BV 2.4 - A Time of Reckoning: Seven Days in Sunny June, Book IV

 

Okay, guess I should post a little background on 7DSJ for those who aren't familiar / have forgotten.

 

"Seven Days in Sunny June" started out as a "Sunset's redemption" type of fic, in which Sunset Shimmer learns not to be a bitch, deals with everyone in the school hating her, and so on. I forget the precise circumstances, but early in Book I, Sunset moves in with the EqG-earth human version of Twilight Sparkle and her family. Twilight's parents treat her like part of the family, and there's some stuff about Sunset realizing that she now has people who care about her and such. In this fic Octavia is Twilight's cousin for some reason, and she eventually moves in with Twilight and Sunset (I think this happens in Book III).

 

7DSJ is set on EqG-Earth. Sunset lives with (human) Twilight's family, which consists of Twilight, her parents, her brother Spike, and her cousin Octavia. Sunset's about to be legally adopted, as soon as they finish the paperwork. Sunset has no shortage of problems:

 

Other characters:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This one's all continuations of previous storylines and a bit of buildup in preparation for the shit hitting the fan. As a reminder, this is all set on EqG-Earth.

 

 

Also, Celestia has Chekhov's Gold-Plated Bastard Sword hanging on the wall in her apartment. (Its name is "Sunbringer".)

 

 

While writing this, I realized what a shitshow this is about to be. This series never does anything by halves, so instead of "Sunset does wizard war while hiding magic from her family", we get "Sunset does wizard war while hiding magic from her family AND hiding herself from Human Edition AND hiding Human Edition from her family". Plus, if the description is anything to go by, it also features "Sunset gets all angsty about her decision to hide magic from her family". Good times ahead, no doubt.

 

 

 

 

7DSJ is now on a weekly update schedule, but chapter 2 didn't warrant a post on its own.

 

 

Actual plot-related stuff:

 

Divine Right needs the blood of 72- er, 22 virgins (for the 22 major arcana) to summon NMM. Once she's free, she will no doubt be perfectly happy to set him up as the god-emperor of all mankind. Unfortunately, he's not very good at it - the last "virgin" had just got back from a solid weekend of screwing her boyfriend silly, and when DR tries to charge the magic doodad, it sprays boiling blood all over his face.

 

The SIRENs' boss has gone all psycho and has them secretly working for DR. Once he's done taking over the world, he will no doubt be perfectly happy to set her up as the god-empress of all mankind. Fortunately, most SIRENs aren't smart enough to wonder how kidnapping random 14-year-olds helps take down Les Scars, and for the few that are, the boss can just blow their brains out in front of their subordinates with zero repercussions.

 

Sunset Shimmer (Human Edition) has arrived in Canterlot and met up with her cousins Coco and Fancy Pants. By some "miracle", neither one has met or heard of Pony Edition, despite Coco spending a lot of time with Twilight (who is basically Sunset's sister, remember) back in Book 3.

 

 

Other bullshit:

 

Turns out Trixie's mom is the captain of the world's biggest ruse cruise. When Shining Armor and Sandalwood show up at her magic shop to ask about tarot cards, she switches to a hick accent, admits that the whole "new-age hippie" thing was an act, and says she doesn't even believe in magic. (Meaning she didn't try to convince Sunset, Trixie, and Lyrabon to have an underage orgy because she thought it would "reconnect Sunset to Earth's magical aura", she actually did it because... uh, I've got nothing.) Trixie, of course, has managed to go 17 years without realizing any of this, which is on par with Fluttershy's failure to notice her entire family moving to a completely different city.

 

 

 

In chapter 4, nothing of significance happens in any of the major plotlines. Chapter 5 is similar, but also FUCKING INSANE.

 

City officials hold a press conference about the serial killer. Organizing this of course requires Mayor Mare to do some SUPER YELLING!! Everyone responds perfectly reasonably to the news, by completely upending their normal routines to ensure that the kids are never unsupervised for more than 30 seconds.

 

Raspberry Beryl does stuff in Equestria. This part was kind of okay but I'm still mad that the character exists.

 

The Mean Girls learn the following facts in the span of about 5 minutes: (1) magic is real; (2) their boss is a wizard; (3) he wants them to drink a potion that turns people into super-strong mutants; (4) they're supposed to pose a dead girl's body for the police to find. They are all totally okay with 1-4 and don't have any objections.

 

Hey, guess what? Time for a love triangle! Turns out Sandalwood, who's been working with Shining Armor since back in Book 1, is actually madly in love with him, and has been for years! Also, she's crashing on his and Cadance's couch for a while, since her neighbors got murdered and she's all traumatized and shit. DRAMA!!

 

Speaking of drama, remember how Sunhuman was being shipped with Edgelord McWerewolf? Well, because of something something drama "love you forever" etc, he went and told her about his dark past:

Also, he bought a gun for her to take to school. The reasoning is literally "but think of the children":

 

Overall, it's another 20k of "nothing happens", but at least it's an entertaining sort of "nothing".

 

 

 

** No.25371427

 

There is too much shit going on in this story now, so I had to make a checklist.

 

 

And finally, I'm sure you will all be sad to hear that 7DSJ is on hiatus for a month, so the author can work on other stuff. (This might mean more AAG, though!)

 

 

 

 

Normally I'd summarize recent events in the fic, but this chapter has nothing to do with anything.

 

 

 

 

This does tie into the main story a little:

Hopefully this doesn't imply a timeskip over the 8M8's entire Horseshoe Bay vacation, since they seemed likely to run into Sunset Shimmer (Human Edition) there.

 

 

 

Back to the human world, now, with no timeskip (unfortunately). Still a few days before the hurricane hits, and 26 days until Sunset's adoption papers go through. As for the bad guy, Divine Right still only has 5/22 virgins for summoning Sombra.

 

Basically nothing happens in this chapter, just people waiting for the shit to hit the fan and that's about--

 

 

What in the FUCK

 

 

 

 

I'm only 1/3 of the way through this chapter but I'm posting anyway because what the flying fuck.

