/emo/ A trot in the night

>The chilly late night air nips at your ears; small puffs of breath escape your nostrils.
>In hindsight you should’ve opted for a coat or at least a hat instead of just a scarf.
>You pull it higher and tighter around your muzzle as a shiver courses through you.
>Not like you make good decisions anyways.
>You’re Miss Eri after all, the saddest pony in Equestria.
>More like the entire world…
>Most avoid you after the first meeting and not that you blame them either.
>You tend to be a bit… grim, so to speak.
>If Equestria is a canvas of beautiful colors, then you’re the ugly gray smudge of a mistake.
>Never asked to be like this.
>Heck, you’d avoid yourself too if you could.
>Enough with the loathing, that is not why you are out here tonight, you do enough of it at home.
>You’ve chosen this rare occasion to escape yourself.
>One of the few times where you venture from home voluntarily.
>The windows of the homes you pass are darkened, ghostly in their appearance.
>Their occupants safely tucked away in a peaceful slumber.
>Often blessed with being surrounded by the ones that they love and love them back.
>Don’t have that yourself
>A rare few homes have a sole light on inside, likely a night owl or some pony trying to do something.
>Or in your case, a night walk.
>And what a night is.
>You keep finding your attention drawn to the sky as you trot through the streets.
>Some wispy clouds lazily drifting across it, but for the most part it is clear.
>Stars twinkle ever so high above and the moon bathing the land in a gentle glow.
>Even with her return, Luna’s night is still underappreciated.
>It’s all just...
“Beautiful.”
>One of many ways to describe such a sight like this.
>Such a strong word at that, one you try not to overuse like many do, much like the word love.
>Feels like you could spend a lifetime writing poetry on the night itself and still have more to write.

>You’re never going to be a great poet though, not that you intend on stopping.
>It has always been a way to express yourself: both deep and personal thoughts; feelings laid bare upon paper.
>Even if no other ever sees them, they exist as a mark of yourself upon this world.
>One like all things will eventually fade away with time.
>You’ve reached the park at last and are getting closer to your final destination of this walk.
>Lamps light the way, the few benches scattered along the path coated in dew.
>In the distance unseen but heard by your ears are crickets and other insects calling in the night.
>At times it aligns into a symphony that could soothe one’s soul.
>Despite the light of the moon, almost everything is faded out in a reflection of your reality.
>As you pass by the pond, you recall when you would come here with your parents as a filly.
>Things were better back then, life was so much more full of vigor.
>Had friends, went out more, and even felt confident.
>What happened to you Eri?
“I changed.”
>You weren’t like the other foals your age.
>Didn’t smile or laugh as much, though did you more than you do now.
>That is to say-
>No, not again.
>You’re letting those thoughts you were trying to escape pull you down.
>Always trying to drown you in them, falling deeper and deeper into the black abyss.
>You try to ignore them and focus back at the journey at hoof.
>Going to have to deal with them later when you get home.
>Thankfully you don’t have much more to travel as you reach the end of the path.
>Growing up, many would say that the woods were dangerous at night.
>While there are many things unseen in the dark with shapes that aren’t really there, they’re nothing compared to your inner turmoil.
>It’s like a sick sort of peace.
>As you step on a twig and it snaps, a bat flies overhead squeaking.
>You shake your head, don’t need anything else to add to this stereotypical spooky atmosphere.

>The clearing is up ahead, then you’ve got a hill to climb.
>You remember how you found this place.
>It was when you were younger and still living with your parents.
>You were running, mostly from yourself and home.
>Didn’t want anypony to find you, so you ran into these woods.
>That was a poor choice because you immediately got lost and your sorrow was replaced with terror.
>The woods themselves felt like some kind of monster trying to claw and drag you into it’s maw.
>Stumbled about for who knows how long in the dark of night.
>A rare smile crosses your face as you remember your naivety.
>Almost at the top, not much further.
>Eventually you had found the clearing by random chance.
>You were whimpering like some foal, galloping up that hill and coming to a stop once you realized it ended in a cliff.
>As you looked down, a part of you begged to jump down and be done with the torment at last.
>Still swear the abyss below called to you in it’s sweet melody enticing you so.
>But you didn’t.
>You hesitated for some reason.
>Fear, the will the live? You’re not sure.
>What you are sure of is that as you stood there, you saw the place had an amazing overlook of the land below.
>Speaking of which.
“Finally here at last…”
>Been here many times since that day and your breath still hitches like it did then.
>A calmness had washed over your young self as you looked at it all, eventually falling asleep from exhaustion.
>When you woke in the morning, you made your way home.
>Things didn’t exactly improve from there (no pony knew you were gone), you returned here every so often.
>You sit down on the edge, letting your legs hang off, eyes slowly going across the land.
>In the distance is the city of Canterlot, though it’s not very visible right now.
>Never been there and likely never will.
>None of the houses below are lit up anymore, it’s all completely dark.

>All the hustle and bustle of the day extinguished and replaced by the calmness of night.
>If you lived in a large city like Manehatten, you’d lose out on something like this.
>Hold a second.
>Are you actually having a good time right now and enjoying yourself?
>Well maybe… a little.
>Doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed some of it dammit, even if it’s in very small doses.
>But it won’t change who you are, what you are.
>Tomorrow you’ll rise and still be the same as you were today and yesterday.
>Same as the previous weeks, months, years...
>Still will be lonely, miserable, and tired from life.
>You’ll likely scream, cut, cry, write, and languish about in agony.
>That doesn’t mean you can’t be allotted this tiny moment right here, right now.
>For a time you sit there, taking in everything you can.
>Puffs of breath linger in the air as you exhale slowly and you shiver, a reminder of the chill.
“Should’ve worn a jacket idiot.”
>You sigh and close your eyes for a moment.
>Better off going home and beating yourself up rather than doing it here.
>A part of you begs to stay, to curl up and die here, to have this place as your final resting place.
>But you can’t do that, it won’t work.
>Because you’ve tried before.
>A few times actually.
>You sniffle and shake your head, some tears had crept down your face.
>Can’t escape yourself here it seems.
“So stupid.”
>Wiping them away and getting up, you start making your way back.
>These walks always feel so fleeting and too abrupt.
>Maybe one of these times you can take a longer one.
>One that you could travel for as long as forever.