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/emo/ A trot in the night

By NHanon
Created: 5th February 2021 02:47:59 PM
4th December 2021 04:14:01 AM

  1. >The chilly late night air nips at your ears; small puffs of breath escape your nostrils.
  2. >In hindsight you should’ve opted for a coat or at least a hat instead of just a scarf.
  3. >You pull it higher and tighter around your muzzle as a shiver courses through you.
  4. >Not like you make good decisions anyways.
  5. >You’re Miss Eri after all, the saddest pony in Equestria.
  6. >More like the entire world…
  7. >Most avoid you after the first meeting and not that you blame them either.
  8. >You tend to be a bit… grim, so to speak.
  9. >If Equestria is a canvas of beautiful colors, then you’re the ugly gray smudge of a mistake.
  10. >Never asked to be like this.
  11. >Heck, you’d avoid yourself too if you could.
  12. >Enough with the loathing, that is not why you are out here tonight, you do enough of it at home.
  13. >You’ve chosen this rare occasion to escape yourself.
  14. >One of the few times where you venture from home voluntarily.
  15. >The windows of the homes you pass are darkened, ghostly in their appearance.
  16. >Their occupants safely tucked away in a peaceful slumber.
  17. >Often blessed with being surrounded by the ones that they love and love them back.
  18. >Don’t have that yourself
  19. >A rare few homes have a sole light on inside, likely a night owl or some pony trying to do something.
  20. >Or in your case, a night walk.
  21. >And what a night is.
  22. >You keep finding your attention drawn to the sky as you trot through the streets.
  23. >Some wispy clouds lazily drifting across it, but for the most part it is clear.
  24. >Stars twinkle ever so high above and the moon bathing the land in a gentle glow.
  25. >Even with her return, Luna’s night is still underappreciated.
  26. >It’s all just...
  27. “Beautiful.”
  28. >One of many ways to describe such a sight like this.
  29. >Such a strong word at that, one you try not to overuse like many do, much like the word love.
  30. >Feels like you could spend a lifetime writing poetry on the night itself and still have more to write.
  31.  
  32. >You’re never going to be a great poet though, not that you intend on stopping.
  33. >It has always been a way to express yourself: both deep and personal thoughts; feelings laid bare upon paper.
  34. >Even if no other ever sees them, they exist as a mark of yourself upon this world.
  35. >One like all things will eventually fade away with time.
  36. >You’ve reached the park at last and are getting closer to your final destination of this walk.
  37. >Lamps light the way, the few benches scattered along the path coated in dew.
  38. >In the distance unseen but heard by your ears are crickets and other insects calling in the night.
  39. >At times it aligns into a symphony that could soothe one’s soul.
  40. >Despite the light of the moon, almost everything is faded out in a reflection of your reality.
  41. >As you pass by the pond, you recall when you would come here with your parents as a filly.
  42. >Things were better back then, life was so much more full of vigor.
  43. >Had friends, went out more, and even felt confident.
  44. >What happened to you Eri?
  45. “I changed.”
  46. >You weren’t like the other foals your age.
  47. >Didn’t smile or laugh as much, though did you more than you do now.
  48. >That is to say-
  49. >No, not again.
  50. >You’re letting those thoughts you were trying to escape pull you down.
  51. >Always trying to drown you in them, falling deeper and deeper into the black abyss.
  52. >You try to ignore them and focus back at the journey at hoof.
  53. >Going to have to deal with them later when you get home.
  54. >Thankfully you don’t have much more to travel as you reach the end of the path.
  55. >Growing up, many would say that the woods were dangerous at night.
  56. >While there are many things unseen in the dark with shapes that aren’t really there, they’re nothing compared to your inner turmoil.
  57. >It’s like a sick sort of peace.
  58. >As you step on a twig and it snaps, a bat flies overhead squeaking.
  59. >You shake your head, don’t need anything else to add to this stereotypical spooky atmosphere.
  60.  
  61. >The clearing is up ahead, then you’ve got a hill to climb.
  62. >You remember how you found this place.
  63. >It was when you were younger and still living with your parents.
  64. >You were running, mostly from yourself and home.
  65. >Didn’t want anypony to find you, so you ran into these woods.
  66. >That was a poor choice because you immediately got lost and your sorrow was replaced with terror.
  67. >The woods themselves felt like some kind of monster trying to claw and drag you into it’s maw.
  68. >Stumbled about for who knows how long in the dark of night.
  69. >A rare smile crosses your face as you remember your naivety.
  70. >Almost at the top, not much further.
  71. >Eventually you had found the clearing by random chance.
  72. >You were whimpering like some foal, galloping up that hill and coming to a stop once you realized it ended in a cliff.
  73. >As you looked down, a part of you begged to jump down and be done with the torment at last.
  74. >Still swear the abyss below called to you in it’s sweet melody enticing you so.
  75. >But you didn’t.
  76. >You hesitated for some reason.
  77. >Fear, the will the live? You’re not sure.
  78. >What you are sure of is that as you stood there, you saw the place had an amazing overlook of the land below.
  79. >Speaking of which.
  80. “Finally here at last…”
  81. >Been here many times since that day and your breath still hitches like it did then.
  82. >A calmness had washed over your young self as you looked at it all, eventually falling asleep from exhaustion.
  83. >When you woke in the morning, you made your way home.
  84. >Things didn’t exactly improve from there (no pony knew you were gone), you returned here every so often.
  85. >You sit down on the edge, letting your legs hang off, eyes slowly going across the land.
  86. >In the distance is the city of Canterlot, though it’s not very visible right now.
  87. >Never been there and likely never will.
  88. >None of the houses below are lit up anymore, it’s all completely dark.
  89.  
  90. >All the hustle and bustle of the day extinguished and replaced by the calmness of night.
  91. >If you lived in a large city like Manehatten, you’d lose out on something like this.
  92. >Hold a second.
  93. >Are you actually having a good time right now and enjoying yourself?
  94. >Well maybe… a little.
  95. >Doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed some of it dammit, even if it’s in very small doses.
  96. >But it won’t change who you are, what you are.
  97. >Tomorrow you’ll rise and still be the same as you were today and yesterday.
  98. >Same as the previous weeks, months, years...
  99. >Still will be lonely, miserable, and tired from life.
  100. >You’ll likely scream, cut, cry, write, and languish about in agony.
  101. >That doesn’t mean you can’t be allotted this tiny moment right here, right now.
  102. >For a time you sit there, taking in everything you can.
  103. >Puffs of breath linger in the air as you exhale slowly and you shiver, a reminder of the chill.
  104. “Should’ve worn a jacket idiot.”
  105. >You sigh and close your eyes for a moment.
  106. >Better off going home and beating yourself up rather than doing it here.
  107. >A part of you begs to stay, to curl up and die here, to have this place as your final resting place.
  108. >But you can’t do that, it won’t work.
  109. >Because you’ve tried before.
  110. >A few times actually.
  111. >You sniffle and shake your head, some tears had crept down your face.
  112. >Can’t escape yourself here it seems.
  113. “So stupid.”
  114. >Wiping them away and getting up, you start making your way back.
  115. >These walks always feel so fleeting and too abrupt.
  116. >Maybe one of these times you can take a longer one.
  117. >One that you could travel for as long as forever.

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