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Strawberry Jam

By Pony-Oh
Created: 2024-09-16 15:13:13
Updated: 2024-09-17 10:09:29
Expiry: Never
anonapplejackcomedycompletesfwjam jam

  1. 1.
    >Be Anon.
  2. 2.
    >Lazy Saturday, solo picnic under a shady tree.
  3. 3.
    >Sandwiches? Check. Lager's lukewarm, but close enough.
  4. 4.
    >Pegasi chirping, or maybe gossiping, overhead.
  5. 5.
    >Life's good. You bite into your sandwich—
  6. 6.
    >"What in tarnation do ya got there, Anon?"
  7. 7.
    >Nearly choke on your inner peace.
  8. 8.
    >Applejack's standing there, hat tilted, giving your picnic the ol' stink eye.
  9. 9.
    >Brow raised, legs spread like you've committed high crimes against Equestria.
  10. 10.
    >You glance at your stuff: crackers, fancy cheese, a suspiciously sharp sandwich knife…
  11. 11.
    >Innocent, right?
  12. 12.
    >Nope. She's glaring straight at—
  13. 13.
    >Strawberry jam.
  14. 14.
    "What’s wrong with strawberry jam?" you ask, mouth full.
  15. 15.
    >"Ain't apple jam."
  16. 16.
    >You freeze mid-bite, processing this sudden accusation.
  17. 17.
    "There’s… apple jam?"
  18. 18.
    >AJ huffs like you just asked if the sky's blue.
  19. 19.
    >"Course there's apple jam! Heck, we got Zap Apple Jam!"
  20. 20.
    >She beams like it's the best thing since cider.
  21. 21.
    "You mean the glowing stuff?"
  22. 22.
    >"That just means it's fresh!"
  23. 23.
    "Yeah, well... that's a little too much magic for me."
  24. 24.
    >Her eyes narrow as if you've insulted her entire bloodline.
  25. 25.
    >"Horseapples! Ain't ya ever heard 'an apple a day keeps the doc away'?"
  26. 26.
    "It’s not the apples, AJ. It's the zap part. The whole rainbow-glowing, possibly radioactive thing."
  27. 27.
    >You gesture at your very human, very magicless body.
  28. 28.
    >She squints, eyes flicking back to the jam.
  29. 29.
    >"Uh-huh. Still could've gone with plain ol' apple jam."
  30. 30.
    >You throw up your hands.
  31. 31.
    "Didn't even know it was a thing! Honest!"
  32. 32.
    >Silence.
  33. 33.
    >For a glorious moment, you think it's over.
  34. 34.
    >The jam? Accepted.
  35. 35.
    >Apple-shaped bullet? Dodged.
  36. 36.
    >Then her gaze sharpens again.
  37. 37.
    >"Hold up."
  38. 38.
    >Oh no.
  39. 39.
    >"Somethin' ain't right here…"
  40. 40.
    >You tense.
  41. 41.
    >"Not a single bit o' apple in this whole spread!"
  42. 42.
    >She jabs a hoof at your crime scene—err, picnic.
  43. 43.
    >"No pie. No fritters. Not even a dang slice of apple!"
  44. 44.
    >This is it. This is how it ends.
  45. 45.
    >Not with a bang, but from a lack of apple-based snacks.
  46. 46.
    >"And cider!" Her hoof stomps, sending dirt flying. "Where's the cider, Anon?!"
  47. 47.
    >Panic rises. Think fast.
  48. 48.
    "I-I already ate the apple?"
  49. 49.
    >Bad lie. Terrible, actually. You can feel it crumbling as it leaves your mouth.
  50. 50.
    >AJ leans in, dangerously close, the brim of her hat brushing your forehead.
  51. 51.
    >"Is that so...?"
  52. 52.
    >You freeze, every muscle screaming for you to run, but you know better.
  53. 53.
    >Applejack's faster.
  54. 54.
    >"Open yer mouth, Anon."
  55. 55.
    "W-what?"
  56. 56.
    >"Open. Yer. Mouth."
  57. 57.
    >Her voice is stone. No room for negotiation.
  58. 58.
    >You hesitate, then part your lips.
  59. 59.
    >Is she going to… taste-test you?
  60. 60.
    >Her tongue darts in with the precision of a world-class apple inspector.
  61. 61.
    >Your life flashes before your eyes. Not much to see.
  62. 62.
    >She pulls back, squinting, evaluating like she's judging the state fair.
  63. 63.
    >"Mmm…"
  64. 64.
    >Is she… savoring it?
  65. 65.
    >"Whole wheat bread, huh?"
  66. 66.
    >You blink.
  67. 67.
    >"Bit o' cheddar… fancy cheddar, mind ya."
  68. 68.
    >Oh no.
  69. 69.
    >"Couple o' leaves o' lettuce."
  70. 70.
    >She's dissecting your entire sandwich. You can feel your dignity crumbling into non-apple-flavored pieces.
  71. 71.
    >AJ's smug now, tongue tracing her lips like a predator that's found weakness.
  72. 72.
    >"But there's somethin' else…"
  73. 73.
    >A pit forms in your stomach.
  74. 74.
    >"Somethin'… off."
  75. 75.
    >Beads of sweat.
  76. 76.
    >"There's…"
  77. 77.
    >She leans in, her voice dropping to a whisper.
  78. 78.
    >"A hint o'… shame."
  79. 79.
    >Oh god. She's tasting your soul.
  80. 80.
    "T-That's just… uh… picnic anxiety!"
  81. 81.
    >"An'…"
  82. 82.
    >She inhales deeply, nostrils flaring like she's sniffing out the truth itself.
  83. 83.
    >"A smidge o'… Rarity."
  84. 84.
    >You flinch.
  85. 85.
    "I… I needed new socks."
  86. 86.
    >AJ smirks, that knowing look in her eyes.
  87. 87.
    >"Oh, sugarcube, I don't care 'bout that."
  88. 88.
    >Oh? Well, that's nice—
  89. 89.
    >"But what I do care about," she says, voice dropping low again, "is the fact there ain't a single trace of apple anywhere."
  90. 90.
    >Her eyes lock with yours, unblinking.
  91. 91.
    >"Ya lied to me, Anon."
  92. 92.
    >Oh, you're bucked.
  93. 93.
    >But somewhere deep inside, a spark flickers.
  94. 94.
    >Maybe it's the sandwich. Maybe it's your dignity on its last leg.
  95. 95.
    "You know what?"
  96. 96.
    >You straighten up, chest puffing out.
  97. 97.
    "Maybe—maybe—I just don't like apples that much!"
  98. 98.
    >Her brow arches.
  99. 99.
    >You push forward. You've come too far now.
  100. 100.
    "Yeah! That's right! I mean, you can't just bully me into being an apple lover!"
  101. 101.
    >AJ doesn't move. Not a twitch, not a flinch. Just that same, cool look.
  102. 102.
    "I'm not some pony who eats apple everything! You can't force apples down my throat! This is my picnic, my sandwich, my—"
  103. 103.
    >Thunk.
  104. 104.
    >You hit the ground, stars dancing in your vision.
  105. 105.
    >Consciousness clocks out early. Doesn't even leave a tip.
  106. 106.
     
  107. 107.
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  108. 108.
     
  109. 109.
    >"Now, sugarcube, I don't wanna sound harsh. But I've been thinkin'. Real hard."
  110. 110.
    >Thinking? That's... a new look for her.
  111. 111.
    >You'd crack a joke, but—well...
  112. 112.
    >You're polite.
  113. 113.
    >Also, you're tied to a chair.
  114. 114.
    >...And gagged.
  115. 115.
    >"Ponies who don't like apples... they're trouble."
  116. 116.
    >Oh boy.
  117. 117.
    >She starts pacing, hooves clop-clopping.
  118. 118.
    >"Think about it! Tirek? Hated apples. Chrysalis? Wouldn't even sniff one!"
  119. 119.
    >You nod, mostly because you like having blood flow to your limbs.
  120. 120.
    >Also, let's be real—Chrysalis probably does hate apples.
  121. 121.
    >"Strawberry Sunrise?" She practically spits the name. "That mare's never liked apples."
  122. 122.
    >Her eyes flare. Some deep, fruity betrayal there.
  123. 123.
    >You blink in Mhorse code. S.O.S.
  124. 124.
    >She doesn't notice.
  125. 125.
    >"It's a slippery slope, Anon. First, you say no to apples. Next? BAM. World domination."
  126. 126.
    >She leans in, eyes boring into yours like she's uncovered a global conspiracy.
  127. 127.
    >"It's my duty—no, my responsibility—to make sure you don't turn into one of them... apple-less villains."
  128. 128.
    >You try to protest, maybe throw in a 'I'm not evil!'
  129. 129.
    >It comes out more like, "Mmphh mphh."
  130. 130.
    >Applejack sighs, looking at you like you've failed some ancient apple-based code of honor.
  131. 131.
    >"Now, I know ya don't think you're evil. But lemme tell ya—evil don't come knockin' sayin', 'Howdy! I'm evil, how ya doin'?'"
  132. 132.
    >She leans in, breath thick with apples and the certainty of a pony who knows she's right.
  133. 133.
    >"It sneaks in... right through yer lack of apples."
  134. 134.
    >Is this... happening?
  135. 135.
    >"You ain't gone bad yet," she says, eyes burning with righteous fire. "But this 'not likin' apples' business? That's a road to ruin, Anon. It don't lead nowhere good."
  136. 136.
    >Her voice drops, dripping with grim wisdom.
  137. 137.
    >"First, you avoid apple pie..."
  138. 138.
    >She's right up in your face now, the scent of apples and fresh soil overwhelming.
  139. 139.
    >"Then? You're buildin' doomsday devices in a basement... with no cider. Full o'... grapes. Or worse."
  140. 140.
    >Her hoof clamps down on your shoulder, firm as her resolve.
  141. 141.
    >"That's why I'm here. To save ya from yourself."
  142. 142.
    >You let out a muffled noise—what was it? Resistance? Defeat? At this point, you're not even sure.
  143. 143.
    >Applejack pats your shoulder, far too gentle for someone who just gave you a monologue about fruit-based morality.
  144. 144.
    >"Don't worry. We'll fix this. We'll get that apple back in ya, no matter how long it takes."
  145. 145.
    >The gag is lifted.
  146. 146.
    >Finally. Sweet freedom. You breathe deep.
  147. 147.
    >Then—
  148. 148.
    >The gag goes right over your eyes.
  149. 149.
    "W-What are you—"
  150. 150.
    >"Hush, sugarcube," she says, voice sweet as pie. "We're doin' a little test."
  151. 151.
    "A what now?"
  152. 152.
    >"A blind taste test," she says, like she's leading you to salvation. "Time to re-educate yer taste buds. Gonna introduce ya to real apple products."
  153. 153.
    >You can't see her, but you can feel the grin.
  154. 154.
    "Oh, Celestia..."
  155. 155.
    >"Now hush. This'll be nice and easy. Slow and sweet."
  156. 156.
    >Something brushes your lips.
  157. 157.
    >"Open wide."
  158. 158.
    >Your brain says resist. But what's the point? You open up.
  159. 159.
    >Something sweet and tangy hits your tongue.
  160. 160.
    >It's… good. Really good. Why were you against apples again?
  161. 161.
    >You didn't even bite, and already juice is po—
  162. 162.
    >Wait. Hold on.
  163. 163.
    "This isn't apple product! That's horse pu—"

Equestria's Most Pettable

by Pony-Oh

Strawberry Jam

by Pony-Oh