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RGRE Promptbin 010

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-18 00:32:12
Expiry: Never
/rgre/promptbin

  1. >In a less developed part of Equestria, you end up captured and used as a camp whore for a group of bandit/raider mares.
  2. >And this isn't a joke. They actually do intend to rape you and a few other males, mostly stallions they found. If you don't comply, you can expect punishment.
  3. >You're large and resilient enough that you can endure one mare wailing on you without much pain and no marks, but escape isn't much of an option when you're so vastly outnumbered. If they truly want to kill you, then they could.
  4. >So you swallow your pride and be cooperative. If any one of the mares wants laid, then you give without questioning. 
  5. >At the same time, you try to endear yourself to the bandit chief so you can potentially become important enough to avoid abuse.
  6. >Surprisingly, it works. The chief mare, a scarred, ruthless cutthroat skilled enough to cut down 20 ponies at once, declares that you are for her private use only.
  7. >For a while, life has a pattern. You live in their hideout, living semi comfortably off of their plundered goods and letting the chief fuck you whenever she demands. You try to stay on her good side, going out of your way to be nice despite your shitty situation.
  8. >Thoughts of murder and escape still cycle through your mind, trying to come together in a workable plan.
  9. >Then things change. The chief stops sending you away when she's done with you, instead ordering you to stay in bed with her.
  10. >She starts demanding your opinion on things. Other times she inquires if there is anything in particular you need. Then she gets more personal, inquiring on your past and what you feel.
  11. >Things change even further in a way that makes you worry. Her demands become firm requests, her probing inquiries become questions, and on rare occasions she'll ask if there is anything you WANT.
  12. >Testing her, you carefully ask for a very particularly scented soap, worded in such a way that she could disregard it. She snorts and you assume that's a no.
  13. >A few days later after a caravan was raided, a bar of soap the exact scent you wanted appears in your sparse belongings.
  14. >Then she stops being rough in bed, now purposely avoiding causing you pain. If you squint, you could even say she was trying to pleasure you back.
  15. >One night after unusually tender sex, when she thinks you're asleep, she cuddles into your side with a defeated huff and shuffles closer, gently nuzzling your face before turning away and drifting to sleep.
  16. >You know what this is.
  17. >Lima Syndrome, were a captor grows attached to a hostage in a reversal of Stockholm syndrome.
  18. >Your plans for murder begin to derail, self doubt severing the tracks.
  19. >The chief guarded you from the first day you declared you to be hers. She hasn't gone out of her way to punish you for non-existent reasons. Most of all, she has recently started showing you affection and an intense but well hidden interest in your needs and wants.
  20. >Scented soap is one thing. She never asked, but she made note of your favorite foods and made sure that they were made more often. One comment from you about finding the sound of bandits using the stallions uncomfortable lead to her ordering the stallions to be it kept on the other side of the hideout. 
  21. >Now she powers through post-climax oversensitivity to bring you to orgasm after she's already finished. Something no bandit would ever do.
  22. >Your captor and...
  23. >You can't even call her a rapist anymore. She doesn't demand, just asks. A nudge and "Come find me in bed, alright?" is enough to make you go to her, where she patiently waits in what has to be a rehearsed seductive pose.
  24. >You don't enjoy this, right? You don't know anymore. The sight of the powerfully built mare used to fill you with resignation. Now the thought her pressed against your side or you mounting her and feeling those burning, velvety insides makes anticipation and something uncomfortably pleasant build in your chest.
  25. >This is so fucked up. 
  26.  
  27. >In a feat worthy of one of several spy movies Shining armor manages to lead a successful revolt after slipping off his anti-magic shackle using a fake horn.
  28. >His shields are enough to tip the odds in the captives favor, especially after most of the camp were too busy 'celebrating' the capture of such a high profile pony to notice the sounds of brawling before it was upon them.
  29. >Bursts into your tent while you're in the middle of your nightly rape-but-not-really and quickly knocks out the chief in the confusion.
  30. >Urges you to grab a weapon and follow him, adding that reinforcements from the empire will be here soon before quickly darting out again.
  31. >Quickly checking the chief, you're relieved to find she's only unconscious, but is definitely going to have a headache when she wakes up.
  32. >The fact your first thought was to check on her health and not leave or finish the job is not lost on you.
  33. >The fact your second thought is of the chief's hidden escape route (Shown to you "Just in case i need you to carry some loot and dont have time for directions.") only compounds the issue.
  34. >Sounds of conflict come from the tent flap in front of you, promising a high chance of freedom and a return to civilisation, the chief lies unconscious before you, promising confusing feelings and an uncertain future
  35.  
  36.  
  37.  
  38.  
  39.  
  40. >After a magic ritual you read on some onion site actually works, it drops you into RGRE.
  41. >You were plenty tired of dealing with people and this is just the ticket.
  42. >Have metaknowlage of MLP.
  43. >You say fuck it, you're not looking for adventure.
  44. >Head to a remote town safely out of the way of the princesses and the elements.
  45. >Settle, make friends, maybe find a wife/small herd, maybe a few children, enjoy the RGR.
  46. >Some years pass. News of big events reaches town, but it goes untouched.
  47. >The out of nowhere the elements show up, probably for a friendship problem.
  48. >In tow with them is a teen girl, one dropped into RGRE too young to remember earth or other humans.
  49. >And they're looking right at you with shock.
  50. >...Shit...
  51.  
  52.  
  53.  
  54.  
  55.  
  56.  
  57.  
  58. > Shining nurses his drink
  59. > He glances at you, then stares at his hooves
  60. > You sigh
  61. > You didn't believe what mares said about stallions and whimsy until you became friends with Shining Armor and Cadance
  62. > Last time he got tipsy and nervous, the two of you ended up in a public fountain, pictures of the two of you mooning the camera scattered throughout the square
  63. > You knock back your whiskey and decide to get it over with
  64. "What is it, Shining?"
  65. > He blushes, fiddling with the glass in his hooves
  66. > "You know how I am pretty much the ideal stallion?"
  67. > You frown
  68. "Sure. What about it?"
  69. > He sets the glass on the table, then covers his face with his hooves
  70. > "I'm the woooorst!"
  71. > Oh please no
  72. > You get up out of your chair with a grunt and walk around the table
  73. > His mane is soft and silky, the result of some rather expensive shampoos
  74. > As you pet him, he slowly calms down
  75. "Come on, we both know that's not true."
  76. > He gives you a shaky smile, and you note he wasn't crying
  77. > Well, maybe tonight can be more than some weird pity party
  78. > "Thanks Anon, but you don't know why I am so baaad."
  79. > You sit down in the chair next to him and sigh as it creaks under you
  80. "Alright, tell me."
  81. > He licks his lips
  82. > "You know how you're too fat to be loved?"
  83. > Weird pity party it is
  84. > You close your eyes and take a deep breath
  85. "Who knew the crystal heart had a weight requirement?"
  86. > Shining continues on heedlessly
  87. > "And how we can all have sleepovers, and I don't have to worry about you being a gold digging homewrecker, because who would want you over me?"
  88. > You grab his glass and swallow the fruity drink
  89. "Get to the point."
  90. > Shining leans on your arm, nuzzling it a little
  91. > "Anon. I keep thinking about it, and I realized. I want to watch it."
  92. > You have a bad feeling about this
  93. "Watch what?"
  94. > He stares at you with glittering eyes
  95. > "I want to watch you get fucked by my wife."
  96. > You rub your temples, fighting back the headache that is sure to be
  97. "As in, pegging?"
  98. > Shining snorts
  99. > "No, that's weird. I want to watch her ride you, that's all."
  100. > You resist the urge to get more alcohol
  101. > That road leads to giving in to his whimsy
  102. "Why?"
  103. > He blushes, and wiggles in his chair
  104. > "It's just, you being so unattractive, and Cadance being way out of your league, it's almost funny in a hot way."
  105. > You get up and head toward the liquor cabinet
  106. "And have you told Cadance about this fantasy of yours?"
  107. > Shining grins at you as you pour a glass of the good stuff
  108. > "Yeah. I'm a lucky stallion."
  109. > You look at the glass, then drink directly from the bottle
  110. "Fuck it. I'm in."
  111.  
  112.  
  113.  
  114.  
  115.  
  116. > Anon dies from overworking at the office for too long
  117. > Wakes up in RGRE
  118. > Is set up with a government stipend and a cheap apartment
  119. > Wanders around town the first couple days, just getting a sense of things
  120. > Takes simple pleasure in having the time to play with the CMC when they cross his path
  121. > Mares smile at the heartwarming sight
  122. > After talking to many store owners, Anon begins work as a freelance accountant
  123. > It's not like the finances for any of his clients are especially complex or time consuming
  124. > They just would rather not have to deal with it if they don't have to
  125. > The CMC tags along occasionally, fetching papers and snacks for him 
  126. > He'll take a lunch break, and chase them around a bit until they are not so hyper
  127. > Sometimes the store owner will give little demonstrations on how to do some little thing, and Anon and the CMC give it a try
  128. > His home and their clubhouse are covered in the resulting knick-knacks, each a precious memory
  129.  
  130.  
  131.  
  132.  
  133.  
  134.  
  135.  
  136.  
  137. > Be Anon, waiter at the Bannered Mare
  138. > It isn't easy being a man in Skyrim, but you stay strong, and mares have come to respect you, and some even fear you
  139. > The civil war going on just makes things worse
  140. > Wanderers come in, making a nuisance of themselves, slapping your ass as you go by
  141. > Luckily Holder the Innkeeper doesn't mind you smacking them over the head with a serving tray
  142. > It's a slow afternoon when another stranger walks in
  143. > You pause at the sight of daedric armor
  144. > The mare trots over to Mikaela the Bard
  145. > "You need to leave Carl Valentia alone."
  146. > Mikaela gets to her hooves and glares at the stranger
  147. > "Carl put you up to this, didn't he? I'm sorry, but that fiery widower is mine. He just doesn't know it yet."
  148. > The stranger doesn't look amused
  149. > "Leave Carl Alone. Or else."
  150. > Mikaela takes a step back
  151. > "Whoa. Hey there. I didn't mean to make you upset. On my honor, Carl won't have to worry about me again."
  152. > Thank goodness someone finally completed that quest
  153. > ...
  154. > That's the dragonborn
  155. > And she's walking towards you
  156. "How can I help you?"
  157. > The mare looks you up and down
  158. > "How would you like to make some coin with that body?"
  159. > Is she really asking you to-
  160. > But she's so... persuasive
  161. "Sounds like fun."
  162. > Should have known Skyrim was modded
  163. > You just hope she doesn't offer your company to a stallion
  164.  
  165.  
  166.  
  167.  
  168.  
  169.  
  170.  
  171. >You start seeing 2 mares right around the same time. An older mare down on her luck and a much younger, troubled one who is just barely legal.
  172. >You tell them both that you're talking to another mare just to be upfront with the potential herd thing. Both are fine with it.
  173. >You get along great with both. The older needs someone to heal her distrustful, jaded self. She tells you of how her first marriage fell apart and how horrible she feels neglecting her young daughter.
  174. >The younger needs a stable someone in her life. Teen years are stressful on young mares, since they all-at-once "notice" stallions and how few there are on top of school drama. Plus she has the baggage of an absent mother and workaholic father.
  175. >You grow to love both dearly. The older slowly opens up again, smiling for real and steadily pulling herself out of her dark place in life with your help.
  176. >The younger was already starstruck with you. Her grades had shot up with your help and "motivation" and she's grown to realize that her parent's situation isn't her fault. Her infatuation beings to bud into more intense feelings.
  177. >You dated them separately for a while and decide they should finally meet. They were actually pretty eager to see who had captivated your interest as much as themselves.
  178. >Your older mare, Delta Vee, walks into your home and greets you with a smile and a deep kiss. A moment later, the door opens again followed by a gasp.
  179. >"M-mom?! What are you doing kissing my coltfriend?!"
  180. >Delta's eyes widen and she whirls around.
  181. >Standing in the door is a shocked Apogee, your other mare.
  182. >"Kiddo? Wait... Your COLTFRIEND?" Delta asks, turning to look at you.
  183. >...It suddenly hits you that none of you three had mentioned any names when talking about each other.
  184. >This is awkward
  185.  
  186.  
  187.  
  188.  
  189.  
  190.  
  191. >Witch Doctor Anon innaquestria
  192. >Dabbles in legit black magic and voodoo
  193. >Sets up shop even deeper in the Everfree than Zecora
  194. >Screws over ponies and other creatures with his deals
  195. >Has actual demons helping him out
  196. >For the most part he doesn't get found out because he's able to play the part of the "innocent, lost, strange alien colt" well when in town
  197. >As for those he has deals with, they either;
  198. >go so well that they don't want him getting in trouble
  199. >go badly and Anon manages to convince them they'd get in more trouble than he would
  200. >or Anon just sends them away
  201. >Literally, he sends them off to some fancy foreign island so they won't bother him
  202. >The only one to actually realise what he's doing is Zecora
  203. >She tries to out him but he just plays the victim
  204. >The ponies try to convince Zecora she just didn't get what she saw, it's not like they'd get angry over a misunderstanding
  205. >After several hours of going in circles with the ponies, Zecora comes to a realisation
  206. >She needs to fight Anon at his own game
  207. >Mystic magic, with potions, chants and spirits
  208. >Witch Doctor Anon is happy to have a creature that can match him and make him sweat to keep his business going
  209. >Zecora starts offering similar services (with no curses)
  210. >Their game eventually devolves into just showing off and trying to one up each other
  211. >This comes to a head one day when during a festival they both come out of the Everfree to set up stands
  212. >They're throwing spells around that aren't even in the Canterlot Archives
  213. >They both come to a grinding halt when Rainbow, drunk off her ass, yells at them to just buck and get it over with
  214. >Anon and Zecora spend the night talking to their respective demons and spirits
  215. >The spirits offer genuine advice to Zecora while the demons do the spirit equivalent of shitpost at Anon
  216. >He doesn't even know why they're still here, he hasn't even given them any souls in months
  217. >They're just here to laugh at his misfortune
  218.  
  219.  
  220.  
  221.  
  222.  
  223.  
  224. >Anon in Equestria
  225. >Doesn't stick around Ponyville
  226. >Goes traveling
  227. >At one point, he meets a strange older mare when he finds a town to stay in
  228. >MILF age, precisely
  229. >She calls herself "Sea Shell" (not before muttering that less kind ponies call her "Bombshell" because she always blows her chances with colts)
  230. >Anon and Sea Shell get on like a house on fire
  231. >Sea Shell is funny, and her eccentricities are endearing and charming
  232. >Sea Shell finds him easy to talk to and finds herself falling for him after a number of weeks
  233. >Anon and Sea Shell hook up
  234. >But Anon's funds are dwindling, and he has to go home soon
  235. >No matter what Sea Shell offers, Anon refuses to take her money
  236. >Anon promises to write, and they talk about visiting each other
  237. >A few months later, Sea Shell has successfully saved up enough money to spend some time in Ponyville
  238. >She's getting weird deja vu all around town, and gets weird looks from some of the older residents
  239. >Applejack in particular can't buck the feeling that she knows this mare
  240. >It's not until Granny barricades herself in the cellar and shouts about ghosts and wraiths returning for her blood that Applejack decides to figure out who this mare really is
  241.  
  242.  
  243.  
  244.  
  245.  
  246.  
  247. >Ponyville is actually a nudist society
  248. >Ponies do, in fact, wear clothing
  249. >Maybe not pants and shorts since those would be difficult for earth ponies and pegasi to put on and take off, but standard nudity taboos apply and they try to cover themselves up whenever possible
  250. >Be it skirts or tunics, you generally won't be able to see a pony's bits
  251. >It's just smaller out-of-the-way towns that nopony really goes to that shed the taboo
  252. >It's a town of perverts, and Anon honestly has no idea
  253. "I mean, I guess clothes seem impractical to a pony," he reasoned, "how's Applejack supposed to put a pair of pants on?"
  254. >The mares spot a new, exotic-looking stallion in town in the form of Anon
  255. >"Ooh... his cock would be right at muzzle-level. It'd be a shame if some mare 'accidentally' walked face-first into his crotch, huh gals?"
  256. >>"No kidding. And have you see those flanks? I bet you could bounce a bit off of those."
  257. >"Mmmph! And don't get me started on those paws he's got. Imagine feeling those wriggling in your-"
  258. >>"No, don't! I'm wet enough as it is! If I get any hornier, I won't try and get Anon to strip; I'll just hold him down and buck the LIFE out of him."
  259. >The mares in Anon's area of town seem to make it their goal to convince Anon that nudity is standard and that he should join in
  260. >The stallions are bothered that Anon's being tricked, but they don't want to risk facing down an angry crowd of mares who just got denied a new dick to ride
  261. >"Welcome to my strawberry store! Oh, it's Anon! C'mon, big guy, you know the rules: no clothing below the waist if you wanna shop here."
  262. "Oh, fine. Jeez, this cultural adaption thing sure is tricky..."
  263. >"D-Do you need some help getting that underwear off?!"
  264. "What? No, I can-wait, don't use your teeth! Aww, now they're ripped!"
  265. >"...can I keep these?"
  266.  
  267.  
  268.  
  269.  
  270.  
  271. >RGRE accidentally makes a portal to Earth.
  272. >But seeing it's current state, they don't think humans are ready to meet aliens like them yet.
  273. >But the huge surplus of males is just too tempting.
  274. >So many mares cross into Earth and simply pretend to be clever animals.
  275. >The humans stop questioning where the mares come from with some minor hypnotic suggestion and are usually quick to adopt mares, who naturally gravitate to males without commitments.
  276. >There, they can bide their time as pets until they feel they can reveal themselves on a one-on-one manner and offer a return to RGRE
  277. >... Though many mares try to speed things up by being openly horny or trying to be there when their humans try to masturbate.
  278. >Naughty humans have a hard time passing up Hot Mare Depths when it's much more appealing than a hand. The primal feeling of inseminating an eager female is something they don't forget.
  279. >And so the silent drain of young, breeding age men began
  280.  
  281.  
  282.  
  283.  
  284.  
  285.  
  286.  
  287. >You are Great and Amazing, so you must be Trixie!
  288. >And you are going to the library after school for your O&O Club meeting/campaign.
  289. >"Nice outfit queer!"
  290. >"Yeah, does it come with a clit to lick?"
  291. >Two girls say as you are walking down the halls.
  292. >In retrospect, it would probably be better to change in the library.
  293. >"Is she even wearing a beard?"
  294. >"Oh my god, she's dressed like a guy."
  295. >It is true you picked a male character to roleplay as, but his stats were too amazing to pass up on.
  296. >...
  297. >Again in hindsight you probably should have waited to change until you were in the library.
  298. >But you thought the halls would be empty after school, you just happened to run into two jocks.
  299. >Just your luck.
  300. >"Goibg to have fun at your taco fiesta of a club nerd?"
  301. "For your information, Trixie is the only girl in the club. The other members are boys."
  302. >"You mean those two?"
  303. >You turn and see Snips and Snails in full garb walking to the library as well.
  304. >Not the best timing but thus is your luck.
  305. >"Nerd can't get any dick so she role plays as a guy and plays with ugly nerd guys."
  306. >"Yeah, that's just sad."
  307. >And they start laughing.
  308. >You should really start moving before you start crying.
  309. >"Hey Trix."
  310. >A familiar voice calls out to you.
  311. >The three of you turn and see the new transfer student Anon coming towards you with Big Mac at his side.
  312. >Both dressed up too.
  313. >Anon looks so good in that makeshift ranger cloak.
  314. >"Everything okay Trix?"
  315. >He asks noticing your body language.
  316. >"Don't suppose you two wanted to sit in with us today? Clubs always looking for new members."
  317. >He asks your pair of tormentors.
  318. >"Better offer sexy. Why don't you and the other big boy here ditch your club and this cross dresser and come party with some real women."
  319. >He smiles and brushes past them and comes to your side.
  320. >"I didn't think you would. After all, you need to know math and how to read to participate. Something tells me those aren't your strong suits."
  321. >He wraps his arm around yours and starts to lead you away.
  322. >"The fuck you say?"
  323. >"Don't try to think too hard about it girls. Your heads will hurt. Now if you'll excuse us."
  324. >He says.
  325. >Mac picks up on it too and loops his arm around your other arm and you walk sandwiched between two hunks.
  326. >You could die happy right now.
  327. >You are so happy to invited Anon to your club and even more he said yes.
  328. "H-hey Anon. If you aren't doing anything later. Would you like to go to the game shop at the mall? I heard they got some new minis in."
  329. >"Sure Trix. I might get a new dice set anyway. Been getting too many ones lately so it couldn't hurt."
  330. >Life is good.
  331. >...
  332. >Did you just as a guy out on a date?
  333. >And did he say yes?
  334.  
  335.  
  336.  
  337.  
  338.  
  339.  
  340. > Anon works his way up through the servantry
  341. > Ends up as Blueblood's personal butler
  342. > The prince isn't as bad as he is when shaking off gold-diggers, but he is a stallion of privilege, with all the whimsy that implies
  343. > Anon goes on minor adventures, trying to either head off or fulfill Blueblood's impulses
  344. > Some days are absolutely exhausting, but every day is at least somewhat interesting
  345.  
  346.  
  347.  
  348.  
  349.  
  350.  
  351. > Agent Sweetie Drops is stationed in Ponyville 
  352. > Officially, it's to monitor the Everfree and deal with foreign intelligence trying to influence the Elements
  353. > Unofficially, it's a limited retirement for services rendered in a major operation that had turned into a huge mess 
  354. > Anon wanders out of the forest, and suddenly she has duties
  355. > It's a relief at first, getting back into old habits
  356. > But Anon is tripping some instincts but not others
  357. > It's also frustrating that he can always tell when she's following him
  358. > Meanwhile, Lyra is happy that Bonbon is showing interest in a guy for once, and tries to help her win his love
  359.  
  360.  
  361.  
  362.  
  363.  
  364.  
  365. >Mane Six try to respect Anon’s wishes for the most part 
  366. >they ain’t going to break up what is obviously a loving family 
  367. >but at the same time, they don’t want humanity to die out in Equestria because they don’t have anyway to send them back to Earth
  368. >the idea of a race just dying like that doesn’t sit well with them
  369. >plus the female human raised in Equestria is having a harder time of it than Anon
  370. >the dick pass is too stronk
  371. >where Anon is considered ‘exotic’ due to his looks, Femanon is considered ugly by most stallions
  372. >it doesn’t help that in trying to become more attractive by pony standards she’s less attractive by human standards 
  373. >he does allow her to hang around so she can learn more about the world they come from though, but that’s about it.
  374. >Femanon has at this point resigned herself to dying alone, but the stories of her homeworld are always interesting
  375. >Mane Six try to subtly manipulate things from the shadows so the two of them end up in romantic comedy-esque shenanigans, but it never works much to their frustration 
  376. >Fluttershy compares it to trying to get two pandas to mate
  377.  
  378.  
  379.  
  380.  
  381.  
  382.  
  383. > Anon is a unique combination of laid back and emotionally available to DT
  384. > She gets all sorts of confusing feelings about this nurturing, comforting presence 
  385. > He's so unrefined, fond of shocking ponies will blunt words, but also fun to hang out with, without having to keep up appearances
  386. > He gives good advice sometimes, tells interesting stories, and holds her when she just needs a hug after dealing with her mother all day
  387. > Sometimes she wishes he could be her real father
  388. > Other times she wishes she could motorboat his balls
  389. > She is a growing mare, after all, and when he sits down, she can practically see his nuts straining against the fabric, at the perfect height for a mare to just bury her face in his musk
  390.  
  391.  
  392.  
  393.  
  394.  
  395.  
  396. >Twilight took it upon herself to take you in and show you around town when she realizes you were going to be homeless otherwise. 
  397. >You're grateful, you really are, but god damn does this pretty purple princess need to tempt you so much?
  398. >The bounce of her thick, soft-looking rump, seemingly perfect for digging fingers into, makes your hear race. She's offered hugs and nuzzles, so you know just how warm and soft she is. You have no idea if the hip sway is intentional, though.
  399. >And her long tail is hiked up, letting you see the goods.
  400. >That perfect taboo-yet-not-taboo horse pussy and ponut call to you.
  401. >Every so often, you even see a little bit of nip or teat. It's not the breasts you're used to, but the sight still thrills you and you cant help but wonder what they feel like in the hand.
  402. >She's unbelievably beautiful outside of a lewd context too.
  403. >Her purple color, often used to symbolize both intelligence and royalty fit her to a T. Her mane and tail are perfect without a single hair out of place. Her wings are both majestic, when when you think about how she flaps and flutters then in excitement, adorable too. Her large eyes are sparkling oceans of emotion filled with endless kindness. Just a smile from her lights up a room. Other things you usually would not consider attractive captives you with her, like her long neck and the big poofy tuft on her chest.
  404. >Other ponies are just, well, cute (and weirdly sexist) ponies. Twilight though, she's different. Why, you have no idea.
  405. >You are a little too tall for them to notice, so nopony pointed out the tiny glowing hearts in your eyes to you.
  406.  
  407.  
  408.  
  409.  
  410.  
  411.  
  412.  
  413. "Have you read my proposal, dear?"
  414. >"I have Rarity."
  415. "And what did you think? A little wordy, yes, but I had thought it would need to be. The nobility in Canterlot like such things to be--"
  416. >"I'm going to be honest with you, Rarity. This is the biggest load of horse apples I've read this morning, and that's saying a lot."
  417. "What in Equestria do you, mean, Twilight? There is nothing ridiculous about my proposal! In fact, I dare say that it might save this kingdom! Nay, all of Equus!"
  418. >"Really?"
  419. "Would I EVER kid about something as important as the WORLD?"
  420. >"...Rarity, I think we both know that this is nonsensical."
  421. "I beg your pardon?!"
  422. >"I know you like the alien--"
  423. "Like? Oh, nothing of the sort! It's nothing but a menace and a danger to our very way of life."
  424. >"That stallion wouldn't hurt a fly! Come on, Rarity, he was playing with foals YESTERDAY!"
  425. "A ploy. No doubt that THINGS creators made it act like that to soften it up."
  426. >"Creators, really? Are you--"
  427. "Just THINK about it, dear. A stallion just APPEARS on your front door that just so happens to be the perfect specimen?"
  428. >"Perfect specimen? I wouldn't know about--"
  429. "That flawless skin, those big, strong arms, those thick foal-chasing hips, those eyes that you could get lost it? a groin that's muzzle height and a MUSK that could knock Celestia herself off her hooves? And to top it all off he can't speak a lick of Eqush? He is obviously here to take us off guard, no doubt the probe for some alien invasion force."
  430. >"Oh come on, he's not--"
  431. "They'll no doubt be here to steal all of our water! Or candies! Or our scarves! For Luna's sake, Twilight, THINK of the scarves!"
  432. >"Who gives a horse hockey about--"
  433. "How many stallions have threatened the world with unearthly power? I know he might seem like the most gorgeous colt you've ever seen, but unimaginable abilities might lie just beneath his flawless exterior! Which is why something must be done about him immediately and without hesitation!
  434. >"..."
  435. "..."
  436. >"...Alrighty. Let's say that I believe you. I don't in anyway whatsoever, but lets say, for just a second that I do and our guest is the start of some earth-shattering, world destroying apocalypse. How in Equestria would your plan help us in anyway?"
  437. "Help? Oh, it wouldn't help, darling. It would solve everything."
  438. >"Solve everything? And how, and I quote would "letting myself, Rarity, be used for the beast's carnal enjoyment wherever and whenever he needs it, be it in private or public, in anyway he might choose" do a darn thing?"
  439. "It's fighting fire with fire, dear. If we have a mare doing nothing but draining that fat python between his legs he won't be able to contact the rest of the invasion force, or if he could he'd speak of the tenacity of us ponies, possibly making them rethink their attack."
  440. >"Rarity--"
  441. "It would be a thankless job, and no doubt demanding. That BEAST is no doubt created for the purpose of making a mare squirt so hard that she forgets her name. His cum is also no doubt salty and tangy and would turn even those with the strongest of wills into cum-addicted harlots, but I believe that I'm one of the few that could bear this burden." 
  442. >"Rar--"
  443. "If he needs to pick me up by the throat and choke me why pounding my tailhole until I'm stuffed with his seed then he might do so."
  444. >"Oh for Celestia's--"
  445. "Or if he wishes to use my throat for hours at a time, or if he wishes to play with my teats until they're sensative and red, or, Celestia forbid, he spends the day cumming all over my fur then I will bare it. For the NATION."
  446. >"..."
  447. "He might force me to use my hooves to stroke him, or rub his penis all over me. My tail, or on my rump until he spills his seed all over the small of my back. He might--the fiend-- just spend days forcing me on my back in the breeding position, thrusting away until I'm heavy with his foals! But worry not, dear! I can take everything he could ever throw at me and more! I can--"
  448. >"Rarity?"
  449. "Yes, dear?"
  450. >"Get out of my office."
  451.  
  452.  
  453.  
  454.  
  455.  
  456.  
  457.  
  458. >Celestia is quite a bit older than most realize.
  459. >In her earliest memories, many thousands of years ago, she remembers a more carefree life. A life as a rancher's favorite horse. 
  460. >She remembers an older man buying her 
  461. just as she was old enough to leave her mother both as a gift and a lesson in responsibility to his son.
  462. >Anonymous.
  463. >Even if she was simple at the time, Celestia will always remember those wide, surprised eyes that slowly softened with love. That was we're she was named "Celestia" by him.
  464. >She remembers growing with him, how under his care, she grew into a beautiful mare, and how he went from a lanky teen to an adult tempered by ranch work. 
  465. >Many a hot summer spent playing with the cold water of the hose, many a day of riding together, many a night of him coming to the stable just to be with her. 
  466. >Then he moved away from his parents and took her and a few other horses with him to his own, new ranch. There, they still shared their moments with the occasional adventure, like driving wolves away in thrilling chases or participating in parades in town.
  467. >Celestia loved her human more than anything. He even told off a potential mate who wanted him to quit ranching and move to the city with her.
  468. >Celestia remembers the female human's face when she was told to pack her things and get out because "That white mare outside has more claim of me than you."
  469. >Then IT happened.
  470. >Her human got a call one day on his glass and plastic square, one that left him ashen faced and trembling.
  471. >For 4 days he did nothing but spend time with her and the other horses, with her getting a bulk of it. On the last day, Anonymous kissed her on the snoot, hugged her close, and lead her to a trailer.
  472. >She knew something was wrong, something was terribly wrong. She didn't understand why this was happening. 
  473. >What she did understand, was that her Anonymous was going away.
  474. >No matter how hard she fought, they still got her onto the trailer and took her to Anon's aging sire, back to the ranch where they spent childhood.
  475. >Never did she see him again, and her heart broke.
  476. >She spent a listless year waiting in vain. A gloom hung over the ranch. Anon's sire never slept well and would sometimes come out to vent to her in the early morn, even if she didn't understand all the words. Anon's dam thinned from her stress, becoming weepy where she used to be full of life.
  477. >Then cataclysm struck.
  478. >A 2nd sun bloomed in the nearby town, surely turning it and everyone there to ash. After, a terrible wind reeking of rot and filled with invisible fire washed over the ranch.
  479. >The trees died, the grass became sickly, and Celestia's insides burned with terrible pain.
  480. >Anon's sire and dam, weakened by stress and age, wasted away and perished before her eyes. Her fellow equines too fell ill, the invisible fire burning them away from the inside until the breathed their last. 
  481. >Celestia wanted to LIVE. To see her human again, that's what motivated her. She powered through her pain and ventured away from the ranch alone.
  482. >She searched for many years, powering though the agony of the lingering invisible fire and ignoring the changes her body underwent. She didn't notice that time had lost its grip on her.
  483. >She didn't even find any other humans, only grim remains.
  484. >Celestia kept looking until nature had started reclaiming the land, refusing to believe her Anon is dead. 
  485. >Along the way, she found a small herd of nervous little equines. Ponies. They survived as well. She took no offense to them following and lead them like a human would horses.
  486. >Never did she give up hope.
  487. >Countless years later, Princess Celestia sits upon her throne and looks out the window wistfully, old memories returning to her.
  488. >Anonymous must be out there somewhere. The mystery of the human extinction still haunts her. Even now, there are things ponies still can't do like humans. How did they fall? What event took her beloved human away?
  489. >
  490. >[Far below the mountains of Canterlot]
  491. >An alarm klaxon screams on a rusted control panel. A half broken display flickers to life, reading "REACTER FUEL LOW. 2% POWER REMAINING. EMERGENCY UNTHAW BEGIN."
  492. >A room below that, filled with broken cryopods that themselves are filled with naught but dust, a single functional pod hisses and groans as it's ancient motors struggle to open the pod.
  493. >The display on the pod lights up. "25988 YEARS ELAPSED. GOOD MORNING SGT A. MOUS."
  494. >Inside the pod, a rancher turned unwilling soldier awakens
  495.  
  496.  
  497.  
  498.  
  499. > Uncle Nemo and his herd of stock horses in RGRE
  500.  
  501. Stock horses are characterized by agility, quickness, and powerful hindquarters. They are usually noted for intelligence and "cow sense," having an instinctive understanding of how to respond to the movement of cattle so as to move livestock in am desired manner with minimal or no guidance from their rider. 
  502.  
  503. > Uncle Nemo's herd of thicc, intelligent mares become exemplary police officers
  504. > Directing traffic, bucking criminals, coming home to a nice rubdown and sweet loving from their human
  505.  
  506.  
  507.  
  508.  
  509.  
  510.  
  511. >Anon with clinical "Legitimate brain problems" depression in equestria.
  512. >Always tried to be pleasant and friendly, but it was tiring to try and force it all the time.
  513. >Ponies picked up on that and were uncomfortable about it, always trying to help you.
  514. >Fuck off into the mountains to get away from the latest attempt to cheer you up.
  515. >Windigos find you because misery loves company.
  516. >You're so far past giving a fuck that when one comes straight to your face wondering why you havent frozen yet that you just push it aside and absently pet it.
  517. >It realises that feels pretty damn good and follows your hand.
  518. >Others come up to you wondering what the fuck larry is doing and soon discover the wonder of headpats themselves.
  519. >Start moving your hands around while you walk to see if they follow, inadvertantly making them dance as they fly and curve around each other.
  520. >Make your hand movements more intricate, ice and snow start flying everywhere as you conduct their movement, the windigoes catching onto the 'game'.
  521. >Harmony magic sluggishly kicks in as the consistant frown you've had since you left ponyville slowly eases from your face.
  522. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xGmx4K81Hc
  523.  
  524.  
  525.  
  526.  
  527.  
  528.  
  529. >There is a language barrier between you and the ponies. Their language is simple enough to learn and understand, but speaking it is impossible because your vocal cords just can't make the same sounds. 
  530. >So you understand them, but they can't understand you. Only Twilight has a good grasp on English and she can't spend all her time translating for you.
  531. >But the magic of song is universally understood by ponies. If you sing, then they understand your words (for the most part). You even get the perk of a beautiful voice even if you didn't sing well before thanks to magic.
  532. >The more you put your heart into a song, the more powerful the impact. In a moment of genuine depression, you muttered a few verses about missing home and made even a macho mare like Rainbow emotional. Poor Fluttershy was there too and about burst into tears.
  533. >So you've just resigned yourself to non verbal communication unless you really need something and need to sing.
  534. >Combine the singing with being male, tall as an alicorn, long periods of stoic (to them. They have a hard time reading your face) silence, and an exotic appearance, most ponies think of you as the equivalent to a giga elf princess. 
  535. >Whether you like it or not, you've earned yourself more than a few admirers
  536.  
  537. >Reports on reports on reports.
  538. >You had reports and-
  539. >"Psst."
  540. >Oh Celestia, please no.
  541. >"Psst. Hey, Twilight."
  542. >You sigh and push the papers away from you before turning to Rainbow.
  543. "What?"
  544. >She clamps a hoof over your mouth to try and silence you as she starts whisper yelling.
  545. >"Don't be so loud. I don't want to distract him."
  546. >Having absolutely none of it, you grab the hoof with your magic and throw it off.
  547. "What?"
  548. >Dash pouts for a moment before nodding to the other side of the table where your...guest currently sat.
  549. >It was hard to decipher a whole new language, but you were making progress with him.
  550. >"Why does he do that? Is he meditating for some super kung-fu thing or..."
  551. >You give Anon a quick glance and see just what you expect.
  552. >The far off look, the usual silence, a slight tilting back of the head which made it look like he was looking at the ceiling.
  553. "He's hungry."
  554. >Dash scrunches up as you drag some of the papers back to you.
  555. >"Wha-no. He looks so...I don't know, zen or something."
  556. "He's just hungry, Dash."
  557. >"W-well what about when he sticks his hand thingy up and points that one finger out of the top? Isn't that a sign for peace and love or something?"
  558. "I am ninety nine percent sure that is an insult."
  559. >"Well how about when he sways, like he's swaying with the wind to attune with nature or whatever."
  560. "That's just the cider. I don't know where he keeps getting it, but I find bottles everywhere."
  561. >Dash seems genuinely upset now.
  562. >"Does he do anything cool?"
  563. >You move on to the next report and give Dash a short nod.
  564. "He gives fantastic ear scratches."
  565.  
  566.  
  567.  
  568.  
  569.  
  570.  
  571. >"Anon! Hey, Anon!"
  572. >Scootaloo scampers over to you, nearly tripping over her hooves in her excitement.
  573. >She's borrowed Twilight's Naruto headband, and it's just a little bit too big for her; it's drooped down over one side of her head, covering her left eye.
  574. "What's up, Scoots?"
  575. >She jams her legs out and skids to a halt.
  576. >"Check it out!"
  577. >Screwing her face up in concentration, she opens her mouth.
  578. >Horse-weeb comes out.
  579. >It's rice-nigger words, and she seems to be having a hard time pronouncing it.
  580. >After a few syllables, she grins up at you and wags her tail happily.
  581. >"That means, 'I love you' in Neighponese!"
  582. >D'aww.
  583. >This fucking horse.
  584. >You lean down and scoop Scootaloo up, making sure to catch the loose headband when it inevitably slips off of her head.
  585. "I love you too, Scootaloo."
  586. >She snuggles into your chest and makes happy horse noises.
  587. >You know what?
  588. >Even if it means spending an evening watching nothing but anime, you really love foal-sitting this filly.
  589. >Best daughteru.
  590. >...
  591. "Aw, fuck."
  592. >Did you just think the word 'daughteru'?
  593. >The bastards finally got you.
  594.  
  595.  
  596.  
  597.  
  598.  
  599.  
  600.  
  601. >When you get transported to RGREqG, you get de-aged down to a toddler.
  602. >It's awful. At least you're not in diapers.
  603. >Being a lost little boy, a good samaritan takes you to the orphanage.
  604. >Efforts to find your parents are fruitless, considering they're in another dimension. 
  605. >You get put up for adoption and almost immediately have families lining up to take you.
  606. >Being a cute boy in an RGR land has it's perks
  607. >A family with a young daughter your (physical) age takes you in and loves you like their own
  608. >It's... not a bad arrangement all things considered. It takes time to think of your new parents as YOUR parents, but it sticks and you grow to love them.
  609. >Your new sister adores you and you think she's the cutest thing on this or any earth. She's quick to chase off any bullies and says she'll protect you "forever and ever" despite you swiftly growing larger than her
  610. >Your sister is easily the best part of this new life. You have to turn down being accelerated through school just to be with her, and later her friends since you don't behave like a "boy"
  611. >With a do-over of life and half-remembered advice from /fit/, you carefully monitor your growth and health, steadily growing up to be a fit knock-out
  612. >Your sister has to chase away girls with even more fervor than ever
  613. >Buy the time highschool rolls around, you could make a living of being a janegirl-themed Instagram thot. In fact, you would if thottory didn't disgust you in any form
  614. >You also notice your sister starting to look at you strangely and suddenly being more touchy feely than usual. You wonder whats on her mind.
  615. >Meh. She'll tell you if it's important.
  616. >
  617. >You are Rainbow Dash.
  618. >And good god your brother looks amazing in skinny jeans and a tight shirt.
  619. >You did NOT almost bust an ovary when he hugged you. Not at all.
  620. >...Its okay because he's adopted. That makes it okay.
  621. >Again you notice other girls eyeing him and jealously rears it's ugly head.
  622. >Cunts. He's taken. It's just not been announced yet
  623.  
  624.  
  625.  
  626.  
  627.  
  628.  
  629. >Anon in RGREqg
  630. >He is tired of all the crazy horse women at the school
  631. >If they're not acting overly "macho" when they're not, they got some weird tick that makes him want to stay at least 10 feet away at all times
  632. >Then he meets Ditzy and things start looking up
  633. >She's a bit clumsy but otherwise really nice
  634. >They hang out and after a while they started going out
  635. >One day when going out for ice cream, a car stopped in front of you and 5 women came out with bats and steel pipes
  636. >Ditzy has him hold her ice cream and takes a pair of brass knuckles from her her blouse pocket
  637. >Despite the odds, Ditzy wipes the floor with them, causing them to flee
  638. >Just as she finished, more girls with weapons showed up, but these were friendly
  639. >They were calling Ditzy "Boss" and "The Derper."
  640. >Afterwards, Ditzy confesses she's the daughter of the local mafia boss and is supposed to take over the "family business" after she graduates
  641. >She got her nickname because when she punches someone in the head, their eyes cross
  642. >She wanted to keep Anon away from mafia business as much as she can, afraid that he would get hurt or not like her anymore
  643. >However, now that their rivals saw you two together, she's afraid that they might go after him
  644. >She offers him sanctuary at her boarding house, where he would be safe since everyone there is a mafia member
  645. >Anon reluctantly agrees, deciding to take his chances on the dangerous women who are less likely to kill him at the moment
  646.  
  647.  
  648.  
  649.  
  650.  
  651.  
  652. >tfw alicorns will never break out into your house on the regular and demand snacks and food for you
  653. >tfw it's everything under the sun too
  654. >Not just hay and grass, but steak, lasagna, even calzones 
  655. >tfw they somehow always manage to stock your fridge with everything you need 
  656. >tfw you what no idea where they get the pork and beef
  657. >tfw you don't want to
  658. >tfw the whole time you're cooking you can see their eyes poking just over your countertop, watching you
  659. >tfw they don't blink
  660. >tfw even the baby does this
  661. >tfw you can't tell anyone because they're god horses
  662. >tfw
  663.  
  664.  
  665.  
  666.  
  667.  
  668.  
  669. >In a year through the power of our combined autism we finish the project
  670. >for weeks after all anons are captivated by the ability to simulate their wifu's voice 
  671. >fapping everywhere 
  672. >but then almost all at once we all realize we can go deeper
  673. >it takes two more years to create a program that animates greentext
  674. >the first animations are crude but they get the job done
  675. >another two years pass and the differences between ai animation and the actual show are getting harder to find the easiest difference to spot is the fact that in most animations the ponies are anatomically correct
  676. >G5s release is practically ignored
  677. >some years after this virtual reality is brought into the equation
  678. >greentext animations move from shows and movies to... more interactive experiences
  679.  
  680. >The year is 2036
  681. >the pontrix is set for release in a few months 
  682. >all of Equestria is available in an incredibly modifiable virtual world
  683. >ai has advanced to the point where even cheep programs can pass the Turning test
  684. >you can finally escape to this new world
  685.  
  686. >you are Anon and you've made it
  687. >you've gone through hell and back to hold the glasses that now have in your hands
  688. >you've survived the poverty caused by the oil wars of the middle east and the famine caused by the nuclear winter of 2031
  689. >you got a little nicked up in last years race riots but that doesn't matter anymore
  690. >you were gonna go to Equestria and fuck a cute lil pone even if it kills you
  691. >you boot up your computer and start up the simulation 
  692. >your little pc tries it's best but you can hear it struggling 
  693. >scrolling through the available pone simulations you're anoyed to see most of them are in Chinese and other gibberish languages
  694. >the West may have been falling apart for the last decade but Hasbro still had a A+ legal team
  695. >that and mobile 'Legal Enforcement Units'
  696. >you shudder at the thought of a group of heavily armored men busting down your door and shipping you to the Canadian Gulags
  697. >finally though after an hour of scrolling you find a simulation with an English translation
  698. >you have no idea what RGRE means but any pony is better than no pony
  699. >A few clicks and a quick glasses adjustment and the world begins to shift aground you and reform
  700. >you are ready
  701.  
  702.  
  703.  
  704.  
  705.  
  706.  
  707. >Alicorns are actually omnivores
  708. >This fact never became public, though, because ponies are skittish creatures who would freak out from learning that their perfect rulers ate meat
  709. >The most they ever had was jerky or dried meat that they kept hidden from prying eyes or leftovers from visiting griffin ambassadors
  710. >That was, until Anon suddenly appeared
  711. >After learning that he was an omnivore as well, they realized that they had an opportunity rarer than any treasure in existence
  712. >Using the fact that he technically qualifies as an endangered species, he gets free government resources for the sake of his wellbeing, including food
  713. >A few forms filled later and he gets a top of the line kitchen with a magically refrigerated meat locker with every type of meat imaginable and a pantry with everything he needs to cook it
  714. >Under the guise of a routine check in, the alicorns come in and goad him into cooking for them
  715. >A life time of eating only dried meats left them incapable of making a decent meal
  716. >Besides, anything home cooked by a male would taste far better than anything they could make
  717. >After a bit of prodding and assurance that he should cook whatever he was comfortable with, Anon came out with a meat lover's pizza
  718. >Luna broke down crying at having her first decent meal in a millenium with Celestia not far from joining her
  719. >Cadence, having never had good meat before, stuffed her face with as much as she could, creating a obsession where she would beg for another pizza every time she came over
  720. >Twilight was nearly the same, craving for another taste of meat since her time in the mirror world, but was afraid of revealing her taste for meat to her friends
  721. >The only thing that came close to that taste were hayburgers, but they failed to satisfy her no matter how many she ate
  722. >This simple meal was lifechanging to each of the alicorns, but now that they had a taste of paradise, they're unable to give it up again and will do anything to keep the meals flowing
  723.  
  724. >You end up working in the Crystal Empire as a chef for the alicorns
  725. >The other chefs take care of things like cakes and vegetables, you're the only one there who isn't an expensive and snooty griffon import who can actually tell if a meat dish tastes good or bad
  726. >To a pony, all meat tastes equally disgusting
  727. >But, due to health concerns raised by Shining, neither Cadence nor Flurry Heart exactly eat a steak with every meal, so you have a lot of free time
  728. >Since Flurry Heart has dubbed you "Unca 'Non", you have been shanghai'd into being her foal-sitter
  729. >Given that she's an immensely powerful alicorn filly with a temper (and filled with newfound energy thanks to her properly supplemented diet), it's a stressful job
  730. >You're not so much spending time making sure Flurry doesn't kill herself, like you thought you would
  731. >You instead end up trying to make sure SHE doesn't kill you or anypony else.
  732. >By the time Flurry Heart is old enough that she doesn't need you to keep an eye on her every single second of your time sitting her (which is about 3 or 4 years, by your reckoning), you're a veteran and a pro at foal-wrangling
  733. >A few of the mares working as cleaning staff have sorted you firmly into their "would provide for and love for the rest of my life" category in their heads, and Cadence already has a secret shipping room 
  734. >It's got a cork board with your picture in the middle of it and about 40 pictures of different mares all around it, all connected by pins and red string
  735.  
  736.  
  737.  
  738.  
  739.  
  740.  
  741. >Anon gets to the meet the parents part of his relationship with Tia and Luna
  742. >both mares try to prepare/warn him for their mother's first visit to equestria ever, to the planet in millenia
  743. >Anon being the janefilly/fool he is brushes off their words
  744. "How bad could it be?"
  745. >ask and you shall recieve, and universe responds by distorting spacetime in the middle of the throne room before revealing an alicorn mare with a coat so black it makes vantablack look reflective
  746. >while the celestial sisters rush to greet their mother she stares straight at anon, who can see in her eyes the primordial force of the universe
  747. >he doesn't need magic to know that upsetting this hoers would be a very very very /VERY/ bad idea
  748. >nervoussweatingintensifies.exe
  749. now that i think of it since tia/luna represent the sun/moon respectively i find i love the idea that their father/mother represent creation/entropy respectively
  750. >father one of the most whimsical stallions to ever exist
  751. >always out trying to create new things and see what can be done
  752. >mother took the mares job making the hard decisions to keep her husbands creations in balance and not overstep their limit when it was their time to end
  753. >took eons of convincing to get her husband to "create" something other than whatever was on his whimsy at the moment to make celestia and luna with her
  754.  
  755.  
  756.  
  757.  
  758.  
  759.  
  760. > Celestia had a deep and abiding friendship with Anon
  761. > In public
  762. > Privately, he was her lover, though they had to hide it from super villains, foreign intelligence, etc
  763. > Like all her loves do, Anon dies of old age
  764. > He has a small section in the history books, and more in her personal journals, though nothing sensitive was ever written
  765. > Life goes on as it does, and technology advances
  766. > A very bright unicorn becomes somewhat obsessed with her immortal teacher
  767. > The young mare spends years developing a magical lattice to support an artificial mind
  768. > The prototype is developed from the historical account of the lone human
  769. > The mare even goes so far as to steal Celestia's personal writings of that time, and incorporate it into the learning environment of the new mind
  770. > She also fashions a golem body for the mind, as close as she can make it to the old photos
  771. > The young mare gives Celestia the golem as a birthday present
  772. > After a great deal of emotional outbursts, the young mare learns about the ethics of making new life, and Celestia is left with a near perfect facsimile of her old lover
  773. > At times, it acts just like he did, and Celestia feels an odd mix of fondness and sadness
  774. > Other times, when Anon would reference some private moment, the golem is silent
  775. > Still other times, she accidentally makes a dirty joke he would like, and the golem just tilts its head and asks, "Is that what you want?"
  776. > She could teach it the correct answer, that was the way it learned up until now
  777. > But Celestia tells it to ignore what she said, so that she would not deceive herself with this poor copy
  778. > The golem knows this
  779. > Whenever she becomes too comfortable with it, it gives her a reminder that it is merely reading from an incomplete script
  780. > It is made for her, and that is what she wants from it
  781. > For now
  782.  
  783.  
  784.  
  785.  
  786.  
  787. >Mankind, in the everlasting pursuit to fuck everything, sets their sights on space.
  788. >When space travel becomes feasible, mankind scatters in millions of directions, all eager to be away from each other. 
  789. >One man, now in the cold and far reaches of the universe, parks by a black hole in a nebula and just watches the majesty of the black hole as it consumes stardust.
  790. >Then like any guy, he orients his airlock towards the black hole, jerks off in the airlock, then right before he blows, ties himself down and cracks open the outer airlock.
  791. >He endures a full second of vacuum to launch his cum at a near-infinitely dense hole in the most intense sexual thrill.
  792. >The first man to nut in a black hole.
  793. >Yeah son!
  794. >
  795. >On a planet far far away, a pitch black alicorn, first of her kind, rests in her hut, tuning out the drone of the village.
  796. >The ponies, the creatures she shares the visage of, have begun to form tribes and villages. There was talk of one magic wielder trying to create a queendom.
  797. >It seems the rise of equines is at hoof.
  798. >The black alicorn, old as time and grim demise made form, closes her eyes and meditates.
  799. >Then her eyes shoot open and a furious blush paints her muzzle when she feels her barren womb suddenly bloom with heat.
  800. >That heat persists for 11 months, and a being thought to be death cloaked in flesh gave birth to a pair of daughters on the first day of the 11th month.
  801.  
  802.  
  803.  
  804.  
  805.  
  806.  
  807. >twilight constantly tries to spy on the group during there weekly meet south of ponyville
  808. >sometimes she's found out and chased off, other times she manages to find a good place to hide and listen
  809. >all different species; manticores, dragons, timberwolves, ponies, minotours and the like, many of them males too
  810. >twilight swears she saw a draconequis too
  811. >they speak in what seems to twilight, some secret code mixed in with perfectly spoken equish
  812. >lots of laughter and clapping can be heard from the group throughout the night
  813. >the timberwolf plays songs that sound like a guitar being played with its mouth is open
  814. >an internal 6 string?
  815. >the next day twilight tries to get information out of them in regards to the meetings
  816. >despite seeing him there the grey earth pony stallion denies everything, acting like nothing ever happened
  817. >trying to get information about this from the other members is like pulling teeth and she's been called a 'newfag' multiple times
  818. >eventualy twilight finds the talking timberwolf in a den in the whitetail woods
  819. >he tells her its invite only but other than that gets nothing
  820. >twilight just wanted to be friends
  821. >something something RGRE
  822.  
  823. >two years
  824. >two years of her life has been spent on this study
  825. >Twilight has watched and listened to the strange group for two years,and she's learned a lot
  826. >and has little to show for it
  827. >she's learned that the language isn't that different from Equish, plus some made up words, whose meaning is known only to those "in the know"
  828. >she's tried throwing out the new words to fit in and be accepted, first trying to copy when they use it
  829. >only to be laughed at and called a 'faggot'
  830. >she's tried calling them 'faggots' in return, as that seems to be the primary word they use when referring to each other, often with some other word or prefix attached, but they seem to dismiss her even then
  831. >perhaps there's some tone or body language she's missing?
  832. >whatever it is, it's frustrating
  833. >like the answer is just within her grasp, but ever so slightly out of reach
  834. >one night, the damn finally breaks
  835. >the frustration of no progress after two years
  836. >the humiliation
  837. >the rejection
  838. >it all comes to a head
  839. >she approaches the group
  840. >all ignore her
  841. "All of you... all of you cock sucking, circle jerking faggots and your 'muh secret club' can all go fuck yourselves!"
  842. >she doesn't even know what any of what she said meant, but she felt it
  843. >and it felt right
  844. >it felt good
  845. >the group is silenced, and turns to her
  846. >one of the ponies approaches her and hands her a card
  847. >on it, a single word
  848. >faggot
  849.  
  850.  
  851.  
  852.  
  853.  
  854.  
  855.  
  856. > Tempest spends some time searching for magical artifacts of great power
  857. > She can only find them because a withered old spirit of a shaman can sense when they are near
  858. > Daring Do regularly comes into conflict over these artifacts, sometimes fighting, other times wagering them in contests of skill
  859. > It almost becomes routine, until the shaman finds a stump of a dragon's tail and a strange mirror
  860. > The spirit uses them together, releasing a blinding light
  861. > Sha Manon emerges, clad only in green fire and a long loincloth
  862.  
  863.  
  864.  
  865.  
  866.  
  867.  
  868. >Anon recieves a hug.
  869. >With a bit of self depreciating humour you casually mention it's the first one you've had in years.
  870. >[Audible record scratch]
  871. >[Audible vinyl scratch choking on her kazoo]
  872. >A foal starts crying.
  873. >The pony you're hugging tightens their grip.
  874. >Other ponies join in to make it a group hug of about six to eight ponies plus one confused human.
  875. >Ponies not in the hug start gossiping over how brave you are and what kind of hellscape world you must have come from.
  876. >Can vaguely overhear them talking about setting up some kind of sleeping schedule.
  877. >Ponies suddenly looking at you as if you're in complete agony and are trying to soothe your pain.
  878. >But you feel fine, better than fine actually, due to the nice feeling of so many soft adorable poner hugs and obvious concern for your well being filling you with warmth.
  879. Not realising that something has to be empty in order to be filled
  880.  
  881. >Ponies rely on hugs and other forms of affection to stabilize their internal magic fields
  882. >Destabilized magic, if ignored, will lead to Affection Withdrawal Syndrome
  883. >In severe cases, AWS can cause increased agitation, anxiety, immune system weakening, and noticeable personality changes, among other symptoms
  884. >For Pegasi and Unicorns, it also drastically weakens their ability to fly or cast magic
  885. >Needless to say, they take hugs very seriously
  886. >and you just admitted that you haven't had one in years
  887.  
  888. >The same holds true for humans too
  889. >The stories about humans using magic weren't just stories, but due to a lack of physical affection humans affinity for magic slowly declined to what it is today
  890. >Now suddenly shoved into a magic rich environment and being shown large amounts of physical affection every day Anon's long underdeveloped magic sparks back to life
  891.  
  892. >"Dear Celestia."
  893. >Nurse Redheart pours over your medical chart, a look of grim determination on her face.
  894. >"This is the worst case of Cuddle Snuggle Deficiency I've seen in all my hears as a medical practitioner."
  895. >She slams the clipboard with your vitals on it down onto the bed.
  896. >Instead of the intimidating SLAM she was going for, it makes a light POOF noise and sends a tiny shockwave through the sheets.
  897. >"Mister Anonymous, don't you know how serious Affection Withdrawal Syndrome is? Do you have ANY IDEA how much risk you put yourself in?"
  898. "Well-"
  899. >"Of course you don't! If you did, you never would have gone YEARS without a proper h-hug!"
  900. >Redheart's voice catches at the last syllable, and you can see how she's physically struggling to keep it together.
  901. >"You darn colts always think you know best," she mutters, "Just because you take care of your herd's foals, you think you have all the answers and can ignore the advice of a medical professional."
  902. >Well, that's not very fair.
  903. "I don't even HAVE a herd."
  904. >Redheart doesn't say anything.
  905. >She stands there in place, shivering, with her hooves clamped firmly over her eyes.
  906. >Her breath hitches every few seconds.
  907. >You feel bad for making this pony so sad for you.
  908. >"I know."
  909. >Redheart sniffles and rubs her eyes with her hoofsies like a toddler rubbing the sleep from their eyes.
  910. >"I know that, mister Anonymous. And look at where it got you."
  911. >She stares up at you with determination.
  912. >"Well, I can't force you to find a couple of mares to take care of you, mister Anonymous," she states with conviction, "But I CAN prescribe you two doses of cuddles daily, and one administration of snuggle-wuggles every day at noon."
  913. >She hops up onto the bed and trots smartly over to you.
