/emo/ Unstable Symphony, chp 7

>You’ve been laying in bed for a while now.
>Doesn’t matter, you ruined the concert.
>The memories from last night are still fresh in your mind.
>’You’re a failure.’
>Slowly, you sit up.
>Still wearing the dress from last night, your throat feels parched.
>You get up and drag yourself to the bathroom.
>As you prep a bath, you get a drink of water.
>For a brief second, you catch a glimpse of your reflection as you drink.
>It’s disgusting.
>’You’ve always been disgusting, it’s only now that the veil is lifted that you see it.’
>Slowly you slump lower, feeling worse.
“Am I really that bad?”
>’Of course you are, other ponies don’t say anything because they pity you.’
>Shaking your head, you try to bring yourself back under control.
“No, this is only recent. I’m better than this.”
>’Always thinking you’re perfect. You’re far from it Connie.’
>Fury ignites within you briefly.
“SHUT UP!”
>Silence.
>Furiously, you rub your temples in frustration.
“Keep it together Connie, can’t let these thoughts get to you.”
>Taking a slow breath in to calm yourself down, you take a bath.
>Try as you might, it doesn’t feel relaxing.
>It’s both frustrating and tiring.
>So you cut it short, and go grab the mail.
>Hopefully some good news.
>Considering the events of yesterday, you’ll hold off on looking through them until you get back inside of your apartment.
>It feels like you’re trotting through mud on your way to and from the mail box.
>You sit down at your desk and look through them.
>Same as yesterday, and no letter from Eri.
>Does she hate you?
>’Of course she does, all you do is rub your success in her face.’
“That’s not true, I would never do that to anypony, let alone Eri.”
>’Oh really now? You never stop talking about how great you have it, or how perfect everything is.’

>You try to shove aside the thoughts when it finally dawns on you.
“Eri told me she deals with dark thoughts like these.”
>’And you thought she was crazy.’
“No, I didn’t understand what she was going through.”
>’Doesn’t matter Connie, Eri doesn’t have ups and downs like this. You’re a whole different kind of freak.’
>You’re about to argue against it again, but you realize the thoughts are not wrong.
>Eri never has bursts of energy like this.
>Sure she said she feels hopeless and numb, but she has never once mentioned going weeks of being energetic.
“What’s wrong with me then? This doesn’t make sense.”
>’You’re an abomination that’s what.’
“No I’m not!”
>As your eyes dart around, you’re left in silence.
>Your breathing grows erratic, bringing you to tears.
>Though you try to bring yourself under control, you start to sob.
“Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?”
>You hold your head in your hooves and rock gently.
“Am I going insane?! Is that what this is?!”
>The lack of another to talk to you is making you feel worse.
“I’m alone, I’m so alone.”
>You keep crying until the sound of rain draws you out of it.
>Slowly, you control yourself again, if only for now.
>Looking out the window, dark gray clouds cover the sky.
>The pattering of rain against the window and seeing it crawl down soothes you a little.
>You get up and brew a pot of tea.
“Just need to calm my nerves, I’ll go see the doctor soon.”
>You should’ve done that sooner, but it’s hard to focus.
>Sitting down at the kitchen table, you await the water to boil.
>A knocking at the front door causes you to jolt.
“Who could that be?”
>Getting up slowly, you answer the door.
>Feather is standing there with her saddlebags and an umbrella.
“Feather?”
>Her eyes widen as she looks at you.
>”Oh my Celestia, Connie are you alright?”

>No pony should see you like this, especially her.
>You turn away quickly, but she already has seen you in this sorry state.
>I should tell her the truth, she could help.
>’Why? She will think you’re crazy. Don’t forget you thought the same thing about Eri.’
“I...I’m just sick, everything is fine.”
>Her face softens, and she gives an uncertain smile.
>”Okay, is it contagious?”
>’Look at that, she bought your lie. She only cares about herself, not you.’
>You try to push those thoughts aside.
“No, why are you here?”
>Feather looks a little hurt, but continues.
>”I came to check on you. I saw you take off during intermission. The others told me you had to go home for some reason.”
>She cared enough to see you?
>’Don’t forget the only reason she decided to be your friend was because of your position.’
>Shut up.
“Oh, well as you can see, I’m still alive.”
>Not really a joke, but you didn’t think that through.
>She gives a forced laugh, it causes you to cringe a little.
>Why’d you do that?
>”I’m happy to see that you’re alright, do you have time to chat?”
>Considering these damned thoughts, you’ll accept this.
>’You’ll regret this Connie, just wait and see.’
“Sure, come in. I was just brewing some tea.”
>You head back into the kitchen, hearing her close the door behind her.
>Coincidentally the kettle starts to whistle.
“So how do you like your tea?”
>”Two sugars, no cream.”
>You nod, and prep a couple of cups.
>Entering the living room, you join her on the couch.
“So what did you want to talk about?”
>She takes a sip from her tea and sets it back.
>”I figured you wanted to know if the concert ended well, thankfully it did.”
>That’s a relief to hear.
>’Doesn’t excuse the fact that you screwed up. Face it, she is lying to you.’
>Go away.
“That’s good to hear Feather.”

