I Know What You Did In Patagonia


                                            >You like to travel south for the winter.

                                            >And for the summer?

                                            >Not just south, WAY south.

                                            >So south that you skip the heat and catch the cold again like breathing in a sneeze.

                                            >This time, it's January in July, February in August and March in September.

                                            >To you, at least.

                                            >You don't embark on the flight alone; it would be unwise not to bring friends.

                                            >"You got this, Big Mac!" Nolan cheers on the side he's rooting for as the opposing side whom Norman is rooting for calmly waits for the rural guy to lose steam.

                                            >Big Mac was the only one on the flight to challenge Bulk Biceps to an arm wrestling match.

                                            >Timber had suggested that he might do it, but chickened out as soon as Bulk accepted the challenge.

                                            >Now he sits beside Flash, wide eyes like a couple of aliens watching World War Two as Bulk Biceps overwhelms Big Mac with his weightlifting-built level of strength.

                                            >Big Mac entered this knowing he would certainly lose against this man who is visibly bigger and stronger than he is.

                                            >The match seems neck-and-neck so far, but everyone knows this is only due to Bulk going easy on Mac.

                                            >The tables are doomed to turn.

                                            >And so, the gruff droning of the older engine continues.

                                            >Clouds pass by below as Bulk's victory against Big Mac in the arm wrestling match comes into fruition.

                                            >Even he difference in the sizes of their bones beneath the muscles would have been a good indicator of who the winner was gonna be.

                                            >"Well that was a good game." Big Mac is eventually rubbing the side of his arm with an exhausted expression plastered onto his face.

                                            >"I appreciate your good sportsmanship." Bulk reaches out his other hand.

                                            >The two share a handshake with their other hands that symbolize the other side of this coin: their right hands contested to see who was stronger, and their left hands share a friendly shake of good sportsmanship after the winner was determined.

                                            >"Timber and Mac should battle for second place." Norman adds his input with his back leaned against the seat he hasn't left for the duration of the flight.

                                            >"Well I'll have to wait until I can warm myself back up against after that." Big Mac turns to Timber Spruce. "You up for it?"

                                            >A sly smile crosses Timber's face, showing all his teeth in an awkward vibe. "Guess I can't chicken out twice."

                                            >You, Norman and Nolan all finally scoot forward in your seats at the promise of a more level match coming up next.


                                            >"Anyway, I should probably give you another quick briefing about the trip since we're getting close now." Bulk announces.

                                            >Flash Sentry pulls out a candy bar and begins to chew away at it while listening to Bulk's instructions.

                                            >"We're going to have about 7 or 8 hours of daylight each day." Bulk Biceps lets the rest of the group know. "But we shouldn't have to worry about the temperatures going too far below freezing at any given point."

                                            >Sitting across from you, Norman and Nolan carry an absence of the nervousness on their faces that yours has.

                                            >They've never even been south of the equator at all before, though, neither have you.

                                            >You'd have felt better without knowing the steepness of the challenge you're getting yourself into.

                                            >The strap of your camping backpack wouldn't be taking nearly as tight as a grip from your sweaty hand right now.

                                            >Take in the vehicle's vibrations into your back against the seat, easing your spine you're praying will be enough to survive on this endeavor.

                                            >Bulk Biceps continues his slew of instructions for the rest of the guys, including Shining Armor, who has been quietly sitting in his own seat minding his own business on the sidelines of the chatter and ruckus.

                                            >Norman and Timber agreed to share winter hats to see which one is better at keeping their heads warm during the cold nights, making bets on it before takeoff.

                                            >Norman's friend Nolan will just depend on his shoulder towel acting as a makeshift turban of some kind.

                                            >Big Mac himself is no stranger to chilling conditions, hoping the rest of you can keep up with what he swears he will be used to.

                                            >Shining Armor sits in his seat, twiddling his thumbs and gazes out the window down at the snow-covered Patagonian mountains far below, as they slowly pass by underneath.

