Kinderquestria: Lost in Translation


                                            Formerly titled: "Ponyville's Balloon Crisis" in Kinderquestria/Anon in Pone Prison #69 - premature death edition >>42302815


                                            >Anon, the local human, is walking through town square on his way to Twilight Sparkle's Treebrary.

                                            >They had come to the agreement that they would meet up once a week since his arrival a month ago.

                                            >All is well until he hears something interesting.

                                            >An argument between two ponies.

                                            >Curiosity piqued, Anon redirects his aim to listen in, and perhaps try to help if possible.

                                            >Roseluck raises her voice. "...Admit it, Berry, you took my balloon!"

                                            >Berry Punch visibly recoils. "No, I didn't! I saw it float away!"

                                            >Roseluck narrows her eyes. "Liar liar tail on fire! I saw how jealous you were! It was clear as day when I walked away from Hot Air's balloon stand and you didn't!"

                                            >Berry Punch stomps a hoof. "It wasn't fair! I got there before you did!"

                                            >Roseluck perks up. "Ha! So you admit it!"

                                            >Berry Punch freezes.

                                            >Roseluck smirks with victory as her nose points higher and higher with pride. She sticks out her tongue to solidify her point.

                                            >Berry stammers.

                                            >Her face blushes with embarrassment and anger. "Y-you- You stupid head!"

                                            >Roseluck gasps loudly.

                                            >She's stunned.

                                            >She stands there as if she just witnessed her house exploding.

                                            >Her legs begin trembling. "I- You- Wha-"

                                            >Berry Punch takes a step forward aggressively. Her face now warped into a grin. "Ha-ha! Dummy! Fart smeller! Flank scratcher!"

                                            >Each insult punctuated with a step closer, earning a tiny flinch from Roseluck with each one.

                                            >Roseluck begins to tear up with overwhelming emotion.

                                            >She snaps.

                                            >"I'M TELLING MAYOR MARE!" She screams as she gallops away.

                                            >Berry Punch's smug grin vanishes immediately.

                                            >Her ears pin back as her tail sags. Her mouth hangs open in horror.

                                            >Her body trembles, muscles binding like a spring waiting for the trigger from her brain.

                                            >She gallops after Roseluck.

                                            >"WAIT WAIT WAIT DON'T TELL DON'T TELL I'LL GIVE IT BACK!"

                                            >Roseluck yells behind her as she continues galloping away, eyes full of tears. "I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE!"

                                            >Ponies watch through windows and from behind market stalls. Their faces all some mix of horror and heartbreak.

                                            >Anon stands there in the middle of the street, expression blank.

                                            "Good Lord." Anon mumbles to himself. "Y'all really do have the emotional fortitude of a wet paper bag."

                                            >A nearby stallion gives him a stern look. "That’s very insensitive, sir. Roseluck is hurting."

                                            >Anon looks around at the rest of the market square. Nopony says anything, but the sheer weight of their disappointed stares begins to press down on him like a dozen velvet pillows.

                                            He sighs and rubs his temples. "Alright, alright, jeez."

                                            >Anon mumbles to himself as he continues walking down the road.


                                            >Twilight looks up from her notes, ears rotating towards the sound of the front door being opened.

                                            >"Oh! Good morning, Anon! You're just in time. I just finished preparing today's lesson on Equestrian fauna."

                                            >Anon walks across the living room and lets himself fall on the couch, letting out a sigh.

                                            >Twilight furrows her brow. "Something wrong, Anon?"

                                            >Anon straightens up and looks at Twilight with slightly narrowed eyes.

                                            "Twilight? What the hell is wrong the ponies in this town?"

                                            >Twilight stammers back in her arm chair, blinking a few times from shock.

                                            >"...What?"

                                            "I just watched Roseluck cry because Berry Punch called her a 'stupid head'."

                                            >Twilight gasps, hooves racing upwards to her mouth. "That's terrible!"

                                            Anon narrows his eyes further. "No, Twilight. That's Tuesday."

                                            >Twilight blinks.

                                            "Stupid head? Fart smeller? Crying over a lost balloon?" Anon raises his arms, palms up. "Come on, Twilight, this is the kind of stuff you hear on the playground behind a schoolhouse, not from grown mature adults."

                                            >Twilight's ears slowly droop downward, matching her softening expression.

                                            >She closes her eyes and breathes in.

                                            >She breathes out, opening her eyes again.

                                            >"Anon. I understand that you come from a different world with a different culture, and I respect that. But things here in Equestria work differently. Ponies thrive on connection, and having anything that threatens a relationship is /very/ stressful."

                                            >Anon's face softens as he listens, sighing through his nose.

                                            "Alright."

                                            >Twilight's ears slowly raise again. "Thank you, Anon." She reaches out and places a hoof on his hand. "I know it must be strange for you, but I also know that you'll adapt."

                                            Anon rolls his eyes. "Yeah. A thousand years from now."

                                            >Twilight smiles. "Regardless. Please don't swear. I don't like hearing 'H-E-Double-Hockey-sticks'."

                                            >Anon opens and closes his mouth.

                                            "'H-E-Double-Hockey-sticks'?"

                                            >Twilight nods earnestly, her face completely serious. "Yes. I'd prefer if you didn't say... /that word/. It's very harsh."

                                            >Anon sits up, leaning in slightly.

                                            "Twilight. I watched you disintegrate that manticore's kneecaps with a single thought."

                                            >"That was self defense, and you were in danger."

                                            "...But 'hell' is where you draw the line?"

                                            >Twilight tilts her head. "I'm not saying I don't have standards, Anon. I'm saying that there is never a situation where saying hurtful things is required."

                                            Anon pinches the bridge of his nose. "Fine. Forget it. Let's just get to the fauna already."

                                            >Twilight's smile returns. Her horn lights up, levitating the stack of flashcards hovers from the table and slaps the edge a few times to straighten out.

                                            >"Let's begin."


                                            >An hour later, and Anon's chin rests against the palm of his hand, elbow digging in the arm of the sofa. One ankle crossed over the other.

                                            >Anon looks at the flash cards through half-lidded eyes.

                                            >Twilight has been explaining the various types of dangerous creatures one can find in the Everfree forest.

                                            >Not that Anon really cares. It's not like he's gonna go back in there any time soon.

                                            >Anon is bored.

                                            >"...and one of the more nefarious pack animals found in the Everfree is a faggot of timberwolves, commonly found in the..."

                                            >Anon is no longer bored.

                                            "Woah, woah, woah. Run that back. A /what/?"

                                            >Twilight blinks as she's taken out of her teaching mode. "A faggot of timberwolves. Plural."

                                            >Anon stares at Twilight for a long moment.

                                            >The silence is palpable, only broken by the sounds of the clock on the wall ticking away.

                                            "Twilight." He finally says. "Do you not know what that word means?"

                                            >Twilight blinks again. "Of course I do. It's an old Ponish word for a bundle of sticks. In fact, a faggot of timberwolves refers to a loosely organized hunting pack, often composed of younger males seeking to establish their own territory away from the dominant pack leader."

                                            >Anon blinks.

                                            >The corners of his mouth twitches as he fights the urge to laugh.

                                            >Should he tell her?

                                            >Or should he keep quiet to prevent the world's smartest heart attack?

                                            >"Anon, why are you staring?"

                                            >Anon shakes his head, clearing his thoughts.

                                            "N-nothing. Sorry. You can continue."

                                            >Twilight narrows her eyes. "Uh-huh."

                                            >As if on cue, the front door bursts open.

                                            >Applejack and her sister Apple Bloom skid to a stop in the center of the living room, faces covered in sweat, ears pinned back.

                                            >"Twilight! There ya are! Quick! Ah need yer help, fast!"

                                            >Twilight and Anon sit up straight, flash cards forgotten entirely.

                                            >"What happend? Is everything alright?" Twilight asks.

                                            >"No!" Applejack shouts. "A faggot of timberwolves just gobbled up Winona! They took my bitch, Twi!"

                                            >Apple Bloom catches her breath enough to finally speak. Her tiny chest heaves desperately.

                                            >"That faggot ate granny's pussy too! Little Mittens is gone! They busted through the fence an' chased her into the cellar!"


                                            >Anon loses it.

                                            >His sides are gone.

                                            >He holds his stomach as he falls off of the couch, legs kicking like a foal.

                                            >Applejack turns to look at Anon, eyes narrow. "What in the hay's wrong with /him/?"

                                            >Twilight looks at Anon, then back to Applejack, mouth agape.

                                            >"I don't know!" She turns to face Anon again. "Anon! What in Equestria is so funny?! This is serious! Lives could be in danger, and you're laughing!"

                                            Anon wipes a tear from his eye, and waves his hands in front of his face, cheeks red. "No, no, no! You don't get it!" Applejack narrows her eyes further. "It's a human thing! Some of the words you said-"

                                            >"Consarn it!" Applejack cuts in, stomping a hoof. "We ain't got time for this! Come on, Twi!"

                                            >Twilight gives a serious nod and follows as they all gallop back out of the library, door slamming shut behind them.


                                            >A few minutes later, and Anon has finally composed himself enough to get up off of the floor.

                                            "Oooh shit. That was fuckin' funny." He mutters to himself.

                                            >A moment passes.

                                            He sighs. "That was pretty stupid though, I should say something when they get back."

                                            >Anon stands up from the floor and makes his way to the door.

                                            >Wiping the last tear from his cheek, he opens the handle and steps out.

                                            >Anon begins the journey back home, passing by the same ponies who glared at him earlier, now a crowd full of forgiving smiles.

                                            >Mayor Mare stands proudly, her gaze shifting between Roseluck and Berry Punch as they share a new balloon together.

                                            >Roseluck smiles wide as Berry Punch holds the string in her teeth, watching the balloon sway back and forth gently in the wind, occasionally bouncing against her mane.

                                            >Anon can't help but smile as he walks past, hands in his pockets.


                                            >Leaves and clouds of dust fly into the air as Twilight, Applejack, and Apple Bloom gallop down the road to Sweet Apple Acres. Hooves slam down on the dirt like drum beats.

                                            >"Help me! Help me!" A frail old voice cries from the farm house.

                                            >Applejack gallops faster.

                                            >"Hold on, Granny! We're ah comin'!"

                                            >The fence gate slams open, swinging wide all the way until it crashes into the fence, wobbling as it bounces off.

                                            >The three ponies feel their hearts threatening to jump out of their dry mouths as they race towards the farm house.

                                            >The front door bursts open, revealing a very uncertain Big Mac riding a timberwolf out of the house and into the sunlight.

                                            >A small fuzzy tail pokes out of the corner of the beast's mouth like a string of unnoticed spaghetti.

                                            >"Applejack!" Granny Smith calls out as she hobbles out of the house as fast as she can. "Git yer brother to quit ridin' wood and focus on my pussy for once!"

                                            >"Ah'm on it, Granny!" Applejack shouts as she changes course, pulling her hat down further.

                                            >Big Mac struggles to tame the beast as his legs wrap around it's neck and body, bouncing up and down as the timberwolf tries to kick him off while sprinting.

                                            >"Enope! Enope! Enope!"

                                            >"Granny, are you okay?!" Apple Bloom wheezes out as she collapses onto the porch deck.

                                            >Granny winces as she presses her hip back into place with a surprisingly loud pop. "No, I am not, youngin! Not until little Mittens is safe again! Now quit yer slackin' and git to savin'!"

                                            >Apple Bloom huffs and puffs. "But Granny, I-"

                                            >"No buts, missy!"

                                            >Apple Bloom groans as she wobbles back up and gallops behind Twilight towards the barn.

                                            >Big Mac falls off of the timberwolf, rolling and tumbling through the grass, eventually crashing into a stack of cider barrels like bowling pins.

