GREEN
54
1933
10.56 KB
- >You’ve been laying in bed for a while now.
- >Doesn’t matter, you ruined the concert.
- >The memories from last night are still fresh in your mind.
- >’You’re a failure.’
- >Slowly, you sit up.
- >Still wearing the dress from last night, your throat feels parched.
- >You get up and drag yourself to the bathroom.
- >As you prep a bath, you get a drink of water.
- >For a brief second, you catch a glimpse of your reflection as you drink.
- >It’s disgusting.
- >’You’ve always been disgusting, it’s only now that the veil is lifted that you see it.’
- >Slowly you slump lower, feeling worse.
- “Am I really that bad?”
- >’Of course you are, other ponies don’t say anything because they pity you.’
- >Shaking your head, you try to bring yourself back under control.
- “No, this is only recent. I’m better than this.”
- >’Always thinking you’re perfect. You’re far from it Connie.’
- >Fury ignites within you briefly.
- “SHUT UP!”
- >Silence.
- >Furiously, you rub your temples in frustration.
- “Keep it together Connie, can’t let these thoughts get to you.”
- >Taking a slow breath in to calm yourself down, you take a bath.
- >Try as you might, it doesn’t feel relaxing.
- >It’s both frustrating and tiring.
- >So you cut it short, and go grab the mail.
- >Hopefully some good news.
- >Considering the events of yesterday, you’ll hold off on looking through them until you get back inside of your apartment.
- >It feels like you’re trotting through mud on your way to and from the mail box.
- >You sit down at your desk and look through them.
- >Same as yesterday, and no letter from Eri.
- >Does she hate you?
- >’Of course she does, all you do is rub your success in her face.’
- “That’s not true, I would never do that to anypony, let alone Eri.”
- >’Oh really now? You never stop talking about how great you have it, or how perfect everything is.’
- >You try to shove aside the thoughts when it finally dawns on you.
- “Eri told me she deals with dark thoughts like these.”
- >’And you thought she was crazy.’
- “No, I didn’t understand what she was going through.”
- >’Doesn’t matter Connie, Eri doesn’t have ups and downs like this. You’re a whole different kind of freak.’
- >You’re about to argue against it again, but you realize the thoughts are not wrong.
- >Eri never has bursts of energy like this.
- >Sure she said she feels hopeless and numb, but she has never once mentioned going weeks of being energetic.
- “What’s wrong with me then? This doesn’t make sense.”
- >’You’re an abomination that’s what.’
- “No I’m not!”
- >As your eyes dart around, you’re left in silence.
- >Your breathing grows erratic, bringing you to tears.
- >Though you try to bring yourself under control, you start to sob.
- “Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?”
- >You hold your head in your hooves and rock gently.
- “Am I going insane?! Is that what this is?!”
- >The lack of another to talk to you is making you feel worse.
- “I’m alone, I’m so alone.”
- >You keep crying until the sound of rain draws you out of it.
- >Slowly, you control yourself again, if only for now.
- >Looking out the window, dark gray clouds cover the sky.
- >The pattering of rain against the window and seeing it crawl down soothes you a little.
- >You get up and brew a pot of tea.
- “Just need to calm my nerves, I’ll go see the doctor soon.”
- >You should’ve done that sooner, but it’s hard to focus.
- >Sitting down at the kitchen table, you await the water to boil.
- >A knocking at the front door causes you to jolt.
- “Who could that be?”
- >Getting up slowly, you answer the door.
- >Feather is standing there with her saddlebags and an umbrella.
- “Feather?”
- >Her eyes widen as she looks at you.
- >”Oh my Celestia, Connie are you alright?”
- >No pony should see you like this, especially her.
- >You turn away quickly, but she already has seen you in this sorry state.
- >I should tell her the truth, she could help.
- >’Why? She will think you’re crazy. Don’t forget you thought the same thing about Eri.’
- “I...I’m just sick, everything is fine.”
- >Her face softens, and she gives an uncertain smile.
- >”Okay, is it contagious?”
- >’Look at that, she bought your lie. She only cares about herself, not you.’
- >You try to push those thoughts aside.
- “No, why are you here?”
- >Feather looks a little hurt, but continues.
- >”I came to check on you. I saw you take off during intermission. The others told me you had to go home for some reason.”
- >She cared enough to see you?
- >’Don’t forget the only reason she decided to be your friend was because of your position.’
- >Shut up.
- “Oh, well as you can see, I’m still alive.”
- >Not really a joke, but you didn’t think that through.
- >She gives a forced laugh, it causes you to cringe a little.
- >Why’d you do that?
- >”I’m happy to see that you’re alright, do you have time to chat?”
- >Considering these damned thoughts, you’ll accept this.
- >’You’ll regret this Connie, just wait and see.’
- “Sure, come in. I was just brewing some tea.”
- >You head back into the kitchen, hearing her close the door behind her.
- >Coincidentally the kettle starts to whistle.
- “So how do you like your tea?”
- >”Two sugars, no cream.”
- >You nod, and prep a couple of cups.
- >Entering the living room, you join her on the couch.
- “So what did you want to talk about?”
- >She takes a sip from her tea and sets it back.
- >”I figured you wanted to know if the concert ended well, thankfully it did.”
- >That’s a relief to hear.
- >’Doesn’t excuse the fact that you screwed up. Face it, she is lying to you.’
- >Go away.
- “That’s good to hear Feather.”
- >”The other members were worried about you as well.”
- >They are?
- >’When was the last time one of them came to check on you Connie?’
- >They were busy is all.
- >’Don’t kid yourself, this just proves that she is lying.’
- >What if she is telling the truth?
- >’Name at least one time any of them visited you, or even went out for anything with you.’
- >I can’t.
- >’Now you understand after I had to force it out for you.’
- “I see.”
- >You sip your tea, it tastes rather bitter.
- >As the nearby clock ticks, an awkward sits between the two of you.
- >Feather tries to break it.
- >”So when do you think you’ll be back?”
- >In truth, you’re not sure.
- “Soon hopefully.”
- >She smiles, and finishes her tea.
- >”I hope so, I’d like to practice together again. Maybe we can hang out like you said?”
- >A small bit of hope rises within.
- “I’d like that.”
- >Feather stands up and grabs her stuff.
- >”Just let me know when, okay?”
- “Yes of course, I’ll see you later.”
- >”See you later as well Connie.”
- >As she leaves, you’re left alone again.
- >That small bit of hope is something you’re clinging to now.
- >Setting aside your tea, you know what you must do.
- “I’ll go see my doctor, I can’t risk leaving this alone again.”
- >’And then what?’
- “And then I’ll get whatever treatment they can offer me. I’ll be able to play again, and be normal.”
- >’Ha! That’s rich, you actually believe they will help you?’
- “Of course they will, that’s what doctors do.”
- >Anger slowly starts to build.
- >’Really now? Did that ever help Eri?’
- “It’s not the same!”
- >’Don’t you remember? She tried to get help, they wanted to make her a zombie with those pills.’
- >You try to calm yourself.
- “I’m not Eri, I’m certain they can help me.”
- >’You’re right, you’re not her. You’re a pathetic imitation.’
- >Tears of anger flow forth and you start to hyperventilate.
- “NO I’M NOT!”
- >In your fit of rage, you flip your coffee table.
- >Your chest heaves and your heart is pounding loudly in your ears.
- >The thoughts have left you for now, but you know this is not the end.
- >Slowly bringing yourself back under control, you start to clean up the mess.
- “I can’t put this off anymore. I don’t want to imagine what will happen if this continues.”
- >Especially if what Eri goes through is any indication.
- >Finally you finish cleaning up and go make yourself presentable.
- “My doctor will know what is wrong, just need to get over there as soon as possible.”
- >You head out into the rain and get a taxi.
- >Along the way, anxiety plagues you.
- >It’s been a long time since you’ve felt it, not since you first joined the orchestra.
- >What if they don’t find what’s wrong with you?
- >I have to hope they do.
- >The taxi stops, drawing you out of your mind and you’re here at last.
- >You pay and hurry in, you don’t want to waste a second longer.
- >Unfortunately you have to wait, but seeing her now is the only chance you have.
- >Minutes seem to crawl by and finally, it’s time.
- >A nurse approaches you.
- >”Connie Amore? The doctor will see you now.”
- >Relief washes over you.
- >You nod and quickly go to the examination room.
- >Doctor Heart greets you with a warm smile.
- >”Connie, it’s good to see you. What seems to be the problem?”
- “I’m happy to see you as well, I have a lot to talk about.”
- >With high hopes, you tell her everything that has happened as of recent.
- >She listens and through it all, her face shifts from happy to neutral to concerned.
- “-And it has been getting worse these past few days.”
- >She takes a moment before talking.
- >”I can’t say what is causing this problem currently, but we can run some tests to find out.”
- “How long will this take?”
- >”We can do the tests right away, but the results may take a day, maybe more. It all depends.”
- >The words crush you under hoof, and you feel your eyes water.
- >”However, after hearing what you have told me. I strongly advise you to get some support from a loved one or somepony you greatly trust.”
- >Should’ve done that sooner…
- “I will, thank you doctor.”
- >”You’re welcome, now we can begin those tests right now.”
- >You nod, and she runs you through many tests.
- >It feels like hours have passed.
- >By the end, you’re exhausted, but thankful that it’s over.
- >”Alright Connie, remember what I said. I will get back to you as soon as possible.”
- “Yes of course.”
- >You leave the hospital, a feeling of numbness has started to sweep over you.
- >The ride home is silent, your mind clinging to what little hope you have left.
- >Though that hope is fading, the only ponies you really trust in this city are your parents.
- >Sure you have friends, but none of them really would understand.
- >Except for Eri, but you’re not sure if you can make it to Ponyville.
- >At last you arrive and enter your apartment.
- >You skip eating and instead, try to go to sleep for tomorrow.
by
NHanon
by
NHanon
by
NHanon
by
NHanon
by
NHanon