GREEN
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- >You overslept, you never oversleep.
- >However, you don’t feel any fear.
- >You feel empty and sad instead.
- >How are you even worse than yesterday?
- “This has never happened before, I must be sick.”
- >Though you check your temperature, it still says normal like yesterday.
- “I don’t understand.”
- >As you hold the thermometer, you feel yourself start to tear up.
- “Why? I’m not sick, but I feel awful.”
- >You barely hold back the tears.
- “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s all going to be okay Connie.”
- >Slowly, you breath in and out in to reel yourself in.
- “I’ll visit the doctor, they will give me something to fix this. I just have to make it through today.”
- >Though you’ve managed to push back, the weight is still within you.
- >You go grab the mail and hopefully try to distract yourself.
- “Bills, more letters from friends, none from Eri still.”
- >As you head back to your apartment, you feel worse.
- >’She probably hates you.’
- “Why? I’ve been a good friend to her. I visit when I can.”
- >’But are you there when she needs you like a good friend does?’
- “I reach out to her when ever I can. I can’t be there all the time.”
- >’Then you’re not her real friend.’
- “That’s not true, I am her best friend!”
- >As you breath heavier, you look around and see a few of your neighbors staring.
- “Uh, sorry. Everything is fine, nothing to see here.”
- >Flushed with embarrassment, you enter your apartment and go through the letters.
- >All have wished you success with your new position, and mention their own events.
- “At least they are doing well.”
- >You try to write them back, but lack the will.
- >So you go grab some pills and take them with tea.
- “I shouldn’t be taking these so much, but I have to focus today.”
- >Hopefully this will give you what you need to get through.
- >Slowly, you feel the effects kick in.
- >While it does give you energy, you don’t feel happier.
- >You write a few letters before losing more motivation.
- “Doesn’t matter, I’ll practice and get things done.”
- >Sitting down on the couch, you start to play.
- >Even with the pills, your music suffers.
- >You can barely manage to play now.
- >It’s definitely worse than last nights playing.
- >’You’re going to screw up the concert tonight.’
- >The thought causes you skip a note and you feel frustrated.
- “Why do I keep thinking like this? Where do these damn thoughts keep coming from?”
- >You don’t usually allow yourself to use crass language, but you’ve just about had enough.
- “Breath Connie, let’s try again.”
- >Readjusting, you play once more.
- >The notes flow freely again, though they lack emotion.
- >They feel hollow, like you.
- >You struggle against this tide of negativity, and can barely play.
- >This isn’t going to cut it.
- >If you try to play tonight, you’re liable to disrupt the symphony.
- >You set down your violin and try to figure out what to do.
- “I can’t just call it quits yet. I can do this, just need to focus and give it my all.”
- >With that, you push yourself.
- >You won’t give up, so you play again.
- >This time, it’s more passable.
- >Though you’re certain you can push yourself enough to make it better.
- >As the time grows closer, you gather your things and head out.
- >You get a taxi and think along the way.
- >I can do this, I can play this concert.
- >’You’re going to screw it up.’
- >No I won’t, I’ve worked too hard for this.
- >’That’s why you’re going to fail. You’ve gone too far with all this.’
- >I may have pushed myself recently, but I can do this, I’ve done it before.
- >’When’s the last time you got three hours of sleep a night for weeks straight?’
- >I...It was a fluke, there is nothing wrong.
- >”Here we are ma’am.”
- >You shake your head, pay your fair, and head inside.
- >Can’t keep doing this, just take another pill, that will help.
- >Ignoring the various ponies you pass by, you reach the restroom and take some pills with water.
- >’Not a very bright idea Connie.’
- >I need this, I can’t screw this up.
- >You close your eyes and take a breath, then release it slowly.
- >Tonight will go as planned.
- >leaving the restroom, you head back to the dressing room to finish getting ready.
- >As you finish you find your heart is starting to race.
- >Closing your eyes, you try to focus on slowing it.
- >”Connie?”
- >Opening them back up, you see Feather looking at you with concern.
- “Hey there Feather, tonight’s the final night.”
- >”Are you okay, because you’re breathing pretty heavy.”
- >Damn it, you didn’t realize you were so loud.
- “Yeah! Just bringing myself into focus like I always do.
- >’Liar.’
- >You force a smile to hopefully persuade her.
- >”Okay, didn’t know you did that, but that explains why you come out after we do.”
- >Thank Celestia she bought it.
