GREEN   394    11500   65.48 KB

Anon joins the guard (WIP)

By Mshakezilla
Created: 9th April 2021 12:26:42 AM
Modified: 2nd May 2021 09:39:11 AM

  1. >Be Anon.
  2. >On this sunny morning.
  3. >Enjoying the silence and solitude of the peaceful land of Equestria until the inevitable confrontation comes.
  4. >A racking pain in your mind each time you hear it...
  5. >The dreaded plague upon your otherwise harmonious existence.
  6. >As harmonious as you can be in a world of magical and childish ponies, anyway.
  7. >You shake your head, trying to purge any and all thoughts of her and continue chomping away at your Wheaties.
  8. >Why Wheaties?
  9. >Because Wheaties are good for the gains.
  10. >You know this to be fact as you once saw it in a YouTube video.
  11. >Yes...
  12. >You glance up at the box.
  13. >On the cover was a picture of some zigger running super fast.
  14. >You turn the box around to find another picture of it at the corner of the box.
  15. >Just under the nutrition facts with a little speech bubble wherein the words "its a healthy start!" were displayed.
  16. >Sometimes it amazes you at just how similar yet different your world is from here.
  17. >Looking back down at the half empty bowl, you can't help but think you should've just said "fuck it all" and bought a box of Sunflakes.
  18. >A cereal that actually tastes good.
  19. >Celestia's favorite morning treat.
  20. >Clinically proven to make your ass as fat as hers, of course.
  21. >God what you would do with that ass...
  22. >Just wanna nibble it.
  23. >Oh well.
  24. "Still gotta sweep my doorway." You say, thinking out loud while unenthusiastically chomping, "Hopefully it isn't bad today-"
  25. >*knock knock knock*
  26. >You drop your spoon, making a clinking noise against the clay bowl and sink in your chair.
  27. >There it is.
  28. >The horrid noise of your privacy being violated.
  29. >By none other then the horse who wishes to /actually/ violate you.
  30. >You cringe and rub the temples of your head.
  31. "Lets suck todays dick I guess."
  32. >Lazily getting up from your squeaky wooden stool, you slowly trek to the door.
  33. >With a sigh of discontent, you drag your feet with each step.
  34. >Arriving at the door, you whine and grab the knob.
  35. "Here we fucking go."
  36. >You open it, revealing... /her/.
  37. >"Good morning my loving coltfreind!" An overjoyed whispery feminine voice murmurs to you.
  38. >A voice with which you were all to well, and unfortunately accustomed with.
  39. >Fluttershy.
  40. >The object of your despair.
  41. "Hurry up. I'm still hungry." You say, in a demanding tone.
  42. >She giggles, taking your harsh tone as a gesture of love.
  43. >"Oh Anon," She says, gleefully, "I love a stallion who can make demands~."
  44. >You cringe and groan.
  45. >"I think today is the day!" She closes her eyes and places her hoof upon her chest, "I finally have the right guess!"
  46. >You lean against the door frame, leaning your head back and closing your eyes.
  47. "Do tell." You say with a heavy breath and shaking your head.
  48. >Flutterbutter smiles, and turns back.
  49. >"Okay Discord, you can go ahead."
  50. >Wait.
  51. "Whoa," You snap out of your lethargic stupor, "hold the fucking fun bus-"
  52. >"Hello Anonymous!" Discord says, popping out from the bushes at the edge of your yard.
  53. "GO. AWAY." You hiss through tightly clenched teeth, "Only horrid shit happens when your around!"
  54. >"I know! Isn't it simply amazing!" He says, giggling like the chucklefuck he is.
  55. "NO!!"
  56. >The last time she brought this cock noodle, you were shitting cotton candy for a whole day.
  57. >Cotton candy shits are not your fetish.
  58. >How she came up with that is beyond you.
  59. >Clearly it was influenced by Ponk.
  60. >Nor is having your spine magically removed to be be crippled and having Fluttershy take care of your disabled ass.
  61. >Fortunately, Twiggy was able to reverse said shenanigans.
  62. >No doubt you'll be seeing her again today once this is over.
  63. >Ignoring you completely, because this dude is a fucking anus, he raises his paw and gives his fingers a snap.
  64. >You close your eyes and brace yourself for whatever may come.
  65. >"Yay!"
  66. "Oh god, oh fuck, oh no, I'm dead, I'm some kind of retarded animal!" You are surprised by the soothing sound of nothing exploding, "what the fuck did he...?"
  67. >You slowly open your eyes and survey the scene in front of you.
  68. >To your bewilderment, nothing was wrong with you.
  69. >You give yourself a quick once over.
  70. >Feeling around your body.
  71. >Not seeing or feeling anything wrong, you can't help but breath a sigh of relief.
  72. "What...? What did he do?"
  73. >"Oh Anon, I'm so happy!" Fluttershy rears up and hugs you.
  74. "Hey, HEY! Hooves off you crazy bitch!"
  75. >You unravel yourself from her forelegs.
  76. "The fuck did he do now??"
  77. >"What ever could you possibly mean, Anonymous?" Discord says, leisurely floating towards you and Whispershy, "Such harsh accusations wound me, y'know."
  78. >He dramatically places his claw upon his head.
  79. "I mean every time I see you, something terrible happens to me, from shitting candy, or having my testicles turned into a clitoris that I have to unzip to-"
  80. >You stop yourself, noticing one key thing missing.
  81. "Where... where is it??" You say, a wave of horror washing over you.
  82. >Your house was gone.
  83. >Absent.
  84. >Awol.
  85. >It has ceased to be.
  86. >The only remnants of it were the indentation in the ground from the foundation and piping.
  87. "Fluttershy??"
  88. >She gives you her usual retarded ass happy fucking face.
  89. >"Well, I thought that Discord doing something to you physically wouldn't work, and I can't ask him make you fall in love with me." She giggles, "That would be unethical."
  90. "Ethical...?" You say, grinding your teeth.
  91. >"Mm-hm!" She nods, "So I decided to be more practical with today's approach."
  92. "PRACTICAL!?" You say, running your hands across your head, "Where is my house!?"
  93. >"Oh Anon," Discord says, slithering up your back and lightly placing his lion's arm around you, "Your house is just fine. All I did was relocate it."
  94. >Fluttershy hugs your waist again, nuzzling your dick and balls through your boxers.
  95. >"Mmm~..."
  96. >Her wings slowly grow erect.
  97. >Would've been a good idea to put on more layers of clothing before answering the door this morning...
  98. "Hey!"
  99. >You push her off again.
  100. >"We're going to be able to spend so much more time together now! Ever since you moved to the furthest edge of town-"
  101. "Furthest edge from your dinky ass cottage!"
  102. >You thought a longer walk would slowly dissuade her from anymore bullshit.
  103. >Clearly she's smarter then she looks.
  104. >Also you didn't really think that hard.
  105. >Thinking is for suckers.
  106. >"I know." She continues, "Walking all that distance was starting to grow so tiring. So I bought your house and-"
  107. "WHAT??"
  108. >"Ah-ah, don't interrupt, human." Discord snaps his claws and replaces your lips with a tightly sealed zipper.
  109. "MM!! MMHFPHH!!"
  110. >"And then I asked discord to move it next to mine! So we can be neighbors and I can just walk right over every morning!"
  111. >You unzip your mouth, and aggressively point to your lips.
  112. >With a smug smirk, Discord snaps his claw again to undo the spell.
  113. "Pleh! Fuck! Or watch me sleep you little pervert! And whats all this shit about house buying?? HOW THE FUCK IS THIS LEGAL?"
  114. >"Oh poor, deluded, little human," Discord chimes in booping your nose, "Fluttershy simply asked Mayor Mare for the deed to your house."
  115. >You shake in anger. A boiling, white hot seething rage had began welling up inside you.
  116. "What...?"
  117. >It had taken all you had to move to a new location.
  118. >All your savings.
  119. >Now, not only are you broke, but you got fucked over anyway.
  120. >"Yes! Now we can be neighbors and I don't have to walk all this way to see you every morning! I can just walk outside my door and over to yours."
  121. >At the sound of those last few words, your rage was replaced by a deepening woe.
  122. >The very idea of having this little psychopath as a neighbor is enough to make you want to find the nearest chainsaw, rev it up, and drive it through your chest.
  123. "This... can't be..."
  124. >You collapse to your knees, breathing hard.
  125. >Nearly hyperventilating with tears welling up in the corners of your eyes.
  126. >"Oh look hes overwhelmed with emotion!" Discord says, clapping.
  127. >He knows what hes doing...
  128. "F-fuck you..." You say, sobbing and burying your face in your palms.
  129. >"Well," Discord says, ignoring you again, "with my work done here I think its time I took my leave, ta-ta!"
  130. >He hugs Fluttershy and poofs away like he always does.
  131. >Fuck that guy.
  132. >"C'mon, Anon." Fluttershy says, nudging your arm with her snootle, "We should get you home to your brand new location."
  133. >She hugs you again.
  134. >The tears stop.
  135. >You take a deep breath, and try your best not to murder this bitch.
  136. >Doing so would not only land you in a prison cell for the rest of you already pitiful life, but it would enrage the fuck noodle who just poof'd your house away in a snap.
  137. >You take a moment and regain your composure.
  138. >Looking straight, with a dead expression, you sit on your knees and look straight ahead.
  139. >A small wind gusts, kicking up a few leaves and blades of grass.
  140. >Carrying them across what used to be your yard.
  141. "I'm done." You say, finally.
  142. >"Good, now lets get going, my love."
  143. >You get up and walk towards Twilight's castle.
  144. >"O-oh, are we going to visit Twilight?" Fluttershy says, sticking to you like gorilla glue on a nappy headed retard.
  145. "NO!" You yell, anger resurging and turning aggressively toward her, "Uh, n-no. Fluttershy look, why don't you go back and make sure my house is in the right spot, okay?"
  146. >Your eye twitches.
  147. >"Oh, okay!" She hovers up to eye level, "'I'll see you soon, my cutie human." She rubs your head and pecks the tip of your nose with a kiss.
  148. "Ach!" You wave your arms, getting her away, "Alright just go!"
  149. >"Okay! I'll see you soon~." She says with joy, fluttering away.
  150. >Damn.
  151. >Damnit.
  152. >Fuck.
  153. >ASS!
  154. "God damnit why?? WHY THE FUCK IS SHE FREINDS WITH THAT COCK??" You yell, walking to Twilight's castle.
  155. >You seethe and ramble on about how everything sucks.
  156. >Garnering much attention from the towns ponies as you walk by.
  157. >They normally see your outbursts as just you being you.
  158. >Its expected now.
  159. >Big ape with anger problems.
  160. >Who they occasionally ask for ear scratches from...
  161. >Today, however, you were just a tad more livid.
  162. >Also you were still half naked.
  163. >Wearing boxers and a tank as Disco-fuck-nut just teleported all your clothes to the land of no return.
  164. >AKA, Fluttershy's property.
  165. "I'm going to DEMAND from that purple cunt a way to fix this!!"
  166.  
  167.  
  168. >>
  169. "It was fucking bullshit! Fuck this shit! I fucking hate your dumb stupid ass yellow friend!"
  170. >Be Anon still.
  171. >Ranting and raving on and on to Twiggy about how your life sucks and everyone is inbred.
  172. >That last part doesn't really apply, your just angry and need to add some extra insult arrows to your rage quiver.
  173. >Maybe the next time you see Discord you can call him an overused prison fuck-toy.
  174. >Yeah. That'll show'em.
  175. >Within the hallowed halls of Twilight's friendship tree castle thingy made of mirrors'n shit, your words and expletives echo as you vent.
  176. >She sat in her throne with a tired look of both concern, and exhaustion, as you pace back and forth at the opposite end of the large crystalline table.
  177. >She has had to intervene before when things get a little too crazy with the yellow menace.
  178. >Fortunately for you, she seems to understand your plight after you had explained it to her.
  179. >At least enough to realize you needed help.
  180. >And once again, she appeared to be willing to give you some.
  181. >But not before you'd regale her with a whole slew of curse words and explicit phrases birthed of a deep seeded rage.
  182. >Its as though she /knows/ about Fluttershy's insane obsession with you but, is unwilling to step in.
  183. >Or maybe shes just so damn innocent and naïve that she can't comprehend that one of her dearest friends wants to rape you.
  184. >Regardless, your beginning to reach your wits end.
  185. >Its as though there is no escaping these throes of perdition.
  186. >"Anon-"
  187. "And this bitch, THIS BITCH, has the nerve to get that wiggly, iggly, child molester vibe giving off, FUCKHEAD Discord involved!!"
  188. >"Anon, you told me everything that happened already, if you could just calm down-"
  189. "FFFFuck!"
  190. >"ANON!" Twilight shouts, getting your attention.
  191. "What??"
  192. >"Please just calm down, I can use my magic to undo this and put your house back in place. It'll be just like when I put your spine back in."
  193. >Goosebumps cover your body as you shudder.
  194. >You can't help but cringe now each time you hear the word spine.
  195. >"Just as well, I can use my influence to undo the purchase she made to your home."
  196. "Yeah sure, thanks. But what about the last time you had to intervene? And the time before that. AND the time before that!"
  197. >She sighs defeatedly.
  198. >"Listen Anon, I know Fluttershy can seem insistent with how she treats you, but its just her way of-"
  199. "No!"
  200. >"...Her way of showing affection and friendship towards you."
  201. "God damnit Twilight, you're being stupid again!" You stomp the floor with your still bare feet, "How many times have I told you to stop that!"
  202. >She buries her face in her hooves.
  203. >Dealing with Fluttershy's messes involving you must be taking their toll.
  204. >She'll probably develop PTSD from this.
  205. >If you don't beat her to it, at least.
  206. >Still, you are more then justified as Fluttershy has performed exceptionally well in earning your purest, brightest ire.
  207. >Twilight, however,, even now doesn't seem to truly feel the gravity of the events that have transpired since this odd obsession with you from Whispershy started.
  208. >"Anonymous, I'll have a talk with Fluttershy." Twilight hops from her seat and begins walking towards you, "She can be very reasonable and understanding when you calmly talk things out. Thats what friendship is all about and more importantly, blah blah blah..."
  209. >Your mind drifts.
  210. >Hearing another lecture about holding hands and making friends is NOT what you were prepared to hear.
  211. >Thoughts linger in your mind, conjuring up scenarios even worse then the one your in now.
  212. >Whats to stop Fluttershy from just going a step further?
  213. >Whats to stop her from just asking discord to teleport her and you to some random ass dimension where the only way to stay alive was by fucking her??
  214. >Whats to stop her from asking him to create some kind of portal that constantly teleports your dick in her pussy??
  215. "Oh god..."
  216. >"Celestia? I don't think we should involve her in this."
  217. "No!" You stare intently at the ground, "I just realized... this will never end."
  218. >There must be someplace you can go.
  219. >Somewhere, someplace or organization you can join that will give you not only distance, but a guarantee this shit won't continue.
  220. >A way out.
  221. >More importantly, a way of putting more distance between you and Fluttershy.
  222. >Twilight tilts her head.
  223. >"Anon, I know we can resolve this." She gently places her hoof on your leg.
  224. >A way to guard yourself from this constant wall of bullshi-
  225. >It hit you like a metric fuckload of bricks.
  226. "Thats it..." You say, reaching an epiphany, "YES!! THATS IT!"
  227. >"Uhm, Anon? Are you okay?"
  228. "Yes! Haha, yes!" You pick her up and hold her out in front of you, practically dancing with joy and spinning in place.
  229. >"Wha-! Anon! Put me down!"
  230. "Oh, sorry."
  231. >You stop, looking into her eyes.
  232. >She blushes, irises slowly growing to nearly encompass her whole eye.
  233. >"Y-y'know... if you want to, I mean." She laughs like a dork.
  234. >Shaking your head, you let her go.
  235. >Causing those thick purple cheeks to make an audible "pomf" on the floor.
  236. >"Owe! Oh..." She whispers to herself, "Why can't he look at me like that always..."
  237. "What?"
  238. >"Nothing." She says, crushed.
  239. "Anyway, I know how to get away from all this." You say looking up with optimism and hope for the future, "How to solve all of my problems and get away from her forever!!" You clench your fist.
  240. >"What?" Twilight asks, rubbing her flanks, "How?"
  241.  
  242.  
  243. >>
  244. "Yeah hi, I'd like to sign up for the guard please."
  245. >The recruiter narrows his eyes, tilting his head as he leans forward on his desk. Eyeing you up and down.
  246. >"...What?"
  247.  
  248.  
  249.  
  250. >>
  251. >A few days later...
  252. >You lay snoozing on the couch on this typical sunny day in pony land.
  253. >No better way to spend an afternoon.
  254. >Fortunately, this morning's, as well as the guesses for the last few days since the incident, have been rather tame.
  255. >Tame as they can be with Fluttershy.
  256. >Like, How she brought a cartoonishly large, jumbo sized, industrial fan the size of a house to your yard, cranked it up to full power,
  257. and nearly blew you away.
  258. >Sex in hurricane force winds to start your morning is not your fetish...
  259. >Or just yesterday, when she showed up in a wizard robe and face paint, carrying a tomb of demonic magic.
  260. >Upon her face was white and black paint, most of her face covered in white with sharp black stripes going from the bottom of her cheeks, over her eyes. and to the top of her head.
  261. >Upon the tomb's cover was a pentagram (still wondering how that symbol exists here), etched into a fine black leather with dark red runes skittering across it's surface.
  262. >She actually got a chuckle from you when she said she was going to summon a plague of snakes to devour you for your insolence.
