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The Coroner

By CelestialOrigin
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2022-03-26 17:24:56
Expiry: Never
anon/rgre/nsfwprincess celestia/aie/mane sixcutie mark crusadersmystery

  1. >Welp another day another corpse to disassemble.
  2. You are Anonymous. Canterlot's very own royal coroner.
  3. >After discovering your "Special Talent" the Princesses decided to give you your job.
  4. >Although your 1st day was a bit more hectic than you would have liked.
  5. >Picture it, the New York City Morgue about a year ago.
  6. >It started like any other day.
  7. >Some stupid gangbanger got himself shot 13 times in the chest with a .45.
  8. >It was pretty obvious how the fucker died.
  9. >However, in the case of homicide the deceased gets an autopsy.
  10. >So there you were cutting out what was left of the fucker's heart to put on the scale.
  11. >"Hello? Can anypony hear me?"
  12. >The sound causes you to nearly jump out of your skin causing you to drop the heart.
  13. "Hello?"
  14. >"I DID IT!"
  15. >Fucking interns.
  16. "Who's there! This is a restricted area, you can't be in here!"
  17. >"Calm down I'm not actually there." She says dismissively.
  18. >"I am simply testing out an experimental long distance communication spell."
  19. "Okay? So where are you?" You say while looking for the source of the sound.
  20. >"I'm in my castle, In Ponyville. Oh! What is your..."
  21. "Okay, where is the speaker? I don't have time for silly games."
  22. >"This isn't a game, and there isn't a speaker. She says with just a hint of annoyance in her voice.
  23. >"This is long range mental communication. You aren't hearing with your ears, but with your mind. Therefore, you should try to be..."
  24. "So you are a voice in my head?" You interrupt
  25. >"I suppose that is partially true. At least on your part."
  26. "You aren't going to tell me to kill my neighbor are you?"
  27. >"What?! N-no I was just trying to open communication with somepony."
  28. "Well you did it. Whoop Dee doo. Now can you please go away I have 4 more autopsies to perform by 7 o'clock."
  29. >"Autopsies?! Why are you performing autopsies?"
  30. "Because somebody died and I need to find out how it happened. Even though this particular one is obviously a total waste of my time and talent."
  31. >"I promise I won't take too much of your time. Please let me ask you some questions."
  32. "How bout' no."
  33. >"Why not? It will only take a few minutes. "
  34. "Because apparently you are just a voice in my head and I don't think I would enjoy living in a psych ward."
  35. >"You don't think I'm real?"
  36. >You at this point decide that now is a good time to stop talking to yourself and to actually get some work done.
  37. >"Hey, what is your name?"
  38. >..........
  39. >"My name is Twilight Sparkle."
  40. "Twilight Sparkle? What are you a fairy?"
  41. >"No, I happen to be a pony."
  42. "Ponies don't talk." You deadpan.
  43. >"Yes we do. How else would I be talking to..."
  44. "Just stop. You aren't funny and you aren't a damn pony. Now get the hell out of my head!"
  45. >"Fine."
  46. >Why do I feel a high speed projectile "but" approaching?
  47. >"But can you at least tell me your name?"
  48. "Anonymous. There are you happy? Can you leave me alone now?"
  49. >-sigh- "Alright if you really want to be left alone I'll cast the spell that breaks the connection with you. Just wait a second."
  50. >Finally
  51. >you turn around and pick up the scalpel so you can finally return to your work.
  52. >"Oh no no no no no!"
  53. >Everything begins tasting purple and you suddenly get a massive headache.
  54. >Blinding light flashes causing you to feel like you've been hit in the head with a bat.
  55. >After a minute or so your vision returns and your head clears.
  56. >Looking around you notice that you aren't in the autopsy room. In fact, you aren't even in the morgue.
  57. >You see books, crystals, and a small purple thing with a panicked expression.
  58. "Shit."
  59. >A pair of large purple eyes stare you down.
  60. >"D-Don't move."
  61. >Like hell!
  62. >You immediately move, very quickly in the opposite direction of the weird creature.
  63. >Out the door you run.
  64. >Out the ugly treehouse castle you sprint.
  65. >Look where you are going you do not.
  66. >Much too concerned with the many brightly colored creatures you are.
  67. >Into the side of a very large gingerbread house you crash.
  68. >Fuck. . .
  69.  
  70.  
  71.  
  72. >You are Twilight and you have made a huge error.
  73. >You somehow pulled a very large and obviously dangerous creature from who knows where.
  74. >The thing's taller than Celestia! It could stare down Discord!
  75. "D-Don't move."
  76. >Please don't be a predator, oh Celestia don't let it be a predator.
  77. >It's eyes become dilated.
  78. >It is going to attack!
  79. >Your heart is racing, time is standing still. You are about to die.
  80. >You close your eyes, not wanting to see it coming.
  81. >CRASH
  82. >The beast is gone leaving only a trail of destruction in its wake.
  83. >Spike is going to be upset when he sees the potted plant tipped over on the floor.
  84.  
  85.  
  86.  
  87. >Be a very sad Fluttershy.
  88. >You had to bury another mouse today.
  89. >You had to bury a chicken yesterday and a bunny the day before.
  90. >"Oh hey Fluttershy! What are you doing?"
  91. "Oh hello Rainbow, I was just headed into town to buy some parts for a quarantine pen."
  92. >"Why?"
  93. "Another mouse died today. I need to quarantine all the animals that he came into contact with."
  94. >Tears build in your eyes.
  95. >"Are you going to be okay Shy?"
  96. "No Rainbow, I'm not okay. I have no idea what is happening to my animals. Until I figure out what is happening, I can't help them. Every single animal that has gotten symptoms has died!"
  97. >"Have you talked to Twilight or Zecora? They might be able to figure out what is happening."
  98. "Of course I have! Neither one of them has been able to do anything. Zecora said that if I could figure out what is wrong with them, she could cure them, but I don't know what is hurting them. I just don't know what to do."
  99. >"Gee shy I don't know what to say. Maybe you should. . ."
  100. >CRASH
  101. >"What was that!"
  102. "I don't know. Do you think we should. . ."
  103. >In less than a heartbeat Rainbow was gone. Her signature rainbow contrail telling you that she is headed to Sugercube Corner.
  104. Sigh
  105.  
  106.  
  107. >Enter the dash!
  108. >Unf
  109. >You are flying towards what sounded like somepony throwing a bolder into your favorite bakery.
  110. >You feel bad for leaving Fluttershy, but somepony might be hurt!
  111. >As you approach you notice a small group of ponies gathering near the bakery.
  112. >As you fly overhead you see a really big thing laying on the ground. Like REALLY big!
  113. >Being the brave pony that you are, you swoop down to investigate. Even if everypony else is keeping their distance.
  114. >Whatever it is, it looks like it is sleeping.
  115. >You trot up to the first pony you see.
  116. "Hey what happened to. . ."
  117. >"HOLY COW LOOK AT THIS THING RAINBOW!"
  118. "Yesh Pinkie a little warning before you start screaming into my ears!"
  119. >"Hee hee sorry."
  120. "Hey Pinkie, do you know where this thing came from?"
  121. >"Nope, but I sure hope he can pay for the hole he just made."
  122. >What hol-ly hoof that IS a big hole!
  123. "Wow maybe you should just make another door."
  124. >"Oh Rainbow you are so silly sometimes."
  125. "Yeah, well you know me. Heh heh"
  126. >"Yup-a-roonie!"
  127. >You walk up to the hole in the wall to check it out.
  128. "Wow! It must have been moving pretty fast to make a hole this big. I hope it isn't hurt."
  129. >"Oh it's warm! Oh wait not it, he is warm."
  130. >You turn around to see your friend sitting on the big guy's belly with a weird smile on her face.
  131. >A blush forms upon your face pretty rapidly.
  132. "What the heck Pinkie don't just sit on a stallion's junk! Do you want to get in trouble?"
  133. >"Oh hush Rainbow I'm not on that. Besides we gotta wake him up somehow."
  134. >You become nervous about the situation and start pondering whether you will get in trouble for watching instead of stopping her, but a low moan tears you from your thoughts.
  135. >"There we go! Wake up big guy!"
  136.  
  137. "Ahh fuck my head!"
  138. >You are once again the illustrious Anonymous.
  139. >"Fuck your head? I can try, but I don't think it'll work."
  140. "What?"
  141. >The only correct response after hearing a such a thing from such a high pitched voice.
  142. >"Pinkie! Don't say things like that in public! That's sexual harassment!" A slightly less annoying, but much louder voice yells.
  143. >Upon groggily opening your eyes and sitting up, you see that you are on the ground with one of those creatures on your lap.
  144. >"Pinkie get off him!" A blue creature with very colorful hair shouts.
  145. "Will you please be quiet? My head is killing me and you. . ."
  146. >"Me?" The weight on your stomach says.
  147. "Get the hell off of me!"
  148. >"Okie dokie loki!" The pink one chimes.
  149. "Thank you." you say with a sigh.
  150. >"No problem big guy." She says with a smile and a wink.
  151. >With the pink one no longer sitting on you, you have a look around.
  152. >You see a number of the creatures about a good stone's throw away as well as the two that woke you up.
  153. >The pink one is just excitedly staring at you. As if just waiting for you to do something. While the blue one looks rather nervous about something.
  154. "Well considering that you didn't hurt me while I was unconscious, I suppose that I can assume that you aren't going to try anything now. Right?"
  155. >"Why would we want to hurt you?"
  156. >You notice the blue one slowly inching closer, stopping and looking away anytime you make eye contact.
  157. >"What's your name?" She says with an almost infectious smile.
  158. "Anonymous. What might your name be?"
  159. >You habitually extend your hand. Not really expecting her to shake.
  160. >Surprisingly enough though, she takes your hand and gives it a good shake. All the while staring at you with a look of pure happiness.
  161. >"I'm Pinkie Pie and I have never seen you around here before."
  162. >Oh man it is hard not to smile a little while looking at that cute face.
  163. >However your train of thought is interrupted when she suddenly and loudly gasps.
  164. "Hey are you oka. . ."
  165. >I have got to throw you a welcome to Ponyville party!" She says while jumping right back on your lap.
  166. >However she wouldn't be there long because as quickly as she had appeared, she disappeared, leaving you with the blue one as well as the other various beings that are slowly and cautiously approaching.
  167. >"You smell nice."
  168. >You nearly jump out of your skin having not noticed her being so close to you.
  169. "I smell nice?" You say with a bit of cautious confusion.
  170. >"Y-yeah you smell nice. You smell kind of like chocolate." She says while trying to avoid eye contact.
  171. >You give her your best "nigga what?" face.
  172. >She suddenly looks at you with a panicked expression and takes off leaving you thoroughly confused.
  173. >I guess she couldn't handle the look. . .
  174. >After Ms. Blue Fast bolted you decided to have a little look around.
  175. >However after spotting a certain purple quadruped in the distance, you quickly decided that this was no place for Anon.
  176. >Maybe you should just look around while avoiding anything purple.
  177.  
  178.  
  179. >Be the sad little Fluttershy
  180. >After Rainbow left, you just continued on your little journey to buy supplies for a pen for your sick animals.
  181. >Just thinking about the poor babies left you hazy eyed.
  182. >Unfortunately that also meant that you weren't really paying attention to where you were going.
  183. >Low and behold, you walk yourself right into Rarity's shop.
  184. >Not wanting to bother her you quickly turn and head for the door.
  185. >However just before you turn and leave, you hear her trademark motto.
  186. >"Welcome to the Carousel Boutique! Where everything is chic unique and magni. . ." of course she stops her little slogan once she realizes that it was just you.
  187. >"Oh hello Fluttershy. whatever is the matter dear? You look awfully upset."
  188. "Another mouse died this morning." You say with while looking at your hooves.
  189. >"Oh darling I am so sorry to hear that. If only there were anything I could do to help." She says while offering you a tissue.
  190. "Thank you Rarity. I know that I can always count on you. Actually I was wondering if maybe you had another shoebox that I could have." you ask putting on your best sad puppy dog eyes.
  191. >"Well Fluttershy, I gave you my last shoebox yesterday. I may be a designer, but I don't go through that many shoes."
  192. >An apologetic look crosses her face.
  193. "O-oh, that's okay Rarity, Maybe Pinkie Pie has an extra shoebox." You say turning to leave.
  194. >"Wait, hold on just a second! I might have one somewhere."
  195. >In just about two seconds she is up the stairs and you can already hear her moving things around.
  196. >"I have some cookies in the kitchen, feel free to help yourself!" You hear her shout from upstairs.
  197. >You do just that. After all you haven't really eaten since Mr. Mouse died.
  198. >You didn't even have breakfast.
  199. >After eating three cookies you heard Rarity coming downstairs.
  200. >She looks to you with a big smile and pulls out a shoebox.
  201. >"I knew I had one somewhere. Just let me get the stuff out of it." She said while lifting the lid from that box.
  202. >Looking inside you saw photographs.
  203. >While she began to remove the photos you quietly scanned each one.
  204. >Baby pictures of Sweetie Belle, a young filly version of rarity sitting with a very old looking mare with a white coat and a violet mane.
  205. >It quickly became clear to you that this was where Rarity kept her most precious photos.
  206. >You noticed her slow down to look at a picture or two, but she emptied the box rather quickly
  207. >You noticed tears forming in the corner of her eyes.
  208. "Oh Rarity I can't take this. It is too important to you!" You said with tears of you own beginning to form.
  209. >But she was not having any of it.
  210. >"Oh please Fluttershy. The box isn't important, just the memories within. Besides now I have a chance to show Sweetie Belle what her grandmother looked like. Maybe she and I can make a photo album together."
  211. >You put the box in your saddlebag and make your way to the door.
  212. "Thank you so much Rarity! Now I can give Mr. Mouse a proper funeral."
  213. >"No darling, thank you for giving me an excuse to finally get around to searching for my old family photos."
  214. >A bittersweet smile crosses her features. As you turn to leave.
  215. "Bye Rarity."
  216. >You exit the boutique and start to head to the craft store.
  217.  
  218.  
  219. (Section subject to revision)
  220. >Be the great and powerful Anon!
  221. >After walking around for a good thirty minutes, you have yet to see anything really interesting.
  222. >The little horses seem civilised at least.
  223. >Of course that doesn't mean that you can let your guard down.
  224. >Case in point, just as you round a corner, a trio of tiny little beasties crash into your legs sending you falling straight on top of them.
  225. >Oh shit!
  226. >You can feel three little bodies squirming under you.
  227. "Oh shit!"
  228. >You quickly roll off of them. Desperately hoping that you didn't just kill someone.
  229. >Looking over, you see white, orange, and yellow fur.
  230. "Are you three okay? I didn't hurt you did I?"
  231. >Hopefully you don't get attacked by their parents if you act like you are sorry.
  232. >"Yeah we're fine, don't worry mister." You hear as three pairs of eyes lock with yours.
  233. >Whew dodged a bullet there.
  234. >After sitting there awkwardly for a minute, you stand up.
  235. >"Wow you're really tall! Say, what are you mister? I've never seen you around these parts before." The little yellow one asks.
  236. "Oh I'm just some guy." [spoiler]RULER OF THE PLANET OMACRON PERSEI 8[/spoiler]
  237. >"I think she meant what are you not who are you mister." The orange one says.
  238. >You look at what you assume are children and ponder the best escape route.
  239. "Oh look a flying stick!" You shout while pointing behind them.
  240. >"What?" They say in unison as you turn and run like the wind.
  241. >Super maximum hyper velocity Anon is go!
  242. >"Hey come back!" You here behind you.
  243. >Hell to the no!
  244. >The chase is on!
  245.  
  246.  
  247. (Subject to revision)
  248. >Being an Anon is hard. Especially when you are under attack.
  249. >You have run through a market, a candy shop, a schoolyard, and an office building.
  250. >All the while you see the various adults laughing at your plight.
  251. >The bastards!
  252. >Your legs are beginning to feel like they are made of lead.
  253. >Note to self don't try to outrun horses.
  254. >To be honest, you are having a pretty good time. The thought of playing keep away with a bunch of tiny horses does bring a smile to your face.
  255. >"Get back here!" A voice calls.
  256. "You'll never take me alive!"
  257. >You look back and give them a good shit eating grin.
  258. >They are baring fangs and closing in on you.
  259. >Oh shit I have to get moving!
  260. >Rounding a corner, you see your escape.
  261. >A path going out of town and into a grove.
  262. >We're gonna get you!"
  263. >Holy shit they don't sound tired at all!
  264. >Wasting no time you zoom down the path as fast as your heavy legs can carry you.
  265. >I think I am going to have a fucking heart attack!
  266. >You aren't going to last much longer at this pace.
  267. [spoiler]Don't skip leg day folks![/spoiler]
  268.  
  269.  
  270. (Revisions possible)
  271. "Hurry up Sweetie Belle or we're gonna lose him!"
  272. >You are a very excited little filly.
  273. >After squishing you, this big guy has been running all over town and you were absolutely determined to catch him.
  274. "Get back here!"
  275. >"You'll never take me alive!"
  276. >Oh it is so on!
  277. >It's not very often that grown ups will play with fillies, especially colts, so you are pretty determined to show that you can keep up with him.
  278. >He looks back and makes a face at you and you respond with a competitive grin and begin to run faster.
  279. >A panicked look appears on his face and speeds up in turn.
  280. >Oh he knows what's coming.
  281. "We're gonna get you!" You shout as he turns a corner.
  282. >"Hey Apple Bloom wait! Maybe we should let him lose us."
  283. "Why would we want to do that? This is fun!" You say looking over to your friend.
  284. >"Well maybe if he thinks that he lost us he'll slow down and after he slows down we could ambush him."
  285. >Wow that is actually a really good idea!
  286. >A big smile forms on your face as you slow to a stop.
  287. "Yeah! That's a great idea Sweetie Belle! Who knows Sweet Apple Acres better than us?"
  288. >"Big Mac."
  289. >Looking over you see a smug look on Scoots.
  290. "Okay fine, but after Big Mac, We know Sweet Apple Acres best!"
  291. >"What about AppleJack?" Sweetie Belle asks.
  292. "Well maybe she knows it best. . ."
  293. >"Or Granny Smith!" Scootaloo interrupts.
  294. >Your friends can be pretty annoying sometimes.
  295. "Oh who cares! The point is that we know it better than he does."
  296. >"Yeah, let's get going! We don't want him to get too far ahead." Scootaloo says with her wings buzzing.
  297. >You let out a little chuckle at the sound her wings make.
  298. >"Hey Applebloom, what are we going to do with him when we catch him?"
  299. >Hmm I haven't really thought about that.
  300. >"I dunno Sweetie Belle, but we are gonna to catch him."
  301. [spoiler]And hold his hand![/spoiler]
  302.  
  303.  
  304. >You are Anon of the Apple trees.
  305. >Seriously, there are so many Apple trees that you're worried about getting lost.
  306. >Having lost the little ones, you decide to rest for a while.
  307. >And by rest, you really mean that you collapsed onto the ground wheezing like an asthmatic.
  308. >Oh God I need to start doing cardio.
  309. >You eventually catch your breath.
  310. >After your brief cardiac arrest, you stand up and dust yourself off before beginning to move forward.
  311. "I wonder where they went."
  312. >THUD
  313. >You spin around like a combat ballerina.
  314. "Bigfoot is that you?"
  315. >The sound obviously came from behind you, but the dense treeline makes seeing very far an issue.
  316. >THUD
  317. >There is that sound again!
  318. >Should you investigate or do you go the other way?
  319. >THUD
  320. >Being the brave human that you are, you decide to approach the sound.
  321. >Moving from tree to tree you stealthily begin your approach.
  322. >THUD
  323. >The sound startles you this time. It is definitely louder than last time. You must be getting closer.
  324. >As you slowly peek around your current tree, you see the source of the sound.
  325. >You spot an orange colored pony standing in front of a tree looking up at the apples.
  326. >She then suddenly turns and kicks the tree hard.
  327. >The whole tree shakes and apples rain down.
  328. >"Hoo wee! I suppose that'll be enough for today."
  329. >Hmm, familiar accent.
  330. >Looking past the pony notice that several trees have baskets filled with apples underneath them. Now Including the one with the pony beneath it.
  331. >They sure are weird looking.
  332. >As if knowing that you were internally talking shit about it, she turns your way and is now staring at you with wide eyes.
  333. >You freeze, staring back with wide eyes of your own.
  334. >A few moments pass with no movement from either of you.
  335. >Maybe their vision is based on movement.
  336. >"Hey now don't you be sneakin' up on me ya hear! Unless you want a kick to your teeth!"
  337. >Fuck!
  338. "Hey, easy there, I don't want any trouble."
  339. >Upon hearing your voice she stiffens up and takes a defensive position.
  340. >"Well ya got trouble! What are you doing back there?"
  341. >Looking to the tree behind her with a pair of dents in it's trunk, you decide that agitating her further is really not a good idea.
  342. "Hey relax, I just got lost is all."
  343. >She squints her eyes and scrapes her hoof like an angry bull. [spoiler]Olé[/spoiler]
  344. >"I don't like liars. You best get out from behind there and start being honest with me or I'll have to kick you off my property."
  345. >You are still pretty wiped out, so running wouldn't get you very far and you definitely don't want to pick a fight with a local.
  346. >Just not good manners!
  347. "Okay okay, just calm down. I really don't mean any harm! I was being chased by a few, uhh ponies."
  348. >Awkward silence intensifies.
  349. >She flicks an ear while looking at you expectantly.
  350. >You just sit there looking at her, until she exaggerates a sigh.
  351. >"Don't just sit there, keep talking."
  352. "Oh sorry. Well after running around trying to get away from my pursuers, I ran into your orchard."
  353. >"That doesn't exactly tell me what you were doing sneakin' up on me like you were. In fact, why were you being chased?"
  354. "Well it was more of a game with some little ones, but it did involve a lot of running and avoidance maneuvers."
  355. >"And the sneaking?"
  356. "Well I was resting and then heard a loud noise. Like someone hitting a stump with a sledgehammer. I decided to see what could be causing such a noise."
  357. >"So you were just curious?"
  358. "I suppose so."
  359. >She looks you over for a second before gently smiling.
  360. >"I suppose I owe you an apology then. I may have overreacted a little."
  361. "A little? I don't generally threaten to kick someone in the teeth if they startle me."
  362. >You see her grimace a little.
  363. >"Yeah I'm sorry about that, but a big thing like you sneaking up behind somepony can really get your heart racing."
  364. >You are quite a bit bigger than her. . .
  365. >"Hey if you're thirsty, maybe I could offer you some cider as an apology. Nopony in Equestria makes better!"
  366. >Now that you are out in the open where she can see you, she has calmed down quite a bit.
  367. >She is just sitting right in front of you looking up with those big green eyes of hers.
  368. >Hmm, they are actually kind of cute.
  369. "You know what? That actually sounds pretty nice."
  370.  
  371.  
  372. >Be the wild and free Applejack.
  373. >"You know what? That actually sounds pretty nice."
  374. >Hmm, he actually accepted your offer.
  375. >Poor fella looks mighty tuckered out.
  376. "Well follow me. We aren't too far away."
  377. >"Good, I don't know how much farther I can walk."
  378. >You can hear him drag his feet behind you as he walks.
  379. "Say, who was chasing you? You're acting like a unicorn after the running of the leaves." You say with a little chuckle.
  380. >He sighs a little before answering.
  381. >"I don't really know. Honestly, they ran into my legs and I fell and squished them. They were okay and I didn't want some angry parents to attack me so I bolted and they started chasing me."
  382. "That's actually pretty funny. I guess the little Colt in you took over huh?"
  383. >He pauses for a second.
  384. >"Hey! By the way, do you think you could tell me where I am and maybe what exactly you are? I don't think I have ever seen anything quite like you."
  385. >Stopping for a second you look him in the eye.
  386. >Well he ain't fibbin', but how can that be? Ponies have been just about everywhere.
  387. "You must be a real shut in to not know what a pony is. Where ya from anyway?"
  388. >He stretches a bit and starts walking a bit faster.
  389. >"New York City"
  390. >Hmm I wonder where that is. Maybe a Taurian city?
  391. "I've never heard of New York City. You must be a foreigner, right?"
  392. >"Hey what is this area called?"
  393. >He didn't answer your question.
  394. "You mean my farm or the town?"
  395. >"The town I guess."
  396. >You try to subtlety scan his face trying to figure out what he is feeling.
  397. >You aren't getting much.
  398. "Well the town is called Ponyville and my name is Applejack by the way." You say while looking up at him and giving a smile.
  399. >"Anonymous, nice to meet you. Although I don't recall asking for your name."
  400. >Okay that was kind of rude.
  401. "Well aren't you just a bundle of joy."
  402. >He responds with an annoyed look to which you respond with a glare.
  403. >"What?"
  404. >You are starting to regret inviting him over.
  405. "Nothin', I just don't think much of your attitude."
  406. >He sighs and puts a paw over his eyes.
  407. >"Look, I'm sorry, I'm just tired after all the running I've been doing. Maybe my blood sugar is low or something. I haven't eaten much today either and I kinda become an asshole when I'm hungry."
  408. >Well that does make sense.
  409. "I guess I can forgive ya, but try not to act that way towards my kin alright?"
  410. >"Sure I promise."
  411. >You smile a little.
  412. "Say what was that you were saying about blood sugar? What's sugary blood got to do with you actin' like an "asshole" or whatever?"
  413. >He looks at you stifling a laugh.
  414. "Well not having enough sugar in it is more the problem. To put it simply, your brain runs off of glucose. If your blood's level of sugar is too low, there isn't much fuel for your brain so it has to switch over to ketones and fats. They work, but not anywhere near as well as glucose. This can greatly affect a person in a number of ways including influencing one's mood in a negative way."
  415. >You distinctly recall that time Big Mac decided to work the fields without breakfast.
  416. >He was meaner than a rattlesnake when he got home.
  417. "Well now, that sounded pretty technical. I'm not even sure what a ketone is."
  418. >He chuckles a bit in response.
  419. "You a doctor or something Mr. Anonymous?"
  420. >A small smile crosses his face.
  421. >"Something like that. You can call me Anon by the way. Anonymous is a pretty long name and drop the mister. I prefer Doctor."
  422. >He does a little pose like a superhero.
  423. >You can't help but laugh.
  424. >The House appears in your peripheral.
  425. "Alright then "Doctor" Anon. Would you like to come inside and have some cider? It's been aging since last year and it's about time to crack it open."
  426. >His curiosity is piqued.
  427. >"When you say "aging" you mean fermenting right?"
  428. >You smirk.
  429. "Something like that."
  430.  
  431.  
  432. >Your little wagon creaks as you pull it along.
  433. >You are Fluttershy the meek.
  434. >You were somehow able to afford all the parts needed for your pen.
  435. >Too bad you won't be able to eat today.
  436. >You let out a little sigh.
  437. >"I wonder what bird seed tastes like."
  438. >"Hey Fluttershy!" Three little voices call breaking you from your thoughts.
  439. "Oh, hello girls."
  440. >You notice that they have a wagon of their own being towed by Scootaloo on her little scooter.
  441. "What are the three of you up to?"
  442. >The fillies run up alongside you with excited looks on their faces.
  443. >"We're setting up an ambush!"
  444. >Now that they are closer, you see shovels, firecrackers, a tarp, and a big bear trap.
  445. >A distressed look appears on your face.
  446. "You aren't planning on ambushing any poor animals are you?"
  447. >They seem oblivious to your worried tone.
  448. >"Nope! We were going to ambush this weird stallion that we were playing with earlier."
  449. >Why are they playing with a stallion?
  450. >You quickly put on a stern face, or at least as close to stern as you are able to achieve.