- “Yeah, it’s just another way to give me a boost.”
- >”Maybe I should try that.”
- >’Maybe you should stop lying Connie.’
- “It might work for you, who knows?”
- >You see other members heading out and you must prepare as well.
- “Well, shall we?”
- >Feather raises an eyebrow before realizing what you mean.
- >”Mhm, see you out there.”
- >As she leaves, your heart is still racing.
- >’This isn’t going to help you.’
- >I just need to focus like I did earlier, it has to be passable.
- >’No longer settling for perfect? How pathetic.’
- >Anger starts to swell within you.
- >’You know you’re going to mess this all up. Your first ruined concert.’
- >No I won’t.
- >’Just wait and see Connie, you’re about to fail.’
- >You squeeze your eyes shut and shudder.
- >Slowly, you reopen them and head out.
- >Other members are warming up and you join them.
- >Hooves shake from the pills and you barely can hold your violin steady.
- >Breath Connie, you can do this.
- >As Quiet joins you all, you feel more fear grow within.
- >The first half begins.
- >You play, though not as well as you have before.
- >’You’re going to mess up.’
- >Hooves are still shaking, heart is still racing, you’re sweating.
- >The half way point approaches and your losing focus.
- >Can’t mess up now, just reach intermission and you can rest.
- >Fate isn’t so kind.
- >Your desperate attempt to focus causes you mess up.
- >You freeze, all eyes are on you aren’t they?
- >Heart is pounding in your ears now.
- >Ears are twitching.
- >’Told you that you would ruin this. Look at what you did.’
- >You’re sitting there, frozen.
- >Zoning out in horror, you fail to notice that the others are still playing.
- >’Such a failure, you finally screwed up everything Connie.’
- >The music is still playing, but without you.
- >Intermission finally arrives and you feel somepony touch you.
- >Finally pulled out of whatever state you were in, you see Quiet and Friedrich talking to you.
- >Their lips move, but you hear no words at first.
- >”Connie? What happened?”
- >>”I think she needs a doctor.”
- >As Friedrich goes to move, you shoot up out of your seat and gallop to the dressing room.
- >You slam the door behind you, take a few steps, and collapse in a pile.
- >Tears cascade down your face, and you bury yourself in your hooves.
- >’I told you that you this would happen, but did you listen? No, now you screwed things up for everypony.’
- “No”
- >’You think this is going to end well? Face it Connie, you blew it.’
- “I didn’t mean to, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
- >The door opens, and you freeze, trying not to make a sound.
- >You fail at that, a few sniffles escape.
- >”There you are! It’s alright, I found her. Connie? Can you hear me?”
- >It’s Quiet, you don’t want to look at her.
- >”I don’t know what happened out there, but do you need a doctor?”
- >You can’t ignore her.
- >As you answer, your voice is a little hoarse.
- “I don’t know. Something is wrong with me.”
- >She sits next to you and sighs.
- >”Connie, we all mess up. While I don’t know what’s going on with you, do you think you can handle the second half?”
- >’She only cares about herself, she doesn’t care about you.’
- >You should answer her.
- “I don’t think I can.”
- >She is quiet for a moment.
- >”Alright, we will manage, take some time off and get a hold of us when you find out what’s wrong.”
- >You nod slowly.
- >The tears have finally stopped.
- >”Do you think you can make it home?”
- “Yes.”
- >She gets up and leaves you alone.
- >Time sits still for you.
- >At last, you slowly stand and go grab your things.
- >You violin and case are sitting near the door, somepony must’ve put them there.
- >As you trudge outside, you feel like garbage.
- >It’s raining, of course it is.
- >You avoid looking at other ponies and get a taxi home.
- >Mind is blank along the way, and you say nothing.
- >When the taxi stops, you hoof him some bits without bothering to count.
- >The climb up the stairs feels like you’re climbing a cliff.
- >Tears start to come loose again.
- >Not like you care anymore.
- >You close the door behind you and drop your things by the door.
- >Dragging your hooves you make it to the bathroom.
- >Your reflection is awful.
- >Mascara stains your cheeks, eyes are blood shot, looks like you got flank hoofed to you.
- >Without warning, you sob.
- “Why did this happen to me? I did nothing wrong!”
- >For a while, you lean against the sink, crying.
- “Why?”
- >It’s getting harder to stay awake, feeling so heavy.
- >Slowly, you move to the bedroom and collapse on the bed.
- >You curl up in a ball, crying yourself to sleep.
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