GREEN
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2770 15.19 KB 273
2770 15.19 KB 273
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>Laying in bed, you feel...Awful.
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>The memories of your freak out still linger.
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>’Told you it would happen.’
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“...I know...”
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>You don’t feel like eating, you even don’t feel like leaving the bed.
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>’Just like home now, the only thing missing is you being alone. Not far behind though.’
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>Slowly you blink, no point in trying to fight these thoughts again.
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>The feeling of numbness has started to settle in.
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>Letting out a slow sigh, you know what you must do.
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>It’s the only way to get through the day after all.
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>Might even be able to play off yesterday like it was a fluke.
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>’Doubtful.’
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>Rolling over, you open your suitcase and pull out another hoodie.
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>Of course that’s not all, you grab your razor and some bandages as well.
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“Just get this over with, that’s all I need to do...”
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>Opening the door slowly, you peak your head out and listen.
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>You can hear Connie and Rest talking, good.
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>Quickly you enter the bathroom and start the tub.
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>You pull off your old bandage and pick up the blade once more in your teeth.
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>A small voice inside you begs not to do this.
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>Through clenched teeth you whisper out your answer.
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“There is no other way, I’d rather feel pain than feel nothing at all.”
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>You lift your leg up and make a cut.
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>Pain rewards your efforts, but you know this isn’t enough.
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>As your pulse races, you cut again.
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>More pain replaces the numbness.
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>You watch as blood mats with your coat and starts to drip off onto the floor.
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>Setting down the razor, you clean up the mess and climb into the tub.
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>The water stings, but that doesn’t matter anymore, at least you feel again.
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“Better than nothing.”
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>For a time you sit there and just soak.
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>Slowly, you breath out through your nose.
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“Guess I should actually clean up...”
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>Feels like time is dragging on for you, even though you finish up rather quickly.
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>You bandage up your leg and put on the hoodie before stopping at the door.
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“...I just need...I’ll go pretend...For them.”
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>You put the stuff away and head into the living room.
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>Upon arrival, you see Connie looking through music sheets again and Rest reading.
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>As you stand there, you wonder if they would even be friends if it wasn’t for you.
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>Probably not, considering they live in different places.
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>While that is a comforting thought, it doesn’t completely dispel your dour mood.
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>Time to suck it up and put on a fake face.
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>You go join Rest on the couch and wear a small smile.
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>She pulls away from her book and looks a little concerned.
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>”There you are, I was going to go check on you, but I heard the tub turn on. How are you feeling?”
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>Honestly, like complete shit.
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>Can’t tell her that though.
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“Much better, sleeping in helped and so did the bath.”
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>However, it’s clear she doesn’t buy it.
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>”Please tell us the truth, you stopped talking yesterday and went to bed early.”
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>No, the truth will just hold put everything on hold.
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>Well then, what do you even say then?
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>Think of something to say, ANYTHING for fucks sake.
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>Fuck it...
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>Letting out a sigh, you drop the fake smile.
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“...Alright, I did feel bad about yesterday. I only went to bed because I felt drained.”
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>You notice Connie staring at you both, not saying a word.
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>”It’s okay Eri, just try to be more open with us.”
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>>”We do worry about you.”
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>You should really open up to them more, instead of bottling it up.
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>’And what? Waste their time? It’s not going to help you.’
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>I could try.
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>’You’ve tried that before, and where did it get you? Nowhere, that’s where.’
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>It wasn’t my friends, it was a therapist.
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>’The only different between the two is one will coddle you and the other will drug you.’
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>That’s not true!
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>’Deep down you know it is. Stop fighting it Eri.’
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>As you argue with yourself, you see them both talking, but aren’t listening.
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>Shit, pay attention.
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>>”-could go out shopping, no wait. That’s probably a bad idea.”
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>”Yeah, we should just stay in instead. Maybe take the day off.”
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>Look at what you’ve done, they’re about to give up their day for you.
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>You won’t have that.
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“I-I’d like to go out shopping. Might find something interesting.”
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>They both look surprised.
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>”I’m not sure, after yesterday, I’d rather you not over stress yourself.”
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>>”She’s right, we can just hang out here.”
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>Are they pitying you?
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>You feel your anger start to rise and you speak your mind.
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“This trip is supposed to help me be more outgoing, so what’s the point if I stay indoors every time I have a moment of weakness? I can’t stay inside forever.”
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>Now as you look at them, they look...Shocked.
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>They don’t say anything at first, probably working out what just happened in their minds.
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>”You’re right about that, but you’re pushing yourself quite hard.”
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>You feel your eye twitch.
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“So? If it means I’m finally out and about, what does it matter? I’m actually doing shit, with my friends.”
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>Rest goes silent and Connie speaks up.
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>>”Okay then, we can go shopping. There is many stores we can visit, but about how we narrow it down a little?”
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“Anywhere is fine, just as long as it gets me outside.”
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>Connie nods and heads off to her bedroom, leaving you alone with Rest.
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>After awhile, Rest starts to talk again.
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>”Eri...Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m thrilled to see you wanting to go outside your comfort zone, but you don’t need to do this for us.”
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>Is she really that worried about it?
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>...
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>Poor question, of course she is, you give her plenty of reason to worry about your stupid antics.
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>You shake your head and give her a smile.
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“It’s fine, I won’t know my limits till I try, so this is the best be for me. Especially if this helps me live a normal life.”
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>It feels good to get this out, even if it’s just the tip of the iceberg.
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>Rest gives a small smile and gently rubs your back.
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>”Yeah...Yeah you’re right. It’s fantastic to hear you say that.”
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>You nod, and sit there for a bit looking down at your hooves.
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>Is this all it really takes?
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>’You should know better, especially if yesterday was any indication.’
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>That may be, but I can get better.
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>’Don’t hold your breath.’
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>Looking back up, you see Connie come out with her saddlebags.
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>>”I figure we can visit a clothing store or two and maybe check out some of the smaller stores as well. Gives us plenty to do.”
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>You nod and the three of you leave once more.
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>As you wait for a taxi, you focus on keeping yourself together.
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>Can’t keep having repeats of the previous days.
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>Have to make it through, no matter what.
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>You join the other two as the taxi stops and continue to think how to keep it together.
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>But how?
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>A sudden jolt of pain pulls you out of your thoughts.
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>You realize you were squeezing your bandaged leg.
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>Funny how the answer is so obvious.
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>’Inflicting more pain on yourself? Wow, not like you don’t do that enough.’
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>It’s the best plan for now.
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>’Not like that won’t come back to bite you in flank.’
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>I’ll deal with it if it comes to it.
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>The cart comes to a halt and you climb out with the others.
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>A large number of stores are lined up along the sidewalk.
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>Some are competing in selling something similar, and others are more unique.
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>Connie steps forward and waves one leg around.
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>>”See? So many places to choose, if either of you see something that catches your eye, just say so.”
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>Doubtful, but that doesn’t mean you won’t try.
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>The three of trot along and window shop mostly.
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>None of these places really interest you.
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>However, that quickly changes.
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>A clearly new store stands out amongst the rest and it ignites some anger within.
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>Its sign reads: Hot Clopic
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“Are you fucking serious? Is this some kind of joke?”
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>>”This place opened up about a month ago, I heard a lot of teenagers visit it.”
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>”Not surprising, heard there are others opening up in the cities. One of my patients mentioned it.”
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>Your anger turns to fury upon hearing this.
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“This is horse shit! Places like this take the whole idea of broken ponies and try to sell it.”
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>Connie looks surprised.
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>>”I wouldn’t know, never shopped here.”
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>”I think some of the stuff looks cute.”
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>What the fuck?
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>You narrow your eyes at Rest.
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“You’re serious?”
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>She shrugs.
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>”What can I say? I like the clothes.”
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>>”How about we take a look around? Might be something you will like.”
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>As you’re about to argue, you remember you’re only here for them.
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>You take a deep breath, and slowly release it.
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“...Fine.”
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>Inside the store, you can hear some music playing, doesn’t sound familiar.
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>Like Connie mentioned before, you can see some teenage ponies looking over things.
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>Mostly clothes here, can see some other stuff.
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>Almost all the clothes have some kind of logos on them.
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>Taking a closer look reveals them to be bands.
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>You read one of them aloud.
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“...Party Massacre? Seriously?”
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>Stepping away, you try to stick close to your friends instead.
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>This whole place feels insulting.
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>”Really like these wristbands and piercings.”
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>Rest’s words draw you from your inner thoughts.
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>An array of different colored wristbands is in front of her, many of which also have band logos.
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>Do they just slap a label on everyone they feel like? Because it seems like it.
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>>”This cape is kinda cool, what do you think Rest? Goth enough?”
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>Looking over, you see Connie holding a black cape.
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>Rest frowns and shakes her head.
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>”No that’s not goth. It looks like it belongs to a Nightmare Night costume.”
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>>”You don’t know that for sure. Might be a new style”
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>Rest rolls her eyes.
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>”Oh I’m sure, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that.”
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>Connie grins and tries it on.
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>She then rears up and talks in a gruff voice.
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>>”I’m Batmare!”
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>You try in vain to stifle a laugh, but ultimately fail.
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>Rest quickly joins you in laughing.
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>Connie wraps it around her and poses.
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>>”I am the night! None can hide from my vigilance!”
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>You laugh even harder and your sides start to hurt.
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>You try to talk in between breaths.
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“C-Connie..Ha!...My sides hurt!...Bwahaha!”
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>She pulls away the cape with a large smile.
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>>”There’s something I don’t see often, you laughing.”
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>Slowly, you try to bring yourself back under control.
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>Rest finally stops laughing and grins.
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>”Suppose that really fits you Connie, the black works well with your colors.”
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>Connie does a twirl and looks back at both of you.
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>>”Hmm...Yeah it does, doesn’t it? But! I don’t think I’ll get this, not much of a fan of capes.”
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>Finally you regain control and you feel a large smile plastered on your face.
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“I have to admit, that was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.”
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>Connie beams as she puts away the cape.
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>>”Good, that was my intention.”
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>You roll your eyes, of course it was.
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>>”Are you going to get anything here Rest?”
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>Looking over, you see Rest rub her chin for a moment.
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>”Yeah, just another wristband, nothing fancy.”
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>As she pays for her purchase, you honestly don’t feel as disgusted with this place.
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>Sure it’s still kinda insulting, but at least you’re not here alone.
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>The three of you head back outside and start looking around various shops.
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>Most don’t interest you, at least none yet.
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>You do feel happier than earlier, and you hold onto that as they look through another store.
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>Thankfully, the next store really catches your full attention.
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“Is that a thrift store?”
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>Before either can answer, you go inside.
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>You find your way over to some cases and see some vinyls on display.
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“I know some of these.”
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>”Didn’t expect you to be this interested in those Eri.”
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>You answer and keep your attention on the various vinyls.
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“Well yeah, I do like music. The older stuff holds up well in comparison to some of garbage they put out nowadays.”
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>Rest’s silence makes you turn your head to her.
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>She looks surprised and you blush.
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“I-uh...When I was little, my parents played some of these bands frequently.”
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>She smiles.
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>”Do you own any of these?”
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“Yeah, I still own the ones my parents left me.”
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>”Oh, you should play them sometime.”
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>On that thought, you feel your happiness start to slip.
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>Mom and dad have been gone a while, haven’t they?
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“Yeah...I should...”
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>You step away from the cases and head over to some nearby bookshelves instead.
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>Best to try to distract yourself from that memory.
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>The happiness you had has faded rapidly, and you feel yourself falling back to the way you were earlier.
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>Great...Just what you wanted.
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>Letting out a small sigh, you grab and open up a random book.
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>Though as your eyes look over the pages, you pause.
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>It’s a poetry book.
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“That...That was lucky...”
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>Slowly, you feel your spirits start to rise again.
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>Sure you hate your own stuff, but reading others work is so real.
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>It just speaks to you in a special way.
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>Especially how they bare their soul with words, it’s so visceral.
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>>”Find something you like?”
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>Turning your head, you see Connie standing there.
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>You nod and smile.
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“Yeah, this poetry book. Never read this one before. Have read the all the ones at the library back home, probably a few times by.”
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>>”Do you want it?”
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>Her words nearly knock you off balance.
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>Sure you wouldn’t mind owning this, but you really just wanted to be more outgoing with them.
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>Before you can answer, she continues.
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>>”I wouldn’t mind buying it for you Eri, not like it costs a fortune.”
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>She isn’t wrong, these books are dirt cheap, but still…
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>’Look at that, you’re actually thinking about turning down her offer. Didn’t think you could sink lower Eri.’
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>Rather than letting the thought get the best of you, you know what to do.
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“Alright Connie, if you’re sure.”
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>She beams and the two of you find Rest looking over the vinyls still.
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>”Not bad, they even have Black Sabbath volume four.”
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>She turns away from the cases and sees you both.
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>”Hey there, find something?”
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>You nod and show her your book.
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>”Oh neat, didn’t expect to see that here.”
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“Yeah neither did I, happy coincidence I guess.”
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>>”Find anything you want Rest?”
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>She takes a moment before picking up the vinyl she mentioned.
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>”It’s a classic and I don’t own it, yet.”
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>As the three of you pay and leave, you feel better again.
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>Have to remember to hold onto that flame tightly and never let it go again.
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>’You do know that a simple breeze will extinguish that?’
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>It doesn’t matter, I’ll be happy for now and deal with it when it goes away.
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>’Sure, then you’ll break down and cut yourself, again. Maybe even this time you go further.’
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>Fuck off.
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>’Only a matter of time.’
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>Ignoring the thoughts again, you three approach a ice cream vendor.
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>>”I think some ice cream will be a nice treat, how about it girls?”
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>Both you and Rest nod, because who the fuck doesn’t want ice cream.
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>The three of you trot on and enjoy your frozen treats.
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“Thanks Connie, this has been pretty nice so far.”
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>She takes a lick and smiles.
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>>”You’re welcome, but it’s not over yet.”
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>Connie gets a taxi and you finish your ice cream along the way, enjoying the peace, if only for now.
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>On the ride back, you hope that tomorrow will be good if not better than today.
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon