/emo/ A trot in the night


                                            >The chilly late night air nips at your ears; small puffs of breath escape your nostrils.

                                            >In hindsight you should’ve opted for a coat or at least a hat instead of just a scarf.

                                            >You pull it higher and tighter around your muzzle as a shiver courses through you.

                                            >Not like you make good decisions anyways.

                                            >You’re Miss Eri after all, the saddest pony in Equestria.

                                            >More like the entire world…

                                            >Most avoid you after the first meeting and not that you blame them either.

                                            >You tend to be a bit… grim, so to speak.

                                            >If Equestria is a canvas of beautiful colors, then you’re the ugly gray smudge of a mistake.

                                            >Never asked to be like this.

                                            >Heck, you’d avoid yourself too if you could.

                                            >Enough with the loathing, that is not why you are out here tonight, you do enough of it at home.

                                            >You’ve chosen this rare occasion to escape yourself.

                                            >One of the few times where you venture from home voluntarily.

                                            >The windows of the homes you pass are darkened, ghostly in their appearance.

                                            >Their occupants safely tucked away in a peaceful slumber.

                                            >Often blessed with being surrounded by the ones that they love and love them back.

                                            >Don’t have that yourself

                                            >A rare few homes have a sole light on inside, likely a night owl or some pony trying to do something.

                                            >Or in your case, a night walk.

                                            >And what a night is.

                                            >You keep finding your attention drawn to the sky as you trot through the streets.

                                            >Some wispy clouds lazily drifting across it, but for the most part it is clear.

                                            >Stars twinkle ever so high above and the moon bathing the land in a gentle glow.

                                            >Even with her return, Luna’s night is still underappreciated.

                                            >It’s all just...

                                            “Beautiful.”

                                            >One of many ways to describe such a sight like this.

                                            >Such a strong word at that, one you try not to overuse like many do, much like the word love.

                                            >Feels like you could spend a lifetime writing poetry on the night itself and still have more to write.


                                            >You’re never going to be a great poet though, not that you intend on stopping.

                                            >It has always been a way to express yourself: both deep and personal thoughts; feelings laid bare upon paper.

                                            >Even if no other ever sees them, they exist as a mark of yourself upon this world.

                                            >One like all things will eventually fade away with time.

                                            >You’ve reached the park at last and are getting closer to your final destination of this walk.

                                            >Lamps light the way, the few benches scattered along the path coated in dew.

                                            >In the distance unseen but heard by your ears are crickets and other insects calling in the night.

                                            >At times it aligns into a symphony that could soothe one’s soul.

                                            >Despite the light of the moon, almost everything is faded out in a reflection of your reality.

                                            >As you pass by the pond, you recall when you would come here with your parents as a filly.

                                            >Things were better back then, life was so much more full of vigor.

                                            >Had friends, went out more, and even felt confident.

                                            >What happened to you Eri?

                                            “I changed.”

                                            >You weren’t like the other foals your age.

                                            >Didn’t smile or laugh as much, though did you more than you do now.

                                            >That is to say-

                                            >No, not again.

                                            >You’re letting those thoughts you were trying to escape pull you down.

                                            >Always trying to drown you in them, falling deeper and deeper into the black abyss.

                                            >You try to ignore them and focus back at the journey at hoof.

                                            >Going to have to deal with them later when you get home.

                                            >Thankfully you don’t have much more to travel as you reach the end of the path.

                                            >Growing up, many would say that the woods were dangerous at night.

                                            >While there are many things unseen in the dark with shapes that aren’t really there, they’re nothing compared to your inner turmoil.

                                            >It’s like a sick sort of peace.

                                            >As you step on a twig and it snaps, a bat flies overhead squeaking.

                                            >You shake your head, don’t need anything else to add to this stereotypical spooky atmosphere.


                                            >The clearing is up ahead, then you’ve got a hill to climb.

                                            >You remember how you found this place.

                                            >It was when you were younger and still living with your parents.

                                            >You were running, mostly from yourself and home.

                                            >Didn’t want anypony to find you, so you ran into these woods.

                                            >That was a poor choice because you immediately got lost and your sorrow was replaced with terror.

                                            >The woods themselves felt like some kind of monster trying to claw and drag you into it’s maw.

                                            >Stumbled about for who knows how long in the dark of night.

                                            >A rare smile crosses your face as you remember your naivety.

                                            >Almost at the top, not much further.

                                            >Eventually you had found the clearing by random chance.

                                            >You were whimpering like some foal, galloping up that hill and coming to a stop once you realized it ended in a cliff.

                                            >As you looked down, a part of you begged to jump down and be done with the torment at last.

                                            >Still swear the abyss below called to you in it’s sweet melody enticing you so.

                                            >But you didn’t.

                                            >You hesitated for some reason.

                                            >Fear, the will the live? You’re not sure.

                                            >What you are sure of is that as you stood there, you saw the place had an amazing overlook of the land below.

                                            >Speaking of which.

                                            “Finally here at last…”

                                            >Been here many times since that day and your breath still hitches like it did then.

                                            >A calmness had washed over your young self as you looked at it all, eventually falling asleep from exhaustion.

                                            >When you woke in the morning, you made your way home.

                                            >Things didn’t exactly improve from there (no pony knew you were gone), you returned here every so often.

                                            >You sit down on the edge, letting your legs hang off, eyes slowly going across the land.

                                            >In the distance is the city of Canterlot, though it’s not very visible right now.

                                            >Never been there and likely never will.

                                            >None of the houses below are lit up anymore, it’s all completely dark.


                                            >All the hustle and bustle of the day extinguished and replaced by the calmness of night.

                                            >If you lived in a large city like Manehatten, you’d lose out on something like this.

                                            >Hold a second.

                                            >Are you actually having a good time right now and enjoying yourself?

                                            >Well maybe… a little.

                                            >Doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed some of it dammit, even if it’s in very small doses.

                                            >But it won’t change who you are, what you are.

                                            >Tomorrow you’ll rise and still be the same as you were today and yesterday.

                                            >Same as the previous weeks, months, years...

                                            >Still will be lonely, miserable, and tired from life.

                                            >You’ll likely scream, cut, cry, write, and languish about in agony.

                                            >That doesn’t mean you can’t be allotted this tiny moment right here, right now.

                                            >For a time you sit there, taking in everything you can.

                                            >Puffs of breath linger in the air as you exhale slowly and you shiver, a reminder of the chill.

                                            “Should’ve worn a jacket idiot.”

                                            >You sigh and close your eyes for a moment.

                                            >Better off going home and beating yourself up rather than doing it here.

                                            >A part of you begs to stay, to curl up and die here, to have this place as your final resting place.

                                            >But you can’t do that, it won’t work.

                                            >Because you’ve tried before.

                                            >A few times actually.

                                            >You sniffle and shake your head, some tears had crept down your face.

                                            >Can’t escape yourself here it seems.

                                            “So stupid.”

                                            >Wiping them away and getting up, you start making your way back.

                                            >These walks always feel so fleeting and too abrupt.

                                            >Maybe one of these times you can take a longer one.

                                            >One that you could travel for as long as forever.