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/emo/ Miss Eri in Manehattan, chp 4

By NHanon
Created: 2020-10-23 18:51:27
Expiry: Never

  1. 1.
    >Laying in bed, you feel...Awful.
  2. 2.
    >The memories of your freak out still linger.
  3. 3.
    >’Told you it would happen.’
  4. 4.
    “...I know...”
  5. 5.
    >You don’t feel like eating, you even don’t feel like leaving the bed.
  6. 6.
    >’Just like home now, the only thing missing is you being alone. Not far behind though.’
  7. 7.
    >Slowly you blink, no point in trying to fight these thoughts again.
  8. 8.
    >The feeling of numbness has started to settle in.
  9. 9.
    >Letting out a slow sigh, you know what you must do.
  10. 10.
    >It’s the only way to get through the day after all.
  11. 11.
    >Might even be able to play off yesterday like it was a fluke.
  12. 12.
    >’Doubtful.’
  13. 13.
    >Rolling over, you open your suitcase and pull out another hoodie.
  14. 14.
    >Of course that’s not all, you grab your razor and some bandages as well.
  15. 15.
    “Just get this over with, that’s all I need to do...”
  16. 16.
    >Opening the door slowly, you peak your head out and listen.
  17. 17.
    >You can hear Connie and Rest talking, good.
  18. 18.
    >Quickly you enter the bathroom and start the tub.
  19. 19.
    >You pull off your old bandage and pick up the blade once more in your teeth.
  20. 20.
    >A small voice inside you begs not to do this.
  21. 21.
    >Through clenched teeth you whisper out your answer.
  22. 22.
    “There is no other way, I’d rather feel pain than feel nothing at all.”
  23. 23.
    >You lift your leg up and make a cut.
  24. 24.
    >Pain rewards your efforts, but you know this isn’t enough.
  25. 25.
    >As your pulse races, you cut again.
  26. 26.
    >More pain replaces the numbness.
  27. 27.
    >You watch as blood mats with your coat and starts to drip off onto the floor.
  28. 28.
    >Setting down the razor, you clean up the mess and climb into the tub.
  29. 29.
    >The water stings, but that doesn’t matter anymore, at least you feel again.
  30. 30.
    “Better than nothing.”
  31. 31.
    >For a time you sit there and just soak.
  32. 32.
    >Slowly, you breath out through your nose.
  33. 33.
    “Guess I should actually clean up...”
  34. 34.
    >Feels like time is dragging on for you, even though you finish up rather quickly.
  35. 35.
    >You bandage up your leg and put on the hoodie before stopping at the door.
  36. 36.
     
  37. 37.
    “...I just need...I’ll go pretend...For them.”
  38. 38.
    >You put the stuff away and head into the living room.
  39. 39.
    >Upon arrival, you see Connie looking through music sheets again and Rest reading.
  40. 40.
    >As you stand there, you wonder if they would even be friends if it wasn’t for you.
  41. 41.
    >Probably not, considering they live in different places.
  42. 42.
    >While that is a comforting thought, it doesn’t completely dispel your dour mood.
  43. 43.
    >Time to suck it up and put on a fake face.
  44. 44.
    >You go join Rest on the couch and wear a small smile.
  45. 45.
    >She pulls away from her book and looks a little concerned.
  46. 46.
    >”There you are, I was going to go check on you, but I heard the tub turn on. How are you feeling?”
  47. 47.
    >Honestly, like complete shit.
  48. 48.
    >Can’t tell her that though.
  49. 49.
    “Much better, sleeping in helped and so did the bath.”
  50. 50.
    >However, it’s clear she doesn’t buy it.
  51. 51.
    >”Please tell us the truth, you stopped talking yesterday and went to bed early.”
  52. 52.
    >No, the truth will just hold put everything on hold.
  53. 53.
    >Well then, what do you even say then?
  54. 54.
    >Think of something to say, ANYTHING for fucks sake.
  55. 55.
    >Fuck it...
  56. 56.
    >Letting out a sigh, you drop the fake smile.
  57. 57.
    “...Alright, I did feel bad about yesterday. I only went to bed because I felt drained.”
  58. 58.
    >You notice Connie staring at you both, not saying a word.
  59. 59.
    >”It’s okay Eri, just try to be more open with us.”
  60. 60.
    >>”We do worry about you.”
  61. 61.
    >You should really open up to them more, instead of bottling it up.
  62. 62.
    >’And what? Waste their time? It’s not going to help you.’
  63. 63.
    >I could try.
  64. 64.
    >’You’ve tried that before, and where did it get you? Nowhere, that’s where.’
  65. 65.
    >It wasn’t my friends, it was a therapist.
  66. 66.
    >’The only different between the two is one will coddle you and the other will drug you.’
  67. 67.
    >That’s not true!
  68. 68.
    >’Deep down you know it is. Stop fighting it Eri.’
  69. 69.
    >As you argue with yourself, you see them both talking, but aren’t listening.
  70. 70.
    >Shit, pay attention.
  71. 71.
     
  72. 72.
    >>”-could go out shopping, no wait. That’s probably a bad idea.”
  73. 73.
    >”Yeah, we should just stay in instead. Maybe take the day off.”
  74. 74.
    >Look at what you’ve done, they’re about to give up their day for you.
  75. 75.
    >You won’t have that.
  76. 76.
    “I-I’d like to go out shopping. Might find something interesting.”
  77. 77.
    >They both look surprised.
  78. 78.
    >”I’m not sure, after yesterday, I’d rather you not over stress yourself.”
  79. 79.
    >>”She’s right, we can just hang out here.”
  80. 80.
    >Are they pitying you?
  81. 81.
    >You feel your anger start to rise and you speak your mind.
  82. 82.
    “This trip is supposed to help me be more outgoing, so what’s the point if I stay indoors every time I have a moment of weakness? I can’t stay inside forever.”
  83. 83.
    >Now as you look at them, they look...Shocked.
  84. 84.
    >They don’t say anything at first, probably working out what just happened in their minds.
  85. 85.
    >”You’re right about that, but you’re pushing yourself quite hard.”
  86. 86.
    >You feel your eye twitch.
  87. 87.
    “So? If it means I’m finally out and about, what does it matter? I’m actually doing shit, with my friends.”
  88. 88.
    >Rest goes silent and Connie speaks up.
  89. 89.
    >>”Okay then, we can go shopping. There is many stores we can visit, but about how we narrow it down a little?”
  90. 90.
    “Anywhere is fine, just as long as it gets me outside.”
  91. 91.
    >Connie nods and heads off to her bedroom, leaving you alone with Rest.
  92. 92.
    >After awhile, Rest starts to talk again.
  93. 93.
    >”Eri...Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m thrilled to see you wanting to go outside your comfort zone, but you don’t need to do this for us.”
  94. 94.
    >Is she really that worried about it?
  95. 95.
    >...
  96. 96.
    >Poor question, of course she is, you give her plenty of reason to worry about your stupid antics.
  97. 97.
    >You shake your head and give her a smile.
  98. 98.
    “It’s fine, I won’t know my limits till I try, so this is the best be for me. Especially if this helps me live a normal life.”
  99. 99.
    >It feels good to get this out, even if it’s just the tip of the iceberg.
  100. 100.
     
  101. 101.
    >Rest gives a small smile and gently rubs your back.
  102. 102.
    >”Yeah...Yeah you’re right. It’s fantastic to hear you say that.”
  103. 103.
    >You nod, and sit there for a bit looking down at your hooves.
  104. 104.
    >Is this all it really takes?
  105. 105.
    >’You should know better, especially if yesterday was any indication.’
  106. 106.
    >That may be, but I can get better.
  107. 107.
    >’Don’t hold your breath.’
  108. 108.
    >Looking back up, you see Connie come out with her saddlebags.
  109. 109.
    >>”I figure we can visit a clothing store or two and maybe check out some of the smaller stores as well. Gives us plenty to do.”
  110. 110.
    >You nod and the three of you leave once more.
  111. 111.
    >As you wait for a taxi, you focus on keeping yourself together.
  112. 112.
    >Can’t keep having repeats of the previous days.
  113. 113.
    >Have to make it through, no matter what.
  114. 114.
    >You join the other two as the taxi stops and continue to think how to keep it together.
  115. 115.
    >But how?
  116. 116.
    >A sudden jolt of pain pulls you out of your thoughts.
  117. 117.
    >You realize you were squeezing your bandaged leg.
  118. 118.
    >Funny how the answer is so obvious.
  119. 119.
    >’Inflicting more pain on yourself? Wow, not like you don’t do that enough.’
  120. 120.
    >It’s the best plan for now.
  121. 121.
    >’Not like that won’t come back to bite you in flank.’
  122. 122.
    >I’ll deal with it if it comes to it.
  123. 123.
    >The cart comes to a halt and you climb out with the others.
  124. 124.
    >A large number of stores are lined up along the sidewalk.
  125. 125.
    >Some are competing in selling something similar, and others are more unique.
  126. 126.
    >Connie steps forward and waves one leg around.
  127. 127.
    >>”See? So many places to choose, if either of you see something that catches your eye, just say so.”
  128. 128.
    >Doubtful, but that doesn’t mean you won’t try.
  129. 129.
    >The three of trot along and window shop mostly.
  130. 130.
    >None of these places really interest you.
  131. 131.
    >However, that quickly changes.
  132. 132.
    >A clearly new store stands out amongst the rest and it ignites some anger within.
  133. 133.
    >Its sign reads: Hot Clopic
  134. 134.
    “Are you fucking serious? Is this some kind of joke?”
  135. 135.
     
  136. 136.
    >>”This place opened up about a month ago, I heard a lot of teenagers visit it.”
  137. 137.
    >”Not surprising, heard there are others opening up in the cities. One of my patients mentioned it.”
  138. 138.
    >Your anger turns to fury upon hearing this.
  139. 139.
    “This is horse shit! Places like this take the whole idea of broken ponies and try to sell it.”
  140. 140.
    >Connie looks surprised.
  141. 141.
    >>”I wouldn’t know, never shopped here.”
  142. 142.
    >”I think some of the stuff looks cute.”
  143. 143.
    >What the fuck?
  144. 144.
    >You narrow your eyes at Rest.
  145. 145.
    “You’re serious?”
  146. 146.
    >She shrugs.
  147. 147.
    >”What can I say? I like the clothes.”
  148. 148.
    >>”How about we take a look around? Might be something you will like.”
  149. 149.
    >As you’re about to argue, you remember you’re only here for them.
  150. 150.
    >You take a deep breath, and slowly release it.
  151. 151.
    “...Fine.”
  152. 152.
    >Inside the store, you can hear some music playing, doesn’t sound familiar.
  153. 153.
    >Like Connie mentioned before, you can see some teenage ponies looking over things.
  154. 154.
    >Mostly clothes here, can see some other stuff.
  155. 155.
    >Almost all the clothes have some kind of logos on them.
  156. 156.
    >Taking a closer look reveals them to be bands.
  157. 157.
    >You read one of them aloud.
  158. 158.
    “...Party Massacre? Seriously?”
  159. 159.
    >Stepping away, you try to stick close to your friends instead.
  160. 160.
    >This whole place feels insulting.
  161. 161.
    >”Really like these wristbands and piercings.”
  162. 162.
    >Rest’s words draw you from your inner thoughts.
  163. 163.
    >An array of different colored wristbands is in front of her, many of which also have band logos.
  164. 164.
    >Do they just slap a label on everyone they feel like? Because it seems like it.
  165. 165.
    >>”This cape is kinda cool, what do you think Rest? Goth enough?”
  166. 166.
    >Looking over, you see Connie holding a black cape.
  167. 167.
    >Rest frowns and shakes her head.
  168. 168.
    >”No that’s not goth. It looks like it belongs to a Nightmare Night costume.”
  169. 169.
    >>”You don’t know that for sure. Might be a new style”
  170. 170.
    >Rest rolls her eyes.
  171. 171.
    >”Oh I’m sure, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that.”
  172. 172.
    >Connie grins and tries it on.
  173. 173.
     
  174. 174.
    >She then rears up and talks in a gruff voice.
  175. 175.
    >>”I’m Batmare!”
  176. 176.
    >You try in vain to stifle a laugh, but ultimately fail.
  177. 177.
    >Rest quickly joins you in laughing.
  178. 178.
    >Connie wraps it around her and poses.
  179. 179.
    >>”I am the night! None can hide from my vigilance!”
  180. 180.
    >You laugh even harder and your sides start to hurt.
  181. 181.
    >You try to talk in between breaths.
  182. 182.
    “C-Connie..Ha!...My sides hurt!...Bwahaha!”
  183. 183.
    >She pulls away the cape with a large smile.
  184. 184.
    >>”There’s something I don’t see often, you laughing.”
  185. 185.
    >Slowly, you try to bring yourself back under control.
  186. 186.
    >Rest finally stops laughing and grins.
  187. 187.
    >”Suppose that really fits you Connie, the black works well with your colors.”
  188. 188.
    >Connie does a twirl and looks back at both of you.
  189. 189.
    >>”Hmm...Yeah it does, doesn’t it? But! I don’t think I’ll get this, not much of a fan of capes.”
  190. 190.
    >Finally you regain control and you feel a large smile plastered on your face.
  191. 191.
    “I have to admit, that was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.”
  192. 192.
    >Connie beams as she puts away the cape.
  193. 193.
    >>”Good, that was my intention.”
  194. 194.
    >You roll your eyes, of course it was.
  195. 195.
    >>”Are you going to get anything here Rest?”
  196. 196.
    >Looking over, you see Rest rub her chin for a moment.
  197. 197.
    >”Yeah, just another wristband, nothing fancy.”
  198. 198.
    >As she pays for her purchase, you honestly don’t feel as disgusted with this place.
  199. 199.
    >Sure it’s still kinda insulting, but at least you’re not here alone.
  200. 200.
    >The three of you head back outside and start looking around various shops.
  201. 201.
    >Most don’t interest you, at least none yet.
  202. 202.
    >You do feel happier than earlier, and you hold onto that as they look through another store.
  203. 203.
    >Thankfully, the next store really catches your full attention.
  204. 204.
    “Is that a thrift store?”
  205. 205.
    >Before either can answer, you go inside.
  206. 206.
    >You find your way over to some cases and see some vinyls on display.
  207. 207.
    “I know some of these.”
  208. 208.
    >”Didn’t expect you to be this interested in those Eri.”
  209. 209.
     
