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Sunset at the Stables (Homeless Sunset thread)

By Starswirl
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-02-04 04:17:14
Expiry: Never
sunset shimmerwritemook

  1. [initial post that started this whole mess - ]
  2. >"Excuse me, do you know where I can find a cheaply priced motel room at?"
  3. >"Sunset, is that you? What the hell happened to you?"
  4. >"Oh, heh, nothing, I just.. Tripped down some stairs.. I'm.. I'm fine really.."
  5. "Just stairs, really-"
  6. >"I was careless. I should've been looking where I was going.."
  7. "Sunset did something happen?"
  8. >"I don't want to talk about it.. I need a place to get away for a while.. I.. I just don't know if what I've got here is gonna be enough.."
  9.  
  10. (writemook begins here)
  11. "Well there's a room going spare in the place I'm renting -"
  12. >"I'm not looking for a-"
  13. "It's got a bed and a TV in it but no cable. The bathroom has a shower. No fridge, but I can loan you a cooler, or you can use the one in the kitchen."
  14. >"That's ... sweet of you, Anon. I don't know if I could afford all that."
  15. "Listen. I work for the guy who owns the house to maintain and manage the place. There's a room and a bathroom-en-suite that's not being rented out because the owner uses it as a mailing address to get around some tax laws. It's not being used, no one's going to be using it, and I can lend you the key for as long as you need it."
  16. >"I just need... somewhere to stay for a few days."
  17. "It also has a deadbolt that locks on the inside and a landline phone."
  18. >"Why do you think I'd need a phone?"
  19. "You're looking for a motel room, you're not carrying any luggage. I'm guessing your phone is wherever your clothes are. C'mon. The house isn't too far from here."
  20. >You are Anonymous. Part time odd job geek for an absentee landlord.
  21. >Your pay; a place to live away from your parents while you finish High School and a decent wad of cash every month.
  22. >Anything happens in the house, your job is to make it right.
  23. >Sometimes that includes stuff that doesn't happen in this house, like right now. Maybe.
  24. >One uneventful walk home later.
  25. >Be showing Sunset the room.
  26. >Pretty basic, but decent.
  27. "So here is the key to the front door, and this one is to your room. Gimme a minute while I make sure the water's on."
  28. >Head out to the back yard to check the cutoff.
  29. "Better tell her it's metered. She won't want to take any real long showers..."
  30. >"I won't."
  31. >Undignified Anonymous noises.
  32. >She followed you around the house. And you didn't notice until she just make you drop a wrench on your foot. Thank god for steel toed boots.
  33. "Oh HI!"
  34. >Anonymous: Captain Smooth.
  35. >She has the grace to look a little embarrassed.
  36. >”I'm sorry, Anon, but I've had a really ... Rough day and I don't know anyone here and you left and I was in a strange place and -”
  37. >You hold up a hand.
  38. "It's ok... You didn't want to be by yourself in a strange place after you... fell."
  39. >One awkward pause long enough for you to wonder if you just screwed everything up later, she closes her eyes and nods.
  40. >"Yeah."
  41. >Wow. You don't get a black eye like that falling down stairs. Or a bruise just hidden by your hair on the same side.
  42. >You've fallen down some stairs in your time and never caught a shiner like that,
  43. "I've got a few more things to do before I'm officially "off duty"...
  44. >Air quotes? Really?
  45. >She smiled a little, though. Nice smile, if brief.
  46. "But if you want to follow me around while I'm making sure nothing's falling down, that's okay."
  47. >Another little smile. This one lasts longer.
  48. "Then when we're done, we can go get something to eat. There's a drug store between here and the strip mall so you can get a toothbrush and some witch hazel solution for those bruises."
  49. >"I don't want to impose -"
  50. "Let's call you helping me move some stuff around and not scaring me into throwing a hammer through a window a down payment on rent and dinner."
  51. >"...okay. Thank you."
  52. "Don't thank me yet, we have to make sure the septic tank isn't overfilled."
  53. >"EWWWW!" and laughter.
  54. "Don't worry, YOUR job will be to throw a bucket of water on me if I pass out!"
  55. >She laughs again. Hey, you have a helper!
  56. >and she has a place to stay.
  57. >And you're not eating dinner alone.
  58. >Dinner. Was. Excellent.
  59. >You usually eat once a week at "Joe's". By yourself. With a book or something.
  60. >This time, you're amazed you got any calories into you at all.
  61. >Hard to hit a moving target. You tried making small talk and eventually just flat out tell her how you lucked into the job with the house, what you're taking besides the biology class you have with her, and a bunch of other harmless stuff that doesn't involve how she got those bruises.
  62. >She held up her end. Still slow to smile, but you got a giggle here and there as you explained how you learned to do the stuff you do around the place, mostly by negative example.
  63. >"And that's why, when the circuit breaker is on, mister wall socket is not your friend."
  64. >Bomus! If she giggle too hard,she makes this little >snrt< sound. Oh Christ my heart.
  65. >Ok Anon. focus. Drug store.
  66. >You head to where they keep bottles of witch hazel. Grab one, then let her know you'll by at the exit.
  67. >No sense watching her buy toiletries and girl hygiene stuff etc.
  68. >After a bit, she meets you at the exit, carrying a not unreasonable size plastic bag. You hand her the bottle you bought.
  69. "When we get back, take a warm shower and soak a washcloth with this stuff and work it gently over your bruises. It does work."
  70. >She looks dubious, but gives you and "Okay,"
  71. >The walk back? Uneventful. She looks more tire than scared now.
  72. >Back at the house, you show her how to,set the deadbolt and a few other things.
  73. "My room is the next door down, the walls are pretty thick, so my snoring shouldn't keel you up"
  74. >That little smile again. Yeah you might do stupid things for that smile.
  75. "My first class is at zero period, so I'm up stupid early at 5."
  76. >"Me too - can... Would you mind if I went with you. I'm not sure I could find the school from here."
  77. "Sure. It's about a 20 minute walk but it's not bad."
  78. >Sunset heads into her ro- the room you're letting her use. She's just about closed the door when she opens it again ...
  79. >”A-Anon?"
  80. "Hm?"
  81. >”Thank you."
  82. >The door closes, and you hear the deadbolt lock.
  83. >Helluva day.
  84.  
  85.  
  86. (writemook’s back on a real keyboard. Let’s do this)
  87. >Morning breaks. Alarm goes off. You hit alarm button. Ow.
  88. >Still Anon, still part time maintenance mook in a big ol’ house 20 minutes from school.
  89. >And you just gave a bruised and scared Sunset Shimmer, ex-Queen Bee of the school, a place to stay “for a while”.
  90. >Now what, smart guy?
  91. >Morning rituals and you’re clean and dressed decently enough to go to school today. You hear the shower working in Sunset’s ro- in the room you’re letting Sunset stay in – so you head downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast.
  92. >Breakfast: Oatmeal. Thank god someone remembered to set that up last night in the crock pot. Hot oatmeal with a bunch of different things to put into it on the counter. You wrangle bowl, spoon, breakfast, and a can of morning caffeine from the fridge.
  93. >Finn’s already up, but he always is. You can hear Meg rattling around down the hall. Strange noises from above indicate SP is still among us. Maybe you’ll see him today. Maybe not.
  94. >You plunk down in a chair around the big table and BS with Finn while eating.
  95. >About 2 mouthfuls of hot oatmeal into breakfast Sunset comes downstairs in the same clothes she had on yesterday.
  96. >She’s done some small things to make the outfit look different enough that she’s not a “walk of shame” candidate.
  97. >Oh, and she’s put on some makeup to cover up the black eye and the bruise on her cheek.
  98. “Mornin’f!”
  99. >Captain Smooth with a mouth fulla oatmeal.
  100. >”Good Morning, Anon.”
  101. >”Mornin’ Missy…”
  102. >”Uh…” Aaand Sunset meets Finn – Wiry carny-looking bastard complete with tattoos and interesting scars.
  103. “Sunset, this is Finn – he lives on here on the ground floor. He’s going to the CCC a couple miles away.”
  104. >”Livin’ off my GI Bill and bennies – Finn Saorin.” He even levers himself upright to shake her hand, “Nice t’ meetcha.”
  105.  
  106. >Yeah, he looks scary and has a voice like Tom Waits after gargling gravel. Nice guy.
  107. “Finn’s lived in the house longer’n I have – he was out in the Middle East for a few tours.”
  108. >”Then some thoughtless bastard put an IED where my vehicle was drivin’. Now I’m back home learning to do somethin’ that doesn’t involve getting’ shot at.”
  109. >That would sound so much more appalling if he wasn’t grinning the entire time.
  110. >Sunset recovers nicely, “I’m Sunset Shimmer – Anon is …letting me stay here for a while.”
  111. >”Welcome to the Stables, kid. The rest of the menagerie should be up before you head out for class.”
  112. “And get some breakfast – steel cut oatmeal in the crock pot there, and there’s honey, brown sugar, and a buncha dried fruit that SP brings back from his parents’ commune.”
  113. >Sunset heads breakfast-ward. “SP?”
  114. >”Stooooone Pony.” Only Finn can make that name into six syllables. “He’s got the whole attic. His parents are hippies.”
  115. >Sunset smirks, “No kidding!”
  116. “Says the girl whose parents named her ‘Sunset’!”
  117. >Sunset turns to you in mid-oatmeal-scoop, all serious. “My parents aren’t hippies. They were New Agers. It’s entirely different. They’re Hippies with money.”
  118. >Finn laughs immediately. It takes you a minute to run that through your “Is this girl messing with me?” filter. You do not pass oatmeal through your nose. Barely.
  119. >Fortunately that’s when Meg appears,
  120. “Fank god iffs Meg.”
  121. >SWALLOW, IDIOT!
  122. “MMf. Sunset, this is Meg. Freelance writer and she’s on the Town council.”
  123. >Meg: Red hair, caftan, big crocheted carryall full of books and papers and so on. Nice lady. Pays her rent on time.
  124. >”Good morning, Anon… Fiiinn.” Finn and Meg… may have something going on. Or they may just like flirting with each other in front of teenagers. Tough call.
  125. >”Mornin’ Missy – you ready to drag this town into the new century?”
  126. >Meg laughs while she’s dishing breakfast for herself, “Only if ‘can we get all the stoplight synchronized’ counts, Finn. They keep saying they don’t have the money, but they had enough to replace the High School landscaping after what happened last year.”
  127. “… What *did* happen last year? I wasn’t here but…”
  128. >So through breakfast you get a recap of the Weird Shit That Happened At The School from Finn and Meg, with a few bits provided by Sunset who seems way more interested in her oatmeal while they’re talking about weird lights and noises and a statue breaking up and…
  129. >”How far is it to school, Anon?”
  130. “About twenty minutes –“
  131. >”I need to get to campus early – we should probably go now…”
  132. >Dishes in the sink, grab the bag of school crap, shoes, and out the door.
  133.  
  134. >Walking to school’s not hard. At least you have sidewalks and decent streets here.
  135. >Sunset talks without looking at you, “Anon – I really appreciate what you’ve done for me… but… can I ask you for another favor?”
  136. “You’d like some help getting your stuff from wherever you’re not staying and bringing it to the house?”
  137. >”… yeah. I guess that’d be an obvious next step.”
  138. >You think about it while walking…
  139. “Yeah I think we can do that. We’ve got a truck in the back that I can go get during Study Hall. Then we can take off during lunch – how far is your… how far is the place you need to go?”
  140. >”Maybe 15 minutes by car. It’s an apartment complex. I left my purse there too so I might have to talk my way in with the apartment staff.”
  141. “Okay. Meet me at the west side parking lot at lunch. I think we can get out there and be back in time for fourth period biology.”
  142. >You’re thinking about how you’re going to talk your way out of study hall and don’t even notice when she stops and gives you a quick hug.
  143. >”Thanks!”
  144. >HELLO BRAIN. THIS IS GONADS. ALERT! ALERT! GIRL JUST HUGGED US! NOW WHAT?
  145. >HELLO GONADS. THIS IS BRAIN. NO FUCKING IDEA. STAND BY
  146. >oh look here we are at school. Thank god.
  147. >You go your separate ways… before anyone sees you together.
  148. >Well, this IS High School. Standards must be maintained etc.
  149.  
  150. >Fortunately, the guy who teaches (HA!) Study hall is a cool guy.
  151. >Some English dude named Smith or something. Tends to slip out during Study Hall himself a lot, comes back looking disheveled. About the same time that wall-eyed TA chick walks past the door.
  152. >He’s totally okay with you checking out provided you don’t get caught (HA!)
  153. >Anonymous, High School Ninja. With a hall pass. Hey, can’t take chances, you know?
  154. >A 20 minute walk turns into a 15 minute run turns into a panting rummage through the Box Of Things Former Tenants Left for some duffel bags and stuff turns into a 5 minute drive back to the school in time to see Sunset standing out at the west parking lot looking worried.
  155. >Brain: SAY SOMETHING CLEVER LIKE “Hey baby, need a lift?”
  156. >Sensible part of brain: SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH.
  157. “Hi.”
  158. >”Hi.”
  159. >CAPTAIN SMOOTH.
  160. “Okay, where do you need to go?”
  161. >Sunset directs you down some side streets off the main drag to an apartment complex.
  162. >Pretty nice looking place.
  163. >You spend an awkward few minutes sitting in an idling beater truck outside Rich Kid Estates. Then the gate opens, Sunset scampers back to the truck -
  164. >SHE IS CUTE WHEN SHE SCAMPERS
  165. >SHUT UP GONADS WE ARE DRIVING HERE
  166. > - and winds you around a couple buildings to the one “her b- the apartment she was staying in”
  167. >You are so glad you got some bags back at the house. You’ve played the “moving out of an apartment at speed” game before with your parents. Bags… help.
  168. >She doesn’t let you come in, so you’re… sitting in the truck again. Idling. Watching her go back and forth and tossing bags into the back of the truck.
  169. >Four trips – that’s not “I’m staying here overnight”.
  170. >That’s cohabitation.
  171. >Finally she climbs back into the truck. “Okay. Let’s go.”
  172. >She sounds… relieved? You’d be relieved too if you just finished bugging out …
  173. >Does leave some questions, though…
  174. “We have just enough time to get back and make it to Biology…”
  175. >Anon, driver for Dukes of Hazzard.
  176. >Thank god there isn’t too much traffic around lunch time.
  177. >Or cops.
  178. >You hope to never ask Meg for a favor involving cops.
  179. >The Gods of Traffic Lights smile upon you! You hit the parking lot with minutes to spare. Sunset helps you put a tarp over all the bags and stuff and you get back into the building AND into Biology class as the bell goes off.
  180. >… and Sunset left all her school stuff in the bags in the back of the truck in the parking lot.
  181. >You pull out a pad and a pen from your Bag of School Crap. She looks surprised.
  182. >God Damn Problem Solver Anon.
  183. >Stop posing like that. No one is looking. Sit down and learn things.
  184.  
  185. >Biology class and it’s FROG DAY!
  186. >Ewwww.
  187. >Usually you get stuck with another outsider when it comes to lab partners (you’re a new kid, you’ve always been a new kid) but this time Sunset plucks you out of the pool almost before the teacher finished saying
  188. >“Everyone pick a lab part-“ and there she is next to you “ner.”
  189. >”Hi.”
  190. “Hi. How do you feel about frog guts?”
  191. >”How about ‘ewwww’? Does that work for you?”
  192. >You grin.
  193. “Yeah it does. Okay. The trash can on the left of the bench is for garbage, the one on the right is for puking.”
  194. >”Ewwwwwwwwww!” there’s that smile again.
  195. >GONADS HERE – MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
  196. >BRAIN TO GONADS – DOWN, DAMMIT! FROG GUTS AHEAD!
  197. >…. Gonads here. Nevermind.
  198. > They keep saying they’re going to make this into some kind of thing you can do on a tablet PC, to save on frog guts and
  199. >(Sound of hurling several tables behind you)
  200. >… and mopping. Hasn’t happened yet, though.
  201. >Somehow, you and Sunset make it through this entirely heartwarming experience. Couple of guys waay in the back are menacing the freshman girls who’re taking this class ahead of their grade schedule with amputated frog legs, which is a great cover for the two of you to get the heck out without more frog entrails related stuff happening.
  202. >”I am going… to wash my hands… maybe for an hour.”
  203. “That… sounds like an excellent plan.”
  204. >You head for the bathrooms holding your hands up like surgeons in MASH.
  205. “Uncleeeaaaan! Uncleeeeaaan!”
  206. >She elbows you but that scowl is fighting with a smile in there.
  207. >Bathrooms achieved. Wash hands, use bathroom (you ain’t touchin’ NOTHING until you get the frog off your hands) and back out to find Sunset and … what’s his name… Young Studly the Football dude… kind of staring at each other.
  208. >Studly does not look happy. He looks angry.
  209. >Sunset does not look happy. She looks scared.
  210. >You change course to walk past Sunset and she pivots on one foot, *latches* onto your arm –
  211. >Mental SFX: KLANG! WE HAVE AIRLOCK!
  212. >-and you head off toward the other end of the school for her next class.
  213. >Well, she *drags* you off toward the other end of the school for HER next class.
  214. >Your next class is… back over here.
  215. >Just barely loud enough to hear, Sunset hisses, “Thanks, Anon… I don’t… he…”
  216. >It takes most of the walk to her classroom for her to put together a sentence.
  217. >”Can you come meet me here after this class? I… I don’t want to…”
  218. “Sure. If you stick around in the room I should be here in a few minutes.”
  219. >”Thank you.” She squeezes your arm which counts as a hug in your mind because you’re … a doofus.
  220. >You drop Sunset off at her next class and haul ass back to the OTHER end of the school for YOUR next class, putting a large cluster of people between you and Young Studly and the Studly Brigade.
  221. >SAFE IN CLASS. What class is this?
  222. >Trigonometry? The one with the quiz today?
  223. >Fuck.
  224.  
  225. >One Trig quiz later…
  226. >GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! You’re not expelled!
  227. >You scrape everything on your desk into your bag and hall ass to go protect- to go meet Sunset at the other end of the school.
  228. >Scuse me scuse me pardon me pardon me >shouldercheck< scuse me
  229. >That was Young Studly you just bumped
  230. >You poor bastard
  231. >One more period and there’s a chance you can get out of here alive! She – Sunset – her class is over there by the west parking lot with your truck.
  232. >If you’re lucky, you can get her and it home before anyone links the truck to her or you.
  233. >If you hadn’t peed an hour ago you would totally need to pee right now. But your new kid sensibilities coupled with a sense of impending Studly-related doom say “DO NOT GO IN THERE. YOU WILL DIE IF YOU GO IN THERE.”
  234. >So you put a mental cork in it and meet Sunset just outside her last class’s classroom.
  235. “One more hour.”
  236. >”Yeah. My class is over here.”
  237. “Mine’s across the hall. Thank god.”
  238. >”What? Can’t run a 440 hallway sprint?” she tsks, “I would have expected more from you.”
  239. “You may have a chance to see my ‘pursued by angry mob’ skills… After this class, I’ll meet you here and we’ll go out…”
  240. >You hunt for a door
  241. “Thataway to the truck and back to the Stables.”
  242. >Thankfully, she nods. “Why do they call it the Stables?”
  243. >You have a chance for a cool exit line!
  244. “I’ll tell you after school..”
  245. >Smile, pivot, go into classroom. Fail to go into classroom. Walk directly into water fountain. Bounce. Pivot.
  246. >She’s giggling at you.
  247. >So are a couple other people but the hell with them.
  248. >Pivot, step to the side, THEN go into the classroom.
  249.  
  250. >Pretty sure that was History class.
  251. >If you weren’t so focused on Not Getting Killed after school, you’d probably remember what the heck it was you were just taught.
  252. >You took notes. Maybe. You made markings on paper. That should count, right?
  253. >Anyway – There’s the bell!
  254. >You: out the door and across the hall and there’s Sunset and you both walk casually yet purposefully toward the exit
  255. >Which says “Fire Exit Only”
  256. >Crap.
  257. >Hang on, Anon Handyman sense tingling…
  258. >You don’t see any wires leading from the alarm box to anything that might give those doors any power.”
  259. “C’mere. Just lean against the bar with me and…”
  260. >ACCOMPLISHMENT UNLOCKED: YOU CAN OPERATE A GODDAM DOOR
  261. >You both slip out the “Fire Exit Only” door without any alarms going off. Go you!
  262. >The drive, thankfully, was uneventful.
  263. >You still park around the back of the house like you’re in a spy movie.
  264. >You two still jump out of the truck, grab the bags, and haul ass into the house like you’re in a spy movie.
  265. >Once the door slams shut, the two of you drop the bags, panting and staring at each other.
  266. >It takes a minute before you both recognize how silly that all must have looked, and start laughing breathlessly.
  267. >”Oh… my… GOD that was…”
  268. “I’m just glad he can fire laser beams from his eyes. I’d be toast.”
  269. >”YOU’D be toast? I’d be –“ and that thought makes her stop laughing. Full dead stop and she gets the same look she had when Studly blocked her path back at the bathrooms.
  270. >She’s trembling. Trembling.
  271. >Do. Something. Asshole.
  272. >You reach out for her hand.
  273. “Sunset – I –“
  274. >She flinched – a full body cringe away from the danger type flinch. From your hand. From you.
  275. >What else can you do? You stand there like a jerk trying not to look threatening until she comes back from wherever she was. Thankfully, this time she reaches for *your* hand and gets it.
  276. >”I’m… I’m sorry, Anon. The last couple of days have been… hard.” She laughs at something that’s clearly not funny. “Hell, this whole month has been a disaster from top to bottom.” She starts getting that far-away look again.
  277. >You take a chance and give her hand a squeeze. This time it works, she comes right back to the present.
  278. >”Thank you.”
  279. “It’s okay. If… this is going to sound so bad…. If you want to talk about what happened, you can. If not, you don’t have to. BUT…”
  280. >She looks warily at you. “But?”
  281. “BUT… the grass isn’t going to mow itself and I’d love some help getting the cuttings and the other garbage out to the curb. Let’s get this stuff upstairs, then meet me in your best ‘grubby clothes’ out at the garage. I’ll try and resurrect the mower.”
  282. >You can see her process your orders. Her eyebrows go up, she looks off to the side, then back at you, and nods, smiling. “Okay.”
  283. >You help Sunset haul her stuff upstairs (these bags are not big. Why are they so freaking HEAVY?) and go get changed.
  284.  
  285. >You’re downstairs first, but that doesn’t surprise you. Miss Shimmer doesn’t seem to do well on someone else’s schedule.
  286. >”So did y’all steal the school payroll or what?”
  287. >JESUS CHRIST
  288. “Oh HI Finn…”
  289. >Finn, in the living room, with the TV muted. Like he does sometimes. He gives you a jaunty little wave, his prosthetic leg detached and up on the coffee table (Meg hates that).
  290. >”Hey kid… you two looked like you pulled off the heist of the century out there and had the fe-der-ah-lays hot on your tail. What’s up?”
  291. >You babble a summary of Operation Get Sunset’s Stuff and Operation Get Home Alive while he’s unrapping and rewrapping his stump. You’re so wound up you don’t bother being fascinated with that whole operation. He makes a few grunts and “go on” noises, and when you crash to a halt with “And here we are.” He looks at you for a good long time.
  292. >Finn, for some reason, doesn’t blink too often. If you weren’t used to it you might get creeped out, but you’ve known him for six months and he’s a pretty damn amazing person. In a ‘scary carny ex-military one-legged growly-voiced coming-for-you-in-the-dark’ kind of way.
  293. >”Think you’re in trouble?”
  294. “Not… not yet. Guy like that’s too smart to just run out and try to bust me up. I don’t think he knows where I live and I didn’t see him following us home… I wouldn’t put it past him, though.”
  295. >”Sounds like I might spend a little more time on the porch, next few afternoons. Nice weather for it. Cool breeze feels good on ol’ “Stumpy”…
  296. >”You call that thing “Stumpy”?!?”
  297. >I’d like ‘Awkward as hell things for Sunset to walk in on for $500’, Alex.
