Mares With Guns


                                            >Your mind perches on the edge of consciousness, your brain buzzing with remnants of drugs and fuzzy memories

                                            >You hold a hand up to the side of your pounding head and find another hand stopping you

                                            >"Take it easy. You were in a pretty bad accident."

                                            "I don't feel any pain."

                                            >"Are you hungry?"

                                            "Where are my parents? Are you the nurse?"

                                            >"No. I'm with the forest service."

                                            "What does my being injured have to do with you guys?"

                                            >Your eyes feel somehow a bit heavier

                                            "How long was I out?"

                                            >"Everything in time. You've been granted your doctorate a few years early, isn't that great?"

                                            "Oh... but I liked working on it."

                                            >"You were very brave."

                                            "W-what happened to me?"

                                            >"It would be best to keep an open mind. Open your eyes, please."

                                            "Oh god. Oh no. No no no no no no no."

                                            >"You're our new demolitions expert, isn't that great? You'll have your own laboratory and funding."

                                            "How the hell am I supposed to use it if all I have are these... things?!"

                                            >"Not all you possess is within view."

                                            >The suited man taps your forehead, no... slightly above it

                                            >You have a tumorous growth of some sort up there, hard and gnarled

                                            >It's full of nerves, you can feel it

                                            >You black out

                                            >"-slightly increase the conditi-"

                                            >"2 ccs of cyclo-"

                                            "Ugh..."

                                            >"How do you feel now?"

                                            "Like I got hit by a truck. Where are my parents? Are you the nurse?"

                                            >"No, I'm a forest ranger."

                                            "Why am I in the hospital?"

                                            >"You had an accident, but we fixed you up. I'm your new owner."

                                            "Oh, good. I was working on something... some sort of degree?"

                                            >"You're a doctorate chemist, don't you remember?"

                                            "Oh, yes..."

                                            >You start to feel the years of lab work flooding back into your mind

                                            "Did I mess up?"

                                            >"Your lab partner, actually."

                                            "Again though, where are my parents?"

                                            >He mumbles something under his breath and then touches your horn

                                            >You black out

                                            >

                                            >

                                            >

                                            >You feel very tired, you remember vaguely waking up in the hospital this morning, but now it's nighttime?

                                            >There's a man in front of you, he looks very exhausted

                                            >"Can you tell me your name?"

                                            "I'm Buttercup!"

                                            >"What do you do for the Forest Service operations division?"

                                            "I'm uh... I'm a demolitions expert. I mix up explosive compounds and wire them up."

                                            >"Good, good. I'm Dr. Jameson, like the Whiskey. I'll be your owner and lab supervisor."

                                            "Okay!"

                                            >"If you'll excuse me for a second, I have to take a call."


                                            >You are Dr. Jameson, and that could've gone far better.

                                            >You'll introduce the poor thing to the other operatives tomorrow, right now you need a cigarette, a lukewarm gas station meal, and a night's rest on a rock-hard mattress

                                            >At least she no longer seems afraid of being a pony or all that curious about where her parents are.

                                            >Or all that concerned with the fact that she used to be a man.

                                            >You'll swing by Speedway before a long drive back to an empty home

                                            [spoiler]>Maybe you can bring her with you for company, eventually[/spoiler]


                                            >"Ferri?"

                                            >It's you of course, Ferrari.

                                            "Yeah?"

                                            >You turn away from your computer towards Dawn, her brilliant yellow coat catching the setting sun just right

                                            >"Why do you always work on the weekends?"

                                            "I'm support. You all do the dirty work, and I sit here at my laptop and break open doors and stuff. Involves a lot more work off the clock, but..."

                                            >You isolate a small pattern of Hoffman radiation and click 'run'

                                            >The door to the outside ka-chunks open, letting in the cool evening air

                                            >"Cool!"

                                            "I sometimes forget you don't really get to see what I do up there on the front lines. Hey... since I'm done here, do you want to cuddle up?"

                                            >"Sure thing, just don't forget to get the door silly."

                                            "Right-o."

