HUMAN SPIRITUAL LYRICAL MIRACLE WHIP IS AN INSTRUMENT


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                                            >All the main and popular characters walk out of a bar.

                                            >The bartender says "Wait! Come back!"

                                            >"We'll be back after a little bit!  The faceless green guy needs our help!" One of them responds.

                                            >They all storm out of the place like a fire had broken out.

                                            >The bartender wipes down the glass in his hand almost as hard as he wants to push open the closing glass doors in pursuit of the mane attraction for customers.

                                            >"What are we gonna do now?" He mutters through the cigarette smoke.

                                            >"Wait for them to come back." Responds the place's server. "I'm sure they won't be long."

                                            >The silence throughout the whole facility in response to her statement begs that she's correct.

                                            >The night that follows is a slow one.

                                            >No one really comes to see the lesser known characters to hang out with at this place.

                                            >For some consumers, this turns this booming bar into a dry spa, but for others, this means it's finally time for them to shine without everyone obsessing over the usual stars and ignoring them.

                                            >Dressed for the occasion in opposite ways are Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Melody.

                                            >Each of them had a crazy day; Octavia's day of performing three concerts within hours of one another and Vinyl's day of hangovers after partying all night while DJ'ing for said party.

                                            >This is reflected by the fact that Octavia's drinking like this is a pub and Vinyl just settled for Orange Juice to make her head feel better.

                                            >Perfect ingredients for a little role reversal featuring Octavia annoying Vinyl with her drunken antics.

                                            >"Nobody appreciates REAL music anymore! Ask anyone on the street if they know how to read music. They'll look at the paper like they're trying to learn a language for the first time!"

                                            >"For the LAST time, Tavi... that doesn't mean they can't enjoy good music when they hear it."

                                            >Octavia scoffs. "Bah! Here we go again with how much of an expert you think you are!" She crosses her arms with a pout.

                                            >"Music is about how it sounds, Tavi." Vinyl rubs the sides of her head with her brow furrowing. "And I know my stuff sounds good because the crowd goes crazy to it. If they didn't, I wouldn't be hungover right now."

                                            >"And perhaps I wouldn't have been hungover tomorrow had I not listened to you ignore the human element being taken out of music!" Points Octavia, lost in her drunken ramblings. "It's all bass drop this, push button that. WOO PUSH BUTTONS IT'S SO EASY NOW!"

                                            >Vinyl rolls her eyes like an annoyed owl wearing a sleeping cap trying to ignore loud ducks in a Disney cartoon. "Don't make me go there, Octi. We both know my sets can make more sounds than you could ever do with one instrument. We've argued about this already!"

                                            >"Missing the point, are we?" Octavia raises an eyebrow above a half-lowered eyelid.

                                            >"Look, breh. If you wanna learn the ropes of FL Studio or Ableton or whatever, be my guest. Just know that you're gonna be the one looking like you're 'learning a new language' once you realize it's more than just pushing buttons."

                                            >"Oh riiiiight! You click your computer mice too! And then you press play! Those are different than buttons, yes?"

                                            >"You think there aren't ideas in the heads of people who do all that? There's obviously a direction they want it to go in. It's got hype and a vibe to it. Music is about how it sounds, and how the listener wants to interpret it, right?" Vinyl refuses to let her drunken friend get on her nerves. "You said that, right?"

                                            >"Not like that, ya twat." Grins Octavia, convinced she already has her hungover friend in a checkmate. "Anyone can press the same buttons and get something to sound the same as someone else. That's why the songs on the radio are so indistinguishable even with the voices, because the mixing and mastering is done by the same people. Even the songwriting! Ever hear of Max Martin? Jack Antonoff? The whole lot of them! If you don't fit into that formula then you get ignored!"

                                            >"What do you mean ignored? It's not hard to just learn pro tools, Tavi. If you're an instrument expert and so smart, then you do it."

                                            >"You remember what happened when I auditioned to perform at the club you go to in order to get more listeners."

                                            >"Tavi, this isn't the fucking 1930s anymore! No one is gonna go out to listen to orchestra, big band, whatever the hell that is. They want bass drops, they want loudness and lyrics EEVVEERRYYOONNEE can relate to!" Blares Vinyl with a smug laugh. "It's just what's in, get with the times already, geez. Only old people like that big band stuff these days, because they didn't have all this back then. But we do."

                                            >"And the songs everyone wants to listen to lack creativity. It's just the same basic stuff."

                                            >"So? You may bring creativity, but I bring the hype everyone wants! People said this about Rock N' Roll in the 50's. We just wanna have fun now. How about you start BEING fun, Tavi?"

                                            >"Do you two wanna keep it down?" The bartender walks up to them.

                                            >"Isn't there like, no one here?" Vinyl gripes.

                                            >"Could you please remove Vinyl from the bar? She's being rowdy!" Hiccups Octavia.

                                            >"Look, either quiet down or at least try to figure out a way to get more people in coming here until everyone else gets back." Says the bartender, soon falling silent to the music playing in the background.

                                            >The times they are a-changin'.

                                            >That's what Bob Dylan's voice tells Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch in the crowded bar they sit together in.

                                            >And the glances they exchange have opposing meanings.

