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/emo/ A trot in the night

By NHanon
Created: 2021-02-05 14:47:59
Expiry: Never

  1. 1.
    >The chilly late night air nips at your ears; small puffs of breath escape your nostrils.
  2. 2.
    >In hindsight you should’ve opted for a coat or at least a hat instead of just a scarf.
  3. 3.
    >You pull it higher and tighter around your muzzle as a shiver courses through you.
  4. 4.
    >Not like you make good decisions anyways.
  5. 5.
    >You’re Miss Eri after all, the saddest pony in Equestria.
  6. 6.
    >More like the entire world…
  7. 7.
    >Most avoid you after the first meeting and not that you blame them either.
  8. 8.
    >You tend to be a bit… grim, so to speak.
  9. 9.
    >If Equestria is a canvas of beautiful colors, then you’re the ugly gray smudge of a mistake.
  10. 10.
    >Never asked to be like this.
  11. 11.
    >Heck, you’d avoid yourself too if you could.
  12. 12.
    >Enough with the loathing, that is not why you are out here tonight, you do enough of it at home.
  13. 13.
    >You’ve chosen this rare occasion to escape yourself.
  14. 14.
    >One of the few times where you venture from home voluntarily.
  15. 15.
    >The windows of the homes you pass are darkened, ghostly in their appearance.
  16. 16.
    >Their occupants safely tucked away in a peaceful slumber.
  17. 17.
    >Often blessed with being surrounded by the ones that they love and love them back.
  18. 18.
    >Don’t have that yourself
  19. 19.
    >A rare few homes have a sole light on inside, likely a night owl or some pony trying to do something.
  20. 20.
    >Or in your case, a night walk.
  21. 21.
    >And what a night is.
  22. 22.
    >You keep finding your attention drawn to the sky as you trot through the streets.
  23. 23.
    >Some wispy clouds lazily drifting across it, but for the most part it is clear.
  24. 24.
    >Stars twinkle ever so high above and the moon bathing the land in a gentle glow.
  25. 25.
    >Even with her return, Luna’s night is still underappreciated.
  26. 26.
    >It’s all just...
  27. 27.
    “Beautiful.”
  28. 28.
    >One of many ways to describe such a sight like this.
  29. 29.
    >Such a strong word at that, one you try not to overuse like many do, much like the word love.
  30. 30.
    >Feels like you could spend a lifetime writing poetry on the night itself and still have more to write.
  31. 31.
     
  32. 32.
    >You’re never going to be a great poet though, not that you intend on stopping.
  33. 33.
    >It has always been a way to express yourself: both deep and personal thoughts; feelings laid bare upon paper.
  34. 34.
    >Even if no other ever sees them, they exist as a mark of yourself upon this world.
  35. 35.
    >One like all things will eventually fade away with time.
  36. 36.
    >You’ve reached the park at last and are getting closer to your final destination of this walk.
  37. 37.
    >Lamps light the way, the few benches scattered along the path coated in dew.
  38. 38.
    >In the distance unseen but heard by your ears are crickets and other insects calling in the night.
  39. 39.
    >At times it aligns into a symphony that could soothe one’s soul.
  40. 40.
    >Despite the light of the moon, almost everything is faded out in a reflection of your reality.
  41. 41.
    >As you pass by the pond, you recall when you would come here with your parents as a filly.
  42. 42.
    >Things were better back then, life was so much more full of vigor.
  43. 43.
    >Had friends, went out more, and even felt confident.
  44. 44.
    >What happened to you Eri?
  45. 45.
    “I changed.”
  46. 46.
    >You weren’t like the other foals your age.
  47. 47.
    >Didn’t smile or laugh as much, though did you more than you do now.
  48. 48.
    >That is to say-
  49. 49.
    >No, not again.
  50. 50.
    >You’re letting those thoughts you were trying to escape pull you down.
  51. 51.
    >Always trying to drown you in them, falling deeper and deeper into the black abyss.
  52. 52.
    >You try to ignore them and focus back at the journey at hoof.
  53. 53.
    >Going to have to deal with them later when you get home.
  54. 54.
    >Thankfully you don’t have much more to travel as you reach the end of the path.
  55. 55.
    >Growing up, many would say that the woods were dangerous at night.
  56. 56.
    >While there are many things unseen in the dark with shapes that aren’t really there, they’re nothing compared to your inner turmoil.
  57. 57.
    >It’s like a sick sort of peace.
  58. 58.
    >As you step on a twig and it snaps, a bat flies overhead squeaking.
  59. 59.
    >You shake your head, don’t need anything else to add to this stereotypical spooky atmosphere.
  60. 60.
     
  61. 61.
    >The clearing is up ahead, then you’ve got a hill to climb.
  62. 62.
    >You remember how you found this place.
  63. 63.
    >It was when you were younger and still living with your parents.
  64. 64.
    >You were running, mostly from yourself and home.
  65. 65.
    >Didn’t want anypony to find you, so you ran into these woods.
  66. 66.
    >That was a poor choice because you immediately got lost and your sorrow was replaced with terror.
  67. 67.
    >The woods themselves felt like some kind of monster trying to claw and drag you into it’s maw.
  68. 68.
    >Stumbled about for who knows how long in the dark of night.
  69. 69.
    >A rare smile crosses your face as you remember your naivety.
  70. 70.
    >Almost at the top, not much further.
  71. 71.
    >Eventually you had found the clearing by random chance.
  72. 72.
    >You were whimpering like some foal, galloping up that hill and coming to a stop once you realized it ended in a cliff.
  73. 73.
    >As you looked down, a part of you begged to jump down and be done with the torment at last.
  74. 74.
    >Still swear the abyss below called to you in it’s sweet melody enticing you so.
  75. 75.
    >But you didn’t.
  76. 76.
    >You hesitated for some reason.
  77. 77.
    >Fear, the will the live? You’re not sure.
  78. 78.
    >What you are sure of is that as you stood there, you saw the place had an amazing overlook of the land below.
  79. 79.
    >Speaking of which.
  80. 80.
    “Finally here at last…”
  81. 81.
    >Been here many times since that day and your breath still hitches like it did then.
  82. 82.
    >A calmness had washed over your young self as you looked at it all, eventually falling asleep from exhaustion.
  83. 83.
    >When you woke in the morning, you made your way home.
  84. 84.
    >Things didn’t exactly improve from there (no pony knew you were gone), you returned here every so often.
  85. 85.
    >You sit down on the edge, letting your legs hang off, eyes slowly going across the land.
  86. 86.
    >In the distance is the city of Canterlot, though it’s not very visible right now.
  87. 87.
    >Never been there and likely never will.
  88. 88.
    >None of the houses below are lit up anymore, it’s all completely dark.
  89. 89.
     
  90. 90.
    >All the hustle and bustle of the day extinguished and replaced by the calmness of night.
  91. 91.
    >If you lived in a large city like Manehatten, you’d lose out on something like this.
  92. 92.
    >Hold a second.
  93. 93.
    >Are you actually having a good time right now and enjoying yourself?
  94. 94.
    >Well maybe… a little.
  95. 95.
    >Doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed some of it dammit, even if it’s in very small doses.
  96. 96.
    >But it won’t change who you are, what you are.
  97. 97.
    >Tomorrow you’ll rise and still be the same as you were today and yesterday.
  98. 98.
    >Same as the previous weeks, months, years...
  99. 99.
    >Still will be lonely, miserable, and tired from life.
  100. 100.
    >You’ll likely scream, cut, cry, write, and languish about in agony.
  101. 101.
    >That doesn’t mean you can’t be allotted this tiny moment right here, right now.
  102. 102.
    >For a time you sit there, taking in everything you can.
  103. 103.
    >Puffs of breath linger in the air as you exhale slowly and you shiver, a reminder of the chill.
  104. 104.
    “Should’ve worn a jacket idiot.”
  105. 105.
    >You sigh and close your eyes for a moment.
  106. 106.
    >Better off going home and beating yourself up rather than doing it here.
  107. 107.
    >A part of you begs to stay, to curl up and die here, to have this place as your final resting place.
  108. 108.
    >But you can’t do that, it won’t work.
  109. 109.
    >Because you’ve tried before.
  110. 110.
    >A few times actually.
  111. 111.
    >You sniffle and shake your head, some tears had crept down your face.
  112. 112.
    >Can’t escape yourself here it seems.
  113. 113.
    “So stupid.”
  114. 114.
    >Wiping them away and getting up, you start making your way back.
  115. 115.
    >These walks always feel so fleeting and too abrupt.
  116. 116.
    >Maybe one of these times you can take a longer one.
  117. 117.
    >One that you could travel for as long as forever.

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