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BV 3.2 - The Golden Age of Apocalypse, Book II: Synchronicity

By IHeartShinzakura
Created: 21st December 2020 05:55:00 PM

  1. >gaoa, recap
  2.  
  3. Guess I should post a quick recap of BV3.1, before I venture into the infinite horrors of BV3.2
  4.  
  5. Prologue:
  6. >Sombra has four descendants ("scions") with powerful dark magic
  7. >together, they're prophesied to carry on his legacy
  8. >Berry Sue is scion #1; the rest are unknown
  9. >Sombra also left two powerful dark-magic artifacts: the EqG mirror and the Alicorn Amulet
  10.  
  11. Chapters 1-6:
  12. >nothing happens, lol
  13.  
  14. Chapters 7-13:
  15. >everyone goes to Bumfuck, Nowhere, to help clean up an airship crash
  16. >Berry Sue meets Lockbox, scion #2, who winds up being a goodguy
  17. >Coco is important because of reasons
  18. >a bunch of really stupid and confusing shit happens for no reason (werewolves, zombies, vampires, blue changelings, red changelings, Lt. Skyracer, Other Lt. Skyracer, changeling Lt. Other Lt. Skyracer)
  19.  
  20. Chapters 14-23:
  21. >the entire plot of this arc centers around a god damn POOL TOURNAMENT
  22. >Coco acts super shady, and it turns out she's a non-evil pony-changeling hybrid
  23. >Corner Shot acts super shady, and it turns out she's an evil cultist pony-knifelauncher hybrid (and scion #3)
  24. >Nineball acts super shady, and it turns out his daughter really likes birds
  25. >Sunset the tripfriends visit for a while, but the tripfriends get BTFO because they can't into hooves and they didn't bring enough guns
  26.  
  27. Chapters 24-31:
  28. >eight boring chapters of setup for Sunset's coronation
  29. >Sunset and about two dozen other humans come through the portal
  30. >the humans all pair up with their pony counterparts, because that's obvious and requires no creative thought from the author(s)
  31.  
  32. Edginomicon:
  33. >back in the day, Sombra kept a journal detailing all of his edgy exploits (mostly rape, with the occasional murder for variety)
  34. >he gets three mares pregnant, for scions #1-3
  35. >he also fucks Musica Allegra, who promptly disappears
  36. >Human Octavia has a famous ancestor by that name, so it's possible she's scion #4
  37.  
  38.  
  39.  
  40. www.fimfiction.net/story/427523/the-golden-age-of-apocalypse-book-ii-synchronicity
  41.  
  42. >gaoa 2, ch.1
  43. This is "The Golden Age of Apocalypse, Book II: Synchronicity", which focuses on the 11M8 and about a dozen other humans, who are all in Equestria for Sunset's upcoming coronation.
  44.  
  45. Now, buckle up, my dudes, 'cause this ride just got a new driver
  46.  
  47. Small brain:
  48. >each human M6 pairs off with their pony counterpart to do stereotypical M6 things
  49. >RD goes with RD to do sports
  50. >Twiggy goes with Twiggy to do books
  51. >AJ goes with AJ to do F A M I L Y
  52.  
  53. Big brain:
  54. >Sunset muses about the contrasts between the human and pony versions
  55. >Human Fluttershy is a lot more confident than Pony Fluttershy (singing in front of crowds with her rockstar dad, etc)
  56. >Human AJ is a lot less APPUL than Pony AJ
  57.  
  58. SHINZAKURA BRAIN:
  59. >Pony AJ hears that Human AJ doesn't live on a farm, doesn't wear a hat, and ain't got no ack-cent.
  60. >conclusion: HUMAN AJ IS A CHANGELING
  61. >Pony AJ yells at Pony Twilight to nuke the changeling, but Twiggy just tells her to calm the fuck down
  62. >Pony AJ yells at the royal guards to arrest the changeling, but they side with Twiggy [spoiler]that's right, after hearing from a (usually) reliable source that changelings are replacing people, the guard blithely takes Twilight's word that changelings don't real[/spoiler]
  63. >Pony AJ ragequits the entire fic rather than talk to her human counterpart
  64.  
