GREEN
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2701 14.62 KB 292
2701 14.62 KB 292
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>As the alarm goes off, you slam your hoof into it, nearly breaking it.
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>Your head is pounding and worse, you feel sick.
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>Crawling slowly to the bathroom, you’re so damn sluggish.
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>The bath helps clear your head up a little.
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>You decide to skip breakfast, considering you’re certain you won’t hold anything down.
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>Instead, you grab some pills from the cabinet and down them with a glass of water.
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>Should’ve thought things through, but no.
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>That didn’t stop you from being stupid last night.
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“Idiot, should’ve just had one bottle.”
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>Thankfully you have time before work to mend this mistake.
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>Sitting down on the couch, you try to read.
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>However, your head is still pounding.
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>Normally three drinks wouldn’t do that.
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>But you didn’t pace yourself.
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>Letting out a sigh, you stare at the ceiling for now.
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“I have to stop this, it’s getting in the way of work.”
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>The thoughts however, return.
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>’You can’t save everypony.’
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“I know.”
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>You’re talking to yourself again, and you mash your face against your hooves.
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>Can’t go crazy Rest, get a grip.
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>Letting out a breath you were holding in, you sit up.
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>Still have some time left.
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>Never bothered to unpack from yesterday, so you tend to your bags and get ready.
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>You pause again looking at your fetlock.
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>When you first cut, it was to help distract you from watching others suffer.
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>It did help, at least for a little while.
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>You knew it was wrong, but didn’t stop.
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>However it started happening too much.
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>So you compromised and just cut when a patient died.
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>Unfortunately that lead to you cutting a little deeper.
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>In time you had to hide them with your wristband.
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>That didn’t hide the ugly scars though, those are permanent.
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>You trace the mark, and push aside those thoughts.
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>Grabbing your things, you don’t bother with the pep talk and head out.
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>Everything feels cold and stiff outside.
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>’Like you.’
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>Trying to ignore the thoughts, you pick up the pace to work.
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>Some ponies try to wave or say hello, but you ignore them.
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>The hospital quickly closes in, and you feel some small panic.
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>You try to control your breathing, but it’s difficult
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>Do it for them.
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>Thankfully you reach your locker and take a moment.
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>Your thoughts are still eating you and that needs to stop.
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>Finishing up, you turn and see Betty.
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>Just play it normal, she won’t suspect anything.
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>As she approaches, you put on a fake face for her.
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>”Hi there Rest, feeling better?”
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>You’re not sure if she will fall for it, but it doesn’t matter.
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>You nod and add a bit of enthusiasm to your voice.
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“Yeah, went to bed early, ready to seize the day.”
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>Betty smiles and starts to get ready as well.
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>”That’s great to hear, but don’t forget if you need something, or wanna talk, just ask.”
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>You’ll keep that in mind.
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>Hopefully, everything will go well today.
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“Of course, I won’t forget.”
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>As she is about to continue, you interrupt her.
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“I’m going to go to the meeting, see you there.”
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>She raises an eyebrow and gives you an uncertain smile.
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>”Okay, I’ll join you all in just a second.”
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>You hurry off, to the group
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>As you’re waiting, you keep thinking about yesterday.
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>I just need to put my best for them, that’s all.
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>’You can’t save everypony.’
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>I can save them.
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>’They all die eventually.’
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>You shut your eyes tightly and shake your head.
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>”Deep Rest? Are you okay?”
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>Opening your eyes, you see the head nurse and a few others are looking at you.
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“Ye-yeah, just fine. A little tired is all, I’m ready for my assignment.”
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>She nods and gives you the papers.
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>Pretty much same as yesterday, a few changes.
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>Same patients, different rotations.
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>Going through the same routine for examinations.
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>Pony complains of a problem.
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>You get information, and usually get them to spill a little more.
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>Take temperature if needed and repeat.
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>For some, it would be called boring.
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>For you, it’s your life.
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>Every since you got your cutiemark, you have been helping others.
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>You fondly remember mom being overjoyed at seeing you get your doctorate in medicine.
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>The hours of studying and lack of sleep finally paid off.
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>It makes you smile and you feel more focused again.
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>With renewed vigor, you approach Sky’s room.
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>Mrs. Light is sitting bed side and reading him a book.
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>>”-from the E.U.P. the Wonderbolts were founded.”
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>Another history lesson, not that you’re too surprised.
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>Because of his condition, he is often home schooled.
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>Picking up the chart, you see that he has deteriorated a little.
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>His O2 levels are still low, and the antibiotics are still being used.
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>He calls out to you in a scratchy voice.
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>”Hi Rest.”
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>Looking at him now, you can’t help but frown.
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>Though he is stable, some color has drained from him.
