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HUMAN SPIRITUAL LYRICAL MIRACLE WHIP IS AN INSTRUMENT
By GreyCreated: 2025-07-28 07:08:03
Updated: 2025-08-08 13:16:06
Expiry: Never
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>>42396215
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>All the main and popular characters walk out of a bar.
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>The bartender says "Wait! Come back!"
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>"We'll be back after a little bit! The faceless green guy needs our help!" One of them responds.
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>They all storm out of the place like a fire had broken out.
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>The bartender wipes down the glass in his hand almost as hard as he wants to push open the closing glass doors in pursuit of the mane attraction for customers.
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>"What are we gonna do now?" He mutters through the cigarette smoke.
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>"Wait for them to come back." Responds the place's server. "I'm sure they won't be long."
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>The silence throughout the whole facility in response to her statement begs that she's correct.
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>The night that follows is a slow one.
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>No one really comes to see the lesser known characters to hang out with at this place.
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>For some consumers, this turns this booming bar into a dry spa, but for others, this means it's finally time for them to shine without everyone obsessing over the usual stars and ignoring them.
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>Dressed for the occasion in opposite ways are Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Melody.
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>Each of them had a crazy day; Octavia's day of performing three concerts within hours of one another and Vinyl's day of hangovers after partying all night while DJ'ing for said party.
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>This is reflected by the fact that Octavia's drinking like this is a pub and Vinyl just settled for Orange Juice to make her head feel better.
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>Perfect ingredients for a little role reversal featuring Octavia annoying Vinyl with her drunken antics.
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>"Nobody appreciates REAL music anymore! Ask anyone on the street if they know how to read music. They'll look at the paper like they're trying to learn a language for the first time!"
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>"For the LAST time, Tavi... that doesn't mean they can't enjoy good music when they hear it."
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>Octavia scoffs. "Bah! Here we go again with how much of an expert you think you are!" She crosses her arms with a pout.
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>"Music is about how it sounds, Tavi." Vinyl rubs the sides of her head with her brow furrowing. "And I know my stuff sounds good because the crowd goes crazy to it. If they didn't, I wouldn't be hungover right now."
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>"And perhaps I wouldn't have been hungover tomorrow had I not listened to you ignore the human element being taken out of music!" Points Octavia, lost in her drunken ramblings. "It's all bass drop this, push button that. WOO PUSH BUTTONS IT'S SO EASY NOW!"
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>Vinyl rolls her eyes like an annoyed owl wearing a sleeping cap trying to ignore loud ducks in a Disney cartoon. "Don't make me go there, Octi. We both know my sets can make more sounds than you could ever do with one instrument. We've argued about this already!"
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>"Missing the point, are we?" Octavia raises an eyebrow above a half-lowered eyelid.
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>"Look, breh. If you wanna learn the ropes of FL Studio or Ableton or whatever, be my guest. Just know that you're gonna be the one looking like you're 'learning a new language' once you realize it's more than just pushing buttons."
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>"Oh riiiiight! You click your computer mice too! And then you press play! Those are different than buttons, yes?"
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>"You think there aren't ideas in the heads of people who do all that? There's obviously a direction they want it to go in. It's got hype and a vibe to it. Music is about how it sounds, and how the listener wants to interpret it, right?" Vinyl refuses to let her drunken friend get on her nerves. "You said that, right?"
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>"Not like that, ya twat." Grins Octavia, convinced she already has her hungover friend in a checkmate. "Anyone can press the same buttons and get something to sound the same as someone else. That's why the songs on the radio are so indistinguishable even with the voices, because the mixing and mastering is done by the same people. Even the songwriting! Ever hear of Max Martin? Jack Antonoff? The whole lot of them! If you don't fit into that formula then you get ignored!"
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>"What do you mean ignored? It's not hard to just learn pro tools, Tavi. If you're an instrument expert and so smart, then you do it."
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>"You remember what happened when I auditioned to perform at the club you go to in order to get more listeners."
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>"Tavi, this isn't the fucking 1930s anymore! No one is gonna go out to listen to orchestra, big band, whatever the hell that is. They want bass drops, they want loudness and lyrics EEVVEERRYYOONNEE can relate to!" Blares Vinyl with a smug laugh. "It's just what's in, get with the times already, geez. Only old people like that big band stuff these days, because they didn't have all this back then. But we do."
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>"And the songs everyone wants to listen to lack creativity. It's just the same basic stuff."
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>"So? You may bring creativity, but I bring the hype everyone wants! People said this about Rock N' Roll in the 50's. We just wanna have fun now. How about you start BEING fun, Tavi?"
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>"Do you two wanna keep it down?" The bartender walks up to them.
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>"Isn't there like, no one here?" Vinyl gripes.
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>"Could you please remove Vinyl from the bar? She's being rowdy!" Hiccups Octavia.
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>"Look, either quiet down or at least try to figure out a way to get more people in coming here until everyone else gets back." Says the bartender, soon falling silent to the music playing in the background.
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>The times they are a-changin'.
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>That's what Bob Dylan's voice tells Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch in the crowded bar they sit together in.
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>And the glances they exchange have opposing meanings.
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>Octavia's times are getting worse and Vinyl's times are getting better.
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>Now the voice singing to them isn't in person, it's over a radio speaker.
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>But the message is still the same: to be interpreted.
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>With this, the two narrow their eyes and eventually make a deal to try out eachother's musical mediums and create something for the bar to play tomorrow morning to entertain the patrons.
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>It didn't take long for this to turn into a "show and prove" type of deal between them, just minus the handshake that had now been replaced by an exchange of insults.
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>That sure was an eventful night at the bar that was allowed to get as loud and in-depth as it wanted due to the fact that nobody else was present at the time.
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>After the drive back home, Tavi and Vinyl switch places in their odd-couple apartment and start playing around with the other one's instruments on some Freaky Friday energy.
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>After a few fragile promises to pay for any damages done wot the equipment, Vinyl is allowed to try and learn Octavia's cello in one night.
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>Vice versa for Octavia and Vinyl's laptop with all her digital pro tools on it.
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>And so that whole era began.
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>---
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>But that era didn't last very long.
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>Vinyl couldn't escape the steep edge of the pit of sounding like she's in a middle school band with a cello she just started learning how to use.
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>Octavia can't pull her feet out of the thick muck of sounding like she's making beats for a shitty soundcloud mumble rapper trying his hand and pen at spiritual lyrical miracle whip music with lyrics written by patrick star.
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>This went on for far too many weeks, but each girl was so determined to win their own side of the argument that it didn't matter how much time and effort they sunk into practicing.
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>Very convenient that none of the main characters came back during this time after all; might as well have been lost at sea or something.
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>The animosity made them have so many dogs in this fight that the eventual rise in AI music tore their friendship at the seams more than ever before.
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>When they finally showed one another how far they've gotten, Octavia overheard Vinyl talking about AI music and how it's ruining everything about music and she can't make new albums because a bot can do it in seconds without her input.
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>She's discovering that she's not needed anymore.
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>And that animosity reached its own boiling point right before the bartender summoned them to perform something for the return of all the main characters to the bar.
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>Instead, what he got out of all of this was another circular argument that goes nowhere.
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>Initiated by Octavia once again.
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>"All I'm saying is to have a spine and STAY on that side. Don't pretend you were always 'about that human element, maaaan' before your own gimmick got threatened. I remember what you said before. Just because you conveniently forgot doesn't mean I will."
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>"Just... what the hell are you saying, Tavi?" Vinyl looks up at the other girl.
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>"If you aren't willing to admit you were wrong before, then don't expect me to accept you siding with the very idea you contradicted in the past. I don't appreciate a lack of consistency. It's telling me that you truly don't care about music in the way you said you do."
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>Vinyl's reaction is that of someone who just had a stake driven through their heart. "Are you saying I don't care about music!?"
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>"You're certainly not acting like it by admitting you were at fault. You're showing me that you care about your own ego and what you get out of making music than the actual music itself."
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>Vinyl stands up, the chair nearly falling over. "This is where I draw the line! I'm not gonna sit here and let you talk crazy like you read my mind like that!"
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>"If you care so much about the human element now, then why didn't you care before?"
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>"Um... but I actually DID care?"
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>"Last I remember, it was all about that "hype" and "vibe". Didn't matter if the instruments were being played by an actual person. You were fine with programmed drums and synths as long as you could make it have the "vibe" you wanted."
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>"Maybe you should try learning how to make EDM yourself before talking trash about something you don't understand. Which would include the human element, apparently."
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>"I already physically play my own instrument! You, Vinyl, are in NO position to lecture me about the human element in music!"
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>"If that's true, then you shouldn't be okay with AI music, Tavi." Vinyl huffs and crosses her arms.
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>"I'm not. I'm just even *less* okay with your willful dishonesty, Vinyl. Which is what I should have made clear but you seem to have shifted focus away from that."
