/emo/ Deep suffering, chp 1

>Repeated beeping awakens you.
>Letting out a groan, you quickly shut off the alarm clock.
>Taking a breath, you sit up and stretch slowly.
>Just another long day in store.
>You are Deep Rest, nurse extraordinaire!
>Technically a doctor, but working as a nurse a little less stressful and you get to bond with patients more.
>Rising out of your bed, you look around your apartment.
>It’s a little cramped, but you have plenty of room for what little you what have.
>Heading to the bathroom, you go through the usual routine of bathing and brushing.
>Always a pain, but you try to look your best despite your colors of your coat and mane.
>Won’t be long now till your shift starts, then the real day begins.
>Stepping into the kitchen, you try to psych yourself up.
>It’s always difficult though.
>Especially with the effects of last nights drinking still lingering.
>Thankfully, you didn’t overdo it.
>Still doesn’t help the dull pain in your head.
>You take out a box of cereal and a bowl.
>You should really get around to making something a little better than glorified cardboard.
>Reading the side of the box it says ‘Fills you with energy to get you through the day!’
“What a crock of shit, gotta sell to the masses somehow.”
>Sitting down at the table, you open up a book and read while you eat.
>It’s nothing special, just an issue of this years medical journal.
>In truth, you already know most of this stuff like the back of your hoof.
>Doesn’t hurt to get a refresher.
>Before long, you finish up and start to prep to head to work.
>Grabbing your saddle bags, keys, and putting on your wristband, you stop to give yourself a pep talk.
“Alright Rest, just gotta put on your best face. Remember! Do it for the patients, do it for them.”
>If anypony were to hear you now, likely your neighbors, they’d probably think your crazy.
>Then again, they already hear you talk to yourself.

>Especially when you drink.
>Taking one final breath, you leave your apartment to the early morning.
>The sun is slowly rising, and the air is still crisp.
>Despite how everything feels so bright and lively.
>It always seems like a thin veil covers it all.
>Pushing aside those thoughts, you trot down the road, waving to the few ponies up and about this morning.
>Slowly you approach your work, Ponyville General.
>The pale yellow walls and brown shingled roof give off a rustic feel.
>It feels welcoming and makes the patients feel at ease.
>As you reach the entrance, you stop and close your eyes, giving yourself one final push.
>Do it for them, never forget, do it for them.
>Opening your eyes again, you head inside.
>Passing by both patients and staff alike, you greet them with a smile.
>This place is like a maze at times, but you could navigate it blind folded.
>Entering the locker room, you see the other nurses getting ready.
>One in particular catches your attention
>Your friend Bedside Manner, though she prefers that you call her Betty.
>Her turquoise coat and red mane make her stand out a fair bit.
>But at least that makes her easy to pick out.
>Going through your locker, she grabs your attention.
>”Morning Rest, how was your weekend?”
>Short, tiring, and you drank too much.
>She doesn’t need to know that.
“Morning Betty. It went pretty good, did some reading. How about you?”
>She smiles.
>”Mine was boring, ready for another exciting day of saving ponies from a runny nose?”
>You give her a smirk, and reply with your own sarcasm.
“Of course, and I can’t wait to take the temperature of each stallion who asks if they have a fever.”
>You share a giggle between the two of you.
>While you don’t see each other much outside of work, it’s nice to have some pony to talk to.
>She rolls her eyes.

>”Yeah, that never gets old.”
“At least it’s all worth it. Can never be too careful after all.”
>While she doesn’t share your conviction, no pony does, she does nod.
>”That’s true. Well, I’ll see you later then.”
“See you later Betty.”
>Waving her off, you finish getting ready.
>As you reach the group, you can see the usual nurses gathered around.
>Time to get your assignments and updates on what happened this weekend.
>The head nurse goes through her usual motions of reminding every nurse of their duties.
>Part of you wish she didn’t, but sometimes the others need a reminder.
>You listen to the important bits and wait for her to give your patients.
>”Alright Deep, here you are.”
>You quickly scan the names, but two in particular catch your eye.
>Cart Wheel and Sky Light.
>You’ve known Cart, well Carl, since you were a filly.
>As for Sky, you remember him being born here.
>You feel a little joy and a bit of concern enter your heart.
>Giving the paper one final look, you start to make your rounds.
>Mostly talking with patients, replacing equipment, and checking vitals.
>But you get through it.
>Carl and Sky are a bit high on your priority list.
>Namely because Carl has been here for weeks, and Sky was brought in over the weekend.
>Fortunately, first on the list is Sky.
>Entering the room, you see Sky laying in bed under the covers with his mother sitting bedside.
>High Light is her name, and she looks awful.
>Not that you blame her, Sky is a regular here.
>The poor colt was born premature and thus has had a whole host of problems.
>Upon seeing you, he sits up a little fast before coughing.
>His mother reaches him quickly.
>>”Slow down Sky, not too fast, remember what the doctor said.”
>He nods and lays back, but with a eager look on his face.
“How’s my favorite colt?”
>He gives you a big smile.

