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/emo/ Unstable Symphony, chp 7

By NHanon
Created: 23rd October 2020 03:52:56 PM

  1. >You’ve been laying in bed for a while now.
  2. >Doesn’t matter, you ruined the concert.
  3. >The memories from last night are still fresh in your mind.
  4. >’You’re a failure.’
  5. >Slowly, you sit up.
  6. >Still wearing the dress from last night, your throat feels parched.
  7. >You get up and drag yourself to the bathroom.
  8. >As you prep a bath, you get a drink of water.
  9. >For a brief second, you catch a glimpse of your reflection as you drink.
  10. >It’s disgusting.
  11. >’You’ve always been disgusting, it’s only now that the veil is lifted that you see it.’
  12. >Slowly you slump lower, feeling worse.
  13. “Am I really that bad?”
  14. >’Of course you are, other ponies don’t say anything because they pity you.’
  15. >Shaking your head, you try to bring yourself back under control.
  16. “No, this is only recent. I’m better than this.”
  17. >’Always thinking you’re perfect. You’re far from it Connie.’
  18. >Fury ignites within you briefly.
  19. “SHUT UP!”
  20. >Silence.
  21. >Furiously, you rub your temples in frustration.
  22. “Keep it together Connie, can’t let these thoughts get to you.”
  23. >Taking a slow breath in to calm yourself down, you take a bath.
  24. >Try as you might, it doesn’t feel relaxing.
  25. >It’s both frustrating and tiring.
  26. >So you cut it short, and go grab the mail.
  27. >Hopefully some good news.
  28. >Considering the events of yesterday, you’ll hold off on looking through them until you get back inside of your apartment.
  29. >It feels like you’re trotting through mud on your way to and from the mail box.
  30. >You sit down at your desk and look through them.
  31. >Same as yesterday, and no letter from Eri.
  32. >Does she hate you?
  33. >’Of course she does, all you do is rub your success in her face.’
  34. “That’s not true, I would never do that to anypony, let alone Eri.”
  35. >’Oh really now? You never stop talking about how great you have it, or how perfect everything is.’
  36.  
  37. >You try to shove aside the thoughts when it finally dawns on you.
  38. “Eri told me she deals with dark thoughts like these.”
  39. >’And you thought she was crazy.’
  40. “No, I didn’t understand what she was going through.”
  41. >’Doesn’t matter Connie, Eri doesn’t have ups and downs like this. You’re a whole different kind of freak.’
  42. >You’re about to argue against it again, but you realize the thoughts are not wrong.
  43. >Eri never has bursts of energy like this.
  44. >Sure she said she feels hopeless and numb, but she has never once mentioned going weeks of being energetic.
  45. “What’s wrong with me then? This doesn’t make sense.”
  46. >’You’re an abomination that’s what.’
  47. “No I’m not!”
  48. >As your eyes dart around, you’re left in silence.
  49. >Your breathing grows erratic, bringing you to tears.
  50. >Though you try to bring yourself under control, you start to sob.
  51. “Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?”
  52. >You hold your head in your hooves and rock gently.
  53. “Am I going insane?! Is that what this is?!”
  54. >The lack of another to talk to you is making you feel worse.
  55. “I’m alone, I’m so alone.”
  56. >You keep crying until the sound of rain draws you out of it.
  57. >Slowly, you control yourself again, if only for now.
  58. >Looking out the window, dark gray clouds cover the sky.
  59. >The pattering of rain against the window and seeing it crawl down soothes you a little.
  60. >You get up and brew a pot of tea.
  61. “Just need to calm my nerves, I’ll go see the doctor soon.”
  62. >You should’ve done that sooner, but it’s hard to focus.
  63. >Sitting down at the kitchen table, you await the water to boil.
  64. >A knocking at the front door causes you to jolt.
  65. “Who could that be?”
  66. >Getting up slowly, you answer the door.
  67. >Feather is standing there with her saddlebags and an umbrella.
  68. “Feather?”
  69. >Her eyes widen as she looks at you.
  70. >”Oh my Celestia, Connie are you alright?”
  71.  
  72. >No pony should see you like this, especially her.
  73. >You turn away quickly, but she already has seen you in this sorry state.
  74. >I should tell her the truth, she could help.
  75. >’Why? She will think you’re crazy. Don’t forget you thought the same thing about Eri.’
  76. “I...I’m just sick, everything is fine.”
  77. >Her face softens, and she gives an uncertain smile.
  78. >”Okay, is it contagious?”
  79. >’Look at that, she bought your lie. She only cares about herself, not you.’
  80. >You try to push those thoughts aside.
  81. “No, why are you here?”
  82. >Feather looks a little hurt, but continues.
  83. >”I came to check on you. I saw you take off during intermission. The others told me you had to go home for some reason.”
  84. >She cared enough to see you?
  85. >’Don’t forget the only reason she decided to be your friend was because of your position.’
  86. >Shut up.
  87. “Oh, well as you can see, I’m still alive.”
  88. >Not really a joke, but you didn’t think that through.
  89. >She gives a forced laugh, it causes you to cringe a little.
  90. >Why’d you do that?
  91. >”I’m happy to see that you’re alright, do you have time to chat?”
  92. >Considering these damned thoughts, you’ll accept this.
  93. >’You’ll regret this Connie, just wait and see.’
  94. “Sure, come in. I was just brewing some tea.”
  95. >You head back into the kitchen, hearing her close the door behind her.
  96. >Coincidentally the kettle starts to whistle.
  97. “So how do you like your tea?”
  98. >”Two sugars, no cream.”
  99. >You nod, and prep a couple of cups.
  100. >Entering the living room, you join her on the couch.
  101. “So what did you want to talk about?”
  102. >She takes a sip from her tea and sets it back.
  103. >”I figured you wanted to know if the concert ended well, thankfully it did.”
  104. >That’s a relief to hear.
  105. >’Doesn’t excuse the fact that you screwed up. Face it, she is lying to you.’
  106. >Go away.
  107. “That’s good to hear Feather.”
  108.  
  109. >”The other members were worried about you as well.”
  110. >They are?
  111. >’When was the last time one of them came to check on you Connie?’
  112. >They were busy is all.
  113. >’Don’t kid yourself, this just proves that she is lying.’
  114. >What if she is telling the truth?
  115. >’Name at least one time any of them visited you, or even went out for anything with you.’
  116. >I can’t.
  117. >’Now you understand after I had to force it out for you.’
  118. “I see.”
  119. >You sip your tea, it tastes rather bitter.
  120. >As the nearby clock ticks, an awkward sits between the two of you.
  121. >Feather tries to break it.
  122. >”So when do you think you’ll be back?”
  123. >In truth, you’re not sure.
  124. “Soon hopefully.”
  125. >She smiles, and finishes her tea.
  126. >”I hope so, I’d like to practice together again. Maybe we can hang out like you said?”
  127. >A small bit of hope rises within.
  128. “I’d like that.”
  129. >Feather stands up and grabs her stuff.
  130. >”Just let me know when, okay?”
  131. “Yes of course, I’ll see you later.”
  132. >”See you later as well Connie.”
  133. >As she leaves, you’re left alone again.
  134. >That small bit of hope is something you’re clinging to now.
  135. >Setting aside your tea, you know what you must do.
  136. “I’ll go see my doctor, I can’t risk leaving this alone again.”
  137. >’And then what?’
  138. “And then I’ll get whatever treatment they can offer me. I’ll be able to play again, and be normal.”
  139. >’Ha! That’s rich, you actually believe they will help you?’
  140. “Of course they will, that’s what doctors do.”
  141. >Anger slowly starts to build.
  142. >’Really now? Did that ever help Eri?’
  143. “It’s not the same!”
  144. >’Don’t you remember? She tried to get help, they wanted to make her a zombie with those pills.’
  145. >You try to calm yourself.
  146. “I’m not Eri, I’m certain they can help me.”
  147. >’You’re right, you’re not her. You’re a pathetic imitation.’
  148. >Tears of anger flow forth and you start to hyperventilate.
  149.  
  150. “NO I’M NOT!”
  151. >In your fit of rage, you flip your coffee table.
  152. >Your chest heaves and your heart is pounding loudly in your ears.
  153. >The thoughts have left you for now, but you know this is not the end.
  154. >Slowly bringing yourself back under control, you start to clean up the mess.
  155. “I can’t put this off anymore. I don’t want to imagine what will happen if this continues.”
  156. >Especially if what Eri goes through is any indication.
  157. >Finally you finish cleaning up and go make yourself presentable.
  158. “My doctor will know what is wrong, just need to get over there as soon as possible.”
  159. >You head out into the rain and get a taxi.
  160. >Along the way, anxiety plagues you.
  161. >It’s been a long time since you’ve felt it, not since you first joined the orchestra.
  162. >What if they don’t find what’s wrong with you?
  163. >I have to hope they do.
  164. >The taxi stops, drawing you out of your mind and you’re here at last.
  165. >You pay and hurry in, you don’t want to waste a second longer.
  166. >Unfortunately you have to wait, but seeing her now is the only chance you have.
  167. >Minutes seem to crawl by and finally, it’s time.
  168. >A nurse approaches you.
  169. >”Connie Amore? The doctor will see you now.”
  170. >Relief washes over you.
  171. >You nod and quickly go to the examination room.
  172. >Doctor Heart greets you with a warm smile.
  173. >”Connie, it’s good to see you. What seems to be the problem?”
  174. “I’m happy to see you as well, I have a lot to talk about.”
  175. >With high hopes, you tell her everything that has happened as of recent.
  176. >She listens and through it all, her face shifts from happy to neutral to concerned.
  177. “-And it has been getting worse these past few days.”
  178. >She takes a moment before talking.
  179. >”I can’t say what is causing this problem currently, but we can run some tests to find out.”
  180. “How long will this take?”
  181.  
  182. >”We can do the tests right away, but the results may take a day, maybe more. It all depends.”
  183. >The words crush you under hoof, and you feel your eyes water.
  184. >”However, after hearing what you have told me. I strongly advise you to get some support from a loved one or somepony you greatly trust.”
  185. >Should’ve done that sooner…
  186. “I will, thank you doctor.”
  187. >”You’re welcome, now we can begin those tests right now.”
  188. >You nod, and she runs you through many tests.
  189. >It feels like hours have passed.
  190. >By the end, you’re exhausted, but thankful that it’s over.
  191. >”Alright Connie, remember what I said. I will get back to you as soon as possible.”
  192. “Yes of course.”
  193. >You leave the hospital, a feeling of numbness has started to sweep over you.
  194. >The ride home is silent, your mind clinging to what little hope you have left.
  195. >Though that hope is fading, the only ponies you really trust in this city are your parents.
  196. >Sure you have friends, but none of them really would understand.
  197. >Except for Eri, but you’re not sure if you can make it to Ponyville.
  198. >At last you arrive and enter your apartment.
  199. >You skip eating and instead, try to go to sleep for tomorrow.
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