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/emo/ Miss Eri in Manehattan, chp 4

By NHanon
Created: 23rd October 2020 06:51:27 PM

  1. >Laying in bed, you feel...Awful.
  2. >The memories of your freak out still linger.
  3. >’Told you it would happen.’
  4. “...I know...”
  5. >You don’t feel like eating, you even don’t feel like leaving the bed.
  6. >’Just like home now, the only thing missing is you being alone. Not far behind though.’
  7. >Slowly you blink, no point in trying to fight these thoughts again.
  8. >The feeling of numbness has started to settle in.
  9. >Letting out a slow sigh, you know what you must do.
  10. >It’s the only way to get through the day after all.
  11. >Might even be able to play off yesterday like it was a fluke.
  12. >’Doubtful.’
  13. >Rolling over, you open your suitcase and pull out another hoodie.
  14. >Of course that’s not all, you grab your razor and some bandages as well.
  15. “Just get this over with, that’s all I need to do...”
  16. >Opening the door slowly, you peak your head out and listen.
  17. >You can hear Connie and Rest talking, good.
  18. >Quickly you enter the bathroom and start the tub.
  19. >You pull off your old bandage and pick up the blade once more in your teeth.
  20. >A small voice inside you begs not to do this.
  21. >Through clenched teeth you whisper out your answer.
  22. “There is no other way, I’d rather feel pain than feel nothing at all.”
  23. >You lift your leg up and make a cut.
  24. >Pain rewards your efforts, but you know this isn’t enough.
  25. >As your pulse races, you cut again.
  26. >More pain replaces the numbness.
  27. >You watch as blood mats with your coat and starts to drip off onto the floor.
  28. >Setting down the razor, you clean up the mess and climb into the tub.
  29. >The water stings, but that doesn’t matter anymore, at least you feel again.
  30. “Better than nothing.”
  31. >For a time you sit there and just soak.
  32. >Slowly, you breath out through your nose.
  33. “Guess I should actually clean up...”
  34. >Feels like time is dragging on for you, even though you finish up rather quickly.
  35. >You bandage up your leg and put on the hoodie before stopping at the door.
  36.  
  37. “...I just need...I’ll go pretend...For them.”
  38. >You put the stuff away and head into the living room.
  39. >Upon arrival, you see Connie looking through music sheets again and Rest reading.
  40. >As you stand there, you wonder if they would even be friends if it wasn’t for you.
  41. >Probably not, considering they live in different places.
  42. >While that is a comforting thought, it doesn’t completely dispel your dour mood.
  43. >Time to suck it up and put on a fake face.
  44. >You go join Rest on the couch and wear a small smile.
  45. >She pulls away from her book and looks a little concerned.
  46. >”There you are, I was going to go check on you, but I heard the tub turn on. How are you feeling?”
  47. >Honestly, like complete shit.
  48. >Can’t tell her that though.
  49. “Much better, sleeping in helped and so did the bath.”
  50. >However, it’s clear she doesn’t buy it.
  51. >”Please tell us the truth, you stopped talking yesterday and went to bed early.”
  52. >No, the truth will just hold put everything on hold.
  53. >Well then, what do you even say then?
  54. >Think of something to say, ANYTHING for fucks sake.
  55. >Fuck it...
  56. >Letting out a sigh, you drop the fake smile.
  57. “...Alright, I did feel bad about yesterday. I only went to bed because I felt drained.”
  58. >You notice Connie staring at you both, not saying a word.
  59. >”It’s okay Eri, just try to be more open with us.”
  60. >>”We do worry about you.”
  61. >You should really open up to them more, instead of bottling it up.
  62. >’And what? Waste their time? It’s not going to help you.’
  63. >I could try.
  64. >’You’ve tried that before, and where did it get you? Nowhere, that’s where.’
  65. >It wasn’t my friends, it was a therapist.
  66. >’The only different between the two is one will coddle you and the other will drug you.’
  67. >That’s not true!
  68. >’Deep down you know it is. Stop fighting it Eri.’
  69. >As you argue with yourself, you see them both talking, but aren’t listening.
  70. >Shit, pay attention.
  71.  
  72. >>”-could go out shopping, no wait. That’s probably a bad idea.”
  73. >”Yeah, we should just stay in instead. Maybe take the day off.”
  74. >Look at what you’ve done, they’re about to give up their day for you.
  75. >You won’t have that.
  76. “I-I’d like to go out shopping. Might find something interesting.”
  77. >They both look surprised.
  78. >”I’m not sure, after yesterday, I’d rather you not over stress yourself.”
  79. >>”She’s right, we can just hang out here.”
  80. >Are they pitying you?
  81. >You feel your anger start to rise and you speak your mind.
  82. “This trip is supposed to help me be more outgoing, so what’s the point if I stay indoors every time I have a moment of weakness? I can’t stay inside forever.”
  83. >Now as you look at them, they look...Shocked.
  84. >They don’t say anything at first, probably working out what just happened in their minds.
  85. >”You’re right about that, but you’re pushing yourself quite hard.”
  86. >You feel your eye twitch.
  87. “So? If it means I’m finally out and about, what does it matter? I’m actually doing shit, with my friends.”
  88. >Rest goes silent and Connie speaks up.
  89. >>”Okay then, we can go shopping. There is many stores we can visit, but about how we narrow it down a little?”
  90. “Anywhere is fine, just as long as it gets me outside.”
  91. >Connie nods and heads off to her bedroom, leaving you alone with Rest.
  92. >After awhile, Rest starts to talk again.
  93. >”Eri...Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m thrilled to see you wanting to go outside your comfort zone, but you don’t need to do this for us.”
  94. >Is she really that worried about it?
  95. >...
  96. >Poor question, of course she is, you give her plenty of reason to worry about your stupid antics.
  97. >You shake your head and give her a smile.
  98. “It’s fine, I won’t know my limits till I try, so this is the best be for me. Especially if this helps me live a normal life.”
  99. >It feels good to get this out, even if it’s just the tip of the iceberg.
  100.  
  101. >Rest gives a small smile and gently rubs your back.
  102. >”Yeah...Yeah you’re right. It’s fantastic to hear you say that.”
  103. >You nod, and sit there for a bit looking down at your hooves.
  104. >Is this all it really takes?
  105. >’You should know better, especially if yesterday was any indication.’
  106. >That may be, but I can get better.
  107. >’Don’t hold your breath.’
  108. >Looking back up, you see Connie come out with her saddlebags.
  109. >>”I figure we can visit a clothing store or two and maybe check out some of the smaller stores as well. Gives us plenty to do.”
  110. >You nod and the three of you leave once more.
  111. >As you wait for a taxi, you focus on keeping yourself together.
  112. >Can’t keep having repeats of the previous days.
  113. >Have to make it through, no matter what.
  114. >You join the other two as the taxi stops and continue to think how to keep it together.
  115. >But how?
  116. >A sudden jolt of pain pulls you out of your thoughts.
  117. >You realize you were squeezing your bandaged leg.
  118. >Funny how the answer is so obvious.
  119. >’Inflicting more pain on yourself? Wow, not like you don’t do that enough.’
  120. >It’s the best plan for now.
  121. >’Not like that won’t come back to bite you in flank.’
  122. >I’ll deal with it if it comes to it.
  123. >The cart comes to a halt and you climb out with the others.
  124. >A large number of stores are lined up along the sidewalk.
  125. >Some are competing in selling something similar, and others are more unique.
  126. >Connie steps forward and waves one leg around.
  127. >>”See? So many places to choose, if either of you see something that catches your eye, just say so.”
  128. >Doubtful, but that doesn’t mean you won’t try.
  129. >The three of trot along and window shop mostly.
  130. >None of these places really interest you.
  131. >However, that quickly changes.
  132. >A clearly new store stands out amongst the rest and it ignites some anger within.
  133. >Its sign reads: Hot Clopic
  134. “Are you fucking serious? Is this some kind of joke?”
  135.  
  136. >>”This place opened up about a month ago, I heard a lot of teenagers visit it.”
  137. >”Not surprising, heard there are others opening up in the cities. One of my patients mentioned it.”
  138. >Your anger turns to fury upon hearing this.
  139. “This is horse shit! Places like this take the whole idea of broken ponies and try to sell it.”
  140. >Connie looks surprised.
  141. >>”I wouldn’t know, never shopped here.”
  142. >”I think some of the stuff looks cute.”
  143. >What the fuck?
  144. >You narrow your eyes at Rest.
  145. “You’re serious?”
  146. >She shrugs.
  147. >”What can I say? I like the clothes.”
  148. >>”How about we take a look around? Might be something you will like.”
  149. >As you’re about to argue, you remember you’re only here for them.
  150. >You take a deep breath, and slowly release it.
  151. “...Fine.”
  152. >Inside the store, you can hear some music playing, doesn’t sound familiar.
  153. >Like Connie mentioned before, you can see some teenage ponies looking over things.
  154. >Mostly clothes here, can see some other stuff.
  155. >Almost all the clothes have some kind of logos on them.
  156. >Taking a closer look reveals them to be bands.
  157. >You read one of them aloud.
  158. “...Party Massacre? Seriously?”
  159. >Stepping away, you try to stick close to your friends instead.
  160. >This whole place feels insulting.
  161. >”Really like these wristbands and piercings.”
  162. >Rest’s words draw you from your inner thoughts.
  163. >An array of different colored wristbands is in front of her, many of which also have band logos.
  164. >Do they just slap a label on everyone they feel like? Because it seems like it.
  165. >>”This cape is kinda cool, what do you think Rest? Goth enough?”
  166. >Looking over, you see Connie holding a black cape.
  167. >Rest frowns and shakes her head.
  168. >”No that’s not goth. It looks like it belongs to a Nightmare Night costume.”
  169. >>”You don’t know that for sure. Might be a new style”
  170. >Rest rolls her eyes.
  171. >”Oh I’m sure, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that.”
  172. >Connie grins and tries it on.
  173.  
  174. >She then rears up and talks in a gruff voice.
  175. >>”I’m Batmare!”
  176. >You try in vain to stifle a laugh, but ultimately fail.
  177. >Rest quickly joins you in laughing.
  178. >Connie wraps it around her and poses.
  179. >>”I am the night! None can hide from my vigilance!”
  180. >You laugh even harder and your sides start to hurt.
  181. >You try to talk in between breaths.
  182. “C-Connie..Ha!...My sides hurt!...Bwahaha!”
  183. >She pulls away the cape with a large smile.
  184. >>”There’s something I don’t see often, you laughing.”
  185. >Slowly, you try to bring yourself back under control.
  186. >Rest finally stops laughing and grins.
  187. >”Suppose that really fits you Connie, the black works well with your colors.”
  188. >Connie does a twirl and looks back at both of you.
  189. >>”Hmm...Yeah it does, doesn’t it? But! I don’t think I’ll get this, not much of a fan of capes.”
  190. >Finally you regain control and you feel a large smile plastered on your face.
  191. “I have to admit, that was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.”
  192. >Connie beams as she puts away the cape.
  193. >>”Good, that was my intention.”
  194. >You roll your eyes, of course it was.
  195. >>”Are you going to get anything here Rest?”
  196. >Looking over, you see Rest rub her chin for a moment.
  197. >”Yeah, just another wristband, nothing fancy.”
  198. >As she pays for her purchase, you honestly don’t feel as disgusted with this place.
  199. >Sure it’s still kinda insulting, but at least you’re not here alone.
  200. >The three of you head back outside and start looking around various shops.
  201. >Most don’t interest you, at least none yet.
  202. >You do feel happier than earlier, and you hold onto that as they look through another store.
  203. >Thankfully, the next store really catches your full attention.
  204. “Is that a thrift store?”