 

First there was a section that was literally nothing but Medley (SIREN) complaining about being horny and then finding someone to fuck. Pointless, but predictable, and kind of boring. But after that there's a section on Sandalwood - no, the OTHER Sandalwood, the guy from EqG. And it goes like this:

Yeah, that's right, dude is totally banging his step-sister (who's 7 years older than him - he's 16). He's even been picking colleges based on which states allow incestuous marriages.

 

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!

 

 

THIS IS WHAT SHINZAKURA ACTUALLY WROTE

 

 

 

 

Just a reminder of where the story's at, since basically nothing has been happening for 3 or 4 chapters now:

 

Now for the rest of chapter 10:

 

Divine Right's magic-powered storm ("Hurricane Everblue") is currently tearing up the California coast, headed for Canterlot. Virgin hunting is on hold temporarily.

 

Today is Twilight's birthday. Not clear what the significance of that is, but there's a party in the afternoon (next chapter).

 

The FBI (including Shining Armor) hears about ALICORN from the CIA. This group of agents is now hunting the "Dead Hand Killer" (DR), the SIRENs, and ALICORN, all at the same time.

 

Some random rich girl is blackmailing Coffee Cream (the step-sister) with pics of her screwing her brother. Unclear where this is going, but I assume at least one of them is going to get tarot-carded.

 

Tirek's in the Everfree looking for Berry Sue, since she's so "strong in the dark disciplines, strong enough to possibly even topple an alicorn".

 

Berry Sue gets to run the "restricted goods exchange" at Rainbow Falls. For some reason, Twilight specifically describes human guns to her and tells her confiscate any she sees. An hour later, she lets two ponies exchange a gun, somehow clueless as to what this thing is.

 

 

 

Just more of the usual shit this time.

 

SIREN/DR shit:

 

Other shit:

 

And the main event: it's Twilight's birthday! She has a big party, and gets presents from every major character and a bunch of the minor ones too. Including:

So basically, $50,000+ worth of presents. Not bad for an 18-year-old's birthday.

 

After the party, everyone goes to sleep as the hurricane moves in. Octavia has a dream about Twilight and Sunset fucking, then wakes up with her hands around Twilight's throat. Maybe someone will now realize that that girl needs a real good therapist (but I'm not holding my breath).

 

 

 

 

The hurricane has finally hit Canterlot, and by "hurricane", I mean "tornado with extra rain". No more details because this is legit rustling my jimmies.

 

We finally get some real info on A.L.I.C.O.R.N. They're working against the SIRENs, and getting help from Les Scars. Their plan goes like this:

You may wonder if step 3 is strictly necessary. It is not. The boss man wants to kill Edgelord and fuck Celestia. There is no other reason for step 3.

 

Sandalwood (no, the other Sandalwood) is unhappy because he's being blackmailed into having a 3-way with his stepsister and some random rich girl. Later, he is unhappy because he just walked in on the Mean Girls (SIRENs) killing both of the other two. And even later, he is unhappy because one of the Mean Girls is currently fucking him to death. Also, a SIREN eats a cat.

 

And now, the main event: Octavia finally snaps, and along the way, we finally get an explanation of why she's been going crazy in the first place.

 

You see, Octavia has been slowly taken over by the evil spirit of her unborn twin. And by unborn twin, I mean the cluster of ~250 cells that was absorbed by the other cluster of ~250 cells that eventually became Octavia. That unborn twin has its own spirit (somehow), its own name ("Melody"), it's very angry for some reason, and also there's an ancestral curse or some shit, idfk.

 

Anyway, Octavia snaps, Melody takes over. Then Melody puts on the sluttiest outfit she can find, and goes downstairs to hit on Twilight, hit on Bon-bon, try to kill Sunset, punch out Twilight Velvet, and try to kill Sunset some more. Fortunately, Night Light shows up just in time to stop all the chaos by telling "Octavia" to go to her room. Which she does, for some reason.

 

** No.27234232

Please give extra details so I can wreck Chink.

 

Also

 

 

FUCKING AMERICAN APESHIT THIS TRIGGERS ME EVEN MORE THAN FUCKING MIRACULOUS LADYBUG IN PARIS HOW THE FUCK DID CHINK EVEN GET THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT THROUGH I SWEAR I WILL KILL HIM AND INSERT A FUCKING BAGUETTE IN HIS TINY ASS

 

** No.27234267

This is the hurricane bit, see how many errors you can spot:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

** No.27234247

Also,

 

 

I think that's more of a mental problem than an unborn twin. If that happens, it's not a free spirit, it's a single being. Cell specialization doesn't even start that soon iirc.

 

Seriously, this gives me high hopes on how my first fic will be received if this bullshit is popular.

** No.27234356

Nope, there's magical fuckery going on. All the info on the "unborn twin" and "curse of La Musica" and whatever other bullshit comes out during a long dream sequence, which briefly includes a statue of Sunset Shimmer's pony form. But Octavia doesn't know Sunset is secretly a horse, much less what horse-Sunset looks like. Therefore, magic.

 

It's magic, bitch. (The hurricane, that is.)

 

Also, in 7DSJ's version of EqG-earth, Canterlot is a city in California. In fact, last chapter they mentioned it's 73 miles northwest of Chico, CA. I assume there's a real-life city at that location which Canterlot is replacing, but I haven't checked to be sure.

 

 

 

 

When we left off, Octavia had just been taken over by her evil alternate personality "Melody". She decks Sunset, then goes after Twilight Velvet. But Night Light tells her to go to her room, so she does.

 

Once Sunset recovers, she figures out what's going on. You see, Octavia's twin sister died in the womb, and those cells were absorbed into Octavia's body. So Octavia is a genetic chimera, where some of her cells have different DNA from others. When Sunset used a healing spell to cure Octavia of the effect of the mind-control date-rape drugs back in Book 1, the presence of those other cells caused Octavia to develop, over several months, a complete alternate personality. Makes perfect sense, right?

 

Anyway, Night Light fixes Octavia by talking to her like normal for a while. She's crazy again by the next chapter, though.

 

 

The Dazzlings are hiding out in a hotel outside Canterlot, moping about how they can't have normal lives. The evil SIREN boss tries to have them killed, but she only sends one assassin, who promptly gets fucking wrecked because the Dazzlings are so badass.

