GREEN
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1933 10.56 KB 199
1933 10.56 KB 199
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>You’ve been laying in bed for a while now.
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>Doesn’t matter, you ruined the concert.
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>The memories from last night are still fresh in your mind.
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>’You’re a failure.’
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>Slowly, you sit up.
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>Still wearing the dress from last night, your throat feels parched.
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>You get up and drag yourself to the bathroom.
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>As you prep a bath, you get a drink of water.
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>For a brief second, you catch a glimpse of your reflection as you drink.
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>It’s disgusting.
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>’You’ve always been disgusting, it’s only now that the veil is lifted that you see it.’
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>Slowly you slump lower, feeling worse.
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“Am I really that bad?”
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>’Of course you are, other ponies don’t say anything because they pity you.’
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>Shaking your head, you try to bring yourself back under control.
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“No, this is only recent. I’m better than this.”
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>’Always thinking you’re perfect. You’re far from it Connie.’
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>Fury ignites within you briefly.
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“SHUT UP!”
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>Silence.
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>Furiously, you rub your temples in frustration.
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“Keep it together Connie, can’t let these thoughts get to you.”
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>Taking a slow breath in to calm yourself down, you take a bath.
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>Try as you might, it doesn’t feel relaxing.
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>It’s both frustrating and tiring.
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>So you cut it short, and go grab the mail.
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>Hopefully some good news.
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>Considering the events of yesterday, you’ll hold off on looking through them until you get back inside of your apartment.
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>It feels like you’re trotting through mud on your way to and from the mail box.
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>You sit down at your desk and look through them.
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>Same as yesterday, and no letter from Eri.
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>Does she hate you?
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>’Of course she does, all you do is rub your success in her face.’
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“That’s not true, I would never do that to anypony, let alone Eri.”
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>’Oh really now? You never stop talking about how great you have it, or how perfect everything is.’
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>You try to shove aside the thoughts when it finally dawns on you.
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“Eri told me she deals with dark thoughts like these.”
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>’And you thought she was crazy.’
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“No, I didn’t understand what she was going through.”
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>’Doesn’t matter Connie, Eri doesn’t have ups and downs like this. You’re a whole different kind of freak.’
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>You’re about to argue against it again, but you realize the thoughts are not wrong.
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>Eri never has bursts of energy like this.
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>Sure she said she feels hopeless and numb, but she has never once mentioned going weeks of being energetic.
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“What’s wrong with me then? This doesn’t make sense.”
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>’You’re an abomination that’s what.’
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“No I’m not!”
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>As your eyes dart around, you’re left in silence.
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>Your breathing grows erratic, bringing you to tears.
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>Though you try to bring yourself under control, you start to sob.
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“Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?”
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>You hold your head in your hooves and rock gently.
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“Am I going insane?! Is that what this is?!”
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>The lack of another to talk to you is making you feel worse.
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“I’m alone, I’m so alone.”
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>You keep crying until the sound of rain draws you out of it.
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>Slowly, you control yourself again, if only for now.
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>Looking out the window, dark gray clouds cover the sky.
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>The pattering of rain against the window and seeing it crawl down soothes you a little.
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>You get up and brew a pot of tea.
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“Just need to calm my nerves, I’ll go see the doctor soon.”
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>You should’ve done that sooner, but it’s hard to focus.
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>Sitting down at the kitchen table, you await the water to boil.
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>A knocking at the front door causes you to jolt.
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“Who could that be?”
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>Getting up slowly, you answer the door.
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>Feather is standing there with her saddlebags and an umbrella.
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“Feather?”
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>Her eyes widen as she looks at you.
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>”Oh my Celestia, Connie are you alright?”
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>No pony should see you like this, especially her.
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>You turn away quickly, but she already has seen you in this sorry state.
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>I should tell her the truth, she could help.
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>’Why? She will think you’re crazy. Don’t forget you thought the same thing about Eri.’
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“I...I’m just sick, everything is fine.”
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>Her face softens, and she gives an uncertain smile.
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>”Okay, is it contagious?”
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>’Look at that, she bought your lie. She only cares about herself, not you.’
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>You try to push those thoughts aside.
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“No, why are you here?”
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>Feather looks a little hurt, but continues.
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>”I came to check on you. I saw you take off during intermission. The others told me you had to go home for some reason.”
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>She cared enough to see you?
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>’Don’t forget the only reason she decided to be your friend was because of your position.’
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>Shut up.
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“Oh, well as you can see, I’m still alive.”
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>Not really a joke, but you didn’t think that through.
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>She gives a forced laugh, it causes you to cringe a little.
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>Why’d you do that?
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>”I’m happy to see that you’re alright, do you have time to chat?”
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>Considering these damned thoughts, you’ll accept this.
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>’You’ll regret this Connie, just wait and see.’
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“Sure, come in. I was just brewing some tea.”
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>You head back into the kitchen, hearing her close the door behind her.
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>Coincidentally the kettle starts to whistle.
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“So how do you like your tea?”
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>”Two sugars, no cream.”
