Raising Villains


                                            > Chrysalis regularly tries to change into Sombra to get him in trouble

                                            > Daily "who's the real sombra?", just get a ton of ringpops, Sombra loves ringpops.

                                            > Chrysalis can't get away with nothing

                                            > NMM loves to turn off the lights

                                            > Resort to clap on lights, hooves can't get the right sound.

                                            > When NMM gets sad, you toss a blanket over the both of you, and cuddle in the eternal night

                                            > For Sombra's birthday, you get him a prism and a magnifying glass

                                            > He only sets fire to his sisters' hair the one time, he is much more responsible now.

                                            > Chrysalis watches TV and turns into her favorite character of each show.

                                            > She spends hours in front of the mirror, looking at her lusterous mane, trying on different forms.

                                            > While you are at work, she tries to boss her siblings around by turning into you

                                            > They catch on pretty quick, Chrysalis can't get your voice right.

                                            > Sombra has a huge stuffed animal collection, he arranges them in rows and pretends to be their king.

                                            > Chrysalis starts collecting an army of dust bunnies to combat this threat

                                            > NMM makes arms deals, a squirt gun here, a grabby claw there, the war only escalates.

                                            > Each night, they declare a truce and race to see who will get to you first to get their teeth brushed.

                                            > NMM she can do it herself, but she still likes it when she wins the race.

                                            > After you change into your pajamas, you all pile into bed.

                                            > It's a lumpy snuggle pile, but everyone gets comfortable and drifts off to sleep.

                                            > NMM says "Good Night, Father."

                                            > Chrysalis says "Don't worry, I told the bedbugs to stay away."

                                            > Sombra is already asleep, and mumbles "crystaaalllllls"


                                            > Breakfast: Pancakes

                                            > NMM always cuts the pancakes into lunar crescents

                                            > Sombra tries to make little castles, but he only really suceeds when you serve waffles

                                            > Chrysalis rolls them up and stuffs them in her cheeselegs for later

                                            > At the playground, the first thing they do is try to find the highest spot to perch

                                            > After squeaking about who is the ruler of the playground, they scatter.

                                            > Chrysalis looks at her reflection in the metal slides

                                            > Luna usually goes to the swing set, going as high as she can before jumping off and gliding to the ground.

                                            > She's very smug about her wings.

                                            > Sombra annexes the sandbox, often ordering the other kids to help build the Sand Empire

                                            > NMM always wins at hide and go seek.

                                            > Chryslalis loves duck duck goose

                                            > She changes into a goose every time (it's a pretty big goose, so she does alright)

                                            > Sombra loves to play with the weird things, bells, speaking tubes, and so on

                                            > Tic Tac Toe tournaments are fairly common, and highly competitive

                                            > Afterwards, if they were good, they get a treat

                                            > NMM gets cotton candy

                                            > Chrysalis gets sweethearts (it gets pretty stale, but she doesn't mind)

                                            > Sombra gets rock candy

                                            > When you get home, you get out the sleeping mats

                                            > They each get bundled up in a blanket as you read them a story

                                            > While they nap, you clean up the dishes and counters

                                            > When they wake up, they try to help you make dinner

                                            > Sombra has the coveted use of the knife

                                            > NMM is really good at mixing things

                                            > Chrysalis likes mashing fruit

                                            > After dinner, you all pile on the couch to watch a movie

                                            > Chrysalis likes to act along with the movies she knows

                                            > Sombra insists on absolute silence

                                            > NMM claims the remote control as soon as possible

                                            > She is careful to pause the movie whenever you have to answer the phone

                                            > Even when the call goes on for a while, she stands her ground before her siblings' unrestfulness

                                            > After the movie, it's time to brush everyone's hair

                                            > Sombra tries to get out of it, but between your size and his sisters, you catch him pretty easily

                                            > Chrysalis likes to lay her head on your lap as you brush her mane, making an odd purring sound

                                            > NMM insists on having her mane styled in a different way every night

                                            > You are now an adept bobby pin user

                                            > Some days, it feels like more than you can handle

                                            > But as you fall asleep with three little terrors nuzzled up against you, that makes it all worthwhile.