  298. >”Gotta call it something, missy. Can’t call it ‘my leg’ because it don’t fully qualify.”
  299. >Finn can say stuff like that and get away with it for some reason. Lucky Bastard.
  300. >”If you don’t mind my asking, how often do you have to change the dressings on your leg?”
  301. >”They’re not dressings – it’s just padding. Keeps it from shiftin’ around in the socket here.”
  302. >”That’s a really … futuristic looking prosthesis.”
  303. >Finn gets a proud smile, “Carbon fiber, titanium alloy with a little aluminum. Best goddamn prosthetic leg the US Armed Forces is willin’ to pay for… if you smile at ‘em long enough. They don’t like it when one-legged soldiers stand at attention at their desk till they fall over.”
  304. “Yeah… from what he’s told me, Finn has… specialized skills.”
  305. >Finn growls, “I am a handsome, charming, debonair son-of-a-bitch. And if you don’t believe me, I’ll introduce you to my momma.”
  306. >You met his momma once. Yep.
  307. “So if you’re done sweet-talking my assistant…”
  308. >”Assistant?” Finn gave that word four syllables and you have no idea how. “That mean you’re gonna raise my rent ‘cos you’re hiring more personnel?”
  309. >Sunset giggles a little, “No, sir. He’s letting me work my way through paying off my rent. All right, Mister Important Maintenance Person… what do we need to do?”
  310. “First we pray the gas mower starts, because if it doesn’t, you and I are taking turns with the push mower on a little under a half-acre of bumpy, uneven lawn.”
  311. >Sunset raises her eyes heavenward and holds your palms up in supplication, “Oh Goddess, we beseech thee –“
  312. >And that’s when you think it’s a good idea to gently drag your assistant down the hall to the back door for yard work.
  313.  
  314. >The mower worked. Thank god.
  315. >Sunset worked, too. She was in jeans and a t-shirt – Okay, a *nice* pair of jeans and a *nice* t-shirt, but still – and she kept up with you.
  316. >Lawn mowed, edging done, weeds whacked, now it’s down to raking up some loose bits and stacking the bags at the curb.
  317. “You’ve done this before? I woulda thought your family had people to do this stuff.”
  318. >”They do… and I didn’t, not until last summer. I… volunteered to help repair some damage to the school grounds after… what happened.” Yeah there’s clearly whole paragraphs she left out there.
  319. “Speaking of parents… I know why *I* don’t live with mine. Why don’t you live with yours?”
  320. >”I said they’re rich, right? They’re off in Europe somewhere and I don’t like being by myself in big empty house… I was…” you can HEAR her try out different ways to say the next part, “Staying with someone for the semester.”
  321. >Staying with someone in that apartment complex where she sweet-talked her way through the gate and into a duplicate key so she could get all her stuff out as quick as possible.
  322. >”Why *don’t* you live with your parents, Anon?”
  323. >This is an old story by now, so you can tell it while raking and bagging.
  324. “About three months ago, my Dad finally told me why we moved around so much. We moved about every year or so because Dad was afraid someone was going to realize he clearly didn’t know what he was doing in any of the jobs he had.”
  325. >”Oh? Why –“
  326. “Dad stopped drinking about three months ago. We moved here, and that’s move number twenty for those keeping score, about six months ago.”
  327. >You scrape up some sticker weeds and bag them without looking up at her. Always a fun story, the story of Anonymous.
  328. >”Oh…”
  329. “We moved here and I just … Dad and I got real angry at each other for something stupid, but Dad plus anger plus gin and tonic is not easy to deal with. I realized I could move out at 17 and live on my own for the last year of High School – and maybe even graduate from the same school I started the year in – so when I saw an ad in the paper for this gig, I went for it.”
  330. >”Your Dad *stopped* drinking…?”
  331. “About three months ago. So I’m … getting to know my Dad minus the alchohol, too. I’m saving up for college, he’s getting his head on straight, and Mom is a lot more … relaxed and happy. My sisters, too.”
  332. >”You have sisters?”
  333. “You think I learned how to interact with females entirely from watching TV?”
  334. >”That’s a better theory than the one I *had*…”
  335. >You have a handful of grass clippings. It’s only natural you throw it at Sunset right now.
  336. >She throws one back.
  337. >Pretty soon you’re both scrambling for bags of cut grass, tearing them open and throwing clippings at each other and laughing and she’s chasing you down and SHOVING handfuls of that itchy stuff down the back of your shirt
  338. >You’re letting her do that because you cannot come up with ANYWHERE that would be even close to allowable to stuff grass on her. Two sisters, remember?
  339.  
  340. >About a half-hour longer than it should have taken, everything is cleaned up and most of the grass out of your clothing without taking any of it off. You do wind up flashing your stomach at her when you lift up your shirt higher than planned, which gets the expected “Eww!” flinch turn “The white! It burns!”
  341. >Not your fault you’re built like a barrel. And that you don’t get much sun down there. Shaddap.
  342. >Anyway, one shower and less grassy clothing later, you emerge for dinner. Sunset is sitting on the bed in her ro- in the room you’re letting her use. Door’s open, and she’s sitting there staring at something in her hand.
  343. >You knock a couple times. It takes three for her to look up. Her hair is still in a towel.
  344. >”Hi.”
  345. “Hey. Something wrong?”
  346. >”Um… do you know how to block someone from calling or texting your phone?”
  347. >Ever see someone try to casually ask something that’s really not a casual question? Yeah, that’s what’s happening now.
  348. “What kind of phone do you have?”
  349. >”An Apple.” (Figures.)
  350. “Yeah, can I?”
  351. >She does a couple more things to it, swipey get-this-off-my-screeny things and hands it to you. “Can you block… this number and this one?”
  352. >You do, in fact, bock them. You also notice a large number of missed calls and deleted texts.
  353. >2+2= The number you blocked probably associate with …
  354. “There you go. If you want to do this to anything else, you tap here next to the number, then slide to the left and tap “Yes”.
  355. >She looks a little more relaxed. Relaxed enough to smile, reach up, take the towel off her hair and shake her hair free.
  356. >BRAIN THIS IS GONADS – WE
  357. >GONADS THIS IS BRAIN – WAAAY AHEAD OF YOU, PAL
  358. “Dinner?”
  359. >”Yeah. What *is* dinner tonight?”
  360. >Wait for it…
  361. “Meg is cooking. Spaghetti.”
  362.  
  363. >Sooo much pasta.
  364. >Being a secret agent ninja transporter guy in school is hungry work.
  365. >But you didn’t get any on the back of your head, so SUCCESS!
  366. >Sprawled in your chair, toying with the debris on your plate. Meanwhile, Meg and Sunset are talking girl talky things, you suppose. Finn is still eating (where does all that food GO?) and SP is still nowhere to be seen.
  367. >”So who is this mysterious ‘Stone Pony’ anyway?
  368. “He rents out the attic and pays the most rent of anybody here. Part of that is because he can afford it – he’s a grower of plant stuff.
  369. >Meg smirks, “The other reason is that the attic has its own AC and ventilation system.
  370. >”Why is that?” Sunset asks.
  371. >”Because the rest of us don’t wanna smell like pot and patchouli alla time,” thank you, Finn. “Like I said this morning… Hippies.”
  372. >Sunset giggles, then tilts her head, “SP grows pot?”
  373. >”Nah, ginseng. There’s a biiig marked for locally grown, sustainable ginseng in the cities. Lotsa people with money wanna live long, healthy, ethically satisfying lives.”
  374. >Sunset nods and takes a drink. Finn waits for juust the right moment-
  375. >”The pot he grows for his personal, recreational use!”
  376. >SCORE! Sunset snrfls her beverage. She catches it before it becomes a full table-soaker, but not by much.
  377. >You’re laughing, Finn is laughing, Meg is laughing, and once Sunset dries her face off, she laughs too.
  378. >Hey this is cool.
  379. “SP is a very groovy, relaxed guy. Although I think he does things that involve bowling balls and pogo sticks up there sometimes.”
  380. >Meg nods and pantomimes, “Thump, bump, bang. Now, I’ve been up there a couple times… not a bowling ball or pogo stick to be found.”
  381. >”Any massive bongs?” Thaaaank you, Finn.
  382. >”None of those, either. He sleeps in a hammock, though.”
  383. >”Well, maybe he falls out.” Finn makes a vague “hippie falling out of a hammock” gesture.
  384. >You had to be there. It was funny. Shut up.
  385. >Dinner spins down and everyone present winds up in the living room on the immense sectional.
  386. >Sunset’s curled up near you. She snuggles down a little more. “Nice couch…”
  387. “Thank Meg. She’s the one who bought it.
  388. >”Turns out being on the town council pays more than freelance writing. At least right now it does.”
  389. >You wind up watching that show about the cops who solve crimes in that one city, then wind up watching a show about cops who solve crimes in another city, then wind up watching the news, then wind up getting really tired.
  390. “Ok. Put a fork in me. I’m done.”
  391. >Finn nods, Meg says “G’nite, kid,”
  392. >Sunset unfolds (nice and elegant) and gets up, “Me too. School tomorrow.”
  393. >You both plod up the stairs and head to your rooms.
  394. >”Anon?”
  395. >Pause. Sunset is halfway through the door when you turn, and on her way back into the hallway.
  396. “Yeah?”
  397. >”This… this is stupid.” She turns back, “I’m 17 and I should be able.. this is just…” She turns back to face you and takes a deep breath.
  398. >”Anon I’m… I … I don’t want to be by myself tonight. Not after he – after I saw –“ She stops again and screws her eyes shut, frowning.
  399. >”Anon, I’m scared.”
  400. >For some reason, you think back to when you were getting the garbage out of her room earlier today. There was a little box in there. A pregnancy test.
  401. >Oh.
  402. >OH.
  403. >CHOOSE WISELY.
  404. “Okay. My bed’s a full size, so it’s bigger than the one you have in there.”
  405. >Sunset holds up her hands, palms out, to you. “Everybody keeps their clothes on, and if anyone is uncomfortable with anything, we say so. Agreed?”
  406. >You take her hand in yours and give is a slow shake.
  407. “Agreed.”
  408. >”I’ll just… change into jammies and get my pillow.”
  409. >Jammies. You imagine your brain slapping your gonads into silence. Ow. Ow.
  410.  
  411. >One series of bed location negotiations later (“But *I* sleep on that side.” “So do I.” “But …” “Fine.”)
  412. >She’s lying on what you’d consider *your* side.
  413. >You’re lying on … that other side.
  414. >The lights are off, and no one is asleep. Everyone knows no one is asleep.
  415. >Screw it. You roll onto your side, facing her, and slide an arm under your pillow and… up between her pillow and the wall.
  416. >ATTENTION BODY: THIS IS THE BRAIN. WE ARE GOING TO SLEEP NOW. NO ARGUMENTS. STOP GIBBERING, GONADS.
  417. >Gonads: But there is a GIRL in our BED and oh okay…
  418. >Just as you drift off into a fiercely enforced slumber… you feel her shift around and back up against you with her head on your arm. And THAT is when you both finally get to sleep.
  419.  
  420. >MORNING! ALARM CLOCK!
  421. >Think you’d still be snuggling together? WRONG! At this point neither of you is taking up half the bed, exactly.
  422. >While one person can pretty much occupy a double bed, TWO people can occupy the LIVING FUCK out of a double bed.
  423. >YOU, Anon, are sprawled on your back at a diagonal going THIS way.
  424. >SHE, Sunset Shimmer, is splayed on her tummy at a diagonal going THIS way.
  425. >She is taking up more of the bed than you are. And she’s smaller than you. How does this work anyway?
  426. >Enough internal jibber-jabber. Turn off the alarm which is way over there on the other side of HER…. >Gingerly… lean.. over… reach.. across…
  427. >HELLO BONER HOW ARE YOU THIS FINE DAY?
  428. >Oh… Christ.
  429. >You invent a new form of Yoga called DO NOT TOUCH SLEEPING SCARED GIRL WITH BONER WHILE YOU TURN OFF THE ALARM CLOCK IMMEDIATELY.
  430. >Six eternities later you are successful and collapse onto your back on 1/3 of the bed.
  431. >Of course this is when she actually wakes up. “Mrrp?” Her jammies (her words) have ridden up and down in interesting ways and she’s stretching and
  432. >COMMENCE OPERATION CONCEAL BONER.
  433. >ALL BLANKETS REPORT TO ANONYMOUS’S CROTCH.
  434. >NOTHING TO SEE HERE, CITIZEN, MOVE ALONG.
  435. “Morning?”
  436. >Until now, you have never watched a person wake up, wonder where she was, panic, realize where she was, panic again, realize she was safe for a given value of safe, then relax.
  437. >You have now.
  438. >”Hiii….”
  439. “Did you sleep okay?”
  440. >”Mmhmmm…” more stretching.
  441. >OPERATION CONCEAL BONER NEEDS MORE RAW MATERIALS FOR CAMOFLAGE.
  442. >TEAR OFF WALL AND PLACE ON GROINAL REGION IMMEDIATELY
  443. >”I did… thank you…”
  444. >ATTENTION BONER: DOWN BOY. DOWN DAMMIT.
  445. >”My… stuff is still back in that room there…”
  446. “Yeah. We should have enough hot water for two showers at the same time.”
  447. >”Oooh. I’m o/`showering with Anooon o/`”
  448. >GOD DAMN IT BONER DOWN I SAY! DO NOT MAKE ME SMITE YOU WITH A TEXTBOOK.
  449. >She slinks – Deliberately slinks – out the door and down the hall.
  450. >Eventually you summon the necessary blood flow to the rest of your body to get up and get presentable.
  451. >Arguing with a part of your body that has no way to respond other than spitting at you.
  452. >You turn the shower all the way to cold JESUS CHRIST
  453. >BONER TO BRAIN: I SURRENDER
  454. >BRAIN TO BONER: WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHAT HAVE I DONE?
  455. >HINDBRAIN TO EVERYTHING: ME AM PLAY GOD! TURN FREEZY RAY OFF NOW PLS.
  456. >One … shivering and cursing sequence of actions later, a cleaner, if chilled, Anonymous is ready for breakfast.
  457. >More oatmeal – Oatmeal is cheap, good for you, and will keep until SP stirs himself.
  458. >”Anon – you said you were going to tell me why this place is called ‘The Sables’.”
  459. >Perfect timing, Sunset. Allow me to demonstrate my oatmeal-spitting skill for you!
  460. >Meg steps in before you spray everyone with oat bits. “A hundred years ago or so, most of this town was owned by one family – a very, very rich family. When the settlement turned into a town, the family sold off parcels of land so the town could have a town hall, a bank, stores and the like. This house is where that family kept their horses – so the plot of land was known as the “Stables”. And it still is.”
  461. >Meg beams, “We even got it on the historical register – so now they can’t tear it down!”
  462. >”So Miss Meg here don’t have to find a place with a higher rent and don’t have to get a car to get to work,” Finn adds.
  463. >You finally swallow your food. “What she said. The house isn’t more than 30 years old or so, but it was built where the barn used to be. That building in the back where we keep the tools was a smaller barn…”
  464. >”And while I’m asking about naaaames…” Sunset says with a calculating grin, “Why… are YOU… named ‘Anonymous’? Don’t you even have a last name?”
  465. >You’re amazed it took her this long to get to that question. Everyone else you spend more than 20 minutes with socially asks it. Then again, it looks like she’s had a lot of other things on her mind…
  466. “Back when Dad drank – and believe me when I say Dad coulda drank for the Government – he got on this ‘Soverign Citizen’ kick and wanted to change his name, and Mom’s name, to something so the Gubment would have no control over them.”
  467. >”I’ve read a little about them on Fizzbook. They’re… weird.”
  468. “No kidding. Mom put up a big fight over that and Dad… got his revenge when he named me. Mom was out thanks to me being a C-Section, and Dad, in his drunk wisdom, named me ‘Anonymous’. No first name, no last name. That was the closest Mom came to divorcing him… Now my SISTERS have real person names, at least.”
  469. >”Have you ever thought about changing it?”
  470. “Can’t do that until I’m 18… I think. Until then, that’s my name. I might still keep it though.” You adopt a much doofier voice than usual “Havin’ only one name is COOL!”
  471. >Sunset laughs – you might do something really stupid to get her to laugh again. It’s a really nice laugh.
  472. >THUD. WHAM!
  473. >”SP is up.” Meg observes, looking ceiling-ward.
  474. >…. THUD
  475. >”I wonder what’s going on up there?”
  476.  
  477. >Off to school.
  478. >This time around, there’s none of that “oh HIM, he’s not with ME” stuff. Sunset wants you right there with her until her first class. After checking with some of her other friends she assures you she’ll be fine.
  479. >Apparently the bouncy chick with the pink hair and the rancher chick have classes with her on 0 and 3rd period, while the one who overdid the hair streaking thing (the jock) shares 1st period class. The pink haired girl didn’t look thrilled to be her “escort” during 2nd period but…
  480. >Ok, she’s in good hands.
  481. >She also has all her books and notes and stuff today, thanks to your daring Stuff Extraction Mission.
  482. >Maybe now you can focus on not flunking High School in your Senior year!
  483.  
  484. >Orrrr. Not.
  485. >All the classes before lunch are easy ones:
  486. >Hear teacher say thing.
  487. >Write thing down.
  488. >Internalize thing.
  489. >Write thing on test.
  490. >Get a B because you remembered most if not all of thing.
  491. >Forget thing until final exam. Repeat last 3 steps to get B on final.
  492. >Yay.
  493. >… what that MEANS is that you have plenty of time to dwell on Sunset and what’s going on in her life. >You have a few bits connected: Young Studly, an EPT, a bruised and scared Sunset.
  494. >You just don’t want to jump to anything crazy. Don’t need a replay of what happened in Upper Manehattan a few years ago.
  495. >By the time Dad moved you all out of there, pretty much no one liked you. You thought you were doing the right thing and whoo boy were you wrong.
  496. >You successfully do not get expelled or fail anything and make it all the way to lunch, which you’re going to have to buy, because you haven’t been organized enough to pack a lunch so far this week.
  497. >In the cafeteria, you spot Sunset and some of her other friends (when did “weird streaks of color in my hair” become a thing, anyway?) as you come out to the tables with tray in hand. Once you’ve mugged the soda machine for more caffeine, you head over that way.
  498.  
  499. >As you get closer, Sunset and said friends seem to agree on something, and they …leave Sunset there at the table with you.
  500. >Okayyy.
  501. “Hi.”
  502. >”Hi.”
  503. “Everything ok?”
  504. >”… right now… things are kinda far from ‘okay’, but I’m all right, I think. Anon, I need to ask you a really serious question.”
  505. >CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC.
  506. >Ok not really but you get that ‘do I need to run away now?” sensation.
  507. >Instead, you set your tray down across the table from her, plunk yourself down, move the tray over and lean on your elbows facing her.
  508. “Shoot.”
  509. >Watching Sunset think things over before she speaks is… fascinating. This girl does not hide her emotions well. Not at all. You listen to the background noise of a high school cafeteria for a while and then she says, “Why?”
  510. “Huh?”
  511. >”Why are you helping me? Why are you being nice to me? We barely know each other. You’ve been here all of six months, but you must have heard about what a Queen Bitch I’ve been since middle school. I’m not the most popular girl in school anymore, so that’s not it – and you haven’t tried to get into my pants even after you gave me food and shelter and –“ her voice catches and she leans back in the char, hands flat on the table.
  512. >”And … people … don’t… DO… that. Not with strangers. So. I want to know… why?”
  513. >For once you don’t have to think about what you’re going to say.
  514. “I’ll tell you, but it’s going to take a running start – bear with me.
  515. “Back when I was little, I was pretty much raised by the TV. I watched… a LOT of TV. When my parents had a ‘grown up’ party, I was sent off to watch TV in their room. That sort of thing.
  516. “On some cable channel somewhere up in the high numbers there was this kid’s show being rerun called ‘The Kids from CAPER’. They were some low-budget kid show ripoff of the Monkees –“
  517. >”Who are the ‘Monkees’?”
  518. “… We can cover that later, maybe. ANYway, it only ran for one season so they showed the episodes a LOT. There were four heroes and each of them had their own ‘thing’ – one was really strong, one was really smart, like that…
  519. “Well, ONE of them was just ‘incredibly decent’. “
  520. >Blink.
  521. >”Incredibly decent?”
  522. “Yeah. And while I may never be super strong, or really smart, or any of those other super powers out there… I can be … decent. Treat people like people, not things...”
  523. >”… that is a really weird reason to be nice to me.”
  524. “The other reason I’m helping you is… because you asked.”
  525. >”That makes even less sense.”
  526. “You asked. You clearly had a problem, and it’s a problem I could help with. You needed a place to stay and I just happened to have a place.”
  527. >”That doesn’t’ explain why you’re so … nice to me.”
  528. >You take a deep breath.
  529. “It also doesn’t hurt that I like you. You’re pretty, you’re handling a tough situation a LOT better than a lot of people might, and you haven’t tried to use me as leverage against your ex-boyfriend.”
  530. >She starts to say something but this time *you* get to hold up a hand
  531. “I know you were going with *someone* before you came up and asked me about a place to stay. I don’t know what happened *and I’m not going to ask*… and you haven’t tried to use me as a way to get back together with him.”
  532. >”That happens?”
  533. “Someone did that to me a couple of schools back. We ‘dated’, if that’s the word for it, for about a month. Then one day she was back with Mister Unibrow and didn’t know my name.”
  534. >”That’s… awful. REALLY awful.”
  535. “Yeah, it sucked.”
  536. >THUNKscrape. Someone just kicked your chair from behind. “Faggot!”
  537. >Aaand called you a name just loud enough for you to hear. Anonymous bully sense tingling.
  538. >Based on past experience, you don’t turn around. You lean forward and ask Sunset
  539. “That who I think it might be?”
  540. >Sunset is not looking at you. She’s looking over your shoulder with really big eyes. Deer, meet headlights.
  541. >You reach over and put your hand on hers and this time she doesn’t flinch.
  542. “Sunset? You in there?”
  543. >It takes a moment, then she breathes in, shuddering.
  544. >”That’s… HIM.”
  545. “Him. HIM him?”
  546. >”HIM.”
  547. >Him. Now that we’ve all said “him” four times… five if you count that last one.
  548. “Is he gone?”
  549. >”Yeah, he and Br- his other friends from the team. Three of them.
  550. >Anonymous Life Experience Powers GO!
  551. “Well, now I know when to expect to get beat up. Probably day after tomorrow. That’s a Friday, so there’ll be two days for everyone to get all hyped about him beating up some dweeb over the weekend, and long enough for any bruises or injuries to fade so I wouldn’t have any real evidence to bring up against him. Plus, he’ll probably hit me in the stomach and the nads a lot. No one wants to show bruised nads to a school nurse…”
  552. >”How… can… you… say… that… so… CALMLY?”
  553. >You give her a lopsided grin.
  554. “I told you I‘ve moved a lot. New kid. Bullseye on my back from day one. There’s two good things about growing up like that is you learn to be really adaptable and you learn that no matter where you are, certain types of people follow certain patterns of behavior. Especially popular studly sports assholes.
  555. “It’s like they watch the high school movies where a guy gets hassled by asshole jocks and say ‘Yeah! THAT’S what I’ll be!’”
  556. >”This actually gets a >snrk< from Sunset. Which is good. Laughing isn’t the same as panicked.
  557. >You commence to wolfing down lunch. Ar om nom nom.
  558. >Sunset watches you with disbelief. “How can you EAT after that?”
  559. >Several uncouth mouth sounds follow as you actually swallow that mouthful of food.
  560. “I’m pretty sure I know what’s going to happen, and it’s not going to happen until Friday. I have a couple days to make… arrangements. Just be aware that we’re driving to school on Friday and driving home right after final bell. We might get to school early so I can park as close to the door as possible.”
  561. >Sunset works her way through that – it doesn’t take long – smart and pretty when she’s not scared and panicky.
  562. >”Okay.” She looks down. “Speaking of which, what IS this?”
  563. “I think it’s called SPLOKT.”
  564. >”Splokt?”
  565. “That’s the sound it made when it hit the tray. Not bad though. I think there’s an actual named meat in here… “
  566. >That gets a very tiny “Eww.” But after Sunset picks at it a few times, she … eats her roll and the vegetables and the applesauce. And the pudding cup.
  567. >She likes pudding.
  568. >Good sign.
  569. >What the hell is THAT supposed to mean, brain?
  570.  
  571. >“BASTARD!”
  572. >You and your chair go back about a foot. Sunset is staring at her phone and as angry as you’ve ever seen her. Then she looks up, looks around, and hunches down really small. Fortunately this wasn’t one of those moments where everyone else mysteriously stopped talking just before she said it.
  573. >You cautiously scoot your chair back to the table.
  574. “Uh. Something … wrong?”
  575. >Sunset looks really, really, really pissed. Seriously world-class seething mad. You make a mental note: Never cause this look on her face. Ever.
  576. >Lose a limb first if necessary.
  577. >”That… son… of… a… BITCH!” Only girls can put that much baggage into that word “Took. My. Credit. Card.” Oh yeah, there’s her purse right there on the table. Open. And her wallet. Also open.
  578. >”I have ONE credit card and that’s for EMERGENCIES because I’m only 17 and not old enough for the responsibility and bla bla bla and that BASTARD TOOK IT AND MAXED IT OUT!” She’s not screaming at you, but boy does it feel like she is.
  579. >Amazing what saying stuff forcefully through clenched teeth will do to words.
  580. “… you’re not angry at *me*, right?”
  581. >”NO.” She says angrily.
  582. “… okay. So… your card has an emergency number on it, right? Call them and tell them your purse was stolen. You got it back, but your card was taken and anything that was bought after… the last time you had your purse was an unauthorized purchase.”
  583. >”… I know what I’m supposed to do, Anon… but… I don’t want them to send the card to my house or to HIS… or to where I was staying…” She still can’t say Young Studly’s name. Oof.
  584. “Send it to the Stables… I’ll send the address to your phone.” You extract your cheap ass phone from your pocket. It’s cheap, but you can’t kill these boogers. “What’s your number?”
  585. >Sunset gives it to you without any questions.
  586. >That probably also means something. Not something as weird as the pudding thing.
  587. >”I’ll… go into the restroom and call the credit card people. Meet me there and we’ll go to fourth period?”
  588. “Will do. At least this time we won’t have to cut open frogs.”
  589.  
  590. >Fourth period. Biology.
  591. >Pickled Pig Guts.
  592. >Are they TRYING to make us hurl?
  593. >(disgusting noises behind you again)
  594. >If so, they’ve got a 20% success rate.
  595. >Even the two guys who were doing things with frog legs yesterday look skeeved out. The two freshman chicks seem fine, though. That might be worrisome.
  596. >In any case, you and Sunset prod at dismembered pig parts for about 40 minutes.
  597. >From a distance
  598. >with the longest scientific tools you can find.
  599. >Also gloves.
  600. >REEEALLY thick gloves.
  601. >You escape relatively unscathed other than the psychological trauma you’ll experience any time someone offers you a pulled pork sandwich.
  602. >You hand off Sunset to Ranch Chick (who has 5th period with her) so this time, no sprint THAT way.
  603.  
  604. >Why HELLO Trig class
  605. >You didn’t fail the quiz! You can still go to a real college! You won’t have to pump gas for a living! Yay!
  606. >Yay. What the hell are you going to do about Studly on – you hope – Friday?
  607. >While the teacher drones on, you get a nudge from the guy to your left. Scruffy red hair, buck teeth. Excitable, but ok.
  608. >”Hey Anon! Heard you were going out with Shim-mer!”
  609. “Uh. No.”
  610. >”But you’re *with* her now, yeah?
  611. “I’m.. helping her out with some things.”
  612. >”I’d like to HELP her out with some THIIINGS…”
  613. >Ever meet someone who can turn any sentence into something dirty? That’s this guy.
  614. >”MISTER NIPPINGTON IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS?”
  615. >VOICE OF DOOM. THIS TEACHER THROWS ERASERS.
  616. >”I was just asking Anon about problem three!”
  617. >”WHAT IN PARTICULAR?”
  618. >Good god, are we being taught Trig by Severus Snape?
  619. >Skippy (that’s his first name, isn’t it?) goes into detail about problem 3 and it makes enough sense that the teacher gives him a pass on talking in class. Smart guy, but doofy.
  620. >He gives you a look when the teacher’s back is turned, all eyebrows and expectant grin.
  621. >You attempt to shout “WE ARE JUST FRIENDS” at him without saying anything.
  622. >He mouths back “SUUUUUURE” with significant eyebrow waggling.
  623. >Oh great. If this guy thinks that, that means Young Studly will put some extra hurt sauce on the impending beatdown. Charming.
  624.  
  625. >You escape Trig unscathed.
  626. >Scuse me scuse me scuse
  627. >SMACK IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD<
  628. >“Faggot you are DEAD!”
  629. >That would be Studly.
  630. >Good thing you’re “nimble for your size”.
  631. >No shit, a football coach told your parents that back in fifth grade. SO glad you moved soon after.
  632. >You briskly cut around a cluster of girls, slide past a teacher and onward to sixth period across from Sunset’s class.
  633. >What *does* Sunset take sixth period?
  634. >Home Ec or something. Hyper Pink Hair chick is in there with her and it’s already a mess. Sunset shoots you a little smile before something flour-related happens in the immediate vicinity. “Sorreeeee!”
  635. >You take cover in your classroom.
  636. >Nothing much of importance happens until final bell.
  637.  
  638. >Would you believe you and Shimmer get back to the Stables unharmed?
  639. >You do. You actually do.
  640. >In the company of Shimmer’s five other chick friends from earlier.
  641. >One of which just HAPPENS to be carrying an aluminum softball bat.
  642. >Anonymous, protected by women.
  643. >Good thing you have no reputation to speak of.
  644. Since they’re coming with you regardless of what you say, you show them around the Stables a bit and leave them to do chick things while you deal with the usual Wednesday stuff. Recycling collection, sit down and write some checks…
  645. >THUNK CRASH
  646. >Seriously consider leaving a note on SP’s door about the noise.
  647. >Snf. Oh hey. Someone made brownies. Gonna have to get a piece of that after dinner.
  648. >You hear a car with far more muffler than necessary rumble past out front.
  649. >The kind of car Young Studly might drive, in fact.
  650. >You do NOT peek through the curtains.
  651. >… until you’re pretty sure they’re a few houses away. Yep. Red. Convertible. R type sticker. Spoiler.
  652. >Jeezus H. Tap Dancing Christ.
  653. > The girls were in the back, maybe. Better go check.
  654.  
  655. >Yep, they were.
  656. >Their party (the pink haired one calls almost anything a ‘party’) breaks up a little while later, and a little more serious than they were when you started chores. Both of you duck into your respective rooms and come out dressed for “slouching around indoors” – t shirts and shorts.
  657. >Hers are much cuter than yours, naturally.
  658. “Hi.”
  659. >”Hi.”
  660. “You ok?”
  661. >”… I’m… less ‘not okay’. Does that make sense?”
  662. “I think it does. Dinner’s in a few, but someone made brownies.
  663. >”Is THAT what I smell?” She heads into the kitchen while you head upstairs to argue with a shower head. From downstairs you hear a “YESSSS!” So apparently there are in fact brownies. Cool.
  664.  
  665. >Dinner! Meg again – this time, lasagna.
  666. >So much pasta part II: The Pastanating.
  667. >For all the drama today, Sunset’s in a pretty good mood.
  668. >”So the credit card company’s sending a new card here… this is really good!”
  669. >Meg beams. It’s not that she’s the unofficial Den Mother of the Stables. She’s the OFFICIAL Den Mother of the Stables. Someone even gave her a Scouts Den Mother cap once.
  670. >”Do you have any money you can get to, Sunset?”
  671. >”Yeah - wow this is good – I left my debit card at home so I can go get that later and I still had some cash because *someone* -“ she points her fork toward you –“kept paying for everything this week.”
  672. “Well, it’s not like you had that much cash then. And we just got your stuff back yesterday.”
  673. >”We did.. or rather youuu did…” she giggles, “So now my stuff is safe… and I’m safe… this is really, really good lasagna, Meg!”
  674. >Meg is always one to take a compliment when it comes to her Italian food.
  675. >There’s more general chit chat, including you asking Finn if you could have ‘a chat’ with him maybe tomorrow.. – “Think they’ll show up tomorrow?”
  676. “Nah. Friday if they fit the pattern.”
  677. >”Guess I’m hanging out on the porch on Friday afternoon. I’ll bring a pitcher of lemonade. Supposed to be warm then.”
  678. >Sunset doesn’t seem to be listening to this part of the conversation. She’s happily demolishing her second slice of Meg’s bazillion layer lasagna and humming something to herself.
  679. >”I *really* did not think I would be this hungry… I already had a brownie… or was it two?”
  680. >Brownies.
  681. >*penny drops*
  682. “Hey, Meg… did you make brownies?”
  683. >”No… did you, Finn?
  684. >”You know what happens with me and baked goods… I didn’t do it.”
  685. >”That would mean the brownies are from…”
  686. >Awwwwshit.
  687. >Very casually, you slide your chair back and take your dishes into the kitchen to rinse them. Once that’s done, you start looking around on the floor under the counter on which is a glass backing dish missing… three brownies out of the original set.
  688. >It takes a minute, but you see it – a piece of notebook paper, face down on the floor under the counter.
  689. >Written on the other side, in neat block letters: I MADE SOME BROWNIES. I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS THEM – SP
  690. “Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. SP made the brownies.”
  691. >Meg and Finn react pretty much at the same time and pretty much with the same expression. Sunset pauses in mid-scarf…
  692. >”SP made them? They were goooood…”
  693. >Meg clears her throat. “Anon… does it look like he used green herbs in the brownies?”
  694. >You grab the pan, tilt it slightly. Little green flecks of plant matter in there. Lots. Of. Them.
  695. “I think he made this batch extra strength.
  696. >”Was that mint? I didn’t taste any mint…. “
  697. >Meg takes over (Den Mother, remember?)… “Sunset, dear? Have you ever been drunk?”
  698. >”MMhmmmmm… but I’m not drunk… I’d know if I were drunk. I’m just really relaxed and … this really tastes gooood.”
  699. >”Have you ever been under the influence of marijuana?”
  700. >”Nooooo….?”
  701. >Meg sighs. “Well, you are now, dear heart. SP make brownies with cannabis mixed in. And since you’ve had three of them… you’re going to be like this for a while.”
  702. >Sunset perks up, “Good! This is the most relaxed I’ve felt in weeeeeeeeks…”
  703. >Not without a reason, Meg and Finn both look over at you.
  704. “I’ll … stay up with her.”
  705. >”Nonny’s gonna watch over meee…” Sunset has a nice singing voice. When she’s high. Apparently.
  706. >After some more lasagna is eaten, dinner breaks up. Meg and Finn find all kinds of reasons to be in the kitchen, cleaning up and putting away leftovers. That leaves you to shepherd Sunset into the living room.
  707. >”This couch is soooo comfyyy…”
  708. >Part of you envies her. Part of you just worries.
  709.  
  710. >Much later that night.
  711. >In the living room. With Sunset. Who is still high from eating three of SP’s high-octane pot brownies.
  712. >Watching cartoons. With Sunset snuggled right in against you. With your hands, directed by hers, wrapped around her middle, her hands on top of yours.
  713. >”Nonny… do you like cartoons?
  714. >Thank god, an easy one.
  715. “I do. Watched a lot of ‘em when I was young and I still watch ‘em when I can’t get to sleep. It’s a deep dark secret of mine.”
  716. >”I like ‘em too…” she giggles, “And I gotta deep dark secret or two…” She squeezes your arms, which makes you hug her, which you don’t mind at all. “Lotta seeecrets… this feels good. Feels safe. Safe safe saaafe I’m safe it’s all safe now the thing said ‘no’ I’m safe…”
  717. >Thing said no?
  718. >The test.
  719. >Oh. Okay.
  720. >Wisely, you don’t say anything about that.
  721.  
  722. “Secrets, huh?
  723. >You really should NOT say that to a stoned person.
  724. >”MMmhmmmm. You have noooo idea, Nonny…” she sighs. “Safe safe saaaafe with you…”
  725. >Sunset gradually teeters over sideways, taking you with her. Good thing this couch has thick cushions.
  726. >Off how Finn and Meg had to go … elsewhere in the house. Eh. You turn the TV down a little just to be polite.
  727. >”Mmmf.”
  728. >You didn’t think about how you’re now spooning with her up until this point.
  729. >”Mnf.Mf…”
  730. >You also didn’t think about how you’re both wearing relatively thin shorts.
  731. >”mmmmm…”
  732. >And how she’s pushing her butt against you.
  733. >ATTENTION BRAIN: THIS IS GROIN. GUESS WHAT?
  734. >You can’t exactly look at Sunset’s face from behind her. She shakes her hair a little and sinks into the cushions more. She also pushes back against you. A lot. And moves your hands around.
  735. >”HmmmMMmmMm…”
  736. >You remain quiet. Very, very quiet. And still. This is not easy. You attempt to ignore her butt up against something that could be used to carve Mt. Rushmore and watch the god damn cartoons… until you feel her move one hand up along her torso and… you are pretty damn certain your hand is on her breast now. Because belly buttons do not poke into the palm of your hand like that. Not even through a tshirt.
  737. “… uh… Sunset?”
  738. >”Shhhhh….”
  739. >She presses your hand against her tit. Yep. You are now fondling – you’re not fondling. She’s… how the hell do you say this? While you’re trying to parse THAT idea you realize where she’s pushing your other hand… down over the waistband of her shorts and…
  740. “Sunset?”
  741. >”Sh’tup… Nonny… just…”
  742. >You just.
  743. >You just lie there while she grinds against your dick. While she pushes your hand against her breast… then coaxes you into squeezing. Ok you don’t just. You push back a little and she mashes her tit with your hand. Nevermind what she’s doing to your groin with her butt. And that distracts you until you realize how god damn warm she is down there where she’s pressing your other hand.
  744. >”Nonny…jus’… needthis… please…”
  745. >What the fuck.
  746. “Okay…”
  747.  
  748. >Sunset lets out a long, drawn-out sigh and pushes your hand hard against her mound. Shorts or no shorts, you’re getting a guided tactile tour of what to touch, where to press, all the while she’s making slow circles against you with her butt.
  749. >This goes on… for fucking ever. You don’t know what time it is. You don’t care. You don’t want to go farther
  750. >Wwell, you do, but you don’t, because you aren’t an asshole,
  751. >even if you think she’d let you,
  752. >shut up and focus, dammit
  753. >She makes a very, very small sound… and before you can figure out what’s going on you realize she’s pulled your hand down into her shorts and yes, you sir, are touching a woman’s vagina.
  754. >Sunset bucks back against you hard – like bruise things hard – then moves your hand this way, that way. Guiding your fingers with little gasps and encouraging moans..
  755. >”Mmmm… nnngh… there… rightthere… please…”
  756. >BRAIN TO EVERYTHING: YER ON YER OWN
  757. >You push back against her butt… she draws your fingers along (what’s the latin term? Who cares?) soft, damp skin under her shorts… up to stroke the really fine, soft curls (and wonder if they’re the same color as-) before she pushes your hand down, curling the fingers against her … pushing one finger into a curl and mashing up and against and in (!!!)
  758. >GONADS TO EVERYTHING: help meeeeee
  759. >You feel her do that with your finger several times, faster and faster… with no warning she slams her ass against you, mashes her tit with one hand and buries her face into the couch cushion. She’s locked in that position, spasming, for a long time… and then, with a long, drawn out sigh…she goes limp.
  760. >… holy fuck.
  761. >What. Just. Happened?
  762. >You just molested a stoned chick, that’s what you did.
  763. >BULLSHIT. SHE molested HERSELF with YOUR HANDS.
  764. >... holy fuck part II.
  765.  
  766. >It becomes obvious after a minute that she is asleep. Solid, stoned, dead asleep.
  767. >You can NOT stay here the rest of the night. With your hand in her pants.
  768. >Ok, technically, you COULD … but you’re not an asshole.
  769. >With the patience of a bomb disposal technician, you gradually extract your hand and hers from her shorts. She sighs and moves a little, but so far, so good. Getting your hand off her boob is easier (god damn that nipple could cut glass – and you haven’t even SEEN it.)
  770. >Gradually, with all the grace of a baby giraffe falling down a spiral staircase, you get yourself upright and her in your arms.
  771. >You carry her upstairs… to HER room, and tuck her in, to HER bed, all while sporting a raging hard-on. The kind you could user as a mooring tower for very small airships. Seriously. This is the boner of doom here.
  772. >Just as you’re closing the door you hear her say something in her sleep. No idea what. Sounded happy thought.
  773. >click
  774. >Okay.
  775. >She’s good.
  776. >Now go ahead you fucking pervert.
  777. >You smell your fingers.
  778. >BONER TO EVERYTHING: ALL YOUR BLOOD IS MINE. NO NEGOTIATION.
  779. >Going to have to take care of this.
  780. >As you stagger to your room, you realize that it’s your right hand that she used. And you’re right handed.
  781. >This day just keeps getting MORE confusing and weird.
  782. >After the single most awkward Manual Override you have ever performed, and half a box of tissues, and a very fast trip to the bathroom to shower and wash your EVERYTHING, you stagger back into your room and fall over into bed.
  783. >You know what, they’re right – it DOES feel like someone eise if you use your off-hand!
  784. >After that, either you knocked yourself unconscious on the wall, or you just fell asleep. Who the fuck cares?
  785.  
  786. >MORNING.
  787. >HOW ARE YOU ANON?
  788. >YOU MOLESTED A STONED GIRL LAST NIGHT WHO LOOKED TO YOU FOR SAFETY
  789. >HOW’S THAT FEEL, SPORT?
  790.  
  791. >… shit.
  792.  
  793. >You stay in your room for as long as you think you can get away with it. But you have too many commitments that are too hard to keep, so you finally get dressed and very carefully head downstairs.
  794. >The kind of ‘going downstairs’ that can change into ‘dodging flying objects’ at any moment.
  795. >People *are* talking down there. Sounds like Meg and Finn and… Sunset.
  796.  
  797. >… shit.
  798. >Suck it up, buttercup. Time to face the music.
  799.  
  800. >”Morning, Anon!” “Hi Anon.” “Good morning..”
  801. “Hi…”
  802. >Fortunately oatmeal assembly requires no small talk. Not that there is any small talk. At all. For a really agonizingly long time.
  803. >”Anon?”
  804. “Mmrys?”
  805. >You can’t make eye contact. But if you prop your head up with one hand and stare at your bowl of breakfast oats at least you won’t say or do something stupid.
  806. >”Anonymous?”
  807. “Mrnf?”
  808. >”A. Non. Ny. Mous.”
  809. >Meg looks back and forth at you and Sunset and reaches a decision.
  810. >”Anon and Sunset have the living room. Finn, I need you to come with me.”
  811. >”But I ain’t finished with-“
  812. >”Finn I Need You To Come With Me.”
  813. >”… yes’m.”
  814. >You’d think that definitely meant they had a thing going on if you weren’t going around in circles in your head about…
  815. >”Come over here, Anon. Sit down. Right here.”
  816. >You do. Still can’t make eye contact.
  817. >”Anonymous, look at me.”
  818. >It takes the better part of a year, but get your head to operate enough to achieve this.
  819. >She doesn’t look angry.
  820. >She doesn’t look frightened.
  821. >She doesn’t even look sad.
  822. >”Hi there?”
  823. “Hi.”
  824. >”So … apparently pot brownies make me horny.”
  825. >BRAIN TO EVER-ohfuckit *shut down*
  826. “Ah…”
  827. >”They don’t make me black out, though.”
  828. “Ah.”
  829. >”Nope.”
  830. So you remem-“
  831. >She stops you right there. She even uses the “stop right there” gesture.
  832. >”Pot brownies make me really relaxed and horny and a little sleepy… but not too sleepy to do something about the horny part. It felt good. It felt really, really good.”
  833. >BRAIN IS NOT HERE RIGHT NOW. PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE WITH THE SPLEEN.
  834. “You were high and I mo-“
  835. >”No. You did not.”
  836. “I was supposed keep you sa-“
  837. >”That’s the point. I haven’t wanted to do anything since we foug-… since he h-… since the day I ran out of there and ran into you. And you helped me find a place to stay and get my stuff and got me away from that bastard and you kept your head when I was freaking out. I … feel safe and I haven’t felt safe in months. And when that happened the part of me which says ‘Hi I’m a teenage girl and I’m horny as hell’ woke up and I wanted that pleasure… and I didn’t want to have it alone. I wanted to have it with you.”
  838. >You really should blink now, Anon. Blinking. That’s a great idea. So is saying something not stupid.
  839. >Blinking: done.
  840. >Good luck on that other part.
  841. “I…I’m glad it felt good?”
  842. >Standby for peril analysis
  843. >She giggles. Like, big bubbly giggling. Your heart starts beating again. You didn’t realize it had stopped back there a minute ago. Oh, and you remember to breathe.
  844. >”It felt grrrreat,”
  845. >BRAIN BACK ONLI-ohfuck.
  846. >That little growl she put in that last word did some heavy things to your hormones.
  847. “Sunset…”
  848. >”Let’s try me asking a question: Did you enjoy getting me off?”
  849. “… yes.”
  850. >”Do you think any less of me for helping me have a toe-curling, pillow-chewing orgasm?”
  851. “Hell no.”
  852. >”Would you like to do something like that again some time?”
  853. “Yes but-“
  854. >”No buts-“
  855. “No this time there has to be a great big but… BUT… none of what I’ve done. NONE of this…” you gesture vaguely around the living room “was so I could get into your pants. You’re… really attractive. You’re god damn beautiful-“
  856. >”I am not-“
  857. “Nuh-uh it’s my turn to rant uninterrupted!” That got a smile from her, sorta, “Life isn’t a Zach Ephron movie. The weird new guy does NOT get rewarded with sex if he puts enough niceness coins into the girl machine. This is NOT a dating sim. You are NOT obligated to lay me because I got you a place to stay – I did it because if I didn’t I’d be an asshole and I will be GOD DAMNED if I’m gonna turn out like…”
  858. >Why the fuck are your eyes tearing up?
  859. “Those fucking…”
  860. >Under other circumstances you could punch the shit out of some drywall right now. After all, you can fix that shit. That’s what you do, fix things? Right?
  861. >Instead, you sit there with everything clenched.
  862. >Sunset puts her hands on your shoulders. That’s all.
  863. >That’s enough.
  864. “I… really… want to give you … a massive… massive hug right now.”
  865. >She climbs into your lap, wraps her legs around your waist, and hugs you.
  866. >Why the fuck are YOU shaking? It’s not like YOU had anything bad happen to you, right?
  867. >… shut up brain. I’m going to hug this girl for a while.
  868.  
  869. >”So after you put me to bed… did you..?”
  870. “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it might incriminate me.”
  871. ?>”Is THAT why you took a new box of kleenex up to your room before we left?”
  872. “SILENCE!”
  873. >*snrt*
  874. “I KEEL YOU!”
  875. >Sunset laughs about THAT for five minutes. Partially because every time she looks at you, you give her the big eyed “SILENCE!” thing. Only steal from the best.
  876.  
  877. >Here we are at school! Yay!
  878. >There’s a guy here who wants to kick your ass!
  879. >… here we are at school. Yay.
  880. >At least we have Sunset’s friends to help run interference.
  881. >… we?
  882. >Yeah. It appears Sunset and Anonymous are a “we’.
  883. >Maybe. At least really, really good friends
  884. >(who give each other orgasms)
  885. >SHUT UP YOU.
  886. >You’re so preoccupied with running that conversation from the morning over and over in your head you walk right past Studly and Co between periods two and three. Unscathed.
  887. >You realize this as you crash down at your desk for Study Hall.
  888. >Okay. They threatened you yesterday. They’re not threatening you now.
  889. >Damned if they aren’t following the schedule.
  890. >What you want to bet there’s an Anonymous (HA!) note in your locker, shoved in through the vents, threatening doom and destruction when you open it up?