  263. >Don't think she thought that one through.
  264. >She can't do magic.
  265. >Much less read runic magic of the dark arts.
  266. >However, you were able to pick her up and punt her in the rump to send her and her cheesy costume flying.
  267. >Had to wash your foot after you did...
  268. >Smelled like mare musk.
  269. >So, the usual.
  270. >Regardless, you could care less whatever she attempts now.
  271. >You'll be leaving in time.
  272. >After careful thought and examination but not really, you came to the conclusion that joining the equine guard was the most prudent decision to make.
  273. >A free ticket away from Ponyville and the rapist in yellow skin.
  274. >Paperwork is already filled out, signed, and sent off.
  275. >Even got a quick ship date.
  276. >The recruiter had his reservations, of course.
  277. >Not everyday a half naked dude walks in and says "sign me up!"
  278. >Well a half naked human, anyway.
  279. >But then again ponies are always naked...
  280. >Honestly thought the whole alien thing would disqualify you.
  281. >Propitiously for you, it didn't.
  282. >Wasn't even an issue.
  283. >In fact, why even think about it?
  284. >Shutup.
  285. "Mmm... just one more week..." You say, rolling to your side as you enjoy this epic nap.
  286. >Twilight had kept true to her word.
  287. >Moving your home back into it's proper place and asking Mayor Mare to undo Fluttershy's deed owning shenanigan's.
  288. >Much to her dismay.
  289. >Either way it allowed you to enjoy quiet times like this.
  290. >*knock knock knock*
  291. >Mostly anyway.
  292. "God damnit..." You say as you awaken into a groggy, zombie-like state.
  293. >You roll to the edge of the couch and sit up, rubbing the temples of your head.
  294. "Motherfuckers ruining my nap." You mutter.
  295. >*more knocking*
  296. "Okay! Fuck..."
  297. >You lazily rise from your couch and trip over the table directly in front of it, falling to the floor with an audible thud.
  298. "ASS!"
  299. >You manage to prop yourself back to your feet and meagerly walk to the door.
  300. >Upon opening it, you're greeted by two little mares.
  301. >Two mares you're well acquainted with.
  302. >One of witch, sexually frustrated and wants you to satisfy her baser instincts of procreation.
  303. >The other, Liked clothes'n shit.
  304. >It was Rarity and Twiggles.
  305. >No doubt here to congratulate you on your enlistment into the royal guard.
  306. >Such a grand-
  307. >"Anonymous, dear, can we come inside?" Rarity asks, in a rather serious tone.
  308. "I dunno, can I?" You laugh under your breathe, looking at her rump.
  309. >They look at each other with a puzzled expression.
  310. >"What?"
  311. >So innocent.
  312. >Which is odd considering their choice in friends.
  313. "Heh, nothing nothing." You shake your head, "Whats up?"
  314. >"Anon," Twilight says, "I think we should talk about this decision you've recently made."
  315. >You cross your arms and stand firm.
  316. "What about it?"
  317. >"Well, its just that," Twilight waltzes right into your house, ducking her head under and between your legs.
  318. "Oh yeah bitch just walk right in..."
  319. >"Hm?" Twilight tilts her head.
  320. >Fucking ponies man.
  321. >No sense of personal space.
  322. >You look back at Rarity, who smiles sheepishly.
  323. >With a sigh you step aside and allow her access as well, closing the door behind her.
  324. "Okay, so. Now that you've successfully committed home invasion, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
  325. >"This choice you made recently."
  326. "K."
  327. >"Anon, please." Rarity begs, "We're being serious."
  328. >You roll your eyes and go to the kitchen.
  329. "I don't see any issues here." You grab a glass from the cabinet over the sink and fill it up with some cold water, "I get to leave, and I get
  330. to not be harassed by your socially stunted friend anymore!"
  331. >"That 'socially stunted' friend has a name you know!" rarity says firmly.
  332. "And?"
  333. >"Rarity, please." Twilight says, calming her down, "Anonymous the human-"
  334. "Ohh ho-ho! My full name! This IS serious." You say, with great sarcasm.
  335. >"We... think it would be best if you reversed your decision and remained here in Ponyville."
  336. >Your expression goes from playful to serious as you give them a dead stare.
  337. >Taking a sip from your glass, you point to the couch.
  338. >They both hop up and take a seat.
  339. >You walk over and sit in the chair just to its side, to better engage in this conversation.
  340. >Taking another sip, you breath deep.
  341. >You nod and place the glass on the table in front you, leaning forward on your knees.
  342. >Sitting, you contemplate.
  343. >"Anonymous?" Rarity asks finally, breaking the silence.
  344. >You look at her.
  345. >Then at Twiggy.
  346. >Nodding lightly while you do.
  347. >They look at each other, puzzled.
  348. >"Sooo... you'll stay?" Twilight asks, with a glimmer of hope in her voice.
  349. >You lean back in the chair, rubbing your chin with your finger.
  350. >Silence once again sets in.
  351. >Screaming loudly as you stare at the glass of water, admiring the translucent light reflecting through the
  352. water and onto the table from the window.
  353. >You close your eyes.
  354. >And nod.
  355. "I've GOT it!" You loudly clap your hands.
  356. >"Ah!"
  357. >"Ah!"
  358. >They both yelp in surprise.
  359. "Fuck no! I ain't changin' shit! Ya'll can both," you stand and thrust your hips, "SUCK, MY, BALLS."
  360. >This gesture got a slight hue of red in Twilight's cheeks.
  361. "You both know I was gonna say no, right?" You sit back down.
  362. >"Then what in Equestria was all that??" Rarity asks, frustrated.
  363. "All what?"
  364. >"All that thinking and nodding?" Twilight asks, just as annoyed and a little aroused.
  365. "Oh." You wave your hand, "I was just fucking with you."
  366. >"What??"
  367. >"Ohhh you... You!" Rarity, says, struggling to find an appropriate insult.
  368. "Mhm, yeah come on. You can do it."
  369. >"Ruffian!!"
  370. >With a bored expression, you do an unenthusiastic and slow clap.
  371. "Now your just embarrassing both of us, Rares."
  372. >"Jerk!"
  373. "Scathing."
  374. >Twilight sighs.
  375. >"Anon please, we are being serious here. We care for Fluttershy's well-being."
  376. "Not for mine, clearly. Do you have ANY idea what crazy shit this bitch likes to pull off?"
  377. >Twilight opens her mouth, about to respond.
  378. >She pauses, remembering all the crazy and screwy shit her yellow friend has done.
  379. >"Well you should accept her feelings!" Rarity butts in, "After all, you're always alone aren't you? Why not be an item with Fluttershy?"
  380. >You put on a guilty face and sigh heavily.
  381. "Oh Rarity." You shake your head, "The reason why I don't accept her feelings is because..."
  382. >You get up from the chair and move over to the couch, sitting /very/ close to the white unicorn fashionista.
  383. >"A-Anonymous?" She says, a slight tinge of red in her cheeks.
  384. "Is because of MY feelings," You place you finger on her chin, bringing her eyes to meet yours "for you."
  385. >"Wha-wha-what do you mean?" She says, face now beat red.
  386. "Oh don't act like you don't know!"
  387. >You bring her in and tightly embrace her in an affectionate hug.
  388. >"Mm??" She lets out a surprised whimpering noise.
  389. >So cute.
  390. "I've always felt this way! since the moment I laid eyes upon your beautiful body..." You smell her hair, "your luscious mane...
  391. your fair and vibrant sapphire eyes..."
  392. >"Ah... Ahh~?" She struggles for words, "I don't understand. You never said anything before!"
  393. "Sh-sh-sh-shhh... Its okay." You comfort her, petting her head.
  394. >Twilight looks on.
  395. >Wings jutting straight out and with beads of sweat forming, collecting, and dripping down her face.
  396. >Her eye twitches as she observes your fingers slowly closing and opening to caress Rarity's supple body.
  397. "I've always been so afraid to tell you." You look down at her, loosening your grip and rubbing your hand up and down her back,
  398. "But now that I'm going... I feel like I have to tell you."
  399. >"I-I... I..." She says, shuddering and with her eyes darting side to side.
  400. "NO!" You bring her in close again, "We mustn't, Rarity! It would never work! Not while Fluttershy's heart yearns for me..."
  401. >"Mmmm..." She whimpers again, as uncomfortable as she can be in the horribly wretched and awkward situation you've put her in.
  402. "Rarity?" Your hand slowly moves further down south to her flanks, "Before I go," You bring your face mere inches from hers, and deeply inhale,
  403. "why not give each other a night to remember?"
  404. >She coos, shaking in your arms as your palm rubs against her cutie mark.
  405. >Her lips quiver, clearly thinking of your proposal.
  406. >"Ah~... AH!"
  407. >Rarity quickly pushes herself away from you, panting hard.
  408. >Her eyes lock into the glass of water.