  65. This was on a train to Ponyville. Here's what everyone else is doing:
  66. >Rest of the Human + Pony M6: also on the train, with the humans contrasting themselves against the ponies by being massive cunts
  67. >Human Octavia: in Canterlot, planning to see some pony shrinks
  68. >Sunset, human tripfriends, Human Edgelord: Canterlot, to set up the SIRENs as part of the Royal Equestrian Navy
  69. >Berry Sue: Canterlot
  70. >Human Cadance + Shining Armor: heading to the Crystal Empire
  71. >the principals, Human Twimom + Twidad: Canterlot, hanging out with Sunset, Edgelord, Pony Twimom + Twidad, and occasionally the princesses
  72. I assume Human Spike and Pony Spike are around somewhere, but I have no idea where
  73.  
  74.  
  75.  
  76.  
  77. >gaoa 2, ch.2 (+ a bit of 3)
  78. Nothing important happens, but here's some stuff.
  79.  
  80. Principal Celestia is the worst at government coverups. After each of Pony Twilight's visits, she filed reams of paperwork regarding a fictitious exchange student named "Purple Smart". [spoiler]P-Twi: "Purple Smart is a cousin of mine that lives in Las Pegasas. Despite her name, she's kinda flighty and goes more on her looks than her brains, which is a shame, because she's got so much potential."[/spoiler] This is somehow better than "say nothing and hope nobody asks questions".
  81.  
  82. Sunset's also a pretty bad liar. She tells Pony Divine Right that the humans freaked out when they met him because his voice is "sinister and diabolical" by human cultural standards. Instead of, you know, "we've all met your counterpart and he's kind of an asshole". Of course, there's no chance this stupid and pointless lie will come back to bite Sunset, because the author no doubt forgot about this useless scene before he even finished writing it.
  83.  
  84. That night, Night Light visits Night Light at the observatory. Night's there with a priestess of the Church of the Alicorns, who greets Night "in the Name of the Divine Creator". She and Night are looking for the Creche of Creation, from which Faust created the cosmos.
  85.  
  86. The priestess shows Night a drawing from an ancient book, which reminds him of a nebula, so he tells her and Night about galaxies - specifically, the "Galactic Multitiverse Theory", which says that every galaxy is actually a parallel universe. Since the drawing of the Creche (which presumably is drawn from Equus's point of view) looks similar to the nebula Night saw from Earth, that obviously means the nebula IS Equus's reality/galaxy/thingy.
  87.  
  88. This breaks the priestess's brain [spoiler]and mine too[/spoiler], and she passes out. Night helps Night carry her back to Night's house, since she's actually Night's niece Sweet Pea. (H-Sweet Pea has shown up before, I think as an underage prostitute.)
  89.  
  90.  
  91.  
  92. Well, I went back to find the exact text to show you, and it turns out I just read it wrong.
  93.  
  94. Night's actual hypothesis is that, since a 1000+ year old drawing of a flash of light in the sky (which "must be the Creche" according to Sweet Pea) looks vaguely similar to the nebula NGC 6023 [spoiler]which is actually a galaxy, if you look it up[/spoiler], then the two must be connected somehow - like, maybe there's an interdimensional wormhole inside. OR, [insert explanation of the Galactic Multiverse "Theory"], and this random galaxy Night just pulled out of his ass is actually the pony galaxy/reality as viewed from the outside.
  95.  
  96. Keep in mind this character is supposed to be a well-respected physics professor.
  97.  
  98.  
  99.  
  100. >gaoa 2, ch.3-4 (Weeaboo, part 1)
  101. Instead of going chapter by chapter, I'm doing one post for each of the new characters and their plot threads.
  102.  
  103. With Sunset's coronation coming up, every foreign country wants to send some representatives to meet with her. First to arrive is Prince Fujitsu of the Empire of Inari. He's a kitsune.
  104. >“Like Tails from the Sonic games?" Aria asked.
  105. >"Something like that, only less cute and more like actual Japanese."
  106. Sunset wants to get this over with, so she invites him to join herself, Octavia, and the tripfriends for dinner.
  107.  
  108. Fujitsu's mainly here to hit on Sunset (in the typical anti-subtle Shinzakura style), but there are four other vaginas in the room (not counting his bodyguard/sex slave Kashingo), and he's not too picky. They're all old enough to bleed, after all.
  109.  
  110. Octavia rolls to intimidate, based on the legends of humans as bloodthirsty savages. Fujitsu makes his save, but Kashingo fails. She pulls one of her many swords 1mm out of its scabbard.
  111. >"You will not harm a hair on the prince," the warrior hissed.
  112.  
  113. Fujitsu calms her down, then gets back to more important business: proposing marriage to each girl in turn. Sunset politely declines. The tripfriends also decline, as they're sworn to defend Princess Sunset. By process of elimination, Fujitsu asks Sunset for Octavia's hand in marriage.
  114.  
  115.  
  116. Later that night, Sunset insists that Octavia spend the night in her room. Even though both Octavia and Sunset are clearly uninterested in Fujitsu, it's common for kitsune to kidnap their bride-to-be and carry them home by force.
  117. >"The moment they make it onto Inariese land – say, like the Inari embassy – then she is his, and they consider that a major point of honor."
  118. Don't think about that too hard, else you might start wondering why Equestria would abandon its kidnapped citizens and let the Inari do whatever the fuck they want, and other sorts of uncomfortable questions for the author.
  119.  
  120.  
  121. >gaoa 2, ch.3-4 (Weeaboo, part 2)
  122. Suddenly, Kashingo shows up at Sunset's room.
  123.  
  124. Remember how she almost pulled a sword at dinner, to defend her prince against the bloodthirsty humans? Well, it turns out that this IS A DIRE BREACH OF HONOR!!! SHE HAS BROUGHT SHAME UPON HER CLAN, HER MASTER, AND THE ENTIRE EMPIRE OF INARI!!! So Fujitsu fired her, banished her from her clan, and beat the shit out of her just for good measure.
  125.  
  126. Now, given her GRAVE OFFENSE against Octavia and Princess Sunset, she's here in accordance with tradition to pledge her life to Sunset's service. And if Sunset refuses her service, then, in accordance with tradition, she must perform jigai [translator's note: "jigai" is the female form of seppuku [translator's note: "seppuku" is a form of ritual suicide]].
  127.  
  128. Sunset doesn't want to deal with a dead fox in her apartment at 11:00 at night, so she accepts Kashingo's offer of eternal servitude, then tells everybody to go the fuck to sleep and they can handle the rest of this bullshit in the morning.
  129.  
  130.  
  131. In the morning, of course, there's a new problem. Kashingo decided overnight that she no longer has a name.
  132. >The fox stood, bowed and told them, “I am no one. Please do not consider me of purpose. I am only here by Her Highness’ insistence.”
  133.  
  134. Fortunately, this gets fixed pretty quickly. The Furry Formerly Known As Kashingo spends a while flipping through a perfectly ordinary human dictionary. She then announces that she's chosen a new True Name, to replace the one she lost when Fujitsu banished her from her clan. Her name is now Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.
  135.  
  136. Everybody WTFs, but it's too late. Now that she's chosen a new True Name, it can't be changed unless she leaves her current clan (in which case: jigai).
  137.  
  138.  
  139. That's it so far for the tale of Miss Weeaboo T. Furry. She shows up in a few more scenes, but only to shout "MUH HONOR" and generally serve as a living caricature of Japanese culture.
  140.  
  141. Next week: Psycho Jewel!
  142.  
  143.  
  144.  
  145. >gaoa 2, ch.3-6 (Jewel)
  146. Shinzakura is trying to drive me to suicide.
  147.  
  148. But first, let me tell you about the nature of Psycho Ponk. Psycho Ponk exists in one of three states:
  149. >1. masturbating furiously to thoughts of Sunset Shimmer
  150. >2. barely restraining herself from masturbating furiously to thoughts of Sunset Shimmer
  151. >3. asleep (and having wet dreams about Sunset Shimmer)
  152.  
  153. This is what happens when you combine yandere with Shinzakura's patented antisubtlety. Half her lines are about how bad she wants to fuck Sunset at the current moment, and each and every scene she's in makes me want to gouge my fucking eyes out.
  154.  
  155. >Please, sir, may I have another?
  156.  
  157. Meet Precious Jewel. Her cutie mark is telling her that she's destined to be the true love of a prince or princess. [spoiler]How does one get a cutie mark in marrying into royalty without, in fact, marrying into royalty? I truly hope the world will never know.[/spoiler] More specifically, her cutie mark is telling her that TODAY IS THE DAY: she's going to meet her true love!
  158.  
  159. At work, Jewel's boss Kibbitz gives her a new assignment: she's to serve as Princess Sunset Shimmer's secretary temporarily while they try to find her a permanent seneschal. So Jewel meets Sunset, Sunset runs off to some meeting, and Jewel runs into the nearest closet to piss herself [spoiler]actual quote: That…oh, my…. She felt a warm feeling wash over her like she never had before[/spoiler] and start planning the wedding.
  160.  
  161. >Now to win her heart and let her know that I will be the best wife for her that I can!
  162. >She jotted down a quick note to the princess, asking her out to dinner that night so they could "talk about paperwork". That was a nice way of getting the hoof in the door, right?
  163. >Maybe at the end of the week, she could plan for a getaway for them both to someplace like Neighagra Falls or Hoofalulu, where they could spend some time planning their wedding.
  164. [EYE-GOUGING INTENSIFIES]
  165.  
  166. Next week: Grizelda Greatsword-Martinez!
  167.  
  168.  
  169.  
  170. >gaoa 2, ch.5-6 (Softwing, part 1)
  171. Our new character this week is Softwing, a griffon who wants to be the little pony almost as bad as PTFG does.
  172.  
  173. Softwing has an elaborate backstory, which she helpfully expo-dumps in the direction of Twilight Velvet:
  174. >born Grizelda Greatsword, daughter of a mighty griffon warlord
  175. >dad quickly discovers she has magic on par with a unicorn
  176. >sends her to Canterlot to live and study magic with Viscount Goldleaf and his wife Silvervein
  177. >a few years later, she gets word that her father has sold her to another warlord
  178. >"Geralt Greasypaws is even older than my father, and he doesn’t want me for my magic – he only wants me for my tail and wings!"
  179. (In case you are literally blind: "I have larger wings and a thinner tail than most griffonesses, and in our society, that’s seen as very sexually attractive.")
  180. >she's already an adult at this point, so she just decides to never return home
  181. >dad and Mr. Greasy show up at the castle to drag her away, but Shining Armor doesn't let them
  182. >Softwing gets a job working for Twilight Velvet (who's a countess, of course) around this time
  183. >during the "Winter of Aftermath" [spoiler]that would be the year or so when Sunbutt was too busy moping about Sunset's supposed death to do her single fucking job[/spoiler] one of her father's enemies sends an army to Equestria to kill her
  184. >Softwing was supposed to be appointed as Twilight's seneschal before this
  185. >afterward, Duchess Highfalutin (Pony DR's bitch sister) somehow uses the events to get the nobility to block the appointment [spoiler]as part of HF's plan with the cult to make sure Twilight is, like, super busy and stressed out and stuff[/spoiler]
  186.  
  187. So, basically, she's a griffon who was raised by ponies, thinks of herself as more of a pony than a griffon, and has a mentally unhinged parent with no respect for her personal autonomy. And, of course, her entire backstory is delivered as a story told to another character in-universe, years after the fact.
  188.  
  189.  
  190. >gaoa 2, ch.5-6 (Softwing, part 2)
  191. Now back to the current year.
  192.  
  193. Some bad dudes break into Softwing's place to take her "back t’ whats yer belongin’ to, roight?" She casts an illusion to distract them, then flies out the window.
  194.  
  195. She somehow ends up at the military training grounds where the tripfriends are busy demonstrating their fancy human weapons for Admiral Dumbfuck and the thankfully less-stupid heads of the other military branches. The badguys, of course, follow Softwing right on in.
  196.  
  197. The tripfriends and Captain Arrowswift use their telepathy to determine that the griffons following Softwing are, in fact, real bad people. Arrowswift gives them permission to spice up their demonstration by executing these motherfuckers on the spot. Most die, some flee, and a few are left over for the tripfriends to torture for information (which, of course, happens right out in the middle of the training ground, in front of the biggest and wiggiest of pony military bigwigs.)
  198.  
  199. Anyway, Softwing doesn't die, and ends up with a job as Sunset's seneschal, thanks to Twilight Velvet and Twilight Velvet. That means she gets to hide out on earth, where there are no griffon raiding parties that can somehow sneak deep into the heart of Equestria to drag her away in the dead of night. Also, she's now Psycho Jewel's boss.
  200.  
  201.  
  202. I've got 600 chars so here's a bonus.
  203.  
  204. Edgelord wants to send 5 teams of 40 SIRENs to earth to guard Sunset, but he'll settle for 3 teams, "only" 120 ponies total, due to the logistical difficulties. They'll all be shapeshifted into humans and enrolled in local high schools.
  205.  
  206. Edgie and the Tripfriends are being very careful to only accept ponies whose human counterparts have no criminal record and no connections within 500mi of Canterlot, because obviously nobody would believe that these guys look alike but aren't the same person. Unlike the case we just saw with the German camwhore who looks exactly like Rarity but is not, in fact, the same person.
  207.  
  208.  
  209.  
  210. >gaoa 2, ch.3-6 (misc)
  211. Here's a quick rundown on the rest of 3-6
  212.  
  213. >Prince Fujitsu, a kitsune from the Empire of Inari, wants to marry and/or kidnap Octavia (or maybe Sunset (or maybe both))
  214. >he makes a deal with griffons, who promise to bring Octavia to his ship within two days (by the end of chapter 12)
  215.  
  216. >Fujitsu exiles his old bodyguard/sex slave over a trivial mistake
  217. >she now works for Sunset (or maybe Octavia (or maybe both))
  218. >she changes her name to Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
  219.  
  220. >Human Celestia is intimidated by Sunbutt
  221. >Sunbutt mopes to Human Celestia about how being a princess means she can never know twoo wuv
  222.  
  223. >the tripfriends show off their superior murdering skills for the heads of the military branches
  224. >Adm. Tumblehome (navy) and Archmage Essence (mages' guild) think they're dishonorable barbarians
  225. >the other three think they're cool
  226. >during the demonstration, they kill several actual living griffons on the spot
  227. >Admiral Tumblehome's obvious bias and mental retardation lead her to reject the proposal for SIREN to be part of the navy
  228. >but her subordinates bully her into doing the "right" thing
  229.  
  230. >Sunset gets a temporary secretary, Psycho Jewel, who wants to marry her
  231. >Sunset gets a permanent seneschal, Softwing, who wants to run away to Earth
  232.  
  233. >Octavia visits the pony shrink (offscreen), accompanied by her new pet weeaboo and a random Hoof
  234. >they go to dinner afterwards
  235. >the restaurant owners try to kick them out, because All Humans Are Bastards
  236. >in response to their mean words, the weeaboo tries to pull one of her many katanas, but gets decked by the minotaur cook
  237. >who then decides it's a good time for a brawl, here in the middle of this fancy Bitalian restaurant
  238. >they fight, but unfortunately the plot requires Weeby and the Hoof to get rekt
  239. >the minotaur turns on Octavia
  240. >she lets out some kind of magic flare that destroys the restaurant and knocks everybody out
  241.  
  242. >Human Fluttershy is an instant hit at Vinyl's club
  243. >DJ Gracenote is butthurt and plots revenge
  244.  
  245.  
  246.  
  247. >gaoa 2, ch.7-9
  248. Pony AJ still refuses to let go of that idiot ball, even after getting lectures from everyone she knows.
  249.  
  250. Discord stops by to visit Fluttershy and Fluttershy. He summons Discord too just for funzies. Discord assumes "Starly" (Starlight Glimmer) slipped him some drugs, even though that doesn't even remotely explain what he's seeing.
  251.  
  252. Pony RD mopes to Pony AJ. RD's been avoiding her counterpart out of envy. She's a Wonderbolt, but now that the Wonderbolts are stuck being a real military unit, it kinda sucks.
  253.  
  254. Meet Gracenote. She hates Human Fluttershy for being a more popular musician than her. She says mean things to Little Fluttershy, gets bullied by Big Fluttershy (by way of www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1Sx4GJWtUQ), and then gets eaten by a bear. The end.
  255.  
  256. There's a bear monster in the forest, by the way. It's really smart, and it likes eating royal guards and humans. So far it hasn't done anything useful, aside from disposing of Gracenote for us.
  257.  
  258. Rarity just can't imagine how humans could invent PANTONE without magic.
  259.  
  260. Psycho Ponk does psycho things. It's a complete waste of time, except she learns Fujitsu wants to marry Sunset, which gives her a new excuse to mope around and waste even more of everyone's time. Even Pinkie Pie can't handle her bullshit. I hate this character so god damn much.
  261.  
  262. Swibble, Scoots, DT, and SS help some kid get his cutie mark in whitewater rafting. They crash into Ghastly Gorge and almost die. Then they almost get eaten by quarray eels, but Human RD shows up at the last minute and saves them by channeling the Speed Force and shooting lightning from her eyeballs. Pony RD is there too, but isn't allowed to do anything fun because this is the Barbie Show.
  263.  
  264. Sunset, GGM, and Psycho Jewel meet for dinner and coronation planning. Jewel starts with an important question: "Are you single, your highness?" I hate this character less than Ponk but only because she's had 10x less screen time.
  265.  
  266. And that's it for day 3 of 8.
  267.  
  268.  
  269.  
  270. >gaoa 2, ch.10-12
  271.  
  272. It's time.  While Fujitsu attends one last diplomatic meeting with Princess Sunset, his griffon agents are secretly tracking Octavia across the city.  In the alley behind the music store, the griffons stage an ambush, slaying Octavia's entire guard retinue in an instant.  They grab her, drug her, and spirit her away before the Royal Guard can--
  273.  
  274. Oh, wait. Strike that last bit. The author has apparently decided that it's time for Fujitsu to get rekt.
  275.  
  276. The griffons grab Octavia, drug her, and then Blueblood rolls up out of fucking nowhere to save her ass. He singlehandedly kills all but one of the griffons. The survivor is quite talkative, apparently, since by the time Octavia wakes up, Blueblood's already figured out the plot and sent guards to fetch the Inariese ambassador and to seize Fujitsu's ship.
  277.  
  278. The ambassador (who, let me remind you, is Prince Fujitsu's own brother) throws Fujitsu under the bus as fast as kitsunely possible. He strips Fujitsu of his diplomatic immunity. Fujitsu will be arrested, held in jail until after the coronation, and then likely returned to Inari to stand trial there.
  279.  
  280. Later that night, the ambassador sends WTF a pair of weeaboo wonderswords ("made from shibuichi, a mystical metal of Inariese make, a material so rare that it was usually only made available to the most elite of Inari's populace") and promises to get her accepted back into her old clan. I have no idea how he heard about the WTF situation or why he even cares, but Fujitsu is over now, which I guess means all his evil deeds must be undone. (WTF, by the way, decides to stick with Sunset and the SIRENs - we're not getting rid of her, or her stupid name, quite so easily.)
  281.  
  282. Also that night, Blueblood and Human Octavia go on a date. It goes pretty well. [spoiler]B/O/O HAPPENING, GET HYPE[/spoiler]
  283.  
  284. There's some questionable lore in Chapter 12 [spoiler]"""Swordbearers"""[/spoiler], which I plan to ignore in desperate hope that it never becomes relevant.
  285.  
  286.  
  287.  
  288. >gaoa 2, ch.13 (Highfalutin')
  289. I was going to wait and do 13-15 together, but there's one little scene in here that deserves special mention.
  290.  
  291. We already met Highfalutin', Divine Right's sister, an obnoxious entitled socialite. Basically Blueblood, except Blueblood is busy playing Depressed James Bond in this fic, so he needed replacing. Hf recently got ebin trolled by Sunbutt and Sunbutt, tricked into giving up her duchy in exchange for the worst barony in Equestria.
  292.  
  293. Today, we get to meet the REAL Highfalutin'. She's evil, obviously. And because this is a Shinzakura fic, she's evil in every possible way, all at the same time.
  294.  
  295. She meets first with her new assistant, Teeline, a cute young earth pony mare. Hf introduces herself, gives Teeline an impromptu lesson on assertiveness, molests her a bit, and sends her off to the landholders' meeting with instructions to tell them who's boss.
  296.  
  297. Next, Hf meets with her two most trusted lieutenants, Bizzlepop Ferrytwist and Trapper. These two exposit on her past a bit, like the time she seduced a stallion into falling in love with her, manipulated him for years, and then had Trapper kill him when he became "inconvenient". (Incidentally, Ferrytwist has already investigated Teeline's current coltfriend, and she's already got a plan for breaking them up.)
  298.  
  299. Now it's time for some felonies. Trapper actually already killed the old captain, so Ferrytwist can step in right away to train the local guards properly. Separately, Mayor Sunmane of one of Hf's villages might become a problem, so Hf has Ferrytwist start planning the assassination. She'll give the order (or better yet, manipulate Teeline into giving it) by the end of the week.
  300.  
  301. Finally, the warcrimes. The barony has long been plagued by griffon pirates and raiders, which Hf intends to stop. She orders a nearby warship to float on over to wherever it is that griffons live, shell a few seaside villages at random, and then set loose Trapper for some indiscriminate slaughter.
  302.  
  303.  
  304.  
  305. >gaoa 2, ch.13-15
  306. Shinzakura is liv and so am I.
  307.  
  308. Sadly, almost nothing of interest happens on Day 5, aside from the business with Highfalutin', Ferrytwist, and Trapper that I posted about 6 weeks ago: >>33991676.  It's largely """character development""", by which I mean random characters bitching to other random characters about the usual inane bullshit (Blueblood is foreveralone, Octavia is literally insane, Ponk worries Sunset might not be up for eternal sex slavery, etc).
  309.  
  310. The one fun part is Sunset's "Preparatory Presentation", in which a wannabe noble gives a speech before the other nobles to convince them she's qualified for the job. Sunset makes the questionable choice of beginning her "Major Prep" by claiming that she was, in fact, merely pretending to be an entitled bitch, back in the day before she ran off to Earth, but otherwise gives a pretty reasonable speech about her time there.
  311.  
  312. At the end, some asshat jumps up to call her out on her "LIES! LIES AND DECEIT!" He manages to call her out on basically every part of her story except for the part that's actually a lie. I spent an awful long time trying to figure out just what this guy thinks actually happened. Here's what I've got:
  313. >Sunset ran away from home and spent 5 years in Inari or some other backward foreign country
  314. >she somehow got alicorned while there
  315. >Celestia found out and saw an opportunity to install another alicorn princess
  316. >she made up with Sunset and brought her back to Equestria
  317. >they came up with the story about humans and the whole "daughter" business to make Sunset look good
  318. >Celestia even got some changelings to mimic humans to complete the ruse
  319. Now, as you can see, this still makes no goddamn sense, especially given Sunset indisputably has the fucking wings and doesn't need some fancy story to go with her crown.
  320.  
  321. Anyway, that's it for Day 5.  Two more days to the coronation [spoiler]the date in-universe is actually confirmed now, not just speculation[/spoiler]
  322.  
  323.  
  324.  
  325. >gaoa 2, ch.16-18
  326. WELCOME BACK TO THE PONK AND SUNSET SHOW
  327.  
  328. Cadance talks to Cadance about a psycho stalker who got caught spying on a married couple from their closet. Cadance has divined that it's True Love, and figures the three will probably form a herd some time soon. Cadance doesn't like that - where she's from, that sort of behavior would get him 10 years in federal prison. Cadance calls Cadance out on her hypocracy: this guy deserves prison, but Ponk and Sunset are okay? Turns out Cadance is no fan of that ship, but has somehow deluded herself into believing that it can work out with neither murders nor suicides.
  329.  
  330. Cadance reveals to Shining Armor that she had a vision. Faust told her she's not allowed to have kids, but instead must raise the children of the three SIRENs who got turned into terrifying monsters that never did anything of consequence aside from fucking each other a bunch. Those girls are alive, by the way, but they're even more braindamaged that the average 7DSJ character, and also in jail, I think.
  331.  
  332. Sunset spends four hours talking Ponk out of killing herself, then spends another four hours just going along with Ponk's deranged advances because she's afraid Ponk will lose her shit if she ever says "no" to the idea that they're eternal soulmates destined to get married and live happily ever after.
  333.  
  334. Half the cast takes turns fighting the monster in the woods, which is called a "Bete Goson".
  335. >the BG attacks Applebloom
  336. >two guards show up just in time to save AB, but get stomped
  337. >Pony Applejack shows up just in time to save the guards, but gets stomped
  338. >Human AJ SUJITTS Pony AJ, and stomps the BG
  339. >the bigger, meaner Girly Goson SUJITTS the BG, and stomps Human AJ
  340. >Psycho Ponk SUJITTS Human AJ, and stomps the GG
  341. >Sunset SUJIT to stop Ponk from "crossing the line" by killing the GG
  342. >BG and GG bail
  343. >good end
  344.  
  345. And here's an updated power ranking for characters in this series:
  346. Sunset >>>> Psycho Ponk >> Human AJ > Human RD >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> all ponies
  347.  
  348.  
  349.  
  350. >gaoa 2, ch.19-22, part 1
  351. It's coronation day! Oh wait, not really - turns out so many ponies came to Canterlot for the coronation that the organizing committee has decided to fuck up everyone's schedules by delaying the coronation by a day. But there's still some kind of ball going on this evening.
  352.  
  353. A 25-year-old Boomer appears from nowhere to join Pony AJ on the train to Canterlot. She's secretly had the hots for him for a while, not that you could tell, since he's been indistinguishable from a background pony until now. The two attend the ball together.
  354.  
  355. A trapeze artist with a grudge appears from nowhere, steals a book from a church, and promptly ceases to exist. Her name is Sommerset, on the off chance she ever becomes relevant again.
  356.  
  357. A psychic butterfly appears from nowhere. It's an "Allucinor Wing", which "feeds off your deepest desires". More on this later.
  358.  
  359. A random prince appears from nowhere. Psycho Jewel, after seeing Sunset kissing Ponk (more on that later), spends a page or two being heartbroken, then promptly hooks up with this new guy.  Prince Exhibition is "so far down the line in succession that I don’t even bother using my princely title half the time", but hey, he's got the title, and so Jewel's got herself a new true love.
  360.  
  361. Celestia takes Ponk to see the orphanage where she adopted Sunset. Because Ponk is insane, she treats the place like holy ground. I guess Celestia heard about the ongoing effort to railroad Sunset into a deeply unhealthy relationship with Ponk, because she decides to help the cause by affirming all of Ponk's delusions, and by giving her some new material to work with: Ponk is probably fated to be Sunset's immortal Swordbearer.
  362.  
  363.  
  364.  
  365. >gaoa 2, ch.19-22, part 2
  366. Now, about that butterfly...
  367.  
  368. The psychic butterfly latches onto Sunset as she heads into the ball. Ponk's at the ball too, dressed as a (male) character from some anime I've never heard of. They go to dance together. Now, at this point, I'm not sure whose "deepest desires" the butterfly is feeding on, but the upshot is, it mind-controls Sunset into acting like she's as psycho about Ponk as Ponk is about her.
  369.  
  370. They somehow make it through the rest of the ball without causing a scene, then spend an hour making out in the palace garden. Eventually, Sunset teleports them to her bed so they can start tearing each other's clothes off. After one more agonizing page, Sunset's naked, Ponk's stripped down to her panties, and Sunset's in the process of removing those as well.
  371.  
  372. At this point, it suddenly occurs to Ponk that this behavior is a bit out of character, coming from her totally straight friend, who has expressed no romantic interest in her and who just recently said she plans to wait until she has a handle on this whole "Alicorn of Earth" business before pursuing a relationship with anyone. And, sure enough, Ponk looks into Sunset's eyes and immediately realizes that she's been mind-wiped.
  373.  
  374. Now, the right thing to do here I think is pretty obvious. But Ponk's been obsessively fantasizing about this moment for about 400,000 fucking words, so she hesitates. A minute or two later, with Sunset mere inches from going down on her, Ponk finally makes her stop.
  375.  
  376. That breaks the spell, of course, because why the fuck wouldn't it. A minute later, Human Twilight and Adagio show up. Twilight starts beating the shit out of Ponk, which I am very much in favor of, but of course the story paints her as a badguy for this, and Adagio pulls her back. Pony Cadance shows up next, here to absolve Ponk of all possible guilt: "you had no way of knowing", which, of course, is utter bullshit.
  377.  
  378.  
  379.  
  380. >gaoa 2, ch.19-22, part 3
  381. So there you have it. Despite having 180,000 words (in GAOA2 alone) to set things up, three new characters and a goddamn butterfly appear from fucking nowhere and get important roles. And we get 90% of a Ponk/Sunset sex scene (I'm sure you can guess how goddamn thrilled I am about that one).
  382.  
  383. The one and only good thing to come out of Day 7 is the fact that, having just gotten magically roofied and woken up naked in bed with Ponk, Sunset is freaked the fuck out and doesn't really want anything to do with Ponk at the moment. Sadly, there's no hope of this having any kind of lasting effect, not when """fate""" is so clearly willing to break any character and contrive any magic in order to force this godawful disgusting ship.
  384.  
  385. Well, at least in the next chapter the coronation will finally--
  386. >[Complete]
  387. What the fuck. GAOA2 is over, apparently. Surprise? I guess the coronation will be a GAOA3 thing (coming mid-November to a fimfic near you).
fimfic berylverse gaoa shinzakura

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