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“Hello Sky, how are you feeling?”
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>”My throat hurts, and I’m tired.”
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>Likely he has been coughing.
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>You gently pat his mane and smile.
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“I bet, you’ve been through a lot.”
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>He slowly nods, and you can see his mother watching you both from the corner of your eye.
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>She has a small smile of her own.
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>Though you can see the corners of her mouth are threatening to turn it into a frown.
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>Light tries to talk again, but starts to cough.
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>The two of you reach him and try to assist him.
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>”There, there, Sky.”
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>Sadly, you know what will happen if this continues.
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>’You can’t save them all.’
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>As he finally gets it under control, you try to get him to just sit still.
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“How about you let your mom read to you while I sit with you for a bit?”
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>He goes to talk, but stops and nods instead.
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>Mrs. Light sits back down and reopens the book continuing where she left off.
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>Though it eats into your time, it’s worth it.
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>Eventually a light snore draws your attention.
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>Sky has fallen asleep, and looks peaceful.
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>”Thank you Nurse Rest.”
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>Looking back up, you see Mrs. Light looking at the two of you.
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>You give her a smile.
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“My pleasure.”
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>She sighs for a moment, and sets the book back in a bag next to her.
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>”He has been up and down all night. It’s good to see him finally sleep. I think I will take a little nap myself.”
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>You don’t blame her, she looks like she needs it, badly.
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“Of course, take care Mrs. Light.”
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>”You too.”
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>As you leave the room, you feel tired yourself.
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>Though the thoughts don’t bother you while you check on the others.
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>You know they will likely return soon.
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>If last night was any indication, you will pick up another pack of cider.
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>Just need to limit yourself is all.
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>Because you stayed a little longer with Sky, you have to head to lunch late.
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>However, you finally manage to eat.
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>Betty joins you and looks pretty tired herself.
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“You look, how I feel.”
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>She snorts, and shakes her head a little.
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>”Yeah, thanks.”
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>As she eats, she starts to talk with you.
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>”So, feeling better from this morning?”
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>Not entirely, your nerves are still frayed.
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“Yeah, a little tired still, but at least I slept last night.”
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>She takes a bite and continues.
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>”I can see we are both running a little behind though.”
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>Not surprised she is worried about not getting everything done.
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“Yeah, but we have good reasons. I had to sit with the Light family a little longer than usual.”
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>Betty stops, and gives a look of surprise.
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>”I’m guessing that is one of the patients you’re worried about?”
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>There is no point in hiding anymore.
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>You decide to tell her a little, if only to alleviate her worries.
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“Yeah, Sky Light, he has pneumonia. I’m certain you have had him before.”
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>She nods and starts to eat again.
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>”Mhm, cute colt.” She pauses, then continues. “Rest, you should’ve told me sooner.”
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>Her words sting a little.
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>You deserve it though.
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>She has been trying to help, but you keep pushing her away.
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>Letting out a sigh, you try to continue, but she stops you.
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>”Look, I get it. Really I do. I know you get attached, and to be honest, that is really good for the patients.”
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>You know what she is going to say next.
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“There is a but in there.”
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>She closes her eyes and reopens them.
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>Her face shifts a little into lecture mode.
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>”You’re right, there is. You let yourself get too attached. Do you think I forgot when you first told me about it? You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s not healthy for you or anypony.”
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>You look down and sigh.
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“I know, I know, I just can’t change that part of me.”
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>Feeling a hoof on your wither you look back up at her.
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>”I’m not asking you change. I’m asking you to let your friends shoulder your burden.”
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>For the first time today, it feels like the world got a little brighter.
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“I’m sorry Betty. You’re right.”
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>She smiles, and gives you a small squeeze.
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>”Good to hear, I’m going to finish off my shift, let me know if you need anything. I’m serious.”
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>You nod and watch her leave.
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>Shortly after, you clean up and go do your rounds.
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>Some more releases, some changes of equipment, and a few talks.
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>You approach Carl’s room and see a gray pegasus mare leaving it.
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>She gives you a smile and passes by.
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>As you enter, you see Carl with a large smile on his face.
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>”Hello Ms. Rest, you just missed my granddaughter.”
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>You weren’t certain if that was her.
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>In truth, you have only seen her once.
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“Oh, we just passed in the hallway.”
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>Looking over the chart as usual, he is still stable, but not leaving.
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>Slowly he nods.
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>As you perform your duties, you note he is quiet this time.
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>It’s starting to bother you, he usually has a story to tell.
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“Is everything alright Carl?”
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>You look to him and see a far off look in his eyes.
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>He slowly blinks and takes a breath, then slowly releases it.
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>”Everything is fine.”
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>You don’t buy that.
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>That’s one thing you can count on with him.
