Now that he's the Anon they knew, they rejoice, much to other ponies' disbelief,
  153. >However, time in Ancient Equestria hardened Anon.
  154. >The Princesses have to actively reign him in from shit, like summoning a meteor down on ponies for being sexist, in anger.
  155. >They task Cadence with keeping him away/distracting him from diplomatic functions, lest the griffons, minotaurs, females cause a shit-storm
  156.  
  157.  
  158.  
  159.  
  160.  
  161. > Anon is Sunset's hot roommate
  162. > He often walks around the apartment without a shirt and bends over more often than is strictly necessary
  163. > Even if her friends are over
  164. > And his hugs are so tight that she can feel her tits mash against his firm pecs
  165. > More than a few of her friends have been flustered that way
  166. > After months of blue beaning and shameful masturbation, she finally calls him out on how much of a tease he's being
  167. "It's because you have the cutest reactions~! But you're right, you've suffered enough."
  168. > As he begins unbuckling his belt, Sunset licks her lips
  169. > After several very enjoyable hours, her sense of loyalty kicks in
  170. > "Would it be alright if the girls got a little taste, or at least if they could see the real thing?"
  171. > Anon laughs
  172. "You're such a good friend. Sure, but only one at a time. I'd hate for Fluttershy to be left out, just because the other girls are pushier."
  173. > Sunset sighs in relief, glad he didn't get angry about being shared with her friends
  174. > She is going to take responsibility so hard with Anon
  175.  
  176.  
  177. >all of the girls have fantasized about Anon, but don't know him past the "hot next door neighbor" level
  178. >none of them believe sunset when she bursts into their totally-not-a-treehouse, claiming that she finally bagged Anon and that he wants to fuck them too
  179. >shit like that just doesn't happen
  180. >what's next, Fluttershy delivering a pizza to a lonely dad and he can't pay?
  181. >takes her a while, but she manages to convince them to come over
  182. >first thing they see when the come over is Anon naked on the couch watching tv or something
  183. >they all quietly lose their minds when they realize it was all real
  184. >sunset wasn't lying
  185. >they were all about to get laid
  186.  
  187.  
  188. >You are making out with Anon.
  189. >Things are going so smoothly that you might try to float the idea of... "sex" with him.
  190. >Then you won't die a virgin, and with a guy too!
  191. >Who's a dyke now mom?
  192. "S-so Anon... do you want to..."
  193. >He looks at you with a little concern in his eyes.
  194. >You can do this girl, just ask him.
  195. "Do you maybe wanna- if you're fine with it... want to have... sex?"
  196. >You brace for the rejection.
  197. >"Sure babe, if you're okay with it."
  198. >Wait what?
  199. "Really?"
  200. >"Yeah, so how you wanna do this?"
  201. "What do you mean?"
  202. >"I mean are you on the pill, you want a condom, want me to pull out? Oh and don't worry, I'm clean. And based on your reaction I'd say you're a virgin so you are too."
  203. >What did you just get yourself into... and why are you so wet right now?
  204.  
  205.  
  206.  
  207.  
  208.  
  209.  
  210. >fillies crush on Anon
  211. >trying to act all brave, strong and marely to impress him
  212. >still only up to his knee in height
  213. >doesn't matter, still try their best
  214. >come off as kids with adorable puppy crush
  215. >often get themselves into some situations that would overwhelm an adult mare, let alone a filly
  216. >need Anon to rescue them, which only reinforces their crush on him
  217. >Anon is not a filthy pedo and uses their attention on him to teach them good morals and common sense
  218. >It goes over their heads more often than not, but some things stick
  219. >days go by and fillies eventually stop their advances
  220. >Anon knew their interest would wane, it was but a puppy crush afterall
  221. >He never was really into little ponies, let alone little pone kids
  222. >But damn, were they adorable
  223. >timeskip
  224. >still Anon, still forevealone.jpeg
  225. >not because of the lack of ponies trying tho!
  226. >you just dont seem to klik with any of them
  227. >*knocks on the door*
  228. >open it
  229. >a bunch of fillies what used to adorably harass you every day because of their crush are on your doorstep
  230. >except they are not fillies anymore, but young mares at the start of their adult lives
  231. >and it looks like that crush didn't really fade, but turned into pure and true love inside every single one of them.
  232. >when they understood you seen them as too young, they decided to wait until all of them were old enough that you could marry any/all of them
  233.  
  234.  
  235.  
  236.  
  237.  
  238. > After her modeling career, Fluttershy had a lot of mares trying to become friends
  239. > Unfortunately for them, Rarity is well versed in how to deal with ponies trying to ride coattails
  240. > Weekly spa trips, frequent tea parties, in depth fashion discussions, etc
  241. > Most mares drop out after a month
  242. > Some end up becoming actual friends, glad to explore their more colty side
  243. > Then the female alien gets drawn into one of their tea parties, and Rarity braces herself for turning away a blatantly maresculine prospective herd sister
  244. > But no, the alien thinks tea parties are cute, and somewhat elegant, and plays nicely
  245. > Fluttershy invites her along to the spa, and the alien accepts, mentioning she had never been to one
  246. > It is only when they are all in the hot tub that Rarity realises her mistake
  247. > Rather than driving this one way, they should be trying to bring him in
  248. > Meanwhile poor Fluttershy is about to faint from seeing an unsheathed stallionhood
  249.  
  250.  
  251.  
  252.  
  253.  
  254. >Anon's foals are quite the rambunctious bunch.
  255. >Always getting into trouble
  256. >Anon is always at that "Dad mode" state, where his senses, reaction time and general physical capabilities is heightened.
  257. >One day he suddenly became incandescent, grew ethereal wings and now sports a bright halo.
  258. >Anon is now the "Alicorn of Fatherhood."
  259. >The herd prepares themselves for a possible confrontation with the diarchs.
  260. >But instead the sisters came forward with a request for Anonymous to adopt them
  261.  
  262.  
  263.  
  264.  
  265.  
  266. >Anon's been in equestria for some months now
  267. >does some quick math
  268. >realizes Thanksgiving's coming up
  269. >decides he can't let human traditions die out
  270. >gets to work a fuckhueg thanksgiving dinner
  271. >poners all around watch in confused bemusement as the most janefilly colt anyone knows suddenly goes on a cooking tangent
  272. >appul tries to help Anon where she can, but doesn't have much experience beyond, well, apples
  273. >Anon doesn't care
  274. >gives her a one of equestria's first pumpkin pies as thanks
  275.  
  276.  
  277.  
  278. > Mare is the sister of one of the mares in your herd
  279. > Down on her luck, searching for a job
  280. > You let her stay in your house with your herd, until she finds a job and can afford her own place
  281. > It's not the most peaceful place, what with the foals running around, and your wives dropping by throughout the day
  282. > But there are a lot more job opportunities in your area than where her parents are, out in the boonies
  283. > For the most part, she is out applying for jobs, but she always comes back disappointed
  284. > While she is home, she helps cook, clean, babysit the foals, etc as a way of paying you back for food and board
  285. > It's actually kind of nice, to have more time to devote to your hobbies and things
  286. > The mares in the herd are warming up to her as well, taking her out for drinks, encouraging her, buying little things she likes on the way home
  287. > The foals love their aunt, glad to have someone else to play with
  288. > The mare starts learning massage techniques, helping your wives relax after a long day of work
  289. > After a few months, she is getting discouraged
  290. > The mare wonders if she should try another town
  291. > The foals overhear this and swarm her, pleading for her not to go
  292. > The mare tries to say that she doesn't want to be a burden, but your wives insist that she is actually a big help
  293. > Finally, you make the offer
  294. "You don't have to be my wife, but you can be part of the herd, if you want to be. Either way, you'll always have a place here."
  295. > It's as if a huge weight falls from her shoulders
  296. > She smiles at you with tears in her eyes
  297. > "I'd like that."
  298. > She is immediately engulfed in a group hug
  299.  
  300.  
  301.  
  302.  
  303.  
  304. > Fluttershy as a soft dom
  305. > Has Anon massage her, whispering that he is a "good boy"
  306. > Rewards him by pushing her tuft into his face and petting his head
  307. > Likes to casually brush against his butt as he cooks
  308. > They go on a picnic, and she spends several minutes whispering exactly what she intends to do with him once they get home
  309. > Buys him the occasional lacey ball bra from Rarity, and always compliments Anon on how good it looks on him
  310. > Likes to nibble on his ears while they cuddle
  311. > Gets him so riled up that he pounces on her
  312. > She does a smug laugh as he thrusts, saying that such a good boy like him can't resist a bad mare like her
  313. > Afterwards, she pets his hair, and tells him how happy he makes her and how much she loves him
  314.  
  315.  
  316.  
  317.  
  318.  
  319. > Anon and lesbian pone are drinking buds
  320. > Mares hit on Anon at the bar
  321. > He agrees to go with them... if they are fine with the lesbian having her fun too
  322. > This drives some mares away, and others think he is bluffing
  323. > He is not bluffing
  324.  
  325.  
  326.  
  327.  
  328.  
  329. >Colt Anon meets Celestia.
  330. >Expects to have the usual "awestruck colt/filly" thing.
  331. >Instead gets questions about Guard Armour, and how effective their weapons are versus various species' biologies.
  332. >Is slightly creeped out.
  333. >Luna is happy to answer his questions, however
  334. >Cadence once again takes up the foalsitting mantle, despite being the ruler of the Crystal Empire.
  335. >"It'll be a snap," she says.
  336. >Heh.
  337. >Hehehe
  338.  
  339.  
  340.  
  341. >Anon lives by himself, even though he's "just a colt."
  342. >He becomes the town's responsibility, where everypony makes sure he's cared for and happy since he's all alone
  343.  
  344.  
  345.  
  346.  
  347.  
  348.  
  349. >Anon is the grim reaper for Equestria
  350. >The angel of death
  351. >He guides those whose souls have trouble passing over into the ether
  352. >Often times he deals with the young or those near death
  353. >He helps comfort and consoles them so they can know peace
  354. >With near death experiences he calms them and keeps them company during this fearful time
  355. >Most don’t remember him when they come back from their near death experience 
  356. >Only remembering feelings of peace and serenity
  357. >One day Celestia takes on a big bad that’s a bit more bad than most
  358. >Celestia gets grievously injured and almost dies
  359. >During her near death experience she spends time being comforted by Anon
  360. >When she awakes from this harrowing experience she remembers everything 
  361. >She has perfect recollection of Anon and his kindness
  362. >Celestia is infatuated with Anon and now spends much of her free time trying to find a way to contact Anon
  363. >Luna and friends think Celestia is suffering from her brush with death and try to get her help
  364. >Celestia tries even harder now to prove she isn’t crazy and to spend more time with Anon
  365.  
  366.  
  367.  
  368.  
  369.  
  370.  
  371.  
  372. >Anon is one of the best bakers in Equestria.
  373. >Unintentionally wins Celestia's heart by how good his cakes and pastries are.
  374. >He never noticed.
  375. >Becomes determined to woo him.
  376. >Faces competition in Pinkie Pie.
  377. >Initially dismissing her as a threat, she quickly becomes aware that Laughter is a serious contender.
  378. >While they battle it out by trying to win Anon over, he's still oblivious.
  379. >Meanwhile, he frequently hangs out with Bro-Luna late at night.
  380. >She finds it all hilarious
  381.  
  382.  
  383.  
  384.  
  385.  
  386. > Anon really likes the more intelligent mares
  387. > Unfortunately those mares tend to be the rich ones
  388. > So everyone thinks he's a rabid and shameless gold-digger.
  389.  
  390. >Anon flirts with Rarity
  391. >she flirts back
  392. >each is a shameless social climber who has made some very incorrect fundamental assumptions about the other's social level
  393.  
  394. > Meanwhile, Anon's brother Synon is all about /fit/, big booty mares
  395. > Thankfully, mares like that exist all across the socioeconomic ladder 
  396. > Ponies wonder why can't Anon is so shallow and encourage him to be more like Synon
  397.  
  398.  
  399.  
  400.  
  401.  
  402. >Twilight has already been on several dates with gold-digging stallions that could care less about her
  403. >One didn't even remember that he used to bully her for being a "nerd" back at school and another spent the whole night planning what to spend with money she didn't have
  404. >Just because she's a princess doesn't mean she can take from the royal vault whenever she wants
  405. >Anon asks her out because he likes smart women
  406. >Twilight thinks he's another gold digger and reluctantly agrees
  407. >She'll just do what she usually does: prattle on about some science stuff and he'll be so bored he'll be begging to leave
  408. >They have dinner in some modertately fancy restraunt
  409. >After they ordered, Twilight starts talking about her latest research project
  410. >Instead of being bored to tears, he's enrapture by it, sometime asking questions throughout and adds to the conversation with his own knowledge
  411. >They talk until the restraunt closes
  412. >Surprised it went on this long, Twilight tried to pay only for her date to take up the bill
  413. >Twilight walks him home and they say good night
  414. >Anon leans in and gives her a kiss on the cheek, thanking her for a good time
  415. >Before Anon walks inside, Twilight calls out
  416. >"A-Anon, would you like to do this again soon?"
  417. "I'd love to. How's next week?"
  418. >"That's perfect. Just one thing: next time, I'll pay."
  419.  
  420.  
  421.  
  422.  
  423.  
  424.  
  425. >Anon poofs into Equestria the same second as Sombra closes off the Empire
  426. >Left wandering the frozen wastes for a time
  427. >Eventually reaches the city
  428. >He's spooked by all the frozen ponies, but still hungry as fuck
  429. >Manages to scrape by for a few days, but its a near thing
  430. >His vidya skills tell him that if this frozen city has any significant food storage in it, it'd be in the castle
  431. >He sneaks in
  432. >Eventually finds Sombrero
  433. >The warlock is not amused
  434. >He chases Anon out
  435. >In the chaos, anon touches one of the ponies
  436. >The spells keeping them frozen and complacent shatter
  437. >They, predictably, freak the fuck out
  438. >Anon uses the distraction to escape with what he's got
  439. >Hopefully things would have cooled down after a while, but its obvious to both of them
  440. >Anon shouldn't be there, and Sombra won't tolerate a rogue agent in his city
  441. >After dodging a few searches, Anon decides that this can't go on
  442. >He needs help
  443. >Unfreezes about a dozen pones, and manages to convince them into starting a resistance
  444. >One might even call it a Gorilla war
  445. >War happens, and after a long time, they win
  446. >Sombra is dead, and Anon is declared King/Emperor
  447. >But the barrier around the empire is still up
  448. >And perhaps even more importantly, the ponies realize no one's aging
  449. >They settle in for the long haul, a few half-remembered gloats from Sombra stating he would wait a thousand years for Equestria to fall their only indicator as to how long they'll be cut off from the rest of the world
  450. >In only a few decades, the city is starting to get crowded, and they can't get more material to build with
  451. >Anon decides that in order to survive, they must dig
  452. >They must dig deep
  453. >They carve out halls in the mountain, and under the city itself
  454. >And when they need more space, they carve new halls ever deeper
  455. >By the time the barrier falls, Anon is the All-Father of poni-dwarves
  456. >Ridiculously large statues and standard gender roles included
  457.  
  458.  
  459. >revived Crystal Empire has a devoted and loyal hive directly below it, working side by side its ponies
  460.  
  461.  
  462. >Changelings aren't really a "fixed" species.
  463. >Not including different species adding or mutating their gene-pool;
  464. >Dominated by green, hate, and hunger, they appear like Chrysalis' hive members.
  465. >When exposed to friendship and love, they become pretty much Flutterponies in all but name.
  466. >When they thrive on determination and loyalty, they appear completely different, and have a different nature
  467.  
  468.  
  469.  
  470.  
  471. >Anon is blind
  472. >Has a seeing eye pony
  473. >A real pony, that is
  474. >Poners are shocked to see such a "deviant" relationship out in the open like that
  475. >And with the colt "on top," even!
  476. >But they figure that since that kind, mute mare is actually helping dear Anon get around, they can't really do anything about it
  477. >Anon was confused at first, but he knows what they're all thinking 
  478. >Looks forward to the keks to come when they realize the truth
  479.  
  480. >Twist:
  481. >when transported to Equestria with her master, mare became an equestrian mudpony
  482. >and became mute
  483. >but thats not a problem
  484. >she took care of Anon without being able to speak before, she can continue doing so now.
  485. >knowing that she is his lifeline and that he trusts her with his wellbeing every day makes her feel all warm inside
  486. >having the harness tightly wrapped around her barrel, Master tugging on it as she leads him around, is a nice kinky bonus
  487. >wonder when he will notice this new development
  488.  
  489.  
  490.  
  491.  
  492.  
  493. >humans are a myth in RGRE
  494. >they commonly appear in Equestrian fantasy stories as a mysterious and secretive civilization with an odd culture 
  495. >as technology advanced, humans would naturally find their way into video games 
  496. >in this case, dating sims
  497. >Moondancer is a rabid fan of ‘My Little Human: Love is Magic’
  498. >it’s a game where you play as a human woman and get to romance a number of attractive human boys
  499. >like all dating sims, each romance option falls into a particular stereotype that appeals to mares
  500. >the childhood friend, the tsundere, the ice king, the janefilly, the wallflower, etc...
  501. >Moondancer is obsessed with the janefilly option, Anonymous
  502. >even though she knows he’s not real, she can’t help but fantasize about spending her life with him as if he was right there with her
  503. >never plays any of the other routes
  504. >the genuine love she pours into the game creates a magical reaction where Anon the character develops self-awareness
  505. >he starts breaking the fourth wall and directly addresses Moondancer
  506. >he pleads with her to play longer, because shutting the game off feels like purgatory to him
  507. >Moondancer starts becoming a shut-in again.
  508. >partially because she doesn’t want to leave Alone, and partially to investigate this phenomenon 
  509. >when she tries to tell other ponies about it, they think she’s gone crazy
  510. >she’ll show them all
  511. >Moondancer creates a ritual designed to bring Anon into her world
  512. >she’s done what hundreds of husbandodykes have only dreamed of doing 
  513. >she’s broken the 2D/3D barrier
  514.  
  515.  
  516.  
  517.  
  518.  
  519. "Welcome back to Equestria's hit show, "So You Want To Fuck A Horse"! Today's contestant is the lovely and exotic Anon."
  520. >A show with all the trash TV dating tropes.
  521. >Mares fighting for the attention of the male of the current season.
  522. >Stupid contests made up by the show to help Anon choose.
  523. >Mares backstabbing each other.
  524. >That one mare or mares that are trying to just get famous.
  525. >Roses handed out to the mares who aren't eliminated.
  526. >Eliminated mares going home crying.
  527. >And then Anon finally picking his mare for true TV love
  528.  
  529.  
  530.  
  531.  
  532. > Anon walks through the portal to EQG with Twilight
  533. > Turns into a horse, promptly nopes back to Equestria
  534. > Twilight has an idea
  535. > EQG Applejack leads her horse through the portal
  536. > The horse is now a human woman who is naturally very docile, but with some animalistic instincts
  537. > Sees Anon pick up an apple
  538. > Immediately goes to eat it out of his hand
  539. > After finishing the apple, she happily nuzzles against his neck
  540. > The mares are shocked at the display, expecting Anon to slap her for being so forward
  541. > Instead he hugs her, because some actual human affection is nice after all this time in ponyworld
  542.  
  543. >Anon and horse girl get together
  544. >Everyone's happy for them
  545. >They've never seen him so genuinely happy before
  546. >Twilight goes through the mirror to tell her friends on the other side
  547. >Again, everyone's happy the stranded human could get some happiness in the end
  548. >Everyone except for AJ, that is
  549. >Even though she supposed it all worked out in the end, she can't for the life of her divide the images from Twilight's stories from the memories of the filly she raised since birth
  550. >When Twilight tells them that they're expecting, all AJ can see is Anon fucking a horse
  551.  
  552.  
  553.  
  554.  
  555.  
  556.  
  557. >Equestria is a magical place
  558. >A very magical place
  559. >And magic can draw attention
  560. >The wrong kind of attention
  561. >Thankfully, some mages of ages past managed to set up a semi-intelligent aegis in order to stop the REALLY wrong kind of attention
  562. >The "full-demonic-incursion" kind
  563. >But no defense is perfect
  564. >They all have holes
  565. >Thankfully, all the holes are rather small and also only on the Equestrian side, necessitating an active, deliberate summoning
  566. >Only lesser demons can be summoned without attracting the aegis' attention
  567. >This does, however, leave the issue of lesser demons possibly running around at nearly all times
  568. >To combat this issue, the crown has created an order of demon hunters, headed by our favourite human Anonymous
  569. >He suggested it, in fact
  570. >Though he probably had the Ordo Malleus in mind
  571. >Not tossing a glass of lemon juice at an incubus every week and fining the lonely mare that summoned it
  572. >Though playing up the whole naughty nun thing can be fun, he supposes
  573. >Especially when "convincing" those lonely mares to stop summoning demons
  574.  
  575.  
  576.  
  577.  
  578.  
  579. >Anon falls into ancient equestria/some isolated pony tribe
  580. >ponies think he's a god
  581. >decide to go with it because why the fuck not
  582. >since its equestria, evil shit attacks every other week
  583. >Anon freaks the fuck out, the first time
  584. >still manages to get rid of it, either through luck or cosmic happenstance
  585. >decides to leave, cause shit's getting dangerous
  586. >but ponies are even more convinced of his divinity
  587.  
  588.  
  589.  
  590.  
  591.  
  592. >Be Anon
  593. >Fell into a circle some prick drew on the pavement looneytunes style
  594. >Land on a schoolhouse, breaking the roof and get some bruises
  595. >Ponies learn a friendship lesson in the process.
  596. >"Sometimes when your friend tells you to follow the building code it's not just being a rule-obsessed nosestickerwhereit'snotwanteder, they may actually have a valid point"
  597. >Also "Beware falling apes"
  598. >Anon is investigated by Twilight Sparkle and the Friendship Five to deetermine what should be done with the sky-apes
  599. >Since the school is where he landed, the topic eventually turns to Anon's education.
  600. >He claims to have graduated from a university.
  601. >He has no proof.
  602. >Twilight decides to put Anon through an accelerated version of normal pony schooling for him.
  603. >Both to get him aquainted and to test some ideas she's come up with.
  604. >The local ponies aren't the only one's abuzz about the new face in town though
  605.  
  606. >Minotits and cows fear humans as evil demigods of order.
  607. >Took the strength and power of countless bovines to fuel their lust for control.
  608. >Intricate systems of pipes that sucked away their essense for unknown ends.
  609. >Hideous systematic harvesting and slaughter, controlled by myriad inscrutible rules.
  610. >Bulls were mainly just killed by the brutal system.
  611. >While their strength could not be milked out from them, they did get used for har more horrific things.
  612. >Captives regularly fed on the bodies of the last batch to run dry, along with bulls whose entire life was just waiting to be killed.
  613. >The Cows near Ponyville hear of Anon and flee to warn their homelands.
  614. >They can feel it in their bones
  615. >Another Shoah's acoming
  616.  
  617.  
  618.  
  619.  
  620.  
  621. >anon was a smith on earth for his job
  622. >getting to equestria pre metal age he teaches them the ways of the forge
  623. >using his steel armor and weapons he fights back monsters and over time is drenched in the blood of countless monsters which has infused him with their life essence 
  624. >anon is practically immortal now
  625. >after clearing out equestria of monsters he traveled to lands unknown to continue his purge and make safe the world for his little friends
  626. >after many millennia the sexy warrior smith god returns to a modern equestria 
  627. >anon starts to create massive parties that span entire cities to celebrate his ponies becoming everything he wished them to be
  628. >princesses have to run damage control from this mythic being and his mad parties
  629. >pinkie's face when
  630.  
  631.  
  632.  
  633.  
  634.  
  635.  
  636.  
  637. > A long time ago there was a plague, a plague which specifically killed young colts by the droves.
  638. > At it's height, only one in every ten colt would survive it's first year.
  639. > The last five hundred years saw that death rate decrease to 1/2
  640. > The last century saw the disease wiped out entirely.
  641. > However, herds still remain despite the population being almost equal.
  642. > Fillies are fine with monogamous relationships because they're still experimenting and finding out who they are.
  643. > Mares however will hardly ever give the time of day to a stallion who lacks at the very least a single mare in his herd.
  644. > After all, if he couldn't find someone to take care of him as a colt, why should a mare put your confidence in his worth as a stallion?
  645. > As a result, roughly 4 out of every 5 stallions will never wed or have children
  646.  
  647. > Enter the Society of Stalled Stallion, a secret club of misfits in started in freshman year that hate being alone.
  648. > A few simply weren't paying attention, too busy with studies or hobbies to notice the most important time of their lives slipping through their fingers.
  649. > Others just lacked the ability to woo the ladies.
  650. > Some just bitterly reject the idea of polygamy all together.
  651. > But as time goes on, they all do eventually find herds.
  652. > The akward ones get a bit more mature.
  653. > The distracted ones learn to focus
  654. > And the bitter ones give in to their desires.
  655. > All except Anon and Nigma, the last members of the Society at graduation.
  656.  
  657. > Both Celestia and Luna remember when monagamy was the norm.
  658. > But Celestia lived through the plague, and while she might know of how things were she's been normalized by her experiences.
  659. > Luna though hates what she's come back to.
  660. > Seeing so many colts forced to whittle away their lives as little more than wilting wall flowers.
  661. > She also is annoyed by her sister's insistence that with her return, the princesses finally have enough mares to form a 'respectable' herd.
  662. > So in an overt attempt to slight the concept of herds themselves, she decided to try and woo one of them after seeing their dreams.
  663. > Only to find neither is willing to abandon the other to a life of loneliness out of a sense of friendship.
  664.  
  665. > Can Luna find another mare to join her in this crazy departure from the norm?
  666. > Will love triangles ruin everything?
  667. > How will society react?
  668. > Will the other Princesses interfere to ensure 'what is best for Equestria' comes to pass?
  669.  
  670.  
  671.  
  672.  
  673.  
  674.  
  675. >Anon arrives as the second human in Equestria.
  676. >Guy before him set himself up as a typical HiE story protagonist.
  677. >Ended up with a herd containing at least half of the mane six.
  678. >Called himself "Josh" at first but now calls himself some edgy name like "Bloody Arrow." Poners don't realize how it sounds to a human.
  679. >Talks non-stop about his "military career" and the pones don't recognize he has neither the training/discipline for such a thing, or any actual knowledge about the inner workings of the human military.
  680. >Set himself up as a strategist for the princesses or some shit, using his knowledge of FiM.
  681. >Some stuff happens.
  682. >Anon unintentionally untangles the entire web of lies the first guy had been building.
  683. >HiE protag tries to call Anon a liar, but HE'S proven to be the liar through a lie detecting spell or mind-reading or whatever.
  684. >Pones react like pic related to this, and Anon gives HiE protag a chance to own up to it all, at which point he'd probably help the guy rebuild his life.
  685.  
  686. You could make the HiE protag anywhere from a completely insufferable twat to a sorta-okay guy who just made a series of really shitty decisions and it'd still work.
  687.  
  688.  
  689.  
  690.  
  691.  
  692.  
  693.  
  694. >Seafoam is a seapony
  695. >She's a bit different from the others, however, because she's obsessed with land dwellers
  696. >She badly wants to go into the port town near the beach, but she can't be out of water for too long
  697. >The only time that a seapony walked on land was when the queen's daughter fell in love with a land pony and used the pearl to be with him
  698. >The queen offered the same to anyone who fell in love with a land dweller, but it hasn't happened since
  699. >Seafoam hangs around the beach all day hoping that somepony would come by, but the only beach is practically abandoned
  700. >That is until one day a strange two legged creature covered in a pair of small pants came by
  701. >Seafoam grinned; she finally found her land ticket
  702.  
  703.  
  704.  
  705.  
  706. >Anon and Celestia are really into each other
  707. >They both think they're hiding it pretty well and playing it cool
  708. >They aren't
  709. >Everyone can see it, except the other of course
  710. >Anon's a fedora-lord, and Celestia's a massive sunhat tipper
  711. >M'ladys, M'lords, and spaghetti fucking EVERYWHERE
  712. >Since they can't see the interest the other has for them, they're both huge pulsating piles of nerves
  713. >Ponies try to help them get together, if only to make them stop acting like total sperglords
  714.  
  715.  
  716.  
  717.  
  718.  
  719. >Anon is mid conversation as the Grand Galloping Gala when <powerful mare> gropes his balls
  720. >She just smirks evilly at him when he looks at her.
  721. >He pretends nothing happened, just as she suspected.
  722.  
  723. >Later on during the party, he finds her, isolated, alone.
  724. >She hears a whisper in her ear from just behind her, that makes her fur stand on end, and her heart race.
  725. "And now the hunter, becomes the /hunted/."
  726.  
  727.  
  728.  
  729.  
  730.  
  731.  
  732.  
  733. >Anon is not pretty by pony standards, this should not be a surprise.
  734. >It's not like he's a bad looking guy, he's just not a pony.
  735. >Because of this, even in RGRE he has some trouble getting a marefriend.
  736. >Until one day, a lonely, chubby mare sees him and thinks, "Well, it's worth a shot."
  737. >She doesn't think he's hot, but she's desperate for the D.
  738. >They fuck, and he is actually a pretty good lay.
  739. >Anon for his part is just glad a mare is showing interest in him, and makes sure to show that gratitude.
  740. >He may not be an attractive stallion, but he's sweet, and treats her right.
  741. >The fat mare is happy, and she wants to share that happiness with her friends.
  742. >She brings it up with Nonny, and he reluctantly agrees to think about it.
  743. >The fat mare's friends aren't knockouts, each with their own flaws that make them unappealing, but they're nice, and seeing the desperate hope in their eyes, Anon agrees.
  744. >It turns out to be the best decision of his life as he gains a happy little family of misfits.
  745. >The lead mare, her life finally looking up, wants to make herself pretty for her stallion, and starts eating right and exercising.
  746. >Turns out that once she sheds the extra pounds and does her mane, she's a total knock out.
  747. >Anon was okay with her pudgy form, and he'll miss that phat ass, but he can't lie and say he doesn't like that she can be more active in the bedroom now.
  748. >All is right in the world until a handsome stallion sees the lead mare in the market and is blown away.
  749. >He starts to put the moves on her, and she spaghettis a bit, almost losing it completely when the cute stallion cuts to the point and asks if she's available to join his herd.
  750. >It's what she always dreamed off, a handsome hunk bringing her into his herd.
  751. >... But Anon.
  752. >She smiles kindly to the stallion and tells him, "I'm sorry, but yes, I am in a herd."
  753.  
  754.  
  755.  
  756.  
  757.  
  758. >Back on Earth, Anon was an engineer.
  759. >When he gets to Equestria, he notices a lot of lacking machinery or inefficiency.
  760. >He gets a low paying job (because mares won't let him near that's actually dangerous, like tools.)
  761. >Starts inventing stuff from Earth (Radios, small electronics, time-saving devices.)
  762. >However, can't ever get any of the ponies to take him seriously, he has to use a front-mare has a way of getting his stuff out.
  763. >Front mare later on in the story tries to screw anon out of the money until she gets forced into a position in where Anon's expertise does actually come in handy
  764.  
  765.  
  766.  
  767.  
  768.  
  769. >In RGRE, bisexualilty in mares is common and not at all questioned. With a low number of catty males, you take what you can get.
  770. >You're in a relationship with a mare and you couldn't be happier. You and her seem like a perfect match.
  771. >One day, she makes a new friend with another mare. 
  772. >Over some time, it becomes obvious that your mare and her friend are more than platonically interested in each other. Your mare is still very much in love with you though. 
  773. >The friend finally approaches you and asks to herd with you and your mare. The friend is honest and says she's doing this because she loves your mare. She also won't object to any relationship that forms between you and her
  774.  
  775.  
  776.  
  777.  
  778.  
  779.  
  780. >A mare will never shyly approach you and ask for "colt advice"
  781. >You will never remind her that you don't come from Equestria, and that colts are as confusing to you as girls were back when you were going through puberty
  782. >The mare will never scoff and insist that stallions "just know" these things, and say that your advice about this world's fairer sex will probably be better than anything she can think of
  783.  
  784. >Mare is cleverer and braver than she looks
  785. >She knows you're different from most colts, but she has no real idea *how* you are different from them.
  786. >And it doesn't really matter, because she has no idea how to deal with them in the first place.
  787. >So before she torpedoes her chances accidentally, she figures she'll just ask you for 'advice' and then use it on you later
  788.  
  789.  
  790. >Applejack shifts around beside you and presses her cheek into your thigh.
  791. >"Well, Ah made him a pie two or three times a week fer a month, right?"
  792. >You nod, thinking back to the pies she's begun to gift to you.
  793. >"Cuz Granny said that when she was courtin' my grandpappy-"
  794. >She rolls onto her back and traces a stylized sun onto her chest, like a Catholic crossing his chest.
  795. >"-Celestia rest his soul- that it was important that a stallion knew you could cook."
  796. >She settles back down and takes her former place with her head on your lap.
  797. >"It shows that yer responsible and grown up, and y'all can feed yerself even without a stallion in the kitchen. An' Ah helped him with his chores, too, so that he'd know that Ah cared fer him an' wanted to carry his burdens."
  798. >...you're vividly reminded of that time Applejack came over to your house while you were painting your fence.
  799. >She grabbed the paintbrush in her teeth and refused to let go until you let her help out.
  800. >Applejack rolls onto her back and gazes at you with her big, half-lidded green eyes.
  801. >"But he just plum won't take the hint that I'm interested in him."
  802. >Applejack paws at your arm and snatches up your hand, which she hugs to her chest.
  803. >"What do y'all think, Anon? What do Ah gotta do to let this colt know Ah wanna make him an Apple?"
  804. >This is just like your American romcoms.
  805.  
  806.  
  807.  
  808.  
  809.  
  810.  
  811. >Despite how rare it is, each of the mane 6 have monogamous parents
  812. >Growing up in nuclear homes, they all want a stallion that is in love with them and them alone, not share that love between three different mares
  813. >Since Ponyville is largely an earth pony town, herds are the norm
  814. >As such, it's nearly impossible to find a stallion that would be willing to take a risk on single partner relationship
  815. >In comes Anon who comes from a culture where monogamy is the cultural norm
  816. >It's the best opportunity to make their dream reality
  817.  
  818.  
  819.  
  820. >Be random townspony.
  821. >There's a new person in town.
  822. >Not a pony, a person.
  823. >Tall, walks on two legs.
  824. >Looks kind of like a hairless minotaur.
  825. >And they're a colt.
  826. ...
  827. >He's still putting roots down, so he's unattached.
  828. >He's looking for work.
  829. >What better work for a new stallion than to look after the children?
  830. >He gets to connect with all the other colts in town who want to free up some time for themselves, and he gets to spend some time with children.
  831. >Every stallion's dream job, right?
  832.  
  833. >Be Anon.
  834. >That fucking turkey.
  835. >You made a wish on the wishbone.
  836. >(I wish I was anywhere but here.)
  837. >You couldn't stand hearing your drunk sociology professor of an aunt rant on and on about her political opinions during dinner.
  838. >And during the post-cleanup "family time".
  839. >Family gatherings three times a year for holidays was already too often.
  840. >Your patience was running thin, so when you pulled that bone apart with her (both of you were chosen by a random draw), you were _this_ close to blowing up and telling her how things work in the real world.
  841.  
  842. >Whelp, as luck would have it, the second you pulled that bone apart, you started feeling woozy.
  843. >Thinking it was just a turkey coma, you sat down for a minute to close your eyes and ignore old Aunt Selma talk about her activism "work" in the 70's.
  844. >When you opened your eyes, you were standing in a field with some kind of pastel-coloured horse staring at you with wide eyes.
  845. >Fuck it, as long as you're away from that intolerable bullshit, you'll take what you can get.
  846.  
  847. >Turns out, they can talk.
  848. >They've got a civilization and everything.
  849. >Neato.jpg
  850. >They've even got a job they want you to fill: working at a daycare, helping out with the after school programs, that kind of stuff.
  851. >They said it'll help you get to know the other people in the community and see how things are done.
  852. >That's one way to deal with culture shock, so you might as well run with it.
  853.  
  854. ...
  855. >What. The. Fuck.
  856. >Most of these kids are alright.
  857. >You mean, you don't dislike any of them, not really.
  858. >They behave well enough, though some of their rambunctiousness is a little exhausting.
  859. >Three specific ones, though.
  860. >This group.
  861. >They call themselves "Cutie Mark Adventurers" or something.
  862. >They get into the craziest shit.
  863.  
  864. >You have no idea where they got the idea, let alone the equipment, for ziplining.
  865. >You're running around like you're trying to put out a greasefire with water as your only tool.
  866. >Every time you stop one horrifying idea, they're halfway through the plans for another one.
  867. >This has to warrant some kind of hazard pay.
  868. >You feel like you're one of the characters on Scooby Doo, except trying to prevent disasters rather than solve mysteries.
  869.  
  870. >At least the townsfolk are understanding about the damage control you try to do, so that's not too bad.
  871. >Apparently, these three have a reputation.
  872.  
  873.  
  874.  
  875.  
  876. "Hey Mom! Is it okay that I brought a friend over from school?" asks Anon Jr. as he enters the room. "I know I should've asked first, so if not, I can just-"
  877. >"No!" his mother shouts, sliding into the kitchen and slamming into the wall.
  878. >Some plaster falls from the ceiling as she brushes herself off.
  879. >"I mean, no, it's fine. You made a friend, sweetie?"
  880. >Anon Jr. looks at the cracked ceiling with a dry expression before sighing and a shaking his head
  881. "Yes, and thanks. She and I got to showing each other-"
  882. >"She? You're friends a filly?"
  883. >The mares posture instantly stiffens and her eyes narrowed, before suddenly widening.
  884. >Wait, what did you show each other? Jr! I thought I told you to never play doctor with fillies or mares! Did she touch your no-no stick?!"
  885. "Drawings, Mom! We showed each other our drawings, jeez! She came over so we could draw together."
  886. >Jr. could feel the migraine forming as his mother sighs in relief.
  887. >"Oh, that's fine then... She's not one of those fillies who draws genitals all day, is she?"
  888. "I'm too old for this... No, Mom, she draws Moonga stuff, and it's pretty cool, so if it's still okay, I'd like to invite her in now. And can you not embarrass me, please? Seriously, she's like the only halfway normal pony in class, so I'd like for you not to chase her off."
  889. >"Of course, of course," the mare agrees with a few nods. "I'd like to meet your... friend."
  890. >Jr. gives her a suspicious look, but heads outside to grab his new, and only friend.
  891. "What's all the noise down hear? Anon asks, coming down stairs and rubbing his eye, having been woken from his midday nap.
  892. >"Our son's brought home a friend," his wife informs him. "It's a filly."
  893. >Anon blinks a few times.
  894. "Shit, you for real?"
  895. >"Mhmm."
  896. >Jr. comes back in with a little filly trailing behind him, a pair of oversized glasses slipping down her nose.
  897. >Suddenly, the colt's swept up in his father's callous hands.
  898. "That's my boy! Finally got himself a girlfriend. Slaying them just like his old man!"
  899.  
  900.  
  901.  
  902. >As a teenager, Anon Junior is basically the RGRE equivalent of Daria
  903. >Rarely gets noticed due to his more calm personality and is often critical of classmates’ lack of common sense 
  904. >He’s something of an outcast as a result, not really fitting in with any of the cliques at his school
  905. >He draws a comic strip for the school newspaper under a pen name
  906.  
  907.  
  908.  
  909.  
  910.  
  911. >Ponies expected Celestia to be the one wanting foals, due to her motherly attitude.
  912. >Ponies expected Luna to be the one to "not tied down" by foals.
  913.  
  914. >A match-making attempt by Cadence and Twilight goes wrong.
  915. >They wanted to set-up Celestia with Anon in a casual atmosphere, e.g. a Pinkie Party.
  916. >However, Luna obliviously gains Anon's interest.
  917. >They talk, and hit it off.
  918. >NotAsPlanned.scroll
  919.  
  920. >A year later, Luna and Anon are married.
  921. >Half-year after, she's knocked up.
  922.  
  923. >Anon likes being a househusband and a supporting pillar to Luna.
  924. >Conversely, Luna likes that he's not a typical "spineless colt".
  925. >Windows rattle when they have rows.
  926. >...And rattle when they make-up, too.
  927.  
  928. >Celestia, despite being happy for her sister, also feels saddened, wistful, and a little resentment.
  929.  
  930. >"It should have been me."
  931.  
  932.  
  933.  
  934.  
  935.  
  936.  
  937. >Anon gets a job as Celestia's transcriber.
  938. >Apparently, fingers allow for better manipulation of fine tools, as most unicorns, bar exceptions like Twilight, Rarity, and musicians like Lyra, etcetera, have trouble doing things fine and fast.
  939. >He also introduced short-hand, something the ponies never thought of, and personally fascinates Celestia.
  940. >Anon spends his 9--5 transcribing court, face-palming at ponies' lack of common-sense, providing subtle amusement to Celestia, and being hit on by annoying noblemares
  941.  
  942. >Anon writes unofficial side-notes on a different bit of paper, detailing how stupid the current pony is being, doodles, etcetera.
  943. >The Princesses sneakily record these and laugh over them at night, over wine
  944.  
  945.  
  946.  
  947.  
  948.  
  949.  
  950. >Anon is a rowdy boy when he gets sucked through a portal to equestria
  951. >Twi takes in the youngster as she definitely has the room in her castle 
  952. >Anon gets a reputation as a wild colt that needs to be taught how to be a proper colt
  953. >Befriending the CMC they must avoid and foil the adults plans to educate Anon
  954.  
  955.  
  956.  
  957.  
  958.  
  959. >anon has lived in ponyville for a few months now and has made some good friends
  960. >however he's an absolute cunt-tease 
  961. >worse is that he doesn't even know it 
  962. >due to anatomical reasons a pony having a conversation with anon has to pretend they don't see his crotch bulge even though it's right in front of their face
  963. >and he's constantly giving out head pats and belly rubs even stallions aren't safe
  964. >basically acts like some sort of hyper-bimbo
  965. >one day one of his friends has had enough and tries to call anon out on his whorish ways
  966. >anon is so confused that he thinks they've had a stroke 
  967. >???
  968. >comedy
  969.  
  970.  
  971. >Be Rainbow Dash flying into town
  972. >See Anon greeting Time Turner
  973. >Aaaand now the apelien colt is rubbing Time Turner's belly...
  974. >*POMF*
  975. >Aww, he stopped
  976. >Guess the show's over
  977. >Be Rainbow Dash walking into town and trying to get your wings to limber up enough to fly again
  978. >Better get extra cucumbers at the market
  979.  
  980.  
  981.  
  982.  
  983.  
  984.  
  985. >Despite being desirable, Anon has no interest in dating ponies.
  986. >Saddened but (mostly) accepting, his friend-zoned friends get used to it.
  987. >Then, one day, Fem Anon (or Incognito) arrives in Equestria.
  988. >Trouble is? She's one of those batshit insane feminists that took Gender Studies in college, and is a complete SJW.
  989. >While initially delighted at seeing women in charge, it quickly turns to horror when the hypocritical bitch realises that the pressure is all on her now for having mammaries and ovaries.
  990. >And she rubs ponies the wrong way because of her attitudes.
  991. >While Anon, a regular guy, laughs at the irony from a distance, he wants nothing to do with a "crazy bitch that should have been lobotomised in College".
  992. >Hell, he'd rather begin dating ponies than getting to know her, much to the rekindled hopes of various ponies.
  993. >The downside is that some ponies, like Cadence, get it in their head to try to pair the two up, given they're the only humans around.
  994. >Thus, a game of shadows begin between ponies wanting to date Anon and those trying to set the two up.
  995. >Meanwhile, Incognito is coming to grips with her bullshit narrative being, well, shat on, and is discreetly eying up Anon because she doesn't want to be alone.
  996.  
  997. >Anon shacks up with a changeling for reasons
  998. >Drone, Queen, doesn't really matter
  999. >She tried to impersonate Femanon, but Anon saw right through it
  1000. >Thought she was just too damn cute to turn into the ponice
  1001. >Relationship happens
  1002. >They're happy
  1003. >Naturally, something goes wrong
  1004. >Ponies catch her and bring in Fem to "comfort" Anon
  1005. >But she's so fucking vile that the bugwaifu starts vomiting
  1006. >Demands to know why the ponies were straight up trying to POISON her
  1007. >Fem starts screeching at her
  1008. >uncomfortablehorsesounds.scroll
  1009. >The changelings may have a less than stellar reputation, but they were ALWAYS right with their "readings"
  1010. >Ponies start to wonder if they should have listened to Anon
  1011.  
  1012.  
  1013. >Or, FemAnon isn't a psycho, and the two get along well enough, but they just aren't each others type.
  1014. >Ponies, being all about destiny, cannot fathom two humans, a male and a female, showing up in Equestria, and not thinking there has to be a deeper meaning to it.
  1015. >Obviously, they are meant to be the progenitors of a new, hyper intelligent species for Equestria, bringing humanity to Ponyland, but they won't just get with the program.
  1016. >Much like the retarded panda, these humans refuse to mate and continue the species, so it's up to ponies to push them together.
  1017. >Meanwhile, Anon and FemAnon are trying to figure out why they've suddenly stopped getting the good pony pusspuss and D respectively
  1018.  
  1019.  
  1020.  
  1021.  
  1022.  
  1023. >Ponies build fat differently than humans. 
  1024. >For ponies, it tends to build around the flanks with a little around the belly and chest/neck. Mares build a bit in their teats too.
  1025. >Twilight is a bit overweight, and it shows on her flanks and the tiny bit pf pudge on her teats.
  1026. >Unfortunately it throws off her looks just enough to make dating difficult, even as a princess.
  1027. >And the stallions the do approach her tend to be after her princess wallet.
  1028. >Then there is you, the human who evolved to find flared hips and large mammaries attractive. 
  1029. >Other ponies just don't do it for you, but Twi?
  1030. >SPRUNG
  1031. >It also helps that she is genuinely interesting. 
  1032. >She's never expected to be on the end of your affection, but she's not going to fight it.
  1033. >Other are dumbfounded by your tastes
  1034.  
  1035.  
  1036.  
  1037.  
  1038. >"You've already GOT a immortal baby! This one should be mine!" 
  1039. >"He was made a alicorn in the Crystal Empire, making him -my- jurisdiction! Meaning -I- get say so!"
  1040. >Be Luna.
  1041. >"Yes, but the Empire merged with Equestria, meaning at -you- are under -me-!"
  1042. >You're sitting with Anon eating popcorn watching your sister and niece fight over Anon.
  1043. >"Forget that! I saw him first!"
  1044. >"Oh really? Well I saw you first when you became a alicorn!"