                                            >You have your phone with you, though this probably doesn't matter a whole lot due to the lack of cellular service where you'll be landing.

                                            >Several more minutes pass by, along with more of the rugged mountain range far beneath the private plane.

                                            >"You sure you don't wanna try your hand at Shining first?" Nolan elbows the other preppy guy in the seat next to him.

                                            >Shining politely shakes his head to both Nolan and Timber. "I'm very tired right now. Might want to start resting up for what we'll have to do later."

                                            >"Very understandable."

                                            >The wings of the plane continue to slice through the chilly air.

                                            ~


                                            >Closer and closer the landing pad draws.

                                            >Feels like inaudible music in the vibe of the flight over to here was suddenly shut off to give way to the spinning of the engines turbines.

                                            >Now as cold-sounding as the air around the slowly downward-gliding vehicle.

                                            >The song is over, and now everyone has to leave and plant their feet onto the ground.

                                            >The droning of the engine is now only sobering instead of its previously empowering feel to it.

                                            >Feels like something bad is coming...

                                            >---

                                            >Barring all of the dull nonsense you all had to go through in order to get to this next point, the whole lot of you are now effectively marching across a vast grassy field with your large camping backpacks and copies of the map on paper in case technology decides to fail you.

                                            >The wind is blowing against you, posing as a challenge to those who aren't strong-bodied like Bulk leading the group.

                                            >"How about you, man?" Flash Sentry finally turns to you, voice barely above the wind in your ears. "You're not very talkative, you got a knife or something with you in case something comes attacking us?"

                                            "I have a swiss army knife." You honestly inform him. "It's not much but it's all I got.

                                            >"Well at least ya got a corkscrew at the ready in case we get to celebratin' something." Comments Big Mac, referring to a bottle of scotch he brought with him. "Ya might wanna stand behind me if somethin' comes chargin' at us."

                                            >Big Mac brought a gun, a hunting rifle to be exact.

                                            >There is not a doubt in your mind regarding his ability to properly use it against any would-be predators.

                                            >Timber was in charge of packing along all of the materials needed to construct a tent.

                                            >It all weighs his backpack down with the potential ability to create an entire hut with all those materials added to the essentials he'll need to survive.

                                            >You're not sure how well Shining Armor had prepared his things, but you imagine he'd be smart enough to bring a few cans of food of his own like the others did.

                                            >Of course, that'd only go so far if push comes to shove.

                                            >The weapons would have to move their use from defense to offense as soon as hunting enters the question of survival.

                                            >The nearby entrance to the mountain range gradually draws even closer as the group unanimously decides it might not be such a good idea to stay out in the open the way you are so far.


                                            >Nolan and Norman drag their feet more than you do as Bulk in front keeps things moving along with the group.

                                            >There are a few trees mixed with hills and small ledges and cliffs you pass by before starting a debate about whether it's better to go all the way into the nearby mountains to set up camp or stay at the entrance between a couple of hills to help shield you all from the cold gusts of winds.

                                            >It's all about the angle.

                                            >You're either protected by a steep slope breaking or diverting a powerful gust coming in, or you're being put into what might as well be a wind tunnel that would destroy your camp within hours.

                                            >Within hours if you even manage to set it up under those turbulent blasts of cold air.

                                            >Winter coat firmly wrapped around your body, you take in the beauty of the landscape you now find yourself in.

                                            >You're glad you've decided to go on this trip for this chunk of your summer, needing a change of scenery for once.

                                            >Timber Spruce was the one who talked you into joining along for the experience, and you can see why as the dirt and small rocks silently give way under your feet.

                                            >This place looks like a painting as the sky already begins to get dark.

                                            >There might not even be time at all to make your way into the mountains at this rate.

                                            >The temperature's gonna have no qualms about testing your endurance any minute now.

                                            >And it will only grow more and more intense as the end of the day goes on.