                                            >The dust settles, revealing a pair of red colored hind legs poking out of the top of the pile.

                                            >"Enooope..."


                                            >The mid-morning sun shines beautifully down upon Ponyville, rays filtering through tree leaves and reflecting off of windows.

                                            >Ponies call out sales from Market Avenue.

                                            >Foals trot from here to there, laughing and playing in and around the fountain, splashing reluctant parents.

                                            >A grey pegasus presses her snout up against a fogged up window of Sugarcube Corner, one eye locked onto the display muffins for the past forty-five minutes.

                                            >Anon breathes in the fresh air as he walks along.

                                            >Fragrances of baked goods, flowers, and perfumes kiss the insides of his nose.

                                            "Faggot. Huhuh."

                                            >Anon smiles as he still finds himself repeating the comedy gold that Twilight and the Apple sisters delivered a little while ago.

                                            "Pussy. Huhuh."

                                            >"Yoo-hoo!~"

                                            >Anon's ear twitches. He stops walking.

                                            >A particularly posh accent sing-songs from across the square, hush voice nearly covered by the ambient sounds of pony conversation.

                                            >"Anonymous!~"

                                            >He lifts his hand above his brow and squints his eyes as he scans his head left to right.

                                            >"Over here, darling!~" Rarity calls again, smiling and waving.

                                            >A Harpsichord begins playing from the music store down the street.

                                            "Ah! Hey, Rarity!" Anon calls back cheerily as he redirects his walking.

                                            >Rarity sits comfortably under the shade of a parasol umbrella at an out-door lunch table. A glass of ice cold lemonade hovers carefully in her blue magic. A soft yellow sunhat rests on her head, tilted at exactly the correct angle to /compliment/ her mane, not /cover/ it.

                                            >"Anon! It is so good to see you!" She cheers, hooves clip-clopping together before resting on the table again. "Tell me! How was your weekly visit with Twilight this morning?"

                                            >Anon sits down in the too-small wooden chair across from her.

                                            >It was terrible.

                                            "It was great!"


                                            >WHIP-CRACK!

                                            >"AIN'T NO FAGGOTS ALLOWED ON MAH FARM!" Applejack shouts as she swings her lasso above her head again, voice echoing off the inner walls of the barn. Her hat tilts back confidently, revealing a pair of focused green eyes.

                                            >"YEAH!" Apple Bloom chimes in, her hooves wrapped around a thrashing wooden tail as she hangs on for dear life. "ESPECIALLY NONE THAT TRY'TA EAT MAH GRANNY'S PUSSY OVER A FRESH LOAD!"

                                            >WHIP-CRACK!

                                            >The timberwolf howls in fright as it scampers off of the stack of recently packed apple crates.

                                            >A small black and white blur flies out of the beast's gaping maw and sprints towards the door, jumping off of Big Mac's sore head like a spring board on the way out.

                                            >"Mittens! Wait!" Twilight shouts after the fleeing cat, her focus currently occupied on a pair of other timberwolves chasing Winona around in the dusty loft above.

                                            >Winona yelps as a row of sharp wooden fangs clashes down right behind her tail.

                                            >She leaps instinctively, crashing into a drum of apple oil, spilling it everywhere.

                                            >The two timberwolves slip on the slick and crash into the railing head first, the wooden bars locking their necks in place.

                                            >Twilight jumps out from behind a crate, her forelegs wrapping around Winona tightly like a sprung trap. Apple oil soaks into both of their fur coats.

                                            >Winona, still frightened from seeing the inside of a wooden stomach moments prior, wriggles herself free again and sprints away.

                                            >"Dang it!" Twilight cries, stomping a hoof. "This bitch is too slippery! I- I can't get a good enough grip!"

                                            >Below, Applejack finishes tying off the rope wrapped around the now upside-down timberwolf's legs.

                                            >Apple Bloom stuffs an oversized apple in its mouth like a roast pig.

                                            >Applejack spits out the end of the rope and looks up at the loft. "You can't keep lettin' bitches get away like that, Twi! Winona's a wild one! You gotta git'er to simmer down first!"

                                            >Twilight nods once, determined to not let Winona get herself hurt again.

                                            >Her horn charges up, legs spreading wide, posture rock steady.


                                            >"And they just left you there? Alone?" Rarity puzzles.

                                            >Anon shrugs, sipping on a fresh glass of lemonade of his own.

                                            "Yeah, but I mean, it's not a big deal. I guess they needed all hooves on deck at the farm today."

                                            >Rarity furrows her brow.

                                            >She squints her eyes. "Applejack and her sister urgently asked for /Twilight's/ help moving barrels, but not yours?"

                                            "...Right."

                                            >Rarity hums, tapping a hoof to her chin thoughtfully.

                                            >"Huh. How odd of them. Typically she asks for /your/ help around the farm, not Twilight's."

                                            >Anon puts on a smile.

                                            >Rarity closes her eyes and smiles, placing a hoof on her chest. "Well! I for one, am /glad/ that she was finally coaxed out of that quiet old library of hers!" She leans forward slightly and raises an eyebrow. "It's about time somepony dragged her out of that lonely place."

                                            >Anon exhales.

                                            "Tell me about it. That purple faggot never has any time for-"

                                            >Anon slaps a hand over his mouth.

                                            >Rarity blinks and tilts her head.

                                            >An amused smile slowly pulls on the corners of her lips.

                                            >A dainty chuckle escapes.

                                            >"Still thinking about fauna, are we? Twilight's teaching methods most certainly /do/ have a way of sticking into your mind like that, do they not?"

                                            >Anon sweats loudly.

                                            "Uhh, heh, yeah. I- I meant to say filly."

                                            >Rarity swats a dismissive hoof, smile softening.

                                            >"Oh, don't you worry, Anon. I promise I won't tell Twilight you mistook her for a horrible beast." Anon chokes. She leans in across the table, hoof shielding her mouth conspiratorially and stage whispers. "I once called Sweetie Belle 'Sweet Bottom' after spending all morning with Pinkie Pie. Oh! I was so embarrassed, I just /had/ to take her out for ice cream!"

                                            Anon forces a laugh. "Oh yeah, that's pretty embarrassing haha. Wow would you look at the time, I aught to get going, I'll catch you later."

                                            >Rarity blinks. "Oh! Certainly!" She smirks. "Can't forget about all the different types of faggots now, can we?"

                                            >Anon snorts.

                                            "Yup! Lots of homework to do!"

                                            >Rarity stands up as well. "Very well. Thanks for catching up with me, darling, I had a most pleasant time."

                                            Anon struggles to contain his laughter as he walks away. "You too, Rarity!"

                                            >In the background, Berry Punch clip-clops her hooves as Roseluck takes her turn holding the string in her teeth.


                                            >The hot afternoon sun hanging above has passed its mid point.

                                            >The wooden wheels squeak softly as Applejack's cart tows behind her down the dirt road.

                                            >Beads of water slowly drip from the back of the cart and onto the hot gravel below.

                                            >Sweet Apple Acres shrinks and Ponyville grows.

                                            >"Whoo-whee!" Applejack cheers one last time. "Thank ya kindly for yer help today again, Twilight! I don't think we coulda' saved Winona and Mittens without'chya!"

                                            >Winona barks in agreement, tail wagging happily behind her.

                                            >"Yeah!" Apple Bloom chimes in, bouncing alongside next to the cart. "That fancy magic o'yours sure did the trick! How'd you know Winona would stop for a cold treat?"

                                            >"I didn't." Twilight replies flatly. Her teeth chattering under a pair of narrowed eyes and a furrowed brow.

                                            >Applejack chuckles. "Welp! Turns out all a bitch in heat needed was somethin' hard and tasty to suck on, huh, Twilight!"

                                            >Winona barks twice as she turns her attention back to licking Twilight's horn again.

                                            >Applejack and Apple Bloom share a laugh, while Twilight scowls like a pouting popsicle stick.

                                            >The borrowed scarf wrapped neatly around her neck doing absolutely nothing to help melt the block of ice her entire body is stuck frozen in.

                                            >"That is the last time I use /that/ spell again."

                                            >Applejack turns her head back, her smirk not letting up just yet. "Oh don't you fret now, Twi! Ah'm sure Winona will get y'all outa there /lickety-split/!"

                                            >Apple Bloom squeak-giggles as she hops up into the cart, splashing in the accumulated puddle.

                                            >Twilight lets out a feral snort. She'd cross her forelegs if she could.

                                            >"Must be refreshing in there!" Apple Bloom says, sitting on the edge of the cart now, legs kicking. "You'd best remember how that feels when summer starts next week!"

                                            >Twilight cranes her head over and somehow scowls harder.

                                            >"Maybe I /should/ cast that spell again." Her cold tone of voice only accentuated by her body temperature.

                                            >Apple Bloom's smile vanishes as she swallows a lump in her throat. A nervous chuckle escapes her lips. "Uhhh, hehe, no, I think yer right about not doin' it again."

                                            >Twilight's frown slowly reverses.

                                            >Applejack holds a hoof over her mouth to keep from laughing again.

                                            >Twilight levitates Winona off of her ice block for the seventeenth time. She blows her soggy mane off of her eyes with an upturned snort.

                                            >"When Spike gets me out of this, I'm finding Anon."

                                            >Applejack turns around with a raised eyebrow. "What in Equestria for? You know how that boy is. Always actin' a fool'n'all, laughin' at strange words'n such." She takes a long look at Twilight and sighs. "Even if it /is/ a might inconvenient at times."

                                            >"Yeah," Apple Bloom agrees. "That tall feller's jus' silly sometimes. He told me he jus' gets a kick outa seein' a pony talk. Somethin' to do with the animals over on Earth bein' dumb."

                                            >Applejack gasps. "Apple Bloom! Watch yer mouth!"

                                            >Apple Bloom frantically waves her forelegs. "No, AJ! I meant dumb as in can't talk! Like that white unicorn dj with them high-dollar sunglasses!"

                                            >Applejack narrows her eyes for a brief moment, then turns back forward.

                                            >Twilight levitates Winona off of her ice block for the eighteenth time. She blows her soggy mane off of her eyes with an upturned snort.

                                            >"This is different. I don't know how yet, but I know it's different."

                                            >"Ya think he's lyin'?"

                                            >"No, but he's not exactly being /truthful/, either, and It's my intention to get him to tell me what it is."

                                            >Applejack and Apple Bloom share an uncertain look.


                                            "I am definitely not telling Twilight."

                                            >Anon's smile stretches wide as new ideas flood his mind.

                                            >How many other words can he try without getting yelled at?

                                            "Let's see. Faggot. Bitch. Pussy. Ass. Cripple. I'm not too good at this. /Maybe/ retard-"

                                            >A squeal of delight from a very happy mare cuts through his thoughts.

                                            >"Oh, thank you, Lyra! You're the best!" Bon Bon cheers as she hugs the mint green unicorn. A small wrapped present sits on the ground between them.

                                            >A pair of foals gallop by, laughing. "Tag! You're it!"

                                            >A grey pegasus carries a wicker basket full of muffins by the handle in her teeth, a receipt drawn in pink crayon tucked in the corner.

                                            >Anon slows his pace.

                                            >His wicked grin sobers off.

                                            >He sighs, face softening.

                                            "Ugh... Maybe I shouldn't."

                                            >Roseluck and Berry Punch trot by giggling as they each carry a balloon string in their teeth. A stark difference to how they were less than a few hours ago.

                                            >Anon blinks.

                                            >His smile returns.

                                            "Baaah, they'll get over it."

                                            >Oh the things he could get away with in Ponyville.

                                            >The shopping list in his hand flutters in the breeze as he walks down Market Avenue, shoes skipping along the cobblestone.

                                            >Eggs.

                                            >Milk.

                                            >Cheese.

                                            >Bread.

                                            >One (1) good deed.

                                            >A brown unicorn stallion smiles as Anon approaches his stand. Crates full of eggs sit delicately on the counter.

                                            "Good afternoon, sir!" Anon cheers. "One dozen please."

                                            >The stallion smiles as he levitates a carton onto the counter. "Will that be all, Mister Anonymous?"

                                            "Yes'sir! Thanks, faggot!" Anon replies with a smile, flicking a bit onto the counter with one hand and grabbing the carton with the other before stepping away.

                                            >The stallion blinks. "Alright then, see you tomorrow, Anonymous!"

                                            >He watches Anon skip happily down the road.

                                            >He looks down at the bit sitting on his counter, reflecting the mid-afternoon sun.

                                            >"Faggot?" He repeats quietly to himself, gaze shifting back upwards. He looks down one end of the street. Then the other, hoping to see if anypony else might've heard, perhaps offering an explanation. He shrugs.

                                            >"Must be hard having to learn a new world's language in only a month. Poor Anon."


                                            >Birds chirp and sing as they flitter from rafter to rafter.

                                            >Mice and bunnies chase each other across the rug and into a hole in the wall.

                                            >Fluttershy gently lowers a plate of cookies and tea onto the coffee table, the doily below lit perfectly by the orange light filtering through the living room window.

                                            >Spike instantly grabs two of the largest cookies from the plate and shoves them into his mouth.

                                            >"Ah-ah-ah, darling! Not so fast, you'll choke." Rarity nags, earning a soft giggle from Fluttershy.

                                            >"Oopsh. Shorree, Rariree." He bashfully muffles through a mouthful of cookie.

                                            >Fluttershy giggles again. "I'm glad you enjoy them, Spike. Just be careful, okay?"

                                            >Spike and Fluttershy beam.

                                            >Rarity cozies up on the sofa, tea and cookie held in her magic.

                                            >"Thank you again for joining me in visiting Fluttershy today, Spikey!" She says fondly. "Catching up with Anon earlier simply made me want to do the same again with even /more/ friends!"

                                            >Spike swallows. He blushes. "Oh, I should be thanking you, Rarity! It's nice to get out of the library from time to time. Especially if Twilight was needed at Sweet Apple Acres today like you said." He lays down on the sofa next to her, arms tucked behind his head. "Moving barrels around does /not/ sound like fun."

                                            >Rarity's ear twitches and rotates towards the open window behind her.

                                            >"...No, but he's not exactly being /truthful/, either, and It's my intention to get him to tell me what it is."

                                            >"Why, that sounds like Twilight now!" Rarity announces, one eye brow raised thoughtfully. "Though, it doesn't sound like she's /quite/ as happy as we are."

                                            >Spike opens an eyelid and stands up, walking to the window. "See? Told ya. No fun moving barrels."

                                            >He pushes the glass open the rest of the way and pokes his head out. He instantly bursts into laughter the moment he sees her. He falls on his back, pointing a claw at the window.

                                            >"Bahahah! No way! That's hilarious! Twilight froze herself again!"

                                            >Fluttershy and Rarity gasp and share a look before poking their heads out of the window also.

                                            >They freeze.

                                            >"Oh my..."

                                            >"Twilight! Darling! Are you alright?!" Rarity calls out.

                                            >Applejack stops walking. Twilight cranes her head over and looks at Fluttershy's cottage.

                                            >Twilight levitates Winona off of her ice block for the nineteenth time. She blows her soggy mane off of her eyes with an upturned snort.

                                            >"Yes, I'm fine!" She huffs. "Have you seen Spike? I need his help. Again."

                                            >Spike pokes his head out of the window again between Fluttershy and Rarity, still giggling to himself. Rarity slaps the back of his head with a rolled up newspaper.

                                            >"Ow! Right here, Twilight!"

                                            >Twilight lets out a loud sigh of relief. "Oh, thank Celestia."


                                            >A few moments later, Spike, Rarity, and Fluttershy walk out of the front door and over to Applejack's cart.

                                            >Spike takes a long look at the tragic trio.

                                            >Applejack shifts the weight of the heavy cart from one pair of legs to the other.

                                            >Apple Bloom lays on her back in the puddle of cold water.

                                            >Twilight levitates Winona off of her ice block for the twentieth time. She blows her soggy mane off of her eyes with an upturned snort.

                                            >Spike crosses his arms. "Should I even ask what happened this time?"

                                            >They all crane their heads over with a look.

                                            >Winona barks, tail wagging happily as ever.


                                            "Nice hat, faggot!"

                                            >"Oh! Thank you!"

                                            "Cute bow, faggot!"

                                            >"Gee, thanks!"

                                            "Best bread in town! Great job as always, faggot!"

                                            >"You're too kind!"

                                            "Oh, new colognes available?"

                                            >"Sure is, just received shipment this morning. Care to sample some?"

                                            "Why not? Lay it on me, faggot!"

                                            >Shopping bags full, Anon makes his way out of Market Avenue and back en route through the town square.

                                            >His chest puffed out proudly underneath a /very/ amused smile.

                                            >Anon passes by a park bench where a mare is knitting.

                                            "Looking comfy, faggot." Finger guns pointing.

                                            >"Mmm-hmm!" She hums, eyes still focused on her scarf.

                                            >Anon lets out a content sigh, followed by one last quiet chuckle.

                                            "Today was good."

                                            >Two colts and a filly race past, one of them trips and falls, scraping a knee.

                                            >"Shoot! You okay, faggot?" One asks.

                                            >"Yeah, I'm okay!" The other responds, bouncing back up again.

                                            >Anon's smile twitches.

                                            >His shoulders begin to fall.

                                            >"Hey, what's that word mean anyway?" A nearby stallion asks his marefriend.

                                            >She shrugs. "Something to do with trees I think." She points a hoof at Anon. "Anonymous says it to everypony."

                                            >The stallion begins to smile. "Faggot... Hey, that's kinda fun to say!"

                                            >Anon swallows.

                                            >Another pony trots by, smiling.

                                            >"Faggot! Faggot! Faggot! Faggot!" Each word accentuated with every hoof step.

                                            >Anon stops walking completely.

                                            >He slowly turns around in full circles.

                                            >Ponies everywhere begin saying it.

                                            >Laughing it.

                                            >Repeating it.

                                            >The foals splashing in the fountain are now chanting it like a new anthem to sing.

                                            >"FAG-GOT! FAG-GOT! FAG-GOT!"

                                            >Anon's smile is long gone.

                                            >He swallows again.

                                            "Uh oh."

                                            >A stallion jumps onto a crate and shouts his new favorite word at the top of his voice.

                                            >"FAGGOT!!!"

                                            >The word echoes across the entire square, bouncing off of storefronts, earning shouts and cheers in response.

                                            >The door to Sugarcube Corner bursts open, revealing Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, eyes narrowed and legs spread wide and steady.

                                            >Rainbow Dash gallops out first.

                                            >"WHAT?"! TIMBERWOLVES IN PONYVILLE?!"

                                            >She rockets into the sky, poofing through a few clouds along the way.

                                            >Rainbow lands on the bell tower atop Town Hall and yanks on the rope with her teeth.

                                            >GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!

                                            >She cups her forehooves over her mouth and shouts as loud as she can.

                                            >"TIIMBERWOOOOLVES! EVERYPONY! TAKE SHELTEEEER!"

                                            >The laughter dies in an instant.

                                            >A moment passes.

                                            >Screams violently tear through Ponyville as ponies scramble in panic.

                                            >One of Anon's paper bags rips from the handle. His spaghetti spills out onto the cobblestone.


                                            >Spike catches his breath before blowing the last flame.

                                            >The ice melts away instantly under the green inferno, water trickling away into the nearby brook.

                                            >The last of the ice still frozen around Twilight's tail shatters as she slaps it down on a nearby rock.

                                            >She shivers one final time.

                                            >"Now that you mention it, Twilight," Rarity speaks up from under the shade of a nearby tree, her hoof tapping her chin thoughtfully. "His behavior earlier today /did/ seem quite odd, even for him. He nearly lost all composure during a casual conversation."

                                            >Twilight narrows her eyes. "When /specifically/ did he lose composure?"

                                            >Rarity stammers. "Oh, well, I shouldn't say, I /did/ make a promise-"

                                            >Twilight takes an aggressive step.

                                            >"Rarity."

                                            >Rarity lets out a scoff. "Oh alright! No need to be so pushy. We were discussing our mornings when-"

                                            >"He said faggot, didn't he?"

                                            >Rarity sighs. "Yes."

                                            >Twilight's scowl only grows sharper. Of course he did. She knew something was off the moment he asked her to repeat herself this morning.

                                            >Twilight stomps a hoof. "I knew it!"

                                            >Applejack steps forward, while Fluttershy slowly backs away, not enjoying the dropping mood.

                                            >"N-now, hold on, Twi, ah'm sure there's an explanation for all-"

                                            >GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!

                                            >Seven heads instantly turn to the Town Hall bell tower just visible over the horizon.

                                            >Steam begins rising from Twilight's coat. A feral snort escapes her nostrils. Her hoof scrapes the dirt.


                                            >Anon's shopping bags lay forgotten on the ground by his ankles as he runs his fingers through his hair.

                                            >Ponies continue darting from one place to another, some accidentally crashing into one another, while others dive behind cover.

                                            >The occasional mare faints dramatically right on the cobblestone, either to be dragged away or left behind.

                                            >Pinkie Pie desperately hands out cupcakes from a box labeled 'Emergencies only'.

                                            >Roseluck and Berry Punch scream, their balloons floating away, forgotten.

                                            "This is bad." Anon mutters to himself. "This is really bad."

                                            >Anon is startled by a loud FWOMF behind him.

                                            >He wheels around, heart pounding.

                                            >"Anon! There you are!" Rainbow yells, wings flared wide. "Didn't you hear me? Timberwolves are coming!"

                                            >Anon takes a step back, hands held out in front of him, eyes wide with fear.

                                            >Rainbow's defensive posture instantly softens. She looks at him from bottom to top, head tilted. "Anon? Are you feeling okay? You don't look so good."

                                            >Anon shakes his head, slowly backing away before bolting.

                                            >"H-hey! Wait a minute!" Rainbow calls after him. She stomps a hoof and turns to Pinkie.

                                            >"Pinkie! Quick! I- I think Anon needs help!"


                                            >Anon's legs pump like pistons as he flees through town, bumping into ponies along the way, nearly tripping a few times.

                                            >"Nonny! Stop!" Pinkie calls after him, concern written heavily across her face.

                                            >He doesn't hear.

                                            >Faces blur as Anon races by, desperate to get away.

                                            >"EVERYPONY STOOOOOP!!!"

                                            >He does hear that one perfectly clear.

                                            >Ponies quickly skid to a halt, heads turning and peeking above cover.

                                            >Shouts and screams fade away instantly.

                                            >"THERE ARE NO TIMBERWOLVES!!!" Twilight shouts at the top of her voice.

                                            >Confused murmurs begin rippling through the crowd.

                                            >Applejack and the others finally catch up to Twilight.

                                            >"That's... Enough... Galloping... For me..." Apple Bloom wheezes out one final time before collapsing besides Rarity, tongue lolled out in defeat. Rarity levitates the poor filly onto her back.

                                            >"Where. Is. Anon." Twilight growls as she scans the crowd.

                                            >A mare points a shaky hoof in a direction.

                                            >Twilight doesn't wait. She teleports a few times across the crowd like a purple skipping stone of death.

                                            >"Why didn't she do that when she was frozen?" Spike mumbles to himself. "It's not easy breathing that much fire, you know."

                                            >Rarity slaps the back of the head with a rolled up newspaper.


                                            >Rainbow and Pinkie skid to a stop behind Anon as he stands perfectly still.

                                            >Twilight stands directly in front of Anon. She breathes deep and heavy through flared nostrils as her coat visibly steams.

                                            >The crowd hushes around them.

                                            >"Anonymous." Twilight growls through clenched teeth. "You are /going/ to explain /why in Equestria/ you find a group of timberwolves /funny enough/ to incite a panic over it!"

                                            Anon stammers, words tumbling out of his mouth in broken pieces. "I- Well- It-"

                                            >"Now!" Twilight shouts, horn glowing with magic.

                                            >Ponies cover their mouths with hooves.

                                            >Anon looks around at the crowd surrounding them. He sighs.

                                            "The word faggot has a double meaning on Earth. It's a strong swear word in modern English."


                                            >The ponies stand there frozen.

                                            >All too shocked to move. To believe.

                                            >The lack of sound is crushing.

                                            >"...What?"

                                            >Twilight breaks the silence, but only barely.

                                            >Anon winces.

                                            >His eyes scan the crowd. Wide eyes stare back at him by the dozens. Some mouths hang open, others stay closed, lips pressed into firm lines. Some ears perked, others laid back.

                                            >He breathes in. Then breathes out.

                                            "It's a slur." He elaborates quietly.

                                            >A few ponies faint.

                                            >Twilight blinks again.

                                            "It's a slur." He repeats. His voice shrinking. "For homosexuals."

                                            >Anon can hear the sniffles rippling through the crowd.

                                            >Anon closes his eyes and turns his head away.

                                            "I'm sorry. I should've told you when I had the chance."

                                            >A long, uncomfortable moment passes.

                                            >"Yer darn right ya shoulda' told us!" Applejack steps forward with narrowed eyes. "Lettin' us make fools outa' ourselves like we're some kinda' /cartoon/!" Her voice wavering slightly.

                                            >Anon opens his mouth then closes it again.

                                            >Twilight finally steps forward. Her ears pinned flat to her skull. A shaky hoof raises towards Anon before dropping to the dirt again.

                                            >"Anon..." She whispers. "W-why?" She sniffles. "Why would you say those things? Why let /us/ say those things? Ponies thrive on connection. Don't you remember?"

                                            >Anon exhales a shaky breath, fingers running through his hair.

                                            >Fluttershy whimpers.

                                            >Spike covers his mouth with a hand.

                                            >Rarity faints.

                                            >Apple Bloom falls down with her.

                                            >Rainbow's wings twitch.

                                            >Pinkie just stares, her expression too blank to read.

                                            >He opens his mouth again, but the sound of hooves walking over stops him.

                                            >"Anonymous," Mayor Mare begins reluctantly. "I hate to do this. I really do. But in light of your recent actions, I am sentencing you to time in Ponyville Detention Center."

                                            >A few gasps echo through the crowd.

                                            >She continues. "You are hereby charged with willful misuse of terminology, incitement of public hysteria, reckless endangerment of community innocence, and crimes against conversational decency."

                                            >Anon's blood turns cold. He swallows hard.

                                            >He looks at Twilight and the others for help. For anything.

                                            >None of them are able to keep their gaze.

                                            "I-"

                                            >Anon is cut off again by the sounds of armored hooves walking towards him.

                                            >He turns around to see a pair of Royal Guards stepping up to him.

                                            >"Please come with us, sir." One says, his stoicism wavering.

                                            >Anon looks at the crowd again, then back at the guards.

                                            >Anon silently curses before bowing his head.

                                            >He nods slowly.

                                            "Alright."

                                            >The second Royal Guard steps besides Anon and leads him away.

                                            >Anon can't help but look at the faces as he passes by.

                                            >Each frown burned in his memory like a bad aftertaste.


                                            >The iron cell door opens with a long squeak, its hinges clearly unused for quite some time.

                                            >"I hope you learn something from this, /Anonymous/." One of the guards says. "I really do."

                                            >Anon wordlessly enters the cell, steps across the small room, and sits on the cold hard bench.

                                            >He doesn't even watch as the door closes again with a hard metallic rattle. The locking mechanism clunks into place.

                                            >The two guards linger for a moment, looking into the cell with clear disappointment written on their faces.

                                            >They had come to grow fond of Anon this past month. Now they can't help but think of what it must take to have a mind like his. One with so much potential, wasted on /this/.

                                            >Anonymous. The alien who was lost and found, now lost again.

                                            >They only hope he finds a way back from this.

                                            >They turn and leave, metal shoes clinking on the stone floor as they walk through the hallways, eventually exiting through a door.

                                            >Anon buries his face in his hands and sighs through his nose.

                                            >He sits there for a long while, not daring to even move.

                                            >The events of today replays in his mind, like a movie he doesn't want to watch.

                                            >Watching how delicate these ponies are and how little it takes to make them happy. And how little it takes to upset them.

                                            >Sitting with Twilight, who only wanted to help him understand more about this strange new world.

                                            >He laughed instead of learned.

                                            >Hurt instead of helped.

                                            >Stayed quiet when he should've spoken up.

                                            >Letting things escalate beyond his control instead of taking advantage of the opportunities that were presented to him.

                                            >But at least it was funny though, /right Anon?/

                                            >Anon sighs again.

                                            "I should've just told her at the start." He mutters. "Now I've gone and thrown away the only second chance I had."

                                            >Anon lifts his face from his hands and notices how dark it is in the room now.

                                            >The fading sun shines its last rays through the small barred window in the room, a reminder that the day is over now.

                                            >What's done is done.


                                            >Anon doesn't know how long it's been.

                                            >The crickets outside the dark window have spent their time chirping away just like they did yesterday, and how they will again tomorrow.

                                            >The bricks in the walls are interestingly clean.

                                            >Anon would've expected there to be more carvings.

                                            >But of course there aren't, because damaging property is illegal.

                                            >Even the stone bench below Anon's back is flatter and smoother than he expected as well.

                                            >He would've thought that a random stone slab is adequate enough for a jail cell. But of course that isn't true either, because that would then run the risk of making ponies uncomfortable. Can't have that.

                                            >Anon bounces the provided small rubber stress ball against the floor, off the wall, and back to himself.

                                            >Must suck to not have hands.

                                            >Hands.

                                            >Anon could probably just reach through the bars of the door and unlatch the mechanism himself. He never heard the sounds of keys jingling.

                                            >Obviously, right?. Keys aren't a common item among the rest of Ponyville, why would they exist here?

                                            >What happens to a unicorn when they get put in jail?

                                            >Do they really use those rings that Twilight talked about, or would those be considered too constricting?

                                            >Are there special wing-cuffs for pegasi?

                                            >Do ponies typically follow police orders often enough for things like those to be relevant to begin with anyways?

                                            >Metal hoofsteps echo through the hallways, likely another change in rotation.

                                            >The mechanism to Anon's door unlatches.

                                            >Anon quickly sits up on his elbows and looks to the entrance of the cell.

                                            >The same two guards from before stand there with soft smiles on their faces.

                                            >"Sentence served, buddy!" One cheers. "Would you like a juice box or chocolate milk?"

                                            >The other guard holds out a plate of treats in his teeth.

                                            >Anon looks at the guards, then at the plate.

                                            "What."

                                            >"Time's up. Your hour is done. You're free to go." The guard elaborates. He gestures to the plate. "We also have cookies, muffins, apples, whatever you fancy."

                                            >Anon blinks.

                                            >An hour?

                                            >Anon had just spent the day swearing at ponies, lying to his friends, and caused a town-wide panic.

                                            "That's it?"

                                            >The guard's smile fades away quickly. "Oh, uh, well, if you don't like what we have, I'm sure we can run down to Sugarcube Corner and-"

                                            "No, no, I mean the sentence."

                                            >The guard's smile returns again, a little bashful this time. "It's a bit much, we know. You /did/ stir things up /quite a bit/."

                                            >He studies Anon's expression for a moment longer, noticing how it hasn't moved or reacted. "Are you alright Anon? Would you like a blanket?"

                                            >Anon blinks again. He shakes his head, clearing his thoughts.

                                            "N-no, that's alright. I'm okay."


                                            >Anon stands at the front desk to the detention center, quill in hand.

                                            >He stares down at the form that was presented to him by the slightly overweight mare behind the desk.

                                            >He reads the printed text.

                                            >He squints his eyes.

                                            >Only one line of text reads back, followed by two checkboxes.

                                            "'Did you learn your lesson, yes or no'?"

                                            >The guards and the receptionist all nod.

                                            >"Name, today's date, and how many lesson(s) were learned."

                                            >The quill in Anon's hand twirls in his fingers for a moment.

                                            >Anon shrugs, dips the quill in the provided ink pot and signs away.

                                            >Anonymous

                                            >July 3rd

                                            >[X]YES  [ Swearing is not a polite thing to do. ]

                                            "Alright, is that all you need from me?"

                                            >The receptionist smiles. "Yes sir! Enjoy your weekend, Anonymous!"

                                            >They all stand tall and happy.

                                            >Anon feels the corners of his lips finally tugging upwards.

                                            >He grabs another cookie from the plate and gives a quick two fingered salute as he turns around and pushes the double doors open and walks out into the night.

                                            >He looks up at the stars and smiles.

                                            "Oh the things I could get away with in Ponyville."


                                            >The dirt shuffles under Anon's shoes as he approaches his cabin.

                                            >The crickets chirp softly as he walks past, hands in his pockets.

                                            >The wood porch creaks and groans as he steps up and to the door.

                                            >He pushes the door open with a sigh.

                                            >"SURPRISE!!!"

                                            >Pinkie Pie bounces as the lights flick on.

                                            >Anon stands in his doorway frozen as Twilight and the rest of her friends stand in the center of his living room, pointed party hats on their heads and party horns in mouths.

                                            >Roseluck, Derpy Hooves, Lyra, Bon Bon, and several others put the last few finishing touches up on the balloons and decorations.

                                            >Apple Bloom and her friends chase each other around a table decorated with plates of pie and cookies.

                                            >Berry Punch stands a little too closely to the punch bowl.

                                            >Above them all is a shiny glitter covered banner that reads 'Welcome Home, Anonymous!'.

                                            >Signatures and short messages from Twilight and the rest decorate the spaces between and around the letters.

                                            >Doodles of Anon surrounded by happy ponies dance and play in the corners.

                                            >Twilight steps forward first, a gentle smile on her face.

                                            >"We know you made a mistake." She begins plainly. "But you owned up to it. That matters here in Equestria."

                                            >"A /whole lot/, actually." Applejack adds with a sure nod. "Ain't a soul alive I ever met that don't make mistakes."

                                            >"And, darling, If we cast out /every/ pony who ever said something uncouth, there wouldn't be a Ponyville. We are /most glad/ to have you here with us."

                                            >Roseluck steps over with a balloon string in her teeth, offering it to Anon.

                                            >Derpy holds out a muffin.

                                            >Anon scans the room.

                                            >Not one face is even remotely negative.

                                            >His throat tightens.

                                            >His eyes sting, but he doesn't hold it back.

                                            >He kneels down and holds out his arms.

                                            >Pinkie can't hold it anymore. She lunges forward and latches to his head, legs wrapping around his skull tightly. His nose stuffed deep in her cotton candy scented fur.

                                            >Fluttershy follows after and presses up against his side.

                                            >Then Rainbow Dash.

                                            >Then the others.

                                            >In the middle of it all, Anon just smiles.

                                            >What a bunch of faggots.


                                            >His faggots.