The Upsies Guy


                                            >Twilight Sparkle hears the commotion but she can't explain it.

                                            >She's not lived in Ponyville long but she's learned its basic behavioral tendencies.

                                            >When there's a stampede in Ponyville it's away from danger, something terrifying to pony sensibilities.

                                            >But through a window in the Golden Oaks Library she can see the expressions on ponies' faces.

                                            >Joy. Elation.

                                            >"Spike! Can you bring me the calendar?"

                                            >The baby dragon runs into the room a few seconds later. Her magic envelops him and the calendar, dragging him over.

                                            >Her head tilts as she reads. "No holidays..."

                                            >The glow fades. Spike lands comfortably on the floor and turns to face the window too. "Woah."

                                            >"I know!" Twilight shakes her head, looking increasingly baffled. "There's nothing to explain it!"

                                            >She mutters quietly for a few seconds. Trying to come up with possibilities. The door opens, she ignores it.

                                            >Spike comes into view. He's now outside. "Hey! What's the big deal?"

                                            >She should've thought of doing that.

                                            >A passing mare giggles with joy. "The upsies guy is here! He's here!"

                                            >"Oh! Cool!" Spike pauses as the mare gallops away, then shouts after her. "Wait, who's the upsies guy!?"

                                            >Twilight comes out to stand beside him, puzzlement shifting to curiosity.

                                            >Spike glances up at her. "Do you know what upsies are?"

                                            >She shakes her head. "No, Spike, I don't. But we're about to find out."

                                            >He beams with excitement and begins running in the direction that everypony's galloping off towards.

                                            >And gets stopped by telekinesis. "...After we pack the appropriate research materials," Twilight reminds him.

                                            >He groans.


                                            >Twilight's saddlebags are full to the brim.

                                            >Quill and inkpot. Scroll for writing notes. That mare said the word 'up' so she found an altimeter in a drawer, binoculars in case it's REALLY up, and books on pegasi, avians, dragons, griffons, flying insects, hot air balloons, conspiracy theories about cloud ponies, and a spellbook dealing with levitation just to be safe. And magical copies of every single item just in case the originals get lost or destroyed during the resarch process.

                                            >If this 'upsies guy' is up, she's gonna find out what's up. Her trot's confident.

                                            >It ceases to be confident when she sees the line.

                                            >Almost the whole town's lined up, single-file, winding through the center of town all the way to the road leading out to the east.

                                            >She can see a bit of a crowd towards the front of the line.

                                            >Did a store open? No, the end of the line is on the road. A traveling salespony? Viable.

                                            >First though! Research!

                                            >At the back of the line is Rainbow Dash, frustration clear on her face. She's trotting in place at max speed. Almost digging a hole into the ground.

                                            >"Hey Rainbow Dash... what's up?" Twilight walks over, looking concerned. Spike seems amused.

                                            >Rainbow looks over to Twilight like she just asked the dumbest question in the world. "I'm LATE, that's what! Last in line!"

                                            >She lays down on the ground, crossing her forelegs over her face and whining. "Nopony woke me up when I was napping and now I'm gonna wait foreveeeer..."

                                            >Twilight seems a little confused. "Don't you hate it when somepony wakes you up?"

                                            >Rainbow's right in her face, wings flared. "THIS IS DIFFERENT. You know that!" Twilight recoils slightly on instinct.

                                            >Spike comes in with the assist. "So what IS this, anyways?"

                                            >Rainbow blinks once, twice. Looks between the two of them. "...Wait. Right. You're new to town, I forgot!"

                                            >She gallops a little circle around Twilight and Spike before stopping in front of them, forgetting all about her frustration. "First-timers! Oh, you're gonna love it!" She's grinning wide.

                                            >"...Rrright." Twilight stares. "But what IS it."

                                            >Rainbow rolls her eyes and scoffs. "I'm not gonna spoil a first-timer!" She uses a wing to drag Spike into line behind her, then smirks at Twilight. "Now YOU'RE last."

                                            >Twilight glares. It's not even about the silly game Rainbow's playing, she wants information! She's here to research a phenomenon!

                                            >"Well I'M getting to the bottom of this." She stomps a hoof and starts walking alongside the line.