  451. >"I hope that you aren't planning on using that bear trap on him. That could break his hoof."
  452. >These fillies just don't think things through do they?
  453. >"Yeah I guess the beartrap is a bit much." Applebloom admits.
  454. >Relief washes over you. After all, you just saved some poor stallion from a lot of pain.
  455. >"Maybe we could tie a loop into a rope and hang it so that it catches him around his neck. That way he couldn't get away."
  456. >Worry is back in full force.
  457. >"No he would see it! We should use wire." Sweetie Belle happily says.
  458. >You are just stunned. How in the world have they not killed somepony by now?
  459. >"Yeah, That'll work! Maybe we could dig the pit right below it so that. . ."
  460. "Girls stop! You are going to really hurt somepony!" You shout.
  461. >They all immediately freeze, stunned that you raised your voice at them.
  462. "Why are you three wanting to ambush this stallion? Did he do something to you?"
  463. >After recovering from your diminutive shout, the girls look to each other before responding.
  464. >"No, he didn't do anything to us. We were just chasing him around." Scootaloo says.
  465. >"Yeah, we were having a great time!" Sweetie Belle adds.
  466. >"But we couldn't catch him so we decided to set up a trap for him. That way we could finally get him." Applebloom says with a hop.
  467. >A little laugh escapes you as you imagine these three little fillies chasing down a big stallion.
  468. "And what are you going to do with him once you catch him?"
  469. >Applebloom puts a hoof to her chin.
  470. >"I dunno. We still haven't decided on that yet."
  471. >Her answer draws another laugh from you.
  472. "You know, sometimes the simplest methods are the best. Maybe you should just hide somewhere and when he walks by, jump on him."
  473. >They all start thinking it through.
  474. >"That does sound like a lot less work." Sweetie Belle says.
  475. >Scootaloo looks to the wagon with a disappointed face.
  476. >"But what are we going to do with all this stuff now?"
  477. >"Maybe he will want to play with the firecrackers. Hey Fluttershy, colts like firecrackers right?"
  478. "I think it depends on the colt Applebloom."
  479. >To be honest, you don't really know what colts like.
  480. >The fillies suddenly take off towards Sweet Apple Acres.
  481. >"Bye Fluttershy! We are going to find a place to hide like you said."
  482. >You just give them a little wave before continuing back home.
  483. "Oh thank goodness."
  484.  
  485.  
  486. (Possible revisions)
  487. "Oh no no no!"
  488. >You are the Twiggy Piggy.
  489. >Why isn't everypony panicking?
  490. >It is pretty obvious that a huge alien has been lumbering around ponyville.
  491. >There is a massive hole in Sugercube Corner, several stands have been knocked over, there is candy everywhere, and poor Mayor Mare is trying to pick up all the papers that seem to be flying away.
  492. >Luckily nopony seems to be hurt.
  493. >Perhaps you should ask somepony if they saw the alien.
  494. >Oh there is a tail poking out of the cloud overhead.
  495. "Hey Rainbow Dash! I need to talk to you!"
  496. >"Just a sec!"
  497. >She was probably asleep the whole time, but it doesn't hurt to ask.
  498. >"What's up Twi?"
  499. "Rainbow, have you seen a strange creature around here? I was testing a spell and accidentally pulled him here."
  500. >A small smile appears on her face.
  501. >"Uh huh. He knocked himself out crashing into Sugercube Corner. Me and Pinkie woke him up."
  502. >Sweet Celestia what are these ponies thinking?
  503. "You woke him up?!"
  504. >The smile leaves.
  505. >"Didn't I just say that? We wanted to make sure he was okay."
  506. >Oh great. I hope they didn't provoke him.
  507. "What did you two do?"
  508. >Her face turns a little bit red and she kicks her hoof.
  509. >"W-well it was mostly Pinkie that woke him up. I was just standing guard in case he attacked or something!"
  510. >Well at least Rainbow can recognize a dangerous creature. Pinkie on the other hoof. . .
  511. "How did Pinkie wake him up and how did he react?"
  512. >Rainbow immediately stiffens a little and get a bit more red in the face.
  513. >"W-well she kind of sat on him and. . ."
  514. "SHE SAT ON HIM?! Rainbow for all we know he could be poisonous or breath fire or. . ."
  515. >"I know that Twi! I told her to stop, but you know Pinkie. She does what she wants."
  516. "Oh I hope she is okay."
  517. >"Oh I'm sure she's fine."
  518. >One can only hope. . .
  519. "Anyway what did he do after he woke up?"
  520. >"Well he asked us to be quiet and for Pinkie to get off of him."
  521. >You flick an ear.
  522. >"W-well Pinkie decided to throw him a party and ran off and I went to talk to him a little."
  523. "What did you talk about?"
  524. >"Uhh n-nothing much! I just kind of said hi and then left."
  525. >Oh this is just wonderful.
  526. "You just left an unknown creature in the middle of Ponyville and didn't even think to tell me?!"
  527. >"Uhh sorry Twi."
  528. >You give off an annoyed groan.
  529. "Do you at least know where he is?"
  530. >"Not really. I think I saw him running around the marketplace though."
  531. "I guess I'll have to ask around then."
  532. >"Let me know if you find him! Later Twi."
  533. "Goodbye Rain. . ."
  534. >And she's gone.
  535. >Well looks like you are headed to the marketplace.
  536. "I just hope that I can find him before he hurts somepony!"
  537. >Now that you think about it. Why ISN'T everypony panicking?
  538. >Everypony was terrified of Zecora when she showed up, but a huge alien monster appears and everything is just peachy?
  539. >Maybe he has some ambient hypnosis field or something.
  540. >That would explain why everypony seems to be calm. Even with a big monster rampaging around. If that is the case, you may need some help.
  541.  
  542.  
  543.  
  544. >The sun is high in the Equestrian sky.
  545. >Luna is asleep, the guards are patrolling the castle, and here you sit.
  546. >You are the beautiful and regal Princess Celestia.
  547. >You sigh as you sign form after form.
  548. >"Same old same old, eh Princess."
  549. >Corporal Dapper sits at his assigned spot near your throne.
  550. "Indeed it is Dapper."
  551. >You let out a deep sigh.
  552. >It is days like this that makes you miss the old days.
  553. >Back before the almost guaranteed safety of Equestria's borders and military might.
  554. >Back when you and Luna were the only thing standing between your tiny fragile country and certain death and destruction.
  555. >Before the gryphons, zebras, and even dragons didn't dare insult your strength.
  556. >"Hey Princess, would you like to take a quick break and run around the track a bit?"
  557. >You always did like Dapper.
  558. "As much as I would love to, I did slack off a bit yesterday and now the papers are piled up and you know how the nobles get when their requests aren't taken care of quickly."
  559. >Dapper just stomps his hoof.
  560. >"More like immediately! I can't believe they had the nerve to complain right to your face in morning court!"
  561. >At least somepony cares about your feelings.
  562. >"I mean look at you! You are working almost constantly to help them, but do they care? Buck no! You are just the lady that okays their stupid funding! If I wasn't on probation, I would have thrown their pathetic inbred flanks right out the window!"
  563. >He always was protective of you.
  564. "I know Dapper, but as much as I would have loved to see that, it would only cause more problems."
  565. >You let out another sigh as the young stallion fumes.
  566. >You used to be a hero of ponykind, but now you are just a celebrity.
  567. >Praised for her work ethic rather than her deeds.
  568. >A washed up, out of practice has-been.
  569. >Oh how you long to get out there again.
  570. >But now you have responsibilities and new younger hero's have arisen.
  571. >Your time has past.
  572. >Twilight has without a doubt taken your place as the hero of Equestria.
  573. >Cadance rules the Crystal Empire.
  574. >No doubt somepony will eventually take Luna's place as well.
  575. >There is still some fight left in this old mare.
  576. >Even so, you don't think that you are in shape to fight as you once did.
  577. >In the safety of peace, you have lost touch with the art of magic.
  578. >You have never noticed it until this morning.
  579. >Never before have you had to strain that hard to raise the sun.
  580. >Maybe it is time to teach Twilight to. . .
  581. >POOF
  582. >Your thoughts are interrupted by a scroll dropping right on top of your head.
  583. >With a small giggle you pick up the scroll.
  584. "Oh it certainly has been a while since I got a letter from Twilight hasn't it Dapper."
  585. >"Indeed it has your highness."
  586. >As you read the letter, a small smile appears upon your tired face.
  587. >Dear Princess Celestia,
  588. >While testing out a new spell, I contacted a strange creature from another world.
  589. >After a brief exchange where it claimed to be a very busy coroner of all things, it requested that I end the spell.
  590. >Not wanting to overstay my welcome, I did as I was asked.
  591. >Unfortunately, in deactivating the spell I somehow pulled it into Equestria.
  592. >The creature, upon arriving panicked and escaped my castle.
  593. >I have not been able to find him, but he is obviously a danger to everypony in ponyville!
  594. >It is a very large mammalian creature of unknown descent.
  595. >Bipedal, mostly hairless except for on its head, was last seen wearing clothes that looked similar to a bloodstained lab coat, stands similar in height to Discord, and lastly and most importantly seems to radiate a hypnotic field that I believe pacifies or at least calms anypony near him.
  596. >I am extremely worried and really need your help and guidance.
  597. >Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.
  598. >The smile on your face grew.
  599. "Dapper please contact Shining Armor and tell him to prepare a first contact team."
  600. >Maybe you need not retire just yet.
  601.  
  602.  
  603.  
  604. (Some minor revisions and extensions possible)
  605. >Holy shit you could kiss this mare!
  606. >Not only did Applejack decide to share some ridiculously good cider with you, but also took the time to make you some dinner, bake you a pie for dessert, and now is sharing some stories from her past.
  607. >You have never felt more welcome to be anywhere by anyone. Not even family!
  608. >"And then I whipped out my old tamer's chair and wrangled that darn beast right into a trap!"
  609. >Applejack is sitting with you at the kitchen table while the pie cools in the windowsill.
  610. >"It's tail got caught in the fork of a tree and then one of it's heads got its teeth stuck in a tree!
  611. >She makes an exaggerated whacking motion with her hoof letting off a clop.
  612. "That is really badass AJ! I don't think that I would have had it in me to fight off a weird three headed uhh thing."
  613. >Her voice takes a bashful tone as she speaks.
  614. >"Aww shucks I was just trying to save my sister. I think anypony would do the same in my position."
  615. >Your experience with little kids in the morgue has taught you that that certainly is not the case, but you don't let your doubt show.
  616. >I'm really glad that you were able to save little. . .
  617. >"Applebloom."
  618. "Applebloom! I remembered!"
  619. >Both are spoken at the same time.
  620. >She smirks
  621. >"Sure ya did." She says as she saunters off to check the pie.
  622. "I really did! Honest!"
  623. >You can hear her cute little chuckle.
  624. >A warm smile adorns your face.
  625. >You know, it has been a really long time since you have felt like this. Considering your job, your lack of a social life, and distance of your family, it really wasn't much of a surprise that you were stressed out all the time, but right here and right now, you feel. . .
  626. >"Pie's ready everypony! Big Mac get granny in here."
  627. >You release a content laugh.
  628. >Yeah you could stay here forever.
  629. >Your thoughts of tranquility are harshly blown away by reality all too quickly.
  630. >"What in the hay is going on!?"
  631. >You stand to get a better view outside.
  632. >Armored ponies and a lot of them with each carrying what looks like a spear, but on closer inspection, is a pole with a metal ball at the end.
  633. "Applejack what is going on?!"
  634. >"I don't know sugercube, but I intend to find out."
  635. >What? She is going to confront them?!
  636. >She bolted out the door before you could say a word.
  637. "Damn it! Applejack get back here!"
  638. >Your only response is the sound of talking outside.
  639. >Not wanting your friend to have to face a small army alone, you cautiously step outside.
  640. >You see at least twenty soldiers, along with your friend standing in the grass in front of Applejack's home.
  641. >Upon seeing you the soldiers started shoving Applejack behind them with the poles of their spears.
  642. >"Ow that hurts! Knock it off!"
  643. >Applejack is resisting and suddenly you hear a yelp escape her and see red flow from her.
  644. >When you saw that happen, you just reacted.
  645. >Now maybe it was the admittedly high alcohol content of the cider or maybe it was the heroic tales that Applejack was telling you earlier.
  646. >You decided to fight those ponies. Twenty armed and armored soldiers.
  647. >The fuck is wrong with you?
  648.  
  649.  
  650.  
  651. >"Twilight you need to calm down. I don't think it is that big a deal."
  652. "Spike are you crazy?! This is a huge deal! Princess Celestia is coming and has deployed a First Contact and Riot Squad! That hasn't happened in over 400 years!"
  653. >"What's a first contact and riot squad?"
  654. >You start doing a little stress dance.
  655. "Spike I'm sure I gave you the book that explained what they are."
  656. >Spike just crosses his arms.
  657. >"Twilight, if I read every book that you have given me, I'd be as old as Celestia."
  658. >You shoot him a little glare and take a deep breath.
  659. >Okay okay calm down take in the surroundings and breath.
  660. >You are back in your castle waiting for Celestia to show up.
  661. >Spike is sitting on the edge of the map table while you are sitting in your chair.
  662. >Deep breaths.
  663. "Okay, well essentially, the first contact squad was formed after the Zebra Incident. The intention was to create a special group of ponies that are capable of protecting the Princess while she travels to foreign lands, but to do so in a way that doesn't start any political misunderstandings."
  664. >Spike's focus turns to you.
  665. >"So they are pretty much super guards?"
  666. "No not exactly, but they are highly trained."
  667. >Spike has launched himself off the table and has become really excited for some reason.
  668. >"They sound like super guards!"
  669. >You laugh a little.
  670. >You don't know if you could really call them guards.
  671. "They are still just ponies Spike, but they are pretty amazing. I remember when I was still in Celestia's school, the FCRS came for a demonstration and. . ."
  672. >"You met them!?"
  673. >He is probably an inch from your face.
  674. >Okay that is too close.