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>"Oh, please! I never imagined what AI music was gonna be like. How the absolute FUCK was *I* supposed to know what it'd go at and suddenly have a moment where I was like 'yeah, the human element is actually really important haha, I better make this clear before Tavi drags me through the mud for dragging AI music through the mud calling me a hypocrite'? Why am I supposed to make something that unpredictable clear to you before something happens? That's not my responsibility that things change!"
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>"You specifically made music pressing buttons, then pressing play and headbanging to your audience while I worked my ass off learning an instrument only for the club to tell me they didn't give half a shit about what I do. And then when I told you about it you just told me that 'this is the future, this is what's hot, get with the times or be left behind in the past with all that boring big band trumpet music, it's not the 1930s anymore'."
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>Feeling insulted by this blatant mischaracterization of her past words, Vinyl lets out an offended laugh. "We both know I never said it like that. You're twisting around the argument I made."
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>The back-and-forth goes on and on until the break of dawn.
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>Neither Tavi nor Vinyl managed to make anything listenable.
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>No one learned a damn thing and grifters ended up using AI to industrialize and mass-produce their paywalled content anyway, oh well.
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~
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>"...Autotune?" Adagio's eyes fill with disgust as they look down her nose at the suggestion.
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>"Your fans want to see if you can top your last album!" Responds the manager for the Dazzlings. "Without those gems, you're going to have to innovate if you want to impress them and rake in those streams."
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>A tiny shiver creeps up Adagio's spine at the suggestion. "I'd rather use bot streams than use autotune." She scoffs through the lens of her pride.
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>The manager makes eyes as though he's silently whistling in guilt in response to the comment.
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>Adagio reads into it immediately and tries not to gasp. "There's no way you've already been doing that..." Her voice sounds even more disgusted.
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>Aria just rolls her eyes at the revelation. "Pssh, figures. At least we didn't have to work at McDonald's or some shit. Still grateful for that."
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>"I'm not so opposed to bot streams." Adagio clarifies after turning to the other girl. "The problem is that if it's found out, that's bad for our brand."
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>"I agree." The manager chimes in. "And so do the rules of the music game. Which is why there's always precautions made. C'mon, you think it's anything less than the vast majority of artists who use bot streams at some point? What's even the problem here? We're not confirming or denying anything here anyway."
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>The tone of the manager's voice implies he might be whipping out that NDA document at some point during all of this.
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>"The problem is that using both autotune AND bot streams messes up our ability to be genuine in our songs. Each are a crutch, and we have no free hands if we're all using two crutches to walk." Adagio conveys. "I mean, autotune AND bot streams? What's next, ghost writers? Are we turning into Drake now?"
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>"What I said still holds up." Aria doubles down. "I'm pretty sure Drake likes being the McDonald's of rap better than working at McDonald's."
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>"...Can we make friends with the bot streams?" Asks Sonata. "I wanna meet them!"
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>"Bot streams aren't actual people, Sonata." Aria sighs with her fingers gripping between her eyebrows in exasperation. "It's all fake data added to your existing statistics. It's like getting silicon breast and ass enhancements. Fake inflated size with no actual substance."
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>"And that's why we said no to that too!" Adagio reminds Aria with conviction in her tone. "Remember? They wanted us to do that for the bikini music video? You still haven't thanked me for shooting that idea down for all three of us."
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>"You were the only one who cared." Says Aria. "And I'm pretty sure Sonata doesn't give a fuck."
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>"My chest is already kind of annoying so I dunno." Comments Sonata. "If I got my butt done it'd probably be even worse."
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>"Fine, I guess you do care, maybe it's good we're not all the way like BBL Drizzy Drake." Aria smirks.
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>"Okay, can we stop talking about Drake before his ego senses it halfway across the world and he responds?" The manager tries to steer back onto the relevant topic. "We don't need any lawsuits right now. And Adagio..." He turns to the perceived leader of the group. "Everyone uses autotune these days. Even lots of the best singers. It's simply the norm in lots of cases."
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>"Well that should make us stand out from the crowd even more." Adagio now starts up yet another argument with the manager. "It's not like we're dying for fame. You saw our last bit of record sales."
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>"Well she's not wrong." Shrugs Aria. "I'll use it you you want me to."
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>"I think autotune sounds cool!" Sonata's eyes light up. "Can we use it? Pleeeeeaaaaaase?"
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>"I'm recommending it. And most autotune isn't very detectable these days. It's getting really good thanks to AI."
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>Adagio's skin starts to crawl. "Ugh, don't remind me." She shudders in contempt.
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>This is basically how it all starts.
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>All three of the Dazzlings did great writing all of the lyrics to each song together on their previous album that did incredibly well on the charts.
