[AiE] Burning Questions by MINDWAVE


                                            Burning Questions (AiE)

                                            By MINDWAVE


                                            original post:  https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/24915638/#24948166

                                            original Pastebin url: https://pastebin.com/z6rR7tai

                                            poneb.in url:  https://poneb.in/z6rR7tai


                                            Note:  This story was originally a response to an image by kinkiepinkypie posted in AiE (image - https://ponybooru.org/images/1082272 ; post - https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/24915638/#24938146 ) and some anon requested that MINDWAVE write a story to answer said question.  MINDWAVE delivered.


                                            ==========


                                            >"As a princess of Equestria, I, Celestia, bestow to you, Anonymous the human, this medal for valor for your actions during this country's latest time of crisis."

                                            >You dip your head to allow the medal to fall onto your shoulders.

                                            >Once in place, you bring it up to you, tracing the intricate etchings with your fingers.

                                            >Celestia smiles down at you from her throne before gesturing with her wing to the side of room.

                                            >"And to make certain that your deeds are never forgotten, a window at the castle has been dedicated to your exploit."

                                            >As on cue, a guard pony releases a rope that allows a tarp to fall, revealing said window.

                                            >Like the others, it's stained glass but this one depicts you striking down your foe by channeling the power of the ponies who bear the Elements of Harmony.

                                            >Immediately, a cacophony engulfs the room with applause and cameras snapping anything and everything.

                                            >Despite that, you can still hear the cheering of your friends who are lined up on the side of you.

                                            >You bow down with immense gratitude.

                                            "Princess Celestia, I...don't know what to say. But, thank you!"

                                            >She shakes her head at your display.

                                            >"Stand Anonymous, we have too much to be thankful for that to be necessary."

                                            >Obediently, you come to your feet.

                                            >"Thank you once again for saving Equestria from certain doom, Anon. As a final reward, you may ask me any question which I shall answer truthfully."

                                            >Thumbing your chin, you consider the offer.

                                            >You've already received so much so it's not an unfair gift.

                                            >And you do have questions that only Celestia could answer.

                                            >Questions, if answered, that could reveal forbidden, dark secrets about the pony matriarch in front of you and even Equestria itself.

                                            >Most importantly, there is one question that has festered in your mind ever since you met her.

                                            >This might be your only chance to get an answer...

                                            >Your mind made up, you look back up at Celestia and with a straight face you ask:

                                            "Do you ever get an itchy butthole but you're too lazy to itch it so you just fart really hard to scratch the itch?"

                                            >The room goes dead silent as your innocent query is heard by all and every eye is upon you.

                                            >Celestia's face grows redder with every passing second.

                                            >You can practically feel the glare that Twilight is sending you right now.

                                            >Celestia coughs to cover her shock and looks back to you with a nervous smile.

                                            >"Dear...Anonymous, are you sure you wouldn't want to know something else? Maybe something about your place in this world?"

                                            >Despite her obvious desperation, you shake your head in refusal.

                                            "Nah, that's really all I want to know."

                                            >The room of ponies are now focused on Celestia, as if they're now just as curious as to whether or not their alabaster deity relieved her itches with air biscuits.

                                            >You can see by her expression that she's considering denying you the answer but you know she values her word too much to do that.

                                            >As if in agreement, her inner turmoil subsides and she beckons you closer with a wing.

                                            >You oblige her request and lean forward.

                                            >She clears her throat once again as she tries to regain her regal stature.

                                            >Finally, she leans toward you as she speaks in a hushed tone.

                                            >"...S-sometimes," when she sees your eyes widen in shock, she hastily adds, "but only because after a full day at court, I can hardly-!"

                                            >You let out a triumphant cry that sends her back flinching.

                                            "Ha, I knew it!"

                                            >You spin around to look back at Twilight, grinning like a madman.

                                            "Pay up Twiggles!"

                                            >The little horse stares back up at the throne, gaping.

                                            >You think you can see the exact moment her image of her infallible mentor dies.

                                            >The room erupts into an uproar as the ponies go into a frenzy, cameras snapping and questions about the princess' butt trumpet flying.

                                            >All the while, Celestia sinks into her throne in complete embarrassment.

                                            >But none of that matters to you.

                                            >Because you just won 10 bits.