- >They say if you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back.
- >Well, you’re staying into something that could be considered an abyss, but then why does it have eyes? Pale eyes, that follow you, your every move.
- >Why doesn’t it scare you? You should be afraid, but you’re not. It’s probably because there was something comforting in the darkness. A peace perhaps? No, that isn’t it.
- >Your thoughts are distracted by a noise.
- >A sound akin to insects crawling rises slowly, something about it is off. You can’t quite place it though. Whatever it is, it’s making your skin crawl.
- >Slowly, the abyss takes shape. The features attempting to form from the nothingness. The eyes stare back at you the whole time, they are familiar. A face you know, like an old friend you haven’t talked to in years.
- >A head takes form and with it, the features mold to it. Features you should know, but don’t.
- >Why can’t you recognize it.
- >Run says your instincts.
- >What?
- >YOU NEED TO RUN.
- >You can’t.
- >Eyes and a head now, it’s a pony, like you.
- >The rest of the creature takes form just like its head. Each somehow wrong, but right at the same time. It’s alien in nature, somehow natural at the same time.
- >The eyes never leave you.
- >Whispers join the rising noise, unintelligentable words.
- >A single word rises above this sea of chaos. Not a word, but a name.
- >Eri.
- >Ice fills your veins, your bones, your mind, your soul.
- >You can’t move your legs, they won’t let you escape this terror.
- >Eri.
- >You try to move your head away from the horror, it betrays you as well.
- >Eri.
- >The pony slowly walks, no that isn’t right, shambles itself to you.
- >Each limb attempting to mimic a natural movement, but limbs don’t bend like that.
- >Your eyes won’t shut, no tears to block out the visage before you.
- >The creature stands in front of you.
- >All of its features clear to you, each so horrible.
- >It's now you recognize the creature.
- >It's you.
- >Cold, dead, lifeless eyes.
- >Coat is missing large patches of fur.
- >Muscle and bone beneath the tears in the flesh.
- >Its mouth opens, and a massive writhing mess of insects crawl out.
- >Eri.
- >You scream.
- >Practically flying out of bed, your eyes shoot around the room.
- >A cold sweat drenches your body.
- >Your hyperventilating.
- >A single choked cry escapes your throat.
- >Tears cascade down your face.
- >Grabbing the pillow, you hug it tightly, rocking gently as you sob uncontrollably.
- >The same nightmare, its reoccurring. Not every night, but often enough.
- >It plagues you, never once do you adapt to it.
- >Slowly, you get your crying under control.
- >You feel so pathetic, it’s just a nightmare you freak.
- >Turning to look to your clock, you see its 3 am.
- >Another three hours of sleep.
- “Wonderful.”
- >Might as well get up, no point in trying to fall asleep again.
- >Releasing your pillow, you crawl out of bed and head to bathroom.
- >Looking to the mirror, you catch your reflection.
- >Same gray coat, same black mane, same dyed red streak.
- >Large bags have formed under your eyes.
- >A single word describes you perfectly.
- “Disgusting.”
- >Turning away, you start a cold bath.
- >As the tub slowly fills, you sit down and let your mind wander.
- >From the corner of your eyes, a reflection catches your attention.
- >On the sink nearby, a single razor sits. A reminder of your habit.
- >Staring at the blade, you hear the sweet whisper.
- >’Bleed away the sorrow.’
- >Your heartbeat starts to rise, and the noise of the tub slowly drowns out.
- >You start to reach for the blade, when ice hits your leg.
- >Jumping, you turn to the source and see you have overfilled the tub. Again.
- >Shaking your head, you turn it off and let it drain a little.
- >The cold hurts, but it numbs the hole in your soul.
- >No point in trying to bathe, you have no one to impress.
- >That’s not true, you have one pony who you could call a friend.
- >She isn’t around as often as you like, but she does visit.
- >’For how long Eri?’
- “Until she is sick of me like the others, and abandons me.”
- >Feeling your eyes start to moisten, you snap out of it.
- “Not again” You already cried enough this morning.
- >You finish up your bath and dry off.
- >Heading back to the bedroom, you should try writing.
- >Staring at the blank page, your mind drawing a blank.
- >The clock ticks slowly nearby, being the only sound in the room.
- >A knocking at the front door breaks the silence.
- >Fear creeps up on you, though you are certain you know who it is.
- >Leaving your room, you head down stairs to the living room.
- >Opening the door to a familiar face, a small bit of relief is granted.
- >”Good morning Eri, can I come in?”
- >Before you is the one you would call a friend. Deep Rest.
- “Ye-yeah, sure.” You stand back and let her into the disaster that is your home.
- >Making her way to your couch, she sits down for a moment, before looking back at you.
- >She has been visiting you for sometime now since your last attempt.
- >No doubt to make sure you don’t try again, but you try to ignore that.
- >’The attention she gives is more than you deserve’
- >Please, not now.
- >”Eri? Are you alright?” Rest says with a concerned look on her face.
- “What? Uh? Yeah, sure. Just lost in thought.” A lie, but she doesn’t need to know.
- >Joining her, you feel a small emotion enter your heart.
- >”Did you sleep well last night?”
- “Yeah, I did.” Another lie, you’re such a fucking liar.
- >Giving you a look of doubt, she seemingly looks into your soul.
- >”Please tell me the truth Eri. I can see that you don’t look well.”
- >Those words stab you in the heart, and the truth bled out.
- “I’m sorry, it’s the same nightmare haunting me again.” You say looking down.
- >She reaches out and touches your whither.
- >Your breath hitches, It’s not often you feel the touch of another.
- >Turning back to her, you can see the look of concern.
- >”It’s okay, dreams come and go, especially nightmares. We can get through that.”
- >Feeling your eyes start to moisten, you start to break down like the filly you are.
- >Rest pulls you close, and slowly rocks you. All the while whispering. “It’s okay, It’s alright.”
- >Why does she help you?
- >You’re a freak, you’re disgusting, you’re nothing.
- >She wants to help you. A part of you knows its the truth, but doubt still plagues you.
- >Your cries finally die down, and you pull back.
- >Shame hits you as you see the tears and mucus on her coat, so you look away.
- “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to lose it. I ruined your coat.”
- >”Hey, it’s okay, I’ll wash it off later.” She smiles “Please look at me Eri.”
- >You look back into those red eyes, and feel a small bit of hope.
- >While she doesn’t fully understand you, she is the closest out of everypony you ever knew to attempt to.
- >”Do you remember what I said when you were in the hospital?”
- >That place was hell, so sterile and lifeless.
- >The only light, was Rest.
- >You nod slowly, still sniffling.
- “That we will get through this together.”
- >A smile forms on her face. “That’s right, I promised I would help you no matter what.”
- >You still cling to that, it’s your only rock in this storm that you call your life.
- >”Although my shift starts soon, I promise I will be back after work. We can talk more then. Can you promise me to be safe?”
- >You want to tell her the truth, you really do, but you know better.
- >So you lie, like always.
- “Ye-yeah, I’ll be safe, I promise.” Such a disgusting lie.
- >She somehow accepts it.
- >”Alright, now remember, no matter what. If you feel the urge to hurt yourself, try to think of me, okay?”
- “Yes Rest.” You say with a small smile.
- >She nods and as she gets up, but stops for a moment.
- >Turning back to you, she gives you another hug.
- >You freeze up, but slowly accept it. She smells so nice.
- >Letting go, she looks at you again before making her way to the door.
- >”Good bye Eri, please stay safe.” Reminding you again.
- “Yo-you too.” You stutter out.
- >As she leaves you, silence rejoins you.
- >A small pang of hunger hits you, normally you would ignore it, but talking to Rest has granted you the strength to eat.
- >You make a bowl of oatmeal to eat.
- >As you eat, you taste the blandness of your food, but you don’t care.
- >Stray thoughts cross your mind.
- >Looking down, you absentmindedly rub your hoof over your scars.
- >A permanent reminder of your acts.
- >Rest’s words fill your mind. “Please stay safe.”
- >Knocking draws your attention.
- “Is it Rest? Did she not have to work today?” Hope fills you, so you get up.
- >Quickly making your way to the door, and open it without a second thought.
- “Rest!”
- >”Sorry? Who-wait a moment. Eri? Is that really you? It’s been so long.”
- >Your mind locks up with a flurry of emotions.
- >Before you, nightmare made manifest, is the ghost of your past.
- >”Don’t you recognize me? It’s me, Connie Amore. I’m visiting Ponyville this week, and figured I could swing by to catch up.” She says with a smile.
- >Feeling stunned, you can’t fathom how to react other than just standing there.
- >”Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Do you mind me coming in so we can talk?”
- >A single emotion enters your mind above the sea of chaos.
- >Rage.
- “Why.” You barely whisper.
- >”Sorry, I didn’t catch that.” She leans a little closer to hear you.
- >Feeling the burning fury within, your breathing and heartbeat rises.
- “You can’t be here, no, you don’t deserve to be here.”