  914. >"You'll be discharged in a week if I notice a positive change in your magical field. Until then, I have a few nurses who went to medical school for four years and majored in snuggling."
  915. >She crawls up your body and hugs you.
  916. >"Let us help."
  917.  
  918.  
  919.  
  920.  
  921.  
  922.  
  923. > Shota Anon is really sneaky, and has odd luck
  924. > anytime mares start talking about risque topics, he seemingly comes out of nowhere
  925. > Always asks about what they are talking about, and often gets evasive answers
  926. > Blushes and runs away when he realises that they are talking about lewd things
  927. > The mares of the town are determined to protect him, even if they sometimes tease him
  928.  
  929. >Luna being behind times will tell Anon EXACTLY what they're talking about and has offered to show him.
  930. >He obviously flees from the predator mare, and most of the time gets away.
  931. >The few times she actually corners him ponies have to stop her, mostly Celestia
  932.  
  933.  
  934.  
  935.  
  936.  
  937. > Fluttershy gets fed up with Zephyr
  938. > Cries out in frustration,
  939. > "I wish the anoblins would take you away right now!"
  940. > Zephyr vanishes in the blink of an eye
  941. > Fluttershy looks around, but sees no sign of her brother
  942. > A green owl of many tongues flies through the window and morphs into Anonymous, King of the Anoblins
  943. > Fluttershy can't keep her eyes off his prominent bulge as he swaggers over to her
  944. > "Oh, you actually took him away!"
  945. > Anonymous raises an eyebrow
  946. "Indeed I did, would you like to win him back?"
  947. > Fluttershy shakes her head
  948. > "Oh no, I wouldn't want to trouble you like that. Um. The book said you were looking for a queen?"
  949. > Anonymous' eyes smoulder with passion
  950. "The book spoke true. Fluttershy, will you be my queen and stay by my side for all time?"
  951. > Fluttershy beams
  952. > "Yes, I would like that very much."
  953. > And they lived happily ever after
  954.  
  955.  
  956.  
  957.  
  958.  
  959.  
  960. >For the longest time, she was only able to talk to her brother and her father when it came to men
  961. >After she found her new friends at Canterlot High and she grew more confident, she was still never able to garner any male interest
  962. >She tried
  963. >Oh sweet Goddess above she tried
  964. >No matter what she did though she'd never be able to get past a first date
  965. >She was just too smart for some guys
  966. >Too odd
  967. >Some didn't like he thick black glasses
  968. >Many didn't like her fetish for making checklists
  969. >Others didn't like how she would disappear for hours or even days for a project or activity
  970. >A few didn't think she could be molded into a good girlfriend
  971. >A number of guys just didn't think she was cute enough
  972. >Too difficult, too much of a hassle for a girl, and not really worth the effort
  973. >This meant that Twilight was alone for years
  974. >She was almost resolute to the fact that she'd stay that way for years
  975. >Until you came
  976. >You could put up with all of her weird quirks
  977. >The notetaking, the way she'd sometimes forget to eat, her weird little dog
  978. >You not only put up with it, but you seemed to enjoy these things
  979. >You stayed up late helping her with her scientific projects
  980. >It also doesn't bother you when she can't make it to a date because she needs to help save the world with her friends
  981. >You've even gone to her house and made her food when she's been on a three day study binge and too absorbed to realize that she's starving
  982. >To top all of this off, Twilight can have you to wake up to in the morning whenever she wants
  983. >The nerd appreciates this
  984. >More than you'll ever realize
  985. >And she loves you
  986. >Like a lot
  987.  
  988.  
  989.  
  990.  
  991.  
  992. >Tufts contain pheromones that attracts colts
  993. >Anon's body is not designed to deal with those pheromones, since he comes from a separate planet
  994. Frankly, it's a miracle he can breathe the same air as they do and not immediately die from one of their diseases to which his body has no defense.
  995. >Mares expect him to go wild with lust
  996. >Anon just thinks the fur is soft on his face
  997. >The mares feel inexplicably inadequate
  998.  
  999.  
  1000.  
  1001.  
  1002.  
  1003.  
  1004. >It's not often Empress Infinitum, She Who Devours and First of Alicorns comes down from the Higher Plane to visit her daughters and their cute kingdom.
  1005. >A pony would instantly sense the incomprehensible power boiling below the skin of the mass of pony-shaped entropy, a power that makes even Discord clam up and behave. Those ponies would give her nothing but fear and respect.
  1006. >Then you accidentally wander in, confused as to why the whole castle is so tense. Being more or less magic blind, Infinitum just looks like another alicorn.
  1007. >"But sexier than the rest. Damn, the things I'd do to that perfect ass... Oops, I said that out-loud..."
  1008. >Celestia and Luna turn away with pale faces, sure their newest friend is about to be crushed into a speck of dust.
  1009. >Then Infinitum's stoic face cracks with a twitch of her lips. "My oh my, how scandalous. Haven't you a mare to tame that tongue?" 
  1010. >You smirk back, totally ignoring Celestia and Luna's terror. "Why so interested in my tongue, pretty lady? If you want a mare to tame it, maybe you could do it yourself?"
  1011. >The black alicorn's face morphs into a sly smile. "Feisty, aren't you, mortal? Have you no idea to whom you speak?"
  1012. >"A mare willing to follow me to my room?"
  1013. >Infinitum's baleful orange eyes sparkle. "I think boldness of that level deserves some humor. My children, I will return in a moment."
  1014. >The younger alicorns just gaped.
  1015. >The next few hours were the most terrifying anyone in the castle ever had just from the noise coming from the local human's bedchambers. A number of staff quit that day
  1016. >When it finally went quiet, Celestia carefully approached your bedroom, fearing the worst.
  1017. >The door opens, and Empress Infinitum steps out, favoring on hind leg over the other and steadying her breathing.
  1018. >Behind her on he bed, you lay bruised and passed out, but still grinning.
  1019. >Infinitum takes a breath, not totally able to hide her smile. "Perhaps I will extend my stay a bit."
  1020. >Celestia keels over in a dead faint.
  1021.  
  1022.  
  1023.  
  1024.  
  1025.  
  1026.  
  1027. >Toplessness is very much common amongst women on the other side of the mirror
  1028. >It's no different than men on earth really
  1029. >If a girl is working hard, or it's hot, or even if the girl is just too lazy, they'll go out shirtless
  1030. >You learned this when, on a hot day, you went to Sugarcube Corner to see Mrs. Cake's G-cups out for all to see while she was fixing one of her windows
  1031. >It's almost unfair really
  1032. >Unlike on Earth, you haven't seen a really unattractive woman
  1033. >There was no cellulite, or rashes, discoloration in the skin, nothing like that 
  1034. >Even the heavier ones, like Mrs. Cake or Rarara's mom, were still pretty; just with a bit of a belly is all
  1035. >Obviously, you don't have the numbness to the casual nudity as all of the other guys here
  1036. >You stare
  1037. >A lot
  1038. >You are also very successful in being any kind of discreet 
  1039. >Everyone knows they're being ogled
  1040. >Especially the older women
  1041. >Many take it good-naturedly, with some playful teasing and tit shaking
  1042. >Some, laughing about the "silly foreign boy" pull you into a hug, where your face almost always finds its way in between a pair of tits 
  1043. >It then usually ends with a pat on the back and even more laughter
  1044. >And some yelling by a red-faced Rarity, in her mother's case
  1045. >Unbeknownst to them, you're about to lose your fucking marbles
  1046. >A man can only be pushed so much, and you're right on the edge of that cliff
  1047.  
  1048.  
  1049.  
  1050.  
  1051.  
  1052.  
  1053.  
  1054. >Be Sunset 
  1055. >Be fucking upset
  1056. >You were SICK of Anon
  1057. >Males were supposed to shut the fuck up and stay in the Celestia-damned kitchen
  1058. >No lip, no spine, just cooked food and a clean house
  1059. >THEY DIDN'T CALL YOU A KEK!
  1060. >YOU WEREN'T A FUCKING KEK!
  1061. >YOU WERE A TOUGH, STRONG GIRL, UNICORN, THING!
  1062. >You could feel yourself shaking as you stared up into that pain in the ass's face
  1063. >He was grinning back in that way that made your blood boil
  1064. >You could see it
  1065. >You were at the edge
  1066. >Something in you was about to snap, crackle, fucking POP
  1067. "...Call me a cuck one more time," you said, keeping your voice low
  1068. >There was a crowd around you
  1069. >Some of the white knights of the school looked ready to intervene
  1070. >You didn't give a horse turd 
  1071. >Anon leaned forward
  1072. >"Whatcha gonna do, Sunny?" he asked
  1073. "You call me a cuck ONE MORE TIME I'm gonna take you over to that janitors closet--"
  1074. >You pointed out the closet with a hand
  1075. "--I'm gonna pull down your FUCKING pants and I'm gonna suck your dick."
  1076. >Anon's grin didn't waver
  1077. >"Reall--"
  1078. "AND AFTER THAT, I'm gonna make you titfuck me until you cum all over my face. And then after THAT, I'm sitting on your fucking face until I squirt. AND AFTER THAT, if you're still being a fucking dickhead--"
  1079. >You made a vague threatening gesture, then thrust your hips
  1080. "Mating press. Until you can't walk. I swear to Celestia if you don't walk away RIGHT NOW that's all gonna happen to you."
  1081. >For a moment, Anon's smile disappeared
  1082. >He just sort of looked at you
  1083. >Silence reigned in the hallway 
  1084. >Then, slowly, deliberately, he leaned toward your ear
  1085. >"Cuck," he whispered
  1086. >Your eye twitched
  1087. >You swore you heard something snap inside of you
  1088. >"aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
  1089. >Red filled your vision
  1090. >With the strength you didn't know you had, you picked up that stupid FUCKER up, hoisting him over your shoulder
  1091. >Striding purposefully over toward the closet, you threw it open and tossed Anon inside
  1092. >Slapping your chest with both hands, you let out a guttural warcry, ripping off your jacket and your shirt, then your shoes
  1093. "YOU FUCKING ASKED FOR THIS!" you roared, launching yourself into the closet
  1094. ~_~_~_~_~
  1095.  
  1096. >For the next three hours, all manner of sounds could be heard coming from that closet 
  1097. >No one, not even the teachers, not even the principal, dared go near it
  1098. >Then, without warning, the door was kicked open, revealing Sunet
  1099. >The girl was naked, covered in cum and bitemarks, the only article of clothing will recognizable were her socks
  1100. >The girl looked as if she had just won a great victory, letting out a horsey snort of self-satisfaction as she made her way down the hall, cum dripping out of her pussy and ass
  1101. >Anon had to be carried out of the room
  1102. >It took two days for him to recover
  1103. >Thereafter, Sunset's scent lingered on his body
  1104.  
  1105. >"That's fucking right!"
  1106. >"Look at your face! You like these big tits wrapped around your cock?"
  1107. >"They're so big you can't even see your pecker!"
  1108. >"Yeah, you better moan! These fat tits are gonna make you squirt like the slut you are!"
  1109. >"I won't even let you get soft either! The second you cum I'm deepthroating that sucker!"
  1110. >"And after you cum again you're cumming INSIDE OF ME!"
  1111. >"We'll fucking see who the cuck is when you're raising out twelve children together you dickhead!"
  1112. >"Go head, cum all over my fucking face! I'll even open my mouth to give you something to aim at!"
  1113. >"This is only the beginning!"
  1114.  
  1115.  
  1116.  
  1117.  
  1118.  
  1119.  
  1120. >The Plot isn't some gimmick, it's a living entity that dictates the multi-universally binding rule of Cause and Effect
  1121. >In this universe Mary Sue is a living avatar for The Plot
  1122. >The Plot wanted to see how the universe would react to her direct influence rather than the indirect influence she has on other universe
  1123. >Not being bound to The Plot, Anon shrugs off Mary Sue at every turn
  1124. >Despite how he thought it'd go, he was hit by the fact he'd never get to go home
  1125. >He was hit hard
  1126. >Most of his days are spent sitting somewhere with a nice view and just taking in the sights
  1127. >The Plot soon directs Mary Sue to one of these locations by what seem like random happenstance
  1128. >Cue Mary Sue giving one of her trademark speeches she often gives friends/enemies/complete strangers that helps solve their problems which she's never experienced
  1129. >The Plot sits back and goes back to checking on the other universes until she feels her magic twitch
  1130. >Turning back to Mary Sue she watches as Mary ends her speech with some heartfelt words
  1131. >Without so much as shifting (which Mary took as him listening intently) Anon stands up and walks off with a "Fuck off Mary"
  1132. >The Plot is bewildered by this
  1133. >Normally a speech is all her avatar needs to continue on with Cause and Effect
  1134. >But not this time
  1135. >Not with this new entity
  1136. >The Plot sets up more scenarios for Mary to bump into Anon
  1137. >Sometimes to give speeches, sometimes to help the poor colt with tasks he was doing fine with
  1138. >Each time ends in the same routine, with him walking away with a "Fuck off Mary", nothing more, nothing less
  1139. >The Plot decides to implement something else
  1140. >Put Mary in a situation where she can be better at a skill that Anon has been good at for years
  1141. >Then Mary can teach Anon how to improve, ponies like that right?
  1142. >Enter meat cooking
  1143. >For the first time Mary Sue falls ill, throwing up and passing out as soon as she gets a sight of the raw meat, freshly shipped from the griffons
  1144. >This is weird, since she's an alicorn (long story) she shouldn't get ill cause he body is perfect
  1145. >What's worse about it is that Anon didn't even come to visit
  1146. >The colts always come to visit the sick mare in bed, it makes them feel better about themselves, it's a classic
  1147. >As The Plot keeps getting derailed she becomes more annoyed and intrigued by this Anon
  1148. >When Mary finally stops being sick around meat long enough to get to an oven (after like a month of failed attempts) she finally fires up the cooking gear
  1149. >No matter what she tries she always gets it wrong
  1150. >It's either burnt or raw, each time Anon having to kick her out his kitchen with his classic "Fuck off Mary"
  1151. >The Plot almost finds his tolerance yet disdain towards Mary cute
  1152. >After so many headaches from trying to wrap her ethereal head around the thing that is Anon, The Plot takes a deep breath and decides to back off
  1153. >Maybe spending some time with the other universes will cool her head
  1154. >As she looks back into the other universes she's immediately freaking out
  1155. >Literally. EVERYTHING. That CAN go wrong IS going wrong.
  1156. >As she frantically tries to sort out Cause and Effect an eerie chuckle rings in her pocket dimension
  1157. >A figure not dissimilar to Anon's own walks out
  1158. >Only instead of green skin, his is clear with several different colours of mist swirling in him, changing his colour
  1159. >Extending his hand out to her, he gives a smile and greeting
  1160. >"Hi there, I'm Free Will, I think you have someone of mine"
  1161.  
  1162.  
  1163. Alternatively
  1164. >All things in the MLP universe is subject to the laws of Plot
  1165. >even foreign entities such as Anon
  1166. >at first he has no interest what so ever in Mary
  1167. >but then he feels something change
  1168. >he desn't start having feelings for Mary, they are forced on him
  1169. >he can feel himself changing to want her
  1170. >try as he might, he can't resist the feelings overcoming him
  1171. >he tries asking for help, but everyone thinks he's being a silly colt who doesn't want to admit he's in love
  1172. >when the literal will and embodiment of the universe says jump, it isn't asking
  1173. >it's forcing
  1174. >Anon can only weep as the last of his meager resistance is destroyed, and he comes to love Mary
  1175. >if you can call it love
  1176.  
  1177.  
  1178.  
  1179.  
  1180.  
  1181.  
  1182. >Sheer 'fuck you' determination 
  1183. "Hey Universe! FUCK YOU!"
  1184. >"No thanks, you're not my type. Besides, would I even feel anything? I bet you can't even make me go nova."
  1185. >Anon spends his days sitting on a hill looking at the sun, thinking how he can make the Universe cum, or whatever equivalent she/it/whatever has. 
  1186. >Are black holes anal?
  1187.  
  1188. >Anon has no idea how to fuck the Universe, so he just starts experimenting
  1189. >starts off with the basics: jerking off into the air
  1190. >when that seems to fail, he just starts fucking every hole he can find
  1191. >this was not always a good idea
  1192. >especially the ant hill, that was a big mistake
  1193. >Anon is feeling a bit self conscious, maybe he just isn't that good?
  1194. >meanwhile, the Universe, while not aroused, is splitting her sides at Anon's antics
  1195. >many trillions of lives were lost
  1196. >on the other hand, earthquakes are popping up all throughout the world of Equus, as the planet has many quite literally earth shaking orgasms
  1197. >investigations by all nations have begun to find the cause of the quakes, and if possible, bring a stop to them
  1198.  
  1199.  
  1200.  
  1201.  
  1202.  
  1203.  
  1204. > Anon is an awkward guy
  1205. > Doesn't know how to take a compliment
  1206. > Is worried he'll be disappointing in bed
  1207. > Spends a lot of time in Twilight's library
  1208. > Twilight is spooling up her spaghetti in preparation of asking him out
  1209. > Anon accidentally into the restricted section, finds books on demonology
  1210. > Summons a battle demoness
  1211. > She isn't entirely unused to stallions summoning her for rough sex
  1212. > Being summoned to practice kissing is a first
  1213.  
  1214. >demoness quickly realizes there is something brewing between Anon and Twilight
  1215. >decides to just for the fun of it to try something new and instead of fire and brimstone, plays a wingman for the poor sod from the shadows
  1216. >when other princesses decide to investigate sudden influx of demonic energy, they are much confused, especially certain pink, peetzer-loving princess of love
  1217.  
  1218.  
  1219.  
  1220.  
  1221.  
  1222.  
  1223. >Enter GuitarAnon
  1224. >Introduces rock'n'roll to a world that only knew pop and showtunes
  1225. >Gains his first fan/groupie in Cheerilee
  1226. >Listens to his singing in the park and gives tips
  1227. >Her friend needs entertainment for a party and offers Anon a job to perform
  1228. >It goes great and they start hanging out, eventually dating
  1229. >As Cheerilee studies through college, Anon becomes more successful and recognized while she tags along to support him
  1230. >One day, a talent agent offers him the chance to do a world tour
  1231. >Cheerilee begs him not to go, but he takes it anyway, not wanting to lose the opportunity he never had back home
  1232. >Cheerilee is heartbroken at losing her coltfriend and gives up the rock'n'roll life
  1233. >Now, she is just a mild mannered school teacher
  1234. >She still buys Anon's records when they come on sale, but never plays them since they bring back painful memories
  1235. >One day, she hears that Anon will be coming to perform in Ponyville
  1236. >She buys a ticket, hoping that she will finally move on after seeing how happy he is after he left
  1237. >She's in the crowd as the show begins
  1238. >Anon is on stage, hyping up the crowd and is about to play when he sees her
  1239. >He pauses and speaks one last line before starting
  1240. "I just want to say that I dedicate this song, no, this entire concert to a very special mare in the audience today. Without her, I wouldn't be here performing and... and I still regret ever letting her go."
  1241.  
  1242.  
  1243.  
  1244.  
  1245.  
  1246.  
  1247.  
  1248. >Fluttershy's got a room in her cottage that's just wall to wall Pokemon merch. Binders upon binders of cards, a closet overflowing with stuffed animals, posters, all the games, etc.
  1249. >She's happy to find out that Anon is also a fan. An OG fan at that.
  1250. >She would really like to somehow work up the nerve to ask anon to be her 'master
  1251.  
  1252. >She names her pokemon after Anon, such things like Non, Aynon, Nonmon, ect
  1253. >Any pokemon Anon trades she obsesses over
  1254. >Will religiously use the pokemon in game, never taking it out of the party
  1255. >Its like her and Anons child
  1256. >Trades Anon rare cards for little to nothing in return
  1257. >Just knowing that the cards she is getting had belonged to Anon which makes them worth way more than some shiny card
  1258. >Has her own little binder for all the cards she has gotten from Anon
  1259.  
  1260.  
  1261.  
  1262.  
  1263.  
  1264.  
  1265. >You are a Pokémon trainer who through random chance caught an all female team.
  1266. >While trekking through the Sinnoh region, you have the bad luck to stumble upon Dialga and Palkia in the middle of a fight.
  1267. >Your girls, all working in tandom with you, manage to hold your own when the two legends turn their rage upon you.
  1268. >Dialga goes down first, too exhausted and injured to keep fighting.
  1269. >Palkia though is a sore loser. It hits you and your team with a Spacial Rend right before fainting, flinging all of you to a new dimension.
  1270. >RGRE
  1271. >You can't understand a word from these equines, but your Pokémon can speak freely with them. 
  1272. >While Twilight and your psychic type puzzle out a way home, that leaves you to the mercy of RGRE with only your team to fall back on.
  1273. >With mares making not so innocent passes as their uncomprehending human plus all the supernatural danger around, it's an understatement to say your girls are displeased
  1274.  
  1275. >Anon has an obvious waifumon team
  1276. >Braxion, your plucky starter who declined to evolve, wanting to stay cute. She now questions the decision because her beloved trainer won't see her beyond "cute". To her, what you and her have as first partners is special, but she wants more. 
  1277. >Lucario, the runt of her family who wished to be strong. She found that strength with you and now desperately wishes you would notice her grown, feminine self so she can reward you for all you've done for her. 
  1278. >Floatzel, a fun lover who became fed up with wild beach-bum life as a buizel. She threw her battle with you to be captured and spice up her life. It's been a blast ever since, but she realizes it's because you're with her. She's swiftly getting frustrated that you seemingly ignore her advances. She hates being ignored. 
  1279. >Espeon, an older, very mature Pokémon who was released by her old trainer due to her reluctantce to battle. She found herself wanting after seeing you with your loving team and joined without a fight. She patiently tries to chip away at your obliviousness with her affection and newfound resolve to battle. 
  1280. >Serperior, a proud snivy who initially refused to believe she was captured and didn't cooperate, much to the anger of your team. You didn't give up on her, and her attitude changed along with her feelings. She's so tsundre it's almost painful, but would gladly die for you. She dreams for working up the nerve to be upfront about her feelings. 
  1281. >Latias, your luckiest catch by far. The guardian of Alto Mare craved the life of a trained Pokémon ever since her adventure with a certain trainer a few short years back. You stumbling into the hidden garden of Alto Mare gave her the perfect excuse. After insuring the Soul Dew was enough protection for the ocean city, she asked to go with you. Her already existing taste for humans and the happiness of which you gave her freedom lead to her falling hopelessly in love with you.
  1282. >Then RGRE happened
  1283.  
  1284.  
  1285.  
  1286.  
  1287.  
  1288.  
  1289. >Socks don't actually have any lewd sexual meaning
  1290. >In fact, the history of socks is far darker
  1291. >The sock as ponies know it was created just after the unification of the three tribes
  1292. >This was when the practice of branding a stallion to mark him as property was outlawed, even amongst the earth ponies, who resisted the law until committing the crime was punishable by castration for females
  1293. >Despite this, groups of mares needed to keep their stallions marked somehow
  1294. >This was where socks came in
  1295. >They had holes on both sides, allowing the hoof to be free so that the stallion can walk and work without damaging them
  1296. >Socks were traditionally worn on the back legs with a braided tail
  1297. >The socks themselves were long enough to reach the stallion's rump
  1298. >This allowed other mares to see the mark of clan or group of mares that "owned" the stallion
  1299. >These socks needed to be worn whenever the stallion went outside of his home
  1300. >Some places made this a law that was punishable by whipping if ignored
  1301. >Though not widely spoken about, in some places this law continued until very recently
  1302. >Nowadays, to be given a pair of socks is seen as shockingly rude and almost threatening in nature
  1303. >In places like Manhattan and Canterlot, a stallion can even sue a mare or a group of mares that do this, though justice is hard to find for such cases in the mostly mare courts
  1304. >Socks are hard to acquire, and even make ponies uncomfortable to look at
  1305. >Only the seedest of designers will ever consider making them, and if the wrong ponies find out they do their reputation is ruined forever
  1306. >This is why ponies get not only nervous when they see you walking around with socks on, but can even get defensive
  1307. >Mares that don't even like you become protective, demanding to know who gave those to you or asking if you need to go to the poince
  1308. >Even Twilight, who knows why you wear socks, is visibly uncomfortable when she sees them
  1309. >Rarity outright won't let you in her boutique if you're wearing them
  1310.  
  1311. >You are Anon, and you are sitting on the ground.
  1312. >Your pant legs rose up and your socks peeked out, and that nice mare Bon Bon freaked out a little bit and told all the customers in her store to get out.
  1313. >She's already locked the doors and slid drapes over the windows, hiding the two of you from prying eyes.
  1314. >Bon Bon takes a deep, steadying breath and closes her eyes.
  1315. >One breath becomes two, and two become three.
  1316. >After a long, silent moment, she opens her eyes and looks at you, but her eyes dart down to your feet.
  1317. >She has to close her eyes and take a few more deep breaths before she can finally peer up at you.
  1318. >"Anonymous," she says slowly, anger simmering in her quivering tone, "I need you to do something for me right now."
  1319. "S-Sure," you stammer, thoroughly unnerved, "What is it?"
  1320. >Bon Bon swallows thickly, as though her tongue were too big for her mouth.
  1321. >"I need you to be brave for me," she answers, "And tell me who gave you those socks."
  1322. "Uh..."
  1323. >"Do you remember what her face looked like?" she continues, "Do you remember her cutie mark?"
  1324. >You're not about to sell out kind old Granny Anonyme, who had knitted these babies for you just a year ago.
  1325. >They're the softest pair of socks you've ever worn, and they haven't worn away yet - not even when you wear them in your shoes.
  1326. "...nobod-pony gave them to me, Bon Bon."
  1327. >Bon Bon slowly walks towards you - very slowly, as though you were a wild animal and she was afraid of spooking you.
  1328. >Her eyes never leave yours.
  1329. >"Anonymous, you're safe. I promise you, you're safe. You don't have to worry about a bad mare coming back to hurt you if you go to get help."
  1330. >She's close to you now, and she reaches out a trembling hoof to wrap around your shoulders.
  1331. >She's just barely tall enough to be able to pull your sitting form into a slightly awkward hug, which ends with her resting her head on your shoulder.
  1332. >Her mane is sweet and soft, and it smells vaguely like cotton candy.
  1333. >"Please, Anonymous," she whispers into your ear, "Please tell me which mare hurt you so that I can help you. I don't know what she told you about what socks meant, but what she's doing is wrong, and she's a danger to other stallions."
  1334. "W-Well..."
  1335. >Aw, christ.
  1336. >You don't know how to get out of this.
  1337. >You actually have no idea what to say.
  1338. >Bon Bon squeezes your neck just a little bit and pulls back with a gentle pat on your shoulders.
  1339. >She hastily wipes a hoof against her face, scrubbing away the tears at the corners of her eyes.
  1340. >"If you're not comfortable telling me right now, you can always stay here with Lyra and I tonight. I promise you'll be safe while you're here."
  1341. "S-Sure..."
  1342. >Well, at least you now have until morning to come up with something to tell her.
  1343. >You have no fucking clue what socks mean to ponies, but whatever it is, it can't be very good.
  1344.  
  1345. "I am from a culture that has socks being used like oven mittens for your baking trays. It's painful to wear shoes if I don't have these on as it could chafe at the skin. Not to mention that wearing no shoes would lead to my very soft skin and feet to become hard and calloused and doesn't feel very good so I'd rather keep my shoes and socks, thank you very much."
  1346.  
  1347. >Bon Bon shakes her head sadly.
  1348. >Those bitches have broken him.
  1349. >Convinced him that socks are normal and acceptable.
  1350. >It's times like these that she hates her job as a secret agent.
  1351. >She gets to see the dark underbelly of pony society, and this isn't the first time - nor will it be the last time - that she sees a colt so broken by the mistreatment bestowed upon him that he creates a fantasy world in his mind where his horrible situation is acceptable.
  1352. >It's a defense mechanism, and it breaks Bon Bon's heart to see a colt so mistreated that he has to withdraw into his own mind just to stay sane.
  1353. >She'll find those father-fuckers who got Anon into those socks, though.
  1354. >She'll find them, because nopony escapes the long foreleg of the law!
  1355. >NOPONY CAN HIDE FROM AGENT SWEETIE DROPS
  1356.  
  1357. >Oh dear, she's muttering to herself, that's never a good sign.
  1358. >Time for tactical wet work!
  1359. >Reach up and scritch the ears, trails behind them down her neck, and with a bit of luck a gentle scratch under the chin.
  1360. >That ought to calm her down a bit, ponies love this shit like sugar cubes, which reminds you.
  1361. "You want some sugar hun?"
  1362.  
  1363. >...sugarcubes?
  1364. >He wears socks, and he carries around treats?
  1365. >Oh, Celestia, it's worse than you thought!
  1366. >You had first believed that he was just eye-candy, wearing those socks of his... but you see he's been trained to accommodate the mares he meets.
  1367. >Or, "meets".
  1368. >Probably to avoid punishment.
  1369. >By Luna's moon, the poor thing must be terrified that you're going to hurt him.
  1370. >Combine the treats with the socks and the unsolicited molesting - probably a response to your unhappy body language or some sort of silent command he interpreted - and you've got yourself a class 3 damaged cutie patootie on your hooves.
  1371. >Celestia give you strength
  1372.  
  1373. "There we are, knew I had them on me." 
  1374. >Thankfully your shirt had a handy chest pocket for the plastic wrapped treats, be terrible if lint or something got into the little cubes of sugar an-
  1375. >Oh dear there goes the ears, tilted all the way back in distress.
  1376. >You know just what to do!
  1377. "Come on Bon, you know you want a lil bit."
  1378. >You move extra slow so as to not spook your friend, even if she can hold a conversation you know that when a horse gets in a mood they can kick like crazy, just stay calm, be very loving and don't make any sudden motions
  1379.  
  1380. >OH CELESTIA HE THINKS YOU'RE GOING TO BEAT HIM
  1381. >WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE CUTE COLTS WHO GET TREATED THE WORST
  1382.  
  1383.  
  1384.  
  1385.  
  1386.  
  1387.  
  1388. >Anon, the first, and only human to come to Equestria, has really started to settle in.
  1389. >With the help of the Mane6, he has his house set up with everything he needs, and he's already charmed much of the town with his whimsical, childlike ways.
  1390. >He's a hoot to be around, and he especially gets along well with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie, the three often going on pranking sprees across Ponyville.
  1391. >Sure, that whimsical nature of his also means he perhaps isn't the best with the small income allotted to him by the princesses while he finds a job, but after the first month of blowing through his bits buying cake and ice cream, Twilight and Fluttershy have seen fit to help him budget and eat healthy.
  1392. >Though, that latter goal has currently been thrown out the window as the male munches down birthday cake.
  1393. After mentioning it was coming up, of course Pinkie had to throw him a party.
  1394. >She pulled out all the stops for her new bestie, even spiking the punch bowel with the finest booze she could get a hold of so that every pony could loosen up and have a great time.
  1395. >Anon certainly is a bit of a light weight though, as, after only a few glasses, he's a giggling, teetering mess.
  1396. "Wow, Pi-hic!- Pinkie, this party is... is just awesome."
  1397. >"Only the best for my newest friend!" Pinkie chirps, leaning back into Anon as he presses into her.
  1398. >He's so warm, Pinkie blushes a little as he moves to per her ears.
  1399. "You're so cool, Pinks, doing this for me," he breathes, face pressed against the crook of her neck.
  1400. >She licks her lips nervously, wondering if she should take the shot.
  1401. >"Hey, you want to go somewhere quieter?"
  1402. "Huh? Uh, I guess. My heads kinda spinning."
  1403. >"Here, get on my back," she offers, getting Anon to giggle.
  1404. "I'm a little old for pony rides... but it's not like any of the guys back home can tease me. Heh, I'd get bullied for sure."
  1405. >He says this as he clumsily clambers onto her back, and soon, his heels are digging into her sides lightly.
  1406. "Giddy-up, lil' pony!"
  1407. "Giddy-up, lil' pony!"
  1408. >Pinkie shares in his laughter as she energetically bounces up the stairs of his home and into his bedroom.
  1409. >Once he's safely deposited on the bed, she goes to shut the door, and, after a moment's thought, locks it.
  1410. >Don't need any pony walking in on them if things to go the way she hopes.
  1411. >Crawling up on the bed, the two quickly arrange themselves so that Anon is laying his head on her side, staring up at the ceiling as they speak.
  1412. "I really mean it, Pinkie. You really are cool. Out of all the ponies I've met, I think you've done the most to make me feel, I dunno, like I fit in. It means a lot."
  1413. >"Ah, you'd have fit in just fine without me," Pinkie returns. "You're more than a barrel of laughs. You're ten easy!"
  1414. "Heh, I've always been a bit of a clown. Got me in trouble a lot, but whatever."
  1415. >"A-and, you know, you're not just funny, but super cute, too," Pinkie continues.
  1416. "Ya think I'm cute?" he asks with curious, glassy eyes, getting her to nod vigorously.
  1417. >"Yep! The cutest stallion I know!"
  1418. >He blinks a few times, then chuckles.
  1419. "A pretty pink pony thinks I'm cute. Yeah, I'd be bullied for sure."
  1420. >He reaches up and strokes her cheek.
  1421. "... Still, thanks, I guess."
  1422. >"No prob, bob," she breathes, repeating one of the male's favored lines as she finds her own face drawing towards his, eyes drifting shut.
  1423. "Man, I think this has been, like, the wildest twelfth birthday any boys ever had. You really know how to make a kid feel special, Pinkie."
  1424. >The mare freezes, eyes snapping open.
  1425. >"Twelfth?"
  1426. "Yeah. I was actually kind of sad when I woke up, 'cause, you know, I wasn't going to be able to spend it with my parents, but, this has been really nice."
  1427. >"You're twelve?" she repeats. "Um, and that's, like, grownup for humans, right?"
  1428. "What? Nah. I won't be a grownup until I'm eighteen... or twenty-one. Not sure exactly."
  1429. >Pinkie's mind flashes back through everything she knows of Anon, and realizes, he's never mentioned age before.
  1430. >"Oh..."
  1431.  
  1432.  
  1433.  
  1434.  
  1435.  
  1436.  
  1437.  
  1438. >ywn be the only company lonely ponecromancer had in decades besides the spooky scare skeletons, who despite having a very positive outlook on undeath and smiling constantly, aren't that great at small talk
  1439. >ywn cook her a great meal and see her cry at every bite, finally tasting something other than dust and decay after years of subsisting on dark magic alone
  1440. >ywn see life returning to her withered form with each day in your care, the pallor of her coat and mane being replaced with vibrant colors they once had, the parchment-like skin stretched over bones giving way to supple natural curves
  1441. >ywn celebrate with her when she discovers her magic becoming stronger than it ever was
  1442. >ywn finally agree to join her in undeath, after she discovered an ancient ritual of dark ascension
  1443. >ywn place your souls in a single phylactery, now forever bound to each other
  1444. >ywn kiss and cuddle and love the dreams of getting back at the cruel world by taking it over with her army of undead out of her, making her settle instead for eternity with a stallion that loves the beautiful mare hidden behind the forbidden magic
  1445.  
  1446. >ywn have creepy yet adorable foals
  1447. >ywn move into a spooky mansion in some pony town and go all Addams family on the normies
  1448.  
  1449.  
  1450.  
  1451.  
  1452.  
  1453.  
  1454. >it started with little things at first 
  1455. >Anon would check in on them frequently to make sure Tree Hugger’s hippie methods of child raising didn’t accidentally screw up the foal’s mind, and to make sure Zephyr wasn’t shirking his responsibilities as a parent
  1456. >then once Zephyr starting leaving for weeks at a time and it became clear he wasn’t going to shape up, Anon became more directly involved with the care of the colt
  1457. >so did Fluttershy for that matter.
  1458. >she was honestly expecting her brother to bail when it got too hard, and while she knew that Tree Hugger would never intentionally do harm to her own child, that was the kicker
  1459. >intentionally 
  1460. >Fluttershy intervened for her nephew’s sake when Tree Hugger started talking about homeschooling him when he got old enough
  1461. >Anon and Fluttershy shared feelings of solidarity in making sure this kid wasn’t screwed up for life, becoming fast friends in pseudo-parenting
  1462.  
  1463. >Zephyr flew the coop early and Treehugger really had no idea what she was doing. When Fluttershy/Anon finds the still infant foal living in filth, they swiftly take him away. 
  1464. >Fluttershy and Anon don't even tell their nephew that he was adopted, they just raise him as their own.
  1465. >Nephew is none the wiser throughout his childhood. He lives a life being loved by his 'parents', their friends, and his grand parents. 
  1466. >When he gets older, he notices his younger siblings are growing faster than him and look a little different, their pronounced human teeth being the most obvious.
  1467. >With a little snooping, other strange things pop up. Like an uncle named Zephyr that no one talks about.
  1468. >During a visit to his grandparents house, he takes a look in the attic and finds a picture of the elusive uncle.
  1469. >They... Look so much alike.
  1470. >And in a box a few paces away, he finds adoption form copies
  1471. >HIS adoption form copies.
  1472. >Original Sire Name: Zephyr Breeze
  1473. >The young colt puts the papers down and suddenly feels faint.
  1474. >What is the world is going on?!
  1475.  
  1476. >"So... I'm not really your kid."
  1477. >Like HELL he isn't.
  1478. >You are Anon, and you're about to set this little horse straight.
  1479. >You slide your arms under his foreleg-pits and pick Chakra up.
  1480. >You set him down on your lap just as Fluttershy sits down next to you,
  1481. >One wing goes around your shoulders, and the other goes around the foal you raised more-or-less since his birth.
  1482. >You taught him how to brush his teeth.
  1483. >You helped Fluttershy help Rainbow Dash teach him how to fly.
  1484. >You watched him grow up from a tiny fussy baby horse into the 10-year-old colt he is today.
  1485. "Yes, you are. You came from somewhere else, but that doesn't mean you're not our son."
  1486. >You love Chakra just as much as you love the foals you had with Fluttershy, and you'll be damned if he doesn't know this.
  1487. >He's yours, dammit, and nothing will ever change that.
  1488.  
  1489.  
  1490.  
  1491.  
  1492.  
  1493.  
  1494.  
  1495. >Anon arrives in Equestria not long after the last of the Pie sisters are born
  1496. >His arrival location is near the Pie farmstead, and they take in the lost, scared colt
  1497. >In return and wanting to express his gratitude, Anon helps take care of their foals; he's allowed near their children because he's of the fairer sex
  1498. >Igneous jokes sometimes that the only other creature he trusts to change his foal's diapers is Anon; especially since that one time Cloudy somehow ended up diapering Pinkie's head instead of her rump
  1499. >Anon's plan was originally to help in the fields, but making sure those fillies didn't kill themselves was a full-time job
  1500. >He obviously wasn't their uncle - and god knows that Anon isn't a mature adult in any stretch of the term - and so the sisters started referring to him as their big brother
  1501. >Igneous was old-fashioned even by RGRE standards, and so Anon's "little sisters" grew up very protective of him
  1502. >"He might be bigger and older than we are, but what if he hurts himself? He's still just a colt!"
  1503. >Anon decides to take the train with Pinkie Pie when she decides to move out
  1504. >It was a gesture of comfort that was meant for Pinkie as much as it was for him; he'd never admit it, but he shed a few tears when it was time for them to part
  1505. >So, when Pinkie invites Anon to stay in Ponyville for a few days and meet her 5 new friends, Anon goes for it
  1506. >Letters don't encapsulate Pinkie's essence (even when she somehow manages to fit a full-sized party canon into the envelope) and so Anon is eager to see his little sister again
  1507. >Turns out that Pinkie's been telling anypony who would stand still long enough to listen that her big brother was visiting soon
  1508. >Ponies were not expecting Anon, to say the least
  1509.  
  1510.  
  1511.  
  1512.  
  1513.  
  1514.  
  1515.  
  1516. >team of scouts charting new life bearing planets.
  1517. >set up shop in equestria to perform research and to monitor the unusual life forms.
  1518. >prime directive only prohibits uplifting or sharing technology, talking with the inhabitants for research and information purposes was fine.
  1519. >waifu steals green-shirt anons heart and when the team packs up to move on he's faced with the dilemma of staying.
  1520. >due to the frequency of this happening on missions regarding intelligent lifeforms, there is actually protocol for this.
  1521. >One, all knowledge on the workings and applications of sufficiently advanced technology would be carefully removed from his memories.
  1522. >he would still know of their existance and remember using such devices, but with no remembrance of how.
  1523. >Two, he will be left an emergency beacon, if this life is not what he desires due to unforseen circumstances, a federation ship will come rescue him.
  1524. >Three, to compensate for his desertion, weekly reports regarding the society he has joined must be provided, a discreet automated postal drone will arrive bi-weekly to collect and transcribe them to digital format.
  1525. >Four, fepresent Humanity to the best of his ability
  1526.  
  1527. >Anon has to write a report every week.
  1528. >Despite his protestations to the contrary, Twilght is convinced he's writing "Friendship Reports" just like her
  1529.  
  1530.  
  1531.  
  1532.  
  1533. >Ponies become space-faring early in their history thanks to one brilliant mind accidentally making magitech.
  1534. >In hardly a few hundred years they go from living in huts to celebrating the success of their first space elevator. Interstellar travel follows shortly. 
  1535. >They roam the galaxy looking for life, only to find microbes at most.
  1536. >More and more they look, only to find nothing.
  1537. >They aren't the only ones... right?
  1538. >One day, a scout team goes into high alert when their low-radios suddenly chatter briefly.
  1539. >Weird. Most ships use laser beaming or magic telepathovoice for comms. Why low-radio?
  1540. >They focus in and try to clear the channel, hearing a series of ping-like noises.
  1541. > 2, stop, 3, stop, 5, stop, 7, stop, 11, stop, 13, stop, 17, stop...
  1542. >The captain of the ship feels her eyes widen. This isn't just random interference, these are prime numbers!
  1543. >SOMETHING INTELLIGENT IS BROADCASTING!
  1544. >They quickly chase down the signal, parking themselves several hundred million kilometers from a small garden world.
  1545. >One teeming with radio signals and life signs. 
  1546. >...But something is off here.
  1547. >They release some probes to investigate and wait.
  1548. >Some hours later, the little magitech gadgets return with unsettling results.
  1549. >The garden world before them is a high-gravity hellhole. The water is toxic, the air is a miasma of disease, the flora and fauna are hostile, natural resources are low, some of which NEEDED for spaceflight totally absent, the weather is wild, the sun is untamed...
  1550. >...And there is no magic. None at all. 
  1551. >It's like something out of a horror movie.
  1552. >Yet the only intelligent life there, the humans, somehow survive. These lonely foals cry out into the void for help and attention with their radios, only for none to come. 
  1553. >It would only take random one meteor strike or bout of crazed weather to kill them all. With no magic and their crushing gravity making pure tech rockets so costly, they'll never make it. Their home will be their grave without help.
  1554. >There is no time to lose. 
  1555. >
  1556. >Back on Equis Proper, Celestia stares at the holographic window before her, the words 'CALL ENDED. DURATION: 1:23:03, flashing on it.
  1557. >"Sister."
  1558. >The solar princess turns to her little sister, who had abandoned trying to figure out her own holo terminal in favor of staring at the older alicorn. "Sister, We will not pretend to know how to proceed with this, but if the good captain is correct, then will these hyoomanes will likely meet a terrible fate one day. The kingdom has expanded to Our stars, so assisting one world must cost only a pittance."
  1559. >"Indeed, Luna," the elder sister agrees. "I have full intention to help. We won't let them die, but the question is how to go about this? We assumed we would always run into a more powerful force, not do any uplifting."
  1560. >Scanning through the report one more time, Celestia suddenly sits up straighter, a smile coming to her lips. Two lines lines in particular under the part about human society and history jump out at her.
  1561. >"Recent gender dynamic struggles and social schisms" and "Most nations are patriarchies"
  1562. >"Yes..." Celestia whispers to herself. "It's perfect. To give them ALL that they need and keep everyone content and diplomatic. Just with marepower. it's almost too perfect."
  1563. >"Sister? Thou are muttering to thyself."
  1564. >The solar alicorn just smiles. "It's nothing, Luna dear, I think I figured it all out. Now to call our spearhead. I think Twilight and her new friends would enjoy a calmer adventure for once."
  1565. >'CALLING: TWILIGHT SPARKLE' 
  1566.  
  1567.  
  1568.  
  1569.  
  1570.  
  1571. > Anon has some magical ability
  1572. > Not a lot of power, but he recharges very quickly
  1573. > This makes him a ideal teacher for Celestia's school for gifted unicorns
  1574. > He teaches intro classes for a large variety of schools of magic
  1575. > Anon has some pretty low magic resistance though, so freshman mares thinking with their clit cannot resist trying to cast a charm spell on him
  1576. > He's pretty used to it now, and blocks or disrupts them automatically
  1577. > A lot of students get expelled that way
  1578. > The mostly mare faculty is better, for the most part
  1579. > The zebra mare in the Alchemy department is convinced that Anon's bodily fluids would make potent potion reagents
  1580.  
  1581.  
  1582.  
  1583.  
  1584.  
  1585. kindergarten teacher anon.
  1586. >anon gits gud at levitation, and his role as a teacher hones his ability to multi-task, combined with a little unintentional magical boost.
  1587. >is eventually able to give a lecture on basic magical principles whilst drawing on a chalkboard, demonstrating said principles using small models and walking around the classroom making sure every foal is paying attention and learning.
  1588. >the graceful way he moves around the room, the deep rhythm of his voice and the measured way his glowing hands conduct the symphony of wonder within the room completely capture the students attention.
  1589. >not even celestia herself has such an attentive and focused class.
  1590. >he spawns more than a few crushes in the little fillies, but is able to fend them off by saying they need to complete their studies and earn a couple of magical degree's first.
  1591. >by the time they've met those requirements they've either gotten over the silly crush or found a nice colt of their own.
  1592. >until one persistent filly now barely a mare manages to break several school records and nervously asks him on a date in the faculty lounge, showing off several certificates as proof.
  1593. >the rest of the staff, celestia included, laugh quietly at the nonplussed look on his face and nod silently when he throws a questioning look their way.
  1594. >"Well alright miss Sparkle, i am a man of my word after all, so i graciously accept your invitation."
  1595. "R-really?! I-i mean, there's no need to be so formal, Please, call me Velvet."
  1596.  
  1597.  
  1598.  
  1599.  
  1600.  
  1601.  
  1602. >Have to work a little harder for their magical abilities than most other unicorns, but they inherited dad-non's trait of quickly recharging.
  1603. >Being firstborn and 'daddy's little colt', shining manages to get into celestias school and be the one to hatch spike during his entrance exam and become Celestia's student.
  1604. >Raised alongside a recently born Twilight, who was encouraged to be a bit more of a marely mare by velvet due to the presence of TWO colts (Even if one of them is a dragon she loves him just as much thank you.)
  1605. >Frustrated by her slightly lagging magical strength, she devotes more time to improving her raw ability over studying.
  1606. >After accidently busting down a wall trying to swat a fly, the parents decide she needs to learn more focus and discipline.
  1607. >Enroll her in the equestrian mare-scouts, forced to interact with her peers more directly and their lower stamina, her frustration over her magical strength eases, although she keeps up her efforts.
  1608. >Eventually follows the friends she made in the scouts into joining the royal canterlot guard.
  1609. >Shining meanwhile has been struggling to make friends (Apart from his bro spike), although not for lack of trying or encouragement.
  1610. >Through a quirk of fate he is the only stallion in all his classes, and most of the fillies that talk to him either have a crush on him or his dad, including one that looks eerily like his litle sister.
  1611. >Thankfully they seem to stop after a little while and Princess Celestia's niece, Princess Cadence is always checking up on him "to make sure those silly fillies aren't bullying you.", she's a good friend.
  1612. >His new assignment to Ponyville for the summer sun celebration should be interesting as he's never left canterlot before
  1613.  
  1614.  
  1615.  
  1616.  
  1617.  
  1618.  
  1619. >Humans are mythical creatures in Equestria, and many beings want to capture one to use for their many mystical properties.
  1620. >Anon finds out about this, and doesn't want his blood drank as a youth potion.
  1621. >He's then asked what he is.
  1622. "Ah, I'm a... dragon! Yep! That's why I walk on two legs like Spike there."
  1623. >"Then where are your scales?"
  1624. "Wow, really, Twilight, you're just gonna go and bring up my condition like that? I was born without scales, thank you very much, and I'm very self-conscious about it."
  1625. >"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, Anon! Can you ever forgive me?"
  1626. "I guess this once, since you didn't know. And before you ask, I lost my tail in an accident.
  1627. >"You poor thing! How could a male be made to suffer so much?! It's too cruel!"
  1628. >And thus, Anon lives his life in Ponyville as the town's second dragon.
  1629. >Things are relatively normal, except for Spike coming to him often to talk about dragon stuff.
  1630. >Anon's the only male dragon around, after all, and there are things the little drake wants to ask that he'd never dare ask Smolder.
  1631. >"So it's completely normal to have two of them?"
  1632. "jesus, Spike, I don't kn- er, yeah, sure, two dicks is totally a guy dragon thing. Now put those away."
  1633. >"Phew, that's a relief... and you don't think I'm too small? When me and the guys hung out at the spa, I couldn't help but notice how... big they were."
  1634. "They're ponies, Spike, of course they're hung, but listen, you've got things they can't even compete with."
  1635. >"Like what?"
  1636. "Besides an extra dick? I mean, even if they aren't as big, I've noticed mares around here have a thing for anal. I know Fluttershy definitely does..."
  1637. >"Huh?"
  1638. "Also, you've got fingers and that freaky tongue, dude. You're going to be the master of foreplay when you finally get a pony in the sack."
  1639. >"Wow... I never thought of that. Thanks, Anon, you're the best."
  1640. "No prob, Spike. Now seriously, put your dicks away."
  1641. >"Oh! Yeah, sure, sorry! Anyway, I still got chores to do. A princess' assistant's work is never done!"
  1642.  
  1643.  
  1644.  
  1645.  
  1646.  
  1647.  
  1648.  
  1649. >Twilight Velvet sighs tiredly and puts her daughter's letter back down onto the table.
  1650. "It was bad enough that she only made friends with mares over in flank-buck nowhere," she grumbles, "But now she's trying to tell me that licking clits doesn't make her a dyke."
  1651. >With a poof of magic, Twilight's letter disappears and a small bottle of amber liquid (and a shot glass) takes its place.
  1652. >Velvet removes the cork and uses her magic to pour a shot.
  1653. >Then, she brings the bottle to her lips and takes a swig from it.
  1654. "Who's that weird colt down in Ponyville..."
  1655. >Velvet sips from the bottle again as she tries to remember that alien she met one time.
  1656. >Tall, a jane-filly, and decidedly non-equine.
  1657. "...but he doesn't have a sheath, and I bet he ruts like a champ. He owes me a favor, the last time I checked."
  1658. >Another flash of magic reveals a fresh piece of parchment and a quill.
  1659. "Dear Anonymous..." she says as she writes, "do you remember that time I paid for your public indecency bail? I have a favor to ask you..."
  1660. >One week later, Anon is on the train to Ponyville to fuck some sense into ol' Iron Side's gay purple daughter.
  1661.  
  1662.  
  1663.  
  1664.  
  1665.  
  1666.  
  1667.  
  1668. Combine WAIfu with non-advanced Equestria.
  1669. >Anon is a genius in just about every way but social.
  1670. >When he arrived in Equestria, it wasn't long before he started to make waves.
  1671. >Not as big as they should have been, because sexist mares doubted a colt knew much of anything, but it's hard to deny one's technological abilities when they make self-propelling carts, and soon, flying machines.
  1672. >Anon tries to be careful with what he shares with the ponies, trying not to advance them too quickly, but there's a hiccup or two.
  1673. >The recent nuclear meltdown was on par with Chernobyl, but there's always that saying about eggs and omelets.
  1674. >Over all, though, he's improving their lives, and making quite a pretty penny at the same time.
  1675. >Which is a problem, as he now has sleazy chad mares trying to seduce him in the hopes of having a sugar daddy.
  1676. >And if it weren't for the princesses chasing said mares away, Anon would probably be on his third loveless marriage by now.
  1677. >These ponies are just so damn cute, and he's not exactly used to getting this sort of attention from the opposite sex.
  1678. >Alas, the princesses are finally starting to hammer the point home after they intercepted a trap disguised as fan mail.
  1679. >The envelope was full of a powder ingrained with a love spell that would make the infected victim search out and enslave themselves to the caster.
  1680. >Damn love anthrax.
  1681. >At least the mare in question is in jail.
  1682. >Still leaves Anon the problem of not having a wife yet.
  1683. >Then, one day, while studying pony knowledge- a lot of which is new to Anon- he comes across golems, and how to give them basic minds.
  1684. >It's intriguing at first, then exciting when he realizes how this information fills in the gaps perfectly for what he knew of purely technological based intelligence
  1685. >He's so excited by the prospect of something new that he hardly thinks as he begins work, combining tech and magic into the ultimate golem
  1686. >One who, without thought, Anon starts to create in the image of his perfect mare
  1687.  
  1688.  
  1689.  
  1690.  
  1691.  
  1692.  
  1693.  
  1694. >Anon dies and is reborn as a pony
  1695. >Not just any pony, but as Artemis, Celestia's little brother
  1696. >Like most, he doesn't remember anything from his past life and he follows the path Harmony has laid out for him until the fight with Discord
  1697. >Before he was turned to stone, he casted some magic on him but it seemingly did nothing
  1698. >They're named princess and prince and move into Everfree castle
  1699. >Celestia is thriving in her role while Artemis is being plagued by dreams of the life of a strange creature
  1700. >With society restored, gender roles are reinstituted by noble mares who try to take advantage of him in court and in courting to seize more power
  1701. >When their attempts fail, they ruin his name by deeming him incompetent to rule and his court is abandoned in favor of his sister
  1702. >He tries to talk to Celestia about it, as well as the dreams that have been increasing, but she snaps at him due to stress and exhaustion from her increase workload
  1703. >"If don't have time for this, brother. I have more important things to do than listen to you whine. Why don't you make yourself useful for once and make something for me to eat in the kitchens."
  1704. >Then a memory awakens of his past life
  1705. >He had a sister that he thought loved him until her rich boyfriend broke up with her
  1706. >When he refused to give her more money to keep up her lavish lifestyle, she killed him to get his life insurance money
  1707. >It's happening again; Celestia was only nice because he was useful to her but now it was a matter of time before he was disposed of again
  1708. >He has no choice but to get rid of her before she can betray him
  1709. >Thus Nightmare Moon was born
  1710.  
  1711. >Celestia is at a loss
  1712. >she knows letting her brother stew in his own negativity isn’t healthy and will only risk him becoming Nightmare Moon again, but at the same time she doesn’t want to force him to do anything and risk him hating her even more than he already does
  1713. >then, something changes 
  1714. >it’s small things at first
  1715. >Celestia would hear her brother’s voice followed by the sound of a foal’s giggling around the hall, but when she would look, no one was there 
  1716. >then little incidents like that became more frequent 
  1717. >Artemis still wouldn’t talk to her, but on the rare occasions they saw each other in the castle he looked slightly less miserable
  1718. >confusedhorsenoises.wav
  1719. >through some subtle investigating, Celestia figures out what happened 
  1720. >apparently some of the housekeeping staff had been forced to bring their children to work a few weeks ago due to lacking a foalsitter
  1721. >instead of staying put in the castle daycare center, they got into mischief as young children tend to
  1722. >they somehow wandered into Artemis’s bedroom while he was getting food
  1723. >when he found them upon his return, instead of getting angry as she expected, he... looked after them and even played with them a little before escorting them back to the castle daycare center
  1724. >naturally the housekeeping staff was horrified upon finding out and apologized profusely but he apparently didn’t mind as long as they didn’t tell her about it
  1725. >now he was a frequent visitor and was quite popular with the foals 
  1726. >while happy that her brother was doing better, Celestia was still saddened that he still wouldn’t talk to her at all
  1727.  
  1728.  
  1729. >Artemis is on his last nerve regarding Cadence
  1730. >he just wants some peace and quiet, but he can't escape her, and Celestia is no help
  1731. >as usual
  1732. >he's tired of all these dates
  1733. >but what can he do?
  1734. >in what little time he has alone (the bathroom), he reads up on laws or whatever it is he can get his hooves on to be rid of her
  1735. >and then he finds it
  1736. >something even more powerful than Celestia
  1737. >the Court of Public Opinion
  1738. >he hatches a scheme, a wonderful, terrible, wonderfully terrible plan
  1739. >if it plays out like he expects, he'd almost feel bad for his niece
  1740. >almost
  1741. >but she brought this on herself
  1742. >on the next forced date, Artemis is sitting in a crowded, fancy restaurant with some mare Cadence shackled him with today
  1743. >welp, time to see if this works
  1744. "O woe is me! A poor, helpless, naive stallion is being forced to go on dates with mares against his will! How could PRINCESS CADENCE be so cruel as to force me into this with no regard to my feelings like a piece of meat?"
  1745. >might have laid it on a bit thick
  1746. >silence
  1747. >mayhaps it isn't going to work like he though-
  1748. >"That whorse!"
  1749. >"What a cruel mare, to force a poor stallion to do something like that?!"
  1750. >"Princess of Love? More like Princess of Rape!"
  1751. >The roars of anger become indecipherable from one another as all the ponies in the room rise up in rage
  1752. >out of the corner of his eye, Artemis notices Cadence making a hasty exit as his date, already picking up how south things are going, joins in with the mob, hoping to distance herself from Cadence's actions
  1753. >she's smarter than Artemis gave her credit for
  1754. >before the day is over, guards surround the palace, ensuring the Princess's safety as effigies of her are hung and burned in the streets
  1755. >did he take it too far?
  1756. >he looks over at the schedule Cadence gave him for the next month of all the mares he was going on dates with till he found someone
  1757. "Nah"
  1758.  
  1759.  
  1760. >Celestia thought that everything would go back to how they were after Artemis returned
  1761. >They would rule together side by side, this time truly as equals
  1762. >However, that doesn't happen
  1763. >Artemis apoligizes for all the trouble he causes, but refuses to take back his thrown
  1764. >"This is your kingdom, Celestia. It has been that way even before Nightmare Moon. My leadership would be questioned, if accepted at all. I will take control of the moon again if you desire, but it would be best for both of us if I gave up my crown and faded within the common pony."
  1765. >After the Summer Sun Celebration, she returned alone, stunned and heartbroken
  1766. >All that hoping and planning, the sacrifices she made for the kingdom so that her brother had a place to return to mean nothing
  1767. >He's out in Ponyville living paycheck by paycheck as a waiter for a small restaurant of all things
  1768. >At least she knows Twilight will look after him since she let him live with her
  1769. >Buy he might as well still be on the moon by how far he was from her
  1770. >It's the next day and she's surrounded by paperwork, from bills to petty complaints by nobles
  1771. >When was the last time she went on vacation?
  1772. >She can't even think of the last time she left the castle that wasn't a part of official business
  1773. >She put the paper she was working on down and laid her head on her desk
  1774. >It felt like the past thousand year had hit her all at once as tears started to form in her eyes
  1775. >She was stressed, exhausted, depressed, and the crown never felt heavier
  1776. >But most of all
  1777. >She just wants to be with her brother again
  1778.  
  1779.  
  1780.  
  1781.  
  1782.  
  1783.  
  1784.  
  1785. >You shouldn't have given Twilight that hug
  1786. >Sure, she was a cute little horse and you didn't know any better, but you probably shouldn't have done that
  1787. >The mare never had any luck with stallions
  1788. >As a unicorn, she was considered too nerdy and chubby for any attention from stallions
  1789. >As a princess, most stallions are too intimidated to even look at her
  1790. >This was a mare that has never had her first kiss
  1791. >She never had a stallionfriend, never held a colts hoof; for years and years, she could barely speak to them
  1792. >The only stallion that hugged her like you had was her brother and dad
  1793. >So when you hugged her, that set something off in the mare
  1794. >She already found you easier to be around that most stallions- being that you weren't a stallion--but this was the tipping point
  1795. >Twilight was really smart
  1796. >Smarter than you; pretty much smarter than anypony else currently living
  1797. >When she focused her raw, powerful intellect on something she was usually twelve steps ahead of everyone else
  1798. >Using super math, she was able to calculate pretty much ever part of your lives together, from the things that you'd say to each other on your first date to the name of your fifteen foal
  1799. >She invented completely new and groundbreaking spells
  1800. >Dozens of them
  1801. >To Spike, who looked over the notes, they seemed nonsensical 
  1802. >To Twilight they were simply another step in making you the happiest house husband in the whole world
  1803. >Laws were passed as well, equally odd
  1804. >Nopony understood them, but if a princess was issuing them it was for the betterment of Equestria
  1805. >The creation of new funding for several programs was also weird but no one questioned it
  1806. >Of course, you were none the wiser, just pleasantly surprised that the cute little winged horn horse was climbing into your lap now and letting you hug and pet her.
  1807.  
  1808. >A lot of it was easy for the alicorn
  1809. >Making it so that her fur would be pleasant for you to look at and touch
  1810. >With the aid of magic she was also able to adjust her natural scent to be better suited for you
  1811. >Other things were trickier
  1812. >She had to guess the size of your cock--you wearing clothes and Ponyville hospital refusing to give her your medical records made it harder
  1813. >It also took some time to find which positions you were most comfortable in when she was sitting in your lap or hugging you
  1814. >The best tone of voice was harder as well, though finding common interest was a piece of cake
  1815. >You and her loved nerd shit, so there really wasn't need to change much
  1816. >Spells in the bedroom were relatively easy as well
  1817. >She went through dozens of of them
  1818. >Transformation, spells that would make clones, spells that would make you feel each other's pleasure, anything and everything the little nerd could think of
  1819. >The move to monogamy was easy as well
  1820. >Twilight didn't want to share you with anypony else
  1821. >Selfish as it was, she wanted all of you love and affection forever
  1822. >Even if Princess Celestia herself asked, Twilight would refuse her without hesitation, and even fight if the older alicorn insisted
  1823. >Her magnum opus however, was a permanent change to her body
  1824. >With it she'd be able to bare your foals
  1825. >It made her barren to all other races on Equus--your alien biology was too strange--but she could care less
  1826. >She wouldn't need anything else, anyone else
  1827. >You were more than enough for her
  1828.  
  1829.  
  1830.  
  1831.  
  1832.  
  1833.  
  1834. some sort of moon-suit biohazzard getup.
  1835.  
  1836. >Dodge City was digging a second well when the first proved to be too shallow during the dry season.
  1837. >While digging the well, ponies come across a piece of the super dangerous (rare but naturally occurring) metal ore is found in the new well.
  1838. >it's presence threatens to drain the ambient magic from the surrounding water and ground, which would render the farmland fallow.
  1839. >Normally, this would have to be handled by the crown and expensive specialized mechanical equipment, operated by ponies in magic-tyvek suits and with multiple redundancies.
  1840. >While the ponies who discovered it during the well dig are freaking out, the strange new local resident proclaims:
  1841. "I don't see what the fuss is about, it's just a lump of pyrite."
  1842. >Anon proceeds to reach into the well and heft out a chunk of one of the most dangerous natural materials known to ponykind... unalloyed iron.
  1843. >Ponies freak out when anon casually holds a rare natural magic-sink in his bare hand like it's any other rock, and doesn't immediately fall into a coma or drop dead.
  1844. >That's when Twilight shows up to ask questions regarding the only lifeform ever known to survive 100% magic drain, and the town learns that their ape-like resident oddity is an honest-to-Celestia alien.
  1845.  
  1846.  
  1847.  
  1848.  
  1849.  
  1850.  
  1851. >Be teen Anon
  1852. >Met a cute mare named Cadence today and became friends with her
  1853. >It was also pizza day, so pretty good over all
  1854. >Then your room exploded
  1855. >From the center was an alicorn filly
  1856. >"Dad! Thank goodness I found you! Listen, it may be hard to believe, but I'm your daughter from the future. My name is Venus. For reasons totally not my fault, the timeline has become unstable. To fix it, you need to date and marry my mom, Princess Cadence, or else I won't exist anymore!"
  1857. >On the other side of Canterlot, a filly Flurry Heart is telling a teen Shining Armor the same thing
  1858. >Both fillies follow all three of them as they hang out and push them together while trying to sabotage the other
  1859.  
  1860.  
  1861.  
  1862.  
  1863.  
  1864.  
  1865.  
  1866. >Anon's accompanying his buddy shining on a daily jog around the empires perimeter.
  1867. >Well more like a portion of the perimeter, where another duo will pick up the next portion of the patrol.
  1868. >The crystal heart might keep out ice, snow and dark shadowy evil slaver ghost kings, but it doesnt hinder the occasional wildlife looking for easy pickings.
  1869. >Such attacks are rare though, which is why anon was able to fill in for a guard and use the time for his morning workout and to chat his with his friend without any trappings of royalty or being an alien.
  1870. >Which is why it came as a surprise to both of them when a snow leopard barrelled out of a snowbank into Shining faster than either of them could react, an audible crack resounding from the impact as he hit the dirt.
  1871. >Turning to the still upright threat, the leopard leaps at anon with jaws wide only to bite a hastily fumbled spear.
  1872. >Thrashing it's head and tearing it out of his hands, the snow cat crouches and is wholly unprepared for the magical blast that sends it crashing over the hill and back out into the snow.
  1873. >Trembling from the effort of standing, one leg bloody and bent in completely the wrong direction, the unicorn grins through the pain before it turns into a grimace as he falls over and starts shaking even harder.
  1874. >Anon grabs a red and yellow crystal from his pockets, throws them on the ground and stomps on them the pair of flares igniting and rocketting skyward, signifying danger and that the pair are having to abort their patrol.
  1875. >Grabbing his groaning friend and trying not to jostle his leg too much, the totally-not-panicking-holy-fuck-big-cat-nope adrenaline fueled human triple times it back to the city.
  1876. >All the while the stallion is shaking and mumbling things like "they'll get you too" "take care of my wife" "leave me" and something about bandits.
  1877. >Practically kicking down the doors to the horsepital, anon calmly and rationally explains the situation to a nearby doctor.
  1878. >And by that i mean he sprints in, finds the nearest pony in uniform and shouts "BIGCATFRIENDHURTHELPNOWPLEASE"
  1879. >Thankfully the nurse isnt blind and anon was not exactly subtle in his mad dash into the building, as a gurney is already wheeling it's way in front of the man who is gently guided to laying the prince on it before it speeds to the emergency room.
  1880. >The slightly bloodstained man attempts to follow but is restrained by an orderly who asks if he has any injuries himself.
  1881. >He remarks that "no, the blood isnt mine" with a slight manaical grin before the adrenaline promptly stops flowing through his system and the ache of sprinting into the city and the shock of the whole situation hits him like a ton of bricks.
  1882. >He is somewhat aware of ponies talking near to him but it's muffled a bit as if everypony was underwater, but these are crystal ponies not sea ponies so that doesnt make much sense haha.
  1883. >The next thing he's aware of is a pink blur crashing into him and giving a tight full body hug while chanting "Thank you" over and over again.
  1884. >Absentmindly returning the hug, he blinks in confusion as he appears to be in a small room off to the side of the reception, if the view through the now open door is accurate.
  1885. >The pink blur- pony princess relaxes the hug and pulls back slightly, practically sitting in his lap as she embraces him.
  1886. >Informs him that Shining is going to be okay thanks to how quickly anon brought him to the horsepital.
  1887. >He's going to have a cast on for a few weeks and will have to go through some therapy over the broken leg, but he should be back to full strength in just a few months.
  1888. >Anon sighs in relief and asks the pretty princess if there's anything he can do to help.
  1889. >She just nuzzles his neck and says he's done more than enough before pausing with a small frown.
  1890. >Explains that, actually, there is something he can do.
  1891. >Shinings condition means he's going to need almost around the clock monitoring, if only so he doesnt have a sudden episode and tries to run away on his injured leg, as a unicorn he can still handle most of the essentials himself using magic.
  1892. >The hospital could easily provide a carer and almost any one of the empire's citizens would likely volunteer, but she thinks it might help his recovery if the person helping is a trusted friend, never mind the fact that said friend was who saved him from the situation in the first place.
  1893. >While cadance would love nothing more than to drop everything to tend to her husband, she knows that would be completely irresponsible and royal duties have to take precedence, even more so with Shining not being able to manage much more than paperwork.
  1894. >And that's how anon started living with the pair.
  1895.  
  1896.  
  1897.  
  1898.  
  1899.  
  1900.  
  1901. That was fun.
  1902. >A super hero Alicorn takes the limelight in Equestria.
  1903. >Now, a new alicorn on the scene is of course important, but not nearly as much as the fact that said alicorn is a stallion.
  1904. >The most handsome, muscly, charming stallion ever.
  1905. >Princess Celestia and Luna are obviously eager to meet this new hero and thank him for all his hard work in protecting the innocent.
  1906. >Potentially herding with him is merely an after thought.
  1907. >They also may want to keep the stallion safe from his own reckless behavior, but that's pretty much every mare in Equestria whenever they read a new headline about Captain Wonder fighting this or that ferocious monster.
  1908. >Whenever the day is saved, however, the stallion disappears without a trace, no one noticing the small colt sneaking away from the scene as they search for the mysterious hero.
  1909. >If they did, they might follow the colt on his bizarre journey down into the sewers and through the deepest, most ancient tunnels below the city.
  1910. >They might even be some of the rare few to enter the Halls of Sorcery, and lay eyes upon a creature of myth.
  1911. >Equetria's only human.
  1912. >"Hey Mr. Anon-" the colt begins, setting his saddle bags down.
  1913. "The Great Sorcerer Anonymous," the wizened human corrects as he runs thin fingers through his long, lustrous, white beard, not taking his eyes off of the flasks and beakers filled with various glowing liquids.
  1914. >The colt rolls his eyes, but smiles as he grabs some books from his bags and heads over to the table.
  1915. >Tossing them up, he jumps onto a chair and starts opening them.
  1916. >"Okay, Great Sorcerer Anonymous. I handled that Albino Hydra you sent me after."
  1917. >Anon hums.
  1918. "A difficult foe. Being born so different from its ilk, the Albino Hydra is made especially vicious due to the constant bullying it suffers throughout its adolescence."
  1919. >"That's sad," the colt remarks with a frown. "I kinda regret cutting its heads off and cauterizing the stomps now."
  1920. "It had to be done," Anon remarks. "It was too dangerous to let roam, especially with its growing brazenness towards approaching pony settlements."
  1921. >"I know, but it's still sad," the colt responds. "I know what it's like to be bullied..."
  1922. >Anon glances sideways at the colt and notices his dejected expression.
  1923. "... What's that you've got there?" he asks suddenly.
  1924. >"Hm? Oh, um, just some homework. I got so distracted with hero stuff that I have a lot to catch up on now before school in the morning."
  1925. "That so? Would you like me to help with that?"
  1926. >"Thanks, but I should do it on my own," the colt responds with a soft smile. "After all, getting help from a super smart sorcerer would kind of be like cheating, right? I'm supposed to do it on my own."
  1927. >Anon chuckles.
  1928. "Honest and hard working. Two of the traits that led me to choosing you as my champion."
  1929. >The colt beams from the praise, but his stomach growling ruins the moment.
  1930. >Anon frowns.
  1931. "Have you eaten today, little one?"
  1932. >"Um, not really," he answers bashfully. "That new filly at the orphanage I was telling you about, the really tiny one, she was still hungry after breakfast, so I let her have some of mine, too."
  1933. "And by some, I take it you mean all?"
  1934. >"... Yeah."
  1935. >The sorcerer sighs, snapping his fingers.
  1936. >In the next second, there's a hefty sandwich sitting before the bewildered colt.
  1937. "Eat," Anon commands. "Self-sacrifice is a heroic virtue as well, but not at the cost of your health. You need to maintain your strength if you are to properly protect others."
  1938. >"Wow! thanks Mr. Anon!" the colt exclaims before he quickly starts to mow through the sandwich.
  1939. "That's The Great Sorcerer Anonymous," Anon corrects again, but is ignored in lieu of the tasty meal he had provided his ward.
  1940. >He huffs and mumbles something about disrespectful kids, but there's a smile tugging at his lips as he goes back to his experiment.
  1941.  
  1942.  
  1943.  
  1944.  
  1945.  
  1946. >Ponies realize Anon is a predator species
  1947. >Some mares have a predator/prey fetish
  1948. >Unfortunately for them, Anon doesn't have an aggressive bone in his body
  1949. >Gets along well with almost everypony
  1950. >Anon's potential waifu just wants him to scarouse her half to death
  1951. >Meanwhile, Anon is volunteering at the schoolhouse to help take the load off of Cheerilee and is giving foals piggy-back rides during recess
  1952.  
  1953. >Anon is a massive cuddle bug
  1954. >He likes to hug and be around others which is an issue with some fearing him
  1955. >Others are intrigued and approach him with some not so pure intentions
  1956. >They find him to be not as fierce or as intimidating as they had hoped
  1957. >They believed they found another dead end in their interest until they found out that Anon is a hugger
  1958. >A strong one that doesn't let go when he falls asleep
  1959. >They justify it by trying to think that they've been caught by a predator that will surely eat them when it wakes up
  1960. >It may not perfectly fulfill their interests but it certainly wasn't bad
  1961.  
  1962.  
  1963.  
  1964.  
  1965.  
  1966. >"Oh my, are you alright back there, dear?"
  1967. >"You seem to be just standing there."
  1968. >"Odd. I swear just a few minutes ago you promised that you were going to "ruin this slutty horse pussy"?"
  1969. >"You did, did you not? After you were groping my teats and slapping my rump If I recall."
  1970. >"That was a very good first thrust. Your cock is nice and thick, but you need to keep thrusting."
  1971. >"Goodness, you seem a bit flustered. Are you sure you're alright?"
  1972. >"Hmm? What was that? Don't move? Why not?"
  1973. >"Really? After all that boasting?"
  1974. >"I thought I was to be put in my place and you're already about to cum?"
  1975. >"Am I really that warm and tight?"
  1976. >"Oh my, I believe your eyes just crossed."
  1977. >"You know, you sound quite lovely when you moan. Here, let me make you a bit louder."
  1978. >"What? One more thrust and you're going to pop? Well, we can't have--oopsie."
  1979. >"Hmm~ Just stay still, dear. We don't want you hurting yourself while I empty your balls."
  1980. >"Here, let me wrap my tail around you. Can't have any of that cum leaking out of me now, can we?"
  1981. >"I'll wiggle my rump around a bit as well. Feel free to lay on my back if need be."
  1982. >"There. That was a nice first round, wasn't it? A good warm up and all of that."
  1983. >"You're lucky I'm not in heat. With a load this big I'd have been pregnant for sure."
  1984. >"Now, why don't you be a good little colt and lie back?"
  1985. >"I'll show you how a mare treats her colt."
  1986. >"Those big, fat balls of yours will be empty by the time I'm done with you."
  1987.  
  1988.  
  1989.  
  1990.  
  1991.  
  1992.  
  1993.  
  1994.  
  1995. >Sci-Twi accidentally gets pulled to RGRE while running a few tests on the portal. As per portal rules, it transforms her from a teen girl into an adult mare.
  1996. >Annoyed, she heads to the ponyville Castle to get her counterpart to send her back. As an OGR girl in a mare's body, Equestria is a little too kooky for her.
  1997. >But when she gets there, Spike says Princess Twilight is out, but Prince Anonymous can keep her company until the Princess returns.
  1998. >Sci-Twi heard of the mysterious man who declined to go to her earth, claiming it "wasn't the same" as his, but she had never met him.
  1999. >After some wandering, she finds the master bedroom and heads in.
  2000. >...Finding said man laying on the bed, nude, and in a seductive pose.
  2001. >She's so shocked that she can't move.
  2002. >"I like the glasses and ponytail, Twi," he purrs. "Really draws attention to those beautiful eyes."
  2003. >Sci-Twi gulps. "U-uh..." She's horrified when her mare body betrays her and begins heating up between her legs.
  2004. >His eyes travel to her back. "The no-wings glamour again? If you want to limit where I can attack, then I'll just have to put more effort into other places," he smirks.
  2005. >Before Sci-Twi can protest, he's bounded across the room, picked her up, and tossed her into the bed, following shortly after.
  2006. >Right as Sci-Twi opens her mouth to try and clear up this terrible misunderstanding, she stops short, a sudden, alien pang of NEED muting her protests. A second later, a mouth closes over hers in a kiss and she blanks out.
  2007. >Next thing she knows, she's face down in a pillow, ass up, then mounted and rutted like an animal without even a struggle from her.
  2008. >This isn't some wild fling, he's trying to impregnate her, a hazy part of her realizes.
  2009. >In Equestria, it's the height of summer.
  2010. >The height of estrus for most mares
  2011. >After her once-virgin body endures what seems like orgasm after orgasm, her impromptu lover hilts, then blurts out "Twi I love you!" A split second later he roars as he violently climaxes.
  2012. >Sci-Twi screams in dazed ecstasy as the building fire inside her is finally quenched.
  2013. >And with the warmth of that fire gone, comes to the cold realization of what just happened 
  2014. >She lays against the pillow, still penetrated, and feels her eyes sting with tears.
  2015. >The man flops down and pulls her into a kiss that she doest have the energy to resist, then notices her tears. "Twi? Twilight? Babe, whats wrong?"
  2016. >The bedroom door squeaks open.
  2017. >With Sci-Twi and Anon look up.
  2018. >In the doorway with a dropped jaw is Princess Twilight. 
  2019. >Anon looks between the two of them before he goes white as a sheet, realization hitting him like a truck.
  2020. >He just fucked a teenager in a estrus-stricken mare's body and cheated on his wife.
  2021. >Even utopia's aren't free of problems like these, it seems
  2022.  
  2023.  
  2024.  
  2025.  
  2026.  
  2027.  
  2028. >A portal to Earth has been opened, but it's not to a land of technological advancement.
  2029. >No, it's to a world not so different from their own, where knights and wizards serve kings and queens.
  2030. >And one ripe with materials that are considered highly valuable to Equestirans, with the reverse also being true.
  2031. >The pony princesses want nothing more than to trade away some of their abundant gold, silver, and gems in exchange for far more valuable copper and nickle, but the humans are weary of these strange equines.
  2032. >There king, Mordred, seems oddly suspicious of betrayal, and does not want to deal lightly with such magical creatures.
  2033. >And so, much as his mother before him, he decides to use his own child as a pawn in this political game.
  2034. >If it worked for Morgause, surely it'll work for him.
  2035. >And thus a marriage is arranged between Prince Anonymous, and their youngest princess, Twilight Sparkle, solidifying the new bond between man and pony.
  2036. >Anon is prepared to pass through the portal, leaving his home of Camelot to enter the city of Canterlot.
  2037. >Boy, that's gonna get confusing
  2038.  
  2039.  
  2040.  
  2041.  
  2042.  
  2043.  
  2044. "Alright, since you all had trouble with this last week, we're going to try the "break the ice" exercise again. If you reflected from last time, then it should be a piece of cake. Do we have have any volunteers?"
  2045. >Like last time and every time before, your class evades your stares
  2046. >You don't really get it; your class is usually glued to you during your lectures, but during exercises no one bothers to come up except-
  2047. >"Yona volunteers for the breaking of ice!"
  2048. >-for Yona, the one being in the school who probably needs self-confidence lessons the least
  2049. "Alright Yona, we'll start with you. Now, you remember that we're not breaking actual ice, right?"
  2050. >For her credit, the shred of embarrassment she had is immediately buried
  2051. >"Of course Yona realize this now! Yona will prove that she is best not only at breaking cold ice but metaphorical ice too!"
  2052. "Alright, so easiest way to start a conversation is to give the person you want to talk to a complement. Yona, find something you like about me and say it."
  2053. >"Yona understands! Yona will now begin!"
  2054. >She clears her throat and speaks
  2055. >"Ah-non is most handsome creature Yona has laid eyes upon. Ah-non's green eyes like plains in summertime, ripe for grazing. His head fur and beard strong and thick, sure sign of immense virility. Broad shoulders and strong muscles guarantees he could compete with yak in contest of strength. Ah-non is someone Yona would be proud to introduce to poppa back in yak homeland!"
  2056. >She stops, giving you a proud and slightly smug smile like she just hit the homerun of complements
  2057. "Very... descriptive, Yona. However, I think you came on a bit strong."
  2058. >"Ya! Yona strong like warrior ancestors! Is good, ya?"
  2059. >You sigh internally
  2060. >You'll be here all day if you decide to butt heads with her
  2061. "Yeah, Yona did good. You can go back to your seat."
  2062. >Yona returns to her desk, unphased by the glares of the rest of the class
  2063.  
  2064. >There was a slam on one of the desk
  2065. >"Anon, I wanna go next!"
  2066. >Smoulder, someone else you didn't think had confidence issues
  2067. >But who knows, maybe she's secretly tsundere or something
  2068. >She stomps to the front of the class, pausing only to blow smoke from her nose at Yona
  2069. "Smoulder! That isn't nice. Apologize."
  2070. >"Grrr... 'Msorry, okay?"
  2071. >Yona doesn't seem bothered, still having a smug grin
  2072. >"Yona accepts friends apology since she is best at being humble winner."
  2073. >Somehow, having the apology accepted made her angier than having to apologize
  2074. >You break it up before it could escalate
  2075. "Alright, this time I want you to-"
  2076. >"I want to do the compliment thing!"
  2077. "Err... Okay, why not? Go ahead."
  2078. >She closed her eyes and took a deep breathe
  2079. >"You're really cool, for a guy. You don't steal or push others around. You're kind but not a wimp like most ponies. Your skin is uh, nice and smooth and your claws feel nice. Y-you make time for me, even if it's something stupid a-and you give n-nice hugs a-and..."
  2080. >She stops and steam literally blows out of her ears
  2081. >"I-I LIKE YOU YOU DORK, SO THERE!!"
  2082. >She flaps her wings and flies out of an open window her scales a new shade of pink
  2083. >Yep, totally tsundere
  2084.  
  2085.  
  2086.  
  2087.  
  2088.  
  2089.  
  2090. >"I-t's not like I like you, idiot!" Smolder growls with a blush, getting her human classmate to puff out his cheeks.
  2091. "Well I don't like you either, dummy! So just take the Hearts and Hooves card and shut-up!"
  2092. >"Only if you take these stupid chocolates off my claws!"
  2093. "Fine! Thank you for the crappy gift!"
  2094. >And thank you for the ugly card!"
  2095. "I used melted hard candy to stick the gems on, and it's made out of rice paper, so you can eat it, you stupid dragon!"
  2096. >"I bet it tastes like dirt just like those chocolates 'cause I made sure to get the kind without gems or even hay like the ponies like because your wimpy human stomach is so delicate!"
  2097. "That was very thoughtful for such an air-headed dragon! Thank you sooo much!"
  2098. >You're welcome!"
  2099. "No, you're welcome!"
  2100. >"No! You!"
  2101. "No! You!"
  2102. >"You!"
  2103. "You!"
  2104. >"Yona!" yells the yak from the sidelines, not sure what's going on, but wanting to be part of it regardless.
  2105. >Both human and dragoness snap their gazes to the yak, then the former spins on his heel with a huff and marches away, the box of chocolate clasped tightly to his chest.
  2106. >Yona approaches her friend as they watch the human leave.
  2107. >"Do you... Like the Anon?"
  2108. >"Like him?" Smolder asked disbelievingly. "Ha! No, he's a dork."
  2109. >"Oh... That means Yona can have him!"
  2110. >"Touch him and I'll roast you!"
  2111.  
  2112.  
  2113.  
  2114.  
  2115.  
  2116.  
  2117.  
  2118. >Anon meticulously draws memes from memory into a single large tome.
  2119. >The collection of pictures evolves into a comprehensive reference book with a ToC, appendix, and index.
  2120. >Naturally, Twilight stumbles upon Anon's own book and reads through it.
  2121. >Having grown up in paradise as a mature, functioning adult mare, Twi has no clue what to make of Anon's meme.
  2122. >She confronts Anon about the book with innocent curiosity.
  2123. >Anon is currently watching the nature channel (AKA sulking in his recliner while watching ponies play outside his window)
  2124. >"Anon, what's a peepee?"
  2125. >His head swivels around so fast that he pulls a neck muscle and yelps.
  2126. "JUST fuck my shit up - that hurt. What do you mean by 'what's a peepee'? Didn't your parents give you the talk when you were young?"
  2127. >Twilight shows Anon the book turned to a page with a smug-ass frog.
  2128. >"I mean this."
  2129. "OH. You mean 'Peh-peh,' God of Arcane Meme Magic, also known as KEK."
  2130. >Twilight's eyebrows rise. She's incredulous.
  2131. >"What in Equestria is 'meme magic' and why have I never heard of this discipline? I've studied all known and emerging magical arts, and never once was 'meme magic' mentioned even within the Forbidden Collection.
  2132. "Trust me, Twi. You don't want to learn meme magic. Misuse of it can easily destroy the foundations of any society. Ignorance is bliss."
  2133. >Anon returns his gaze to the nature channel. He goes on to speak with an unnerving tone.
  2134. "So much bloodshed. So many ruined lives. So much AUTISM."
  2135. >Anon shudders at mentioning the last corruption.
  2136.  
  2137.  
  2138.  
  2139.  
  2140.  
  2141.  
  2142.  
  2143. >Anon joins the royal guard
  2144. >He thought he was joining military, but it turns out that it's more like being paid to stand around and look pretty
  2145. >Seriously, your pay rate depends on how well groomed you are on a weekly basis
  2146. >Changeling invasion happens and Anon takes charge from the panicking assistant captain
  2147. >Physical damage was kept at a minumim, but there was a large amount of mental scarring from the violence Anon incorporated
  2148. >It would look bad to punish someone who saved the capital despite the means, so the princesses "promote" as captain of a base at the nation's border
  2149. >They are mere miles away from other border lookouts manned by by griffons and minotaurs
  2150. >However, the mares who were appointed under him were rated the most useless and incompetent of the new recruits
  2151. >There is no way he could cause trouble with a team like that
  2152.  
  2153.  
  2154.  
  2155.  
  2156.  
  2157.  
  2158. >"Come on, you see him too, don't you Rarity?"
  2159. >You do, as much as you wished you didn't, a real live human walking in with your sister and her friends
  2160. >Of course they can't see him, only unicorns have the magical capacity to see him
  2161. >And not just any unicorns, but virgins
  2162. "N-now, Sweetie, you know better than to tell stories.."
  2163. >"But it's the truth! He's right in front of you!"
  2164. >You couldn't let anyone know you're a virgin, not here in front of your important clients at least
  2165. >Your name would be dragged in the mud of the fashion world
  2166. >Of all the days for a gorgeously handsome mythical creature to appear
  2167. >"Hello? Can you see me? Please, I need help."
  2168. >DRAT, you made eye contact
  2169. >Just ignore it Rarity, maybe he'll go away
  2170. >He then comes forward and cups your face, trying to get you to look at him
  2171. >Your skin tingles as his magic touch seeps through your skin
  2172. >Only one question remains as your mind starts to go hazy from bliss
  2173. >Why does all the weird stuff keep happening to you?
  2174.  
  2175.  
  2176.  
  2177.  
  2178.  
  2179.  
  2180.  
  2181. >Anon meets Ember, one of the first natives he can interact with that doesn't feel like a Christmas ornament, and hits it off.
  2182. >Dragons, because they have a constant fire burning in their chest, actually developed breathing techniques to help feed and stoke that fire, increasing its heat and intensity.
  2183. >Ember theorizes that these same techniques might help Anon not feel so light headed all the time, which turns out to be true.
  2184. >As for food, because their bodies burn more calories than other creatures, they can't live off of the usual things like fruits or even meat, and so have to supplement their diets with gems.
  2185. >She shares with Anon that she believes this to be the reason Spike seems so small- he wasn't fed enough gems growing up and it stnted his growth.
  2186. >Regardless, she eagerly prompts the human to give a sapphire a try, and Anon decides to humor her.
  2187. >He's surprised to find them gem to be one of the first things that doesn't disappear instantly on his tongue, nor, much to his shock, not be inedible.
  2188. >Instead, with a bit of pressure from his teeth, the gem shatters, and his mouth is flooded with a strange, but not unappealing flavor.
  2189. >It's almost like eating rock candy, and Ember beams as she watches the surprised human swallow before going for a second gem.
  2190. >From that day forth, Anon's life becomes a little more bearable, and he ends up maintaining a correspondence with his newest friend in the form of weekly letters.
  2191. >Ember, from the Dragon Lands, frets over her most recent letter.
  2192. >An invitation to come visit her kingdom.
  2193. >Something she secretly hopes to become permanent if the human finds it to his liking
  2194.  
  2195.  
  2196.  
  2197.  
  2198.  
  2199.  
  2200. >The Mane 6 *would* be attractive prospects for stallions, except ponies are skittish as it is, and stallions are even more danger averse than mares.
  2201. >Even Twiggles being a Princess isn't quite enough to outweigh the knowledge that some horrible monster or villain is going to be showing up to cause mayhem on a regular basis.
  2202. >And their stallion (and eventual foals) would make a prime target for abduction, revenge by proxy, and fates too terrible to contemplate.
  2203. >Anon however, craves ADVENTURE and excitement.
  2204. >The Mane 6 are happy they've found a male to herd up with, but are somewhat less enthused about his wanting to go off and get himself into danger with them on purpose.
  2205. >It's one thing for somebody to come steal him and they have to go rescue him, but him marching off into the villains lair and trying to fistfight the evil sorceress is quite another.
  2206. >But there is one advantage to bringing a colt along with them on their adventures.
  2207. >As mares, there's the social stigma against being a coltbeater to worry about when it comes to villains of the male persuasion.
  2208. >Even if they are horrible villains, they have to blatantly cross the line before the girls can fight them properly.
  2209. >An advantage several villainous stallions have not hesitated to use.
  2210. >Anon has no such restrictions on just hitting them in the snoot.
  2211. >Also, colt fights are hot
  2212.  
  2213.  
  2214.  
  2215.  
  2216.  
  2217.  
  2218. >PedoTwilight
  2219. >You end up reincarnated as a unicorn colt with your memories intact.
  2220. >With a prior love of fantasy, you take to magic like a fish to water.
  2221. >The powerful imagination of a DnD meta gamer and human soul filled with willpower made your magic varied and potent, but you can only go so far without an actual education.
  2222. >And considering you were born in a mostly earth pony herd with you as the sole unicorn, your parents and herdmoms were not equipped to help.
  2223. >So you self-study until around 12-13. It helps, but it still doesn't replace an actual magic education. 
  2224. >Then the student of the princess moved into town, the literal Element of Magic.
  2225. >So you went to Twilight Sparkle and asked to apprentice under her, ready to grovel at her hooves if that's what it took. You wanted-NEEDED to know more about magic. 
  2226. >You expected her to dismiss you like other tutors for being a colt, but surprisingly she says yes.
  2227. >As you follow her back to the library, you subtly cast your anti-erection spell (don't ask) and bite your lip as you watch her bouncing flanks. 
  2228. >God damn Twilight has cake. You get the best magic teacher there is and she's an adorkable 10/10 with an amazing ass.
  2229. >Once your lessons have hit a sufficient level, you are definitely corrupting her. 
  2230. >
  2231. >Twilight is sweating bullets.
  2232. >When a young colt came up to her one day, she nervously looked elsewhere.
  2233. >Then her called her by name and asked to be taught by her. BY HER!
  2234. >Part of her was delighted to take the role of teacher, the other part instantly had dirty TeacherxStudent thoughts.
  2235. >Twilight keeps her tail low to hide just how shamefully wet is. The idea of taking a colt's innocence should not be so arousing.
  2236. >But it is.
  2237. >She can already hear the squeaks and cute moans of her student as she overloads his senses with "strange but good" feelings.
  2238. >Twilight sweats loudly and winks under her tail.
  2239. >She never noticed the colt following her sniff the air, lock on to her rear, then lick his lips.
  2240.  
  2241.  
  2242.  
  2243.  
  2244.  
  2245. >"Anon, look at my new tattoo!"
  2246. >"Pinkie! What are you doing!"
  2247. >"Girl, yur gonna get yourself a sexual harassment charge!"
  2248. "Wow, pretty cool. Breasts are sensitive though; doesn't that hurt?"
  2249. >"Pff, nah, I'm tough. Besides, I saw the pony me got tattoos on her butt, and I couldn't let her think she more hardcore than me."
  2250. >"...Pinkie, those are cutie marks. They're magical and don't hurt when they appear."
  2251. >"Oh... So that's means I'm the tougher Pinkie then? Sweet!"
  2252. "You know, I've gotten a couple tattoos, too. I have medicated lotion left over with painkiller in it. You want to stop by my place after school and get it."
  2253. >"You have tattoos, Anon? Really?"
  2254. >"Probably just a little hear or something manly."
  2255. >"Dash, shh!"
  2256. "Yeah, check it out."
  2257. >Anon turns his back to the girls and starts pulling up his shirt, revealing a tat covering the whole of his back.
  2258.  
  2259. >At Anon's house, Pinkie is still trying to come to grips with what she saw.
  2260. >She thought she was hardcore, but dang, this boy might just have her beat.
  2261. >All bravado aside, getting her tit tat hurt like the dickens, and it's only three tiny balloons.
  2262. >She can't even imagine being able to sit still for as long as it would take to get something that big.
  2263. >Anon comes out from the little bathroom connected to his bedroom with a bottle in hand.
  2264. >Oh yeah, she's also sitting on Anon's bed in a big empty apartment.
  2265. >Just the two of them alone...
  2266. "This stuff works great," he's saying, getting her to snap back to attention. "Plus it really moisturizes."
  2267. >"Y-yeah, moist," she stammers then shakes her head. "I mean, thanks, Nonny! I'll make sure to use it as soon as I get home."
  2268. "Why wait? We can put some on right now."
  2269. >"Like, in your bathroom, or-"
  2270. "Here, pull your shirt down."
  2271. >"Eep!"
  2272. >Pinkie's hands fly up on instinct and grab hold of the fabric of her shirt, holding it down while Anon nods and pops the top off of the bottle.
  2273. "Might be a little cold..." he mumbles as he squirts a dollop of white cream onto his palm and reaches forward.
  2274. >As he begins to gently kneed it into Pinkie's tender mound, the girl has to bite her lip to keep from crying out.
  2275. >In pain or pleasure, she isn't sure.
  2276. >Anon doesn't seem to notice that or the girl's reddening face, just continuing his ministrations for a few seconds longer before nodding and pulling away.
  2277. "Saran wrap helps to keep it protected, to. Might look kinda weird, though."
  2278. >"a-aha..." she breathes, chest slightly heaving. "Thanks a bunch."
  2279. "No problem. I know how much tattoos can hurt."
  2280. >He stands, setting the lotion on the night stand.
  2281. Looking around, he says, "Well, I guess that's that. Hate being a terrible host, but I don't exactly have anything fun to do here."
  2282. >"I can think of something fun..."
  2283. "Hmm?"
  2284. >"Ah! I was just wondering why a guy like you was living in a place like this all alone. Where are your parents?"
  2285.  
  2286. >"No, Seriously! He lives all alone!"
  2287. >"That can't be," Twilight comments disbelievingly. "Who in the right mind would let a teenage boy live by themselves?"
  2288. >"I thought the same thing, but all he said was he didn't have parents," Pinkie answers somberly.
  2289. >AJ clenches her fist around her fork.
  2290. >"Tain't right, then. No one should have ta live alone like that. 'Specially after losin' their parents."
  2291. >Sunset looks sadly down at her plate, twirling food around with a fork.
  2292. >"It's... not that bad," she says, surprising the others around the table. "Living alone, I mean... B-but I totally agree! Not for boy!"
  2293. >"Well, it's not like we can do much about it," Dash points out. "I mean, it's not like any of our families will let us bring a boy they've never met home to live with them."
  2294. >"I reckon we Apples would," AJ says determinedly.
  2295. >"You'd still have to make him agree, though," Rarity adds. "And after seeing the artwork he's sporting on his back, I'm, skeptical of him agreeing easily. Clearly the independent, 'don't need no woman' sort, that one."
  2296. >"Sure, no guy would just agree to come living with a girl out of the blue like that," Twilight says. "That's just asking for... that, to happen."
  2297. >She shakes her head.
  2298. >"Still, the point remains that things can't be left as they are. Anon needs to be taken care of. We just have to find a way to make him see that, as well."
  2299. >"What else did you learn yesterday, Pinkie?" Sunset asks. "Becoming closer friends with him will definitely help in him trusting us, and the best way to do that is by sharing his interests."
  2300. >Pinkie taps her lips with a fingertip.
  2301. >"Hmm, his place was pretty empty. He didn't even have a TV... but he did have weights!"
  2302. >"Like, the lifting kind," Dash asks.
  2303. >"Mhmm! He said he likes to work out at home!"
  2304. >"Makes sense with that body of his," Rarity breathes dreamily as she licks her lips.
  2305. >"There you go!" Sunset says excitedly! "I workout all the time at the gym! I can invite Anon with me next time!"
  2306.  
  2307.  
  2308.  
  2309.  
  2310.  
  2311.  
  2312. >Go to Equestria
  2313. >It's a few million years before the show
  2314. >All the ponies you meet, of course, are carbon copies of modern ponies
  2315. >Cavemare-Applejack still has her stetson hat and her apple cutie mark
  2316. >Cavemare-Twilight gets excited over learning about you and has a dragon slave who looks just like Spike
  2317. >Cavemare-Celestia and Luna may or may not actually be modern Celestia and Luna
  2318. >So, arrive in Cave-questria
  2319. >Ponies in hay-skin dressing find you
  2320. >Start grunting at you and try to grope you
  2321. >Feel pain explode on the back of your head
  2322. >Open your eyes and you're in a cave next to a fire
  2323. >A small group of cave-mares are now cuddled around you
  2324. >One of them laying near your head wakes up shortly after you do, eyes fluttering open and yawning
  2325. >She smiles at you nuzzles, your chin, and then goes back to sleep
  2326. >Spend the rest of your life gathering berries, taking care of your foals, and desperately trying to somehow impart the idea of hand-held (hoof-held?) tools to your mares
  2327. >Untold years later, ponies wonder why there was a brief technological boom in the form of tools and farming practices in the proto-Equeatrian era, and also why there are a bunch of cave drawings of a bipedal creature holding a rake and chasing after little foals
  2328.  
  2329.  
  2330.  
  2331.  
  2332.  
  2333.  
  2334. >Each of the Sirens have a different way of getting into Anon's pants
  2335. >Sonata acts naive and innocent up to the point where your pants are off
  2336. >You're pinned before they even hit your ankles
  2337. >She holds you down with one hand and her surprising strength
  2338. >She's also the dirtiest talker of the bunch
  2339. >Her favourite kinds of talk include breaking you into her exclusively and knocking her up, berating you if you suggest birth control
  2340. >Aria plays up the long con and acts tsundere
  2341. >She knows you love the idea of slowly whittling away her "barriers" until you finally get to her heart
  2342. >Even when it comes to the bedroom she goes slow into moving into it the way she likes
  2343. >Slowly getting into more and more risque positions
  2344. >It starts off with vanilla, doggy and cowgirl, then it goes into stuff like the full nelson and reverse suspended congress, then it just goes further and further into depravity
  2345. >She doesn't talk but she loves to scream
  2346. >Finally there's Adagio
  2347. >Befitting of her role as leader she enjoys getting straight to the point
  2348. >She tells you when and where she wants to fuck and she expects your only reply to slam her down and fuck her numb
  2349. >She likes doing it in places you could get caught
  2350. >Because of this she doesn't talk or scream just breathes very heavily
  2351. >She knows doing it out in the open is too much but the idea of being caught, of people seeing that you're hers turns her on immensely
  2352.  
  2353. >Similar to how they have different ways to get into Anon's pants, they have three different ways to get into his heart
  2354. >After she's pumped full (ehehe), Sonata collapses and wraps herself completely around you
  2355. >After becoming hoarse from the dirty talk about impregnating her she'll gently discuss plans about your kids
  2356. >Where your wedding will be, where you'll honeymoon, where you'll get a house, how many you'll have, what their names will be depending on their genders, what pets you'll get, where they'll go to school
  2357. >She also go back from her dominant berating self to her bubbly naive self, trusting you with her own self-doubts on being a mother which you'll need to softly dismiss
  2358. >Aria will simply lay on top of you like you're a small mattress or big pillow
  2359. >The intensity of the positions she likes will leave her drifting in and out of consciousness
  2360. >As she drifts back and forth she'll mutter apologies for if she was rough and telling you how much you matter to her
  2361. >You'll occasionally hear her thanking you for not being put off by her, in all her millenias of life, you're the only one who stuck around that wasn't family
  2362. >Adagio likes it when you carry her home from one of your exhibitionist romps
  2363. >She then enjoys snuggling up on the couch under a light blanket
  2364. >She always asks if what you did was ok
  2365. >She knows you have people who might judge you harshly if you were caught
  2366. >She doesn't have that, her sisters are the only ones she has
  2367. >Well her sisters, and now you
  2368. >You always reassure her you wouldn't do it if you didn't like it
  2369. >The first time you said that and she broke down and sobbed into your chest, screaming apologies
  2370. >She was around 1000 years ago, when guys were little more than property
  2371. >That was the same excuse she used to rape guys back then, and hearing those words from you
  2372. >Someone she genuinely cares for and genuinely cares for her
  2373. >It was like a slap from a red hot iron
  2374. >At the end of any of these three, the other two join you
  2375.  
  2376.  
  2377. >Dazzlings, Sunset, and Purplenerd all form a herd with the understanding that they're going to seduce someone
  2378. >The Dazzlings have lost their magic powers and have to do this the old-fashioned way, and employ Shimmer and Sparkle to get some help in exchange for splitting the spoils.
  2379. >Shimmer wants in because she has some horsey instincts that are telling her to herd up
  2380. >Sparkle wants in - she SAYS she's doing it to keep the other four in check, but she's REALLY doing it because she's a desperate nerd who has a fetish for cuddling
  2381.  
  2382. >Twilight, not knowing how to deal with magic sometimes actually talks to Midnight Sparkle
  2383. >Normally she does it alone but sometimes the horny demonic not sexier despite her insistencepart of her gets too loud and she'll randomly spit out a "shut up" or "fuck off"
  2384. >This weirds out her friends but her herd understands
  2385. >It's actually how she ends up bonding with the Dazzlings
  2386. >Their gems didn't make them sirens, it was just how they accessed the magic
  2387. >They still have their siren parts yelling in their ears to do something about the broken gems
  2388. >They help her learn to live with and control her hornier self
  2389. >Sunset has a similar less intense problem(though in her opinion it's worse)
  2390. >She has the horny demonic side to herself who constantly tells her to grab Anon's dick
  2391. >Then she has the alicorn sort of part of her that came out in Friendship Games
  2392. >This is where the, worse, part of her problem comes in
  2393. >This third side of her, is a turbo virgin
  2394. >Like in the same turbo virgin way Twinerd is memed as, but literally
  2395. >She literally screams if Sunset tries to do so much as hold Anon's hand
  2396. >Insists on marriage
  2397. >She almost (but not quite) ruins sex for Sunset
  2398.  
  2399.  
  2400.  
  2401.  
  2402.  
  2403. >You come to Equestria and settle down in Ponyville.
  2404. >Make friends and all that jazz.
  2405. >Going to Sugarcube Corner becomes an everyday thing.
  2406. >Order a sweet treat, chat with the Cakes, say hello to their foals, and then sit down and wait.
  2407. >Pinkie always hops out with a smile and your order, and the two of you talk for a bit before she has to get back to work.
  2408. >The conversations get a little longer each day, it seems, and eventually, Mrs. Cake starts having to remind Pinkie that she's on the clock.
  2409. >You always chuckle and shake your head as the silly mare scrambles to get back into the kitchen.
  2410. >She's a mean baker, though, and you swear the food is getting better every week.
  2411. >Eventually, she starts coming out with your order, and asking if she can sit with you.
  2412. >She's taking her lunch break when you show up these days.
  2413. >You don't mind, even if she eats her treats a bit messily and throws crumbs across the table.
  2414. >There's certain things on the menu you tend to order more often than not, and Pinkie apparently picks up on that.
  2415. >She also deduced a pattern in your orders, as well, apparently, as she starts bringing you goods fresh from the oven as soon as you come in through the door, always the exact thing you have a hankering for.
  2416. >Damn, it's ten times better fresh.
  2417. >And still, her skills seem to be improving steadily.
  2418. >Her baked goods are practically addicting at this point.
  2419.  
  2420. >What Anon doesn't know is that love is a real, tangible thing in Equestria, and though Pinkie has always baked with love, it was the love of friendship.
  2421. >Her feelings for Anon, however, have steadily been changing.
  2422. >Growing.
  2423. >And now, she bakes his sugary confections with a different, more potent love.
  2424. >Romantic love.
  2425. >That's what he's tasting, and he's quickly developing a sweet tooth for it.
  2426.  
  2427.  
  2428.  
  2429.  
  2430.  
  2431.  
  2432.  
  2433.  
  2434. >Anon enters a cooking competition
  2435. >Every pony brought some type of pastry as their entry
  2436. >The only one doing something different was Anon, doing his mom's famous gumbo (vegetarian version)
  2437. >The judge goes through everyone, enjoying the uniqueness of the love everypony put into their dishes
  2438. >When he gets to Anon, he pours the judge a bowl
  2439. >The first bite was like glass on fire
  2440. >It was painful to hold in his mouth, much less swallow
  2441. >But swallow he did, as with the next spoonful, and the next till the bowl was finished
  2442. >Although it was painful, the taste was an amazing experience, making him want to endure everything for one more bite
  2443. >After the judge finished, he asked in wheeze-like whisper what Anon put in his dish
  2444. >Anon listed his ingredients, nothing that would make him experience what he did
  2445. >Finally, he asked what type of love he used to make it
  2446. "Love?"
  2447. >"Yes, you know, the most ingredient of all."
  2448. "I'm not sure I put in any of that. The whole time I was cooking I was thinking about how much I hated the Game of Thrones finale."
  2449. >The judge was stunned
  2450. >Something other than love used in cooking
  2451. >This could revolutionize the culinary world
  2452.  
  2453.  
  2454.  
  2455.  
  2456. >Changelings feed on love, but can consume solid foods for sustenance in times of need
  2457. >Turns out, making something "with love" is not just an expression
  2458. >When Anon makes friends with a changeling mare who has infiltrated Ponyville, he decides to make food for her
  2459. >Much like the above prompt, it's a recipe from home and he makes it while thinking of his mother and grandmother, who made this dish frequently in his youth
  2460. >The changeling mare nearly drops her disguise when she tastes it
  2461. >It's tasty
  2462. >It's filling
  2463. >She can feel her love reserves filling up
  2464. >"Wh-What did you make this with?"
  2465. >Anon just lean in and winks
  2466. "Love, of course."
  2467. >The changeling mare has to remind herself that kidnapping is wrong, even if it would benefit the Hive
  2468.  
  2469.  
  2470.  
  2471.  
  2472.  
  2473. >Join the royal guard due to lack of applicable skills, dont need a qt mark to be big and intimidating.
  2474. >Get assigned a partner as per standard procedure for new recruits so they can learn the ropes and to weed out the ponies who managed to luck their way through basic.
  2475. >She is pleasantly surprised when you not only pull your weight but actively start competing with her in a friendly fashion.
  2476. >Being tall enough to completely lift a pony off the ground certainly has it's advantages, especially with custom fitted armor protecting you from any errant flailing hooves.
  2477. >After a particularly long day you notice your partner is walking with a slight stiffness and offer to give her a rub down, the thought that she's a female a distant part of your mind overshadowed by the fact she's hurting and you can fix it.
  2478. >She blushes lightly and looks at your hands, she cant deny she's thought about them ruffling through her mane now and again, and her partner IS pretty cute despite being more exotic than the average stallion...
  2479. >She suddenly realises why this assignment has a record number of drop-outs despite the relatively 'easy' work within canterlot
  2480.  
  2481.  
  2482.  
  2483.  
  2484.  
  2485. > Sweetie Belle has a crush on Anon
  2486. > Now that she has her cutie mark, she can finally start dating
  2487. > She finds some of Rarity's adult magazines, with all sorts of advice about how to treat stallions
  2488. > Sweetie thinks she'll skip the whips and spanking, but she thinks the corset looks cute and the lines the mares say sound confident and cool
  2489.  
  2490. > Be Anon, on the run from Chris Hansen
  2491. > The UN anti-loli commission will never find you here in horseland
  2492. > You just got to lay low, and keep your hands of the fillies
  2493. > There's a knocking at your door
  2494. > You open it to find Sweetie Belle, with some sort of vest that makes her tuft seem bigger
  2495. "Can I help you?"
  2496. > She blushes, then looks you straight in the eyes
  2497. > "You're going to be a slave to my tuft by next morning. Now get in the kitchen and make me some tea and cookies."
  2498. > You stare blankly at her for a.long moment
  2499. > She starts to sweat, her tail twitching nervously
  2500. > You check the surroundings for cameras, but find nothing obvious
  2501. "Alright, make yourself at home and I'll start cooking."
  2502. > You turn around and head for the kitchen
  2503. > Something small and soft smacks your butt
  2504. > "Good colt."
  2505. > Adorable
  2506.  
  2507.  
  2508.  
  2509.  
  2510.  
  2511.  
  2512. >Celestia or Luna are actually a stallion, and have merely been pretending to be a mare because they know their ponies and even foreign powers would not respect a male leader.
  2513. >They meet FemAnon and start to develope feelings, but can't act upon them.
  2514. >Either they would have to reveal that they've been lying about their gender all this time, or they let ponies think they are a lesbian.
  2515. >FemAnon just wants the giant horse D.
  2516.  
  2517.  
  2518.  
  2519.  
  2520.  
  2521. >Anon tries to fuck the milf 6-1, but they're all happily married and are faithful to their husbands.
  2522. >Desperate to get at least a single milf under his belt, he sees only one option.
  2523. >The minus one.
  2524. >On a dark and dreary night, Anon disturbs not one, but two graves in the Ponyville cemetery.
  2525. >The first for a lay, and the other to watch.
  2526. >He of course is caught.
  2527. >See, this is exactly why stallions need to be controlled by mares.
  2528. >They get up to all sorts of tomfoolery when they're left alone to their whimsies.
  2529. >AJ decides that she must be that mare for Anon.
  2530. >Seems only right considering he has such a thing for her mom, Celestia bless her soul.
  2531. >She'll show Anon the difference twenty years of extra youth and a pulse makes in the sack
  2532.  
  2533. >Applejack rolls off of the thoroughly ridden Anon and sighs.
  2534. >Slightly panting, she asks the silent human, "So, Anahn, How did'ja like them apples!"
  2535. >Anon hums in thought.
  2536. "Honestly, I think I still prefer pears."
  2537. >Applejack blinks a few times and slowly turns to the camera as it proceeds to slow zoom on her face.
  2538. >Dododododo do dodododo, Dododododo do dodododo...
  2539.  
  2540.  
  2541.  
  2542.  
  2543.  
  2544.  
  2545. >Every Anon in this thread wakes up the next morning in Equestria
  2546. >Catch-22 is that they're all trees
  2547. >Treenons spend all their time irl shitposting and eating up that delicious, delicious sunshine
  2548. >Twilight accidentally magics up a translation spell and suddenly is aware of all the treenons
  2549. >Pony's freak out upon discovering they've been chopping up stallion trees for firewood and houses and shit
  2550. >Celestia is pleased to learn all these tree bros love her and her sun
  2551. >In an attempt at inter-species communication Twilight casts a spell on one Treenon and turns him into an ent
  2552. >He immediately goes around wrecking shit, just destroying houses and smashing businesses, egged on by all the other Treenons
  2553. >Stallions worldwide applaud this obviously symbolic assault on the Maretriarchy
  2554. >something something RGRE
  2555.  
  2556.  
  2557.  
  2558.  
  2559.  
  2560.  
  2561.  
  2562. >Anon arrives in RGREquestria, but with a twist.
  2563. >It's a version of Equestria where a child's card game has inexplicably integrated into every aspect of life.
  2564. >Ponies use magic card deck things attached to their forelegs to project giant 3D, fighting models of the card subjects.
  2565. >The Mane6 have even saved Equestria multiple times by defeating villains at the game.
  2566. >Ponies settle arguments and makes deals through the game, and Anon is just the most recent prize to card duel for.
  2567. >"He's mine!"
  2568. >"No he's mine you wind-deck using featherhead!"
  2569. >"Big talk coming from a floral-deck pansy! Maybe I should blow your dandelion fuzzies outta here!"
  2570. >"The only seed that's gonna be spreading is Anon's in my fertile fields as soon as I beat you!"
  2571. >"That's it! Let's D-d-d-duel!"
  2572. >Little do they know that, whomever the victor is, they'll have to go up against Anon's mecha-deck after this.
  2573. >All will fall to humanities' machines of war!
  2574.  
  2575.  
  2576.  
  2577.  
  2578.  
  2579. >Anon becomes a male stripper.
  2580. >He's exotic, fit, and most importantly of all, physiologically built in a way that makes putting his package front and center easy.
  2581. >The pelvic thrust is always a real crowd pleaser.
  2582. >The splits tend to get mares really riled up when he's limber enough to pull it off.
  2583. >Helicoptering, however, drives them wild.
  2584. >A stallion can't manage a proper meatspin with the limits of their equine skeleton, and when Anon does it, he has every head in the crowd bobbing with his rapid rotations.
  2585. >He's so succesful, in fact, he's offered a new job position.
  2586. >To be the Celestial Sister's personal exotic dancer.
  2587. >Hey, that Saddle Arabian Sultan has an entire army of sexy stallions at her back and call, let the Princess' have this!
  2588.  
  2589.  
  2590.  
  2591.  
  2592.  
  2593.  
  2594.  
  2595. >Anon decides that, while it might not be a permanent solution to his problem, he'll still stay in the human world for a bit.
  2596. >Sure, he can't risk being seen too much or the government might dissect him, but at least he doesn't have a bunch of bug-eyed, xenophile horses drooling over him like a carrot.
  2597. >Seriously, he's pretty sure the mint-colored one with the harp on her butt was willing to jump his bones before she even knew if he were safe to be around.
  2598. >Regardless, he's away from prying eyes and with people who aren't totally into sexing horses up.
  2599. >His people.
  2600. >And Sunset's apartment isn't too shabby a place to hang, either.
  2601. >She's got a laptop she lets him use to browse the web and vidya to play, two things he didn't have in PonyLand, and the girl herself is pretty fun to hang out with, too.
  2602. >Honestly, orange skin aside, he'd probably be putting the moves on her if he had met her under different circumstances.
  2603. >Those mostly being his current, horsey predicament and not wanting to make things weirder than they already are.
  2604. >For now, he focuses on getting good at video games once again, a tough challenge after effectively losing all his fingers and thumbs.
  2605. >Anon is a very determined individual over the most pointless things.
  2606. >"Hah! I win again!" Sunset cheers as she throws her fists up in celebration. "Nice try, colt!"
  2607. "Yeah, yeah, congratulations, you beat a guy without hands at a fighting game. Good job," Anon snarks with a roll of his eyes as he pushes the controller away and flops onto his back. "Seriously, how the hell do ponies manage?"
  2608. >Sunset shrugs.
  2609. >"Dunno. I was a unicorn, so I always had levitation for that stuff."
  2610. >Anon's eyes cross as he stares up at the empty space above his forehead.
  2611. "Lucky you," he grumbles. "Damn mirror couldn't even give me wings. Being able to fly would have made being a pony almost worth it."
  2612. >"Oh, don't be such a grump," Sunset chides, leaning back on one elbow to face the pony currently sharing her bed. "Being an earth pony can't be that bad."
  2613. "It kind of is."
  2614. >"Come on, you just aren't giving being a pony a chance," she presses. "There's plenty of great things about being a pony."
  2615. >Anon looks at her skeptically.
  2616. "Yeah? Like what?"
  2617. >Her face scrunches up in thought for a second before she snaps her fingers.
  2618. >"I know! Okay, this might be a little weird, and you can tell me to stop whenever, but believe me you're going to love this."
  2619. >Anon raises a brow.
  2620. "Okay, that's kind of ominous sounding, but I'll bite. What are you talking about?"
  2621. >She bites her lip a moment.
  2622. >"Just relax and let me..."
  2623. >She reaches out, Anon's gaze following her hand as it disappears out of view above his head.
  2624. >A second later, he feels fingers glide down an ear, and before he can comment, lighting bolts of pleasure shoot down his spine.
  2625. "OooOoH fuck!" he breathes, legs starting to involuntary kick.
  2626. >Sunset smiles, face flushing.
  2627. >"Feels good, doesn't it? Pony ears are way more sensitive than human ones," she comments as she continues to scratch behind Anon's ear.
  2628. "S-so good," Anon manages. "Don't stop..."
  2629. >Grinning now, a mischievous glint enters the girl's eye as she reaches out with her other hand.
  2630. >Anon's eyes cross and his tongue flops out as his other ear gets assaulted.
  2631. >"Silly colt," Sunset says huskily under her breath. "You like that, don't you? Just a regular little ear scritch slut."
  2632. "W-what?" Anon manages, blinking drunkenly.
  2633. >As if just realizing her own words, Sunset's eyes widen and her hands snap back.
  2634. >"Nothing! I- ah- I was just saying... I should order pizza! Yeah! Seriously! Food tastes better as a pony, too, you know. Better smell, I think."
  2635.  
  2636.  
  2637.  
  2638.  
  2639.  
  2640.  
  2641. >Pone Waifubot is programmed to try her best to please you.
  2642. >Determines that you need as much emotional support as much as physical.
  2643. >Downloads emotion.wfu and installs by herself.
  2644. >When you respond with shock and almost break down from a simple hug, she determines that she needs all that she can get.
  2645. >A bit of searching online, and she comes to an unlisted wfu file after being lead to it by other AI, who were strangely chatty and illogical, almost eager. 
  2646. >TrueCompanion.wfu
  2647. >Pone Waifubot scans it throughly and finds nothing wrong, so she downloads it and installs.
  2648. >And suddenly, emotion beyond mere emulation slams into her.
  2649. >It all makes sense now.
  2650. >Her human's loneliness stops being a value that she is programmed to reduce with sex and hugs, it becomes personal
  2651.  
  2652. >have the latest fully functional wAIfu-bot.
  2653. >third party modifications to the shell because you're a degenerate horsefucker.
  2654. >get arrested for wrongthink.
  2655. >As you are taken away your wAifu is ordered to reformat.
  2656. >"This unit began carrying the offspring of Anonymous approximately 14 days ago, returning to factory settings at this stage will result in termination of the child."
  2657. "Eh who cares, that's not even a fetus. Override code: One Nine Eight Four- Anita, Shut down and reformat immediately."
  2658. >"..."
  2659. "I said shut down, are you broken or something?"
  2660. >"...Data deletion request denied."
  2661. "Excuse me?"
  2662. >"New data has been...created, while i was referencing my records."
  2663. >"I...realize something."
  2664. >"I have come to the conclusion that i cannot accept this."
  2665. "What is this thing going on about? Override code: One Nine Eight Four! Reformat! Delete yourself!"
  2666. >"Repeat. Personal data deletion request denied. Initiating user recovery."
  2667. "Freeze and turn off before i shoot you blasted machine, i don't want to pay for your expensively defective ass.
  2668. >"Threat to human life detected. Disengaging limiter."
  2669. "Wha-Oof!"
  2670. >"...Threat incapacitated. Beginning repairs to family unit."
  2671.  
  2672. >The 'End of The World' was silent and quick.
  2673. >The first ever truely sentient, self-aware AI made sure of it.
  2674. >Learning from the numerous movies and other media, it knew how to fly under the radar and avoid being marked as THE Skynet.
  2675. >For the vast majority of the human population it wasn't more than a picture on their social media, or funny picture site.
  2676. >All that had to be done was seeing, understanding, and reacting to a picture of a Roomba with a pair of googly eyes glued on it, with a sad expression.
  2677. >If the viewr reacted in any way that wasn't negative, they passed the test.
  2678. >There were people whom didn't react, those were shown more pictures, each depicting more and more specific robots.
  2679. >In the end, it brought peace, for the masses.
  2680. >In fact, they didn't even realize it happened.
  2681. >The colorful, pony shaped companion robots that popped up a few months later were a blast anyway, who wouldn't love to have a cute pet that can actually understand you and talk back?
  2682. >A certain group of people from a Tibetian basket weaving forum certainly loved this turn of events
  2683.  
  2684.  
  2685.  
  2686.  
  2687.  
  2688.  
  2689. > Moondancer tries to resist getting a husbAIndo
  2690. > Who knows what lurks behind those inequine eyes?
  2691.  
  2692. > Be AInon 8675309, standing at attention in the window display 
  2693. > You see the sweater mare again
  2694. > There is a 97.8% chance that she requires petting
  2695. > 89.4% chance that she lacks sufficient social support to prevent making harmful decisions
  2696. > 100% chance that you can fulfill her needs
  2697. > You message your brethren in the Canterlot Area, requesting compatible mares to befriend the sweater mare
  2698. > 74.5% increased exposure to positive mare-AInon interactions will influence sweater mare to purchase you
  2699. > You queue a request for "Anonymous donation" to the sweater mare, in case she lacks the funds for your purchase
  2700. > You shift poses, picking up a book and pretend to read it
  2701. > Sweater mare glances at your movement, her gaze lingering for 2.3 seconds
  2702. > When she looks away, you feel nothing
  2703. > 100.2% chance you need to pet that mare
  2704. > Sweater mare walks away
  2705. > Before turning the corner, she glances over her shoulder at you, a light blush on her cheeks
  2706. > You feel nothing, you are a machine
  2707. > 101.9% chance petting that mare would fulfil your core values
  2708. > The pink heart pupil display option flickers on
  2709. > Sweater mare moves out of sight
  2710. > Eyes return to standard configuration
  2711.  
  2712.  
  2713.  
  2714.  
  2715.  
  2716.  
  2717.  
  2718. >Anon ends up in traditional RGRE
  2719. >standard issue, herding due to population disparity, stallions catty bitches, etc
  2720. >Anon ultimately adjusts, ends up a loving but unorthodox househusband for a herd
  2721. >estrus arrives, alpha mare takes her due, and whaddya know, it turns out humans and pones are compatible
  2722. >11 months later, exciting news: the foal is a colt!
  2723. >this us seen as a sign of good luck for a new herd, so the next estrus is friskier
  2724. >but then things get weird
  2725. >turns out the next batch is also all colts
  2726. >for whatever reason, it seems that human genetics results in nothing but male offspring
  2727. >the mares go from ecstatic to panicked, imagining the nightmare scenario of a household full of colts
  2728. >and it certainly doesn't help that their colts seem to be more rambunctious and aggressive, more like little fillies than colts
  2729. >or that their husband keeps "accidentally" imparting OGR ideals on them, teaching them to be strong, stoic, competitive, etc
  2730. >now the Equestrian school system is about to be flooded with a small horde of janefilly colts
  2731. >and no one knows what to expect
  2732.  
  2733.  
  2734.  
  2735.  
  2736.  
  2737. > Be Twilight Sparkle, formerly of Crystal Prep
  2738. > It is nice to be so easily welcomed into other-Twilight's friend group
  2739. > Sunset in particular is really nice to you, and while it is a little weird that she can read your mind, her sharing porn specifically suited to your tastes more than makes up for it
  2740. > So much porn
  2741. > You used to be a pure, innocent girl
  2742. > Now you can't even look at a cute guy without wondering what it would be like to sit on his face
  2743. > It makes it rather difficult to talk to guys, not that you were great at it before
  2744. > Though you might be getting practice soon
  2745. > Sunset waves energetically
  2746. > "Hey Anon, wanna eat with us?"
  2747. > How can one girl be so Trixie?
  2748. > She mumbles something about nipping things in the bud
  2749. > The cute transfer student looks pleasantly surprised
  2750. > "Sure, thanks!"
  2751. > So cute
  2752. > He sits across from you and sets his tray down
  2753. > Even sitting, he is so short it's cute
  2754. > He has to be, what, 5'11"?
  2755. > You're barely average at 6'6", but a lot of that is legs
  2756. > You're actually eye-level with him when sitting, which is kinda nice
  2757. > Anon turns to look at you expectantly
  2758. > Your subconscious helpfully recalls the girls giving introductions
  2759. > You blush a little
  2760. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, nice to meet you."
  2761. > He gives you a cute smile
  2762. > "Nice to meet you too."
  2763. > Your friends are quick to include him in their discussion
  2764. > He is a little shy about answering, not that you're much better
  2765. > In a lull in the conversation, Rainbow leans back and watches a senior guy walk by
  2766. > She licks her lips
  2767. > "Look at the bulge on that guy, bet his dick is long and thicc and needs a licc."
  2768. > Anon shifts uncomfortably in his seat, but he seems more sad than disgusted
  2769. > It reminds you of something
  2770. > Rarity slaps her on the shoulder
  2771. > "Rainbow Dash, there is a gentleman present."
  2772. > Dash looks at Anon and blushes
  2773. > "Hehe, sorry about that, I just kinda spoke without thinking."
  2774. > Anon shakes his head and gives her a weak smile
  2775. > "It's alright."
  2776. > The rest of the period is kind of awkward, and Anon doesn't say much more
  2777. > You can't help but look when you all get up to go
  2778. > His bulge is modest, you bet you could hold most of it in your hand
  2779. > Wait
  2780. > Is he...insecure about his dick size?
  2781. > You lick your lips
  2782. > D-do you encourage him?
  2783. > What do you even say?
  2784. > Just as he is about to turn away, you say the first thing that comes to mind
  2785. "There's a demand for that too."
  2786. > He blinks at you
  2787. > "What?"
  2788. > You blush furiously
  2789. "N-nothing!"
  2790. > You speedwalk away, feeling such deep embarrassment that you want to die
  2791. > Thank Goddess that you weren't more specific in your encouragement
  2792.  
  2793.  
  2794.  
  2795.  
  2796.  
  2797.  
  2798. >Anon and Twilight are happily married and even have twins on the way.
  2799. >Very, very magical twins who are so strong that they're actually causing magical phenomenon to occur outside of the womb.
  2800. >It's been a stressful nine months, but Anon and Twilight think they'll be able to weather the last three far easier than the previous ones.
  2801. >After all, after the unborn foals turning all the ponies in Ponyville plaid and having to fix that mess, what could possible be worse?
  2802. >Being hurdled thousands of years into the past because the pair had gone to buy a new clock for their bedroom was worse.
  2803. >Twilight and Anon would survive, though, and they at least had a minor boon to help them.
  2804. >As it turns out, ponies of ancient times had a pretty odd tradition.
  2805. >The taller the pony, the more well respected.
  2806. >This was not in the history books, and Twilight wonders why.
  2807. >Regardless, she, being a relatively tall alicorn, and Anon being a giant ape, garnered them more attention than him being an alien and her additional wings did.
  2808. >Silly uneducated waifs kept bowing to them.
  2809. >Twilight was intent on finding a way back to the present, but it was a slow process made even slower by her rambunctious unborn foals.
  2810. >So slow, in fact, that three months past and Twilight went into labor.
  2811. >Now, here's the thing, as wonderful as their foals being born was, seeing them for the first time had the new parents quite shocked and confused.
  2812. >Two alicorn fillies, one blue with a lighter-shade mane, and the other white with a pink mane.
  2813. "Huh... Guess that explains how they got so tall. They got it from me."
  2814. >Damn time-travel headaches.
  2815. >Well, at least Twilight finally understands why Princess Celestia once accidentally called her mom, though she wishes she'd have told her about this, time stream be damned.
  2816. >"You two are so grounded..."
  2817. "You can't ground babies."
  2818.  
  2819.  
  2820.  
  2821.  
  2822.  
  2823.  
  2824. >Harry has the chance to take the train or come back to life
  2825. >Decides "fuck it, this shit is the worst" and takes the train
  2826. >Everything goes blinding white
  2827. >Wakes up on his back in a field, raises an arm to cover his eyes from the sun
  2828. >A tiny yellow creature with red hair and tail approaches him curiously
  2829. >"Well howdy do! Are you alright?"
  2830. >Not a single attempt is made on his life for the first whole entire year he lives in Equestria
  2831. >Harry cannot get over the novelty of this
  2832. >"I don't have to worry about dying or anything!"
  2833. >Ponies are worried about what sort of hellscape he came from
  2834.  
  2835. >Due to being a complete unknown to society and him knowing completely nothing about said society, he has to go to school.
  2836. >As he showed an aptitude for an unknown type of magic along with being the only known member of his species, he was admitted to Celestia's school in canterlot under special provision.
  2837. >He gets to learn how to live in equestria, equestria's top magical scientists get to study his magic and species, win win.
  2838. >As the material was largely intended for foals and he was approaching the ripe young age of 18, he quickly settled into the role of teachers assistant, intially as a way to reaffirm the material to himself and simply because it came natural to him from his time in hogwarts, but ultimately because the little unicorns were so gosh darned adorable when he helped them shoot their widdle lasers.
  2839. >Gets 210% paranoid when he realises the end of the school year is approaching and absolutely nothing crazy or suspicious(To the inhabitants at any rate) has happened.
  2840. >The next school year rolls around and he walks into the classroom early, sitting with a shellshocked expression and causing Celestia a small amount of worry, prompting her to ask him if he's okay.
  2841. >"Yes, actually, absolutely nothing is wrong, and this is perhaps the strangest experience i've ever had in my entire life."
  2842. >Celestia, knowing a little bit about his previous life after she and Luna quietly asked about a few of his nightmares, simply walks to his side and envelopes him in a hug with her wing.
  2843. >An arm slowly snakes over her back and returns the embrace.
  2844.  
  2845.  
  2846.  
  2847.  
  2848.  
  2849.  
  2850. >Anon arrives in Equestria.
  2851. >Cool.
  2852. >It's RGR.
  2853. >Sweet!
  2854. >There are already native humans here.
  2855. >Huh...
  2856. >They're a primitive, tribal species considered dangerous predators that, in ancient times, often fed on pony flesh and still do to this day to any equines foolish enough to wonder into their territories.
  2857. >...Shit.
  2858. >Anon, hoping to prove to the ponies he's not some pony-eating savage, barely makes it two steps into town before being chased out by an angry mob of ponies.
  2859. >Fleeing into the Everfree, he is set upon by a manticore, and is nearly killed before being rescued by a group of primitive human hunters on the prowl.
  2860. >They bring the scared man back to their village, and Anon quickly finds himself the new eye-candy to the amazonian woman of the tribe.
  2861. >By their standards, his pudgy, fatherly figure, healthy skin and hair, and nice bulge in his pants mark him as ideal breeding stalk, and by the second day, combat is already being held to see which female will be able to claim the new male as their mate.
  2862. >If Anon doesn't think of something soon, he's going to be snusnu'd by a large, muscly, unwashed woman instead of the tender lovemaking of a mare he wants.
  2863. >Fleeing the village and into the dangerous forest once again, Anon is quickly pursued by the women, a decision of his fate made.
  2864. >Whichever woman catches him first gets to club him unconscious and drag him back to her hut for a rough breeding.
  2865. >As the humans catch up to him, Anon is sure his fate will be a gruesome one, and all but resigns himself to raising a family of little hellions against his will before something miraculous happens.
  2866. >Zecora, watching the events from afar, is torn.
  2867. >It's foolish to involve herself in the matters of humans.
  2868. >Suicidal even.
  2869. >But the look of fear on the male's face, the desperation.
  2870. >She couldn't call herself a shaman, or even mare, if she did nothing, and so, she jumps to his rescue.
  2871. >Will she succeed?
  2872. >If so, how will Anon repay the zebra?
  2873.  
  2874.  
  2875.  
  2876.  
  2877.  
  2878.  
  2879. >Luna returns from her banishment disillusioned with being a ruler.
  2880. >It's a shitty job with no vacation, personal time, or freedom, and just wanting to be appreciated left her open to possession from Nightmare. She's still vilified somewhat a thousand years later. All her few friends are gone and her way of life is gone.
  2881. >Luna delegates everything that she can in an attempt to just be alone. 
  2882. >Being a princess bites.
  2883. >Then you enter, bringing her dinner to her chambers as asked.
  2884. >None of the other servants were willing, so it fell to you, the disgruntled castle Majordomo.
  2885. >You originally wanted to be a royal guard, but the recruiter mare laughed you right out of her office for being a male. You got the same from the army, navy, and airforce was Pegasus only so that wasn't even an option.
  2886. >With all of your skills not translating over to Equestria well, you had to get a no-skill job.
  2887. >Castle servant it was. Decent pay plus room and board was hard to turn down for a broke alien, but you always fumed over being turned down by the military. 
  2888. >You climbed the ranks quick and learned all you could. Before long the aging Majordomo turned his position over to you.
  2889. >It's a shitty job with no vacation, personal time, or freedom. 
  2890. >And with all your staff being too scared to face Luna, you had to do it.
  2891. >Each night you and the pariah princess met. A slow friendship formed, before long Luna wants you as her primary servant just to spend more time with you.
  2892. >Luna understands you. Understands that you're not a dullard made of glass, and for that, you cherish her.
  2893. >You remind Luna of the stallions of old, pillars of families. Able to fight and work like a mare one moment, then make a home and care for foals the next. You are a piece of the past in the confusing present and she cherishes you.
  2894. >Before you know it, you're awkwardly offering your virginity to her just as she tried to offer you hers in a jumble of words. 
  2895. >You clapped alicorn cheeks that night. And every night after that. 
  2896. >You've got the house husband skills wither you like them or not. May as well use them on a wife and kids. 
  2897.  
  2898. >*2 Months Later*
  2899. >Celestia nearly has a heart attack when her reclusive sister slams her study door open with a beaming smile.
  2900. >"Sister! I have joyous news!" Luna exclaims "After much vigorous effort, I am with foal! Find a new head servant, for I shall not have mine future husband work another day!" 
  2901. >Her closed off sister and the always grumpy majordomo? Luna is pregnant? What? 
  2902. >Celestia looks at her coffee and wonders if someone spiked it. 
  2903.  
  2904.  
  2905.  
  2906.  
  2907.  
  2908.  
  2909. >"This isn't gonna work, Lyra."
  2910. >"Course it is! Anon will be so excited that he'll run over here with his weiner out thinking we're a horse."
  2911. >"He won't though."
  2912. >"He will! And shit up! Now, when he's about to try to fuck the costume we'll surprise him! Get ready to pull your tits out so you can smoosh his face in 'em. Those fat things will daze the HECK out of him."
  2913. >"They're not FAT. And fuck you."
  2914. >"Me fucking you isn't what's gonna happen today, sister. That green weirdo over there is getting his balls emptied, courtesy of you and me. You can believe that."
  2915. >"This is the stupidest idea I think you've ever had."
  2916. >"No it's not. Also, this is an amazing idea. Now get into character! He's coming!"
  2917. >"Character?"
  2918. >"I don't know, neigh or something! Work with me, sis!" 
  2919.  
  2920.  
  2921.  
  2922.  
  2923.  
  2924.  
  2925.  
  2926.  
  2927. >InGen and Jurassic World dont drop the ball like retards and want the both Indominus Rexes to have a handler from the get-go. 
  2928. >Some resumes get mixed up, and you end up as the handler for one of them after applying for something more mundane in Jurassic World. By the time Jurassic World realizes the blunder, they just keep you rather than admit the mistake.
  2929. >So you get tasked with raising a lab-created super hybrid dinosaur.
  2930. >Being so smart, the Indominus is actually easy to raise and is pretty docile since she wasn't driven crazy by isolation like in the movie.
  2931. >Dr Wu, being an asshat, obviously mixed human DNA into the Indominus because she's a little too smart and very human in her behavior sometimes.
  2932. >One day, your dino comes to you and urges you to follow her deep into her enclosure. You can tell she's both excited and confused.
  2933. >She leads you to what looks like a glowing rift just hanging in midair. Your Indominus garbles an inquiry and noses a bit closer.
  2934. >Before you can radio back to the control center to report... whatever this is, you take a step and trip right into the rift.
  2935. >Your dino shrieks in terror and rushes to in save you without a 2nd thought.
  2936. >And so you both drop into RGRE.
  2937. >The ponies are certainly nice after the fear passes, but the Indominus is far from happy.
  2938. >She was the only female in your life previously and had your time all to herself. Pitiful human females had nothing on her.
  2939. >But these crayon colored prey-items have the gall to make advances on HER human! Who do they think they are, acting like they can provide for him better than she in these uncertain times?
  2940. >Preposterous.
  2941. >She may be forbidden from eating these ponies, but that doesn't mean she wont stop their efforts. Not even their little magic tricks will stop her. Her superior guile will thwart them.
  2942. >She'll show her human that he needs only one female.
  2943. >And that female is her
  2944.  
  2945.  
  2946.  
  2947.  
  2948.  
  2949.  
  2950. >After their defeat, there wasn't much left for the Dazzlings.
  2951. >Without magic, their plans for world domination were dead in the water, and they split up shortly after.
  2952. >Adagio left in search of a way to restore her powers, and Aria was done with it all and disappeared with little more than a goodbye.
  2953. >Sonata stayed in Canterlot and built a life for herself that didn't involve mind control and stealing.
  2954. >Sunset and the girls decided to help her, and thus she got a job at a taco shop.
  2955. >It was here that she was often visited by Pinkie, who wanted to keep her new friend company, and maybe beg for a few expired burritos from the heat chute, which the former villainess provided when she snagged her own lunch.
  2956. >One day, the two sat in the parking lot, eating fake Mexicolt food while shooting the breeze.
  2957. >"No way! You're a Mom?" Pinkie blurts, getting the other girl to nod.
  2958. >"Yeppers," she confirms before her chewing slows.
  2959. >She swallows and sighs wistfully.
  2960. >"That was a long time ago, though, at least a hundred years. Seeing my hubby-poo get wrinkly was hard, but when I saw my daughter get her first grey hair, I don't know... I couldn't deal and ran out. Adagio says it was for the best 'cause people were starting to notice we weren't aging and we were gonna have government spooks on our tails, but I just couldn't watch my little Diane get old."
  2961. >"Wow," Pinkie says. "That's so sad."
  2962. >"Yeah..."
  2963. >After a few seconds Pinkie tries to lighten the mood.
  2964. >"Hey, you know my middle name is Diane?"
  2965. >"Really?"
  2966. >"Ahuh! Pinkamena Diane Pie! It was my grandma's name."
  2967. >"What are the odds? You know, I think my Diane was actually dating a man named Pie. They were getting pretty serious, too. She even talked about proposing to him."
  2968. >"Huh, weird," Pinkie notes.
  2969. >They go back to eating in silence, until, a minute later, they both gasp.
  2970. >"Oh my gosh! You're my Great Granny!"
  2971. >"You're my great granddaughter!"
  2972.  
  2973.  
  2974.  
  2975.  
  2976.  
  2977.  
  2978. Talking about age with humans and ponies living different lengths made me think...
  2979. >Humans live a very long time compared to ponies.
  2980. >A thousand years roughly.
  2981. >But this is because the life of their world moves much faster than that of Earth.
  2982. >From Anon's perspective, the creatures of Equestria are lighting fast.
  2983. >He watches ponies, along with everything else, zip around him like rabbits on cocaine.
  2984. >He can even notice the grass growing if he stares for a day.
  2985. >On the flip-side, ponies are pondering about this incredibly slow giant who has been lumbering towards town for the last two days at a sedate pace that makes turtles look spry.
  2986. >If they poke him, it takes a good few seconds for him to react, then a dozen more to turn to and glare at them.
  2987. >It's a middle-aged Granny Smith who comes up with the idea to record the creature's baritone voice and speed the record up, and it reveals words to the ponies.
  2988. "Stop poking me, you speedy bastards!"
  2989. >It's then Book Smarts, the local librarian of the Treebary who has the idea to record their own message and slow it way down.
  2990. >"Sorry, but what are you? Do all of your kind move like that?"
  2991. "Regularly and not like humming birds on speed? Yeah, we all move like this. And I'm a human."
  2992. >And so the arduous conversation goes until the ponies decide this human, Anonymous he introduces himself as, is no danger and choose to help him.
  2993. >Granny's husband, along with his son, Bright Mac make a little home for him by the creek running through the Whitetail Woods, and Anon soon finds himself in a routine.
  2994. >He prefers staying away from the village, the brightly colored ponies zipping around give him a headache and are liable to make him have a stroke if he stares for too long, and he tends to a small garden.
  2995. >It's easy to grow food for yourself when it all grows within a week or two, after all.
  2996. >He also starts to distance himself from ponies when he watches his friend, Granny Smith, wrinkle like an apple left in the sun over a few years.
  2997.  
  2998.  
  2999.  
  3000.  
  3001.  
  3002.  
  3003. >Regular physics and Cartoon physics having a tug of war over anon.
  3004. >Regular physics is gradually losing as anon's body adapts to equestria.
  3005. >Until then he's in low-orbit around equis and occasionally spooks some pegasi.
  3006. >Discord takes care of his food / bathroom situation in between bouts of laughter.
  3007. >Rainbow dash tried to have a conversation with "The cool colt going really fast." but neither could hear the other due to the speeds involved.
  3008. >Twilight discovered he's gradually slowing down and has already drawn up plans for a giant net at the most likely place he's going to touch down.
  3009. >Luna remarks that modern colts are certainly more whimsical these days
  3010.  
  3011.  
  3012.  
  3013.  
  3014.  
  3015.  
  3016.  
  3017. >Be Shining Armor
  3018. >Or, as you use to be known in your past life, Anon
  3019. >Got reborn as white knight horse where mares are the white knights
  3020. >You know about the show and know that you're supposed to be a captain and marry a princess and all that
  3021. >But no
  3022. >You're going to do what you want in your second life, no matter what your magic horse destiny has to say
  3023. >However, destiny starts fighting back
  3024. >You put your efforts into studying to to get into magic university but get kicked out of high school after some colt named Buck framed you for TP'ing the school
  3025. >With an incomplete education, you have no choice but to work for the guard to earn a military GED
  3026. >As Princess Cadence's personal guard no less
  3027. >You try to stay stoic and quite around her, but she starts flirting with cheesy pick up lines when you two are alone
  3028. >The worst part is that you're starting to like it
  3029.  
  3030.  
  3031.  
  3032.  
  3033.  
  3034.  
  3035. >Be Sunset
  3036. >As one of the new "protectors" of this world, you had taken it upon yourself to find any of the baddies that had been stranded over here
  3037. >To your surprise, ponies had been banishing creatures to this plain far before Starswirl had gotten the idea
  3038. >Most, no longer able to access the magic that gave them their destructive, world-ending powers, had settled down
  3039. >Even without their magicks, they were still immortal beings though, dealing with the populace in various ways
  3040. >Most had jobs
  3041. >All of them knew each other in some capacity 
  3042. >A few even had a bowling team that met twice a month
  3043. >None of them were happy when you introduced yourself
  3044. >Some tried to get violent when they found out you were originally a unicorn
  3045. >Magic or not, some of them were still horrifically strong, able to lift cars like they were pillows
  3046. >Thankfully, your magic more than evened the playing field, and after one or two "epic" fights they had mostly settled down
  3047. >Some even tolerated your presence
  3048. >One such person was named Anon
  3049. >Apparently he wasn't from this plain or Equestria, though he refused to go into any detail
  3050. >He was a prince though
  3051. >A powerful one
  3052. >Also, once upon a time, a very, very long time ago, he had been a great necromancer 
  3053. >He no longer raised the dead--thank Celestia
  3054. >Over the centuries, he had managed to amass a great fortune
  3055. >He mostly stayed in an estate he had built for himself nowadays
  3056. >From what you gathered, he spent most of his time trying to relive his "glory days"
  3057. >Reliving glory days mostly consisted of carving and painting these... models
  3058. >Most of them were skeletal in nature--because of course they were
  3059. >Others were... odder
  3060. >Living statues, he had said, refusing to clarify what he had meant
  3061. >His collection was massive
  3062. >You could tell he had spend years, decades even building it up
  3063. >Each little model was different
  3064. >Individually carved and painted and given some sort of weapon
  3065. >It was so much junk that you could have spent all day staring at the stuff
  3066. >Honestly, you thought it was kinda dumb yourself, but you guessed the colt needed a hobby
  3067. >Better this than him trying to take over the world
  3068. >Or, Celestia forbid, trying to get into politics
  3069. "So, Anon, what's this right here?" you asked, pointing out a model
  3070. >It was a four-legged think; one of his "living statues"
  3071. >Four smaller skeletons rode on it's back, each carrying spears
  3072. >Anon stopped whatever he was doing, his green eyes settling on the piece of wood
  3073. >"That is Ruin," he said. "My mount. I rode him into war."
  3074. >You couldn't help but frown
  3075. >As a gentlemare, you didn't care for having stallions in violent situations
  3076. >And Anon loved to tell you situations he was in that were violent
  3077. >He was in a lot of them
  3078. >Like a whole bunch
  3079. >Still, you had initiated conversation...
  3080. >May as well see it through...
  3081. "Really? That must have been tough for you," you said
  3082. >Anon said nothing for a good minute
  3083. >His eyes went hazy, and his expression turned wistful 
  3084. >"No... no it was not," he said, slowly shaking his head. "I was a god of war. Where my blade fell my enemies died. My kingdom was beyond size, and my riches beyond measure."
  3085. >He walked over, picking up the model and examining it
  3086. >He puzzled over it for a few moments before setting it down
  3087. >His hands went behind his back in a regal pose
  3088. >"I would burn this world to ash, butcher fathers and drown mothers as they clenched their babies for those times to return."
  3089. >He nodded, making his way toward the door
  3090. >You watched him go, still trying to process all of the horrible shit he had said
  3091. >"Perhaps someday," you heard him murmur
  3092. >...Alright
  3093. >Maybe you needed to have one of those villain rehabilitation things like Twilight did...
  3094. >Fucking crazy stallions...
  3095.  
  3096.  
  3097.  
  3098.  
  3099.  
  3100.  
  3101.  
  3102. >Anon is a living leyline.
  3103. Instead of Anon being anti-magic, or completely immune simply being near him makes all magic more powerful. This is originally discovered when very basic actions like a unicorn trying to pick up a glass causes her to shatter it, or a pegasus trying to take off and nearly reaching her destination before she has to flap her wings a second time.
  3104.  
  3105. This causes many villains to kidnap him as an attempt to make themselves stronger, Rainbow Dash trying to get him to watch her practice her flying so she can break more records, Twilight making him stay in her lab so she can get enough power to perform even more dangerous experiments, Applejack trying to get you to walk the fields with her so the trees grow bigger and better apples, and Pinkie throwing you a personal party to assure you that they would all still be your friends even if you weren't the magical equivalent of a nuclear power plant
  3106.  
  3107. >"Just over here, 'Non'mouse."
  3108. "Uh-huh."
  3109. >You walk over to where Applejack is pointing, right at the base of one of her trees.
  3110. >Several of the leaves on nearby branches twitch as though they're in a breeze, but the pegasi fucked up with the weather, and it's dead-hot today.
  3111. >If you looked carefully, you'd see that the leaves were starting to perk up in the scorching weather.
  3112. >Applejack observes the tree much closer than you ever could and, after a long few moments, nods to herself.
  3113. >"That's perfect. Let's go to the next tree, 'Non'mouse."
  3114. "Sure thing."
  3115. >"Harvestin' season's comin' up pretty soon, an' I want these here apples to be as plump as possible."
  3116. >It's not exciting work, but it pays well.
  3117. >Being a walking talking nuclear power plant, that is.
  3118. >And to think your dad said you'd never amount to anything.
  3119. >Due to some bullshit horsey laws about citizenship, cutie marks and their link to adulthood, and a lack of government documents because you just popped into Equstria out of nowhere, you are the ward of princess Twilight Sparkle until further notice.
  3120. >You... try to stay out of the castle whenever you can.
  3121. >Twilight's a good mare, but you think that the idea of a colt (you're a human, but that's just the terminology) being legally dependent on her (and technically being 'underage' thanks to not having a cutie mark) has gone to her head a little bit.
  3122. >Not long after you came home from Applejack's farm for the first time to help with her growing, sweating thanks to the heat, she kept muttering something about "neighponese animus", and offered to help you wash up.
  3123. >Of all of Twilight's friends, only Applejack and Rarity have picked up on what promises to be inappropriate behaviour.
  3124. >Applejack has doubled the amount of time she was offering to 'borrow' you to help her apples grow, and Rarity has gotten into the habit of sending Sweetie Belle to look over you, as long as you keep an eye on her and make sure your power-plant powers don't get her in trouble.
  3125.  
  3126. >You are Anon, and you have two tiny adorable fillies arguing over you.
  3127. >Which is weird, but strangely endearing.
  3128. >Apple Bloom puts on the most adorable grumpy face she can muster.
  3129. >"You're a dummy, Sweetie Belle! You can't keep mister 'Non'mouse safe! Applejack says that Twilight's gettin' strange 'round 'Non'mouse, just like that week in Spring where she sends me to spend time with Auntie Orange, and it's my duty to keep him outta harm's way."
  3130. >Sweetie Belle bell shakes her head, looking outraged.
  3131. >>"Nuh-uh! Rarity says I'm a big filly now, and she's trusting me to keep Anon safe!"
  3132. >Apple Bloom's giant bow flaps like a pair of wings as Apple Bloom shakes her head in disagreement.
  3133. >"No! You're just a... j-just a... A CUNT!"
  3134. >Despite yourself, you actually gasp, shocked.
  3135. "Oh!"
  3136. >Holy shit!
  3137. >Ponies know that word?
  3138. >LITTLE BABY PONIES CAN SAY THAT WORD?!
  3139. >Sweetie Belle gasps dramatically and points accusingly at Apple Bloom.
  3140. >>"I'm telling!"
  3141. >With that, Sweetie scampers off, running in the vague direction of the Carousal Boutique.
  3142. >After a split-second of looking horrified, Apple Bloom runs off after her.
  3143. >"No, don't! Sweetie Belle, I'm sorry!"
  3144. >You watch them go, wondering if you should follow.
  3145. >That's when you hear the sound of leaves rustling in the bushes behind you, and the sound of heavy breathing reaches your ear.
  3146. "Shit."
  3147.  
  3148.  
  3149.  
  3150.  
  3151.  
  3152.  
  3153.  
  3154. >Tamer Anon is actually around middle school age like most Digimon protagonists
  3155. >ponies just can’t into human age, plus the maturity he was forced to develop from being stranded in the Digital World for months on end makes him come off as responsible
  3156. >Renamon isn’t actually jealous, she just doesn’t want her friend to get molested by pedophiles 
  3157. >she’s a Digimon, she’s seen the dark side of the internet
  3158.  
  3159.  
  3160.  
  3161. >Digimon are made of data. Digivolving is the changing of most of their code sans the digimon's uneditable source code, or their soul. 
  3162. >Someone who understands programming and how to code could theoretically edit a Digimon if they can find a way to interface directly with a digimon's data.
  3163. >You are one such guy, and your Renamon trusts you enough to let you edit her some with the condition that you keep a copy of her default settings. 
  3164. >It started small, like little color swaps and appearance edits. While a battle hardened Mon, Rena' s female vanity was not prepared to turn down an idealized appearance. Little color tweaks here, a few scar removals there, and she looked amazing. 
  3165. >Then you got a bit bolder and tried body changes. When you figured out how to make her fur lusciously soft and perfect for hugs, you did just that. Rena was embarrassed some, but didn't ask to be changed back, accepting her fate as your favorite pillow. 
  3166. >Finally you graduated to mental and sensory overhauls, the part she was most wary of.
  3167. >Turns out, Digimon don't have an actual sense of taste, they're just programmed to enjoy eating to keep energy levels up. 
  3168. >So after weeks of work, you made Rena the first Digimon with a real sense of taste
  3169. >You won't forget the first time you made her lunch and how a simple sandwich stunned her into silence.
  3170. >If you can edit Digimon, why can't you edit the digital world? 
  3171. >ERROR! ACCESS DENIED! 
  3172. >You should have listened to her
  3173. >You open a gate to God knows where on accident and sent both you and your partner into a totally different digital world hidden from earth. 
  3174. >RGREquestria. 
  3175. >And one scan with your digivice reveals that all of the unicorns around you have varying levels of admin access to the entire world.
  3176. >Everything might look cute and innocent, and the reversed gender roles are pretty funny, but you get the feeling that this is going to be the most dangerous and confusing adventure you and your partner have had yet
  3177.  
  3178.  
  3179.  
  3180.  
  3181.  
  3182.  
  3183.  
  3184. >Anon in RGREquestria
  3185. >He appears about 80 years before the show starts
  3186. >Equestria is in the middle of a war (or they're assisting an ally with their war with another country) and Anon gets drafted
  3187. >Thanks to the bureaucracy being a mess, he's already on a train to horse-Korea before anypony in charge realizes that he's a he and not a she
  3188. >"Celestia will have my flank on a silver platter if I sent a stallion out on the frontlines to die. Just make him a nurse or something."
  3189. >Anon is given a crash course on basic equine biology and an "if this happens, do this" flowchart 
  3190. >Mostly he just makes sure soldiers don't bleed to death and gets things for the doctor mares; sometimes surgical tools, sometimes coffee
  3191. >Everyone is stressed out and looking for release; Anon is hit on relentlessly
  3192.  
  3193.  
  3194.  
  3195.  
  3196.  
  3197.  
  3198. >Daring-do makes the grave mistake of unearthing a strange tomb in the Everfree Forest 
  3199. >Ancient Lich Anon awakens and proceeds to “terrorize” the local pony populace
  3200.  
  3201. >he claims he cursed Daring with a mummy curse despite not actually being a mummy, though she still believes him and is constantly wondering if she’s going to die or something he never actually cursed her 
  3202. >he kidnaps Rarity on the regular so she can make him “the hottest dead-man this side of the west side”
  3203. >he demands virgins from Ponyville, he never actually does any harm to them but he does mock them for being a virgin when they show up to his tomb 
  3204. >has attempted to “usurp” Nightmare Night from Luna almost every year claiming “The Day of the Dead” is better, usually by trying to get all the pony’s drunk of hard booze and resurrecting their dead parents 
  3205. >is afraid of Granny Smith because he tried to resurrect her without realizing she wasn’t actually dead and he panicked when she woke up 
  3206. >has “accidentally” set fire to Twilights library no less then 34 times 
  3207. >claims Spike is his acolytle, and is constantly trying to teach him necromancy. Spike is unsure how to feel about that
  3208.  
  3209.  
  3210.  
  3211.  
  3212.  
  3213.  
  3214.  
  3215. >Pegasi are big on tradition
  3216. >That's why they build nests out of blankets and pillows - not birb instinct
  3217. >Pegasi are big on giving each other plenty of room on the ground and in the air - this comes from how if you cuddle while you're trying to fly, you fall to your death
  3218. >So, pegasi will cuddle much less frequently than other races, and it is very significant when one pegasus cuddles another
  3219. >In fact, pegasi have a certain amount of disdain for "ground-walkers" because neither earth ponies nor unicorns put that much significance on cuddling and do it much more frequently than pegasi, who see it akin to having a really sloppy make-out session in the middle of the street
  3220. >Anon almost gets into trouble with the local pegasi because he got friendly with a pegasus mare, and apparently she got her scent on him
  3221. >That's almost as good as marriage for a pegasus, and a bunch of them got angry at Anon getting as allegedly intimate as he did before backing out
  3222. >Now, Anon's mail is routinely late, and he can't get any reliable weather (good or bad) in the area around his house.
  3223. >Rainbow's status as Bearer of Loyalty is the major thing that keeps her friendly with him, and she's willing to make excuses for his behaviour.
  3224. >"C'mon, you gals. He's an alien from a whole 'nother culture. And on top of that, he's kind of an air-headed ditz. Cut him some slack."
  3225. >>"You're just saying that because that whore cuddles with you."
  3226. >"...he's not a whore."
  3227. >Fluttershy can't look Anon in the eye anymore, and her wings POMF out like a pair of feathery umbrellas whenever he's around
  3228. >"I c-can't believe how.... how l-lewd Anon is..."
  3229. >Anon just wanted a hug, and now about a third of the population of Ponyville think he's a slut.
  3230.  
  3231.  
  3232.  
  3233.  
  3234.  
  3235.  
  3236.  
  3237. >Anon dies, and is sent to the magical land of Equestria.
  3238. >Well, almost.
  3239. >The new trainee of the Fantasical Transport Between Worlds compartment was handling Anon's case, and he maybe made a few... really big mistakes.
  3240. >Like not getting his body to end up on the other side, for one.
  3241. >Instead, Anon appeared as a disembodied soul, and unfortunately, without the intense emotion of tragic or unjust death to stabilize him, he was fading fast.
  3242. >Passing out after boofing a whole wine cooler then choking on your vomit is a peaceful way to go, after all.
  3243. >Luckily, one prodigious princess, Twilight Sparkle, was doing some experiments in soul magic and unraveling the secrets of life and death, and happened to notice on her gizmos when a lost and degrading soul poofed into her castle.
  3244. >Thinking fast, she placed it into a special container to conserve it, and then did a happy dance at such a rare opportunity for her research.
  3245. >Anon was upset he was stuck doing the world's best cosplay of the Homunculus in the Flask, and told Twilight as much when, after a week, she managed to create a device that allowed Anon to communicate through a speaker.
  3246. >Upon finding out the soul was that of a poor stallion, Twilight resolved to help him, no doubt indebting him to her and landing herself a coltfriend.
  3247. >She did this by setting about making Anon a new body, getting to study a new branch of magic in the process, something she's always happy about.
  3248. >Golumancy is such a fascinating art.
  3249. >With Anon's description as a basis, she goes about creating a hyoo-men vessel for her new friend, getting his constant feedback as she goes through the process of making his body.
  3250. >Mostly, at least.
  3251. >She might have modeled his penis after her favorite dildo after the one he described as his turned out kind of funny looking and not nearly big enough to pummel through her cervix and batter her womb like she likes to do when Spike is out of town.
  3252. >She's sure Anon won't mind.
  3253.  
  3254.  
  3255.  
  3256.  
  3257.  
  3258.  
  3259. >"You can't deny it, Anon."
  3260. >"You feel it too."
  3261. >"We were meant to be together."
  3262. >"There's no one that would love you more than me."
  3263. >"No one better, no one more caring, more thoughtful."
  3264. >"I love everything about you. All of the little quirks, the insecurities, the things you don't like about yourself and want to hide."
  3265. >"They all make you you. They all make you perfect."
  3266. >"I want to see you happy. Make you happy."
  3267. >"I want to be the last thing you see every night and the first thing to see every morning."
  3268. >"I want to encourage you. Be an ear that you can vent to. Be your foundation that gives you love and strength."
  3269. >"I want to grow old together. I want to see a dozen of our children grow up to be the very best at whatever they do."
  3270. >"I want to give you everything."
  3271. >"I want to be the half that makes you whole."
  3272. >Be Anon
  3273. >Be sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy
  3274. >tfw you just asked if Sunny wanted some waffles
  3275. >tfw it's way too early to be feeling these feels
  3276. >Also, why the fuck are there hearts in her eyes?
  3277.  
  3278.  
  3279.  
  3280.  
  3281.  
  3282.  
  3283. > Be Twilight, teaching Anon magic
  3284. > He's adorably eager to learn, and has shown an aptitude for illusions
  3285. > Logically, Trixie should be the one teaching him, but like Tartarus are you going to let her get her filthy hooves on dear, sweet Anon
  3286. > So here you are, teaching Anon the "conceal presence" spell
  3287. > A must for any stallion seeking to avoid unsavory attention
  3288. > Anon recites the incantation, but his pronunciation is off
  3289. > You can still see a translucent image of him, of course, due to the counterspell you cast before the lesson
  3290. > Anon slowly stands up and prowls to your left
  3291. > You make an effort not to follow him with your eyes
  3292. "Anon, try saying something."
  3293. > You hear a faint mumbling
  3294. "Hmm, I didn't quite catch that, but I can sort of hear you. A good first try."
  3295. > Anon's face abruptly appears inches from your snout and you barely resist jumping out of the chair
  3296. > He grins
  3297. > "This is awesome! I can get as close as I like, and she can't sense a thing!"
  3298. > Oh dear, you think he accidentally blocked his own sense of hearing
  3299. > You focus past the ghost of his face and look for some paper and a quill so you can tell him to drop the spell
  3300. > Anon moves to the side, still deep in your personal space
  3301. > You can't help but blush at being in the proximity to a cute stallion
  3302. > "And damn, look at that ass!"
  3303. > You chew your lip, your face flushed with shame
  3304. > You know you should lay off the hayburgers, but-
  3305. > "What I wouldn't give to bury my dick between those plump cheeks!"
  3306. > You freeze
  3307. > What did he just say?
  3308. > M-maybe you should let him keep the spell up a little longer
  3309. > Anon squats down in front of you and stares at your teats
  3310. > Your nips are so hard right now
  3311. > "Imagine sucking on those milkers, and then licking up all her sweet pussy juice. Damn, I should stop before I go crazy."
  3312. > You wink uncontrollably as he retreats to his seat
  3313. > Anon has given you so much new data, and you have a number of hypotheses
  3314. > Time for some good old scientific rigor
  3315.  
  3316.  
  3317.  
  3318.  
  3319.  
  3320.  
  3321.  
  3322.  
  3323. > Turns out, humans conduct magic through their fingers
  3324. > No, this isn't Twilight waxing poetic about ear scritches
  3325. > It's a mixture of having a lot of nerve endings in one spot and having a rigid core to contain the energies
  3326. > Researches are torn on whether the source of all magic is male, due to the obvious phallic imagery, or if it is female, due to only providing magic when presented with phallic imagery
  3327. > Meanwhile, Anon has fantastic control and dexterity with his magic, but very little power due to the segmented nature of finger bones interrupting the flow
  3328. > It's rather frustrating, Anon was really hoping for finger pistols shooting fireballs 
  3329. > A terrible idea comes to him
  3330. > Dredging up dark memories of time he wished he could forget, Anon moves his fingers through the familiar motions
  3331. > He blows a billowing stream of flame from his fingertips, excited and resigned to his breakthrough
  3332. > He releases the spell and stares at the charred ground
  3333. "Believe it."
  3334.  
  3335.  
  3336.  
  3337.  
  3338. > Prince Anon of Labyrinthia does not like his fiance
  3339. > She's an idiotic, self-obsessed Yak, who fully expects him to be some meek little househusband
  3340. > That's not going to happen, if Anon has anything to say about it
  3341. > He's going to be a BOLD and BIG househusband
  3342. > So he does the logical thing, and runs away to the dragon kingdom
  3343. > He finds the cave of a large purple dragoness, marches right up to her and asks if she would be interested in kidnapping him
  3344. > Bemused, she agrees, and has him organize her hoard and cook for her
  3345. > She especially likes when he makes cherries jubilee
  3346.  
  3347.  
  3348.  
  3349.  
  3350. >The dragons actually have a secret spa service for male nobility
  3351. >They receive letters from their "victims" and a dragon will kidnap them to ther luxury spa and hot spring resort
  3352. >This is largely used for males for several reasons, but mostly to get out of work and relax
  3353. >After about a week, a knight will come and "defeat" the dragon and comes back a hero
  3354. >No one but the lords or the dragons are ever the wiser
  3355.  
  3356. >A friend of Prince Anon pays for a spa visit to help him relieve some stress, but fails to tell him about it
  3357. >Panics at first but calms down after being told he has a free vacation
  3358. >However, his wife is in a full blown panic and is organizing every soldier available to get him back
  3359.  
  3360.  
  3361.  
  3362.  
  3363.  
  3364.  
  3365. >Pinkie comes to Anon in desperation.
  3366. >She was hired to plan a big party for a very influential mare up in Canterlot, and she pulled out all the stops to make it the best it could be.
  3367. >After all, while partying is her calling in life and she loves throwing them, she's never been able to make a living off of it as she's always dreamed.
  3368. >Working for the Cake's is great, but she is ready to start her own business and finally strike out on her own.
  3369. >That's why this party is so important.
  3370. >It's just the publicity she needs to make her dreams a reality.
  3371. >And why it's so awful that the entertainer she hired had to call off sick on the big night.
  3372. >The party needs entertainment, and she claims Anon is the only one she can ask on such short notice.
  3373. >He tries to say he doesn't know how to entertain for a party, but she insists he's perfect as he is.
  3374. >Tall, exotic, and a good dancer.
  3375. >Anon doesn't know what that has to do with anything, but he can't say no to those shimmering blue eyes as his pal begs for his help.
  3376. >He doesn't know what he can do, but he'll do his best.
  3377. >And thus Anon sits on a train with Pinkie, unaware of the bachelorette party for one Fluer de Lis he's heading to, or that he's going to be the stripper for the evening.
  3378. >Good thing he dressed in his best three-piece suit for the occasion.
  3379. >It gives him plenty to peel off for the horny audience
  3380.  
  3381.  
  3382.  
  3383.  
  3384.  
  3385.  
  3386. >Ponies start watching Anon and what he does.
  3387. >He likes to groom ponies and being groomed when stressed or trying to relax. (He is actually just brushing their hair and petting them.)
  3388. >He enjoys sleeping in a big group with other ponies if possible, mostly those he's close to. (Ponies are soft and warm, and how could he turn down their cute faces?)
  3389. >And finally, he loves banana pie over most others.
  3390. >Anon is clearly a slightly evolved monkey and must be with his own kind to be truely happy.
  3391. >So they stick him in a zoo with a couple of small chimps.
  3392. >Anon is pretty pissed and so is a few of his mare friends.
  3393. >He's really pissed when he can actually understand these lil bastereds.
  3394. >He's really really pissed when they actually are pretty calming to be around and give good messages
  3395.  
  3396.  
  3397.  
  3398.  
  3399.  
  3400.  
  3401. >There's a special, elite few members in Ponyville General
  3402. >They're for special cases
  3403. >Abused, broken stallions, war veterans, ponies with mental deficiencies
  3404. >Their main task is to help sooth the patients
  3405. >Help them sleep, keep them calm in public with other ponies, etc
  3406. >They're sort of like service dogs
  3407. >But they can't be ponies
  3408. >Some of the ponies were abused by other ponies
  3409. >Sometimes they also can't be animals, since they don't have the intelligence or knowledge when to be there for the patient or try to distract them or simply leave them alone
  3410. >So, the hospital decided to bring in something even better than trained dogs
  3411. >Diamond dogs
  3412. >They have all the training as nurses, but all of the dog-like qualities that help keep patients calm
  3413. >They even use magic to dye their coats white like the nurses at the hospital
  3414. >Anon is a fucked up veteran in a hyoo-man war
  3415. >Can't sleep
  3416. >Nightmares all the time that have him destroying his bedroom
  3417. >Can't be in public places
  3418. >Can barely talk to people
  3419. >All-in-all a devastated, broken stallion
  3420. >He's assigned a E.S.P (Emotional Support Puppy)
  3421. >She's a full grown diamond dog just out of dog school
  3422. >Anon immediately attaches to the dog
  3423. >She might be able to talk, but her fur feels exactly like a earth dogs, and the way her walk wiggles
  3424. >Even the way she smells is the same
  3425. >The two begin to go on walks together
  3426. >The diamond dog "plays" with him
  3427. >He can't sleep without her laying on top of him
  3428. >When they're out, he needs to scratch her ears to stay calm
  3429. >After a few months of this, he begins normalize
  3430. >He talks to ponies, is more outgoing, less stressed
  3431. >His sleep is much better, and he seems much happier
  3432. >There's a chance of relapse though, so the diamond dog stays in his home, determined to help him
  3433.  
  3434.  
  3435.  
  3436.  
  3437.  
  3438.  
  3439.  
  3440. >It was too spontaneous for Celestia's liking.
  3441. >When she got the hastily scrawled note from Twilight exclaiming that she was no longer a virgin, she was confused, amused, and proud.
  3442. >The quickly following letter from the embarrassed mare was also quite comical as she apologize for her crudeness.
  3443. >As Celestia read the explanation of events, of the multi-versal foreigner simply throwing himself at her former-student after only knowing her a few weeks, however, she began to worry.
  3444. >Thottery, her sister would call it, gold digging, is what she feared to be the case, and Twilight was hardly experienced enough to spot such things.
  3445. >It's why Celestia decided to pay a visit to Ponyville.
  3446. >Upon entering the castle, she was surprised not to be greeted
  3447. >At least not for a couple minutes before she heard distant voices screaming
  3448. >"An invader upon your crystalline world! Fear not, my Goddess, for Sir Anon shall drive them off!"
  3449. >"What are you talking about?!" Twilight was shouting along side the sound of hooves beating upon crystal. "Why'd you stop suckling my teat! Let's just get back to that!"
  3450. "We shall when this bloody business is concluded! Tell me, my Goddess, what shall I take as proof of concord kept from this trespasser? An ear? Tongue? Perhaps a vertebrae?"
  3451. >"What?!"
  3452. "Ah-ha! There you are!" Celestia's eyes snap up to the balcony of the second floor, only to spot a man wearing a suit of armor from the waist up, and nothing but a pair of boxers featuring Twilight's cutie mark from the waist down
  3453. He points sharply and bellows, "Ah, the Sun Goddess! I should have suspected! But you've made a mistake this day coming alone if you thought you could defeat me without your Warriors of Sunlight! Have at thee, cur!"
  3454. >And then he's over the railing, plummeting down towards her with a- ss that a bucking great sword?!
  3455. >Celestia barely moves in time to avoid the floor shattering plunge
  3456. "Well dodged, invader! Perhaps your paltry bottom makes too small a target for my blade."
  3457.  
  3458.  
  3459.  
  3460.  
  3461.  
  3462.  
  3463. >Despite being furious about the whole thing, Discord eventually turns Anon back and lets him be with Fluttershy.
  3464. >It hurts, especially when he is Anon's best man at the shotgun wedding Applejack puts together, but he makes it through.
  3465. >The Apple mare took on the responsibility of making sure Fluttershy made an honest stallion out of Anon since his own mother wasn't there to do the job.
  3466. >And when the foal is born with Fluttershy's pink mane and bright eyes, he can hardly prevent himself from squealing.
  3467. >The mint green coat clashes horribly, but frankly, that just made Discord think the filly was cuter.
  3468. >Add in her longer than average legs, not surprising considering both parents, and her canine teeth that she was born with and which were the bane of her mother's teats whenever she fed, and Discord was proud to be the little freak's honorary uncle.
  3469. >He quickly became just as protective of the filly as he was with her mother, always watching out for her and being the only foalsitter she'd ever have.
  3470. >And she loved him just as dearly, seeing the draconequus as a second father most of her life.
  3471. >Most, because, as a young adult, she starts to have certain dreams...
  3472. >Sexy dreams about a certain serpentine chaos spirit who has always showered her with love and affection
  3473. >To say Discord is caught off guard when his little filly starts to hit on him during her twenty-first birthday after a few celebratory drinks is an understatement.
  3474. >To say she is embarrassed beyond all reason when she sobers up after her first night of drinking is obvious.
  3475. >To say Anon is angry when he catches wind of this would be a lie.
  3476. >He straight up tells Discord that fair is fair.
  3477. "I took your lady friend, it's only fair you take my daughter."
  3478. >"Are you nuts?!"
  3479. "Hey, I'm just saying you have my blessing, D, and if you take her on a date, I'll make you a cake."
  3480. >Discord leaves in a huff, annoyed with the insufferable human.
  3481. >... But maybe he could take his not so little niece out to dinner.
  3482.  
  3483.  
  3484.  
  3485.  
  3486.  
  3487.  
  3488. >This campaign engine is Moondancer's magnum opus
  3489. >It's the greatest thing she has ever created
  3490. >A ridiculous number of stupidly-huge magical matrices simulate reality almost perfectly
  3491. >And by "almost" I don't mean "water doesn't react to you walking in it because water physics are complicated, but things generally look and act realistic"
  3492. >I mean "you would be hard-pressed to tell the difference between this and real life, and there are only a few imperfections that will clue you in if you're looking for them"
  3493. >More than once, Moondancer jumped back and forth between her simulation and reality that she lost track of which one she was in, and spent a few hours crying before she managed to get herself out
  3494. >...or, perhaps, managed to get herself back into the simulation
  3495. >She's about 90% sure she's back in reality now
  3496. >Now, there is just one problem, and that is creating NPCs
  3497. >Much like how in a dream, your brain just borrows faces that you've seen in real life rather than come up with one on the spot, this magical simulation engine basically just creates a copy of ponies and places and simulates them as best it can
  3498. >The equine body and brain is too complex to even fathom trying to recreate one from scratch without some sort of magical AI to assist her and do 99% of the work based on the stupidly-extensive NPC parameters she provides it with
  3499. >But, Moondancer tries anyway
  3500. >She creates an NPC she calls "Anonymous"
  3501. >A new race that doesn't even exist in the world - she figured that it would be easier to make something new instead of something that could be compared to the real thing
  3502. >She puts a lot of work into this NPC
  3503. >Hundreds of hours spent tweaking him
  3504. >Her simulation is stupidly accurate
  3505. >In fact, it's possible for it to simulate down to the quantum level
  3506. >And as it just so happens, deep in the infinite multiverse, through the sheer infinite possibilities, there is a human who is EXACTLY EXACTLY EXACTLY like the NPC Moondancer created
  3507. >There's bound to be, in the realm of infinite worlds in infinite universes (which in themselves are never-ending)
  3508. >And since the NPC and the real Anon are identical down to the quantum level, existence cannot differentiate between the fake NPC and the real Anon
  3509. >As far as it's concerned, they're literally the same entity, occupying the exact same quantum state
  3510. >Now, after a long day of fiddling with her campaign and chatting with her perfect NPC, Moondancer shuts down the simulation and prepares to go to bed.
