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Mistakes Were Made (RGRE)

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-20 22:06:19
Expiry: Never
anon/rgre/

  1. 1.
    > Be Twilight Sparkle, at your makeshift podium of books
  2. 2.
    > You have gathered together the various elements of ...
  3. 3.
    > "It is this the part where I say my first name and what addiction I have?"
  4. 4.
    > Awkwardness
  5. 5.
    "No Anon, but you are on the right track. Welcome to the weekly ABLB meeting, where we help each other figure out how to be appropriately social."
  6. 6.
    > "The Great and Sensual Trixie does not see why she is here, and she also wonders what ABLB stands for."
  7. 7.
    > Patience, Sparkle
  8. 8.
    > If you beat them within an inch of their life, it won't make for a good friendship letter
  9. 9.
    "No speaking in the third person, Trixie. And as for what it stands for..."
  10. 10.
    > You look at your note card
  11. 11.
    > You might not have thought this through completely
  12. 12.
    "The Association of the Blind Leading the Blind."
  13. 13.
    > Starlight nods seriously
  14. 14.
    > "Fitting."
  15. 15.
    > You clear your throat and address your three associates
  16. 16.
    "So! Does anyone have a social interaction they feel could have gone better? It could be a little thing, if that makes you comfortable."
  17. 17.
    > Everypony glances around, waiting
  18. 18.
    > Anon sighs and raises his hand
  19. 19.
    > "Alright, I'll go first. The other day, I was patting Apple Bloom on the back as thanks for helping me pick up my groceries, and she seemed to like it. Then I went to scratch right behind her ears, and-"
  20. 20.
    > You shudder and scrunch hard just imagining it
  21. 21.
    > Anon smiles in relief
  22. 22.
    > "Yeah, that, you get it. What's up with that?"
  23. 23.
    > You exhale slowly, trying to calm down and think
  24. 24.
    "It's like... Anon, you are from a predator species, right? Claws and sharp teeth?"
  25. 25.
    > Anon looks dubiously as his finger claws
  26. 26.
    > "Let's just say yes, and get to the point."
  27. 27.
    > You don't like the way Starlight is eyeing the only stallion in the group
  28. 28.
    "Right, so scratching is a normal part of your social behavior. But ponies don't have claws or sharp teeth, so our social behavior is more... rubbing, leaning on each other, that sort of thing."
  29. 29.
    > Anon frowns, but nods slowly
  30. 30.
    > "Alright, so the patting was okay. Is there anything else I could do to show gratitude?"
  31. 31.
    > Trixie waves her hoof in the air
  32. 32.
    > "The Great and Insightful Tr-"
  33. 33.
    > You glare at her
  34. 34.
    > She coughs, and continues
  35. 35.
    > "That is to say, I believe I have a suggestion."
  36. 36.
    > You beam at her, happy at how quickly she caught on to how the meeting should go
  37. 37.
    > Trixie smiles a little
  38. 38.
    > "Suck her clit."
  39. 39.
    > Your heart sinks, while Anon tilts his pure, pure head
  40. 40.
    "Trixie!"
  41. 41.
    > She jolts in her seat, look at you with wide eyes
  42. 42.
    > "Oh, is Apple Bloom a stallion? I mean, you could suck his cock, and I could watch, but just getting him flowers or some other colty thing should be fine."
  43. 43.
    > You grit your teeth
  44. 44.
    "Trixie, Apple Bloom is a mare, and that would not be appropriate. She just got her cutie mark a few months ago."
  45. 45.
    > The showmare stares in confusion
  46. 46.
    > "But that's the first time a stallion sucked my clit, right about then."
  47. 47.
    > Normalnagsgetthehayout.neigh
  48. 48.
    > As you struggle to explain why that isn't a good standard to go by, Anon makes a sigh of realization
  49. 49.
    > "I get it, I'd be the older woman sucking his dick. Um, if we were gender switched or whatever. Seems like a big favor, just for helping pick up groceries."
  50. 50.
    > Oh no, Trixie the Trixie is corrupting him!
  51. 51.
    > Starlight hesitantly raises her hoof
  52. 52.
    > You turn to her with desperate hope in your eyes
  53. 53.
    > Salvage this, my apprentice
  54. 54.
    > She gives you a quick smile
  55. 55.
    > "What about, promoting her within your secret organization to overthrow the status quo?"
  56. 56.
    > There is no hope
  57. 57.
    "Starlight, do you currently have, or are you preparing such a secret organization?"
  58. 58.
    > She looks at you with uncertainty
  59. 59.
    > "Not counting this one?"
  60. 60.
    > You sigh
  61. 61.
    "Not counting this one."
  62. 62.
    > "Then no, not anymore."
  63. 63.
    > You raise an eyebrow
  64. 64.
    "Anymore? Do I need to feed you more hayburgers to fill you with the light of Equestrian Capitalism?"
  65. 65.
    > Starlight Glimmer smiles uneasily
  66. 66.
    > "No?"
  67. 67.
    > Right
  68. 68.
    > You turn back to Trixie and Anon, who seemed to have been whispering while you were distracted