  675. >You stand up to head to the library and place him on your back.
  676. "Yes I did."
  677. >You flash him a small smile.
  678. >"What happened?"
  679. >You try to remember that day.
  680. "Well Princess Celestia wanted us to learn about the guard. Several young colts were talking about joining after all. So she brought several members of various ranks in the guard.
  681. From a young cadet to a general and even some special forces including the First Contact and Riot Squad."
  682. >Spike just sits there quietly listening.
  683. "Among other things, Princess Celestia had the various guards spar with practice spears. It was pretty fun to watch until the special forces started sparring."
  684. >"Why? What happened?"
  685. >Spike seems a little concerned now.
  686. "Well they were scary! It wasn't like they were practicing, but like they were really trying to hurt each other. A few of them actually started bleeding and one had to be taken to the hospital!"
  687. >You can see Spike cringe a little.
  688. >"They took it that seriously?"
  689. >You ruffle your wings at little to wiggle out some stress.
  690. "Uh huh. Princess Celestia wanted everypony to know what was expected of them if they joined the special forces. Everypony was freaked out until the pony from the First Contact and Riot Squad started sparring with an Everfree Commando."
  691. >You pause to see if Spike wanted to ask a question, but none came so you continue.
  692. "The commando went after him just like he did with the others. He swung for the neck, the legs, the head, but luckily nothing made contact. The FCRS pony was able to dodge everything the commando threw at him, but didn't fight back."
  693. >"How come he didn't fight?"
  694. >You put a hoof to your chin.
  695. "Do you know what their most important skill is?"
  696. >He puts a claw to his chin.
  697. >"Changeling detection? No, super shields? Uhh. . ."
  698. "De-escalation."
  699. >His face deadpans.
  700. >"That's it? That doesn't sound very cool."
  701. >You just roll your eyes.
  702. "Knowing how to calm down angry ponies is a very important skill. Especially for somepony whose job it is to be the first pony to confront a new species and to put their life on the line for the Princesses."
  703. >"It still doesn't sound very cool."
  704. >You turn a corner and see the Library doors coming up.
  705. "They are trained to only fight if the Princess is in danger. That way they don't start an international incident or incite violence during a riot."
  706. >He starts to ask a question, but it dies in his throat.
  707. "Maybe you should read about some of the exploits of First contact Squad. Like the time they single hoofedly prevented war between Equestria and the Minotaur Kingdom."
  708. >You set spike down at a table in the library and float a book over to him.
  709. "That is a book on the history of the First Contact and Riot Squad. From the reason it was formed till their most recent deployment. It is very interesting, I think you would like it."
  710. >"Hey, how did the fight end?"
  711. "Oh Princess Celestia made them stop fighting."
  712. >He looks surprised.
  713. >"That's it? I was expecting him to mop the floor with the commando after how you talked up how great they are."
  714. "Well spike they aren't really combat guards they are more. . ."
  715. >"ANNOUNCING HER ROYAL HIGHNESS, PRINCESS CELESTIA!"
  716. >Oh buck! You were supposed to meet her in the map room!
  717. "Sorry Spike I've got to go!"
  718. >"Wait, take me with. . ."
  719. >You poof away before he has time to finish his sentence.
  720.  
  721.  
  722.  
  723. >The doors open displaying the main hallway of Twilight's castle.
  724. >"ANNOUNCING HER ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCESS CELESTIA!"
  725. >Why did you bring that guy?
  726. >You haven't been inside Twilight's castle too often.
  727. >It has its charms, but certainly doesn't hold a candle to Canterlot Castle.
  728. >"Why does it look like a tree?"
  729. >The young guard is looking up at you curiously.
  730. >You forget that he hasn't seen the castle yet.
  731. "I would assume that it looks that way because the tree of harmony created it."
  732. >You notice Dapper is starting to strut beside you.
  733. >You chose him to be your personal guard for a reason.
  734. [spoiler]He is just so damn cute![/spoiler]
  735. "Dapper why are you walking that way?"
  736. >He immediately stops and blushes a little.
  737. >"W-well I. . ."
  738. >POOF
  739. >"I'm so sorry Princess I. . .'
  740. >You place a single feather on her lips.
  741. "Twilight please, how many times have I told you to just call me Celestia?"
  742. >Why must she always take you so seriously?
  743. >"Sorry."
  744. >She looks like a sad little puppy.
  745. >You can't help but smile at her.
  746. "Twilight why don't we just skip the whole meeting and just go confront this strange creature? I doubt that he will be too aggressive after being in the company of my first contact squad."
  747. >The poor girl tenses up at the mention of the creature.
  748. >"I don't think that is a good idea, Prin. . . I mean Celestia."
  749. >You lean down to nuzzle her.
  750. "Why is that my dear? My guards are trained for this sort of thing."
  751. >She blushes a little and looks up at you as you walk towards the map room.
  752. >"It's just that he isn't just a foreign species, but an alien one! For all we know he may be venomous or hypnotic or or or. . ."
  753. >It looks like poor Twilight still has anxiety issues.
  754. "All the more reason for us to just confront him how rather than have him roaming around Ponyville."
  755. >You wrap her up in your hooves and give her a good squeeze.
  756. >That blush intensifies.
  757. >"W-well what are we waiting for? Let's find him!"
  758. >Still got it.
  759. "Dapper has the first contact squad located the creature?"
  760. >He gives a quick salute before his statement.
  761. >"Yes your highness! They should be arriving at Sweet Apple Acres as we speak."
  762. >Twilight starts panicking.
  763. >"W-why are they going to Sweet Apple Acres?! The creature isn't attacking Applejack and her family is it?"
  764. >Dapper turns to face Twilight and salutes her.
  765. >"Don't know your Highness. That was the most recent message I have received."
  766. "Do you think we should head there now Twilight?"
  767. >Your voice gives off just the slightest sense of "I told you so".
  768. >Worry is very evident on her face before she appears next to you.
  769. >"We need to get there as fast as we can! I'll teleport us there."
  770. >You groan internally.
  771. >You weren't one that enjoyed teleportation. Especially after what happened while Starswirl was perfecting it.
  772. "Twilight perhaps we should walk."
  773. >Oh she definitely didn't want to hear that.
  774. >"But Princess, if we don't get there fast we may be too late to save Applejack!"
  775. >She is pretty determined. With a sigh you relent.
  776. >"I knew you would see it my way! Mr. Guard please stand between Celestia and myself."
  777. >After Dapper trots over, Twilight's horn glows brightly.
  778. POOF
  779. >Oh dizzy
  780. >After you regain your vision, the first thing the three of you see is a big bipedal creature attacking your little ponies. While said ponies are trying as best they can to avoid his attacks and shouting at him.
  781. >One of his attacks finds its mark and knocks the poor mare unconscious.
  782. >At this Dapper immediately points his spear and charges while Twilight begins revving up a spell.
  783. >"HALT YOUR AGGRESSIONS AT ONCE YOU CRUEL BEAST!"
  784.  
  785.  
  786.  
  787. >Pow right in the kisser!
  788. >These guys aren't so tough, they aren't even fighting back.