                                            > They get a little older

                                            > NMM develops a huge crush on Batman

                                            "You do not understand, father. I am going to marry Batman."

                                            > Chrysalis digs a "bugs only" hive

                                            > If left unattended, Sombra can and will make couch forts in seconds.

                                            > They each have their own room

                                            > NMM spends all her money from yard work on an insane amount of glow in the dark plastic stars

                                            > She insists she is too old for bedtime stories, but when you read to Chrysalis, she listens from behind the door.

                                            > Chrysalis has replaced her dust bunny army with Barbie dolls

                                            > You end up installing some hooks in the ceiling, and tying a simple web of rope up there

                                            > When she's done playing with the Barbies, she puts them back in their boxes and hangs the boxes from the rope

                                            > Sombra's room is a trap.

                                            > Lego's everywhere.

                                            > While the things he makes are pretty cool, he still leaves a heavy spread of Lego piece caltrops on the floor.

                                            > The kids have learned that your feet are much more sensitive to that sort of thing than their hooves

                                            > Sombra's bed is always base when they play tag, the cheaters

                                            > After much consideration, you get them a turtle.

                                            > Chrysalis is in charge of finding slugs to feed A'Tuin.

                                            > Once, when she came back from slug-gathering, she chased her siblings around the house with her muddy and slug filled hooves.

                                            > After some serious scolding, careful removal, and the gentle attentions of the garden hose, she was allowed to come back inside.

                                            > Sombra likes to make little Lego cities and put them on A'Tuin's shell

                                            > NMM takes the responsibility of turning the heat lamp on and off very seriously.


                                            > Every once in a while, each kid gets a day alone with you

                                            > Chrysalis goes to watch a romcom in the theater

                                            "Everybody tastes so good daddy!"

                                            > NMM goes to the observatory

                                            "Whoever is in charge of the stars is terrible."

                                            > Sombra goes to the science center

                                            "Can we have a volcano in our backyard?"

                                            > Keep thinkin', kid.

                                            > The trampoline is bad enough

                                            > Whoever gets on first starts a king of the hill type thing

                                            > Goodness knows how many scrapes you've bandaged, bumps you've kissed better

                                            > It's a pretty big trampoline too, it's not like they all wouldn't fit

                                            > You know this because sometimes, when they think you aren't there, they will all jump on it

                                            > Sometimes they drive you crazy like that

                                            > They have other ways too

                                            > One day you get home, and there is a pool of red in the kitchen

                                            > One heart attack and Olympic sprint later you find Sombra squeezing ketchup around a barbie

                                            > He freezes, looking at you with a deer in the headlights expression

                                            > You break open your economy pack of aspirin and down two little helpers

                                            > Sombra casually puts the bottle on the floor

                                            > It takes him a while to clean up the mess, and you take the barbie and put it in the throne room of his favorite castle set

                                            > He is not happy to hear the king has been deposed, but he takes it like a man.

                                            > Later he convinces Chrysalis to play, it gets pretty Game of Thrones

                                            > Doctor Sparkle Barbie retains the throne through cunning and intimidation


                                            > They have their quirks too

                                            > NMM likes to perch on top of the fridge

                                            > As you go about your business, she commands you to do what you are about to do

                                            > She gets fussy when you do something else, but also very smug when you do what she says

                                            > Chrysalis says she is going to marry you when she grows up

                                            > She names all her ken dolls "Anon Jr."

                                            > She gets very territorial when women come around

                                            > Which isn't often, but still

                                            > Sombra collects glass

                                            > You are very strict; he has to keep the collection in the garage, and clean up after himself

                                            > One day you find him making a stained glass portrait of your odd little family

                                            "This is how you are supposed to remember important things."

                                            > It takes a lot of work, but you install it in the place of the living room window

                                            > You're pretty proud of the little guy.


                                            > Chrysalis is getting better at voices

                                            > She practices with the radio

                                            > You play a game where you name a song and she sings at least the chorus

                                            > Bohemian rhapsody gives you chills, like you really are in the presence of Freddie Mercury

                                            > NMM has taken to sitting on the roof at night

                                            > You talk with her as you two gaze up at the stars

                                            > When she falls asleep, you carefully carry her to bed and tuck her in


                                            > You regret showing them the X-men

                                            > They whined, begged, threatened, commanded, and partially funded for you to get a wheel chair

                                            > You and your not-bald head

                                            > Sombra is Magneto

                                            > He learns chess precisely for this purpose

                                            > He knows he's supposed to say something ominous and meaningful, but what comes out is

                                            "You are probably going to burn dinner"

                                            > Or

                                            "You should get us popsicles. For the good of mutantkind."

                                            > Chrysalis is Mystique

                                            > She doesn't quite get what the deal is

                                            > She just flops around on the couch and looks at you with half-lidded eyes

                                            > NMM is Storm

                                            > "Magneto" and "Mystique" regularly plead for you to make her stop with the lightning already

                                            > You touch your temple and tell her to play nice

                                            > She rolls her eyes, and contents herself with floating around on her own little cloud


                                            > They've started to collect "Daddy's bad words"

                                            > It started at the county fair

                                            > They had fun, getting their faces painted

                                            > Cheating at ring toss with levitation

                                            > The carrousel creeped them out

                                            > Then a clown came up out of nowhere

                                            "Fuck!"

                                            > Bless their little hearts, they came to your defense

                                            > NMM zapped the clown pretty good

                                            > Sombra chased him to the mirror maze

                                            > You aren't sure what Chrysalis did, but you could hear sobbing as you walked away

                                            > You gave them all a big hug, and told them how brave they were, working together to defeat the evil clown

                                            > Then Chrysalis looks up at you with her big green eyes and asks

                                            "What does fuck mean?"

                                            > 'It's a secret word only adults get to use'

                                            > Sombra gives you a look

                                            "But Hissy just said it."

                                            > 'She used it wrong'

                                            > NMM's eyes light up

                                            "Fuck! That's the right way to say it, right father?"

                                            > You do not need this right now.

                                            > 'Guys, I need you to promise me to wait until you are an adult before you say that word.'

                                            > NMM pouts.

                                            "But I said it right and everything."

                                            > You give them all a serious look.

                                            > Sombra nods in understanding.

                                            "It is too powerful for us right now, we might lose control and hurt somebody. Very well, dad, I promise."

                                            > You hug your favorite son in the whole wide world

                                            > 'I'm proud of you, Sombrerbro'

                                            > The girls get jealous immediately

                                            "I promise too!"

                                            "No, I promise more!"

                                            > You let go of Sombra and scoop up the fillies and sling them onto your shoulders

                                            > 'I'm proud of you girls too. Now who wants some ice cream?"

                                            > You thought that was that

                                            > But no

                                            > You open your eyes.

                                            > it's 2:00 AM

                                            > You feel a presence hovering over you

                                            >'"Is that you, nom nom nom?'

                                            > She drops from her cloud onto your chest

                                            "Why weren't you scared?"

                                            > You hug her tight

                                            > 'I love you too much to be scared by you.'

                                            > She nuzzles your chest, and quietly replies

                                            "I love you too, daddy."

                                            > Your heart melts

                                            > But your eyes ache

                                            > 'Awww, thanks. Now daddy needs to sleep, or he will be cranky tomorrow. Alright?'

                                            > She gets to her hooves and hesitates.

                                            "Can I stay with you?"

                                            > You sigh, but not without fondness

                                            > 'Alright. Goodnight sweetie.'

                                            "Goodnight daddy."


                                            > Day Hearts and Hooves

                                            > Be Anon, trying hard not to be lonely

                                            > Kids get back from school

                                            > Manage a smile as you welcome them home

                                            > As you help them out of their backpacks, Chrysalis keeps glancing at you

                                            > Finally she says,

                                            "Do you have a special someone, Daddy?"

                                            > Keep that smile up, anon. For the kids.

                                            > 'Not yet. You aren't thinking of setting me up with your teacher again, are you?'

                                            > She shakes her head, and removes an envelope from her backpack.

                                            > It barely reaches your hands before she runs off to her hive in the backyard

                                            > What.

                                            > Sombra and NMM exchange glances and head off to their rooms, bags of candy levitating from their backpacks

                                            > You sit down on the couch, and open up the letter

                                            > A ton of glitter pours out, getting all over the cushions an your pants

                                            > You swear, you would kill these kids if you didn't love them so much

                                            > The piece of paper has a rough drawing of you and Chrysalis in a big ol' red heart and the words,

                                            "I want you to feel like those people in the movies - Your top secret admirer"

                                            > You sigh, and chuckle weakly

                                            > Such secret

                                            > You walk out to the hole in the backyard

                                            > Cheeselegs peeks out at you, and pouts.

                                            > As you sit down nearby, she asks,

                                            "Why didn't it work? You're supposed to stop being sad."

                                            > She sinks down a little.

                                            "Am I not good enough?"

                                            > Oh, kid.

                                            > As you lift her out of the hole, she squeaks in surprise

                                            > You pull her into a hug.

                                            > 'You are plenty good, it's just a gown-up thing, that's all.'

                                            "I can be a grown-up!"

                                            > And suddenly you are holding a woman.

                                            > You put her at an arm's distance, and you recognize the form as the female lead from the last romcom you two saw.

                                            > Not a bad choice

                                            > Wait, can't think that way

                                            > 'Honeybug, I need you to be you. I get lonely sometimes, and that's okay. But I would be much sadder if you tried to be something you are not.'

                                            > She slowly shifts back to her real form.

                                            "But being lonely hurts. I can feel it."

                                            > You pull her in for a tight hug, and sigh.

                                            > 'Can you feel how having you as a daughter makes it hurt less?'

                                            > She rests her head on your shoulder

                                            "A little bit."

                                            > You pet her mane

                                            > 'That's enough for me.'


                                            > Then there was the time you got sick.

                                            > For days.

                                            > NMM declared quarantine

                                            > If you got up to do something, she would dutifully proceed you, calling out

                                            "Contagion!"

                                            > Levitating anything that had come into contact with you

                                            > Early on, you wisely designated Sombra as the official food preparer

                                            > Not that the other two don't try, but after a glass of very pulpy orange juice and thirty mangled oranges, you put your foot down

                                            > Chrysalis has taken it upon herself to be your personal nurse

                                            > So you always have a thermometer in your mouth

                                            > She honestly thinks having a thermometer in your mouth will make you get better

                                            > Part of that is occasionally taking it out, looking at it, shaking her head, and then returning it.

                                            > She also throws a tantrum if your meal isn't chicken noodle soup

                                            > Sombra answers the door most times

                                            > It's usually one of the many mothers you've accidentally befriended at the park

                                            > Casseroles for days

                                            > The kids don't mind getting fussed over too much

                                            > God help any of those ara aras if they try to dote on you, though

                                            > Chrysalis goes full jealous, insisting she does all the nursing around here, thank you very much

                                            > Nice thing about being sick, you can play vidya without guilt

                                            > Mariocart tournaments gets pretty intense, finally you claim Peach to keep the girls from fighting over her

                                            > Zelda games are almost like storytime

                                            > The kids regularly take naps during the endless terrain crossings

                                            > Honestly, you aren't immune either

                                            > When you finally do get well, it's with a heavy heart

                                            > You rather like spending more time goofing around with the kids

                                            > Oh, and you have to return all those casserole dishes


                                            > Your ears ache for a "Are we there yet?" Or "I'm booored"

                                            > But there is no way your kids would be so normal

                                            > Chrysalis is floating her sticky jelly beans mere inches away from Sombra's mane, jealous of his front seat

                                            > Meanwhile, he is playing a nonstandard game of chess with NMM

                                            > Some of the pieces are from that old HeroQuest game, others from monopoly

                                            > The thimble is over the head of the bishop, so Sombra now controls it

                                            > You think

                                            > The next rest stop, you are going to put your foot down, Sombra really doesn't need to be riding shotgun

                                            > It's just another one of their weird little dominance contests

                                            > Which is to say, Sombra won the barbie games

                                            > Ice skating was super effective against  veterinarian, and black death Kelly just swept the rest

                                            > Point is, the car is pretty quiet, except for Chrysalis's ominous giggling

                                            > 'Honeybug, if you put those in his hair, I will cut them out and you will have to eat them. Got it?'