  210. 210.
    >You answer and keep your attention on the various vinyls.
  211. 211.
    “Well yeah, I do like music. The older stuff holds up well in comparison to some of garbage they put out nowadays.”
  212. 212.
    >Rest’s silence makes you turn your head to her.
  213. 213.
    >She looks surprised and you blush.
  214. 214.
    “I-uh...When I was little, my parents played some of these bands frequently.”
  215. 215.
    >She smiles.
  216. 216.
    >”Do you own any of these?”
  217. 217.
    “Yeah, I still own the ones my parents left me.”
  218. 218.
    >”Oh, you should play them sometime.”
  219. 219.
    >On that thought, you feel your happiness start to slip.
  220. 220.
    >Mom and dad have been gone a while, haven’t they?
  221. 221.
    “Yeah...I should...”
  222. 222.
    >You step away from the cases and head over to some nearby bookshelves instead.
  223. 223.
    >Best to try to distract yourself from that memory.
  224. 224.
    >The happiness you had has faded rapidly, and you feel yourself falling back to the way you were earlier.
  225. 225.
    >Great...Just what you wanted.
  226. 226.
    >Letting out a small sigh, you grab and open up a random book.
  227. 227.
    >Though as your eyes look over the pages, you pause.
  228. 228.
    >It’s a poetry book.
  229. 229.
    “That...That was lucky...”
  230. 230.
    >Slowly, you feel your spirits start to rise again.
  231. 231.
    >Sure you hate your own stuff, but reading others work is so real.
  232. 232.
    >It just speaks to you in a special way.
  233. 233.
    >Especially how they bare their soul with words, it’s so visceral.
  234. 234.
    >>”Find something you like?”
  235. 235.
    >Turning your head, you see Connie standing there.
  236. 236.
    >You nod and smile.
  237. 237.
    “Yeah, this poetry book. Never read this one before. Have read the all the ones at the library back home, probably a few times by.”
  238. 238.
    >>”Do you want it?”
  239. 239.
    >Her words nearly knock you off balance.
  240. 240.
    >Sure you wouldn’t mind owning this, but you really just wanted to be more outgoing with them.
  241. 241.
    >Before you can answer, she continues.
  242. 242.
    >>”I wouldn’t mind buying it for you Eri, not like it costs a fortune.”
  243. 243.
    >She isn’t wrong, these books are dirt cheap, but still…
  244. 244.
     
  245. 245.
    >’Look at that, you’re actually thinking about turning down her offer. Didn’t think you could sink lower Eri.’
  246. 246.
    >Rather than letting the thought get the best of you, you know what to do.
  247. 247.
    “Alright Connie, if you’re sure.”
  248. 248.
    >She beams and the two of you find Rest looking over the vinyls still.
  249. 249.
    >”Not bad, they even have Black Sabbath volume four.”
  250. 250.
    >She turns away from the cases and sees you both.
  251. 251.
    >”Hey there, find something?”
  252. 252.
    >You nod and show her your book.
  253. 253.
    >”Oh neat, didn’t expect to see that here.”
  254. 254.
    “Yeah neither did I, happy coincidence I guess.”
  255. 255.
    >>”Find anything you want Rest?”
  256. 256.
    >She takes a moment before picking up the vinyl she mentioned.
  257. 257.
    >”It’s a classic and I don’t own it, yet.”
  258. 258.
    >As the three of you pay and leave, you feel better again.
  259. 259.
    >Have to remember to hold onto that flame tightly and never let it go again.
  260. 260.
    >’You do know that a simple breeze will extinguish that?’
  261. 261.
    >It doesn’t matter, I’ll be happy for now and deal with it when it goes away.
  262. 262.
    >’Sure, then you’ll break down and cut yourself, again. Maybe even this time you go further.’
  263. 263.
    >Fuck off.
  264. 264.
    >’Only a matter of time.’
  265. 265.
    >Ignoring the thoughts again, you three approach a ice cream vendor.
  266. 266.
    >>”I think some ice cream will be a nice treat, how about it girls?”
  267. 267.
    >Both you and Rest nod, because who the fuck doesn’t want ice cream.
  268. 268.
    >The three of you trot on and enjoy your frozen treats.
  269. 269.
    “Thanks Connie, this has been pretty nice so far.”
  270. 270.
    >She takes a lick and smiles.
  271. 271.
    >>”You’re welcome, but it’s not over yet.”
  272. 272.
    >Connie gets a taxi and you finish your ice cream along the way, enjoying the peace, if only for now.
  273. 273.
    >On the ride back, you hope that tomorrow will be good if not better than today.

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