GREEN   201   1
   1265 7.96 KB    163

Strawberry Jam

By Pony-Oh
Created: 2024-09-16 15:13:13
Updated: 2024-09-17 10:09:29
Expiry: Never

  1. >Be Anon.
  2. >Lazy Saturday, solo picnic under a shady tree.
  3. >Sandwiches? Check. Lager's lukewarm, but close enough.
  4. >Pegasi chirping, or maybe gossiping, overhead.
  5. >Life's good. You bite into your sandwich—
  6. >"What in tarnation do ya got there, Anon?"
  7. >Nearly choke on your inner peace.
  8. >Applejack's standing there, hat tilted, giving your picnic the ol' stink eye.
  9. >Brow raised, legs spread like you've committed high crimes against Equestria.
  10. >You glance at your stuff: crackers, fancy cheese, a suspiciously sharp sandwich knife…
  11. >Innocent, right?
  12. >Nope. She's glaring straight at—
  13. >Strawberry jam.
  14. "What’s wrong with strawberry jam?" you ask, mouth full.
  15. >"Ain't apple jam."
  16. >You freeze mid-bite, processing this sudden accusation.
  17. "There’s… apple jam?"
  18. >AJ huffs like you just asked if the sky's blue.
  19. >"Course there's apple jam! Heck, we got Zap Apple Jam!"
  20. >She beams like it's the best thing since cider.
  21. "You mean the glowing stuff?"
  22. >"That just means it's fresh!"
  23. "Yeah, well... that's a little too much magic for me."
  24. >Her eyes narrow as if you've insulted her entire bloodline.
  25. >"Horseapples! Ain't ya ever heard 'an apple a day keeps the doc away'?"
  26. "It’s not the apples, AJ. It's the zap part. The whole rainbow-glowing, possibly radioactive thing."
  27. >You gesture at your very human, very magicless body.
  28. >She squints, eyes flicking back to the jam.
  29. >"Uh-huh. Still could've gone with plain ol' apple jam."
  30. >You throw up your hands.
  31. "Didn't even know it was a thing! Honest!"
  32. >Silence.
  33. >For a glorious moment, you think it's over.
  34. >The jam? Accepted.
  35. >Apple-shaped bullet? Dodged.
  36. >Then her gaze sharpens again.
  37. >"Hold up."
  38. >Oh no.
  39. >"Somethin' ain't right here…"
  40. >You tense.
  41. >"Not a single bit o' apple in this whole spread!"
  42. >She jabs a hoof at your crime scene—err, picnic.
  43. >"No pie. No fritters. Not even a dang slice of apple!"
  44. >This is it. This is how it ends.
  45. >Not with a bang, but from a lack of apple-based snacks.
  46. >"And cider!" Her hoof stomps, sending dirt flying. "Where's the cider, Anon?!"
  47. >Panic rises. Think fast.
  48. "I-I already ate the apple?"
  49. >Bad lie. Terrible, actually. You can feel it crumbling as it leaves your mouth.
  50. >AJ leans in, dangerously close, the brim of her hat brushing your forehead.
  51. >"Is that so...?"
  52. >You freeze, every muscle screaming for you to run, but you know better.
  53. >Applejack's faster.
  54. >"Open yer mouth, Anon."
  55. "W-what?"
  56. >"Open. Yer. Mouth."
  57. >Her voice is stone. No room for negotiation.
  58. >You hesitate, then part your lips.
  59. >Is she going to… taste-test you?
  60. >Her tongue darts in with the precision of a world-class apple inspector.
  61. >Your life flashes before your eyes. Not much to see.
  62. >She pulls back, squinting, evaluating like she's judging the state fair.
  63. >"Mmm…"
  64. >Is she… savoring it?
  65. >"Whole wheat bread, huh?"
  66. >You blink.
  67. >"Bit o' cheddar… fancy cheddar, mind ya."
  68. >Oh no.
  69. >"Couple o' leaves o' lettuce."
  70. >She's dissecting your entire sandwich. You can feel your dignity crumbling into non-apple-flavored pieces.
  71. >AJ's smug now, tongue tracing her lips like a predator that's found weakness.
  72. >"But there's somethin' else…"
  73. >A pit forms in your stomach.
  74. >"Somethin'… off."
  75. >Beads of sweat.
  76. >"There's…"
  77. >She leans in, her voice dropping to a whisper.
  78. >"A hint o'… shame."
  79. >Oh god. She's tasting your soul.
  80. "T-That's just… uh… picnic anxiety!"
  81. >"An'…"
  82. >She inhales deeply, nostrils flaring like she's sniffing out the truth itself.
  83. >"A smidge o'… Rarity."
  84. >You flinch.
  85. "I… I needed new socks."
  86. >AJ smirks, that knowing look in her eyes.
  87. >"Oh, sugarcube, I don't care 'bout that."
  88. >Oh? Well, that's nice—
  89. >"But what I do care about," she says, voice dropping low again, "is the fact there ain't a single trace of apple anywhere."
  90. >Her eyes lock with yours, unblinking.
  91. >"Ya lied to me, Anon."
  92. >Oh, you're bucked.
  93. >But somewhere deep inside, a spark flickers.
  94. >Maybe it's the sandwich. Maybe it's your dignity on its last leg.
  95. "You know what?"
  96. >You straighten up, chest puffing out.
  97. "Maybe—maybe—I just don't like apples that much!"
  98. >Her brow arches.
  99. >You push forward. You've come too far now.
  100. "Yeah! That's right! I mean, you can't just bully me into being an apple lover!"
  101. >AJ doesn't move. Not a twitch, not a flinch. Just that same, cool look.
  102. "I'm not some pony who eats apple everything! You can't force apples down my throat! This is my picnic, my sandwich, my—"
  103. >Thunk.
  104. >You hit the ground, stars dancing in your vision.
  105. >Consciousness clocks out early. Doesn't even leave a tip.
  106.  
  107. ════════════════════════════════════════════════════ ● 🍏 🍎 🍏 ● ════════════════════════════════════════════════════
  108.  
  109. >"Now, sugarcube, I don't wanna sound harsh. But I've been thinkin'. Real hard."
  110. >Thinking? That's... a new look for her.
  111. >You'd crack a joke, but—well...
  112. >You're polite.
  113. >Also, you're tied to a chair.
  114. >...And gagged.
  115. >"Ponies who don't like apples... they're trouble."
  116. >Oh boy.
  117. >She starts pacing, hooves clop-clopping.
  118. >"Think about it! Tirek? Hated apples. Chrysalis? Wouldn't even sniff one!"
  119. >You nod, mostly because you like having blood flow to your limbs.
  120. >Also, let's be real—Chrysalis probably does hate apples.
  121. >"Strawberry Sunrise?" She practically spits the name. "That mare's never liked apples."
  122. >Her eyes flare. Some deep, fruity betrayal there.
  123. >You blink in Mhorse code. S.O.S.
  124. >She doesn't notice.
  125. >"It's a slippery slope, Anon. First, you say no to apples. Next? BAM. World domination."
  126. >She leans in, eyes boring into yours like she's uncovered a global conspiracy.
  127. >"It's my duty—no, my responsibility—to make sure you don't turn into one of them... apple-less villains."
  128. >You try to protest, maybe throw in a 'I'm not evil!'
  129. >It comes out more like, "Mmphh mphh."
  130. >Applejack sighs, looking at you like you've failed some ancient apple-based code of honor.
  131. >"Now, I know ya don't think you're evil. But lemme tell ya—evil don't come knockin' sayin', 'Howdy! I'm evil, how ya doin'?'"
  132. >She leans in, breath thick with apples and the certainty of a pony who knows she's right.
  133. >"It sneaks in... right through yer lack of apples."
  134. >Is this... happening?
  135. >"You ain't gone bad yet," she says, eyes burning with righteous fire. "But this 'not likin' apples' business? That's a road to ruin, Anon. It don't lead nowhere good."
  136. >Her voice drops, dripping with grim wisdom.
  137. >"First, you avoid apple pie..."
  138. >She's right up in your face now, the scent of apples and fresh soil overwhelming.
  139. >"Then? You're buildin' doomsday devices in a basement... with no cider. Full o'... grapes. Or worse."
  140. >Her hoof clamps down on your shoulder, firm as her resolve.
  141. >"That's why I'm here. To save ya from yourself."
  142. >You let out a muffled noise—what was it? Resistance? Defeat? At this point, you're not even sure.
  143. >Applejack pats your shoulder, far too gentle for someone who just gave you a monologue about fruit-based morality.
  144. >"Don't worry. We'll fix this. We'll get that apple back in ya, no matter how long it takes."
  145. >The gag is lifted.
  146. >Finally. Sweet freedom. You breathe deep.
  147. >Then—
  148. >The gag goes right over your eyes.
  149. "W-What are you—"
  150. >"Hush, sugarcube," she says, voice sweet as pie. "We're doin' a little test."
  151. "A what now?"
  152. >"A blind taste test," she says, like she's leading you to salvation. "Time to re-educate yer taste buds. Gonna introduce ya to real apple products."
  153. >You can't see her, but you can feel the grin.
  154. "Oh, Celestia..."
  155. >"Now hush. This'll be nice and easy. Slow and sweet."
  156. >Something brushes your lips.
  157. >"Open wide."
  158. >Your brain says resist. But what's the point? You open up.
  159. >Something sweet and tangy hits your tongue.
  160. >It's… good. Really good. Why were you against apples again?
  161. >You didn't even bite, and already juice is po—
  162. >Wait. Hold on.
  163. "This isn't apple product! That's horse pu—"

Equestria's Most Pettable

by Pony-Oh

Strawberry Jam

by Pony-Oh