Applejack and Anon during lockdown.


                                            What do you mean you're unprepared, Anon?

                                            >How irresponsible can you be to not get prepped?

                                            >Of course I won't let you die out there...

                                            >*sigh* I guess you could stay with us. We got plenty stashed in the apple bunker.

                                            damn it's gonna be a long couple weeks...


                                            >For the last time Anon, you can't get outside!

                                            >The bunker is sealed air-tight.

                                            But AJ... I'm soooo boooored. I can't stand being locked inside!

                                            >Now you're pulling my leg. All you do most of the time is being locked up in your apartment anyhow.

                                            But it's different now! Now I feel cornered.

                                            I think I might just kill myself if it goes on for any longer!

                                            >Get a hold of yourself, anon. It's been only two hours.

                                            >Something to do might take your mind off of it. Have you counted all the apples in the stash as I told you to?

                                            Noooo, I hate apples!

                                            >darn it's gonna be a long couple weeks...


                                            >What now, Anon?

                                            AJ, I'm bored again.

                                            >uh, and what's the score now?

                                            57:2. But I'm starting to suspect Applebloom just sucks at Rock Paper Scissors.

                                            >Hey, watch your mouth! It's my sister you're talking about.

                                            Anyway, winning with her isn't so fun anymore. What else can I do?

                                            >I don't know, Anon.

                                            Well, what are you doing now? It seems you're handling it well.

                                            >I'm reading a book.

                                            Hahaha, but horses can't read!

                                            *she stares you down with a hard glare*

                                            >You've been living in Twilight's library for a month. Why would you even think ponies cannot read?

                                            Fine, true. But hicks still can't read either.

                                            *the stare hardens*

                                            >Is pestering me your new passtime?

                                            No, sorry. So, can I join you? What are you reading about?

                                            >Apples.

                                            You know what, fuck you too. I think I'm gonna go and wreck AB in Rock Paper Scissors again.


                                            AJ.

                                            >...

                                            AJ.

                                            >...

                                            AJ! Are you even listening to me?!

                                            >What now, Anon.

                                            I'm hungry.

                                            >Dinner is in an hour. I'm sure you can make it.

                                            But I'm hungry now!

                                            >ugh, you wanna eat with us, you gotta wait another hour.

                                            How can you be so cruel to your friend?

                                            >I ain't cruel. If you had your own stash of food, you could eat anytime you want.

                                            And what was that supposed to mean?

                                            >Ain't meaning nothing. I was just stating a fact.

                                            Well, I'll have you know that I know what it means to keep food stashed!

                                            >Oh, you do now?

                                            Yeah. One time, I had a couple of Doritos stashed in my room for, like, a week. I've eaten them only after I found them under the bed.

                                            >Sweet Celestia, Anon...

                                            I know, right? A week is quite a feat.

                                            >Well, you'll need to wait another hour anyways. It's nothing compared to a week, ain't it?

                                            Fine. And what's for dinner, anyways?

                                            >Apples.

                                            FOR FUCKS SAKE! Do you want to kill me?!

                                            >I'll put it up for consideration.


                                            *everyone is eating silently, unamused Anon is rolling an apple around his plate*

                                            Ekhm. Applejack, could you pass the bacon please.

                                            >chokes slightly

                                            >W-what?

                                            Pass the bacon, please.

                                            >What bacon?

                                            The bacon. Hand it over, I'm asking nicely.

                                            >I don't have any.

                                            Then where is it?

                                            >We don't have any bacon.

                                            What do you mean we don't have any? At the table?

                                            >No. I mean none, at all.

                                            *Anon drops his fork loudly*

                                            What the fuck, Applejack? So you're telling me you're walking around, boasting at how well prepped you are, and yet you don't have something as basic as bacon?!

                                            >No?

                                            And you laughed at ME for being incompetent?! Well now, maybe you can tell us all how you were planning on surviving for more than one day, huh? Have you even thought about that? This is so retarded! We just locked ourselves in an underground tomb, where we're gonna all die lonely and baconless!

                                            *Applebloom starts tearing up*

                                            >Anon, calm down! What do you even need bacon for?

                                            For, like, I don't know, eating food, you horse! What else?

                                            >I can give you dried appl-

                                            And now we're all gonna starve and die here, and it's all your fault! Or was it your plan all along? You've lured me here to kick up your kill count, didn't you, you psychopathic killer!

                                            *Applebloom bawls*

                                            >What in Tartarus is wrong with you, Anon?! Shut your hole and sit down, 'cause you're yappin' nonsense! Ain't nobody dying just because we don't have bacon!

                                            You can tell that to the pigs... Fine. Can you pass the maple syrup then?

                                            >scores a headshot with a half-eaten apple


                                            Applejack.

                                            >...

                                            Applejack, please!

                                            >I ain't talking to you after what you've pulled off at the dinner. It took me an hour to calm Applebloom down.

                                            Eh, she'll get over it. Sore loser.

                                            >W-what?!

                                            Look, if I knew she would cry so much after losing at Rock Paper Scissors, I would've let her win a couple times.

                                            >But she's- Celestia and Luna damn you, Anon. You're thick as bricks.

                                            I said I'm sorry! ...or I didn't. Who cares, anyways. Look, I have something very important to ask you.

                                            >Can't it wait till morning?

                                            I don't think so. It's related to our current situation, and goes back to our discussion about food choices, that you've so rudely interrupted.

                                            >Ugh... Alright. Ask away.

                                            Why apples?

                                            >Why apples what.

                                            Why apples?

                                            >I don't understand your question.

                                            The fruit. Why apples?

                                            >It's our produce. We have an apple farm, after all.

                                            It still doesn't answer why the apples.

                                            >We grow apples for a living.

                                            But why apples? Cherries are fine to farm as well, right?

                                            >Yes, they're fine.

                                            And pears? Pears are fine too?

                                            >Yes, they're fine.

                                            And strawberries? Stra-

                                            *pillow to the face*

                                            There are many cool fruits. So why apples?

                                            >It's what we do. We're part of the Apple family, and it's our way to farm apples.

                                            Why apples?

                                            >It's our tradition. In the name, and all.

                                            But why apples?

                                            >We descend from first pony farmers who planted apples.

                                            Why apples?

                                            >*sigh* darn you Anon, this is going to be a long night, isn't it.


                                            bang*


                                            *bang*


                                            >For the love of Celestia, Anon, what are you doing? It's 6 a.m.!

                                            *Anon puts down the chair he had been hitting the bunker door with*

                                            I just wanted to open the door.

                                            >I've already-

                                            No, not go outside! Just open the door.

                                            >We ain't opening them until the virus is called off.

                                            But I think I saw a pony out there.

                                            >May be. We told the townfolk they can take any apples they might need while we're bunkered off. Still, I don't envy anypony out there.

                                            So we can't open the door just a bit and call them here?

                                            >No. What for? We can't take them in. We have no way to decontaminate, and you're already taking our +1 spot.

                                            No, not to take them in. Screw them if they don't have their own bunker.

                                            >Oh, yeah?

                                            I just wanted to ask them something important.

                                            >And what's that. Why they're picking apples?

                                            No. But we will need to get back to that. I stopped listening, like, five minutes into your explanation.

                                            I just wanted to ask if they know where we can get some bacon, because I heard the market place is locked down.

                                            >An how is that important. We're not getting any anyhow.

                                            It is important! It's a matter of life and-

                                            >Save it. I'm going back to sleep in a bit.

                                            *Applejack turns around and steps into something sticky*

                                            >Now what the hay is that on the floor?

                                            uhh... I got kinda bored in the middle of the night...

                                            >What is...

                                            >*notices the picture of Pear Butter laying on the floor next to the spot*

                                            >*turns around, angry*

                                            >That's it, Anon! Now you're gonna get it!

                                            What, the bacon?

                                            >No, you oaf! I'm gonna kick your teeth in!

                                            Whoa, calm down. I just think your mom's very pretty. I mean, look at her. Not one mare in 10 could rival her. And I guess it runs in the family now.

                                            >*angry face gets even redder*

                                            >Darn you, Anon! ...No, I don't want to even think about this. You clean this mess up, I'm going back to bed.

                                            Sure, I'll clean it up. Uh, Applejack, could you take my bedsheet to the laundry on your way out?

                                            >What?

                                            I found a picture of your dad, too.

                                            >leaves without a word


                                            >Anon? You there, sugarcube?

                                            Yeah. What's up?

                                            >You've been awfully quiet today. Are you okay?

                                            Yeah. I've been thinking, y'know.

                                            >Is that why you were sitting on the floor crosslegged and humming all morning?

                                            Yes.

                                            >Does making circles with your hands help a lot?

                                            Definitely.

                                            >No wonder you do it so rarely, then. And you skipped breakfast?

                                            Yeah, apples, right? Don't care.

                                            >So, what have you been thinking about?

                                            That it's Monday today.

                                            >Uhh... Yeah?

                                            Yeah.

                                            >...

                                            >I'm really happy for you, sugarcube. I'll leave you to figure out the rest, then. Or do you want me to bring you a calendar?

                                            No need.

                                            *Anon drops his pose and gets up from the floor*

                                            I was just thinking that back home, on Earth, I would need to get up on Monday morning and go to my lousy job, to slave under my merciless and even lousier manager.

                                            Then I thought, if a plague like this struck on Earth, I would just sit locked up in my apartment alone. With no one to talk to, and no one to care. With nothing to do, except shitposting pitifully on the internet.

                                            But instead I'm here, in the magical wonderland, where everything is awesome. And even though we're locked up, we're in this together. I'm with a pony by my side who I can call... a friend.

                                            >Wow, Anon. I- I don't know what to say...

                                            Say nothing! It was for me to realize. And as I was rummaging through your trashes, an idea struck me!

                                            >I- What?!

                                            I want to show my gratitude, to all of you. And I have the perfect plan - something that will help us spend long hours having fun, and bonding. But I will need your help with that.

                                            >I- I'm afraid to even ask.

                                            I need you to clear the main room for an hour or two. And then bring everyone in, and we will have us some FUN!

                                            >uh, okay. But Granny's knitting there.

                                            I know. That's why I need your help to move her. Shouldn't make much difference for her where she's knitting, right?

                                            >I guess so...

                                            So let's do it!


                                            All right everypony, come in, come all and be amazed!

                                            >Phew, finally. Applebloom could barely contain herself, and I have to say, you got me excited as well, Anon.

                                            I present to you... The Ultimate Bunker Race Track!

                                            *the room looks basically trashed, but spiraling all around is a dozen inches wide "race track" made of household objects*

                                            What we have here will bring us many hours of enjoyment in these dark times. This track has it all: straights, turns, uphills, downhills, ramps, jumps, and obstacle courses!

                                            *ponies are looking with interest, and Applebloom goes "Ooh" at every part.*

                                            >That's actually very impressive, Anon. But how do we race? It's not even nearly big enough to go through.

                                            I got the idea when I found these in the trashes.

                                            *Anon throus a couple of bottlecaps on the ground*

                                            Each takes one, it will be their race bolid. We can paint and number them as we like.

                                            >Sounds fun. How does the race go?

                                            We line up and then go taking turns. Look.

                                            You place the bottlecap on the start line. You need to aim for the direction you want it to go, and then you flick it with your fingers.

                                            *pop*

                                            *the bottlecap landed half a meter down the track*

                                            Simple as! but you need to stay on the track, otherwise you go a step back. It will get more tricky when we get to spirals and obstacles. Fun, right? Any questions?

                                            >Can we just push them around?

                                            No, of course not! How would we take the turns then? Besides, you need it to jump over some of the obstacles. Pushing it would be pointless.

                                            >That's what I was thinking. So we need to flick 'em?

                                            Yes.

                                            >With our fingers?

                                            Yes! What's wrong? Don't tell me you've never played it as a kid!

                                            *Applebloom's excitement was visibly dropping*

                                            >Nope, never.

                                            God, no wonder each of you is kinda fucked up. It's like you've never had a normal childhood if you've never played it!

                                            >*Applejack frowned with irritation at that.*

                                            >We're supposed to flick them. "With our fingers".

                                            >*holds up a hoof*

                                            ...

                                            >Anon, sugarcube. Do you need another couple hours to sit down and think?

                                            I just want us to have some fun playing a game. You don't have to be so uppity if you don't like it!

                                            >We don't have fingers.

                                            Oh.

                                            Like, none at all?

                                            >...

                                            Damn it, and I tried so hard! I even made an avalanche in the middle of the track, look!

                                            *Anon throws a bottle cap, small trapdoor opens and paper balls roll out on the track*

                                            >I know you tried, sugarcu- Are those pages from my book?!

                                            Yeah, but don't worry. I ripped them from the back, so nowhere near where you're reading.

                                            >Celestia damn you, Anon!