 

ALICORN, based on a tip from Les Scars, carries out a raid on the SIREN compound. First, to avoid detection, they shoot a cop for no reason in the middle of the street. This of course attracts ALL of the cops. Then they get slaughtered during the actual raid, because they're all too busy raping SIREN agents to actually fight. (Yes, really.) Finally, as their boss leaves, alone, he gets BTFO by Shining Armor.

 

 

Divine Right's hurricane has finally arrived, so he stands on top of a mountain and sucks the whole thing into a bell. I guess hurricane plus virgin blood is the recipe for summoning Berry Sue?

 

 

Also, Saffron Masala and Zephyr Breeze show up for no fucking reason. They're bodyguards for Sunset Shimmer (Human Edition)'s mom, since she's a princess of France or something. Zephyr, being a total idiot, introduces himself as "une personne incroyablement sexy".

 

 

 

... this week's chapter wasn't very exciting. A bunch of shit went down in the previous chapters (Octavia going crazy; Edgelord McWerewolf and the men from A.L.I.C.O.R.N. attacking the SIRENs' decoy base) and this chapter is mostly the aftermath.

 

The most interesting part is the multiple casual references to love triangles:

And of course there's the usual Sunset / Twilight / Octavia sort-of triangle thing, today featuring Octavia going all Psycho Lesbian Inuyasha and randomly hitting on Twilight at 3:00 in the morning.

 

On an unrelated note, it turns out that Agent Zephyr Breeze (who's one of the bodyguards assigned to Human Edition's family) has a sister named Fluttershy, who is a completely separate character from the 8M8 Fluttershy and lives on the other side of the country. I mean, I guess that's not completely unreasonable, but I really don't see the point.

 

 

 

 

Three major events this chapter.

 

 

On top of that, it turns out that being crazy makes you immune to tasers! Who would have guessed?

 

Twilight already saw one of the letters, and got only evasive non-answers from Sunset about it, so she's already suspicious. Now she has even more evidence that something's up, so she goes to Cadance for advice.

 

Cadance's theory? The letters must be for a school project. The handwriting looks exactly like Twilight's because, uh, Sunset wanted to make it extra realistic I guess? And also she must have mastered forgery at some point in her mysterious past.

 

So Cadance calls Celestia. Celestia knows the real story, but for some reason doesn't cover for Sunset. She says she doesn't recall assigning a project like the one Cadance imagined, but she does know Sunset is a master of forgery, and proposes that maybe Sunset is just trying to keep in practice, for some reason, and, uh, maybe all the weird horse references are to make sure nobody mistakes the letters for any real document?

 

At last, Luna comes through and says she's the one who gave this bizarre summer school assignment. And Sunset agrees that she added the references to that stupid horse cartoon (you know the one: [spoiler]Filly Funtasia[/spoiler]) so nobody would think the letters were really written by the people whose handwriting she forged.

 

Twilight's parents are buying all this bullshit (somehow), but Twilight isn't a complete moron, so she still knows something weird is going on.

 

 

 

 

Divine Right and the SIRENs are gearing up for the big event. It turns out DR only needs two more virgin sacrifices for his ritual, and in this chapter the Mean Girls pick up one of them (but only after Slutty SIREN has had her way with her). So it looks like this fic might actually wrap up some time this decade.

 

Octavia is still crazy, and not in very good health at the moment, likely due to having stabbed herself in the neck in the previous chapter. She's got a prescription, though, for some drug called "malarson" (HUE HUE) which will stop her from going completely crazy, but as a side effect might cause her to go a little bit crazy.

 

 

Twilight is mad at Sunset from last chapter, when Twilight and their parents confronted Sunset about the letters from Equestria, and Sunset produced a hilariously implausible story, which everyone believed but Twilight.

 

Except maybe Twilight did believe it, because now she's asking about a completely different type of secret: was Sunset abused as a child, or is she maybe "a child born of incest"? I have no idea how Twilight's supposed to have come up with these theories, or if they're supposed to be somehow connected to the letters (or any kind of evidence at all), or even how Twilight knows Sunset is still lying, given she apparently believed the story about the letters.

 

Except maybe Twilight didn't believe it, because she shows the letters to the M5 as evidence that Sunset lying to her. The M5, of course, know all about Sunset's backstory, and are prepared to cover for her, right up until Applejack remembers her alignment is Lawful Stupid and tells Twilight that they're all in on the secret. They don't give her the details, they just let her know that Sunset has a good reason and Twilight shouldn't worry about it, which of course doesn't help in the slightest.

 

Oh, and aside from the letters, Twilight asks the M5 if Sunset is an incest baby. So really I have no fucking clue what Twilight is thinking.

 

 

 

 

A bunch of plot happened but nobody gives a fuck. Here's the good part.

 

Background: Ponk really fucking hates Sunset for something Sunset did a while back, but has totally forgiven her, but a while back told Sunset that she still hates her, but has totally forgiven her at the same time, and best of all she won't fucking tell Sunset what it is Sunset did that's got Pinkie so mad. In chapter 18, Pinkie goes off on Sunset again, over this shit that happened ages ago, which she has totally forgiven Sunset for but also still hates her.

 

In chapter 19, Sunset is crying in her room because her friend is a fucking psycho and also probably Sunset did something awful to her that she doesn't even remember. The M5 show up, which I figured was for Pinkie to actually work shit out with Sunset, but instead they sit around downstairs with Twilight and Octavia, plan out their upcoming vacation, and generally chill, all while their good friend Sunset is sobbing her eyes out in her room upstairs.

 

Finally, we get a scene with Sunset. She spends a while talking to Pony Twilight on her magical interdimensional cellphone, and after that Pinkie shows up and they talk. Well, mostly Pinkie talks. And oh boy, does she talk...