  409. >She picks it up, splashes herself with it, and vigorously shakes her head side to side.
  410. >"Bbbbt!" She calms down a bit, breathing steadily returning to normal, "Whew..."
  411. >Rarity freezes in place, now embarrassed.
  412. >"Uhhh... I uhhh- OH!"
  413. >Think you broke her.
  414. >"Uh, g-goodness! Look at my mane, haha!! Its all wet!!" She laughs hysterically, jumps from the couch, and runs to the door,
  415. "GoodbyeTwilightIhavetofixmymanBYYYE!!"
  416. >The door slams behind her.
  417. >Twilight gawks in utter shock, jaw practically hitting the floor.
  418. "Think I overdid it?"
  419. >"Do you really?" Twilight asks, pain in her eyes.
  420. "What?"
  421. >"Have feelings for Rarity? /Have/ you had feelings for her all along??"
  422. "Mmm..."
  423. >Twilight leans forward, forelegs holding her up as she hangs on your next word.
  424. "Nah."
  425. >"WHAT!?"
  426. "What can I say? You ponies are so easy to fool."
  427. >You pause.
  428. "Although..." You look back at the door, "Her body did feel pretty nice."
  429. >You smirk, and look at Twiggy through the corner of your eye.
  430. "Think I should go for it?"
  431. >"NO!"
  432. "Joking. Again. See now this is what I mean, Twiggs."
  433. >She glares at you.
  434. >In an absolute state of disbelief.
  435. >"Whats wrong with you??"
  436. "Heh, where do I start?"
  437. >"That was awful! Think of how shes gonna feel now!"
  438. "Oh no," You cover your mouth, "O-oh my goodness, Twilight you're right. What have I done?"
  439. >You place one hand over your heart and the other on your forehead.
  440. "Oh woe is me, Twilight! For I was raised without proper care and love!" You begin fake crying, "I never even knew my own father! Oh god!"
  441. >You bury your face in your palms, shaking.
  442. "But the worst part is... *sniff*" You squeak, "I NEVER LEARNED TO READ!!"
  443. >You smirk and look back at Twilight, who is sitting there seething.
  444. "Oh come on, its all in good fun."
  445. >Twilight closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, holds it, and releases after a few seconds.
  446. "Damn. Haven't seen one that long in a minute."
  447. >"Anon." She says your name somberly, eyes closed.
  448. "Mm?"
  449. >"As princess of friendship, I'm obligated to take this type of behavior in stride in order to preserve said friendship."
  450. >Making a lot of assumptions in that statement...
  451. >"Listen, I know that when it comes to her wanting for you, Fluttershy can't seem to show how she feels like a normal pony."
  452. "Still trying to find out what 'normal' means for you."
  453. >"Look, all I'm saying is that Fluttershy is obviously unstable when it comes to you. So if-"
  454. "/When/."
  455. >"You leave... just know, you'll have to face her again someday."
  456. >The air in the room seemed to grow a bit heavier.
  457. >"I know it doesn't seem like anything to you but, I just don't think shes capable of moving on. I'm not sure shes ever had somepony shes liked before."
  458. >Twilight shuffles in her seat.
  459. >"I just don't know what she might do when she finds out you've left us."
  460. >Fuck.
  461. >You'd by lying if that part, "left us" didn't hurt a little.
  462. >Shes making it sound as though you're leaving your whole ass family behind.
  463. >You look out the window, the very same window Fluttershy broke not but a month ago after getting Rainbow Dash to launch a baseball through it.
  464. >Only for her to come to the door, wearing a backwards baseball cap and chewing bubblegum asking "are fillies breaking your window your fetish?"
  465. >Like your some fucking pedo!
  466. >Good thing moments like this don't last.
  467. >Still, maybe you should tone down the sarcasm and be sincere for a moment?
  468. >She deserves that much, right? After how shes always helping?
  469. "Twi," You sigh, "look. I-"
  470. >"But if you really don't like Fluttershy," She interrupts, with a tinge of hope in her voice, "and you were joking about Rarity, maybe we can do something...?" She puts her hooves together and flutters her eyes, "Sometime?"
  471. >And there it is.
  472. "Get out."
  473.  
  474.  
  475. >>
  476. >The following week...
  477. >Its ship day!
  478. >At long last.
  479. >You've managed to keep this under wraps from the yellow terror.
  480. >Figured one of her friends would spill the beans eventually.
  481. >Doesn't matter now.
  482. >You await your ride this early morning at the train station. Orders in hand and nothing else but the clothes on your back.
  483. >Your recruiter specifically told you to only take your paperwork and clothes to wear.
  484. >Well, he actually said nothing about clothing.
  485. >But you're not going in but ass naked.
  486. >Not having a coat of fur to cover up the ol' balls'n dick really can be inconvenient here.
  487. >You look up to the sun as it slowly peaks over the horizon.
  488. >Only about an hour longer.
  489. >Having no immediate access to tell the time whenever you want via some kind of electronic device, has made you privy to telling the time just by looking up.
  490. >Not that clocks don't exist here, its just something you've picked up on over the years.
  491. >You lean back on the bench, completely carefree.
  492. >The icing on the cake of all this, was that your train leaves early enough to avoid Flutterbutter's guess today.
  493. "Ahh..." You sigh in content, "No more of her. Ever again."
  494. >You lean back even further, stretching and sinking into the bench while letting out a moan of rapture.
  495. "No more fetish guessing, no more random ass pink hairs in my underwear drawer, no more waking up to having a rapist sniffing my crotch..."
  496. >You reminisce all the things you don't have to put up with anymore.
  497. "The training part will suck. Oh well, least I'll get to wear that shiny armor and walk around with a spear or something."
  498. >You can see it now already.
  499. >Poking and jabbing at ponies trying to enter places they shouldn't.
  500. >Shouting, "Respect my authoritah!" while doing so.
  501. >Ohh yes.
  502. >You glance over to the sun, now fully arisen over the hillside.
  503. "Train better not be late..."
  504. >Oh well, nothing can ruin this day!
  505. >This is going to be fucking great!
  506.  
  507.  
  508. >>
  509. >This is going to be awful.
  510. >How can you possibly break it to Fluttershy that Anon is leaving?
  511. >Be twiggy.
  512. >Purple, smart, and Celestia's favorite.
  513. >Now and forever.
  514. >Sitting at Anon's doorstep, you await the confrontation with Fluttershy.
  515. >She usually shows up around this time.
  516. "Oh what do I even say?" You think out loud, "'Sorry Fluttershy the human of your dreams is leaving forever because he hates you.'?"
  517. >You whine and stare at the ground, playing out the scenario in your head over and over.
  518. "Maybe I should just say it fast. Like ripping off a band-aide?" You tap you chin, "Hmmm..."
  519. >"Say what fast, Twilight?"
  520. "Oh, whenever Fluttershy-BAH!!"
  521. >Before you had even noticed, there she was.
  522. "Oh! F-Fluttershy! Good morning, heheh." You laugh nervously as you regain your composure.
  523. >"Oh goodness Twilight, you don't look so good." Fluttershy places her hoof on your forehead, "Hm. You don't seem to have a fever. Are you well?"
  524. "I'm fine, Fluttershy. Listen," You take a breath, "there's something you should know-"
  525. >"Are you sure, Twilight? You seem very nervous for some reason."
  526. >You stand up. Gonna need to look her in her innocent, pure, teal eyes for this.
  527. "Fluttershy... I..."
  528. >You hesitate.
  529. >She stands there silently, searching the deepest recesses of your brain for your next words.
  530. "I have to tell you about... wait, what is that?"
  531. >Your attention is redirected to the little doll resting on her withers.
  532. >It was a miniature doll of Anon.
  533. >"Oh, this?" She turns her head and grabs it in her mouth, delicately grabbing it and holding it in her hooves.
  534. "Oh." You can't help but feel even worse, now.
  535. >She made him a doll.
  536. >Celestia only know how much love and care she put into it.
  537. >"I was gonna ask Anon if voodoo was his fetish this morning."
  538. >Wait, what?
  539. >And come to think of it, it kinda smells a bit... musky.
  540. "Fluttershy, why does it smell like that?"
  541. >You crane your neck and sniff.
  542. >Such a familiar scent.
  543. >Why it almost smells like- oh sweet Celestia no...
  544. >"Uhhh." Fluttershy blushes, putting the doll back on her withers, "I really like this doll?"
  545. "Right."
  546. >"Anyway, Twilight, Its time I saw my dear and loving coltfreind."
  547. >She really is delusional.
  548. >Fluttershy walks next to you and knocks on the door.
  549. "Fluttershy, can you please just listen? Anon... won't be answering this morning."
  550. >"Oh dear, is he trying to hide in his room again?"
  551. >Again?
  552. >"Thats okay."
  553. >Fluttershy steps off the doorstep and begins digging around the bushes next to the door.