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>You nod, and prep a couple of cups.
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>Entering the living room, you join her on the couch.
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“So what did you want to talk about?”
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>She takes a sip from her tea and sets it back.
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>”I figured you wanted to know if the concert ended well, thankfully it did.”
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>That’s a relief to hear.
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>’Doesn’t excuse the fact that you screwed up. Face it, she is lying to you.’
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>Go away.
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“That’s good to hear Feather.”
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>”The other members were worried about you as well.”
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>They are?
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>’When was the last time one of them came to check on you Connie?’
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>They were busy is all.
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>’Don’t kid yourself, this just proves that she is lying.’
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>What if she is telling the truth?
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>’Name at least one time any of them visited you, or even went out for anything with you.’
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>I can’t.
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>’Now you understand after I had to force it out for you.’
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“I see.”
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>You sip your tea, it tastes rather bitter.
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>As the nearby clock ticks, an awkward sits between the two of you.
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>Feather tries to break it.
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>”So when do you think you’ll be back?”
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>In truth, you’re not sure.
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“Soon hopefully.”
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>She smiles, and finishes her tea.
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>”I hope so, I’d like to practice together again. Maybe we can hang out like you said?”
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>A small bit of hope rises within.
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“I’d like that.”
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>Feather stands up and grabs her stuff.
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>”Just let me know when, okay?”
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“Yes of course, I’ll see you later.”
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>”See you later as well Connie.”
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>As she leaves, you’re left alone again.
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>That small bit of hope is something you’re clinging to now.
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>Setting aside your tea, you know what you must do.
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“I’ll go see my doctor, I can’t risk leaving this alone again.”
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>’And then what?’
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“And then I’ll get whatever treatment they can offer me. I’ll be able to play again, and be normal.”
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>’Ha! That’s rich, you actually believe they will help you?’
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“Of course they will, that’s what doctors do.”
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>Anger slowly starts to build.
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>’Really now? Did that ever help Eri?’
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“It’s not the same!”
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>’Don’t you remember? She tried to get help, they wanted to make her a zombie with those pills.’
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>You try to calm yourself.
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“I’m not Eri, I’m certain they can help me.”
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>’You’re right, you’re not her. You’re a pathetic imitation.’
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>Tears of anger flow forth and you start to hyperventilate.
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“NO I’M NOT!”
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>In your fit of rage, you flip your coffee table.
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>Your chest heaves and your heart is pounding loudly in your ears.
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>The thoughts have left you for now, but you know this is not the end.
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>Slowly bringing yourself back under control, you start to clean up the mess.
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“I can’t put this off anymore. I don’t want to imagine what will happen if this continues.”
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>Especially if what Eri goes through is any indication.
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>Finally you finish cleaning up and go make yourself presentable.
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“My doctor will know what is wrong, just need to get over there as soon as possible.”
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>You head out into the rain and get a taxi.
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>Along the way, anxiety plagues you.
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>It’s been a long time since you’ve felt it, not since you first joined the orchestra.
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>What if they don’t find what’s wrong with you?
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>I have to hope they do.
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>The taxi stops, drawing you out of your mind and you’re here at last.
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>You pay and hurry in, you don’t want to waste a second longer.
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>Unfortunately you have to wait, but seeing her now is the only chance you have.
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>Minutes seem to crawl by and finally, it’s time.
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>A nurse approaches you.
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>”Connie Amore? The doctor will see you now.”
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>Relief washes over you.
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>You nod and quickly go to the examination room.
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>Doctor Heart greets you with a warm smile.
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>”Connie, it’s good to see you. What seems to be the problem?”
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“I’m happy to see you as well, I have a lot to talk about.”
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>With high hopes, you tell her everything that has happened as of recent.
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>She listens and through it all, her face shifts from happy to neutral to concerned.
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“-And it has been getting worse these past few days.”
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>She takes a moment before talking.
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>”I can’t say what is causing this problem currently, but we can run some tests to find out.”
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“How long will this take?”
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>”We can do the tests right away, but the results may take a day, maybe more. It all depends.”
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>The words crush you under hoof, and you feel your eyes water.
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>”However, after hearing what you have told me. I strongly advise you to get some support from a loved one or somepony you greatly trust.”
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>Should’ve done that sooner…
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“I will, thank you doctor.”
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>”You’re welcome, now we can begin those tests right now.”
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>You nod, and she runs you through many tests.
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>It feels like hours have passed.
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>By the end, you’re exhausted, but thankful that it’s over.
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>”Alright Connie, remember what I said. I will get back to you as soon as possible.”
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“Yes of course.”
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>You leave the hospital, a feeling of numbness has started to sweep over you.
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>The ride home is silent, your mind clinging to what little hope you have left.
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>Though that hope is fading, the only ponies you really trust in this city are your parents.
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>Sure you have friends, but none of them really would understand.
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>Except for Eri, but you’re not sure if you can make it to Ponyville.
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>At last you arrive and enter your apartment.
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>You skip eating and instead, try to go to sleep for tomorrow.
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon