GREEN
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1246 7.02 KB 120
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Starts off with Durnk's green, which I expanded on. Afterwards, brandnewwritefag took over.
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>Day jail in Equestria
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>You are Anon and you're in a pony police carriage
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>You tried to pet the cute little police ponies and they arrested you
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>You arrive at the pony prison and are led inside
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>They make you take off your clothes
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>They see your dick
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>"Oh my, we're so sorry sir, there must have been some kind of mistake!"
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>You are fawned over by the guardsponies while the warden calls the ponice department
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>The officers that arrested you become the laughingstocks of the whole police system
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paste:
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>The Ponice Chief walks you to the door after you've had a chance to put your clothes back on.
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>She looks adorable in her little hat and shirt.
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>"Listen... 'Anonymous', is it? Will you be okay getting home by yourself?"
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"Yeah, I know which part of the city I'm in."
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>"You sure? It's getting pretty late, and Canterlot can be a dangerous place after dark."
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>Pfft, whatever, mom.
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>If you can get arrested for just molesting law enforcement, then Equestria can't be THAT dangerous after dark.
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>But she looks so worried and cute and oh gosh you want to pet all the widdle powise officews!
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>Keep it in your pants, Anon
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>You give her your best smile
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"Hey, I'm a big boy. I'll be fine."
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>"Listen, I can't really say something like this on the record as the Chief of Ponice, what with those new laws the Princesses put in place, but...."
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>She scuffs her hoof and doesn't look you in the eyes.
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>"Don't take this the wrong way, Mr. Anonymous, but downtown Canterlot isn't safe for a stallion all by himself."
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"What's the worst thing that'll happen? Non-consensual cuddling?"
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>The Chief nods sombrely
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>"Exactly."
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>Sarcasm is apparently not a thing here.
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>"Just this month, we've had over twenty reports of stallions being hugged and snuggled against their will by mares."
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>"Many victims claimed that their assailant would gently rock them back and forth and hum a song until they fell asleep."
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>"Three cases even reported feeling a soft kiss pressed onto their heads just before they lost consciousness."
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>A few other officers have gathered around the two of you.
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>They can't risk losing another colt. Not again.
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>"Mr.Anonymous, after the grave error that the Canterlot Ponice Department has committed on you, please reconsider staying the night."
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>She's really struggling to keep a brave face for you.
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>"I'm not asking you as the Ponice Chief, sir. I'm asking you as the mare named Cuddle Wings."
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>Oh my god is that really her name?
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>You can't say no; and you don't.
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>Sleep tight, Cuddles.
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>You are Anon
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>You have decided not to take up the nice Ponice Chief's offer to stay the night, no matter HOW adorable her name is.
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>Cuddle Wings
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>Oh god birdpones are the bestpones
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>She was so fluffy
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>So here you are, walking in what you've since learned is the "Red Lamp District" of Canterlot.
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>Laughing stallions are playing with makeup and wigs
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>They've got crayons and parchment and widdle plastic tables set up for them to draw on.
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>You're allowed to draw with them or play board games, but only if you've got the bits.
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>They wave at you, and you wave back. They're probably the friendliest bunch of ponies in this city.
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>It's another five minutes of walking before you see it.
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>The body.
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>It's one of the crayon stallions from before.
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>Just when you were about to panic and run back to the ponice, the corpse snores and rolls onto his tummy.
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>Fuck's sake.
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>Sometimes you forget that murder isn't even a crime here.
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>Wars are fought with blunted spears and harsh language.
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>Well, whatever. Time to go home.
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>Lord knows THAT scare took a good few months off of your life.
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>"Stay righ' where yew are, col', innit."
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>Oh god
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>Somepony is nuzzling your knee.
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>"What's a col' like yew doin' aaaht so late at nigh'?"
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>You look down and see a mare dressed up in a black cloak and a very nice velvet top hat.
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>This whole situation is very strange to you, so you'll try to explain yourself to this mare.
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>Try to get some answers, you know?
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"What?"
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>God dammit Anon.
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>No wonder you don't have any friends.
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>"t's dangerous, yew know, especially wiv somepony like Jane da Cuddler on da loose."
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>She sits back on her rum and kind of arches her front legs out in front of you.
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>"OOOoooooOOOoooOOOooooOOooo"
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>This is fucking stupid.
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>You've had enough for tonight. You ignore the mare and continue on your way home.
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>She shouts something after you, but your tolerance for bullshit has reached its' limit after tonight.
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>What kind of world do you live in where you can't pick up law enforcement officers like toddlers and cuddle them against their will?
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>And you, who has done NOTHING wrong, is arrested and strip-searched.
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>This world is going to the diamond doOOF
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>Something light collides with your stomach, and you fall back more due to the shock than anything else.
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>" I don't fink so, friend! There ain't nopony in Can'erlot who can outrun The Cuddler. Sorted mate."
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>The pony with the top hat and terrible cockney accent is now sitting on your chest.
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>You're pretty sure she was the one who tackled you, if you had to guess.
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>This is actually the first time you've gotten a good look at her.
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>Her widdle costume is complete with fake glasses and taped-on sideburns.
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>Oh god she looks like something out a Tim Burton movie.
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>Fuck me, you love ponyland.
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>Even when the inhabitants are trying to struggle-snuggle you.
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"Aww, are you supposed to be dressed up as Jack the Ripper?"
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>Oh your goodness she's doing that angry scrunchy face that Dash does whenever you boop her nose.
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>"Who da buck is Jack da Rippuh? Yew dummy, I'm Jane da Cuddler, an' I'll get 'uggle-snuggles aaaht ov yew whether yew like i' awer not."
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>Aww, okay. She's put so much effort into this whole thing, so you guess you'll play along.
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>You gasp loudly and try to look scared.
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"It's you! The ponice told me all about you!"
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>She smiles her terrible, adorable smile and reaches her forearms towards your neck.
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>Wait. Didn't Jack the Ripper slit his victim's throats before opening their guts and playing with their organs?
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>You don't think you want to play this game any more.
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>"Tickle tickle tickle!"
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>You can't help but squirm. How can she be so good at tickling when she only has hooves?
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>This goes on for a few more minutes before she turns around and trots over to your exposed tummy.
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>With a sinister smirk thrown back in your direction, Jane the Cuddler plants her hooves on your stomach and slowly, but firmly, begins to rub in a circle.
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>"Shhhhh shh-shh-shhh.... Bo Peep now, col'. Let Janey 'ave 'er fun. Yew'll be safe in ol' Janey's 'ooves. "
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>And with that, Jane starts humming a sleepy bedtime tune to you.
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>This is the best serial killing you've ever been a part of.
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>You can't contain yourself any longer.
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>"Oy, wha'? Put me down!"
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>You scoop the mare up and carry her like she were your bride.
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>She struggles pretty hard, but quiets down when you nuzzle her face.
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>Somepony's earned dinner and a cuddling from you.
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>As you later find out, serial "killers" in Equestria make wonderful snuggle pillows.
by AnalPlugAnon
by AnalPlugAnon
by AnalPlugAnon
by AnalPlugAnon
by AnalPlugAnon