[COMPLETE] La Pomme De La Tromperie: The First Bite

 

Part One:

>A great cacophony of noise erupts from your local rooster, signaling that another day has dawned on Sweet Apple Acres

>With a discipline practiced from a lifetime of being dragged out of bed by your family, you're out of bed before that bag of feathers can screech a second time

>Stumbling towards your dresser, using your hooves to guide your way around your bedroom as you struggle to break the layer of sleep dust keeping your eyes shut

>It's a herculean effort, but you crack your peepers open to regard yourself in the mirror

>Wow, aren't you just in desperate need of a combing?

>Smoothly, you slip the brush over your hoof and get to work taming your great golden head of hair, getting every strand in place so that it easily slips into the somewhat loose ponytail you favored ever since it started getting in the way

>Rubbing at your great, Mutsu green eyes to really get a good look at yourself

>Bright eyed? For sure.

>Bushy tailed? Not anymore.

>You take the hat hanging off your dresser

>A handsome brown Stetson, bearing some weathering but clearly loved, with a great bite taken out of the front brim

>Doffing it, you couldn't help but feel like something was still missing from this whole getup

>Your hoof drew along your square jawline, tugging idly at the small strips of golden scruff on your chin that even after a few months refused to actually develop into anything

>Honestly, be an ugly Sunburst chin tail or a majestic Starswirl neck warmer for all you care, you were just looking for some progress here

>Suddenly, it dawned on you

>Opening the dresser you withdrew a vibrant red scarf, tying it around your neck

>The brass star attached to it gleamed in the early morning light

>A facsimile of your cutiemark, the traditional circles at the end of the star's pointed are replaced with apples

>You admired Mayor Mare's attention to detail sometimes

>Though rather than the question mark in the middle of your mark, this star's was emblazoned with the phrase 'SHERIFF'

>Fully dressed for the day, you eyed yourself in the mirror again

>Giving yourself an approving nod

>That's much better

>(You) are Abbondanza Apple

>(Though you preferred 'Anon' to save time)

>Middle child of the Ponyville Apple Family branch (Caught between the truly massive Big Mac and precocious little Apple Bloom)

>Head honcho of Sweet Apple Acres (at least when Granny Smith isn't within earshot to hear you say so)

>Ponyville's Town Sheriff (and by default the entirety of the little village's police force)

>And...

>If there was a pony on the face of this beautiful world that was more full of shit than you, you hadn't met them

>...

>...

>So, with that kind of intro, that probably invites some questions

>Well you certainly have plenty of time to drop some exposition

>There's still a chunk of the Western Orchard that needs to be tended to before the rest of the clan arrives for the family reunion this afternoon

>If the harvest isn't finished before then your dear Granny Smith will die of shame in front of the whole family

>Then immediately resurrect just so she can whoop your ass

>So:

>Yes, you are a human in remission

>Yes, you are a member of the Apple Family

>No, you have no idea where the Hell Applejack is

>No, you don't know why you're a stallion and not in her body proper

>As far as you can tell? You're what this world got instead

>Your memories of your past life are incredibly hazy by this point, with your brain having to make room for newer, more relevant-to-the-now ones

>When you try to imagine your former self, it's like looking in the mirror after a long, hot shower

>You can see the edges but there's a huge steam stain in the center, fogging the majority of the picture up

>In the least, you've been able to cling on to your final moments

>Stumbling back home after a double shift at the Fireworks, Candy, and Puppy Dog store

>(It's a lot less pleasant than it sounds, the dogs hate the sound of fireworks and they're always trying to eat the candy, which is of course bad for them)

>You were too tired to notice your trajectory, completely stomping your foot into a homeless man's begging hat, scattering the contents everywhere

>You distinctly recall apologizing and offering to help pick it up, though at this point you're not sure whether or not you fabricated that part just to make yourself look better

>But the vagrant was simply not having that shit and responded like you would expect most transients living on the street to:

>Punching you in the chest so hard it expelled your soul from your body, forcing you into a nightmarish limbo of misery and darkness for what was either five minutes and ten thousand years

>(What kind of wizard has that kind of power but can't conjure themselves up a house?)

>Either way, when you finally came out of that awful vortex, you were looking in the mirror just as you had been this morning

>Getting an eyeful of a little orange colt no older than eight who had paused mid-brushing his teeth to remember that, wait, he was supposed to be a human man in his early twenties

>You aren't sure why it took so long for your consciousness to reassert itself

>When you look back you have memories of your equine childhood

>So it's not like you just spawned in at eight years old

>Maybe a developing baby brain couldn't comprehend the complexity of an adult mind?

>You're not a neurologist, and you didn't win the genetic lottery of being born as the tribe in Equestria that has levels in wizardry by default, so you're just going to have to leave that one alone

>You've had to leave a fair bit alone over the past decade, really

>The Apple Family is up to its' withers in chores and you're no exception to that

>Your days are split pretty evenly between tending to the farm and tending to the whims of the local government

>Despite it featuring prominently on your flank as your Cutie Mark, the Sheriff's position you'd landed was one of convenience:

>While it was plenty apparent the Mayor Mare didn't really know what a Sheriff was supposed to do, leaving you tending to the functions that she didn't want to do herself

>It did leave you with enough free time to keep an eye on the situations developing in town, and try your best to research magic for the solution to the myriad of problems posed by your presence

>With the Golden Oaks Library currently unstaffed, the town was running on an honor system for taking and returning books

>Which meant, owing to the fact that the most magically talented unicorn in the town was a fashion-obsessed seamstress, you didn't hear anypony inquiring about where all the advanced magical theory books had vanished off to when you kept them for your perusal

>You'd developed quite a stack in your bedroom back home, along with a chalkboard that would probably have you committed if anypony got a good look at it

>Theories regarding where Applejack's soul was (Swapped with yours in that limbo? Shunted off to the side, forced to be a passenger as you lived her life? Worse, sent back to Earth to inhabit your body?)

>Spools of equations as you tried and largely failed to calculate a spell that could punch through reality to send you back where you belonged

>(You weren't that great at math to begin with, and that was before you added conjuration to the mix)

>The combined work of references and insights that piled in on each other like so many social clique's in-jokes to the point that even with it written in plain Equuish you didn't think anyone could make heads or tails of it

>You weren't confident in your abilities, but... if you could convince a Unicorn that you weren't a lunatic, maybe your scribbles could serve to point them in the general direction of an idea to help you

>For now, though? None of that matters

>You know what's important?

>Apples, motherfucker

>In the time you've spent expositing to nobody you've also managed to finish up your section of the Western Orchard

>Judging by the lack of a rhythmic 'THOCK' in the distance and the scrabbling of buckets, you're pretty confident that Big Mac and Apple Bloom are done tending to their bit, as well

>You hitch yourself to your wagon and ferry your payload back to the barn, and sure enough, your siblings are already putting their buckets away for the day

>Well, Big Mac is anyway, the buckets are a bit too big for Apple Bloom to push around herself yet, so she's mostly just babbling and being precious

>When your big brother spots you he angles the stalk of wheat in his mouth so that he can properly smirk at you

>"Beat ya to the barn again, lil' brother."

>You just roll your eyes good-naturedly and gesture to Apple Bloom

"'Course y'did, ya had help. We'll see how it goes tomorrow."

>Ever since you joined Mac in the fields it was always a bit of a competition

>Friendly, of course, but when you were a little colt you took it a bit too seriously

>Coming home as red faced as your brother when he kept showing you up

>It's been a bit more even since your growth spurt

>... Mostly

>Apple Bloom picks up on you pointing her out and flashes you the brightest grin in the world, puffing her chest out

>"Eyup! Don't you worry, Anon! We'll get'im!"

>Normally Apple Bloom would be at school hours ago, but you needed all the pony power you could dredge up to finish up the harvest in time

>You reach down to ruffle up your little sister's hair some, causing her to yowl irritably

>"Anon! Don't get dirt in mah hair! Ah washed it for the reunion and everything!"

"You're gonna have to take another shower anyway, silly pony. We all stink. You excited for today?"

>Apple Bloom immediately launches into an impassioned speech about how thrilled she is to see her cousins and nephews and aunts and uncles and and and

>Big Mac gives you a mock serious 'what have you done' look, which you respond to with a grin as the three of you head on back to the house to wash up and get things ready for the herd of Apples you'll be hosting today

>...

>...

>By midafternoon, Sweet Apple Acres is packed to the brim with apples

>No, capitalize that shit, that's family. Apples.

>Much better

>When you go to check up on how dinner is coming, you find a kitchen full to the brim with ponies all chatting away as they cook, progress looks good

>Jonagold and Apple Munchies in particular are loudly gossiping about the love lives of their farmhooves at their particular orchards, while everypony else tries their best to not look like they're listening in

>They absolutely are, and if you weren't busy doing the rounds, you probably would, too

>Golden Delicious is really leading both of those mares on? That dog!

>You find the willpower to pull away and find the horde of foals all having fun, enjoying the obstacle course you and Big Mac put together as well as the racing strip for the Seven-Legged Race, and just plain playing at nonsense like kids are wont to do

>They should be good and tuckered out for supper time, hopefully

>On the other end of the age spectrum you scope out the elderly contingency of the Apple family

>The love of some good gossip is apparent even in their twilight years, as you briefly listen to Granny Smith and her peers engage in some of their own

>Auntie Applesauce is really leading both of those stallions on? That dog!

>Also, gross!

>You shake your head thoroughly to knock that mental image loose, heading your way back to the main entrance of the farm

>Everything seems to be going swimmingly, and yet once again you still feel like you're forgetting something...

>That's when movement in the corner of your eye gets you looking down the road leading into town

>A purple unicorn mare and a tiny dragon are currently striding down the dirt road towards the Acres

>Ah yes, you remember what you were forgetting, now:

>The plot

 

Part Two:

>Your coat is a striking violet, your mighty brain is full of anxiety, and you just want to get this list done so you can finally get down to the ACTUAL work on your plate

>Why yes, (You) are Twilight Sparkle, thank you for noticing

>When you first brought the Mare in the Moon Prophecy to your mentor's attention, you assumed by this time of the day you would be side by side with her in her study, enjoying a strategy session as you both puzzle out how to prevent the return of Nightmare Moon, and, failing that, a way to defeat her

>Instead you're...

"What does the list say again, Spike?"

>"We're going in order, so the first stop is to check the banquet! They're preparing it here at 'Sweet Apple Acres'!"

>Right

>Making sure the catering is coming along nicely

>You can't help yourself, head coming to hang as you trot forward

>The Summer Sun Celebration is important, certainly

>Seeing the Princess personally raise the Sun was the impetus for you to study hard in the hopes of gaining entry to her school, after all

>But in the face of what's supposed to happen in literally less than 24 hours...

>Why the buck couldn't Raven Inkwell be doing this?

>So caught up in your grumbling you completely fail to register Spike's warning

>Or more pertinently, the weirdly fuzzy wall you walk straight into

>You stumble and fall against it, groaning irritably as your forelegs give out

"Who put a wall... here?"

>You stare down at the beige hooves near your face

>Then look up

>And up

>And up again

>"Well howdy down there, ma'am. Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres. Let me help you up."

>Given you've spent your entire life in Canterlot, you're far more used to the slight stature of the city's stallion population

>'Dainty' would be the polite word for it, the unicorn nobility prided themselves on having butlers for their butlers to ensure they used their hooves for walking and nothing else

>And even then you're pretty sure they wouldn't do that much if they could get away with it

>This stallion, though

>Is he allowed?

>Your big brother is one of the burliest Unicorns you know, but you're pretty sure this guy could eat him and still be hungry

>And...

>He's staring at you

>Wait, did he say something?

>Oh, crumbs

"Ahehe... sorry, I was just so preoccupied speaking to my assistant here that I wasn't looking where I was going!"

>You accept the offered hoof to get you back on all fours and very pointedly ignore Spike's incredulous stare

>Not the best first impression but just pretend that never happened and get to business, Twilight

>Work mode, activate

"My name is Twilight Sparkle - I've officially been sent by Princess Celestia to check in on the town's preparedness for tonight's Summer Sun Celebration. As I understand it your farm was selected to prepare a banquet for the event?"

>The orange stallion gives you a polite nod, giving your hoof a professional shake (that absolutely does not make your entire body quake, stop laughing Spike)

>"Pleasure to make your acquaintance Miss Sparkle, the name's Abbondanza Apple - ah hope you don't mind if ah insist you call me 'Anon' to save us the time. You understand correctly by the by, Sweet Apple Acres was given the honor of catering for this here event, and we've been hard at work getting ready for tonight. In fact..."

>Anon breaks your gaze to glance towards a farmhouse

>Another Earth Pony, a mare, is peeking her head out the window and waving to get his attention

>They share a series of baffling gestures before some sort of accord is reached and Anon turns back to you

>"You've got perfect timing, Miss Sparkle. My family's just finished preparing supper, which will feature a lot've what we'll be offering in town tonight. You can have yourself a little taste test to make sure it's up to snuff."

"That's very generous, Anon, but we do have a full day ahead of us, and several other points on this list that need checking-"

>Anon simply shakes his head, reaching out to rest a hoof on your wither

>"Ah understand the importance of seeing a list done, Miss Sparkle - ah got my own checklist ah gotta run down every day on the farm, after all. But, rest my mama's bones, she'd erupt out of this here ground as a very angry ghost if ah didn't insist on offering a kindly stranger a seat at my table."

>At that, Anon tips you a theatrical wink

>"'Sides, Ah don't know what kind of markets you got up on that hifalutin mountain city of yours, but you ain't really had an apple until you had one fresh off the tree here at the Acres. Indulge me?"

>Beside you both, you hear Spike distinctly sniff loudly and stomp his little feet

>"Oh man, are those apple fritters I smell? I don't suppose they have any emeralds in them, do they? Emeralds go perfectly with apples!"

>Anon glances down at Spike and gives him a friendly grin

>"'Fraid that's a negatory on the emeralds, little guy, but ah do know those fritters just got pulled out of the oven barely five minutes ago. Ya ain't gonna find that level of freshness in any Canterlot bakery. Sounds good, right?"

>Spike immediately stares up at you

>His studies in pony pleading techniques have clearly been very productive, as you swear his pupils triple in size and his frills sag in just the most pathetic way

>And...

>Your stomach rumbles in a very blatant manner

>Admittedly, you and Spike did have to skip lunch in the haste of chartering a flight and taking it down to Ponyville

"Oh, fine. But only a little taste testing!"

>Anon chuckles as he walks on over to a hanging triangle, an instrument for playing it attached by a string

>"Excellent! I can introduce ya to the family while we're at it. SOUP'S ON, EVERYPONY!"

>With that, he takes the instrument in hoof and enthusiastically rings the triangle

>Almost immediately you feel it

>The rumbling

>If you didn't see the horde of ponies of all shapes and colorations approaching you, you'd swear the local weather patrol must've gone mad and suddenly initiated an earthquake

>You and Spike are swallowed up by the tide of Apples, lifted above the throng as they all make their way to the mass array of open air tables set up in a field, as there'd surely be no way to fit this many ponies in a single farmhouse

>As your violet eyes perceive the huge mass of treats and confections ladled on every plate

>Apple dishes all, the variety of which is at a level you never would've even perceived possible

>You find yourself and Spike ceremoniously seated at the right of Abbondanza, who flashes you a friendly smile and immediately starts on a spiel introducing every family member as they stack their offerings on your plate

>You try to keep track but eventually your plate is stacked so high that even if you stood up on your hind legs you're pretty sure it'd still be taller than you

>You look up at the mountain of pies, cookies, and crumbs with an expression of raw fear, while Spike sees the challenge and is already underway trying to make a dent in his own mountain

>You get the distinct feeling that this is going to be a long dinner...

 

Part Three:

>The trek back to Ponyville is a bit of a slow one

>You have to stop several times to wait for your traveling companion's stomach to settle enough for her to walk again

>Twilight Sparkle hangs her head, groaning in gluttonous agony

>"I ate too much pie..."

>Seeing the future Ruler of Equestria in such a state causes you to break, tossing your head back and letting out a bark of a laugh

"I'll bet! Ah'm not sure how Red Delicious roped you into that eating contest, but ah do admire yer perseverance in the face of defeat, Miss Sparkle."

>(You)'re back in the saddle again as Anon

>Over the course of supper you 'discovered' that Twilight had already met the local Party Pony, though she seemed to be in too much of a hurry to greet her and Spike properly

>You had expressed surprise at that - 'Why, Pinkie usually never skips a chance to play a One Pony Welcome Committee to new folks. I'll simply have to fill in for her.'

>Twilight had initially turned down the offer, but you did point out being a local meant you knew where most everypony could be found on her list, which would make for a much more efficient rundown of it than just wandering around town asking for directions

>The idea of being done with her task even faster certainly got her attention, leading yourself, Twilight, and Spike (currently riding on your back, to his delight: 'I've never been this high up before without a ladder!') to slowly trudging down the path back into town

>Being a lifetime member of the Apple Clan, you're used to giant meals like that, so your trot maintains its' normal speed and your stomach doesn't resemble an Ethiopian child's unlike Twilight's

>You'll burn all that sugar and energy just fine after everypony goes home and it's back to work

>... Or, more accurately, when you're sprinting through a murderforest dodging spooky trees and displaying key character traits later tonight

>The Elements...

>You had initially discarded them in your initial list of options for dealing with your situation, given the impossibility of actually using them by yourself

>Kind of a package deal, unless you're Princess Celestia and have the magical aptitude to brute force them against their own wielder

>But, they could certainly be the key, couldn't they?

>When you consider their applications throughout the series, they're clearly designed to purify things and bring balance to the land

>You could argue that they only petrified Discord and Nightmare Moon because the means to turn them back to good wouldn't exist for a millennium

>Luna needed some time to stew, and Fluttershy needed to be born so that Discord would (debatably) learn that turning ponies inside out and making them live like that was amusing for him, and nightmarish to everyone else

>So, maybe they can do something for you? Swap you out for Applejack proper?

>Ideally this isn't a fix that turns out to require being turned to stone

>But those things really like doing that

>There's also the possibility that you won't even align with the Element of Honesty

>You are living a lie, aren't you?

>This isn't your life, it doesn't belong to you

>You may not have mean to, but you stole-

>Hey put a pin in that self-recrimination chief, the plot's happening

>With a mighty 'CRASH' and the distinct sound of someone finally failing to maintain a lunch that almost entirely consisted of apple pie

>You're drawn back into the present, watching with some shock as Rainbow Dash scrabbles in the mud puddle she rammed Twilight Sparkle into

>"It's everywhere! How can one pony be so full of pie?!"

>Oh yeah, Rainbow hates those

>This must be so awful for her

>That poor Pegasus

>You express your empathy in the only way you know how:

>Almost falling over in a full on belly laugh, which Spike joins in on

>Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash both glower at you, before Rainbow Dash goes through her whole spiel drenching Twilight and ruining her mane

>Though this time around she impresses you with her speed - able to both bounce on the cloud and lunge through it to clean herself off of mud and... pie

>Twilight stares at Rainbow with a baleful glare, having been able to put two and two together and realize that this rainbow-maned mare is probably the one she's looking for on her list

>The pair engage in some charming back and forth

>Twilight challenges Rainbow's ambitions, and, knowing Rainbow, she can't leave that standing

>The overcast sky above shines nice and bright as the clouds are dismantled in ten seconds flat, leaving Twilight and Spike stunned at her speed

>You indulge the Pegasus and give her a brief stomping ovation

"Fine work, Dash. Always been a pro at leaving things for the last second. You two oughta see her on tax day."

>Rainbow Dash finally seems to register your presence amongst this band of newcomers, puffing her cheeks out irritably

>"I only forgot a FEW years in a row, jeez. What's got you off the farm, Anon? Didn't you say you had a reunion today when I asked if you wanted to hang out?"

>You gesture over to your charges

>Spike's slid off your back at some point to try and convince Twilight her shiny new afro isn't that bad, really

>She doesn't look especially convinced

"Duty calls. Mayor Mare might not have personally requested it, but ah'm sure if she was aware Princess Celestia's appointed overseer was in town, she'd have me doing this anyway. You'll just have t'wait for that hoof-wrassling rematch, ah'm afraid."

>Your relationship with Dash probably isn't that too different than Applejack's, you're pretty sure

>She saw the biggest, toughest Earth Pony in town and immediately decided to make them her rival

>... And then when Big Mac ignored her cajoling, she settled for the next best thing: (You)

>Your time was pretty tied up between your chores and duties, but you still tried to set some aside for the Pegasus

>Hoof-wrassling, horse shoes, the occasional push-up contest

>You kept it fairly casual, to Rainbow's frustration

>She was pretty convinced you weren't taking her seriously

>But shit, that mare damn near broke your foreleg last time you wrassled

>Between her fourteen hour naps, six hours of stuntwork, and ten minutes of work a day you're not sure where she's putting in the time for that kind of strength training

>"Ugh, fine. You better not keep me ducking me though just because you're scared I'm gonna totally win our rematch! Have fun playing escort!"

>With that, and a sound not unlike a mach jet, Rainbow's off into the cleared up sky to return to trying to refine her Buccaneer Blaze

>You turn your attention to Twilight

>Still rocking the 'fro despite her efforts to magic her manestyle back into order

"Well! If ah looked at that list right, next up is the decorations, which is good, 'cause the mare in charge is just what you need right now."

>Twilight looks a bit apprehensive about walking through town looking as she does

>But she relents when she realizes there's nothing to it

>"Lets just get this over with."

>...

>...

>The trek to the Town Hall is, mercifully without further incident

>A few ponies stare at Twilight, so you slow down your pace to walk beside the mare and at least shield her from one side

>"It doesn't look that bad, really!"

>You just shake your head

"Y'got a lot of learnin' to do about mares, Spike. If they think their looks ain't at their best, tryin' to convince them otherwise is like tryin' to move the sun yourself: it just ain't happenin'."

>Casually ignoring the offended scoff from Twilight, you head on into the Hall

>You're immediately assaulted with a riot of color

>Green and magenta and several shades of blue

>It's... a lot

>Even a bumpkin like you can recognize the palette is supposed to mirror Princess Celestia's astral mane

>Eyeing the dozens of streamers and tapestries you recognize that Rarity seems to have been more focused on her color vision rather than theming:

>Half the banners feature absolutely random objects like apple trees, flowers, some sort of yellow diamond, and the like

>Ah well, no one's probably going to say anything

>Too busy screaming and panicking about the unexpected guest of honor

>When you stop admiring the decor you notice that Twilight's already engaged Rarity in conversation

>Or at least trying to

>The mare got about as far as introducing herself before Rarity completely steamrolled over her at the sight of her disheveled state

>It was kind of fascinating watching this sort of thing from the outside

>You suppress a shudder as you recall your own forced makeover by the fashionista

>Seven different costume changes and by the end of it she had your ass trussed up like fucking Woody from Toy Story

>It was only your pointing out that Muriel and the rest of her herd back on the farm probably wouldn't appreciate you strutting around in cow print that freed you from that mess

>Though, as you idly hoof at the scarf around your neck, you will admit it wasn't a total waste

>"Oh, and do join us, Abbondanza! I could certainly do with a stallion's eye!"

>You repress a snort, joining the mares and Spike as Twilight is marched from the Town Hall to the Carousel Boutique

>Rarity's giddiness at the upcoming montage forestalls much conversation, babbling to Twilight about sequins and patterns and the like without leeway

>Obviously, unlike in the show, every outfit isn't presented in jump cuts

>There's a lot of on-the-fly measuring, yelping when straps are strapped too tight, and most importantly, significant amounts of time lost when Rarity eventually decides "too green" or "too poofy" and starts all over again

>Lets ruminate for a bit

>What are the consequences of you not getting the Element of Honesty, here?

>Obviously first and foremost is the fact that the Elements in general won't work

>They did stress how important it was that Twilight get Magic back from Sunset during that special

>You can assume that's a 'we need all six keys to open the nuclear bomb button case' situation

>That just makes you wonder if there's anything resembling a Plan B up Celestia's sleeve

>Where even was she during the whole situation? You don't recall an actual explanation for that

>Some folks suggest she got shoved in the Sun for a few hours, some think she straight up hid just in case

>You'll have to prepare just in case it's the former rather than the latter

>You aren't sure how, but-

>"Abbondanza, darling! I do hope you were paying attention!"

>You jolt as Rumination Hours are closed

>Glancing over at Rarity and Twilight, as expected, Rarity landed on the saddle with the inexplicably floating tassels

>"What do you think, my dear? Isn't she just radiant?"

>Really looking at Twilight...

>Well, she is a pretty mare, sure

>But she was already that before getting trussed up by Rarity

"Fine work as always, Miss Belle. Personally ah preferred the 'too yellow' one, ah didn't see what the problem was there."

>Rarity just huffs and shakes her head, muttering something disparaging about stallions and poor taste

>You're just going to let that one slide as Rarity gets back to gossiping with Twilight

>As expected, when Twilight mentions her hometown, Rarity absolutely spergs out with envy

>Before coming down when she realizes how poorly emeralds go with Twilight's violet coat

>When her back is turned she all but gallops for the door, leaving you to pick up Spike with your teeth and settle the young drake on your back before cantering after her

>You catch up with her quickly enough, she hardly got a few yards before her pace broke into a trot, gasping for air

>Poor girl's spent her developing years shoving her face in books and sitting at desks, she doesn't have the stamina she's going to need in the future just yet

"Always good to see Miss Belle."

>Twilight gives you an unimpressed look

>"Is she usually so..."

"Oh, fer sure. Mare's got a vision for everypony and she wants to make it a reality. Pretty sure the whole town's been subject to a makeover at least once. Miss Belle means well, and she does have an eye for it. Just forgets that folks ain't dolls sometimes."

>Twilight hums thoughfully, looking over herself

>"It doesn't look bad, I will admit. It definitely would benefit from a ruby over an emerald... but we've wasted enough daylight as it is. Spike! What's next on the list?"

>Spike jolts on your back

>Little guy's been murmuring about how beautiful Rarity is this whole time

>You've kind of been trying to deliberately ignore it once it started getting weird

>"Huh? Oh! Right... um, 'Music'! Princess Celestia acquired the services of a bird choir ran by somepony named 'Fluttershy'."

>Your ears pin back on their own accord, mouth drawing into a line

>Somehow you completely forgot that this whole trek would involve the hermit Pegasus

"... Right. Well, get comfortable back there little guy, this one's a bit of a trek. Fluttershy's cottage is just a hoof or so outside the city limits."

>Inwardly you're thankful for the time it's going to take

>You're not looking forward to this leg of the journey

 

Part Four:

>Despite your trepidation, you do lead Twilight and Spike to their final task to oversee

>You spend the journey making small talk, swapping some gossip about farmhooves (Golden Delicious is really doing that? Also, who is Golden Delicious?)

>Interesting little facts found in books (Did you know the stars mysteriously shuffled one-thousand years ago? No one knows why!)

>And the best gems they'd eaten recently (Rubies are always a go-to, but I've really been getting into topaz lately!)

>No guesses as to who's providing what to the conversation

>Before long, you hear it far before you see it

>A powerful chorus of chirps, chirruping, and warbling

>Running along a tune you almost swear is familiar, but it's just not quite registering in your brain

>If you had to guess it sounded like at least fifteen birds all working in unison

>... and then one who was out of sync, and noticeably so

>Sound familiar?

>Hey brain? Shut the fuck up

>Just outside her cottage, Fluttershy's amassed quite the array of feathered volunteers for her choir

>Seeing the butter coated Pegasus hard at work, you stop a few feet away, near some nice, obscuring shrubbery

"Best tend to this one yourself, Miss Sparkle. Miss Shy... well, 'shy's literally in her name. She may well be overwhelmed by a group approaching her."

>Accepting that explanation, and having all the social grace of a bull in a China shop, Twilight bursts through the bushes with a hearty 'Hello!'

>Rather than watch this awkward trainwreck, you glance over at the dragon sitting on your back

"So, while we wait, how about you tell me about yourself, fella?"

>Spike startles at that, but seems delighted to have a chance to speak about himself

>"What do you want to know?"

>You tap idly at her chin with your hoof

"Well, if it ain't too personal, what's the deal you got goin' with Miss Sparkle, here? She your employer or somethin'? You seem awful young to be workin'. Can't be older than Apple Bloom, I'd bet."

>Spike shrugs at that

>"Well, she hatched me from an egg, and her family pretty much adopted me as one of their own. Ever since I could read and write and not spit up fire I've been by Twilight's side. I don't know if I'd say I'm working as much as... hanging out with my big sister, y'know? She just happens to only ever wanna study."

>You offer Spike of conciliatory nod

"One-track minded siblings... yeah, ah can relate. Ah swear sometimes it's like pullin' teeth tryin' to convince Big Mac to leave the farm and do somethin' for himself. Ah admire his dedication but ah want him to have time to enjoy himself. Ponies need hobbies or they'll go stir crazy."

>Or they'll start crossdressing and accepting bets to wear girdles in public

>Big Mac really is a bit of an odd duck when you think about it

>"Totally! I try to get Twilight to set the books down and have fun, but she just isn't having it. We were supposed to go to a friend's birthday party today, but she's so obsessed with her latest findings. I hope Moondancer is okay..."

>Right, Moondancer

>You know, it couldn't hurt to make some inroads there with her

"Sounds like she's a good friend, if she invited you to her birthday party and all. You two did let her know about Twilight's appointment, right?"

>Spike lets out a gasp, expression turning upset at the realization

>"Oh, no! We got so swept up in everything that I didn't even think about it! Moondancer must be devastated!"

"Well, Spike, y'should probably make a note to let her know - an apology isn't quite as precious as yer presence, but it's better than nothing."

>Spike nods in agreement, before jolting on your back

>"A note... that's a great idea, Anon!"

>The little drake produces a quill and paper (you're not even going to ask from whence) before scribbling away on it urgently

>After reading it over the dragon rolls it up and sets it alight with his Mail Delivering Flame

>You feel compelled to question it anyway

"Y'know Spike, ah'm pretty sure letters ought t'go into the mailbox rather than... being set alight. Unless that's gonna magically remind ya later?"

>"Oh, no. My fire delivers scrolls and letters to ponies I think about while doing it! Princess Celestia enchanted it herself - it's what lets her and Twilight keep in touch no matter the distance, and what makes me Twilight's number one assistant!"

>"Oh, Spike. It's not just that that makes you my number one, don't be silly."

>Twilight rejoins you, looking quite pleased with herself

>"That last one was easy! Now we can finally-"

>"A BABY DRAGON!"

>Twilight's rare praise of her young drake is paused by her being violently shoved aside by Fluttershy, her aqua eyes wide with excitement

>Her zeroing in on Spike doesn't stop her from noticing you, however

>You're quite impressed by her ability to shift from thrilled to mouselike in the span of a few seconds

>"O... oh, Abbondanza. What're you doing here?"

>You clear your throat, summoning all of your willpower to make sure you don't break eye contact with the Pegasus

"Well, Miss Shy, the Overseer of the Summer Sun Celebration is on patrol, and ah'm assisting her in completing her inspection. Ah believe you've already met Miss Sparkle, she's currently gainin' her bearings after you tossed her like a load of laundry."

>Fluttershy risks glancing over at Twilight, looking abashed briefly before staring at you again

>Her nerve crumbles quickly enough

>"R-right. Well. Um. I think I left my oven on, so I'm just. Going to go. Goodbye."

>And with that awkward, stilted mumbling, Fluttershy bolts, retreating into her cottage with a surprisingly loud slam of her front door

>Twilight trots up, dusting herself off and glancing warily at the picturesque cottage

>"I think that managed to be even more awkward than my conversation with her. What was that about?"

>Even someone as socially reclusive as Twilight Sparkle can't resist a bit of gossip, huh?

>It wouldn't hurt to indulge her, especially if she's sticking around

>You start making your way in the direction of town proper, gesturing for Twilight to follow you

"Miss Shy and ah are currently suffering a disagreement with some measures ah employed while undertaking my duties as Sheriff. Are you familiar with Timberwolves, Miss Sparkle?"

>"I believe the Princess covered them during a unit on some of the more interesting and dangerous flora in Equestria last year. Or... was it fauna?"

"Either would be appropriate, they're technically both. Either way, the Everfree Forest is lousy with'em. We discovered evidence that a pack was makin' an effort to develop a den closer to the treeline bordering the town. Makin' inroads to having a place to attack from. When it was brought t'my attention ah responded as ah saw fit; ah gathered a posse to initiate a controlled burn in the Forest t'scare'em off. Fire's about the only thing Timberwolves respect, and more importantly, fear."

>Pfft, a posse

>That makes it sound way too official, it mostly amounted to you, Caramel, and Big Mac

>Nopony else was willing to brave the Everfree with you

>Meanwhile, Twilight nods in agreement

>"That sounds about right from what I remember of the topic. Did Fluttershy not agree with your actions, then?"

"That's an understatement. Ah ain't ever seen that mare so riled up. S'far as she's concerned we shoulda just let them settle in, maybe offer'em a foal or two as a housewarmin' gift to munch on."

>Twilight and Spike both look especially startled by your dark response

"Pardon me. Miss Shy's special talent is the ability to communicate with animals - she's quite the mediator with fuzzy creatures, but..."

>You pause, glancing back at Spike

"Little feller, ah apologize, but where are your ears, exactly?"

>"Huh? Uh... behind my frills. Lots of people think those are my ears for some reason. Why do you ask?"

>You give Twilight a look, who picks up on your meaning

>With the telltale chime of magic, Spike's hearing is blocked, who protests with a 'hey!'

>You continue your rant

"Fluttershy understands animals, but ah would say she damn well doesn't understand nature. If all them critters didn't stay within earshot of her cottage, that bear that lives there with her woulda ate'em years ago. An' the Everfree is even less agreeable. Timberwolves, Cragodiles, Hydras... they ain't known for being especially patient listeners. All that an' more litter the Everfree, and if they threaten Ponyville, ah ain't gonna wait for a tragedy to happen before ah do somethin' about it."

>With that, you gesture that Twilight can release Spike from deafness

>The timing's just right, too, as your party trots up the the massive tree that houses the town's library

"Now, if ah understand the itinerary that was on yer list, Miss Sparkle, this is where we'll be partin' ways for now. This here's the Golden Oaks Library. Y'ain't gonna find a better source've knowledge this side've the Canterhorn mountains."

>"Well then! Thank you very much for the escort, Anon. You definitely saved us some time. Now I can finally get to the real work..."

>Twilight offers you a polite smile before trotting up to the front door of the library

>You respond with a humble tip of your Stetson and a wave for Spike, taking a few steps backwards

>Twilight turns the knob, opening the door and making to step inside

>Three, two, one...

>""""SURPRISE!""""

>The sheer power behind the crowd's cry is enough to throw Twilight back slightly out the door, landing on her back, all four hooves sticking straight up in the air

>Pinkie Pie pokes her head out the door, babbling a mile a minute at Twilight

>You aren't even going to try to understand a word of that, sorry reader

>The Pink Party Pony pauses her spiel long enough to regard you, grinning excitedly

>"Oh! You're here too Abby? That's great! C'mon, the party's just getting started now that the guest of honor is here!"

>With a quiet chuckle, you step over Twilight and head on inside the Library

>Might as well have a little fun before all Hell breaks loose

 

Part Five:

>The music is bumpin', the crowd is jumpin', and Twilight Sparkle just caught fire and ran upstairs in a huff

>Wait, that last one didn't rhyme

>Ah well

>That potential fire hazard in a wooden tree aside, this is one Hell of a party Pinkie's thrown together

>Her organizational skills have always been very impressive

>Getting everypony in town to attend on such short notice, setting up all these decorations presumably by herself, sourcing the spread of food and drinks

>If she didn't stubbornly call dibs on ice skating to break up Ponyville's lakes every year and instead ran the entire show you're sure Winter Wrap-Up would finish on time for once

>... Or be a massive disaster, it's absolutely a coin flip with Pinkamena Diane Pie at the helm for things that aren't parties

>It'd certainly be a spectacle, though

>Either way, not an issue now that Twilight's here

>So with that in mind (You), Abbondanza Apple, help yourself to a tabasco-coated cupcake

>It does have a bit of kick, but after that one summer where you and Big Mac dared each other to eat nothing but jalapenos for a week, you can handle the heat

>You also can't taste anything on the upper left side of your tongue, but that's probably unrelated

>As you're enjoying a mouthful of pastry, somepony takes that moment to strike

>The posh, Trans-Atlantic accent chiming in your right ear leaves very little room for guessing who it is

>"How lovely of you to join us this evening, darling! I can't remember the last time you actually attended one of Pinkie Pie's soirees."

>You're in no position to respond with your mouth full, but that's fine, because somepony else wanted to jump in on this

>"Yeah Abby! It's been soooooo long! What gives, huh?? I'm super happy you're here for once but you're missing some really great parties! We had Bee Bop's cute-ceanera last month and everypony's still talking about it! There was cake and pies and since we were celebrating a Pegasus I put together this really fun conveyer belt system for us to play MIDAIR PIN ON THE PONY! And it was so great and you missed it and like my last five parties and that made me SO SAD and I thought we weren't friends Abby but worse that just sounds so BORING! You gotta live a little, Abby!! All work and no Pinkie Parties makes Abby a dull colt!!!"

>Rarity leans around your side to stare concernedly at Pinkie Pie for a moment, who's gulping in some great lungfuls of air after all that

>When she's satisfied that the party host isn't hyperventilating, she jumps back in and makes eye contact with you

>"That's not quite how I would have put it, but I don't disagree with Pinkie's sentiment, darling. We're delighted to have you, but what's so special about this party, Abbondanza? You usually beg off that you're too busy with work, or exhausted from work, or... well, I'm sure you get the point. What brings you our way on this lovely night? Did you perhaps... enjoy the company of Ponyville's visiting official that much, that you could spare the time for once?"

>Rarity stares up at you with that coy glint in her eyes, resting a hoof daintily over her mouth in a very poor attempt to hide her teasing grin

>This mare...

>If she was stuck in a desert and had to choose between water and gossip you're pretty sure she'd shrivel up like a prune with a smile on her face

>It's a good thing you were already swallowing, otherwise you're pretty sure you would've choked on that cupcake

"Ahem. While it was a pleasant day cavorting 'round town with Miss Sparkle and her young charge, yer insinuations are far off the mark, Miss Belle. Ah simply happened to be in the neighborhood when this party started, and decided it would be rude to not make an appearance... especially since Miss Pie made eye contact with me and all."

>You turn your attention to Pinkie Pie, now

"And ah do apologize if my absence has caused you distress, Miss Pie. Ah don't mean anything personal about it. Apples don't buck themselves ah'm afraid, and this town certainly don't keep itself safe by a long shot. But, since ah'm here and a bit rusty at havin' fun, maybe you could show me the ropes?"

>Pinkie Pie's grin draws so wide - you're familiar with the phrase 'smiling from ear to ear' but nopony takes it as literal as this mare

>Before you or Rarity can get another word in the pink mare's taking you by the hoof, speeding along the library to get you reacquainted with the concept of fun

>The night passes by in a whirlwind of dancing, party games, and perhaps a few more tabasco cupcakes than is medically wise

>Even Fluttershy showing up incredibly late can't put a damper on events

>You and the butter-coated Pegasus make eye contact before she breaks off to shadow Rarity, who simply titters and trots off with her to undoubtedly talk her ear off about the faux pas

>That aside, it's nice to just take a few hours and really let loose

>Not just in preparation for what's to come, but a reprieve from the maelstrom of worries that have been clouding up your mind all day

>The Elements, Celestia's potential back-up plans, Applejack...

>You can just let it go, if only for a while

>If this really is your last night on Equuis you're happy you made time for Pinkie Pie at least one more time

>Time flies when you're having fun though

>You blink at 10PM...

>... And you open your eyes at 5AM

>Pinkie Pie around that hour announces that it's time for everpony to start heading off to the Town Hall for the Summer Sun Celebration

>And so, the massive crowd shuffles off, leaving the Library in a chaotic state (Pinkie swears she'll clean up once the Celebration is over, so that she can deal with both it and the Town Hall)

>Almost as quickly as the music stops playing you can feel a tightness in your barrel reassert itself

>This is it, Anon

>As you glance around the assembled ponies (noting that all five of the Elements are present, to your relief)

>You feel an odd sense of calm radiating alongside your anxiety

>Really, your part in this is pretty simple: convince Twilight to fall off of a cliff

>Everything else is pretty much out of your hooves

>Everpony else will display their good character, Twilight will give a speech

>And hopefully that'll be it for you

>Deep breaths, Anon

>You're barely listening as the time arrives and Mayor Mare begins her speech

>Slowly but surely making your way over to where Rainbow Dash is standing to get ready for your mark

>You barely sidle up in time just time for the fanfares to go off, and...

>Nothing

>There's no Princess to be seen, zounds!

>Pinkie's vamping and speculation about where Celestia could be lasts all the way until a great billow of midnight blue smoke overtakes the rise Princess Celestia was going to be presented on

>It ripples violently before bursting apart to reveal the Mare in the Moon herself, Nightmare Moon

>She's launching into her introductory speech, but you're a bit distracted

>Now, mares are damn fine to look at on a screen

>And up close in pony, they certainly don't disappoint

>But this Alicorn...

>The grace of her movements, the malevolent sheen of her coat that seems to absorb the light

>An alluring dark divinity...

>It's only the sudden blur of rainbow in the corner of your eye that snaps your attention back into place

>You lunge forward and barely manage to grab a mouthful of Rainbow's tail before the Pegasus can launch herself at Nightmare Moon like a raspy voiced rocket

>The mare's momentum is stopped and she looks back, puzzled

>When she sees you her face almost immediately burns with heat

>You quirk a brow back at her but then really look down at the situation

>Maybe it was different when Applejack was doing it, but you're not Applejack

>You're very much a stallion

>A stallion with a mouthful of a mare's tail and a muzzle in the vicinity of some very dangerous territory

>And socially retarded as she is, even Rainbow Dash understands the implications of that

>... You get a whiff of ozone and a scent you can't quite identify

>But you know it's one that's going to leave you up at night trying to place it

>The errant thought gets your own face heating up

>Rainbow, mercifully, lands on the floor, sitting directly on it

>You release her tail from her mouth

"We ain't gonna talk about that."

>"Talk about what?"

"Very good, Dash."

>While you two were busy with that bit of awkwardness, everpony else has been busy freaking the Hell out about the Dark Goddess that's asserted her place at the top of the pecking order and her personal opinions about the sun (re:fuck that thing)

>You barely catch a glimpse of Twilight galloping out of the Town Hall back to the library

>Rainbow Dash follows your line of sight and gets a look on her face

>"Where's she off to in such a hurry? Is she in on this?"

>... Is Rainbow just assuming that because Twilight's a darker furred pony?

>Is this pony racism?

>Part of you realizes that as Sheriff you probably should be trying to help calm down the townsponies and work with the visiting Royal Guards (currently in a heap by the door, the useless fucks) restore order

>But, the plot demands you be bad at your job for once

"Ah doubt it - she was the one overseeing the event, remember? But ah did see the purpose in her eyes, ah think she has a plan. Lets mosey."

>You absolutely didn't see any expression on her face, but it's enough of a bullshit excuse to get Rainbow Dash with you

>To your relief, Rarity sees you and Dash trotting out and follows

>Fluttershy reluctantly comes along solely because she's attached to the unicorn's hip

>And Pinkie Pie is under the assumption you're leading everypony else to an afterparty

>In the Golden Oaks you find Twilight mid-panic as she scours the shelves

>Despite your effort to get Rainbow Dash to not be a big racist, she still gets in the mare's face about being a spy

>Sorry, Sparkle

>From there Pinkie's serendipitous nature moves things along nicely

>Exposition is had and enjoyed by all, and before long your sextet stands at the path leading into...

>""""The Everfree Forest!""""

>Well synced, girls

>Twilight puts on a brave face as she attempts to send you all back into town, but you simply shake your head and start marching forward

"Now Twilight, ah admire your bravado, but that varmint Nightmare Moon has to be at least as strong as the good Princess if she's going to clamp down on night and keep it goin' forever. Way ah see it y'ain't in a position to be tryin' to take her on alone. We're stickin' with you like caramel on a candy apple."

>As Pinkie Pie babbles about how she'd have absolutely gone into the forest if she knew there were candy apples in there, you furrow your brow and take point at the head of the troop

>Leave your nerves at the barn, Anon, you got a meeting with destiny in these woods

 

Part Six:

>Stumbling in the dark, two thoughts are very prominent in your mind:

>First, you're impressed with the girls

>As the only one of the assembled group that's actually been in the Everfree

>(With the possible exception of Fluttershy, though it's not like you're at a point right now where you can ask her)

>They're all holding up pretty well, all things considered

>Not a word of complaint, or any frightened whimpering (beyond that coming from the aforementioned butter-coated Pegasus)

>Real troopers, this lot

>Second, you really took for granted how well lit the forest was in the show

>Conditions are about as good as they're going to get, what with the full moon out

>But between the dense natural canopy above and the malevolent magic teeming through the air

>Navigation is proving difficult

>But not impossible

>Rainbow has proven herself invaluable, capable of breaking through the canopy to scout ahead and keep you all in the right direction, due to her being able to see the ruins of the Castle out in the distance

>Three times she's already corrected your approach, as thick trees and unhappy denizens of the forest force you to maneuver in ways that inadvertently lead you getting further away from the your goal

>Beyond trying to stay out of danger's way though

>You're a bit stressed at the idea of missing your cue

>Applejack's character moment was the first of the bunch, so if nothing else you'll know you fucked up in a major way if you run into Steven Magnet or that manticore first

>And shit, what will you even do then?

>You'll have to prove your honesty in some other way

>Maybe an impromptu game of Truth or Dare where you admit an embarrassing truth?

>Oh, or you could mention how you stole their real friend's life and body

>... Perhaps not

>You won't have to worry about it if you just get this right, so keep those eyes peeled for any precarious cliffsides, Anon

>Soon enough you see a break in the treeline

>Is this it?

"I think I see a cliff past those trees. We should use the elevation to try and get a lay of the land, try and plot a course."

>The rest of the group responds positively and follows your lead

>Well bullshitted, stallion

>As you carefully step over roots you hear Twilight asking the question you wanted to earlier, regarding everyone's experience with the forest

>The rest of the girls confirm they've never been within the Everfree, and you leave it up to the others to exposit about the oddity of it

>As you survey the land below, you jolt in place

>You remember this conversation, this is it!

>"... What's that supposed to mean?"

>"NooOOoOoOoopony knows!"

>You get into position, watching Rainbow getting into her spooky spiel

>She rears up, getting ready to leap up and shout

>"Because everypony who's eEeEeEver come has never-"

>"Wait, if nopony's ever returned, how did you describe how the weather is unnatural and the animals don't behave? Those are clearly established facts somepony had to have brought back from exploring, aren't they?."

>Rainbow pauses her crescendo to stare at Twilight, unimpressed

>"Well, I mean, if you want to be an egghead about it, sure, I guess somepony returned. But that doesn't sound as scary."

>"Egghead?!"

>Twilight's inability to let a story go without poking holes in it has completely fucked up Rainbow's momentum and causing the two to quibble about her commentary instead

>To your left, Rarity speaks up, pointing out a river down below

>"That river seems to be heading in the direction we need to go, isn't it, Abbondanza? Perhaps we should follow it."

>And any excuse to keep standing around the cliffside is rapidly dwindling as the unicorn 'helpfully' points out a path to follow

>Shit!

>Fuck, even!

>You make a show of considering the suggestion, trying to stall for time

>But it feels like Nightmare Moon's meddling works entirely off of dramatic timing

>You don't even feel a little rumble

>Sighing, you give Rarity an encouraging grin and nod amicably

"Well spotted, Miss Belle. We'll have to carefully navigate our way down, but it shouldn't be too much of a detour. Girls! We'll check how egg-shaped Twilight's head is later, stop arguing."

>Rainbow snickers while Twilight makes a series of offended sputters, but they get their hooves moving

>As you re-enter the treeline, mind considering how fucked everything is, THEN you feel a distinct rumble

>The ground beneath you quakes and you hear the surprising deafening sound of dirt rolling downhill

>When you look back...

>The fucking cliffside is collapsed!

>What the fuck, Luna?!

>"Oh, check it out Abby! We can just climb down this way, that'll get us right next to that river way faster!"

"How... fortuitous."

>You try and keep the frustration out of your voice but you can feel your brow furrowing and your left eye twitching

>Fucking truth and dare it is, then

>...

>...

>Be a sentient malevolent cloud of stars

>Specifically, a portioned chunk of her most majestic Highnesses's Nightmare Moon's power

>Ever since that purple unicorn had been the only one that identified her, the Night Queen had split off a piece of her consciousness to observe the mare's actions while she dealt with the more pressing issue of locating the Elements of Harmony

>Well reasoned, as you would expect of your greater whole

>Not even an hour later and here that same unicorn was traipsing in the Everfree's boundaries

>Followed closely by what were surely some of the greatest warriors that little hamlet could muster

>(You make a mental note to bring up finding out what exactly Celestia did to these beautiful woods in your absence when you eventually get reabsorbed into the gestalt)

>Your power is limited, only being a small piece of Nightmare's strength

>You had been assigned observation, but...

>It couldn't hurt to try and deal with these nuisances

>The rainbow maned one has slipped above the canopy and very loudly announced their intention to reach the castle, where the greater whole of you is busy at work

>As the sextet nears a cliffside, you slowly seep into the rock and stone

>The rainbow one is building up to a crescendo

>You'll collapse this entire area right as she does!

>... Celestia always did say you had a flair for the dramatic

>She wasn't wrong about that, you hate to admit

>Just everything else

>Right as you get good and ready, though

>The Unicorn mare gives you a serious case of blue teats, interrupting your mark with inane questions

>Honestly, you're just as annoyed as the rainbow mare

>The moment's completely ruined

>You don't even want to do it anymore

>As you exit the cliffside however, the shifting of your magic disrupts the structural integrity of the dirt and causes it to collapse

>With nopony on it to even get a little injured

>... And now they're using the rockslide as a literal slide, shortcutting the path to their destination

>Excellent work, you made their journey even easier

>Your form ripples with self-loathing

>Like a bolt of lightning, you speed off deeper into the forest, racing ahead to try and find a new obstacle

>Less theatrics, more results

>In your haste your form sears right through... something

>It felt considerable, though with your mood as dark as it is you doubt you actually did anything good for it

>You hear something in the distance

>What is that, an effeminate river serpent?

>Not quite worthy of being a guardian against those ponies, but at least you can vent your frustration a little...

>...

>...

>Be Abbondanza Apple once again

>That was weird, you feel like you were disassociating for a bit there

>About 2500 characters worth of time

>Though that could be just you shutting down a bit from trying to think of how to organically bring up playing Truth or Dare while you're in the middle of hiking through a murderforest

>Not exactly the best of time to be playing party games

>Though, Pinkie Pie's in tow, she'd probably be into it

>You could perhaps bank on her enthusiasm to get the rest of your group to play along

>Just as you open your mouth to suggest it, a bone-chilling howl tears through the air

>All six of you bunch together, each scanning the surroundings to try and get eyes on every direction to stop yourselves from being ambushed

>"What was that?!"

>"An animal, right?"

>"Darlings, I think I see something!"

>Rarity points her hooves out, and you follow its' direction to stare into the brush

>An odd, silvery light emanates from the foliage

>Before long the cause of it stumbles out of the greenery before your sextet

>A lone Timberwolf

>An odd sight to be sure, they rarely run solo

>But the fact that this one is currently aflame, swathed in a peculiar argent flame?

>That's probably a factor in all this

>At once Fluttershy lets out a strangled gasp at the sight of the creature

>Rushing forward until you reach out to stop her from just trotting on up to the damn thing

"Are you out of your gourd, Miss Shy?! That thing ain't a bunny!"

>"Let me go, Anon! Can't you see that poor thing is suffering! We need water!"

>"I... don't think water is going to help in this situation, Fluttershy."

>Both of you turn to regard Twilight Sparkle, who only has eyes for the burning Timberwolf

>Her horn is alight as she performs some sort of spell

"Any insights, Miss Sparkle?"

>Twilight narrows her eyes

>"Well, I hope it isn't too eggheaded of me, but that clearly isn't a natural flame - what with it being silver, and all. So I thought I'd try a scanning charm to see if it was magical in nature."

>You're probably going to be paying for that remark later

>Getting an idea of what's going on here is more important, though

"Ah'm going to take a wild guess here and say your results were positive?"

>"Quite right, Anon. It's... not good. I can't identify the exact spell, but it's incredibly malicious. It's not merely a magical flame. It's parasitic. The fire doesn't just feed off the wooden flesh of the Timberwolf... it's also fueling directly from its' magic."

>Squinting at the creature, silhouetted as it is by the flame eating away at it, you can manage to see inside of it

>Entire sections of the torso have been turned to ash, but you quickly spot what you're looking for:

>A dense knot of roots, varying in thickness, engulfed in flame but seemingly unaffected... to the naked eye, anyway

>During your excursion into the woods to burn out the encroaching nest too close to town, you'd caught a few of the wolves unawares and lit them up

>You had dubbed that mass of vegetation as a 'heart root', owing to the way it pulsed with the magic responsible for regulating the Timberwolf's regeneration

>Breaking it tended to kill them immediately

>It sounds like a huge weakness, sure, but they're usually encased in thick carapaces of wood and defended with claws and teeth... and numbers

>Numbers this one very noticeably lacks

"Sounds miserable. Lets put this poor thing out of its' misery and carry on, then."

>"Excuse me?!"

>Fluttershy roars into view

>Standing in the way between you and the burning Timberwolf

>"How can you be so callous?! This poor thing needs our help and you just want to put it down?! We can spare a little time, surely!"

>When you get back to town you ought to get a commendation from the Mayor for your ability to resist facehoofing in the face of this

"Fluttershy, ah understand-"

>"No, you don't! You didn't listen to me when you first brought up that awful idea of burning out those Timberwolves, but you're going to listen now! This creature is actively burning! It doesn't need a callous, uncaring attitude! It needs help, and we're here in a position to give it!"

>Fluttershy splays her wings out in an effort to make herself look bigger

>You distinctly hear Rainbow mutter out a 'whoa' at the sight

>The rest of the girls, very helpfully, all start looking in any direction that isn't facing you or the yellow Pegasus

>Thanks, ladies

"...Miss Sparkle. D'ya think ya could conjure up a counterspell to dismiss these here flames?"

>Twilight jolts at being addressed, looking very much like she doesn't want to be involved in this conversation, but she dutifully considers

>"Um. Well, I'm sure if we took the time I could study it and try my best?"

>"There, see? Twilight can-"

>"It would probably take a few hours, though."

>Fluttershy visibly deflates for a moment, but she rallies

>"O-okay, it might take a... little bit... but! If we have the ability to help, what's a few hours, really?"

"Fluttershy."

>You trot closer to the mare, who tries her damndest to puff up even harder

>That chest fluff isn't getting that much more voluptuous, though

"Yer compassion is inspirin'. But we ain't got time to sit around. Ponies back in town are waitin' on us. Heck, ponies around the country right now probably don't even know what's goin' on, but give it enough time and they will. And they'll panic, because they ain't got any idea what to do without the Princess or the sunshine. Ponies will get hurt. Who knows how badly?"

>You step past the Pegasus, who immediately trots after you

>You stop short of the Timberwolf, who's flopped on its' side as one of its' legs has completely turned to ash

"Meanwhile, this thing is sufferin' too. And lets say, sure, we take the time to quell these flames. How much of its' magic d'you think has been drained? How much life will be left in this creature by the time Miss Sparkle fashions a counterspell?"

>"Well, a spell usually absorbs at 25 to 50 Starswirls of mana at a time, but something as advanced and powerful as this could be running on numbers as high as -"

"Rhetorical question, Miss Sparkle."

>"- Ah, sorry."

"Mah point is, this ain't the White Tail Woods. This place is wild, untamed, and cruel. Creatures are lookin' out for themselves - you notice none of its' fellows are tryin' to protect it from us? They already gave up on it. They know it's not going to recover. Tryin' to prolong its' suffering on a long shot because you feel bad is just cruelty. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do..."

>You lift your hoof, and, minding the flames, rest it over the heart root

"... Is make it quick."

>Fluttershy stares down at the Timberwolf, expression one of agony

>She stares back at the rest of the girls, trying to find some support in the crowd

>Nopony can meet her gaze

>Finally, she looks back up at you, and, tears in her eyes, nods her assent before reaching down to wrap her hooves around the timberwolf, crying silently and repeatedly murmuring 'I'm sorry' to the creature

>The Timberwolf begins to thrash as best as it can in its' state, not understanding that the Pegasus is trying to be comforting rather than attacking it

>Its' remaining legs flail and manage to claw one of her forelegs, causing her to whimper and pick up the pace of her chanting, alternating between 'It's okay' and 'I'm sorry'

>You sense movement in the corner of your eyes and give the girls a look

>Whoever tried to approach immediately stops

>Quick and easy, then

>In the silence of the forest, the sound of your hoof crunching down on the dry mass of vegetation and roots echoes unnaturally

>Before long all you're left with is the crackling of the flame and the Pegasus's quiet sobbing

>Thinking quickly, you pull the scarf off of your neck and wrap it around her slashed foreleg as a tourniquet

>You deposit Fluttershy on your back and regard the group

"... Lets keep movin', y'all."

>And so the journey continues

 

Part Seven:

>Despite everything this cursed forest could throw at (You) and the girls:

>Spooky trees with mean faces, (honestly, you never admired Pinkie's ability to get everypony to laugh more than now, considering the tense scene you had been privy to moments before)

>An effeminate river serpent throwing a fit, (that you wish you all had more time to spend with - seriously, what the Hell was Steven Magnet even doing out here in the Everfree? He looked way too big for that river to be his usual territory, did he just happen to be passing through?)

>And, most devastating and insurmountable of all... A broken bridge (The Everfree really wasn't shit outside of the animals and monsters, was it?)

>Here you stood, resolutely ignoring Rainbow Dash's crowing about her ability to not fall for peer pressure, the ruins of the Castle of the Two Sisters just ahead, in all its' decrepit (former) glory

>As you approached the entrance your concerns rocketed forward to the forefront of your mind

>As far as you could tell, there was a real chance you were coming into this without the actual trump card needed to beat Nightmare Moon:

>Forgot all your fear about living a total lie (good fucking luck with that, chief)

>The Elements of Harmony

>Despite your best efforts to keep your eyes peeled for opportunities, in the end...

>You didn't do shit!

>(Neither did Fluttershy, but you weren't in charge of her actions like you were your own)

>Everything just kept fucking happening, one twist, one turn, like a conga line

>There was almost no down time between every character defining event to even try your dumbass Truth or Dare idea

>And now here you were at the endgame, two whole Elements down

>Your eyes rapidly scanned the ruins as your group trotted through them, trying to find something, anything of use for the impending confrontation

>The suits of armor? Rusted beyond usability, you were pretty sure if you stared at them too hard they would collapse into dust

>There was plenty of debris and stone, but nothing you could reliably carry or looked sturdy enough to try and brandish

>It had to be small enough that you could carry it in your mouth (your back was still occupied by Fluttershy, and while to you she weighed about as much as a few grapes, it still meant the real estate of your barrel was spoken for)

>To your surprise and infinite relief, though

>Underneath some rubble you spied a mason's hammer

>Perhaps somepony was repairing the stonework before everything went down?

>It's still pretty rusty, but being somewhat hidden by rubble has kept it from being as exposed as say, the display armor

>Maybe you can get a good whack or two with it before the wooden handle disintegrates

>A soft, croaky voice emanates just behind you

>"What're you doing with that...?"

>If you weren't aware of Fluttershy's presence still you might've flipped your shit, but you keep it cool

>You turned your head to regard your passenger

>And, using the time-honored Earth Pony technique of ventriloquism,

>Answer her clearly despite the hammer in your mouth

"Y'never know what could come in handy, Miss Shy."

>Leaving it at that, nice and cryptic, you join the rest of the girls in the Element Chamber

>That's what you're going to call it anyway, since it doesn't seem like there's literally anything else in this giant room

>(No matter the world, rich people really know how to waste space, don't they?)

>As you enter the rest are already investigating and making some headway

>(Rainbow had to lower all the Elements down to the ground due to Fluttershy being incapacitated, but you know how strong she is, it's no real sweat)

>Pinkie's very helpfully counting down the giant stones

>"... There's only five!"

>"The book said, 'when the five are present, a spark will cause the sixth element to be revealed'."

>You play along, it is your line after all

"But the five were already present before we got here, ain't they? All set up on this display case. Don't that mean the sixth should be present by default?"

>Twilight considers this, rubbing at her muzzle

>"I mean, technically speaking, I suppose... I'm going to try something. Stand back everypony, I don't know what will happen!"

>Rather than, stupidly, suggest all of you clear out of the room for no real reason, you choose to just... take a few steps back, giving Twilight some room to fiddle with her horn and take things too literally

>At first it seems like she might be on to something, as the Elements slowly lift off the ground

>But the true cause of them gaining liftoff becomes apparent as the wind buffeting them takes on a familiar royal blue, star-streaked coloration

>"Well done locating these baubles, it's been ever so long since I last stalked these halls... it's quite sad how unfamiliar one's home can become after a long time away, isn't it?"

>Nightmare Moon's voice echoes, literally being thrown by the winds

>It echoes in and bounces off every corner of the room, which is pretty impressive acoustics given the massive gaping holes in the ceiling

>"You've played your part, my little ponies... now begone! Consider this a mercy from your Night Queen."

>With that, a torrent of lightning bursts from the starry tornado

>Striking yourself and several other members of the party, generating enough force to throw you back into the walls of the Chamber

>But, shockingly, not Twilight

>With far more agility than one would expect of the little nerd, the purple Unicorn rushes forward...

>And with one last jump...

>Leaps into the tornado just in time for it to disappear with her and the Elements

>"""""TWILIGHT!"""""

>...

>...

>Your coat is violet, your horn is nice and sharp, and you may have made a mistake here

>(You)'re back in the saddle as Twilight Sparkle

>And while you managed to keep the Elements of Harmony in your sight

>You have a new issue to contend with:

>The Night Queen, Nightmare Moon stands before you

>In the fur, surrounded by aforementioned Elements in her telekinetic grasp, just laughing like an absolute lunatic while you...

>Are alone

>Just like you wanted, right?

>With your magic and your decades of book-learning, you're going to take this mighty Alicorn, capable of contending with the Princess of the Day, down!

>... You wish the others were here

>It was only a few hours for some of them, but you had already come to rely on their strengths as you made your way to this castle tonight

>Abbondanza's practicality, Rarity's magnanimity, Pinkie Pie's optimism, Fluttershy's tenderness, even Rainbow Dash's boisterousness

>Every last one of them was a shoulder to lean on and now, at the end of things, you knew you wouldn't have made it this far if you had successfully talked them into staying back in Ponyville

>On the same token, though... you didn't think you could do this alone, now

>But you had to try!

>Goading the Night Queen into a charge, you utilized one of the more recent spells you had learned: teleportation

>The second your hooves landed among the Elements you were back to work trying to get the spark going

>Tinder spells, firework cantrips, lightning enchantments, will something just WORK already?

>Before you can go down your mental rolodex of spells that even remotely seem like they'd give off a spark, Nightmare Moon demonstrates her own teleportation, then smacks the shit out of you with her mere hooves, sending you sprawling across the floor

>Giggling like a filly who just won the spelling bee, she rears up

>And CRASHES her hooves into the floor

>Completely missing any of the Elements, but they're apparently so intimidated by the action all five of them crack and burst into shards around her

>What the buck

>As you stand there, mouth gaping in a combination of despair and just sheer confusion at how she even did that, Nightmare Moon gladly takes the chance to gloat

>"You little foal! Did you really think you could defeat ME?!" "

>Your head dips as shame overtakes you, eyes rapidly filling with tears

>You don't know where you went wrong, why your spells wouldn't work...

>"Now, you'll never see your precious PRINCESS or that wretched SUN - the night, shall last FORE-"

>CLONGGGG!

>Your head jolts up as the sound of a ringing bell reverberates through the hall

>Just in time to see a mason's hammer bounce off of Nightmare Moon's argent helmet

>It doesn't look to have done any actual damage to her, but the sheer audacity of it has stunned her into silence

>You realize then that she isn't staring at you

>Her gaze extends past, and when you turn your head...

>Your friends fill the doorway at the far end of the hall, Abbondanza, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow, Pinkie - everypony!

>All of them look fairly banged up from the lightning attack, but despite that, the stallion in the lead bears a feral grin

>"Yer gonna have to try harder than THAT."

>...Unbeknownst to you, a sparkle glints in your eyes

>...

>...

>Assuming direct control of one (1) Apple Horse again

> - Holy shit that actually landed!

>That was a fucking one in a million shit, Anon!

>Nightmare Moon looks pissed, but at least she isn't in the midst of trying to zap Twilight to a crisp or anything, so you'll consider it a good use of your one attack

>"You... you... SNIVELING MUDPONY. You think yourself Lord of the Hammer?! I WILL CRUSH YOUR SKULL AS I DID THE ELEMENTS!"

>Oh ho, scratch that, she is BEYOND pissed

>Just as her wings flare and she gets ready to lunge though, Twilight suddenly interjects

>"You really think you destroyed the Elements of Harmony, just like that? Well you're WRONG! Because the spirits of those Elements... are right HERE!"

>You've rewatched those first two episodes enough times to know this speech pretty much by heart

>You're fully expecting her to skip right over you and Fluttershy to Pinkie, but...

>"Abbondanza, who looked the truth in the eye and didn't flinch, no matter how ugly it was, represents the Spirit of... Honesty!"

>Despite her praise you DO flinch as the shards of the Element surround you

>You can't help but eye them warily

>Is that enough? Are they actually going to bond with you?

>Are you ready for the potential consequences if they do...

>Or worse, if they don't?

>"Fluttershy, who showed compassion even as it was met with violence, represents the Spirit of... Kindness!"

>You thought you were ready for the end of this journey

>Of this life ("Pinkie Pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger represents the spirit of Laughter!")

>But after going through this journey with all of them...

>After years of growing up with Big Mac, Apple Bloom, and Granny... ("Rarity, who calmed a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift, represents the spirit of, Generosity!")

>You're scared

>Will you go back to that void again? ("And Rainbow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart's desire, represents the spirit of Loyalty!")

>Forced to dwell in shadow until you usurp someone else's place once more?

>Before you can continue down this train of thought however

>A blinding light flares above you

>Twilight went through her whole speech while you were spiraling

>Her crown manifests, and the shards of stone that had previously been swirling around yourself and the girls suddenly shift from gray to orange and lunge at your throat, forming the Element properly

>As it coalesces you clench your everything, expecting... something

>Burning? Sizzling? The voice of the universe declaring you a fraud?

>But there's... nothing of the sort

>Your Element

>YOUR Element

>It sings

>You can feel it in your heart, harmonizing with the other five ponies

>The song reaches an immediate crescendo and ROARS

>Spirals of Harmonic Magic erupting from the gems to combine into one great wave that crashes into Nightmare Moon

>And completely subsumes her

>...

>...

>Before long, dawn breaks on a grateful world

>The Princess of the Day finally makes her entrance to the scene, giving out congratulations and offers of redemption to those who would find those things appropriate

>You feel like you should be present for all this, but all you can hear is a great buzzing in your ears

>You mechanically follow Rarity's regrown tail for guidance on the way back to Ponyville, unable to focus on anything

>The Element of Honesty feels like a millstone around your neck

>Its' work done, the song radiating from it has quieted down to a dull hum

>You were just... so sure

>But now in the light of day, without the stress of navigating through the Everfree, the confrontation, and the 'will-it-won't-it' of it all behind you

>Of course it didn't disintegrate you and plop Applejack down in your place

>Your mind drags your earliest memory from the depths

>Not your true earliest memory, of course

>But the earliest one of this life that you still cling to

>Holding your father's bloodied, battered Stetson in your hooves and swearing

>Swearing to never let anypony feel the way you were feeling ever again

>And the sudden surge of Harmonic Magic that manifested the apple-pointed star on your flank

>(Applejack was the last in her class to get her Mark. You hadn't even started school yet.)

>Nopony ever was confused as to why Big Mac's little sister was suddenly a colt

>Or where she had vanished off to

>You didn't steal Applejack's life

>She would have had to have had one to begin with

>She never even got the chance to be born

>...

>...

>When you finally stop navel gazing, you realize that you're all assembled in the town square of Ponyville

>Twilight stands before her Princess Celestia, looking upset at the end of it all

>Before her mentor tasks her with a new study project: discerning the breadth and power of the Magic of Friendship

>You join in on the group hug before Pinkie Pie springs into action

>Rambling to seemingly nopony as she trots out her Party Cannon far too early and fires off a few rounds

>You make just enough of an appearance in the Town Square before slinking off the first chance you can get

>Your hooves are sore, your back is protesting (Fluttershy may weigh nothing, but you strain all the same), but most importantly

>Your heart aches

>Sticking around the celebration would just bring it down

>Trotting down the dirt road to your home, you find it completely abandoned

>Big Mac, Apple Bloom, even Granny Smith must still be in town hootin' and/or hollerin'

>That's just fine, if Apple Bloom tried to interrogate you about the events of last night, you might just keel over and die anyway

>Stepping into your bedroom, everything looks the same

>Same dresser, same four poster bed, same collection of scarves and rodeo paraphernalia

>... Same chalkboard covered in your stupid bullshit

>You get a quick glass of water and throw it over your equations, your notes, and charts

>Completely erasing the entire thing and scrawling something else in massive letters

>Carefully shifting the board so that it's the last thing you see as you lay down, and, naturally, will be the first thing you see when you wake up later

>A single sentence:

>'YOUR LIFE IS YOUR OWN'

>You're not Applejack, and you never will be

>But if you're going to take her place, you're going to honor her:

>By living how you see fit, instead of trying to fill a hole you never could

>By being Honest with yourself