>”The other members were worried about you as well.”
>They are?
>’When was the last time one of them came to check on you Connie?’
>They were busy is all.
>’Don’t kid yourself, this just proves that she is lying.’
>What if she is telling the truth?
>’Name at least one time any of them visited you, or even went out for anything with you.’
>I can’t.
>’Now you understand after I had to force it out for you.’
“I see.”
>You sip your tea, it tastes rather bitter.
>As the nearby clock ticks, an awkward sits between the two of you.
>Feather tries to break it.
>”So when do you think you’ll be back?”
>In truth, you’re not sure.
“Soon hopefully.”
>She smiles, and finishes her tea.
>”I hope so, I’d like to practice together again. Maybe we can hang out like you said?”
>A small bit of hope rises within.
“I’d like that.”
>Feather stands up and grabs her stuff.
>”Just let me know when, okay?”
“Yes of course, I’ll see you later.”
>”See you later as well Connie.”
>As she leaves, you’re left alone again.
>That small bit of hope is something you’re clinging to now.
>Setting aside your tea, you know what you must do.
“I’ll go see my doctor, I can’t risk leaving this alone again.”
>’And then what?’
“And then I’ll get whatever treatment they can offer me. I’ll be able to play again, and be normal.”
>’Ha! That’s rich, you actually believe they will help you?’
“Of course they will, that’s what doctors do.”
>Anger slowly starts to build.
>’Really now? Did that ever help Eri?’
“It’s not the same!”
>’Don’t you remember? She tried to get help, they wanted to make her a zombie with those pills.’
>You try to calm yourself.
“I’m not Eri, I’m certain they can help me.”
>’You’re right, you’re not her. You’re a pathetic imitation.’
>Tears of anger flow forth and you start to hyperventilate.

“NO I’M NOT!”
>In your fit of rage, you flip your coffee table.
>Your chest heaves and your heart is pounding loudly in your ears.
>The thoughts have left you for now, but you know this is not the end.
>Slowly bringing yourself back under control, you start to clean up the mess.
“I can’t put this off anymore. I don’t want to imagine what will happen if this continues.”
>Especially if what Eri goes through is any indication.
>Finally you finish cleaning up and go make yourself presentable.
“My doctor will know what is wrong, just need to get over there as soon as possible.”
>You head out into the rain and get a taxi.
>Along the way, anxiety plagues you.
>It’s been a long time since you’ve felt it, not since you first joined the orchestra.
>What if they don’t find what’s wrong with you?
>I have to hope they do.
>The taxi stops, drawing you out of your mind and you’re here at last.
>You pay and hurry in, you don’t want to waste a second longer.
>Unfortunately you have to wait, but seeing her now is the only chance you have.
>Minutes seem to crawl by and finally, it’s time.
>A nurse approaches you.
>”Connie Amore? The doctor will see you now.”
>Relief washes over you.
>You nod and quickly go to the examination room.
>Doctor Heart greets you with a warm smile.
>”Connie, it’s good to see you. What seems to be the problem?”
“I’m happy to see you as well, I have a lot to talk about.”
>With high hopes, you tell her everything that has happened as of recent.
>She listens and through it all, her face shifts from happy to neutral to concerned.
“-And it has been getting worse these past few days.”
>She takes a moment before talking.
>”I can’t say what is causing this problem currently, but we can run some tests to find out.”
“How long will this take?”

>”We can do the tests right away, but the results may take a day, maybe more. It all depends.”
>The words crush you under hoof, and you feel your eyes water.
>”However, after hearing what you have told me. I strongly advise you to get some support from a loved one or somepony you greatly trust.”
>Should’ve done that sooner…
“I will, thank you doctor.”
>”You’re welcome, now we can begin those tests right now.”
>You nod, and she runs you through many tests.
>It feels like hours have passed.
>By the end, you’re exhausted, but thankful that it’s over.
>”Alright Connie, remember what I said. I will get back to you as soon as possible.”
“Yes of course.”
>You leave the hospital, a feeling of numbness has started to sweep over you.
>The ride home is silent, your mind clinging to what little hope you have left.
>Though that hope is fading, the only ponies you really trust in this city are your parents.
>Sure you have friends, but none of them really would understand.
>Except for Eri, but you’re not sure if you can make it to Ponyville.
>At last you arrive and enter your apartment.
>You skip eating and instead, try to go to sleep for tomorrow.