>”Hi Rest, I’m happy to see you again.”
>You nod and feel a swell of happiness.
“I’m happy to see you as well. How about we chat while I do my work?”
>Picking up the chart, you see why he is here.
>Pneumonia.
>A small bit of panic hits you, but you have learned to hide that from others.
>Just continue smiling Rest, he is here now and will get through this.
>He always pulls through, just like the last several times he was here.
>As you perform your duties, you both start to talk.
>”Mhm, mom reminds me that you have stuff to do.” He looks to her with a smile and continues on. “But your my favorite nurse.”
>High Light looks a little happier seeing her son so lively.
>You let out a small giggle.
“Thank you light. How has school been?”
>”It’s going great, I’ve just learned about the uni-uni-”
>>”Unification.” Says Mrs. Light.
>”Unification of the three tribes.” He says with a bright smile.
>This colt is just melting your heart.
>You write down a few more numbers, all good so far.
“Sounds cool Sky, what’s your favorite part?”
>He coughs again and his mother gently strokes his foreleg.
>”When fire of friendship blasted away the windigos!”
>He gestures and makes the noise of an explosion.
>If you get diabetes from him, you don’t care.
“That’s my favorite part as well.”
>You make sure he doesn’t need anything else replaced.
>”Mom got me a new train too!”
>Taking a quick glance, you see she looking at him with tired eyes.
>Still full of love, but so much pain.
“Awesome, you’ve got to show me sometime, did you thank your mom?”
>Turning back to him, you see he takes a moment, trying not to cough.
>”Mhm, I was super happy and couldn’t stop thanking her.”
>She lets out a small laugh.
>>”You sure did, now don’t get too excited Sky.”
>He looks to her and frowns.
>”I won’t, you and the doctor keep reminding me.”

“Well they are right to do that. You have to remember you’re a little sick right now.”
>”I know, I can’t wait to get better.”
>You share his enthusiasm.
>Sadly, you have to go on with your rounds.
“You will Sky, that will take time, but I got to go now. Be good for your mom, okay?”
>He nods a little and his mother mouths a thank you.
>You continue to make your way about the floor checking on the various patients.
>The majority of them will make a full recovery and some are being released today.
>That doesn’t stop the dread that creeps within.
>Finishing up, you head to the cafeteria, and go grab lunch.
>You’d pack your own, but you procrastinate.
>Besides, what they serve here is better than what you make at home.
>Grabbing a salad, you find your usual spot.
>Slowly you start to eat, but eventually you just pick at it.
>’What if Light dies?’
>You know that you and the staff will do everything in your power to prevent it.
>But that still doesn’t stop the thought.
>’That doesn’t change things.’
>He’s so young.
>Suddenly, Betty joins you and snaps you out of it.
”Saved you a seat.”
>She nods and starts to gossip.
>”You didn’t hear it from me, but I heard that Doctor Monitor and Gentle Care are seeing one another.”
>In truth, you really don’t care for gossip.
“Really?”
>You try to stay with the conversation, but you can’t stop worrying.
>”-They work together though.”
>Barely catching the end of it, you start to let your attention drift.
“Uh-huh.”
>She stops talking.
>And you look back up, you can see her trying to read you.
“What?”
>”You’re thinking about the patients again, aren’t you?”
>You’re trying to ignore that thought still, but you guess you can’t hide it that well.
“Is it that obvious?”
>She nods, and gives you look of understanding.
>”It’s okay, I know you’re passionate about them.”
“Yeah, hard to ignore it.”

