GREEN
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3014 16.43 KB 299
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>Rolling over, you haven’t slept much since you got back last night.
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>Your thoughts keep going back to the previous days.
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>The movie you watched with your friends was great, though you cut yourself earlier that day…
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>As for the museum, it started nice...Then you had a small breakdown…
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>But shopping was fun, you even bought a new book, then again, you had cut twice earlier…
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>Then there was yesterday, seeing Connie being so happy to show the hall was great.
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>Visiting the statue however, not so much…
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>Only good thing that came out of that was seeing Connie scare that stallion.
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>Still curious as to what she said.
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>Rest’s snoring breaks your thoughts.
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>It’s kinda funny to be honest.
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>As you stare at the ceiling, you close your eyes and try to sleep.
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>’Seems kinda fruitless at this point.’
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>Not again…
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>’Gonna bite yourself if you hear the truth again?’
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>I just need to sleep.
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>’So you’re going to lay in bed like you usually do? Good, about time you accept that things don’t change.’
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>I already changed from everything I did on this trip.
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>’It’s not just a habit you break, it’s who YOU are. That is something that doesn’t change in a week.’
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>I’m making the effort to fix that.
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>’Each day you’ve been here, you’ve fallen apart at one point or another.’
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>I…
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>’See? Even though you pushed on, you fell each time. Your ‘friends’ might’ve been there, but that didn’t stop it from happening.’
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>You...You’re…
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>’Still going on with that? I’m a thought in your head, one of many in fact.’
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>Yeah…
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>Reopening your eyes, you realize this is futile.
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>Looking over, you see Rest let out another snore.
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“Least she isn’t that loud.”
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>You open up your suitcase and pull out your personal book.
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>Haven’t written anything since you got here.
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“Might as well.”
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>Getting up, you head out into the living room.
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>As you settle into the couch, you start to write.
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>Strange how creativity can come and go like this.
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>You keep writing and erasing, not quite satisfied with your work.
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>Setting down the pencil, you reread it again.
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“This isn’t right, it should be more personal. Maybe something on what happened to me?”
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>Of course, that’s the only way you can write.
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>Such an obvious answer too, though you try to avoid doing that.
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>You’d rather write poetry about anything else other than yourself.
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>Shaking your head, you pick up your pencil and start writing again.
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>>”You’re up early.”
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>Pausing, you look up and see Connie trotting out.
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“Couldn’t sleep.”
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>She nods, heading over to the fridge to pull out stuff for breakfast.
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>As she is prepping to cook, you figure you could ask her the question on your mind.
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“What did you say to that stallion yesterday?”
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>She stops for a moment before continuing.
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>>”Well...I just made him reconsider his actions.”
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>Yeah not likely.
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“Really?”
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>She shakes her head and stops cooking to come over to you.
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>Connie stops in front of you and her face loses some of its happiness.
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>>”You really want to know? Okay, I said I wasn’t afraid to tear his balls off in front of all those ponies if he didn’t fuck off.”
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>You let out a little laugh, but feel some shock hearing her swear.
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>She smiles and heads back to cooking.
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>>”If he had accepted your apology, I would’ve let it go, but he didn’t. No pony, and I mean NO pony, messes with my friends.”
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>Her words warm your heart.
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>Of course she cares, she has done so much for you and Rest this trip.
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>Going back to your writing, you try to focus.
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>You rewrite it again and again though, still not satisfied.
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>Setting down your pencil again, you smell Connie’s cooking.
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>Your stomach answers you, just the first day you smelled her cooking.
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“I can take a break.”
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>You get up from the couch and sit at the table while watching Connie.
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>She notices and smiles.
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“Sorry, your cooking pulled me away from writing.”
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>>”I figured as much. You both seem to be addicted to it.”
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>Furrowing your brow, you turn your head and see Rest approaching with a tired look on her face.
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>”Good morning, surprised to see you up Eri.”
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>She sits at the table and lets out a yawn.