                                            >Spike waves. "Good luck Twilight! I'll see you later!" Rainbow's now bouncing up and down, wings fluttering wildly, trying to get rid of her nervous energy.


                                            >The next pony in line Twilight sees is Pinkie Pie. She can tell from the cotton candy mane and tail. She can also tell because she's wearing a full-body clown outfit.

                                            >"...Pinkie, what're you doing?"

                                            >The party pony looks over and her eyes widen, giving a super quick wave. "Hi Twilight! I'm double dipping!" She bubbles with barely-contained laughter.

                                            >Twilight tilts her head in confusion. Is this a food stand?

                                            >Pinkie can see that she's not processing it so the mare explains in a rapid-fire fashion. "So you know how you have to wait for everypony else to get a chance before you can get another? Of course you do everypony knows that!" She leans in just a little, her voice lowering. "So I'm making myself look like another pony so I can get my second early! He'll never see it coming!"

                                            >"...Pinkie, I think you look more like yourself like this than you do normally."

                                            >Pinkie snorts between giggles. "I knooow, I tried my best disguise ever last year and he saw through it instantly! BUT he laughed when he saw me try so I have to do it! It's only right Twilight!"

                                            >Twilight nods slowly, processing this information. "...Uh huh. And who's 'he'?"

                                            >The gasp from Pinkie is loud and immediate. She clamps her front hooves over her mouth for a moment, sitting there with a shocked expression.

                                            >Twilight's expression once again turns to frustration. "No spoiling, huh?" Pinkie nods endlessly.

                                            >With a huff, the unicorn turns and continues along the line.


                                            >She advances just beside the queue before she hears somepony clear their throat.

                                            >"Now, sugarcube, I know we're best friends n' all but I'm not about to let ya be a rotten apple and cut the line." Applejack's stare is stern.

                                            >Twilight looks baffled for a moment before quickly shaking her head. "No no! Not cutting! Research!" She turns and wiggles her rear half, showing the heavy saddlebags. "I'm here to write a detailed report on this phenomenon!"

                                            >Applejack gets a knowing look in her eye. "...First time, huh?"

                                            >Twilight nods insistently, excited to learn. "Absolutely! Pinkie Pie implied this is a yearly event, I'm still new here!"

                                            >A smirk forms on Applejack's face. "...'S not just a Ponyville thing, Twi. He's been doing this for ages all over Equestria. My first time was in Manehattan."

                                            >Twilight's excitement falters for a moment. Her ears turn backwards. "U-um."

                                            >Applejack's smirk widens and she steps a little closer. "I know even y'all highfalutin Canterlot ponies get 'im once a year. Must be the talk of the whole city."

                                            >The unicorn's face turns a bit red and she scuffs at the cobblestones below her. "T-that big a deal, huh..?"

                                            >The farmer steps closer again. "What d'you think you were probably doin' when all yer friends were out in line, sugarcube?"

                                            >She feels like such a dork right now. Her face is bright red, looking down at the ground. "...St-...studying..."

                                            >A nuzzle against her cheek. She flinches and looks up as Applejack laughs just a little.

                                            >"Don't gotta be all bashful, sugarcube. He ain't gonna mind one bit. Heck, I bet he'll be sweeter than Granny's Hearthswarming fritters 'bout it."

                                            >Twilight looks just a bit hopeful. "Could you, maybe... tell me what 'it' is? The others keep-"

                                            >Immediate rejection. Applejack shakes her head simply as she turns tail and gets back into line.

                                            >When she sees the frustration on Twilight's face, she lets out a little sigh. "Listen, sugarcube. I get ya. Ya like to know what y're gettin' into. But yer first time's a special one!"

                                            >Applejack nods back towards the end of the line. "I know ya wanna solve everything yerself, but... maybe just wait at the back of the line? It'll be worth it, I promise." A genuine smile.

                                            >Twilight hesitates, looking all the way back at where she came from. Then towards her saddlebags. Research. Science.

                                            >She whines. "...I just really need to know."

                                            >Applejack comes back out of line for a moment and wraps her forelegs around Twilight, reassuring her. "I ain't mad. Y're just doin' what's right for ya."

