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/emo/ Unstable Symphony, chp 5

By NHanon
Created: 23rd October 2020 03:50:24 PM
/emo/ Connie Amore dark

  1. >When you awoke this morning, you felt tired and oddly, sad.
  2. >That doesn’t make sense.
  3. >Where is all that energy you had?
  4. >Even more odd, you slept in.
  5. >You head downstairs and grab the mail.
  6. >Don’t even bother with looking through it until you reach your apartment.
  7. “More of the same. Eri hasn’t written me back. Nor have some of the friends I wrote.”
  8. >’Looks like they’re ignoring you.’
  9. “I didn’t do anything to them, I’ve been a good friend.”
  10. >’When was the last time you talked to them face to face?’
  11. “I...I have been busy, that’s all.”
  12. >’Couldn’t make the time to see if they really needed you?’
  13. >You shake your head.
  14. “Need to stop talking to myself.”
  15. >Your movements are a little sluggish.
  16. >Just tired, that’s all this is.
  17. >You brew up a cup of tea, should help wake you up more.
  18. “I can practice in the meantime.”
  19. >As you’re looking through your music, you don’t see any that catch your eye.
  20. >In fact, it feels like you lack the motivation to even play.
  21. >You rub face briefly and hear the kettle whistle.
  22. >Getting up, you make a cup of tea.
  23. >While normally it’s good, it doesn’t raise your spirits much.
  24. “I think I’m sick or something.”
  25. >You set aside the cup and head to the bathroom.
  26. >A quick check with the thermometer reveals a normal temperature.
  27. “Okay, then I’m just tired.”
  28. >You head back to the living room and do some light stretching.
  29. >Even that doesn’t seem to help.
  30. >Panic slowly brews within you.
  31. “It’s okay, I have been pushing myself hard. Six hours of practice a day will do that. Not to mention barely getting three hours of rest.”
  32. >’And you thought that was a good idea?’
  33. >You shake your head, and sit down to play.
  34. “I’ll just force myself, I can’t sit around and do nothing.”
  35. >Though you try, the music doesn’t come out right.
  36. >It’s comparable to cats yowling.
  37. >Your frustration reaches a peak.
  38.  
  39. “Alright fine! I’ll go get some pills from the store, review the pieces, and then go to the concert.”
  40. >Grabbing some bits and your saddlebags, you head out.
  41. >Thankfully it’s not too crowded out.
  42. >You can see some clouds are being brought in for the storm.
  43. >Probably should read the paper on when that is.
  44. >For once, you don’t bother saying hello to ponies you pass by today.
  45. >You’re just like the rest of them now, ignoring ponies.
  46. >Only one thing is on your mind, get some energy pills to make it through this evening.
  47. >Fortunately, the store has some, though you buy a couple of bottles.
  48. >It’s not like you used these before.
  49. >The trot back to the apartment was just as quick, but unfortunately leaves you little time to review.
  50. >Not to mention, you still haven’t practiced.
  51. >Your mood dampers further as you realize all of this.
  52. “Great, can it get any worse?”
  53. >You take some pills with your tea.
  54. >It’s hard to focus on the pieces, but you manage and head back out to the streets.
  55. “Just get a taxi, I can’t be late, I must be early.”
  56. >You hail a taxi and climb aboard.
  57. >Along the way, your mind wanders again.
  58. >I don’t remember eating anything bad to have caused this.
  59. >’You’ve been eating very little.’
  60. >That’s true, I also haven’t been around any sick ponies.
  61. >’None that you know of.’
  62. >It’s not like somepony would that to me intentionally.
  63. >’Not everpony likes you, no doubt some would hurt you.’
  64. >You shake your head.
  65. >Everything feels so negative.
  66. >You arrive and pay the driver.
  67. >As you hurry inside, you see you’re early and breath a sigh of relief.
  68. >”Something the matter Connie?”
  69. >You jump and turn to see Friedrich looking at you.
  70. “It’s nothing, I’m just a little tired, was worried about running behind.”
  71. >He nods before heading off to the dressing room.
  72. >What’s gotten into you?
  73.  
  74. >You finish getting into your dress, with some difficultly.
  75. >And you look for Feather to talk to.
  76. >That should help ease you.
  77. >She just finished talking with another pony.
  78. >’Bet they’re talking behind your back.’
  79. >You shove that thought aside and approach her with a smile.
  80. “Hey there Feather.”
  81. >She smiles back and turns to face you.
  82. >”Hi Connie, I’m ready for tonight.”
  83. “So am I, we can have another flawless show.”
  84. >As she nods, you start to feel more energetic.
  85. >That doesn’t quell the growing sadness within.
  86. >It hopefully won’t impact your playing too much.
  87. >”Are you okay, you’re a little quiet.”
  88. >You shake your head and beam brighter at her.
  89. “Yeah, I’m fine! Everything is fine.”
  90. >’Liar.’
  91. >Feather looks a little concerned, but nods.
  92. >”Okay, if you say so. Looks like we should be getting ready then.”
  93. “Yeah, just give me a moment, going to get a drink before we start.”
  94. >She heads off and you go grab some water.
  95. >You can do this Connie, you’re just tired.
  96. >Heading out, you join the rest for tuning.
  97. >Like yesterday, Quiet joins you all shortly after.
  98. >After the applause, she turns towards you all and begins once more.
  99. >As you play, you are having difficultly focusing.
  100. >It feels like your hooves are heavy.
  101. >Each draw a struggle.
  102. >It starts to get to a point where you’re fighting against this lack of energy.
  103. >No, lack of motivation.
  104. >Thankfully the first half ends, and you feel some relief.
  105. >That doesn’t settle this horrible feeling within you.
  106. >Friedrich approaches you quickly.
  107. >”Is something the matter Connie?”
  108. >You force a smile to him and shake your head.
  109. “I’m fine, why do you ask?”
  110. >His eyes bore into you.
  111. >”Are you sure? Because I am certain you’re not playing on point tonight.”
  112. >Is it really that obvious?
  113. “I assure you, I am fine. I might be a little tired, but that won’t get in the way of playing.”
  114.  
  115. >He slowly nods, but is clearly unsure of you.
  116. >As he leaves, you go see Feather.
  117. >Just distract yourself Connie, everything is fine like you said.
  118. “Hey there, still holding up?”
  119. >She looks a little surprised, but quickly shifts to a bright smile.
  120. >”Mhm, I am certain I can do this.”
  121. >You feel happy for her.
  122. >If only you could say the same for yourself.
  123. “That’s wonderful to hear, told you could do it.”
  124. >Feather nods enthusiastically.
  125. >”Thank you again Connie. You’ve helped me so much.”
  126. >A feeling of pride swells up, pushing aside the sadness for now.
  127. “You’re welcome Feather, I’m more than happy to hear that.”
  128. >”I know we haven’t been friends for long, but I am happy that we are.”
  129. >For the first time tonight, you give a real smile.
  130. >As the others return to their seats, you part ways for now.
  131. “Time to finish the final act, good luck.”
  132. >”You too.”
  133. >You take your seat and try to steel yourself.
  134. >After everything today, you will finish this right.
  135. >The second half starts off strong, with you putting everything forth.
  136. >Sadly, that isn’t as well as you would like.
  137. >You’re still fighting yourself to play at one hundred percent.
  138. >As the last piece dies down, you feel worried.
  139. >While there is applause, this concert wasn’t as good as yesterday.
  140. >You leave with the others.
  141. >Along the way, it’s hard to focus.
  142. >You feel tired and your heart feels heavy.
  143. >As you reach the dressing room, Feather stops you.
  144. >”Connie? Are you alright? You didn’t answer me.”
  145. >You shake your head and try to smile.
  146. “I’m fine, just really tired.”
  147. >She looks concerned.
  148. >”Oh okay, had me worried for a second there.”
  149. >Should you bring it up to her?
  150. >’No, she will probably think you’re being melodramatic.’
  151. “Yeah, it’s okay. I probably look bad, but I am fine really.”
  152. >She nods, and you get out of your dress.
  153. >Just need to go home and sleep this off.
  154.  
  155. >Everything will be fine.
  156. >You go talk to Feather before you leave.
  157. “I’ll see you for tomorrow’s final concert Feather.”
  158. >She turns to you and smiles.
  159. >”See you tomorrow as well Connie.”
  160. >Your legs feel heavy, you’re feeling worse.
  161. >’That concert could’ve been better.’
  162. >I know it could’ve.
  163. >The Manehattan night greets you as you step outside.
  164. >It briefly refreshes you, but leaves you cold after.
  165. >More clouds in the sky, storm is likely tomorrow.
  166. >You get a taxi and feel blank on the ride home.
  167. >Why? You shouldn’t feel this way.
  168. >The taxi stops, when did you even get here?
  169. >You push aside this growing numbness and pay the driver.
  170. >Your apartment looks the same as ever, if only a little more dark.
  171. >The ground is starting to look more interesting.
  172. >You sigh as you make your way up to your apartment.
  173. >As you enter, you call out to the empty place.
  174. “I’m home.”
  175. >No replies, of course you’re alone.
  176. >’You don’t make time for others, only when it’s convenient for you. Why would anypony want to be around you?’
  177. >A flame of rage hits you.
  178. “NO!”
  179. >You look around, chest heaving, heart racing.
  180. >Slowing your breathing, you go splash some water on your face.
  181. “I’m just a little stressed and tired is all.”
  182. >Your reflection looks back, your eyes are puffy and you look a little pale.
  183. “When did that happen?”
  184. >’You’ve always looked like that.’
  185. >Shaking your head to push away these thoughts, you grab some sleeping pills.
  186. “Just need to get some sleep is all. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
  187. >Though you lie in bed feeling tired, it takes a while for you to finally fall asleep.

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