 

 

Pinkie's story:

 

 

Later, during Sunset's reign of terror:

 

 

 

Now, just to be clear: THIS is the thing that Pinkie has been secretly hating and/or forgiving Sunset for since way back in Book I. Meaning, Pinkie somehow blames Sunset for all of this fucking bullshit. Sunset stole her bag, so she needed new pills, which Cicely provided, so Ponk trusted Atlas and Cicely more, and followed them to the party, where she got raped, got pregnant, and had to have an abortion. Clearly Sunset's fault, since there's no other way Pinkie could ever reach that level of trust with her boyfriend who she's already madly in love with. Yeah.

 

Now, I hope you didn't think we were done. Because THERE IS MORE

 

After Pinkie finishes the story, there's a bit more dialogue, and then:

 

PONK IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH SUNSET SHIMMER

 

Pinkie hated Sunset for YEARS (because of the shit described above), but then the M6 did the Fall Formal thing, and after that she somehow went from completely hating Sunset to falling in love with her. Apparently, it went like this:

SEEMS FUCKIN LEGIT MAN

 

Oh and by the way, the rest of the M5 already bailed and left Ponk to spend the night. Also there are no parents in the house. HAVE FUN, KIDS

 

 

 

 

This one gets two posts, because it's extra special (just like Berry Sue).

 

...but, by some miracle, it turned out not that bad. Shinzakura clearly wrote this with minimal input from BlueBastard, even though Raspberry Beryl is BB's OC.

 

So what actually happens? Well, we get off to a truly wonderful start with Berry Sue listening to some cool music on her FUCKING MP3 PLAYER. Which is highly classified for obvious reasons, but somehow it's okay for her to use it in front of random guardponies.

 

Eventually Berry quits fucking around and does her job, which is to investigate the destruction of some random village. Apparently some asshole burned it down and then ran it over with a glacier. Now Berry's here to look around, with two mages and 100 guards as backup. Also, for some reason everyone important is a ponified EqG Shadowbolt (Sugarcoat and Sunny Flare are the mages, Indigo Zap and Sour Sweet lead the guards).

 

Everyone runs around doing stuff, in both the destroyed town and the one with the refugees. Eventually the guards find something useful, so Berry gallops over from the other town using her amazing mudpone-tier endurance. First, the guards say they've figured out that whoever burned 100 buildings to the ground and then summoned a huge-ass glacier used a really big spell. (No shit?) Oh, and by the way, down in the gem mines below the town there's a freaky crystal pillar covered in red-and-black runes.

 

This, by the way, is the main reason I think BlueBastard was not involved: Berry is less of a sue here than anywhere else in the entire series. She's still snowflakey as fuck, but other characters get to be useful, rather than Berry figuring everything out on her own because she has a very good brain. In fact, she basically does nothing important in this entire chapter.

 

Now back to the show. Nobody has any idea what the fuck is going on, but not all is lost. Berry Sue's special and unique green phoenix Heliodor (and by the way, don't forget that green phoenixes are ultra rare and will only bond with someone who is pure of heart) arrives just in time. And guess what? He's just finished learning the "flamefax" spell from Spike! How convenient is that?

 

Even more convenient, "flamefax" is good for more than just sending letters: Twilight promptly uses it to ship Berry some kind of steampunk astral telephone, so Berry and her pet mages can dial in to the dreamscape and coordinate with the M6, Luna, and Bon-Bon (who as far as I can tell is mainly here so there can be drama about her hiding her secret agent status from her BEEEST FRIEEEND).

 

Eventually one of the mages figures out that someone is attacking towns to get access to gem mines - eight of them, specifically, in a big circle around Canterlot. It's probably Tirek, but somehow news of his escape is classified above even the M6 and Berry Sue's levels (but not Bon-Bon's - go figure). Anyway, they all see that five towns have already been attack and three remain, so they plan to send a group to each one. Also, the pet mages get promoted for no reason I can determine.

 

Cadance and Shining Armor go to the first town, but arrive too late.

Twilight and friends go to the second town, but arrive too late.

Berry and her mages go to the third town, but arrive too late. Also, their airship gets shot at, and is going down in flames when we get to the CLIFFHANGER ENDING.

 

 

Crazy shit as usual. I really don't know what the point is of having this increasingly elaborate Equestria side plot, on top of all the other elaborate side plots in this fic. I just hope for next chapter we get back to the normal Sunset / SIRENs dramafest, even if it does leave this cliffhanger unresolved.

 

 

 

Here we go again...

 

To nobody's surprise, Berry Sue survived the airship crash at the end of last chapter. She wakes up in Bumfuck, Nowhere, which is currently the seat of the Equestrian government because there's a crystal pillar thing (courtesy of Tirek) fucking up Canterlot. Luna warns her not to use magic, and then Berry gets to meet her new guards.

 

 

Her guards are are "Marimba Rondo", "Cuíca Trecento", and "Pavane Bayan". I'm pretty sure they're sirens, given the names, even though that doesn't make any fucking sense whatsoever. They look like earth ponies, but secretly, they're members of some other tribe, one whose very existence is a state secret. (Inexplicably, the fact that they are members of this secret tribe, itself is not a secret.)

 

The guards are members of the "Princess's Hooves". They work as maids in the castle during peacetime, but secretly they're trained as actual fucking ninjas. Complete with special-snowflake weeaboo weaponry: Cuíca wields a "sansetsukon", which she received from the "kitsune princess Hatsumaru", after defeating her in a "duel of honor".

 

 

Anyway! There's a war on. Tirek is wrecking shit, and he's making a zillion crystal golems to wreck more shit. Time for a strategy meeting.

 

But first: Luna told Berry to avoid using magic not because it would hurt anything, but because she wanted to surprise Berry later with the news that she's lost her ability to do magic entirely. Naturally, the princesses spring this on her in the middle of the meeting, in front of a couple dozen nobles, generals, and foreign representatives.

 

But once that's out of the way, they do some strategizing.

 

Turns out Plan C is a bit of a point of contention. Turns out everyone knows Sunset as the evil, no-good "PrincessSlayer". (Interesting choice of title, given all the princesses are very much alive.) But not to worry - Celestia has a plan. She enacts an ELABORATE RUSE by telling everyone that they have been BAMBOOZLED by her ELABORATE RUSE and actually, Sunset didn't PrincessSlay anybody.

