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/emo/ Unstable Symphony, chp 6

By NHanon
Created: 23rd October 2020 03:51:46 PM

  1. >You overslept, you never oversleep.
  2. >However, you don’t feel any fear.
  3. >You feel empty and sad instead.
  4. >How are you even worse than yesterday?
  5. “This has never happened before, I must be sick.”
  6. >Though you check your temperature, it still says normal like yesterday.
  7. “I don’t understand.”
  8. >As you hold the thermometer, you feel yourself start to tear up.
  9. “Why? I’m not sick, but I feel awful.”
  10. >You barely hold back the tears.
  11. “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s all going to be okay Connie.”
  12. >Slowly, you breath in and out in to reel yourself in.
  13. “I’ll visit the doctor, they will give me something to fix this. I just have to make it through today.”
  14. >Though you’ve managed to push back, the weight is still within you.
  15. >You go grab the mail and hopefully try to distract yourself.
  16. “Bills, more letters from friends, none from Eri still.”
  17. >As you head back to your apartment, you feel worse.
  18. >’She probably hates you.’
  19. “Why? I’ve been a good friend to her. I visit when I can.”
  20. >’But are you there when she needs you like a good friend does?’
  21. “I reach out to her when ever I can. I can’t be there all the time.”
  22. >’Then you’re not her real friend.’
  23. “That’s not true, I am her best friend!”
  24. >As you breath heavier, you look around and see a few of your neighbors staring.
  25. “Uh, sorry. Everything is fine, nothing to see here.”
  26. >Flushed with embarrassment, you enter your apartment and go through the letters.
  27. >All have wished you success with your new position, and mention their own events.
  28. “At least they are doing well.”
  29. >You try to write them back, but lack the will.
  30. >So you go grab some pills and take them with tea.
  31. “I shouldn’t be taking these so much, but I have to focus today.”
  32. >Hopefully this will give you what you need to get through.
  33. >Slowly, you feel the effects kick in.
  34.  
  35. >While it does give you energy, you don’t feel happier.
  36. >You write a few letters before losing more motivation.
  37. “Doesn’t matter, I’ll practice and get things done.”
  38. >Sitting down on the couch, you start to play.
  39. >Even with the pills, your music suffers.
  40. >You can barely manage to play now.
  41. >It’s definitely worse than last nights playing.
  42. >’You’re going to screw up the concert tonight.’
  43. >The thought causes you skip a note and you feel frustrated.
  44. “Why do I keep thinking like this? Where do these damn thoughts keep coming from?”
  45. >You don’t usually allow yourself to use crass language, but you’ve just about had enough.
  46. “Breath Connie, let’s try again.”
  47. >Readjusting, you play once more.
  48. >The notes flow freely again, though they lack emotion.
  49. >They feel hollow, like you.
  50. >You struggle against this tide of negativity, and can barely play.
  51. >This isn’t going to cut it.
  52. >If you try to play tonight, you’re liable to disrupt the symphony.
  53. >You set down your violin and try to figure out what to do.
  54. “I can’t just call it quits yet. I can do this, just need to focus and give it my all.”
  55. >With that, you push yourself.
  56. >You won’t give up, so you play again.
  57. >This time, it’s more passable.
  58. >Though you’re certain you can push yourself enough to make it better.
  59. >As the time grows closer, you gather your things and head out.
  60. >You get a taxi and think along the way.
  61. >I can do this, I can play this concert.
  62. >’You’re going to screw it up.’
  63. >No I won’t, I’ve worked too hard for this.
  64. >’That’s why you’re going to fail. You’ve gone too far with all this.’
  65. >I may have pushed myself recently, but I can do this, I’ve done it before.
  66. >’When’s the last time you got three hours of sleep a night for weeks straight?’
  67. >I...It was a fluke, there is nothing wrong.
  68. >”Here we are ma’am.”
  69. >You shake your head, pay your fair, and head inside.
  70.  
  71. >Can’t keep doing this, just take another pill, that will help.
  72. >Ignoring the various ponies you pass by, you reach the restroom and take some pills with water.
  73. >’Not a very bright idea Connie.’
  74. >I need this, I can’t screw this up.
  75. >You close your eyes and take a breath, then release it slowly.
  76. >Tonight will go as planned.
  77. >leaving the restroom, you head back to the dressing room to finish getting ready.
  78. >As you finish you find your heart is starting to race.
  79. >Closing your eyes, you try to focus on slowing it.
  80. >”Connie?”
  81. >Opening them back up, you see Feather looking at you with concern.
  82. “Hey there Feather, tonight’s the final night.”
  83. >”Are you okay, because you’re breathing pretty heavy.”
  84. >Damn it, you didn’t realize you were so loud.
  85. “Yeah! Just bringing myself into focus like I always do.
  86. >’Liar.’
  87. >You force a smile to hopefully persuade her.
  88. >”Okay, didn’t know you did that, but that explains why you come out after we do.”
  89. >Thank Celestia she bought it.
  90. “Yeah, it’s just another way to give me a boost.”
  91. >”Maybe I should try that.”
  92. >’Maybe you should stop lying Connie.’
  93. “It might work for you, who knows?”
  94. >You see other members heading out and you must prepare as well.
  95. “Well, shall we?”
  96. >Feather raises an eyebrow before realizing what you mean.
  97. >”Mhm, see you out there.”
  98. >As she leaves, your heart is still racing.
  99. >’This isn’t going to help you.’
  100. >I just need to focus like I did earlier, it has to be passable.
  101. >’No longer settling for perfect? How pathetic.’
  102. >Anger starts to swell within you.
  103. >’You know you’re going to mess this all up. Your first ruined concert.’
  104. >No I won’t.
  105. >’Just wait and see Connie, you’re about to fail.’
  106. >You squeeze your eyes shut and shudder.
  107. >Slowly, you reopen them and head out.
  108. >Other members are warming up and you join them.
  109.  
  110. >Hooves shake from the pills and you barely can hold your violin steady.
  111. >Breath Connie, you can do this.
  112. >As Quiet joins you all, you feel more fear grow within.
  113. >The first half begins.
  114. >You play, though not as well as you have before.
  115. >’You’re going to mess up.’
  116. >Hooves are still shaking, heart is still racing, you’re sweating.
  117. >The half way point approaches and your losing focus.
  118. >Can’t mess up now, just reach intermission and you can rest.
  119. >Fate isn’t so kind.
  120. >Your desperate attempt to focus causes you mess up.
  121. >You freeze, all eyes are on you aren’t they?
  122. >Heart is pounding in your ears now.
  123. >Ears are twitching.
  124. >’Told you that you would ruin this. Look at what you did.’
  125. >You’re sitting there, frozen.
  126. >Zoning out in horror, you fail to notice that the others are still playing.
  127. >’Such a failure, you finally screwed up everything Connie.’
  128. >The music is still playing, but without you.
  129. >Intermission finally arrives and you feel somepony touch you.
  130. >Finally pulled out of whatever state you were in, you see Quiet and Friedrich talking to you.
  131. >Their lips move, but you hear no words at first.
  132. >”Connie? What happened?”
  133. >>”I think she needs a doctor.”
  134. >As Friedrich goes to move, you shoot up out of your seat and gallop to the dressing room.
  135. >You slam the door behind you, take a few steps, and collapse in a pile.
  136. >Tears cascade down your face, and you bury yourself in your hooves.
  137. >’I told you that you this would happen, but did you listen? No, now you screwed things up for everypony.’
  138. “No”
  139. >’You think this is going to end well? Face it Connie, you blew it.’
  140. “I didn’t mean to, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
  141. >The door opens, and you freeze, trying not to make a sound.
  142. >You fail at that, a few sniffles escape.
  143. >”There you are! It’s alright, I found her. Connie? Can you hear me?”
  144. >It’s Quiet, you don’t want to look at her.
  145.  
  146. >”I don’t know what happened out there, but do you need a doctor?”
  147. >You can’t ignore her.
  148. >As you answer, your voice is a little hoarse.
  149. “I don’t know. Something is wrong with me.”
  150. >She sits next to you and sighs.
  151. >”Connie, we all mess up. While I don’t know what’s going on with you, do you think you can handle the second half?”
  152. >’She only cares about herself, she doesn’t care about you.’
  153. >You should answer her.
  154. “I don’t think I can.”
  155. >She is quiet for a moment.
  156. >”Alright, we will manage, take some time off and get a hold of us when you find out what’s wrong.”
  157. >You nod slowly.
  158. >The tears have finally stopped.
  159. >”Do you think you can make it home?”
  160. “Yes.”
  161. >She gets up and leaves you alone.
  162. >Time sits still for you.
  163. >At last, you slowly stand and go grab your things.
  164. >You violin and case are sitting near the door, somepony must’ve put them there.
  165. >As you trudge outside, you feel like garbage.
  166. >It’s raining, of course it is.
  167. >You avoid looking at other ponies and get a taxi home.
  168. >Mind is blank along the way, and you say nothing.
  169. >When the taxi stops, you hoof him some bits without bothering to count.
  170. >The climb up the stairs feels like you’re climbing a cliff.
  171. >Tears start to come loose again.
  172. >Not like you care anymore.
  173. >You close the door behind you and drop your things by the door.
  174. >Dragging your hooves you make it to the bathroom.
  175. >Your reflection is awful.
  176. >Mascara stains your cheeks, eyes are blood shot, looks like you got flank hoofed to you.
  177. >Without warning, you sob.
  178. “Why did this happen to me? I did nothing wrong!”
  179. >For a while, you lean against the sink, crying.
  180. “Why?”
  181. >It’s getting harder to stay awake, feeling so heavy.
  182. >Slowly, you move to the bedroom and collapse on the bed.
  183. >You curl up in a ball, crying yourself to sleep.
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