[Strange Waifu] Spiderpone waifu


                                            >You awaken to soft scritches and scratches coming from somewhere in your room.

                                            >Your tired mind can't determine where they're coming from, but it DOES figure out what eight mysterious glowing pinpricks of light mean.

                                            >They're eyes. Eyes that are reflecting the moonlight coming in from your window.

                                            >You switch on your lamp as quickly as you can and hope that the sudden change of light will startle the beast.... and see Pinkie Spider curled up in the corner of your room, giggling to herself.

                                            >"Aww! You saw me, Nonny! I was hoping to surprise you!"

                                            >You can't keep your eyes off of her disturbing legs as she scuttles over to you, crawling up onto your sheets and settling just on top of your feet.

                                            >"Maybe I'll cover my eyes next time. I keep forgetting how well humans can see in the dark."

                                            >As though to illustrate her idea, she uses her fore-most hoof/mandibles to conceal all eight of her black spider eyes.

                                            >Pinkie lowers her spider limbs and gives you a bright, terrible spider-smile and scuttles backwards towards your window.

                                            >"I'll get you next time, Nonny. Promise!"

                                            >With that, she jumps out the open window.

                                            >God, you hate it here.


                                            >It's the day after your run-in with Pinktoe Pie.

                                            >You checked your calendar this morning and found that it was mating season for spiderpones.

                                            >Christ, how horrifying.

                                            >Since you're such good friends with Princess LoxosCelestia, you were able to get your building temporarily reinforced until the next two weeks were over.

                                            >"Anonymous! Anonymous, dear, would you please open the door?"

                                            >Oh, that's Agrarity, your friendly neighbourhood seamstress.

                                            >With understandable caution, you open the door and peek out though the crack you made.

                                            "What is it, Miss Agrarity?"

                                            >The while/beige sac spider clicks her terrible forehooves at you in greeting.

                                            >"Oh, it's nothing important, Anonymous, but I was hoping that you could do me a favour."

                                            >She tries to wedge a hoof-claw into the space between your front door and door frame, but you nudge it away with your foot.

                                            >Steel-toed boots, mind you.

                                            >Agrarity's venom hurts like a motherfucker, let me tell you.

                                            >Agrarity crosses her forelegs (God, you can't even keep your names for them consistent) and glares at you with all eight of her purple eyes.

                                            >"Hmph! That is no way to treat a lady, Anonymous. I don't know HOW you expect to find a partner if you act like that."

                                            >Eeuadhgh.

                                            >Just the thought of that makes you want to vomit.

                                            "What kind of favour are we talking about, Agrarity?"

                                            >Agrarity looks around her suspiciously, her purple hair whipping back and forth.

                                            >"I seem to have a bit of a problem with my... er...."

                                            >If spiders could blush, she oOH fuck me they CAN blush!

                                            >But it's blue.

                                            >What?

                                            >Fine, whatever. You want this to be over.

                                            "A problem with your....?"

                                            >You trial off expectantly and watch as Agrarity squirms under your gaze.

                                            >Her uncomfortable scuttle is awful to watch.


                                            >"With my.... my.... Ohh, don't make me say such a crude, vulgar thing, Anonymous!"

                                            >Agrarity drapes a forehoof over six of her eight eyes and pretends to faint, rolling over onto her back.

                                            >Her legs curl up underneath her and she twitches as though she's dying.

                                            "Agrarity, please just tell me."

                                            >You fight down the bile rising in your throat.

                                            "The suspense is killing me."

                                            >In an instant, Agrarity is back on her horsespider feet and finally relents.

                                            >"With my webhole, darling. Oh, I cannot believe that I let things get so clogged up, but I need help!"

                                            >You smell a trap.

                                            "Why not just ask your sister to help you? Or maybe that friend of yours, Twilight Sparassidae?"

                                            >Agrarity shuffles, looking a bit surprised at your questions.

                                            >Seems she wasn't expecting much resistance.

                                            >"D-dear, my little Sweetie Tibellus is at school today. And Twilight is... well.... this isn't something you can show to just anyspider, you know."

                                            >You make sure that you have a firm hold on your door before answering Agrarity.

                                            "Agrarity, are you sure it isn't because it's mating season?"

                                            >Just as you predicted, Agrarity slams into your door. You brace yourself on it, and push back, hoping shut it before she got in.

                                            >"Anonymous, please!"

                                            >SLAM!

                                            >"I need somespider!"

                                            >SLAM!

                                            >"ANYspider!"

                                            >SLA-oof!"

                                            >You slam the door shut just before Agrarity hits it, and she comes face-to-spiderface with your solid 4-inch-thick oak door.

                                            >You lock all seven of your locks and begin to walk away.

                                            >"Please, Darling! I just want to rip your penis off and inject your sperm into my epigyne!"

                                            >Today was a "fear-vomiting into the toilet" kind of day.