  1045. >Cadence's eyes widen and you see her begin to cry.
  1046. >"M-Momm-"
  1047. >"You're twenty three, miss me with that dyke shit. The colt is mine." Your sister says with a bored expression.
  1048. >Almost instantly Cadence is back to normal.
  1049. >"He's mine! Fight me bitch!" 
  1050. >"Your sister lunges at Cadence and the two begin to scuffle.
  1051. >You reach for more popcorn and touch the bottom of the bucket.
  1052. >You frown.
  1053. "Anonymous, it would appear we are out of popcorn."
  1054. >He smiles.
  1055. >"I got it!" He says lighting up his horn and with a POOF more popcorn is in the bucket.
  1056. "Sweet."
  1057. >You say flinging a hoof full of popcorn in your mouth.
  1058. >"So," Anon says chewing some popcorn of his own. "after we eat the rest of this bucket you wanna fuck?"
  1059. >You frown.
  1060. "I'm not into lil colts."
  1061. >He deadpans.
  1062. >"Legally I'm still twenty six. When are you -ever- going to get the chance to legally fuck a colt again? Plus, still not bad because I'm twenty six."
  1063. >You shrug.
  1064. "Sure, why not. After the fight though."
  1065. >You say as you watch your sister try to jab your neice with her horn only to be met with a wing slap to the face.
  1066. "This is getting good."
  1067.  
  1068.  
  1069.  
  1070.  
  1071.  
  1072. >Luna, Celestia and twilight all take a surprise trip to the crystal empire
  1073. >They find anon has secluded himself in a room and doesnt want anyone entering
  1074. >However he is demanding paper, ink and glass
  1075. >They enter the room.
  1076. >Celestia reals back because of the smell
  1077. >Twilight is stunned by the various kinds of pens anon made (https://www.amazon.com/Glass-Dip-Pen-Writing-Set/dp/B004XO2Q5Q) from an advancement of the quill, to a working glass ball point
  1078. >She sees the stacks of research notes but does not figure out what anon is researching right away
  1079. >Luna however, did
  1080. >There is anon
  1081. >On the bed
  1082. >Belly up
  1083. >Sock in magic
  1084. >Learning the best way to form is magical onahole 
  1085. >Anon himself doesn't realize it because he sealed himself into a sound proof barrier because fuck me crystal reverberates like a motherfucker
  1086. >Soon celestia learns to deal with the smell
  1087. >She sees anon anon, but that doest explain how much smell there is till she looks up
  1088. >Anon drew a bullseye and has been launching his socks up...
  1089. >His cum is VERY sticky apparently
  1090. >Twilight looks to her mentor and luna only to follow their line of sight
  1091. >By pure cosmic spaghetti spilling, she a pair of wings shoot out her back (Thinkhttps://youtu.be/plhKkSfKP2k?t=52s [Open] but no pained sounds) just for her to be able to have the most raging wingboner ever had
  1092. >They all have similar thoughts 
  1093. >Young body but legal
  1094. >Lewd but fun
  1095. >Brains and experimental...
  1096. "He shall/will belong to us/me" the three say in unison 
  1097.  
  1098. ~1 magical fap session latter~
  1099.  
  1100. >You are anon
  1101. >After the mindlowing orgasim, you are to tired to really do anything
  1102. >Well, it was more then one but whos counting
  1103. >Your head drops to the side
  1104. >And you see the most epic standoff of alicorns ever
  1105. >What the fuck happened?
  1106.  
  1107.  
  1108.  
  1109.  
  1110.  
  1111. >Moonshiner Anon in RGRE
  1112. >it turns out there’s a whole underground moonshine industry in Equestria 
  1113. >with even the hardest of legal liquors being sugary and barely producing a buzz, ponies resort to illegal means to experience something different 
  1114. >the Apple Family secretly dominate the hidden Ponyville moonshine business, and have been for generations
  1115. >when Anon starts using his stallion friends to sell his moonshine on the streets to make some extra money, it cuts into the Apples’ profits.
  1116. >Granny Smith and Applejack are surprised that this new moonshine rivals their own, wondering what genius mare came up with the recipe
  1117. >they have no idea that their new competition is the weird alien male who lives on the edge of town
  1118.  
  1119.  
  1120.  
  1121.  
  1122.  
  1123. >Anon and [insert waifu here] somehow manage to survive the universe reboot
  1124. >they’re now strangers in a world that’s vaguely similar to Equestria on the surface, by actually much more soullesss in the inside 
  1125. >no one knows who they are, and if Anon’s waifu has a G5 counterpart they’ll be suspicious of her 
  1126. >it’s still Reversed Gender Roles though, so these bizarro new versions of old friends keep being sexist towards Anon
  1127. >at least that hasn’t changed
  1128.  
  1129.  
  1130. >Nu-questria is Kinderquestria
  1131. >Twilight runs a bookstore as a laundering front for Anon.
  1132. >Anon has, in a span of six months, btfo'd the Canterlot mafia.
  1133. >In their place he now runs the single most efficient and brutal crime rings Nu-questria has ever seen.
  1134. >Everything from salt smuggling and loan-sharking to protection schemes and even the occasional shakedown.
  1135. >He's got most of the ponice on the payroll and those that don't accept the money get beat with pillows! how horrifying
  1136.  
  1137.  
  1138.  
  1139.  
  1140.  
  1141. >Sunbutt can see the oncoming reboot
  1142. >Has nightmares about it, if even more vague and fragmented than usual
  1143. >Equestria is thrown into a light panic
  1144. >Visions about the destruction of the world are pretty fucking serious yo, especially from Sunny-bunny
  1145. >But not only are they vague as hell, they're early
  1146. >VERY early
  1147. >Where usually Celestia's visions come to pass within a few weeks or so, months have come and gone
  1148. >The world can't teeter on the brink forever
  1149. >Eventually, ponies start to think that it was all just a nightmare born of stress, even Luna
  1150. >But Celly's convinced
  1151. >And if she can't save the world, her country, or her ponies, she WILL save her herd
  1152. >Over the next few years, she starts pulling funds from various things to build a "Royal Survival Bunker"
  1153. >Built to last, of course
  1154. >The occupants would, theoretically, be able to live in there forever
  1155. >So long as they don't mind eating oats for the rest their lives, along with carefully measured amounts of other vegetables
  1156. >Thank christ that human and alicorn dietary needs are pretty much the same
  1157. >She manages to get away with it for a time, but now ponies are starting to get concerned
  1158. >Both with just where the money she's burning is coming from, and her mental state 
  1159. >What if, after more than a millenia of ruling, Princess Celestia has finally burnt out?
  1160. >Was that dream the straw that broke the camel's back of her sanity?
  1161. >If she calmed down, would she even be fit to rule again?
  1162. >And her herd is especially worried
  1163. >Though her sister's mind has always been difficult to understand, Luna fears that maybe something slipped by her nightly watch, coupled with the barely-there feeling of "what if she's right?"
  1164. >A previously 100% unattached Cadence wonders to herself if this is her fault
  1165. >As the alicorn most in tune with both the modern world and emotions in general, it usually fell to her to organize the various dates and family outings that kept them all sane after a long month/week/day of princess-ing
  1166. >Could she have been blinded by how Celestia seemed to always be on top of things, even in the worst of times, that she couldn't see how things were fraying at the edges?
  1167. >And then there's Anon
  1168. >He just wants things to go back to normal
  1169. >For his mares to be happy and healthy again
  1170. >This goes on for nearly a year
  1171. >Celestia, thankfully, starts to calm down when the bunker is finally completed
  1172. >Or so they thought
  1173. >It's drill time now, baby
  1174. >The day, the night, the morning, the afternoon
  1175. >No time is safe from Drill Sergeant Celestia
  1176. >Not even bath time
  1177. >But they'll take it like it's a gift from God himself if it gets her to calm down
  1178. >A bit, anyway
  1179.  
  1180. >One day, just after dawn, it happens
  1181. >A massive, endless white wall rose at the edge of the world with the sun
  1182. >And it is coming
  1183. >It takes days, but someone finally notices that all communication from across the eastern sea has stopped
  1184. >While the ponies are wondering what it might be, Celestia realizes that the time for this world has come
  1185. >And she runs
  1186. >She teleports her and her herd into the bunker and locks the door
  1187. >They demand to be let out, but she won't budge
  1188. >The arguing stops when the ground starts to shake
  1189. >No, not just the ground
  1190. >The whole world is shaking
  1191. >The whole world is ending
  1192. >Celestia breaks down, saying that this was all she could do
  1193. >Stunned, they comfort her as best as they can
  1194. >End up falling asleep on the floor in front of the massive door/spoiler]
  1195.  
  1196. >On the other side, a G5 pony knocks on the massive fuckoff steel door that just crushed her garden
  1197.  
  1198.  
  1199. >G5 ponies crowd around this strange metal door in the ground, that from their perspective suddenly appeared
  1200. >both groups can hear each other though the doors 
  1201. >the G5 ponies just want to be friends 
  1202. >Anon’s herd is paranoid that whatever force caused the end of their world will notice they survived if they leave the shed and erase them
  1203. >none of them are willing to open the doors to test that theory
  1204. >the G5 ponies don’t believe their story of being survivors from the previous universe
  1205. >they just think they’re wild conspiracy theorists who need somepony to show them they don’t have to be afraid anymore
  1206. >thankfully, the doors only open from the inside 
  1207. >Celestia wonders if this is how whatever came before their universe, the G3 ponies, felt when their world was being erased 
  1208. >did they panic?
  1209. >did they cry? 
  1210. >did they go mad?
  1211. >or did they accept that all things come to an end someday?
  1212.  
  1213.  
  1214. >Surprisingly, the door was opened by none other than Celestia herself after only a few days
  1215. >Turns out she really underestimated her addiction to the sunny D
  1216. >When they realized they WEREN'T getting erased by some cosmic horror, the rest of the herd come out
  1217. >The G5 ponies are literally retarded, even by Equestrian standards
  1218. >Or rather "old Equestrian" now
  1219. >sadhorsenoises.carving
  1220. >Well, nothing left but to carve out a place for themselves, now
  1221. >After gently herding the G5s away from the hatch, Celestia gets to building a fort around it
  1222. >She always loved building 
  1223. >It calmed her when Luna went away
  1224. >It calmed her when the world was literally about to end
  1225. >And by God, it WILL calm her now
  1226. >Luna starts a one-mare patrol
  1227. >Cadance flies around to see if she can find any recognizable plants nearby to supplement their stores
  1228. >And Anon ends up playing the homemaker, welcoming the mares that work to keep them all safe in this strange new world
  1229.  
  1230.  
  1231. >the human/alicorn hybrids are like elves to the G5 ponies
  1232. >immortal, beautiful, cunning, and all around better
  1233. >or rather, as close to elves as their little G5 bumpkin minds can get
  1234.  
  1235.  
  1236.  
  1237.  
  1238.  
  1239. >Celestia has a terrible secret.
  1240. >She feels like a fraud.
  1241.  
  1242. >She can control the Sun and the Moon.
  1243. >But she is not nearly as powerful as the world believes.
  1244. >Starswirl could have outdone her in a magic duel any day of the week.
  1245.  
  1246. >Alicorns may be ageless
  1247. >They can eventually heal from nearly any wound that is not immediately fatal.
  1248. >But she is not invulnerable.
  1249. >She has been nearly killed many times, and in truth, it was sheer luck that has allowed her to survive all these years.
  1250.  
  1251. >That same luck has made such attempts on her life a rare occasion.
  1252. >Her political rivals around the world have come to believe that she IS unkillable.
  1253. >The sheer number of villains the ponies have defeated have made them believe that she IS the most powerful magical being in the world.
  1254. >That it is only her compassion and empathy that prevents her from unleashing terrible destruction
  1255.  
  1256. >That her 'defeats' by the likes of Chrysalis were obfuscation.
  1257. >A way of ensuring things went according to plan.
  1258. >A plan that only one as old and wise and masterful as she could understand.
  1259.  
  1260. >But Celestia knows the truth.
  1261. >It is a lie.
  1262. >A lie she has found useful to safeguard her little ponies.
  1263. >But a lie all the same.
  1264.  
  1265. >And now she has fallen in love, and she fears whether he will still feel the same when he learns the truth.
  1266. >She feels certain that he will find out, that she cannot hide it from him forever
  1267. >More, she feels that it would be wrong to do so.
  1268. >She has to tell him.
  1269. >But will he stay if she does?
  1270. >Or will he leave, perhaps back to the world he came from?
  1271.  
  1272.  
  1273.  
  1274.  
  1275.  
  1276.  
  1277. >Anon, born and orphaned shortly after, lives a life that is short in a world that's apathetic to his existence. He had the simple dream that many orphans have: To know what a family is like. 
  1278. >He suddenly comes to after his death with his memory intact. With limited senses, he comes to a startling conclusion.
  1279. >He's been reborn as some sort of equine? A colt is the word?
  1280. >But far more importantly... 
  1281. >He has a family. The words are fast and little more than gibberish, and each movement in his infant eyes are blurry, but there is no mistaking the tender tones touches of those around him.
  1282. >As some time passes, he learns of his now home, and it becomes apparent that his parents are leaders and political stirrings are afoot.
  1283. >All Anon knows for sure is one thing.
  1284. >He cannot let anything happen to his family.
  1285. >His new form, the fairer sex here, has awesome power to use with his conniving mind. Any who threaten him and his own will not prevail.
  1286.  
  1287.  
  1288. >Cadence and Shining are unsure what to think. 
  1289. >It was just a short time ago they were blessed with a darling son.
  1290. >Even with how marely Shining was, he still cried in joy the first time he held his son, his Anonymous.
  1291. >But the little colt confuses the new parents.
  1292. >At first they thought they couldn't conceive, only for Cadence to be violently ill one morning. A visit to the crystal palace infirmary dropped the delightful news to them.
  1293. >They were told to expect a filly, only for a colt to be born. 
  1294. >Strange, but only just.
  1295. >Then it gets stranger.
  1296. >The little colt almost refuses to cry, his eyes seem too sharp and his magic is too controlled. 
  1297. >Doctors praise it as genius, but the unicorn and alicorn know better.
  1298. >Something is up with the little foal, but the love for their child, so easy to raise and ever so keen for hugs keeps the suspicion dulled.
  1299. >The sudden accidents happening to their political rivals is unrelated, obviously.
  1300.  
  1301. >Anon is reborn as Flurry's twin, which confuses Shining and Cadence as they were only expecting a daughter.
  1302. >Exasperated, he has to frequently calm his sister from her emotional episodes
  1303.  
  1304.  
  1305. Especially if Anon is different from her on more levels than mental. Like, she was born with big wings and horn and all the magic power, while Anon ends up average to waifish.
  1306. Flurry "Big sister"'s him, but he helps keep her in check.
  1307.  
  1308. And Anon shouldn't do the anime thing of "hard work reaches genius levels", and instead it could be more interesting if due to his human mind, he can't grasp equestrian magic as easily, and isn't as in tune with his body as Flurry.
  1309. Two distinctly different ponies who are nigh inseperable brother and sister
  1310.  
  1311. > Cadence was concerned about her son.
  1312. > He too is an alicorn like his sister.
  1313. > Unlike her however, his wings are stunted like RD's biggest fan and his horn is short and rounded at the end.
  1314. > Doctors think Flurry took most of anon's magic while in the womb, leaving her over developed and anon a withered runt
  1315.  
  1316.  
  1317. >Anon's human mind provides great focus for magic, beyond even professional spellcasters due to the fundamental differences between how ponies and humans think.
  1318. >But his smaller horn and wings limit his total output, unlike Flurry who can fly at absurd speed and cast high level magic on total accident.
  1319. >Instead, he has to focus on precision and efficiency.
  1320. >He becomes the scalpel to Flurry's sledgehammer
  1321.  
  1322.  
  1323. Warning: Edge
  1324.  
  1325. >Shining and Cadence are jolted awake by the sound of a door being broken down and a foal crying.
  1326. >They rush outside, only to find the hallway guard knocked out.
  1327. >Now terrified, they rush to the nursery which has the door broken down.
  1328. >Inside is not what they expect.
  1329. >Flurry is bawling her eyes out in fright, little Anon is silent and trying to calm his sister, and on the ground...
  1330. >...Is a foalnapper, dead without a single mark on him. 
  1331. >The disturbed parents have the body carted away and refuse to let their children out of sight for some time.
  1332. >Down the way in the morgue, the autopsy on the foalnapper has disquieting results.
  1333. >She suffered sudden brain death when her brainstem was messily severed, as if pinched off with plyers. 
  1334. >But there were no marks on the outside of the body...
  1335. >What happened? Who could have done it?
  1336.  
  1337.  
  1338. >Because he was unexpected and a surprise, he's named Anonymous Heart.
  1339. >His name is surprisingly apt, as he's often so quiet he blends into the background of things.
  1340. >While not a powerhouse like his sister, possibly due to being stunted in the womb by Flurry's growth, he does have the occasional moment (especially under stress) where he does frightening shit.
  1341. >Like actually causing the Crystal Citadel's foundations to quake, or accidentally launching Pinkie Pie clear across the Empire (and through walls) like an airborne torpedo when she surprises him.
  1342. >He also likes to gum on Rarity's mane, which horrifies her.
  1343. >Applejack becomes determined to get the little tyke hooked on apple products, but is always dismayed when he prefers exotic fruit, like pineapple or kiwi
  1344.  
  1345.  
  1346.  
  1347.  
  1348.  
  1349.  
  1350.  
  1351. >several months have passed since Random Magical Bullshit dropped you out of your home reality and into Equestria
  1352. >with winter approaching, it's been getting a lot colder lately
  1353. >you finally got your own place on the outskirts of town, but that means you also have to get it ready pretty quickly if you don't want to spend the season hopping around the house in a sleeping bag like some kind of oversized bagworm
  1354. >provisioning is going well however, you've got a couple cords of firewood and have just gotten back from town with a stack of brand-new fuzzy blankets
  1355. >you're still not sure how you feel about being able to talk with the sheep whose bodies produced the material
  1356. >and while you're no fabrics expert, you're also pretty sure that knitting didn't require that one ewe to keep licking the needle while she looked at you
  1357. >at any rate, you pushed it out of your mind and began making some cocoa
  1358. >while waiting for the milk to boil though, you start hearing some strange rustling coming from the living room
  1359. >confusion changes to concern once you hear some soft growling as well
  1360. >a lot of ponies on the edge of town had pet dogs, did you accidentally leave the door open and let one in?
  1361. >rounding the corner though, you see something a bit odder than you'd been expecting
  1362. >Fluttershy is in your house, wearing a headband with fake dog ears on it that look like some breed of Retriever or another
  1363. >and, she's growling while holding one corner of the duck-patterned blanket you bought, shaking her head all around
  1364. >ignoring you completely, she finally seems satisfied and lifts the blanket up in her jaws, trotting over to one corner with it
  1365. >you're still too dumbfounded to speak as she deposits it, then goes past you into the kitchen
  1366. >when she returns she's got a mug of the cocoa and goes back to the blanket, nosing under it and shuffling around some
  1367. >a yellow hoof and the tip of her snout emerge
  1368. >she pulls the cocoa inside, says "woof" with a smile, and pulls the blanket shut
  1369.  
  1370.  
  1371.  
  1372.  
  1373.  
  1374. >After being thrown into Equestria Anon is made to resemble the first magical creature he can think of so he doesn't mess up Equestria's eco-system
  1375. >Ends up becoming a genie
  1376. >Turns out he arrived before the time of the Three Tribes
  1377. >Goes on through history having various different masters throughout the ages
  1378. >Eventually though his lamp is left in a remote place by a creature that wanted to reuse him over and over again
  1379. >After its passing though nothing is aware of his resting place
  1380. >During the time of the mane 6 Twilight is reading up on exotic mythical creature and it comes to the genie eventually
  1381. >Speaks of a grand all knowing, all powerful figure with a body to match
  1382. >This peaks her interest and decides to look into it
  1383. >Eventually her and the others finally find his lamp and awaken him
  1384. >Whilst he is all powerful and knows a great many things that have been forgotten, time has not been kind to him despite his immortality
  1385.  
  1386. >Anon's body isn't actually degrading, it's just not what ponies are expecting
  1387. >Consistently
  1388. >Whenever someone finds his lamp, their heads are stuffed full of tales of an all powerful magical creature able to grant their every desire
  1389. >Naturally, they think its some kind of alicorn super-stallion
  1390. >And just as naturally, they're all a bit disappointed when Anon pops out, even ripped as he is
  1391. >They do the wish thing and put him back, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible because >tfw no alicorn bf
  1392. >Anon knows thins, and has come to accept it, so he tries to have his fun where he can
  1393. >While they might not part on the best terms, (most of) Anon's masters are, in the end, ponies
  1394. >So after they settle into their luxurious lives free of want, they start to realize that Anon always did right by them, for the short time they knew him
  1395. >When ponies start to ask where all their nice shit came from, they spin tales of a powerful, generous, wonderful creature by the name of Anon
  1396. >And it all starts again
  1397.  
  1398.  
  1399. >One of the few that know (and believe) the true story goes looking for Anon
  1400. >Descended from one of his old Masters
  1401. >Her however-many-great grandparents met because of the wishes he granted
  1402. >However, instead of being one of the unmarried sons thrown at the suddenly-wealthy mare by the more established nobles, her however-many-great grandfather was just a poor servant working for one of the visiting nobles
  1403. >True love at first sight, and all that
  1404. >It was all very "disney"
  1405. >Back to the modern mare
  1406. >She whole-heatedly believes that Anon is the reason she was even born
  1407. >So she vows to find her "patron" and set him free
  1408. >And set the HMD free, too
  1409.  
  1410.  
  1411.  
  1412.  
  1413. >All the "reformed" ponies tend to get along with Anon
  1414. >Despite whatever wrong thing they did, he's cool with it and never brings it up
  1415. >Most importantly, he doesn't preach the importance of friendship 24/7, unlike a certain purple princess
  1416. >Little do they know, Anon is Twilight's secret weapon: the practice friend
  1417. >Someone that is so chill, it's impossible not to get along
  1418.  
  1419.  
  1420.  
  1421.  
  1422. >While stallions aren't expected to help with the harvest or the more physically demanding chores that come with life on the farm, they still pull their weight
  1423. >Typically, this manifests as cooking, cleaning, shopping, and whatever minor chores the mares can't get to themselves
  1424. >And perhaps most important of these duties is organization
  1425. >Budgets, quotas, sales, inventory, schedules, appointments and more are all but guaranteed to pass a farm stallion's desk at some point
  1426. >Arguably the most important thing the stallion is expected to organize is the breeding schedule
  1427. >Farming is a tough life, and extra hooves are at an absolute premium for most
  1428. >Why pay workers when you can just tell your kids to do it instead?
  1429. >But even for the most hardy of earth pony mares, working can be too strenuous for the little one
  1430. >But the harvest waits for no mare and ends must meet, thus the schedule
  1431. >Family fertility, dates of heats both previous and expected, skills, and projected losses from the pregnancy all come together in a mathematical dance most wouldn't expect outside of a university, let alone on a farm of all places
  1432. >A well put together schedule can often manage one "incapacitated" mare relegated to low-strain chores along her stallion, with her slack being picked up by herdsisters in less advanced stages of their own pregnancies
  1433. >By the time the foal is born and weaned, she's ready to head out to the fields, making room for the mare that is likely just about to be "incapacitated" herself
  1434. >Life goes on, the farm manages to keep turning a profit, and in a few years it might even be able to expand
  1435.  
  1436.  
  1437.  
  1438.  
  1439. >Dilfs are milfs in RGRE
  1440. >So while Cadence is watching Twilight, she's thirsting HARD for an older Anon
  1441. >He may not have any kids, but he does have the spice of manliness Cadence never knew she needed until she saw him
  1442. >And she is hooked on it
  1443. >He's naturally reluctant
  1444. >He didn't order any cheese pizza, no sir officer!
  1445. >While it is a little odd, a younger mare pining after an older stallion is seen as a teenage fantasy
  1446. >And why hate something that just isn't going to happen?
  1447. >Cadence disagrees on that whole "not happening" thing
  1448. >She is the princess of love, and by the SUN ITSELF, she WILL have her husbando and be held in those big strong arms, no matter how colty it'll make her look!
  1449.  
  1450.  
  1451.  
  1452.  
  1453. > It's true, Twilight and Tempest (she has been less than kind to those who call her Fizzlepop without her expressed blessing) are a couple.
  1454. > Twilight knows that there are expectations to continue the line however.
  1455. > Tempest knows Twilight though, and is worried that her obsessive streak wouldn't work well with herd dynamics.
  1456. > Even a small one.
  1457.  
  1458. > Normally there'd be plenty of gold diggers who'd be more than happy to give a bit of dick and then be married in name alone.
  1459. > Unfortunately the combination of neurotic sorcerer-supreme and temperamental ex-villian has scared them all off.
  1460. > The only ones that are interested in being in a herd with them are the more emotionally and forgiving kind.
  1461. > Time goes on, and eventually they start to accept that they'll have to bite the bullet...
  1462. > Enter _________, a con artist with just the right amount of madness to consider a life of royalty.
  1463.  
  1464. > So he enters a sort of probationary courtship with the two,
  1465. > Unfortunately he lacks a true heart of stone, and starts warming up to the idea.
  1466. > He soon realizes however that the couple aren't actually desiring a real relationship, just 'on paper' herd.
  1467. > So despite being handed the world on a plate, he does what any mad man would do.
  1468. > He bets his spoils against terrible odds for an even larger pie.
  1469. > He'll have to pull out his big-bag-of-tricks to win, but that's ok.
  1470. > Because he's just that good.
  1471.  
  1472. Plot points and sub plots
  1473. > Past as a con man coming back to haunt him
  1474. > Old friends or crew putting things in jeopardy
  1475. > Blackmail
  1476. > Other potential gold diggers
  1477. > Building a house of lies and then making good on it to impress the two mares.
  1478. > Dealing with trouble Twilight and Tempest make with xanatos speed chess.
  1479. > Struggling to reconcile his greed and narcissism with his new found admiration and love for the two mares.
  1480. > A suspicious mane 6 and/or Nu6 and/or other ancillary characters
  1481.  
  1482.  
  1483.  
  1484.  
  1485.  
  1486. >infestations were a major problem in Equestria
  1487. >there weren't nearly as many things that did the infesting, but they were universally more difficult to get rid of
  1488. >take a swarm of parasprites for instance
  1489. >how are you supposed to get rid of something that literally eats you out of house and home?
  1490. >by not living near them, says the ponies
  1491. >entire regions stand empty for centuries after the original infestation, no one willing to risk another
  1492. >enter Anon
  1493. >he wasn't a real exterminator, but he did bring a... rather unique viewpoint with him to Equestria
  1494. >sometimes, shit just has to die
  1495. >and magic is looking to be much more useful than any cocktail of chemicals
  1496. >thus began Equestria's first proper extermination business 
  1497. >not believed at first, what with him being a colt and his rather... extreme practices
  1498. >everyone thought his building in canterlot would end up in flames from what must have been a mad colt's experiments
  1499. >imagine their surprise whe just a few short years later, one of these quarantined regions is declared free of parasprites
  1500. >he even says that with just a few tweaks, the world could be similarily free
  1501. >forever
  1502.  
  1503.  
  1504.  
  1505.  
  1506.  
  1507.  
  1508. >this is a fact
  1509. >mares don't like being called cute
  1510. >they much prefer terms like "handsome," "rugged," and other such marely terms
  1511. >this is, sadly, also a fact
  1512. >so, in order to give the cuties-in-denial their due no matter how little they wanted it, the stallions of Equestria get together every few nights to trade especially cute pictures of their mares
  1513. >in canterlot, this little club is headed by one Prince Anonymous himself
  1514. >when asked, they always say they're just going out for "boys' night"
  1515. >even after months of these meetings, the cute mares of Equestria suspect nothing
  1516.  
  1517.  
  1518.  
  1519.  
  1520. >"Come on, Anon! You can't go out on a foggy Hearth's Warming night without your Rendolph, you said it yourself!"
  1521. >You cross your arms over the long white beard that had somehow managed to get on your face
  1522. >Where the hell it came from, you had no idea
  1523. >Probably had something to do with horse shenanigans
  1524. "Celestia, if you think I'm going to RIDE you out there for even a second, I don't think you should be wearing that crown. There'll be foals there, for Christ's sake!"
  1525. >Like these shenanigans, for example
  1526. >Waitasecdishe
  1527. "And it's RUDOLPH, how many times do I have to say it?"
  1528. >Fucking mares, do they even listen?
  1529. >Sometimes you wonder if its even worth bringing over traditions from Earth...
  1530. >But at the same time, you can't help but smile at the memory of how all the foals on your knee smiled when you asked them what they wanted for Hearth's Warming
  1531. >You'd thought they'd be a bit more hesitant, what with anything like mall santas (and santas in general) not existing here
  1532. >But the way their little faces lit up...
  1533. >You smile
  1534. >Equestria sure can be a magical place at times
  1535. >A wing drapes over your shoulder
  1536. >"But Anooon, what about what I want for for Hearth's Warming?"
  1537. >She leans in and bats her eyes
  1538. >"Haven't I been a good filly this year?"
  1539. >You know she's trying to be sexy in her odd horse-woman ways, but you can't help but daww internally
  1540. >She thinks she's in some kind of porno!
  1541. >It's like a little retarded puppy taking its first steps
  1542. >Adorable
  1543. >You would give her what she wanted if you didn't KNOW she was going to try and get off on it
  1544. >And you also knew that a pony's sense of smell was nothing to sneeze at, pardon the pun
  1545. >If she smelled like sex when she got within a hundred feet of those foals, you'd be up to your neck in angry fathers, claiming that Christmas was some "pagan monkey sex holiday"
  1546. >Shows what they know
  1547. >That's Valentine's Day, not Christmas
  1548.  
  1549.  
  1550.  
  1551.  
  1552.  
  1553. > Being pulled through the darkness between realities with his eyes opened had consequences.
  1554. > He no longer sees ponies, or at least not their bodies.
  1555. > Instead he sees hallucinatory figments, empathetic projections of their inner selves and emotions.
  1556. > Generally it's just a distorted version of a pony, clothing and colors and size changing.
  1557. > If it's an extreme emotion though, they might appear as something completely different.
  1558.  
  1559. > Anon meets mod after a year of getting used to living with non-stop hallucinations.
  1560. > Then Pinkie Pie comes back with a chromatically oscillating pony.
  1561. > It's her sister.
  1562. > And anon can talk with the voice in her head, instead of the one from her mouth.
  1563. > Everyone is a bit weird out at how the two interact, especially when anon seems to just be holding a conversation with a mostly mute Maud.
  1564. > Pinkie is the most disturbed of all though, worried he's bullying her some how.
  1565. > Cue adventure of Pinkie and the gang trying to ruin the first experience Maud ever had holding a real conversation with someone else, in the name of friendship
  1566.  
  1567.  
  1568.  
  1569.  
  1570.  
  1571. >Velvet and Night Light's marriage hasn't had any spark for many years.
  1572. >Both start drifting apart, but keep appearances up for their kids.
  1573. >When both Twilight and Shining have moved out, there are often days where Velvet and Night don't talk to each other. 
  1574. >Finally they both decide to break it off while most of their time together is good memories. The divorce is quiet, without fuss, and Night gives Velvet the house so he can travel like he's wanted to for years. 
  1575. >They hold off on telling their children as both need time to pluck up the nerve for it.
  1576. >Velvet starts feeling the benefits of her new freedom immediately though, when none other than the local biped Anon happens by and flirts with her. 
  1577. >An older, freshly freed mare like her just walks into a new male. What are the odds?
  1578. >He had the most adorable look of surprise when she said yes to his lunch date, she thinks. 
  1579. >And that's how Velvet Sparkle bagged a young guy in a single afternoon
  1580.  
  1581. >Twilight takes the announcement surprisingly well
  1582. >better than Shining, at least
  1583. >the poor stallion had been a daddy's colt from the day he was born, according to her mother at least
  1584. >what went less well was the realization that, for all her studies on friendship, she simply hadn't really bonded with her parents all that much
  1585. >her earliest memories were in the palace, and even when she was home, she was watched, more often than not, by Cadance
  1586. >and by the time her studied started to lighten, she was off to ponyville with nary a word to her family
  1587. >to her, her parents weren't the immutable fact of the universe her friends had, intentionally or otherwise, claimed theirs to be
  1588. >they probably never had been
  1589. >they were just... Twilight Velvet and Night Light
  1590. >two upper class Canterlot unicorns she wrote to on occasion
  1591. >and that made her think
  1592. >she usually liked to think
  1593. >she wasn't sure she liked THIS kind of thinking, though
  1594.  
  1595. >she had a chance, this time
  1596. >to REALLY bond with her mother, and the strange, marely alien that had stolen her heart
  1597. >he'd probably end up as her future step-father
  1598. >she snorts in the quiet of her library
  1599. >no "probably" about it
  1600. >even she'd seen that he was going to marry her mother eventually
  1601. >she'd stake her horn on it, even
  1602.  
  1603. >and so Twilight decides to get to know her old-yet-new family, all the while her friends wish her luck with the "bad" news of the divorce, and mercy on her soul at the thought of having a marely step-father
  1604.  
  1605.  
  1606.  
  1607.  
  1608. >Anon has served as Celestia's guard for many years.
  1609. >Despite being male, having an able-bodied, magic-immune ape on your payroll is great.
  1610. >Over time, however, she notices that he's always alone, often taking overtime.
  1611. >She learns he has no-one after a conversation, which concerns her.
  1612. >What do you do after your shifts?
  1613. >Sleep or read in my barracks.
  1614. >In reality, he likes being alone.
  1615. >He always was an oddball.
  1616. >He can't relate to the stallions because of RGRE.
  1617. >The mares irritate him to no end, being after his dick all the time.
  1618. >She assigns him to Ponyville, to Twilight's guard.
  1619. >In reality, it's to try to get him to "make some friends".
  1620. >Anon takes it without complaint: orders are orders, after all.
  1621. >It doesn't go as planned.
  1622. >For them.
  1623. >Anon likes being alone.
  1624. >He likes being a stoic bastard.
  1625. >Frustration mounts as Twilight and co fail over and over in comedic ways as Anon just... guards.
  1626. >And puts down baddies with a halberd to the throat
  1627.  
  1628.  
  1629.  
  1630.  
  1631.  
  1632. >RGRE Cadence is a bit of a play-filly.
  1633. >Becomes interested in the new resident alien of Ponyville.
  1634. >However, this 'stallion' is a tough nut to crack.
  1635. >And whimsical, being all proud and "independent".
  1636. >So adorable.
  1637. >However, the more attempts at bedding him fail, they slowly shift to wooing attempts.
  1638. >Begins to genuinely fall in love.
  1639.  
  1640. >You are Anon, and this batshit insane Love Horse is up to something again.
  1641. >Fuck's sake, all you want to do is sleep.
  1642. >Your shift at SAA starts in... four hours?
  1643. >Fucking--!
  1644. >You swear if she starts trying to "serenade" you again, you'll brain her with your alarm clock.
  1645. >Even though that shit ain't cheap
  1646.  
  1647.  
  1648.  
  1649.  
  1650.  
  1651. >Anon and pone waifu are fucking
  1652. >things are getting hot and heavy, he's getting sweaty
  1653. >pone licks him, because heat of the moment
  1654. >gets a big ol' taste of hot monkey sweat
  1655. >gets buzzed because salt is like alcohol to them 
  1656. >wakes up with a hangover the next morning, but decides she likes it
  1657. >over the next few weeks, she tries anything and everything to get another taste
  1658. >slips further and further into her monkey-salt addiction
  1659. >other ponies see her acting more and more like a drunkard
  1660. >if it weren't for the fact Anon finds her behavior cute and completely non-threatening, they'd be afraid he's in some kind of abusive relationship
  1661. >some still are, and might just do something about it 
  1662. >totally not just out to get a taste of their own, no ma'am!
  1663.  
  1664.  
  1665.  
  1666.  
  1667. >some noble a few centuries back was absolutely convinced that too much liquor could render a stallion sterile
  1668. >them being ponies, and nobles to boot, means this belief has stuck around to the modern day in the form of the Royal Association of Food and Liquor
  1669. >got a formula to convert a mare's portion to a stallion's and everything
  1670. >this is, of course, in addition to the "normal" RGR
  1671. >and in comes Anon, bootlegger supreme and alcohol connoisseur
  1672.  
  1673.  
  1674.  
  1675.  
  1676.  
  1677. >Anon IS in an abusive relationship,
  1678. >he just doesn't notice it since poners ARE cute/non threatening and hes used to human girls being catty and demanding
  1679. >in addition, Anon is worth a lot of money due to being one of a kind and having written (plagiarized) a lot of human stories
  1680. >money that could be waifu's without having to have an ugly ape slob around to share it with
  1681. >She starts to conspire to kill him and inherit his wealth, but whatever she tries fails
  1682. >she's tried making him snacks and meals out of garlic and onion, giving him chocolate milkshakes with REAL chocolate and even mashing up avocados and telling him its dip
  1683. >Anon just thinks shes opening up to him more
  1684.  
  1685.  
  1686. >She sees Anon fly into a good old human rage one day.
  1687. >Probably on the Big Bad of the Week.
  1688. >Suddenly realises that he's not trapped in a marriage with her.
  1689. >She's trapped in one with him.
  1690. >Anon wonders why his wife, who'd been warming up to him, suddenly gets skittish.
  1691. >Wonders what he did wrong.
  1692. >His attempts of being more caring just seem to unnerve her more
  1693.  
  1694.  
  1695.  
  1696. Abusive pone wife shouldn't be a(n attempted) murderer.
  1697.  
  1698. Unless she's actually an edgy supervillain, she should be trying to manipulate him, make him dependent on her, control his money, etc.
  1699.  
  1700. She gets away with it because (being OGR) he kinda expects that shit and she got her hooks into him before any sunhat tippers could try to show him any better.
  1701.  
  1702. If it's a combo of DT and SS herd (with SS as the 'lets not get too extreme here" one) it could also be Spoiled's fault.
  1703. Anon is wealthy or famous or whatever, and she pushed Diamond to get in on that quickly.
  1704.  
  1705. Diamond is a controlling manipulative bitch because she thinks she has to be, or she doesn't know how to be any different. 
  1706. Though all the while, she's not as bad (or as effective) as her mother.
  1707.  
  1708. Could be feelsy at the end.
  1709. Anon overhears Spoiled berating her daughter for reasons and pushing her to be more of a bitch/push for some thing that Anon has been resisting, says exactly how she forced Filthy to do X thing that she wanted.
  1710.  
  1711. Spoiled has been mistreating Filthy for years, and somehow gotten away with it.
  1712. DT actually really loves her daddy. 
  1713. But she was mostly blind to the shit her mother pulled, until recently.
  1714. And it took a while for her to realize that what she's been doing to Anon is the same shit her father has been dealing with for years.
  1715.  
  1716. Anon and Filthy become buds, and realize just how wrong things are.
  1717.  
  1718. Depending on the actual Rich Family situation, whether Spoiled is conniving enough to monopolize him and keep it mono, or settled for being the Alpha Bitch of the herd. That could make SS actually be DT's half-sister. 
  1719. Who knows what kind of leverage Spoiled has on Spoon's mom, or whether sheer force of personality was enough to ensure obedience
  1720.  
  1721.  
  1722.  
  1723.  
  1724. >Be Anon.
  1725. >Today is Pinkie Pie's birthday.
  1726. >You are invited to her party because she invites everyone.
  1727. >Even you.
  1728. >You do your normal morning routine of getting dressed, showered, and excreion of bodily wastes.
  1729. >You leave your house and go to the party.
  1730. >Which is easy because she decided to have a human themed birthday party.
  1731. >At your house, obviously.
  1732. >You tried to stop her but she used her female privelieges.
  1733. >You would have tried to play the race card to get out of hosting the party in your house except that you lost it in a race with rainbow dash.
  1734. >So about now you have just finished stepping back into your house.
  1735. >In the short moment you were away it has been decorated in a variety of human pariphenalia.
  1736. >Pinkie is trying to wear a human clothes item called a shoe.
  1737. >It's different from regular shoes in that it is not metal or shoe shaped, and is instead made of leather and sort of fits around a human's foot.
  1738. >She's not wearing a sock because she's a decent pony who hasn't had enough to drink yet for that sort of debachuery.
  1739. >So you are still just reentering your house.
  1740. >This story doesn't have very much happening because writing is difficult when you don't feel that certain inspiration.
  1741. >"Hi Anon!"
  1742. "Hi Pinkie. Happy birthday."
  1743. >You forgot to get her a present but that's okay
  1744. >Pinkie is just happy to have you here.
  1745. >In your own house.
  1746. >Where she set up a party for the whole town without asking permission, just telling you on the invitation it was at your place.
  1747. >Fucking female privileges.
  1748.  
  1749. > All the ponies wobbling around on their hind legs
  1750. > Imitating how you talk, but badly
  1751. > Twilight has anatomical charts in the corner, happily lecturing anyone interested or nearby on the mysteries of the human body
  1752. > Pinkie has fake titties for mares to wear, hoping that you would like that 
  1753. > It just looks weird on the ponies, you've gotten used to crotchtits
  1754. > Pinkie sits in your lap for some reason, claiming it's an equestrian tradition for the birthday pony to sit on the lap of whoever they choose
  1755. > You see Rarity roll her eyes at that explanation, but you still want to try sitting on Celestia's lap when your birthday rolls around
  1756. > In the middle of the party, Pinkie looks up at you, a hopeful smile on her lips
  1757. > "Is this a little like your home?"
  1758. > You look around at all the ponies clumsily trying to be human, wearing Rarity's replicas of human fashions
  1759. > It occurs to you that Pinkie Pie used her birthday to try and bring back a little piece of Earth for you
  1760. > You scoop her up in a hug and squeeze her tight as she giggles
  1761. "Yeah. Thank you, Pinkie."
  1762. > She nuzzles up against you
  1763. > "You're welcome, Nonny."
  1764.  
  1765.  
  1766.  
  1767. >you still want to try sitting on Celestia's lap when your birthday rolls around
  1768.  
  1769. >Cellybelly's face when
  1770.  
  1771. >bullshit her by saying it's some ancient human tradition
  1772. >once (you)r in her lap, toss some line out that now that the mating ritual has begun, interruption or rejection will surely be nothing less than lethal for (you)
  1773. >enjoy the beauty that is the solar spaghetti storms for the rest of the evening
  1774.  
  1775.  
  1776.  
  1777.  
  1778. > Anon is a bartender at a Canterlot club
  1779. > Sees Twilight the unicorn acting nervous and shy
  1780. > He starts pouring drinks
  1781. > Twilight hesitantly orders a light beer, blushing and not meeting his eyes
  1782. > Anon hands her one, and a series of other drinks for her to try on the house
  1783. > Halfway through some mediocre sake from nippone, she asks him what the other drinks he's made are for
  1784. "They're for whoever drinks with you. It's a quick way to make friends."
  1785. > Several mares in the vicinity perk up at that, and wander over to talk
  1786. > Before long, Twilight is laughing and joking and making lopsided illusions for her new friends
  1787. > Forever after, she associates alcohol with making friends
  1788. > Celestia ends up having to teach her about proper liver maintenance, and spells to regenerate the damage she's doing
  1789. > The next year, Twilight is sent to Ponyville
  1790. > Nightmare moon waits in the castle of the two sisters
  1791. > She is confronted by six drunk mares, stumbling around and urging her to drink and let it all out
  1792. > Celestia is released some time later, only to find her sister and the elements of Harmony drawing cunts on the walls and giggling like foals
  1793. > She just sighs 
  1794. > It's going to be one of those centuries, she can tell
  1795.  
  1796. >Celestia eventually pieces together the story of Twilight's night on the town
  1797. >Realizes Anon was the reason for her unexpected social bloom
  1798. >She's happy for the filly, but she had plans for her too
  1799. >Decides to go undercover and meet Anon
  1800. >See for herself just who it is that influenced her student so much with just a few words and extra drinks
  1801. >So she hid her wings, changed her mane, and went out
  1802. >Moved through the nightly throng of ponies and sat down at the bar
  1803. >Looked up at the strange bartender, smiled, and ordered a cider to start the night
  1804.  
  1805. >The next thing she knew she was waking up hung over, out of disguise, and on top of a naked Anon
  1806. >In that first moment of lucidity, she wasn't sure if the fact she woke up with a probably-drunk colt was worse than the fact the sun was already up
  1807. >Meaning her sister had raised it while she was... out of commission
  1808. >Which also meant said sister was probably going to be expecting answers when she got back
  1809. >... yeah, right here on Anon's chest is looking to be a lot comfier now
  1810. >How about she just stays here for now?
  1811.  
  1812. >Over time, Anon ends up as a sort of unofficial "Royal Stress-Reliever"
  1813. >At first, Celestia would visit in disguise, get drunk, end up in bed with Anon, and wake up deeply satisfied the next morning, if a bit hungover
  1814. >Then she decided she wanted to "savor" their meetings more and stopped drinking quite so much
  1815. >Where they used to drink before a "meeting," now they talked
  1816. >And as time went on, they talked more and more
  1817. >Just a few months after going to Anon's was just for a quick fuck after a stressful day, now she found herself with a true friend many others would be hard pressed to match
  1818. >And what better place for such a friend than close by?
  1819. >She offers him room and board at the castle, and a standing invitation to serve as the bartender of the "Royal Lounge" during his stay
  1820. >Over the next few months, Celestia spends more of her free time in Anon's lounge than any one place
  1821. >When Cadance comes to visit and Celestia spends most of the time they were supposed to be spending unwinding after a long train ride/diplomatic mission talking to Anon, she dryly asks when the wedding will be
  1822. >They go quiet, neither of them really knowing how to respond to that
  1823. >They're pretty much best friends with each other, they've been intimate before, and, now that they think about it, they always seem to smile around the other, even if its just a bit
  1824. >Eventually manage out that there weren't any plans in place, but they wouldn't exactly be opposed to such a thing
  1825. >Behind her glass, Cadance smiles
  1826. >All according to keikaku
  1827.  
  1828.  
  1829.  
  1830.  
  1831.  
  1832. >You end up in RGRE
  1833. >Too bad you're still a loser with horrific social anxiety and you're stuck at that "Not exactly handsome but not repulsive" look, largely negating the benefits of being the fairer sex. There's really no place you fit in either. 
  1834. >Fuck this. You want to go home where things make sense.
  1835. >Reading up on some magic in the library yields little in the way of space/time manipulation.
  1836. >But apparently demons have no such limits. They can easily bypass such obstacles.
  1837. >So with a half baked plan, you summon a demon to barter your way back to earth with.
  1838. >And get a Succupony. 
  1839. >Literally the last one you wanted. 
  1840. >She's surprised. Rarely do Succuponies get summoned. But when they do...
  1841. >Before you can get a word in edgewise, she's dragging a mortified you to your bedroom.
  1842. >...And proceeds to criticize your form and performance, even going as far as to tutor you in the act. 
  1843. >It's only after you're totally spent and she's finally satisfied do you finally get to tell her why she was summoned.
  1844. >The Succupony thinks on it. She sympathizes some, but feels oddly responsible for you now.
  1845. >So she throws you a counter offer (read:says you're doing it her way as politely as possible.)
  1846. >She's going to guide you to being a mate worth having, and have you start a herd with her as your alpha, promising you a family and fulfilling life here after all is said and done.
  1847. >Because fuck standing around in Tartarus for another hundred years doing nothing. 
  1848. >...And even demons don't like the sight of a miserable male.
  1849.  
  1850.  
  1851. >Incubi are summoned mainly by lonely mares that can't score to save their lives, so they're seen as the de facto demons of lust
  1852. >succubi, on the other hand, are seen as demons of purer, more emotional love
  1853. >you know, colty stuff
  1854. >when Cadance ascended, there was a LOT of talk as to whether or not she was a succubus that was "purified" by Celestia, or something like that
  1855. >backroom gossip for the most part, but it persisted for years after her coronation
  1856.  
  1857.  
  1858.  
  1859.  
  1860. >Anon is an ancient, Lich-like being that was fuck-buddies with Princess Amore.
  1861. >Ponies being ponies, however, romanticised the whole thing, as well as ponifying him.
  1862. >Amore died after being crystalised by Sombra.
  1863. >Only old beings and those from the time, like Sun Butt, Moon Butt, and Discord, know the truth.
  1864. >When they hear of a strange, terrifying being entering Equestria's borders, they know who it is straight away from his description.
  1865. >Ponies expect a huge battle.
  1866. >Elements especially are geared up for a fight.
  1867. >Are surprised when they greet each other like old friends, hugging and that.
  1868. >Cadence meets her paternal ancestor, and he his descendant.
  1869. >Slight awkwardness there, though he finds it amusing that there are parallels.
  1870. >Amore was "coltish" and he "marish", and Shining and Cadence are the same.
  1871. >Ponies can't wrap their head around that dark =/= evil.
  1872. >Especially when Lich-Anon has a sarcastic, cynical Amore as a ghost anchored to him
  1873.  
  1874.  
  1875.  
  1876.  
  1877. >Twilight tries to send Anon back home, but he ends up in RGREqG
  1878. >She tries again, but this time he ends up in RGR Animequestria Girls
  1879. >These versions of the Mane Six all look intimidating, but they're actually just as nice as their canon counterparts.
  1880. >However they keep ending up in situations that make them look like violent gang members.
  1881. >This means all the boys in their school are afraid to go near them, let alone date them.
  1882. >That is, until Anon ends up going to their school
  1883.  
  1884. >Cheerilee-sensei is concerned for Anon-kun’s safety 
  1885. >He’s such a promising student, but he’s always hanging around those delinquent girls!
  1886. >The weirdest part is that they actually seem to LISTEN to him!
  1887. >Applejack doesn’t smoke on the roof during lunch period anymore.
  1888. >Rainbow Dash and Rarity don’t wear as many piercings
  1889. >Twilight’s ruthless ambitions to become student council president have been softened.
  1890. >Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy have stopped bringing party supplies and animals respectively to class.
  1891. >The most resistance they give Anon-kun is some light grumbling and blushes!
  1892. >Cheerilee-sensei shakes her head in awe.
  1893. >Truly, Love is a powerful force
  1894.  
  1895. "You shouldn't smoke applejack."
  1896. >"Sorry to disappoint sugarcube, but ah want to smoke and ah do what ah want."
  1897. >To punctuate her point Applejack pulled a cigarette out and up to her lips.
  1898. "I won't kiss you anymore."
  1899. >The lighter stopped cold half way up to her face.
  1900. >"W-What?!"
  1901. "I don't like the taste of cigarettes, so if you keep smoking then I won't kiss you anymore."
  1902. >Applejack's eyes widened as two titan forces were locked in gladiatorial combat in her head.
  1903. >Addiction vs. Libido
  1904. >"B-but I...I..."
  1905. "Tell you what, if you stop smoking I'll kiss you twice as much as I do now."
  1906. >Applejack began to sweat loudly.
  1907. "And if you can go a whole month without smoking, I'll give something 'special' ok?"
  1908. >Libido held Addiction's severed head up in victory.
  1909. >"DEAL!"
  1910. >Applejack spat the cigarette out onto the ground and threw the lighter behind her.
  1911. >You grinned the grin of a man too smart for this world.
  1912.  
  1913.  
  1914.  
  1915.  
  1916. >Trixie is a genuine 10/10 in looks without even trying. When she can keep a lid on her temper and use her showbiz talking skills right, she's an 11/10. Even non-ponies are attracted to her.
  1917. >She's one of the few mares who doesn't have to overly work for dick. The truest equivalent to an earth Chad. 
  1918. >But normal stallions are starting to get a bit boring. They all seem the same and are too easy.
  1919. >She needs something new.
  1920. >Hold on, what's this? A Hyumane? She's never seen such a thing before...
  1921. >And it's a male.
  1922. >That's the day Trixie gets the worst shock of her life.
  1923. >The day she was casually turned down. "But we can be friends, though."
  1924. >Oh no. She's not giving up that easily. Trixie will have what she wants no matter how long it takes! Regardless of these odd, slowly growing feelings she's never experienced before
  1925.  
  1926. >Anon's friends see her for what she is
  1927. >Try to intercept her advances and keep her away from their friend and husbando
  1928. >When Trixie starts to show signs of her affections, one mare notices
  1929. >Tries to say that maybe she isn't as bad as they think she is
  1930. >Might even be the key to Anon's heart!
  1931. >Gets laughed out for thinking that an A C T U A L T R I X I E could develop genuine feelings for Anon, or that she'd share him with the others
  1932. >She leaves in a huff and is content to stew for a time, watching how things progress
  1933. >When Trixie starts to acknowledge her feelings, she approaches her and offers to help form a herd with Anon
  1934. >The two groups of mares then have to balance being friends with Anon, trying (and failing) to woo him, and sabotage the efforts of the other group
  1935. >Naturally, things go south pretty quickly
  1936. >Things come to a head and Anon demands to know why his Cool and Totally Platonic Friends™ are fighting eachother
  1937. >Either Trixie or the most softspoken mare goes "fuck it" and walks up and kisses Anon, saying that they all like him very much and she would very much appreciate it if he would at least give them a chance
  1938. >Pretty please?
  1939.  
  1940.  
  1941.  
  1942.  
  1943.  
  1944. >Anon is in his late 20s when he is inexplicably transported to horse girl high
  1945. >given a new chance to relive his teen years he uses his knowledge of stupid high school tropes to climb the social ladder
  1946. >though stupid his after school special-tier tactics see him soon atop the highest peak of popularity
  1947. >dating the hottest girl
  1948. >envy of all the lesser guys
  1949. >prom king two years running
  1950. >then out of nowhere this bitch Sunset pops up and is reusing his tactics to try and gain some clout quickly
  1951. >except she is fucking with the natural order
  1952. >backstabbing, rumormongering, turning his gf's sis's against each other
  1953. >despite being a total cunt she wins homecoming queen
  1954. >meaning your gf lost
  1955. >high school tropes demanded you drop your gf for her
  1956. >fuck that
  1957. >you take the hit and stay loyal
  1958. >you see she is suddenly obsessing over the prom queen's crown
  1959. >she steals your power
  1960. >she ruins everyone's happiness
  1961. >she breaks up your gf's group of friends
  1962. >she demands you date her
  1963. >she talks shit about you're waifu
  1964. >you're fucking mad, but not mad enough to be stupid
  1965. >when you're done that cunt will be a pariah in her own home
  1966.  
  1967. >Rarity was devastated 
  1968. >Not only did she lose her title, her friends, and her hard earned popularity
  1969. >But Anonymous...
  1970. >With clenched teeth she watched that smug fatherfucker approach 
  1971. >”Well Rarely looks like the best m- girl won. Can’t wait to claim my prize.”
  1972. >The peanut gallery chimes in with their boot licking 
  1973. >All you can see is all the patched uniforms, designed dresses, and bills covered.
  1974. >How quickly words of appreciation and admiration turn to jeers and barbs
  1975. >Your rage turned into a icy ball of fear in your stomach as you watch Anonymous finish speaking with Ms Cheerilee.
  1976. >On queue Sunshit offers the crook of her arm to your boyfriend.
  1977. >You close your eyes tightly.
  1978. >If you saw what was about to happen you would either rip the tits off of every cunt here or run crying.
  1979. >Both were equal in your mind
  1980. >”Better luck next year Rare bear.”
  1981. >The taunts were all the worse with the use of his gentle tone and pet name
  1982. >”Rarity it isn’t that serious, come on.”
  1983. >His large hand gently grasps your shoulder.
  1984. >You look up at him, the bright lights of the football field making a white halo around his head that’s almost as bright as his smile.
  1985. >”AHEM! Why are you talking with that has been whe-“
  1986. >Without the slightest response, Anon put his whole left hand on Sunset’s face and pushed her away.
  1987. "But darling, she won."
  1988. >”And she can fuck her crown for all I care.”
  1989. >You smile and escort your diamond in the rough to your car, all the negativity of the world forgotten
  1990.  
  1991.  
  1992.  
  1993.  
  1994.  
  1995. >Anon's taking a shower or something
  1996. >Shit, I don't know man
  1997. >Remembers Billy and Mandy
  1998. >nostalgiadrivesatfullcaptain.jpeg
  1999. >Starts singing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxSrDn3NReA [Open]
  2000. >Naturally, since this is Equestria, his voice reaches just the wrong pony
  2001. >Twilight is frozen in her tracks, just outside Anon's house on a not-so-regular walk
  2002. >This can't be right
  2003. >Her human friend can't really be the ancient Lord of the Dead Anytomous, can he?
  2004. >He was supposed to have been shattered by the princesses thousands of years ago, the fragments locked away in the deepest pits of Tartarus for an eternity!
  2005. >But just before he was shattered, he was said to prophecize his return
  2006. >Most villains and dark lords have a tendency to do that, her rational side tried to reassure her
  2007. >But lately a lot of those prophecies have been coming true, her not-so-rational side countered
  2008. >And what would the princesses do to him if Anon actually was Anytomous returned?
  2009. >He's been such a good friend, not just to her, but to nearly everyone!
  2010. >She didn't know if she could bear to put that smile in danger
  2011. >As Twilight continued to have her crisis of conscience, Anon finished his trip down memory lane and continued washing his hair
  2012. >For all the girly shit Anon's had foisted on him since getting here, he just can't bring himself to knock the shampoos
  2013. >He never knew hair could be this soft before!
  2014.  
  2015.  
  2016.  
  2017.  
  2018.  
  2019. >Ever since those... those THINGS had showed up, Twilight had been on edge
  2020. >True, they hadn't done anything big yet, but they were a group of draconequii!
  2021. >Surely it was only a matter of time
  2022. >Someday they'd stop there little... whatever it is they do and turn their eyes toward the rest of Equestria like Discord had
  2023. >Twilight shuddered
  2024. >Sometimes she's sure she could hear the particles screaming around them
  2025. >And no matter how many times they said they weren't like Discord the "Normie," she would be ready
  2026. >Ready to defend Equestria, her friends, and her sanity
  2027. >And also ready to jump down their bucking throats about that bucking name
  2028. >It's CHAOS, not CHOAS
  2029. >ENRAGEDHORSENOISES.DECLERATIONOFWAR
  2030.  
  2031.  
  2032.  
  2033.  
  2034.  
  2035.  
  2036. Celestia falls in love with anon and proposes to him at the grand galloping galla 
  2037. > Anon barely knows her outside standard greetings and out rights rejects her
  2038. > Anon becomes shunned from rejecting the ruler
  2039.  
  2040. >Celestia, understandably, decides to sulk for a few days
  2041. >Its not every day your husbando decides to reject you
  2042. >A few days and about a hundred pounds of mysteriously vanishing cake later, she decides to visit Anon and set things straight
  2043. >No hard feelings and all that
  2044. >He said he didn't really know her? Fine, but she wasn't going to give up so easily 
  2045. >If he'd let her, then she will show him just the kind of pony she is
  2046. >And besides, she's been looking around for a reason to ditch some of the more tedious aspects of her workload for some time now
  2047. >If she can do that while getting to know -really know- her humanbando, even better!
  2048. >So she throws on a disguise and pops on down to Anon's house... only to find it abandoned
  2049. >Quite quickly, it seems
  2050. >Asks the landlord where Anon went
  2051. >Gets an earful and a half of "How dare that bucking monkey turn down our lovely princess why I oughta buck him into next YEAR" and shit like that
  2052. >Oh dear
  2053. >It seems her ponies weren't exactly happy with Anon right now...
  2054. >They ran him out of his house, and maybe even out of Canterlot entirely
  2055. >That might... complicate things...
  2056. >After some time, she manages to track him down again
  2057. >Living in some shitty little town in the middle of nowhere with griffins, minotaurs, a few changelings, and even a zebra
  2058. >And so Celestia has to win the heart of her husbando while in disguise, and undo the damage that night at the Galla caused on both sides for the day when he would (hopefully) join her back in Canterlot after she drops the disguise and tells him the truth
  2059. >Oh, and hope he doesn't freak out when he realizes he's been dating Princess Celestia for however long, arguably the cause of all his recent misfortune in addition to all the other stuff that makes her unapproachable
  2060. >All that in what amounts to her (very limited) free time
  2061. >No pressure
  2062.  
  2063. >Anon easily sees through Celestia's silly pony attempt at a disguise.
  2064. >Fuckin' pissed that he got chased out of town.
  2065. >Passive aggressively pretends he doesn't know it's her for months.
  2066. >>The few friends he had in Canterlot send him letters throughout this time.
  2067. >He falls for the cute gryphon mail girl.
  2068. >Disguised Sun Butt actually thought she was getting somewhere with Anon at this point.
  2069. >Anon asks out mail gryphon.
  2070. >She says yes.
  2071. >Celly realizes Anon has been playing her the whole time around this point.
  2072. >FFFFFFF-
  2073. >Mad
  2074. >If what she's been doing the last few months couldn't be considered stalking then what she was about to do certainly could be.
  2075. >Something something RGRE.
  2076.  
  2077.  
  2078. >Gryphons are a proud, nationalistic bunch
  2079. >Even those that live in Equestria
  2080. >Been rivals with the ponies for as long as anyone can remember
  2081. >So when the mail-bird was told by Anon that Celestia herself had her eyes on him, she was sorely tempted to pack up their things and fly straight to Gryphonstone, even if she had to tie Anon to her belly to take him with her
  2082. >But instead, an even better opportunity presented itself
  2083. >"Sunny Smiles," as she was calling herself in their little town, wasn't actually that disagreeable
  2084. >Cute, smart, and the FUCKING PRINCESS OF EQUESTRIA
  2085. >She was even friends with the delivery-bird, though things are a little rocky between them at the moment for obvious reasons
  2086. >In fact it was probably Anon's bitterness and preconceived notions that kept him from getting along with her
  2087. >That little problem could be fixed, if necessary
  2088. >And it'd have to be, since only one thing could be more glorious than whisking away the unique male that had, apparently, stolen the Sun's heart
  2089. >And that would be starting a herd/flock/whatever with the three of them
  2090. >With the delivery-bird as the alpha
  2091.  
  2092.  
  2093.  
  2094.  
  2095. "Yo ho, haul together..."
  2096. > There is a legend of a stoney, barren island
  2097. "Hoist the colours high"
  2098. > Ship captains are warned to steer clear
  2099. "Heave ho, thieves and beggars..."
  2100. > Some foolish or brave ignore the warnings
  2101. "Never shall we die."
  2102. > Those that venture close are lured by a seductive baritone calling across the waves
  2103. "Le'ssee here, what's next, um..."
  2104. > Before their eyes, the island shimmers into a paradise
  2105. "Oh yeah, haven't sung this one in a while."
  2106. > There, the sailor mares meet an incredible beauty, a bronze god of temptation
  2107. "Let me bring you songs from the wood~"
  2108. > They would eat of the lavish food prepared by unseen servants
  2109. "To make you feel much better than you could know."
  2110. > As Celestia's sun would set, they would partake of forbidden, divine delights
  2111. "To make it something something from tip to toe,"
  2112. > As the days turned to weeks, some of the crew begin to sleep longer, becoming weaker and weaker
  2113. "Hold steady as you join the chorus if you can,"
  2114. > Until the last mare falls into eternal slumber on that cursed island
  2115. "It'll make of you an honest, ma~a~n!"
  2116. > All the finery, the exotic plants and animals, all the food and spirits vanish
  2117. "Songs from the wood! Something something, flute solo!"
  2118. > All that is left is the bronze god, calling out across the waves
  2119. "Man, I am terrible at remembering songs."
  2120. > Be Anon, stuck on a magic island
  2121. > You are bored out of your skull, but at least singing makes things real for a little while
  2122. > Now, if only the small horses would land for once, instead of crashing on the rocks, you could get out of this mess
  2123.  
  2124.  
  2125.  
  2126.  
  2127. >Equestria isn't a post-scarcity society, but its pretty damn close legally speaking
  2128. >Free food for all, and shit like that
  2129. >Actually really fucking clever with that, since most of the citizens -ponies and those like them- can simply graze, there actually haven't been many people actually use this benefit
  2130. >They get the good press without actually needing to feed a lot of people for free
  2131. >Until Anon shows up
  2132. >Decides to be like Diogenes and just live wherever
  2133. >With the literally manageable weather and the free food, its not a bad idea
  2134. >So he packs up a few things and hits the road, destination unknown
  2135. >At first, ponies were a bit weirded out, but intrigued
  2136. >Then some noble mare realized what he was doing, and said that someone needed to find the "whimsical colt" before he was hurt, take him home, and make a "proper colt" out of him
  2137. >Some places agree, while others see him as something of a circus and prepare a small stockpile of food for when the "Monkey Philosopher" comes to town
  2138. >Eventually this reaches Celestia's ears
  2139. >Decides that, what the hell, she's got some free time and she's been wanting to meet Anon anyway since a few of his works grabbed her attention
  2140. >Might as well see if this is actually anything to be concerned about and meet him at the same time
  2141.  
  2142.  
  2143.  
  2144.  
  2145.  
  2146. >Anon pops into happy horse land as a teen
  2147. >Decides to get a job for some extra dosh
  2148. >About to apply to the Cakes' new bakery when a panicked Carrot Cake begs you to watch Pinkie while he picks up an order.
  2149. >At a far higher price point than sweeping up was going to bring you
  2150. >So you eagerly accept to watch the poofy pink superball
  2151. >Hijinks later Carrot returns, stunned to find the upstairs of the bakery in the same condition he left it in.
  2152. >Thinking something is wrong he bursts into Pinkie's room to see Anon throwing some toys in a chest before he throws a terrified look to Pinkie's bed.
  2153. >Where she is sleeping quietly
  2154. >After some wild gesturing that Carrot believes to equate to "Shut the buck up, for the love of Celestia" he slowly backs out of the room
  2155. >A few minutes later Anon comes down the stairs and is given more than double what he was promised and a request to return next week.
  2156. >Almost drooling at the prospect of cash he forgets entirely what he just went through and agrees.
  2157. >The next time he goes to gossip with the fellas Carrot will have to tell them about Anon
  2158. >Maybe recommend him for a job or four
  2159.  
  2160.  
  2161.  
  2162.  
  2163. >Passive alicorn magic makes it so it's literally impossible to see them in a sexual/romantic light, meaning at most they're considered beautiful like a mountain.
  2164.  
  2165. >The sole exception to this magical cunt-stunt is, obviously, their soul mate. So when Anon offhandedly says that Celestia's looking good today, she gets a little... excited.
  2166.  
  2167. >And Luna, too. Because reasons
  2168.  
  2169.  
  2170.  
  2171.  
  2172.  
  2173. >before talks REALLY broke down, canterlot was something of a playground for changeling queens
  2174. >barely grown and completely convinced of their own indestructibility, they were a terror to behold
  2175. >Chrysalis alone has an entire filing cabinet full of mugshots
  2176.  
  2177. >Chrysalis is EXTREMELY proud of her filing cabinet.
  2178. >She breaks out the mug shots whenever she has company over
  2179. >Most ponies are uncomfortable
  2180. >Most stallions are horrified
  2181. >Anon, though...
  2182.  
  2183. "Ha, you looked ridiculous covered in all that cum! How many stallions did it take, 5? 10?"
  2184. >"Closer to 20! If you thought that was good, you gotta see this one!"
  2185. >Meanwhile, an extremely uncomfortable Princess Twilight Sparkle sits next to you
  2186. >She had invited you to come with her on a diplomatic mission, convinced that familiarizing you with other cultures would help reign in your coltish whimsy.
  2187. >This, though?
  2188. >"Anon, maybe we should call it a night? I'm sure Chrysalis has lots of important things to do, and I'm sure that you are getting a little hungry..."
  2189. "Nonsense, Twiggles, I haven't had this much fun since arriving in Equestria!"
  2190. >"My dear, naive Twilight, We've only just gotten started! Besides, my hive can run itself for a few hours. Now, where was I?"
  2191. "You mentioned something about a pineapple trick?"
  2192. >"Oh yes, that one! What a day that was!"
  2193. >Twilight sighs in resignation.
  2194.  
  2195.  
  2196.  
  2197.  
  2198.  
  2199. >Anon was fortunate enough to arrive in equestria with his backpack, which contained a solar charger, a tablet full of human cartoons, a switch/handheld console etc
  2200. >Decides to share earth media with ponies
  2201. >Stallions won't shut up about how great it is because it has so many male characters and portrays a male dominated society
  2202. >then won't shut up about how terrible it is because men are the butt of all the jokes
  2203. >regardless, human media becomes a big hit and mares husbando the characters
  2204. >/hume/ board set up on 4hoof
  2205. >walk in on AJ using a Rolf bodypillow
  2206. >Dash won't shut up about Vegeta and gets butthurt whenever Bulma gets brought up
  2207. >The upside is that it proved that Anons from a ngr society
  2208. >the downside is that incel mares and basement dwellers are now attracted to anon for being from a ngr society
  2209. >Half the mares Anon dates expect him to do everything and beg for sex and get butthurt and entitled when he doesn't
  2210.  
  2211.  
  2212.  
  2213.  
  2214.  
  2215. >Anon is not just a man, but he is a fighter 
  2216. >Despite being born in a peaceful age with less civilized weapons his warrior spirit rages on
  2217. >Through self training he became a Spartan lost in time and forced to only live out his dream in fiction
  2218. >Until one day he finds himself in Equestria
  2219. >Finally a world where the sword rules again
  2220. >Sure there are magic and monsters too, but this is his chance to prove himself
  2221. >Except he is refused that chance at every turn
  2222. >Mares get mad whenever he fights monsters
  2223. >The Mane 6 refuse to let him join in on their adventures
  2224. >He attempts to join the Equestrian guard only to find out they are eye candy 
  2225. >Every time he goes to any fight club no one is willing to fight him.
  2226. >With his honor on the battlefield denied Anon realizes he has only one option left.
  2227. >If he isn't allowed to fight on the side of good, then he will fight on the side of evil.
  2228.  
  2229. >Off in the far distance Queen Chrysalis feels a disturbance in the force.
  2230. >The Princesses just made a very powerful enemy.
  2231. >With an ally like that her legion of doom would finally be enough to take over Equestria!
  2232.  
  2233.  
  2234.  
  2235.  
  2236.  
  2237.  
  2238. >Anon poofs into Equestria
  2239. >Stays at the palace for a time
  2240. >Gets to know SunBuns
  2241. >Makes a few friends
  2242. >Everything's good
  2243. >Until he meets Luna, that is
  2244. >As soon as they're in the same room, she goes ramrod stiff, sniffs the air a few times, and full-body tackles Anon, demanding how he "has IT"
  2245. >CellyBelly manages to pry her off, asking why she's acting like a madmare all of a sudden
  2246. >She's practically frothing at the mouth now, but Luna manages to get out that Anon's head is FULL of magic
  2247. >Dream magic, specifically
  2248. >Since she's pretty much the only one that uses it, she thinks he's somehow stolen it from her
  2249. >Celestia's less than pleased that her sister just tried to murder her new friend, but she can't dismiss it out of hand either
  2250. >Crazier shit has happened
  2251. >So, she puts Luna in time-out for a bit just to make sure she doesn't straight up murder Anon, while asking for a scan on him to determine if anything's changed since his first scan when he appeared
  2252. >She gets it, and it seems nothing's changed
  2253. >Though, now that she's looking for it, he does seem to have an unusually dense cluster of magic in his head
  2254. >Something something Humans use our dreams to change the world
  2255. >Something something RGRE
  2256. >Something something a slightly-mollified Luna becomes the arch-typical stalker as she tries to figure out how Anon got "her" magic and if he's doing anything dastardly with it that would warrant a hoof through the skull
  2257. >Something something all the ponies think she's acting like some colt from an animare and just likes Anon but doesn't want to admit it
  2258.  
  2259.  
  2260.  
  2261.  
  2262.  
  2263. >For Equestrians, the more magically potent you are, the less fertile you are.
  2264. >(Kind of a cosmic balance thing, so that there aren't thousands of superlazerhorses running around. Or Draconequii...)
  2265. >Getting around this requires a heaping helping of luck, combined with perseverance.
  2266. >Or magic hax 
  2267. >The Crystal Heart is suspected to be the real reason that Flurry Heart was conceived so easily.
  2268.  
  2269. >Despite being humanized after going through the portal, Shimmy is still a pony deep down, and she was a powerful enough unicorn to be Celestia's student.
  2270. >She figured getting pregnant wasn't going to be something that 'just happened' when she wasn't paying attention, but something she'd actually have to put time and effort toward accomplishing.
  2271. >Instead she won the baby lottery, certainly a cause for celebration back in Equestria.
  2272.  
  2273.  
  2274.  
  2275.  
  2276.  
  2277. > Anon has developed a new redemption technique
  2278. > After meeting several reformed villains, he realises that most of their problems are centered around loneliness and frustration
  2279. > The next time a villain shows up, he walks up to them and starts making out
  2280. > The evil mare stops her golem army
  2281. > Revenge can wait, she's getting lucky with some hot guy
  2282. > Twilight is fascinated by this new friendship magic
  2283. > Writes to Sunset Shimmer about the magic of Friendship with Benefits
  2284. > She ends up talking Sunset into trying it out 
  2285. > The only villains around right now are the depowered sirens, a fairly safe starting point
  2286. > Sunset goes for the kiss, but she can't do it
  2287. > Mama didn't raise no dyke
  2288. > R-right?
  2289.  
  2290.  
  2291.  
  2292.  
  2293.  
  2294. >/k/ marching gleefully into the most inhospitable forests of Equestria to get themselves mythological monster pelts and meat
  2295. >/k/ would tame the beasts of the Everfree to use them to hunt the other animals of the Everfree
  2296. >Implying they wouldn't just fuck them all
  2297. >/k/ emigres act like /k/ innaquestria
  2298. >their waifus universally have a thing for warrior males
  2299. >/k/ommandos are like live action Xenas and Amazons for equestrians
  2300.  
  2301. >/K/ captures, tames, hunts with, and fucks griffins en mass
  2302. >the rest of pone world watches on in confusion as the usually oh-so-proud griffins take being the target of what is basically slave raids lying fown
  2303. >some are even seen flying TOWARDS known human "hunting" grounds
  2304. >whenever someone tries to stop them, they only mumble "m-muh husbando is finally here"
  2305.  
  2306.  
  2307.  
  2308.  
  2309.  
  2310.  
  2311. >Anon in reversed EQG.
  2312. >Before coming to canterlot high, Anon main thing was abs on a girl.
  2313. >When he first came here, he was delighted at first, until he discovered the truth.
  2314. >Turns out most men hated muscles on their women.
  2315. >So most women don't get muscles in the first place.
  2316. >Anon thought it was going to be shitty Earth 2.0.
  2317. >Until he runs into Rainbow Dash, who has a chiseled six pack
  2318.  
  2319.  
  2320.  
  2321.  
  2322.  
  2323. > Be Anon, going to the police
  2324. > The officer is distinctly unsympathetic
  2325. > "And what did she make you do, sir?"
  2326. > You sit in the chair, staring at your hands
  2327. "She made me stand still as she molested my butt."
  2328. > The officer raises her eyebrow
  2329. > "Is that all?"
  2330. > You glare at her
  2331. "The entire train ride. I felt so dirty, so used. And she called me filthy names the whole time."
  2332. > The officer sighs
  2333. > "Do you have a marefriend?"
  2334. > You have a sinking feeling
  2335. "That doesn't matter! I was mind controlled and molested!"
  2336. > She actually laughs
  2337. > Laughs!
  2338. > "That's cute. Tartarus, colt, most ponies have been made to give oral by your age, not to mention mares stealing seed from stallions. Must be a real soft world, where you come from."
  2339. > You can't believe what you are hearing
  2340. > How can something as terrible as mind control be so common that the police just shrug it off?
  2341. > You stand up, shaking your head
  2342. "Fuck you, and fuck this place."
  2343. > You stride to the door, violence brewing in your heart
  2344. > "Stop."
  2345. > The word is accompanied by a slimy feeling seeping into your head
  2346. > You freeze, hand on the doorknob
  2347. > Hoofsteps come up behind you, and a hoof squeezes your ass
  2348. > "I can see why she did it, you have a nice body. Now, would you kindly go home quietly like the cute little colt you are?"
  2349. > You seethe with impotent anger as your body carries out her instructions
  2350. > You are not cute
  2351. > You are not a little colt
  2352. > You are a man!
  2353. > A big, angry man!
  2354.  
  2355. > Be officer Chips In, still reading Anonymous' mind
  2356. > Even when he's angry, he's super adorable
  2357. > You might just have to visit him every once in a while, just to see that cute little scowl
  2358.  
  2359.  
  2360.  
  2361.  
  2362.  
  2363. >Anon, bored in the mpire and constantly being nagged by Cadence for being too marely, finds an old picture of a hot mare while rummaging in his guest room.
  2364. >She's also a hypocrite, given she's the stallion and Shining, the mare in their marriage.
  2365. >Whacks off to it regularly.
  2366. >Turns out it's Princess Amore, Cadence's ancestor.
  2367. >Anon's jerking the turkey actually summons her ghost, which is half-batshit insane from being silent and unseen for so long since Sombra crystallised and shattered her to death.
  2368. >Is soothed back into rationality.
  2369. >Anon finds himself involved with her.
  2370. >What history skimped out on was that she was very colty.
  2371.  
  2372. Possible branches:
  2373. >She's just a ghost, and everyone is horrified that ghost-Amore is getting it on with a very accepting Anonymous. Candy Butt can't get over this.
  2374. >She actually possesses Cadence from time-to-time, and uses her descendant as a meat-puppet/new body to have a new chance of life with Anon. (Waking up in Anon's bed, etcetera).
  2375. >She stealthily merges with Cadence, becoming a voice in her head that influences her.
  2376. branch 4: twilight and celestia are all on board with their good friend finding someone, even if their not completely normal, neither were they, so celestia gives the go ahead for twilight to try to make a flesh golem, in twilights... zellous fun with reclass abandon, she makes a perfect body, and is sad that she won't get to do it again, ancestor has a great idea that if the bodies could live on their own, she could use a few spares of different sizes and shapes. 
  2377.  
  2378. to cadences horror, her ancestor is in a new body, but that's not the horrific thing, no, the fact she looks like a pony franken fran, and regularly attaches parts or swaps bodies is what gets them 
  2379.  
  2380. A morbid prank they she likes to pull is with a blood pinata body in the shape of a pegasus. when diplomats of descendants she didn't like come by, she gets in, and flies at to speed and crashes reclassly, usually caking the diplomat in gore. meanwhile she becomes invisible losing her shit at the clusterfuck she spawned.
  2381.  
  2382. Horse head opens her eyes in the morning, gives seductive look and says "last night was amazing" to the now pants shitting dignitary
  2383.  
  2384. No, the dignitary wakes up to see her, and see her under the covers, 
  2385. "Last night was amazing"
  2386. >He smiles
  2387. >He is ready for round 2
  2388. >Lifts the covers
  2389. >The head is severed and bloods everywhere
  2390. >She looks down
  2391. "WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU DO TO ME"
  2392. >The body get sup
  2393. >Crashes into fucking everything
  2394. >Staff come in
  2395. >They act casual
  2396. >HOW THE BUCK ARE THEY CASUAL ABOUT THIS
  2397. >The blood is everywehre
  2398. >It hits the window
  2399. >The maids sigh and clean this up
  2400. >"Bucking every tuesday"
  2401. >No one talks to the dignatary
  2402. >The head no longer moves
  2403. >HOW ARE THEY BUCKING CASUAL
  2404.  
  2405.  
  2406.  
  2407.  
  2408.  
  2409. >Get ported to RGREqG and reverted to a teen.
  2410. >Getting set-up sucked. It was good luck you found a little shop willing to hire a teen with no ID after only a few days. Your boss, a nice older lady, let's you crash in the back. 
  2411. >Fuck Child protective services. You're not going with those cocksuckers. You'll do this on your own like you always have, backwards world be damned. 
  2412. >One day, this gorgeous woman walks in. While you're helping her, she asks why she hasn't seen you at the school. 
  2413. >Shit. Busted. 
  2414. >Give her a half truth and say you're a drifter orphan. 
  2415. >She shakes her head, saying that just won't do and that she'll be back after your shift to pick you up.
  2416. >She shows up as expected with some enrollment paperwork for her school and the offer of her guest room. 
  2417. >That's how you got taken in by Principle Celestia.
  2418. >Oddly enough, Celestia isn't married or even dating someone. You think that's just weird with how beautiful she is. 
  2419. >Oh, you said that out loud and she's blushing. 
  2420. >That means she likes it at least some, right..? And she's not taken...
  2421. >Hmm...
  2422. >The school that's 90% thirsty teen girls is nice, but you know your mission.
  2423. >Corrupt your pure principle and giver her that sweet, taboo lewd.
  2424.  
  2425.  
  2426.  
  2427.  
  2428.  
  2429.  
  2430. >Get settled in RGREqG.
  2431. >Get enrolled in school without meeting Celestia first.
  2432. >The main characters gravitate towards you without even trying. No idea if that's a good thing or bad.
  2433. >They're actually good friends.
  2434. >Keep talk about yourself limited to you don't accidentally incriminate yourself.
  2435. >They eventually piece together that you're more or less broke and homeless. 
  2436. >Shit.
  2437. >The parents hear and are appalled that a teen boy who is friends with their daughters is living alone.
  2438. >If you were a girl it would be different, but it's just too dangerous for a boy to be alone nowadays.
  2439. >You're shanghaied into living with one of the girls and slowly cycling through them all on repeat.
  2440. >Things get awkward with your ingrained normal (to you) genders roles and being around girls that you flirt and joke with at school 24x7 now.
  2441. >Someone is going to lose control and it's going to result in lewd. Who breaks first, you or one of them, no one knows.
  2442.  
  2443. >Having to avoid Zephyr's attempts at hairstyling when you're staying with Fluttershy
  2444. >Learning to cook with Granny and Mac at Sweet Apple Acres
  2445. >More cooking with Ponk, especially baking.
  2446. >Leaving terrible smutty romance books where Twilight will find them
  2447. >Rarity finally has a male model to sew for, but you're doing your best to make it impossible for her to stay focused on her work.
  2448. >Leaving terrible smutty Daring Do fanfiction for Dash to find
  2449.  
  2450.  
  2451.  
  2452.  
  2453.  
  2454. >Anon lives and breathes martial arts.
  2455. >Its been his life since he was old enough to throw a punch.
  2456. >He knows over a dozen ways to kill a man with nothing but his pinkie finger.
  2457. >It's needless to say then, that he is not defenseless.
  2458. >Yet, no matter how much he says it, these girls won't stop trying to protect him like he's a newborn baby with osteoporosis.
  2459. >Stupid reverse gender role world with its rainbow humans.
  2460. >It's after one too many unintentional insults to his fighting prowess that Anon challenges Rainbow Dash to a spar.
  2461. >She's reluctant at first, what with her being a black belt, but the idea of pinning the hunk of man to the ground, pressing her tits to him while groping his muscles, overpowers the don't-hit-boys lesson her mother drilled into her skull her entire life.
  2462. >Besides, he's literally asking for it, so it's fine, right?
  2463. >It is not fine, and RD later has to explain (read lie) how she got that shiner.
  2464. >And the limp.
  2465. >... and the cracked ribs.
  2466. >Anon almost feels guilty.
  2467. >Maybe he should have went easy on her?
  2468.  
  2469.  
  2470.  
  2471.  
  2472.  
  2473.  
  2474. >Anon decides to volunteer with the Equestrian equivalent of Big Brothers Big Sisters
  2475. >Basically, young fillies and colts from troubled backgrounds are matched with adult mentors (usually but not always of the same gender) who help them develop as an individual.
  2476. >Anon applies and is interviewed for a volunteer position.
  2477. >The interviewer thinks he’s a bit rough around the edges due to his mareliness, but definitely has the right qualities to work with children.
  2478. >What other ponies fail to realize is that pony males do not equal human males.
  2479. >As a result many of the young colts Anon mentors grow up acting noticeably more like mares than stallions. Adding to this is the fact that Anon’s herd mares are definitely on the coltier side, leaving an impression on young minds.
  2480. >Even-tempered, pragmatic, straightforward and aggressive both sexually and otherwise. Nothing negative of course, just unusual.
  2481. >Year pass. Parents start complaining that Anon’s a negative influence on their sons.
  2482. >Many of his former ‘little brothers’ rush to his defense
  2483.  
  2484.  
  2485.  
  2486.  
  2487.  
  2488. >Moondancer is a virgin on purpose
  2489. >There's a myth that Starswirl was so powerful because he was a virgin
  2490. >Moondancer thinks if she can resist the temptations of the flesh for long enough, it will grant her superior magical abilities.
  2491. >Clopping doesn't count of course.
  2492. >And she has a human fetish
  2493. >But she never expected the mythical monkey people to actually show up, they haven't been seen in thousands of years or more.
  2494. >But suddenly here's Anon to tempt her away from the superpowers she's been working toward
  2495.  
  2496.  
  2497.  
  2498.  
  2499. >according to equestrian Manual of Mythical creatures, humans are docile creatures that mostly attacks as a form of self-defense. Supposed to be able to cure any illness instantly with a touch, The final astonishing ability as told in many legends is the power of their blood said to be able to increase one lifespan to hundreds of years and a strand of hair is capable of bring good fortune.
  2500.  
  2501. >kill or harm a human is said to cause uncountable curses and bad luck to the killer and to the place of death.
  2502.  
  2503. >curiously the creature is very popular among colts.
  2504.  
  2505. >Apple Bloom tells her family that she saw a human in the forest.
  2506. >AJ and Mac don't take her seriously.
  2507. >Humans are myths, she probably just saw a Sasquatch or something.
  2508.  
  2509. >Granny believes her though.
  2510. >She's seen some mighty strange things, livin' on the edge of the Everfree this many years.
  2511. >She knows better than most, that just cause something is crazy doesn't mean it didn't happen.
  2512. >As a matter of fact, the more impossible a thing should be, the more likely it is to be true when the Everfree is concerned.
  2513.  
  2514. >A human showing up is a good omen.
  2515. >One she doesn't intend to waste.
  2516. >She asks Bloom to show her the place where she saw it.
  2517. >The pair slowly make their way.
  2518.  
  2519. >If they're lucky, they'll be able to find a hair, take it to the First Apple Tree, and the harvests will be sure to be bountiful for many years.
  2520. >A bit of good luck, for her grandchildren, before she has to leave them.
  2521. >She may be the oldest pony in Ponyville, but she knows it won't be that way for too much longer.
  2522.  
  2523. >A terrible sound interrupts the matriarch's morbid musings
  2524.  
  2525. >A masculine shout of pain, fear, and anger.
  2526. >And a monsters roar
  2527. >And there, on the trunk of a tree, a fresh splash of crimson blood
  2528.  
  2529.  
  2530.  
  2531.  
  2532.  
  2533.  
  2534. >ponies think humans are cute
  2535. >naturally, this means they don't think they themselves are cute
  2536. >tfw you will never make a marely mare stutter and blush when you call her cute/beautiful/other terms of that nature because they aren't used to that
  2537. >you will never smile coyly as your group of stallion friends speculate back and forth just what it is you've been doing with your mare that's left her a giddy pile of smiles all day
  2538. >they will never refuse to believe that all it really is just a few hugs, kisses, and words of appreciation before they head out
  2539.  
  2540.  
  2541.  
  2542.  
  2543.  
  2544.  
  2545. > Ponyville has a new god
  2546. > Well, technically he's a human
  2547. > But clearly, Anon is a heavenly being sent to bless the lives of ponies
  2548. > He's so elegant and demure
  2549. > Communicating effortlessly and without words
  2550. > Baby foals smile as he walks by
  2551. > Even the cattiest of stallions is in awe of Anon
  2552. > Mares swear secret oaths in service to him
  2553.  
  2554. > Be Anon
  2555. > You thought it would be different here, but no
  2556. > You are still too shy to talk to anyone outside of faintly mumbled pleasantries
  2557. > Luckily you can usually get by with gestures, so it's not like you are helpless
  2558. > You just wish you could makes some friends for once
  2559. > The ponies here are really skittish, and are always watching you and muttering among themselves
  2560. > It makes it kind of difficult to approach anyone
  2561. > You stand outside Sugarcube Corner, wavering
  2562. > You really do want something sweet, but it's so full of ponies, and Pinkie Pie always makes a scene when she sees you around
  2563. > Just the thought walking into that den of overstimulation makes you shudder
  2564. > You feel a pony tap your arm with a wing
  2565. > You look down to see a yellow mare you think is Fluttershy
  2566. > "Um, Anonymous? Can I buy you something from the sugarcube Corner?"
  2567. > She understands!
  2568. > You feel a thrill of hope, and try to compose a suitable reply
  2569. > ...
  2570. > Thanks for- no,
  2571. > A bavarian cr- wait, do they even have Bavaria here?
  2572. > For that matter, where is Bavaria in the first place?
  2573. > Oh no, you got lost in your thoughts, no doubt this mare is getting impatient with you, you should apologize
  2574. > You glance at her face, but she actually seems content to wait
  2575. > She just gives you a small, encouraging smile
  2576. > Okay, keep it simple
  2577. "Yes."
  2578. > Nailed it!
  2579. > The mare nods pleasantly
  2580. > "What should I get for you?"
  2581. > ...how do you say this?
  2582. "A don-"
  2583. > Wait,
  2584. "Like pudding, but-"
  2585. > You are bad at this
  2586. "With chocolate frosting."
  2587. > You bury your face in your hands
  2588. > This is why you don't talk to people
  2589. > "I understand. I'll just be back in a little bit with your bovarian creme."
  2590. > You watch the pegasus trot into the bakery, and feel a little better about things
  2591.  
  2592. > Be Fluttershy
  2593. > You knew the town beauty was quiet, but it wasn't until you gathered up the courage to talk to him that you realized why
  2594. > He reminds you a lot of how you were when you were younger
  2595. > At once, all the little things like avoiding crowds, or why he just stares at mares who try to hit on him, it all makes sense
  2596. > You resolve to help him make friends, and to help him grow like you did
  2597. > Even though you already used up most of your assertiveness just trying to talk to him
  2598. > ...
  2599. > You might need some help
  2600.  
  2601.  
  2602.  
  2603.  
  2604.  
  2605.  
  2606. >Shining Armor ain't no THOT
  2607. >He pledged himself to Cadance, and he has no plans to leave her.
  2608. >He loves her.
  2609.  
  2610. >Cadance had always assumed that they would expand into a herd at some point.
  2611. >She wanted Shiny all to herself for a while, she was greedy that way.
  2612. >But she figured it was inevitable.
  2613. >Not because it was "expected" of her or anything, because as a princess, nothing said she /had/ to do any such thing.
  2614. >But she actually wanted a herdsister at some point.
  2615. >She wouldn't say not to adding another stallion either, but even a princess can't get away with that. Unless the stallions turned out to be bi. Shiny isn't a homo horse, so that will have to stay a clop fantasy.
  2616. >It was just a matter of time until she felt they were ready for it, and then they had to actually find a good mare.
  2617.  
  2618. >Chrysalis is most assuredly /not/ a "good" mare.
  2619. >She's pretty much the definition of a "bad" mare.
  2620. >Cadance can tell that Shiny has conflicted feelings about the changeling queen.
  2621. >She's teased him enough about her to know.
  2622. >She has some conflicted feelings herself.
  2623. >Stupid sexy Chrysalis.
  2624. >The Princess of Love, being the lusty mare she is, can't help but wonder just how that transformation ability could be used and abused in the bedroom.
  2625. >And if Shiny hadn't considered that before, he certainly did now, after Candy teasing him about it when he was least able to deny what he thought about it.
  2626. >Cadance feels like she's crazy for even considering it.
  2627. >But again and again, she finds herself wondering whether bugbutt would make a good herdsister.
  2628. >If only the stubborn bitch would let herself get reformed instead of clinging to her villainy...
  2629.  
  2630.  
  2631.  
  2632.  
  2633.  
  2634. >Anon sings a beautiful rendition of Adele's Set Fire to the Rain without vomiting on stage.
  2635. >The crownd goes nuts, and Anon earns a hefty paycheck.
  2636. >Also a bonus, which was strange.
  2637. >Stranger that the mare who owned the venue was sniffling as she gave it to you, whispering "You poor thing."
  2638. >Anon starts noticing mares following him in public, but they keep their distance well enough, so they're better than the usual rabid fan.
  2639. >As a matter of fact, he saw one of those types running at him get tackled by one of his stalkers.
  2640. >He just walked the other way on that one.
  2641. >Little does Anon know that by singing that song, he has given mares the impression that he's had his heart broken by some wicked mare, and now has an Anon-Protection-Sqaud dedicated to keeping his fragile heart safe
  2642.  
  2643.  
  2644.  
  2645.  
  2646.  
  2647.  
  2648. >anon cant speak a word of equish but can easily understand pony body language
  2649. >abuses this to his advantage along with this being RGRE
  2650. >any angry sad or pone gets hugs and pats
  2651. >ponies know enough that he cant understand what their saying so they just let the but feelings melt away
  2652. >any villain that tries to fuck around in his town gets a nasty boop on the nose along with 5 minutes in the bad pone box
  2653.  
  2654.  
  2655.  
  2656.  
  2657.  
  2658.  
  2659. >humans are so viciously mundane that the magical ponies cant even see them... except the most furiously boring and bland among them.
  2660. >Only a few ponies at all can notice and talk to the weird two-legged apes that wander around, and all of them have to maintain their "blandness", or they loose the ability to notice them.
  2661. >Pie family is one of those families that could interact with them... all of them, exept the youngest...
  2662. >Pinkies randomness is just longing for the invisible friends she can no longer see.
  2663.  
  2664. >the pie family has a friendship/alliance/pact/thing with a nearby family of humans
  2665. >the pies are pretty much the only ponies in Equestria that can consistently see and interact with them
  2666. >in exchange for this companionship, each pie is assigned a bodyguard of sorts
  2667. >kinda like a guardian angel
  2668. >at first it was simply concerning when Pinkie couldn't see the humans, and thus wouldn't be granted a protector
  2669. >now that's she's an element, the sheer worry the rest of her family feels threatens THEIR ability to see their ancestral protectors
  2670. >they must temper their worries for Pinkie, or risk breaking the pact and losing their family's oldest friends 
  2671. And
  2672. >something something RGRE
  2673. >something something human spear-wives but not
  2674. >spearhusbands
  2675.  
  2676. >badlands or wherever place the pie family farms are is one of the most dangerous places in equestria outside of Everfree.
  2677. >Yet some pone can survive there practically without any supplies for generations,
  2678. >questioning the locals about survival tips however only ends in long-winded stories about rock farming and proper etiquette mixed together.
  2679.  
  2680. So far not a single investigator has unlocked the secrets of the uncanny survivability of the badland bores
  2681.  
  2682. >many ponies think that there's something wrong with the bores that keeps changelings away
  2683. >that they have some kind of "negative" emotional depth that drives them off
  2684. >like many others, this scientific theory is either unaware of, or refuses to acknowledge the existence of one Pinkamena Diane Pie
  2685. >but in actuality, it's quite the opposite
  2686. >while the changelings can't see them, they KNOW something else is there beside their boring would-be prey
  2687. >something that INTENSELY disapproves of them
  2688.  
  2689. >With the changelings reformed a new avenue of questioning has opened.
  2690. >Pony researchers interview the new changelings and find terrifying news.
  2691. >The place is viewed as haunted and the very air there is thick with disgust for any changeling that enters.
  2692. >In quiet voices they say that if a changeling enters and stays for too long they will never be seen again.
  2693. >When questioned if they have tried to enter after their reformation the changelings look at them like they were crazy.
  2694. >One interviewer was able to get a clear statement from a changeling that had entered before reformation.
  2695. >"I didn't stay long. Every move I made felt like I was being watched. Being judged. Like something was just waiting for me to make the wrong move. It was when I spotted the farm that the feelings around me suddenly grew so intense I became physically ill. I barely managed to stumble out of there with my life. If you offered me a million bits I wouldn't go back there. Heck if Princess Celestia promised to escort me I wouldn't go."
  2696. >The changeling looked shaken and said she wouldn't talk about it anymore and that the next drink was on the researcher
  2697.  
  2698. >Anon following Pinkie around all day.
  2699. >Oh shit something is falling!
  2700. >Grab Pinkies tail and start shaking it to warn her.
  2701. "My tail is twitching! Something is going to fall!"
  2702. >"Yeah right Pinkie."
  2703. >something falls right where she was standing.
  2704. >Ponies took her Pinkie sense seriously after that.
  2705. >Anon wishes she could still see and hear him like she used to, but is still happy to see her smile and safe.
  2706.  
  2707. >There are small, seemingly abandoned hamlets scattered through the badlands
  2708. >the doors and windows are strangely tall and narrow, even for minotaurs, as is the furniture within
  2709. >the hamlets are believed to be haunted, doors will open and shut unprovoked, objects move about when you're not looking
  2710. >lost ponies will occasionally try to take shelter, waking up to find a hot meal placed outside their door or being chased away by slamming doors and rattling pots
  2711.  
  2712.  
  2713.  
  2714.  
  2715.  
  2716.  
  2717.  
  2718. >In the Crystal Empire, hidden away deep underground, is Sombra's secret lair.
  2719. >Whether the evil king is truly dead, who can know?
  2720. >If he is not dead, he has surely been banished, for his hold on this world has been shattered.
  2721. >Without his will to anchor them, ancient spells begin to unravel.
  2722. >The Crystal Heart gives a sickly pulse at the dark magic that had been revealed.
  2723. >Alerting The Princess of Love of the problem.
  2724.  
  2725. >They were not prepared for what they found.
  2726. >They expected dark magic, dangerous artifacts, and records of heinous deeds.
  2727. >It was a shame that the subject matter was so dangerous and revolting, for his records of his experiments were thorough.
  2728. >As it was, very little could ever be allowed to see the light of day, the knowledge itself was dangerous to the unwary or in the hands of those with ill intent.
  2729.  
  2730. >His crimes were terrible.
  2731. >So terrible that the Crystal Ponies had blocked much of it from their memories in order to preserve their sanity.
  2732. >But many would consider the slumbering creature here to be among the worst.
  2733. >It was impossible, but the tome next to its prison confirmed it was true.
  2734.  
  2735. >Sombra had summoned a human.
  2736. >A feat that should have been impossible for one so corrupted, and next to impossible even for the pure.
  2737. >He recorded with sadistic glee, how he has tempted the man into his trap.
  2738. >With honeyed lies, offers of power, companionship, anything and everything he might desire.
  2739. >And then, when his guard was lowered, Sombra enslaved him. With chains of dark magic, he bent the human to his will.
  2740. >A creature of love and hope, born to run free. Reduced to an existence of hate and pain, forced into servitude to a tyrant.
  2741. >Coerced into acting nearly as evil as it's new master.
  2742.  
  2743. >But now those chains were fading.
  2744. >Sombra's magic was powerful, but without him their grip was weakening.
  2745.  
  2746.  
  2747.  
  2748.  
  2749.  
  2750.  
  2751.  
  2752. >Anon poofs into Equestria
  2753. >more specifically, into its past
  2754. >not a thousand years ago when Luna went nightmare
  2755. >and not just a few months before the present day
  2756. >more like somewhere in the middle
  2757. >for a time, he lived a good life
  2758. >made friends
  2759. >had fun
  2760. >even found love
  2761. >however, it seems as though it is not to last
  2762. >instead of Anon being magically "blank" as many had thought
  2763. >it is, in fact, quite the opposite
  2764. >he is the single most magically concentrated being in the world
  2765. >he can't actually use it -conventionally, at least- but all that power is still there
  2766. >once it was discovered, there were many theories as to the ways all this magic could have affected him
  2767. >but to him, there were only two that mattered
  2768. >one, is that is that he apparently doesn't age anymore
  2769. >one might ask how he never noticed that after however many years, but he just assigned it to a healthy diet and environment
  2770. >and the second...
  2771. >the second is that he is too... "bright," for lack of a better term, to have children now
  2772. >a regular pony simply can't handle it, as his late wife found out
  2773. >eventually he put his old-new life behind him, packed his bags, and moved out to a little cottage in the middle of the woods
  2774. >fast forward a few hundred years, and a village has sprouted up only a short distance away
  2775. >and, as is tradition almost as old as the village itself, they make sure to always pay tribute the forest's old Wise Man for the aid he has rendered over the years
  2776. >and this time, the duty has fallen to a certain pink little pegasus filly
  2777. >she was even lucky enough to be invited into the old Wise Man's home and told a tale
  2778. >though Anon was mindful of his visitor's young age and spun a tale of happier days, she caught notice of something she didn't quite understand until she was on her way back home
  2779. >he smiled, but he just... wasn't happy
  2780. >not really sad or unhappy as she knew it, but instead some kind of... not-happiness 
  2781. >this small revelation would stay with her long after she returned home
  2782. >a few years and a horn later, Cadance is traveling around Equestria
  2783. >Aunt Celestia says that the best thing a princess can do is know her people
  2784. >so she taught her a disguise spell, gave her this funny little card to pay for things with, and practically threw her onto a train heading for Manehatten
  2785. >that was a few weeks ago, and she's been having a blast ever since
  2786. >she's just seen so MUCH now!
  2787. >from the high-rises of Manehatten, to the praries of Appleoosa, to the great dry lakes of the Badlands, and even to the mysterious mountain ranges of the north
  2788. >but now...
  2789. >now she figures its time to get back to her roots
  2790. >to visit the little village in the woods where she was born
  2791. >maybe she'd even get to meet the Wise Man again
  2792. >surely he'd have some advice for an up and coming princess, right?
  2793. >once she had arrived, all she had to do was ask, and now she was once again carrying tribute to the old cottage
  2794. >she set the saddlebags down and, summoning her courage, knocked on the ancient door
  2795. >at first Anon was surprised to see an alicorn of all things on his doorstep, but recognized Cadance quickly enough and invited her in for another tale
  2796. >as the Wise man weaved a tale of great kings and queens only he knew of, an old and not-quite-so-old memory came to the front of her mind and combined
  2797. >she'd seen that look before
  2798. >that not-happiness
  2799. >first on the Wise Man, but then she realized she'd seen it on Celestia of all ponies as well!
  2800. >but why would the two strongest -and oldest- people she knew share such a look?
  2801. >just then, she felt a tingle in her cutie mark, and knew
  2802. >could this be a matter of the heart only she could solve?
  2803. >could this her first real test as a princess of love?
  2804. >could this be her destiny calling to her?
  2805. >something something she does some digging and realizes that the Wise Man is the same "Anon" that broke every single record of magical concentration centuries ago
  2806. >something something she realizes he can't have children
  2807. >something something "a stallion should never be barred from fatherhood"
  2808. >something something she realizes Celestia's probably in the same boat
  2809. >something something she makes it her personal goal from then on to get them together and "save" them from their self-imposed isolations
  2810.  
  2811.  
  2812.  
  2813.  
  2814.  
  2815. >Anon would like to think his status as a world-class masseuse is do to his many years practicing the art, but a part of him is begrudgingly willing to admit it's at least partially because he has hands.
  2816. >Still, minotaurs and gryphons have hands too, and he still beats them out, so there.
  2817. >From his humble beginnings at the Ponyville Spa, Anon has worked his way up in life through shear dedication... and a good word from Rainbow Dash, to become the personal masseuse for the Wonderbolts.
  2818. >Not only is the pay great, but he gets to travel all around the kingdom for free, making it a pretty sweet gig.
  2819. >Well, except for maybe one thing...
  2820.  
  2821. >"Ooooh, yes, Anon, right there," Spitfire moans as you dig a thumb into the cramped wing muscle.
  2822. >She hisses as the knot gives under the pressure, her wingtips twitching as she sighs.
  2823. >"I don't know how you do it, Anon, but only your magic fingers can get me this relaxed after a show."
  2824. You smile at the compliment and joke, "Ancient human secret."
  2825. >"Mmm, whatever it is, keep it up," she says as you pull your hands away, the massage done.
  2826. >She glances over her shoulder to look at you with half-lidded eyes.
  2827. >"You know, speaking of secrets, I'd keep it between us if you want to give me a happy ending," Spitfire comments, tail lifting and flicking to the side. "I'll even throw in a nice bonus on your next paycheck."
  2828. >Knowing it was coming doesn't stop the sigh from leaving your lips.
  2829. >Mares, as it turns out, are horndogs, and famous ones, just like the Hollywood big shots back home, seem to think it's perfectly okay to sexual harass those under their employ.
  2830. "Please don't take this the wrong way, Miss Fire, but I'd prefer if we kept things purely professional."
  2831. >"Ah come on, Anon, don't be like that. You know I got to talking with Fleetfoot; I know all about what those fingers can really do."
  2832.  
  2833.  
  2834.  
  2835.  
  2836. "Now you of listen littel deurp hoers. You of focusing on taste of enemies' fear, so you never be of off-course. Ponyal?"
  2837. >The little cross-eyed filly looked up at the combat gear clad human in something not quite, but clearly approaching awe
  2838. >With her eyes, it was difficult to tell
  2839. >Never the less, she nodded, sending her roaming eye spinning around in its socket
  2840. >"Yes, I understand Comrade Anon."
  2841. >The gas-masked human nodded and held out an arm, which the little filly quickly hopped onto
  2842. "Khorosho. Now, next target is being of capitalist wine hoers. Attack, distract, and escape with clear bottle."
  2843. >The filly nods, one eye tracking her indicated target while the other...
  2844. >Well, its trying at least
  2845. "Tri"
  2846. >Three fingers of the free hand rise
  2847. "Dva"
  2848. >One falls, and the filly opens her mouth, taking in a breath of the surrounding air
  2849. "Odyin..."
  2850. >Only one is left, and her gaze sharpens as she isolates the purple-purveyor-of-palliatives' paranoia, and her small-yet-strong legs tighten like a coild
  2851. "SEYCHAS!"
  2852. >The gray filly is off like a shot
  2853. >And nothing can stop her now
  2854.  
  2855. >You are Berry Punch
  2856. >And this has GOT to stop
  2857. >For the last few days, whenever you're about to head to the market with a new batch of your special brews, you're attacked
  2858. >That alone would be serious enough in such a (normally) safe place as Ponyville, but somehow that isn't the oddest thing
  2859. >Because you aren't attacked by a diamond dog, or a changeling, or a minotaur, or anything else that would, you know, make SENSE
  2860. >Instead, as far as you could tell, you were being attacked by birds
  2861. >Bucking B I R D S
  2862. >And not-quite-as-weird-but-still-very-weird was the fact that after an attack, without fail, a bottle of your new beet vodka was missing
  2863. >EVERY TIME
  2864. >If you didn't KNOW that that old shut-in Fluttershy couldn't hold her liquor worth a damn, you'd suspect her of using her "animal friends" to nick it
  2865. >But that vodka was strong enough that it'd knock her straight on her wings, so it cant be her
  2866. >Before you could continue your ruminations, it happened
  2867. >There was a ruffle of feathers, some... noise you couldn't identify, the clatter of -thankfully spelled- bottles falling on the ground, and you were on your back
  2868. >AGAIN
  2869. >But as the beat of wings grew fainter and fainter, you stared at the sky and finally decided
  2870. >Buck this
  2871. >You grabbed a bottle that had thoughtfully rolled up against your cheek, popped the cork, and started drinking
  2872. >If this is how things are going to be, you might as well save yourself a few bruises
  2873. >Now the only question is where you should leave your... tribute, you suppose
  2874. >Because you give up
  2875.  
  2876.  
  2877.  
  2878.  
  2879.  
  2880.  
  2881.  
  2882. >most ponies of Equestria see their ruler as an unflappable, level headed, mare's mare that can do anything she sets her mind to
  2883. >her rare close friends know her to be something of a jokester 
  2884. >her sister knows that she can be lazy in the most bizarre of ways, and has a bit too much of an appreciation for cake
  2885. >but only one person has been with her for it all
  2886. >one person knows just how weird her mind can get 
  2887. >the insecurities it can spawn, and the even weirder coping methods that come with them
  2888. >that person is Anon, and he knew that with times were ahead when he woke up to see his wife fellating a light bulb
  2889. >may whatever fucked up god that made horse-land have mercy upon it
  2890. >because Celestia's going through a midlife crisis
  2891. >again
  2892.  
  2893.  
  2894.  
  2895.  
  2896.  
  2897.  
  2898. >It's been a few months since Anon's arrival into Equestria, and he's settled down in a nice village called Ponyville
  2899. >Since such a short amount of time has passed, Anon still hasn't quite gotten over the "interspecies sex is a thing" hump, and ponies are not yet for sexual to him.
  2900. >Keyword: "yet"
  2901. >So, when one of his friends (and secret admirer) asks him if he's had sex with "anypony", Anon figures that she means "have you fucked a horse yet" and truthfully says that he hasn't
  2902. >This information spreads among Anon's peers, and they think that he has never had sex PERIOD
  2903. >Stallions are believed to be demure and innocent (just like my 1950s American TV shows), and none of his mare friends ever consider that Anon might have had sex with a human at some point in the past; they are blinded by their preconceptions over Anon's gender
  2904. >They just assume that his horse-virginity means that he's keeping himself pure until horsemarriage
  2905. >Now, Anon was already reasonable desirable among the ponies who knew him before this tidbit of unclear information came to light
  2906. >He is generally agreeable, low-maintenance compared to stallions, and has interests that are similar to those that most mares have, all of which make it easy for mares to relate to him
  2907. >And now that this recent discovery of his alleged virginity has been passed around, Anon's desirability has sky-rocketed
  2908. >Surely Anon's lack of sluttiness means that he just might be the type of male that a mare would want to bring home to meet her parents, right?
  2909. >Not only that, but what kind of mare doesn't want to fuck a virgin?
  2910. >Unknown to Anon, many of his mare friends now consider him pure as the driven snow and too innocent for this gay earth, and that they've set out to claim him for themselves before some other mare gets their hooves on him and "corrupts" him
  2911. >Cue mares attempting to court him with the intent of horsemarrying him
  2912.  
  2913.  
  2914.  
  2915.  
  2916.  
  2917.  
  2918.  
  2919. >Reverse Flurry Heart is SUPPOSED to grow up evil like all of the other alicorns aside from Princess Trixie
  2920. >That's how it works in Equestria 3. Everypony has to have the opposite alignment of their counterparts in Equestria Prime
  2921. >Anon, by raising Reverse Flurry Heart to be a good pony, is throwing the balance between both Equestrias off.
  2922. >Prime Flurry Heart grows up to be evil as a result of the multiverse trying to put things back into balance.
  2923.  
  2924.  
  2925.  
  2926.  
  2927.  
  2928.  
  2929. >The preparations were almost complete.
  2930. >The Changeling Queen was out of options
  2931. >This would be her last gambit
  2932. >If it failed, she didn't know what she was going to do.
  2933. >She needed power, she needed love.
  2934. >If she couldn't get them she wasn't going to last much longer.
  2935. >So it came to this.
  2936.  
  2937. >It was time to summon The Nameless One.
  2938. >Her mother had told her of him, long ago.
  2939. >The he was the father of Changelings, among others.
  2940. >That if the need was great enough, he could lend aid.
  2941. >But she had warned that the price would be high.
  2942. >What price he would demand, none knew but him.
  2943. >Whatever he wanted couldn't be worse than having to crawl back and beg her traitorous son Thorax, and those meddling ponies, for help.
  2944.  
  2945. >The ritual thankfully took only a spark of magic to activate.
  2946. >If it took much more, she wouldn't have been able to do it at all.
  2947. >She chanted the invocation, and hoped for the best.
  2948. >The candles were snuffed out, leaving the cave in utter darkness for a moment.
  2949. >Then the walls were bathed in a pale ethereal glow of shifting colors, and shadows danced in the runic circle.
  2950. >Laughter echoed as the shadows took shape.
  2951.  
  2952. >"Well well, it's been a while since any of you called home. Let me take a look at you."
  2953. >Chrysalis froze as two shadowy tendrils reached for her.
  2954. >They shouldn't be able to do that. The circle was supposed to contain whatever was summoned.
  2955. >But it didn't even seem to notice the barrier as it cupped her face.
  2956. >"No, this won't do at all."
  2957. >Warmth flowed through her.
  2958. >The gnawing hunger, her constant companion since her ignoble defeats, subsided.
  2959. >She was far from sated, but she was no longer starving.
  2960. >"There we go, now you don't look like you're about to fall over at least. That's on the house. Now, what can ol' Nameless do for you, my dear?"
  2961.  
  2962.  
  2963.  
  2964.  
  2965.  
  2966.  
  2967.  
  2968. >anon end s up claimed in sandzigger country by local fanatics.
  2969. >mistakes the local mares attempt at Tahharush for a happy cuddle-party.
  2970. >Gets told to wear a burka all the time, Anon mistakes it for a ninja suit and goes happily ahead.
  2971. >Some locals attempt to stone the harlot, anon just mistakes it for a rock-fight and wins.
  2972. >Foreign stallionists constantly try to "rescue" Anon from the raging sandzigger chaos around him, he just mistakes them for thieves and bandits and takes apprehends them to the local zebra warlords.
  2973.  
  2974.  
  2975.  
  2976.  
  2977.  
  2978.  
  2979. >Twilght Sparkle is not a virgin.
  2980. >This may come as a shock to those who knew her throughout her foalhood.
  2981. >Just as it was a shock when she became a princess.
  2982. >Incidentally, her ascension and loss of her V-card are related.
  2983. >Shortly after becoming a princess, a stallion approached Twilight and started sending some very strong signals.
  2984. >Even after Twilight completely sperged out and dropped a metric shit ton of spaghettie, the stallion stuck around for a date and followed the princess home.
  2985. >That night, Twilight became a mare for approximtly 30 seconds before the orgasms rendered her unconcious and she rolled off the bed.
  2986. >She was quick to tell her friends that she had finally met the one and that she was going to marry him.
  2987. >The next day, in fact.
  2988. >Her friends quickly peiced together a theory, and after some quick research, all but confimred it.
  2989. >The stallion had married, then divorced, three other very powerful mares prior to showing up in Ponyville, taking much of their money.
  2990. >Needless to say, they were quick to send him packing after pounding some sense into Twilight's head.
  2991. >Since then, stallions have come and gone, all trying to get a piece of the royal action from the princess of friendship.
  2992. >In comes Anon ready to woo his waifu, Twilight Sparkle, but first having to prove himself to her friends.
  2993. >How will he manage?
  2994.  
  2995.  
  2996. >Anon instantly assumed that his chances with a main character were nil and thus didn't even try.
  2997. >As such, he just became a more eye catching background character in Ponyville as he pursued more average mares, aided by RGR.
  2998. >Considering all the wild things that happen in Equestria, an alien settling quietly into town is hardly news worth noting.
  2999. >He's left to his devices, free to take stabs at romance and do his own side adventures.
  3000. >After her ascension and wild fling nearly turned divorce trap, Twilight starts to lose hope that she'll ever be able to settle. 
  3001. >Even once rational stallions act funny around her and at the least half-heartedly flirt with her like they can't help it.
  3002. >...Is this why Celestia and Luna are still alone?
  3003. >But Cadence was able to settle. Why can't she?
  3004. >It's because of her brother, Twilight realizes. Shining Armor is so far removed from what a normal stallion is, though. Cadence had to go to HIM and not the other way around. 
  3005. >Following that logic, an independent, unusual, and patient stallion is the way to go.
  3006. >But nearly every stallion in town has tried to flirt with her, and the ones who haven't like the married Mr Cake are obviously off limits.
  3007. >Wait...
  3008. >Anonymous, one of the towns few non-ponies hasn't even bothered to talk to her sans passing greetings.
  3009. >And with how he can bee seen coyly leading a lovestruck mare into his grasp on rare occasions, his herd is obviously open.
  3010. >Even more strangely, Rarity's gossip network never seems to feature the human or his small herd's problems. It's as if they just don't have any.
  3011. >In Twilight's head, a plan starts to form
  3012.  
  3013.  
  3014.  
  3015.  
  3016.  
  3017.  
  3018.  
  3019. I'd love to read a story where ponies are afraid of Anon because of his omnivore status, but in a way that doesn't necessarily delve into predator/prey stuff. Just light-hearted "fuck's sake, AJ, I can't believe you're afraid of a little colOHSHIT HE'S LOOKING AT ME ABORT ABORT I CAN FEEL MY TEATS TWISTING AS WE SPEAK"
  3020.  
  3021. >Anon goes out in public to eat salad and exaggeratedly moan about how delicious these vegetables are
  3022. >Has to make a big show of appreciating Applejack's apple pies when he buys them (taking a bite right then and there) just to calm her down enough to accept his bits
  3023. >Carries around carrots with him wherever he goes; partly to give snacks to ponies to calm them down, and partly to munch on and loudly emphasize how tasty these not-meat foods are to him
  3024.  
  3025. >Ponies are uncomfortable with Anon's diet, but they still try to help him
  3026. >"Don't be so mad at the poor colt, he can't control what he is."
  3027. >Rainbow Dash is a good enough friend to arrange meat delivery with her friend Gilda, fresh from the Griffon empire
  3028. >Rainbow Dash, green-faced and dry-heaving, delivers a package to Anon's house every month or so
  3029. >Anon rewards her with cuddles
  3030.  
  3031.  
  3032.  
  3033.  
  3034.  
  3035.  
  3036. >Sirens, even in human form, still exhibit plenty of their sea-monster behaviour
  3037. >Anon just wants to go about and do his daily chores, but Sonata just HAS to make sure everyone around them knows that Anon is off the market
  3038. >Whether this be by protectively and possessively clutching at him in public or by rubbing his face in the nape of her throat so that he gets her scent on him, Sonata is determined to protect her mate
  3039. >Also, she sometimes gives Anon shiny rocks that she finds on the ground, true to her fishy nature
  3040.  
  3041. Maybe not that last one, but I remember nature documentaries where creatures (mostly birds) decorate a nest or give their mate shiny objects as gifts to attract them. It creates and adorable as fuck image in my head of Sonata and/or the rest of the sirens decorating their house with colourful blankets and shiny objects and then inviting him over.
  3042. >"I've got the couch covered in a bright blue blanket, and I attached streamers to the corners of every room in the house. And now that I've got my collection of geodes on display right there on the coffee table, there's no WAY Anon will be able to resist! He'll be living in our house and warming our beds in no time, girls."
  3043.  
  3044.  
  3045.  
  3046.  
  3047.  
  3048.  
  3049.  
  3050. >Sirens find themselves drawn to Anon for some reason.
  3051. >Are baffled why.
  3052. >Turns out Anon isn't a native, like them.
  3053. >Nor is he from Equestria.
  3054. >He's a goddamn Naga, hiding out/transformed until he can find a way home back to Nazjatar
  3055.  
  3056.  
  3057.  
  3058.  
  3059.  
  3060. >ponies take singing very seriously
  3061. >heartsongs, destiny duets (expand as needed), and other such things are seen as exceptionally important parts of the planet's magical ecosystem
  3062. >serious indeed
  3063. >so when ponies hear Anon singing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbz355PwFl4[Open] one day, they are very... concerned
  3064. >they knew Anon wasn't from their dimension (it was kind of hard to miss) but this...
  3065. >what is a mere mare supposed to do when faced with something that is basically an eldritch god?
  3066. >for with a Song like that, what else could he be?
  3067. >how could he have fooled them for so long? how could they have MISSED him?
  3068. >and just what does He mean by "taking back eternity?"
  3069. >by "puppets learning to pull strings?"
  3070. >unbidden, memories of old legends resurface
  3071. >long ago, before even the Celestial Sisters, the alicorns were an enigma
  3072. >well, more of an enigma
  3073. >they were often the subject of legends, claiming them to be gods, servants of gods, even devils that had killed the gods, and everything in between
  3074. >one in particular rises to the fore
  3075. >one where the alicorns were once servants of the gods, but betrayed them and stole their immortality and power to assume dominance over the mortal world
  3076. >as the world rushes back, you catch the final verse
  3077. >"I am Dark Matter
  3078. >Your road to ruin
  3079. >I am Dark Matter
  3080. >I am your undoing"
  3081. >you shudder
  3082. >what could ANYONE do to stop a god that had come to collect?
  3083.  
  3084. >inside his house Anon smiled
  3085. >man, did he love Les Friction
  3086. >the smile fell a bit
  3087. >he sure was gonna miss them
  3088. >singin' in the shower just ain't the same
  3089. >and that's not even touching all the new shit he's gonna miss, trapped in Equestria as he is
  3090. >there was a lot of stuff he was going to miss
  3091.  
  3092.  
  3093.  
  3094.  
  3095.  
  3096.  
  3097. >Anon was a handler for a zoo on Earth
  3098. >specifically, he handled the cheetahs
  3099. >these ponies seem to be every little bit as anxious as his old spotted friends
  3100. >and the most anxious of all is Celestia herself
  3101. >at first the treatment works wonders, and Anon is getting ready to continue his new life's work of reducing anxiety across Equestria
  3102. >but just a few days/weeks after he had set out again, the anxiety comes back, even worse than before!
  3103. >other ponies can notice it now!
  3104. >at first she tried to attribute it to work, as she had for the last thousand odd years, but its actually been pretty light since Anon left
  3105. >she goes through a whole gamut of potential causes before it comes to her in a flash
  3106. >she's been addicted to Anon's comforting presence!
  3107. >the next morning, halfway across Equestria, Anon wakes up to pic related
  3108.  
  3109.  
  3110.  
  3111.  
  3112.  
  3113.  
  3114. >anon arrives in Equestria because reasons
  3115. >turns out Equestria has moon gravity and thus has a thin atmosphere 
  3116. >anon goes on a panic fueled rampage because he's slowly asphyxiating to death demolishing several houses before passing out
  3117. >ponies are thoroughly spooked though they take pity on him after finding out he's got man-bits
  3118. >they keep him breathing with magic and stuff
  3119. >they later give him a mask as a more permanent solution
  3120. >he can't stop irl baneposting
  3121.  
  3122.  
  3123.  
  3124.  
  3125.  
  3126.  
  3127. >Anon's daughter is as tough as her mother and twice as feisty.
  3128. >As a result, she is extremely embarrassed of her overprotective and doting father.
  3129. >She always rushes out of school hoping to meet her dad (who always walks her home even though she's a big, tough filly) before he can reach the entrance just to prevent him from fawning over her in front of the other students.
  3130. >It's as if he has some sort of DadSence that goes off whenever she tries to talk to a colt as he always just appears looming over her, casting a malevolent shadow upon the colt who quickly flees in terror.
  3131. >He's always, Always, putting her into little dresses and making kissy faces at how precious she is.
  3132. For all of these reasons, the filly is absolutely ecstatic to hear from her mother that the new foal coming is going to be a colt.
  3133. >Finally, her Dad is going to have a proper son to do all the colt-y stuff with and will start leaving her alone.
  3134. >...
  3135. >Anon makes his son participate in all the rough housing and manly stuff.
  3136. >Dammit Anon.
  3137.  
  3138.  
  3139.  
  3140.  
  3141.  
  3142.  
  3143.  
  3144. >Anon is friendly with a few of the humane7
  3145. >Aria latches onto his arm whenever they hang out and hisses at any of them that get too close
  3146. >Sonata steals his shirts and starts wearing them for his scent
  3147. >Adagio snoops on and investigates everyone Anon knows for blackmail, for if they try to take her mate
  3148.  
  3149. >Fluttershy is the only one who realizes they're acting like territorial animals
  3150. >She realizes that they consider Anon their mate, and might really try to kill one of her friends if they try to take Anon from them
  3151. >Too bad the rest of the humane7 think he's in an abusive relationship that they need to save him from
  3152.  
  3153.  
  3154.  
  3155.  
  3156.  
  3157.  
  3158. >Be Anon
  3159. >Be in a happy relationship with your waifu
  3160. >Have foals
  3161. >Princess Celestia learns that you can breed with ponies and decides she wants to try to have a child again.
  3162. >Celestia has never had a child of her own, resorting to adoption, but never feeling the life growing inside her like she craves.
  3163. >Requests to join your Herd
  3164. >You turn her down, saying you are faithful to your waifu and monogamous.
  3165. >The jealousy grows...
  3166. >Your waifu is shocked, but happy.
  3167. >Celestia goes on, trying to cope, but her heat and needs are growing.
  3168. >Holding Cadence's child makes it only worse.
  3169. >One day... DAYBREAKER!
  3170. >YOU HAVE NO CHOICE, ANON!
  3171.  
  3172.  
  3173.  
  3174.  
  3175.  
  3176.  
  3177. >You take out the binoculars
  3178. >The wonderbolts are doing a fine job
  3179. >Every time they do it they get better and better
  3180. >They should consider taking up side jobs as artists
  3181. >They got really good at making the thing viewable from all angles and 3d
  3182. >You cant even imagine coming up with the idea
  3183. >You sit with your husband and your herd sisters luna and celestia
  3184. >And YOU are the fucking ALPHA of this herd
  3185. >All you had to do was convince your husband it was worth it
  3186. >And promise that he wouldn't have to satisfy 3 ponies all on his own... 
  3187. >You can only say no homo while eating luna out so much before you stop caring
  3188. >And they finished
  3189. >"You know, I never thought trolling would be a thing in this world, but thank you for proving my wrong"
  3190. >You smile and mean back into him, the princesses get his shoulders
  3191. >You all sit there and look at the sky writing
  3192. I will never amount to anything
  3193. BUCKING SUCK MY CLIT MOM
  3194. IM THE ALPHA IN A PRINCESS HERD
  3195. *3d arrow pointing down to where she lived*
  3196. >You may feel bad if your mom wasn't such a miserable bitch she got unanimously kicked from her herd once you left to go out on your own
  3197. >Your still cool with your dad and other moms side of the family
  3198. >At least they believed you would be something
  3199. >Maybe not the alpha in a princess herd something, but they believed in you.
  3200.  
  3201.  
  3202.  
  3203.  
  3204.  
  3205.  
  3206. > Be Smolder, Scourge of the North
  3207. > Your horde is bounteous and comfortable, your white scales are pristine, and you have just eaten a rather delicious diamond
  3208. > You're doing pretty well, you have to say
  3209. > You hear clanking in the tunnel
  3210. > You raise an eyeridge at the minotaur knight that emerges
  3211. > Her breastplate is pitiably flat, and her legs are strangely shaped
  3212. "You have trespassed, runt. Leave now, and I might spare your life."
  3213. > You know she won't retreat, but you may as well give her the opportunity to speak her last words
  3214. > The tauress readies her broadsword
  3215. > And then speaks in a surprisingly masculine voice
  3216. > "I am Sam S. Anon, bounty hunter. Submit to a geas or die, I care not which."
  3217. > You grin
  3218. > A male!
  3219. > Now that you know what she is in fact a he, you eye his armor with considerable appetite
  3220. "It would be a shame to maim such a handsome bull, why don't you surrender, and I'll show you delights such as you have never seen."
  3221. > He growls adorably, and charges
  3222. > You take off with a flap of your wings, easily clearing his reach
  3223. > He pulls a crossbow from off his back, ranting all the while
  3224. "I am sick and tired of all you monsters going soft just because I'm a man! Fight me, you cunt!"
  3225. > You dodge the curiously glowing bolt he fires at you
  3226. > What did he expect to-
  3227. > It explodes on the roof of your cave, a network of lightning expanding and pulsing with dangerous potential
  3228. > You dive to the ground to escape the trap
  3229. > The bounty hunter reloads his crossbow with an almost sexual grunt
  3230. > You believe you will enjoy this fight
  3231.  
  3232. > Be Sam S. Anon, trapped under a dragon's claw, your armor in tatters
  3233. > She looms over you, a predatory grin on her face
  3234. "End it, dragon."
  3235. > For what it is worth, it was a good fight
  3236. > A good way to go out, if you had to choose
  3237. > The dragoness brings her face closer
  3238. > "End it? I have given you the fight you wanted, and now I shall have the delights I wanted. But first, I must polish the finest treasure in my horde."
  3239. > You have a bad feeling about this
  3240. > Her tongue emerges from her mouth, and she licks the entire left side of your face
  3241. > "Delicious."
  3242. > You grimace
  3243. > It had to happen sometime, you suppose
  3244. > You honestly don't know which would be worse
  3245. > Staying here as a sex slave, being rescued by some adventurer, or worst of all, being rescued your fan club
  3246. > Only time will tell
  3247.  
  3248.  
  3249.  
  3250.  
  3251.  
  3252. >Bon Bon isn't an actual secret agent
  3253. >She just thinks they're cool and pretends to be one
  3254. >"Lyra! Lyra, look! I'm just like Jane Bond!"
  3255. >Likes to narrate her life like it's either an action movie or a noir film
  3256. >...usually in her head, but sometimes she mutters the narration to herself without realizing it
  3257. >Kinda fixates on Anon because he's new, he's mysterious (mysterious in the sense that Bon Bon personally doesn't know much about him), and he behaves strangely compared to regular stallions
  3258. >Considers him the homme fatale to her secret agent/detective
  3259. >"He walked into my candy store right as I was about to close up for the night. By the look in his eye, I could tell that he was good for two things: candy sales, and trouble."
  3260. >>"Hello to you too, Bonnie."
  3261. >" 'Bonnie'. If he had been a mare, I woulda decked him for calling me that. There are only two ponies in the world who get to call me that, and he ain't one of them."
  3262. >>"So are you still open? I've got a craving for gummy bears."
  3263. >"He had a craving for sugar, but I get the feeling his tooth is the only sweet thing about him."
  3264. >>"Rude."
  3265.  
  3266.  
  3267.  
  3268.  
  3269.  
  3270.  
  3271. >Anon was originally going to be in a monogamous relationship with his waifu despite her requesting for the contrary.
  3272. >After he realized his Superior Human Stamina© is going to be a problem and he can't fix it, he caves.
  3273. >The mare is confused by the sudden 180, but ecstatic that her Anon is willing to bring more mares in.
  3274. >Having been raised in a large herd herself, she's not used to living in such a quiet household.
  3275. >Plus she can now live with all of her best sises like a forever slumber party.
  3276. >Every night is an orgy where Anon fucks his mares to numb satisfaction one after the other.
  3277. >He feels a little bad, like he's cheating even though this is what his waifu wanted, but he makes up for it by always making sure he cums in her in the end as she has her last orgasm.
  3278. >Every one is happy with this.
  3279.  
  3280.  
  3281.  
  3282. >All the humans in EqG are smol.
  3283. >They aren't hobbits (not that it stops Anon from calling them that), but they're about a foot shorter than Erf humans on average.
  3284. >Anon is giant man compared to basically everyone else.
  3285. >AJ is one of the few freaks of nature who are about his size.
  3286. >She's 6 feet tall, when everyone else is lucky to hit 5.
  3287. >Others in the same ball park include her brother Big Mac, Troubleshoes, and Principal Celestia
  3288. >And she's built like an Amazon
  3289. >pic related
  3290. >Most guys are intimidated by her.
  3291. >Anon is struggling to keep his hands to himself.
  3292. >She'd find it hilarious and flattering if she actually realized why he was acting so strange around her.
  3293.  
  3294.  
  3295.  
  3296.  
  3297.  
  3298.  
  3299. >Bon Bon always thought it was suspicious that Anon wore clothes all the time
  3300. >He's such a tease
  3301. >Then she sees Anon doing something violent/physical/requiring reflexes
  3302. >She is now convinced he's one of those homme mortels
  3303. >It's like one of her English spy novels!
  3304.  
  3305.  
  3306.  
  3307.  
  3308.  
  3309.  
  3310. >Anon in RGRE 
  3311. >Forced to cook upon arrival because everypony keeps trying to feed him hay.
  3312. >Ponies start trying out Anon's unique meals.
  3313. >All of Anon's food is amazing
  3314. >Anon quickly figures out it is because he isn't hygienic and his sweat is addictive to ponies.
  3315. >Anon quickly becomes a well known chef in the land.
  3316. >Starts getting targeted by other elite chefs to cookoffs.
  3317. >All the other top chefs just so happen to be smug ass mares plus Pinkie Pie.
  3318. >A stallion's place may be in his family's kitchen, but the restaurant world is owned by conservative mares.
  3319. >Anon meanwhile is greatly enjoying destroy the competition.
  3320. >Until he actually had met his match in the ultimate cook-off judged by the Princesses themselves.
  3321. >Anon realizes his usual homemade human cocaine just isn't going to work anymore.
  3322. >He has to find a way to jizz on the food without anypony finding out.
  3323.  
  3324.  
  3325.  
  3326.  
  3327.  
  3328.  
  3329. >Anon has severe resting bitch face himself, and is completely unaware of it
  3330. >Because of this, a lot of ponies think he’s constantly bored or scowling and he doesn’t know why.
  3331. >However he’s also developed a reputation of being something of an ice king, and some mares are into that.
  3332. >Anyone who actually takes the time to get to know him is confused by how nice he is
  3333.  
  3334.  
  3335.  
  3336.  
  3337.  
  3338. >ponies have a special instinct
  3339. >basically just the human "if its rare it must be valuable" instinct turned up to about 37 and targeted at living things
  3340. >many speculate that its "intended" use was to save entire tribes from going extinct in their more feral days
  3341. >some even say that this was part of how Celestia rose to power so quickly
  3342. >as one of the last alicorns, she was in a prime position to benefit from this instinct
  3343. >enter Anon, the ONLY human on the planet
  3344. >while this doesn't quite elevate him to the rank of God-King, it does give him a certain, unexplainable desirability to ponies, notably distinct from the "exotic" factor
  3345. >the fact he's also male certainly doesn't hurt, either
  3346. >but that's not what this is about
  3347. >when he actually does settle down with a herd, the protective aspects of it goes into overdrive
  3348. >pic related happens regularly, his herd unwilling to let him sleep without at least two mares present to protect him from (nonexistent) predators
  3349. >they also refuse to let him hold down a dangerous job (read anything that keeps him out of the house and out of their sight)
  3350. >if they had their way, he'd just be a house-husband 24/7
  3351. >with a mare to guard him at home, of course
  3352. >at first, it was cute to see his little horse-wives so concerned for him
  3353. >but now its starting to grate a bit
  3354. >especially since even the other townsfolk seem to be in on it, always asking where his herd is if he managed to slip out on his own
  3355.  
  3356.  
  3357.  
  3358.  
  3359.  
  3360.  
  3361.  
  3362. >Anon was never that popular on Earth, and was on the receiving end of very little female attention
  3363. >When he finally settles down in Equestria, he finds that female attention is much easier to come by
  3364. >There certainly aren't droves of mares eager to give him the V, but there are still plenty whose only standards for stallions are "has a dick" and "will put up with me"
  3365. >Anon is unused to this kind of attention, and it shows
  3366. >If anything this encourages the mares who now see him as an easy lay
  3367. >Anon's friends realize they have to save him from himself
  3368.  
  3369.  
  3370.  
  3371.  
  3372.  
  3373. I've kept having this idea drill into my head of Anon's post apocalypse raider gang landing in equestria through whatever mcguffin. Just the idea of cute lil' poners desperately trying to tame the strange "warrior princess-esque amazonian ape stallions" or attempting to take their shitty pipe rifles and deisel engines because they're obviously too dangerous for such delicate wall flowers and Anon's Lost boys, or whatever, trying to figure out who spiked the iguana sticks.
  3374.  
  3375. >You have no idea what the FUCK is going on
  3376. >You've never seen more two leaves on a bush back in the wasteland
  3377. >Now there are trees everywhere, and that's the least bizarre thing you've had to deal with today
  3378. >Greg had left camp to take a "wicked sick piss mate" and came back with some kind of talking horse
  3379. >It's been alternating between glancing at each of you at muttering to itself
  3380. >"I still say we should eat it. It looks tasty."
  3381. "Shut the fuck up Steve! For the last time, we aren't eating it!"
  3382. >You swear you heard "Oh yeah, eat me big boy" mumbled from the direction of the horse
  3383.  
  3384.  
  3385.  
  3386.  
  3387.  
  3388. >Anon's being stalked by Pinka ponk
  3389. >he's not really being stalked physically, but more... vocally, if that makes even a half-ounce of sense
  3390. >after a throw-away line about wondering if she "tastes as sweet as she smells," she's started seeing sexual undertones in everything she hears him say
  3391. >which is pretty much everything, because Pinkie
  3392. >why?
  3393. >perhaps she's latching onto the first bit of kinda-sexual attention she's received in a long time and trying to make it last
  3394. >or maybe she's just being Pinkie and having some kind of ESP-seizure manifesting as an implacable thirst for monkey-dick for a week or so
  3395. >who the fuck actually knows with her
  3396.  
  3397.  
  3398.  
  3399.  
  3400.  
  3401. >Live in Canterlot after getting your bearings. The RGR is less obvious since you stick to the middle class areas where liberal egalitarian ideas are common. 
  3402. >It's not a great life, but it's yours.
  3403. >Then one day, a noble and/or celebrity that you bump into starts hitting on you.
  3404. >You've had one or two other mares interested in you, but nothing like this. You decide to go for it and it's great.
  3405. >She's great at listening, very generous, and is willing to take it slow.
  3406. >All the distrustful thoughts asking why she'd pick you crumble over time.
  3407. >It's the happiest you've been in, well, forever!
  3408. ---
  3409. >The mare begins to wonder what she's gotten herself into.
  3410. >She won't lie to herself. She wanted an exotic trophy husband who didn't fuss much, not a real relationship. She could have just about any stallion she wished, but she wanted someone brag worthy for parties and elbow-rubbing. 
  3411. >The "human", she's dating, the only one in the world, is sweet as can be and even easier to please than she expected.
  3412. >But he's not the vapid cardboard cutout that she was hunting for.
  3413. >The contrary, he's far too real and thought provoking. 
  3414. >The excoticness goes further than skin-deep with his odd behavior and speech. Every bit she learns of him makes her hunger to know more. The little morsels and scraps of an alien world and life, even the hair-raisingly dark or incomprehensible ones, just aren't enough for her.
  3415. >But most the biggest and most frightening thing...
  3416. >...Are the strange feelings building like fire inside her.
  3417. >This isn't what she wants. This is the opposite of what she wants! She just wants an attractive body with a dick to stand next to her!
  3418. >...So why do the thoughts of breaking it off and trying again make her cold inside?
  3419.  
  3420.  
  3421.  
  3422.  
  3423.  
  3424.  
  3425. >"When I said he should make friends, I didn't mean this!"
  3426. >Twilight hiccoughs into her mug of cider, and her friends glance at one another in concern.
  3427. >Undaunted by her muzzle barely hitting the cider-line, she moans.
  3428. >"I meant, I dunno, Big Mac or Caramel or, or, even Shiney!"
  3429. >Cadence, sitting aside her, frowns a little, not sure whether she and her husband should be insulted or not.
  3430. >The only one who seems vaguely happy is Fluttershy, who looks across the room on occasion with the slightest of smiles on her face.
  3431. >Opposite them in the tavern, Discord, engaged in some shenanigan or another with Anon, is laughing uproariously.
  3432. >Loosely wrapped around Anon's waist and torso is Eris, his cousin. who is nuzzling Anon's neck affectionately.
  3433. >...While also sipping a whoopee-cushion under her beau's ass, while somehow groping said ass.
  3434. >Twilight lets out another moan of frustration at the sight. causing Cadence's eyes to widen a little as the pieces fall into place.
  3435. >...She blinks as a similar moan escapes an annoyed-looking Rarity.
  3436. >"Huh. Didn't see that one coming."

A Dazzling Christmas

by Uh-hmmm

A Dream Proposition

by Uh-hmmm

A Morning Ride

by Uh-hmmm

Adagio's Lullaby

by Uh-hmmm

An Acquired Taste (Scat)

by Uh-hmmm