 

Here is the lie Celestia tells: Sunset never betrayed her, she just wanted to leave Equestria for a while. Since that would create a huge scandal (?), they concoted a fake story. Celestia said that Sunset had betrayed her and run away, resulting in everyone in Equestria hating Sunset. Somehow this was an improvement over the "scandal" that would have resulted otherwise (??).

 

I don't know how Celestia expects this to fix anything, but somehow it does. Everyone apparently believes her, and now they're cool with "Sunset saves the day, somehow" being Plan C.

 

 

Everyone goes off to do their thing, including Berry and her weeaboo guards heading to Ponyville so she can travel to earth and tell Sunset the plan. (I'm sure I don't need to tell you how unfortunate it would be if she made it to earth.) Also, maybe Sunset can restore Berry's magic while she's there. I mean, nobody has a clue how such a thing might be done, and Sunset hasn't done a major spell in about four years... but hey, you never know!

 

It doesn't go so well. First, they get news that Plan A has failed. The army BTFO'd all the golems and the crystal pillar things, but Tirek gobbled up the princesses' power and kidnapped them too. Then, Tirek, who is now 100 feet tall for some reason, sneaks up on Berry's group, stomps on some of the guards, then starts sucking Berry into a magic circle that he drew on his hand. Berry sees Twiggles fly up to 1v1 him IRL, just before everything goes black.

 

CLIFFHANGER ENDING (AGAIN).

 

 

 

 

Hey guys, remember how Ponk is madly in love with Sunset? Well don't worry, because this chapter will remind you!

And remind you...

And remind you some more!

And of course Sunset and Pinkie are rooming together while the 8M8 are on vacation at some absurdly fancy resort (courtesy of Discord, who in this fic is Fluttershy's [spoiler]___dad___[/spoiler]). What could possibly go wrong?

 

 

SUDDENLY, the avatar of bitchiness, Tequila Sunrise, shows up out of nowhere with her two cronies and tries to pick a fight with the 8M8. Why, exactly, does this millionaire teenage pop star give a single fuck about eight random nobodies? I'M GLAD YOU ASKED!

 

Turns out Tequila has been holding a grudge against Fluttershy, of all people, for 4 or 5 years now! You see, Tequila grew up dreaming of the day she would lose her virginity to the world-famous rock star Discord. Finally, at the age of 13, she got a backstage pass to one of his shows, but she was shocked to discover that he barely paid any attention to her! Using her mystical brain powers, she inferred that he must have a daughter, which has "ruined" him. (Instead of figuring that, you know, maybe he's just not into 13 year olds?)

 

Anyway, this crazy bitch absolutely despises Fluttershy. So she and her cronies say a bunch of horrible things to the 8M8, the 8M8 say a bunch of horrible things back, and in the end they decide to resolve this bitter feud by way of a singing contest.

 

 

Tune in for the thrilling conclusion, next week on 7DSJ!

 

 

 

I hope your body is ready, 'cause this one's pretty wild.

 

First: the singing contest. The bitch-queen of [spoiler]some random highschool in[/spoiler] Detroit has a grudge against Fluttershy, because she failed to seduce Fluttershy's dad this one time when she was twelve. So they set up a singing contest in front of everyone at the resort, but they're going to find out. Sunset helps out with a bit of the old riggy-diggy, using a hypnosis spell on Fluttershy so she can be more confident and instantly memorize lyrics. Finally, Flutters and Octavia go on stage and BTFO the other group, who by the way are actual world-famous pop stars, and this bizarre conflict is finally over.

 

Now for the good shit! Remember how Ponk desperately wants in Sunset's pants, even though Sunset has made it perfectly clear that she's not interested in the slightest? Well, Ponk reacts like any mature and well-balanced individual would:

 

BONUS ROUND: Sunset happens to mention to Ponk that Compass Rose, a random background character, tried something similar in the past, going into Sunset's room and stripping naked in hopes that Sunset would fuck her. Ponk therefore calls Rose (even though it's three in the fucking morning) and berates her: "Who gave you the right to throw your naked body at Sunny before I could?"

 

 

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! This absolute madman managed to cram all the preceding bullshit AND some plot developments into only 12,000 words!

 

Twilight decides to talk to Sunset, for the first time in about four chapters! She's actually chilled out a bit and is no longer being a complete asshole because "Sunset is keeping secrets from me, reeeee".

 

LOL NEVER MIND! In the middle of the night, Twiggles overhears Sunset talking to some random stranger she just met, about how she had run away from home, but had been back to see her "real" mom recently [spoiler]note: Celestia is not actually Sunset's mother in any legal or biological sense[/spoiler]. Twiggles skips right past demanding answers and launches directly into some good old-fashioned QUADRUPLE YELLING. (It's been a while, so in case you forgot, that's bold, italic, all-caps text with an exclamation point.)

 

Sunset doesn't want to deal with Twilight's bullshit, so she leaves. Ponk and Octavia run outside a bit later to find her, but after five minutes, they come back and report that SUNSET IS MISSING! (Gasp!) Worse, Ponk discovers that Sunset didn't take her phone or her purse! Who knows what sort of danger she might be in, all alone in this highly exclusive resort frequented primarily by multimillionaires? Octavia calls Night Light and Twilight Velvet to let them know the bad news, while the others get ready to head out for a more thorough search.

 

Let's talk about Divine Right now. He wakes up from a prophetic dream, which reveals to him that he only needs to kill two more virgins. There's even a timeline: he'll have everything he needs to perform the ritual within the next 48 hours.

 

At last, the end is in sight!

 

 

 

Reminder: the 8M8 are at some resort near LA, nearly all the SIRENs except the Dazzlings are evil now, and Divine Right's ritual is in two days.

 

Drama happens. Twiggles is super rude to Sunset, so she teleports to a rock in the middle of the ocean to cry. The M5 are all huge bitches because they think Twilight bullied Sunset into becoming an hero. After 8 pages, Octavia finally asks for Twilight's side of the story. Twilight is mad that Sunset is keeping a secret, so the M5 tell her: Sunset is secretly 30 and a horse. Twilight doesn't believe them because she's dumb.

