Watching LotR with your waifu


                                            >With a great stretch, you finally grab the remote and shut off the tv.

                                            >You'll have to come up with some way to thank the various arcane specialists that somehow reconstructed this whole setup from your old home on Earth.

                                            >But for now, all you can do is bask in triumph.

                                            >You've done it.

                                            >11 hours plus god knows how many bathroom breaks later, and you have successfully shown your waifu the greatest film trilogy of all time.

                                            >Extended editions of course, you're no casul.

                                            >The special mare in question finally shifts from her most recent cuddle position with her forehooves wrapped around your arm, and gives you her signature sweet smile.

                                            >She's been almost entirely silent this whole time. Short gasps and laughs at the expected scary/funny moments, and whispering the occasional frantic question about human customs or lore elements, but mostly just wide eyes and twitchy ears eagerly taking in the kino before her.

                                            >Alright, moment of truth.

                                            "So... what did you think?"


                                            ~~~~~

                                            >"Wow. That was really somethin'. I knew you humans had all kinds o' neat tricks in yer movies, but I didn't expect it ta look THAT good."

                                            "Yeah, well, this is a special case for sure."

                                            >"An' all the action... humans an' hobbits an' whatnot all workin' together... fightin' for their families..."

                                            >AJ gives a sigh that you can only describe as 'wistful'.

                                            >"Really warms the heart, sugarcube."

                                            "I'm glad."

                                            >You give her a nuzzle as she continues to talk.

                                            >"Ah gotta admit, it was sometimes weird seein' stuff like those 'horses' y'all got, but all in all? Shucks, I reckon I ain't never gonna have a weekend as nice as this one again, no matter what else yah got ta show me."

                                            "I'm just glad you were able to take all the time off."

                                            >"Oh, you know Ah'll always make time fer mah special somehuman!"

                                            >She rubs the back of her neck in a shy gesture you've been seeing more of lately.

                                            >"Speakin' o' which, Ah ain't usually one for mushy stuff, but..."

                                            >You raise an eyebrow, prompting her to continue.

                                            >"Well, what did YOU think o' that whole... ya know, romance?"

                                            >She ducks her head instinctively to hide her blush.

                                            >"And that there weddin' at the end an' all? Think they made a good match, despite all their troubles?"

                                            >Hmm.

                                            >You're pretty sure you know where this is going.

                                            "You know... I always did prefer Éowyn to Arwen."

                                            >You say it with a sly, seductive smile.

                                            >But instead, AJ looks at you with confusion in her eyes.

                                            >"Really? Ya think it shoulda been those two? That... y'know..."

                                            "Well, I-"

                                            >You stop yourself.

                                            >This seemed like a slamdunk.

                                            >So why is your marefriend looking like you're about to serve her some strawberry pie with orange ice cream?

                                            "AJ, is something wrong? I'd expect you to know I've got a bit of a preference for hardworking, blonde, country girls. Seeing as how I'm dating one and all?"

                                            >She tilts her head for a moment before breaking in an understanding smile.

                                            >"Oh, right. Ah was thinkin'... never mind. It's stupid."

                                            "Hey. Come on."

                                            >"Well... aren't we kinda like... that is... you and me... and how A-ra-gorn and Ar-wen were..."

                                            >Now it's your turn to stare in befuddlement.

                                            >You never expected AJ to see herself as Arwen, hell she'd be closer to...

                                            >...oh.

                                            >Of course she would be Aragorn.

                                            >It seems obvious now.

                                            >You recall when Aragorn awkwardly blurted out "Then I shall die as one of them!", exactly the sort of overly-honest faux pas your marefriend would make.

                                            >And while it's not the size of Gondor, Sweet Apple Acres is one hell of a responsibility to place on a young girl.

                                            >Not to mention all the Element of Honesty stuff.

                                            >Her friends are all powerful wizards, world-class athletes, and inscrutable agents of chaos.

                                            >Meanwhile, she's just a normal mare doing her best.

                                            >No special powers. Nothing but a lot of raw strength, determination, and a stubborn optimism for a brighter tomorrow.

                                            >...And then there's the love interest.

                                            >A strange being from a completely different world.

                                            >An endless list of reasons why such a relationship shouldn't work.

                                            >And yet... love wins out in the end, doesn't it?

                                            >Fuck yes it does.

                                            >You scoop your little King of Gondor in your arms and smooch her snoot.

                                            "I think they lived happily ever after."

                                            >"...'Course they did."

                                            >She nuzzles deeper into your chest.


                                            ~~~~~

                                            >Pinkie stands and draws an enormous breath.

                                            >You brace for the flood of word salad.

                                            >"It was REALLY good!"

                                            >...

                                            >...That's it?

                                            >"Uh-huh!"

                                            >Wait did she just-

                                            >"I don't really know what else to say! My thoughts are in so many different places at once! Sad places, happy places, scary places, big angry 'WRAAUGH LET'S GO FIGHT MONSTERS' places and I don't even know where to BEGIN!"

                                            >She flops back on the couch.

                                            >"It makes you feel so... FULL! Like eating an ENORMOUS cake! Sure you know eventually you'll be hungry again at some point soon probably in time for dinner and maybe a midnight snack if you're sneaky enough but right now you just want to enjoy feeling full, y'know?"

                                            "Yeah... I actually do."

                                            >She giggles.

                                            >"Thanks. This was a really great party."

                                            "Didn't feel like a party, really."

                                            >Suddenly her legs are wrapped tight around you.

                                            >"It always feels like a party when you're with me."

                                            >You silently snuggle her for a little while, before another gasp hits her.

                                            >"Oh, oh, oh! What was your favourite part? And your favourite character! I need to know for your profile!"