                                            >With a flick of your horn, you pull it closed and climb into the little cot the two of you share sometimes when it gets cold

                                            >You love Dawn like a little sister, she isn't very bright but for every IQ point below you she is, she makes up for it in ten miles of horsefeels

                                            >It's safe to say don't quite feel like a pony even on your best days, but Dawn is probably pony enough for both of you

                                            >You take off your underwear and toss it on the little rocking chair in the room's corner as Dawn slides in next to you, then remove your thick-rimmed glasses and put them in their case

                                            >Dawn presses her arched back into your chest, and you gently but firmly wrap your forehooves around her form

                                            >She lets out a little sigh, then turns out the lamp with a glowing horn.

                                            >08:00


                                            >Be Dawn

                                            >It's a rude awakening as Janine pulls your snuggler out of bed and begins to talk about technical mumbo-jumbo with her

                                            >It's the weekend, why can't the others just want to play?

                                            >You did what they asked, your battle rifle's bullets sang through skulls true as ever on Thursday.

                                            >No more killing at least until Monday, now you want fluff time.

                                            >You let out an annoyed whinny to let the others know you're not pleased with the arrangement.

                                            >Janine gives you this look, you're not really sure whether she likes you or not. You know she's obsessed with Ferrari, you've caught the two kissing with tongue after an operation. Ferri didn't appear to be in on it, but didn't quite object.

                                            >"Dawny, change of plans. We've got a routine assassination at 13:00 hours, you're on point. Viper is getting her conditioning tuned, so it'll just be the four of us."

                                            >At the sound of a mission, much as you sometimes wish they didn't, your brain machine starts to pump funny chemicals into you

                                            >You're okay with killing now.

                                            "Where's Master?"

                                            >"I think I last saw Arthur getting coffee, go check for him there."

                                            >You open the door to your bedroom and canter out into the warm, wooded halls of the Forest Service outpost.

                                            >The outpost is more home than any you've ever had, panes of bulletproof glass illuminate a view of the blue ridge mountains outside.

                                            >Various comfortable armchairs and walnut tables are neatly placed along the hallway, allowing anypony and her friends or co-workers to have a comfortable seat and a hot meal

                                            >On some of the tables, chessboards sit neatly, waiting for white to make the first move

                                            >On others, computer monitors hooked into the central computer sit

                                            >You pass by all of it and go to the breakroom

                                            >Like a school, ponies aren't really supposed to go inside, but this rule is often ignored at least for you because you're very cute

                                            >Or so Master says

                                            >He's pouring his morning scotch into his coffee, he gives you the same wink he always does and both of you smile at each other

                                            >'I won't tell if you won't tell.'

                                            'I won't tell if you won't tell.'

                                            >"My little pony! Looking as pretty as ever. Well, I'll give you a brushing before the operation, but otherwise..."

                                            "Always good to see you, Master. What's the briefing this time?"

                                            >"Wealthy guy, ex-CIA, dementia. No guns this time, it's got to look like an accident. He's spilling secrets left and right in his old age, and we can no longer run counter-intel without making him a static."

                                            "Oooh, this is the kind of job Ferri loves!"

                                            >"She's a bit crazy on details, isn't she? I see why you take a shine to her, if I recall you've had a long-standing crush on Velma. Just remember who your owner is."

                                            >He ruffles your mane and you melt a little bit into his hand, he knows just how to disarm your conditioning

                                            >Your face probably looks really silly as he picks you up and brushes the morning tangles out of your mane and tail, taking occasional breaks to sip his alcoholffee

                                            "Uh, you know I'm not the brightest of the Forest Service, but... what are the plans for him today?"

                                            >"Hmm, Janine and Ferri are taking care of a lot of it. As per usual, if they've done their job well you'll never see either of them... rearranging schedules from breached passwords, all sorts of shit that you and I don't have to deal with. You need to be next to me at a specific time and area on the peak. When I give you the signal, you'll trip him and he'll fall head over teakettle."

                                            "Are you sure that'll do him in?"

                                            >"Absolutely. A fall like that might not kill an augment like you, but it'll take out a frail old organic like rat poison."

                                            "Alright then, when do we leave?"

                                            >"Eager girl today. I thought you generally didn't like weekend overtime?"

                                            "Well uh, the conditioning of course, but it'll be nice to go on a hike with you."

                                            >He checks his watch, a type of Rolex you've been told was a "retirement" gift from the navy

                                            >Though he's also told you this job was the gift, since one of the sign-on benefits was access to an artificial leg to replace the one that got blown off by a sniper

                                            >"It's only 8:07, we've got another three hours or so before we have to pile into the van. Do you want a bagel?"

                                            "Do you even need to ask?"

                                            >He laughs and gets the cream cheese out of the fridge.


                                            >Be Viper.

                                            >"You fucked it again. Do you remember anything?"

                                            "Sir, I'm sorry but no, sir."

                                            >"Don't try to get up. It'll be a few hours before you're ready to go back to base, we need you to heal."

                                            "Sir, what happened?"

                                            >"You went whacko again on some anarchs. Nearly got yourself killed, and that's with your augments. No wonder you don't remember a thing, they must've used up half the cyclo they had on you just re-calibrating your implants."

                                            >You feel your heart rate spike, then the cool sensation of a relaxant drug being released into your bloodstream, then the calming numbness of the anxiety fading from your body

                                            >But not your mind

                                            "Sir, I'm ready for duty again! The others need me, I can't let my girls down"

                                            >"Too late for that, save your breath. They're on an operation today and you're not going to be part of anything for at least a week. Dawn is taking point, it's amazing how much better a stupid asset that follows orders is than a smart one that doesn't. I'm heading back to base, a Black Taxi will arrive to take you back too in a few hours. Don't seek me out when you get back, I don't even want to look at you right now."

                                            "We... weren't we going to go camping tomorrow?"

                                            >He slaps you across the face, hard.

                                            >It probably literally hurts him more than it hurts you with your titanium skull and pain inhibitors, but your already wounded little heart shatters

                                            >He exits, the tears begin to flow as you clutch the blankets between your forehooves and mumble to yourself:

                                            "What did I do this time? What did I do this time?"

                                            >Be Dawn

                                            >You're kinda sweaty, so is Arthur

                                            >This hike isn't quite as leisurely as you were told, but that's alright

                                            >You're happy to have a workout, and you don't think you'll be sore

                                            >Something about the implants prevents it

                                            >You're leashed up right now, your walking harness wrapped around your chest and hooked up to the retractable handle in his hand

                                            >Your vanity collar, the one without any data probes, is on your neck too

                                            >Feels good, feels natural

                                            >The two of you have been rushing it, after all you both need to be at the top before he gets there

                                            >"We're almost at the summit, are you ready?"

                                            "Of course, Master."

                                            >"Good pony. I'll show you where to stand, Ferri's been watching him when the foliage clears, they're coming up the mountain from the loop. She and Janine estimate about five minutes until he arrives."

                                            "Is he alone?"

                                            >"No, but it's just his young, South American, gold digger of a wife with him. If need be I'll keep her under control."

                                            "Affirmative."

                                            >"We act like normal tourists as soon as we reach the summit. Three, two, one."

                                            "What a view, Master!"

                                            >"Only the best for my pony."

                                            >He ruffles your mane, you aren't completely putting on an act

                                            >It's very pretty up here, the skies are nice and blue and the mountains look like the fluffy backs of some sort of green dragon

                                            >Far below, you can see a little bit of the town you drove through on your way up.

                                            >"Dawn, sweetheart, let's see if there's a better view down here on this ledge."

                                            >He covertly points at the length of steel cable down there, a pretty obvious tripping hazard

                                            >You scramble down the ledge and rest your haunches on the boulder, enjoying the more intimate angle close to the treeline that affords a slightly different view than up on the bald

                                            >Arthur unscrews his water bottle.

                                            >"Muzzle up, girl."

                                            >He waterfalls you a swig's worth and then takes one himself

                                            >You're not quite sure how he intends to get the target down here, but you trust he has a plan

                                            >He always does

                                            >You observe a spider wrapping up its lunch

                                            "What type of spider is that?"