 

Now for the good shit. DR wants Sunset (Human Edition) for his ritual, but intel can't decide if she's in Canterlot or LA. He sends the SIRENs to kidnap about 15 different people, on the assumption that at least one will be usable as leverage.

 

Suddenly, SIREN doorkickers everywhere. They crash Luna's afternoon barbeque, grabbing Celestia, Luna, and Luna's boyfriend Moonshadow, and shooting Celestia's boyfriend Edgelord McWerewolf. They hit Twiggles' house for Twimom, Twidad, Spike, and then Shiny and Cadance's house. They shoot Zephyr Breeze and kidnap Human Edition and her mom. And of course, they hit the resort, grab the 7M7, and shoot about 50 random civilians as some kind of distraction. At this point, the only good guys who aren't dead or in SIREN custody are Sunset and the Dazzlings.

 

BUT WAIT! Edgelord did not die when he was killed! And being a black-ops badass, he has no trouble killing the last SIREN at Luna's place with Chekhov's gold-plated bastard sword. Naturally, he then spends a while chatting with SIREN HQ on the radio, letting them know he's coming.

 

BUT WAIT! Zephyr Breeze did not die when he was killed! And being a black-ops badass, he has no trouble killing the last SIREN at Human Edition's place with his hidden revolver. Naturally, he then spends a while chatting with SIREN HQ on the radio, letting them know he's coming.

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 

 

Basically nothing happens.

 

Sunset, the Dazzlings, and 1,000,000 evil SIRENs are at the resort. The evil SIRENs are shooting civilians. The Dazzlings are shooting evil SIRENs. Sunset is punching everybody with her magic fists and super-speed. She punches the Dazzlings, but then an evil SIREN shoots Adagio, and she realizes the Dazzlings must not be evil. So she heals Adagio with more magic, and they all go to In-n-Out. After getting a bite to eat, and Sunset showing off her old pony form, they start driving north, back to Canterlot, to rescue every other character in the entire story from their SIREN kidnappers.

 

Celestia, Luna, Twilight Velvet, Night Light, Spike, Shining Armor, Cadance, and Solaire [spoiler]hope I didn't forget anyone[/spoiler] chill in a prison cell for a while. Solaire looks exactly like Celestia in every way except hairstyle, for unexplained reasons. Solaire gets to see her daughter (Human Edition) one last time before DR drags her off to be the last ritual sacrifice.

 

The 7M7 are nowhere to be seen. Presumably the SIRENs' black helicopters are still on the way back to HQ.

 

Edgelord and Zephyr do standard black-ops badass stuff, and head off to save Celestia and Solaire.

 

 

On the bright side, DR says this: "We have a few hours left before we inherit the world." Which suggests that we only have one or two chapters left before the big event. [spoiler]wizard war SOON[/spoiler]

 

[spoiler]Also, in case I haven't called it yet:

 

 

 

Another chapter of buildup for the wizard war.

 

The 7M7 reappear. The SIREN kidnappers get back to their secret Canterlot base and dump them in a hole with the rest of the prisoners. For being super elite black ops types, the SIRENs don't seem to be very good at kidnapping. For starters, they put all the prisoners in the same place (except for Human Edition, who they stuffed into a broom closet somewhere so they can use her as leverage against her mom). They also did a poor job of searching the prisoners, since Ponk was able to hold onto a lighter (and heaven knows what else). And finally, they're keeping the prisoners in part of an abandoned subway tunnel. Now, I don't know about you guys, but most subway tunnels I've ever seen have had more than one exit. Fortunately, the SIRENs' boss is marginally less incompetent than they are, so it all works out in the end.

 

Meanwhile, Sunset and the Dazzlings are hauling ass up the interstate, doing 100 in a stolen car, on their way from the resort back to Canterlot. Their car breaks down, so they have to steal another one. Stealing is wrong mmkay, but it turns out that if you steal it from an out-of-business dealership and also loop their security feeds and hack into their computers, then grand theft auto is A-okay. Sunset and co resume hauling ass up the interstate, now doing 200 in a much nicer stolen car.

 

Edgelord McWerewolf sneaks around a bit, scoping out the SIREN HQ.

 

Zephyr sneaks around a bit, scoping out the SIREN HQ.

 

One of the seven remaining non-mutated SIRENs sneaks around a bit, scoping out the SIREN HQ. She saves those other two dumbasses from the bad guys and takes them back to the non-evil SIRENs' hotel room to plan. Also, daily reminder that Zephyr the fuck-up is secretly even more of a black-ops badass than Edgelord himself.

 

DR turns the Mean Girls into super-mutants. Then DR turns some pigeons into basilisks, which by the way un-stone all their victims when they die, and also are weak to phoenix fire. Finally, DR casts a timestop spell that stops the entire world so he do his ritual in peace. But he includes an exception for the SIRENs, because otherwise the upcoming epic battle would be over pretty quickly. [spoiler]Want an in-universe explanation? Tough shit, there isn't one. As far as DR knows, he's the only magic user on earth, and literally every person except himself and the SIRENs is timestopped for the duration of the spell. There is absolutely nothing for the SIRENs to defend against.[/spoiler]

 

Sunset counters the timestop spell for herself and the Dazzlings, and they finally make it back to Canterlot. Despite claiming to be OOM all throughout this chapter, Sunset still has enough power to cast permanent anti-timestop enchantments, which she puts on the Dazzlings' belts. She also sends a letter to Twilight (Pony Edition) asking her to bring the Elements for backup. But Equestria is busy getting its shit wrecked by Tirek, so instead all she gets is Berry Sue and Snowflake the Phoenix.

 

Somewhere, the Mario 2 overworld music starts playing as a blind old man and a woman [spoiler]or mare?[/spoiler] with blue eyes declare that "IT BEGINS". [spoiler]I'm really hoping Ms. Blue-Eyes is not Fausticorn, because that would be dumb. But she watches Sunset with "a maternal pride", and Faust is at the very least Sunset's grandmother by adoption.[/spoiler]

 

 

 

Yet another chapter of buildup for the wizard war.

 

As of last chapter, Sunset and the Dazzlings are at the Canterlot Museum, and the cutest, smartest, all-around best human has just arrived through the magic mirror. But her leg's broken and her magic's drained, so she's not up for much wizard warring at the moment. While Adagio puts on the old drill sergeant routine and tries to shout Berry Sue's leg better, Sonata, being the secret daughter of Tony Stark [spoiler]to clarify, that was a joke, not something that actually happened in the story[/spoiler] quickly builds an exoskeleton out of a folding chair so she can at least walk normally [spoiler]this, on the other hand...[/spoiler].

 

The girls meet up with the other remaining good guys: Zephyr Breeze, Edgelord McWerewolf, and a few random SIRENs who didn't turn evil. Zephyr naturally mistakes Sunset for Human Edition, so she gets to practice her "30 and a horse" speech. Some SIRENs yell at some other SIRENs for some bullshit reason, and then everyone puts their heads together to come up with a plan.

 

Step one is to visit the local New Age store to acquire some Officially Licensed HARRY POTTER™ Merchandise. Sunset will charge up the wand they steal [spoiler]time is stopped, remember[/spoiler] for Berry Sue so she won't be completely useless in a fight. It's unclear to me why this process requires a fancy replica movie prop (price: $3,000) instead of just using, say, a random tree branch (price: $0), but I'm sure there's some perfectly reasonable excuse for why "grand theft wooden-stick" is justified.

 

Step two is for everyone to put on some camo, so that the poor reader doesn't forget these guys are all supposed to be black-ops badasses, and step three to fight the rest of the fucking wizard war. But that part happens next chapter, maybe.

 

 

 

According to the chapter title, it's now 12:55 AM on the night of Divine Right's ascension. I'm not sure what that really means, though, given time has been stopped for the past 6-12 subjective hours.

 

It's time for the good guys to go beat up the bad guys. As a reminder, the good guys are:

And the bad guys are:

 

The SIRENs think they're the only ones immune to DR's timestop spell, so the good guys have surprise on their side. Which they promptly abandon by getting into a noisy gunfight with (I assume) an outlying SIREN patrol. Then they double down by sniping some rando, instead of the boss lady standing right next to her, when the two wander out into the open to investigate. Finally, they drive a fucking van straight through the main gate of the SIRENs' compound. I guess 8 vs. 200 seems like perfectly fine odds if you're just badass enough.

 

Why 8 and not 10? Because these black-ops chucklefucks are a diversion to allow the horsegirls to sneak around the back and disable the timestop. Yes, that includes Cyborg Berry Sue, who has no magic besides a shitty wand and a fucked-up leg, but she hobble along anyway on her folding-chair exoskeleton. She's generally tolerable when Shinzakura writes her (as opposed to BlueBastard), but even so, it's pretty clear she's only on this mission due to the fanfiction equivalent of executive meddling. Anyway, the horsegirls sneak around the back of the SIREN base, then stealthily bypass a wall by blowing it up with a literal hadoken. The story explicitly mentions that a few SIRENs noticed, but apparently the diversion at the front stops anyone from investigating the exploding wall in the back.

 

The dumbasses in the front are getting rekt because, to nobody's surprise, the main entrance is extremely well defended and there are 200 angry SIRENs waiting right behind it. Aria gets to kill some dudes with a bow and arrow, because this shitshow is running exclusively on Rule of Cool at this point, but there's just too many of them and they're too well positioned. Adagio shares a heartfelt moment with Mezzo (the boss of the random good-guy SIRENs), and Mezzo plans to adopt "Dagi" once all this shit is over. Then Adagio runs off to save the day. Approximately half a page later, Mezzo gets fucking murdered. But the good guys still win, and take control of the base entrance.

 

The hostages, which consist of the 7M7, Twilight's entire family, and Human Edition's mom, get moved from some place to some other place. Cadance is inexplicably the most badass of the bunch. DR comes by to gloat, but Ponk drives him into a murderous rage by saying "now you fucked up" a few dozen times. Then he realizes it's all an elaborate ruse and instantly stops being mad. (Yeah, I don't get it either.) DR still hasn't started the actual ritual to free Grogar yet.

 

Sunset uses a tracking spell to find the anchor for the timestop so they can destroy it. She and Cyborg Berry Sue run into a lone SIREN along the way, but Sunset beats her up using the kung-fu she learned by watching a lot of TV. They don't kill her, though, on account of being vegetarian, but Berry Sue does angst a bit about the times she's killed people before. She shuts up pretty quick, though (thank god).

 

Did you forget about Heelee? You better not have, because he's so special and unique. Green phoenixes don't grow on trees, ya know. Heelee is currently a fire-breathing canary and also Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Fortunately, DR previously made some basilisks out of black magic and dead pigeons, so Heelee has some bogies to help out with his little birdie dogfighting exercises.

 

I think that's about it for this chapter. Good guys took the gate, other good guys are tracking the timestop spell, DR is setting up for the ritual (no, really (I mean it (for real this time))), and the hostages are all together in a big cage or something nearby. Oh, and there was a page or two of Sunset worrying about the inevitable "30 and a horse" reveal after everyone sees her roll DR with her fucking hadokens and shit.

 

See you in another month for the next thrilling update! [spoiler]I would have said two months, but Shinzakura just announced a new random-ass 7DSJ side story that's launching around Christmas.[/spoiler]

 

 

 

'bout that time, eh, chaps?

 

Currently:

 

Sunset and Berry Sue run into some SIRENs, who they promptly wreck with magic (which they have both been almost out of since 4 or 5 chapters ago). They get stuck in a "mobius path" spell, but Sunset breaks free with basically no effort, and the two continue on. Sunset blasts some more SIRENs with a meme spell from her favorite vidya, Destiny, which by pure coincidence is also Shinzakura's favorite vidya. They eventually find the timestop spell, which inexplicably takes the form of a tentacle monster. Sunset uses "fireball", but the thing is unhurt. Berry Sue uses "gun", and the thing is still unhurt, but it also shoots out tentacles to grab her and devour her whole. Sunset immediately gives up all hope of breaking the spell or saving her friend, and instead fucks off to find something else to do.

 

The badasses fight their way toward... somewhere - I don't actually know. This is an elaborate process involving badasses hitting on other badasses, badasses ignoring the fight to tell each other stories of past badassery, badasses making heroic last stands for no reason whatsoever, and *teelports infront of u* *shoves snipre rifel in ur mouth* *puls troigger*. The bad guys get rekt, partly because the badasses are very badass, but also partly because the magic DR used on them is unstable, and they keep getting turned to stone or melting or other weird shit. One of the badasses dies due to getting shot in the throat with a grenade launcher - if anyone happens to remember who the fuck "Vesper" is or why we're supposed to care about her, let me know.

 

The hostages chill in their cage, listening to Ponk explain, in graphic detail, all the lewd things she wants Sunset to do to her. DR shows up and Ponk nearly manages to goad him into killing her, again, with the same elementary-school taunts as last time. But he holds back at the last minute, and goes to start the big ritual.

 

The ritual for freeing Grogar goes like this. First, a random SIREN gets naked and starts singing a magic song. The song compels her to start masturbating furiously in front of everybody, while also still singing. It also causes Octavia to go crazy and start trying to rape Twilight, until Rainbow Dash punches her out. Next, Divine Right pulls a lever to raise up a platform, where Human Edition is tied down. Finally, DR says a prayer to Grogar and kills Human Edition with his magic sword, in front of all the hostages, including her own mother.

 

 

 

It's just like my chinese cartoons!

 

In Equestria, the fight against Tirek is going badly. You can tell because RD lists a bunch of random OC soldiers who are dead. They go to the Tree of Harmony, but Shinzakura thinks rainbow power is dumb, so instead of the thing with the box, they just ask nicely and it gives them stuff.

 

Specifically, it gives them the crystal castle, some crystal armor, and the power to throw DBZ fireballs. So that's what they do. The army, the guard, and Celestia's ninjas show up to help, but they're all pretty useless when the M6 can vaporize anything aside from Tirek himself with zero effort.

 

Eventually they decide it's time to win for realsies. Tirek conveniently proves himself unworthy of mercy, preventing any ethical dilemmas. So the next time he shoots them with a beam of black fire, they freeze it in place, take a leisurely stroll down the top of it, have a tea party six inches from Tirek's face, then turn his beam into rainbows and kill him with it.

 

On earth, Sunset (in pony form) is fighting Chernabog, who is essentially Demon Shimmer but in Human Edition's body. They DBZ a bit, with Chernabog coming out ahead. But Faust heals Sunset, who switches back to human form and surprises Chernabog with a shōryūken.

 

Sunset's next move is to tap into the sun and trigger a coronal mass ejection. The CME crosses 8 light-minutes in significantly less than 8 minutes, focuses down to a beam less than a foot wide, curves around to the back side of the earth, and hits Chernabog right in the top of the head. I'm not sure where the billion tons of solar plasma goes after that, but it somehow avoids vaporizing both Chernabog and the entire state of California.

 

A second CME similarly fails to hurt Chernabog, so Sunset decides to try harmony magic instead. (You know, the stuff that's literally designed to stop demons and shit?) Sunset orders her traumatized friends (who are still in that cage, by the way) to pony up, which they do on the spot with no trouble at all. Instead shooting at the demon together until it dies, Sunset's five favorite power batteries just give her all of their energy.

 

Chernabog tries to counter by hitting Sunset with a black fireball the size of a truck, but Sunset stops it with her pinkie finger and dissipates it harmlessly. Sunset retaliates, pinning Chernabog to the wall with a beam of combined sun and harmony magic. She's about to kill Chernabog, but a cry from Human Edition's mom stops her. Instead, she opens a portal to the black hole at the center of the Milky Way, rips Chernabog from her host, and knocks her in with a shinkū hadōken. [spoiler]And if you're wondering why I bothered finding the right accents or whatever for these weeb fighting moves, I didn't. I copied the names straight out of the chapter.[/spoiler]

 

Sunset closes the portal, which knocks everyone unconscious except for her. Knowing she's about to die from magical overload, Sunset uses the last of her energy to heal Human Edition.

 

Twilight is the first to recover from the final blast, which means she gets to hold Sunset (who went back to pony form at some point, btw) in her arms as Sunset dies. Then the remnannts of the magical overload cause Sunset's body to turn to dust and blow away, leaving nothing but a scorch mark on the floor. I am 100% confident that this means Sunset is actually dead, for real this time, and definitely not about to be magically reborn like the last time.

 

Oh yeah, some other stuff happens too.

 

The time-stop spell explodes. I think this is Faust's doing, since it inexplicably fails to collapse the entire observable universe into dust, as has been repeatedly foreshadowed throughout the last several chapters.

 

Berry Sue is back, to my endless dismay, having survived both getting eaten by the time-stop spell and its subsequent detonation. Fortunately, this is a Shinzakura fic, not one of BlueBastard's, so she doesn't get to do anything useful.

 

The black-ops badasses meet a dying SIREN, who conveniently happens to have an interesting story to tell them. Uncle Poutine wasn't killed by Les Scars - rather, it was a top secret SIREN operation, part of some crazy plot by Cantata. The badasses spend so long discussing this that they get ambushed, but everyone who matters makes it out okay, and they make it to Cantata's room near the end of the chapter.

 

And of course there's some fuckin' drama. Twilight (who, remember, is locked in a cage, just witnessed a blood sacrifice, and is now watching her sister fight a literal demon) spends a while agonizing over whether she can trust Sunset, since she didn't tell her she's a horse. There was more, but it was all pretty forgettable, as evidenced by the fact that I've forgotten most of it already.

 

 

 

 

To begin with, I'm sure you will all be surprised to hear that Sunset isn't really dead (again). She has a chat with Faust, levels up, and gets sent back home as the "Alicorn of Earth". [spoiler]This part actually happens in chapter 33 btw[/spoiler]

 

A few other things happen first, though:

 

 

 

 

Then Sunset gets back.

 

Oh, wait. First, a bunch of glowing pony angel things show up out of nowhere to hand out flowers while singing some stupid song. THEN Sunset gets back.

 

Afterward:

 

IT'S FINALLY OVER [spoiler]It's not over. There's still a Book 5. Fuck my life[/spoiler]