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>He will talk about anything.
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“You know you can tell me anything Carl. We’ve known each other for a while now, I’d like to think we’re friends.”
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>He smiles, and takes a moment.
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>”Yes, yes we are friends, aren’t we?” He sighs. “You know, it’s hard to talk about some things though.”
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>You write down a few numbers and look back to him.
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“It’s always hard to do that.”
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>Carl nods, and continues.
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>”That’s true, but there are some subjects you don’t talk about freely. Like death.”
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>The words freeze you on the spot.
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>As you’re trying to break out of it, he continues.
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>”I’m old Ms. Rest, too old. I’ve seen a lot of places. Was blessed to have a loving wife and foals of my own.”
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>No.
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>”I’ve been in this hospital for weeks, I’m not dumb. After my wife passed, I knew I would join her eventually.”
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>Finally breaking out of your shock, you try to reassure him.
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“You have a lot of life left in you Carl, don’t say those things.”
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>He shakes his head and gives out a little chuckle.
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>”This is what I mean about certain subjects.”
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>Fear feels like its starting to make itself manifest in the open.
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“You will get better, you’re just a little sick is all.”
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>He finally looks at you, and for once, you can see he has a serious look on his face.
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>”I don’t think so. I know you don’t want to hear it, but my time is approaching. I’m not afraid though, I welcome it.”
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>Before you can interrupt, he continues.
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>”I’m telling you this because we are friends. Please Ms. Rest, I don’t mind you missing me, but don’t let it bring you down.”
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>How?
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>How is that he knows?
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“I..I...Yo-you will be fine Carl.”
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>He starts to plead to you.
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>”I will be, everything will be fine.”
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>No words escape you.
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>You just nod and finish up without saying goodbye.
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>’You can’t save everypony.’
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>Your heart is pounding.
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>It’s hard to focus on your reports.
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>You turn them in and hurry to the locker room.
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>The whole time, everything feels so hollow.
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>Betty sees you and tries to talk.
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>Her mouth is moving, but you don’t hear words.
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>Everything feels like its on autopilot.
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>’They all die eventually.’
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>Soon you find yourself trotting along the road.
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>Your world is so gray.
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>Isn’t it supposed to be bright and colorful?
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>Taking a detour to the store, you know what you need.
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>You enter and buy a case of hard cider.
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>Slowly your approach your apartment.
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>The building feels so dead.
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>Closing the door behind you and dropping your things.
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>You sit down on the couch with the pack of cider on the table.
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>A part of you knows that Carl is right.
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>It’s been said that when you are close to death at old age, you can see it coming.
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>How true that is, you don’t know.
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>No book ever explained how ponies can tell.
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>But there are numerous reports of old ponies predicting their death.
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“He can’t die.”
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>Tears start to fall freely from you.
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>You look down and see you already have drank two bottles.
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“I don’t remember even opening one.”
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>It doesn’t matter, you need to numb this.
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>You don’t want to feel right now.
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>Inside you’re breaking, and you want nothing more than to numb it all.
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>Finishing off your third bottle, you don’t feel better.
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“Another won’t hurt.”
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>Even as you drink it, it feels like your just pouring it down a drain.
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>Before you finish, you freeze.
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>Without warning, you began to sob.
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“Everything hurts.”
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>You curl up on the couch and let out a small whine.
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“I don’t want to hurt again.”
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>There is an answer though.
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>It makes you slow your breathing.
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>You get up and head to the bathroom.
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>Staring back at you is a haggard mare.
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>Her mane is a disaster and her eyes are bloodshot.
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>Ignoring it, you open the cabinet.
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>Inside, a small selection of blades awaits.
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>Still new, never opened.
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>Letting out a hiccup, you grab one.
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“Just one, just one is all I need to do.”
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>You lean over the sink and pull off your wristband.
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>Looking down at your fetlock, you can almost see the veins.
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>Your knowledge giving you so much detail.
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>Leaning down, you’re about to cut
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>Bringing the blade to your skin, you gently press and pull back a little.
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>You’re just sitting there, breathing heavy through clenched teeth.
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“Come on, do it, do it.”
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>You’re start to shake and your vision starts to blur.
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>Letting go, you drop the blade into the sink and fall back on your flank.
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>Instead, you cry.
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“I can’t do this. I’m a coward.”
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>You wrap your legs around yourself, and slowly rock.
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>This isn’t right, this isn’t you.
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>After what feels like hours you finally calm down.
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>Slowly you regain your strength and get up.
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>Everything hurts, your heart especially.
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>You put away the blade and shamble your way to your bed.
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>Tomorrow will be better, you’re certain of it.
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>You’re exhausted and collapse into the bed.
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>The world fades away and sleep takes you in its hold at last.
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon