/emo/ Miss Eri in Manehattan, chp 4

>Laying in bed, you feel...Awful.
>The memories of your freak out still linger.
>’Told you it would happen.’
“...I know...”
>You don’t feel like eating, you even don’t feel like leaving the bed.
>’Just like home now, the only thing missing is you being alone. Not far behind though.’
>Slowly you blink, no point in trying to fight these thoughts again.
>The feeling of numbness has started to settle in.
>Letting out a slow sigh, you know what you must do.
>It’s the only way to get through the day after all.
>Might even be able to play off yesterday like it was a fluke.
>’Doubtful.’
>Rolling over, you open your suitcase and pull out another hoodie.
>Of course that’s not all, you grab your razor and some bandages as well.
“Just get this over with, that’s all I need to do...”
>Opening the door slowly, you peak your head out and listen.
>You can hear Connie and Rest talking, good.
>Quickly you enter the bathroom and start the tub.
>You pull off your old bandage and pick up the blade once more in your teeth.
>A small voice inside you begs not to do this.
>Through clenched teeth you whisper out your answer.
“There is no other way, I’d rather feel pain than feel nothing at all.”
>You lift your leg up and make a cut.
>Pain rewards your efforts, but you know this isn’t enough.
>As your pulse races, you cut again.
>More pain replaces the numbness.
>You watch as blood mats with your coat and starts to drip off onto the floor.
>Setting down the razor, you clean up the mess and climb into the tub.
>The water stings, but that doesn’t matter anymore, at least you feel again.
“Better than nothing.”
>For a time you sit there and just soak.
>Slowly, you breath out through your nose.
“Guess I should actually clean up...”
>Feels like time is dragging on for you, even though you finish up rather quickly.
>You bandage up your leg and put on the hoodie before stopping at the door.

“...I just need...I’ll go pretend...For them.”
>You put the stuff away and head into the living room.
>Upon arrival, you see Connie looking through music sheets again and Rest reading.
>As you stand there, you wonder if they would even be friends if it wasn’t for you.
>Probably not, considering they live in different places.
>While that is a comforting thought, it doesn’t completely dispel your dour mood.
>Time to suck it up and put on a fake face.
>You go join Rest on the couch and wear a small smile.
>She pulls away from her book and looks a little concerned.
>”There you are, I was going to go check on you, but I heard the tub turn on. How are you feeling?”
>Honestly, like complete shit.
>Can’t tell her that though.
“Much better, sleeping in helped and so did the bath.”
>However, it’s clear she doesn’t buy it.
>”Please tell us the truth, you stopped talking yesterday and went to bed early.”
>No, the truth will just hold put everything on hold.
>Well then, what do you even say then?
>Think of something to say, ANYTHING for fucks sake.
>Fuck it...
>Letting out a sigh, you drop the fake smile.
“...Alright, I did feel bad about yesterday. I only went to bed because I felt drained.”
>You notice Connie staring at you both, not saying a word.
>”It’s okay Eri, just try to be more open with us.”
>>”We do worry about you.”
>You should really open up to them more, instead of bottling it up.
>’And what? Waste their time? It’s not going to help you.’
>I could try.
>’You’ve tried that before, and where did it get you? Nowhere, that’s where.’
>It wasn’t my friends, it was a therapist.
>’The only different between the two is one will coddle you and the other will drug you.’
>That’s not true!
>’Deep down you know it is. Stop fighting it Eri.’
>As you argue with yourself, you see them both talking, but aren’t listening.
>Shit, pay attention.

>>”-could go out shopping, no wait. That’s probably a bad idea.”
>”Yeah, we should just stay in instead. Maybe take the day off.”
>Look at what you’ve done, they’re about to give up their day for you.
>You won’t have that.
“I-I’d like to go out shopping. Might find something interesting.”
>They both look surprised.
>”I’m not sure, after yesterday, I’d rather you not over stress yourself.”
>>”She’s right, we can just hang out here.”
>Are they pitying you?
>You feel your anger start to rise and you speak your mind.
“This trip is supposed to help me be more outgoing, so what’s the point if I stay indoors every time I have a moment of weakness? I can’t stay inside forever.”
>Now as you look at them, they look...Shocked.
>They don’t say anything at first, probably working out what just happened in their minds.
>”You’re right about that, but you’re pushing yourself quite hard.”
>You feel your eye twitch.
“So? If it means I’m finally out and about, what does it matter? I’m actually doing shit, with my friends.”
>Rest goes silent and Connie speaks up.
>>”Okay then, we can go shopping. There is many stores we can visit, but about how we narrow it down a little?”
“Anywhere is fine, just as long as it gets me outside.”
>Connie nods and heads off to her bedroom, leaving you alone with Rest.
>After awhile, Rest starts to talk again.
>”Eri...Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m thrilled to see you wanting to go outside your comfort zone, but you don’t need to do this for us.”
>Is she really that worried about it?
>...
>Poor question, of course she is, you give her plenty of reason to worry about your stupid antics.
>You shake your head and give her a smile.
“It’s fine, I won’t know my limits till I try, so this is the best be for me. Especially if this helps me live a normal life.”
>It feels good to get this out, even if it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

>Rest gives a small smile and gently rubs your back.
>”Yeah...Yeah you’re right. It’s fantastic to hear you say that.”
>You nod, and sit there for a bit looking down at your hooves.
>Is this all it really takes?
>’You should know better, especially if yesterday was any indication.’
>That may be, but I can get better.
>’Don’t hold your breath.’
>Looking back up, you see Connie come out with her saddlebags.
>>”I figure we can visit a clothing store or two and maybe check out some of the smaller stores as well. Gives us plenty to do.”
>You nod and the three of you leave once more.
>As you wait for a taxi, you focus on keeping yourself together.
>Can’t keep having repeats of the previous days.
>Have to make it through, no matter what.
>You join the other two as the taxi stops and continue to think how to keep it together.
>But how?
>A sudden jolt of pain pulls you out of your thoughts.
>You realize you were squeezing your bandaged leg.
>Funny how the answer is so obvious.
>’Inflicting more pain on yourself? Wow, not like you don’t do that enough.’
>It’s the best plan for now.
>’Not like that won’t come back to bite you in flank.’
>I’ll deal with it if it comes to it.
>The cart comes to a halt and you climb out with the others.
>A large number of stores are lined up along the sidewalk.
>Some are competing in selling something similar, and others are more unique.
>Connie steps forward and waves one leg around.
>>”See? So many places to choose, if either of you see something that catches your eye, just say so.”
>Doubtful, but that doesn’t mean you won’t try.
>The three of trot along and window shop mostly.
>None of these places really interest you.
>However, that quickly changes.
>A clearly new store stands out amongst the rest and it ignites some anger within.
>Its sign reads: Hot Clopic
“Are you fucking serious? Is this some kind of joke?”

>>”This place opened up about a month ago, I heard a lot of teenagers visit it.”
>”Not surprising, heard there are others opening up in the cities. One of my patients mentioned it.”
>Your anger turns to fury upon hearing this.
“This is horse shit! Places like this take the whole idea of broken ponies and try to sell it.”
>Connie looks surprised.
>>”I wouldn’t know, never shopped here.”
>”I think some of the stuff looks cute.”
>What the fuck?
>You narrow your eyes at Rest.
“You’re serious?”
>She shrugs.
>”What can I say? I like the clothes.”
>>”How about we take a look around? Might be something you will like.”
>As you’re about to argue, you remember you’re only here for them.
>You take a deep breath, and slowly release it.
“...Fine.”
>Inside the store, you can hear some music playing, doesn’t sound familiar.
>Like Connie mentioned before, you can see some teenage ponies looking over things.
>Mostly clothes here, can see some other stuff.
>Almost all the clothes have some kind of logos on them.
>Taking a closer look reveals them to be bands.
>You read one of them aloud.
“...Party Massacre? Seriously?”
>Stepping away, you try to stick close to your friends instead.
>This whole place feels insulting.
>”Really like these wristbands and piercings.”
>Rest’s words draw you from your inner thoughts.
>An array of different colored wristbands is in front of her, many of which also have band logos.
>Do they just slap a label on everyone they feel like? Because it seems like it.
>>”This cape is kinda cool, what do you think Rest? Goth enough?”
>Looking over, you see Connie holding a black cape.
>Rest frowns and shakes her head.
>”No that’s not goth. It looks like it belongs to a Nightmare Night costume.”
>>”You don’t know that for sure. Might be a new style”
>Rest rolls her eyes.
>”Oh I’m sure, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that.”
>Connie grins and tries it on.

>She then rears up and talks in a gruff voice.
>>”I’m Batmare!”
>You try in vain to stifle a laugh, but ultimately fail.
>Rest quickly joins you in laughing.
>Connie wraps it around her and poses.
>>”I am the night! None can hide from my vigilance!”
>You laugh even harder and your sides start to hurt.
>You try to talk in between breaths.
“C-Connie..Ha!...My sides hurt!...Bwahaha!”
>She pulls away the cape with a large smile.
>>”There’s something I don’t see often, you laughing.”
>Slowly, you try to bring yourself back under control.
>Rest finally stops laughing and grins.
>”Suppose that really fits you Connie, the black works well with your colors.”
>Connie does a twirl and looks back at both of you.
>>”Hmm...Yeah it does, doesn’t it? But! I don’t think I’ll get this, not much of a fan of capes.”
>Finally you regain control and you feel a large smile plastered on your face.
“I have to admit, that was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.”
>Connie beams as she puts away the cape.
>>”Good, that was my intention.”
>You roll your eyes, of course it was.
>>”Are you going to get anything here Rest?”
>Looking over, you see Rest rub her chin for a moment.
>”Yeah, just another wristband, nothing fancy.”
>As she pays for her purchase, you honestly don’t feel as disgusted with this place.
>Sure it’s still kinda insulting, but at least you’re not here alone.
>The three of you head back outside and start looking around various shops.
>Most don’t interest you, at least none yet.
>You do feel happier than earlier, and you hold onto that as they look through another store.
>Thankfully, the next store really catches your full attention.
“Is that a thrift store?”
>Before either can answer, you go inside.
>You find your way over to some cases and see some vinyls on display.
“I know some of these.”
>”Didn’t expect you to be this interested in those Eri.”

>You answer and keep your attention on the various vinyls.
“Well yeah, I do like music. The older stuff holds up well in comparison to some of garbage they put out nowadays.”
>Rest’s silence makes you turn your head to her.
>She looks surprised and you blush.
“I-uh...When I was little, my parents played some of these bands frequently.”
>She smiles.
>”Do you own any of these?”
“Yeah, I still own the ones my parents left me.”
>”Oh, you should play them sometime.”
>On that thought, you feel your happiness start to slip.
>Mom and dad have been gone a while, haven’t they?
“Yeah...I should...”
>You step away from the cases and head over to some nearby bookshelves instead.
>Best to try to distract yourself from that memory.
>The happiness you had has faded rapidly, and you feel yourself falling back to the way you were earlier.
>Great...Just what you wanted.
>Letting out a small sigh, you grab and open up a random book.
>Though as your eyes look over the pages, you pause.
>It’s a poetry book.
“That...That was lucky...”
>Slowly, you feel your spirits start to rise again.
>Sure you hate your own stuff, but reading others work is so real.
>It just speaks to you in a special way.
>Especially how they bare their soul with words, it’s so visceral.
>>”Find something you like?”
>Turning your head, you see Connie standing there.
>You nod and smile.
“Yeah, this poetry book. Never read this one before. Have read the all the ones at the library back home, probably a few times by.”
>>”Do you want it?”
>Her words nearly knock you off balance.
>Sure you wouldn’t mind owning this, but you really just wanted to be more outgoing with them.
>Before you can answer, she continues.
>>”I wouldn’t mind buying it for you Eri, not like it costs a fortune.”
>She isn’t wrong, these books are dirt cheap, but still…

>’Look at that, you’re actually thinking about turning down her offer. Didn’t think you could sink lower Eri.’
>Rather than letting the thought get the best of you, you know what to do.
“Alright Connie, if you’re sure.”
>She beams and the two of you find Rest looking over the vinyls still.
>”Not bad, they even have Black Sabbath volume four.”
>She turns away from the cases and sees you both.
>”Hey there, find something?”
>You nod and show her your book.
>”Oh neat, didn’t expect to see that here.”
“Yeah neither did I, happy coincidence I guess.”
>>”Find anything you want Rest?”
>She takes a moment before picking up the vinyl she mentioned.
>”It’s a classic and I don’t own it, yet.”
>As the three of you pay and leave, you feel better again.
>Have to remember to hold onto that flame tightly and never let it go again.
>’You do know that a simple breeze will extinguish that?’
>It doesn’t matter, I’ll be happy for now and deal with it when it goes away.
>’Sure, then you’ll break down and cut yourself, again. Maybe even this time you go further.’
>Fuck off.
>’Only a matter of time.’
>Ignoring the thoughts again, you three approach a ice cream vendor.
>>”I think some ice cream will be a nice treat, how about it girls?”
>Both you and Rest nod, because who the fuck doesn’t want ice cream.
>The three of you trot on and enjoy your frozen treats.
“Thanks Connie, this has been pretty nice so far.”
>She takes a lick and smiles.
>>”You’re welcome, but it’s not over yet.”
>Connie gets a taxi and you finish your ice cream along the way, enjoying the peace, if only for now.
>On the ride back, you hope that tomorrow will be good if not better than today.