  789. >"HALT YOUR AGGRESSIONS YOU CRUEL BEAST!"
  790. "You talking to. . ."
  791. >You turn and see a charging pony with a real spear pointed right at nut level.
  792. "Oh shit!"
  793. >You turn and jerk your hips back.
  794. >You are barely able to dodge him and he slides on his hooves as he turns towards you again.
  795. "Son of a. . ."
  796. >"Twilight stop!"
  797. >Now you see Applejack jump on that purple pony and pin her to the ground.
  798. >However that doesn't keep your attention long because now you see mama horse with wings spread wide and horn glowing walking towards you.
  799. [spoiler]MENACINGLY[/spoiler]
  800. >"You will die tonite beast!"
  801. >Damn this little fuck is serious!
  802. >The spear horse that actually seems to know what he is doing is back!
  803. >You try to dodge again, but are clipped by the spearhead.
  804. >Damn that hurts.
  805. >There is blood on your shirt, but it isn't a deep wound.
  806. >With big mama coming and little spear boy in full attack mode you decide to make a hasty retreat.
  807. >Not before taking care of the shit talker though.
  808. >You turn and lurch straight at the spear boy and give him a good whack on the back of his head before he can react.
  809. >Long limbs are nice.
  810. >This knocks out the pony.
  811. >Now that he is dealt with, you beat it at full speed into the orchard.
  812. >A loud yell is heard as you run.
  813. >"Dapper are you okay!?"
  814. >Not turning back you run and run and run until you can't run anymore.
  815. >The trees flow by like a blur.
  816. >You eventually slow to a stop.
  817. >Looking behind, you make note that nobody seems to be following you.
  818. "Oh thank God. I have run about as much as I am physically able to today."
  819. >It probably isn't a good idea to just stand here so you start walking.
  820. >You can finally relax, if only for a moment.
  821. >The air smells sweet as you pass the numerous Apple trees.
  822. >You really hope Applejack is okay.
  823. >It has been several minutes and yet you haven't really gotten anywhere.
  824. >The birds are still singing and there is still no sign of pursuit.
  825. >You push through a bush and you notice something peculiar.
  826. >A small clearing with a single tree in the middle.
  827. >Within the tree sits a small treehouse.
  828. >It doesn't look like anybody is home.
  829. >Still, it doesn't hurt to be cautious.
  830. >You stay in the bushes and slink around the treehouse.
  831. >You are slow and you are quiet.
  832. >Eventually you are past the treehouse and see a small path.
  833. >It doesn't look like the one that leads to town.
  834. >You immediately start down the path hoping that maybe you can find somewhere to hide and wait out whatever hell is coming.
  835. >That mama horse looked like she meant business.
  836. >A shudder runs down your spine.
  837. >She is definitely bad news.
  838. >. . .
  839. >You just left Applejack with her and all those soldiers.
  840. >Yeah they were mostly all show, but that one knew what he was doing and that purple one was with them too.
  841. >They are probably going to throw her in jail or something.
  842. >Your steps begin to slow.
  843. >You really hope they don't have capital punishment here.
  844. >Maybe harbouring an [spoiler]illegal[/spoiler] alien and attacking your fellow ponies isn't that big a deal here.
  845. >You stop moving and turn around.
  846. >You have to go back.
  847. >Whack!
  848. [spoiler]Hello darkness my old friend![/spoiler]
  849. >"We got him Scootaloo!"
  850. >"Why'd you hit him in the head?!"
  851. >"I got excited! Sorry mister!"
  852. >"Quick tie him up Applebloom!"
  853. >"Sweetie Belle quit holding his paw and help us!"
  854.  
  855.  
  856.  
  857. >Still Anon, still tied up, head still hurts. . .
  858. >You look around to find yourself propped into the corner of a small building.
  859. >There isn't really all that much to see other than a table, a few posters, and the three girls themselves.
  860. >"Why are there so many guards? Are we in trouble?"
  861. >The voice came from the little yellow one that was chasing you earlier.
  862. >They haven't noticed that you were awake yet.
  863. "Ahem"
  864. >With a jolt, the ponies turn around.
  865. >"Uhh. . ."
  866. "Mind explaining why I am tied up?" You interrupt with a calm yet firm tone of voice.
  867. >They all tense. You notice the little yellow one hang down her head.
  868. >"S-sorry I hit you. I didn't mean to, honest! When we jumped out of the tree, my hoof just kinda went to where your head was and. . ."
  869. "And why exactly did you jump out of a tree onto my head?" You interrupt again.
  870. >The little white one approaches apprehensively, big eyes fixed on yours.
  871. >"We were going to set a trap for you, but didn't want you to get hurt so we just decided to ambush you."
  872. >"We were just trying to catch you. We weren't trying to hurt you or anything." The little orange one added.
  873. "So after knocking me unconscious, you tie me up and bring me here?
  874. >You notice one of those armored ponies fly by the window and realize that you are pretty high up.
  875. "Wait, isn't this that treehouse? How did you get me up here?" You say just a bit surprised.
  876. >The yellow one smiles and puffs out her chest cutely.
  877. >"Oh I rigged up some pulleys to get you up here. It wasn't hard or nothin'."
  878. "Impressive, but you know that you keeping me tied up in here without my permission is technically kidnapping right?"
  879. >They shrink.
  880. >"Is that why all those guards are out there?" The orange one says.
  881. >Mischief sparks, but you decide that fibbing to little kids probably isn't the thing to do right now, especially with Applejack in the situation she's in.
  882. "No, you girls aren't in trouble.
  883. >The relief that washes over their faces is obvious.
  884. >The little orange girl clip clops over to the window and looks through it, gazing down at all the ponies searching the orchard.
  885. >"So why are all those guards here?"
  886. "Probably because of me." You say exasperatedly.
  887. >They all look to you expectantly.
  888. >A marshmallow approaches, stands on your legs and gets right in your face.
  889. [spoiler]Stop looking at me with those big ol' eyes![/spoiler]
  890. >"Are you an outlaw?"
  891. >She is so close that you can feel her breath against your skin, but despite still being held against your will, you can't really be mad at them. They are just kids after all. Very crafty kids, but kids nonetheless.
  892. "No, I'm not an outlaw." You say with a smirk.
  893. >"A bandit?"
  894. "No."
  895. >"A bank robber?"
  896. "Nope"
  897. >"A supervillain?"
  898. "Yup."
  899. >"Really?"
  900. "No."
  901. >"Darn, I wanted to be a superhero."
  902. >You can't help but laugh a little at her.
  903. >She scrunches her face in a little mock anger before laughing too.
  904. >"I like you, you are way more fun than the other grown ups."
  905. >No matter how old you get and no matter how grizzled and mean you may be, when a little kid tells you that they like you, you can't help but smile.
  906. "I like you too, but I would sure like you all more if you untied me."
  907. >She beams at you.
  908. >"So you aren't mad at us?"
  909. >You finally soften your voice.
  910. "No I'm not mad at you, just untie me alright. A friend of mine is in trouble and I have to. . ."
  911. >Knock knock
  912. "Don't answer that. . ."

The Coroner

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