                                            >The first guy to give in the his nervousness about how much daylight is left is also probably the smartest.

                                            >Jack Frost doesn't care what continent you're on, he's gonna take your nose all the way off of your face between his fingers if he can.

                                            >"My feet hurt." Nolan finally becomes the first one to complain.

                                            >"h hope we're not gonna hear much of that for long." Big Mac turns to him. "We haven't even been walkin' that long."

                                            >"Maybe not for you, but I'm not so experienced."

                                            >"Well you came with us by your own volition, didn't you?" Shining Armor jumps in. "My feet hurt too, but I'm not complaining."

                                            >"Eyup." Agrees Big Mac. "Come on, now. This ain't gonna be as good of an experience if yer just standin' there bellyachin' the whole time."

                                            >"Our feet are gonna hurt a lot. Like, a LOT." Bulk Biceps says to Nolan.

                                            >Nolan glances over at Norman, for whom he had taken the fall by complaining partially on his behalf as well.


                                            >Minutes later, Timber Spruce helps Flash Sentry drive the stakes into the dirt below in the adequate way to set up a tent.

                                            >Rugged ledges of solid rock fighting a forever-war against erosion are lit up by the setting sun now finally giving up its light from behind a few parting clouds in the distance.

                                            >The howl of the wind refuses to die down.

                                            >But its force is stopped from blowing the tents over as they're being set up.

                                            >The yellow-green of the grass still sways to the gusts enough to make hypnotic waves travels across the wide valley your group just finished tromping across in a line.

                                            >Shining Armor takes a while longer to set up his tent on account of trying his best to make it neatly constructed with 90 degree angles that wouldn't really matter in the long run.

                                            >"Dude, you don't have to follow any construction codes or anything." Timber Spruce lightheartedly jokes at him. "As long as it serves its purpose and functions as shelter, you're good."

                                            >Nolan takes a mental note on this, having planned to adopt that same approach had he figured out the first step even leading up to making sure the sides of his tent were all set up.

                                            >Meanwhile, you've followed all of the steps accordingly and have your cozy little camping tent set up within 20 minutes or so, wight as it's getting a little too dark for comfort.

                                            >The wavy tall grass of the distant valley has now adopted a color closer to the deep blue of the darkening evening sky.

                                            >And the wind starts to pick up, being the strongest complainer against Nolan's sluggishness in setting up his camping tent.

                                            >"Come the fuck on already, dude!" Norman gripes at him. "Even I did it!"

                                            >"I'll handle this." Timber struts over, offering to speed things up here.

                                            >He can barely see until he flips his flashlight on.

                                            >It feels so good to plop your backpack onto the floor of your tent that's really just the ground with a barrier between it.

                                            >After your lantern is switched on and begins its hopefully lengthy feat upon the battery inside of it, the inside of your tent is lit up like a tiny little bedroom.

                                            >Roll out your sleeping bag beside your pillow and rest on your back.

                                            >Wishing you'd have better cellular service out here at least in these moments when you're "indoors" anyway.

                                            >The great indoors within the great outdoors.

                                            >And a phone that only has three rounds of portable external battery to live off of as you have a few cans of ravioli and soup to fill your stomach when needed.


                                            >Inside of his tent, Bulk Biceps automatically resorts to doing as many sit-ups as he can as part of his daily workout routine.

                                            >Planning to chow down on some protein-filled snacks he brought with him as soon as he's done.

                                            >Norman and Nolan opt to just share the same tent since Nolan ended up messing up the construction of his tent despite Timber Spruce's attempted assistance and multiple relays of the construction instructions.

                                            >"I swear that guy couldn't even put together a bionicle set if he tried." Flash Sentry chuckles after watching the circus display take place in a setting that slowly faded to black as the night set in.

                                            >Nolan had run out of time.

                                            >Now he's sharing a tent with Norman and Flash is sharing a tent with Shining Armor.