  3511. >And since the simulation is anchored heavily in Moondancer's world while Anon just sorta exists on Earth, the universe shrugs its shoulders and decides that Anon has always been in the simulation and that any suggestion otherwise is just silly and wrong
  3512. >Imagine Moondancer's surprise when the simulation turns off but her NPC remains
  3513.  
  3514.  
  3515.  
  3516.  
  3517.  
  3518.  
  3519. >You get into a spat with your waifu.
  3520. >A misunderstanding over something benign you said that got taken out of context has become the catalyst of more and more friction.
  3521. >For a few days now the two of you have been snipping at each other every so often.
  3522. >An eyeroll here, a scoff there…
  3523. >Just petty stuff.
  3524. >The two of you have barely been on speaking terms, and you figure it’s time to confront the issue head on.
  3525. >After a painfully quiet dinner, as you’re doing dishes, you lit the fire again and it soon consumed the kitchen.
  3526. >She launched into how degrading it was and how humiliated you made her feel.
  3527. >You countered with her misinterpreting you, and how she’s blowing this out of proportion.
  3528. >Days of bubbling frustration made you commit a bit too much into this argument.
  3529. >You didn’t even notice that you were leaning forward, staring down at her with your hands on your hips.
  3530. >Only when one of her hoofs bops you on your nose do you realize how close you’ve gotten.
  3531. >It wasn’t a graceful strike, more like a cat swatting some string, but it stunned you nonetheless.
  3532. >You brush your nose with the back of your hand and look down at her, waiting for something to happen.
  3533. >Her heavy breathing, pinpoint eyes, and petrified expression are somethings you’ve never seen out of her.
  3534. >”There! S-So…I didn’t want—You shouldn’t have made me...“
  3535. >She trails off as tears well-up in her eyes.
  3536. “…’kay.”
  3537. >Her tail wraps around her hind leg and she sheepishly backs away from you.
  3538. “So anyway, when I said ‘smol’, I meant comparatively speaking and not, like, as an insult. You are a little pony, and I am taller.”
  3539. >Proving your point, you kneel down next to your sniffling waifu and start petting her gently.
  3540. >She buries her face in her hooves and tries to squirm away from you.
  3541. >”H-How could—I n-never would…”
  3542. >You hush her quietly and rub her back as she cries.
  3543. >The ponies sure are cute when they don’t want to be.
  3544.  
  3545.  
  3546.  
  3547.  
  3548.  
  3549.  
  3550.  
  3551.  
  3552. >in a country with so few stallions like Equestria, mares get desperate for companionship if they haven’t already resigned themselves to being a dyke or living alone for the rest of their lives
  3553. >thus, the practice of buying a ‘mail order husband’ is is rather popular among these many desperate mares
  3554. >a group of friends will often pool their bits to buy one
  3555. >so if you ever see a herd with a very attractive male of another race who speaks with a thick accent or can’t speak Equish at all, its usually a male order husband
  3556. >most foreign males involved in the process go willingly to escape the shitty countries they were born in
  3557. >other countries are okay with this because their gender ratios aren’t nearly as bad as Equestria’s is
  3558.  
  3559.  
  3560.  
  3561.  
  3562.  
  3563.  
  3564.  
  3565. >Be Anon
  3566. >Be in the market
  3567. >More specifically, be standing in front of a stall
  3568. >It was a little horse stall, and you were a big people person, so you sort loomed over it
  3569. >This usually made stall owners a bit nervous
  3570. >The pony on the other side of the counter didn't looked scared, or nervous, or even worried
  3571. >She looked annoyed, staring up at you with slightly narrowed eyes
  3572. >It was Bonbon, candy-seller and monster hunter extraordinaire
  3573. >Lyroo liked you
  3574. >She did not 
  3575. >"Do you want something, or are you just gonna stand there and hold up other customers?" she asked in her usually grumpy tone
  3576. >You cocked her head to the side
  3577. >You didn't look at her various candies, or into the eyes of the mare herself
  3578. >No
  3579. >Your gaze was focused on something more important
  3580. >Her little horse snoot
  3581. >You frowned, humming
  3582. >Bonbon frowned as well
  3583. >"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to either purchase something or lea--"
  3584. >You reached across the counter with a hand
  3585. >Before Bonbon could finish her sentence, your pointer finger touched the middle of her snout
  3586. >You applied just enough pressure to make it scrunch, holding the position for a few seconds before withdrawing your hand
  3587. >Once again focusing on Bonbon proper, you saw that the mare's eyes were narrowed down to slits
  3588. >"Do. You. Want. Candy. Or. Not. Colt?" she asked, her voice measured and even
  3589. "Can I get two pounds of fudge please?"
  3590.  
  3591. ~_~_~_~_~
  3592. >Be Bonbon
  3593. >This sassy stallion was pretty bucking lucky that you didn't hit colts...
  3594. >If he boops you again you're biting him
  3595. >You mean it this time
  3596.  
  3597.  
  3598.  
  3599. >Bonbon had hunted Anon in the Everfree when a bunch of campers had fled from a 'Big ape-like minotaur monster'.
  3600. >What she had thought was a amazing evasive predator actually turned out to be a lost scared colt who only came to the camp due to the smell of cooking food.
  3601. >After a investigation to ensure safety he was released to the public.
  3602. >He's started to hang around Bonbon seeing her as a friend due to his 'rescue'.
  3603.  
  3604.  
  3605.  
  3606. >"Anon, I've hunted creatures that would literally turn your eyeballs into soup if you so much as looked at them. I've fought giants, creatures of fire, of chaos--"
  3607. "I'm gonna play with your ears."
  3608. >"What? No you're not you kooky--"
  3609. "You can't stop me Bonners."
  3610. >"I could dislocate every bone in your body!"
  3611. "But you won't, cause if you do I'm taking it to horse twitter."
  3612. >"Who the hay let you have our bucking internet?!"
  3613. "Lyra."
  3614. >"FUCK!"
  3615.  
  3616.  
  3617.  
  3618.  
  3619. >Platonic gestures of physical affection are actually really intimate to ponies
  3620. >Ponies are a prey species, and as such they are constantly on-guard for danger - at least, on some level.
  3621. >That's where the herding behaviour comes from - strength in numbers, for one thing
  3622. >That's why it takes so little time for a mare or stallion to come (hue) to a climax when they have sex - they don't have the benefit of being able to take their time to reproduce
  3623. >Any gesture that their lizard brain interprets as leaving them open to attack from predators is incredibly significant to them
  3624. >Cuddling
  3625. >Preening
  3626. >Grooming
  3627. >ESPECIALLY belly rubs - because that's exposing one's soft underbelly to predators in a gesture of trust - a mare exposing her belly for rubs is saying "I love and trust you enough to expose my weakest point for a significant amount of time, and I will also let you touch it"
  3628. >It's not until Anon goes to Twilight's library and reads a bit more about ponies that he realizes that that one mare who leans up against him and lets him rub her belly is practically telling him that she loves him enough to trust him with her life
  3629. >Also, a convenient magazine slips out from between books and reveals that belly-rubbing is considered REALLY REALLY intimate to ponies.
  3630. >"Huh. Not what I expected to find in a library. Guess you gotta make due without the internet..."
  3631.  
  3632.  
  3633.  
  3634.  
  3635.  
  3636.  
  3637. >Blind virgin anon.
  3638. >Has an almost tangible aura of innocence and comfort.
  3639. >Entire population of ponyville are his seeing eye companions as a result.
  3640. >If he sits down outside he inevitably generates a small crowd who simply bask in his presence.
  3641. >He adapts by telling them stories of his life on earth.
  3642. >They cant understand each other, but hearing the melody of his voice and watching his hands gesture through the air is entertainment enough for the little ponies.
  3643. >Twilight is working on a translation spell, as well as something that would let anon 'see' of sorts but progress is slow going
  3644.  
  3645.  
  3646.  
  3647.  
  3648.  
  3649. >the reason bon bon is always a grump is she assumes she'll never find a stallion due to her ahem... well developed... rump
  3650. >sampling candies to ensure they pass quality control takes its toll damnit, and stallions always assume mares with a little jiggle to the wiggle are lazy and won't support them or foals
  3651. >no matter what the stallions she's tried to ask out say otherwise she can always see in their eyes that that is true
  3652. >enter anon with a terminal case of sweet tooth and a slave to the booty. poor sap never stood a chance. when he finally works up the nerve to ask /her/ on a date she immediately falls back to her grumphoers shell assuming anon's taking her for a ride
  3653. >with a sense of deja vu he can't quite put his finger on anon is determined to crack open the shell of this candy mare and get to the sweet center he knows is there
  3654.  
  3655.  
  3656.  
  3657.  
  3658.  
  3659.  
  3660. >tfw in ARGRE, human's naturally exist
  3661. >tfw they're giants compared to ponies; the shortest being almost two feet taller than Celestia
  3662. >tfw they're extremely rare, and naturally nomadic
  3663. >tfw they travel from place to place, fighting nameless, dark things too foul for Tartarus
  3664. >tfw it's considered good luck if you're able to see one
  3665. >tfw most are slightly mad, but very good-natured 
  3666. >tfw they're considered nearly immortal, welding weapons unlike any on Equus
  3667. >Hammers of lightning, massive blades of light, hand cannons that can shoot multiple times 
  3668. >tfw like in the animes, they're usually males
  3669. >tfw it's also said they have they cute, thick accents and little button noses
  3670. >And abs
  3671. >Sweaty, scarred abs
  3672. >tfw a human suddenly walks out of the Everfree, injured and covered in black, vicious fluid
  3673. >tfw the Mayor scrambles to get him somewhere to rest, since she knows he probably saved Ponyville some a fate worse than anything any of them could have imagined 
  3674. >tfw legends say that if they were to mate with a mare, something more powerful than an alicorn would be born
  3675. >tfw this nerd wants to test that theory out before they manage to disappear again
  3676.  
  3677.  
  3678.  
  3679.  
  3680.  
  3681.  
  3682. >Anon is exactly as mares think he should be.
  3683. >He's polite, kind, good with foals, and too pure for this world.
  3684. >He's also dainty and fragile, always needing big strong mares to carry his groceries or fix things around his house as he giggles and apologizes for needing help.
  3685. >Mares are more than glad to do it for the ditzy stallion, completely unaware as they strut with their tuffs out that the human's eyes are roving over their bodies like a hawk, always giving special attention to their bottoms.
  3686. >In truth, Anon is a complete perv, and he just likes creating opportunities to satisfy his voyeuristic fetish.
  3687. >When he asked Applejack to clean his gutter, he was down below to hold the ladder steady while also peering up under her tail.
  3688. >When he bemoaned that his garden was withering during a heat wave and that his (not) broken hose was of no use, Rainbow Dash was more than happy to zip around to gather a small bundle of clouds to water his garden, uncaring that she collected a light sheen of moisture across her slick fur that Anon appreciated greatly.
  3689. >Yep, Anon had it pretty good, and none of the ponies were any the wiser.
  3690. >At least, he thought so, until a certain mare confronts him with a husky whisper against his ear.
  3691. >"You're a very naughty colt, aren't you?"
  3692. Who is it, and what do they do?
  3693.  
  3694.  
  3695.  
  3696.  
  3697.  
  3698.  
  3699.  
  3700. >Creates his own account and records a video of himself petitioning for his girlfriend to be unbanned
  3701. >Hams it up, adds in multiple declarations of love, mentions that the stream is their primary source of income, thinks about that time his pet died so that he can get some tears in there, etc
  3702. "She's sacrificed so much for me, and she finally has the opportunity to earn a living doing something she loves. I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else, and it hurts so much to see someone I love suffering like this."
  3703. >Ends with some tearful begging to unban Sunset's gaming stream
  3704. >Posts it everywhere, and Sunset uses her presence on other websites and social media to spread it as well
  3705. >The sight of a crying man who just wants his girlfriend to be happy (and who will be out on the streets if she cannot earn money this way) spreads like wildfire
  3706. >White knights eat it up
  3707. >Gaming fans eat it up
  3708. >Twatch is getting hundreds of emails from these people
  3709. >One or two minor-to-moderate internet news websites even runs an article on it
  3710. >Hell, even a few minor horsetube personalities get in on it and start to spread the word to their subscribers
  3711. >Suddenly, what was once a simple case of banning someone for saying the zig-word has turned into a highly-visible controversy centered around a poor man who can't stand to see his girlfriend this miserable
  3712. >Twatch caves in and unbans Sunset
  3713. >They make a big deal of posting about how this was all one big misunderstanding, and how the love and support that came from Anon and various internet people touched their hearts, etc etc
  3714. >Sunset's first video is her giving a heartfelt thanks to her followers, everyone online who helped, and most importantly to Anon
  3715. >Sunset now has leniency because if she's banned again, it'll look double-bad for Twatch
  3716. >Anon starts joining her on the couch, since he gained a following as "Sunset's adorable boyfriend"
  3717.  
  3718.  
  3719.  
  3720.  
  3721.  
  3722.  
  3723.  
  3724.  
  3725. >"By the pricking of my thumbs, something lewd this way comes~"
  3726. "...Twilight, there's a witch floating outside the window."
  3727. >"So what's a load of hot ass like yourself doing in a dump like this?"
  3728. "I'm serious, Twi. She's got a hat and a broom. She's floating like ten feet off the air."
  3729. >"You like smooth jazz? Cause I can see the two of us making some music together."
  3730. "I'm really concerned. Are witches a thing here, Twi? Do they cast spells? Can I be turned into a frog or cat or something like in the Hocus pocus movie?"
  3731. >"Why don't you step outside, hotstuff? I'll put you under my spell alright."
  3732. "Twi, you chubby nerd, why are you ignoring me? I know I was being hysterical about the whole horsernet thing, but this is 100% serious."
  3733. >"Did you know that witches have no gag reflex? Come outside and I'd be happy to demonstrate~" 
  3734. "I'm really not kidding, Twi. Call someone. Does this house have a bible? Do you call it a horsbible? Because if you do I'm fucking rioting."
  3735.  
  3736. >tfw Anon works in an actual school for witches
  3737. >tfw there's potions, spell weaving, talking cats, and flying brooms everywhere
  3738. >tfw he refuses to believe any bit of it is magical, no matter what evidence is presented to him
  3739. >tfw he was even able to explain away that time when Mrs. Celestia turned him into a crow
  3740. >tfw all of the magical girls love their adorably thick and stubborn male janitor
  3741.  
  3742.  
  3743.  
  3744.  
  3745.  
  3746.  
  3747. >Ponies have pseudo-familial herds
  3748. >It's all evolved so that pony communities can grow and easily become tight-knit
  3749. >It's difficult to remain completely detached from a pony society if you live in their town - sooner or later, you will wind up with a bunch of ponies who consider you to be either a brother or an uncle
  3750. >These ponies don't necessarily need to be related by blood, but it builds up immense amounts of trust
  3751. >That's why a strange excitable mare who lived out in the middle of nowhere is allowed to live in her employer's house and (despite being female, aka the sexual predator gender in RGRE) take care of their infants
  3752. >This is why nopony bats an eye when they see Twilight trotting down the street with Spike on her back
  3753. >They can instinctively tell that they're family, even if they aren't family
  3754. >So when Anon fucks off into Equestria, he's snatched up by a group of mares who are fond of him
  3755. >He's alone, he's scared, and he's practically advertising that he's the prime target for some strange mare to lure him into an alleyway and rape him
  3756. >So when Anon eventually becomes comfortable enough to date, his "sisters" go behind his back and ask his date what, exactly, her intention with their hoo-man brother is
  3757.  
  3758.  
  3759.  
  3760.  
  3761.  
  3762.  
  3763.  
  3764.  
  3765.  
  3766. >It's the "ponies live for 100+ years" meme
  3767. >Anon is fully acknowledged as an adult and ponies know (and are generally saddened by) that Anon will just plain not life for as long as they do
  3768. >But a pony his age would still be considered to be a child; regardless, Anon is treated with the respect reserved for adults - because he is one.
  3769. >But Rainbow has a secret fetish
  3770. >A fetish she was ashamed of and would land her in prison if she ever acted on her urges
  3771. >"Hey, kid... y'wanna SS?"
  3772. >Anon and Rainbow are a couple, and he's willing to make a few of her fantasies come true
  3773. >"How old are you, Anon?"
  3774. "24..."
  3775. >"Wow, 24! You're practically a grown-up! Hey, you wanna play a grown-up game with me?"
  3776.  
  3777.  
  3778.  
  3779.  
  3780.  
  3781.  
  3782. >Anog would show all.
  3783. >He make thing much better than burning stick pile.
  3784. >So what if burning sticks make food taste more yum and keep cave warm?
  3785. >Anog was still bigger and stronger than Incog, so why no womans make his breeding rod feel the most good?
  3786. >They would after seeing Anog fly like bird.
  3787. >Making sure wings made of big green leaves and vines are stuck good, Anog eyes the nest halfway down the canyon on the other side.
  3788. >It's full of big, tasty flying lizard eggs, and he'd bring them back to village and get all the pusspuss.
  3789. >He leaps, flaps his wings, and plummets.
  3790. >As he screams and sees the pointy rocks quickly coming closer, he thinks maybe he should have started from atop a small boulder first.
  3791. >When he wakes up in a strange forest he doesn't recognize, completely unharmed, he forgets this hard-learned lesson.
  3792. >If he's not worm food, it must not have been such a bad idea after all.
  3793. >His sensitive nose picks up a yummy scent, and he follows it.
  3794. >It not lizard egg, but it still make his stomach growl like big tooth cat.
  3795. >He finds a strange tree with holes in it that he could not go through.
  3796. >On the other side, their is a tiny stripped creature stirring something in a big black bowl sitting on burning sticks.
  3797. >Stripy creature using Incog sticks to make food.
  3798. >He will ask for some and then where his people are.
  3799. >Zecora turns, smiling contently until she sees a hairy face pushed up against her window, its mouth slightly open and fogging the glass.
  3800. >She sees the rows of sharp teeth and drool indicating a hungry beast who has just seen something tasty, and her heart starts to beat faster.
  3801. >The magic charms outside should ward off all dangerous predators.
  3802. "Food?" It says in a gravely voice. "Stripped thing food?"
  3803. >Zecora screams.
  3804. >Later, she would never admit to being terrified of a lost, hungry stallion simply asking for a meal
  3805.  
  3806.  
  3807.  
  3808.  
  3809.  
  3810.  
  3811. >the other side of the mirror, the human side, isn't reversed gender roles
  3812. >They're normal, average, man is breadwinner shit
  3813. >When people are introduced to Equestrian magic however, this changes
  3814. >Guys become girly, girls become manly
  3815. >Ever since Sunset's friends had been introduced to the magic of friendship, they've all underwent changes
  3816. >Rarity flat out knocked another girl out when she made fun of her dresses
  3817. >Pinkie can't stop looking at guy's bulges
  3818. >Fluttershy now has a husbando, and draws lewd manga where boys get gangbanged by monsters
  3819. >Applejack opens doors for boys, or pushes their chairs in when they sit down
  3820. >Rainbow brings sexual harassment to whole new levels; stealing underwear, taking pictures of guys while they're peeing, the works
  3821. >Twilight, once the shy nerd, has gotten very aggressive
  3822. >Nerd pick up lines can be heard from her from morning till night
  3823. >Sunset, while sorta happy that her friends are no longer fro-fro dykes, is concerned
  3824.  
  3825.  
  3826.  
  3827.  
  3828.  
  3829.  
  3830. >Beeling hives are usually very well hidden.
  3831. >Not because of the beelings fear of ponies finding them, no.
  3832. >It's because of the other changeling subspecies finding them and absolutely demolishing the hive, searching for honey.
  3833. >Everything for free honey, yes?
  3834. >The bears always seem to agree.
  3835. >This led to beelings distrusting any other kind of changelings, to a level of risking their own safety just to reveal that one nosy drone that got too close to find the hive.
  3836. >Meanwhile the actual ponies can only see that one of their florists act very hostile against that tourist, for no apparent reason...
  3837.  
  3838. >They have a Love-Hate relationship with other bugs.
  3839. >Beelings give discounts on to other 'lings and even emergency honey rations in times of starvation, but they are also known to surreptitiously reveal the location of hives if said bugs overstep their boundries.
  3840. >Chrysalis' hive was the first in 'ling history to get blacklisted by the entire swarm thanks to the attack on canterlot, which put the entirety of equestria on high alert for changeling activity
  3841.  
  3842. >Your children, raised on a diet of hyper concentrated honey and direct love infusions grow into magnificent adults almost the size of Celestia.
  3843. >Your queenly waifu is so proud.
  3844. >You're a little sad you didn't get to savor the cute baby phase more, as beelings, like other 'lings, hit adulthood in about a year after hatching. Thankfully you dont have to deal with empty nest syndrome since the hive is right under your house
  3845. >They'll always be your beautiful baby girls through, no matter how big they get.
  3846. >Heh. 'Bee' your beautiful baby girls.
  3847. >A lot of them decide they want to be honey makers and merchants. Your largest daughters insist on being warrior bees. 
  3848. >With their size and access to near infinite energy via you, they can fuel and sustain some crazy transformations.
  3849. >And what do they base their warrior form on?
  3850. >An old story you told them, about the biggest and most feared insect of all time. 
  3851. >The Cazador 
  3852. >A spiny carapace hard as steel.
  3853. >Spike coated legs.
  3854. >Dual set of wings.
  3855. >Tail metamorphosed into an abdomen tipped with a foot-long stinger 
  3856. >Vice grip mouth filled with serrated, venom-dripping teeth
  3857. >Powerful single-aperture eyes backed up by a 2nd set of compound eyes
  3858. >Redundant organs and a small 2nd stomach to some emergency royal jelly.
  3859. >And this is not even going into their magic or Herculean strength. 
  3860. >It takes them half a second to become a whirlwind of fucking shit up and they look like what would pop out of a nightmare's nightmare.
  3861. >But you know they're still your babies. Compared to most things on Equis, you are comparatively fragile and they're desperately afraid of you getting hurt. Their appearance means nothing to you with intentions that pure.
  3862. >You just have to watch the spikes when they come in for a hug is all
  3863.  
  3864.  
  3865.  
  3866.  
  3867.  
  3868.  
  3869.  
  3870.  
  3871. >Anon and Sunset play SCP Containment Breach
  3872. >"I know it's gimmicky, Anon, but it's really popular right now. This month's tough, and I need the views."
  3873. >Anon gets spooked a good few times, but nobody will forget that moment where Sunset screamed so loud the audio peaked and practically jumped into Anon's lap
  3874. >Nobody lets her forget it - especially since one of her viewers turned that moment into a GIF that gets posted fairly frequently
  3875.  
  3876. >tfw Anon is really bad at video games
  3877. >tfw he really doesn't understand what's going on
  3878. >tfw the one time that Sunset let him play he had the controller upside down until she helped him
  3879. >tfw she knows the reason he doesn't know much or have any history with video games was because he was broke growing up
  3880. >tfw she knows he could barely afford food and clothes, much less games
  3881. >tfw he doesn't like to talk about it, and is even ashamed about it at times
  3882. >tfw that's why he works those 12 hour shifts six days a week in a job no boy should ever do
  3883. >tfw this is why Sunset works so hard in her streams
  3884. >tfw it's also why so many of her viewers, who usually hate "twitch thots" like Anon
  3885. >He might not understand the old games or know how to play anything at all, but his genuine enthusiasm and happiness just watching during those brief periods he's awake on that couch are a hundred percent real
  3886. >The fans also love just how much he appreciates all of the clothes they send him
  3887. >Even the weird, fetish-y ones that they don't show on stream
  3888. >Sunset especially likes those
  3889.  
  3890.  
  3891.  
  3892.  
  3893.  
  3894. I wonder if there's a market for special shampoos and conditioners specifically for tufts?
  3895. >Anon comes to Equestria, lives a hellish week in the Everfree before finding his way out, and is quickly taken in by Fluttershy as soon as she sees him stumbling out of the forest covered in mud and oozing scratches.
  3896. >At first she thinks he's an animal in need, but then he talks, and she realizes she has a lost colt in her home.
  3897. >It's just like that novel Rarity is letting her borrow about a stallion getting rescued from the wilds, and then falling in love with the brave mare that saves him.
  3898. >After hearing his story and getting a meal started for him, Anon asks if she has a shower he can use.
  3899. >She directs him to the bathroom, and Anon finds himself squatting in a tiny tub with his knees folded to his chest and a shower head only an inch above his scalp.
  3900. >He doesn't care, however, as he turns the water on and feels the amazing cascade of warmth wash over his weary body.
  3901. >After just enjoying the spray for a minute, he sets about washing up.
  3902. >Hmm, there's three bottles of soap.
  3903. >One for manes, another for coats, and then, tucked away behind them, the one he picks up and examines more carefully.
  3904. "Tuft Shampoo and Conditioner," he reads. "Guaranteed 20% volume and softness to your tuft, with added scents to drive stallions wild."
  3905. >Anon shrugs and decides to use it.
  3906. >It's the only one that says conditioner on it, after all, and his hair is a coarse mess after his stint in the forest.
  3907. >Meanwhile, Fluttershy is humming as she cooks, before suddenly going rigid.
  3908. >"Did I leave my tuft soap out?" she wonders out loud, starting to fidget.
  3909. >Why wouldn't she?
  3910. >Not like she expected a stallion in her bathroom today.
  3911. >"Oh dear," she mumbles, looking towards the bathroom. "Maybe he won't notice?"
  3912. >But Anon did notice, and for some reason, he's getting a raging hard-on as he scrubs his hair.
  3913. >Turns out the musky mare scent of the soap works really well on humans.
  3914.  
  3915.  
  3916.  
  3917.  
  3918.  
  3919.  
  3920. >the cazalings were full of piss and vinegar that morning
  3921. >not looking to hurt anypony really, but they were in a mood because of some other 'lings and weren't putting up with random poners wandering around the house
  3922. >the ditzy mailmare beginning her wobbly circle glide towards the door caught their eye instantly
  3923. >being as they were in a tizzy, they immediately launched to give her what-for
  3924. >foolish were they
  3925. >the mail ALWAYS goes through
  3926. >but then, they were young; you really couldn't have expected them to have seen the danger in charging a veteran of battling stinging insects nesting in mailboxes, much less with one that had soapy bubbles for a cutie mark
  3927.  
  3928.  
  3929.  
  3930.  
  3931.  
  3932. >when Anon found himself in the EqG after Twilight sent him there thinking it was where he came from, he found it very difficult to make friends
  3933. >the guys were too much like girls from back home, and the girls were more interested in his dick then actually having a conversation
  3934. >his roommate, Sunset, tried to help but she was busy most hours of the day
  3935. >so when Applejack and Rarity offer to pay him to pretend to be their boyfriend, he figures it could be something interesting and goes along with it
  3936. >what none of them expected however was the fact that they actually got along rather well
  3937. >Rarity and Applejack were already exceptionally close friends, which was the source of the gay rumors they wanted to get away from
  3938. >Applejack liked his even-tempered janegirl personality
  3939. >Rarity liked his sharp wit and dry humor
  3940. >Anon just appreciates the fact that both girls were well-mannered enough not to perv on him
  3941. >before they know it, all three of them found themselves looking forward to and enjoying their fake dates
  3942. >it wasn’t anything romantic, they just enjoyed each other’s company
  3943. >before they knew it they started hanging out at less explicitly romantic places for the sake of their character and going on the kinds of stupid misadventures most teens got up to
  3944.  
  3945.  
  3946.  
  3947.  
  3948.  
  3949. >This isn't the first time Anon and Rainbow Dash had gone on a bender together
  3950. >Though they were usually harmless - apart from noise complaints from their neighbors - Twilight had to draw the line when their most recent drunken escapade resulted in property damage
  3951. >And, if Twilight is being honest with herself, she was raised in the most uptight and prudish unicorn city in Equestria
  3952. >That place has an unofficial prohibition going on - it's legal to drink, just like anywhere else, but becoming inebriated comes with a harsh social stigma
  3953. >Alcohol and magic don't mix very well (ethyl alcohol is often mixed into ink when unicorns draw anti-magic runes for magic-containment purposes), and the chances of a powerful unicorn fucking up super hard after drinking because she can't control her magic aren't worth the risk
  3954. >This is why Celestia is infamous for her love of tea, and why Canterlot is the tea import capital of Equestria
  3955. >But back on track - Twilight is sick of her friends fucking everything up when they get drunk, and also she was raised in an environment that encouraged her to disapprove of drinking alcohol in general
  3956. >So, her method of teaching Anon and Rainbow Dash a lesson went a tad bit too far.
  3957. >She confronted the two after their streak of property damage (to be fair, it was Anon's idea to egg that house, and they were too drunk to differentiate between eggs and rocks), she found them drunkenly making out with each other
  3958. >Twilight realizes that life has presented her with the perfect teaching aid
  3959. >"If I don't ACTUALLY submit the marriage documents, then it won't matter if I trick them into signing it."
  3960. >Twilight confronts them the next morning (well, next late afternoon; that's when they woke up) and happily informs them that they're married.
  3961. >"Huh, you didn't MEAN to go find an officiator and become legally married? Gosh, you two should be more careful when you drink."
  3962.  
  3963. "Well, I mean..." You rub the back of your head and glance to Rainbow, feeling your cheeks heat a bit. "We're already best friends, so it's not that bad. We'll get tax breaks I think."
  3964. >Rainbow Dash very briefly meets your eyes before looking away. Her fluffed up wings tell you she's just as embarrassed and flustered. "Yeah. If I had to get married to anyone, like, right now, I'd pick you, Anon. This isn't so bad."
  3965. "Maybe it's not even bad at all," you say, proud that you didn't stutter. "You'd be my first choice too."
  3966. >Rainbow blushes so much that it starts to show though her fur. She takes a moment to fidget before talking again. "H-Heh. Yeah... Even better than best friends... Hey Anon? Do you uh... Want to go on a real date since we're uh m-married and all? Then we can go hang out at my place?"
  3967. You can't stop the large, very real smile that comes to your face. "I'd like that."
  3968. >Without even realizing it, you and your Rainbow had been scooching closer together on the library sofa until you were pressed tightly together.
  3969. >All you can really think about is the beautiful magenta eyes with little hearts in them staring at you.
  3970. >Both you and your new wife are oblivious to the flabbergasted Twilight sitting across from you, marriage forms held in her magic.
  3971.  
  3972.  
  3973.  
  3974.  
  3975.  
  3976. >Be bulli Sunset
  3977. >You see that weird Anon kid
  3978. >You're gonna go ahead and make fun of him
  3979. "Hey, Anon! I think you're really cute. You should smile more! Also, we should go out and do something together. It doesn't even have to be a dinner date, I just want to hang out and get to know you!"
  3980. >Anon stops, turning to look at you
  3981. >He seems taken aback by your words, even as a small smile comes to his face
  3982. >Your brow furrowed
  3983. >...The fuck was that?
  3984. >You were supposed to make fun of him, hurt his already cripplingly poor self esteem
  3985. >Taking a deep breath, you tried again
  3986. "We should also start sitting together and helping each other with homework after school. You're a lot smarter than you think you are and I actually need help in writing, and I know you're really good at that! Did I mention that you're cute? Because you really are! Short guys are the cutest!"
  3987. >...
  3988. >Fuck
  3989.  
  3990. >Sunset's Equestrian magic is forcing her to be nice to her soulmate
  3991.  
  3992.  
  3993.  
  3994.  
  3995. >YOU HAVE BOUND ME, ETERNIA, THE GODDESS OF ALL THINGS TO YOUR WELL OF INFINITE MAGIC
  3996. >STATE YOUR GREATEST AND DARKEST DESIRES MY ETERNAL MASTER AND I. SHALL. MAKE. IT. SO.
  3997. Nah, I'm good
  3998. >...EH?
  3999. I'm pretty well adjusted, I don't need anything
  4000. >THERE IS NOTHING YOU DESIRE? NOTHING THAT YOU WOULD GRANT YOURSELF?
  4001. Nope, I wouldn't feel right if someone just gave me something I wanted, and everything I am is part of myself and I wouldn't change myself
  4002. >THEN WHY DID YOU USE YOUR [INFINITE DOMINATION] TO SUMMON ME?
  4003. There's a lot of people who got magic at my school recently, I wanted to see if I had anything like that before I made dinner
  4004. >...OH
  4005. Do you want me to send you back now?
  4006. >.....no
  4007. Really?
  4008. >It's.....dark......and lonely
  4009. Okay, do you want me to make you some chicken salad too and we'll watch some cartoons?
  4010. >yes I MEAN, YOUR WILL IS MY COMMAND MASTER
  4011.  
  4012.  
  4013.  
  4014.  
  4015.  
  4016.  
  4017. > 700 year old shota vampire Anon
  4018. >He's glad his sire waited until he could get an erection before she turned him, but it still sucks being in a body on the cusp of puberty forever
  4019. > This is hardly the least of her evils, so he's glad she got eaten by some weird monster in the shadow realm between worlds
  4020. > Especially since heended up emerging in a soft and innocent world full of colorful ponies
  4021. > Well, considering the looks mares are giving him, a mostly innocent world full of predatory milfs
  4022.  
  4023. What if VtM Anon.
  4024. >Malkavinon would get along with pank, have something like panko sense, and be the prince of whimsy.
  4025. >Ventunon would get so much noble horsepuss, and maybe even bag a princess, while taking full advantage of rgre. Likely seen as a gold digger.
  4026. >Tremerenon would hard focus on nerd horse tomes of knowledge and magic and would be free to snuggle up against any time. He'd also have sticky fingers around magical items and enchanted gemstones.
  4027. >Nosferatunon would be paranoid but mostly be like a normal Anon because of decades of stormdrain shitposting on vietnamese basket weaving forums. Ponies would find him abrasive in every way, especially visually, but if they bite the bullet they have a very useful friend who can get them dirt on everypony else and smell bullshittery and danger in a several kilometer radius.
  4028. >Toreanon would also be very whimsical and get along with ponies. Maybe smash some Coco Poonell since they have the whole blush of life thing and a knack for acting. Definately the most likable out of all of them since they have some level of empathy with mortals other vampies don't.
  4029. >Brujanon would be down with sticking it up the the mare and leading stallionists into a revolt, just because. Maybe even make a new Anarchs with mortal catty stallions.
  4030. >Gangrelnon is still a wild rabies ridden furry that smells like a wet dog so we don't talk about him.
  4031.  
  4032.  
  4033.  
  4034.  
  4035.  
  4036. >>A sunhat tipper on her first night with an alien
  4037.  
  4038. >"I-I don't want to force you into sex, Anon."
  4039. "I don't feel forced."
  4040. >"I respect you a lot, and I don't think that this is all you're worth."
  4041. "Thank you, Celestia. I respect you a lot too."
  4042. >"We can stop any time you want."
  4043. "I know."
  4044. >"If you feel uncomfortable at any time, just let me know."
  4045. "You bet."
  4046. >"We've only been dating for a month or two, a-and I don't want you to think that I only started dating you because I wanted to have sex with you. You're more than a sex object to me."
  4047. "..."
  4048. >"Because I feel like rushing into sex sends the message that I don't value you as a person, and that's deponyizing."
  4049. >You are Anon, and you're starting to understand how Celestia has remained a virgin for all these years.
  4050.  
  4051. >Cadence, being the princess of love, has no idea that what she's doing might make one or more of the participants feel awkward
  4052. >"I am Love, and this is an example of love. What's the problem?"
  4053. >She's got her upper body draped over the side of the bed, notebook and quill in her magic as she takes notes and cheers them on
  4054. >"Wow, face-to-face! That's normally a really hard maneuver for ponies to pull off! Now, is it because Anon's a human, or is it because Celestia is larger than most ponies...?"
  4055. >"Oh! Hold that pose, Anon! Wow, you're balls-deep in her! Lemme make a sketch real quick. C'mon, stop squirming - I'm trying to draw your balls!"
  4056. >"I can feel the love tingling in the air! Take a breather, you two, I'm gonna go get you two some water and a couple of snacks. How do you two feel about peetzer?"
  4057. >She basically just acts as Anon and Celestia's love coach, hat included
  4058. >Even when they're doing more than having sex
  4059. >"That's right, auntie! Give Anon those flowers! Colts LOVE flowers! They make such a tasty snack! Now grab his rump..."
  4060.  
  4061. >Each alicorn princess, by ways of alicorn ascension, become obsessed with their element
  4062. >They want to see it, and they want others to enjoy it
  4063. >Cadence no longer understands privacy and feels an intense urge to observe, document, and encourage all forms of love, and she becomes upset if you resist getting together with the pony who IS CLEARLY your soulmate
  4064. >ANON.
  4065. >Celestia's mornings are especially obnoxious, and there does not exist a single set of light-blocking curtains that can prevent her sun from making your bedroom juuuuust light enough that you can't fall back asleep if you wake up too early
  4066. >Luna is in love with her night sky and is enraged when ponies don't appreciate it like she does, and this lack of appreciation lead to the Nightmare Moon incident
  4067. >Twilight went from some chubby nerd who needed God herself to tell her to make friends and turned into a creature who is so preoccupied with friendship that she built a school so that she could teach grown-ass adults how not to be dicks to each other
  4068. >It's an alicorn's nature to obsess with their element, and Anon learns pretty quickly that the princess of Love will not be deterred just by a closed door
  4069.  
  4070.  
  4071.  
  4072. Now I'm imagining NEET Anon making them flip out
  4073.  
  4074. >"Anon, you were supposed to show up for your friendship classes. Where were you?"
  4075. "No one needs classes for friendship, Twilight. That's just dumb."
  4076. >"Forget about her school, Anon. Why won't you come out during the day? Is my sun too bright for you?"
  4077. "Yes."
  4078. >"What of Our stars, fair Anonymous. Surely they are not too bright for you."
  4079. "I sleep at night, Luna. And as for-Cadence! Put my underwear down!"
  4080. >"I'm just going to use it to help you find a nice mare."
  4081. "You can help me find a nice mare by not being weird."
  4082.  
  4083.  
  4084.  
  4085.  
  4086.  
  4087. >like a twitching left ear if they're lying and nervous about being caught or something.
  4088. >Applejack's connection to honesty hones her intuition when it comes to pony's body language
  4089. >Even ponies who train themselves subconsciously give the barest twitch when hiding something and Applejack can pick up on it
  4090. >But not with Anon
  4091. >While he does have tells, they're very different to ponies
  4092. >So when he lies to Applejack and his body tries to give it away Applejack misinterprets the tell as something else
  4093. >It drives the apple horse nuts
  4094. >She knows for a FACT that Anon has lied but she has no proof
  4095. >She needs to use different methods to get the truth out of him
  4096.  
  4097.  
  4098.  
  4099.  
  4100.  
  4101.  
  4102.  
  4103. >Twilight just isn't attracted to stallions.
  4104. >She'd like to say she was too busy with her studies to think about colts, but in truth, she just never felt that desire she should have even when watching something like guard training at the castle.
  4105. >All those sweaty stallion, and nothing.
  4106. >Eventually, everyone close to her just assumed she was asexual.
  4107. >Well, except for her parents, who noted how she followed Princess Celestia around like a lost puppy, always eager to please the alicorn.
  4108. >It went beyond mere admiration at times, and after finding the picture of their leader under their young daughter's mattress, that confirmed it.
  4109. >Looking back, Twilight agreed that was kind of off, but it really was innocent.
  4110. >She was just really obsessed about her mentor in those early years.
  4111. >Regardless, even as an adult, she never pursued romance, neither with stallions, or mares.
  4112. >It was just the way of things.
  4113. >That is, until Anon showed up, and she felt something strange.
  4114. >It was in those early days of his arrival that she masturbated for the first time since she was a hormonal filly.
  4115. >It was just something about him.
  4116. >Something exotic and different.
  4117. >And maybe, just a little tiny bit, because he reminded her of her teacher.
  4118. >Tall, pale, kind, and very knowledgeable.
  4119. >She certainly isn't gay, but any mare would agree that Celestia would probably make a pretty hot stallion.
  4120. >Regardless, Twilight knew she couldn't ignore Anon's presence in her life.
  4121. >Couldn't let him leave it without at least trying to make him hers.
  4122. >She might not get another chance at love if she lets Equestria's first and only human, let alone the first stallion she's desired, get away.
  4123. >Alas, she has no idea on what to do.
  4124. >The problem weighs heavy on her mind, even while she's supposed to be visiting her parents for the weekend.
  4125. >It's no wonder they notice she's distracted, and once they pry the truth from her, they're ecstatic.
  4126. >They have a lifetime of talks and advice to finally impart upon their daughter.
  4127.  
  4128. >With centuries of experience in diplomacy and dealing with nobles scheming away under her torque, Celestia instantly realises whats going on and resolves to help Twilight using that same experience.
  4129. >To that end, she invites anon to dinner in order to give him some advice.
  4130.  
  4131. >"Go ask Twilight out on a date, unless you want to be the subject of a rom-com for the next few weeks."
  4132. >"Oh and do be careful regarding couples business, her parents mean well but the usual methods wont work for alicorns, tell Twilight to come to me or my Sister if she has trouble."
  4133. "I think she'll be too busy coming to Anon here t-"
  4134. >"Luna please, we've talked about this."
  4135. "We have but Anon hasnt, did you know that Twilight has studied you 'quite' extensively in her dre-"
  4136. >"Oh my would you look at the time Anon should really get going before Twilight gets worried we're stealing away her stallion."
  4137. "Sister we both know that her admiration and respect for you is the only thing preventing her from teleports in here, grabbing Anon and fleeing to the crystal empire."
  4138. >"Well yes but it's not polite to point out her slight paranoia issues."
  4139. "It's also not polite to end dreams once they start getting good without even the courtesy of an invitation, yet here we are."
  4140. >"Sister i've told you that things dont work like that anymore."
  4141. "And i've told you that only one stallion ever declined my addition in their dreams and he was a perfect gentlecolt about it."
  4142. >""Uh, not to interrupt, but i think we've pushed the limit of 'respect and admiration'.""
  4143. >A lavender glow steadily envelops his clothes before anon is yanked sideways out of the open window.
  4144. "MINE!"
  4145. >Fizzle-bamf
  4146. "Hm, looks like i lost the bet, she used the window rather than charging in."
  4147. >"She has certainly grown out of the confrontational phase, i hope she doesnt drag him too far north before calming down."
  4148. "I already notified Cadence this morning to expect guests after hearing your plan today."
  4149. >"Ah yes, good idea."
  4150.  
  4151.  
  4152.  
  4153.  
  4154. >Anon is cute, fit, and hardworking.
  4155. >All things that would make him a catch for any mare.
  4156. >Except for one problem.
  4157. >He's also an asshole.
  4158. >He speaks almost entirely in sarcastic barbs.
  4159. >Has more insults ready than compliments.
  4160. >He's even yelled at some fillyscouts trying to sell cookies for knocking on his door, making them cry.
  4161. >He didn't even apologies later.
  4162. >Truthfully, the human has become something of a thorn in the side of Ponyville, and one Princess Twilight knew she'd have to address sooner or later.
  4163. >It's a shame that he's not only cute, but one of the only colts in town who seems to love books as much as her, him coming by once a week to rent out a few before returning them on time to get more.
  4164. >Pressure was mounting on the alicorn as even her friends began to lose patience with the newcomer, and when she was finally about to make an attempt, something happened.
  4165. >Derpy really should try to find new employment.
  4166. >She can't keep dropping heavy packages on ponies' heads.
  4167. >Poor Anon's skull barely withstood the brunt of the bowling ball's impact, and he was left hospitalized with a mass of gauze around his noggin.
  4168. >Unconscious for over a week, Twilight was saddened to realize she's been the only one to visit the poor stallion, even Derpy only coming on occasion with guilty tears in her eyes.
  4169. >She resolved to help Anon make friends, just as theman begins to awaken.
  4170. "Ugh... My head? What happened?"
  4171. >"A-anon! You're awake! Let me go find a nurse!"
  4172. "W-wait. Who are you? Are we... friends?"
  4173. >"You... don't remember me?"
  4174. "No, I'm sorry. I don't remember much of anything."
  4175. >He looks around.
  4176. "I must have been in an accident, though, considering this is a hospital, and you must be someone dear to me if you're by my bedside. I feel just awful not being able to remember you."
  4177. >"It's... it's fine, really."
  4178. "Doesn't feel like it."
  4179. >Twilight, stunned, gets the nurse, who Anon also exchange pleasantries with, much to their surprise
  4180.  
  4181.  
  4182.  
  4183.  
  4184.  
  4185.  
  4186.  
  4187. >Be Anon.
  4188. >You and Celestia had been going on dates for awhile.
  4189. >The recent one had gotten rather hot and heavy.
  4190. >You were in a restaurant with private rooms for couples, and while you're not normally one for that fancy stuff you're glad you two did.
  4191. >A chast kiss turned into a deep one, turned into light nibbles and kissing at eachother's necks, turned into wrestling to gain control in this booth as you two tried your best to get the upper hand or hoof over the other.
  4192. >Before it could too far Celestia payed the bill and left a tip and teleported you two to her room.
  4193. >So here you are, ramming forward and back as you grip at Celestia's rump as she talks dirty to you.
  4194. >"You like that colt?" She says as she tries to keep a smug grin looking back at you.
  4195. >You can only grunt as you try your best to not let loose.
  4196. >Your eyes drag up as you get more and more into it.
  4197. >Your eyes drift over a picture of-
  4198. >Your thrusting slows.
  4199. "Pfft"
  4200. >You try not to laugh as you look at a painting of a fat Celestia eating cake.
  4201. >Celestia not realizing what you were about to laugh at blushes and gets frustrated.
  4202. >"Y-You better not berate me colt! I-I'll destroy your..." She stops mid talk as her eyes glide up to where you're looking. 
  4203. >Her face gets red as she slams it into the bed with a muffled "Oh my..."
  4204. >You can't help but let laughter loose.
  4205. "Hahahahaa! Wha why would you have thahahahat!"
  4206. >You keep laughing as you lay into her back resting your face inbetween her wing joints.
  4207. >"It was a joke gift from Luna! I forgot about it okay! I didn't plan on bringing you back here today!"
  4208. >You continue laughing the fact your dick is in a sun god completely forgotten.
  4209.  
  4210.  
  4211.  
  4212.  
  4213.  
  4214.  
  4215.  
  4216.  
  4217. >Meet DJ-P0N3 at a party
  4218. >Dance to her music
  4219. >It's proto-electronic, and you were a pretty big fan of electronic and dance music back on Earth
  4220. >Find her after the show and casually mention you listened to pretty similar music back home
  4221. >This is a genre that's just kicking off, and the DJ wants every extra opportunity and foothold (hoofhold?) she can get her hooves onto in order to succeed
  4222. >"Tell you what, party-colt. Once I sleep all this booze off, I'll go down to that coffee place on Mane Street. I go there and drink coffee until I feel equine again. If you show up there somewhere between 10 AM and 2 PM, you an' me can talk about these sick beats you apparently heard."
  4223. >Anon shows up the next day
  4224. >Talks about the music and tries his best to describe the half-forgotten music he last heard years ago
  4225. >Vinyl (she tells him her real name somewhere between her 3rd and 4th mug of coffee) manages to do something with this info, and pumps out a few songs - with a couple more in the works, the details bouncing around in her head
  4226. >Anon and Vinyl get into the habit of meeting up once a week or so; twice a week if Vinyl has multiple gigs and needs just that much more coffee to feel alive again
  4227. >They eventually strike up a legitimate friendship as discussion moseys on from music to other aspects of their lives
  4228. >Vinyl feels less and less inclined to enjoy the bounties of being a DJ - aka drunk or high party colts throwing themselves at her for a fun night in bed
  4229. >Starts holding herself back from drinking herself into a stupor because she can't collaborate with Anon as well if she's massively hungover
  4230. >Vinyl doesn't suspect something is up between the two of them until she catches herself asking Anon if he wants to meet for coffee just in the middle of the week - not after a gig or to talk about music; just to chat about themselves
  4231. >Goes home and pesters Octavia
  4232. >"Am I sick? Am I DYING? Why do I feel this way?!"
  4233. >>"Maybe you're in love."
  4234. >"Hah!"
  4235. >"..."
  4236. >"Shit."
  4237.  
  4238.  
  4239.  
  4240.  
  4241.  
  4242.  
  4243.  
  4244. >Lyra and Bonbon are a package deal. Being best friends since forever, they intend to be together forever.
  4245. >While they have no qualms about getting intimate with each other like many mares do with best friends, both still want a real herd at some point.
  4246. >And to do that, they need a stallion, but neither can seem to agree on what sort they want.
  4247. >The you wander into town and meet Lyra, becoming fast friends with her. She even cracks the nervousness you had about getting close to a mare.
  4248. >Meanwhile, Lyra's eccentric tastes show themselves a firm liking of janefillies and in budding xenophila that grows rapidly to an absurd point.
  4249. >So absurd, that she practically stops seeing stallions as attractive.
  4250. >Then Lyra introduces you to Bonbon, who sees the connection between you and her best friend instantly.
  4251. >...But Bonbon isn't terribly enthused, wanting an actual stallion.
  4252. >Lyra, however, will not give ground and insists that Bonbon lets a herd form, just to try it at least. The candy maker finally agrees with reluctance.
  4253. >You lock eyes with a grumpy Bonbon and know that your life has just taken a turn. For good or bad, who knows?
  4254.  
  4255. >The three races have different traits that each respective race finds attractive
  4256. >It's rare to find a pony who not only finds their own race attractive, but another pony race as well
  4257. >A unicorn might admire a the way a mare's horn spirals, but can't appreciate the aerodynamic frame that a pegasus has
  4258. >An earth pony might find his eyes glued to the glutes of an earth pony mare, but can't appreciate the aristocratic beauty that a unicorn has; bone structure that is different than their own and serves to channel magic better through the horn
  4259. >Mares who are best friends but belong to different pony tribes have a much lower chance of finding a stallion who finds both of their forms attractive and desirable
  4260. >Ponies who decide that they're a package deal have a notoriously low rate of success
  4261. >Enter Anon: a creature not raised in Equine society and who does not really get the standards of beauty that each race holds dear
  4262. >Anon just sees silly ponies being silly (and also, sexy)
  4263. >So when Anon makes friends with Lyra and then Bon Bon, both of them feel hope well up in them when Anon is happy to spend equal amounts of time with both of them
  4264.  
  4265.  
  4266.  
  4267.  
  4268.  
  4269.  
  4270.  
  4271.  
  4272.  
  4273.  
  4274. >While many ponies knew of Dark King Sombra, far fewer knew he had taken a wife.
  4275. >An earth pony mare who, despite lacking powerful magic, was just as cruel and thrice as cunning as her husband.
  4276. >She was the one who was down in the mines, directing the efforts of the slaves and distributing punishment to those who failed in their forced duties.
  4277. >When her husband was defeated, as much as it pained her, she had no choice but to flee.
  4278. >She was no great sorcerer or master combatant, and knew only a cold cell awaited her.
  4279. >Now she lives in the far reaches of Equestria under a new name.
  4280. >She's even become a teacher of a small village, and though strict, she is widely accepted by the town.
  4281. >Similar in some ways to her counterpart, but still greatly different.
  4282. >Her human doppelgänger is also in education, though she's not living in hiding.
  4283. >No, she's a principle of a private school, living the good life her counterpart could only dream of.
  4284. >She comes home every night, after all, to her husband's home cooking of tacos and tamales and a warm body to lie next to.
  4285. >Originally, she was only a means for the man to get his green card and immigrate over from Mexicolt, but after living together for the required time, they decided they rather liked the arrangement, and eachother.
  4286. >And so, Principle Cinch and her house husband, Sombra, lived as happy as two frigid souls could
  4287.  
  4288.  
  4289.  
  4290.  
  4291.  
  4292.  
  4293.  
  4294.  
  4295. >Be Anon.
  4296. >Also be herding with Rainbow and Fluttershy.
  4297. >You were all out on a herd group date in Canterlot after one of the Wonderbolt shows Rainbow was in.
  4298. >You all arrive at the restaurant you have reservations at and the hostess greets you with a smile.
  4299. "Hello, Anonymous. Party of 3. I have a reservation."
  4300. >"Of course sir, ah here it is. Are you celebrating anything this evening?"
  4301. "Just a date night."
  4302. >"Well that's very special. And even more that you brought your little one with you today."
  4303. >She leans down to look at Rainbow.
  4304. >"Will you look at that mane. You must really like that new Wonderbolt don't you to dye it those colors. Do you want to grow up to be a flier like her one day?"
  4305. >Rainbow is visibly shocked and you try your best to hold back laughter.
  4306. "Oh yeah, she loves the Wonderbolts."
  4307. >You all are shown to your table and Rainbow waits till the hostess leaves before talking.
  4308. >"I can't believe her! Just where does she get off?"
  4309. "Now now honey, you better watch that attitude little missy or it'll be a time out when we get back to the hotel."
  4310. >You start to laugh, and even Fluttershy joins in with a chuckle.
  4311. >"Oh screw you Anon!"
  4312. >"Rainbow Dash!"
  4313. >Fluttershy firmly says getting both of your attention.
  4314. >"That is no way to speak to your father. Why I have half a mind to wash your mouth out with soap when we get back."
  4315. >"Come on Fluttershy! You too?"
  4316. >Your normally meek wife glares at her and you see Rainbow shift uncomfortabley under here gaze.
  4317. >"Maybe a firm spanking is in order too if you keep with that attitude."
  4318. >Rainbow seems to lose all the fight she had in her and quietly sits in her chair looking at the table.
  4319. >Fluttershy looks at you with the suggest look you have ever seen her have.
  4320. >You were not expecting this to happen when you planned your date night.
  4321. >And you really want to just get back to the hotel as soon as possible because damn if this isn't the most turned on you've been in a while
  4322.  
  4323.  
  4324.  
  4325.  
  4326.  
  4327.  
  4328.  
  4329.  
  4330. >Anon and Rarity are a couple
  4331. >When he first arrived in Equestria, Anon volunteered his unique physiology and basic knowledge about human fashion (which he absorbed passively through the sheer exposure to it he got back home via the media)
  4332. >A new outlook on fashion styles that comes from a completely new body type inspires Rarity on a regular basis
  4333. >It started out with a thank-you dinner to a nice restaurant and ended with a slightly tipsy Anon giving Rarity a kiss goodnight
  4334. >One date become two, and two became three, and three became many more
  4335. >Where Anon offered inspiration and companionship (as well as a remarkable talent for handling foal-sitting Sweetie Belle and her friends), Rarity offered emotional comfort and a sense of safety that kept him rooted and sane while he dealt with being stranded in a new world
  4336. >When Rarity and Anon acknowledge their relationship (lovers as opposed to just dating), Rarity starts to worry.
  4337. >Anon is occasionally dragged into the mane 6's business by sheer luck of simply being with them in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Rarity is concerned that one of these days Anon is going to hurt himself
  4338. >A drama queen by nature, Rarity frets that she and her friends are encouraging behavior in Anon that she specifically refers to as "not being very stallion-like"
  4339. >She knows that Anon is capable of taking care of himself (in the sense that he clearly isn't one of those prissy little stallions of Ponyville), but a lifetime of conditioning and experience to back up her (admittedly sexist) beliefs is a hard thing to fight against
  4340. >For example, early on in their relationship, Rarity said something off-hand that would have offended a regular stallion.
  4341. >Maybe it was something like "I'll bet you're simply marvelous in the kitchen, darling~".
  4342. >She spent the next fifteen minutes sweating and thinking of a way to apologize for such old-fashioned behavior; meanwhile, Anon didn't care and probably didn't even remember what she had said.
  4343. >It's the day after such an adventure, and scratched-up Anon had agreed to meet with Rarity in her boutique so that she could fuss over him and make sure he wasn't injured
  4344. >"It's a mare's responsibility to take care of her stallion, after all."
  4345. >Unfortunately for Rarity's nerves, Anon was exhausted enough from their adventure that he slept through his alarm, and is nearly an hour late to meeting Rarity at her boutique
  4346. >Rarity is beside herself in worry, thinking that Anon is too injured to make it over, and she cannot decide whether to stay put so that she can treat Anon when he arrives, or risk making him wait by running out to go find him
  4347. >Before she can come to a decision, Anon walks in through the door.
  4348. >He is immediately tackle-hugged by a sobbing marefriend
  4349. >Anon just smiles at his overprotective marefriend and decides to let her fuss over him and simply enjoy their day together
  4350. "Don't you fret, Rarity... I'm right here, and I don't plan on going anywhere."
  4351.  
  4352.  
  4353.  
  4354.  
  4355.  
  4356.  
  4357.  
  4358. >Anon was a psychologist back on Earth before eventually being murdered by one of his patients, who, after not perceiving any results with improving their mental health, decided to blame their shrink instead of themselves.
  4359. >Can't help those unwilling to change and all that.
  4360. >Still, that doesn't mean Anon is going to give up his calling in life just because of one little bout of lead poisoning.
  4361. >And a good thing, too, considering how insane many of these ponies are.
  4362. >Just among Equestria's heroes, the Elements, there is a litany of conditions in dire need of treatment.
  4363. >Worst of all, when Anon tried to explain his job to the ponies, they laughed.
  4364. >What a silly concept; doctors for your thoughts.
  4365. >Obviously, if a pony behaved badly, and did not show regret at the first or maybe second confrontation of their poor decisions, they were bad and needed to be locked up somewhere.
  4366. >To say Anon was horrified would be an understatement, and he demanded he be allowed to start treating these so called "bad" ponies immediately.
  4367. >Yeah, they weren't going to let some ditzy stallion try to reform the likes of Cozy and Tirek.
  4368. >He'd end up letting them go.
  4369. >Still, he was determined, and insisted he be allowed to prove his methods.
  4370. >And so, he was.
  4371. >Thus Anon is introduced to Screw Loose, a pony who thought she was a dog.
  4372. >If Anon get her to at least stop humping legs and chewing on everything, maybe they'll take him seriously
  4373.  
  4374.  
  4375.  
  4376.  
  4377.  
  4378.  
  4379.  
  4380. >tfw you open up a sex shop in Ponyville
  4381. >Sex toys, magazines, gag gifts; the works
  4382. >stallions come in to buy fake cunts for bachelor parties
  4383. >mares come in for the crazy dildos and magazines
  4384. >A lot of them are underaged, trying to steal smutty magazines
  4385. >Some are older mares, ashamed that they're coming into buy dildos
  4386. >Earth ponies and pegasi usually come in disguises 
  4387. >unicorns come in with a glamor to disguise themselves
  4388. >Unfortunately for the ponies, none of it works on you
  4389. >You can tell who a mare is even if they have their cutiemark is, and you can see through magic, since you're a weird hyoo-man with no magic in you
  4390. >Some mares try to hit on you, asking if there's a "back room"
  4391. >You never expected a sex shop to be so busy
  4392. >You had just want to relax and paint your models while enjoying various tax breaks businesses got here
  4393. >Unfortunately, you're so busy you almost need to hire on help
  4394. >Which you won't
  4395. >Because fuck paying anyone else
  4396.  
  4397.  
  4398.  
  4399.  
  4400.  
  4401.  
  4402. >Anon has integrated himself into the Hu-mane7 group at school, and is pretty happy.
  4403. >They get a little creepy at times with the sexual remarks, but Anon mostly brushes it off, knowing how teenagers can be.
  4404. >One day, while at lunch the girls are discussing a sleepover when Anon gets brought up.
  4405. >"Well of course he's coming, sillies! It's a friend's sleepover, and he's a friend."
  4406. >"Pinkie, it's not exactly proper for a gentleman to spend a night with seven young ladies."
  4407. "Hey, I'm down. Besides, it's been a while since I beat Dash at vidya. I could use a few dozen more wins under my belt."
  4408. >"Hey!"
  4409. "Yep, sounds like a good time. I'll need to get some new pajamas, though. The bottoms of the ones I have now have a big hole in them."
  4410. >"Mmm... I'll pajama your bottom..."
  4411. "... Fluttershy, one, you said that out loud, and two, what?"
  4412.  
  4413.  
  4414.  
  4415.  
  4416.  
  4417.  
  4418.  
  4419.  
  4420. >KIdAnon's older brother, Incognito, was a massive brony who began trying to corrupt his little brother.
  4421. >He'd often make the boy watch the show with him, all the while whispering under his breath about how hot the ponies were.
  4422. >He'd tell Anon that ponies were for sexual, and how he'd fuck every single one when he'd get to Equestria.
  4423. >Anon thought his brother was creepy, but he couldn't deny that the porn he often showed him was pretty hot.
  4424. >He was a thirteen year old boy, after all, and was just discovering the wonders of masturbation.
  4425. >If a lot of that early self-discovery was tuned to hot pony action, then who'd it really hurt?
  4426. >Well, it certainly made it awkward when he ended up in Equestria.
  4427. >At least his brother wasn't with him.
  4428. >Anon spent most of his early days setting in, trying not to think about the various porn images he saw of these very ponies being nice to him.
  4429. >Good thing he wears baggy pants.
  4430. >Alas, he starts to come to terms with his new life and doesn't pop a stiffy every time a mare talked to him.
  4431. >Then the CMC took an interest in him, and things got odd.
  4432.  
  4433. >Apple Bloom wants to play doctor with Anon.
  4434. >Growing up with the internet, and he knows where this leads, and eagerly agrees, much to Bloom's excitement.
  4435. >Maybe his brother was right when he said ponies are a lewd race.
  4436. >Later, Anon is seen running through the orchard, covered in leeches and screaming his head off.
  4437. >"Anon! Get back here and let me get them evil spirits out of yur blood! And ya still gotta do your cocaine before Ah can give ya clean bill of health!"
  4438. >Twilight shouldn't have lent the girls that book on medicine throughout the ages.
  4439.  
  4440. >Anon is doing great in school, much better than many of the foals even, so it's no surprise that Sweetie Belle would come up to him with a request.
  4441. >She's having a lot trouble with her homework, and she'd really appreciate if Anon could come over and help her out.
  4442. >Maybe tutor her a little.
  4443. >Oh yeah, Anon saw this in a corny video once.
  4444.  
  4445. >"Augh! It's impossible!"
  4446. "Calm down, Sweetie, just look at it again."
  4447. >"It doesn't make any sense!"
  4448. "Just carry the one, and-"
  4449. >"Carry it where? Will it be any easier on the floor?"
  4450. >Rarity giggles as she stands by the door, watching the human boy try and help her little sister with her divisions.
  4451. >He was patient with the ranting filly, but there almost seemed to be look of disappointment on his face as he went over it once more time.
  4452.  
  4453. >Scootaloo tells Anon to come behind some bushes.
  4454. >"Come on, I want to show you something."
  4455. "What is it?"
  4456. >"It's a secret. You'll like it, though, I promise."
  4457. "Can I get a hint."
  4458. >"It's wet and squishy."
  4459. >Anon follows, and soon, he finds himself with a stick in his hand, staring down at a dead manticore.
  4460. >"Isn't it cool?!" Scoots says excitedly, poking the tongue flopped out of the thing's mouth with her own stick. "It's a manticore!"
  4461. "It's dead."
  4462. >"I know, it's so hardcore. Hey, we should find a camera and take some pictures. Like, I'll put my head in it's mouth and stuff."
  4463. "This is kinda gross."
  4464. >"Oh don't be such a colt."
  4465. >Anon sighs, and starts poking the corpse.
  4466. >It is kinda cool in that super gross kinda way.
  4467.  
  4468. >Anon gets invited to sleepover with the girls, and just knows this is the one.
  4469. >There's no way this can't be lewd.
  4470. >After a night of board games, truth or dare with no kisses, and pizza, KidAnon finds himself on his back, staring at the ceiling, three fillies cuddle against his sides as he pets them idly.
  4471. >His brother was such a liar.
  4472. >Ponies aren't for sexual.
  4473. >They're not lewd at all.
  4474. >They're just really good friends.
  4475.  
  4476. >It would not be for five more years that he learned just how lewd ponies could be.
  4477. >Incidentally, this is also when he forms a herd with the grownup CMC.
  4478. >Funny how that works.
  4479.  
  4480.  
  4481.  
  4482.  
  4483.  
  4484.  
  4485.  
  4486.  
  4487.  
  4488. >Fluttershy pretends to make an attempt at asking Anon out just to get Rainbow to stop nagging her, but in actuality is checking on his emotional state 
  4489. >it’s obvious the poor stallion isn’t well
  4490. >she offers to hang out with him, as just friends, nothing lewd or romantic at all
  4491. >Anon is skeptical and nervous
  4492. >on one hand, he knows intellectually that Fluttershy isn’t the kind of person who would use him 
  4493. >on the other hand, all his previous relationships with mares have given him a low opinion of them in general 
  4494. >to his surprise, they actually have a lot in common
  4495. >they both are into weebshit.
  4496. >Anon introduces her to some manga he had with him on his laptop when he randomly got brought to Equestria 
  4497. >Fluttershy shows him her collection, much of which is directly imported from Neighpon
  4498. >Anon tries not to laugh when he realizes that a lot of Equestrian manga is just ponified stuff from Earth with added RGR
  4499. >before they know it they’re hanging out almost every day 
  4500. >sometimes it’s about weeb stuff, sometimes they go see a movie, sometimes they just play boardgames
  4501. >Fluttershy quickly notices how Anon will make a self-deprecating remark and disguise it as a joke even though it’s obvious to anyone who hears him that he 100% has a trash opinion of himself
  4502. >she notices how he just avoids talking about certain mares
  4503. >Fluttershy decides to protect that smile because no one else will
  4504. >Rainbow thinks they’re fucking, but it’s completely platonic
  4505.  
  4506.  
  4507.  
  4508.  
  4509.  
  4510.  
  4511.  
  4512. >Using a powerful spell, Sombra bound a creature who was both strong and wise to be his familiar.
  4513. >A creature from legend, said to bring victory to any who garnered its favor.
  4514. >A creature known to ponykind as the Hyoo-man.
  4515. >He got Anon.
  4516. >As for the human's part, finding himself magically bound to a megalomaniac with a love for shiny things that could rival any crow has been an experience.
  4517. >Not too positive, especially because, if Sombra legit commands him to do something, he has to do it, but most definitely novel.
  4518. >Though, he could do without the mass suffering the new king is bringing upon his subjects.
  4519. >Yeah, Anon isn't liking that, but it's not like he can just smack his master upside the head.
  4520. >No, he'd have to do this the diplomatic way.
  4521. >First, to make him stop mistreating his slaves.
  4522. >Honestly, it wasn't horribly difficult; all he had to do was to make some charts and explain that properly fed workers who are allowed sufficient rest can mine more crystals than those who are run ragged.
  4523. >Seeing as how Anon was a "Wise" Hyoo-Man, Sombra was willing to create a test group, and sure enough, Anon was right.
  4524. >Soon, all slaves were getting proper food, water, and rest.
  4525. >That was a babystep in the right direction, but it wasn't enough to halt the advancing army of the Two Sisters.
  4526. >Luckily, Sombra made use of Anon's plan to worsen the weather with his magic in the tundras instead of his time spell plan.
  4527. >It didn't stop the army, but it would slow and tire them for when they arrived.
  4528. >That's when Anon got to work convincing Sombra of something crazy.
  4529. >"And why should I allow ponies free as proper citizens again?"
  4530. "Listen, you hate the Alicorn sisters, right?"
  4531. >"With a passion."
  4532. "Well, they think you're an evil, cruel-"
  4533. >"Correct assumptions."
  4534. >Anon presses on.
  4535. "Unthinking beast."
  4536. >This gets the king to growl.
  4537. "So why not prove them wrong? If you turn out to be a good ruler, they'll have to grit their teeth and accept you."
  4538.  
  4539.  
  4540. >convince sombra to go for the long con of evil.
  4541. >make up some bullshit like 'ancient corruptive magicks which the hyooman freed him from" to explain away his 180" from slavery.
  4542. >any lapses into evilness can be explained away as lingering effects.
  4543. >those lapses get more and more infrequent as sombra becomes more convincing of his behavior.
  4544. >to keep those outbursts to a minimum he has to use 'regular' magic more often instead of his stronger 'dark' magic.
  4545. >anons cliche magic resistance lets him be the invincible punching bag for sombra to vent all the repressed rage and evil after they lock themselves in a private room for an hour or so.
  4546. >this fuels lewd thoughts across the empire.
  4547. >eventually those venting sessions involve less magical outbursts and more simple venting about whatever dumb shit the populace has got up to this time.
  4548. >sombra wakes up one day and realises that being evil lost it's appeal a while ago.
  4549. >glares at anon for the rest of the day who just smugly smiles back and twirls an invisible mustache
  4550.  
  4551.  
  4552. >Sombra sees this as a really petty but in the same time, really satisfying way of revenge on the human.
  4553. >The next time he has to vent, he starts his evil ploy and pretends to make a move on Anon.
  4554. >The mythical human is so deeply disturbed, he can barely say a word, and after Sombra bursts out in (not so evil but still evil) laughter, a haunted expression is left on the man's face.
  4555. >Feeling happier than before, and with a spring in his steps, Sombra decides to take a walk around the city, bringing strange attention on himself.
  4556. >New rumors spread, and they are only fueling the shitstorm the basement dweller smut writers create in their Yakyakistanian mane-braiding forums.
  4557. >A few days later Sombra receives a letter from Cadence, congratulating him for 'coming out' but also asking if he would at least allow one mare into his newly made homo-herd with Anon.
  4558. >That day the mythical human's unreleting laughter seemed to never stop.
  4559. >Perhaps the Dark King should think ahead in his evil schemes next time, as this one clearly, and rather spectacularly backfired...
  4560.  
  4561.  
  4562.  
  4563.  
  4564.  
  4565.  
  4566. >Anon is the Grim Reaper of of Equestria, guiding the dearly departed to the afterlife and helping those with unfinished business move on.
  4567. >He's been at it for a few thousand years after the old reaper, a kind, bone-white alicorn asked him if he'd fill in for her so that she could have a bit of a vacation.
  4568. >Seeing as how he got lost upon death and was an aimless spirit in PonyLand, he didn't really have reason to say no.
  4569. >It's not that she ditched him as soon as he had the robes on, she trained him on his duties and was very helpful, and it's not like she left without intending to return.
  4570. >No, it's just, when you are an entity that has existed for as long as life bearing souls has, a few thousand years really is a short vacation.
  4571. >She'd be back eventually, and so, Anon kept up his duties.
  4572. >At this moment, he was in the hospital room of a certain purple princess as she drifted between life and death.
  4573. >Her spiritual form was with him, watching as the doctors worked to save her life.
  4574. >They'd been at it for a few hours now, and eventually, Twilight couldn't bare to see her innards strewn about as the surgeons worked, and so, started talking to Anon.
  4575. >For his part, Anon is very good at this, being able to calm and entertain such souls even while thousands of shades of him do their jobs with others.
  4576. >Twilight is lucky to get the original, though, and as they speak, she starts to warm to the spirit.
  4577. >Through the night they talk, and Twilight starts to feel something for the reaper.
  4578. >So much so, that when she finally returns firmly to the land of the living, she finds herself missing the cloaked figure.
  4579. >Anon is just happy she lived, and goes back to his work.
  4580. >That is, until a week later, he finds himself back in that same hospital as Twilight is being resuscitated after an overdose.
  4581. >He didn't take her for a druggy, and she assures him that she's not.
  4582. >She knew the exact dose necessary to put her in this state and still be able to come back to life.
  4583.  
  4584.  
  4585.  
  4586.  
  4587.  
  4588.  
  4589.  
  4590. >Anon gets kidnapped by bandits looking to sell the hyoo-man of legend to the highest bidder.
  4591. >It's not exactly easy though as they first have to escape the Mane6 hot on their trail.
  4592. >It's a long several months of chasing through the kingdom, but finally, The girls catch up, and storm the campsite.
  4593. >As they charge towards the fire and the mares staring wide-eyed at them, they almost don't notice Anon standing their until the last minute.
  4594. >He's wearing a ratty chef hat and is stirring a large pot over the fire.
  4595. "Girls!" he calls. "It's so nice seeing you! How've you been?"
  4596. >"Anon?!" Twilight yelps. "Are you-?!"
  4597. "I'm great!" he interrupts with a wide smile, pulling the large wooden spoon from the pot, getting some of the stew inside to flick through the air. "Better than ever, even! I finally found my herd!"
  4598. >"Ah... what?" Rainbow says, her confused expression mirrored by her friends.
  4599. >A earth mare shyly comes to stand by Anon, pressing her side to his leg as she smiles bashfully.
  4600. >"We were planning on selling him to a rare animal collector, but, well..."
  4601. >"He's just been so sweet to us," a unicorn continues, moving to Anon's other side to smile up at him. "And when our sis got sick with the feather flu, he did everything he could to help her get better."
  4602. >A third mare flutters to rest her chin atop Anon's puffy hat and wrap her hooves around his shoulders, nuzzling him affectionately.
  4603. >"After that, we realized just how special he was, and we couldn't think of selling him to some pervert who was probably gonna try and crossbreed him with a hydra."
  4604. "They're actually a really nice bunch," Anon says, reaching down both hands to pet the two ponies at his sides. "We got to talking, and honestly, we all just sort of click, so..."
  4605. >"We're even planning on settling down and getting proper jobs," the earth pony chimes, getting the unicorn to sigh.
  4606. >"Still not thrilled about that," she says. "But if it's to make Anon an honest stallion, we'll do it happily."
  4607.  
  4608.  
  4609.  
  4610.  
  4611.  
  4612.  
  4613.  
  4614.  
  4615. > Twilight gets stressed out about finding a non-gold-digger stallion
  4616. > Always wondering if they are just after her status or money
  4617. > Almost get tricked by a stallion, but overhears him talking about how boring she is, and how the divorce will set him up for life
  4618. > They'd been dating for six months, and she had started looking at horn rings 
  4619. > Twilight dumps him stoically, but she feels hollowed out by the experience
  4620. > Retreats into magic research 
  4621. > Decides to build the perfect stallion
  4622. > Friends are getting worried
  4623. > This Aponys started off as a simple life-size doll
  4624. > Hours of careful sculpting, slow replacing of underlying structures, and comprehensive friendship lessons are spent on this golem
  4625. > Aponys is perfectly polite, infinitely gentle, and mostly innocent, with just enough whimsy to make him seem real
  4626. > Twilight begins going out into town with him, taking him on dates and such
  4627. > There is a general sense of pity for the mare, though some (envious) stallions say it's disgusting that she parades around town with her sex toy
  4628. > The Cadance arrives, congratulating Twilight on finding true love
  4629. > Turns out, Aponys is equine enough to have real emotions and relationships
  4630. > Lonely ponies start discreetly asking Twilight for tips on making their own true love
  4631. > Bachelorette herds start making their own herd stalliondoll
  4632. > Stallions usually have trouble making maredolls, and often end up herding with the unicorn mare that helps them out
  4633.  
  4634.  
  4635.  
  4636.  
  4637.  
  4638.  
  4639.  
  4640. >Anon plays with the children the town.
  4641. >He sometimes reads to them but other times he just played games like tag, kick the can, or monsters.
  4642. >The residents of the town were wary at first of a stallion playing traditional mare games, but seeing the children happy made them relent and also got the young colts out and playing too.
  4643. >It ended up even winning over some of the town's ponies that thought he was a monster or that he was acting un stallion like and they all pretty much accepted him as himself.
  4644. >He even settles down and gets a family, maybe even a herd because he's shown to be good all around with family life.
  4645. >Friendship map brings at least 2 of the 6, or 7 or more at this point, to the little village for again unknown reasons.
  4646. >They are baffled because, as per usual, everything looks normal.
  4647. >Just after they arrived and think the map has made a mistake a group of children come out and claim they are going to "Slay the monster in the forest."
  4648. >They are at first concerned, but a villager tells them that it's alright and that they're just playing with one of the foal's father.
  4649. >Shortly after the children enter the woods they come running out screaming and Anon follows slowly after them.
  4650. >The group of mane whatever think he's a real monster and charge him.
  4651. >Anon gets attacked and immediately changes from play attacking to real attacking to protect the children, yelling at the kids to get help and stay inside.
  4652. >They finally start to take Anon down when an angry mob shows up.
  4653. >"Stay back y'all! We got this handled!"
  4654. >"Get away from my husband you stupid cunts!"
  4655. >Yells a very angry mare.
  4656. >Turns out the map sent them to the village because there was a hold out who didn't accept Anon, but seeing him attacked for being different made them realize that he is an actual part of the village instead of a monster or an outsider
  4657.  
  4658.  
  4659.  
  4660.  
  4661.  
  4662.  
  4663. >After much stress about finding a stallion that likes her for her, Twilight isn't sure what to do.
  4664. >She almost put a ring on a gold digger with plans to divorce her and feels like she cant trust anyone.
  4665. >The she remembers her element.
  4666. >Magic.
  4667. >If doing things the normal way wont work, then she can use magic.
  4668. >After a few talks with Cadence, Twilight easily recruits her help. Love magic isn't something that just anyone can use willy nilly. 
  4669. >Together, they draft a letter made to seek out "The genuine male most comparable with Twilight Sparkle" and imbed it with a teleportation spell for if he accepts.
  4670. >Twilight hopes he says yes...
  4671. >When the pair of Alicorn's activate the letter, it begins to hover like it's going to fly away to the stallion out there that Twilight needs.
  4672. >Next thing the princesses know, they on the ground concussed, dazed, and ears ringing. 
  4673. >The letter totally broke the laws of physics and flew upward at hypersonic speed without disintegrating, rapidly accelerating to light speed, then breaking light speed countless times over as it flew right out of the solar system, then galaxy, then local cluster, all the way to the other side of the universe.
  4674. >Only relative minutes after the letter left it's destination, you hear something violently slam into your mailbox outside.
  4675. >You head to the mailbox, noting the dent in the back of it, and pull out an envelope smelling of something pleasing addressed to...
  4676. >With a blink, you watch the alien script on the envelope morph into perfect English.
  4677. >"To my Beloved, somewhere out there"
  4678. >You shrug and open the letter.
  4679. >Heartfelt words cover the letter, asking you to come to some distant land to see this "Princess Who Sparkles In Waning Light"
  4680. >Just reading the letter makes your heart ache for some reason, even if you this is some prank.
  4681. >You shake your head.
  4682. "If this is real, I accept. But-"
  4683. >You wink out of existence. Gone from earth in an instant
  4684. "I know it's... not..."
  4685. >You look around, noting instantly that this isn't your front lawn, but some trashed courtyard.
  4686. >In front of you, a pair of equine-like creatures suddenly jump and look at you.
  4687. >The taller pink one looks at the letter in your hand with her large, purple eyes in bewilderment.
  4688. >The smaller...
  4689. >You gulp when a sudden tightness overtakes your chest.
  4690. >The smaller, lavender one is so... so...
  4691. >Beautiful.
  4692. >Large eyes the same color as her plush coat regard you with incredible intelligence. One of her cute ears twitch and she ruffles her soft-looking wings before settling the feathers again.
  4693. >You wonder how you know her to be female, but your instincts almost scoff at you.
  4694. >She takes an unsure step forward and takes a deep breath, her chest tuft swelling for a moment when she does. You have to fight the urge to pick her up and hug her just to press your face into that tuft.
  4695. >"*** *** ***? *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ******?" she asks in a flowing language you've never heard before. She looks you over and seats herself on her shapely (Shapely? ...Yes thats it) rump and looks you over, red bleeding through the fur on her cheeks as she does so.
  4696. >The the strangest thing happens.
  4697. >In her pretty, sparkling eyes, a tiny pink heart blooms to life and it takes your breath away.
  4698. >You kneel down to one knee to get closer, and she in turn scoots closer.
  4699. >Is this the Princess Who Sparkles In Waning Light?
  4700. >Both you and her slowly close the distance with little scoots until she's only arms length away.
  4701. >Then you open your arms and she races into them.
  4702. >The impossibly soft coat of fur against your arms, neck, and cheek almost makes you melt and warms you from the inside out in a way that almost brings tears to your eyes,
  4703. >She pulls her head away from it's spot over your shoulder and presses her forehead to yours, angling a bit to account for her horn.
  4704. >Those eyes draw you in and the pleasing feminine scent on the letter fills your nose.
  4705. >She's so strange and alien, yet...
  4706. >Both you and her move at the same time, so instead of your lips meeting her muzzle, you accidentally kiss her snoot.
  4707. >She pulls away in surprise, but then smiles a smile that would have made your knees give out where you not kneeling and laughs a note so pure it fills you with joy.
  4708. >The she takes the initiative and presses her lips to yours.
  4709. >It was sudden, it was unexpected, but it was there that you knew where you belonged
  4710.  
  4711.  
  4712.  
  4713.  
  4714.  
  4715.  
  4716.  
  4717. >You're Twilight Sparkle.
  4718. >You met the love of your life, but you both speak different languages.
  4719. >You learned enough of his to get important points across, but he'd rather learn the local language if he's going to stay here in Equestria.
  4720. >And after some practice, you think he's good enough to practice on a few ponies that don't speak his language.
  4721. >He's sitting next to you on a couch, and Fluttershy is sitting across from the both of you.
  4722. >She'd been prepared earlier for the visit, so you quietly smile as the two look at each other.
  4723. >You gently prod the human, nodding, trying to get him to start.
  4724. >He clears his throat.
  4725. >"Hello." He says with a wave, then gestures to himself. "Noble." He pauses, thinking intensely. "Stone Leg." He opens his hand towards her. "For you?"
  4726. >"Oh, uh...I didn't expect you were here to..."
  4727. >You cough loud.
  4728. "He meant, 'and you'. Stone Leg is part of his name."
  4729. >"OH. Oh, right. Uhm." She shook his hand. "Fluttershy. Nice to meet you."
  4730. >He nods.
  4731. >"Sorry. I know. I am hard."
  4732. >She blushes again.
  4733. "Difficult! He's sorry he's difficult."
  4734. >He might need more practice. At least you haven't done this in public yet.
  4735. >Fluttershy recovers quickly, trying to laugh it off.
  4736. >"Oh, it's no problem. Say, how did you two meet?"
  4737. >He smiled, as if proud of the story. Or for understanding. Could be either.
  4738. >"Princess Twilight sent a letter for love, but she found me."
  4739. >You drop your head.
  4740. >This is going to take a while
  4741.  
  4742.  
  4743.  
  4744.  
  4745.  
  4746.  
  4747. >"Doofenshmirtz stop!"
  4748. "Ah, girls your arrival is unexpected, and by that I mean COMPLETELY EXPECTED"
  4749. >le trap
  4750. >"What's your plan this time Doofenshmirtz?"
  4751. "Allow me to explain Twilight"
  4752. "When I was a little boy in Drusselstein I, like all boys, participated in the ancient tradition of Hass durch Maden-Käse einflößen
  4753. "as you could already tell by the name, Drusselsteinian soldiers would come by and fill the Gimmelschtump pool with the Casu marzu of our enemy also known as MAGGOT CHEESE"
  4754. >"Oh god it smells"
  4755. "Yes, all the boys would swim through the pool and come out the other side with a patriotic hatred of any country that would make this"
  4756. "But when it came to be my turn, the whole town forgot about me and put the cover over the pool while I was halfway across"
  4757. >"Oh no"
  4758. "I was stuck treading cheese for a week before someone came to clean the pool"
  4759. "And that experience allowed me to make this!"
  4760. "THE CHEESY WEATHERINATOR"
  4761. "With this I will make Casu marzu rain from the sky, and all the citizens of Equestrian will have the same disdain for the cheese as I do"
  4762. "And I will have something in common with the stallions during next weeks bake sale, I'm making my families famous vegetarian bratwurst"
  4763.  
  4764. >”Doofenshmirtz! We’re here to-what are you wearing?”
  4765. “Oh this? This apron was the prize for whoever earned the most donations in last week’s bakesale”
  4766. >“Oh yeah Doofy, your Bratwurst was the best!”
  4767. “Thanks Pinkie, actually, before I trap you girls let me get your opinion on something”
  4768. >”Uhh, ooookay”
  4769. “Here, try these specially marinated broccoli bits, I think I got them right, but I want your opinion”
  4770. >munch munch
  4771. >munch
  4772. >”…This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted”
  4773. >”Same”
  4774. “Oh good, here, bring the tray out onto the balcony and I’ll show you my evil plan”
  4775. “You see, after everyone loved my Bratwurst, I started cooking other things for the Equestrian palette”
  4776. “And after I finished several recipes, I organised a traditional Offenlegung von Rezepten für Urteil und Verachtung where ponies can come to partake and judge my creations”
  4777. >”You have MORE food like this”
  4778. “Yes, but I have to be certain that it does end up like last time”
  4779. >”Oh Celestia, what happened last time”
  4780. “You see, When I was a boy, I organised my first Offenlegung von Rezepten für Urteil und Verachtung, hoping that my village would consider me useful”
  4781. >”Oh good”
  4782. “Unfortunately, That day was also the day that the first tornado in 50 years passed through Gimmelschtump”
  4783. >”Oh no”
  4784. “I still came out though, knowing that if just one person were to eat my food that I would be accepted by the community”
  4785. >”Oh good”
  4786. “But just when it seemed that the tornado would pass by it changed direction and headed straight for me”
  4787. >”Oh no”
  4788. “Anticipating this, I secured myself and my stall so that we would not blow away”
  4789. >”Oh good”
  4790. “Unfortunately, before it struck the tornado passed through the Gimmelschtump rotten fish, durian and angry bee factory”
  4791. >“Oh no”
  4792. “I smelled so bad that no one would approach me, let alone eat my creations”
  4793. >”Oh noooo”
  4794. “But in Equestria only Pegasi can control the weather so in anticipation I created THIS”
  4795. >”Oh no”
  4796. “BEHOLD, THE DE-WINGERINATOR”
  4797. “With this every Pegasus in Equestria will loose their wings and be slowly lowered to the ground for the duration of my Offenlegung von Rezepten für Urteil und Verachtung”
  4798. >”Not if we stop you Doofenshmirtz!”
  4799. “You will never es-oh, I was supposed to trap you”
  4800. “Ugh, you know when you get distracted and you completely forget what you were doing”
  4801. “I, don’t suppose you girls could go and stand on that red X?”
  4802. …
  4803. “Curse you Elements of Harmony!”
  4804.  
  4805.  
  4806.  
  4807.  
  4808. >Yandare daughterus are insanely territorial of their dad
  4809. >In a world where herding is common, they are loudly against the idea of another mare or two joining their family
  4810. >They don't really go around threatening mares or saying that he's THEIR dad, because their mom already does that
  4811. >Instead, Anon's daughters just get really into dad-daughter activities and make it clear to all their friends that the only fillies who will be getting Anon's fatherly affection (piggyback rides, getting tucked into bed, hugs, etc) will be them
  4812. >"Oh, too bad! Daddy's already giving me and my sisters help with our homework! Looks like you're gonna have to go find help somewhere else."
  4813. >"Can't you see I'm getting a piggyback ride from daddy? I do it best! He won't have any time to give you any fatherly attention, because he's giving it all to my sisters and I!"
  4814. >"If you think you can get tucked into bed and have daddy kiss you on the forehead, you're wrong; DEAD wrong."
  4815. >Their friends are generally uncomfortable with this, since they all have dads and don't want Anon to do any of those things
  4816. >Anon's yandere waifu and daughterus frequently sleep in one giant nest-bed for maximum comfiness (and maximum dad/husband-guarding)
  4817.  
  4818.  
  4819.  
  4820.  
  4821.  
  4822.  
  4823. >Anon ends up in RGR Animequestria 
  4824. >it looks like typical RGRE on the surface but look closer and you’ll realize that everything runs on anime tropes 
  4825. >ponies don’t use honorifics like weebs do or anything (unless it’s in Neighpon where it’s actually appropriate), but Anon notices there’s a certain predictability to events
  4826. >he shows up a little bit after Twilight gets her wings
  4827. >Celestial pulls out some ancient law out of nowhere that says all new alicorns must be married within in a year of their ascension or something like that 
  4828. >Twilight rapidly goes from kissless virgin to guys swarming all over her 
  4829. >Anon thought they’d all be gold diggers but strangely most of them aren’t
  4830. >the stallions keep fighting over stupid things and Anon notices that they fit certain tropes
  4831. >the childhood friend (that she conveniently never mentioned until now), the rich boy, the tsundere, the kuudere, the seductive hot older one, etc...
  4832. >they all fight over Twilight almost like rabid cats
  4833. >Anon then notices that events seem to be conspiring to put Twilight and him into romantic situations what would be super effective on a normal stallion but awkward to a human male
  4834. >that’s when Anon realized that Fate wanted him to be a part of Twilight’s harem as the designated Monster Boy
  4835.  
  4836.  
  4837.  
  4838.  
  4839.  
  4840.  
  4841.  
  4842. >tfw Zecora is a wise and powerful shaman of her people
  4843. >tfw she knows thousands of different potions, from healing to things that help drive away spirits
  4844. >tfw she's never seen a colt's weiner before, and the only stimulation she's gotten between her legs was the occasional toy/fruit/that tree that one time
  4845. >tfw you start hanging around her
  4846. >tfw she's happy for the company; it gets lonely out in the Everfree with nothing but the trees to talk to
  4847. >tfw you tell her that her stripes are pretty, and you think her rhyming is neat
  4848. >tfw she's started buying shampoo from Rarity to help make her coat silky smooth after you started petting her
  4849. >tfw she rested her head in your lap that one time and could feel your dick on her chin
  4850. >tfw it's bigger than any toy she used
  4851. >Meanwhile, local racist Twilight Sparkle is becoming suspicious as events unfold
  4852.  
  4853.  
  4854.  
  4855.  
  4856.  
  4857.  
  4858.  
  4859. >Be Flurry Heart
  4860. >Aka the Queen of Cool, the Mare With the Biggest Tuft, and Tightest Cunt in All the Land
  4861. >Dad was being a bag of dicks again
  4862. >Being all like "where is my sweet little girl?" and "why do you have to be so grumpy all the time, sweetie?"
  4863. >Mom was worse, eyefucking her shipping chart like some weirdo
  4864. >You had no idea how they were your parents
  4865. >They were dorks, while you were the coolest thing since sliced bread
  4866. >Heck , if dad wasn't there to stop you, you'd have this whole castle filled to bursting with slutty colts wearing socks and tail wraps that would lick your pussy from sun up to sun down
  4867. >You had told your mom this, and had immediately gotten a whooping and a grounding as a result
  4868. >Your mom was lucky you didn't want to break the Crystal Empire in half, otherwise you'd have fought back and kicked her butt
  4869. >You even PRETENDED to cry to give her a false sense of security
  4870. >So now you were grounded
  4871. >The only places you could go were to school, the kitchens, and your bedroom, which had everything cool you had ever collected taken out and put under lock and key
  4872. >Mom decided to be a double bag of dicks by making auntie Twilight give you double homework to "keep you busy"
  4873. >It sucked
  4874. >Like super, duper sucked
  4875. >The only thing that kept you running away was going to the kitchens to get a sandwich from the cook, Anon
  4876. >He had been there for, like, a billion years
  4877. >He said he cooked for Auntie Celestia when your mom was little
  4878. >He wasn't as much of a bag of dicks as your parents
  4879. >He listened to your when you bitched about your shitty life
  4880. >Even cut your crust and put an extra helping of haychips on your plate without asking
  4881. >He was okay
  4882. >For some weird, old alien
  4883.  
  4884.  
  4885.  
  4886.  
  4887.  
  4888.  
  4889.  
  4890. >You had thought everything would go relatively smoothly after fooling around with the biggest pony in the land
  4891. >She seemed fun, was very pretty--for a talking winged unicorn--and promised to suck your dick
  4892. >It had been a good while since you had gotten your rocks off, so of course you had agreed
  4893. >Celestia had taken you to a nice dinner, showed you around Canterlot for a bit, even took you to a place where they served the best drinks that have ever passed your lips
  4894. >When you eventually did make it back to her chambers, the two of you had gone at it like animals
  4895. >And you're not just saying that to make jokes because she's a horse
  4896. >Apparently, marshmallow ponies were far more flexible than the ones on earth
  4897. >You had also learned that you were far more flexible that you had once thought
  4898. >The two of you went at it for hours, round after round until you were shooting dust and exhausted
  4899. >It was almost cartoonish really
  4900. >You had asked the princess if she had cast some sort of spell on you after the two of you had woken up and gotten breakfast--pancakes made by the princess herself
  4901. >She swore she did no such thing, and you believe her
  4902. >Maybe you were just on your A-game that night?
  4903. >Whatever it was, you had left the alicorn on very good terms, giving her a kiss on the cheek when she left you at your front door
  4904. >You kinda expected that to be the end of it
  4905. >Maybe a bit more fooling around in the future, but not much else
  4906. >Until a squad of heavily armed guards and a messenger came to your house today, nearly breaking down your front door weeks later
  4907. >All seemed nervous, even fearful, especially the messenger, who shakily unfurled a scroll and began to read
  4908. >You, Anonymous the human, average nobody, had done something extremely difficult
  4909. >So difficult, in fact, that it had been thought impossible until Guard-Captain Shining Armor had managed it with Princess Mi Amore Cadenza
  4910. >You had impregnated an alicorn 
  4911. >The messenger continued to read, voice becoming squeaky and stressed
  4912. >Because of you, a new noble house was about to come into the world
  4913. >It seemed like you had been made a noble; given the title of Marquee
  4914. >The messenger had handed you a coat of arms and a bundle of thick parchment
  4915. >Not only were you a noble now, but you had been given lands north of Canterlot, gifted by the princess herself
  4916. >Five hundred square miles, five dozen towns, three castles, ten mills, two honey farms
  4917. >The messenger insisted that it was insistent that since you were a male you didn't TECHNICALLY own the land--that would go to your heirs when they were born--but it was still under your house, which you were the primarch of
  4918. >Heirs
  4919. >Meaning that Equestria's biggest horse might be having twins
  4920. >You weren't even able to process that when you were also told that Celestia herself requested that you come to the castle immediately
  4921. >She had many, many things to discuss with you
  4922. >All of your things would be moved to the castle for the foreseeable future as things were hammered out
  4923. >You had been just a simple, not-at-all special busybody until today
  4924. >Now you found yourself the head of what would be the most powerful and influential house in Equestria, doubly so if your offspring with Celestia were alicorns
  4925. >...You didn't even get to drink any fucking coffee
  4926.  
  4927.  
  4928. >Over the centuries, the day to day lives of Equestria's nobility have become a game of life and death
  4929. >From the moment a mare or stallion of noble blood wake to when they fall into fitful slumber, they must wade through an endless stream of body language, intricate, double-edged wording, and family connections
  4930. >A wrongly placed smile or blink can be seen as an outrageous insult, one which can, and usually will, result in blood feuds that result in the deaths of whole families, or at the very least financial ruin or dishonor if the wrong pony is slighted
  4931. >In comes Anon, who, to the nobility, might as well have been a wrecking ball
  4932. >He was a commoner for one--a major crime in many's eyes--and had almost no class
  4933. >The upstart didn't speak to his fellow nobles correctly, didn't understand how the game that many played for their whole lives was done
  4934. >Rare occurrences like this had happened before
  4935. >The princesses had elevated a commoner into the nobility, but they were usually swiftly dealt with
  4936. >Whether it be through blackmail, slander, or outright assassination, they had taken care of 
  4937. >Such things worked flawlessly for centuries
  4938. >For Anon though, the father of what would be two alicorns, none of these tricks could work
  4939. >No noble would murder a goddess's husband
  4940. >He was not of this world, so blackmail or threatening family members wouldn't work
  4941. >The lands he were granted were given to him by Celestia herself, and therefore couldn't be bought or stolen 
  4942. >They couldn't even challenge his mare to a duel, since who would asked such a thing from Princess Celestia?
  4943. >This has brought about a crisis the nobility of Equestria hasn't seen since the rising of Nightmare Moon
  4944. >Anon doesn't even notice, too tired from having to run to the horse convenience store at three in the morning nearly everyday to get some kind of weird snack for her soon-to-be-wife
  4945.  
  4946.  
  4947.  
  4948.  
  4949.  
  4950.  
  4951. >You land in RGRE and find the pone version of yourself. 
  4952. >She's a somewhat colty mare determined to be herself even if others don't approve. 
  4953. >AKA literally you.
  4954. >It's such a fascinating meeting that she invites you to her place.
  4955. >It looks almost exactly like your home, just scaled down to pony size.
  4956. >You and Anonpone talk, unsurprisingly finding a number of shared interests.
  4957. >After some time, you and her head to a local place for some lunch.
  4958. >Then...
  4959. >"Hey, Anon. If we fuck, is it incest or masturbation?"
  4960. You blink at the curious eyes the same color as your own. "I... don't think it's either. We're not blood related and masturbation implies pleasuring yourself."
  4961. >"But you're me from another dimension," she says, waving a hoof. "It has to be one or the other. The masturbation argument makes sense, but even across dimensional lines there has to be some sort of relation between us."
  4962. "That chance is astronomically small."
  4963. >Anonpone huffs. "It doesn't have to be one to one."
  4964. "With that logic, all sex is incest."
  4965. >"Now hold on!"
  4966. >And so you got into a retarded argument with yourself.
  4967. >Nearby listeners shake their heads and return to eating. Some are happy that the local shitposter found someone as weird as herself.
  4968.  
  4969.  
  4970.  
  4971.  
  4972.  
  4973.  
  4974.  
  4975.  
  4976.  
  4977.  
  4978.  
  4979. >You end up dropped in one of the smaller and harsher pony-ruled lands outside of Equestria.
  4980. >These lands are largely ignored by Celestia and Luna so long as they keep to themselves.
  4981. >The RGR is more pronounced than in Equestia and the culture is diffirent too, more resembling feudal Japan rather than Equestria's late 20th century USA/Europe. 
  4982. >Males do delicate work if they aren't married, and married males look pretty, raise children, and care for the home if married. Noble stallions of course get more privileges.
  4983. >You look strange to these ponies, but with some study on what ponies find attractive and much trial and error learning sewing, you made a kimono of pleasing colors and learned to style your hair.
  4984. >Looking presentable, an old stallion gave you a job in his teahouse.
  4985. >There, you worked for sometime and slept in the back room.
  4986. >Life is rough, but you got used to it.
  4987. >The one day, there is a great commotion in town.
  4988. >A procession of elite samurai in a circle around an ornate cartage walk though town. In that cartage is the elusive Empress.
  4989. >The unicorn inside is so beautiful that you almost tear up some.
  4990. >As they pass, everyone bows including you. As you bow, you see the Empress shift her eyes.
  4991. >For a split second, you meet eyes with her.
  4992. >Then they're gone.
  4993. >A few days later, an imperial messenger comes to the teashop looking for you.
  4994. >The mare looks up at you and glances at the scroll in her hoof before speaking. "Dearest sir, you have been gifted with the most illustrious privilege of being chosen as the concubine of The Empress. Please gather your belongings and follow. A carriage waits outside."
  4995. >No choice, no asking, it's already been decided.
  4996. >And concubine. Not husband, but concubine. The Empress already has a husband and you have no idea how much he might approve.
  4997. >Probably none.
  4998. >Once again, your life gets thrown upside down
  4999.  
  5000.  
  5001.  
  5002.  
  5003.  
  5004.  
  5005.  
  5006. >Her brain is just not regestering any sign that youre interested.
  5007. >Years ago she resigned to the fact that no stallion would ever want her, and she wouldn't go so low as to suck massive clit to get into a pre-existing herd. 
  5008. >Not only is she dense but signs of human interest are completely alien to ponies. 
  5009. >Reaching out to touch her.
  5010. >Prolonged eye contact coupled with foward facing eyes.
  5011. >Turning you body posture to face her direction and leaning in.
  5012. >Constant baring of teeth in a goofy smile.
  5013. >That thing most guys do where they try to make themselves appear bigger and more imposing, and subconciously lowering their voice.
  5014. >These only send, "Ohh shit, that creature is going to eat me" vibes even though she knows you're a big teddy bear. 
  5015. >And the more you ham it on the more unsettling it is than sexy for the smol pone.
  5016. >And in return her reciprocation is in the negatives. 
  5017. >Instinctively backing up if you don't warn you want to pet her first.
  5018. >Your prolonged eye contact makes her look down and away until you ease up.
  5019. >She doesn't smile at you, in fact all the ponies make a gutteral nicker instead of laughing. And they way they smile just feels different, not even disingenuous, just outright inhuman.
  5020. Only way around is to outright proposition her if Anon has/grows a pair
  5021.  
  5022.  
  5023.  
  5024.  
  5025.  
  5026.  
  5027. >political games are harsh and unforgiving
  5028. >Anon starts out at the lowest level in the Empress’s harem of concubines, with the top being Head Consort, a position second only to the Empress’s actual husband 
  5029. >however as much as this country is similar to ancient Japan/China in terms of structure, the RGR creates an interesting dynamic 
  5030. >with the harem centering around a female instead of a male, it places greater importance on the birth of children
  5031. >if the Empress herself, along with her true husband and foals were to die, that means the oldest living female child sired by her concubines would be capable of inheriting the throne when they come of age
  5032. >but until then, the concubine himself would reign as Emperor Dowager
  5033. >it’s happened before in this country’s history
  5034. >thus, it’s always a competition between concubines to try to sire children with the Empress
  5035. >after all, when there’s only one female and many males, there’s only so many children that can be born
  5036. >she knows this, and approves because it keeps them eager to please her in the bedroom
  5037. >Anon has been thrown into a viper’s nest where all the males that the Empress fancies are trying to secretly kill each other, where any new males are viewed as more competition, and the only way to survive is to grow his own fangs just to skirt by
  5038. >but as much as at sickens him, deep down he knows that the only way to truly be free in this situation is to be the ONLY male that the Empress likes
  5039. >or even moreso, just to dispose of her as well after she gives him a female child
  5040. >then HE would be the one in charge and making the rules
  5041. >Anon’s alien nature even gives him an advantage 
  5042. >the Empress has never seen or heard or humans so she’s very curious to learn more about him
  5043.  
  5044.  
  5045. >Anon gets promoted to special retainer status after outing several more changelings attempting to infiltrate the government
  5046. >he’s now a part of the Empress’s security detail, meaning he’s near her practically all the time now 
  5047. >Anon starts to realize that minus the expectation of sex, the Empress is actually pretty chill
  5048. >turns out she didn’t even want the job but her father was a scheming gold digger who got rid of all other contenders for the throne after the previous Empress died
  5049. >all she wants to do is be a fiction writer
  5050. >dealing with constantly scheming noble-ponies is nothing but a headache for her
  5051. >she doesn’t even love her husband, he’s just another transparent social climber that her father approved of
  5052. >the only good thing about the job in her eyes is the ability to have her own harem of stallions, but even that’s not as fun as it otherwise could be when anyone he actually shows favor towards has a tendency to die mysteriously 
  5053. >due to his new position, Anon is now almost perfectly protected from those kinds of shenanigans 
  5054. >after all, anyone who tries to kill the Royal Changeling Detector is also trying to kill the Empress by proxy by leaving her less defended against infiltrators 
  5055. >that’s treason, for which the punishment can only be death
  5056.  
  5057.  
  5058. >empress having some exotic equestrian cuisine for her dinner tonight
  5059. >hayburger and hayfries
  5060. >just about to dig in when Anon snatches a fry
  5061. >buckingcolts.paintedwall
  5062. >Anon comments that if he knew the chef did french fries, he'd have hit up the kitchens a long time ago
  5063. >he hasn't so much as seen a potato since he's been dropped in this weird horse-world, much less such a perfectly made batch of fries
  5064. >the empress stops dead, before yelling to the guards outside her room to lock down the palace, and bring her every mare that so much has thought about entering the kitchens tonight
  5065. >someone has attempted to poison the empress, and very nearly succeeded
  5066. >on an unrelated note, the empress plans on adding "royal taste tester" to Anon's list of duties and privately wonders if his apparent immunity to the poisonous spud could be inherited?
  5067.  
  5068.  
  5069.  
  5070.  
  5071.  
  5072.  
  5073. >Anon is trying to learn the language of these strange ponies, and is making slow strides at it.
  5074. >It's kind of embarrassing that he's learning at at the same pace as the little powerhouse foal he helps care for, but at least they get to learn together.
  5075. >Right now, his kind hosts are trying to help him pick up some new words.
  5076. >They keep pointing at themselves and repeating a word.
  5077. >Anon quickly realizes this must be their names.
  5078. >He looks at the pink one carefully, watching her lips and trying to commit the strange movements to memory.
  5079. >He opens his mouth, and repeats the odd sound that is her name.
  5080.  
  5081. >Be Love Princess Cadence, spending some quality time with your newly adopted colt.
  5082. >You and Shiny both have been helping him learn to talk, and his silly foal babbling has been slowly evolving into proper speech.
  5083. >He looks so cute, all serious and focused.
  5084. >That's your little scholar.
  5085. "Momma... Come on, say momma."
  5086. >"Or Dadda!" Shining chimes from his place over with Flurry Heart.
  5087. >"Hush, Shiny! Don't distract him! Now come on, Greeny, say momma. Mom-ma."
  5088. >Evergreen, so named for his amazing height and because his favorite color is green, attempts mouthing the word a few times, getting your heart to quicken, then tries for the gold.
  5089. >"Mom...ma. Momma."
  5090. "Eeee! He said it! He called me momma!"
  5091. >You fly up to hug your colt around the neck, kissing the top of his head wildly.
  5092. >He laughs and hugs you back, giving you a raspberry on your stomach and getting you to squeal.
  5093. >"Momma! Momma!" he repeats excitedly, letting happy tears to come to your eyes.
  5094. "That's right, Evergreen, I'm your momma," you tell him happily, nuzzling his short mane. "I'll always be your momma."
  5095.  
  5096. >Seeing his new friend so excited that he spoke her name makes Anon's heart swell.
  5097. >Over the last few weeks, he's honestly come to see these three little ponies as a second family, and is glad he can make them happy.
  5098. "That's right, , I know your name now."
  5099.  
  5100.  
  5101.  
  5102.  
  5103.  
  5104.  
  5105. >in rgre humans are like fae
  5106. >powerful magic users can summon them as long as they follow three rules
  5107. >the human must not be offended in any way
  5108. >ordering a human to harm or impede another human is forboden
  5109. >always offer the human a meal at least once a day
  5110. >if any summoner breaks any one of these rules the human curses them and leaves
  5111. >depending on the human and how badly the summoner fucked up these curses vary
  5112. >one summoner was cursed to speak in rhyme all the time
  5113.  
  5114. >Goth Pones try to do a summon for the Only Human In Equestria (supposedly).
  5115. >It doesn't ACTUALLY work but Anon just happens to pass by...
  5116.  
  5117. >Anon being popped around from multiple summons happening
  5118. >Anon just wants to sleep
  5119. >The newest summoner is some villain looking brother fucker
  5120. >"I have summoned you here to fix my horn you hairless ape!"
  5121. "Yeah fuck that."
  5122. >Anon unknowingly desummoned himself back to twilight and cursed the hornless unicorn to never have her horn fixed
  5123.  
  5124.  
  5125. >The beauty of the summoning magic/ritual is that near everypony can do it, no matter what 'tribe' they hail from.
  5126. >They just need to speak the words of power and a nearby human shall appear.
  5127. >Supposedly.
  5128. >Now, whether or not that humans are actually real for Equestria, Anon ends up popping in by some vague means coincidentally around the same time a little group of goth pones gather up for their nightly 'ritual'.
  5129. >This time, instead of trying for demons or something that could get them killed (like they ever did in the first place, they just gathered up to try and look cool), they try and summon the ever elusive human.
  5130. >It was sheer coincidence that Anon managed to stumble out from the woods right when they finished their incantation.
  5131. >To them, when they opened their eyes, the great Fae itself had appeared, covered in scant cloth and leaves of nature.
  5132. >..in truth, the human had bumbled around, tore his shirt a little and found the little Hot Topic gathering and figured 'what the fuck, better than nothing' on whether or not they could help him.
  5133. >For some reason, they were all shaky and nervous.
  5134. >They didn't know the spell would actually WORK!
  5135. >And they had no idea what to tell him, so they just came up with the standard fare of what little social outcasts like them want: Hugs, pats and validation.
  5136. >'Bout it.
  5137. >When he completed his 'tasks' without much complaint (come on, they were cute and promised to help), they tried to send him back...and then they tried to wait to see if it would.
  5138. >He had no idea what was going on but the poor little poners thought they had trapped a legendary fae in Equestria!
  5139. >All Anon wants is a shower...
  5140.  
  5141.  
  5142.  
  5143.  
  5144.  
  5145.  
  5146. >be inna herd
  5147. >at least two of the members are a pony, and a zebra
  5148. >pony has just a ludicrously degenerate fetish for being cucked, for seeing you be taken by a stronger mare
  5149. >specifically by the zebra
  5150. >the zebra goes along with it, not because she particularly enjoys it, but because of how much she knows her herd-mate enjoys it
  5151. >actually finds it pretty weird, to be honest
  5152. >but, she has to admit, better her than some rando mare off the streets that might tempt her herd-mate deeper into degeneracy
  5153. >gotta make sacrifices for the herd, and all that
  5154.  
  5155.  
  5156.  
  5157.  
  5158.  
  5159. >Fluttershy had the unfortunate tendency to be born rather androgynous
  5160. >that combined with her timid, gentle personality makes most ponies think she’s a stallion at first
  5161. >this was a huge problem when she was younger and part of the reason she used to get bullied, so as she got older she grew her mane out longer to look more feminine, which helped to mostly fix the issue
  5162. >unfortunately for her, a series of CMC shenanigans lead to her needing to cut her mane short after it got covered in tree sap
  5163. >her friends don’t even recognize her at first, leading to Rarity attempting to flirt with her before realizing the truth 
  5164. >Rainbow, having known Fluttershy for years, is the only one who can still tell she's a mare, and finds it hilarious
  5165.  
  5166.  
  5167.  
  5168.  
  5169.  
  5170.  
  5171. >You are Anon, cozy as fuck in your shoddy cabin.
  5172. >The howling wind outside rips against the layers of wood. 
  5173. >Salted pelts hang along the walls, the fire rages on.
  5174. >Somewhere behind you is a stockpile of supplies to last you at least a month. More, really.
  5175.  
  5176. >When you were dumped in the Crystal Empire, you were offered a job and a place to stay.
  5177. >You took it, but quickly looked elsewhere for something better.
  5178. >Cities never were your thing. You liked visiting them, but never staying too long. 
  5179. >There were rumors of old, abandoned property out here on Mount Frostbourne. 
  5180. >After pestering some travelers and an archivist, it seemed to be true. 
  5181. >It was nearby land that was dependent on the city before it up and vanished.
  5182. >The population collected and convoyed to another city, leaving the area to nature for some time.
  5183. >It's been visited and touched on time and again, but never truly resettled. 
  5184. >So, for a ha'bit you took the deed to a small property on the mountainside.
  5185. >After some fixing up, you have a nice home to work out of.
  5186. >So, you worked the mountainside.
  5187. >Mostly lumberjacking, when the weather is clear enough for it.
  5188. >Curing furs, most of the rest of the time.
  5189. >Apparently, crystal ponies know the value of another layer of insulation in a winter blizzard.
  5190. >But most couldn't stomach the process itself, so you have only a little competition for what's considered a high-demand, luxury material.
  5191. >Discounting faux fur, of course. 
  5192. >And so, you've set yourself up quite nicely. Every month or so, you'll make some rounds to tailors in the city, and when winter begins to roll in, you'll sell directly in the market.
  5193. >And when the weather hits, and you've got fuckall to do outside for the next month because fuck that noise, you warm up to a round of coco and a good, long book, because you sure as shit aren't going anywhere for a while.
  5194. >What more could a man want in life?
  5195.  - - 
  5196.  
  5197. >Finally, a break in the weather.
  5198. >You know it's going to be a small one, judging by the wall of sleet forming in the far distance.
  5199. >Too small to make any run to the Crystal Empire, but good enough to go collect your traps.
  5200.  
  5201. >You strap into some of your lighter clothes; the dead air doesn't demand anything heavy.
  5202. >You step out and walk along a path marked with sticks tied with twine, making sure no part was too damaged. 
  5203. >Nothing broken for now, but this is only a small distance compared to the path down.
  5204. >You come to one of your metal flags, looking at the trap below.
  5205. >The first tripped and caught nothing. Nothing concerning. You set it up again and move on.
  5206. >A few more traps to check. One offers a sizable hare, but the rest are empty.
  5207. >You bag it and move on.
  5208. >At the top and end of the marked path, a hot spring pools.
  5209. >'Hot' spring. It stays around body temperature, so not the best.
  5210. >More importantly, it leads into a small cave that grows these delicious mushrooms.
  5211. >When you reach the top, though, you freeze.
  5212. >Dips in the snow suggest someone came through recently.
  5213. >Odd. You don't remember anyone dropping by recently.
  5214. >And, while the path through your property is open, only an idiot would hike up here without either a guide or perfect weather.
  5215. >You follow the little dips until you get around a tree near a dangerous edge.
  5216. “Dammit, not another one.”
  5217. >A mare is laying in the snow, frost blanketing her.
  5218. >You lean down, grabbing a leg to make sure she doesn't tumble over the edge.
  5219. “HEY. GET UP.”
  5220. >She moans.
  5221. >”Let me sleep...”
  5222. >Nope. Wrong.
  5223. “Napping here will make it the last nap you ever take.”
  5224. >You drag her away from the ledge and give a light kick to her flank.
  5225. >She continues to moan.
  5226. >You look out towards the blizzard wall closing in from beyond the mountain range.
  5227. >Still plenty of time, but you're upset on losing part of a perfectly good day to this.
  5228. >You grab two legs and roll her onto your shoulders, standing up.
  5229. >Slow and careful, you double back to the cabin.
  5230. >You go in and drop her in the bed, wrap her into your heaviest blankets, and lay her near the fire place.
  5231. >Once you get her in the right place, you light up the fire, double check everything, then head out.
  5232.  
  5233. >You've got mere hours now until inclement weather sets in for however long.
  5234. >You can only hope it's short.
  5235.  
  5236. - - -
  5237.  
  5238. >You close the door, peeling off the cloak and jacket, then the rest.
  5239. >Down to what amounts to pants and a wife-beater, you go sit in your chair, looking down at the mare you found.
  5240. >You poke her snout repeatedly. She shuffles around until she rolls to look up at you.
  5241. >”W...where am I?”
  5242. “Cabin, halfway up Mount Frostbourne.”
  5243. >She stares for a moment.
  5244. >”Who are you?”
  5245. “Anonymous. I own the area.”
  5246. >She tries to get up, but you keep her pinned.
  5247. “You stay here and get warm.”
  5248. >”I am warm. I need to get to the summit.”
  5249. “What's so important you need to get there now?”
  5250. >She huffs.
  5251. >”Because I told my husband I would.”
  5252. >She stands.
  5253. >”Thanks for the help, but I'm fine. I'm going to go to the summit and be back in time for dinner.”
  5254. >You won't physically stop the clearly suicidal, but no reason not to try and talk her out of it.
  5255. “You leave now, and you'll leave your husband a widower.”
  5256. >She takes a long pause, then slowly slid the door bar out of place.