  891. >If the asshole used cut out letters from a magazine, you get enough bonus points to merit a big bag of red bites from the drug store.
  892. >DEAL.
  893. >Wonder if Sunset likes red bites?
  894. >(hurr hurr bites)
  895. >SHUT IT.
  896.  
  897. >Lunch time! Thursday so… Tacos?
  898. >Well, school lunch tacos.
  899. >(hurr hurr ta-
  900. >SO HELP ME I WILL STAB YOU WITH A Q TIP
  901. >(sorry)
  902.  
  903. >Sunset’s five friends are already at a table with her and this time, they’re not scampering away when you show up.
  904. >Okay, the pink haired one scampers. Miss toomanycolors stomps, Ranch Chick Ambles, Posh Spice sashays and the quiet one just sorta disappears.
  905. >When the heck did you start noticing that? When did Sunset’s friends become important to you?
  906. >File that away for later.
  907. >Anyway, they all have their taco trays – Rainbow chick has two
  908. >(hurr hurr)
  909. >I WILL DROWN YOU IN BOONE’S FARM TURQUOISE WINE. STOP. THAT. SHIT.
  910. >(scared puppy noise)
  911. >You’re greeted with a chorus of “Hi Anon!” and one “Nonny!” rib cage crushing hug.
  912. >Yeah, Miss Pink Hair’s a hugger.
  913. >Tacos are devoured. Messily.
  914. >(…)
  915. >That was impressive restraint. Be proud.
  916. >(no blue wine pls ever)
  917. >The girls (you really should learn their names) hit you with random questions about where you’re from, what it’s like maintaining a big old house, and why you dress so… scruffily.
  918. “Well I’m sorry – I left my Armani suit at home.”
  919. >”You have an *Armani*? o/`”
  920. >Oh boy.
  921. “Most of the time when I’m not here, I’m up to my elbows in house things.
  922. >Sunset smirks, “The day he let me rent my room, he showed me the septic tank. So romantic!”
  923. >Girl laughter. And it’s not, you know, mean and spiteful or anything.
  924. >Sweet!
  925. “She’s good with this stuff. Well, not as good as I am but that’s just practice.”
  926. >”I’m glad you have somewhere to stay other than with *that ruffian*, darling. o/`”
  927. >”Yeah. All that guy’s got going for him is that he can run. Not as fast as me, though.”
  928. >More stuff like this. You do a credible job of smiling, laughing at the right places, and not saying anything really stupid.
  929. >This is some kind of record for you.
  930. >Through it all, you and Sunset keep stealing glances at each other. Damned if she isn’t smiling when that happens.
  931. >Nothing could screw up this good mood.
  932.  
  933. >Biology Class can screw up a good mood.
  934. >But today we’re just studying some flowers!
  935. >What could possibly -
  936. >(EPIC HURLING NOISES BEHIND YOU)
  937. >Apparently someone has really bad allergies.
  938. >Sunset deliberately avoids eye contact with you while the teacher gibbers about plan sexual organs.
  939. >You do not say anything like “hey baby, nice carpal”
  940. >She does not beat you senseless with a large plant stem
  941. >This happens behind you, to the left of the Lab Table of Hurl
  942. >You both refrain from giggling like idiots.
  943. >Until you get out of the damn class.
  944. “I am AMAZED that I’m making a B in there.”
  945. >”I am amazed that no one has died from throwing up too much.”
  946. “That too.”
  947. >The walk down the hall to her class at the other end of the building passes by your locker.
  948. “Hold on. I just want to check something…”
  949. >Combination… combination… THUMP LOCKER HARD there we go.
  950. >Sure enough. There’s a piece of … construction paper folded up and stuck in the vent hole on the inside of the door.
  951. >Red construction paper.
  952. >Saints preserve us.
  953. >You carefully remove the paper, hold it at arms length
  954. “Just in case it has anthrax or ebola or something in it…”
  955. >Once you’ve satisfied yourself that it’s not filled with suspicious white powder, you open it.
  956.  
  957. [HAY FAGIT YOU DI TOMOROWR]
  958.  
  959.  
  960. >”… how does someone misspell a note like that?”
  961. >You’re not surprised. You’re a little bewildered.
  962. “Maybe he outsourced it to a six year old?”
  963. >”The additional times he wrote DIE FAGET in sharpie make good use of the negative space.”
  964. “And you can tell he took a lot of care in applying the glue stick…”
  965. >You bend down and pick up a piece that fell off.
  966.  
  967. > E
  968.  
  969. “Most of the time.”
  970.  
  971. >You and Sunset smile at each other. Sorta.
  972. “Let’s get you to your class.”
  973. >As you’re walking, she asks what you were afraid she was going to ask.
  974. >”Anon, are you scared?”
  975. >And you answer truthfully because… fuckit.
  976. “Yeah. I’ve been beaten up before, plenty of times. I’ve gotten better at not-getting-beat-up-as-much and Finn’s been, as he puts it (deep growl) ‘Tryin’ ta keep yer ass alive until ya graduate’ by teaching me some really, really basic things.”
  977. >”He has? How good are you?”
  978. “I can still get my ass kicked by a one-legged man.”
  979. >Whether it’s the joke, the tension, or the mental image, Sunset loses it and makes way too much noise laughing the last few yards to her classroom.
  980. >You make a “I have no idea?” type exaggerated shrug at Ranch chick
  981. >(what IS her name? SomethingJohn or… crap. You should write this down)
  982. >… and boogie back to your class.
  983.  
  984. >Trig class. No quiz.
  985. >Professor Snape has written a chapter and pages on the board and apparently retired to his desk with a headache.
  986. >Skippy Nippington nudges you. “Ashley’s saying he’s gonna kill you Friday after school.”
  987. “…”
  988. >”Did you hear what I said?”
  989. “His.. name.. is… ASHLEY?”
  990. >FLYING ERASER OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE TO THE EAR HOLE!
  991. >“MISTER ANONYMOUS!”
  992. “Uh… sir?”
  993. >”TO WHAT MAY WE ATTRIBUTE THIS OUTBURST?”
  994. >Fuckit. Go with your gut.
  995. “I just learned that my nemesis is named ‘Ashley’.”
  996. >Professor Snape stares at you, from his desk, for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long time.
  997. >Longer than that.
  998. >Longer.
  999. >”And I take it that outburst was an expression of surprise?”
  1000. “Yes sir?”
  1001. >More staring. Longer than that last one. Unblinking. What is this guy?
  1002. >”Very well. Try not to let it happen again. You will also read the next 5 pages in the chapter above your current assignment and be prepared to demonstrate the equations therein. On the board. “
  1003. “… yes sir.”
  1004. >He goes back to his reading. Or grading. Or plotting his enemies’ doom or whatever.
  1005. >Skippy gives you the full “WHAT THE FUCK” pantomime complete with full arm extension.
  1006. >You shrug.
  1007. >ASHLEY?!?
  1008. >Jesus Fuck.
  1009.  
  1010. >Sixth period
  1011. >History.
  1012. >You could not focus on this class if you tried. And it doesn’t help that apparently you’re studying a period in history where there’s this guy with the first name of Ashley.
  1013. >ASHLEY?
  1014. >Ok focus, you. Get through class. Get Sunset. Get home.
  1015. >When home, do chores, talk to Finn, do not panic.
  1016. >Yeah, do not panic. You’re good at not panicking.
  1017. >”… blah blah blah paper due a week from Friday…”
  1018. >TWANG. That “listening for keywords” skill is useful. Apparently you have a paper due a week from when you’re getting beat up. Fantastic!
  1019. >The bell rings.
  1020. >You set a land speed record for the ‘scape everything off your desk into your bag and GO’ 5 meter sprint.
  1021. >Sunset and Ranch chick are talking just outside their class. They both look pleased to see you. Ranch chick gives you this appraising look, like she’s trying to match up something she was told with what she’s seeing…
  1022. >Apparently she and Sunset have been talking about… things.
  1023. >You are not blushing. You’re just flushed from the sprint. Yeah. That’s it
  1024.  
  1025. >Sunset gets the full escort home again today. Stripey hair Sporty Spice chick has a lacrosse stick this time. Totally casually, of course.
  1026. >Meg’s in the kitchen (hang on, weren’t you supposed to cook tonight?) making… meatloaf. Excellent!
  1027. >Surprisingly, everyone but you winds up hanging with Meg.
  1028. >Pink hair hyper chick is being kept, gently but firmly, away from the eggs as you go upstairs to change into work clothes.
  1029.  
  1030. >Anonymous, up a ladder, cleaning out gutters for $500, Alex.
  1031. >Nice view from up here.
  1032. >You can see all the way down the street both ways.
  1033. >So you see the Studlymobile coming from quite a distance.
  1034. >While you’re up that ladder.
  1035. >ANONYMOUS: CHECK INVENTORY
  1036. >14” pipe wrench sticking out of back pocket out of habit due to old plumbing
  1037. >(Plus there’s an amazing number of things you can solve with percussive maintenance)
  1038. >Leatherman multi-tool
  1039. >Steel tipped boots
  1040. >Sense of impending doom.
  1041. >Here comes the car. It’s Young Studly and his two friends: Immense and Immenser.
  1042. >Seriously, Immenser could probably carry that car rather than drive it.
  1043. >Say, is the gate locked?
  1044. >THE GATE DOES NOT LOCK, STUPID.
  1045. >The car… is slowing… down…
  1046. >Well, go out with a bang.
  1047. >You smile down at them and give ‘em a jaunty wave
  1048.  
  1049. >You wonder just how much falling 2 stories from a ladder hurts when you land on grass.
  1050. >Guess you’re going to find out, huh?
  1051. “Spirit of Jackie Chan be with me now.”
  1052.  
  1053. >The screen door clatters open.
  1054. >Really you just hear it go WHACK against the wall and then WHACK back into the doorframe.
  1055. >The Studlymobile… accelerates away.
  1056. “Hey Finn!”
  1057. >”Hey kid. Them gutters clean yet?”
  1058. “Yeah. No birds nests or dead stuff in there this time.”
  1059. >”Did you have a *plan* for being up a ladder when they showed?”
  1060. “Yeah! I was gonna show them something I learned from watching professional wrestling.”
  1061. >That gets a long, gravel-paved laugh out of him.
  1062. >”I got news for ya, sport… ain’t no bingo tables down here.”
  1063. “Yeah, that’s the flaw in my plan…”
  1064. >”Think they’ll be back tonight?”
  1065. “Nah. They want to kill me tomorrow. Think I can delay ‘em till Friday still.”
  1066. >”Well all right. Looks like Sunset’s tribe is joining us for dinner, so come on down.”
  1067. >THUMP CRACK THUMP *ladder shakes*
  1068. >”And someone’s gonna have to talk to SP about that…”
  1069.  
  1070. >Anonymous no longer on a ladder.
  1071. >Anonymous, in fact, at dinner with Finn, Meg, Sunset and five girls he really should learn the names of.
  1072. >Thankfully everyone calls the pink-haired one “Pinkie” and the sporty one “Dash”. Easy mnemonics there. Posh spice is “Scarcity” or something. Rancher chick is “AJ”.
  1073. >Well you’ve got six more months to learn their names before everyone scatters after graduation.
  1074. >”And that’s when Scoots started beating the snot out of her lab partner with a giant flower stem!”
  1075. >Sunset, relating the events of Biology class.
  1076. >You come out of whatever reverie you were in.
  1077. “And who is it that keeps hurling? I never see who it is but I can hear him! Every day!”
  1078. >”Oh that’s Sterling. She’s a delicate flower.” Sunset informs.
  1079. “She’s allergic to delicate flowers, you mean.”
  1080. >”She’s allergic to everything. Or at least she SEZ she’s allergic to everything. She’s allergic to wheat, pollen, grass, polyester, chalk, laminate flooring, apples…” AJ ticks the items off on her fingers, “I mean REALLY, who’s allergic to APPLES?”
  1081. >”She’s certainly not allergic to attracting attention to herself. o/`” Posh spice adds.
  1082. >”Yeah! How did her parents raise her? In a bubble? (that’s Dash)
  1083. >You shrug
  1084. “Some people just need to attract attention to themselves. Any kind of attention. I’ve seen it before…”
  1085. >”Sunset was sayin’ you moved around a lot…”
  1086. “I’ve moved 20 times so far, AJ. This last time was to move out of my folks’ place to here.”
  1087. >”That’s a lot of moving! What does your Daddy do?”
  1088. “I’ve never been really sure, Pinkie… but he wears a suit and goes away and comes back and, up until about three months ago, drank himself into unconsciousness every night. He’s getting better though.”
  1089. >”Oh… that’s … good for him… I think…”
  1090. >(shy girl’s name has ‘Shy’ in it. Really should be easier to remember)
  1091.  
  1092. >THUMP CRASH WHUMP WHUMP THUD
  1093. >General panic among Sunset’s friends. Resignation from you and Meg and Finn.
  1094. >Then something you weren’t expecting.
  1095. >You hear the creak of the door up in SP’s attic open, and his very careful tread down the stairs.
  1096. >”SP’s comin’ ta dinner, sounds like.” Observes Finn.
  1097.  
  1098. >Sure enough, you see SP coming down the stairs from your spot at the table, facing the hallway.
  1099. >SP, or Stone Pony, dressed in his usual all-cotton earth-tones hand-loomed hippie-made whatever-it-is-loose shirt and pants thing, barefoot, carrying something wrapped in a towel.
  1100. >Every female under 21 has turned to watch him come down the stairs, then Pinkie bolts from her chair.
  1101. >”STONEEEE!”
  1102.  
  1103. >Pinkie and Stone Pony are related. This ought to be interesting.
  1104. >Stone Pony makes it to the foot of the stairs and smiles his funny little smile at Pinkie.
  1105. >”Pinkamina. I am pleased to see you. You are going to Canterlot High School now, aren’t you?”
  1106. >Sunset leans over and whispers to you, “Did you ever see the 2001 movie?”
  1107. >You nod.
  1108. >”He… sounds… like… HAL…” she hisses.
  1109. >You nod again. For once happy to be on the delivering end of a mystery.
  1110. “Yes. Yes he does.”
  1111. >Pinkie gives SP one of her enormous hugs, with SP receives with equanimity. He doesn’t even drop the thing he’s carrying.
  1112. >”Guys! This is Stoney! He’s my cousin from upstate and he and I used to do things at the farm and his parents are really neat and I didn’t know he was living here and I’m so glad to see you STONEEEE!” Another hug. This time, SP gets an arm free before the hug so he can hug back. Still with that little smile.
  1113. >”Anonymous, I understand there was an incident last night?”
  1114. >You manage to swallow that mouthful of meatloaf (why does EVERYONE wait until you’re eating to say stuff like that?) and nod. “Sunset, meet Stone Pony. SP, this is Sunset, who’s staying with us now.”
  1115. >SP turns to regard Sunset, who hisses sideways at you “HE.. MOVES.. LIKE.. A.. ROBOT…”
  1116. >You wave that off.
  1117. “Sunset had some of your *brownies* last night but wasn’t able to read the ingredients list.”
  1118. >”SP’s eyebrows go up, which makes that smile a little weird to anyone who doesn’t know him. So that’d be most of the people at the table.
  1119. >”My apologies. I was not aware that we had a new tenant until this morning when Megan brought this to my attention.”
  1120. >SP turns to face Sunset. You do not imaging anything going “whirr CLICK” when he does so. Barely.
  1121. >”Miss Shimmer, I am named Stone Pony. I live upstairs in the attic rooms. I am sorry that you ingested my baked goods without fair warning as to their contents. The other tenants,” here he makes a very graceful gesture with his free arm (Pinkie’s still hugging him. And bouncing.) “were aware of the nature of the brownies and I did not think it necessary to warn them. I do apologize for any discomfort or disorientation their ingredients may have caused.”
  1122. >Sunset, to her credit, takes that whole speech pretty well. “That’s… all right, Stone Pony. While I wasn’t aware of what was in there… they tasted good and I had a…” she looks sideways at you for just a second, “Very pleasant evening.”
  1123. >SP nods. “I am pleased to hear that. As an apology, I found this for you.”
  1124. >He puts the towel-wrapped something down on the table with a solid THUMP.
  1125. >After a suitable dramatic pause, he starts to unwrap it.
  1126. >”OoOOOoOO! Is that what I think it is, Stoney?”
  1127. >”It is, Pinkamina. When I went upstate to tend my crops, I dug up a number of these. I just cracked this one open a moment ago and, having seen our new tenant through the window, thought it would be appropriate.”
  1128. >It’s a geode. About the size of a grapefruit. All gritty rock crud on the outside, and on the inside.
  1129. >Woah.
  1130. >On the inside, crystals the color of Sunset’s hair. Both colors.
  1131. >There is a lot of “Ooooo!” sounds made.
  1132. >Sunset looks… impressed. “That is beautiful, Stone Pony. Thank you!”
  1133. >”In the words of your forefathers, SP, Far Out.”
  1134. >”Thank you, Finn.”
  1135. >”Hippie.”
  1136. >”Jarhead.”
  1137. >They do that a lot.
  1138.  
  1139. >Another place is set at the table for SP (between Pinkie and the shy one, for some reason) and dinner is consumed with a lot of gusto. For once, there’s no leftovers.
  1140. >Meg looks entirely pleased with herself. “You should have your friends over more often, Sunset.”
  1141. >”I’d love to – if it’s all right with everyone else who lives here.”
  1142. “You have my vote – I think the four of us have already said everything we can say to each other without repeating ourselves.”
  1143. >Finn nods, “Nice not being the prettiest one around here for once.”
  1144. >Meg swats Finn in the shoulder. Finn says “Ow” deadpan.
  1145. >”Although my schedule is not always compatible with traditional dining times, and thus you may not encounter me while you are here, I am willing to extend my approval.”
  1146. >Pinkie laughs, “He’s always talked like that!”
  1147. >Dash makes eye contact with you, of all people, and spins her index finger next to her temple. You shrug.
  1148. >The conversation rolls around as meatloaf and sides are consumed. You wind up making several trips back to the kitchen for sodas, water, and in one case tea. You didn’t even know you *had* tea in the kitchen.
  1149. >So now you know how to make tea. Certainly a skill which will come in handy in the future.
  1150. >”So…. Anon… you’re gonna have to fight Ashley, huh?”
  1151. >This time it’s Sunset who’s caught with a mouthful of something and has to be patted on the back.
  1152. >You nod.
  1153. “Probably. I got the traditional ‘YOU DED’ note in my locker…. Sounds like he wants to do it tomorrow, but I think I can put him off one more day. And I think I can get through it intact.”
  1154. >”If you want, we could – “
  1155. >You wave off the offer.
  1156. “No, no.. I appreciate it. I really do. In fact I’d love to have a lot more people on my side… but I don’t want anyone else risking their graduation to get beat up on my account.” DIdn’t Sunset say… “Didn’t I hear you have some kind of scholarship coming in for U of C? Getting involved in a brawl before you graduate… probably won’t look good.”
  1157. >”Yeah, but that’s because I’m a girl. Those football jerks beat people up all the-“ Dash realizes what she’s saying. So does everyone else.
  1158. >Once again, you’re very pleased not to be on the receiving end of THOSE looks.
  1159. >“… sorry?”
  1160.  
  1161. >That was the most awkward part of the meal over with.
  1162. >The rest of the time was fun. You learned Fluttershy’s name, and Rarity will always be “Posh Spice” in your head. Can’t be helped. There it is.
  1163. >Eventually it gets dark and that’s the cue for everyone who doesn’t live here to go home.
  1164. >Hugs are had (your spine may be straighter after so many Pink hugs) goodbyes are said, and Meg waves them all out the gate.
  1165. >Meg shuts the door and flips the deadbolt. “We are CLOSED. Whew! I forgot what it’s like riding herd on a bunch of teenagers….”
  1166. “You used to teach?”
  1167. >”Sort of…”
  1168. >”Ain’t no worse than trying to cook for a bunch of crazed jarheads.”
  1169. “Finn, you never did that.”
  1170. >Finn does a startlingly credible Steven Segal impression “I’m just a cook.”
  1171. >That gets a laugh from SP, even – okay, a bark. That’s a laugh. That’s how he laughs. Stop looking at him like that.
  1172. >SP turns to head back upstairs, but you catch him,
  1173. “Hey SP?”
  1174. >”Yes?”
  1175. “All that thumping up there… were you cracking geodes?”
  1176. >”I was. I have found a shop in town which lets me offer them for sale along with my ginseng root crops and tinctures.”
  1177. “Oh. Okay.”
  1178. >”Aaand now we know,” says Finn, “Tha rest of the story.”
  1179.  
  1180.  
  1181. >Everyone winds up staying up to watch the news. Things happened. There is weather. There is sports.
  1182. >And everyone pretty much gives up at the same time and heads for their rooms.
  1183. >Well, you assume Finn and Meg head for their rooms.
  1184. >You head for yours, and you’re just about to close up for the evening when someone taps on your door.
  1185. >It’s Sunset. In a big oversized T shirt, holding a pillow.
  1186. >”Hi.”
  1187. “…hi?”
  1188. >No one says anything. Time passes. The seasons change.
  1189. >The Clue Delivery Man finally shows up at your mental doorstep.
  1190. >You step back from the door and Sunset scampers in. Yes, scampers. Sca-
  1191. >WE GET IT, GONADS. JESUS.
  1192.  
  1193. >At least this time you don’t have to argue about who’s sleeping on which side of the bed.
  1194. >There’s some settling, some giggling, and some light fondling of body parts, but this day has been too full to fool around after.
  1195. >So you both drift off to sleep.
  1196.  
  1197. >Morning.
  1198. >It appears you have a girl draped over you.
  1199. >Yep. Sleeping Sunset draped over you. She’s got one of your legs trapped between hers. One of your arms under her head. Her hand on your chest.
  1200. >The dreaded Mongolian Girl Death Lock.
  1201. >When done properly… No Escape!
  1202. >This has been one hell of a week so far, and it’s just going to get more so.
  1203. >Well… it’s a nice way to start the day.
  1204. >Something else thinks so too. You reach down to adjust it….
  1205. >Hang on.
  1206. >That’s not your hand. Your hand is over there.
  1207. >Sunset giggles.
  1208. “… hi there.”
  1209. >”Hi…” squeeze. Pet pet. “It looks happy to see me.”
  1210. “I’m seventeen. It’s happy to be alive.”
  1211. >”You’re not complaining, though?” Squeeze. Stroke.
  1212. >ATTENTION BRAIN: THIS IS GONADS. MESS THIS UP AND I WILL LEAP THROUGH YOUR SPINE AND KILL YOU.
  1213. “I… am… not…” she does something downright clever with her hand. “NNngmmngcomplaininggg…”
  1214. >Sunset shifts a little so she can look, well, ‘up’ at you. Touseled hair, oversized t shirt, huge green eyes.
  1215. >”Anon… are you ok with this?”
  1216. >ATTENTION BRAIN: THIS IS GONADS. I SWEAR TO GOD…
  1217. “I am if you a-“
  1218. >Her hand goes right down your shorts and grabs you.
  1219. >THIS IS BRAIN: JKHAOLSSOSDH UAgHFOIUh eihgrfpwerf;h OIsaLDKShlkjh
  1220. >You were wrong last night. Someone else’s hand feels much more like someone else’s hand than your other hand. Lots more.
  1221. >You try to snuggle Sunset in closer to you while she’s playing with you… You succeed in pushing your face into her hair.
  1222. >Inhale.
  1223. >Smells really good.
  1224. >Perv.
  1225. >Sunset does something really distracting with her fingernails and part of you which, under optimum circumstances, would rarely if ever have fingernails dragged lightly along it.
  1226. >Try as you might, you can only reach down far enough to stroke her lower back in this position.
  1227. >So that’s what you do.
  1228. >Meanwhile, she’s … squeezing your thigh between hers. While she’s playing with you. It’s like she’s trying out different things.
  1229. >What does THIS do?
  1230. >What does THIS do?
  1231. >How about THIS?
  1232. >The answer to all of these questions are: make a lot of nerve endings really really happy thank you
  1233. >Can we do this for the next six years or so?
  1234. >There is a very, very small part of your brain that recognizes this little squarish thing called an alarm clock which is waay over there on the other side of the bed and
  1235. “damn… it…”
  1236. >”Mmm?” SQUEEZE
  1237. >(brain shorts out) (reboot) (Macintosh noise)
  1238. “School.”
  1239. >”Awwww…” she shifts around to look at the alarm clock, which gives you a great view of an oversized t shirt over two really nice tits and you’d do something about that but she still has a hold on your control stick if you will. “Guess we’ll have to pick up the pace.”
  1240. “Pick up the –“
  1241. >Very agile, is Sunset Shimmer. Agile enough to slide down your body, lock her thighs around your calf, tug your shorts down and
  1242. >[totally incoherent thought process] mouth [more gibberish] tongue [extensive belabored flailing]
  1243. >It is a shortcoming of your education that you have never learned how to properly receive a blowjob.
  1244. >*liquid sound* “Just don’t shove anything up or down… You trust me?”
  1245. >Shit you said that out loud? Ok. Respond carefully which is a challenge because she just did something with her tongue and
  1246. “dahhh… Do I have any choice?”
  1247. >Apparently not.
  1248. >You can’t see what she’s doing through her hair. You can feel them, though. Way different than hands. Way seriously way woah ah uh nnn aaAAAA
  1249. >!!!!!!!!!!!! (for quite some time) !!!!
  1250. >!!!!
  1251. >!!!
  1252. >!
  1253. >*tongue*
  1254. >!!!!!
  1255. >!!!
  1256. >!
  1257. >._
  1258. >”Breathe, Anon.”
  1259. *PROFOUNDLY DEEP INHALATION*
  1260. *BALLOON LETTING ALL ITS AIR OUT SOUND*
  1261. >Sunset rests her head on your tummy and pats your now exhausted member. It twitches.
  1262. >BRAIN TO GONADS: I regret nothing!
  1263. >GONADS TO BRAIN: go on without meeeeeee…..
  1264. “… Sunset?”
  1265. >”Mmmyees?” Christ she sounds like a cat
  1266. “Thank…. you…”
  1267. >”You’re welcome, Anonymous. That was fun!”
  1268. >She climbs back up you (Gonads: I CAN’T GO ON. I CAN’T GO ON!) and settles back into the crook of your arm. She leans ‘up’ and gives you a kiss on the cheek.
  1269. >A kiss on the cheek.
  1270. >Uh.
  1271. >You turn your head and finally wind up shifting around so you’re facing her.
  1272. >God damn beautiful woman.
  1273. >”Anon?”
  1274. >You kiss her.
  1275. >You take her head in your hands and you lean in and you kiss her.
  1276. >As gently as you can.
  1277. >Nothing fancy. No tongue. No tonsil hockey.
  1278. >And she kisses you.
  1279. >Yes she does.
  1280. >The kiss lasts until your alarm FINALLY goes off.
  1281. >You valiantly try to turn off the alarm with one hand while keeping the whole ‘kiss’ thing going with the other.
  1282. >Sunset tries to keep the kiss going until the third time you flail and knock the alarm clock off the table, at which point you learn that kisses that end in laughter might be the best kind of kiss in the whole world.
  1283. >You throw a pillow at the alarm clock – over there – and it gets quieter.
  1284. >More laughing. Breathless, happy laughing. Staring at the ceiling, laughing.
  1285. “Thank you, Sunset.”
  1286. >”Thank YOU, Anonymous. I enjoyed that!”
  1287. “Did you..?”
  1288. >She giggles, “No, I didn’t climax. But I enjoyed giving that to you. And the kiss. You’re a good kisser, Mister Anonymous.”
  1289. >Hey you’re a good kisser! How about that?“Now I owe you one, huh?”
  1290. >”Wasn’t it you who said no one owes anyone anything? I got you off because… because I like you. A lot. I really do like you a lot. And besides, it was just poking up like that and looked so *cute*.
  1291. >WORDS YOU WOULD NEVER USE TO DESCRIBE YOUR DONG FOR $500, ALEX.
  1292. “But you didn’t have an orgasm –“
  1293. >”You may find this hard to believe, but girls can enjoy sex without them. It’s not the same – boys are wired that if they don’t cum, the show’s not over. Girls can do all kinds of things and not cum and still be happy, if everything goes right.
  1294. >She walks her fingers up your chest, “It – all – de - pends - on – what’s - up - *here*” tapping your forehead with a finger.
  1295. “What’s up *here* is in agreement with what’s down *there*…”
  1296. >”Good.”
  1297. “And I like you, Sunset. A lot. A really really hugely great deal of a lot.”
  1298. >”Also good!”
  1299. >You both sigh at the same time.
  1300. >And that sets off more laughter.
  1301. >”We should probably get cleaned up.”
  1302. “The hall bathroom’s tub is big enough for two…”
  1303. >”You have a *tub*! You didn’t say you had a *tub*!”
  1304. >She beans you with a pillow. You feel no pain at all.
  1305. “You didn’t ask?”
  1306. >”I had other things on my mind.”
  1307. >Other Things.
  1308. >Yeah, Those Other Things.
  1309. >”Tell you what, you scrub my back and I’ll scrub yours…”
  1310. “I get to see Sunset na-ked o/~ I get to see Sunset na-“
  1311. >PILLOW OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE
  1312.  
  1313. >You do, in fact, get to see Sunset naked.
  1314. >She has to deal with YOU naked, but doesn’t seem to mind.
  1315. >Being seventeen, part of you is entirely ready to see how roomy the tub really IS (hurr hurr)
  1316. >And there is a certain amount of soaping and scrubbing as an excuse to … explore.
  1317. >At one point you’re practically hitting your dong with a loofa and shouting “DOWN, DAMMIT!”
  1318. >Yes, you will in fact do really stupid things to make Sunset laugh.
  1319. >Slightly more hot water than necessary later, you’re both toweling dry. You turn on the exhaust fan to get the damp air out of the room (THAT IS WHAT IT IS THERE FOR. NOT JUST BURRITO INCIDENTS).
  1320. >Sunset has a towel wrapped around her hips and is working on drying her hair. Naked from the waist up.
  1321. ”Um. Sunset?”
  1322. >”Mmm?”
  1323. >Even after everything that’s happened so far, what you’re about to do, you think of as “taking a big risk”.
  1324. >You lean over and kiss each nipple in turn. One. Two.
  1325. >On “two”, she cradles your head in her hand and holds you there.
  1326. >So. What the hell. You part your lips and suckle, just a little.
  1327. >Sunset shivers and winds up holding onto your head with both hands. A long, low, drawn out groan…
  1328. >She has pretty sharp nails. You notice this because it isn’t until you, uh, ease up that she stops trying to turn your skull into a bowling ball.
  1329. >She doesn’t let go of your head, but she does let you straighten back up.
  1330. >”Do that again and we are never getting to class.”
  1331. >You grin.
  1332. “You’re welcome?”
  1333. >She smiles a very sleepy looking smile and kisses you again. On the lips this time.
  1334. >THUD CRASH
  1335. >THUD
  1336. >…
  1337. >You both say it.
  1338. “SP.”
  1339. >You both laugh, and you both get dried off the rest of the way so you can get dressed and do this “school” thing they keep wanting you to do.
  1340.  
  1341. >Downstairs giggling like a couple of… well… teenagers.
  1342. >Hey, that’s right, you ARE teenagers!
  1343. >Downstairs giggling like a couple of teenagers which you are so it must be okay.
  1344. >LOOKOUT, FINN HAS A KNIFE!
  1345.  
  1346. >Okay, Finn always has a knife.
  1347. >This time, Finn has a knife and is in the kitchen. Considering all the things Finn is not allowed to make in the kitchen (includes: C4), this can only mean one thing.
  1348. “o/` Finn’s making chili! Finn’s making chili! o/~
  1349. >You bust into the traditional “Finn’s making chili” dance, in accordance with protocol.
  1350. >Sunset, understandably, stares at you like you’re insane.
  1351. >”What?”
  1352. “Finn – that’s him over there, remember?”
  1353. >”Mornin’, missy!”
  1354. “Finn makes the best chili in town. He also makes the best chili in the nearest five counties, and quite possibly this state.”
  1355. >”Nah, I just use what my momma taught me –“
  1356. “Finn’s chili is so good that the ingredients line up at our back door months in advance to be considered as part of this month’s chili recipe. Have you ever seen a buffalo put a deer in a headlock? I have.”
  1357. >”You’re nuts, Anon.”
  1358. “I’m just giddy. Finn makes very good chili. Also, kind of hot. You will not have sinus trouble after you eat a bowl of his chili. People you are RELATED to will not have sinus trouble. The people you meet for the next three days will suddenly be able to breathe freely because-“
  1359. >”I think I get the point, Nonny.” She boops your nose.
  1360. >You have been nose booped. That’s just about all the items on the “things you want a girl to do to you” checklist checked off.
  1361. >… You send your libido to the corner to sit there and think about what it just said.
  1362. “So what’s for breakfast?”
  1363. >”Meg didn’t want to be in here while I’m carving up mah ingredients, and someone forgot to set up the crock pot yesterday,”
  1364. >Oops.
  1365. >”So we got cold cereal and pop tarts. Your pick.”
  1366. “Pop tarts. We can eat them on the way to school.”
  1367. >”Yeah, I was wonderin’ why y’all were a bit late in getting downstairs.”
  1368. >Sunset shoots you a glance and says, “We had some issues with the showers. Anon had to tighten things up so we could get ready for school.”
  1369. >Yeah, plumbing. That’s the ticket.
  1370. “Ok we have…” you rummage in the pantry, “Strawberry, blueberry aaand cherry.”
  1371. >”Cherry for me.”
  1372. >You get a packet of blueberry for you and you get Sunset’s cherr-
  1373. >You take her cher-
  1374. >You get a packet of cherry poptarts for Sunset.
  1375.  
  1376. >The poptarts are consumed without further psychological stress on the way to school.
  1377. >That school where the guy with the arms and the fists and the note that you die today are.
  1378. >Thanks a LOT, short-term memory!
  1379. >You realize you’re muttering the last, oh, three blocks to campus.
  1380. “A plan… I’ve got to have a plan…”
  1381. >”Anon?”
  1382. “I don’t want to deal with ASHLEY –“
  1383. >She looks surprised you know his name.
  1384. “- in a fight until tomorrow. Besides, I can’t eat chili with a broken jaw.”
  1385. >Sunset appears to be walking slower now.
  1386. “That’s… his name. He…”
  1387. >Put the brakes on, hoss. Go back there and bring Sunset back in to reality.
  1388. “I understand he must have done some really bad things to you. I still don’t need to know what they were. You might feel better talking about what happened to *someone* though…”
  1389. >Sunset flails about without looking until she finds your hand and squeezes it.
  1390. >”He…” deep breath “He hits just about every check list item for being an abusive boyfriend…. But after what happened last year… I was a mess. I had no self-esteem and the things I thought made me special and exceptional… they were all gone…”
  1391. >You’re going to have to find out what the fuck happened last year to mess her up so bad… assuming you survive this week.
  1392. >”I was *his*… to show off, parade around with… and do … whatever he wanted. Whenever. He wasn’t *physically* abusive until right before… right before I ran into you… But he kept taking away more and more of my options. What I could eat, where I could go, what I could do… what I could do… in bed.”
  1393. >Now she’s drawn you a picture.
  1394. >”And then he wanted to …”
  1395. “You don’t have to say anything else –“
  1396. >”FUCK me without a condom and I didn’t think I’d get anything off him but I hadn’t had my period yet and I KNOW you can get pregnant the first time you do that and we DID it and afterward I wanted to go to the drug store and get that Plan B and he didn’t and we FOUGHT and then he HIT m-“ and at that point you have a trembling, crying girl half-collapsed on you and holding on for dear life.
  1397. >You give her something to hold onto. You.
  1398. >”And now he want to hurt YOU because you were …. DECENT to someone who’s hurting and didn’t ask for ANYTHING and and and…”
  1399. >Up until that point, your primary concern was getting through this fight alive.
  1400. >That’s your usual concern when you’re in a fight.
  1401. >That just changed.
  1402. “… son of a bitch. must. PAY.”
  1403.  
  1404. >Sunset jerks in your arms, and looks up at you.
  1405. >Didn’t realize you had said that out loud. You didn’t say it loudly. It was just a statement. An obvious fact.
  1406. >”Anon… This is my fault – you shouldn’t have to –“
  1407. “Sunset, this is not your fault. It’s not my fault either. It’s his. Ashley. The asshole who did all those things to you. The asshole jock who gives asshole jocks a bad reputation.”
  1408. >That got a mouth quirk. Good. Rant continues, but quietly.
  1409. “He thinks he can do whatever he likes because he’s a jock and he’s popular… and he’s… hurt people. Some of whom I really like. A lot.”
  1410. >”He’s … good … at beating people up. Especially with his two lineman friends there. He calls them his ‘posse’.”
  1411. “And that’s *another* good reason not to like him. I mean who SAYS that anymore?”
  1412. >*That* gets a >snrt<, which counts as a “laugh” as far as you’re concerned. You get your arm around her and turn her back toward school. She’s able to move in that direction, thankfully.
  1413. “Today, you stay with me or you stay with your friends and we are going to get the hell out of dodge as soon as the bell rings. I’m going to try … something… to make Ashole-“
  1414. >THAT gets a laugh. Picking on the Ex: Always a winner.
  1415. “- to leave you and me alone until tomorrow. I think it’ll work because it’s a really stupid plan.
  1416. >”BECAUSE it’s a stupid plan?”
  1417. “Smart plans fail more often than stupid ones do. True fact. Ask Finn to tell you his ‘git ‘em!’ story.”
  1418. >”You have strange friends, Anon.”
  1419. “Says the girl with the all-hair-streaked peer group… unless its pink or purple… but I’m getting off track here. The plan. I’m going to have to talk to Ashole (>SNRT<) in the hallway when there’s a teacher nearby and I think the only chance I’ll have at that is …. After Trig… so 5th period. If I do this right, he won’t have any time to bother you before I do it.”
  1420. >”If it doesn’t work out… I propose running like hell and hiding with SP in the attic.”
  1421. “That … sounds like a good contingency. We can have Finn send up some chili.”
  1422. >”What *is* it with you and Finn’s chili?
  1423.  
  1424. >Classes. You have them.
  1425. >You take them.
  1426. >You actually use Study Hall (HA!) to study because Professor Snape wants you to be all smart and stuff in front of the Trig class. You throw math at your short-term memory until you retain most of it.
  1427. >And figure out how you’re going to phrase a strange request to the good Professor.
  1428. >You might have overwritten the “self-preservation” part through, because your plan, such as it is, is sounding better the more you think it over.
  1429. >By lunch time, you’re almost confident.
  1430. >”Hey Anon! Ashley’s telling everyone he’s going to kill you.”
  1431. >So much for confidence.
  1432. “Thanks for the update, Dash.” You reach for her extra cookie. “What? I’m going to need this. Carb loading for running like hell.”
  1433. >This gets a laugh out of Dash, a worried look from ‘shy, and a variety of expressions from concern to AJ slapping you on the back (crumbs spit) with a “That’s the spirit!”
  1434. “Thank you, and just in case I don’t see any of you again, it’s been an honor to serve.”
  1435. >”Anon, please don’t say things like that..” Sunset’s trying to stay upbeat but it’s clear she’s worried.
  1436. “Well, if this works, I have another day. If it doesn’t, I’ll get beat up and then Dash here will kick his ass for me.”
  1437. >Dash puffs out her chest for a moment. She would fight him, wouldn’t she?
  1438. >”What are you going to do? Just… tell me so we won’t worry so much.”
  1439. >While you’re sure Sunset was using “we” in place of “I”, you tell them. Slowly and deliberately.
  1440. >AJ is the first to comment, “That thar is about the stupidest idea I have heard since mah big brother decided to speed up the cider process with an anvil onna pulley.”
  1441. >”You have to admit, it was exciting!” Pinkie. Always finding the good in things. Or … something.
  1442. >”But your plan does possess a certain … devious cunning. If you can make it work.”
  1443. “That’s the general idea…” Don’t say “Posh Spice” Don’t say “Posh Spice” “… Rarity.” Phew. “The important part is that Ashole-“ giggles all around “winds up thinking it’s his idea.”
  1444. >”Welp… Ah can’t say I’m entirely for it, but it’s better than standin’ there and lettin’ him stomp ya.”
  1445. >”Um… I think… it’s a good plan.”
  1446. “Thank you, Fluttershy.”
  1447. >”…. If everyone else thinks it is too… “
  1448. >Eh. Close enough.
  1449. >Biology class!
  1450. >What wonders do we have in store today!
  1451. >There is nothing that can possibly top-
  1452. >”Hello class – Your Biology teacher is out sick today due to an unusual bacterial infection she apparently caught preparing what was to be today’s lab.”
  1453. >Ew.
  1454. >”So instead, we are going to sit quietly and watch this informative video….”
  1455.  
  1456. >THE WONDERS OF BIRTH
  1457. >FEATURING EXAMPLES OF LIVE BIRTH FROM OVER A DOZEN ANIMALS
  1458. >AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE – HUMAN BIRTH!
  1459.  
  1460. >[awful, awful details omitted. You are so very, very welcome]
  1461.  
  1462. >The entire class sits very quietly after the video is over until the bell rings.
  1463. >Except for someone who is hurling violently into a trash can. Of course.
  1464.  
  1465. >You and Sunset exit the classroom wearing the same wide eyed staring expression.
  1466. >This must be what Finn means when he says “Thousand Yard Stare”
  1467. >”That… is the most effective… argument for universal birth control… I have ever seen.”
  1468. “Yes. Yes it was.”
  1469. >”Nothing is coming near me down there for the next 36 hours. NOTHING.”
  1470. “I support you in this plan.”
  1471. >”Please do not be offended if, in case you accidentally touch me anywhere below the waist, I scream and kick you in the throat.”
  1472. “… I’ll make a note of that.”
  1473. >You kind of… cling to each other for a minute or two. Various other students file out, shell-shocked.
  1474. >”That was worse than THE FILM they showed all the girls in Junior High.”
  1475. “.. what WAS “THE FILM” anyway?”
  1476. >”Um. About how your body is changing and… menstruation… “
  1477. “I have two sisters. They just started that the year before I moved out. They synchronized with Mom’s schedule. Menstruation no longer holds any horror for me.”
  1478. >”… I’ll make a note of THAT, Anon…”
  1479. “Wat.”
  1480. >”That means I can make you go out and buy tampons!”
  1481. >That sets YOU off on another round of “UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!” until AJ comes to collect her and you lurch off toward Trig class, Igor-style.
  1482.  
  1483. >Trigonometry class.
  1484. >You actually remembered the crap you crammed into your head three hours ago.
  1485. >Not even the horrors of THAT FILM could dislodge them.
  1486. >”VERY GOOD, MISTER ANONYMOUS. YOU MAY BE SEATED.”
  1487. >Skippy puts out his fist.
  1488. >You dap him.
  1489. >Never leave a brother hanging.
  1490. >Snape actually dismisses the class early.
  1491. >Time for Part 1 of The Plan.
  1492. “Excuse me, Professor?”
  1493. >”Yes, Mister Anonymous? What is it?”
  1494. “I need to ask a favor of you as a member of this school’s faculty.”
  1495. >”And *what*… might that favor… be?”
  1496. >Ok deep breath.
  1497. “I need to ask you if you can … stand outside your classroom for about 10 minutes or until the warning bell for the next period rings and look… disapprovingly at me. Glaring might even work. It’s… not something you wouldn’t be doing normally.”
  1498. >He stares at you, unblinking. “And why… might I be inclined to do this?”
  1499. >Go for it.
  1500. “Because my nemesis, Ashley, you you heard me mention yesterday, is planning to beat the snot out of me on school grounds. If that happens, he’ll be suspended, I’ll be suspended, and there will be a lot of yelling and screaming and probably some other fights will break out and from what I’ve gathered probably a lot of paperwork, especially for you since I’m pretty certain he’s hanging around right outside your class.”
  1501. “Also – assuming I survive this weekend I’ll volunteer to do some more demonstrations like I did today without so much duress.”
  1502. >Really uncomfortable pause. Time is ticking away.
  1503. >”Very well, I accept. We will speak again on Monday,” he rises and glides out of the room, “Assuming you survive.”
  1504. >How to make Teacher Psychosis Work for You, By Anonymous.
  1505.  
  1506. >You get precisely two steps out of the room when you’re grabbed.
  1507. >”Hi FAGGOT!”
  1508. “Hello… ASHLEY.”
  1509. >That stops him short. “My name… is ASH. Like the dude in that movie.”
  1510. “But the plaque on the wall says ASHLEY. So your name is ASHLEY.”
  1511. >”Faggot stop calling me that or I –“
  1512. “Before you beat the shit out of me… look over there. See him? Scary looking professor all in black? Someone… SOMEONE has been going around telling people that you plan to beat the shit out of me. Here. On campus.”
  1513. >You look over at Prof. Snape, who glares at you in a truly admirable fashion. You can FEEL your dick shrivel.
  1514. “Now, I don’t know who it was… but it wasn’t me. I was prepared to face my fate when THIS little love note”
  1515. >You dig into your pocked and pull out the now tatty piece of construction paper
  1516. “- in my locker yesterday. Please tell me you had someone else make it.”
  1517. >Ashley puts an elbow in Immense’s chest “I said do that TODAY.” “But I got PRACTICE today!”
  1518. “What all that means is that for the next two days someone on faculty’s going to be near me from bell to bell and maybe even follow me home. And if you get caught fighting, even a nobody like me… well. You get suspended. Maybe expelled.”
  1519. >Ashley is still wearing his ‘pissed off’ face, but he’s not killing you. It’s working. Maybe.
  1520. “Here’s what I propose. I know you know where I live because you’ve been stalking Sunset. By the way, she wanted to let you know it’s definitely over. And stealing credit cards is a felony even if you’re a minor.”
  1521. >That sets him off and you’re glad that Immense and Immenser are there to hold him back. Well. That or this is a well-rehearsed dance move with these three.
  1522. “So, about six o’clock, when all the school faculty is dismissed, you meet me out front of my place. Just you, and just me. I’ll even give you the first two shots free.”
  1523. >Oh. That did it. You can SEE the lightbulb go off over his head.
  1524. >Sure, it’s a 20 watt light bulb, but that counts. He’s thinking: No adults. I get the first two shots in free. I can beat the shit out of this guy and get away with it! Go me!
  1525. >Well, that’s what you’re guessing, anyway.
  1526. “So. Tomorrow, six pm. You, me. My front yard. That way they don’t have as far to carry the body.”
  1527. >He nods. Which is good, because Snape is headed back to his classroom.
  1528. >”Still gonna KILL you, FAGGOT!”
  1529. >You really should control your mouth. You should. But you are so rolling right now you can’t.
  1530. “You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
  1531. >”The fuck is THAT supposed to mean?”
  1532. >You stare at him.
  1533. “Princess Bride? You’ve never seen that movie?”
  1534. >You look over at Immenser.
  1535. “You’ve seen it right? Please explain it to him…”
  1536. >And you haul ass to your next class while behind you you hear “The Princess Bride is a great movie –see there’s this farm boy-“ “SHUT UP!”
  1537.  
  1538. >History Class.
  1539. >History.
  1540. >Like what you might make tomorrow.
  1541. >Or what you might BE tomorrow.
  1542. >What are we studying here again?
  1543. >”In World War II, Major Lord Ashley served as a British Intelligence officer…”
  1544. >Fuuuuuuuuck.
  1545. >Write notes.
  1546. >Plan paper for next week.
  1547. >Assuming you can use your hands.
  1548. >Consider investing in dictation program for computer.
  1549. >Do not review what you just did over and over again.
  1550. >Do not throw up in class.
  1551. >Leave class at bell without throwing up.
  1552.  
  1553. >Cling, at least mentally, to Sunset all the way home.
  1554. >Cling, physically, to Sunset on the couch.
  1555. >The whole house smells like chili, and that’s usually a good thing.
  1556. >”So ya didn’t die!” Oh yeah, AJ and co. came over because Sunset has been relating your maddened, fear-driven gibbering about Finn’s chili.
  1557. “Not yet, at least. We’ll see about tomorrow. Six pm.”
  1558. >”Um… I don’t… eat meat… I hope that’s not a problem…”
  1559. >”Not at all, Missy!”
  1560. >”>eep<”
  1561. >Finn should not suddenly appear like that. Scares the children. “I got me a pot of vegetarian going as well, once Meg reminded me that we might see all y’all here again for what might be Anonymous’s last supper.”
  1562. “Thank. You. For. Your. Support.”
  1563. >”Aw, I’m just riding ya, kid. I *do* think we need to have a little talk on the front porch before dinner. You can put off the Thursday chores one day, can’t you?”
  1564. “Assuming I’m able to walk and talk on Saturday, sure.”
  1565. >Finn guides you out the door, letting the front door close on a sudden cacophony of female voices.
  1566.  
  1567. >Ah, the front porch.
  1568. >Good place. Relaxing.
  1569. >When you’re not anticipating your doom.
  1570. >Finn drops himself into a rocking chair (someone else left ‘em here years ago) and points you to the other one.
  1571. >”Okay kid. What’s the plan?”
  1572. >You blink.
  1573. “Plan?”
  1574. >”Well, clearly you don’t intend to let that over-inflated tub of shit kick your ass in front of your lady…”
  1575. “She’s not my la -… she… we’re friends.”
  1576. >”Of course.”
  1577. “We’re getting toward ‘good friends’ but we might be heading for ‘really really good friends’ the way things have been going. Unless it becomes ‘friend grieving for a friend’…”
  1578. >”You know he’s not gonna actually kill you, right?”
  1579. “Yeah, it’d look bad on his High School record if he got busted for a felony. He’s just going to try and beat me up real bad.”
  1580. >”So… what *are* you gonna do?”
  1581. >And you tell him your plan. The full plan.
  1582. >It doesn’t take too long to tell, honestly.
  1583. >He does sit there staring at you for a while afterward. You can hear the girls all laughing in the house. Meg too.
  1584. >”Kid… I have been witness to some of the stupidest, most ass-backward, pea-brained, fundamentally STUPID shit that the best trained minds in our Government’s DoD can get funded… and I gotta say that’s a pretty god damn stupid plan.”
  1585. “Well I know it’s not *perfect* - “
  1586. >”That’s not to say I don’t think it’ll *work*.”
  1587. >Oh.
  1588. >”Based on what I know about *you*, and what I’ve heard about that OTHER guy… I think you have a very high probability of achieving the desired outcome.”
  1589. >Blink. Those words. That accent. That face. Does not parse. Out of cheese error. Continue? (y/n)
  1590. “So… you think it’ll work.”
  1591. >”So, I think it’ll work.” Phew. “That doesn’t mean it will, but it’s got the least number of moving parts, and that counts for something…”
  1592. >You let that sink in, mull it over…
  1593. >”You know, Anon… I’ve only known ya for about six months… but you strike me as an atypical teenager.”
  1594. “What do you mean?”
  1595. >”Well, here ya are, basically plotting your own doom, yer last stand, you’re planting your flag and saying you’re prepared to DIE on that hill –“
  1596. >Wish he’d stop using those metaphors
  1597. >”But you’re doing it in a…” he says the next part deliberately, “Unusually clear-headed way for someone your age. Now I remember being your age – a very long time ago – and when I look back on how I acted back then I know two things: One, it’s a damn good thing I wound up in the military; and Two, If I was in your shoes right now I’d be alternately pissing myself, throwing up, and beating the shit out of anything that was within arm’s reach.”
  1598. >That makes you laugh, probably more than is appropriate
  1599. “I want to say ‘I had to learn to grow up fast’, but that’s not right. I learned… I learned that I couldn’t control anything other than myself. When you honestly can’t be sure that you’re going to go to sleep in the same state you woke up in, that happens…
  1600. “I also … try to learn about people as quick as I can. I may not be able to talk to them in a week, but I want to be able to … you know… get along while I can. And Ashole isn’t the first Ashole I’ve had to deal with… he’s …
  1601. “I think I have more skin in the game than I did the last few times. I’m not planning this out for me. Not really. I’m not just trying to survive and get through my time here intact.”
  1602. >Finn nods.
  1603. >”You got someone else you think about while you’re doing stuff now, kid. You don’t own her and she don’t own you… but while you’re riding together, you want to make her world better.”
  1604. “Yeah. That is deeply philosophical, Finn.”
  1605. >”I have hidden depths, kid. You shoulda seen me do ‘Hamlet’ at the 408 Company Talent Show.”
  1606. >Wat
  1607. >”Only time Hamlet ever threw a grenade.”
  1608. >WAT.
  1609. >The rest of the night… pretty quiet.
  1610. >Chili is consumed.
  1611. >Sunset concedes you might be right about Finn’s Chili.
  1612. >Fluttershy eats MOST of the vegetarian chili and asks Finn for the recipe.
  1613. >Where DOES that chick put all that food?
  1614. >The party breaks up, you get a lot of hugs, Dash leaves the cricket bat she picked up from somewhere by the door. “You know. In case.”
  1615. >Somehow the dishes get cleared, what few leftovers there are get packed… and before you realize what’s happening, Sunset’s leading you up the stairs and into the hall bathroom.
  1616. >She fusses with the bath taps for a bit, then heads out. “Get undressed, get in, and trust me.”
  1617. “Yes’m.” Hell, that works for Finn.
  1618. >One naked and slightly scalded Anonymous in the tub later, Sunset returns in a t shirt, panties, and a number of bottles of … stuff.
  1619. >She fiddles with the taps again (bits of you thank her) and pours a little of this, and that, and some of that, and these into the tub… then shucks her clothes and slides into the tub in front of you.
  1620. >Oh this does not suck at ALL.
  1621. >Bath even smells kinda good.
  1622. >Like you’re rolling around in a garden of flowers or something.
  1623. >Sunset leans back against you, moves your legs a little so your knees work as armrests for her… and then turns the taps off and you just… sit there, in the hot bath stuff, with Sunset snuggled in against you.
  1624. >You’re so surprised you don’t even get a boner.
  1625. >Damn.
  1626. >”You like this?”
  1627. “I think I do, Sunset. Sun. Set. Sunset. Sunny. Sun-ny.”
  1628. >”My full name, if you’re wondering, is Sunset Aquarius Starlight Shimmer, Nonny.”
  1629. “Sunny and Nonny… Nonny and Sunny. Sunnynon. We could be the next hot celebrity couple.”
  1630. >She splashes you. Mostly she splashes herself, so you get to watch water and bubbles slide over her breasts.
  1631. >ATTENTION BRAIN
  1632. >Hush you.
  1633. >… >whine<
  1634. >”Nonny… what *are* you going to do tomorrow?”
  1635. >And here, in the bath, with the mirror fogging up, with your toes pruining, and with a spectacular view of Sunset Aquarius Starlight Shimmer’s tits… you tell her.
  1636.  
  1637. >”I think you may be insane.”
  1638. “But do you think it could work?”
  1639. >”… I’m not the right person to ask that. I’ve got too much emotionally invested in seeing that bastard get what he deserves… and I don’t know if what you’re planning will do that.”
  1640. “It may not… If I fight him on his own terms, I’m going to lose. Even if I win the fight, I’m still going to lose. But I can make it so I don’t lose… and… he doesn’t win. If this works.”
  1641. >”I was … with him for a year. He’s not easy to convince of anything. Once he became the “Golden Boy” of the football team, no one could tell him to do anything unless they made it mandatory.”
  1642. “That’s why I think it’ll work. He’s an asshole. And he’s not that bright an asshole. But I think, if I survive the first couple of things that have to happen…”
  1643. >”I hope to Goddess you do, Anon.”
  1644.  
  1645. >Later.
  1646. >”The water’s getting cold.”
  1647. “Yeah. We should go to bed.”
  1648. >Drain plug removed, bath drained, people dried.
  1649. >You put on a pair of shorts. She winds up in your t shirt, which is way too big for her.
  1650. >The two of you climb into bed and, after staring at the ceiling together for about an hour, drift off to sleep.
  1651.  
  1652. >Friday Morning.
  1653. >It’s Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday
  1654. >*record needle scratch*
  1655. >How the hell did that song get popular anyway?
  1656.  
  1657. >Friday Morning. Really.
  1658. >You wake up in the traditional “butts touching” position of couples who go to bed snuggling and realize they’re clearly on the wrong side of the bed to stay asleep face to face.
  1659. >… couples?
  1660. >Might have to accept the reality, sport.
  1661. >Yeah, assuming you survive today.
  1662. >HELLO ALARM CLOCK
  1663. >You lever yourself upright, and see Sunset reach over and slap the alarm into silence. Without opening her eyes.
  1664. >This woman… she has mad skills.
  1665. >“MNRF!”
  1666. “Good morning?”
  1667. >”MNF. Nf. Mf?”
  1668. >She turns her head toward the night table (home of defeated alarm clock) then back toward you.
  1669. >”… hi.”
  1670. “Hi?”
  1671. >”That’s where the alarm clock was at Ash- at his – where I used to stay. Some reflexes die hard.”
  1672. >She give you a little, shaky grin.
  1673. >”For a minute I thought I was back there. I’m really glad I’m not.”
  1674. “From an entirely selfish perspective, so am I.”
  1675. >Sunset lunges at you and grabs you in a hug. Her head against your chest, her arms around your middle.
  1676. >From where you sit, more or less… you can stroke her hair. So you do.
  1677. >This feels good.
  1678. >"This feels good."
  1679. >Is there an echo in here?
  1680. "So you like having your hair played with?"
  1681. >She nods. "Back when I was little… 's how Momma used to help me get to sleep."
  1682. "Heh."
  1683. >"Runs in our family. Play with my hair for 10 minutes and you'll get the full story. Play with my hair for an hour and you get allll my money."
  1684. >That makes you chuckle.
  1685. "I'm not worried about hour money, Sunset."
  1686. >"But I have a lot of money… well… Mom and Dad do… and I get some of it every week… while they're gone…"
  1687. >You shrug, which she can't see, so you better verbalize.
  1688. "Eh. I make enough to get by and not hurt. Helps that my family was poor when I was born and gradually moved up in the world…. But that's not what I wanna talk about."
  1689. >"Rmm?"
  1690. >She nuzzles into your chest.
  1691. "What I wanna talk about is … how come everyone at this school has brightly colored hair?
  1692. >That makes her look up, and scootch up a little. "What do you mean?"
  1693. "Well… Pinkie's hair is … pink… and Rarity's is purple and I don't even know what's going on with Dash and at least AJ's a blond but. There's a lotta hair streaking going on."
  1694. >She tilts her head and looks up and off to the left. "Oh… the school used to be really strict. Strict dress code, hair length, hair color – everything. And a couple years ago we got a new Principal and … have you *seen* her hair?"
  1695. "I can honestly say I've never seen her at all."
  1696. >Sunset laughs, "It's completely amazing. Six, seven, maybe even eight colors and down to her calves… she lifted a lot of restrictions on the dress code so… everyone's playing around. They sell a *lot* of hair chalk in this town."
  1697. "But *you* don't streak your hair… do you?"
  1698. >Having seen evidence that yep, this is her natural hair color… colors.
  1699. >She laughs, "Freaky genetics, I guess. The red came in when I was six."
  1700. "Any other freaky genetic things I should know about?"
  1701. >She gets this wicked look on her face, "Like… do I suddenly sprout a tail, or get horns or wings or a forked tongue?
  1702. >…
  1703. "Uh."
  1704. >"Not anymore o/`"
  1705. >Of course she chooses THAT line as her cue to spring out of bed and scamper off to her room, giggling.
  1706. >Sometimes a guy just has to face the fact that he has peculiar tastes in women.
  1707. >God in Heaven… Meg's making breakfast.
  1708. >"Anon – I'm making you a Full English."
  1709. >Holy crap. Breakfast of champions.
  1710. >"What's a 'Full English'?"
  1711. >Meg, looming proudly above the skillet like some kind of sorceress, explains:
  1712. >"The Full English is eggs, bacon, sausage, chips – home fries to you lot – half a tomato and anything else protein-laden you can convince to sit in the pan."
  1713. "The only problem is… when you eat one of these… six weeks later you're a little hungry again."
  1714. >"Anything for us mere mortals?" teases the girl who no longer sprouts a tail, horns etc. Funny sense of humor, has Sunset.
  1715. >Fortunately, there's scrambled eggs, more bacon, and a few fried tomato slices - which go startlingly well with breakfast stuff.
  1716. >Especially if you're worried about someone you know getting mauled this evening.
  1717. >Particularly if that someone is you.
  1718. >Finn puts ketchup on everything but the tomato slice ("That'd be redundant") and gets a mild rebuke from Meg about that.
  1719. >"Can't help it. Back in the service, ketchup was the only breakfast thing you could count on tastes the same one cook to th' next."
  1720. >"Speaking of places where people might try to kill you… Anon, are you going to be all right at school today?"
  1721. "I …. *should* be fine, Meg. Ashole –"
  1722. >"Ashole?"
  1723. >">snrt<"
  1724. "I have to call him *something* - has decided that it's a good idea to beat me up off of school property. So he's coming here at six."
  1725. >Meg stares at you. "Why, in the name of all that is sane and rational, would you do THAT?"
  1726. >"Don't worry, Megan… th' kid here has a plan. And it's not a bad one."
  1727. >"Finnegan Francis Saorin, any plan you call 'not bad' is a plan I fear might destroy the fabric of the space-time continuum."
  1728. >Francis?
  1729. >Learn something new every day. Even on the day you might die.
  1730. >You have an escort to school. You and Sunset discover her five friends waiting on the porch, in fact.
  1731. >About two blocks into the walk, you get fed up with being asked if you're going to be all right and tell *them* your brilliant plan.
  1732.  
  1733. >"Ah think you might just be loco."
  1734. >"I don't know… I think it's a good plan… I think… do you think it's a good plan?"
  1735. >"… why don't you just wait behind a tree and hit him with a-"
  1736. "Same reason *you* don't wait behind a tree and hit him with a … something."
  1737. >You have no idea where Dash found a fencing saber. You're afraid to ask.
  1738. "I want to get through this year and graduate. That's the goal of High School – graduate relatively unscathed."
  1739. >"Says the guy who's going to let ASHOLE take the first two swings free! I don't box, but I know that's a bad idea."
  1740. "You don't box? I'm stunned."
  1741. >"They don't let girls beat up boys in boxing, and I can't get any other girls to fight against."
  1742. >Ok. You also have peculiar taste in friends. Or your woman has peculiar tastes in
  1743. >YOUR woman?
  1744. >Dangerous ground you tread, Anonymous.
  1745. >"*I* think it's very daring and clever… the sort of thing a secret agent might concoct! o/`"
  1746. "I'm still not wearing the suit to do it, Rarity."
  1747. >"And why not? o/`"
  1748. "Blood's hard to wash out."
  1749. >"… well you *do* have a point I suppose…"
  1750. "Just… I need all of you to not be there… in the yard. When it happens. If this goes sideways I don't want anyone else to be at risk of-"
  1751. >"Anon… we stand up for each other. I learned that … a while ago."
  1752. "Yes, Sunset. But in this case you'll all be standing up for me from inside the house."
  1753. >"But –"
  1754. "Hey… I'm this random anonymous kid from out of town. Trust me."
  1755.  
  1756. >Trust me. Bold words from a potentially doomed man.
  1757. >Potentially doomed 17 year old barrel-shaped maintenance mook going up against Mister Inverted Triangle Highly Trained Football Jock and his two Jock Friends, each of whom is Bigger than the other one.
  1758. >This sort of thing runs around and around in your head for the first three periods of school.
  1759. >You run around the outside of the school building to get from one class to the next to maximize Ashole Avoidance
  1760. >No sense in giving him a chance to decide "Nah, I'll just kill him now".
  1761. >At least you're getting some warm up cardio, right?
  1762. >No sense letting all those calories you ate at breakfast go to waste.
  1763. >By the time you've run from one class to another, outside the building, you are ready to sit quietly in Study Hall for third period.
  1764. >Anonymous. Model Student.
  1765. >So model you're practically asleep sitting upright when the bell rings.
  1766. >Get thee to a cafeteria anon, Anon!
  1767.  
  1768. >Lunch with Sunset and company.
  1769. >With all that running around… you're actually hungry.
  1770. >Must thank Meg for breakfast. Maybe you can get her one of those little collectable figurines she likes so much. But that means finding out which one she doesn't have and that means… going into her room.
  1771. >Yeah you're already feeling like half a creeper with how fast you're moving with Sunset…
  1772. >ETHICS TO GUILT CENTER: CHILL OUT. WE GOT THIS.
  1773. >… sure.
  1774. >IF NOTHING ELSE, YOU MIGHT GET TOO BEAT UP TO CREEP ON ANYONE
  1775. >That's reassuring.
  1776.  
  1777. >"Earth… to… Anonymous… Come… in… Anonymous…."
  1778. >*boop*
  1779. >You blink. Apparently your nose is now your 'come out of reverie' button.
  1780. "It wasn't me!"
  1781. >SIX girls laughing at you. And not in a bad way.
  1782. >You could totally get used to this.
  1783. >"Where were you, Nonny? You looked like you were a bazillian miles away!"
  1784. "I'm just… distracted. I think I've got a reason to be."
  1785. >"That's why you got the salad on the lunch line?"
  1786. "I got what?
  1787. >"You also *ate* the salad."
  1788. "I ate the…"
  1789. >You look down at your tray. Yep. Salad debris.
  1790. "Did I at least use a fork?"
  1791. >"Thankfully, yes."
  1792. "See. Another reason I didn't wear the suit. Salad dressing on the lapels."
  1793. >Sunset pushes her tray toward you. Hey look – spaghetti. And 'potentially identifiable meatballs'
  1794. >You gratefully inhale it.
  1795. >You do not get any spaghetti in your pockets.
  1796. >You drink a lot of water.
  1797. >Strangely, you don't feel like you need to hit the restroom. This may change after Biology class.
  1798. >"Hello, class! Unfortunately your instructor is still out with the bacteriological … issue she incurred while preparing your next lab. I have been assured that it is not contagious and the swelling should be down by Monday."
  1799. >E.W.W.W.W.
  1800. >"So for this class, we have another wonderful instructional video for you to watch."
  1801. >"Well, it can't possibly be worse than the birth one…"
  1802.  
  1803. > [THE STORY OF MULCH]
  1804. >[HOW PUTREFACTION MAKES THE RAINFOREST GROW]
  1805. >[FEATURING SIXTEEN TIME-LAPSE OBSERVATIONS OF CARCASS BREAK DOWN]
  1806. >[FROM GROUND SQUIRRELS TO AN ELEPHANT]
  1807.  
  1808. >"There are not… enough… trash cans… "
  1809. "Just… don't… look… around… "
  1810. >"Or breathe… through… your… nose…"
  1811.  
  1812. >(SO. MUCH. HURL.)
  1813.  
  1814. >You escape, and that is the word for it, in the dark.
  1815. >No one notices the two of you slip out.
  1816. >They're too busy… coping…. With the video.
  1817. >You stand outside the classroom, taking deep, deliberate breaths until the bell rings.
  1818. >You hand Sunset off to AJ
  1819. "Be gentle with her. She's been in a very bad place. And don't mention m-u-l-c-h."
  1820. >"Mulch? Why not? We use that stuff in the orchard – makes the apple trees grow really well!"
  1821. >Sunset makes a face only people who would not like to throw up on your shoes make.
  1822. >"I may never eat another apple as long as I live. Or … anything else."
  1823. >Shaking her head, AJ leads Sunset off to fifth period.
  1824.  
  1825. >Trig class.
  1826. >You keep your head down.
  1827. >You study your work.
  1828. >You're not studying your work, of course. You're going over The Plan again and again and again and wondering if it's going to work.
  1829. >You might have added some numbers or something mathematical.
  1830. >You might also have snapped a pencil in half from holding it too tight.
  1831. >You didn't bother looking up to see if Professor Snape was glaring at you or not.
  1832. >You have bigger things on your mind.
  1833.  
  1834. >Meeting up with Sunset outside sixth period classes turns out to be a very good thing.
  1835. >At least, that's what the 3 minute hug she gives you tells you.
  1836. >You hug her back. Because, yeah… that's a very good thing.
  1837. >The pink haired happy machine bouncing around next to the two of you? Minor distraction.
  1838. "It'll be ok. Just a couple more hours."
  1839. >"That’s… what why I'm not ok. A couple more hours…"
  1840. >Pinkamina has gone into the classroom and already causing panic.
  1841. "Focus on keeping Pinkie out of trouble. I'll see you at final bell."
  1842. >" She looks up at you, nods… and you both go to learn stuff or something for another hour.
  1843. >The walk home is pretty quiet. Seven kids walking home quietly.
  1844. >One of them is carrying a boat paddle.
  1845. >And Rarity's purse is about three times the size of her usual one.
  1846. >You really wonder about these people sometimes.
  1847. >And then you're just glad they're here to keep each other from freaking out.
  1848. >You're glad they're here to keep *you* from freaking out.
  1849.  
  1850. >Chores are going to wait until Saturday. They can do that.
  1851. >You rattle around the house doing things.
  1852. >Like putting ice in ziplock bags in the freezer.
  1853. >Like changing into your working clothes.
  1854. >Like reaching out (and getting) Sunset's hand in passing every time you're less than a yard away.
  1855. >You all manage some small talk. About hair color, of all things.
  1856. >"I think you'd look cool with some color in there, Anon. Maybe a … streak of green or something!"
  1857. "What? You don't want to be the only one with green hair?"
  1858. >"I am NOT the only one with green hair!"
  1859. >and so on.
  1860.  
  1861. >You drink … a lot more water. You know. Because. Water's good for you, right?
  1862. >You do some stretches you remember from … somewhere. Maybe a martial arts magazine or something.
  1863. >You have some quiet words with Finn.
  1864. >You look at the clock every two minutes.
  1865. >5:40
  1866. >You hug Sunset.
  1867. >Sunset hugs you.
  1868. >Everyone … hugs everyone else.
  1869. >5:42
  1870. >Told you.
  1871. >Around 10 till, you decide you can't stall anymore. You make sure everything's where you think it needs to be, grab a couple things, put them in your pockets… and go out to the front yard.
  1872.  
  1873.  
  1874. >Anonymous, out in the yard.
  1875. >Inside the rail fence that borders the property.
  1876. >Waiting.
  1877. >Waiting for Young Study to come beat the crap out of you.
  1878. >God this sucks.
  1879.  
  1880. >You don't have a watch on, so you have no idea how long you're standing there.
  1881. >You can feel about a half-dozen people watching you from inside the house.
  1882. >Maybe a couple more.
  1883. >You just stand there like a dork.
  1884. >Waiting.
  1885. >Oh look, some other kids from the school are standing across the street trying to look like they're not here to see you get beat up.
  1886. >Lovely.
  1887. >Is Ashole late?
  1888. >You'd think he wouldn't want to be late to an all-you-can-maul buffet.
  1889.  
  1890. >Hark, I hear the sound of an asshole approaching.
  1891. >Swear he must have gotten a BIGGER muffler installed for this occasion.
  1892. >Maybe he knows a 24 hour Douchebag My Car shop
  1893. >Young Studly, aka Ashole, rolls up with Immense and Immenser.
  1894. >Thank god you're not outnumbered or anything.
  1895. >"Nice to see you're on time, faggot."
  1896. "Honestly. That word."
  1897. >He jumps out of the car over the closed door
  1898. >Must have practiced that for weeks.
  1899. >Big and Bigger clamber out the old fashioned way.
  1900. >Ashole stops them at the gate.
  1901. >Wow. He actually retained the terms of your agreement.
  1902. "So…"
  1903. >He just sneers at you. Must get a lot of people to back down, that sneer.
  1904. >Having two huge running buddies probably helps too.
  1905. "Like I said. First two shots are free."
  1906. >You hold your arms out, shoulder height.
  1907. >You know, like a crucifixion.
  1908. >He – this is hard to believe – does that "shaking my arms loose" thing you see pit fighters do in the movies.
  1909. >He even shuffles his feet and shadow-boxes a little.
  1910. >Who IS this jerk?
  1911. >And Ashley swings at you
  1912.  
  1913. >You duck your head and crouch a little.
  1914. >His fist hits you right above the eyebrow.
  1915. >OWWWWWWWW. God DAMN that hurts.
  1916. >… just like you planned.
  1917. >You hear Ashley hiss – skulls aren't as easy to hit as mouths or noses. Bones are a lot bigger and a lot more solid.
  1918. >You feel like you got your bell rung pretty good… but you straighten up and look at him.
  1919. >He's shaking out his hand. Still doing that stupid shuffling thing.
  1920. >C'mon biology… do your duty. C'mon pulmonary system….
  1921. "That's one."
  1922. >You barely have a chance to drop your head and twist to "get on top" of the next punch he throws, with his other hand.
  1923. >OWWWWWWWWMother pus bucket…
  1924. >It's hard to get someone to hit the same place twice when you're the jerk being hit.
  1925. >Do not fall down. Do not fall down.
  1926. >Straighten up.
  1927. >Drop your arms to your sides.
  1928. >Come ON…
  1929. >You shake your head.
  1930. >Come ON… go pulmonary system GO
  1931. >You tilt your head up… he's gonna wait for you to look at him so he can slaughter you in earnest.
  1932. >That's when you feel the first tiny warm trickle. Your own blood, just above the eyebrow.
  1933. >There it is. He actually managed to cut you..
  1934. >After two hits you directed to a part of your head that'd take a cut quickly.
  1935.  
  1936.  
  1937. "Th…at's t..wo…"
  1938. >Just to be a total ass, you put your hands behind your back.
  1939. >All the while praying.
  1940. >C'mon… be predictable. Be predictable.
  1941. >You hit me in the head twice and hurt your hands.
  1942. >Be predict-
  1943. >He throws a punch toward your stomach.
  1944. >There is no way you can dodge this punch.
  1945. >There is no way you can get away from this punch.
  1946. >But you can bring that 14" pipe wrench you had in your back pocked around and put it between your gut and his fist and brace it with both hands.
  1947.  
  1948. >Young Studly Punches a Wrench.
  1949. >A comedy in two parts.
  1950. >Ashole makes a sound he probably hasn't made since he was weaned.
  1951. >You didn't get all the air knocked out of you, just some of it.
  1952. >Also: having a pipe wrench pushed sideways into your gut does not tickle.
  1953. >But…
  1954. >While he's got his hand up trying to see if it's bleeding, you have plenty of time to flip the wrench
  1955. >… hold onto the business end
  1956. >… and bring about 9 inches of hardened steel up against the inside of his armpit as hard as you can
  1957.  
  1958. >Young Studly Screams.
  1959. >That's a place people don't expect to get hit.
  1960. >Considering how many nerve endings are up there, you'd think more people would use it. You just have to use the long edge of your hand, or your knucles… or a 14" pipe wrench.
  1961. >"GET…HIM! STAN! BRUNO! GET HIM!"
  1962. >Studly is no longer able to use his left arm, so he calls in the calvary.
  1963. >Stan (Immense) hops the rail. Big guy can move. Give him that.
  1964.  
  1965. >"'Get him!'? Is that yer plan?"
  1966. >You were gritting your teeth a second ago. Now you can actually smile.
  1967. >You can't see him, but you hear that stomp-clink-stomp-clink-stomp that tells you Finn is approaching at speed.
  1968. >The next part happens really fast. Even though you stepped back a little so you could maybe see what's going to happen.
  1969. >Stan (Immense) is coming up on you from behind Ashole, on his "injured" side.
  1970. >Out of the corner of your eye, you see Finn stop, raise his leg, grab at his knee… twist something…
  1971. >And then kick Stan in the head from a distance of 10 feet with a perfectly thrown prosthetic leg.
  1972. >Stan goes down like a guy who's been hit in the head with a perfectly thrown prosthetic leg.
  1973. >Ashole is trying to process this and the fact that you're holding a pipe wrench so the business end is just under his chin.
  1974. "Nice throw!"
  1975. >"I was aimin' for his gut. When you hit 'm in the gut, you get to watch their expression all the way to the floor."
  1976. >Bruno is… still at the gate. Leaning on it, even.
  1977. >"Hey… Blocks-out-the-Sun… you gonna help your friend here?"
  1978. >Bruno shakes his head slowly.
  1979. >"Coach said to keep him safe on the field. Then Coach said to keep him safe at school."
  1980. >He looks around the yard. "I don't see any school here. This is clearly outside my operational parameters."
  1981. >Finn makes an impressed sound. "Nicely put."
  1982. >Bruno grins and ducks his head. "Shy-shy's helpin' me with my vocabulary. I wanna make a 650 on m' verbal SATs…"
  1983.  
  1984. >Ashole, meanwhile… is beginning to feel like something's not going the way he wants it to.
  1985. >You emphasize that with a very light nudge with the wrench.
  1986.  
  1987. "Ash…ley… let me tell you how the rest of this fight is going to go. Are you listening?"
  1988. >"Wh…what… fagg't?" Hard to sound threatening when your teeth are that clenched.
  1989. "That word. Tellin' ya."
  1990. >Are you smiling? Nah, clearly that's a rictus of pain. Oh and you're bleeding. Rather a lot. Nice trickle of bright red stuff. Pro wrestler secret.
  1991. "Here's how this fight is going to go. In a minute… I'm going to drop this wrench… and you're going to walk away."
  1992. >"ThFUCK would I do that?"
  1993. "Because if you don’t… Finn will step back and… you'll probably beat the shit out of me. Now I know that's what you THINK you want.. but… I'm bleeding."
  1994. >You reach up and get a little of it on your left hand and hold it up. Wow that looks… ugly.
  1995. "I'm bleeding a LOT. If we keep fighting, you'll probably beat me up, but I'm gonna get THIS… all over you."
  1996. >"WHAT? You gonna give me AIDS?"
  1997. >You shake your head. You're feeling it now. You even say 'tsk tsk'.
  1998. "Tsk tsk… what that means is I'm going to make it a point to get blood ALL OVER your clothes.. and your hands… up under your nails… in your hair… on your TEETH… and when it's all said and done, and you strut out of here triumphant… my friends are gonna take me to the emergency clinic.
  1999. "They're gonna ASK me what happened. And if I can't talk – which I might not be able to be – my friends are going to TELL THEM.
  2000. "They're going to tell them that I was beaten bloody and senseless by a MANIAC FOOTBALL JOCK because he saw me with his EX GIRL FRIEND."
  2001. >You pause for effect. Or maybe to get your breath. He really did a job on your skull. Hey – you might even have a concussion! Cool!
  2002. "And the school… they can overlook a black eye… a bloody nose… but a guy doesn't get shuttled into an emergency room looking like THIS"
  2003. >wipe forehead, hold hand up so Ashley can see it. Watch him flinch away from bits of flying lood
  2004. "THIS… because he 'fell down some stairs' or 'walked into a door' or whatever other bullshit excuse you bully people into using."
  2005. >You are definitely smiling now. Or at least baring your teeth. Odds are, this is not a pretty sight. Wow that blood is still trickling isn't it? You're also shaking a bit.
  2006. "They will shut you down, take away your scholarship, maybe even try you as an adult for attempted manslaughter or WORSE… Your. Fucking. LIFE. Will. Be. Ruined. At 17. No contract to play your little game. No endorsements.
  2007. >wild guess time but hell, you're rolling. And bleeding. Adrenaline and lacerations. Wow this is …
  2008. "You will be STUCK in THIS TOWN for the REST of YOUR LIFE working at your DAD'S GAS STATION with your NAME on your SHIRT you ASSHOLE."
  2009. >ease back on the throttle, Cactus… You may be scaring the boy.
  2010. "But… if you walk away now… you can tell everyone that we… came to an agreement. You don't mess with me, or my friends… and you don't act like an entitled asshole through the end of graduation… and you can go off to some expensive college and you'll never see me again."
  2011. >To your surprise… he starts to nod. Maybe you got through?
  2012. "Do we have an agreement"
  2013. >He nods. "… we … we have an agreement."
  2014. "Good."
  2015. >"That cunt isn't worth the effort –"
  2016.  
  2017. >Looking back, you are proud that you didn't cave his skull in with that wrench.
  2018. >Instead, you rear back and deliver the greatest pimp slap you will ever deliver in your life.
  2019. >Full-on backhand, your right to your left, right across his face.
  2020. >Where it'll raise a really nice black eye.
  2021. >It even makes the sound it makes in the movies.
  2022. >Before he can move, you've dropped the wrench and you're holding him by his jacket… damn you wish varsity jackets had lapels.
  2023. "Now… Before you go… I have two things to tell you. Are. You. Listening?"
  2024. >Yeah you are definitely shaking now. Your eyes are probably really wide too, which is hard because you have to keep blinking blood out of one of 'em.
  2025. "First … you keep calling me a 'faggot' like it's some kind of insult.
  2026. "Where I come from…
  2027. "That's a god damn badge of honor.
  2028.  
  2029. >Ashole, reeling from being pimp-slapped, with a numb left arm and two aching hands, looks nonplussed at your little declaration.
  2030. >You take a breath and try to calm yourself for this next part…
  2031.  
  2032. "And second… You are not the first bully I have ever met. You won't be the last. But I don't know that I will ever have this opportunity again…
  2033. "So, on behalf of everyone you've bullied.. On behalf of everyone you've pushed around… Every person you have ever treated like a thing and ESPECIALLY on behalf of Sunset Shimmer…
  2034.  
  2035. "Fuck you."
  2036.  
  2037. >That got his attention.
  2038.  
  2039. "Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck YOU. FUCK You. FUCK YOU"
  2040.  
  2041. >Did you know you're about as tall as Ashole if you don't slouch?
  2042.  
  2043. "FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU! FUCK! YOU! FUCK! YOU! FUCK!! YOU!! FUCK!!! YOU!!!"
  2044.  
  2045. >and if you bend your knees, pull your elbows to your chest, then stand up, his feet don't *quite* touch the ground?
  2046.  
  2047. "FUCK!!!! YOU!!!! FUCK!!!! YOU!!!! FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU"
  2048. "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK"
  2049. "YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
  2050.  
  2051. >You push and let go. He doesn't quite fall on his ass.
  2052.  
  2053. "NOW. GET. THE. FUCK. OFF. MY. PROPERTY!!!!!"
  2054.  
  2055. >He gets. He takes Stan with him. They go. They leave skid marks.
  2056. >You stand there vibrating.
  2057.  
  2058. >"Nicely done, kid."
  2059. >Breathe. Vibrate. Vibrate. Vibrate.
  2060.  
  2061. "... Are they gone?
  2062. >"Yep."
  2063. "… Think they're comin' back?"
  2064. >"Not likely."
  2065. "Good. I'm gonna go inside to the bathroom and throw up and pee a lot."
  2066.  
  2067. >Past EVERYONE in the house at speed
  2068. >Into the bathroom
  2069. >You manage to puke into the approved receptacle
  2070. >You wouldn't be surprised if you saw your SHOES in there at the end
  2071. >And yet…
  2072. >Oh yeah. Towel. Head. Stauch bleeding.
  2073. >NOW, unzip fly, empty bladder.
  2074. >No bodily fluids anywhere but into the approved receptacle.
  2075. >PUT WILLY AWAY.
  2076. >WIPE NASTY BITS OFF BOWL WITH TP
  2077. >FLUSH.
  2078. >WASH HANDS.
  2079. >WASH FACE.
  2080. >… WASH BLOODY TOWEL.
  2081. >… WASH FACE AGAIN.
  2082. >… DAMMIT.
  2083. >You shamble out of the bathroom, leaving the seat up.
  2084. "Hey where do we keep the band-aids? Or.. butterfly bandages? Or… super glue?"
  2085.  
  2086. >Until that point, you did not know that six girls could carry one bleeding idiot 10 yards to the couch.
  2087. >"That… was… AWESOME!!! I think he peed himself!"
  2088. "… I peed myself?"
  2089. >"No, ASHOLE peed himself… or he changed into darker jeans halfway through you screaming at him."
  2090. "… I was screaming at him?
  2091. >"You were screaming at him at the end there, Anon… It was… really impressive and a little scary."
  2092. >"… I thought it was entirely appropriate considering the circumstances."
  2093. >"You shoulda seen her – 'Shy did a little 'yessss!' fist pump and everything."
  2094. >"… he shouldn't have made Bruno take his athletic gear to the laundry every night."
  2095.  
  2096. >… File that one away for later.
  2097. >Hey! Someone ordered pizza! Lots of pizza!
  2098. >Several band aids later, you don't quite look like … you don't look quite as bad as you did.
  2099.  
  2100. "Professional wrestlers nick themselves… right up around here… "
  2101. >Sunset bats your hand away from your forehead. "Leave it alone."
  2102. "… and you only lose a little blood over a long period of time but it looks really impressive."
  2103. >"IIIIi don't know, Anon. You came in here looking like a .72 on the Muta scale."
  2104. "… you know about the Muta Scale, Dash? Holy crap."
  2105. >"But when Finny came up and he threw his leg and Stan got hit in the head and he fell over with this LOOK on his face and I didn't know Finny could DO that with his leg and that was really neat!"
  2106. >"I did say this was the finest prosthetic this country's military could buy. Per-fect-ly balanced.
  2107. "Have you EVER done that before?"
  2108. >"… my lawyer said I should never answer that question."
  2109.  
  2110. >"Ah still think you might be loco, but…"
  2111. "I may be. I may also have a concussion…"
  2112. >To your surprise, it's the quiet one to nudges people aside. Why does she carry a penlight?
  2113. >"Mm. Both pupils are the same size… follow the light… now follow it heeere… I think he'll be all right… unless someone else thinks he's…"
  2114.  
  2115. >General consensus: you'll be okay. Probably
  2116.  
  2117. >A great deal of pizza is consumed.
  2118. >Finn actually tells the "Get 'em" story, which is every bit as stupid as you had hoped it would be.
  2119. >Lots of laughter.
  2120. >You're still a little light-headed… How much blood DID you lose?
  2121. >(and does anyone else here watch pro wrestling?)
  2122. >The party breaks up around 10 when Meg gently shoo's people out ("Do you NOT have homes?")
  2123. >You lever yourself up and attempt to climb the stairs. Hey. Can't be too hard. He didn't hit you in the knees, right?
  2124. >About three steps into the process someone ducks under your arm – Sunset – and you both make it up the stairs.
  2125. >She steers you right to the bathtub. "In."
  2126. >You get in.
  2127. >"Clothes off. *Then* in."
  2128. >Oh yeah. Clothing. You are wearing it.
  2129. >One mound of clothing later, you sit in an empty tub.
  2130. >Well, it made perfect sense at the time.
  2131. >Sunset comes back in – hey she left the bathroom, did you know that?
  2132. >Taps are adjusted, stuff is poured in, including most of the rest of that bottle of witch hazel you bought for her a (friggin' lifetime) ago.
  2133. >"Can you sit in the tub without sinking under water?"
  2134. "Um."
  2135. >"The correct answers are 'yes' or 'I don't know'."
  2136. "Yes."
  2137. >Decisive Anonymous is Decisive.
  2138. >"Good. Stay there. Do not drown. I do not want you to drown. Understand?"
  2139. "Yes'm."
  2140. >Always a good answer.
  2141.  
  2142.  
  2143. >To your disappointment, Sunset does not get into the tub with you.
  2144. >Instead, she sponges you down, checks on your head wound (the bleeding has, thankfully, stopped), and mops over that wrench-shaped bruise on your stomach.
  2145. >(Random image of Naughty Nurse Sunset)
  2146. >Wow. If you had any energy at all right now…
  2147. >"Down, boy."
  2148. >Oh. You do. How 'bout that.
  2149. >"Not now. Now you soak and recover. And now, because you can't get out of the tub under your own power-"
  2150. >(NAUGHTY NURSE SUNSET)
  2151. >"I get tell you some things.
  2152. >(…oh)
  2153.  
  2154. >She tells you some more about what happened just before she met you.
  2155. >"And I bought an EPT and … used it the night you brought me here. When it turned out negative, I was so relieved… but I was still scared. Scared of Ash, scared… scared of everything."
  2156. "I… did… see that box."
  2157. >She flushes… or maybe it's the steam in the room from the bath.
  2158. "Hey. I take out the garbage, you know? I try not to look at people's refuse on general principles but…"
  2159. >"Well now I know to double-bag anything I don't want you to see." Little satisfied nod.
  2160. "… that's not what I meant."
  2161. >"I know. I'm allowed to tease you because you can't fight back."
  2162. "That's not how –"
  2163. >"Hush. Still telling you things."
  2164. "Yes'm."
  2165. >"I'm not used to people sticking up for me. I've only had the friends I have *now* for a little less than a year… before that, I pushed people around and tried to build my own little kingdom. And anyone who did things for me did them because… Because I made them, or pressured them, or they thought they could get something out of doing so."
  2166. "Wanna know something? I thought I could get something out of helping you."
  2167. >You're not entirely focusing, but you can see her go very, very still.
  2168. "I thought I could help someone who was hurting. And maybe she wouldn't hurt so much. And maybe the world gets a little better. In the words of Batman, we do this stuff until the world doesn't need people like us anymore."
  2169. >She relaxes, then just LOOKS at you.
  2170. >"I cannot believe you just quoted Batman as the source of your ethical system."
  2171. "I'd try quoting Lao Tsu but I have a concussion and I can barely do that normally."
  2172. >"You do not have a concussion."
  2173. "I feel like I have a concussion."
  2174. >"You're just tired."
  2175. "Are you sure?"
  2176. >"And you're not so tired that you can't be a smartass."
  2177. >You sigh and slide a little deeper into the tub. "Yeah. I'm coming off a massive adrenaline high and … I wonder how much blood I *did* lose?"
  2178. >"Meg said something about 'A stuck saint'."
  2179. "Eeeesh."
  2180. >"She may have been exaggerating. But you looked… awful."
  2181. "That was the plan. Get him to bust me open, stop the fight as quickly as possible and talk him into walking away with the real, do-able threat of ruining his life. I'm still amazed it worked."
  2182. >"Was the screaming at him part of the plan?"
  2183. >You don't answer that one for a bit.
  2184. >Deep breath.
  2185. >Exhale.
  2186. >Repeat.
  2187. "That… was because he called you … something pretty awful."
  2188. >"What?"
  2189. "Something I've never seen any female want to be called."
  2190. >"What?"
  2191. "He called you a cunt."
  2192. >Remember all those awkward pauses in conversation you had with Sunset earlier in the week, a thousand years ago? Yeah you're having one of those right now, with the added benefit of being naked in a bath tub and there being a radio in the room.
  2193. >Sunset looks at you… then looks at the tiles on the wall… then looks at you again.
  2194. >"In that case, I'm glad you bitch-slapped him and said 'Fuck you' twenty-seven times."
  2195. "You counted?"
  2196. >"Might have been thirty. You were saying it really fast near the end."
  2197. "… can I blame adrenaline?"
  2198. >"… and maybe a few years of frustration?"
  2199. "Yeah that too."
  2200. >"Yes. That's our story. We're sticking to it." She nods. "All right… can you get out of the tub?"
  2201. "Maybe. I should warn you, this could be hilarious…"
  2202.  
  2203. >You get out of the bath in the most non-hilarious way possible.
  2204. >More or less dried off, but shorts are not achieved until you're sitting on the bed.
  2205. >Sunset goes off to her room, and you don't blame her one bit.
  2206. >Oh look. It's dark. Still so wired that it's unlikely you can sleep even if you closed your eyes -
  2207.  
  2208. >"Scootch over."
  2209. "Mnf."
  2210. >"I can't sleep on 6" of bed."
  2211. >Oh. Okay.
  2212. >You scootch. She settles in next to you.
  2213.  
  2214. >A bit later, you open your eyes, because you're not asleep. Honest.
  2215. >In the dark, you can just see her lying there, propped up on one elbow, looking at you.
  2216. "In some countries this could be considered weird."
  2217. >She >snrks<
  2218. "I'll be okay in the morning. Just throw a bucket of cold water on me…"
  2219. >"Nn-nn. I'm staying."
  2220. "No really. I'll be fine."
  2221. >"How fine?"
  2222. >Is she… wearing anything?
  2223. >Night vision at 40%, but … doesn't look like she's wearing anything.
  2224. "Are you naked?"
  2225. >CAPTAIN SMOOTH RIDES AGAIN. NOW WITH SCAR TISSUE.
  2226. >This gets no verbal response. But when she leans over and leans against you… those are not buttons. No sir. Those are not shirt buttons.
  2227. "Now I can die happy…"
  2228. >"You'd better not…" she mutters… and starts going to work on your shorts. "Bum… up!"
  2229. >BUM UP. WARNING: SHORTS SNAGGED ON
  2230. >*girl-driven adjustment of wedding tackle*
  2231. >NEVER MIND.
  2232. >So now you have this very attractive girl rubbing her – rubbing a lot of herself against you.
  2233. "Sunset?"
  2234. >"mmmyes?"
  2235.  
  2236. >Your first attempt to kiss her winds up in her hair.
  2237. >snfff<
  2238. >Perv.
  2239. >Shut up, she smells really good.
  2240. >"When a person survives a dangerous experience… it's only natural that the body wants to ensure the survival of the species…"
  2241. "Wha?"
  2242. >"You almost died, now you want to fuck so there's more little Anons running around."
  2243. >It is very hard to laugh and maintain an erection. Good thing she's there to help you.
  2244. "That's… that’s …."
  2245. >"Biologically accurate. I learned it in class."
  2246. "Not the disgusting class we-"
  2247. >"Different school, different class…"
  2248. >All systems go? Well, most systems go.
  2249. >"Anon, do you have any condoms?"
  2250. >BRAIN LOCK.
  2251. >Come on, Brain. Turn over. Turn overrrrrr
  2252. "Yeah, should be some in the drawer there."
  2253. >Hey, a guy can have hopes, can't he?
  2254. >Nothing wrong with having a few condoms just in case ok I'll shut up now.
  2255. >She rolls away from you, which gives you a blurry night-vision view of her backside, and rummages.
  2256. >"Don't want to turn on the light… this feels like the right size packet…
  2257. "Should only be one size packet in there…"
  2258. >"Better hope it fits then."
  2259. >WAT
  2260. >"But first…"
  2261. >The bed moves as she gets up onto her knees… you see, sorta, her lean over you…
  2262. >And then you're pinned to the bed. Girl straddling you, hair cascading down and around you and something brushes your lips…
  2263. >"Anon… please?"
  2264. >You take that taut, sweet little nipple into your mouth and suckle. She grabs your head and… you're not going anywhere. Not that you want to.
  2265. >She scoots her bottom, uh, "down" until she's backed up against your now-raging hardon, rocking against you as you lick and tease and… what the hell… apply just a little bit of teeth
  2266. >"NNNNNNH!"
  2267. >Pretty sure your dick isn't supposed to bend that way when it's hard. Also: do that again!
  2268. >"GggggOD-DESSS!"
  2269. >Get your other hand up and try doing things to her (other? Free? What's the word here?) nipple. Alternate? Together? Just get stupid?
  2270. >"GnnnHHH! AhhhhNON…."
  2271. >Think you just did something you'll later be very proud of.
  2272. >"Angh…. Fuck!"
  2273. >She pries your mouth off of her and leans back enough to look at you, gasping.
  2274. >"Ohhh… you…"
  2275. "… did I pass the audition?"
  2276. >"Did y…. where is that rubber?"
  2277. >There are very few times when holding up a wrapped condom in front of a girl is appropriate. This is one of those times.
  2278. >She yanks it out of your hand, tears open the foil, throws that… somewhere, and twists halfway around to address, uh, application. Giving you a grand silhouette view…
  2279. >So that's what it feels like when someone puts a condom on you. Nice. Differen-NGH.
  2280. >Someone wants you good and ready.
  2281. >"Now… you… don't… move…"
  2282. >You don't move. She does. Slowly, and carefully.
  2283. >"Just… slow…"
  2284. >Slow apparently means "I can feel something against my dick and I'd like to proceed" for a lot longer than you thought you could hold out before something broke.
  2285. >She pushes down against you.
  2286. >Oh.
  2287. >My.
  2288. >God.
  2289. >Once you feel … her… slide past the ridge of your cockhead you both make a guttural "Ooooh" sound at the same time. This leads to laughing.
  2290. >Did you know that lots of muscles contract when you laugh?
  2291. >Did you know that THOSE muscles contract on a female?
  2292. >Did you know that felt freakin' amazing?
  2293. >You didn't think about consciously pushing up into her, but you do, and she puts her hands on your chest and 'shushes' you.
  2294. >"I don't know how much energy you have… and I want this to last."
  2295. "Mmh… okay…"
  2296. >Captain Eloquence.
  2297. >She lets herself… down… onto you… stops… rides up a little
  2298. >(oh god please don't go away)
  2299. >… back down…
  2300. >(oh thank god)
  2301. >… down more…
  2302. >(incoherent thoughts begin here)
  2303. >… and sits. On you. Around you. And leans forward and kisses you.
  2304.  
  2305.  
  2306. >Yeah.
  2307. >You share this long, long kiss. Lips part… tongues do that little back and forth thing… and she starts moving her hips in very slow circles…
  2308. >You're not saying anything coherent. You manage her name once or twice.
  2309. >She just shushes you, and does things that make you feel … pretty god damn amazing…
  2310. >Eventually you can get your hands to go onto her hips so you can feel what she's doing that way… also so you can get your hands on her bum, finally…
  2311. >Hands on bum is apparently a signal for 'go faster, please'. This is a fine thing and something to be encouraged.
  2312. >You're only 17. This is probably the best sex you've ever had in your life.
  2313. >Including that time when you were 14 and had no idea what you were doing and neither did she and then a dog barked and everyone had to get their clothes on really fast.
  2314. >Why the HELL are you thinking about tha – NEWS FLASH: SQUEEZING BUTT MAKES GIRL GO FASTER AND PUSH HARDER
  2315. >THANKS FOR THAT UPDATE NOW BE QUIET
  2316. >No more internal dialogue. It's just you and Sunset and trying to make each other feel good and closeness and intimacy and (AVOID THAT WORD AT ALL COSTS) and closer and closer and clo-
  2317. >You did tell her the room was soundproof, right?
  2318. >You both make one hell of a racket.
  2319. >For a while.
  2320. >With additional drawn out, broken up noises
  2321. >And laughing
  2322. >And panting
  2323. >And more laughing.
  2324. >And she falls over on top of you and you hold onto her for dear life because that's what you have to do.
  2325. >And more – breathless – laughter…
  2326. >"M gnna hffta gt off you…."
  2327. "Don' see why…"
  2328. >"… s'm reas'n… had it a sex ago…"
  2329. "We did just have sex ago…"
  2330. >"Sh'tup. Savoring…"
  2331. >Savoring? That's a really good word. That was… yeah. Savoring. Good word.
  2332. >Good word.
  2333. >Good night.
  2334.  
  2335. >Saturday
  2336. >Saturday morning. You think.
  2337. >Wake awake.
  2338. >You're naked.
  2339. >The bed covers are all over the place.
  2340. >You remember last night.
  2341. >Yeah.
  2342. >You attempt to get out of bed.
  2343. >SON OF A BITCH I HURT
  2344. >… You remember yesterday afternoon.
  2345. >… oh, right.
  2346. >But, you are alive! Alive!
  2347. >Plus you have every chance of not being killed by at least one specific person through at least the end of the year, until you graduate!
  2348. >Hot damn! Continued survival!
  2349.  
  2350. >Your sense of continue survival… makes you wanna take a leak.
  2351. >Well, that's probably a bunch of other things…
  2352. >At least the sudden burst of pain killed your morning wood.
  2353. >Carefully shamble to your (closed) door.
  2354. >Look both ways down the hall
  2355. >All clear
  2356. >NINJA SNEAK NAKED INTO BATHROOM
  2357. >Close door.
  2358. >Phew. Safe.
  2359. >Life the lid and the seat and …
  2360.  
  2361. >Here's what happens when you try to pee while still wearing a condom:
  2362. >You start to pee.
  2363. >You realize something is wrong.
  2364. >You look down.
  2365. >You realize you are now attached to the most disgusting water balloon you have ever seen in your life.
  2366. >You eventually stop peeing. This could take a moment. Things have to clench.
  2367. >You … try to figure out how to get that thing off you without… backwash.
  2368. >Maybe you whimper a little.
  2369. >You run through several mental models in your head.
  2370. >You find NO options that end in success.
  2371. >You feel the condom begin to slip.
  2372. >Panic sets in.
  2373. >In a flash of brilliance, you leap into the tub.
  2374. >In a flash of pain, your body tells you why leaping into anything right now is a really fucking stupid idea.
  2375. >That is when the condom falls off.
  2376.  
  2377. >You turn the god damn mis begotten ignorant mother fucking shower on as hot as it can go and you wash your EVERYTHING. REALLY REALLY THOROUGHLY.
  2378. >At one point, you reach down and pick up the… soiled… used… condom and lunge through the shower curtain to put it into the toilet.
  2379. >You then re-wash EVERYTHING THAT CAME WITHIN THREE FEET OF THE SOILED CONDOM
  2380. >… so pretty much everything again.
  2381. >You start to wash your hair
  2382. >MOTHERFUCKER
  2383. >You remember how that cut got on your head.
  2384. >You attempt to turn off the taps while keeping your head six feet away from the shower spray.
  2385. >You are partially successful.
  2386.  
  2387. >You dry your incredibly sorry ass off, and the rest of you, flush the toilet, and shuffle back to your room to put on some clothes.
  2388. ---
  2389. >"I hear Anon…"
  2390. >"Is that Anon? Sounds like an old man…"
  2391. >"Ah resent that. I am an old man and I sound NOTHIN' like that…"
  2392. >"You do if I hide your leg."
  2393. >"Hush, woman."
  2394. >Oh yeah. There's definitely a thing going on there.
  2395.  
  2396. >About halfway down the stairs, Sunset intercepts you and – bless her – helps your sorry ass down the rest of the stairs.
  2397. >And into the kitchen.
  2398. >And into a chair.
  2399. >And presents you with waffles.
  2400. "Who the heck knows how to make waffles?"
  2401. >Meg and Finn indicate Sunset, who does a little shrug-eyebrows-head-tilt thing in acknowledgement
  2402. >If you weren't already the walking dead, you'd be dead from that right there.
  2403. "Thank you, Sunset. I loves me some waffuh."
  2404. >Sunset gets you a napkin, and fork, and knife, and a glass of milk, and the can of morning caffeine… and a small stack of pills.
  2405. "If I take the blue pill I wake up and all this is a dream, right?"
  2406. >"Nooo…. These are ibuprofen, that's Advil, and that's Vitamin E."
  2407. "Thank you for your cooperation in my continued existence."
  2408. >She nods primly. "I have no intention of having you fall over on me now."
  2409.  
  2410. >You do, in fact, pantomime having a goddamn heart attack from so much adorable.
  2411. >She swats you on the shoulder with a napkin.
  2412. "Thank you for hitting me somewhere I am not already hurting in. I think that completes my pain bingo card."
  2413. >She shakes her head, swats you again, and sits down to eat her own waffles.
  2414.  
  2415. >Several waffles later, everyone except you are involved in clearing the dishes.
  2416. >You tried to get up. You honestly did.
  2417. >Everyone threatened to tie you to the chair.
  2418. >(Saaay)
  2419. >And not in THAT way.
  2420. >(oh)
  2421. >You obediently sit there and not help.
  2422.  
  2423. >o/` Shake your tails! Stomp your feet! o/`
  2424. >o/' Shake your tails! Stomp your feet! o/`
  2425. >Sunset scampers back into the kitchen, "Sorry! That's mine!"
  2426. >A brief rummage in her bag later, the song stops.
  2427. >"Hello?"
  2428. >She stands there listening to her phone for a moment, then brings the phone away from her ear and whispers
  2429. >"It's my Mother!"
  2430.  
  2431. >Oh hey, Sunset's mom is calling!
  2432. >ENGAGE PANIC MODE.
  2433. >PANIC MODE ENGAGING.
  2434. >REMAIN VERY STILL. THEY CAN SENSE FEAR.
  2435. >You do the eyebrow-raise thing, the nod thing, and the 'go on' gesture thing at her.
  2436. >While you were figuring out what to do, she went back to talking on the phone.
  2437. >"I see… and how is... Clydesdale? Mmhmmm? Good weather?"
  2438. >She looks over at you and makes the universal 'blah blah blah' gesture all the while maintaining a perky and upbeat tone on the phone.
  2439. >"Who? No… no, Mom. I … we broke up. Yes. Nnnnooo…. Yes. Yes. No… well, a friend of mine knew of a room in the house he's renting his room in…. actually he's sort of running the place."
  2440. >You close your eyes and visualize not calling down the wrath of Mom in regard to Sunset's new living arrangements.
  2441. >"Oh no it's a really nice old house… No not *that* old… It's on the historical register, though… Yes… What?" She looks at you, all big eyes, and forces a smile into her voice "Oh of *course* let me see if he's here so you can talk to him…"
  2442. >She extends the phone to you.
  2443. >You try very hard to convey that you are not at all prepared and has no idea what her parents are like and don't know how much they heard about everything ….
  2444. >The only thing you convey is that you're quietly freaking out until Sunset presses the phone into your hand and takes several quick steps backwards away from you.
  2445. >Clear throat. "Um hello, this is Anonymous."
  2446. >Hell of a time for your voice to crack.
  2447. >When did you stand up exactly. You are standing at attention while talking on a cell phone.
  2448. >Over the crackly line, you hear…
  2449.  
  2450. >"Oh hel-LO Mister Anonymous! My name is Convergence Shmmer… but everyone calls me 'Convi' o/`"
  2451. >Sunset's Mother sounds even posher than Rarity. Real plummy and friendly, but posh. Real posh.
  2452. "Pleased to meet you Mrs. Shimmer…"
  2453. >Sunset rolls her eyes. Meanwhile, on the phone.
  2454. >"Oh nooo… DO call me 'Convi', *Alll* of my daughter's friends do! o/`"
  2455. >Gulp.
  2456. >"Sunset tells me that you're in charge of the house where she is rooming. It sounds utterly *charming* o/'"
  2457. >Double Gulp.
  2458. "Well, ma'am… I perform basic maintenance, coordinate with contractors when necessary, and make sure all the utilities are paid on time."
  2459. >"And since Sunny has … parted ways with ASHley… I understand she has been staying with *you*? o/`"
  2460. >Big Gulp.
  2461. "She's… been staying in a mini-suite that we had open here at the Stables –"
  2462. >"I'm sorry this intercontinental line may not be the best… Did you say she's been living in a *stable* for the past wee-"
  2463. "Nonononono… the *house*… is called "the Stables". It's a 5 bedroom, four bath, 4300 square foot in the Neo-Victorian style, about 30 years old. All new plumbing, wiring and climate control. New windows too…."
  2464. >You are babbling. But at least you are babbling about something you understand intimately.
  2465. >"Oh I *see* … that makes *much* more sense! o/""
  2466. >Reminder: Sunset's parents were New Agers… IE, they might believe anything.
  2467. >You unclench something you didn't realized you had clenched.
  2468. >"And how much would the rent be for the rooms in which she has been staying?"
  2469. >Now you're stumped. Those rooms were never rented out, not for as long as you've been here. Not for as long as they house has been a rental. The owner keeps them so he can claim a residence blah blah tax thing blah
  2470. >Sunset looks at you imploringly.
  2471. >Your brain kicks into high gear. Take what SP pays subtract a little redivide the utility bills-
  2472. "Oh, the rent on those rooms would be…"
  2473. >Sunset's eyes go HUGE
  2474. "Just a moment… I have the owner's instructions written down here…"
  2475. >You make fumbling noises with the phone.
  2476. >Sunset stage-whispers "My. Parents. Are. RICH!" at you. Complete with exclamation mark and significant eyebrows.
  2477. >Wisely, you quote an amount which is just on the high side of 'eminently reasonable'.
  2478. >Ok a little closer to what SP is paying for the attic rooms, but hey – you panicked.
  2479. >"Oh that sounds *entirely* reasonable… let me just get her father on the line… o/`"
  2480. >MAXIMUM CLENCH. NOTHING SHALL ESCAPE. EVER.
  2481. >You take the phone away from your ear and say, very quietly. "Your Dad."
  2482. >Sunset pantomimes fainting. Then gives you the "go ahead" hand-rolly gesture.
  2483. >You bring the phone back to your ear just in time to hear
  2484. >"Hello Mister Anonymous. This is Fenton Shimmer. Can you put my daughter on the line."
  2485. >And Meet Dad.
  2486. "Of course, sir."
  2487. >You practically straight-arm the phone back to Sunset. She takes it. Makes a sort of imploring gesture toward the heavens.
  2488. >"o/` Hi Daddy! o/' "
  2489. >If she ever used that tone with you. Heart attack. Full stop.
  2490. >"Yeees… Yes. Yes he is. No. Definitely not. I got *everything* back. And the credit card. Yes. You saw that? Yes it … it wasn't an amicable separation. Yes. He is not to have access to any of those funds. *Thank* you, Daddy. I know… international calls are so *hard* to schedule, especially when you're… all the way out there. Yes. What? Of course. o/` I love you! o/' "
  2491. >She gives that horrible instrument of doom back to you.
  2492. >A-TEN-SHUN!
  2493. "Hello, Sir?"
  2494. >"Mister… Anonymous. I understand that my daughter has found the rooms you have let her stay in at… this 'Stables' place to be very suitable. If you would email me the address to which I should send her rent, I would like to pay for the rest of the year's lease in advance. "
  2495. >Super Big Gulp.
  2496. "CER… hem… Certainly, Sir… "
  2497. >You get *his* email address (what kind of domain suffix is .EQ anyway?) and immediately write it down, assuring him that you'll send it as soon as you're off this call.
  2498. >"Very good. Now… the last… individual that Sunny leased from offered to serve as my local representative in case my daughter was… incapacitated in any way. I understand that is the standard procedure when a minor is leasing. Do you –"
  2499. "Nosir!" That came out fast. "I have three legal adults residing here in the Stables as tenants, including a member of the town council and a decorated military veteran…. Either of them would be more than suitable in the event Sunset needs to have an adult present…."
  2500. >You assure Mr. Shimmer that they would certainly be happy for you to send their contact information -
  2501. >Oh look, Finn's been standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Probably forever.
  2502. >He nods very slowly and deliberately.
  2503. >"Good to hear. Her last… supervision was dubious at best, bit the only option we seemed to have at the time. Now…" The 'official business' tone drop out of his voice quite suddenly. "Mister Anonymous…"
  2504. "Uh, Anon, Sir. "
  2505. >"… Anon… Son… I have one last question to ask you…"
  2506. >SUPER DOUBLE BIG GULP WITH EXTRA GULP SAUCE
  2507. >"… are you going to promise me that you'll take care of my daughter?"
  2508. >Your mouth opens without any instructions from your brain.
  2509. "Sir… I promise… that I will … help her take care of herself."
  2510. >THREE YEARS PASS. Well, it feels like three years.
  2511. >"Son, that is the answer I was hoping I'd hear."
  2512. >UNCLENCH. EVERYTHING.
  2513.  
  2514. >"Please put Sunny on the line again, Anon. There's some things I have to tell her."
  2515. >You, rather numbly, pass the phone over
  2516. >Sunset makes a number of affirmative sounds, talks about the weather here, and her classes, and the house, and verifies that there are, in fact, two responsible adults in the house. Then she stops, looks at you, and very deliberately says, into the phone,
  2517. >"The most valuable thing in the world is friendship. Friendship lasts for all time."
  2518. >… pause… She exhales. "Yes. Definitely. I don't think I've been this fine in months."
  2519. >She takes the phone away from her mouth and stage whispers something at you.
  2520. >Safety something…thing…
  2521. >You're still a bit too at attention to parse it.
  2522. >"Of *course* Daddy! Yes, they can leave any packages you send right here on the porch. It's a really nice part of town. Yes, of course… I love you, Daddy!"
  2523. >Again. Heart. Stop doing that.
  2524. >"Yes, my love to Momma too! Talk to you soon! Byee!"
  2525. >And she hangs up.
  2526.  
  2527. >You stare at her.
  2528. >She stares at you.
  2529. >You are tackled back into your chair by a flying Sunset. So this is that "glomp" thing those eastern animation fans speak of on their strange message pages…
  2530. >"HesaidYEShesaidYEShesaidYES!"
  2531. >She turns to Finn, "HESAIDYES!"
  2532. >Finn nods. "So I gathered. Better go tell Miss Megan…"
  2533. >He's gone.
  2534. >She gets nose-to-nose with you and bounces on your lap. "HE SAID YES!"
  2535. "I…. heard…. " hard to talk when you have to inhale between words.
  2536. >"HesaidyesandIcanstayherewithyou…. And Finn and Meg and SP…. Of course…"
  2537. >Wow nice recovery. Not entirely believable since she's still in your lap and has you in the Mongolian Girl Trap Variation 3 : In a chair.
  2538. "And you can stay here – I cannot believe he's sending a year's rent at one go."
  2539. >"After what happened with … HIM… I think he's happy to be working with an actual company instead of someone leveraging his newfound adult status against a rich, overseas father…"
  2540. >Ah. Drawn you a picture. Colored it in.
  2541. >You remember, finally, to hug back.
  2542. "Sunset… now that we have your housing sorted… for the year… and you're free of Ashley… and you've been here for a week… and I really, really like you… I have just one question to ask you."
  2543. >She tilts her head and those great big green eyes get bigger. "…what?"
  2544. "Will you… please let me up. I need to hit the bathroom for reasons which I'm hoping you might already understand."
  2545. >"I'll hit the upstairs one, you take downstairs."
  2546. "Done."
  2547.  
  2548. >The rest of the day is, blessedly, uneventful.
  2549. >All the stuff you have to get done, which sounded impossible to you this morning… get … mostly done.
  2550. >Sunset helps a LOT. Which is good because kneeling is hard.
  2551. >And climbing is hard.
  2552. >And walking is hard.
  2553. >And… you were in a nasty fight yesterday, okay? Why is this a surprise to you?
  2554.  
  2555. >Some time later…
  2556. "Sunset – come with me. I want to show you something…"
  2557. >"Should you even be *climbing* a ladder and being on the roof?"
  2558. "Of course not. But I've already taken precautions. Come on. It's getting dark and I want you to see this.
  2559.  
  2560. >One very slow and cautious roof climb later, Sunset Shimmer emerges through the roof access hatch to join you, three stories up.
  2561. "Right over there… that's where the sun goes down. Every night."
  2562. >Sunset turns, moving easily on the slightly sloped roof.
  2563. >Well, more easily than you.
  2564. >She nods, "It's pretty…"
  2565. >You sit down, facing that way. "Not the best part through."
  2566. >"What's the best part?" she settles down gracefully next to you.
  2567. "… wait."
  2568.  
  2569. >Neither of you say anything for a while.
  2570. >Might have been ten minutes. Might have been thirty.
  2571. >Random cars drive past. Crickets chirp. Some late night birds sound off.
  2572. >And, just far enough away from the major lights of the city… the stars come out.
  2573.  
  2574. >"Ohhhhh…"
  2575. >That's what you were waiting for.
  2576. "Mmhm. Best view in town, as far as I'm concerned. Whenever I felt like the world was getting on top of me, I'd climb up here just before sunset and watch this happen."
  2577. >"It's beautiful. So many more stars than closer to school."
  2578. "We're benefiting from just the right hills in the right place, and just the right distance. Now, if you go all the way out of town you'll see even more… But I think this is just about the right number of stars for me. That and I don't like driving at night."
  2579. >She makes a little committal sound… And scoots closer.
  2580. >You lean back onto the shingles and put an arm out for her to use as a pillow.
  2581. >She leans back and joins you.
  2582. >You share the best view in town with an amazing person.
  2583.  
  2584. >"Anon… I really, really like you."
  2585. "I really, really like you, Sunset Shimmer."
  2586. >Crickets. Stars.
  2587. "I think we're both trying real hard to avoid the 'L' word."
  2588.  
  2589. >"…. Lesbian?"
  2590.  
  2591. "No, the *other* 'L' word."
  2592. >"… Lesbians?"
  2593. "You have just quoted one of my favorite movies please never leave me."
  2594. >You both laugh at that.
  2595.  
  2596. >"I think… I'm doing good with 'really really like'… for now."
  2597. "Yeah… we might even get to 'really really really like' in time."
  2598. >"And 'really really like the sex'."
  2599. "Oh. Really really really really really really really really really REALLY really –"
  2600. >Light shoulder bap.
  2601. >"You can stop now. And yeah. I agree."
  2602.  
  2603. >Stars. Crickets. Snuggling.
  2604. >"Anon… are you ever worried you might fall asleep and fall off the roof?"
  2605. "Not since I put in the six inch railings down at the eaves."
  2606. >"When did you do that?"
  2607. "… the first time I fell asleep on the roof and woke up an inch from the eaves."
  2608. >"…. Good call."
  2609. "I thought so."
  2610.  
  2611. >"What do you want to do after you graduate?"
  2612. "No idea… my goal up to now has been 'graduate'. Maybe go to CCC to get some credits before I apply to U of C… they're both within driving distance of here…"
  2613. >"You want to stay here? In this town?"
  2614. "The longest I've ever lived anywhere is two years. A year and ten months, really. I could do with more than two years in a place."
  2615. >"They say things change after High School."
  2616. "They do. Sometimes things stay the same, only better…. What do you want to do after High School?"
  2617. >"Three years ago I knew I wanted to go into politics. A year ago, I wanted to move far away, crawl into a hole and never come out. Now… Maybe I'll stick around. Get a teaching credential. Maybe counseling. Pretty sure there are people out there who'd like to learn how to be … decent to each other…"
  2618. "Pretty sure your rooms aren't going to get rented out from under you."
  2619. >"Eh. If they do… I know where I can stay."
  2620. >The stars seem a little brighter now. Wonder why?
  2621.  
  2622. >At some point she starts getting chilly, and you make your way back into the house.
  2623. >Down the ladder.
  2624. >Past SP's room with the occasional "THUMP" sound, this time accompanied by "YAAAAYYY!"
  2625. >SP must have Pinkie and the girls over for a late night rock party.
  2626. >Stone Pony. What a guy.
  2627.  
  2628. >Down the stairs.
  2629. >Into your room.
  2630. >"I think we can afford to get me a bigger bed in my room now."
  2631. "Have to figure out if it'll fit…"
  2632. >"What's wrong with it being the only thing in the room? Go in, go to bed. Bed. Room."
  2633. "… that's way too logical for me right now. "
  2634. >"It's ok. I was just thinking out loud."
  2635. "Just fine. I used to talk to myself all the time.
  2636. >Still do, doof.
  2637. >Just not out loud.
  2638. >"Sometimes you are the only person you can talk to. Sometimes, though… you find someone you can talk to well enough that you both learn to understand each other."
  2639. "mmhmm… long week.
  2640. >"The longest."
  2641. "No chores planned for tomorrow. Breakfast is 'whoever wants to do anything' or 'go get bagels at Joe's'."
  2642. >"No alarm clock."
  2643. "No deadlines."
  2644. >"No clothing…."
  2645. "I noticed that. Maybe I'll try and wake *you* up tomorrow morning?"
  2646. >nudge in the side
  2647. >"And how will you do that."
  2648. "I'll think of something. I'm good at thinking of something."
  2649.  
  2650. >"Anon?"
  2651. "Mm?"
  2652. >"We may not owe each other anything… but… Thank you."
  2653. "Thank you, Sunset."
  2654. >"… for what?"
  2655. "Just…. Thank you."
  2656. >She snuggles in against you. You turn your head a little, nuzzle into her hair. Drift off to sleep.

Sunset at the Stables (Homeless Sunset thread)

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