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“Like I told Connie, couldn’t stay asleep, so I came out here to write.”
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>”Oh? Surprised you didn’t stay in bed to do it.”
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“That’s because you were snoring.”
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>Her eyes widen and you hear Connie giggle.
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>”I-I don’t snore! Do I?”
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>She looks back and forth between the two of you.
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“Yeah, yeah you do Rest.”
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>She blushes and buries her face in her hooves.
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>”No pony ever tells me these things...”
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>Well now you kinda feel bad, but it’s the truth.
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>Connie sets a plate of pancakes in front of her.
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>>”This should take your mind off of it.”
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>Rest raises her head and sighs.
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>”At least I know now.”
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“It’s not so bad. You could be fucked up like me.”
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>As she eats and waves her hoof.
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>”Eri, that’s not fair to say. Sure you’re having trouble, but snoring is VERY minor in comparison.”
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>She’s not wrong, even though you want to argue with her.
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>As you sit there, you gently rub your leg, it’s still sore.
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>Thankfully, you’re not limping anymore.
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>Still can’t let either of them know you’ve been cutting yourself this trip.
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>’Afraid they will leave you? You know they will.’
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>They wouldn’t, they have stuck with me through this trip and more.
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>’Then why not put it to the test if you’re so sure?’
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>No, that’s just asking for trouble. They deal with enough bullshit from me.
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>’Knew you would be too weak to show your vulnerabilities.’
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>I know I’m weak, that’s nothing new. If I was actually strong, I wouldn’t be doing half the shit I do.
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>’But you can’t trust them enough to tell them everything.’
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>Fuck off.
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>’You know that it’s the truth Eri. It always will be.’
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>A plate of pancakes is placed in front of you, and you see Connie smile.
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>>”Bit for your thoughts?”
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>Yeah, why not?
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“Just thinking about how this trip has gone.”
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>Not entirely a lie, just don’t need to know your internal thoughts at the moment.
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>”Oh? I think it’s gone pretty well.”
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>>”I agree, it’s been great to hang out with you two. We really need to do it more often.”
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>It’s clear they ignoring the incidents and trying to focus on the positives.
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>You feel yourself slouch and mumble out your thoughts.
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“...Despite me fucking up so much.”
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>Almost immediately Rest snaps to you.
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>”Eri, you’re being too hard on yourself. You can’t expect everything to go one hundred percent all the time.”
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>You’re about to respond, but she continues on.
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>”Besides, you’re forgetting how much progress you’ve made this trip. You rode a train to get here and even went to various public places with ponies. Even with those minor hiccups, I’d say that’s some pretty fucking amazing progress.”
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>Taking a bite of your pancakes, you let out a sigh.
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>She’s right, but you keep forgetting about that.
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>It’s obvious why as well, so obvious that you don’t want to see it.
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>You’re afraid of change.
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>Sitting up once more, you give a small smile.
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“Yeah, sorry. Just hard for me to accept it. Maybe one day I will.”
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>As you take a drink, Connie joins you both at the table.
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>>”Speaking from my own experience, you almost never notice your own progress as you develop. The only reason I know I’m growing better at playing, is because of others noticing. The point is, when eventually do notice your progress, it’s one of the best feelings in the world.”
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>Of course they are both right on the matter.
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>Would be nice to have the answers like they do, could make dealing with your own madness easier.
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>’Keep telling yourself that. Who knows? You might one day believe that kind of delusional idea.’
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>Ignoring that thought, you finish eating and get up to head to the bedroom.
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>Before you leave the table entirely, Connie grabs your attention.
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>>”Since today is the last day you’re both here, how about we hang out here?”
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>Honestly, that sounds like a good idea.
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>Sure you’ve enjoyed going out during this trip, but spending time with your friends here is just as enjoyable.
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>Plus you can avoid anymore troubles with them around.
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>You nod and feel a little happier.
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“Sure, I’d like that.”
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>”Me too, we have been out almost day since we’ve been here after all.”
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>As Connie beams, you continue to head to the bedroom, but stop at the couch to grab your book and pencil.
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>You’re starting to feel like you know what to write, and continue to your destination.
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>Setting your stuff on the bed, you grab another hoodie and pause briefly at the sight of your razor.
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>’Thinking about cutting yourself again? Go ahead, you need it after all Eri.’
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>Shaking your head, you ignore it again.
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“No, not today.”
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>Heading to the bathroom, you start to fill the tub and look at your reflection.
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>Moments like these allow you to really take in yourself.
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>Your eyes still have bags under them and your mane is a mess, but honestly, you don’t really care.
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>It’s still you looking back in the mirror.
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>As you unwrap your bandage, it sticks to your coat in some places.
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>Not surprising, its from from yesterday’s hasty job.
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>The area around the cuts are stained a dark, nearly brown, red.
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“Doesn’t look too bad.”
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>’Are you certain of that?’
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“No, but it doesn’t look as bad as yesterday.”
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>’Kinda sad that you don’t know, despite cutting yourself so much.’
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“Go away dammit...”
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>’You can’t escape for-’
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>Squeezing your leg, the pain silences the thoughts again.
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>As you wince, you know you can’t keep doing this.
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“Just have to hold out till I get home, that’s all.”
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>Letting go, your leg hurts, but thankfully it isn’t bleeding.
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>You turn off the facet and climb in to bathe, relaxing quickly.
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>Though your mind doesn’t stray into dark territory, you feel uneasy.
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>The answer is obvious as to why.
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“I’ll be going home soon...”
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>A stray tear rolls down the side of your face, and you blink away anymore forming.
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>Taking a breath, you slowly release it to calm yourself.
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>You raise your leg into view, and look at it closely as the water cleaned it away.
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>Like you thought, it’s not so bad despite the cuts still being there.
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>Sitting up, you clean up quickly so as to not waste time like previously.
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>When you finish drying off, you decide to not wear a hoodie this time.
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“No point in trying to hide the cuts, they are never going away.”
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>When you reach the bedroom, you put away the hoodie and pick up your book to start writing again.
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>You sit on the bed and grab your pencil, picking up where you left off.
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>Even though the words flow freely, you keep stopping to erase the words.
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“Feels like I’m never satisfied with my work...”
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>Letting out a sigh, you continue to write for some time.
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>Pausing again, you look it over and let out a sigh.
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“Guess this is okay.”
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>…
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>Hopefully.
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>You close your book, bringing it with you into the living room.
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>>”-only thirty seconds too. I thought stallions lasted longer than that.”
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>What the fuck?
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>No wait, you clearly just walked into the tail end of the conversation.
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>It’s not like Connie is actually talking-
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>>”What’s worse, he tried to claim that most stallions have that little of stamina.”
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>Okay, maybe she is.
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>Before she can continue on, you need to know.
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“What the fuck are you talking about?”
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>She freezes, turning to you with a smile.
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>Rest is sitting nearby and also smirking, probably because she saw you come into the room.
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>>”I-uh-um...Going out for a run?”
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>You raise an eyebrow.
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“Really? Because it sounds like you’re talking about how long a stallion lasts in bed.”
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>Connie’s face turns a bright red and Rest starts to laugh.
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“So I’m right then? Didn’t think you’d be so lewd.”
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>As her faces turns a deeper shade of red, she tries to explain herself.
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>>”I-I can explain! It’s not what it sounds like!”
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>Letting out a laugh of your own, you decide to push a little more.
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“Uh-huh, sure...You’re totally not talking about some stallion blowing his load too early.”
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>Rest laughs even harder now, and you feel pretty damn happy yourself.
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>>”It was just a friend asking me for advice, it’s not like I slept with him! That’s all I swear!”
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>Shaking your head, you join Rest on the couch and give a big shit eating grin.
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“So you’re telling me, that a ‘friend’, asked you for advice about his dick?”
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>She nods quickly.
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>>”Yes! His marefriend had been a little upset, so I asked him what was wrong. We eventually discussed about his bedroom time, and he brought that up out of the blue. It was hard to keep a straight face the whole time, I felt so bad.”
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>You can’t help it.
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“I bet his marefriend wanted him to be hard longer too.”
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>A loud thump pulls your attention, and you see Rest rolling around laughing.
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>”Stop! Ahahahaha! It’s-haha-hurting to laugh!”
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>Letting out a fake sigh, you roll your eyes and sit back.
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“Alright, alright. Couldn’t help myself.”
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>As she slowly calms down, Connie’s face returns to normal, mostly.
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>Probably the best time for this.
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“So...Um...I wrote something that I wanted to share.”
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>They both perk up.
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>”Alright.”
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>>”I’d love to hear it as always Eri.”
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>Smiling, you open up your book, close your eyes, and take a breath in slowly.
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>Reopening your eyes, you exhale and start.
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Though I have journeyed far
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I have finally raised myself to a new bar
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And though I still fear
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I am with friends that I hold dear
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Each day was a blast
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But those are now in the past
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The mornings were fun to behold
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And the evenings had me sold
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While my vacation was blissful
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It could have turned out more peaceful
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The memories I held close
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Are the ones I enjoyed the most
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Soon I will leave this place
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And with it, my heart will be encased
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But I have more days to come
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Even when it seems like there is none
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As this draws to its end
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My mind will always mend
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Though I am still a pest
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I still have my friends, Connie and Rest
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>Looking back up to them, they both clop in applause.
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>You feel so overjoyed that you tear up.
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“T-thanks, I know it’s not the b-best, but I tried anyways.”
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>Connie shakes her head.
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>>”I keep telling you that your work is good Eri, you will see it in time.
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>Maybe someday, but not today.
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>Rest touches your wither and smiles.
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>”It’s true you know. We don’t just say that because we’re your friends.”
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“Yeah, I know...It’s hard for me accept sometimes.”
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>More like all the time, but who knows?
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>Wiping away any tears, you see the nearby clock and frown.
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>Connie looks over and lets out a sigh.
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>>”Looks like we should get going to the station.”
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>As Rest sees the clock, she nods.
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>”Yeah, don’t want to be late for our train.”
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>Does it really have to end?
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>Yes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with them again.
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>As the two of you pack your things, you feel a pit forming in your stomach.
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>You both head out into the other room and see Connie wearing a half smile.
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>She looks like she wants to say something, but instead leads you three outside.
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>The taxi ride is silent, and you can feel the tension building.
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>At the station, it finally breaks when you and Rest approach the train.
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>Connie quickly pulls you both into a group hug, one you hold onto for as long as you can.
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>>”I’m gonna miss you two, write back to me.”
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>”I promise that we will.”
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“This sucks that it has to end.”
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>Connie sniffles.
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>>”It’s okay, we got to spend so much time together, I don’t regret a single day.”
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>”That’s right, it was all worth it.”
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>You say nothing, you’d rather not break down again.
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>As Connie pulls out of the hug, she is teary eyed and wipes them away.
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>The conductor calls out for ponies to board.
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>”Guess we should go, take care Connie.”
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>>”You too.”
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>Quickly, you hug Connie one last time before boarding.
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>Your tears fall freely as you quietly cry.
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>You find your seat and Rest joins you.
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>”It’s going to be okay, we will see her again.”
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>Sniffling, you nod.
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>The train starts to move, and you look out the window to see Connie waving.
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>You wave back until you can’t see her anymore.
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>Sitting back, you let out a sigh and slowly, you get yourself back under control.
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“Maybe next time, she can visit us in Ponyville.”
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>”That would be nice, we can probably plan it out soon.”
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>Nodding, you watch the scenery.
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>You’re on your way home, but honestly, you could get used to going out more.
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon