/emo/ Deep suffering, chp 5 (End)

>Slowly, you awaken.
>Head is throbbing, and your vision is blurry.
>Your whole body is hurting, especially your back.
>Struggling to move as your head feels like it weighs a ton.
>As you try to get up, your leg flares up in pain.
“Fuck!”
>You pull back, the memories from last night start to return.
>Carl’s death, leaving the hospital, drinking home alone, and falling apart.
>It’s so hard to focus.
>Sitting back down, you examine the damage you inflicted.
>You struggle, but in the end, you focus enough to see it.
“Thank Celestia...”
>Only three cuts, none of them too deep, but enough to hurt like hell.
>A distant beeping draws your attention.
>Your alarm clock.
“Oh shit! What time is it?”
>As you go to move, you accidentally put pressure on the leg and immediately regret it.
“Fuck!” You sharply inhale. “Idiot, stop doing that!”
>Cautiously, you limp to the bedroom to see the time.
“For fucks sake!”
>You overslept, not by much, but enough to shorten what little time you had left.
>Limping back, you run a cold bath in an attempt to clear your head.
>The cold water freezes you to core and awakens you fully.
>Gently you clean up your cuts and finish up the bath as fast as possible.
>You’re trying your best to not cause yourself anymore pain than you already have.
>Taking care to wrap up the wounds to the best of your ability.
>Unfortunately, you can barely hide it under your wristband.
>Wouldn’t take much for somepony to notice.
“Will have to do, I don’t have time.”
>As you put more pressure on the leg, you limp along in pain.
>You hastily empty your bags and replace what ever else you need.
>Still have some a minute to spare, but not enough to relax.
>You saddle up, grab your keys and leave the disaster that is your apartment.

>The bright sun stings your eyes and you stumble a little.
>Whatever the effects the bath had are barely helping.
>You know for certain your injury will impede your travel, but you try to hurry.
>Each step flares up the pain, and you grimace each time.
>Some ponies try to greet you, but all you can do is a half smile or nod.
>Slowly you approach the hospital.
>You don’t bother to stop like usual.
>Instead you just keep repeating the words to yourself like some mad mare.
“Do it for them Rest, do it for the patients.”
>As you enter through the doors, you don’t bother acknowledge anypony.
>Just have to hurry to the locker room before you’re late.
>Seeing the nearby clock shows you have a little time to get your stuff away.
>You barely manage to get your uniform on before Betty comes in.
>”Rest we-”
>Before she can continue you cut her off.
“We will talk later alright? Just not right now.”
>Betty looks hurt, but nods slowly.
>”Okay, at lunch then?”
>Without missing a beat, you nod back and head off to the group.
>Head hurts, leg hurts, and your heart is pounding.
>You take a moment to get yourself under control.
>”Deep Rest, here’s your assignment.”
>As you take the papers, you look them over.
>Same as usual, with one exception.
>Carl’s name is gone, and it makes your heart sink.
>Can’t let that get to you right now, no.
>It would get in the middle of helping others.
>You limp along to examination.
>A mare and her filly are your first to look over.
>The mother gives you a brief run down of the problem.
>Though from experience you know its best to ask the patient directly.
“How are you feeling?”
>She looks tired, but she coughs before talking in a small voice.
>”My tummy hurts.”
>She’s so cute, it helps lift your spirits.
“Okay, well I’m going to take your temperature and then the doctor will see you. Is that okay?”

>She nods and things go by smoothly.
>You know today will be long.
>At least it’s the last day of the work week.
>Each examination goes by without hassle.
>And before long, you go onto checking in with patients.
>Sky is first on the list, so you pick up the pace.
>You leg still hurts, and you’re still limping a little.
>You need to know he is okay.
>As you enter his room you see Mr. and Mrs. Light talking.
>Sky is half out of it, but he gives you a small smile.
>”Hi Rest.”
>He sounds quite groggy, but looks a little better.
>His parent stop talking and look over to you.
>Mr. Light looks tired like his wife, with everything they go through, you’re not surprised.
>>”Hello Nurse Rest, good to see you.”
>While he isn’t there much, he does try to show up when he can.
“Hello Mr. Light, good to see you as well.”
>You pick up the chart and look it over.
>Releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding in, you feel more at ease.
>He is improving, slowly, but it’s better than nothing.
>Won’t be released anytime soon, but he will likely make a full recovery.
“So, how are you feeling Sky?”
>You start to write down the information as he talks.
>”I’m still really tired, mom said you came by yesterday.”
>Readings are stable, good.
“Yes I did, though you were asleep the past two times I’ve been here.”
>Sky gives a small frown, but continues.
>”I’m sorry, I’m so tired.”
>Not that you blame him, he’s been through a lot.
“It’s okay Sky, you needed sleep to get better.”
>He nods slowly and starts to talk again.
>”Yeah, bu-” He begins to cough violently.
>A quick flash of fear from yesterday hits you.
>Training takes over and you reach him.
>From the corner of your eye, you can see his parents looking on in worry.
>When these happen, you can’t show your fear to the patients.

>’You can’t save everypony.’
>I will try at the very least.
>His eyes bug out and he motions to you for something.
>Immediately you grab a nearby pan and hoof it over to him.
>Very quickly he empty's the contents of his stomach into it.
>You gently rub his back and assist him.
>Eventually, he gets himself back under control.
“It’s alright, that’s normal, better?”
>He can’t talk yet, instead he nods.
“Well, I’ll let you rest. Be good for your parents Sky.”
>Though he doesn’t say anything, he smiles.
>As you’re leaving, his father stops you outside of the room.
>>”Nurse?”
>You turn to him while Mrs. Light tends to Sky.
“Yes?”
>He takes a moment, then continues.
>>”I want to thank you for helping my son.”
>You feel a bit surprised.
>While you do hear this often, it sometimes catches you off guard.
>>”You and the rest of the staff have done so much for us, so I really do mean thank you.”
>You feel yourself smile, hopefully you can find some peace today.
“You’re welcome.”
>You look to Sky and his mother, he has started talking with her.
>>”I wish I could be here more for him, but my work keeps me busy.”
>Not too surprising, can’t imagine him fairing better than his wife.
>You look back to Mr. Light, and nod.
“You’re here now, that is what matters. You do a lot of him, and we do as much as we can as well.”
>He slowly nods, and smiles.
>>”Yeah, I know.” He shakes his head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t keep you, take care.”
“It’s okay, and to you as well Mr. Light.”
>Trotting off to do more of your rounds, you still have a small limp.
>But your heart feels a little lighter.
>Some new patients, some you recognize from earlier in the week from examinations.
>For the most part, everything is well.
>You finish up, and head to lunch.
>This past week, you haven’t eaten much.
>And that is coming back to bite you now.
>Your stomach growls loudly.

>Honestly, you don’t care what they’re serving.
>You just grab the first thing you see.
>Sitting down, you dig in and don’t notice Betty joining you.
>”Hungry Rest?”
>Pausing, you realize that you are eating loudly.
“Sorry, I’ve been skipping meals, so there’s the first thing to talk about.”
>She looks not all that surprised.
>Sighing, she starts.
>”I was afraid you would say that.”
>You talk in between eating.
“It’s been a long and stressful week. I skipped out because I couldn’t eat.”
>Betty looks a bit angry.
>”I see that. You left yesterday before we could talk.”
>Deep down, you’re certain that you left early intentionally to avoid her.
>Before you can respond, she continues.
>”I heard what happened, and I’m sorry that he passed.”
>Your appetite falls, so you stop and stare at her.
>”There was nothing you could do Rest, it was old age. No pony, not even Celestia herself, could’ve stopped what happened.”
>You know she is right, but that doesn’t stop you from feeling terrible.
>Sighing, you rub your temples.
“Yeah.”
>”I came over as quick as I could after work.”
>Instantly, you freeze.
>Why didn’t you hear her?
>”I knocked, but you didn’t answer.”
>You probably were passed out by then.
>”Rest, could you tell me what happened?”
>No, you shouldn’t.
>Taking a moment, you fight with yourself.
>On one hoof, she is trying to help.
>On the other, you’re risking her finding out about your problem.
>Looking back to Betty, you can see she has a pleading look on her face.
>You blink slowly and sigh.
“I’ll explain myself after work, I’ll show you.”
>You have to let somepony in eventually.
>Even if it hurts, you cannot shut yourself off.
>”Okay then, I will literally buck down your door this time if you run off.”
>You share a laugh, it’s been a bit.

“Alright, I promise mom.”
>She smirks.
>”Well, time to finish off the day then?”
>You nod and get up with her to take care of your garbage.
>The rest of your shift goes smoothly.
>More vitals taken down, some equipment changed, and of course talking.
>Your heart is still hurting from yesterday.
>In time, you will get over it, like the many times before.
>As your about to go write up your reports, a mare stops you.
>”Excuse me, but are you Nurse Rest?”
>It takes you a moment, but you recognize her.
>It’s Carl’s granddaughter.
“Yes I am, you must be Spring Steel.”
>She smiles, and nods.
>Her icy blue eyes are something she shares with Carl.
>”That’s me, Grandpa talked about you before.” Her smile fades a little. “He told me about how you would listen to his many stories.”
>It hurts to hear this, but maybe this is fate’s way of helping you.
“Mhm, he told me quite a few actually.”
>It’s now, that you notice that there is pain in her eyes.
>As she sighs, her smile returns, albeit a bit smaller.
>”I know we haven’t spoken before, but I wanted to thank you for being there with him. It meant a lot to have somepony listen to him.”
>Your eyes moisten, but you try to resist.
>Your voice almost gives as well.
“It’s fine, you’re welcome.”
>She tilts her head a second before she has a look of understanding.
>”I miss him, and I can see that you do as well.”
>Can’t really fight back these tears much longer, nor the pain in your heart.
“Yes, yes I do.”
>Spring closes her eyes and reopens them slowly, slightly more teary.
>”It may be a lot of me to ask this, but maybe we can hang out sometime? I’d like to have somepony to talk with about Grandpa.”
>You say no words and nod instead.
>Her voice quivers a second.
>”Thank you again, I must be going. Have a lot to do today.”
>Your own voice fails you.
>Everything hurts again.
>You make your way back to finishing up your day.

>It’s hard to do paperwork, but you manage somehow.
>Your leg still hurts, and it’s going to be hard to explain it easily to Betty.
>Speaking of which, she is waiting by your locker as you enter.
“Hey.”
>She sees the look on your face and a look of concern forms.
>”Did something else happen today?”
“Nothing bad, I met Spring Steel, Carl’s granddaughter.”
>She breaths out a sigh and relaxes a little.
>”Had me worried for a second, but I’m hoping the meeting between you two went well.”
>It helped in some way.
“Mhm, we talked and she asked me if we could hangout sometime. She thanked me for being there for Carl.”
>You look down.
>Some tears escape, and Betty touches your wither.
>”It’s going to be alright Rest. I’ll let you get your things, then we can talk.”
>A small part of you is screaming no.
>It keeps saying that she will think you’re crazy.
>It doesn’t matter, if anypony is going to find out.
>You’d rather it be Betty.
>Grabbing your things, the two of you leave the hospital.
>As you trot to your apartment, she tries to talk to you.
>”So?”
“I’ve told you almost everything already. Like I said earlier, I will show you when I get home.”
>She scrunches her face up, and lets go with a nod.
>”Alright, fair enough.”
>The two of you reach your home and enter.
>You don’t bother to say anything.
>Instead you walk over to the couch and drop your things.
>Slowly, you turn to her.
>You didn’t have time to clean up today, and now she sees it all.
>Her eyes are going all over the place.
>Pieces of the broken bottle lay against the wall.
>Empty bottles on the table and an empty case.
>You sit down and wait for her to talk.
>Minutes pass, and eventually she starts.
>”I had no idea it got this bad, but I should’ve.”
>You feel some shame, but not much else.

“You’re not a mind reader. I hid it from you.”
>Betty shakes her head and looks a bit angry.
>With you? No, with herself.
>”I knew I should’ve been literal on bucking your damn door down.”
>You give a halfhearted smile.
“My neighbors would’ve called the guards and things would’ve gotten a lot worse.”
>”Rest, I know you’re in pain, but this is too much.”
>Your heart hurts more now.
>Guess you shouldn’t have told her.
>Before you say anything she approaches you.
>”I mean you let too much happen to you alone, we’re supposed to be friends. You let yourself hurt this much without telling me?”
>You look down and back up at her.
“Yes.”
>She gawks at you for a second, then releases a sigh.
>Betty sits in front of you and face hoofs.
>”You don’t have to fight this alone, you should never have to do that as long as you have a friend.”
>With those words, you come apart at last.
>Tears flow freely and you sob.
>Your eyes are shut tightly and you feel Betty wrap her legs around you in a hug.
>As she holds you, she whispers the words.
>”Everything is going to be okay Rest, we will get through this.”
>No point in hiding anymore.
>You pull back, remove your wristband and your bandage to show her.
>Her eyes widen and she is stares at the cuts.
>Your heart beats hard in fear.
>The wait is killing you.
>Betty looks back at you and her voice is shaky.
>”I wish you had told me sooner.” She gives you a gentle squeeze. “We will get you through this Rest, I promise.”
>No words escape, and you hug her again.
>You’re crying, but not because your in pain.
>It’s because you’re happy you have a friend to help you.
>You should never suffer alone.