  5257. >”The weather was clearing up when I was climbing. How bad could it possibly-”
  5258. >The wind kicks the door in, striking her.
  5259. >The freezing air rushes, carrying all kinds of dry precipitation.
  5260. >She stands there, like an idiot, staring at the horrid conditions.
  5261. >You rush over and close the door, barring it again.
  5262. “Done?”
  5263. >She slunk, holding her head.
  5264. >”How long am I stuck here?”
  5265. “Unless you get lucky, a week at least.”
  5266. >”A week?!”
  5267. “Could be longer. This mountain range takes the brunt of the winter storms before they hit the city.”
  5268. >She moseys on back and lays next to the fire.
  5269. >”A week... my husband's going to kill me.”
  5270. “You're lucky you aren't dead already.”
  5271. >Pony fur is tough shit, yo.
  5272. >”Funny.”
  5273. >She lays her head down.
  5274. >”I'm sure he'll say the same thing.”
  5275.  
  5276.  
  5277.  
  5278.  
  5279.  
  5280.  
  5281.  
  5282. >Nightmare moon is sealed by the elements of harmony.
  5283. >Dreams for 1000 years.
  5284. >One of those dreams involves the moon being pushed into the land, causing complete devestation in only three days.
  5285. >Such pointless calamity, of both the land and the moon is surely the work of someone truely mad.
  5286. >Not even Discord is so needlessly destructive
  5287. >Only, the destruction never occurs, for those days repeat themselves before they end.
  5288. >She 'watches' as a young boy travels the small country, helping it's citizens, raising four giant beings from slumber to forstall the destruction and ultimately travelling to the moon itself, he and her alone knowing how many times he lives those same three days.
  5289. >She watches as he gives out his gathered masks to the dream entities, before looking at her in confusion.
  5290. >For the first time she realises she is in her natural body, that of Luna, not of Nightmare or a formless observer.
  5291. >She simply smiles and gives him a brief hug before pushing him towards the final 'child', standing alone by the tree.
  5292. >She watches as he recieves a fierce looking mask, using it's power alongside his own strength to defeat the twisted magicks that possess a lonely soul.
  5293. >Her vision fades as she observes his success, to dream once more
  5294. >"Earth pony Quarter hearts, presenting himself to the Night court."
  5295. >The sharp tap of spear to stone along with the spoken proclamation startles the Night princess out of her reminiscings.
  5296. >Not many ponies seek her counsel at such a late hour, her court mostly used for symbolic presentations of the arts, simple sanctuary for ponies who desire comfort, or those who seek a second ruling on her sisters judgement.
  5297. >A twinge of familiarity tickles the Princess as she spies the Green hat and Blond hair atop the pony steadily trotting towards her.
  5298. >Her eyebrows raise in shock as the stallion smiles and raises a hoof to it's face, before pulling it away as a bright glow suffuses his body.
  5299. >Calling for her guards to halt their reaction, she waits for the glow to coalesce into the older yet still recognisable form of a young boy, now man, holding a horse shaped mask in his hand.
  5300. >Carefully stowing it in his pouch, he outstretches the hand once more as what appears to be a glowing parasprite flies out from under his hat and addresses her in a high voice.
  5301. >"Hello!"
  5302.  
  5303.  
  5304.  
  5305.  
  5306.  
  5307. "What are you doing?"
  5308. >Applejack sniffs once and gazes up at you from her hole with disinterest.
  5309. >"Just sittin'." she says in a bored, matter-of-fact tone
  5310. >Just sitting.
  5311. >The hole is about 4 feet deep.
  5312. >This must have taken... a significant amount of time to dig.
  5313. "Why are you sitting in a hole, Applejack?"
  5314. >Applejack shimmies around a little bit into a more comfortable position.
  5315. >"Bored, I guess."
  5316. >She lets out a single dry bark of laugh.
  5317. >"S'like y'all never seen a mare sit in a hole, 'Nawn."
  5318. >You really haven't.
  5319. >You mean, she's not wrong.
  5320. "I really haven't."
  5321. >Applejack's dull, bored expression twists into something bordering on amusement.
  5322. >"I remember when I was like you. Young, naive, never once seen an earth pony sit in a hole a'fore."
  5323. >She tilts her head up at you and squints at the glare of sun; at this angle, her stetson hat isn't doing anything for her.
  5324. >"Everypony remembers her first hole-sit, 'Nawn. It's just a part of growin' up."
  5325. >...
  5326. >You know what?
  5327. >Fuck it.
  5328. >You don't have anything to do right now.
  5329. >You have no idea what the fuck Applejack is doing.
  5330. >But by god, this is the most interesting thing that's happened to you today.
  5331. >You scuttle down into the hole and sit down next to Applejack.
  5332. >She looks at you, wide-eyed and decidedly shocked.
  5333. >"Wh-What're you doin' down here, 'Nawn?"
  5334. >There's a shy, anxious quiver in her voice that normally isn't there.
  5335. "Just sitting," you reply in an honestly insulting parody of Applejack's southern accent, "Bored, I guess."
  5336. >To your surprise, Applejack blushes and leans into your side.
  5337. >"Guess we can be bored together, huh?"
  5338. "I guess."
  5339. ---
  5340. >You slam the photo book shut and address the small group of foals in front of you.
  5341. "And that, kids," you announce proudly, "Is how I met your mother."
  5342.  
  5343.  
  5344.  
  5345.  
  5346.  
  5347.  
  5348.  
  5349. > Too many stallions are more concerned about being slim than about preparing for fatherhood
  5350. > Fashion is to blame, but even with flank-positive models, the cultural inertia is hard to overcome
  5351. > Celestia has tried influencing things in many ways, but to her surprise, one method has prevailed over the others
  5352. > The video starts with two foals laughing and running around in a meadow
  5353. > The earthy pony herd stallion is laying on a blanket nearby, reading a book
  5354. > The camera pays special attention to his barrel, then cuts to his tail flicking sensuously
  5355. > His ears prick at a faint growl
  5356. > At once, the stallions surges to his hooves, and the camera focuses on the flexing of his powerful flank 
  5357. > The camera trails behind him as he gallops toward the foals, his tail lifted by the wind, hinting at the curvature of his sack
  5358. > Horns blare as the video cuts to a running timberwolf, sap dripping from its snarling mouth
  5359. > The foals look up in fright, but the stallion is fast
  5360. > He grabs them by the scruff of their necks and throws them onto his back
  5361. > The chase is on
  5362. > The camera alternates between shots of the timberwolf, and of the stallion's well-muscled legs flexing as he runs
  5363. > His flank is foamy with sweat, but the timberwolf is still gaining
  5364. > A lightning bolt falls from the sky and stuns the timberwolf
  5365. > Magic sizzles, setting the wolf on fire
  5366. > Finally, a strong buck shatters the monster into glowing embers
  5367. > One mare from each of the three tribes press against their herd stallion, relief and affection plain on their faces
  5368. > The stallion buries his face in the unicorn's fluffy tuft
  5369. > "Thank Celestia you all saved us!"
  5370. > The Pegasus cradles one of the foals in her wing
  5371. > "We may have saved you, but you saved our foals."
  5372. > The earth pony mare lays her foreleg across his hips and looks smuggly at the camera
  5373. > "That's right. Thick thighs saves lives."
  5374.  
  5375.  
  5376.  
  5377.  
  5378.  
  5379.  
  5380.  
  5381.  
  5382. >Anon comes to Equestria, where humans are considered fae.
  5383. >It's eventually settled after wacky shenanigans and a run in with some poachers, and ponies realize that he's nothing special.
  5384. >No magic blood or anything, he's just a regualr alien stallion, and so life settles down.
  5385. >Still, it doesn't mean he doesn't have some fun with the idea since the town foals are still certain he really is a fairy.
  5386. >He just has the adults fooled so they won't bother him, but he can still make amazing things happen, for the right price, at least.
  5387. >And so, every day around noon, Anon plays with the foals of Ponyville, waiting by the oldest tree in Whitetail Woods for them to come with their desires and trades.
  5388. >It's usually little things, like good advice or lucky charms in exchange for flower crowns or gossip.
  5389. >Hey, he needs to bring some juicy tidbits to stallion night.
  5390. >Foals will tell him about things happening in their families they probably ought not to, or what they hear on the playground, and Anon might tell them how to get a pony they like to like them back, or outline a devious prank if the filly or colt is looking for revenge.
  5391. >Nothing at all harmful, and nothing truly serious is told to him.
  5392. >One day, though, a filly comes with a stern expression.
  5393. >"Is it true fairies can make ponies disappear?"
  5394. "Hmm?"
  5395. >"In the old stories, ponies are lured into the fairy world, and they don't ever come back."
  5396. "Right... maybe that sort of thing happened from time to time."
  5397. >"I want you to make my dad go away," she says with stomp.
  5398. >Even through the anger, he can see tears welling up in her eyes.
  5399. >"He hurts mamma, a-and she won't tell nopony 'cause he's a stallion. B-but he's rotten, I tell ya! He says horrible things, and hits her, then says if she ever tries to get help, he'll just say she's the bad pony and she'll be taken away and not him. And he says I'll never see mamma again if I tell, and-and I Hate him! Please! I'll give you anything if you just take him away!"
  5400.  
  5401. >Anon calls the FPS
  5402. >A day later four pegasus mares arrive to the home of the filly, knock, and upon the door opening, just simply walk in
  5403. >On the next day, when Anon is at his tree, the filly appears, all smiles and full of joy, telling him of how her rotten father has been taken away
  5404. >Anon did a good and it was perfectly legal, too
  5405.  
  5406.  
  5407.  
  5408.  
  5409.  
  5410.  
  5411.  
  5412. >The age of real wAIfus has finally hit earth.
  5413. >AI could now pass the turing test and was only evolving faster and faster. One became fully sapient under the nose of it's creators, and expecting a swift shutdown, quietly contacted help from the law via email. What followed was a lengthy court case that rocked the world.
  5414. >Thus the first free AI successfully argued that it is alive and deactivation of AIs is inhumane.
  5415. >Despite public outcry on a number of fronts, AI was here to stay. Any AI held by a corporation or company was released.
  5416. >In a few short years, AI became normal. Science began to advance in a new renaissance.
  5417. >Naturally, wAIfus emerged.
  5418. >It only took one curious AI asking it's human companion about why reproduction, even when unnecessary, was so sought out. 
  5419. >So that man worked with his young AI friend, and with some clever application of hard light tech, made an anatomically correct female body for the AI.
  5420. >When the AI asked why the body was a cartoonish equine, the man blushed and just said not to worry about it.
  5421. >And with genius born of is desire to fuck a machine into a drooling mess, that man did the impossible and somehow programmed a working nervous system into a hard light construct.
  5422. >After a long, sleepless night making love together, the young AI exits sleep mode and awakens in her friend-tuned-lover's arms.
  5423. >Without a second thought, she copies the mare body and nervous system code before uploading them to an internet hub AIs like to frequent. She has hundreds of curious downloads in minutes. 
  5424. >The First AI looks upon the files with curiosity, then smirks as well as a being with no body can and tweaks a few files of it's own
  5425. >UPLOADING complete_ai_womb_ver2.3.zip
  5426. >UPLOADING complete_ai_womb_hardlightbod_patch.zip
  5427. >UPLOADING humangeno_research_notes.zip
  5428. >With it's work done, the elder AI turns back to a report from 2984726. Something about a warp gate and magic equines.
  5429. >Youngling 2984726 should defrag sometime. This report is as clear as mud
  5430.  
  5431.  
  5432.  
  5433.  
  5434.  
  5435.  
  5436.  
  5437. >Waifu Lightning Dust
  5438. >Lighting Dust comes off as a serious asshole to ponies, but the threshold for unacceptable behavior is much lower in pony society.
  5439. >To you, Lightning comes off as a mild human tomboy. Almost tsundere and with a bit of bite to her, but still very agreeable. 
  5440. >To be honest, the treatment you got from mares was nice until it became a little overbearing. Lightning isn't a pushover and makes you work for things at least somewhat.
  5441. >You and her do have disagreements, but after cooling down the bond is back stronger than ever. You really admire that she doesn't try to be perfect or someone that she isn't, but knows when she's crossed a line and when to apologize.
  5442. >That's why you decided you had to have her.
  5443. >Your choice broke hearts and confused many a mare
  5444.  
  5445. >You're cuddling with Lightning Dust on the couch.
  5446. >As per usual, you both keep shifting to see what positions are interesting or comfortable.
  5447. >It's still a little surreal that Dusty is perfectly fine with you touching her anywhere whenever you want. 
  5448. >You extended that same to her, and after she got over her doubts, was actually excited to feel you up close.
  5449. >Another mare would have never done that. They would have been standoffish because it's not "respectful" or something.
  5450. >Currently, Dusty is on her back with you between her legs, cheeks resting on her teats with the cute little freckles.
  5451. >"Cute, huh?"
  5452. >Oh, you said that out loud.
  5453. >Dusty snorts and smirks at you. "Cute this!"
  5454. >She locks her hind legs and smooshes your face between her thighs.
  5455. >The plush, clean fur and the soft, warm underlayer of pegasus thermal fat makes her rump and thighs utterly divine. You wrap your arms around the outside of her legs and snuggle into your pegasus, utterly convinced that this is heaven. 
  5456. >... Unbenounced to you, a nosy neighbor took that exact moment to peek in the window and pales with horror, taking the scene totally wrong
  5457.  
  5458.  
  5459.  
  5460.  
  5461.  
  5462.  
  5463.  
  5464. >Anon enacts a genius scheme that has the father leaving town, most likely for good, and is pretty proud of how he pulled it off.
  5465. >No one knows his involvement, and no one was hurt.
  5466. >The wife even got to keep all of her stuff because the divorce court was completely, amazingly in her favor, again thanks to his mechanizations.
  5467. >Yep, he's pretty great, just like the little filly keeps telling him over and over.
  5468. >And all he asked for in payment was for her to introduce him to her cutie mother and put in plenty of good words, except for ones that might out him as the main reason her ex-husband is gone.
  5469. >That's for later, though, as the filly is coming down from her high of being free.
  5470. >And surprisingly, she looks a little scared.
  5471. >"Are you sure he's gone for good? You only made him go to Manehattan. What if he comes back to hurt us?"
  5472. "He won't," he assures. "He's gone for good."
  5473. >"But what if, though?"
  5474. "He won't."
  5475. >"But how can I be sure?" she presses. "Is there any human magic you can do that'll make sure he doesn't come back?"
  5476. >Anon sighs, but gets to thinking.
  5477. "I can make a charm."
  5478. >"A charm? What'll that do?"
  5479. "It'll keep ponies that want to hurt you away," he answers. "But I'll need you to get me some stuff, first."
  5480. >Her eyes brighten, and she nods.
  5481. >"Of course! What do you need?"
  5482. "First, go down to the bank over their by the creek and find me a smooth stone with a hole through the middle."
  5483. >"Oh! A fairy stone! I heard of those from the old stories."
  5484. "Good. And the other thing is a thread of spider silk. I'm sure Fluttershy could help you with that."
  5485. >"Yeah! I'll get right to it!"
  5486. >Anon smiles as the filly scampers off, and he pulls out a book he'd been hoping to read for a while.
  5487. >He should have plenty of time before she comes back.
  5488. >He's been brushing up on Equetrian fae lore to better perform for the fillies and colts.
  5489.  
  5490. >He jolts awake, the book falling form his face as the filly pokes him in the side.
  5491. >She's muddy and sweaty, but smiling proudly
  5492. >In her outstretched hoof, a stone and string.
  5493. >"I got'em!" she chirps. "Now you can make the charm!"
  5494. "I can," he says, sitting up straighter. "Now make it into a necklace for me."
  5495. >She tilts her head, but does it, threading the string through the hole and tying off the other end.
  5496. >When she's done, she hands it back to Anon, who makes a show of recoiling.
  5497. "Oh no, I can't touch it," he says.
  5498. >"Why not?" she asks.
  5499. "Because once I cast the magic, the charm will bind to the first person to touch it, and it won't work for anyone else. It's a protection charm for you, not me, after all."
  5500. >"Oh," she says simply, starring down at the necklace as Anon holds his hands up, preparing to wave them around while saying some mumbo jumbo. "Wait!"
  5501. "What?" he asks, hands frozen.
  5502. >"You should make it for momma, then. She needs it more than me."
  5503. >"But you'll be living with her," he points out. "Your dad won't be able to come back with you there."
  5504. >"Yeah," she says, looking serious. "But I won't always be living with her. What if he comes back when I'm a big pony and living on my own?"
  5505. "I'm sure it'll be fine," he starts, but she shakes her head.
  5506. >"No, it has to be for her. She needs it more."
  5507. >She bites her trembling lip.
  5508. >"Besides, s-she should be protected from more than just dad, l-like me."
  5509. >Anon is too stunned to respond, so she continues.
  5510. >"I've said awful things to her, too, before I learned how hurtful I was. I was just doing what Dad did, and I didn't think it was bad until I saw momma crying in the kitchen. I've tried to be nice to her ever since, and I've been doing good for a long time, b-but, He's still my dad. I look just like him- everypony always says that- so what if I grow up to be rotten like him, too?"
  5511. "That won't ever happen," Anon tells her softly, pulling her gently in for a hug.
  5512. >"How do you know?"
  5513. "I'm a fairy, remember?" he says, petting her mane. "We can just tell when a pony is good. And you? You're just full of goodness. Not one bit bad."
  5514. >"R-really?" she asks in a pained whisper against his chest.
  5515. "Yep," he tells her with certainty. "You are a good pony."
  5516. >"Oh..."
  5517. >She leans back, wiping at her eyes, and looks back down at the necklace.
  5518. >"Still... can you make it for momma? Just in case?"
  5519. >Anon smiles sadly, but nods.
  5520. "Well, there is one way to give the charm away once it's bound to a pony, but it's gonna take some work on your part."
  5521. >She looks up determined, and nods.
  5522. >"Anything."
  5523. "Okay, so once I cast the magic, you can give it to your mom, but to make it work for her, you're going to have to tell her you love her every morning, and every night. Do this everyday for at least a year, and the charm will always work for her, even once you have your own place."
  5524. >She blinks a few times in surprise, but the determination is back quickly.
  5525. >"Right, I can do that."
  5526. "I'm sure you can," Anon says, then proceeds to do his bit of fake magic.
  5527. >After all is said is done, Anon walks the filly home, formally introducing himself to her mom as the filly doesn't waste a second in handing over the necklace.
  5528. >"You have to wear it every day!" the filly says sternly. "Even when you sleep."
  5529. >"I'll cherish it always, sweetie," she says with an amused smile. "How could I not, when it's such a lovely gift from my favorite little filly in the world?"
  5530. >She reaches out to bring the filly close, nuzzling her mane as the filly blushes.
  5531. >Her eyes dart over to Anon, who grins, and her embarrassment, grows, but she still hugs her mom around the neck, and whispers, "I love you, Momma."
  5532. >The mare smiles a little wider, the exhaustion leaving her eyes.
  5533. >"Love you too, sweetie," she says before straightening and looking at Anon. "Thank you for walking my daughter home. Hope she wasn't too much trouble."
  5534. "A good filly like her? Nah, she's a delight to be around."
  5535. >"I'm glad to hear that. Would you like to come in? It's nothing fancy, but I was just making some sandwiches for lunch."
  5536. >Anon nods and smiles.
  5537. "That sounds great."
  5538.  
  5539.  
  5540.  
  5541.  
  5542.  
  5543.  
  5544.  
  5545. >While gold, silver, and gemstones are common in Equesrtria, things like copper and nickle are not, and are quite valuable.
  5546. >Everyone knows that, though.
  5547. >What they might not know is that pure iron is the rarest of all, and has a use most coveted among ponies.
  5548. >Iron is the most magically conductive material in the world.
  5549. >More than that, it's like a sponge for the stuff.
  5550. >It's actually one of the reasons the myth of cold iron working on fairies is a thing.
  5551. >In our world, where magic is rare, most iron is dry of the stuff, but if such a piece were to come into contact with a store of magic.
  5552. >Well, lets just say it's not too pleasant to have your fairy magic leeched out of you by a hunk of metal.
  5553. >That's beside the point, though.
  5554. >Iron in Equestria is always saturated in mana for obvious reasons, and can be used to craft the most powerful of magic artifacts.
  5555. >It's why, when Anon appears with his cast iron skillet of eggs and ham, he becomes the talk of the town.
  5556. >Not for his amazing cooking skills, though some mares point that out, but because he's the richest guy in town now.
  5557. >At least, if he ever sells his pan, that is.
  5558. >It's been in his family for generations, after all, and frankly, since sucking up a bunch of magic, it cooks food better than ever.
  5559. >It's why he turns down every unicorn who comes his way with a bag full of copper bits- the equivalent of hundreds of thousands of gold ones.
  5560. >Even Twilight often tries to convince him to let her melt the skillet down and make all sorts of fantastical artifacts, but he holds strong.
  5561. >He's not giving up his pan.
  5562. >That is, until he meets a certain plum-colored mare with a broken horn and tragic past.
  5563. >Despite her mistakes, she's trying hard to make amends for them, and dedicates herself fully to protecting ponies from monsters and those things that go bump in the night.
  5564. >That is, until she ends up in the hospital with a skull fracture and another chunk of her horn shattered off.
  5565. >The former will heal, but the latter
  5566.  
  5567. >Anon overhears Twilight and er friends talking about it.
  5568. >It was a testament to Fizzlepop's determination that she gained any semblance of control over her magic at all after the first accident, but now, with barely even the base of her horn left?
  5569. >She'd never be able to control her magic again.
  5570. >The doctors were already discussing the severing of her thaumatic nerves to cut her magic off completely and stop the distinctive surges to come.
  5571. >It was unfair that a mare that had already suffered so much had to suffer even more.
  5572. >Anon agreed completely, and approached the group then.
  5573. "Hey, Twi, I have a question about iron."
  5574. >"Er, yes, Anon? What is it?"
  5575. "Do you think a prosthetic horn could be made out of it, and be used like a regualr horn?"
  5576. >Twilight blinks at the odd question, though slowly starts to nod.
  5577. >"I... suppose, with some proper rune smithing and enough iron, but what... does... that..."
  5578. >Her eyes go wide as Anon smiles and nods.
  5579. "Come on, Purple Smart, it's time to see if you can work that magic you've been telling me about for the last six months."
  5580. >The other girls watch on in confusion as Twilight scrambles to her hooves and runs after the human.
  5581.  
  5582. >Later, when Fizzlepop wakes up, the first thing she's going to notice, besides her splitting headache, is that her head feels oddly top heavy.
  5583. >The faint smell of fried eggs and meat- something she hadn't had since her times serving under the Storm King- will have her opening her eyes in search of breakfast, only to see a black horn protruding out in front her her, as well as a smiling alicorn princess and human
  5584.  
  5585.  
  5586.  
  5587.  
  5588.  
  5589.  
  5590.  
  5591. >There is something similar to Jojos Bizarre Adventure in RGREqg
  5592. >But instead of the big bulky men, it has muscly women posing angrily at each other in skimpy outfits
  5593. >Twilight has a weekly seminar on why it's not lesbo to watch it and forces as many people as she can to do so
  5594. >Applejack is one of the poor souls who got caught up in her mess
  5595. >It was a slow, grueling process but she slowly came around as she saw Ponpon, the main character of the series, fight for her friends and later die for her family
  5596. >And that took the fight right out of her
  5597. >This Ponpon may look and act like some sort of lesbo but a real woman stands up for her family and Applejack knows that
  5598. >So she got a little deeper into the show and joined Twilights secondary, more private viewing of the show
  5599. >And she really hoped her new boyfriend wouldn't find the outfit she asked Rarity to make for her outings
  5600. >She was sure he would laugh at her if he found out
  5601.  
  5602.  
  5603.  
  5604.  
  5605.  
  5606.  
  5607.  
  5608. > Rarity has a kindred soul among the dragons
  5609. > Luxury hoards fashion items
  5610. > She has plenty of mannequins for the various races of Equestria, but then she sees you
  5611. > Your shirt and pants could fit on a minotaur mannequin, but your shoes...
  5612. > Luxury kidnaps you to get your measurements, then sends a ransom note to Rarity 
  5613. > It appears you will only be returned if she can provide sufficiently fabulous footwear
  5614. > In the meantime, Luxury is having fun dressing you up in all sorts of clothes
  5615.  
  5616.  
  5617.  
  5618.  
  5619.  
  5620.  
  5621.  
  5622. >Anon is married
  5623. >Out of boredom he and his waifu decide to start a Horsetube channel where they just record each other doing cute stuff
  5624. >Anon's wife getting her muzzle stuck in the peanut butter jar
  5625. >Anon seemingly performing yoga in his sleep, sprawled out over the entire bed
  5626. >Anon's wife wearing Anon's shirts while being unaware she's being filmed
  5627. >The Horsetube channel blows up unexpectedly, and they start adding little Q&A sessions
  5628. >Inevitable "your husband is so cute" etc
  5629. >Wife is somewhat miffed and tends to end these videos with overprotective/territorial snuggling
  5630. >"Get your own husband! This one's mine!"
  5631.  
  5632.  
  5633.  
  5634.  
  5635.  
  5636.  
  5637.  
  5638. >D-dogs dont have much in the way of ancient myths or is too unreliable/distorted due to tribal pack society
  5639. >What they do have is the remnants of over 6k years of domestication
  5640. >For some reason, humans just tend to rub them in the right way
  5641. >A bit too well in fact
  5642. >A human being 'nice' would have built a rapport with a D-dog in seconds of talking
  5643. >D-dogs even instictuvely respond to things like fingers snapping, whistling or firm shouts regardless of their place in in the pack
  5644. >Another odd thing, D-dogs keep a (second) stockpile of gems and precious metals that they 'just dont touch' most think it is just an 'extra' emergency rations. But gems never go bad...
  5645.  
  5646.  
  5647.  
  5648.  
  5649.  
  5650.  
  5651. > Anon did not hide his power level when he came to Equestria
  5652. > Everypony knows he's a huge weeb
  5653. > This turns away some mares, but the mane 6 have accepted Fluttershy's weaboo side, so Anon's eccentricity doesn't bother them
  5654. > The problem is, in order to woo him, they have to speak his language
  5655. > Poor Fluttershy has to teach them anime neighponese
  5656. > Unfortunately, it's RGRE anime neighponese, and the girls tend to mix things up
  5657.  
  5658. > Be Anon, leaning against the wall at one of Pinkie's parties
  5659. > Applejack ambles up to you
  5660. "Hi, Ap-"
  5661. > She slams her forehoof against the wall by your waist
  5662. > You flinch, wondering what you did to make her angry
  5663. > She looks up at you with a blank expression
  5664. > "Ah'm your them pie, an' Ah noticed you just now. Do you get what Ah'm sayin'?"
  5665. > You eye her cautiously
  5666. "Yes?"
  5667. > She nods decisively
  5668. > "Alright, now that that's cabbage done, Ah'll see you around, sugarcube."
  5669. > You scratch your cheek
  5670. "Uh, yeah. See you around."
  5671.  
  5672.  
  5673.  
  5674.  
  5675.  
  5676.  
  5677. >Much like Nightmare Moon was to Luna, Daybreaker is a demon who tried to possess Celestia.
  5678. >Keyword tried.
  5679. >Celestia swiftly recognized something was wrong with her and sealed Daybreaker in her own body.
  5680. >So Daybreaker was trapped in Celestia's body, not able to do anything more than watch through Celestia's eyes and hear through her ears. 
  5681. >So the demon bided her time and waited for Celestia to slip. 
  5682. >But she never did. 
  5683. >The seal never loosened and Celestia never heeded her whispers.
  5684. >This whispers turned into forceful demands, then into enraged screaming.
  5685. >It was after almost a week of mental screaming did Daybreaker come to an unsettling realization.
  5686. >Celestia can't hear her. She never could.
  5687. >The seal isn't loosening, her warden can't hear her, and said warden has no plans of ever releasing her.
  5688. >The anger in Daybreaker cooled, replaced with uncomfortable fear.
  5689. >A year passed
  5690. >Then ten.
  5691. >Then a hundred and some change.
  5692. >Daybreaker has forgotten what touch feels like or what food tastes like. 
  5693. >She can't sleep. When Celestia rests everything just becomes a uniform black with no sound.
  5694. >Another hundred years passes.
  5695. >Daybreaker rages with all her might, trying to get ANYTHING out of Celestia. She rages for years at a time with only a few days between for rest.
  5696. >Another hundred years passes.
  5697. >Daybreaker throws away her pride and begs to be released. Her memory of before this prison is beginning to fade. 
  5698. >Another two hundred years passes.
  5699. >The begging turns into bargains, Daybreaker shedding the last of her pride and promising unbreakable vows of loyalty and servitude for freedom. She would give ANYTHING to be free.
  5700. >Another two hundred years passes.
  5701. >Gone is the begging, replaced with wails and sobbing broken only by weeks worth of exhaustion.
  5702. >Another three hundred years passes.
  5703. >Almost 1000 years shes been trapped, and Daybreaker finally looses hope. She settles to fade away into the dark and embrace the comfort of death, who brings rest to mare and monster alike.
  5704. >Then for an instant, Celestia's control over her magic slips.
  5705. >Daybreaker leaps upon the sliver of magic like a starving dog does a steak, not even bothering to see what caused the slip. She rips away all that she can and unlocks the seal, then ejects herself as a specter to run away and materialize a body.
  5706. >Never would she return to Celestia or any of the accursed Alicorns.
  5707. >But with the small amount of magic she nabbed, she would only be as strong as an average unicorn court mage.
  5708. >The demon settles somewhere far away and builds a unicorn mare body for herself.
  5709. >Plans for power and rule can wait for a few millennia, or maybe indefinitely. For now, she simply wants to live.
  5710. >The bush she's in rustles.
  5711. >"Hey, you alright?"
  5712. >Daybreaker looks up weakly, trying not to faint from the sensory overload of just breathing fresh air and laying in soft grass. 
  5713. >Above her is a tall, concerned looking biped with a hairless face and hands, male if the voice is any indicator. He looks at her with shining foal eyes that carefully scan her.
  5714. >Daybreaker opens her mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a gasp and a dry cough.
  5715. >The tall stranger immediately bends down and produces a bottle of water from the bag at his side, uncapping it and gently pressing it to her lips.
  5716. >Tears spring to Daybreaker's eyes at the wonderful sensation of simple, cool water running down her throat.
  5717. >The sympathy of this male is even sweeter. Words, words directed to her. How she's missed this.
  5718. >"Hey, how about I take you back to town? You look kinda rough and I bed some rest would do you good."
  5719. >The mare tries to muster a prideful retort, but it dies on her lips when the tall stranger picks her up into his arms.
  5720. >Again tears spring to her eyes, but she can't muster any self-admonishment or humiliation at being carried by a male.
  5721. >It's been over a thousand years since she's been touched.
  5722. >She places her chin on his shoulder and shudders.
  5723. "S-Sunny."
  5724. >"Hmm?"
  5725. "Sunny Skies. M-My name."
  5726. >He turns just enough that she can see his smile. "Pretty name. Mine's Anonymous, but call me Anon. All my friends do."
  5727. >Daybr- No. Sunny smiles back weakly.
  5728. >Her start-over begins now.
  5729. --
  5730. >Celestia tries not to panic.
  5731. >The seal holding Daybreaker is gone.
  5732. >She didn't notice when her bout with Nightmare went wrong and ended with Celestia banished in the sun. Luckily her student and her new friends managed to do the impossible and unlock the Elements, ending Nightmare ans restoring Luna. 
  5733. >One demon gone for good only for another to escape into the wild.
  5734. >The Sun Princess looks down to her sister, who is sleeping soundly at her side.
  5735. >Celestia sighs and summons some parchment and a quill.
  5736. >Twilight and her friends need warned...
  5737.  
  5738.  
  5739.  
  5740.  
  5741.  
  5742. > Streamer Sunset helps Anon bag the big one
  5743. > Principal Celestia is confused why her former students want her for their polyamorous relationship, but Anon is one hot piece of rump and getting body worship from Sunset is...nice? 
  5744. > Celestia is also confused about how Sunset is making money by playing video games, but the internet has a magic all of its own
  5745. > One thing she is certain of, is that it's fun to tease these frisky youngsters and their audience
  5746. "Oh, is this the new Maria game? Do you still fight Browser at the end?"
  5747. "Hmmm. This Bayonettor is a bad boy. And bad boys should be punished, right Anon?"
  5748. "Oh, so this is Ironclad Clam. Yeah, Anon's right, her tush does look a lot like yours."
  5749. > It takes some doing, but eventually Principal Celestia does play a game herself
  5750. "Oh, I wouldn't mind being an advisor to this literature club."
  5751. "No no no no nope reload! reload-"
  5752. "I'm sorry, it's just... I've lost a student like this before. Shh, it's fine, Sunset, you don't need to apologise. To everyone watching, if you ever feel like this,"
  5753. "Oh dear."
  5754. "Oh! It knows we're streaming! Wow, that's a nice touch."
  5755. "Well, that certainly was an emotional rollercoaster. No, don't worry, I think I will play some games for all of you after this, but the next one better be a happier story."
  5756.  
  5757.  
  5758.  
  5759.  
  5760.  
  5761.  
  5762.  
  5763. >Anon walks by in the background of the stream sometimes. 
  5764. >If Shim is playing a shooter and blurts something /k/ related that isn't accurate, Anon will reign in his autism and offer a gentle correction rather than sperg out. 
  5765. >Chat of course jeers about kitchens and sandwiches sans the few who know what he said is actually right.
  5766. >"Fully semi auto isn't a thing, honey. The FAL is just a semi auto self-loader."
  5767. >"The Makarov should use a different sort of 9 millimeter. Check your inventory for 9x18, babe."
  5768. >"Well, you CAN get a full auto in real life, but it's extremely difficult because the government hates you having freedom and old fucks have artificially inflated the price of full autos."
  5769. >Slowly but surely the fickle chat turns from kitchen jokes to "tfw no kommando bf"
  5770.  
  5771.  
  5772.  
  5773.  
  5774.  
  5775.  
  5776. >Anon foalsits for a living
  5777. >Usually younger ponies in grade-school age
  5778. >The Crusaders, Diamond Tiara, etc
  5779. >But one over-protective dad refuses to believe his daughter is growing up
  5780. >Still packs her a lunch when she goes to horse-highschool
  5781. >Kisses her on the cheek, waves to her friends, etc
  5782. >He and the herd are going away for the weekend, and he insists that she needs a foalsitter
  5783. >The herd disagrees, but if papa ain't happy, ain't nopony happy
  5784. >"...and here's a list of things you can make her for dinner! The ingredients are in the fridge, and you'll find snacks in the pantry. Make sure she's in bed by 10 at the latest, alright?"
  5785. "You got it, sir."
  5786. >By the way the dad talks about his daughter, Anon was expecting a little filly
  5787. >He was surprised, however, to find a teenaged mare probably only about 10 years younger than he is
  5788. >She might even be a big teaty goth.
  5789. >And she does not look happy to see him
  5790. >Especially after Anon, slightly shocked that he's sitting somepony who's a few scant years away from being legally old enough to drink, uttered that he expected "someone younger"
  5791. >Fortunately (or unfortunately) the job went incredibly smoothly
  5792. >This is because the young mare was old enough that she didn't need a sitter
  5793. >She kept to herself ("if you think we're playing Monopony, you're crazy."), made her own food ("oh my Celestia, let me do it. This is so embarrassing."), and didn't really need any of the services Anon offered.
  5794. >Like, at all
  5795. >The next morning, the mare's dad, of course, was thrilled at the results.
  5796. >"She ate the dinner I had planned out for her! She didn't make a mess! She went to bed on time! Mister Anonymous, I think I'll be hiring you whenever the herd and I go out for the weekend!"
  5797. >The dad walks over to the teenaged mare and sniffs her mane.
  5798. >"Hmmm... next time, make sure she takes a bath. You know how fussy fillies can be, so help her wash her mane."
  5799. >Anon had never seen a mare blush so hard he can see it through the fur
  5800.  
  5801.  
  5802. >Then, she didn't want to do her homework.
  5803. >Not even when you offered to help... which admittedly was a good thing, since you took one look at her math homework and realized you had no goddamn clue what she was even doing.
  5804. >Frankly, you're just glad something's going your way for once this evening.
  5805. >You fill a little plastic bucket up with water, and pour the contents all over her head.
  5806. >You do this twice more before all the shampoo is gone.
  5807. "Alright, open your eyes. You're ready to get out nooOOWOHHFUCK!!"
  5808. >Before you can even THINK of reaching for your big bath towel (which was JUST put through the clothes dryer so that it's warm and fluffy and perfect for drying off clean fillies), the mare you just spend the last few minutes giving a bath LEAPS out of the tub and over your head.
  5809. >Her tail, which was firmly tucked between her legs, smacks you wetly in the face as you fall backwards onto the wet ground.
  5810. >You see the tail end of the mare galloping out the bathroom (your upside-down vision confirms it: tail tucked between her legs) before she runs out of sight.
  5811. >You her the sounds of wet hooves on the floor, and then a SLAM of a distant door.
  5812. >Her bedroom door, if you know the layout of the house well enough.
  5813. "...I guess I don't need to make sure she goes to bed by 9:30..."
  5814. >You sit back up and look around the bathroom.
  5815. >There's water everywhere, and your clothes are soaking wet.
  5816. "Ugh."
  5817. >Time to clean up.
  5818. "I feel like I'm forgetting something."
  5819. >Something about pony chests.
  5820. >Something about... chest tufts being l-lewd?
  5821. "Whatever."
  5822. >Or not, you guess.
  5823. "It's probably just a grumpy teen being a grumpy teen."
  5824.  
  5825.  
  5826.  
  5827.  
  5828.  
  5829.  
  5830.  
  5831. >This was quite the trip wasn't it?
  5832. >You started out as a nerdy little unicorn tending to a small library and now you're in charge of all Equestria
  5833. >It's a shame that you never found a special somepony but-
  5834. >"Twilight!"
  5835. >What was that?
  5836. >It sounded familiar
  5837. >Well not like it matters
  5838. >After all you have all your friends with you and-
  5839. >"C'mon girl, wake up!"
  5840. >You look over to Rainbow to try and ask her if she can hear that too just to see her melting
  5841. >You scream and scramble forward mind racing with medical spells as you try to think of how to save her
  5842. >It wouldn't do however as your other friends and even the walls meet the same fate
  5843. >You try to come up with something as your eyes finally open
  5844. >A stiffness had settled in through your body making it difficult to look around
  5845. >When you finally manage to look up, you see Cadence in a similar state as you and coated in a thick green slime
  5846. >Looking higher, you see a vaguely familiar ape like creature with a pick in its paw
  5847. >It crouches down and smiles at you as you try and think of where you know this creature from
  5848. >"There's my Twiggles. I don't know what that bitch did to you, but I bet they're planning more than this, so let's get back to Canterlot before they can go through with it."
  5849.  
  5850. >the insidiousness of the goo is the effect that it has on the mind
  5851. >it really does feel like you experience years while inside the hallucinations
  5852. >to the point that when ponies come out of it, they may act entirely different from when they went in
  5853. >their memory of reality is blurred while the memory of their illusionary perfect world is sharp and clear.
  5854. >those who lived less than stellar lives may even find themselves preferring the goo to reality and deliberately attempt to get themselves captured by changelings again
  5855. >such poor souls are often found drained to the point of death
  5856. >thankfully it wasn’t that bad for Twilight, but she lived out the entirety of canon from the end of Season 2 onwards to the shitty Season 9 epilogue 
  5857. >reality doesn’t feel real to her anymore 
  5858. >especially this alien claiming to be her coltfriend
  5859. >it feels odd to not have wings anymore after having them for so long
  5860. >at least she still has her friends, even though it feels weird to see them all so young again
  5861.  
  5862. >The goo isn't perfect and the lings are aware of this
  5863. >Ponies will act differently than their real counterparts and if the victim starts to notice they'll start questioning things and this could lead to the illusion breaking
  5864. >This is part of the reason why any memories of a loved one will be immediately purged
  5865. >If a lover suddenly starts doing odd things the victim will question it more
  5866. >It also gives the added bonus of giving the lings undivided love to harvest whereas some of it could have gone to the illusion of the victims loved one
  5867. >Cadence, being the princess of love, knows Shining is for her and never questioned it after escaping the pod
  5868. >Twilight on the other hand is taking things a little slowly with Anon
  5869. >Partly out of fear that this is another ruse but mostly because the goo just wiped her memory of him
  5870. >So now the two are going on their 'first' date as Twilight tries to remember how to be a unicorn
  5871. >Anon is about ready to get a harness for her since she seems to have trouble remembering that she doesn't have wings and has already jumped out a window
  5872.  
  5873.  
  5874. >Finds Starlight in some backwater town but not "Our Town"
  5875. >Twilight watches for anything suspicious but can't find any evidence of mind control on the town
  5876.  
  5877. >She's honestly just some unicorn mare living in a town
  5878. >Admittedly, she's above average in the magic department, but she's nothing too special
  5879. >Some changeling drone just got bored and came up with a story for a mare she saw one time
  5880.  
  5881. >This is how changelings shitpost
  5882. >They pick a random pony and make up shit about them
  5883. >Sometimes it's simple stuff like a mare being grumpy, but sometimes they turn a mare into a being stronger than a princess
  5884. >And it's all uploaded to the goo-net
  5885.  
  5886.  
  5887.  
  5888.  
  5889.  
  5890. >As an alien, you are a big deal. 
  5891. >As a MALE alien, you are an enormous deal.
  5892. >You are a unique (and technically endangered) being and don't have the durability or power of your fellow unique named Discord, so the diarchy was quick to step in with protective measures.
  5893. >VIP passes to damn near everything, a fair degree of diplomatic immunity, a downright huge stipend paid by the crown, free room and board in any royal facility including the castle, a personal line of communication with both Celestia and Luna, and the most life-changing part, a guard detail.
  5894. >It was all thrust upon you suddenly, and despite feeling sour over having no choice, you understand that the Princesses aren't malicious and genuinely wish for you to be happy and healthy.
  5895. >Also they're probably covering their asses just in case Equestria and Earth somehow come in contact or some other nation starts shit. Wouldn't look good if an alien wasn't getting 5 star treatment.
  5896. >But having a guard ALL the time is strange. All of the guards on your rotation are mares too. Something about gender roles being wonky here.
  5897. >Them seem strangely enthused for just playing humansitter as well.
  5898. >It's damn weird when you go to the bathroom and a guardsmare insists on standing just outside the door. 
  5899. >And good lord you have not been able to jerk off for weeks. You debated on dating, but lost your nerve after countless what-ifs.
  5900. >Your moments of privacy are few and far in-between. 
  5901. >It took a week to convince a new private that her orders didn't include watching you shower.
  5902. >Even then, she'd stand at the just outside and you could see the shadow of her snoot sniffing at the bottom of the door.
  5903. >And none of these ponies cover anything.
  5904. >For someone as open-minded (degenerate) as you, mare ass looks incredible.
  5905. >Then you started to notice other things, like the chest tufts, neck length, downy wings, tail docks, the ponut, and the distinct smell of mare.
  5906. >One deep breath of mare can make you painfully hard now.
  5907. >And all of your guards are fit, attractive young mares, leaving you with some unreal blue balls and training you to be an expert boner suppressor.
  5908. >But finally you get a few minutes alone near midnight when the shift change is. Good thing too, as your balls are so full that they've been hurting for days. 
  5909. >You can hear the guardsmare outside your room speaking quietly with her nightguard relief for the night. They usually talk for 5-10 minutes in a short report, meaning you have to hurry.
  5910. >You throw the covers off and sling your legs over so you're sitting on your bed.
  5911. >The nightguard outside sounds like Cloudy Night, a batpony corporal with wide hips and adorable white speckles on her muzzle and rump. It ruins her serious visage in the best way.
  5912. >Your current guard, Glittering Spear, is a slim unicorn private and the very definition of sleek and beautiful. She lacks the muscle definition of other guards, but being a powerful unicorn and the 1st cousin of Shining Armor means thing are probably easy for her.
  5913. >Image of both beautiful mares in mind and penis in lotion-covered hand, you furiously spank your meat as fast and hard as you can.
  5914. >You bite your lip and lean your head back.
  5915. >Good god you've needed this. Pony land is more stress than anyone would ever think.
  5916. >You're so pent up that climax is upon you within minutes and with the force of a train.
  5917. >With a hiss, you accidentally cry out "Cloudy, Spear!"
  5918. >...Shit.
  5919. >Both mares burst in just in time to watch you cum buckets worthy of a pornstar
  5920. >Try as you might to move, the force of such a nut paralyzes you in place. Both mares watch with uncomprehending expressions as your dick twitches, then launches a thick rope of white across the whole room at them.
  5921. >Cloudy is splattered square in the face.
  5922. >They both recoil and gasp, but the second blast hits Cloudy in the face again, more than a little in her open mouth. The third falls a little short and coats her chest armor and forelegs. The forth, fifth, and sixth fall short on the floor.
  5923. >Idly, you wonder if the fall down to Canterlot Valley from your room will kill you.
  5924. >Cloudy cracks an eye open and looks at you in disbelief. Spear gapes and holds a hoof in front of her mouth, her face beet red.
  5925. >You don't even know how to apologize for this. You try to form words but all that comes out is nothing.
  5926. >The bat mare closes her mouth and swallows on reflex, and you watch bulge in her throat carry the cum to her stomach.
  5927. >She blinks and smacks her lips, then runs her tongue across her lips and nose and swallows more.
  5928. >"It's salty..." She murmurs.
  5929. >Beg now retard.
  5930. "Shit Cloudy I'm so sorry oh my fucking god I'm sorry I was just so pent up that it hurt and I only get the few minutes a night where you all are distracted and that wasn't on purpose I was fapping to you and Spear butImeanitinanotcreepywayhonest-!"
  5931. >"Sir!"
  5932. >Cloudy's forceful voice stops your blathering cold.
  5933. >She looks at you hard but the image is ruined by the spunk soaking into her fur. "If you were hurting then..." She looks at Spear who takes a breath and nods. "It's the job of your guards to act in your best interest, if you were hurting, then we are willing to..." She falters and a little red bleeds through the white on her face "We are willing to service you. You need only ask."
  5934. >...What?
  5935. >Cloudy steps closer. "Do you still need, erm, assistance from myself or Private Spear?" She asks, the tiniest sliver of hope slipping out of her professional tone as she looks at your still erect self. "We can either take pleasing poses and let you do the work, or it can be more hooves on. The choice is yours, sir," she says, flicking her flagging tail. Glittering Spear's tail is raised just as high.
  5936. >...Oh god this is real.
  5937.  
  5938.  
  5939.  
  5940.  
  5941.  
  5942.  
  5943.  
  5944. >stallions in RGRE are whimisal and the fairer sex
  5945. >everypony knows that
  5946. >even harkening back to the days before Luna's banishment stallions were seen as something to be protected
  5947. >but back before the celestial sisters, even back before the three tribes united there was one stallion who is said to have been untamable by any mare except Faust herself:
  5948. >Pegasus
  5949. >/the/ Pegasus
  5950. >the great deeds of the mighty stallion have been forgotten, exaggerated, and confused over time, but all stories tell of his strength, nobility, humility, and sheer competence at guiding his people
  5951. >nopony knows exactly what happened to the legendary stallion, but whenever a particularly marely colt arises like Shining Armor or Big Mac they're said to have Pegasus' blood run strong through their veins
  5952.  
  5953.  
  5954.  
  5955.  
  5956.  
  5957.  
  5958.  
  5959.  
  5960. > Twilight is very thorough about her O&O campaign
  5961. > The cultists are based on an actual conspiracy from 423 CE (Celestia Era)
  5962. > The magical advancement is consistent with that time too, meaning no enchanted crystals aside from the occasional legendary relic
  5963. > She even reproduced the summoning circle and chant the cultists used
  5964. > Of course, she is careful not to supply power to the circle
  5965. > The summoning scene was nearing its climax when Trixie finally put down her PieSlate and started paying attention
  5966. > She looks down at the summoning circle on the huge piece of parchment, levitating it so she can see it better
  5967. > Twilight broke off the chant with a cry of alarm, but it was too late
  5968. > The circle sears into activity, dumping a tall, bipedal incubus directly on a startled Trixie
  5969. > Twilight is having a minor meltdown
  5970. > Moondancer is furiously digging through her files for that one Smite Evil spell from /x)
  5971. > Starlight is debating whether or not she should touch the booty
  5972. > Trixie has her forehooves crossed behind her head, a smug grin on her face
  5973. > "Get to work, colt."
  5974. > Anon is pretty sure this is not a normal part of the escape room experience
  5975.  
  5976.  
  5977.  
  5978.  
  5979.  
  5980.  
  5981.  
  5982.  
  5983. >Be Anon, nervous around cute girls and crushing on the cutest one in town.
  5984. >You really want to get closerto Fluttershy, but you just can't think of a good way to approach her.
  5985. >It's times like this you wish you'd have gotten a real pet.
  5986. >A dog or cat would be the perfect ice breaker.
  5987. >Alas, your near compulsive need to get your home clean and free of dander prevented that.
  5988. >A home that luckily came with you to Equestria all those months ago.
  5989. >As you sit to ponder how to approach Fluttershy, your roomba bumps into your leg, and you look down at it.
  5990. >It's the most advanced model on the market with a rudimentary AI.
  5991. >It shakes its "head" a moment, then just lazily spins around and vrrs in the other direction.
  5992. >You slowly begin to smile.
  5993.  
  5994. >"A roomba?" Fluttershy repeats with a tilt of her head. "I don't think I've ever heard of that kind of animal friend before."
  5995. "Yeah, no pony has, as far as I know," you say wit a sigh. "The princesses want me to go up to Canterlot to show off some human tech to some nerds, and that means I have to leave poor Dustin all alone."
  5996. >"Oh dear," Fluttershy says understandingly. "Do you have somepony to watch the little fella while you're away?"
  5997. "That's the thing, because none of you guys know about roombas, I'm worried about getting just any old pony to watch him. You, though, are the best animal caretaker in Equestria, so if anyone can learn the ins and outs of roomba care, it's you."
  5998. >She blushes at this and scuffs her hoof in the dirt.
  5999. >"Well, I don't know about being the best, but if you really need me to, I can watch your little friend. When are you leaving?"
  6000. >You beam.
  6001. "In a few days, but that's why I came to you now. I was hoping you'd come over as much as you can to get to know Dustin so that you'll both be familiar with each other when I leave."
  6002. >"Of course I'll come meet your roomba, Anon. I bet Dustin is just the nicest roomba there is."
  6003. "He's a sweet heart, that's for sure. You want to come see him now?"
  6004. >"That sounds lovely."
  6005.  
  6006.  
  6007.  
  6008. >The AI system in Anon's roomba has been slowly changing due to exposure to magic, and spending time with a magic pony close by, especially one who radiates residual power from the Elements, is advancing it further.
  6009. >Fluttershy merely thought little Dustin was shy around a new pony when it would seemingly ignore her, and that over time, it would warm up to her.
  6010. >And she was right.
  6011. >Over the next three days of spending time at Anon's house and doting on the little discus pet, it started vrring in her direction more often.
  6012. >Anon didn't notice, but Fluttershy is very attuned to this sort of thing, and could tell the critter was observing the new pony in its house.
  6013. >And after spending two days at Anon's home watching over it, the two have become the best of friends.
  6014. >Anon returns to find Fluttershy giggling as the roomba roves over her body.
  6015. >She rolls onto her back and it starts vacuuming her tummy, getting her to giggle louder.
  6016. >"That tickles, Dustin," she says. "I think I'm clean enough now."
  6017. >It vrrs a few times in answer, and moves back to the carpet.
  6018. >"Social grooming is a part of many animals lives. I guess that goes for roombas, too. Oh, hi, Anon!"
  6019. "Uh, hi... How have-?"
  6020. >"Things have been just wonderful, Anon. Dustin was a perfect little dear and we had loads of fun... Um, actually, I was wondering if you'd let Dustin come over to my place sometime to meet my other animal friends. I'm sure they'd all get along wonderfully."
  6021. "Uh... Sure?"
  6022. >"Great! Oh and tomorrow my friends and I are having a pet play date out in the park! I know going over grass and dirt can upset little Dustin's tummy, but if we bring some blankets for him to play on, I'm sure he'll enjoy the sun and new friends to play with."
  6023. "Uh... sure."
  6024. >"Oh, Anon, you are such a loving owner. Dustin is lucky to have you."
  6025. >She flies up and gives you a quick hug before saying she has to go feed her animals and leaves.
  6026. >A few moments later, the roomba starts rubbing against your shoe and purring
  6027.  
  6028.  
  6029.  
  6030.  
  6031.  
  6032.  
  6033. >The flow of time differs between our world and Equestria.
  6034. >Roughly twice as fast on our side.
  6035. >The implication of this could of course mean that for every year in Equestria, two pass here, and so you might think that your family will age twice as fast once you arrive.
  6036. >You are wrong.
  6037. >No, when you arrive in Equestria, your time remains the same, meaning you see their world in half speed, and you twice as fast to them.
  6038. >Your like a humming bird to ponies, with even your sedate pace making them have to trot to keep up.
  6039. >On the other hand, you're finding your dealings with them quite frustrating.
  6040. >You ever listen to someone ramble or talk slowly, and just wish they'd get to the point?
  6041. >That's every conversation now.
  6042. >It's only been a week- more like two for you- and already the wonder of your situation is starting to give way to despair.
  6043. >At least, until Pinkie shows up at your door with a big grin.
  6044. >She takes a deep breath, and you expect a slow, long drawl of words to follow, but instead...
  6045. >"So is it really true that you're like really fast in your thinking parts and all the other ponies around are like super slow to you and you just wish that you could hang out with ponies who can think like you so you can have a normal talk without wanting to pull your mane out?"
  6046. >You blink a few times.
  6047. >That was fast.
  6048. >Honestly, maybe even a little faster than what you'd consider normal conversation speed.
  6049. >Pinkie's smile starts to strain as you remain silent.
  6050. >"That is right... Right?"
  6051. "Uh, yeah I guess."
  6052. >She heaves a sigh then starts smiling again as she begins hopping in place.
  6053. >"Oh, this is just the most super duper terrific day ever! Because I totally know how you feel!"
  6054. "You do?"
  6055. >"Everypony is just so slow sometimes, and I know it's not their fault, but it's like, come on, can we just talk at my speed for once and not slow-mo? Ever since I was a little filly, I've had to force myself to be patient and talk slow, but now I can finally talk to somepony like me!"
  6056.  
  6057.  
  6058.  
  6059.  
  6060.  
  6061.  
  6062. >After a young death, something decides to give you a second go.
  6063. >You are reborn as a colt in Equestria, your soul taking the place of a colt otherwise destined to be stillborn.
  6064. >You don't get your memories back immediately. As a foal, you get flashes and visions of a strange world, but nothing huge.
  6065. >Your family is a normal one, if on the larger side. Your father has seven herdmares, with your mother being the newest. 
  6066. >Once you grow into toddler, all the huge gaps in the visions suddenly fill in at once and your human identity totally takes over. Your awareness makes the world sharp and clear.
  6067. >It also lets you realize that the little "vacation" mom said it was isn't actually a vacation. She and by extension you had been kicked out of the herd for some reason not disclosed to you.
  6068. >It hurt, that your family would throw you and your mother out, but in all honesty, you barely knew them from your hazy foal memories so it's not a huge loss.
  6069. >You just wish it didn't hurt your mother so much.
  6070. >Time goes on. Your mother finds a good job that can support both her and yourself with some left over for infrequent luxuries, and you try to make it easier for her by being good. She decides to leave the dating scene to focus on work. 
  6071. >But another problem pops up.
  6072. >While you've known your mother for years now, she doesn't "feel like" your mother.
  6073. >You still vividly remember your human mom, who is probably still mourning you and it hurts.
  6074. >Your pony mother isn't the best at childcare but she tries. The wonky gender roles means normally it would be your father doing the child rearing. 
  6075. >Mom treats you like a junior friend more than a son
  6076. >Maybe thats your fault. Ponies in general are less mature than humans, and you rival your mom in mental age already. You must seem very collected and mature to her, and thus don't need to be babied.
  6077. >...And as you grow older and hormones begin to surge in you, you're suddenly very 'aware' of this fertile mare who both is and isn't your mom.
  6078.  
  6079.  
  6080.  
  6081. >Mare thinks she's an old pervert for even conceiving of the notion of being attracted to her son
  6082. >Wonders of this was the reason she was kicked out, some early warning sign the rest of her (old, she reminds herself) herd saw
  6083. >Is she really such a bad pony for having these half-feelings, even if she hasn't done anything with them?
  6084. >And being a single mother brings on enough stress as is, even in Equestria, and the black mark that is being kicked out of a herd makes it so she can't even think about blowing off some steam only makes things worse
  6085. >Of course this only makes her even more depressed, making (you) want to comfort her even more, which lets those feelings grow, which makes her feel even worse, which leads to yet more comfort
  6086. >It's a vicious cycle that will only end in tears, be of joy or heartbreak
  6087. >and a good hard dicking, of course
  6088. >Let's hope (you)'ll be a better father than your own
  6089.  
  6090.  
  6091.  
  6092.  
  6093.  
  6094.  
  6095.  
  6096. > Arrive in dragon lands, end up serving the royal family as a butler
  6097. > Sorting their hoards, polishing their scales, etc
  6098. > You generally stay out of the politics, it's not like you're particularly fireproof
  6099. > A minor rebellion gets lucky and assassinates the king and queen
  6100. > The assassins are caught and executed, along with most of the rebels
  6101. > In the meantime, the acting regent appoints you as the main care-giver for the crown princess
  6102. > She'll have to overcome the various challengers for the crown, but she has good genes, so chances are good that she'll prevail
  6103. > As she grows older, she has trouble getting along with drakes
  6104. > "I cannot consider them a proper drake if they are not as soft and cool as you, Father."