  69. 69.
    > You feel you should be worried
  70. 70.
    > You are worried
  71. 71.
    "What did you two come up with?"
  72. 72.
    > Anon smiles, innocence twinkling in his eyes
  73. 73.
    > "The proper amount of thanks is showing her a little ball cleavage. Reminds me, I'm going to have to get a ball bra sometime."
  74. 74.
    > ...
  75. 75.
    > Does that mean he's not wearing one right now?
  76. 76.
    > You try not to stare at his crotch
  77. 77.
    > Why are his shorts so baggy and tantalizing?
  78. 78.
    > Maybe if you tilt your head, you can look up his-
  79. 79.
    > Trixie coughs, wearing a knowing smile
  80. 80.
    > That bitch knows too much
  81. 81.
    > You shake your head and smile sharp, pointy friendship knives at her
  82. 82.
    "Moving right along then, do you have something to share? Some mistake you made?"
  83. 83.
    > Trixie tosses her mane over her shoulder and sticks out her chest, prominently displaying her tuft
  84. 84.
    > Trotting on thin ice, mare
  85. 85.
    > "The Great- ah, rather, I didn't make any mistakes, yet for some reason mares are unreasonably hostile towards me."
  86. 86.
    > You roll your eyes
  87. 87.
    > Starlight licks her lips, obviously trying to put it delicately
  88. 88.
    > "Perhaps it is because you pose like a marewhore and hit on everypony's coltfriends?"
  89. 89.
    > Your apprentice lacks subtlety, yet she hasn't said anything wrong, exactly
  90. 90.
    > Trixie looks startled at the implication
  91. 91.
    > "I, a marewhore? It's not as though I steal coltfriends, except that one time in Baltimare, oh, and Fillydelphia, and hmm. But I only rut the good-looking ones, so it's fine."
  92. 92.
    > Anon looks around at the group, from your raised hackles, to Starlight's cold stare, to Trixie's artificially voluminous tuft
  93. 93.
    > He gets this goofy smile that makes you want to hug him and push him down to your tea-
  94. 94.
    > That is, it make him look cute
  95. 95.
    > "Are you serious? Little miss vainglory here is supposed to be a man-eater, or lady-killer, or whatever?"
  96. 96.
    > You feel a little better at the disbelieving tone in his voice
  97. 97.
    > Starlight nods
  98. 98.
    > "Trixie's always get the colts, even when they are jerks."
  99. 99.
    > Anon is grinning at the marewhore
  100. 100.
    > "Your name is an epithet for that sort of mare? That's amazing! Come on, seduce me, I dare you!"
  101. 101.
    > You start to feel you are losing control of the meeting
  102. 102.
    "Now, none of that, we-"
  103. 103.
    > Trixie grins back at him
  104. 104.
    > "I like a stallion with spirit. Why don't we go back to my room, and I can show you how my hold on you is tight and powerful?"
  105. 105.
    > Poor Anon is lost to his coltish whimsy, giggling at the vulgar pick up line
  106. 106.
    > "A stallion with spirit! Oh, my sides."
  107. 107.
    > Starlight trots up to him, a hopeful expression on her face
  108. 108.
    > No, don't do it
  109. 109.
    > "Hey Colt, are you a salt mine? Because I can lick your rocks all day."
  110. 110.
    > You groan, scrunching hard
  111. 111.
    > This was a mistake
  112. 112.
    > No matter how much Anon is laughing, this was a mistake
  113. 113.
    > Then you hear his voice
  114. 114.
    > "Come on, Twilight, you give it a try."
  115. 115.
    > You stare at him blankly
  116. 116.
    > Is he serious?
  117. 117.
    > He's smiling at you
  118. 118.
    > The girls are looking at you expectantly
  119. 119.
    > Oh no, you aren't prepared for this, you are a nice mare!
  120. 120.
    > Think, make a pun about dicks or slits!
  121. 121.
    > Why is it so hard?
  122. 122.
    > Oh, maybe that will work...
  123. 123.
    > You swallow nervously
  124. 124.
    "I always make things too hard, when I talk to stallions."
  125. 125.
    > You grin uneasily
  126. 126.
    > Anon rocks back in his chair, groaning
  127. 127.
    > "Oh, that was terrible,"
  128. 128.
    > Your ears flatten and your heart drops like a rock
  129. 129.
    > "You win, nothing can top that."
  130. 130.
    > What?
  131. 131.
    "What?"
  132. 132.
    > Anon smiles at you, a healing smile
  133. 133.
    > "A pick up line's effectiveness is proportional to the terribleness of the pun. You win."
  134. 134.
    > What?
  135. 135.
    > Really?
  136. 136.
    > You scramble for a quill and parchment, you need to write this down!
  137. 137.
    > "Hey Twilight."
  138. 138.
    > You glance up at Anon
  139. 139.
    "Yes?"
  140. 140.
    > "Thanks."
  141. 141.
    > He pulls one of the legs of his shorts to the side
  142. 142.
    > Your mind and magic halt, transfixed
  143. 143.
    > You have seen the Holy Grail
  144. 144.
    > Trixie nods
  145. 145.
    > "That's right Anon, just like that."
  146. 146.
    > Today you have learned that sometimes, even Trixies can be a true sis

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