                                            >Octavia's times are getting worse and Vinyl's times are getting better.

                                            >Now the voice singing to them isn't in person, it's over a radio speaker.

                                            >But the message is still the same: to be interpreted.

                                            >With this, the two narrow their eyes and eventually make a deal to try out eachother's musical mediums and create something for the bar to play tomorrow morning to entertain the patrons.

                                            >It didn't take long for this to turn into a "show and prove" type of deal between them, just minus the handshake that had now been replaced by an exchange of insults.

                                            >That sure was an eventful night at the bar that was allowed to get as loud and in-depth as it wanted due to the fact that nobody else was present at the time.

                                            >After the drive back home, Tavi and Vinyl switch places in their odd-couple apartment and start playing around with the other one's instruments on some Freaky Friday energy.

                                            >After a few fragile promises to pay for any damages done wot the equipment, Vinyl is allowed to try and learn Octavia's cello in one night.

                                            >Vice versa for Octavia and Vinyl's laptop with all her digital pro tools on it.

                                            >And so that whole era began.

                                            >---

                                            >But that era didn't last very long.

                                            >Vinyl couldn't escape the steep edge of the pit of sounding like she's in a middle school band with a cello she just started learning how to use.

                                            >Octavia can't pull her feet out of the thick muck of sounding like she's making beats for a shitty soundcloud mumble rapper trying his hand and pen at spiritual lyrical miracle whip music with lyrics written by patrick star.

                                            >This went on for far too many weeks, but each girl was so determined to win their own side of the argument that it didn't matter how much time and effort they sunk into practicing.

                                            >Very convenient that none of the main characters came back during this time after all; might as well have been lost at sea or something.

                                            >The animosity made them have so many dogs in this fight that the eventual rise in AI music tore their friendship at the seams more than ever before.

                                            >When they finally showed one another how far they've gotten, Octavia overheard Vinyl talking about AI music and how it's ruining everything about music and she can't make new albums because a bot can do it in seconds without her input.

                                            >She's discovering that she's not needed anymore.

                                            >And that animosity reached its own boiling point right before the bartender summoned them to perform something for the return of all the main characters to the bar.

                                            >Instead, what he got out of all of this was another circular argument that goes nowhere.

                                            >Initiated by Octavia once again.

                                            >"All I'm saying is to have a spine and STAY on that side. Don't pretend you were always 'about that human element, maaaan' before your own gimmick got threatened. I remember what you said before. Just because you conveniently forgot doesn't mean I will."

                                            >"Just... what the hell are you saying, Tavi?" Vinyl looks up at the other girl.

                                            >"If you aren't willing to admit you were wrong before, then don't expect me to accept you siding with the very idea you contradicted in the past. I don't appreciate a lack of consistency. It's telling me that you truly don't care about music in the way you said you do."

                                            >Vinyl's reaction is that of someone who just had a stake driven through their heart. "Are you saying I don't care about music!?"

                                            >"You're certainly not acting like it by admitting you were at fault. You're showing me that you care about your own ego and what you get out of making music than the actual music itself."

                                            >Vinyl stands up, the chair nearly falling over. "This is where I draw the line! I'm not gonna sit here and let you talk crazy like you read my mind like that!"

                                            >"If you care so much about the human element now, then why didn't you care before?"

                                            >"Um... but I actually DID care?"

                                            >"Last I remember, it was all about that "hype" and "vibe". Didn't matter if the instruments were being played by an actual person. You were fine with programmed drums and synths as long as you could make it have the "vibe" you wanted."

                                            >"Maybe you should try learning how to make EDM yourself before talking trash about something you don't understand. Which would include the human element, apparently."

                                            >"I already physically play my own instrument! You, Vinyl, are in NO position to lecture me about the human element in music!"

                                            >"If that's true, then you shouldn't be okay with AI music, Tavi." Vinyl huffs and crosses her arms.

                                            >"I'm not. I'm just even *less* okay with your willful dishonesty, Vinyl. Which is what I should have made clear but you seem to have shifted focus away from that."

                                            >"Oh, please! I never imagined what AI music was gonna be like. How the absolute FUCK was *I* supposed to know what it'd go at and suddenly have a moment where I was like 'yeah, the human element is actually really important haha, I better make this clear before Tavi drags me through the mud for dragging AI music through the mud calling me a hypocrite'? Why am I supposed to make something that unpredictable clear to you before something happens? That's not my responsibility that things change!"

                                            >"You specifically made music pressing buttons, then pressing play and headbanging to your audience while I worked my ass off learning an instrument only for the club to tell me they didn't give half a shit about what I do. And then when I told you about it you just told me that 'this is the future, this is what's hot, get with the times or be left behind in the past with all that boring big band trumpet music, it's not the 1930s anymore'."

                                            >Feeling insulted by this blatant mischaracterization of her past words, Vinyl lets out an offended laugh. "We both know I never said it like that. You're twisting around the argument I made."

                                            >The back-and-forth goes on and on until the break of dawn.

                                            >Neither Tavi nor Vinyl managed to make anything listenable.

                                            >No one learned a damn thing and grifters ended up using AI to industrialize and mass-produce their paywalled content anyway, oh well.

                                            >The End.