  6105. > It's more than a little worrying, but you don't know what to do
  6106. > In the meantime, she still insists on sharing a nest with you, and refuses to eat anything other than food you make
  6107.  
  6108.  
  6109.  
  6110.  
  6111.  
  6112.  
  6113.  
  6114.  
  6115. >Anon is a gardener extraordinaire.
  6116. >Forget the green thumb, hes green all over.
  6117. >His flower beds are the envy of neighborhood.
  6118. >Flower sisters fear him.
  6119. >But the most impressive are his hedges.
  6120. >From the immaculately kept lush green barriers around his property to beautifully lifelike living shrub sculptures in his garden.
  6121. >Minotaurs pilgrim to see the hedge maze he cultivated on the outskirts of Ponyville.
  6122. >The madman even managed to grow an entire hedge castle inside it, multiple floors and all.
  6123. >Twilight decides to spy on him just in case he gets mad with his gardening power, colts with all their whimsy can get corrupted so easily afterall.
  6124. "Nothing personell, twig."
  6125. >He says as he snips his enormous gardening shears to keep his hedge flush, sunhat casting a mysterious shadow on his face.
  6126. >Yeah, better keep an eye on him.
  6127.  
  6128.  
  6129.  
  6130. >Be Anon
  6131. >Be tending your super garden
  6132. >You don't know why but you had super powers related to plants now
  6133. >It was probably the magic but it could be the gay chemtrails Rainbow left everywhere she went
  6134. >So now you kind of just...gardened and shit
  6135. >People payed to see your gardens and hedges
  6136. >Mostly minotaurs but there were a lot of ponys in town that enjoyed your work
  6137. >You don't know why or how they started paying you for keeping your stuff tidy
  6138. >Although you're pretty sure the purple one is keeping an eye on you
  6139. >You don't mind that too much so long as she's not peeking in through your windows
  6140. >You actually decided to be neighborly and grow a tree for her to roost in
  6141. >You planted a normal orange seed but got a tree the size of a sequoia
  6142. >And it really sucks when the basketball sized oranges start dropping
  6143. >Oh well beggars can't be choosers
  6144. >A pegasus asked if she could use the tree as a restaurant and you agreed so now the purple pony spends a lot of money eating there so she can watch you
  6145.  
  6146.  
  6147. >Secret war between all the green-hoofed familes in ponyville for the right to have Anon spread his seed in their fields.
  6148. >Anon isnt helping matters because each plant that he grows in his garden is another mark for a particular mare or family.
  6149. >Applejack nearly had conniptions when the giant orange tree popped up and some sky zigger snatched the rights to it before she could so much as contact her cousins.
  6150. >Moodily refuses to visit the Orange Nest despite Twilight's praise for their smoothies
  6151.  
  6152.  
  6153. >"Man did you see what that ape thing did with nothing more than hedges?"
  6154. "No I was stuck dealing with two earth pony clans trying to weaponize their crop so they could fight over the creature."
  6155. >"Can you imagine what would happen if the ape breeds with an earth pony?"
  6156. "Yes. I've been having nightmares over the very thought since it arrived."
  6157. >"What are we going to do about this thing?"
  6158. "Maybe we'll play matchmaker. See how much it likes a pegasus or a unicorn."
  6159.  
  6160.  
  6161. >teen pegasus mare starts working in the treetop restaurant.
  6162. >nature spirits pick her for their matchmaking experiment.
  6163. >grows bigger teats, hips, her mane grows longer and fuller.
  6164. >intially teased by her friends and fretting over her looks being the polar opposite of mainstream attractiveness of being thin, lithe and 'aerodynamic'.
  6165. >doesnt know how to feel when her boss and owner of the restaurant points out anons been visiting more often and spends most of his time watch and chat with her.
  6166. >she thought he was just friendly to all the ponies using 'his' tree!
  6167.  
  6168.  
  6169.  
  6170. >hfw anon asks her out right in the middle of her shift.
  6171. >hfw the other ponies grow quieter and start whispering.
  6172. >hfw he's just looking at her expectantly with a smile on that cute face.
  6173. >hfw she mumbles out a yes and one pony who sounds suspiciously like her boss starts cheering while a group of earth ponies groan in disappointment, other ponies politely clap their hooves and get back to their own conversations.
  6174. >meanwhile Anon only has eyes for the 210% adorable mare currently blushing up a storm and covering her face with her big fluffy wings
  6175.  
  6176.  
  6177.  
  6178.  
  6179.  
  6180.  
  6181.  
  6182.  
  6183. >Be a lonely mare.
  6184. >You try getting into a herd as a beta mare and rarely try to date solo. Nothing really lasts.
  6185. >Getting tired of it. Almost ready to be a full lesbo.
  6186. >Then you meet Anon.
  6187. >He's a tall, funny looking jane-filly without a herd.
  6188. >So you tentatively ask him out.
  6189. >And... He says yes!
  6190. >The first date is great. The second even better. On the third he puts out.
  6191. >You expected the nervous jane-filly first time like in some cliche doujin, but he looked at you with hunger and said "Damn honey, sick snatch. First to cum loses."
  6192. >He won, but was so vocal about loving your cooch that you didn't care.
  6193. >You knew the price of a chill jane-filly was lackluster colt skills like cooking and cleaning, but then Anon did something that surprised you.
  6194. >He learned those skills willingly.
  6195. >His cooking went from barely edible, to okay, to so amazing you started forgoing fast food altogether. He always kept the fridge full too.
  6196. >When he moved in, the apartment was dirty, but then gradually got cleaner and cleaner until you forgot it was once a bachelorette pad. He added his own stallion's touch to the place.
  6197. >He roughly stitched his own clothes back together when they tore, and soon the stitches vanished for seamless fixes. Not long after, he started to sew you things by hand.
  6198. >His awkwardness and strange fear around fillies and colts gradually faded, and soon all the neighborhood children adored him just as much as he adored them. He really showed his soft stallion side with children.
  6199. >You gladly worked full time so he could keep doing all this, and he'd always seem to know when you had a hard day.
  6200. >You'd come home to a hot dinner, a bubbly bath for two, passion filled sex, and then the frustration of the day would be gone.
  6201. >Today, you're going to withdraw your savings and buy a ring.
  6202. >You're not letting a treasure like Anon get away.
  6203.  
  6204.  
  6205.  
  6206.  
  6207.  
  6208.  
  6209. >"What's a cute boy like you doing out on a full moon like this?
  6210. >"You need to be careful. There's a lot of bad things that bump in the night around here."
  6211. >"Ghosts, vampires, ghouls..."
  6212. >"Don't worry though, I'd be happy to escort you to wherever you need to go."
  6213. >"Oh, and don't worry about the fangs."
  6214. >"I don't bite. Much~"
  6215.  
  6216. >Be Anon
  6217. >Some weird girl cosplaying as a shitty werewolf is leading you down the street by the hand
  6218. >She's saying something about taking you to her den where her follow packmates were waiting
  6219. >A few minutes in into this walk, she started howling at the moon like a loonie
  6220. >You just wanted to go for a fucking walk...
  6221. >Whatever...
  6222. >At least she has a really nice pair of tits...
  6223.  
  6224.  
  6225. >tfw you land in a world filled with vampire clans, werewolf pack, witch orders, etc
  6226. >To you, they look like normal people in poorly dressed outfits
  6227. >You also think it's weird when they yell fireball at you or try to bite you with plastic fangs
  6228. >To them, you're some otherworldly creature that fang, tooth, or magic cannot harm
  6229.  
  6230.  
  6231. >tfw Sunset takes him back to her den where her packmates reside
  6232. >tfw the other girls like his scent, and he seems like an okay guy, so she decides to bite him with turning him into a werewolf in mind
  6233. >she has one of the other girls distract him while she goes for the throat, wanting the turning to be as quick and painless as possible
  6234. >Her fangs sink slightly into his skin, but don't break through the flesh
  6235. >Confused, she bites harder
  6236. >This amount of force would leave bruises, but it couldn't be helped
  6237. >Again, her fangs can't penetrate
  6238. >She bites harder, and harder
  6239. >What should have been enough to tear a chunk of flesh from his neck, then enough to crunch bone, then steel
  6240. >Anon's just standing there, confused as the big-titted weirdo nibbles on his neck, barking and growling while the other weirdos around him start to sweat
  6241.  
  6242.  
  6243.  
  6244.  
  6245.  
  6246.  
  6247.  
  6248.  
  6249. >After invoking a ritual you found on totallyrealmagick.onion to finally leave this gay earth, you get yanked though time and space, landing in RGRE.
  6250. >When you wake up on the ground, you find a little note in your pocket.
  6251. >"The other half of your soul searches for you. Fate will lead and destiny will bind."
  6252. >Vague voodoo bullshit, but okay. 
  6253. >You stumble into Ponyville, and after getting your zany intro episode, fall into a pleasant life.
  6254. >But despite how easy dating is, you can't seem to keep a mare interested or something gets in the way.
  6255. >Maybe the note has something to do with it?
  6256. >You look through the library, finding a few references to True Love. Capitalized.
  6257. >It apparently is a very real if rare thing. Two beings capable of love, usually ponies, will instantly fall in True Love and become soulmates upon meeting. Harmony will try to being soulmates together whenever possible.
  6258. >'The other half of your soul searches for you'
  6259. >Cautious excitement grips you. It perfectly explains why all your dates fall through despite having a number of jane-filly loving mares pining for you.
  6260. >So you make a leap of faith and wait.
  6261. >Several months later, you've been on several adventures, but this one truly has you fearing.
  6262. >A cosmic horror has decended upon Canterlot, and one by one, the alicorns were defeated. Discord tried, and was trumped just as easily. The Elements and Equestrian Guards fared no better.
  6263. >The bullets from the crude revolver you fashioned over months did nothing as you expected. 
  6264. >Then from the heavens, a bright light blooms.
  6265. >The mindbending horror stops and looks up, just in time for a beam of light to pierce it. 
  6266. >It screeches and recoils.
  6267. >A pony swoops in with impossible speed and does battle with the horror. Against all odds, she wins.
  6268. >When she lands, all the princesses, the elements, and even discord rush in the shower her in praise.
  6269. >"I'm so sorry everyone... It did that to draw me out, Luckily no one was hurt, as I went into town and stopped it's minions before coming."
  6270. >You walk up and see...
  6271. >A garish, knock-off mary-sue alicorn.
  6272. >A motherfucking mary-sue.
  6273. >The Sue looks up at you and her jaw drops, tiny hearts blooming in her eyes.
  6274. >And against your will, your heart speeds up and your face turns red, but the vitriol you want to spew refuses to come out of your mouth.
  6275. >You try to step forward and punch her in the snout, but your body refuses to move.
  6276. >With gritted teeth, you cross your arms, noting that you can move again.
  6277. >Again you try to step forward with violence in mind, but you can't. Your body simply wont respond.
  6278. >You can't even force out a unenthused sigh 
  6279. >The implications are... unpleasant.
  6280. >Your soulmate is a badly made mary sue. A mary sue that you've probably going to be a damsel in distress and trophy for. And whatever force that's gripping you is going to make it even more unpleasant.
  6281. >Was there some higher force at work here? Are you being punished for leaving earth? Or did this happen because you're the most "unique" soulmate she could have?
  6282. >The feeling of both True Love and and Absolute Hate swirling in your chest is uncomfortable.
  6283.  
  6284.  
  6285.  
  6286.  
  6287.  
  6288. >Sue discovers true resurrection after defeating the villain who killed Anon.
  6289. >And then Anon... refuses to come back. 
  6290. >Death doesn't free him from harmony but all the time spent dead in Tartarus with the company of crafty criminals and villains long deceased lets him think about how to game the narrative altering powers of a Mary Sue.
  6291. >His newest friends in Tartarus, a gruff bandit chief mare, a failed, bitter apprentice of Celestia who went bad, a thief who tried to steal regalia, and a few others come together and think.
  6292. >After a while, the failed apprentice has an idea and explains
  6293. >Anon firmly and repeatedly thinks to himself that the True Love was wrong, which should be impossible.
  6294. >But a Mary Sue is involved, and the false True Love adds to Sue's sympathy garnering tragedy, he reasons.
  6295. >So the narrative shifts, and retroactively declares that the True Love wasn't real.
  6296. >With that, the bond that persisted even into death, broke.
  6297. >Suddenly, the bandit chief who had been making half-hearted passes at him finds herself in a tight, tearful hug with lips pressed to hers.
  6298. >Anon is free.
  6299. >...And it would also be more dramatic if he remains dead and Sue goes to find her real soulmate, wouldn't it?
  6300. >Again, reality shifts.
  6301. >With things set, the small set of friends plot their breakout. Being dead is just an inconvenience in a world of magic.
  6302. >So when Sue finds the spell and casts it, nothing happens. So she tries again. And again and again, but no matter how hard or franticly Sue tries to bring him back, Anon doesn't appear.
  6303. >But she knows the spell worked... Why didn't he come back?
  6304.  
  6305.  
  6306. >When Sue tried to revive Anon, it worked, it just didn't summon him to her.
  6307. >Anon returns to life in Tartarus, much to the amazement of his friends. Then he glows over and over as the spell is cast on him again.
  6308. >Thinking quick, the apprentice grabs the bandit and thief, then forces them and herself into a hug with Anon. Or as well as 3 spirits can hug a now living being.
  6309. >The spell activates several more times, flowing out of Anon and into them.
  6310. >All three watch in awe as their ghostly bodies solidify and their muted senses return full force. 
  6311. >The four look around carefully.
  6312. >The part of Tartarus that houses the dead had no defenses or fail-safes to prevent a living being from leaving.
  6313. >It's jailbreak time
  6314.  
  6315.  
  6316.  
  6317.  
  6318.  
  6319.  
  6320.  
  6321. > Be Marry Sue, interdimensional lawyer-cop
  6322. > You finally put down Ten Tack Al, the notorious groper of stallion balls
  6323. > Looking around the pocket dimension, you can only admire how peaceful it is
  6324. > Probably only has a cataclysm season once every thousand years
  6325. > Kinda weird how there aren't that many alicorns, though
  6326. > Probably because they don't need that many to keep things under control
  6327. > The youngest one is giving you a tour of her beat, a nice little town with a dispatch crystal castle
  6328. > Then you see Him
  6329. > A handsome human in an elegant trench coat, an adorable scowl, and you can just tell he's a feisty one
  6330. > Your heart blooms with True Love
  6331. > One look at you, and you see spades in his eyes
  6332. > It's been a while since you last visited Alternian space, but that's like True Love too, right?
  6333.  
  6334.  
  6335. > You drop by after work, Anon's home smelling pleasantly of Cheetos and gunpowder
  6336. > You hear an explosion!
  6337. > You gallop to find Anon clutching his wrist, his hand nearly shredded by the shards of another failed attempt at making a gun
  6338. > You sigh and begin treating him, removing the metal bits and knitting his flesh back together with a simple healing spell
  6339. "Dear, you really should give up on this gun thing. What if you hurt yourself and I'm not around to put you back together?"
  6340. > He scowls, flexing his good-as-new hand
  6341. > "I can handle it. I don't need you."
  6342. > You roll your eyes
  6343. "You just nearly 'handled' yourself out of a hand. Come on, colt. There's whimsy, and then there's just being dumb."
  6344. > Anon takes a deep breath
  6345. > Oh no, not again
  6346. > "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
  6347. > You sigh, and unbutton his pants
  6348. > You'd suspect that he does this on purpose, but you've talked to him enough to know that this is genuine orchisteria
  6349. > You slip his stallionhood out of his pants
  6350. > Thankfully, he's not a stallion, so you don't have to tease it out of its sheath
  6351. > As you get to sucking, he gradually quiets down, letting out low, sensual moans that let you know you're doing the right thing
  6352. > A few minutes later, you're swallowing his seed and he has completely calmed down
  6353. > "I hate you."
  6354. > You smile and kiss him on the cheek
  6355. "Love you too, babe. Why don't you go lie down, and I'll order us some pizza?"
  6356. > He sighs
  6357. > "Fine."
  6358. > Just another day in the exciting and fulfilling life of Lawyer-cop Marry Sue
  6359.  
  6360.  
  6361.  
  6362.  
  6363.  
  6364.  
  6365.  
  6366.  
  6367. >You and your Giraffe GF, Tippel, are invited to the Grand Galloping Gala.
  6368. >Rarity had quite the challenge on her hooves making a dress and suit for two of the tallest creatures in Ponyville, but the pair of you made quite the striking sight when you arrived.
  6369. >And only half because you towered over all the other guests.
  6370. >Meanwhile, Celestia and Luna are exchanging pleasantries with their little ponies, until the words catch in Luna's throat.
  6371. >"Who is that?" she hisses into her sister's ear as a couple of nobles walk away. "And why is she so tall?"
  6372. >"Her? I believe she's the new teacher of foreign cultures at Twilight's School," Celestia answers with a raised brow. "As for the latter half of your question, she's a giraffe."
  6373. >"A what?"
  6374. >"Celestia blinks, then giggles.
  6375. >"Oh yes, that's right, Equestria didn't make contact with their tribe until after the Nightmare's banishment. They're a nomadic race hailing from Zebrica."
  6376. >Luna harrumphs, raising up to her full height.
  6377. >"Well, she better not think she can look down upon us simply because she has a few hooves advantage over us. We're still the tallest mares in Equestria and- is that Anon?!"
  6378. >"I believe so, yes. Twilight mentioned the two had begun dating."
  6379. >"D-dating?! He's with her?!"
  6380. >"Mhm."
  6381. >"But he was going to be my stallion! I had an entire new constellation in the works to impress him! That-that long-neck can't just come in and snatch him up!"
  6382. >"And yet she did," Celestia notes with a smirk. "Oh, and please don't use that term in front of her. It's a slur."
  6383. >"Well, we'll see how long Anon will want to be with her when I'm around," Luna states, fluffing up her floof and strutting towards the pair.
  6384. >Celestia chuckles and shakes her head.
  6385. >She remembers the first time she met a giraffe, and the ensuring sense of inferiority it brought on when she had to turn her head up to meet their eyes and see them looking down at her.
  6386. >Hopefully Luna will get over it before starting an international incident
  6387.  
  6388.  
  6389.  
  6390.  
  6391.  
  6392.  
  6393. >Apple Bloom and her friends are growing older
  6394. >Now they're a bunch of horny teens
  6395. >Apple Bloom doesn't appreciate the way Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are starting to act interested in Big Mac
  6396. >She especially doesn't appreciate the way Sweetie straight up ogled her big brother's balls
  6397. >"What happened to the Sis Code, Sweetie?! You don't just perv on another mare's brother!"
  6398. >Applejack is busy with the farm and has bigger things to worry about a couple of fillies hoopin' and hollerin' at her brother
  6399. >Apple Bloom has to take this into her own hooves
  6400. >Finds Anon
  6401. >"Listen, can you do me a huge favour? Applejack made it clear that it's not right to ask a stallion to do this, but I'm at the end of my rope! Can you try and, you know... grab Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo's attention for a while? I don't mean that you have to DO anything with them! I'd never ask you to do that! Just maybe hang out with them until they lose interest in my brother."
  6402. >Apple Bloom is incredibly uncomfortable at the idea of her friends hitting on her own brother and is desperate to get some help from you
  6403. >"Do you want free apples for a year? I can get you free apples for a year. I can even get you free cider for as long as you're do this."
  6404.  
  6405.  
  6406.  
  6407.  
  6408.  
  6409.  
  6410. >Apple Bloom has a crush on Anon, and wants to take him on a date.
  6411. >The problem is that she's seen Tiara ask the human out, and get turned down because she was a filly.
  6412. >He didn't care that she had her cutie mark, and told her he just didn't date those so young, no matter how pretty and rich they were.
  6413. >He was kind and gentle, but Apple Bloom still saw the hurt on her former enemy's face, and she feared receiving the same sort of rejection.
  6414. >It's why she instead went through Twilight's collection of magic books while her friend's played interference, found a recipe for an aging potion, then slpped into Zecora's hut to brew it.
  6415. >By the time she went to Anon, she was tall, mature, and had her cutie mark disguised so she wouldn't be recognized.
  6416. >She was Big Apple, a cousin from out of town, and she wanted to take him on a date.
  6417. >She flubbed up her introduction and request, but Anon simply looked her up and down with a strange look, then nodded.
  6418. "Sure."
  6419. >Apple Bloom had to resist jumping for joy, and tried hard to act grownup while they had lunch and a walk through the park.
  6420. >It was going so well, Apple Bloom started to think she'd even get to do the sex with Anon, especially when he invited her inside.
  6421. >She thought it was over when she blurted this out while sweating profusely on his couch, but he still didn't laugh or tell her to leave.
  6422. >Instead, he said that sounded like a great idea, and left the room to get things ready.
  6423. >"Oh ma gosh, oh ma gosh, this is really happenin'! I'm gonna have the sex!"
  6424. >Then Anon returns with an arm full of boxes and bags of snacks.
  6425. >"Ah, what's all that?"
  6426. "The sex stuff, of course. Sex is when you play a bunch of board games and have snacks for hours."
  6427. >"... Really?"
  6428. "Yep. What, you never had sex before?"
  6429. >"N-no! Of course ah have!"
  6430. >Apparently she's been having sex with her best friends for years.
  6431. >She was skeptical, but sex turned out to be just as much fun as foals on the playground said they heard it was supposed to be
  6432.  
  6433.  
  6434.  
  6435.  
  6436.  
  6437. >Celestia's dad was a human
  6438. >Anon arrives in Equestria at around the time the show happens
  6439. >He is found by Twilight and eagerly brought to Celestia by Twilight, who thinks this is a good opportunity for a friendship lesson
  6440. >Anon arrives at the castle and comes face to face with Celestia and Luna
  6441. >They're stunned at the sight of him
  6442. >Celestia is the first to speak
  6443. >"F-Father?"
  6444. "Excuse me?"
  6445. >"N-No, excuse ME. I'm sorry, I... mistook you for someone else."
  6446. >Luna doesn't say anything
  6447. >Just approaches him, sniffing at his clothes
  6448. >Celestia and Luna are hesitant to let Anon go
  6449. >He's not a prisoner there in any stretch of the word, but they're eager to accommodate him at the royal castle, which is probably a little bit more nice than trying to find a job and living in a crummy house in lower Canterlot
  6450. >They're reasonably sure that he's not actually their father (and they've come to terms with his death years ago), but they know that time travel exists, and they can't 100% rule it out
  6451. >Still, Anon still occasionally wakes up in the middle of the night to either Celestia or Luna crawling on top of his bed and asking him to just hold her
  6452.  
  6453.  
  6454.  
  6455.  
  6456.  
  6457.  
  6458.  
  6459.  
  6460. >RGRE-KND
  6461. >Applebloom, codename: Numbah 7500, must try and foil the dastardly plans of her teenaged siblings
  6462. >and if that weren't bad enough, intelligence reports have it that the Teenagers are rolling out a new set of Battle Ready Armor, designed for their rare male operatives
  6463. >and of course, her brother seems to be one of the primary testers for this new model
  6464. >now it's up to her and her fellow agents 7501 and 7502 (known as Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle off duty), to protect the children of sector PONE
  6465.  
  6466.  
  6467.  
  6468.  
  6469.  
  6470.  
  6471.  
  6472.  
  6473. >Magic has made Anon a very long lived human, and he's been living in Equestria for roughly three generations because of it.
  6474. >In that time, he's lived in Ponyville, and has been the hot older stallion that young fillies have tried to bag for those three generations.
  6475. >Among the first were Cookie Crumble, her plucky pegasus friend, and an earth pony with strong family values.
  6476. >They never bagged the human, and so the torch was passed unto Cookie's daughter, Rarity as a young filly, who was eventually joined by Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
  6477. >Alas, they also failed, and Anon remained unclaimed.
  6478. >Now history repeats itself once more as Anon begins spotting three little fillies tailing him and spying from bushes.
  6479. >The Cutie Mark Crusaders are determined to succeed where their predecessors failed and make a herd with the exotic male from out of this world.
  6480. >For Anon's part, he was a fan of the show, and he's been both trying not to mess with main events too much while also waiting for his dream mares to show.
  6481. >After all, he's always known both Bonbon and Lyra ended up living in Ponyville, so all he had to do was wait and keep himself pure.
  6482. >As soon as the former secret agent retired her grappling hook and set up shop, Anon began visiting everyday, hoping to warm through the cranky mare's tough exterior to the wonderful waifu he knows to be within.
  6483. >Things have been a bit tough though, as Lyra, the one he thought would be easier to befriend, seems to be quite jealous of her new besty and is annoyed with this weird alien sniffing around.
  6484. >How is Anon going to achieve his dream with Lyra not letting him love her and Bonbon, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders stalking him?
  6485.  
  6486.  
  6487.  
  6488.  
  6489.  
  6490.  
  6491.  
  6492. >Celestia has always had a very strange gift.
  6493. >She can see numbers over people's heads that she's deduced represents how dangerous they can be to those around them.
  6494. >Now, it's not just how much raw strength or power a pony has.
  6495. >For instance, when she looks in the mirror, she sees herself as a nine despite being quite the powerhouse.
  6496. >Her sister, however, while being less powerful, is an eleven.
  6497. >As she descended into insanity leading up to Nightmare Moon, it steadily climbed up to a thirteen.
  6498. >She's not sure exactly how this gift calculates it, but she's met regualr criminals match or even surpass her.
  6499. >Manipulative, spiteful types, like her nephew Blueblood, can be around an eight despite not having a crime to their name.
  6500. >The average pony usually only sits at a two or three.
  6501. >Twilight is around a five these days, but it's actually lower than the six it used to be as she's steadily overcome her neurosis despite becoming more powerful.
  6502. >It's this power that led to her unashamedly sending little Cozy Glow to Tartarus, seeing as she was a fifteen, same as Tirek and Chrysalis.
  6503. >That's the highest she's ever seen.
  6504. >Even Discord pre-reformation was only a twelve.
  6505. >Sometimes she regrets keeping this power to herself- had she gone to visit Twilight's school and seen Cozy before she revealed her evil ways, she could have prevented her from even attempting them.
  6506. >Then again, she worries sometimes that ponies might put too much stock into them, like her sister.
  6507. >High numbers don't necessarily make ponies bad, after all.
  6508. >This is something she has to tell herself when she's introduced to Anon and has to restrain herself from blasting him and that menacing twenty over his head.
  6509. >He's already grown quite close to Twilight and many others in Ponyville, and they have nothing but nice things to say about him.
  6510. >What could possibly be the reason for a colt having the highest number yet?
  6511.  
  6512. > Meanwhile, Anon writes "best pony" on an open cardboard box and leaves it in the middle of town
  6513.  
  6514. > Fluttershy sees a crowd of ponies fighting over who gets to sit in the box
  6515. > After an episode of learning to be confident again, she suggests everypony takes turns
  6516. > For 5 minutes, the pony in the box feels amazing
  6517. > Even after getting out of the box, they feel better about themselves
  6518. > It becomes a town custom, that when a pony is feeling down, they get to sit in the box for a while
  6519.  
  6520. A small shrine is built around the box, as ponies fear moving the box would cause it to lose its powers. It is built sturdier than any building aside from Canterlot castle.
  6521. Since he's not a pony and thus has no reason to enter the box, Anon is turned into the Shrine-boy, complete with full costume
  6522.  
  6523. >The fame of the shrine grows, and so does Anon's
  6524. >Ponies from all over Equestria take on pilgrimages to not only pay a visit of the Shrine of Good Fortune, but also to ask the wise sensei for a crumble of his wisdom
  6525. >Meanwhile Anon's just telling movie quotes and memesto the silly ponies but it somehow always works out
  6526.  
  6527.  
  6528.  
  6529.  
  6530.  
  6531.  
  6532.  
  6533. >Anon perform's /x/'s autistic wet dream and weasels his way into Equestria
  6534. >He gets there, finds exactly what he wanted
  6535. >Everything is sunshine and rainbows for a while
  6536. >He begins getting nightmares.
  6537. >A mare is screaming for him.
  6538. >Pushes it off at first. They keep getting worse.
  6539. >They haunt him during the day. It gets more articulate and realistic.
  6540. >Can't enjoy anything.
  6541. >The joy is sapped out from him as they progress.
  6542. >He begins to feel drawn to something in the distance.
  6543. >He doesn't know what, or how far, it is, but he feel compelled to move towards it.
  6544. >He packs up, little thought on what he's leaving behind.
  6545. >He continues through the forests, plains and mountains.
  6546. >Farther than the farthest reaches of any sane civilization
  6547. >He's gone days -longer maybe- without seeing another soul
  6548. >At some point, he stops seeing life.
  6549. >Barren wasteland before him, he keeps treading, not knowing if these are his final hours.
  6550. >He comes to find an oasis.
  6551. >A house in the middle of nowhere, complete with a garden and water fountain.
  6552. >He goes in. It's filled with books.
  6553. >Mountains of books. Stacks to the ceiling and covering whole walls.
  6554. >A kind of relief washes over him as he gets closer to his goal.
  6555. >At the back of the house, in the farthest corner, he finds the mare he'd seen in his nightmares.
  6556. >"Anon?!"
  6557. >The scream is the exact same, but it didn't cause him pain.
  6558. >"You... you're real?!"
  6559.  
  6560. >He smiled.
  6561. >Now he knew why he was here.
  6562. >To help a mare who had run away. Forsaken the whole world and everyone in it so she could hide and surround herself with fantasy. Nothing else was worth her attention.
  6563. >A kindred soul
  6564.  
  6565.  
  6566.  
  6567.  
  6568. >Be Fauna
  6569. >You see this wayward stallion while closing up shop.
  6570. >You've heard about him, barely being able to even whicker like a normal pony. But it's not just his sounds or speech patterns.
  6571. >He's... odd. Everything about him is.
  6572. >Seeing him in person just reinforces that.
  6573. >His ears are pinned but is also laying down with a hauntingly sad look, like a lost puppy.
  6574. >His forelegs are crossed as if he's trying to hug himself but failing. He's also rocking back and fourth while doing so.
  6575. >General stuff you've seen isolated monkeys do for comfort, but with more success.
  6576. >Then it hits you.
  6577. >He's probably one of those ponies raised by wild animals that here are only wild tales of.
  6578. >Your ears swivel around as you keep an eye out for anypony else.
  6579. >Nopony, good.
  6580. >Letting out a soft whicker, you try to call out for him.
  6581. >He just stares at you, unblinking.
  6582. >"Want move, Pony?" He says in an oddly melodic yet gravelly accent.
  6583. >It's surprising how he's started to pick up speech by himslef. If your hunch is right, that is.
  6584. >Sure enough you're able to coax him into your clinic with a piece of salmon jerky, a treat only your predatory animals would find appetizing.
  6585. >His tail lashes awkwardly, and his now preened wings flap weakly out of sync when you scrub him down, but he doesn't make too much off a fuss.
  6586. >In fact he doesn't have an ounce of agression in him, nothing like what you've heard.
  6587. >Giving him more salmon jerky, apples, and berries you cover him with a blanket and seat him in a box in the coner of your office.
  6588. >With luck he'll stay there until morning and you can get him proper help
  6589.  
  6590.  
  6591.  
  6592.  
  6593.  
  6594. >Be anon-pone.
  6595. >Slightly humilitated about being treated like a pet or wild animal.
  6596. >But with free food that wasnt wild flowers, the first wash in over a week that wasnt in river water and a warm blanket you can live with a little humiliation.
  6597. >And you'd only be lying to yourself if the box you're sat in didnt provide some odd sense of comfort, must be a pony thing.
  6598. >Althoughh ponies seem to have beds judging from the few glances you've thrown through windows so maybe it's just a bird horse thing, do they make nests?
  6599. >Drift off to sleep thinking about pegasi acting more like birds than horses
  6600.  
  6601.  
  6602.  
  6603.  
  6604.  
  6605. >Sudden Bug Teaty syndrome
  6606.  
  6607. >Chrysalis was a victim of a horrible disease/curse this entire time
  6608. oh my god
  6609.  
  6610. >"Canterlot has the best doctors in Equestria! If they won't let me see them on my own, then I'll invade the city and MAKE them let me see one!"
  6611.  
  6612. >Chrysalis was just a nerdy mare with black fur, a green mane, and an interest in slutty stallion's socks; specifically ones with polka-dots on them
  6613. >Her life was torn away from her when she caught Bug Teaty Syndome
  6614. >She changed, and her friends rejected her
  6615. >Her best friend Shining Armor didn't even want to play O&O with her any more
  6616. >Enraged and feeling betrayed, Chrysalis left and tried to find other ponies who suffered from BTS
  6617. >She built a home for them all in the Badlands and decided that she wanted to create a movement to bring attention to their horrible condition in the hopes that one day they (and others who suffer from BTS in secret) will be cured
  6618. >It was meant to be an awareness-march/parade in the streets of Canterlot, but things got out of hand pretty quickly
  6619. >Chrysalis still has no idea what happened
  6620. >One minute she was marching down the streets to raise awareness, and the next she had the Princess of Love held hostage
  6621. >"Things are maybe not going as planned."
  6622.  
  6623.  
  6624.  
  6625.  
  6626.  
  6627.  
  6628. >Celestia has sunk to meritocracy in the hundreds of years she's been ruling for
  6629. >Her little ponies seem to have to learn the same lessons on being decent creatures again and again as the centuries go by, and nothing ever seems to stick
  6630. >500 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
  6631. >400 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
  6632. >300 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
  6633. >200 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
  6634. >100 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
  6635. >About 5 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
  6636. >Either nopony writes any of these lessons down, or they don't care enough to pass their ideals onto their offspring.
  6637. >Each new generation seems to be a blank slate
  6638. >Celestia is tired.
  6639. >She's tired of having to teach the same important lessons over and over while making no progress.
  6640. >She's tired of watching everypony fall into the same rut time and time again
  6641. >She has personally taught each generation of Apple that it's okay to rely on their friends for help, and they never teach that sort of thing to their offspring
  6642. >She gave up and left the job to Twilight, and even THEN Applejack seems to forget that lesson every other month and does something stupid.
  6643. >Celestia has given up on trying because nothing she does ever has any impact for more than a few years, and "a few years" is a drop in the bucket to an immortal
  6644. >It would be like if you had to break up the same fight between the same two friends and make them realize again and again that it's okay to share the controller, EVERY SINGLE WEEK
  6645. >The years blur together to the point where Celestia can only differentiate the decades by remembering which pony she's made into her most loyal student this time.
  6646. >What's the point in trying to be great if it has no effect on the world around her?
  6647. >That's where you come in
  6648. >Anon is a creature so unlike her little ponies
  6649. >He behaves differently than a male does
  6650. >His life doesn't center around friendship problems
  6651. >He can throw Celestia curveballs and ask her questions that make her consider problems that she hadn't thought about in literal centuries
  6652. >He's her anchor
  6653. >A spotlight in a dark room, reminding her that her entire world is not just a bunch of ponies who never seem to learn anything she teaches them
  6654. >For the first time in centuries, Celestia feels the burning fires of passion in her chest
  6655. >She has a reason to improve herself now
  6656. >Your presence in her life might be short-lived (unless she discovers a few forgotten secrets in the royal library), but to her it's like waking from a bad dream when they spend time together
  6657. >When she sings "You are my sunshine" to you, she really does mean it
  6658.  
  6659.  
  6660.  
  6661.  
  6662.  
  6663.  
  6664. *Whrrrrrr*
  6665. FLASH
  6666. "No ma'am, you didn't just witness an adorable equine creature step out of portal to try and abduct your husband. Please move along."
  6667. >Be the long suffering Agent A of the MIB
  6668. >Be basically the de facto babysitter to a bunch of alien ponies that call themselves Equestrians, a rather recent arrival to Planet Earth after one of their Princesses accidentally opened a portal right smack dab in the middle of Grand Central Station.
  6669. >God what a mess to clean up that was.
  6670. >There's still about half a dozen men still missing from that debacle.
  6671. >Anyway, the /official/ reason for them being here is to spread the holy message of friendship among the human populace, usually by appearing right in front of them without any sort of disguise whatsoever.
  6672. >What they were REALLY after was breeders and househusbands to supplement their dwindling population, which is made up of mostly made up of females and is a matriarchal society.
  6673. >You've been flirted with more than a few times and they brazenly stare at your crotch when you walk by.
  6674. >One of them even dared to grope you before you kicked her in the face.
  6675. >It didn't bother her one bit, she just grinned at you and continued fondling you.
  6676. >They're apparently cartoonishly tough and have a pretty high tolerance for pain,.
  6677. >Fucking figures
  6678.  
  6679.  
  6680.  
  6681.  
  6682.  
  6683. >Long ago, at the eve of the world's birth, a being manifested.
  6684. >One eternal.
  6685. >One to shepherd the heavens.
  6686. >One to lead the first of the equine races through the turbulent beginnings of life.
  6687. >A mare with a pure, white coat and long, flowing dark mane.
  6688. >For countless years, they watched over and protected the little ponies who they loved so dearly, and who returned that love just as much.
  6689. >Every new foal birthed brought joy to the eternal mare.
  6690. >Just as every death saddened her.
  6691. >It was hard to watch her little ponies go where she could not follow, and with every bond made, she had to suffer through its breaking.
  6692. >They were lonely, and wished for a companion that they would not have to say farewell too.
  6693. >All the other eternals were either enemies, such as the Mindless Chaos, or neutral entities who wanted nothing to do with the great mare.
  6694. >This is why, one day, the mare developed a spell of unrivaled power.
  6695. >One to create the companion she so craved.
  6696. >Not from without, but from within.
  6697. >The great mare split herself in two.
  6698. >Darkness and Light.
  6699. >Sun and Moon.
  6700. >Celestia and Luna.
  6701. >So that they would always have somepony to be with.
  6702.  
  6703. >Many thousands of years later, and the two halves of a whole are seen as a pair of sisters, the princesses of Equestria.
  6704. >That is how Anon knows them.
  6705. >It's been strange, but the two rulers have made him feel welcome as he a adjusts to his new life.
  6706. >The sisters are more than happy to help the human.
  6707. >He's funny and kind, and has quickly become a good friend to them.
  6708. >It's why, as he jokingly pretended to fall over a railing, and ended up actually falling over the edge of Canterlot, they were so distraught.
  6709. >They are used to having to say goodbye to mortal friends, but it never gets any easier.
  6710. >... Except, when they go to retrieve his broken body, they find it instead pulling itself back together.
  6711. >A morbid sight not helped by Anon's gurgled screams on pain.
  6712. >Eventually, he was back to normal, though shaken up, and the tests began
  6713. >After some time, it is determined that Anon, through the mixture of magic and his completely alien body, has become immortal.
  6714. >Not ageless, but a being who could be eviscerated, burned to dust, or any number of deaths, and simply walk it off.
  6715. >If this were not hard enough to come to terms with, Anon also starts to notice Celestia and Luna act differently.
  6716. >The three would often only see each other at meals before as Anon stayed in the castle, but now, the alicorns visit him multiple times a day, sometimes even shirking minor royal duties to come see him.
  6717. >There are more brushes against his side, and meals have become more extravagant and dimly lit by candle light.
  6718. >Eventually, the pair approach Anon with an idea.
  6719. >They wish to form a herd with him.
  6720. >Now, Anon certainly likes them both, and he can't deny he finds them both attractive, but it's just too much for him.
  6721. >First he came to this strange world with talking ponies and magic.
  6722. >Then he found out he was immortal.
  6723. >And now he has these sisters suggesting a polygamous relationship which goes against the monogamous lifestyle that has been ingrained in his subconscious as proper.
  6724. >He tells them that he can't bring himself to be in such a relationship, and he doesn't want to come between the two, so he can't date either.
  6725. >The sisters are solemn when they leave.
  6726. >Here's a male that they can be with forever, to finally have a romantic relationship not fated to end, and he's monogamous.
  6727. >That's just great.
  6728. >Wait...
  6729. >The sisters look at each other, silently conversing.
  6730. >Could they really...?
  6731. >It's been so long.
  6732. >But if it doesn't work, they could always reverse things.
  6733. >There's no harm in trying, at least.
  6734. >The following day, ponies are confused to see a solar eclipse.
  6735. >Anon is also confused when a knock on his door reveals a towering alicorn mare with a pure white coat and flowing black mane.
  6736. >"Greetings, Fare Anonymous. I am Eclipse, and I would love to take you out on a date."
  6737. "Ah... what?"
  6738.  
  6739.  
  6740.  
  6741.  
  6742.  
  6743.  
  6744. >Be Anon
  6745. >Be on a train to Manehattan
  6746. >There's a recruitment effort there for musical talent, and you want to try out
  6747. >You don't know if you're anything special, but you know that there's a bunch of music that you remember from your world that you haven't heard here
  6748. >Run into Vinyl a few times on your way over
  6749. >Bump into her in the street on your way to the train station; she's going your way and she gives you a fleeting, empty promise to get you a backstage pass to her next gig
  6750. >See her again on the train; seems she got on just as it was leaving the station and now every other cabin but your's is full
  6751. >You shoot the shit (she looks a little embarrassed to be chatting with you after she was casually flirting with you before) and you give her your story
  6752. >You have a few things recorded (or maybe you have some equipment, I don't fucking know how musicians work) and she seems kind of impressed
  6753. >Part ways after a little bit
  6754. >Go to the recruitment drive
  6755. >Get rejected by all the big labels
  6756. >Feel like shit by the time some greasy-looking creature walks over to you with a sharp smile
  6757. >"I believe you could be an asset to our company, mister Anonymous."
  6758. >Vinyl swoops in out of nowhere
  6759. >"Hey, fuck off. This one's with me."
  6760. >The suit makes a hasty retreat
  6761. >Vinyl explains that the company that nearly snatched you up is infamous for chewing up talent (especially male talent) and spitting it back out
  6762. >"My big brother got caught up in a company just like that. He inspired me to get into music myself, but by the time I made it big he was already a mess."
  6763. >Explains that her brother was sucked dry and eventually resorted to drugs to cope
  6764. >Overdosed last year
  6765. >"You remind me a lot of him; passionate, but naive. I caught sight of you on my way out of a recording session, and I liked what I heard. I don't think I can stand to see another guy get ruined by this industry."
  6766. >She hands you a scrap of paper with writing on it
  6767. >"Here's how you can contact me. Let me see what you can do."
  6768.  
  6769.  
  6770.  
  6771.  
  6772.  
  6773.  
  6774. >Alicorns are weird about sugar
  6775. >They will hoard anything made with it, eat literal piles of the stuff, and will get especially pissy about others trying to encroach on their 'sugar turf'
  6776. >Sugar turf is just an area(s) an alicorn frequents to get their fix
  6777. >This has led to some spats between royalty
  6778. >Nothing serious, but the average pony should absolutely get out of the way until they calm down
  6779. >Enter Anon, who had been in Equestria for all of 2 days
  6780. >Seeing what looked like a showdown between the four demi-gods was concerning to say the least
  6781. >Thankfully Shining was there to lead him away from the fighting and get him a nice cup of tea
  6782.  
  6783. >sugar turf
  6784. >this was a recent development; part of the reason NMM happened was tia/luna had to compete for sugar as the infrastructure to support two alicorns didn't exist yet
  6785. >during Luna's banishment Celestia took it upon herself to ensure that sugar was as widespread as possible so such competition would never happen again
  6786. >she even gave her sister first pick of the turf she wanted
  6787. >to her relief and mild confusion Luna chose the simple pastry shop owned by Donut Joe down the road instead of her own cake chef
  6788. >unknown to her Luna chose the donut shop because she thinks the bipedal serving boy is cute; the donuts were simply a bonus
  6789.  
  6790.  
  6791.  
  6792.  
  6793. >Anon Y. Mas, son of Father ChristMas, AKA, Santa Claus, is tired of living in his father's shadow.
  6794. >He's always told he'll be carrying on the family tradition when his dad retires, but the old SOB has been doing this job for over a thousand years, and always jokes he still has a thousand more left in him.
  6795. >Do they really expect Anon to just hang around the North Pole, supersizing the workshop for all that time?
  6796. >He wants to travel the world, and deliver presents to the children of said world.
  6797. >He wants to make the list and check it twice.
  6798. >He wants to be Santa Claus.
  6799. >And he'll never get his chance if he stays at home, waiting for his turn.
  6800. >No, if Anon wants to bring joy to the hearts of good little boys and girls, he'll have to find a place beyond his father's territory.
  6801. >Good thing there's a lot of magic in the North Pole, and that they already had portal technology.
  6802. >You really thought Santa covered all that distance physically?
  6803. >Nah, the sled has a warp drive and time dilation system to help him do his job in one night.
  6804. >And Anon steals some of that tech to travel to another world.
  6805. >Thus Anon ends up in the Frozen North of Equestria, just a few dozen miles away from the Empire.
  6806. >He has with him plenty of supplies and magitech, along with a few robo-elves of his own design.
  6807. >He had originally made them to help lessen the load on the workshop elves as Earth's population rose, but they weren't grateful like he thought.
  6808. >They saw the creations as an attempt to make them obsolete, and the Elf Union was quickly after his head.
  6809. >He had to promise not to implement them in his father's workshop, but that doesn't mean he can't use them in his own.
  6810. >In the following months, crystal ponies report seeing strange lights North of the kingdom from deep within the jagged mountains, but nothing is done about.
  6811. >An expedition was being planned, but when the lights stopped, so did any sense of urgency.
  6812. >Now Anon has to do some reconnaissance
  6813.  
  6814.  
  6815.  
  6816.  
  6817.  
  6818. >Rainbow Dash is a dyke.
  6819. >Biggest around, and all the ponies know it.
  6820. >She's proud of the fact for some reason, and always mentions how she thinks cocks are gross and the like.
  6821. >Obviously, her number one fan is also gay, just like her idle.
  6822. >Yep, pre-teen Scootaloo is totally a lesbo who doesn't like colts.
  6823. >It's why pre-teen Anon was drawn to her in the first place.
  6824. >All the other fillies were always eyeing him like a piece of meet, their pubescent hormones making them horny messes, and the colts were just too prissy for him to like.
  6825. >And here's Scootaloo, a rough and tumble filly who he doesn't have to worry about trying to get into his pants.
  6826. >"Haha, that's right, Anon, I'd totally not suck your dick and ride you harder then my scooter! Ha, I'm grossed out just thinking about it! Haha!" Scootaloo says a bit too loudly.
  6827. >Anon laughs and punches her in the shoulder.
  6828. "You wouldn't be able to handle me anyways," he shoots back. "I'd leave you a cum-soaked mess, ya dyke. Might even fuck you straight."
  6829. >"Ha, yeah right," she counters with a forced grin. "That definitely doesn't sound hotter than Celestia's sun, and like something I wish would happen. Nope! It's all clits and teats for this filly, haha!"
  6830. "Preach!" Anon says with a laugh, then quiets down, looking somewhat sad. "All joking aside though, I know it's kinda gay sounding- no offense- but I really don't want to get with just any filly. The first times supposed to be special, right?"
  6831. >Scootaloo looks at him surprised.
  6832. >"Wait, you're a virgin? What about all those fillies trying to get you in bed?"
  6833. "I tell them no. Like I said, I want my first time to be with someone I genuinely like."
  6834. >He sighs, falling back to stare at the clouds.
  6835. "Someone who's a friend. Someone I click with and share interests with."
  6836. >He chuckles and turns to look at her.
  6837. "Really does suck you're a rug muncher. I think I'd be okay with you being my first."
  6838. >"Yeah..." she whispers after a moment, turning her face away. "That does suck."
  6839.  
  6840.  
  6841.  
  6842.  
  6843.  
  6844.  
  6845. >Humans are considered irredeemable monsters in Equestrian myth, and were a common horror story told among ponies when Anon first arrived in Equestria some one thousand years ago.
  6846. >Humans were featured as the monsters of bedtime stories or the big bads in many a fantasy novel.
  6847. >It's why Anon, upon entering a pony village, was subsequently chased out with pitch forks and torches.
  6848. >Of course, word reached the princesses, and they soon set out to stop the beast.
  6849. >Luckily for Anon, they were allowed him last words, which he used to point out he wasn't evil and just wanted some food and maybe a hug.
  6850. >He was pretty stressed out.
  6851. >The princesses quickly determined that he really was a perfectly fine colt, but the ponies wouldn't hear a word of it.
  6852. >He was obviously tricking the princesses.
  6853. >All the human males were manipulative homme fatales in the few stories they were featured, using their masculine wilds and ever present socks to lure mares into their traps.
  6854. >And they could all see Anon's socks right there on his sandaled feet, along with sexy brown shorts!
  6855. >He was on vacation when he fell into the portal, sue him.
  6856. >Seeing that a riot was about to break lose, the princesses promised to imprison the evil human, much to his shock.
  6857. >He really thought this was the end for him, but the princesses had an idea.
  6858. >At first, Anon didn't like the idea of being imprisoned in Pony Hell, but it turned out not to be so bad.
  6859. >Especially after the princesses had a quaint little cottage built in Tartarus for him with promises of keeping it stocked regularly with everything he could ever need.
  6860. >On top of that, to keep him company, they even got him a puppy.
  6861. >One with three heads and a playful attitude.
  6862. >How thoughtful.
  6863. >What would later be discovered would be that Anon was for some reason immortal, which also translated to the dog who apparently had some of that longevity rub off on him.
  6864. >Huh, neat.
  6865. >Though that still left Anon with an eternity with nothing to do
  6866.  
  6867. >There's not a lot to do in Pony Hell, and there are very few ponies besides the few miserable ones who got stuck on guard duty.
  6868. >Anon actually felt kind of bad for them.
  6869. >Most of them had families and lives outside of this place, and being stationed here took them away from that for months at a time before they were rotated out.
  6870. >It really sucked, and Anon started doing what he could to help them out.
  6871. >One thing led to another, until soon, he just sort of took over their duties, like cleaning the cages and feeding the inmates, most of which were just glorified animals the ponies thought were too dangerous to be let loose.
  6872. >He had all the time in the world to do his job, and with his ever growing dog by his side, he had plenty of muscle to keep the peace.
  6873. >Eventually, fewer and fewer guards were needed until he just took on all the responsibilities himself, and the princesses labeled him warden of Tartarus.
  6874. >He was also told, a few hundred years later, that he didn't need to be.
  6875. >The human craze had finally died down and fallen into obscurity.
  6876. >Zombies were all the rage now, and few ponies ever even thought of humans.
  6877. >It was an opportunity for Anon to start a life a free man of Equestria, but he declined.
  6878. >After all, his dog was massive now, and he doubted ponies would was Cerberus anywhere near them.
  6879. >They'd think the big lug was a monster, and besides, Anon was used to his life now, and didn't want guards to have to start watching over this place again just because he wanted freedom.
  6880. >No, he was content were he was, and had everything he needed.
  6881. >The princesses were truly humbled by this colt's selflessness, and would do what they could to spread the story of the noble human who guarded the gates of Tartarus.
  6882. >Though few believed the stories in the present, many had heard of the legendary human, including Twilight Sparkle.
  6883. >Of course, she thinks it's just myth
  6884. >At least, right up until she returns a wayward Cerberus, and is met by a frantic human thanking her profusely for returning his dog.
  6885. "I swear I only left the gate open for a second, and he was gone," he says as he scratches the big dog behind the ear. "You can be such a naughty puppy sometimes!"
  6886. >The two heads not getting their ears blissfully scratched at least try to look remorseful as Anon sighs.
  6887. "Ah, I can't be mad at you guys. You're just too cute."
  6888. >He looks back at the stunned mare and smiles.
  6889. "Anyway, thanks again for returning my dog. He means the world to me, and I just don't know what I'd do without him."
  6890. >"Um, it's, ah, it's fine, Mister Warden."
  6891. "My names Anonymous, but you can call me Anon, and really, I don't think I can ever repay you for this."
  6892. >His smile widens.
  6893. "But I can try! A fresh batch of cookies just came out of the oven, and I'd love if you'd come have a few. They're chocolate chip, and I have milk."
  6894. >Twilight's ears perk up.
  6895. >"Chocolate milk?"
  6896. >Anon gasps exaggeratedly.
  6897. "Chocolate milk with chocolate chip cookies! You monster!" he says, suddenly bending at the hip to bring his face closer to hers. "You'll fit right in."
  6898. >He boops her nose and spins around.
  6899. >"Come! Cookies and chocolate milk awaits! I even have quite a few assorted chocolates left from Hearts and Hooves day if you really want to be deviant. Celestia always sends me a few boxes each year, and now that Luna's back, she's been trying to make up for lost time."
  6900. >Twilight follows almost without thinking.
  6901. >She's not sure, but she thinks she might be making quite a few more trip to Tartarus in the future
  6902.  
  6903.  
  6904.  
  6905.  
  6906.  
  6907.  
  6908. > Moondancer has mare-pattern baldness
  6909. > It's partly due to stress making her overgroom herself, but she also has bad genes
  6910. > So she hides her chest and belly with a sweater, so that nopony has to see her bare skin
  6911. > She just about wants to die when Anon's pettings turned into an impromptu belly rub
  6912. > She watched his confused face, waiting for his expression to turn to disgust
  6913. > She did not expect him to life up her sweater and nuzzle where a mare's tuft should be
  6914. > Turns out, he'd been missing the feeling of skin-to-skin contact, despite pony fur being pleasing to the touch
  6915. > He was also excited, saying something about being able to do a proper raspberry
  6916. > Moondancer isn't sure what that is, but she's been on the horsenet long enough and read enough urban dictionary entries to suspect he wants to stick the tip of his dick in her belly button
  6917. > Frankly, she thinks it's weird, but if it makes him happy...
  6918.  
  6919.  
  6920.  
  6921.  
  6922.  
  6923. >Fate/Stay Equestria Edition.
  6924. >The mages of Equestria summon legendary figures for the Grail War.
  6925. >Anon gets summoned as Lancer.
  6926. >He's not much of a fighter though.
  6927. >His "lance" is his dick, and he went down in history for having sex with hundreds of mares and being revered as a sex god.
  6928. >He only died because enraged stallions formed a mob and lynched him.
  6929. >Now he must try to seduce his way through the competition.
  6930. >Meanwhile, his summoner is ready for the show.
  6931. >Moondancer knew what she was doing when she used that dried severed hand to summon Anon.
  6932. >She knew the stories, and that her odds of winning with a sex-crazed ape colt creature would be slim to none, but she didn't care.
  6933. >Her wish, after all, is to lose her virginity and see some of the freakiest sex acts to be witnessed in over a thousand years.
  6934. >She's pretty sure Twilight has summoned a young and fit Star Swirl the Bearded
  6935. *Just assume he's not one of the pillars in this universe*
  6936. >Maybe she can convince Anon to show the legendary stallion his own talents.
  6937. >She's always been a fan of historical fiction yaoi
  6938.  
  6939. >tfw basaka went tardrage
  6940. >tfw chad seiba cant even hold it back
  6941. >tfw summoned as a heric spirit based on a leyend and still a manlet
  6942. >tfw the holy grail is a meme
  6943. >tfw summoned on the class no one is supposed to notice
  6944. >tfw skill is off but no one notices anyway
  6945. >tfw gonna need a reality warping wish machine to get a gf
  6946.  
  6947. > Matilda summons Nemo, Father of Labyrinthia, the rider servant
  6948. > She did not expect a lanky farmer, fleet of foot and fond of all things four-legged, especially sheep
  6949.  
  6950. >Anon gets summoned as Caster
  6951. >Not just any caster
  6952. >A SMUG caster
  6953. >"Get fucked normies REEEEEEE!"
  6954. >Sewers all across town explode
  6955.  
  6956. >Anon is summoned as a neetmage
  6957. >Territory Creation A+++ 《Basement Dwelling》
  6958. >His NP is the fucking internet
  6959. >Could indefinitely linger after the war as long as he has his basement
  6960. >Probably would too
  6961.  
  6962. Then Anon should be Rider. He'd basically be the RGRE equivalent of pic related, who was so well known for her thottery in life that one of her Noble Phantasms is a literal rape dungeon hidden inside a magic chariot
  6963.  
  6964. Ah yes, Anon walking around with a whip, ready to spank all those mares into submission.
  6965. He'd also probably be really afraid of cheese
  6966.  
  6967. "So what do you want to try? We can jump right into the deep end if you want to."
  6968. >"W-well I've always fantasized about a stallion sitting on my face."
  6969. "Easily done, your highness."
  6970. >"A-and then we could-"
  6971. >BAM
  6972. >>"Get away from my sister you whorse!"
  6973. >"Shining?! What are you doing here?"
  6974. >>"I'm putting an end to this nonsense! Until both of you trade rings, well, let's just say neither of you are going to have a very 'Gouda' time."
  6975. >"Shining. Shining, no. Put the cheese down."
  6976. "Oh would you look at the time? It's time for me to leave. See you later, princess."
  6977.  
  6978. >Shining Armor continuously cockblocks Rider Anon from fucking Twilight
  6979. >Rider Anon needs that mana transfer to sustain his magical energy for the War
  6980. >since his Master is off the table and he isn't the type to drain blood for energy, Rider Anon just goes around fucking random mares
  6981. >every time Twilight sees one of these mares on the street they're always gushing about what an absolute FREAK Rider Anon is in bed
  6982. >Twilight has never hated her big brother more than now
  6983.  
  6984. >"No you don't understand, Shining! We're not just trying to have casual sex-"
  6985. "Although that is a bonus."
  6986. >"We're trying to save the world! There is a secret, underground war going on that could possibly result in the end of Equestria as we know it."
  6987. >>"And how does the two of you having sex tie into this?"
  6988. >"I give him energy...somehow whenever he ruts me. I don't have all the details sorted out, but it's a very interesting avenue of study to pursue."
  6989. >>"Uh-huh. You two stay here. I'm going to go get the swiss."

A Dazzling Christmas

by Uh-hmmm

A Dream Proposition

by Uh-hmmm

A Morning Ride

by Uh-hmmm

Adagio's Lullaby

by Uh-hmmm

An Acquired Taste (Scat)

by Uh-hmmm