Not So Cheery Lee


                                            >Everyone I asked told me it wouldn't be worth it; all my friends, that is.

                                            >My family was disappointed as well, though I suppose I could understand that, they wanted to push me down a different career path

                                            >The teachers that guided me in school scoffed at me, I was the troublemaker, how could I possibly want to do this?

                                            >Well here I am, standing on the platform, receiving my degree.

                                            >A bachelor's degree in teaching, history to be more specific.

                                            >Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

                                            >"Oh why would a troublemaker want to be a teacher? Isn't that counterintuitive?"

                                            >Lemme tell you...

                                            >Although I may be a troublemaker I genuinely just want to make people laugh; I'm a good person at heart, really. Just got a couple screws loose upstairs.

                                            >No harm done, I got my degree, now I can finally look for a job.

                                            >And so I did get a job, teaching Government and Econ at the very high school I went to when I was a teenager.

                                            >Boy were my old teachers surprised to see me, the troublemaker, come back to replace one of their colleagues.

                                            >The pot-smoking class clown back at it again to torment their lives with cynical answers to their questions, to be sarcastic without being asked to, to just be a complete dope.

                                            >Truth is, I live in this town. I love it here, and I just want to make money. Gotta pay off these student loans somehow, y'know?

                                            >Today was the first day of class, and my lesson plan is absolutely perfect. I know how kids are, I'm only 23, so these little shits might actually be able to bond with me just as we bonded with our teacher.

                                            >Wait, today was the first day?

                                            "Ah, shit."

                                            >I smack myself in the face, and look at the clock at my bedside.

                                            "Gonna be late if I don't get my ass up."

                                            >And so I lay there for another two minutes before hurling myself out of the sheet cocoon I had wrapped around myself.

                                            >Just gonna wash my hair in the sink, brush my teeth, get my clothes on...

                                            >Look at the clock and-

                                            "Oh goddamnit I'm totally late!"


                                            >Late for my first day, lucky for the teens at school, eh?

                                            >Course I immediately swing into action, snagging my satchel and bounding out the door like a bat outta hell.

                                            >I dive into the ol' grand cherokee and switch the beast on, it roars in response as Roger Waters's amazing guitar skills flare up on the radio, and within moments I am flying down the empty road at 7 in the morning towards my destination.

                                            "Fuck fuck fuck fuck..."

                                            >I mutter to myself as I look in the rearview mirror; Of course red and blue lights were flashing through it, and I could hear the siren blaring behind me over the sick guitar solo.

                                            >Damnit, I was so close! Right around the corner is the high school!

                                            >Of course I had to get stopped by a cop.

                                            >I sigh and pull over to the side of the road, turning off my radio and keeping my hands on the steering wheel. You can't be too careful these days, what with all the shootings.

                                            >Course mister police officer exits his car, I can almost feel the glare he's giving me through the rearview mirror, I could just picture him asking his first question.

                                            >"Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"

                                            >I jump in my seat.

                                            >He was already at my window!

                                            >I... I could've sworn he was still at his car.

                                            >Must be nerves.

                                            "Ah yeah, sorry officer. It's my first day as a teacher and I'm super late."

                                            >His bristly mustache twitches as he looks off in the direction of the school, eyebrows scrunched up as if scrutinizing the very existence of the building. Perhaps scrutinizing his own existence.

                                            >"Teacher, eh? First day you said?"

                                            >His voice is rough, like he'd been smoking for a couple of years. I could smell the hint of cigars rolling off of him as he spoke to me as well.

                                            "Eh yeah- haha... I guess uh, I'm not the most responsible type of guy."


                                            >He sniffs again, I can't see what sort of look he's giving me through those pitch black aviators he's wearing.

                                            >"You remind me of someone I used to know."

                                            >I could detect... Somberness in his voice. Uh oh.

                                            "Yeah well uh, sorry I was speeding, officer. I just really gotta-"

                                            >He holds up his hand, and I stop talking, just letting my jaw hang there.

                                            >"Pack it in, Mister Lee. I know what you're talkin' about. You weren't going too fast, your car looked like another I had pulled over recently... A uh- how do I say? A miscreant running about and providing substances to children. Can't let those folk hang around schools, you know what I mean?"

                                            >I nodded my head, please just let me go dude, I'm still late.

                                            "H-haha yeah officer, I know what you mean. I only want to sell my students knowledge, not drugs!"

                                            >Oh god that was so cheesy.

                                            >Am I gonna be one of those cheesy teachers that everyone gets tired of?

                                            >Oh jeez.

                                            >The officer bellowed out laughing.

                                            >"Ha- oh my. I haven't heard enthusiasm for teaching like that in a long time, boy."

                                            >He leans against my door casually and almost whispers something to me, something I wasn't sure I caught.

                                            >"Tell you what, I'll let you go this time, but I don't think you should be teaching these kind-a kids. So... consider this a favor from me."

                                            >He flashes his sunglasses down as he smiled, I could've sworn I saw that one of his eyes was- yellow?

                                            "Oh, uh, thank you officer...?

                                            >"No problem kid, you have a safe trip around the corner. Don't let those kids horse around too much."

                                            >Emphasis on the horse, I guess.

                                            >The guy gets off my door and flashes me one last smile before waltzing off to his police car, and slowly pulling out down the road.

                                            >I let out a deep breathe I didn't know I'd been holding.

                                            >Fucking cops, and- Horse around? Not like I was teaching actual horses.

                                            >That'd be silly.


                                            >I rounded the corner and onto a short road that led through trees that towered overhead, arching over the long black pavement menacingly, like they were about to crash right on top of you.

                                            >It steadily got darker as I drove; instantly I knew that something was up.

                                            >This road wasn't nearly as long as I had been driving down it for, it should've rounded into the school's parking lot by now, which begged another question:

                                            >Where was the school?

                                            >I slammed on the breaks as I dozed off in my own mind fuzz, thinking about these oddities, I hadn't noticed a large tree stump that was due for an impact with my front bumper.

                                            "Fucking hell man, what's going on here?"

                                            >With shaky hands I stepped out of the vehicle and into the foggy night, shivering at the sudden cold that had taken over the area.

                                            >It was only August, it shouldn't be this cold, and it was day quite literally moments ago!

                                            >I shuddered and hugged myself, looking back at the road I came down.

                                            >Except there was no road, no pavement at all, I was in a forest with my car...

                                            >Looking at my feet only caused my sanity to fray further, as there was no asphalt beneath my feet, just forest junk littering the ground.

                                            >I half expected my car to disappear too, but no, the old grand cherokee was still very much there, beams on and flaring through the forest revealing absolutely nothing at all.

                                            "Screw it, I'm dreaming, this is a lucid dream!"

                                            >And like most lucid dreams that I have had, I had absolutely zero control over reality around me; the only thing I could do was observe what was happening.

                                            >So I observed as a witness to my own reality bubble.

                                            >Quickly, I backed up into the cold metal of the car behind me, turning to lean into the front seat; fishing for my belongings.


                                            >With gusto I snagged my backpack and cigarettes, as well as a leather jacket that had probably been sitting in that damn car for months without use; can't exactly pull off the cool kid look anymore at 23, especially if you're teaching would be cool kids.

                                            >Satisfied, I shut the car door with a satisfying clunk and gazed off into the surrounding forest.

                                            >Nothing jumped out at me, no unholy abominations, no wolves out in this darkness, no nothing.

                                            >So I decided to walk in the direction my car was facing, maybe this dream would start to make some semblance of sense later on.

                                            >Or maybe I'd just lose dream coherence and fall back into unconciousness, and wake up.

                                            >Better to enjoy the lucidity while I still could.

                                            >Coughing, I brought up a cigarette to my lips, flicking the near dead bic lighter in a shitty attempt to light the tobacco stick.

                                            >Nothing like a ciggie to calm the nerves after all.

                                            >I left it hanging in my mouth as I bobbed under branches and weaved between trees, having walked so far that I couldn't see the headlights from my car anymore behind me.

                                            >Though it was without trouble, as I was suddenly stumbling out of the wildness of the forest and onto a trail that led through the dark area.

                                            >Looking both ways and seeing no difference, I shrugged my shoulders and took the right hand path.

                                            >Better right than wrong.

                                            >Or left?

                                            >Right.

                                            >Coughing once more, I ran a hand through my longer than average hair, I really do need to get it cut if it's this... long...

                                            >My hair isn't long.

                                            >It's actually damn near military-standard, buzzed down and not touching the ears, so why was it long?

                                            >I brought a bang in front of my face, and despite the darkness the glow from my cigarette told me that my hair was pinkish in color.

                                            >I've never dyed my hair, so naturally this struck me ass offputting, but it was a dream.

                                            >Anything can happen in a dream.

                                            >Even your hair growing longer and turning pink.

                                            >Yeah.

                                            >Absolutely, one hundred percent, normal!


                                            >I was cracking.

                                            >I've been wandering through this forest for what felt like several hours, the moon still gazing down at me with its haunting glow

                                            >Walking through streaks of moonlight only added to the hell I was experiencing

                                            >I was becoming... Something.

                                            >Not sure what, exactly, but it was something with fluffy pink hair; with some lighter streaks of pink running through said hair.

                                            >There was also a sort of... cerise fur spreading on your arms.

                                            >It was slow, but steady.

                                            >I caught myself walking on tippy toes occasionally, it was more uncomfortable to not walk like that at this point, so I just let it slide.

                                            >Toes were going numb, I felt the fur spreading down my arms and to my torso; from there to my stomach and thighs; down to my legs.

                                            >The feeling of fur against clothes was extremely odd, like when you're wearing a hat and you feel your hair stuck between your skull and the fabric.

                                            >It was... Sort of like that, but it kept me warmer.

                                            >I snorted.

                                            "Who'da thunk it, fur keeps you warm."

                                            >My voice was a few octaves higher than what it had been, and started taking on a sing-song quality to the tone.

                                            >Whatever I was turning into wasn't male, and that scared me.

                                            >I shoved my hands back into the pockets of my jacket, feeling it roomier than it had been.

                                            >I was shrinking.

                                            >My boots were starting to get rather loose around my feet and ankles.

                                            >So with little effort I stopped walking and plopped down on my rump, damn near ripping the boots off of my-

                                            >Hooves.

                                            >I had cerise hooves.


                                            >I can't remember how long I was there in that spot.

                                            >I only remember waking up from a deep slumber, eyes forcefully closing as daylight shot right into my irises.

                                            "Urgh... What the hell...?"

                                            >I was slow to stir, but then I remembered what had happened.

                                            >I shot up into a sitting position, finding I still had my hands I instantly gripped at what used to be my feet.

                                            >The warm hard keratin met my grasp, fur brushing up against my hands, it felt... Odd.

                                            >I cautiously reached my hands up to my head, finding my hearing was a bit different, and tried to search for my ears.

                                            >They weren't at the sides of my head, as they should be, but they were instead at the top of my head.

                                            >Very fuzzy ears, presumably pink as I couldn't see them, were felt at my touch; I even felt one twitch in my grasp.

                                            >I instantly began cackling, a slow steady laugh rising from my lungs.

                                            "Hehehehahaha!"

                                            >This wasn't a dream.

                                            >You don't fall asleep in a dream, and wake up in a dream.

                                            >This was real.

                                            >I was becoming a horse, or some derivative.

                                            "I'm becoming a pretty pink pony! Ahahaha!"

                                            >I sat there, rocking in place, laughing like a goddamn lunatic.

                                            >My voice had fully gone over to the feminine side, finding it had become a very sweet sing-songy voice indeed.

                                            >Even that sing-song intonation was disturbed by my mental breakdown, voice cracking as it was, choking back the tears that threatened to break from my enlarged eyes.

                                            >Eventually the damn broke, and I just sat there crying for a very extended period of time.

                                            >The birds chirped, and I cried.

                                            >Animals went about their business, burying nuts, and skittering through the forest.

                                            >I just cried.


                                            >At some point I felt something weird happening to my hands.

                                            >I stopped crying and just looked at them.

                                            >I couldn't feel them anymore; I couldn't stop them as they forcefully balled up into a fist, nails digging into my palm before the fingers just simply merged together as fur spread over them totally.

                                            >I watched as keratin surrounded the former hands before me, reshaping them into two pretty cerise hooves, I touched the new hooves together, and a resounding clop was the answer.

                                            >I sniffled.

                                            "L-looks like no more hands for me.

                                            >Over the hours I had begun to come to grips with my new reality, which was abruptly shattered as I felt my spine tingling.

                                            >Then it snapped inwards, and I felt myself bowl over on all fours; Once again crying because of my situation, but mostly from the pain of my spine snapping out of place, and right back again.

                                            >My jeans had been completely shredded overnight, the new bone structure in my legs turning them into more of a tattered heap than clothes.

                                            >Once the pain had subsided, I sat up, pulling the former jeans off of my legs.

                                            >My leather jacket was still okay, if slightly larger than before, but still intact.

                                            >I rubbed the tears out of my eyes with a hoof, and bumped them against my newfound muzzle.

                                            >I guess I was totally a pony now.

                                            >Not even thinking about what happened to my sex.

                                            >Not... Not going to think about that at all, I saw what it was now, but luckily fur and my newfound tail seemed to cover nearly all of it up.

                                            >The jacket helped to cover myself up, too.

                                            >Shakily, I tried to stand up on all four hooves, the sensation extremely foreign to my normally bipedal form.

                                            >Somehow... I knew how to walk, albeit shakily, I was able to walk like a pony.

                                            "How... nice."

                                            >I snorted again.

                                            "Panicking and freaking out won't solve this. I need to find someone else, and some food, and... water."


                                            >Daylight made it much easier to walk through this godforsaken forest.

                                            >It wasn't long before I spotted what looked like a clearing, which turned out to be the exit from this cursed place.

                                            >A grin broke through the depressive mood I was in, as I literally galloped out of the forest and into rolling green hills.

                                            >There was a town not too far from where I stood, and beyond that was a mountain with the most beautiful fantasy-esque castle I had ever seen, topping anything I had seen on TV and in video games.

                                            >It was...

                                            >"Beautiful, isn't it?"

                                            >Shocked, you whipped your head to the source of the voice.

                                            >A pony!

                                            >And a unicorn, nonetheless.

                                            >Pastel colored light blue, with an even lighter mane that showed streaks of white.

                                            >On her flank was a tattoo that resembled a harp.

                                            >Dumbfounded, I nodded my head.

                                            >She gave you a strange look.

                                            >"I've never seen you around these parts, did you just come out of the Everfree?"

                                            >I nodded my head again, eyes still wide.

                                            >Her ears splayed back.

                                            >"O-kay, well... My name is Lyra Heartstrings, what's yours?"

                                            >I gulped.

                                            >What a strange name.

                                            "L-Lee."

                                            >I whispered.

                                            >Lyra's ear flicked

                                            >"Come again?"

                                            >Sighing, you repeated yourself.

                                            "C-Charles Lee."

                                            >She nodded and smiled.

                                            >"Good to meet you, Cheerilee, I guess you're new here, huh?"

                                            "Yeah, y-you could say that."