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>They even almost made it to number 1 on the Hot 100.
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>Only kept away with generic drill trap beats, generic nu-reggaetron, and generic stomp clap hey.
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>Thanks, 2010s. Your ghost lives on.
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>Point is, Adagio has a point in that autotune may not be necessary until a future dip in record sales proves otherwise.
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>The manager really does not feel like going the distance with Adagio this time, so everyone agrees to just let Adagio go full no-autotune to maintain her integrity and bragging rights for being an elite singer.
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>Meanwhile, Sonata and Aria are free to use it so long as it doesn't hinder the music's ability to sell records.
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>This next record is now about to be one of those ones where it's less of all three of the Dazzlings contributing the lyrics together, but one sone will have more of Adagio's input while another one's going to have Aria and Sonata's input.
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>Of course, someone else is going to produce all of the tracks as per usual, and the manager among other producers decide to get a little creative this time and decide to seek out lesser known composers and producers to help the Dazzlings out with production for their next batch of songs to go onto their new album.
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>After the Dazzlings get to writing, their manager and rest of the team settle for a couple of musicians who have stepped into eachother's shoes: Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch.
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>By now, both of them have learned a very least the basics of electronically composing basic pop beats for the dumbed down masses and doing what they can with a physical instrument as a session musician - Vinyl being more seasoned in the former and Octavia being more seasoned in the latter.
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>A couple of weeks go by reviewing contracts, contacting publishers, meeting producers and managers, all that noise.
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>Then comes the studio time.
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>Each of the Dazzlings have already gotten a lot of lyrics written on their own merit and are ready to sing them
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>An insidious smile soon creeps across Adagio's face as soon as Octavia begins to express her disdain for autotune and is glad to work with someone else who appreciates the craft like she does.
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>Vinyl Scratch and Sonata Dusk are already playing around making "Through The Fire And Flames" esque note sequences using autotune of Sonata's voice as Aria chills on the couch in the back eating a cheeseburger until it's her turn to start singing the lyrics she spent the previous day or two writing.
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>When Aria start recording her lyrics, Vinyl and Sonata are busy having fun braiding their blue hair together for fun.
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>But the manager, mixer and mastering engineer are all listening in, having all been in the same spot during recording and production for the sake of saving time once it's time for everyone else to do their jobs.
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>They had no idea Aria had all of this bottled up inside of her.
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>Almost every line she wrote feels like a punch to the gut, strong wording, clever double meanings, intricate rhyme schemes and syllable placement, all coming from a place of bottled up angst.
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>It's the lyrical mastermind Adagio never gave a chance to shine, for the sake of talking big about the success of the Dazzlings as a part of her natural urge to make the haters mad.
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>Aria would usually just sit there grumpily and observe the world around her, and now she's been given a chance to shine regarding her pen and vocal presence in the booth.
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>Sonata meanwhile works with Vinyl to come up with all sorts of catchy melodies, easily finding note combinations and all that kind of stuff that works really well out of a sense to have fun with every little bit of this songwriting process.
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>Meanwhile meanwhile, Adagio and Octavia stick to the basics of what they know would make an impactful song that'll impress the hardcore music listeners out there.
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>Adagio delivering an almost condescending social commentary in her lyrics she sings beautifully with no autotune or anything but her raw talent.
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>Octavia makes the pop beat exactly as she's supposed to while providing physical instrumentation when appropriate.
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>Both of them cling to the book on music theory and such, expecting the songs they make to be the most popular on the album.
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>And so, the argument Vinyl and Octavia had prior to all of this is reflected in the new Dazzlings album that reaches number 1 on the Hot 100.
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>But the songs that get the most views, plays and praise are the ones that Vinyl, Sonata and Adagio made.
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>The previous album was them all writing the songs together back when they had their gems.
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>But now, it's emphasized that Aria is great at writing poignant lyrics due to pent up angst over the years.
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>And sonata is great at writing catchy melodies due to loving to just have fun with things.
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>It turns out that adagio is only good at sounding confident in her words because she had been in control getting the other girls to write the better lyrics for her.
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>Still the best singer in the group, Adagio has to take a long hard look at her ego after the crowd doesn't see her words as all that as the way she sung them.
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>And Octavia's horse in this race is now on the line as the manager calls both girls into his office to have a chat about the new chart numbers.
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>"I'm sure you've seen the new charting statistics by now." The manager peaks his fingers before his analytical gaze.
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>"I'm sure you'll let Octavia and I do our own album, then." Responds Adagio as Octavia sits quietly behind to let the other girl do the nitty-gritty of the negotiating.
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>"That wasn't the deal we had." The manager reminds her with the calmest tone he can muster. "What we agreed on was you and Octavia working on your own songs to not let your creative freedom be stifled on the album while all the others did everything necessary to make hits on their separate songs. So you wouldn't step on eachother's toes. And you certainly didn't hold them back in raking in record numbers. The same can't be said for the other way around."
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>"These songs we made were put on the wrong album." Adagio begins. "The cover art, the title track by Sonata, Aria and Vinyl, everything advertised the album as being a dance and electronic album. No one listening to it were expecting something more high brow and authentic, that's just not the type of people who were listening."
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>"Are you... saying you should have made your own album?" Asks the manager.
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>"Would have said it earlier had you entertained he idea."
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>"...Except of course I didn't entertain that idea because that's obviously a very poor business move. Your fans wanted to see *all* of you on the same project working together as always, what's what gets them interested. You argued for this before."
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>Adagio once again gets into a verbal tennis match with her manager, this time dancing around the fact that she didn't mention possibly releasing a separate album with only Octavia giving her input, having believed that the album the other three girls released wouldn't have done as well as her and Octavia's "more distinguished" songs with natural talent and her own appeal that seemed to work perfectly until now.
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>Turns out she miscalculated, and the people are more concerned about the same old hype and sound trend even if it means listening to autotune and AI.
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>But that's not enough to get Adagio to back down, as she can now flip these current results into aligning with her argument that the songs she and Octavia made would have been better on their own album that was advertised to have songs like that on it so people would listen to those.
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>But this label wants like 20 songs per album, and the dazzlings were always together, and so on and so forth... the list of reasons goes on.
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>"Look, the bottom line is this." Sighs the manager, having made his point a thousand times by now. "If you want to renew this contract with the rest of the group, then you're gonna have to get with the program and play by the rules properly. Because we cannot afford to lose too much money here. That's why we guide you in which tracks are to become singles and potentially hits, which-"
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>"Yes yes, I understand all that." Adagio waves her hand. "But I'm afraid everything's just mismatched now that we have to deal with your decision to integrate autotune into our works."
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>"Well look at everyone else's songs compared to yours."
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>"And look at the numbers before you implemented autotune. They were doing perfectly fine before. If anything, you could be currently looking at numbers lower than what they would have been had you let Octavia and I have a good reason to help with the other three's songs. Vinyl and octavia's fans probably make up a huge portion of the new listeners."
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>"We... don't have enough data for that part yet." The manager straightens out a few papers on his desk. "But that's beside the point. You're lagging behind, and that's a bad sign. It means you're going to have to make a few sacrifices if you're going to help us sell more records on your next album with us before you're cleared to renew."
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>Adagio grunts and squints at the fact that she's obligated by contract to do one more album as part of the deal she signed onto, and now she's going to be required to play along with the autotune rules if she doesn't so anything about this now.
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>"If you and Octavia want to make a separate EP instead of an album that'll prove you can play ball with the others, that could be arranged after some time, and the other three can help you with that. They'll teach you." Says the manager.
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>In response, Adagio lets her pupils contract with an eye twitch. "They'll WHAT?" She balls her hands into fists.
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>"Now hold on one minute, you can't honestly expect us to know less about music than Sonata, Aria and Vinyl!" Octavia can't help but join in.
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>"They know more about making hits, and the data proves this." the manager points to a chart on a piece of paper as Octavia stands up. "And selling records is what we are SUPPOSED to do here. I'm afraid there's no other choice at this point."
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>"I'll handle this." Adagio gestures for Octavia to sit back down. "Mr. Manager, it appears our business is through here." She has already made her decision in her head.
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>"Uh... you don't exactly get to just do that..." The manager barely holds back a chuckle at Adagio's rash decision. "You can't just do everything the way you want. You'll h-"
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>"Oh shut up, i know the contract's legally bound. But you know what? I don't fucking care." Adagio turns to Octavia. "Feel free to approach this next album however you want, that's your prerogative." Adagio then turns back to the manager, giving him a glare that questions whether or not he's in charge here. "As for you and me, my business here is through. In no world am I being *taught* by those other three imbeciles about what our songs should be or should have been."
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>"You're making a mistake right now, Adagio." The manager starts.
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>"You've been making a mistake by not listening to me. Fuck your contract, you'll be hearing from my lawyer."
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>She trots out of the room with her arrogant pride intact.
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>And that was where the partnership concluded, with a loss to be cut in the future.
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The End.
by Grey
by Grey
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by Grey
by Grey