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It's Always Sunny in Fillydelphia (By Anon)

By afterpaste
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-10-24 22:59:05
Expiry: Never
anonromancecute/pie/g5sunny starscoutizzy moonbowzipp stormpipp petals

  1. Binned for whenever the writefag wants to comeback to it - https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/36732361/#q36743317
  2.  
  3. >This was a bad idea. God! What were you thinking?
  4. >You rub your arm nervously.
  5. >You could just go home. It’s not too late.
  6. >Passerby’s give you looks, which isn’t so weird. You’re pacing, and fidgeting like someone who’s lookout for a major crime.
  7. >Well, the truth isn’t so exciting.
  8. >You’re actually here to meet someone you met off “Bronylove”. Yeah. That website. All the people you’ve met there were either trannies claiming to be women, or faggots, thinking they could convert you like James Charles, so what makes this different?
  9. >They said they were an actual pony. Your mundane curiosity couldn’t pass it up.
  10. >You were hoping to make a hilarious video out of it, but now you’re having second thoughts.
  11. >What if they’re some deranged furry? Or a faggot?
  12. >What’s the difference, amirite guys?
  13. >”Excuse me?”
  14. >Fuck! Maybe you should call this off-
  15. >Excuse me!! Are you Anon?”
  16. >A cute voice that sounds like a black voice actress calls to you.
  17. “Huh?”
  18. >A small horse is standing in front of you, with an approachable smile.
  19. >”Hi! Are you Anon?”
  20.  
  21. >You blink a few times.
  22. “A-are you a pony?”
  23. >She giggles.
  24. >”Yup!”
  25. “No, like, are you a REAL pony??”
  26. >”Are YOU a real anon?”
  27. >You’re feeling like a real jackass right now. What’s really strange is that people are walking by, not even paying heed to the fact a talking pony is standing here speaking to you.
  28. >She tilts her head in confusion.
  29. >”Are you okay?”
  30. “Uh...yeah. I’m just... I was caught off-guard is all.”
  31. >”Oh? By what?”
  32. “That you’re a po-“
  33. >Stop. Don’t say that Anon. Just go with the flow!
  34. “That you’re a real cutie! I never knew someone so charming was on that site!”
  35. >”!”
  36. >She lets out a small hiccup of surprise, her coat turning darker in blush.
  37. >Is it really that easy?
  38. >”H-heh! Thanks! So we met. What now?”
  39. >Good question. Normally, you would’ve hurled expletives at whatever twilight sparkle wig wearing nigger showed up right about now. You never expected an actual waifuable mare to actually appear.
  40. “I-I dunno. Would you like to get something to eat?”
  41. >She clips her hooves together cutely.
  42. >”That sounds great! Can we get sushi??”
  43. >Isn’t that eaten with...?
  44. >You look at her hooves.
  45. >”?”
  46. “But how will you-uhm...that is your-uh...”
  47. >”How will I what?”
  48. “...It’s nothing. Let’s get going.”
  49.  
  50. >This is weird. SUPER weird.
  51. >You’re walking with a pony down the street, and no one seems to care. Are you suddenly Johnny Bravo, or did PiE happen while you were sleeping?
  52. >”Do you also smell burning copper?”
  53. >You stop thinking for your sake and her nostrils.
  54. >Just in time to reach the sushi spot “pound the tuna”. Subtle.
  55. >”I can’t wait! This is gonna be so yummy!”
  56. >She trots in place. It’s really cute.
  57. “Let’s go inside then.”
  58. >You hold the door for your equine date to walk in, half-expecting someone to say something about “no pets” or something, but, it’s as if she’s a regular person.
  59. >You choose a seat at the far end of the bar, in front of a large octopus tentacle.
  60. >Gross.
  61. >”That’s looks tasty!”
  62. “Really? I thought that-“
  63. >You’re afraid of making any animal-related assumptions. You’re doing what no anon on /mlp/ or elsewhere for that matter has managed to do, and the last thing you want to do is screw it up. How would they react to you taking a pony other than your waifu on a date? They can’t possibly hold this against you! It’s a REAL waifu!
  64. >Sunny touches your arm.
  65. >”It’s okay. You’re curious about my anatomy, right? I won’t be offended!”
  66. “R-really?”
  67. >”Nope! Can I ask you about your body too?’OOH! It’ll be like those Twilight Sparkle meets a human greens!”
  68. >Wait a sec.
  69. “Greens? You read green texts?”
  70. >”Duh! I love greentexts! They’re so fun, and racy!”
  71. >What the hell is happening??
  72. “So you’re not from Equestria?”
  73. >”Maybe when I’ve drank the magic bleach.”
  74. >You slap your head in disbelief.
  75. >”I-is something wrong?”
  76. “N-no! Not at all...Then where are you from?”
  77. >She looks around.
  78. >”Sp-spoilers Anon...”
  79. “Right, right...”
  80. >Ypu think of what she can answer, when the chef interrupts you.
  81. >”irasshaimase! What can I get for the lovely couple today?”
  82. >She blushes playing with her hooves.
  83. “Uh. Can I get your Fatty Tuna, and the Eel?”