  554. "What are you-"
  555. >She pops her head back up, holding a dirt covered key in her mouth.
  556. >"I hid his spare key from him in case he locks his door without remembering I may need to come inside every now and then."
  557. >You stare in awe.
  558. >Shes clearly further gone then you realized.
  559. "Since when have you had that??"
  560. >"Oh, um. I snuck into his window one night and took it from his dresser. It was wrapped so neatly in one of his comfy socks."
  561. >You shake your head.
  562. "Fluttershy, just listen."
  563. >She unlocks the door and opens it up, walking right in.
  564. "Wait!"
  565. >"OH but I can't, Twilight! I have to see my beloved!" She takes the doll from her back and begins petting it's head, "Hes probably all scared and alone, wondering where his marefreind is!"
  566. >She continues in.
  567. "Hng! Fluttershy! Anon is gone!"
  568. >"Gone?" She tilts her head, "Oh dear, he usually doesn't go grocery shopping until Tuesdays at 10am."
  569. >Creepy.
  570. "No, I mean hes gone gone. He left town." You say, in a weak, depressing tone.
  571. >"Oh. Ohhh," She giggles, "Well when is he coming back?"
  572. >You look away.
  573. >The smile on Fluttershy's face slowly erodes away into a look of mild concern.
  574. >"Twilight?" She asks, a little anxious now, "When is he coming back?"
  575. "Probably never." You sigh, "He joined the guard."
  576. >"WHAT??"
  577. >Her outburst surprised you.
  578. >"What do you mean he joined the guard??" She gets in your face, "What if he gets hurt, or stubs his toe, or he needs to have his feet licked in his sleep??"
  579. >You cringe a little.
  580. "...What was that last one?"
  581. >"Twilight, if this is a prank, its not very funny!" She closes her eyes and looks away, "Hmph!"
  582. "Its not a joke! Anon signed up over a week ago. His train left this morning."
  583. >"You KNEW?? And you didn't tell me??"
  584. "I didn't want to say anything because I thought you'd handle it better if he were already gone! I thought it'd help you make peace with it!"
  585. >"Noo! Oh my sweet human man-hunk! My big, honking, human pleasure center! I'm coming to the rescue!!"
  586. >Fluttershy takes off out the door to the train station.
  587. "Oh no."
  588. >You fear what she may do when she finds him already gone.
  589. "I better follow her."
  590.  
  591. >>
  592. "Ho-lee FUCK this shit is late..."
  593. >Be Anon again.
  594. >Lamenting the tardiness of this fucking train.
  595. >Damn the rail system.
  596. >Gonna run for president and make a new rail system!
  597. >With flapjacks!
  598. >And hookers!
  599. >Aw screw the whole thing.
  600. >Your [spoiler]train[/spoiler] of thought is interrupted by the sound of train tracks rumbling and the sound of a steam engine making its way to the station.
  601. "Finally!"
  602. >You quickly stand and walk but a few feet from the edge, eager to board.
  603. >At long last the train arrives, stopping and opening up it's doors.
  604. >Ponies from all over seem to pour out.
  605. >Not really, there were only like fucking 5 of them.
  606. >Small place, Ponyville.
  607. >No time to contemplate this, however.
  608. >Time to board!
  609. "Ahh..." You pause, foot in the door, "Goodbye, Ponyville. I'll remember all the good times I had."
  610. >The good times were far and in between, but you'll remember regardless.
  611. >None of which involve the yellow.
  612. >"Ticket, sir?" The porter asks.
  613. "Oh, here ya go."
  614. >You hand him your orders.
  615. >"Ah, yes of course. I heard we were picking up a new recruit from this town. Pick a seat, wherever you like." He gestures to the open car,
  616. "Only take a single morning's ride to Canterlot. Feel free to relax."
  617. "Oh, thank you."
  618. >You walk into the car and take a seat next to the window.
  619. >A few moments go bye, and the train jerks as the conductor pulls the wire to blow the horn.
  620. "Ohh ho ho!! Here we go!"
  621. >You get all giddy.
  622. >As the train begins to pull away, you look out of the window.
  623. >Your heart skips a beat as a wave of cold, dark, dread washes over you.
  624. >There she was.
  625. >Standing just a few feet away, only separated by the train car itself.
  626. >Fluttershy.
  627. >Staring intently into the windows of your soul with a gaze so piercing she may as well have singed a hole into the window.
  628. >Even as you pull away, and watch her shrink into the distance, you cant help but feel a chilling feeling creep up your spine.
  629. "Oh god..."
  630. >She must've found out.
  631. >How??
  632. >No! No.
  633. >Its fine.
  634. >She has no way of getting to you now.
  635. >Everything will be just fine.
  636.  
  637. >>
  638. "Fluttershy!" You pant, finally catching up.
  639. >Had no idea she was in this good of shape.
  640. >Be Twiggy again.
  641. >Now at the station watching the train Anon must've just left one shrink away.
  642. >"Hes really gone..." Fluttershy says, somberly.
  643. >You take a moment to catch you breath.
  644. >Fluttershy must've ran as fast as Rainbow Dash to get here.
  645. "I'm sorry..." You say, finally.
  646. >"Its okay, Twilight."
  647. >She turns with a disconcerting smile on her face.
  648. "I-It is?"
  649. >You can't help but feel a little creeped out.
  650. >"Yes! I know how I can still be with him!"
  651. "How?"
  652.  
  653. >>
  654. >Be Fluttershy.
  655. >"Um, hello. I'd like to sign up for the guard. I-if thats okay."
  656. >The recruiter narrows his eyes and tilts his head, leaning forward on his desk.
  657. >"...Huh?"
  658.  
  659.  
  660. >>
  661. >"Dude I can't believe we're about to get a new lieutenant."
  662. "Yeah."
  663. >"Its so dumb! Everything always runs better when officers AREN'T involved!"
  664. "Yeah..."
  665. >Within the large halls of Canterlot castle you now reside.
  666. >Your first duty station.
  667. >The mid-day sun shines brightly through the large, tall, arching windows that stretch from the ground to towering near the ceiling.
  668. >The entire room was lit brightly just through natural sunlight.
  669. >Between the windows lining the walls, banners of Celestia's and Luna's cutie marks hung proudly.
  670. >The conversations of various groups of guards ponies sitting at their tables, eating their meals echoed prominently throughout.
  671. >Would be a liar if you said it didn't make you feel kinda good.
  672. >Maybe its true that humans are naturally social creatures that need to be with others in order to be happy.
  673. >You are, of course, as before, Anon.
  674. >Sitting in the chow hall with your buddies lamenting the fact that your receiving a new platoon commander.
  675. >And a brand new lieutenant at that.
  676. >They probably got lost on land-nav and found their way to your unit.
  677. "Look at it this way boys," You take sip of the carton of Celestia approved juicy juice beside your tray, "at least now..."
  678. >You sit and think for a minute.
  679. "Nevermind, this sucks."
  680. >You had been in the fleet only a month and some change.
  681. >Boot camp was complete ass.
  682. >You had half a mind that, because ponies are ponies, it would be a total breeze compared to what it is in your world.
  683. >But, no.
  684. >They had you waking up at 7am!!
  685. >AND only getting one scoop of ice-cream in the chow hall during lunch.
  686. >Fucking bullshit.
  687. >Now, however, in the fleet; things are more relaxed as far as disciplinary actions go.
  688. >Even the initial hazing you get from the more senior enlisted guards is kind of...
  689. >Odd?
  690.  
  691. >>
  692. >"Okay, /human/, you're gonna eat this WHOLE ass tub of ice-cream and drink this extra fizzy soda before the timer runs out!" The angry, stocky corporal says, slamming a small hourglass on the table in front of you.
  693. "...What?"
  694. >"The whole thing, horseshoe!!" Another fires back.
  695. >Within your room, three of your platoons NCOs attempt to "haze" you.
  696. >Using the term "horseshoe" to address you as a way of saying, "you're new and still have to earn your place".
  697. >When they brought in the two liter of soda and a tub of ice-cream, you thought they were gonna make you paint your body with the shit and make you run up and down the halls yelling something stupid.
  698. >No.
  699. >They just want you to eat it all.
  700. >In a time limit.
  701. >Just play along. They're cute in their innocents.
  702. "Wait, guys please! I can't possibly eat it all!!" You give a desperate look, "This is impossible!"
  703. >They laugh.
  704. >"Well you better figure it out and make it bucking disappear!"
  705.  
  706. >>
  707. >Never had a tummy ache so bad...
  708. >In your little corner of the chow hall your group sat and ate.
  709. >It was you, and two other acquaintances from your boot camp platoon that got stationed in the same place.
  710. >Your Drill instructors damn near shat bricks when they found out your first duty station was going to be a comfy one.
  711. >They had your face inside of a toilet for a whole fifteen minutes that night.
  712. >Brightwing, a tall fairly skinny Pegasus with a light grey mane and a dark blue coat with yellow eyes.
