GREEN
1348
3
1349 7.68 KB 146
1349 7.68 KB 146
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> Be Twilight Sparkle, at your makeshift podium of books
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> You have gathered together the various elements of ...
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> "It is this the part where I say my first name and what addiction I have?"
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> Awkwardness
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"No Anon, but you are on the right track. Welcome to the weekly ABLB meeting, where we help each other figure out how to be appropriately social."
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> "The Great and Sensual Trixie does not see why she is here, and she also wonders what ABLB stands for."
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> Patience, Sparkle
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> If you beat them within an inch of their life, it won't make for a good friendship letter
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"No speaking in the third person, Trixie. And as for what it stands for..."
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> You look at your note card
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> You might not have thought this through completely
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"The Association of the Blind Leading the Blind."
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> Starlight nods seriously
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> "Fitting."
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> You clear your throat and address your three associates
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"So! Does anyone have a social interaction they feel could have gone better? It could be a little thing, if that makes you comfortable."
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> Everypony glances around, waiting
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> Anon sighs and raises his hand
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> "Alright, I'll go first. The other day, I was patting Apple Bloom on the back as thanks for helping me pick up my groceries, and she seemed to like it. Then I went to scratch right behind her ears, and-"
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> You shudder and scrunch hard just imagining it
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> Anon smiles in relief
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> "Yeah, that, you get it. What's up with that?"
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> You exhale slowly, trying to calm down and think
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"It's like... Anon, you are from a predator species, right? Claws and sharp teeth?"
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> Anon looks dubiously as his finger claws
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> "Let's just say yes, and get to the point."
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> You don't like the way Starlight is eyeing the only stallion in the group
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"Right, so scratching is a normal part of your social behavior. But ponies don't have claws or sharp teeth, so our social behavior is more... rubbing, leaning on each other, that sort of thing."
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> Anon frowns, but nods slowly
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> "Alright, so the patting was okay. Is there anything else I could do to show gratitude?"
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> Trixie waves her hoof in the air
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> "The Great and Insightful Tr-"
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> You glare at her
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> She coughs, and continues
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> "That is to say, I believe I have a suggestion."
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> You beam at her, happy at how quickly she caught on to how the meeting should go
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> Trixie smiles a little
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> "Suck her clit."
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> Your heart sinks, while Anon tilts his pure, pure head
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"Trixie!"
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> She jolts in her seat, look at you with wide eyes
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> "Oh, is Apple Bloom a stallion? I mean, you could suck his cock, and I could watch, but just getting him flowers or some other colty thing should be fine."
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> You grit your teeth
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"Trixie, Apple Bloom is a mare, and that would not be appropriate. She just got her cutie mark a few months ago."
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> The showmare stares in confusion
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> "But that's the first time a stallion sucked my clit, right about then."
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> Normalnagsgetthehayout.neigh
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> As you struggle to explain why that isn't a good standard to go by, Anon makes a sigh of realization
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> "I get it, I'd be the older woman sucking his dick. Um, if we were gender switched or whatever. Seems like a big favor, just for helping pick up groceries."
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> Oh no, Trixie the Trixie is corrupting him!
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> Starlight hesitantly raises her hoof
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> You turn to her with desperate hope in your eyes
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> Salvage this, my apprentice
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> She gives you a quick smile
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> "What about, promoting her within your secret organization to overthrow the status quo?"
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> There is no hope
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"Starlight, do you currently have, or are you preparing such a secret organization?"
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> She looks at you with uncertainty
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> "Not counting this one?"
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> You sigh
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"Not counting this one."
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> "Then no, not anymore."
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> You raise an eyebrow
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"Anymore? Do I need to feed you more hayburgers to fill you with the light of Equestrian Capitalism?"
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> Starlight Glimmer smiles uneasily
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> "No?"
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> Right
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> You turn back to Trixie and Anon, who seemed to have been whispering while you were distracted
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> You feel you should be worried
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> You are worried
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"What did you two come up with?"
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> Anon smiles, innocence twinkling in his eyes
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> "The proper amount of thanks is showing her a little ball cleavage. Reminds me, I'm going to have to get a ball bra sometime."
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> ...
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> Does that mean he's not wearing one right now?
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> You try not to stare at his crotch
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> Why are his shorts so baggy and tantalizing?
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> Maybe if you tilt your head, you can look up his-
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> Trixie coughs, wearing a knowing smile
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> That bitch knows too much
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> You shake your head and smile sharp, pointy friendship knives at her
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"Moving right along then, do you have something to share? Some mistake you made?"
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> Trixie tosses her mane over her shoulder and sticks out her chest, prominently displaying her tuft
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> Trotting on thin ice, mare
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> "The Great- ah, rather, I didn't make any mistakes, yet for some reason mares are unreasonably hostile towards me."
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> You roll your eyes
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> Starlight licks her lips, obviously trying to put it delicately
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> "Perhaps it is because you pose like a marewhore and hit on everypony's coltfriends?"
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> Your apprentice lacks subtlety, yet she hasn't said anything wrong, exactly
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> Trixie looks startled at the implication
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> "I, a marewhore? It's not as though I steal coltfriends, except that one time in Baltimare, oh, and Fillydelphia, and hmm. But I only rut the good-looking ones, so it's fine."
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> Anon looks around at the group, from your raised hackles, to Starlight's cold stare, to Trixie's artificially voluminous tuft
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> He gets this goofy smile that makes you want to hug him and push him down to your tea-
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> That is, it make him look cute
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> "Are you serious? Little miss vainglory here is supposed to be a man-eater, or lady-killer, or whatever?"
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> You feel a little better at the disbelieving tone in his voice
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> Starlight nods
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> "Trixie's always get the colts, even when they are jerks."
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> Anon is grinning at the marewhore
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> "Your name is an epithet for that sort of mare? That's amazing! Come on, seduce me, I dare you!"
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> You start to feel you are losing control of the meeting
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"Now, none of that, we-"
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> Trixie grins back at him
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> "I like a stallion with spirit. Why don't we go back to my room, and I can show you how my hold on you is tight and powerful?"
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> Poor Anon is lost to his coltish whimsy, giggling at the vulgar pick up line
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> "A stallion with spirit! Oh, my sides."
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> Starlight trots up to him, a hopeful expression on her face
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> No, don't do it
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> "Hey Colt, are you a salt mine? Because I can lick your rocks all day."
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> You groan, scrunching hard
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> This was a mistake
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> No matter how much Anon is laughing, this was a mistake
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> Then you hear his voice
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> "Come on, Twilight, you give it a try."
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> You stare at him blankly
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> Is he serious?
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> He's smiling at you
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> The girls are looking at you expectantly
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> Oh no, you aren't prepared for this, you are a nice mare!
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> Think, make a pun about dicks or slits!
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> Why is it so hard?
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> Oh, maybe that will work...
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> You swallow nervously
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"I always make things too hard, when I talk to stallions."
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> You grin uneasily
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> Anon rocks back in his chair, groaning
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> "Oh, that was terrible,"
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> Your ears flatten and your heart drops like a rock
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> "You win, nothing can top that."
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> What?
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"What?"
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> Anon smiles at you, a healing smile
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> "A pick up line's effectiveness is proportional to the terribleness of the pun. You win."
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> What?
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> Really?
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> You scramble for a quill and parchment, you need to write this down!
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> "Hey Twilight."
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> You glance up at Anon
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"Yes?"
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> "Thanks."
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> He pulls one of the legs of his shorts to the side
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> Your mind and magic halt, transfixed
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> You have seen the Holy Grail
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> Trixie nods
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> "That's right Anon, just like that."
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> Today you have learned that sometimes, even Trixies can be a true sis
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