>She reaches out and touches your hoof.
>”Just remember, you can’t let it get to you. Never forget what we learned in medical school.”
>Never get too attached, something you always failed at.
>It helps alleviate the worry a little.
“Yeah, I know.”
>She nods before looking over to the clock.
>”Alright, I’m going to finish up my shift. Good luck with yours.”
>If only it was that easy.
“Yeah, good luck to you as well.”
>After lunch, you go about your duties.
>Just like before, you find that the patients are doing just fine.
>That’s when you come to your last stop.
>Carl’s room.
>Entering, you see the elderly stallion.
>A faded brown coat, white mane, and icy blue eyes that look back at you.
>You give him a smile.
“Hello Carl, how are you feeling today?”
>He slowly smiles and clears his throat.
>”Hello Ms. Rest, I’m feeling fine, same as usual.”
>You pick up his chart, everything reads stable, but you can’t ignore the fear inside of you.
>He has been here a while after his granddaughter brought him in.
>Sadly, he has been having shortness of breath and it culminated in him fainting.
>Thankfully, she visits daily.
“That’s good to hear, I’m certain you’ll be out of here in no time.”
>Nodding he continues.
>”So did I ever tell you about when I first moved here to Ponyville?”
>You’ve heard him tell you this story many times, but you don’t mind.
“No I haven’t Carl, I’m happy to listen.”
>As you check the usual, he starts.
>”So I had just moved out of my family’s farm, and had all my stuff in a cart.” He chuckles. “I had wanted to experience the life outside of the farm, and had heard of a new town.”
>He takes a moment and licks his lips.
>”It was a nightmare to travel those roads back then, I pushed on. When I finally got here, I had no bits in my pouch or a place to stay. I wasn’t the brightest, but I was determined.”

>You nod along, changing his IV.
>”Coincidentally I met my wife then, her family let me stay at their home. Her father was worried I was there to take his daughter.” He gets a twinkle in his eyes. “Of course I wasn’t, but that stop me later.”
>Finishing up, you turn to hear the rest of his story.
>He shakes his head slightly.
>”Sorry, let myself get caught up, anyways. When he saw that I could repair carts and wagons, he let me live with them. It was thanks to his kindness that I was able to set up my shop, and that’s how I moved to Ponyville.”
>He looks at you and smiles.
>”Thank you for listening to a old stallion talk your ear off.”
>You laugh, but shake your head.
“I don’t mind Carl, you’re my favorite stallion after all.”
>He gives a small chuckle and coughs.
“Easy there, don’t over do it.”
>Carl catches his breath, and looks back to you with a smile.
>”You flatter me too much Ms. Rest, I’ll let you go, you have your work to do.”
>You wouldn’t mind listening to him more, but he is right.
“Of course, take it easy Carl.”
>As you leave his room, you can feel that nagging thought in the back of your mind.
>It never stops, not while you work, not while at home.
>’They all die eventually.’
>You stop and close your eyes tightly in an attempt to shove those thoughts out of your head.
>Taking a breath, you continue forth.
>After you finish writing up your reports, you head to the locker room to finish off the day.
>You put away your uniform and grab your bags, but the feeling is still there, distracting you.
>Betty tries to get your attention.
>”Are you alright Rest?”
>Shaking your head, you smile.
“Yeah, just a long day.”
>”Tell me about it, I’m going to head home, take care.”
“You too.”
>You head outside and the evening greets you
>The land is bathed in a cool light, though to you it feels gray.
>It always feels like the trot home is faster than to work.

>Entering your apartment, you call out.
“I’m home.”
>Silence.
>Of course no pony else is here.
>You are alone after all, not that you wouldn’t mind having a special somepony.
>Just need to find a balance of social life and work life.
>Sighing, that’s probably never going to happen.
>Setting your bags aside, you head to the kitchen.
>You grab some leftovers from the fridge.
>After sitting down , you try to eat and read to distract yourself.
>But the thoughts remain, tormenting you.
>’You can’t save everypony.’
>No.
>You don’t finish eating, and throw out what little is left.
“Just splash some water on my face, come on Rest.”
>You head to the bathroom, you try just that.
>But like earlier, the single thought plagues you.
>’They all die eventually.’
>You just need to sleep, that will help.
>Heading to the bedroom, you turn off the lights and climb under the covers.
>Minutes turn into an hour.
>Fortunately, sleep finally takes you, but doesn’t stop you from being restless.