                                            >Timber and Big Mac decided to double up since a lot of the supplies they brought are comparably similar.

                                            >The fourth and fifth camping tents are yours and Bulk's, respectively.

                                            >As the night completely sets in, you bundle up in the visual warmth of your dim interior light of your electric lantern while the other guys chill out in their own camping tents.

                                            >So this is it.

                                            >The ultimate camping experience to share with your bros.

                                            >The name of this land is Patagonia, domain of the southernmost reaches of South America that has seen little to no human settlement in many many spots.

                                            >Left largely untouched by the BOTTOM TEXT SOCIETY bullshit of the rest of the world that starts its own domain not too far north of here.

                                            >And that domain may start not too far north of here, but it ends... seemingly never.

                                            >So many countries, so many leaders, economies... problems... a lot of things.

                                            >It's rally nice to just get away from all of that and have a good time enjoying nature.

                                            >You hear a couple of the other guys laughing together in their tents over the howling of the wind that surrounds everyone.

                                            >Your own tent doesn't shake so much from the wind, which only proves that you indeed set it up properly and won't have to encounter a very annoying problem in the middle of the night.

                                            >One that would involve putting your source of shelter from the elements back together.

                                            >Pulling out a book you packed with you, you crack the pages open to where you left off with a bookmark and continue your epic adventure through lines and lines of text.

                                            >Listening to the droning winds whip around the camping tent surrounding you.


                                            >---

                                            >Nobody asked for the wind to pick up.

                                            >Aside the likes of sailors, no one ever does.

                                            >But the position of camping tents chosen for the journey into the wilderness proves useful.

                                            >You manage to get a healthy amount of shuteye in between the times when gusts of wind whip across the landscape.

                                            >It doesn't take very long for you to become desensitized to the sound of the wind mirroring the noise of a tidal wave about to hit the camp.

                                            >It is only now do you deeply think about how long the hike over to here was.

                                            >It must have been at least two hours from the landed plane to this spot that was chosen.

                                            >And you only saw other groups of hikers within the first 30-45 minutes.

                                            >That and the whipping of the wind against the jagged rocks outside shrouded by blackness really shows you that you've found a really special spot to experience the outdoors.

                                            >---

                                            >Very gradually, the tightly woven wind-breaking waterproof material of the tent you're inside of starts to let a tiny bit of light shine through.

                                            >Indicating what time it must be.

                                            >Not long after sunrise, Bulk Biceps and Big Mac are out of their tents, stomping around in their winter gear checking everyone else's camping tents from the outside.

                                            >The one you're least surprised about being an early riser is Big Mac.

                                            >If Bulk got up before him, now THAT would be actually surprising.

                                            >"Long day ahead!" Timber Spruce's voice catches your attention. "Let's go, gotta get into the habit of maximizing daylight for the next week."

                                            >You sit up and ready yourself to go directly against those gusts of wind now.

                                            >---

                                            >There was no chance that the entrance to the mountain pass wouldn't have played a part in this mini expedition.

                                            >Bulk himself claims to have been here before, just not in this exact spot.

                                            >But he swears there's a good chance he'll lead the group to somewhere he's more familiar with as he maps this next place out regarding "trails" to walk on.

                                            >Though, there are no actual trails out here.

                                            >Hasn't been long enough yet, you suppose.

                                            >As soon as everyone is ready to go, you begin your line of hikers once again.

                                            >Except for Flash Sentry, who volunteered to stay behind and watch over the quickly constructed camp.

                                            >Being the showoff he sometimes is, Flash insisted on braving the task alone.

                                            >After Norman and Nolan’s requests to do so were denied by the others, who told them to toughen up a little.

                                            >And also once again, the line is led by Bulk Biceps, the tallest and strongest of the group by a very noticeable degree.

                                            >The only two behind you are Norman and Nolan, respectively.

                                            >If it starts snowing and they begin to lag behind, you all suppose they can just follow the already existent footprints in order to eventually catch up after the group stops.


                                            >Onward everyone marches, bringing up the details of the gorgeous outdoors scenery around them into the conversation to pass the time.

                                            >"Have ya ever hiked up mountains this steep before" Big Mac asks Timber Spruce.

                                            >"I suppose rock climbing doesn't count, eh?"

                                            >"Maybe not if you had all them gears and pulleys."

                                            >Timber smirks. "Well I guess that means it might count. Cause I've had my fair share of scaling a couple of cliffs without anything to keep me from falling. I wouldn't recommend it, though."

                                            >"Ah hear ya." Big Mac nods. "Even fallin' off the side of a barn can be fatal. Almost lost mah life one time when I was jus' tryna fix up the roof a little bit."

                                            >"I could never do anything like that." Shining Armor joins in.

                                            >"Why not?" Asks Timber. "I mean, maybe a tall cliff, then yeah. I can understand."

                                            >"I mean even a barn."

                                            >"Why's that?" Timber turns his head to face Shining. "You're not afraid of heights, are you?"

                                            >"Well uh, yeah. I actually kinda am." Admits Shining without any shame in it. "Which should at least make a little sense since we as a species kind of evolved with that."

                                            >"Aw hell, I ain't gonna be one to judge." Big Mac lets Shining Armor know. "Bein' afraid of a real danger that's there is just smart. Ah completely understand."

                                            >"So is this why you kept looking out the window on the plane the way you did?" Asks Timber.

                                            >"Yeah, I get a little nervous about heights in a way where I can't stop looking down, making sure we weren't about to dir or something."

                                            >The conversation eventually shifts back to whether or not Timber Spruce has climbed the sides of mountains that looked quite like this before.

                                            >Which eventually finally gets its answer: Timber Spruce hasn't climbed anything quite like this before.

                                            >The cliffs he climbed near camp everfree weren't this high up and towering over the rest of the land.

                                            >Little more than little cousins to these towering blades of solid rock slicing their way up to the wispy clouds above.

                                            >The snow at their peaks a frozen residue of the blood from those clouds, cold enough to be thicker than water.

                                            >What would this place look like from one of those peaks?

                                            >You imagine what it would be like, to be standing up there all light headed with the snow crunching beneath your hiking boots as the rest of your group tries to holler up at you without a sound making it to your ears.

                                            >Weaving around a few more turns and corners proves to be a little more draining than expected.

                                            >But you're sure you'll easily find your way back in time to eat "supper" from a food can.

                                            >The definition of hiking is debated on whether it varies for these cliffsides or not.

                                            >Since the steep angles at which some of the mountains are aren't exactly like wall-tier vertical, but are far too steep to just hike up with your legs and feet alone.

                                            >Maybe a mountain goat or something can answer this question for you through demonstration.


                                            >Timber Spruce's request for the group to sing together is shot down by Shining Armor.

                                            >Until Bulk Biceps immediately begins chanting a trail song without bothering to ask first.

                                            >You are the next one to join in, not wanting to be left in the dust in this food chain with Norman and Nolan, having been reluctant to talk much more than they do

                                            >Maybe you should have spoken up with the others walking in front of you instead of the two walking behind you.

                                            >But you guess singing folk songs with the leader of the group works too.

                                            >Norman and Nolan join in shortly after you showed the steep sides of the cliffs what your singing abilities can do (and badly).

                                            >They joined in as though you were the leader to them and not Bulk Biceps.

                                            >Timber Spruce and Big Mac are having a jolly old time singing folk songs with Bulk Biceps as well, stomping their hiking feet to the measure divisions inside of each line while Shining Armor just continues on looking annoyed but smiling along.

                                            >A shallow incline in the "path" you all have taken proves to be a catalyst in making you all sing louder in determination.

                                            >By the time you reach the top of the shallow incline, still between huge mountain ranges on either side, Shining Armor decided to walk behind you since Norman and Nolan have become too exhausted to continue singing for much longer.

                                            >The tiredness can be heard in their wheezing voices as they try to keep up in both the song and the hike.

                                            >And both of them have shut themselves up completely and joined Shining Armor is silent hiking by the time everyone makes it to a nearby lake.

                                            >The tranquil surface of the water feels like it's approaching you more than you're approaching it.

                                            >And it approaches you as a gargantuan hole in the ground opening down into an infinite downward sky with beautiful clouds in their own sunlight reflected right back up at you all.

                                            >Speaking of sunlight, there might not be so much of it left when you begin hiking back to camp where Flash is still waiting around while guarding everyone's things.

                                            >You were too busy being proud of yourself for moving up the social ranks that you also hadn't considered how much daylight was left.

                                            >And the others were either too busy having too much fun, or being too tired or annoyed.

                                            >Nevertheless, Bulk remembers, and facepalms when he realizes he could have had Nolan or Norman constantly face backwards in order to get a better idea of what the right path back to camp would look like when retracing steps.

                                            >"If the time on my watch is correct..." Bulk eyes the device on his wrist mismatching the rest of his arm. "We will have just enough time to make it back before dark if we start in 42 minutes. So we'll get going in 20."

                                            >He begins making marks on the paper map be brought with him, labeling the paper with anything he can to hopefully ease the hike back without much confusion.


                                            >You rest your feet atop some nearly dead grass with your back pockets empty so nothing will get crushed against the rock you sit on.

                                            >A hawk or eagle or something soars by overhead, probably looking for something to scoop up and bring back to the nest for dinner before dark.

                                            >"Them talons ain't gettin' none of us." Big Mac peers up at the same bird in the sky you are.

                                            "I dunno. It might have some luck with Nolan." You joke.

                                            >Big Mac chortles in response, as does Timber Spruce who overheard your sly little remark you just made.

                                            >You're really working your way up the food chain now.

                                            >For a guy who probably spends more time on the computer than he should, you're doing surprisingly well on your first day of hardcore camping.

                                            >Norman is the last one to finish resting his feet, earning an eye roll from Nolan as if he's one to talk.

                                            >And with that, you begin to head back.

                                            >Bulk Biceps is the leader, with Big Mac and Timber Spruce trading hunting stories right behind him.

                                            >Then it's you.

                                            >Then there's Shining Armor, and then Norman and Nolan, each of the latter are like ticking time-bombs but for whiny complaints.

                                            >Any hour now, if not any minute...

                                            >Had Shining Armor kept his position in the group the entire way TO the lake, you still would have taken his position on the hike starting back FROM the lake anyway, you just know it.

                                            >The mountains and cliffs look even more majestic in the light of the setting sun.

                                            >Especially with those brewing clouds behind them that appear to be approaching.

                                            >The appearance goes from awe-striking to terrifying after darkness begins to fill more and more of the sky with the departure of the sun past the edge of the world from where you are.

                                            >The approach closer and closer, increasing in their ominous demeanor when they creep in enough to make you miss the bright cyan of the cloud speckled skies above (and appearing to be inside of) the lake you briefly visited at the end of your exhausting hike over.

                                            >After about an hour and a half of the way back, every single one of you are really beginning to feel the burn on your feet now.

                                            >The flames of exhaustion from this hike have seared their way through the thick barriers of your hiking boots.

                                            >Not only this, but the slight feeling of tiny snowflakes landing on your heads and shoulders has never felt so heavy in this growing darkness.

                                            >You know your flashlights are only going to help you so much, and the ones built into your phones will drain the batteries should you use them too much.

                                            >But the numbers regarding how much time you have left and how much time it will take are looking uglier and uglier.

                                            >And you pray you didn't make a wrong turn as Bulk examines his marked-up paper map with his metal handheld flashlight.

                                            >It's almost getting too dark to see at all, with now blackened silhouettes of the towering jagged mountains silently giving you a threatening warning about your survival.