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/emo/ Deep suffering, chp 2

By NHanon
Created: 23rd October 2020 03:40:54 PM

  1. >The alarm awakens you again.
  2. >It feels like you just went to sleep as well.
  3. >Groggily, you turn it off.
  4. >As you rub your eyes, you slowly stretch
  5. >Going through your morning routine, you struggle a little.
  6. >Bathing takes a little longer and you have more knots in your mane to brush out.
  7. >Yesterday hit you a bit hard.
  8. >Heading into the kitchen, you pause for a moment as you look into the fridge.
  9. >A half pack of Buck’s Hard Cider sits near the back.
  10. >Maybe you should have a little drink to take the edge off.
  11. >You shake your head, you can’t just drink before going to work.
  12. >Instead, you grab the milk and a box of cereal.
  13. >As you’re eating breakfast, you try to focus.
  14. >The thought is still there.
  15. >’They all die eventually.’
  16. >You can’t let this bring you down though.
  17. >Do it for them.
  18. >They will be alright, you will make them better.
  19. >You can save them, you’re a nurse, no, a doctor, you can save them.
  20. >’You can’t save everypony.’
  21. >Shaking your head, you clean up, and get ready.
  22. >As your about to put on your wristband, you hesitate.
  23. >The old scars are still there.
  24. >That’s why you don’t drink too much.
  25. >You start off happy, then you fall.
  26. >Sometimes, you worry you won’t get back up from your fall.
  27. >Finishing putting on the band, you grab your keys, and your saddle bags.
  28. >Like yesterday, you give yourself the same talk.
  29. “Alright Rest, put on your best face. Do it for them, do it for the patients.”
  30. >You close your eyes, take a deep breath, and step outside again.
  31. >The trot to work was a little less lively.
  32. >Sure, you still see ponies out, but things feel gray.
  33. >A small part of you wonders, should you get help?
  34. >No.
  35. >You can’t, last thing you want is others thinking that you can’t do your job.
  36. >Too much risk of losing everything.
  37. >Reaching the hospital, you make your way to the locker room again.
  38.  
  39. >Along the way, you keep smiling, even if it’s fake.
  40. >Can’t let them see that something is wrong.
  41. >As you get on your uniform, you keep thinking back to it.
  42. >”Rest?”
  43. >You’re shaken out of your thoughts and turn to see Betty looking at you with concern.
  44. >”You don’t look well, did you sleep last night?”
  45. >You did, but you couldn’t stop thinking about those two.
  46. >So instead you try to play it off with a yawn.
  47. “Yeah, I just went to bed late is all.”
  48. >She looks a little more at ease, though she looks uncertain still.
  49. >”Oh, okay. So, ready for another day of changing bed pans?”
  50. >You nod, and add your own in.
  51. “Of course, and don’t forget, have to kiss all the boo boos.”
  52. >As you both laugh, you feel a little relief.
  53. >Even if it’s just for a moment, you can at least have this.
  54. >”Yeah, well lets go save the world.”
  55. >She does a small hoof pump and walks off with you following her.
  56. >Like yesterday, the head nurse talks and gives out the assignments.
  57. >”Here you go Rest.”
  58. >You nod, and look it over.
  59. >Mostly performing some examinations and testing.
  60. >You breath a sigh of relief, and see you’re assigned the same general patients.
  61. >Heading off to make your rounds, you try to focus.
  62. >Can’t let yourself fall apart.
  63. >Taking a breath, you put on a smile.
  64. >It helps the patients feel more at ease.
  65. >You enter an examination room and see a stallion sitting on the table.
  66. “Hello, just need to get some information from you and to take your temperature.”
  67. >He nods and starts talking with a gruff voice.
  68. >”I keep coughing and I’m pretty sure I got a fever or something.”
  69. >You take his temperature, and write everything down.
  70. “Alright then, I’ll go give this to the doctor and he should see you shortly.”
  71. >Heading off, you drop off the paperwork and practically repeat the a similar act in each room.
  72. >It gets repetitive, but you can’t take any chances.
  73.  
  74. >Eventually you get through it.
  75. >Now the time for your favorite part.
  76. >Checking in with patients.
  77. >Starting with Sky.
  78. >Though as you approach his room, you see his mother and a doctor outside of it talking.
  79. >You don’t listen in, but you can already read the situation.
  80. >And it makes your heart sink.
  81. >The doctor nods to you and Mrs. Light looks to you briefly with a smile.
  82. >She can’t hide her fear sadly.
  83. >You smile back and head inside.
  84. >Your heart sinks as you see him now.
  85. >Except now he has an oxygen tube going into his nose.
  86. >He looks so tired and miserable.
  87. >That doesn’t stop him from smiling as he sees you.
  88. “Hey there Sky.”
  89. >His voice is a little groggy, but he still tries.
  90. >”Hi Rest.”
  91. >You start to go through the usual routine of checking the chart and taking his vitals.
  92. >The chart says his O2 levels dropped enough to warrant the tube.
  93. >’They all die eventually.’
  94. >Continuing to smile, you start to talk with him.
  95. “So how are you feeling today?”
  96. >It pains you to ask that, you already know how he feels.
  97. >”I’m tired, and they put this tube in my nose.”
  98. >You nod along, and take down a few numbers.
  99. “I’m sorry buddy, the tube will help, I’m sure.”
  100. >He nods slowly.
  101. >”That’s what the doctor says, I hate it, it’s dumb.”
  102. >Not that you blame him, it becomes quite annoying real quick.
  103. >You try to reassure him.
  104. “I know, it’s pretty uncomfortable. I’ve been there before.”
  105. >He looks a little surprised.
  106. >”You have?”
  107. >You nod, remembering when you were little.
  108. “Mhm, when I was a little filly, my mother had to bring me here. I got a serious case of the flu and wasn’t doing well. They had to give me a tube as well, but I got better eventually.”
  109. >Sky gives a little smile.
  110. >”I hope I get better today, I want this out, I want to go home.”
  111. >It’s horrible how illness can rob somepony of so much.
  112. >And to see it happen to one so young, is a tragedy.
  113.  
  114. >Your heart cries out to him, and your eyes moisten a little.
  115. >Instead, you just smile and continue to soothe him.
  116. “Maybe not today, but you will get better. Remember, you have been here before and you got better.”
  117. >He blinks slowly and yawns.
  118. >”Yeah, I guess so.”
  119. >You reach over and ruffle his mane a little, eliciting a big smile from him.
  120. “I promise you will. Now, I’m going to go see the others, bye Sky.”
  121. >He gives you a little wave and you depart.
  122. >As you leave the room, you see Mrs. Light who looks miserable.
  123. >You know how she feels and touch her wither.
  124. >She looks to you with a haggard look and smiles a little.
  125. “I don’t blame you for worrying Mrs. Light, but he has made it through worse.”
  126. >She nods slowly.
  127. >”I know, the doctor says the same thing. That doesn’t make this easier, you don’t have foals of your own, do you?”
  128. >You know she didn’t mean to, but it felt like a knife to your heart.
  129. “I’m sorry, no.”
  130. >She pauses and runs a hoof through her mane.
  131. >Letting out a sigh, she starts again.
  132. >”You want to protect them, more than anything. Give them the world and more. It’s killing me to see him like this.” She closes her eyes and few tears escape. “I always have that thought in the back of mind thinking, this may be it.”
  133. >You sit next to her and try to calm her down.
  134. “It’s going to be okay Mrs. Light, you know we will do everything we can to help him.”
  135. >She lets out a little sob and tries to breath to control it.
  136. >”I know, I know.” She sniffles and you give her a tissue. “Thank you. I mean it.”
  137. >You know she does.
  138. “You’re welcome, be strong for him. He needs it.”
  139. >She nods and you head off to your other patients.
  140. >As your finishing up this round and heading to eat, the thought remains.
  141. >’You can’t save everypony.’
  142. >You feel heavier, and so much more tired.
  143.  
  144. >While you do grab some pasta, in truth, you don’t feel like eating.
  145. >Sitting at the table, you just pick at it again.
  146. >”Rest?”
  147. >You look up and see Betty, she’s wearing the same look as earlier.
  148. >Ignoring it, you try to have some small talk.
  149. “Hey there, how’s your shift going?”
  150. >Her face hasn’t changed.
  151. >”Something is wrong, isn’t there?”
  152. >You have a feeling she isn’t going to buy your excuse.
  153. “I’m fine, I’m just tired is all.”
  154. >You let your eyes wander around the room, just don’t focus on her.
  155. >In the end, you fail at that.
  156. >”You’re lying, I can see you’re upset.”
  157. >Feeling a surge of anger, you stand up abruptly.
  158. “I said I’m fine!”
  159. >The whole room went quiet.
  160. >Looking around, all eyes are on you.
  161. >You wave and try to get them to stop staring.
  162. “Sorry about that, everything is okay.”
  163. >Though you say that, some are still looking at you two.
  164. >You sit down and turn back to Betty, she hasn’t taken her eyes off of you.
  165. >”Rest, you can tell me anything, I’m your friend aren’t I?”
  166. >She is just trying to help, but you can’t let her know yet.
  167. “I didn’t mean to lash out, I’m sorry. Just have a lot on my mind is all.”
  168. >Betty nods and gives you a smile of sympathy.
  169. >”It’s okay Rest, I don’t doubt this is about whom ever you’re assigned to.” She sighs for a moment. “But you can’t let it get to you, I know it’s hard, but that is what happens in our line of work.”
  170. >She’s right of course, that doesn’t make it easier.
  171. >Your teachers in medical school kept trying to drill it through your thick head.
  172. >It never stuck though.
  173. >You sigh.
  174. “I know, I know. I’ll be okay Betty.”
  175. >She gives you a little smile.
  176. >”Just never forget, you’re not alone.”
  177. >Though you nod, you can’t escape this feeling.
  178. >You should be talking to her.
  179. >No, not yet.
  180. >At least not until you can’t handle it anymore.
  181. “I won’t forget.”
  182.  
  183. >Betty nods and tries to offer a way for you to unwind.
  184. >”If you like, we could go out for drinks tonight?”
  185. >That actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea.
  186. >But you know how you can get.
  187. >You’ll hold off, for now.
  188. “I can’t, rain check?”
  189. >”Alright, remember, my offer is on the table.”
  190. >She gets up and heads back to her duties.
  191. >A part of you hopes that you won’t take her up on that.
  192. >You leave and go back to work.
  193. >Thankfully every patient that you check on is doing fine.
  194. >However, your other concern is up on your list.
  195. >As you enter Carl’s room, you breath a sigh of relief.
  196. >He looks the same as yesterday.
  197. “Hello Carl, how are you feeling?”
  198. >It feels so mechanical to repeat that to each patient.
  199. >Like usual, he smiles and licks his lips.
  200. >”Fit as a fiddle, and just as sharp.”
  201. >You laugh a little, and feel a little happier.
  202. >Picking up his chart, things are still normal.
  203. >’That doesn’t mean anything.’
  204. >It means he is stable.
  205. >’A pony’s condition can change over the course of hours.’
  206. >Carl starts to tell you another story, thankfully breaking you out of your thoughts.
  207. >”I had the fortune of once working on Princess Celestia’s carriage, would you like to hear about that?”
  208. >Anything to get rid of the pain.
  209. “You know I do.”
  210. >You go through the usual of checking his vitals and the equipment while he talks.
  211. >”So I received a letter in the mail at the shop a long time ago. I almost didn’t believe it when I saw the royal seal. I was overjoyed to find that her highness had heard of my little shop. I know she had visited Ponyville from time to time, but to think she heard of me.” He chuckles. “Anyways, I took it without a second thought. The next day a group of guards came and brought me to Canterlot.”
  212. >You’ve never been to there, but you’ve heard good things.
  213.  
  214. “Wow Carl, never knew you went there.”
  215. >He closes his eyes and nods slowly, before reopening them.
  216. >”It’s a beautiful city, I was so excited. When I got to the castle, I was shown the carriage. Turns out the current repair pony was stumped. It was nothing though, just an old axle that needed to be replaced. Took me no time at all. After I finished, there was she was in all of her glory.” He gets a few tears in his eyes. “Princess Celestia, the second most beautiful mare I have ever met. My wife was the first of course.”
  217. >Carl starts to cough, and you quickly assist him.
  218. “Breath, deep breaths Carl.”
  219. >He nods vigorously and slowly calms down.
  220. >”Water.” He croaks out.
  221. >You hoof over a glass and drinks it slowly.
  222. >Carl pulls back and lets out a small bit of satisfaction.
  223. >”Better, so. Where was I? Oh right. So, she came to me and thanked me for my hard work. I was overwhelmed and couldn’t talk right, she didn’t mind though. After thanking me, I was paid and brought back to my shop.”
  224. >Well, you certainly didn’t expect to hear all of this.
  225. “That’s amazing Carl.”
  226. >He looks at you with a smile.
  227. >”Yeah, sure was. I’m going to try to sleep now, take care Ms. Rest.”
  228. “Have a good sleep Carl, goodbye.”
  229. >You head to do paperwork, and feel a little better after talking to him.
  230. >Though that doesn’t stop the worry you have for Sky.
  231. >You finish up your reports quickly and head to the locker room.
  232. >Sadly you don’t see Betty in the locker room, but you don’t mind.
  233. >She has her own things to deal with after all,
  234. >As you trot home, your mind keeps falling back to worry.
  235. >’They all die eventually.’
  236. >You shake your head and reach your apartment.
  237. >After you close the door, you drop your things.
  238. >Today was stressful, and one thing is on your mind.
  239.  
  240. >You reach the fridge and grab a bottle of hard cider.
  241. >Normally you don’t drink on the weekdays.
  242. >But you’re making an exception.
  243. >The beverage goes down easy, and soon, you feel a little better.
  244. >You feel a tingle go through you, and your mind starts to settle.
  245. “I needed this, everything is fine, just like Betty says.”
  246. >As you try to drink more, you notice the bottle is empty.
  247. “Huh, well one more should help me out.”
  248. >Grabbing another bottle, and you feel even better as you pour more of the elixir down your throat.
  249. >You try to drink more and like before, its empty.
  250. “Just one more, that’s all I need.”
  251. >You grab the last bottle and slam it back.
  252. >Without warning you burp loudly and let out a giggle.
  253. “Shame I’m out, I need to buy more later.”
  254. >You feel kinda tipsy and wander to your bedroom.
  255. >Plopping down on the bed, you stare at the ceiling.
  256. “So tired, I’ll just close my eyes for a second.”
  257. >In that one second, you pass out.
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