  713. >Hes great at flying, even better at running.
  714. >Also can't lift a weight to save his life.
  715. >Damn lanky bastard.
  716. >Can't really hold his cider either.
  717. >Fucker gets wasted and starts crying about his dead puppy from his childhood only 3 ciders in.
  718. >And what is basically his polar opposite in terms of physical stature, Sandrock.
  719. >A sturdy Earth pony with legs that would make AppleJack blush.
  720. >His dark brown coat, black mane, and grey eyes matched his rugged Earth pony physique.
  721. >Not quite as tall as Brightwing, he still stood at least an inch taller then some of the other guards.
  722. >Needless to say he was probably considered a "Chad" amongst the other stallions in his hometown.
  723. >He was always cool with you, though.
  724. >With Sandrock directly across the long, yet somewhat narrow rectangular table from you, and Brightwing at your side, your conversation carried on.
  725. >"I also heard that we have to have a formation before close out today so the new LT can show face." Said Brightwing.
  726. >"Bright," Sandrock chimes in, "we have formation at the end of /every/ day."
  727. "Well, yeah. But now it actually means something instead of the typical, 'hey, show-up time is the same as yesterday, don't be late blah blah blah..."
  728. >They both nod.
  729. >You reach across the table to grab salt for your hay fries which, to your surprise, taste pretty darn good.
  730. >They may give you the Hershey squirts, but hey.
  731. >Food is food.
  732. >The chainmail of your armor chinks and chanks against the table's edge as you do so.
  733. >You hadn't been issued standard bright golden armor like the rest of your platoon.
  734. >The workers at the supply place had told you that chainmail, an undergarment with leather boots, and a tabard depicting Celestia's cutie mark would suffice.
  735. >But, "Whatever!" you said as it was given, "It still looks pretty cool."
  736. >Didn't quite protect against the jabs from lance training in basic as well as the plate armor the other recruits got but, having thumbs and arms proved more then a good enough trade off.
  737. >Stupid fuckers never been jabbed so good.
  738. >Heh heh...
  739. >Can still feel the rubber tips of those damn things poking into your midsection.
  740. >"Whatever," Brightwing says, finishing off the last bites of his standard issue chow hall slop, "Hopefully this new LT doesn't have a whole long winded speech to give once we see them."
  741. >You and Sandrock nod in agreement.
  742. "Well  lets be real here," you bite into another couple of fries, "you know they will. And it will totally suck."
  743. >Brightwing sighs, while Sandrock continues to finish off whats left over of his own meal.
  744. >"Anypony know what we got going on this afternoon before the formation?" Sandrock asks.
  745. "Yeah I think we have lance training."
  746. >"Yes!" Brightwing says, excitedly, "I love lance training!"
  747. >"Yeah," Sandrock swallows the last of his food, "Because you're all tall'n what-not, with your further reach then half the platoon!"
  748. >Brightwing smirks.
  749. >"Yeah okay but my height still doesn't do much when we have an ape who literally towers over the whole platoon!"
  750. "Hey, HEY!" You burp, "Don't get mad because I have good genetics."
  751. >"Aw up yours." Sandrock says, rolling his eyes.
  752. >You all share a laugh.
  753. >Although your time with these two ponies outside of basic has been short, they've been good friends.
  754. >Far superior then what you're accustomed too back in Ponyville.
  755. >Where seemingly every "friend" you had was female and seemingly sex crazed at least once a week.
  756. >And then there was the yellow one...
  757. >Some mornings before physical training formation, you'd think you heard a knock at your door in the barracks.
  758. >Making you shudder and shake under your blankets...
  759. >Of course, you know not to answer the door anytime you hear it due to the fact that each time you do manage to muster the courage to do so, no one is there.
  760. >Thankfully.
  761. >Fluttershy's constant rape attempts may have given you some mild form of PTSD.
  762. >"Hey-hey, new guys!"
  763. >Your squad leader walks over, carrying his empty tray to the collection bin at the far left end of the room.
  764. >Sergeant Eagle-eye. Renowned in your company for his skills with a bow.
  765. >Fitting considering his cutie mark is literally an arrow hitting a target.
  766. >His build was fairly typical amongst the guards ponies here.
  767. >Average sized and grey coated with a purple mane and green eyes.
  768. >He was more chill then the Corporals, at least.
  769. >Sergeants usually are.
  770. >"You horseshoes ready to get /beat/ this afternoon??"
  771. "Sergeant, believe me when I say I have PUH-LENTY of training gripping and beating someone with a long hard pole."
  772. >You laugh, looking at Brightwing and Sandrock for some support laughter to make your joke funny.
  773. >They look at you, wondering what you just said.
  774. >Sergeant Eagle-eye tilts his head, as does Sandrock and Brightwing.
  775. >Fucking ponies.
  776. >"What?" He says in confusion.
  777. "N-nevermind..."
  778. >He shakes his head and continues walking away.
  779. >"I swear they get weirder every year..." He mutters to himself.
  780. >"You uhh, you good, Anon?" Brightwing asks, getting up from the table.
  781. "Dude lets just get today the fuck over with."
  782. >"Right." Sandrock says, getting up as well.
  783. >You follow in turn, organizing the trash on your tray to make the lives of the chow hall workers just a tad easier.
  784. "Lets go."
  785. >The three of you take your trays and leave them at the shelf, where one of the chow hall ponies takes them and cleans them off.
  786. >"I gotta make sure my training spear is clean." Sandrock says, as you make your way down the halls back to the barracks, "Hey Brightwing, can you help me clean the shaft?"
  787. >You snicker.
  788. >"Yeah sure!" He agrees, hastily, "But only if you spot me after I get done with yours."
  789. "God damnit..." You try to hold back your laughter.
  790. >"Hey Anon," Brightwing chirps your name, "You want us to help get your shaft clean too?"
  791. "Pfft!" You snicker and giggle at the notion.
  792. >The stone walls and marble floors carrying your voice as you haplessly attempt to withhold your laughter.
  793. >"Whats so funny?" Sandrock asks.
  794. >"I dunno, hes a weird guy- oh! We should probably polish the tips also!"
  795. "Oh fuck!!" You laugh even harder As other guards ponies walk buy.
  796. >These ponies are so damn naïve that its makes this all the funnier.
  797. >"Hey guys."
  798. >"Staff Sergeant! Good afternoon." Sandrock responds for the three of you as you snap back into professional mode.
  799. >Staff Sergeant Phalanx.
  800. >A fairly large earth pony with a white coat, gold mane, and blue eyes. Fairly typical looking for a guard really.
  801. >Roughly the size of Sandrock only with years of experience and training under his belt.
  802. >"You three are trackin' we got lance practice out in the training fields this afternoon, right?"
  803. "Yes, Staff Sergeant."
  804. >"Good. And make sure your equipment is good'n clean too. I don't need my new guards' gear to be all messed up."
  805. >"Yes Staff Sergeant!" You all respond in unison.
  806. >"And you," He points you out, "I know your armor is a bit different then the others but don't let that make you think you can show up to any of my formations looking jacked up. You better make sure the links in that chainmail is squared away, got it?"
  807. "Yes, Staff Sergeant!"
  808. >"If any of your gear is messed up always remember you can go to supply for a re-issue."
  809. >You nod.
  810. >The senior enlisted taps his chin.
  811. >"Oh, right. The lance training this afternoon. Now remember to have your rods clean, pay attention to every inch of the shaft..."
  812. >Oh god.
  813. >"Get nice'n deep with your polishing."
  814. >No...
  815. >Your eye begins to twitch.
  816. >"Also, pay attention to the base of the spear as well. Don't just get the top and mid section..."
  817. "Nn..."
  818. >Oh god please stop...
  819. >"Rub all the way and up down to take care of the whole thing." He says, making a rubbing motion with his hooves.
  820. >"Yes, Staff Sergeant." Brightwing replies.
  821. >At this point, it took all you had not to lose your bearing and bust into laughter again.
  822. >A bead of sweat formed and began making its way down your face.
  823. >"You nervous there, human?"
  824. "N-No, Staff Sergeant just..." you take deep breath, "anxious about getting out on the field is all."
  825. >"Good! I look forward to seeing what you guys can do. And remember, if you cry, make sure it isn't for more then only four minutes, trackin'?"
  826. >"No problem, Staff Sergeant!" Sandrock says.
  827. >"Alright, take it easy until then."
  828. >He takes his leave.
  829. >You bend over, leaning down on your knees.
  830. "God damnit..." You say, panting.
  831. >"Dude, do you need to see a doc?" Sandrock asks.
  832. "No dude." You giggle, "I'm good. Oh fuck... lets get to our rooms and... polish our spears."
  833. >You laugh again, carrying on the whole way back.
  834. >Much to Sandrock's and Brightwing's mixed confusion.
  835.  
  836. >>
  837. >Later that afternoon...
  838. >In the lance training field you stand in formation.
  839. >Standing at parade rest in the hot ass sun. Left arm behind your back, spear in your right and out at your side, base touching the toe of your boots, with your feet shoulder width apart.
  840. >Awaiting the arrival of your platoon sergeant as well as the instructors.
  841. >Various training dummies and target stands stand in rows at the edges of the castle walls surrounding the yard, roughly thirty meters long and twenty meters wide.
  842. >You sigh and wiggle around your toes every now again to make sure you don't pass out.
  843. >There is a solid stream of sweat traveling down your back and to your ass crack, creating a minor ecosystem around your crotch.
  844. >Fuck.
  845. >Shouldn't be much longer, hopefully.
  846. >Especially considering you've been standing here already for an hour.
  847. >The Corporal at the front of the formation sighs, sweat running down his face and neck.
  848. >No doubt hating it just as much as the rest of you.
  849. >He looks left. Then right.
  850. >"Okay, screw this." He shakes his head, "Platoon! Ahhten-TION!"
  851. >You all snap to attention.
  852. >You could almost hear the moistness of your thighs slap tightly together.
  853. >"When you receive the command, fall out, and just hang out in the general area to await training. Don't do anything stupid and don't try to sneak off back to your rooms! FALLOUT!"
  854. >With the command to do so, the formation breaks apart and everyone finds a place to relax and wait.
  855. >"Can't believe they cancelled nap time for this." Sandrock says, walking over to you and Brightwing.
  856. >Due to his height (and yours), Brightwing and you would always have to be at the opposite end of the formation to where Sandrock was.
  857. >Uniformity and all that shit.
  858. >Tallest at the front, with the more vertically challenged ponies in the back.
  859. >Sandrock always found himself somewhere in the middle.
  860. >Sucks.
  861. >But, oh well. At least now you three can find a nice spot in the shade under a tree or something and chill.
  862.  
  863. >>
  864. >"Hey." Brightwing asks.
  865. "Yeah?"
  866. >"You ever wonder why we're here?"
  867. "No. Shutup."
  868. >"Well fine..."
  869. >Your little trio sat under a shaded spot underneath a tree near the edge of the training ground.
  870. >Contemplating life and discussing conspiracy theories about how griffons are responsible for all the wars in the world.
  871. >Or, despite the fact that yaks are only thirteen percent of the equestrian population, they're responsible for over fifty percent of the violent crimes.
  872. >Although that one is hardly a conspiracy.
  873. >Fucked up world...
  874. >"Well if you ask me," Sandrocks chimes in, "Celestia should just build a wall. A great big wall around the dragonlands AND make them pay for it!"
  875. "Yeah, yeah!" You nod in agreement.
  876. >"Wait," Bright interrupts, "Dragons can fly."
  877. >You and Sandrock look at each other.
  878. "Ho-oh shit hes right."
  879. >"Dang."
  880. "Listen guys, regardless of flying or being more prone to violent crimes, the most important thing is that the pony gene pool isn't diluted."
  881. >"If I ever saw one of my family members with anything other then another pony," Sandrock goes on, "I'd make sure they knew /exactly/ how I felt about it."
  882. >"Yup." Brightwing agrees.
  883. >They both nod.
  884. >Gotta admit, alot of guard ponies are pretty damn based.
  885. >Its nice.
  886. >Suppose its typical considering they enlisted to defend the homeland and all that shit.
  887. >Naturally they'd be more in the aisle of what a typical hard conservative would think.
  888. >Your reason, of course, were selfish as fuck.
  889. >"Anon?" Sandrock grabs your attention.
  890. "Yo."
  891. >"I wouldn't be mad if you married a mare. Y'know." He shrugs, "You seem pretty well enough."
  892. >"Yeah!" Brightwing says, agreeing, "Dude! We should go out in town this weekend and find Anon a hot local pony!"
  893. "Fellas, fellas. Its fine, honestly."
  894. >Damnit these little fuckers are making you feel...
  895. >They really like you.
  896. >"Oh c'mon!" Brightwing throws his foreleg around your shoulder, "It'll be fun! We'll hit up a few bars, a few diners- oh! Mares love a stallion in uniform!"
  897. >"Heck yeah they do!!" Sandrock agrees, getting excited.
  898. >"We'll go out in uniform, you'll have on your tabard, mares will walk up to you and be like 'oh wow! So exotic!'"
  899. "Guys, seriously." You wave your hand, "Its fine."
  900. >They look at each other, then back at you.
  901. >"Anon?" Sandrock asks, "Are you..." He twirls his hoof, "Y'know..."
  902. >Your eyes narrow.
  903. "Am I what?"
  904. >"Y-y'know!" Brightwing says, nervously, "Are you uhh... playing the /other/ field?"
  905. "God damnit!!"
  906. >"Hey whoa, we're just asking!"
  907. "No! Fuckers!"
  908. >"Well jeez!" Sandrock throws his hooves up, "We just found it odd that in basic you would never talk about any marefreinds back home or anything. Some of us were suspicious from the start."
  909. "What the fu-" You shake your head, "Why??"
  910. >"Dude you're from Ponyville! Thats like hot mare central!" Brightwing says, "Wouldn't mind spending a night with that Element of Harmony, Rainbow Dash."
  911. >He bites his lip.
  912. >"Mm!" He looks up, "Damn she looks good in that tight Wonderbolts uniform."
  913. >"Dude." Sandrock says, "I want a night with Pinkie Pie." He growls, "Would love to them flanks bouncing on me!"
  914. "Fuck sake..." You facepalm.
  915. >"Also not to mention, a lot more mares in this world then stallions. Not hard to find a nice girl to be with." Sandrock says, resting his head on his forehoof.
  916. >God what you'd give to get out of this horribly awkward conversation right now.
  917. >Fucking ANYTHING.
  918. >("Hey! Get over here horseshoes!")
  919. >Ask and ye shall receive!
  920. >Guess its training time.
  921. "Oh shit listen to that, Corporals' calling us over. Lets continue this conversation /never/."
  922. >They look at each other and shrug, getting up with you and running over.
  923. >To your surprise, the instructors hadn't arrived yet.
  924. >Neither was any of your leadership here.
  925. >But, standing before your group, stood another group.
  926. "Bravo company..." You whisper with a tinge of hatred under your breath.
  927. >Bravo. The rival company to yours, Charlie.
  928. >They attempt to undermine and out-drink you at the barracks every weekend.
  929. >Not to mention, they have life so easy...
  930. >They almost NEVER do PT in the morning!
  931. >These cocksuckers are always making a mess in the barracks common areas and never cleaning up after themselves, either.
  932. >Fucking assholes.
  933. >"Well well well, Charlie boys." Their platoon guide speaks up.
  934. >Corporal Darkmane. A true asshole...
  935. >The Bravo Corporal stood in front of his assortment of guards with a smug expression.
  936. >He sported a light purple coat with a dark blue mane and teal eyes.
  937. >Made him easy to pick out from the rest of his company who looked to be a copy paste of the same white coated, blond mane'd pony done about fifteen times.
  938. >Come to think of it most of yours was too.
  939. >Huh...
  940. >"Looks like you were given the wrong time hack." He breathes on the shoulder plate of his armor, rubs it with his hoof, and continues on. "Whats wrong? Can't your NCOs give you accurate word anymore? Or has Charlie company just let it's discipline go since they let aliens join their ranks?"
  941. >He points to you.
  942. >Searching for an appropriate response...
  943. >Searching.
  944. >Searching...
  945. >Found.
  946. "Yeah? Well thats just like, your opinion man."
  947. >Nailed it.
  948. >"Anon, chill." Your own Corporal stops you, "What I don't get; is why, if you had the RIGHT word, didn't you give one of us a heads up so we wouldn't be out here like a bunch of idiots? Or does Bravo only lookout for itself because you're all blue falcons?"
  949. >"Oh we saw you." He chuckles, "Buuut we figured standing out in the sun would do you guys some good. You guys need the discipline."
  950. >"WE need the discipline?" he scans the rival company from left to right, "This it then? /The/ Bravo company? A few turds and a couple of chariot runners?"
  951. >"At least they trust us with chariots!!" One of the Bravo guards fires back.
  952. "Only because you shitbags can't be trusted with anything WORTH being trusted with!"
  953. >Your whole company "ooos" in response to your sick burn.
  954. >"Oh that does it!!" The Darkmane shouts, "In this chosen training ground, we settle for GOOD AND ALL! Who will hold sway over the barracks? US, Bravo? Pride of the battalion! Or the fillies defiling it!"
  955. >"YEAHHH!!"
  956. >They all cheer.
  957. >"We accept your challenge!" Your corporal responds in kind, "You turds attempt haze our horseshoes at every turn, but NO MORE! From now on, any hoof from Bravo company that tries to talk smack to one of us, will be swiftly knocked the BUCK OUT!!"
  958. >"RAHHHH!!!" Your company cheers.
  959. >"Then may Celestia guide my hoof, against your garrison shit-baggery!" Darkmane cries out in response.
  960. >"Prepare to face," Your Corporal grips his spear, "the true guards!!"
  961. >Both parties charge at one another, letting out a fierce battle cry as they do so. Sending all manner of hooves, and armor pieces flying all over because no one bothered to properly secure their armor down.
  962. "Lets get'em!"
  963. >You're confronted by two randos from Bravo, both of whom, smirk as they know they have a numerical advantage.
  964. "Oh... you think you can take me??" You boast, pointing to yourself like you're actually someone important.
  965. >They both nod and ready to charge.
  966. "Fools!" You raise your spear to they heavens, "ALLFATHER ODIN! MASTER OF IKEAAAA!"
  967. >The duo look at each other in concern, standing their ground awaiting what comes next.
  968.  
  969. >>
  970. >Meanwhile, overhead the training grounds of the castle, a group of Pegasi move an assortment of storm clouds into place for a rain shower.
  971. >They thunder with jolts of lightning crackling out from them as they mass.
  972.  
  973. >>
  974. "Grant me the power to grind these puny pastel ponies to dust!!"
  975. >You shout and shake your head in a horrifical display of madness.
  976. >The clouds themselves gathered and roared with fury as lightning crackled across the sky as you point your lance upward.
  977. >The two ponies standing before you could not believe their eyes.
  978. "Feel the fury!!" You slowly step closer to them, as they freeze in fear.
  979. >No doubt seeing an alien twice their size call upon his gods and act insane while storm clouds gather overhead is quite terrifying to a tiny horsie.
  980. "Of..."
  981. >Lightning crackles with a thunderous sound, sending a white flash across the field where the brawl ensued.
  982. >You point to one of them, as his partner slowly backs away.
  983. "BOOP!"
  984. >You boop the pony.
  985. >*thud*
  986. >Who, caught completely off guard, passes out from the sheer intensity of the feeling of being violated so.
  987. "Well I'll be damned." You look at your finger, then to the sky.
  988. >The clouds begin to dissipate.
  989. "What...?"
  990.  
  991. >>
  992. >"You featherbrains!" The weather captain says, yelling at the group of Pegasi, "The rainclouds go over there!!"
  993. >"Sorry boss..."
  994.  
  995. >>
  996. "That was... pretty badass."
  997. >"You monster!!" His friend cries out, jumping at you and knocking you over.
  998. >He gets you in an arm lock as your lance is knocked loose from your grip and sent skittering across the ground and well out of reach.
  999. "You aint shit, YOU AINT SHIT!!" You cry in defiance.
  1000. >All around was utter chaos, various guards ponies fighting tooth and hoof.
  1001. >Some even going as far to give... Indian burns.
  1002. >Savages.
  1003. >"Hold on, Anon!" Sandrock arrives, easily hoisting the pony off you and tossing him aside.
  1004. "Ha-hah!"
  1005. >You take his hoof in your hand and get back to your feet.
  1006. >Only for the both of you to be sucker punched in the back of the head by two other Bravo ponies, knocking you too the ground.
  1007. >You recover, rubbing your head.
  1008. >Seeing your lance laying on the ground, you make a leap for it, but not before your legs are caught by one of the sucker puncher fuckers.
  1009. "Oy! Lemme go I say"!
  1010. >"Anon??" Sandrock says, wrestling the other guard, "What happened to your voice??"
  1011. "Dees cuntbag is troyin' te keep me from me spear he is! LEMME GO YA VAGINA!!"
  1012. >You lift your legs and vigorously shake them about, to no avail.
  1013. >The pony was latched onto you like glue.
  1014. "Don't make me do it, DON'T MAKE ME DO IT!!"
  1015. >He doesn't budge, squeezing tightly around your legs.
  1016. >You turn and sit upright, going straight for his belly with a relentless assault of [spoiler]tickling.[/spoiler]
  1017. >"Ah! Ahahahaha! S-stop it!"
  1018. "You brought this on yourself," You say, condemning the pony's actions, "I did not ask for this!!"
  1019.  
  1020. >>
  1021. >"I'm sorry the check-in process took so long, ma'am." Phalanx says to the newly acquired lieutenant.
  1022. >"Oh you don't need to worry. I enjoyed the view from the check-in station tower."
  1023. >"Glad to hear. Well, The troops have been waiting for us for a good while now, would you like to meet them?"
  1024. >"Oh, of course!"
  1025. >"They should be at the training fields conducting lance training at the moment, perfect opportunity to introduce yourself."
  1026. >"Okay." She replies happily.
  1027.  
  1028. >>
  1029. "I ain't sayin' shit!"
  1030. >"You will if you know whats good for you, freak!!"
  1031. >You lye on your stomach, three ponies on top of you, two holding down your arms while the third holds one of your legs.
  1032. >They were trying, and failing to find out how you literally booped a guard into unconsciousness.
  1033. >All's fair in love, war, and brawls between rival companies...
  1034. >"Don't tell them nothing, Anon!" Brightwing calls out, crossing spears with another Pegasus in mid air.
  1035. >"If you won't willingly talk..." one of the ponies holding your arms says, "Then we'll force you!"
  1036. >He licks his hoof as your eyes open wide, knowing whats coming.
  1037. >"Last chance, human!"
  1038. "Stick that hoof up your ass!"
  1039. >He jams his saliva covered hoof in your ear, giving a sloppy wet willy.
  1040. "Hnggggggahh!!"
  1041. >They laugh at your misery as your ear is jam packed with pony spit.
  1042. "I'll get you for this!!"
  1043. >"Talk or we'll do the other one!"
  1044. >Your ear was slowly devolving from a lukewarm, slimy feel to a cold, viscous feeling as the breeze blew by and cooled the spit.
  1045. "You'll pay for this you bastards!!"
  1046. >You struggle against your captors as they cackle like hyenas.
  1047. >Amongst all the commotion and debauchery, not a single guard notices the gates to the training grounds open.
  1048. >And of all ponies, out walks Phalanx. With the new officer in tow.
  1049. >"What the hell...?" He says, gazing at the blundering fools that rustled and tussled before him.
  1050. >"Oh... oh my." The officer says, watching the scene unfold.
  1051. >One of the guards lumbers toward the two of them in a daze, covered in dirt and mud.
  1052. >Seeing the officer's rank insignia upon her shoulder plate, he immediately salutes and then passes out on the ground.
  1053. >"Oh my," She giggles, "Carry on." She says, gleefully.
  1054. >Staff Sergeant Phalanx covers his face in his foreleg and shakes his head.
  1055. >"These troops..." He mutters, "ALL OF YOU LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW!!"
  1056. >The fighting comes to un abrupt stop as the familiar voice calls out.
  1057. >Like a group of deer caught in a headlight, you all look in horror at who you've been caught by.
  1058. "Oh fuck its Staff Sergeant and..." Your expression turns from dismay to shock and horror.
  1059. >"Whoa man check it out," Brightwing says, landing next to you, "is that the new LT? She is smokin' hot!"
  1060. >"You knuckleheads!" He cries out, angrily. A vein the size of a tree trunk running up his neck, "I can't even count on you stupids not to make a scene for a single afternoon?? What kind of an impression does that set for the standard of the company, much less the entire battalion??"
  1061. >You all look at each other, still somewhat in disbelief that you've been caught with your pants down.
  1062. >"ALL OF YOU DO PUSHUPS NOW!!"
  1063. >Everyone drops and begins pushing, save for you. Still looking on in a whirling, raging storm of disbelief, confusion, and fear.
  1064. >For the pony wearing the pristine and gleaming silver armor, with the rank insignia of a brand new lieutenant that stood next to the seething Staff Sergeant, was none other then the one who you sought to escape.
  1065. >"Private Anon!! That means you too!"
  1066. "No..."
  1067. >"Hello, Anon!" Fluttershy waves happily, "Oh, uhm, or should I say, Private Anonymous." She giggles.
  1068. >"Private Anon, you better drop with the rest of your brothers or I swear to Celestia!"
  1069. >"Anon!" Sandrock whispers, "drop down dude! Don't get in more trouble!"
  1070. >You stood there still in shock.
  1071. "No!" You fall backward on your ass, "NO GOD DAMNIT NO!!"
  1072. >Fluttershy hovers over to you, floating over your head as you lay back, still in a state of shock.
  1073. >"You better do your push-ups mister!" She gets closer, "You wanna keep that body strong~." She whispers.
  1074. "Nooo..." You whine, as you slowly begin to weep.
Fluttershy Flutterrape Anon Discord Twilight Sparkle Rarity Guard ponies

Anon joins the guard (WIP)

by Mshakezilla

Dash's orders

by Mshakezilla

Pinkie's time

by Mshakezilla

Doctor's orders

by Mshakezilla

Lessons in the way of Horsiery

by Mshakezilla