                                            >Master thinks for a second

                                            >"It looks like a black and yellow garden spider"

                                            "I could've told you that~"

                                            >He laughs and rubs your mane

                                            >"No, I mean that's it's common name. I don't remember the taxonomic one, I just know it's a type of Orb Weaver."

                                            "She's cool."

                                            >"He is. The females are much larger, take a look at his web."

                                            "It looks like one of the patterns you make with those motor pens"

                                            >"Yeah, they're kinda special for their zigzag pattern."

                                            >"Mind if we climb down next to you two?"

                                            "Go right ahead."

                                            >Arthur keeps his eyes trained on the spider, but casually reaches into his pocket where he keeps the little derringer he likes

                                            >That's your cue, you walk over to the target

                                            >"Aww, you look like a sunset."

                                            >You blush a little bit and look away, very susceptible to flattery

                                            "Thank you, but I'm actually modeled after a sunrise"

                                            >You stand next to the cable, your cutie mark betraying a view of the sun peaking over a hilltop

                                            >He bends over to pet you, and you can hear his latina wife wince

                                            >"Pendejo, not so close to the edge."

                                            >Before he can re-adjust, you're feeling around in the dark with Hoffman energy.

                                            >You grasp the cable and twang it like a guitar string.

                                            >Head over teakettle, he falls

                                            >Wait, you're falling too?

                                            >You're still locked into the Hoffman field, idiot!

                                            >You snap back to reality, dull pain is all over your body

                                            >"Dawn!"

                                            >The latina is screaming and crying up above, you wish she'd be quiet so you can get your bearings

                                            >You're covered in his blood, the operation was a success then

                                            >You shakily get to your hooves, nothing seems to be broken at least

                                            >Just hurts, kinda bad

                                            >The opiates will kick in soon, you should get up the ledge before that happens.

                                            >You see a small ledge you can balance along and take it, your years ago as a...

                                            >You don't like to think about when you were human. Things are better now.

                                            >You greet Arthur with a hug, which he returns as he scoops you up

                                            >"Let's get you home."

                                            >"You aren't going anywhere! Murderer!"

                                            >"Ma'am, you saw her next to him. Did she stick her hoof out?"

                                            >"She killed him! Somehow, you! ¡Bestia! ¡Te mataré!"

                                            >She pulls out her keyring, brandishing the long housekey like a knife.

                                            >Arthur pulls out his gun

                                            >"Not another step."

                                            >She rushes you and gets both shots in the head

                                            >"Damn, that could've gone better"

                                            "I'm sorry."

                                            >"You did wonderfully. Let's get out of here, cleanup team will be on their way and you know how they are. We also don't want inter-agency politics coming into this. Are you okay to walk?"

                                            "Maybe, but I'd really prefer if you held me."

                                            >He hugs you a little bit tighter against his chest and lets out a small chuckle

                                            >"Granted."


                                            >You're Morning Glory.

                                            >Who else would you be?

                                            >You roll off your mattress and do a downward dog stretch, letting a little bit of post-sleep stress out of your forelegs

                                            >It's the weekend, that means there's probably alcohol in the fridge

                                            >Which means it's acceptable for you to drink at least one.

                                            >You walk into the staff breakroom, where you are not allowed to be (ironic, given that your kind are the staff that does all the work around here)

                                            >Not that you're about that life anymore that being said, not since your partner died in that accident

                                            >After opening up the fridge, you see they left a box of White Claw

                                            >You scan the inside with your horn and find the strawberry one you want, pulling it out and spilling the rest of the cans on the shelf

                                            >Doesn't matter, you'll probably be drinking most of them.

                                            >You're a bad pony.

                                            >You crack open the strawberry, chugging it down before grabbing another.

                                            >Your non-organics flash up a warning about the poison they detected in your bloodstream

                                            >Alcohol is poison, what do you know?

                                            >You crack open another strawberry with intent to chug as you hear the door open

                                            >and sniffling

                                            "Viper."

                                            >"Oh, h-hey Morning..."

                                            "Good Morning, bad Morning?"

                                            >She sort of tries to laugh, but you can tell she's not in the mood right now

                                            "What's up? You need this?"

                                            >"Maybe, if that's acceptable."

                                            >You sit down on one of the beanbags and she follows suit, melting into your side

                                            >You wrap a forehoof around her and pour a bit of the drink into her open muzzle

                                            "What happened?"

                                            >"Commander told me I did bad."

                                            "Did everyone here come home alive?"

                                            >"Yeah..."

                                            "Then you did good, per usual."

                                            >You ruffle her mane

                                            >Viper is the really cute type of unstable, a little bit needy but protective.

                                            >You've only seen her in action once, but she was a force to behold

                                            >You're told she used to be special forces, before god knows what

                                            >Asking about anypony's past is so pointless, you're all here because you're broken.

                                            >Now it's time for you to be tools.

                                            >Except you, that is. They consider even your functionality as a tool to be inoperable.

                                            >You carry on with her, getting her nice and full of booze before you get on top of her

                                            >"Won't we get in trouble?"

                                            "We're drinking their seltzer in the room we're not supposed to be in and reprimand is generally a chain of command thing. My head is cut off and yours is intentionally avoiding you, I'd imagine?"

                                            >"Yeah"

                                            "Then let's kiss, have another drink, and go back to bed together."

                                            >"Okay."

                                            >and so you do.

                                            >You don't end up having sex, things are never so romantic as they are in the books

                                            >The two of you are buzzed out of your little minds when the doors open and everyone comes back in, celebrating a successful operation

                                            >They don't go for the fridge immediately, which actually makes you a bit nervous about later

                                            >Whatever, you'll take the fall for Viper if need be.

                                            >You'll gladly take nothingburger stern words from the site director over Viper getting more cold treatment from her bastard of a handler

                                            >You're not quite sure what it is she likes about him, but whatever it is has probably helped him avoid being shot

                                            "Stay here, I'll go greet them. The story is you're tired and resting, I'm the alcoholic fuckup right?"

                                            >"Mrrrr..."

                                            "Good pony."

                                            >You trot out into the hall

                                            >"Glory!"

                                            >Apparently Dawn is happy to see you at least.

                                            >You give her a little wave, Janine is unimpressed as usual and Ferrari looks distracted with something

                                            >Oh yeah, Dawn's ass.

                                            >Arthur interjects, friendly as ever. You wonder how a guy like him ended up here.

                                            >"We're going to hit the showers, is Viper back yet?"

                                            "Yeah, she got back about an hour ago. Pretty wiped out, she's cuddled up in my bed."

                                            >"Pity. Will either of you be joining us for the cookout later tonight? The chemist and his pony are supposed to be about ready, I'm eager to establish rapport with both of them given we'll be working pretty close for the foreseeable future. Command never hires someone they can't use extensively"

                                            >His face displays a brief twitch of pain and apologetics, showing you he at least didn't mean to be an ass

                                            "Sure, though I'm not sure how much work I'll be doing going forward. Have you heard anything about them finding a replacement for Samuel?"

                                            >It still feels weird to say his name, he always wanted you to address him by his title

                                            >"Nothing yet, but I'm sure we'll find another compatible candidate for you soon."

                                            >Samuel wasn't compatible, but you don't mention that and just nod

                                            >You should really be trying to find a hobby that isn't just drinking and sleeping

                                            >Maybe you can get buddy buddy with site command and play chess with one of those guys? Become the office mascot pony?

                                            >You bet you could get a lot of nice hands-on attention that way, but you're also kind of a cold bitch

                                            >Guess that's why they thought you were a match for him, heh

                                            >"Glory? Did you hear me?"

                                            "I can make a card and get Viper to sign it, yes."

                                            >"Good, good. You two take it easy, we'll call you out when they're here. If Viper isn't feeling up to meeting her just yet it's perfectly understandable, but please make sure to indicate that on the card."

                                            "Of course."

                                            >Janine stops doing... what can only be accurately described as fingerfucking her field-stripped Berretta and pulls Ferri away with her, who just waves sheepishly back at you

                                            >You wonder what the new girl will be like... because it's always a girl for some reason, isn't it?


                                            >Be Buttercup