- >”Excuse me, what do you mean?” She looks at you in worry.
- “Get out.”
- >”Eri please, its been so long. I want to make things right.”
- “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!” You scream and slam the door in her face.
- >You can hear her rapidly knocking the door and trying to reopen it.
- >Barely holding it closed, you managed to lock it.
- >”Eri please! Don’t lock me out, I’m your friend! Please try remember.” She seems desperate now.
- >You fall to the ground, with your head in your hooves. Rocking in an attempt to calm down.
- >A loud bang breaks you out of your attempts and the door shakes violently.
- >Did she just try to buck your door down?
- >Another bang, so you start to cry.
- >”ERI PLEASE!”
- “NO! GO AWAY!” Your cries turn to sobs. “Go away, go away, go away…”
- >One final bang before silence.
- >Crying still and waiting in anticipation for her to try again, you count the seconds.
- >Minutes pass and still nothing.
- >You must see if the demon is gone. Slowly, you crawl off the ground and peek through the window.
- >She is gone, but the damage is done.
- >Falling to the ground again, the memories from your past flash freshly in your mind. She was, keyword was, your best friend.
- >Then she betrayed and left you alone.
- >You sob uncontrollably now.
- “Why? Out of all the times, why now?” You cough. “I was starting to feel a little better, and now she comes back to torment me.” Shuddering again. “Wasn’t it enough when I was little?”
- >’Bleed away the sorrow Eri.’
- “No.”
- >’It’s the only way Eri.’
- >Hearing the echos of Rest. “If you feel the urge to hurt yourself, think of me.”
- >Although you try, the pain remains.
- >’You don’t have to cut deep, just a little cut to make the pain go away.’
- “Bu-but Rest asked me not to.”
- >’She doesn’t have to know, it’s our little secret.’
- >You don’t want to, but deep down, you know the thought is right.
- >Slowly, you drag yourself up the stairs.
- >In the bathroom, on the sink, your salvation awaits.
- >Vision has tunneled in on the blade before you.
- >Reaching down, you pick it up and tightly grip it with your teeth.
- >You set your sets on a old spot you haven’t cut in a while.
- >’Time to add another one Eri.’
- >As your about to cut, your reflection catches you.
- >A broken mare stares back, and the word from before comes back.
- “Disgusting.” Saying through clenched teeth.
- >In a single breath, you slice into your foreleg.
- >Fresh pain fills your senses as you suck in air sharply.
- >Crimson oozes through your fur and down your leg.
- >’Good filly.’
- >It’s not enough, you know that.
- “One more to be sure.”
- >In your attempt you shudder and cut a little deeper.
- “FUCK!” You cry out and drop the blade.
- >Slamming back into the wall, you stumble around in pain until your head hits the tub rim.
- >Falling face first, the darkness consumes you.
- >The sound of thunder and something else slowly draws your from your slumber.
- >It’s the sound of your heartbeat and? Sobbing?
- >”Please wake up, please wake up!”
- >You know that voice anywhere.
- “Rest?” Your voice is barely a whisper.
- >Vision has returned and the mare is over you with tears streaming down her face.
- >”Eri! Thank Celestia, I’m going to try get you to the hospital.”
- >Panic hits you as her words fall upon you.
- “No!” You attempt to move, but she restrains you.
- >”You’re injured and I’ve dressed it to the best of my ability, but you need to get to the hospital now!”
- >While you’re certain she is right, you don’t want to go back. Not again.
- “I said no! Please Rest, don’t make me go back there! It was all an accident, I swear!” You attempt to plead to her.
- >She looks at you with anger.
- >”Eri for fucks sake! I know the place is hell, but you can’t just let this go untreated.”
- “Please Rest, I’m begging you. If you’re really my friend, then don’t do this!”
- >Conflict crosses her face, and then a mixture of emotions you don’t recognize before she stands.
- >”For fucks sake Eri! We are friends, but you can’t expect me to ignore my duties as a medical professional for somepony in need!” She shouts at you.
- >Flinching back, her face switches to that of remorse.
- >”Please Eri. Do it for me.”
- >’Don’t listen to her, she’s lying to you. They will lock you away again.’
- “Rest I-”
- >”I’ll be with you every step of the way, I promise you.”
- “Okay.” You say in a little voice.
- >She smiles before helping you up.
- >You lean on her, trying not to move the injured leg. It’s wrapped in a brown towel, though it’s starting to turn red now.
- >Slowly, the two of you make it out of your home and into the evening night down the road.
by
NHanon
by
NHanon
by
NHanon
by
NHanon
by
NHanon