                                            "Uh, y'know after having seen them so many times... I don't know that I can pick any favourites. I just love all of it."

                                            >She nods.

                                            >"That makes sense. I can't pick a favourite ice cream flavour anymore. They're just all so good!"

                                            "What about you? Who did you like the best?"

                                            >She answers without a trace of hesitation.

                                            >"King Théoden."

                                            >...

                                            >Huh.

                                            >Always a surprise with your marefriend.

                                            "You know, I would never have expected that answer from you."

                                            >Pinkie pulls back and stares at the blank television.

                                            >You notice her mane start to deflate ever so slightly.

                                            >"He had more reason to be sad than anypony else."

                                            >Tears suddenly fill her eyes.

                                            >"I don't know what I'd do if I was in his place. If I woke up one day and I had suddenly lost Maud or Rainbow or Limestone or Rarity or Mrs. Cake or... or... you..."

                                            >Reaching forward, you pull her tight to your chest as she starts to sob.

                                            >"He had every reason to just... stop. Seal himself up somewhere and stop caring about such an awful, mean, cruel joke of a world that would do that to him."

                                            "But he didn't."

                                            >"...yeah."

                                            >You feel her mane puff up beneath your fingers as she raises her head, giving you a sad smile.

                                            >"He put on a brave face and kept fighting. Fought hard for everypony who was counting on him. Even though deep down he just wanted to yell and cry and... give up."

                                            >She wraps you in a tight hug.

                                            >"I don't ever want to give up again. No matter how much it hurts, I won't stop trying to make everypony I love smile."

                                            >You bury your face in her soft, sweet hair.

                                            "Me too."


                                            ~~~~~

                                            >"T'WAS A MOST ENJOYABLE BALLAD!"

                                            >After you shake the ringing from your ears, you give your apologetic marefriend a reassuring smile.

                                            >"We-I mean to say that... We... I... liked it."

                                            >As Luna bows her head in embarrassment, you immediately respond with comforting ear scritches.

                                            >She immediately relaxes, curling up next to you.

                                            >"We especially enjoyed the tactics of Gandalf! Sister was always very fond of that 'blinded by the sunrise' trick, seeing it here brought back many good memories!"

                                            >You're not sure if you should ask just what sort of occasion Celestia would have had to use such a ploy.

                                            >"And the ending! The heroes surrounded, with nowhere to run, hoping beyond hope that such small, weak, non-magical creatures could endure so much, and accomplish the impossible!"

                                            >She shudders as she rests her head on your lap.

                                            >"Not only all of those horrid orcs, but that dreadful eye... the heat and ash... the... ring..."

                                            >Between your legs and hands, you feel it.

                                            >Her shoulders twitch, and her jaw tightens.

                                            >It's one of those nights.

                                            >You wait patiently, hands gently rubbing her back, hoping that she'll open up to you this time.

                                            >Thankfully, your silence soon pays off as she hesitantly speaks.

                                            >"Dost... do you think that the Sméagol creature could have been saved? Could he ever have been free?"

                                            >You choose your words carefully.

                                            "I think... I think it's tragic what happened to him. But in the end... he didn't try very hard to save himself. He was free from 'Gollum' for a while. But in the end, he trusted Gollum more than anyone else. He didn't accept Frodo's friendship."

                                            >You feel her nod with determination.

                                            >"Yes. That's right. He hated that... other him, but he also loved it. He couldn't imagine life without it."

                                            >She sighs deeply, but that tension remains.

                                            "Whereas... Frodo, you know, he fell to temptation as well. Boromir too. But they had friends to help pull them back, and their friends forgave them."

                                            >"Yes! Sir Boromir had a great, honourable death! And Sir Frodo was saved! Sir Samwise and the others remained his close friends, like nothing had changed!"

                                            >Your marefriend starts to relax.

                                            "Friendship always saves the day, huh?"

                                            >"Indeed. We are glad to have friends now. We would hate to be consumed in lava."

                                            >Your petting stops as Luna's words catch you off-guard.

                                            >You're... really not sure whether to laugh or cry at that.

                                            >Luna senses something is wrong and lifts her head to face you.

                                            >"Oh! Thou must know We are fully aware Sister wouldst never toss Us into a volcano!"

                                            "Glad to hear it."

                                            >"And We are also not at all feeling an urge to dine upon raw fish!"

                                            "That... hadn't crossed my mind at all."

                                            >Her face droops again.

                                            >"We... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to compare myself to a monster again."

                                            "I know."

                                            >"With all the excitement from the moving-picture-play, I suppose I just got a little... lost in my own head."

                                            >You idly run your fingers through her mane.

                                            "Lots of scary thoughts in there, huh?"

                                            >She gets a faraway look in her eyes.

                                            >"Sometimes, yes. And as much as you, and Sister, and everypony else tries to help, it..."

                                            "It's your burden to carry, and it can't be shared."

                                            >She nods sadly.

                                            >...A terribly devious idea strikes you.

                                            "You know..."

                                            >You really shouldn't.

                                            "...if Nightmare Moon is like the One Ring..."

                                            >But you will.

                                            "...then you would be like Frodo..."

                                            >Your hands slowly drift underneath her body.

                                            "And... that means..."

                                            >You firmly plant your feet on the floor.

                                            >Luna senses your movement and turns to see your evil grin.

                                            "...I can't carry it for you..."

                                            >Her eyes widen with a raw fury only an immortal alicorn Princess could muster.

                                            >"Thou. Wouldst. Not. Dare."

                                            >Oh, but thou wouldeth indeedth.

                                            >With a sharp breath, you release your battle cry.

                                            "...BUT I CAN CARRY YOU!"

                                            >Luna shrieks as you stand with her in your arms.

                                            >Your arms quake.

                                            >Your knees buckle.

                                            >Truly, even Samwise the Brave would have struggled with the mighty weight of The Royal Plot.

                                            >"THOU SHALT CEASE THIS INDIGNITY AT ONCE!"

                                            >Thankfully, you detect a great deal of suppressed laughter in her voice.

                                            >The knowledge that this idiocy is somehow working to lift your marefriend's spirits spurs you onward.

                                            >You push your body to its limit as you scale the fiery slopes of Mount Doom, despite the fevered protests of your Frodo.

                                            >Unfortunately you only make it about three steps before you tumble to the floor.

                                            >...Those films would've ended very differently if Frodo was remotely as caked up as your special somepony.

                                            >Your limbs scream at you for attempting such a suicidal feat as you flop on your back, gazing at the ceiling.

                                            >A moment later, your marefriend's face comes into view.

                                            >Far prettier than Gandalf, at least.

                                            >"Thou... absolutely infuriating..."

                                            >Her emotions struggle for control of her expression.

                                            >Anger at her marehandling.

                                            >Laughter at your adorable stunt.

                                            >Sadness at the memory of her past.

                                            >Guilt over what she perceives as her weakness.

                                            >...Gratitude that she has you to help her.

                                            >"Thou... Thou art..."

                                            >She's at a loss for words.

                                            >Luckily, you have some for her.

                                            "I am... 'Your...?'"

                                            >A cheeky smile grows on your face as you prompt her.

                                            >She rolls her eyes, but can't stop a similar smile from appearing as she indulges you.

                                            >"...my precious."

                                            >Just as you start to cheer in success, the wind is knocked out of your lungs as the weight of an alicorn descends on your aching body for a second time.

                                            >"...thank you."

                                            >Your adorable marefriend whispers before embracing you in a tender kiss.


                                            ~~~~~

                                            "WOW, that was just so excellent in so many different ways! The worldbuilding was so interesting, and I'd love to get more knowledge on the magical properties of that staff..."

                                            >Twi goes on for a little while.

                                            >Rather than try and follow it all, you just sit back and enjoy watching her.

                                            >Nothing in the world comes close to how cute she looks when she's talking about something she's passionate about.

                                            >Her eyes light up with boundless energy. Her wings twitch anxiously. She bounces in place and even does that little tippy-hoof dance for a bit.

                                            >"...and having the hero give in at the last moment was such an unexpected subversion that it completely caught me off-guard..."

                                            >You reach out and softly tickle her neck as she continues.

                                            >"...so it's really all about renewal even in the face of inevitable loss and change, while also emphasizing the importance of reinstating traditional values... in... um, right."

                                            >She sheepishly returns to the couch and nuzzles you.

                                            >"We... can discuss my analysis some other time. I'm sure we're both sleepy right now."

                                            "Sure. But before that, I think there's a very important question that needs answering."

                                            >Her eyes are filled with curiosity.

                                            >"What's that? Is it about that thing you mentioned about people thinking the Eagles were a problem? Because I spotted about seventeen reasons why flying to Mount Doom wouldn't work. First of all, the amount of calories needed for that type of continual flight would-"

                                            "No, no, that's not it. I just wanted to know..."

                                            >You shrug meekly.

                                            "Who's your favourite character?"

                                            >Her mouth opens and shuts in several false starts as her eyes dart around.

                                            >You think you hear the familiar whirr of her brain beginning to overclock itself, and immediately start to calm her with slow backrubs.

                                            "Don't think about it. Your first instinctual answer is best for this sort of personal question."

                                            >She nods in agreement.

                                            >"Then... I guess it would have to be... Pippin."

                                            >She glances at you nervously.

                                            "Yeah, that's a solid choice. Goes through a lot of growth, doesn't he?"

                                            >She nods.

                                            >"At first I thought he and Merry were just going to serve as the comedic relief duo the whole time, or maybe one of them would be killed off as a way to raise the stakes of the story without harming anyone plot-relevant, but... that didn't happen. And they didn't suddenly find themselves in a contrived situation where they had unique knowledge or skills that would make them conveniently useful enough to have a big hero moment, either. Not that they weren't still helpful, of course. But they didn't... change who they were."

                                            >She bites her lip, and you notice her give a quick glance to her wings, tightly folded up against her body.

                                            >"That's why I like Pippin. He didn't have to be anypony different. He didn't have to be a strong fighter or strategist to be a hero. He just had to be brave. And for a long time... all he seemed to do was make mistakes."

                                            >Her head droops.

                                            >"I've... failed a lot, you know. I've let my friends down, even gotten them hurt. Even when I know it's not my fault, it still sticks with me. Makes me doubt myself when I shouldn't."

                                            >You pat her head reassuringly.

                                            >"But Pippin... Well, look at it rationally. He had no useful skills, and his presence just caused the more capable fighters trouble as they had to protect him. Logically speaking, he shouldn't have been involved in the quest at all. It wasn't a rational decision to bring him along at all. And he knew it. When they failed to convince the Ents to help, he wanted to just pack up and go home."

                                            "But..."

                                            >"But... Merry encouraged him. And then he had that plan to get Treebeard to help, it was so clever, yet surprisingly simple. And then I thought that would be the end of his story. He had the right idea at the right moment, and it redeemed his character."

                                            "He just couldn't keep his nose out of trouble, though."

                                            >"Exactly! You'd expect him to be more mature from that point on. That's how growing up is supposed to work in stories. He'd be wise enough to resist the cursed magic item, not poke at it out of curiosity!"

                                            "Well, just because you save the world, that doesn't mean you have to be perfect."

                                            >She bites her lip again.

                                            "It's okay to fail, to have flaws, to cause trouble for others. As long as you do your best to make it right, your friends will always see that you're trying, and they'll help you out."

                                            >"It still hurts for them to see you like that, though. As a burden, when you're supposed to supporting them."

                                            "Sure. But it's their choice to shoulder you as a burden. Friendship is a choice. It's not like... like Faramir. Going to a pointless death out of a terrible obligation."

                                            >"Yeah... now that was just... infuriating!"

                                            "And that's why Pippin saved him, even though he didn't want to be saved. Faramir was strong, he was just made to think he was useless."

                                            >"Right..."

                                            >Her face lights up in sudden understanding.

                                            >"Right! Because giving up is never really the best logical choice! It only looks that way, usually because some horrible pony is just making you feel worthless!"

                                            "And that's why, my little Princess, your friends and I are always going to catch you when you fall. No matter how much trouble you cause for us."

                                            >You boop her.

                                            >She scrunches.

                                            >This is what life's all about.

                                            >"Okay, okay. Enough making me feel better. Now: would the surface of an oliphant trunk really have such low friction so as to allow Legolas to..."


                                            ~~~~~

                                            >No sound leaves Rainbow's open mouth.

                                            >Her eyes burn with the intensity of countless unspoken thoughts.

                                            >Finally, her fragile, raspy voice pushes its way past all her hesitations.

                                            >"That... was... AWFUL!"

                                            "What?"

                                            >"That's the LAMEST ending I've ever heard in my LIFE!"

                                            >Dash throws her hooves toward the ceiling in exasperation.

                                            >"I mean what HAPPENED? 99% of all that was the most TOTALLY awesome story of all time except for MAYBE Daring Do #3 if you removed all the weird bits with the annoying foal sidekick but that ending was SO LAME!"

                                            >She spreads her wings, and starts to zoom back and forth in a fury.

                                            >"I mean, Sam goes through all of that-ALL of that, just for Frodo to say 'Yeah I'm off to the other side of the world now, seeya!'? No. WAY!"

                                            >She slams all four hooves on the floor for emphasis.

                                            >"No WAY could Frodo be THAT uncool. Sam was the best wingpony ever. EVER. And he just... up and LEFT him?"

                                            "Well, it was a hard choice to make, but I think that it was for the best-"

                                            >Dash abruptly leans in towards you, making you jolt backwards as her angry pout fills your vision.

                                            >"Best? For WHO? So Frodo's wound hurt or whatever, big deal! Now he'll be off on his own without Sam to watch his back! And Sam's left by himself!"

                                            "Sam had a family. He had others he had to look after. Frodo just... didn't belong in the Shire anymore."

                                            >You try to sound soothing.

                                            >"Yeah... but, you just don't turn your back on a friend like that."

                                            >She focuses on holding her angry expression, but you catch glimpses of sadness beneath it.

                                            "He couldn't very well have asked Sam to leave his family behind, could he?"

                                            >"No..."

                                            "And Sam wouldn't want his friend to make himself miserable by staying there, right?"

                                            >"...guess not."

                                            >She flops on the couch to sulk some more.

                                            >"...still super lame though..."

                                            >You tussle her mane one color at a time.

                                            "Sometimes, friends just have to go their separate ways. Doesn't mean that they don't appreciate each other anymore. Frodo and Sam's friendship is still just as strong."

                                            >"Why, though? Why's it gotta be like that?"

                                            "I guess... because if we were all alike, if we all wanted to live in the same place, do the same things, and think in the same way... there wouldn't be much point in having friends, would there?"

                                            >"S'pose not."

                                            "It's bittersweet. Their journey ended, and so did their time together, but it allowed them both to have new adventures. For themselves."

                                            >Rainbow groans in frustration.

                                            >"I hate it when you do that."

                                            "Do what?"

                                            >"Cause something so uncool to end up making sense."

                                            >You snuggle closer.

                                            "Well, sometimes it's okay to be a little bit uncool. Sam and Frodo and all of them would cry, and struggle and doubt themselves, and they're still cool, right?

                                            >"Yeah... I think... I need to talk to Scootaloo."

                                            >You gently pet her wings.

                                            "Why's that?"

                                            >"She's... not being herself lately. She's growing up really fast, and she hasn't been hanging out with her friends as much. She's really focused on our flying lessons, and..."

                                            >Dash suddenly shifts position, climbing up to rest her top half against your chest, head drooping past your shoulder.

                                            >"She's a really awesome kid. It probably won't be long before she's even more awesome than me. But that's not going to happen if she keeps trying to BE me. She needs to realize she's awesome just as herself. All the 'fan club' stuff, all the time I spend with her... maybe that's part of the problem."

                                            >She hugs you tighter.

                                            >"Maybe it'd be alright if I stepped back... just a little bit. Gave her room to spread her own wings, y'know?"

                                            >You kiss her neck.

                                            "I think that's a good idea."

                                            >"And it wouldn't be like I'm abandoning her or anything, right?"

                                            "Of course not. You're still there if she needs you."

                                            >"Yeah..."

                                            "But you also know her well enough to trust that she doesn't need you ALL the time."

                                            >"Exactly, yeah."

                                            >You hold her for a long moment, but eventually you feel her start to twitch.

                                            "...alright, now what would you say was the most AWESOME part of those movies?"

                                            >She leaps off of you and starts to spin in midair.

                                            >"OHMYGOSH okay so at first I thought it totally had to be the bit when that dude knocked Aragorn down but then he got his knife out and totally just STABBED him but then it was like he didn't even CARE cuz he was so tough and he just took it out and THREW it back at him but he just DEFLECTED it in the air and it was so unbelievably cool but THEN there was the time that they were surrounded in the fortress and totally all gonna die but they decided to go out and kick some flank anyway and they DIDN'T die because Gandalf showed but then there was ALSO that whole bit with all those creepy ghosts just swarming the whole city and it was like the BEST mix of like really scary but also totally radical and OHMYGOSH I almost forgot about when that one dude took down TWO of those big things in one go..."


                                            ~~~~~

                                            >"Oh... goodness gracious..."

                                            >Rarity coughs demurely as she finds her voice.

                                            >"It was all just so much! All those absolutely GORGEOUS 'men'! So strong, so passionate, so..."

                                            >She clings to your arm as she struggles to find the words.

                                            >"It made me long for a better world. A world full of beauty. Full of poetry, and song. You've expressed such wonderment at the magic in our world, but that. THAT! ...is REAL magic. So much more than all the little spells we cast. Oh... what I wouldn't give to live among the elves! Even if it did mean I'd get my mane full of leaves and branches..."

                                            >You chuckle as your marefriend softly fusses next to you.

                                            >"Oh, if only I wasn't so absolutely exhausted right now! I feel so inspired, I want to create an entire line based on Galadriel alone!"

                                            "There'll be plenty of time for that, don't worry. For now, we can just relax."

                                            >"Yes... that sounds perfect."

                                            >She starts to nuzzle your neck.

                                            >"Thank you again, this was a splendid idea and we MUST do it more often!"

                                            "I think I could manage that."

                                            >"I feel like there's so much I could talk about... what about you?"

                                            "Well, I'm pretty anxious to know: who was your favourite character?"

                                            >"Oh that's easy, it-"

                                            >She suddenly pulls herself back.

                                            >Her brow furrows as she gives you a suspicious glare.

                                            "What's wrong?"

                                            >"'Does this dress make me look fat?'"

                                            "...huh? You're not wearing a-"

                                            >"It's that trick you told me about. How the women where you come from would ask questions with no good way to possibly answer them!"

                                            "What does that have to do with-"

                                            >"You're doing the exact same thing!"

                                            >She slaps your arm in annoyance.

                                            >"Suppose I picked Frodo. Then you'd think it's boring or egotistical of me to choose the main protagonist. If I chose Gandalf you'd think I simply liked the strongest character. If I chose Aragorn or Legolas you'd think I chose them for their looks."

                                            >She huffs in frustration.

                                            >"There's just no way for me to win with a question like that!"

                                            >You chuckle.

                                            "I see your point, but you know there's no way I'd judge you over something like that, right?"

                                            >Her pout intensifies.

                                            >"I suppose not. You're far too much of a gentlecolt."

                                            "And really, even if I teased you for liking Legolas, would that really be something that bothers you?"

                                            >"Of course it would!"

                                            >She gives you another light slap on the shoulder.

                                            >"Darling, your opinion means everything to me! I've lost track of how many times you've saved me from utter disaster whenever I take one of my ideas a teensy bit too far."

                                            "Like that time when you put enough feathers to fill a pillow on that bright orange-"

                                            >"A TEENSY bit too far, yes. You can be absolutely devastating in your criticism you know, even when you don't mean to be."

                                            "Sure, but those are dresses. I'd never say anything mean about you."

                                            >"No, but you'll think it. These films are, as you say, among the absolute finest your species has to offer. If I were give a superficial opinion, that would make me seem so... uncultured!"

                                            >Your hands gently surround her face and caress her cheeks.

                                            "As if I could ever think that about you."

                                            >Her eyes start to waver with vulnerability as she meets your gaze.

                                            "When I saw Fellowship for the first time, the main thing I cared about was just how awesome the Balrog looked. There are scholars who've spent decades analyzing all the deep themes and hidden meanings in the original books. I don't expect you to be brilliantly insightful or anything."

                                            >"Well... on that note I suppose there are several things that I didn't really understand."

                                            "That's just to be expected."

                                            >"And you know, I really do feel shallow for saying it, but my favourite moments were all of the silly little jokes. The dwarf bickering with the elf, or Merry and Pippin going off on some ridiculous quest for food."

                                            "Yeah?"

                                            >"They reminded me of what it's like to hang out with the girls. Pinkie bringing loads of cake, Applejack and Rainbow having yet another contest, Twilight making the regrettable decision to start dancing..."

                                            >She smiles softly.

                                            >"Those bits will always be my favourites. More than the big battles or even the fancy royal weddings."

                                            >You hug your silly little pony.

                                            "Mine too."


                                            ~~~~~

                                            >"Oh I'm SO glad that they're okay!"

                                            >Fluttershy leaps toward you and buries her head in your chest.

                                            >"It was REALLY scary and I didn't know if it was going to be one of those sad stories where everypony ends up dead!"

                                            >You run your fingers down her soft mane.

                                            >"I-I don't know how anypony can do that..."

                                            "Do what?"

                                            >"Go to a place far away from home and start fighting to the death!"

                                            >She shudders beneath your petting.

                                            "Isn't... that... kind of what you do? Like, all the time?"

                                            >She quickly looks up to you with wide, vulnerable eyes.

                                            >"But I have the girls with me, and Princess Celestia always believes in us!"

                                            "Well, they had Gandalf. Is that really any different?"

                                            >"Of course! Gandalf... died..."

                                            >Her ears fold back and her lip trembles.

                                            >Something is bothering her, and it's more than just the violence and tension of the movie.

                                            >I know that Princess Celestia's been defeated before, but I still knew it was going to turn out okay because... well, because everypony else knew it would! I never had to worry about what would happen if she died. That's just something that wouldn't happen."

                                            >It's making even less sense now.

                                            "So... it feels like everything will end happily in real life, but not in stories? Seems a little backwards to me."

                                            >She sniffs, cutely.

                                            >"Yeah. I'm being stupid..."

                                            >You squeeze the silly pony tighter.

                                            "C'mon, now. You're not wrong for just feeling the way you feel, I'm just a little confused, is all."

                                            >"But it IS stupid! I'm not very brave at all, so when I have to do something scary or dangerous, I just pretend that it's all going to be okay and that nothing bad could ever really happen."

                                            >She shakes her head, layers of silky pink mane rustling against your fingertips.

                                            >"And sometimes I even pretend that when one of my critters... um, passes away, that they're really just going off to live somewhere else."

                                            >She softly trembles as you do your best to comfort her.

                                            >"I just feel so... ashamed. Like I'm just a little foal who needs somepony to hold her hoof and... and patronize her! No matter how hard I try to be strong, it's all fake!"

                                            >Despite your firm grip, she suddenly slips out of your arms like a cat and lands on the floor, pacing back and forth in frustration.

                                            >"It's like I steal their bravery. If Twilight has a plan, or if Rainbow's confident in her skills, I don't question it any further. I should be helping them! They worry and struggle so much, and I just... live in a fantasy and hope that they'll handle all the hard stuff."

                                            >She slouches, one foreleg rubbing the other.

                                            >It makes her look so small.

                                            >You want nothing more than to scoop her up and kiss all her problems away.

                                            >But you know she's a big mare. It's not your job to protect her, it's your job to help her stand up for herself.

                                            "When Merry and Éowyn fought the Witch King, they were scared too, weren't they?"

                                            >"Yes, but..."

                                            >She frowns again.

                                            >"It's different. I could never do something like that."

                                            "And if you asked Merry before he left the Shire, he'd say the same. All the hobbits would."

                                            >"Yeah, but... I'm not like them."

                                            "You're not different at all. You're a world-renowned hero! All that's different is that you feel different."

                                            >"But... I haven't changed. Even when I act tough I usually end up bullying other ponies."

                                            "Merry didn't need to be big and tough. Éowyn didn't need to become a man."

                                            >"If I was in that position, I'd freeze. I wouldn't be able to help."

                                            >The words tumble out as if she isn't thinking about them.

                                            >Beliefs she's held about herself for so long she's never been able to confront them, and realize they're not true.

                                            "When one of your animals is in danger, you help them. You don't think about it, you just do it. Same with your friends. You've faced all kinds of monsters, even on your own, because other ponies needed you."

                                            >She shakes her head furiously.

                                            >"It... can't be that simple. I'm not like like the people in the movies."

                                            "Nobody ever feels as strong as they really are. And when things are too scary, everyone needs to hold on to simple, happy thoughts. Like Sam talking about the Shire, near the end."

                                            >Her eyes brighten as she remembers the scene.

                                            "It's not hiding from reality, it's remembering the things that inspire you."

                                            >A slight smile grows on her face.

                                            "It's okay to feel small, because even small people can do very big things."

                                            >"Yeah. That's what my friends say, but... it's hard to believe it."

                                            >You start petting her again.

                                            "And that's why we have stories. To help us remember. I think we should be watching movies based on some of the stories you were in."

                                            >"Oh no... that would be so embarrassing..."

                                            "...starring Fluttershy the Brave?"

                                            >"EEEEE! NO!"

                                            >She dives into your gut, hiding and trembling from the horrid thought of admiration from strangers.

                                            "I know you don't want all that, and that's part of what makes you so special. But they absolutely could make a ton of movies with you as the hero. You know that, right?"

                                            >You feel her nod against you.

                                            "So no matter how scared or helpless you feel, please remember that you're not the only one feeling that way. And it's never going to stop you from being a big hero."

                                            >With a final shudder, Fluttershy finally relaxes on your lap.

                                            >"...okay. I will."

                                            >You kiss her ear, your hot breath making it twitch.

                                            "And I hope you know that I'm always going to think of you as strong and brave.

                                            >She hums softly.

                                            >"I know..."

                                            >Poking her head up, she glances around nervously before whispering in your ear.

                                            >"Um... that thing you were saying about me being the hero in a movie... if... if it was only you that could watch me be like that... then, I wouldn't... mind..."

                                            >You chuckle as her wings form a blanket around you.

                                            "You know, I wouldn't mind that either."


                                            ~~~~~

                                            >"Wow... I loved that!"

                                            >Derpy gives you a wide grin as she struggles to meet your gaze.

                                            "I'm glad. I know it's really long time to focus on a screen, are you sure you're alright?"

                                            >She vigorously nods.

                                            >"Oh yeah, don't worry about me! Sometimes it got a little blurry but I could still hear and I can focus extra hard for the important bits!"

                                            >She leans forward to plant a quick peck on your lips, and you quickly dodge to the side so she lands on target.

                                            >"I'm gonna be thinking about Frodo and Sam and Aragorn and Gandalf and all of them all the time from now on! So... it's your fault if I daydream too much at work from now on!"

                                            >You giggle as she points at you accusingly.

                                            "I'll be right there with you, waving a big stick and pretending it's Andúril."

                                            >Derpy claps her hooves in joy as she bounces in her seat.

                                            >"That would be great! I don't want to hurt you though. Maybe we'll just pillowfight. Oooh, I can't wait until Dinky's old enough to watch this! I just want to make sure she won't get too scared. She still has problems with spiders."

                                            "There's a book that might be good for her, about Bilbo's adventure when he first got the ring."

                                            >"Oh that would be perfect! We can all read it together! I really want her to learn all about your tribe's culture."

                                            >You feel a small smile grow on your face.

                                            "Are you sure? There's a LOT of stuff I've got a mind to show you."

                                            >More fast nods. You hope she's not getting dizzy.

                                            >"Oh yeah! More human movies!"

                                            "And you know you don't have to do all of that just to... make me feel better, or anything."

                                            >She lightly slaps the couch.

                                            >You think she was aiming for your shoulder.

                                            >"Don't be such a goofball! You've done so much to accommodate a klutzy pegasus and her foal in your life, this is the least we can do to make you part of the family!"

                                            >You instinctively hug her.

                                            "Thanks, muffin."

                                            >"Hee-hee. No problem... STUD muffin!"

                                            "I still regret teaching you that."

                                            >After some mutual stifled chuckles, the two of you fall back into your favourite position: on your back with her curled up on top of you, wings making the most comfortable blanket in the world.

                                            >"We'll have to watch it all again really soon, okay?"

                                            "Okay."

                                            >"I just... I really, really loved it. It's exactly what I imagined it'd be like to..."

                                            "To...?"

                                            >"You know... go on a real adventure."

                                            >Her voice is tinged with regret.

                                            >"Maybe it's because I had Dinky so young... I often fantasize about what it would be like to go on some epic quest to save Equestria, like what Twilight and her friends are always doing."

                                            >She raises her head, looking towards nothing in particular.

                                            >"Usually it starts just like it did in the movie. I find some weird magic object, maybe in a letter addressed to nopony, then Twilight comes to see me, just like Gandalf did, and she says I have to go and take it to some far away country! And the path there will be fraught with danger, and evil monsters trying to get it for themselves, but she trusts me to get it done!"

                                            >She gives a short, bittersweet chuckle.

                                            >"As if. It's just a silly daydream."

                                            >You intensify your petting.

                                            "Hey, you never know. They've got that fancy map thing now, right? It might decide to call you up, and if it does, I know you'll do one hell of a job! Come home a big hero with a sick sword and pile of treasure."

                                            >She smiles.

                                            >"Thanks, but I know that's not in the cards for me. I've got quite enough adventure for me right here!"

                                            >She moves to kiss you again. Unlike before, she takes her time, and you let her. Her mouth slowly brushes against your cheek until it finds its target and smooches your own lips repeatedly.

                                            >"I know that you really mean it, though."

                                            "Mean what?"

                                            >"That I'd make a good hero. Even if nopony else would believe that I could be one, you're smarter than all of them, even Twilight, so it must be true."

                                            "Damn straight."

                                            >Her tail whishes back and forth in joyful contentment.

                                            >"And that's good enough for me. I may be just a humble mailmare, but I've still found the best happy ending."

                                            >She rests her head against you, warm breath tickling your neck.

                                            >"...still gonna get a cool sword and kick your flank with my aerial superiority though."

                                            "You may try, vile fellbeast. You may try."


                                            ~~~~~

                                            >"Oh... oh my. Oh my goodness. Never in all my years did I imagine I'd see anything quite like that."

                                            >Celly's eyes unfocus and drift away from your own.

                                            >You feel that you can see countless memories dance through them.

                                            >"So often it seems that ponies choose to depict grand adventures as lighthearted and joyful things. It is both reliving and heartbreaking to see such suffering for a greater good."

                                            >She speaks as if you're not in the room. An uncomfortable feeling, but one that you know isn't intentional on her part.

                                            >Sometimes she's distant, but it makes the times when she's completely present with you all the sweeter.

                                            >"I dearly wish I could have met the man who authored this story, the one you told me about. He clearly was a special soul indeed. One who was well-acquainted with war and misery, but who chose to write of hope and song."

                                            >She sighs deeply, before turning back to you with a sad smile.

                                            >"I apologize. It was a happy ending, I should not spoil the moment."

                                            "Why do you think I showed it to you?"

                                            >She raises a questioning eyebrow.

                                            "I wanted YOUR thoughts on it, not just a generic royal stamp of approval."

                                            >She chuckles.

                                            >"Of course. Why is it that I never seem to know how to act when I'm alone with you?"

                                            "Because no matter how you act it's still 'acting', you dummy."

                                            >She laughs, a sound that takes your breath away.

                                            >"Very well, I shall try to reveal all the sad and silly ponderings that cross my mind. Is that really what you'd prefer?"

                                            >You make an exaggerated 'swearing' gesture.

                                            "I promise that whatever thoughts you may have, they cannot be remotely as silly and embarrassing as all of my idle fantasies from watching this trilogy."

                                            >She nuzzles your cheek briefly.

                                            >"Honestly, I don't know that I have much insight to offer, either on the films or my own feelings. Often they are a mystery even to me."

                                            >Her hoof reaches out and gently pulls you towards her, nestling against her broad chest.

                                            >"I'm sure you have an excellent understanding of my insecurities, despite my efforts to conceal them, and your tact in never mentioning them."

                                            >You feel her breathe deeply before she continues.

                                            >"So yes, in case you were wondering, I was indeed stricken with regret when I saw Boromir fall to the influence of the ring. When he was alone in the woods, I wondered if that was how my sister felt during her banishment. I have never asked her, but I dearly hope that she was Nightmare Moon the whole time. I would much rather she curse my name for a thousand years than blame herself for an instant."

                                            >She kisses you softly on your head, lips carefully brushing your hair.

                                            >"And I was also affected when I saw Faramir ride to his death. As silly as the image may be, all I could see was my beloved sister, driven away by her only surviving family, falsely believing there was no love left for her. And I have often wondered how many of my little ponies have seen me the way young Pippin saw the steward Denethor. How many meals have I messily devoured in front of one who is grieving? How many think me callous, or worse?"

                                            "You know that just by asking that question you're showing yourself to be far better than him."

                                            >You lazily relax as you allow yourself to be cuddled.

                                            >When you first started dating you made a bigger deal of trying to be the big spoon, before you realized just how much more comfortable she is as the one doing the comforting, rather than the one being comforted.

                                            >You also know that she will hate herself if she thinks she's brought your spirits too low, so you reach behind yourself to give her slightly pudgy belly an appreciative pat.

                                            "And I know you know that I think you eat exactly the right amount of meals."

                                            >More heavenly chimes of laughter.

                                            >"Yes, as always, you have identified the most critical issue!"

                                            >Her hoof carefully jabs your body in that one ticklish spot, and she chuckles smugly as you twitch against her.

                                            >"And I'm sure you know that I deeply shared Gandalf's pain when he was accused of sending Frodo to his death. Oh, that is a painful thought that shall forever haunt my mind."

                                            >You detect the faint sound of a choked sob in her voice.

                                            >"I wish I could still use the elements. I wish I was more powerful. I wish I never had anything more to ask of Twilight than to fetch me another slice of cake."

                                            "You've never given her anything she couldn't handle."

                                            >"Not yet."

                                            >More kisses threaten to lull you to sleep.

                                            >"But the truth is that as much I may pretend to be a wise Gandalf, I fear it's all smoke and mirrors. And what you might not have guessed is that the character who most reminded me of myself was dear old Bilbo."

                                            >You hug her forelegs closer to your body.

                                            >"He said it best: 'like butter spread over too much bread'. Like him, I'm very old, even though I might not look it. And I'm afraid I'm not very strong or clever anymore either."

                                            >She slowly shifts to lay on her back, with you carefully held on top of her by four legs and two wings.

                                            >"Laughter was the first one to go. I don't think I told anypony that before. I tested them shortly after I... after Luna's banishment. All answered my call save for that one. And no matter what I did to try and lift my spirits, it just wouldn't respond. Loyalty was next. After that the order gets muddy, but I remember when they were fully lost to me. Five worthless lumps of stone, with the sixth simply vanished into the ether."

                                            >You hear a faint sniff, followed by a gulp.

                                            >You make sure not to turn around. She would hate for you to see her cry.

                                            >"Ever since then I haven't really felt like Celestia. I've lost too much. Even when Luna was returned to me I haven't felt it come back. I try to be what they all need me to be, but it's getting harder."

                                            >You hear her voice start to shake as she clutches you tighter.

                                            >"And the worst part is that I'm selfish. I wish that I could have all of it back; not to ease the burden from Twilight and the others, that's just what I know I should want. I really want it because of you. Oh, if only you could have seen me back then. I had such fire in me. You think I swept you off your hooves when we met? You have no idea... I'd show you such wonders, we'd have such adventures..."

                                            >You snuggle deeper into her fur.

                                            "Nah."

                                            >Her breathing stops.

                                            >"You... what?"

                                            "Nah. I'm good. I'd rather stick with the silly Celly I got, thanks."

                                            >You rub her fetlocks affectionately.

                                            "I mean, what would I even do with someone like that? Have adventures? Way too much danger for my tastes. I'd rarely get to have cozy snuggles like this. Ooh, we should get a hobbit hole! Like in the movie. Nice big cozy spot underground. Leave adventures to those young upstarts."

                                            >You stretch your head back to stare directly into her beautiful eyes.

                                            "Don't think for a second that any pony else could compare to you, not even yourself. Besides, I don't want any magical gems buzzing around when we're, y'know, gettin' busy."

                                            >Closing your eyes, you wrap yourself more comfortably in her fluff and feathers.

                                            "Yeah... I'll take this any day. Those hobbits had their shit figured out. Good food, lots of booze, dank weed, and no bullshit wars or adventures or anything exciting. That's how I want to live. All that they're missing are big sexy bird-horses to share it all with, but I guess nobody's got it perfect. Except for me, of course. Damn, I got lucky."

                                            >You smile as you get get cozy.

                                            >Then your bed/blanket combo slaps your head.

                                            >"You absolute idiot. Why can't you just let me feel old and miserable in peace?"

                                            "'Cause you're just too damn sexy. And so adorable when you're insecure. Like really, as if you should ever doubt your ability to make me fall head over heels for you. I get the rest of it, yeah. You're a perfectionist, and despite being an incredible ruler who somehow keeps a nation of retarded care bears happy and safe from countless eldritch horrors looking to make them their dinner, you're going to be hard on yourself for every tiny flaw. You're always going to blame yourself for Nightmare Moon despite it not being your fault at all. All that makes sense. But really."

                                            >You slap her flank.

                                            "Thinking that I'd prefer some young immature filly a mere... what? Couple thousand years old? Practically jailbait, probably way too stuffy and full of herself, always doing ridiculous heroics, and she wouldn't have nearly as nice an ass. Fuck that. You make me fall in love with you every time I see you doing something amazing, which is every single time I see you do anything. You feel old and broken? Well you're right about one thing: you don't look it. Not even when you lay it all out like that. Go ahead, show me all your flaws, all your wrinkles and regrets. I'll still see a drop-dead gorgeous Princess and my favourite pony ever. So no, I wouldn't change a fuckin' thing."

                                            >Your change your lecherous groping into a loving pet on her cutie mark.

                                            "But I guess I should consider myself lucky that you're dumb enough to think otherwise, since that also means you're dumb enough to fall in love with me."

                                            >There's a long pause.

                                            >"You don't have to do that."

                                            "Do what?"

                                            >"Hide everything you say in humour. Your words would be quite beautiful without it."

                                            "But if I annoy you with it enough, I might get you to try and shut me up by sitting on my face."

                                            >"Is that so?"

                                            >Her lips brush your ear as she whispers.

                                            >"Do not dive too greedily and too deep, my little human."

                                            >Yup, definitely wouldn't change a thing.