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>You know what?
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>Fuck ponies.
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>Fuck them in their stupid horse faces.
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>Fuck their backwards-ass "herd" bullshit.
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>Just.....
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>....
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>Just fuck them, man.
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>You are Anon.
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>You've been replaced.
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>Twilight Sparkle.
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>Excuse you; PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle.
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>The two of you had been close ever since you violently burst into existence in Applejack's cellar.
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>You'd been best friends for months and months and months.
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>For the last year, you'd been "special someponies".
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>Twilight wanted to include a bunch of her friends in with the two of you, but you thought that shit was WEIRD.
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>She SAID she understood.
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>She SAID that if her colt was happy, then SHE was happy.
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>Said that sometimes you have to make sacrifices to make a relationship work.
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>....
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>Well, guess what was her most recent sacrifice?
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>Yup, it was you.
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>The minute she was gifted with those ugly-ass wings, she had been given access to the "Royal Herd".
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>You were dropped the second that something better came up.
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>"Why don't you just find another mare, Anonymous?", she said.
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>"You're attractive enough, so it isn't as though you'll be on the market for long," she reasoned.
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>"C'mon, Anonymous, don't be all huffy. Here's some bits; why don't you go on a shopping spr-Ow!" she cried as a bag full of heavy gold hit her square in the face.
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>Superior human biology, you cunt!
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>No other species can throw shit accurately like a human can.
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>So here you are, drinking your troubles away in your basement.
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>Lucky for you, you'd managed to strike a deal with PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle before you'd beaned her in the eye with her dirty money.
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>Normally you'd need a mare's signature on a property deed, but PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle had been "gentlemarely" and "generous" enough to abuse her royal powers and make an illegal exception for you.
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>She'd also paid off what little money you owed on your shitty fucking cabin, meaning that you could sit and drink all day in your dark room and never pay a single bit for your property.
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>You thought that with the weird "matriarchy" thing this ponyland had going on, you'd have a hard time finding sympathetic faces after this whole ordeal.
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>Turns out that PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle is socially-retarded as fuck, and nopony thinks that what she pulled on you was cool.
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>Best part is, she's absolutely confused as to why Rarity and Rainbow Dash won't even talk to her any more.
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>Rainbow Dash is just pissed at the PRINCESS out of principle, but Rarity is your drinking buddy now.
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>Drinking buddy-slash-crying pillow, because you have emotions too, dammit!
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>You're allowed to hurt!
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>Especially when you've been drinking.
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-----------------------------------
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>"Honestly, I simply cannot believe how boorish Twilight is acting towards you, Anonymous."
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>Rarity takes another dainty sip of her drink (horsewhiskey on the rocks) as she leans up into you.
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>You sigh and look around for your bottle of horserum, only to find it empty.
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>Some fucker stole your liquor while you weren't looking!
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>Yer gonna... yer gonna get that asshole.
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>Just you wait.
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>Rarity pokes you in the chest with her hoof, spilling her drink onto your shirt and making a mess of your carpet.
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>"You know what you need, Darling?"
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>What.
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>What do you need.
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>"You need a well-raised mare, Anonymous. Somepony who won't dump you the minute something better comes around. And you know why I wouldn't do that?"
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>Why.
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>Tell you, dammit!
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>"Because I can't imagine anypony better than you."
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>Shit, son. Any smoother and it'd be like that once episode of The Magic Schoolbus where all the kids dicked around on a weird surface that had literally no friction.
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>You know what? Maybe breaking up with Twilight wasn't actually all that bad. You think you've found somepony even better.
by AnalPlugAnon
by AnalPlugAnon
by AnalPlugAnon
by AnalPlugAnon
by AnalPlugAnon