                                            >Twilight smiles too. "Thanks Applejack."

                                            >The farmer returns to her spot, giving a little wave goodbye to the librarian. "See ya soon, Twi."

                                            >Twilight walks with determination now. She WILL get to the bottom of this.


                                            >As Twilight gets closer to the front she can see the crowd. They're not surrounding the front of the line, but off to the side, groups talking to eachother and enjoying themselves.

                                            >It looks like a casual party, really.

                                            >Up front though, at the front of the line, she sees... what is that? Her eyes widen.

                                            >"Oh, Twilight!"

                                            >She's distracted by the sound of a friend, looking over at the noise.

                                            >Fluttershy smiles politely, quickly stepping over - not too close, but close. "It's so good to see you! You're not in line, does that mean you already went?" A little tilt of her head.

                                            >Twilight shakes her own head. "No, I'm actually doing research. I've never heard of this 'upsies guy' so I'm trying to learn about it."

                                            >The pegasus' eyes widen with slight shock. "Your... first time? Omigosh, I'm so happy for you! I remember my first time, it was wonderful." She looks just a bit dreamy.

                                            >Twilight gives a little nod, her horn glowing as she brings out one of her scrolls and starts writing down everything she's learned so far from the others through inference. "Could you tell me a little bit about that experience?"

                                            >Fluttershy opens her mouth to speak, but hesitates, looking away and her voice getting a bit quieter. "Well I'd love to!.. but, um... I'd feel really bad if my description took away a bit of the joy of experiencing it for yourself..."

                                            >Twilight shakes her head quickly, stepping a bit closer. "No no it's okay, I don't mind! Please! Describe away!"

                                            >Fluttershy backs off the same amount Twilight moves forward, lowering herself just a little and getting even quieter. "I'd feel really, really, really bad..."

                                            >The unicorn lets out a little huff of frustration, but shakes her head. No, no, being angry doesn't solve anything.

                                            >She calms herself down. "...Would you be okay telling me after?"

                                            >Fluttershy looks towards her and immediately smiles, the relief obvious. "Oh I'd love that! And you can tell me how it is for you! And maybe the other girls can tell you what their first time was like too, oh, it'll be oh so fun!" She lifts off the ground for a moment, wings fluttering with excitement.

                                            >Twilight's smiling herself now. "We'll do that then. But first..." She looks towards the front of the line, once again determined. "I need to see for myself."


                                            >As Twilight approaches the front of the line, the view becomes increasingly baffling.

                                            >It's... a hairless bear? A mutant minotaur? No, no... what IS it? She looks back to her saddlebag. She didn't think to bring books on obscure bipedal cretures, nopony mentioned that there would be any of those.

                                            >As she looks back at it, her confusion only grows. What's it doing..?

                                            >She finally gets a good look, coming up close to the creature as it uses its claws to grip onto Apple Bloom's sides and... lift her up above its head.

                                            >A gruff, yet somehow kind voice comes out of its fur-covered face. "Upsies!" Apple Bloom laughs and says it too, kicking her legs forwards and backwards and acting like it's the best thing in the world.

                                            >When she's set down she bounces towards the crowd off to the side. Twilight watches her all the way, trying to understand what just happened.

                                            >When she looks back towards the creature, she notices a teal mare sitting down just to the side of it, watching its every move.

                                            >Twilight trots around the perimeter and stands just next to her. "Lyra, what's going on here?"

                                            >Lyra doesn't look away from the creature, her tail swishing happily behind her and a look of absolute contentment on her face. "Magic." Her voice is breathy.

                                            >Twilight's confusion does not get helped by this. However, the odd mostly-furless-bear does help, looking over at her with a... smile. Oh.

                                            >"I don't think I've met you before." It then focuses back on what it's doing, bending its knees down to be able to get a good grip on Roseluck's sides. "Ready?"

                                            >Roseluck nods quickly, then is brought up into the air. "Upsies!" They both say it in unison. She splays out like she's flying, then is set down.

                                            >She trots off with more pep in her step than Twilight has ever seen her have.

                                            >Twilight steps a ways back and gets out a scroll again, sitting down and starting to write everything she notices.

                                            >Her best attempt at its appearance. It seems like it's an older creature, she can see little bits of gray in its fur.

                                            >Its action. It makes sure to bend its knees as much as possible before lifting, keeping its back as straight as possible.

                                            >The reaction. Every single pony walks away happier than when they were a moment before.

                                            >She's cataloging everything she can. She might be the first pony to even consider properly reporting on this, after all!


                                            >As she's working, she hears hoofbeats and looks over to see Rarity smiling down at her. "Now, darling, today's not a day for work."

                                            >Twilight looks confused. "But this is groundbreaking research! Vital!"

                                            >Rarity looks towards the creature, then back to her. "...I suppose it's worth doing. He is quite interesting, I'll admit." A little tail swish.

                                            >Twilight looks back towards the creature. "Mmn." She's never seen anything - anyone, she corrects herself - like this before.

                                            >Maybe if she gallops back to the library right now she can find some books on the subject of bipedals and figure out what species he is! But oh, then she'll not be able to catalog the reactions! And that's no good!

                                            >Her brow furrows further and further.

                                            >Rarity sits down next to her and brushes a hoof along her mane, helping her relax a little. "Oh, Twilight, you look like you're worrying yourself sick. I know you're a very dedicated researcher, but there's no stakes to this, dear. Take a deep breath with me."

                                            >She does. And she feels better after. She looks over at Rarity with a little hint of embarrassment. "Sorry, I just... I really want to do this right."

                                            >Rarity's expression turns just a little smug. "Well I'm afraid you're a little late for that. I don't mean to brag, but..." She leans in. "I was the first pony to get upsies this year."

                                            >Twilight raises an eyebrow. "Did you just... wait for him to arrive?"

                                            >The fashionista holds a hoof to her mouth, laughing just a little. "Oh, no, that would be horribly inefficient. I had contacts in Fillydelphia tell me he was coming our way. A pegasus followed him for me."

                                            >She stands up and her horn glows for a moment, brushing herself clean. "Anywho, I'll be waiting for the line to clear up. Do enjoy yourself, Twilight."

                                            >"I will, I promise!" The unicorn waves goodbye before focusing back on her work, this time reminding herself that this is research, and that research is fun!

                                            >So fun that she doesn't even notice the line's empty until the creature turns to her.


                                            >Rainbow Dash has spent the past hour using every technique she knows to avoid freaking out. She's paced, she's hovered, she's talked to Spike, she's given Spike a pegasusback ride, she's tried to ride Spike only to realize that's a really bad idea. None of it worked.

                                            >Thankfully, once Fluttershy got her turn she came to the back of the line.

                                            >Rainbow's trudging along every time the line moves forward, her head low. Her hooves scuff along the cobblestones. She's gonna be here forever, she knows it.

                                            >Fluttershy's using one of her wings to brush along Rainbow's mane and back, giving her soothing little reminders that it's okay.

                                            >Finally though, she hears a voice. HIS voice. Her head immediately whips up and her eyes widen, looking up at the upsies guy.

                                            >"You've been waiting a long time, huh?" He smiles. She clamps her wings against her sides because otherwise she'd definitely burst into the sky with excitement.

                                            >She nods quickly. "Only ALL YEAR! Dude, you need to come more often!"

                                            >His laugh is hearty and honest. "I'd love to, but ponies everywhere need upsies."

                                            >She knows that, but she still doesn't like waiting. She hates waiting, actually. But it's okay now.

                                            >She steps forward into the exact right position. He squats down. Those hands expertly fit under her barrel.

                                            >And then she's up. Her forelegs kick out front, her hind legs back. Her wings spread wide and her eyes widen with joy.

                                            >"Upsiiiiies!"

                                            >When she's set down she's giggling uncontrollably, zipping over to the now massive crowd to find others to talk to.

                                            >Spike looks up at the big guy, his eyes wide with curiosity. The curiosity seems to be mutual. "This is my first time seeing a dragon. You ready?"

                                            >Spike grins. "Never been readier!" Those hands gently press against his sides and he's up in the air!

                                            >It's funny, he was up in the air just a little bit ago. Rainbow Dash gave him a ride to try and distract herself from the wait.

                                            >Yet... this feels different. There's a magic in the air. "Woah." He gets why Rainbow Dash was so excited for it.

                                            >When he touches back down he takes a few hesitant steps away, as if waiting for more, then he runs over to the rest of the crowd. He'll definitely be back for more though.

                                            >Then it's just up to that bookish unicorn.


                                            >Twilight looks up at the creature, her eyes widening. "...H-hi, um. I'm just..." She waves the scroll around.

                                            >The creature smiles. "You're here for upsies, right?"

                                            >She looks over towards Lyra, who is giving a very firm nod of approval. Then she looks to the crowd. Her friends are waving and looking excited for her.

                                            >She clears her throat, averting her gaze. "Well, I mean. I don't mean to be rude, but it just seems to be, sort of... lifting. I can lift myself. With magic."

                                            >Rather than being insulted, the creature's smile widens. "Well, it won't hurt you to try. It's really easy."

                                            >She stutters out a few syllables, trying to think of a counterargument. Eventually she carefully, tightly rolls up the scroll and stuffs it back into her saddlebag, then undoes the buckles and sets it aside.

                                            >As she stands up she realizes just how much ache she has in her hips. Carrying magical copies of books was probably a mistake.

                                            >The creature steps forward. She looks up at him nervously. Those knees bend. His hands are against her body. And then... "Upsies!"

                                            >She's over his head. For a moment, she's just processing it. Then she can't help but let out a giggle. It's... it's so dumb.

                                            >Then she's back on the ground. For a moment, she almost teeters over, but she catches herself.

                                            >It was so dumb. It was so dumb that she wants to do it again. Just thinking about it makes her giggle some more.

                                            >She lifts her saddlebags up and carries them along with her as she trots over to the others to talk about what just happened.

                                            >The crowd immediately begins to filter over to get their second upsie, only to stop. A strong, yet playful voice speaks up.

                                            >"Not just yet, my little ponies." Many ponies bow on instinct, others just stand looking stunned.


                                            >"You're cheating again." The words aren't kind, but the smile on the man's face shows he means no harm by it. "They have to wait all year, y'know."

                                            >Celestia stands regally, as if there's nothing strange about being here. "I simply happened to decide to visit Ponyville today."

                                            >"Just like you do at every stop I make." He chuckles gently. "You're killing me, princess."

                                            >She shakes her head in response, maintaining her composure all the while. "No no, you told me that the first time and that's why I make myself lighter for you."

                                            >That smile widens. "And I thank you every time for your hospitality. My body's not built to lift horses."

                                            >"Ponies," she corrects him. And then she turns, presenting her side to him.

                                            >His knees bend. Those arms wrap under her barrel, a much stronger hold than with the other ponies. Her horn glows, as does the rest of her body.

                                            >And then she's up. Not as high as the others due to the different hold, but it doesn't matter.

                                            >The whole crowd says it with them. "Upsiiiiies!" There's a cheer that reaches as far as the next town.

                                            >When she's set down, she turns to him and finally smiles just enough for him to see it. A small crack in her usual presentation. "I'll see you tomorrow."

                                            >The man laughs. "Yes, I'm sure you will." She's gone in a flash of magic.

                                            >In the evening Twilight sits outside, just a ways away from the impromptu feast happening in the middle of town.

                                            >Everypony's come together to enjoy their dinners together, sharing stories and food in equal measure with the upsies guy.

                                            >She giggles a little thinking about how much fun it was. Even the third time. And then she gets to writing.

                                            >"Dear Princess Celestia: When I heard about this new thing going on in town, I was a bit skeptical. Especially when nopony wanted to tell me about it. But I think that sometimes, it's good to go with the flow-"

                                            >Wait a minute. She didn't go with the flow when she was doing research, and that was super fun! She balls up the paper and tries again.

                                            >And again. And again. She can't think of a good lesson. Eventually though, she shakes her head and laughs once more.

                                            >"Dear Princess Celestia: upsies are wonderful. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

                                            >She nods in approval when reading it over, and she thinks her mentor will do the same.