/emo/ Unstable Symphony, chp 5

>When you awoke this morning, you felt tired and oddly, sad.
>That doesn’t make sense.
>Where is all that energy you had?
>Even more odd, you slept in.
>You head downstairs and grab the mail.
>Don’t even bother with looking through it until you reach your apartment.
“More of the same. Eri hasn’t written me back. Nor have some of the friends I wrote.”
>’Looks like they’re ignoring you.’
“I didn’t do anything to them, I’ve been a good friend.”
>’When was the last time you talked to them face to face?’
“I...I have been busy, that’s all.”
>’Couldn’t make the time to see if they really needed you?’
>You shake your head.
“Need to stop talking to myself.”
>Your movements are a little sluggish.
>Just tired, that’s all this is.
>You brew up a cup of tea, should help wake you up more.
“I can practice in the meantime.”
>As you’re looking through your music, you don’t see any that catch your eye.
>In fact, it feels like you lack the motivation to even play.
>You rub face briefly and hear the kettle whistle.
>Getting up, you make a cup of tea.
>While normally it’s good, it doesn’t raise your spirits much.
“I think I’m sick or something.”
>You set aside the cup and head to the bathroom.
>A quick check with the thermometer reveals a normal temperature.
“Okay, then I’m just tired.”
>You head back to the living room and do some light stretching.
>Even that doesn’t seem to help.
>Panic slowly brews within you.
“It’s okay, I have been pushing myself hard. Six hours of practice a day will do that. Not to mention barely getting three hours of rest.”
>’And you thought that was a good idea?’
>You shake your head, and sit down to play.
“I’ll just force myself, I can’t sit around and do nothing.”
>Though you try, the music doesn’t come out right.
>It’s comparable to cats yowling.
>Your frustration reaches a peak.

“Alright fine! I’ll go get some pills from the store, review the pieces, and then go to the concert.”
>Grabbing some bits and your saddlebags, you head out.
>Thankfully it’s not too crowded out.
>You can see some clouds are being brought in for the storm.
>Probably should read the paper on when that is.
>For once, you don’t bother saying hello to ponies you pass by today.
>You’re just like the rest of them now, ignoring ponies.
>Only one thing is on your mind, get some energy pills to make it through this evening.
>Fortunately, the store has some, though you buy a couple of bottles.
>It’s not like you used these before.
>The trot back to the apartment was just as quick, but unfortunately leaves you little time to review.
>Not to mention, you still haven’t practiced.
>Your mood dampers further as you realize all of this.
“Great, can it get any worse?”
>You take some pills with your tea.
>It’s hard to focus on the pieces, but you manage and head back out to the streets.
“Just get a taxi, I can’t be late, I must be early.”
>You hail a taxi and climb aboard.
>Along the way, your mind wanders again.
>I don’t remember eating anything bad to have caused this.
>’You’ve been eating very little.’
>That’s true, I also haven’t been around any sick ponies.
>’None that you know of.’
>It’s not like somepony would that to me intentionally.
>’Not everpony likes you, no doubt some would hurt you.’
>You shake your head.
>Everything feels so negative.
>You arrive and pay the driver.
>As you hurry inside, you see you’re early and breath a sigh of relief.
>”Something the matter Connie?”
>You jump and turn to see Friedrich looking at you.
“It’s nothing, I’m just a little tired, was worried about running behind.”
>He nods before heading off to the dressing room.
>What’s gotten into you?

>You finish getting into your dress, with some difficultly.
>And you look for Feather to talk to.
>That should help ease you.
>She just finished talking with another pony.
>’Bet they’re talking behind your back.’
>You shove that thought aside and approach her with a smile.
“Hey there Feather.”
>She smiles back and turns to face you.
>”Hi Connie, I’m ready for tonight.”
“So am I, we can have another flawless show.”
>As she nods, you start to feel more energetic.
>That doesn’t quell the growing sadness within.
>It hopefully won’t impact your playing too much.
>”Are you okay, you’re a little quiet.”
>You shake your head and beam brighter at her.
“Yeah, I’m fine! Everything is fine.”
>’Liar.’
>Feather looks a little concerned, but nods.
>”Okay, if you say so. Looks like we should be getting ready then.”
“Yeah, just give me a moment, going to get a drink before we start.”
>She heads off and you go grab some water.
>You can do this Connie, you’re just tired.
>Heading out, you join the rest for tuning.
>Like yesterday, Quiet joins you all shortly after.
>After the applause, she turns towards you all and begins once more.
>As you play, you are having difficultly focusing.
>It feels like your hooves are heavy.
>Each draw a struggle.
>It starts to get to a point where you’re fighting against this lack of energy.
>No, lack of motivation.
>Thankfully the first half ends, and you feel some relief.
>That doesn’t settle this horrible feeling within you.
>Friedrich approaches you quickly.
>”Is something the matter Connie?”
>You force a smile to him and shake your head.
“I’m fine, why do you ask?”
>His eyes bore into you.
>”Are you sure? Because I am certain you’re not playing on point tonight.”
>Is it really that obvious?
“I assure you, I am fine. I might be a little tired, but that won’t get in the way of playing.”

>He slowly nods, but is clearly unsure of you.
>As he leaves, you go see Feather.
>Just distract yourself Connie, everything is fine like you said.
“Hey there, still holding up?”
>She looks a little surprised, but quickly shifts to a bright smile.
>”Mhm, I am certain I can do this.”
>You feel happy for her.
>If only you could say the same for yourself.
“That’s wonderful to hear, told you could do it.”
>Feather nods enthusiastically.
>”Thank you again Connie. You’ve helped me so much.”
>A feeling of pride swells up, pushing aside the sadness for now.
“You’re welcome Feather, I’m more than happy to hear that.”
>”I know we haven’t been friends for long, but I am happy that we are.”
>For the first time tonight, you give a real smile.
>As the others return to their seats, you part ways for now.
“Time to finish the final act, good luck.”
>”You too.”
>You take your seat and try to steel yourself.
>After everything today, you will finish this right.
>The second half starts off strong, with you putting everything forth.
>Sadly, that isn’t as well as you would like.
>You’re still fighting yourself to play at one hundred percent.
>As the last piece dies down, you feel worried.
>While there is applause, this concert wasn’t as good as yesterday.
>You leave with the others.
>Along the way, it’s hard to focus.
>You feel tired and your heart feels heavy.
>As you reach the dressing room, Feather stops you.
>”Connie? Are you alright? You didn’t answer me.”
>You shake your head and try to smile.
“I’m fine, just really tired.”
>She looks concerned.
>”Oh okay, had me worried for a second there.”
>Should you bring it up to her?
>’No, she will probably think you’re being melodramatic.’
“Yeah, it’s okay. I probably look bad, but I am fine really.”
>She nods, and you get out of your dress.
>Just need to go home and sleep this off.

>Everything will be fine.
>You go talk to Feather before you leave.
“I’ll see you for tomorrow’s final concert Feather.”
>She turns to you and smiles.
>”See you tomorrow as well Connie.”
>Your legs feel heavy, you’re feeling worse.
>’That concert could’ve been better.’
>I know it could’ve.
>The Manehattan night greets you as you step outside.
>It briefly refreshes you, but leaves you cold after.
>More clouds in the sky, storm is likely tomorrow.
>You get a taxi and feel blank on the ride home.
>Why? You shouldn’t feel this way.
>The taxi stops, when did you even get here?
>You push aside this growing numbness and pay the driver.
>Your apartment looks the same as ever, if only a little more dark.
>The ground is starting to look more interesting.
>You sigh as you make your way up to your apartment.
>As you enter, you call out to the empty place.
“I’m home.”
>No replies, of course you’re alone.
>’You don’t make time for others, only when it’s convenient for you. Why would anypony want to be around you?’
>A flame of rage hits you.
“NO!”
>You look around, chest heaving, heart racing.
>Slowing your breathing, you go splash some water on your face.
“I’m just a little stressed and tired is all.”
>Your reflection looks back, your eyes are puffy and you look a little pale.
“When did that happen?”
>’You’ve always looked like that.’
>Shaking your head to push away these thoughts, you grab some sleeping pills.
“Just need to get some sleep is all. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
>Though you lie in bed feeling tired, it takes a while for you to finally fall asleep.