                                            > She pouts, and pops a jelly bean into her mouth

                                            "Whatsh sho great about the ocean anyway?"

                                            > 'It's just something you have to see at least once in your life.'

                                            > Cheeselegs isn't convinced, but she amuses herself with making pictures on the windows out of the bugs that splatter on your windshield.

                                            > Sometimes, you wish you had magic, but then again, that's what child labor is for

                                            > You make it to the beach with minimal fuss, only a few toys thrown out the window and lost to the endless highways

                                            > You could only listen to Sombra's tickle-me-Elmo for so long

                                            > He mourns the loss of his interrogation specialist

                                            > Once they're out of the car, the kids are pretty happy

                                            > Though they do squirm a bit when you put the sunscreen on them

                                            > and then they're off

                                            > Sombra begins immediately, conscripting from the other kids on the beach

                                            > Chrysalis pokes at the dead crabs in the sand

                                            > NMM gazes at the large waves coming in with trepidation

                                            > You walk to her

                                            > 'Want to swim?'

                                            > She glances at you, then tentatively steps into the shallow water

                                            > A wave almost immediately surges past, and she scrambles back with a surprised squeak

                                            > You laugh and back into the water, holding out your arms

                                            > 'C'mon, I'll keep you safe.'

                                            > She hesitantly steps toward you, then dashes into your arms

                                            > You pick her up, and hold her tight as you go deeper into the salty water

                                            > Once she gets used to the bobbing surge of the waves, she relaxes her death grip on your torso

                                            > You pull her along by her hooves, and NMM grins as she cuts through the water

                                            > Before long, she's swimming on her own, and riding the waves to the beach

                                            > You decide to check on Sombra, only to find him resting in imperial splendor on a throne of sand and buckets

                                            "Welcome, dad, to the kingdom of Silica. I have much to show you."

                                            > Everywhere a kid is piling sand up, or digging ditches, fortifying against the inevitable high tide

                                            > Behind heaped up walls, a more delicate work is continuing

                                            > Sombra walks among his architects and artisans, leaving a compliment here, a suggestion there, and nearly bursting with pride

                                            > You have to admit, it is an impressive city, but you've left Chrysalis alone long enough

                                            > You find her in the middle of a bunch of divots in the sand, carefully drawing on a smoothed out spot

                                            > She sees you and beams

                                            "Daddy, come look at what I've found!"

                                            > You get to about the middle of her odd little field, and then her horn glows green

                                            > The putrid remains of too many crabs rise up out of the sand and start massing around your legs, struggling to climb

                                            > 'Son of a Bitch!'

                                            > The zombie crabs fall away, and your daughter claps her bughooves

                                            "I got another one! Dumbra is going to be so jealous!"

                                            > 'Just, just clean up the crabs alright?'

                                            > You scrub your legs in the ocean, then head for your towel

                                            > Chrysalis follows you, the crabs shuffling off into their holes

                                            > You gaze out over the water, waves dazzling in the afternoon sun

                                            > She settles down by you

                                            > 'What do you think so far?'

                                            > She looks down at her hooves

                                            "It's not so bad."

                                            > You smile, absentmindedly keeping an eye on your other kids

                                            > 'How about you go get Nighty and Somby and we'll have a nice treat?'

                                            " 'Kay!"

                                            > And off she goes


                                            > Several Popsicles apiece and a couple hours later, it's time to go

                                            > Sombra had his dramatic moment, grimly witnessing the collapse of his kingdom under the relentless waves, and crying out to the uncaring sky

                                            > NMM rode the cresting wave herself, tackling him off of his throne

                                            > Not to mention the nearly endless hours of rinsing to get the sand off and the salt out

                                            > Chrysalis blushing the entire time, as you poked the sand out of her Cheeselegs

                                            > As you drive away, the setting sun illuminates the tuckered out forms of your kids, napping on top of each other in the backseats

                                            > Definitely something you have to see at least once in your life.