  205. >Before either can answer, you go inside.
  206. >You find your way over to some cases and see some vinyls on display.
  207. “I know some of these.”
  208. >”Didn’t expect you to be this interested in those Eri.”
  209.  
  210. >You answer and keep your attention on the various vinyls.
  211. “Well yeah, I do like music. The older stuff holds up well in comparison to some of garbage they put out nowadays.”
  212. >Rest’s silence makes you turn your head to her.
  213. >She looks surprised and you blush.
  214. “I-uh...When I was little, my parents played some of these bands frequently.”
  215. >She smiles.
  216. >”Do you own any of these?”
  217. “Yeah, I still own the ones my parents left me.”
  218. >”Oh, you should play them sometime.”
  219. >On that thought, you feel your happiness start to slip.
  220. >Mom and dad have been gone a while, haven’t they?
  221. “Yeah...I should...”
  222. >You step away from the cases and head over to some nearby bookshelves instead.
  223. >Best to try to distract yourself from that memory.
  224. >The happiness you had has faded rapidly, and you feel yourself falling back to the way you were earlier.
  225. >Great...Just what you wanted.
  226. >Letting out a small sigh, you grab and open up a random book.
  227. >Though as your eyes look over the pages, you pause.
  228. >It’s a poetry book.
  229. “That...That was lucky...”
  230. >Slowly, you feel your spirits start to rise again.
  231. >Sure you hate your own stuff, but reading others work is so real.
  232. >It just speaks to you in a special way.
  233. >Especially how they bare their soul with words, it’s so visceral.
  234. >>”Find something you like?”
  235. >Turning your head, you see Connie standing there.
  236. >You nod and smile.
  237. “Yeah, this poetry book. Never read this one before. Have read the all the ones at the library back home, probably a few times by.”
  238. >>”Do you want it?”
  239. >Her words nearly knock you off balance.
  240. >Sure you wouldn’t mind owning this, but you really just wanted to be more outgoing with them.
  241. >Before you can answer, she continues.
  242. >>”I wouldn’t mind buying it for you Eri, not like it costs a fortune.”
  243. >She isn’t wrong, these books are dirt cheap, but still…
  244.  
  245. >’Look at that, you’re actually thinking about turning down her offer. Didn’t think you could sink lower Eri.’
  246. >Rather than letting the thought get the best of you, you know what to do.
  247. “Alright Connie, if you’re sure.”
  248. >She beams and the two of you find Rest looking over the vinyls still.
  249. >”Not bad, they even have Black Sabbath volume four.”
  250. >She turns away from the cases and sees you both.
  251. >”Hey there, find something?”
  252. >You nod and show her your book.
  253. >”Oh neat, didn’t expect to see that here.”
  254. “Yeah neither did I, happy coincidence I guess.”
  255. >>”Find anything you want Rest?”
  256. >She takes a moment before picking up the vinyl she mentioned.
  257. >”It’s a classic and I don’t own it, yet.”
  258. >As the three of you pay and leave, you feel better again.
  259. >Have to remember to hold onto that flame tightly and never let it go again.
  260. >’You do know that a simple breeze will extinguish that?’
  261. >It doesn’t matter, I’ll be happy for now and deal with it when it goes away.
  262. >’Sure, then you’ll break down and cut yourself, again. Maybe even this time you go further.’
  263. >Fuck off.
  264. >’Only a matter of time.’
  265. >Ignoring the thoughts again, you three approach a ice cream vendor.
  266. >>”I think some ice cream will be a nice treat, how about it girls?”
  267. >Both you and Rest nod, because who the fuck doesn’t want ice cream.
  268. >The three of you trot on and enjoy your frozen treats.
  269. “Thanks Connie, this has been pretty nice so far.”
  270. >She takes a lick and smiles.
  271. >>”You’re welcome, but it’s not over yet.”
  272. >Connie gets a taxi and you finish your ice cream along the way, enjoying the peace, if only for now.
  273. >On the ride back, you hope that tomorrow will be good if not better than today.
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