The Truth

 

As you all may have seen from the Elements of Justice (EoJ) public accounts, I have been removed from Elements of Justice and have transferred ownership to Mr G. A lot of you are understandably wondering what I could’ve done to be removed from my own series.

 

Well… let’s go back around six years, long before the first episode came out.

 

Around 2016, I was trying to make content for my Patreon and I needed commissions to make money. And honestly, I wasn’t making much. I needed money to pay for Adobe Animate at the time to work on EoJ. This was also a time when I regularly streamed on Picarto, an art streaming website. There were a few people who talked about how much they liked my art, specifically the NSFW stuff. Most of my supporters who commission me usually ask for NSFW. So I figured, I should advertise that more.

 

I then started to notice that there was a certain “niche” that some of my favorite artists did at the time… and that was lolicon. I was already pretty disgusted at the idea of drawing that kind of art, but I saw some of my favorite artists, and even some fellow artists, get into it, acting like it was just a normal category of porn. The kinds of defenses these artists make are like, “they’re not real so it doesn’t count” or “I adjusted the body a bit so they look 18.”

 

Those excuses, in retrospect, are disgusting and I should have known better. I was still iffy, but my art peers who made that content told me that this is what gives them the most exposure and money. I was in need of money. I didn’t want to do it but I ignored my initial concerns and tried it out.

 

I drew my first lolicon art with Scootaloo in Equestria Girls (EqG) form (as a human), completely nude. Well, this was a nude version of a safe version, but the fact that the “other” version exists was awful. I was honestly not happy with doing it, and I felt like I had immediately fallen down a rabbit hole. So right after I finished the art, I made another post on my NSFW Tumblr asking if this kind of content was okay. Usually I don’t get comments on my NSFW tumblr, or even likes and reblogs, but there were a few people who said that I should make more of that. I still felt gross about making that kind of content, but it seemed like people liked it. Again, these are red flags, but I kept going in spite of that. Even though I regret it now, I then drew my next lolicon pic.

 

I don’t remember how much longer it was from that first post, but I believe it was later in the year. I took the next lolicon pic even farther by adding some mother-daughter incest. Specifically, I drew a Spoiled Rich x Diamond Tiara image. After I made the post, I was expecting a good amount of praise from my followers, since I was proud of the effort I put into it. But then the comments from my DeviantArt concerned me. A good amount of people were confused, angered, and disgusted at what I spent hours making. It got me thinking about what I did, and how awful I must have been to even draw this. So after a couple days, I deleted the post.

 

I then made one more lolicon post some time the next year. This time, it was of Sweetie Belle in her Apple Bloomers look, from the April Fools commercial that Discovery Family was promoting. I saw that a lot of my art peers were eating those looks up, as my DeviantArt and Tumblr feeds were filled with the CMC in this style. So, to get on the bandwagon and get more people to follow me, I took a shot at it. I was scared that I might get criticized again, like last time, but I’d seen a few artists who made lolicon art draw the characters as anthro to hide their younger looks. So I thought I would be fine. But just in case, I made sure that it was made in a cutesy way instead of a lewd way. I didn’t get any criticism on the post this time, mainly people saying it was cute.

 

But the guilt still didn’t go away. I clearly was advertising in a way where people needed to find “exclusive alts” of the pic that were NSFW. That in itself made me feel disgusted, but I kept ignoring it, thinking it was fine.

 

I then noticed many of the artists who I followed that did lolicon art no longer posted it. Some of them got criticized for it, and gave it up. Some of them made alternate accounts or identities, where they could do purely lolicon art without getting backlash. Seeing this, I felt like it was finally a chance to get out of drawing this kind of art.

 

After a year and a half of trying out this kind of niche, I finally realized that it wasn’t just gross, it was a giant mistake. I was so focused on getting clout that I’d completely made myself like one of these artists. So I vowed to never make lolicon art ever again after that, and made sure that future commissioners didn't even get a chance to commission me for that kind of art. My most recent commission sheets have clearly labeled this and I have denied requests since.

 

I even made sure I deleted all of the lolicon art I’ve made on all of my social media accounts. I did not want to be associated with this kind of content anymore. It was at this time I should have apologized for my actions and apologized for all the harm I did, even if I never thought anyone could get hurt by art. I didn’t do this, and it cost me a lot.

 

This is where we fast forward to August 1st, 2023. Mr G was informed from someone in the team that they had discovered on my DeviantArt, under some old EqG CMC art, that I was promoting my Patreon, and that I said that you could find “exclusive NSFW variations on some pics”. That sentence being under a CMC pic concerned some people. So then they did some digging. They found that my exclusive lolicon art is still on Patreon. I completely forgot to remove them from my Patreon, even though I had attempted to ensure these pics were no longer available. This was especially problematic since Elements of Justice promoted my Patreon for the longest time. I was then informed by another member of the team that they knew about the art that I’ve made back then. I explained my side, and while they were incredibly upset, they understood that the person I am right now is completely different from who I was back then when I drew that art.

 

 

However, the fact that I made this art and the fact that I never apologized would finally catch up to me. The simple truth that the art that was still on my Patreon caused great disgust to the team and from the team member who raised the issue.

 

On August 3rd, I became part of an Arbitration process. This is a process we made around Case 2 Episode 3 when the team server was getting larger, to make sure we could easily resolve arguments between two people, by having a third, unrelated person mediate it all. We all knew this was a serious situation and would cause a lot of pain when it got out, so everyone involved followed the process as closely as possible.

 

The arbitration participants were: Myself, Mr. G, Soundman, the head of Human Resources who acted as arbiter, and the person who found my art. After two hours of talking about our personal and professional feelings on the matter, it was very clear that what I did had caused a lot of hurt. Even if some people on the team could forgive me, I’d hurt more people by staying.

 

In the end, the arbiter decided that complete severance from the team and giving ownership of everything to Mr. G would be the best outcome.

 

I admit, I was devastated by this. However, even though I was torn apart, I didn't expect any other outcome. I never thought my past would ever come back to bite me like this, when it seemed like it had been forgotten so thoroughly. But it showed that every action I make, regardless if I regret it or not, has consequences. I should have known and I learned this the hard way, that you should never just try to hide the past, but instead, you must own up to it.

 

When the call was over, I didn’t shed a single tear, or even get mad. I just felt empty and in shock. I felt that there was nothing to show for all my time working on EoJ. It’s like my soul left me. I’ve never had this feeling before. It’s a very different kind of pain that I would never wish on anyone, but I knew it was justified.

 

I thought my life was over. I knew how bad this situation would get when people found out. I believed that people would make sure that I would never be allowed to see the light of day, that I will always be ridiculed, and never be happy again. During this day, the thoughts of suicide I’ve worked so hard to overcome came rushing back to me. I thought about hanging myself, shooting myself, poisoning myself, falling to my death, just anything to put me out of my misery because I thought I didn’t deserve to live anymore. I know now, writing this, that state of mind is cowardly. However, I cannot deny that I felt this way, even though I know I should have not considered trying to escape what I had to face.

 

I felt this way because I knew there was no way to undo what I had done. There were no magic words I could say that could undo all the hurt I had done to my team, some of them, my best friends. This isn’t the kind of thing that can be easily forgiven and I never expected to be forgiven by anyone.

 

But, as I was at my lowest, I was contacted by the team to discuss how we could ensure this situation would be told to the fandom. They told me that despite my actions, it would harm everyone if I tried to hide from the truth. People deserved to know why I had been removed. People needed to understand the situation and people needed honesty. For so long, I had taken a half assed approach to this problem and not given it the proper attention and action it needed.

 

That is when I realized that the team, as a whole, deserves the best from me. The entire EoJ community deserved the best from me. EoJ gave me a chance to be somebody and I’ll always be grateful for that. However, now that I had acted in a way that compromised the same place that gave me that chance, I had to ensure I did not harm anyone further. That is when, despite being at my lowest, I did what was asked of me, without hesitation.

 

We worked together to make sure that everything that was under my control when it comes to EoJ was properly transferred to Mr G. All assets, all emails and everything that is needed to run the series was handed over. I was always in the loop about what was going to happen next, the people I worked with always made sure that I was feeling okay, even after they found out what I had done. Some people even came forward to me after they found out, to make sure I knew that, while they didn’t agree with what I did, that they would continue to be my friends.

 

So that’s why I made this post. I did terrible stuff in my past, and I thought it might get silently buried if I never talked about it. But it didn’t, and staying quiet hurt me, and so many people that I cared so much about. I want everyone reading this to know I will never forget the wrong that I did and the pain that I caused for so many people. I will have to live with that knowledge and accept it.

 

But at the same time, I have grown and I’m not the same person I was when I drew that kind of art. And I don’t want to be him, ever again.

 

It’ll be hard now that everybody knows the truth, but I want to move forward with my life. I want to continue to make art, and do things that bring joy to people. The time I’ve spent working on Elements of Justice has been some of the best years of my life, and even though I’m away from it now, I want to keep chasing that feeling.

 

To everyone who considered me a friend and cut ties with me after this, all I can say is I’m sorry. I could never be sorry enough. And I’ll always remember the great times we spent together. I hope that you continue to find joy in your lives, beyond our friendship. I understand having to cut ties with me. And if it makes anyone feel happier, or more secure, I fully support it.

 

And for the friends who continue to be my friends through all of this, you are literally my guardian angels, and I don’t deserve any of you. I don’t want to betray your friendship ever again. Thank you so much for giving me a second chance.

 

And that leaves you guys, the EoJ fans. I’m sorry for failing you all, and I’m sorry for putting you all through this. But please, keep supporting EoJ. Don’t let my unacceptable actions be the reason why you can’t enjoy this series that so many great people work so hard on. The people on the team deserve to know what I did, and they should all know that I’m doing what I can to make up for it.

 

After this message, I am going to spend the next couple hours hunting down the art that caused so much pain, and delete it all. I’ve admitted that it existed, and I don’t want it to exist anymore.

 

As for how I’m personally gonna move forward, I will be taking a break from social media. This isn’t to escape backlash or run away from what I’ve done. I just need time to honestly think about myself and get into a better headspace. I’ll pin this post on my socials so that anyone who wants to, can see what I did. This will not be forgotten.

 

At the end of the day, I’ve finally realized the full extent of what I did. I’ve paid a huge price for it. I lost a lot that I cared about due to a decision that I should have never made, years ago. And it will take some time, but I’ll live with that. I’ll grow from this experience, and I will become a better person.

 

I’ll be taking a break from the internet to work on myself as a person. I want to continue to do art when I return. I want to make things that make people smile, and make work that I can be proud of. If there’s anyone left who’s still interested in me, or my art when I return, I’ll be forever in your debt.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

TheAljavis