  84. >You look at Sunny, who’s still sheepishly toying with her hooves.
  85. “Sunny.”
  86. >”H-HUH?”
  87. “Your order?”
  88. >”R-right! Can I have the spring roll, and the octopus...”
  89. >He nods, writing down your orders, before yelling something to someone chopping shrimp in Japanese.
  90. >”H-heheh... he said we’re a couple.”
  91. “You didn’t correct him.”
  92. >She looks at you in surprise, a blush forming on her face.
  93. >”N-neither did you!”
  94. >You shrug.
  95. “I was just following your lead!”
  96. >She squishes her cheeks together.
  97. >”Oh dear. This is a real date, isn’t it?”
  98. “Seems like it.”
  99. >Her eyes turn into cartoony swirls.
  100. >”Pipp said I should expect some “ham planet incel” looking for a quick lay, but-“
  101. >She looks at you out the corner of her eyes.
  102. >”You’re a real gentleman...considering we’re both lurkers of the Chan.”
  103. “Hey, chivalry isn’t dead m’lady. It’s just taking a vacation.”
  104. >That was CRINGE.”
  105. >”That was CRINGE...but cute.”
  106. >The spaghetti slithers back.
  107.  
  108. >Now you blush, and rub the back of your head.
  109. “S-so..I thought horses couldn’t eat meat...?”
  110. >Her radiant smile slowly turns to a disappointed frown.
  111. >”You think I’m a ho-horse?”
  112. “WHA-No I didn’t mean to-“
  113. >”I thought monkeys only ate bananas! WHERE’S YOUR BANANA, MISTER APE?!?”
  114. >Fresh noodles flood from your pockets.
  115. “N-no! I wasn’t trying to—!”
  116. >She smirks sticking her tongue out at you.
  117. >”Just joking.”
  118. “I-huh?”
  119. >She breaks out into ravenous belly laughter.
  120. >”Don’t worry, Anon. Mom’s spaghetti can stay in your tummy!”
  121. >You could die from embarrassment right now.
  122. >”Normally we can’t eat meat. Our digestive systems were made to break down plant matter after all, and since we can’t throw up, it just sits there with all the toxins.”
  123. “Th-then wouldn’t this be dangerous?”
  124. >”I’ll be fine!”
  125. >She puts a hoof to her lips.
  126. >”Are you worried about little ol me...?”
  127. >Oh my god. OH MY GOD. This is flirting! It’s actual FLIRTING. With a PONY.
  128. >”That lull of silence is a bit concerning.”
  129. “Huh-NO! I mean yes!! I’ll protect you always!”
  130. >She gasps, blushing for the third time today.
  131. >”Th-this isn’t some m-moon rune anime, s-silly.”
  132. >You both can’t even meet each other’s gaze, out of shyness.
  133. >The clattering of your plates being sat down breaks the stalemate of awkwardness thankfully.
  134. “Oh this looks good.”
  135. >”I can’t wait to dig in!”
  136. >You part your chopsticks, realizing something.
  137. >How is she gonna eat? Is she gonna just eat it, pony style with her mouth?
  138. >You look over at Sunny.
  139. >She’s admiring the food at first. Then she looks at the chopsticks still nestled in their paper pouch.
  140. >She puts a hoof on top of them and-
  141. *KREEEESH*
  142. >You turn to see that a newfag chef just dropped a stack of plates, and is getting karate chopped on his forehead by his boss.
  143. >You turn back to Sunny, who’s wiping her mouth with a napkin, her plate already cleaned.
  144. “What?! How did you—?”
  145. >”Get on my level Anon.”
  146. >You just shake your head, thinking it’s better to just not think about it.
  147. “So-“
  148. >”Sooooo...?”
  149. “Do you do this a lot? Meet up with strangers online?”
  150. >”Once or twice. It gets really awkward though.”
  151. “How so?”
  152. >”Well...one guy said “You’re not Izzy, but I’ll let you suck me off.” I mean really?! Who talks to girls like that?!”
  153. >You’re almost shocked, but if she’s meeting others anons from Bronylove, crippling autism is to be expected.
  154. >”The other guy just begged to suck on my “ponut”. I ran away from him. Good thing he was super out of shape.”
  155. >Sounds about right.
  156. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
  157. >”It’s okay! At least wine and dine a gal first, amirite?”
  158. “Oh? Like now?”
  159. >”Yeah! Just....like...”
  160. >The current situation dawns on her, forcing another blush attack, for both of you.
  161. >”Uh...are you...into-“
  162. “Joking.”
  163. >”Huh?”
  164. “I just wanted revenge for earlier. Gottie!”
  165.  
  166. >”You’re so mean!”
  167. >You laugh as she pummels you with her remarkably soft hooves.
  168. “Well turnabout is fair play.”
  169. >She puffs her cheeks out, pouting.
  170. “Aw don’t be that way, Sunny. I bought you delicious sushi!””
  171. >”Hrnn..You shouldn’t tease a girl like that. I almost asked something cringeworthy...”
  172. >Your eyes widen in surprise.
  173. >To be honest, it shouldn’t really come as a surprise that another “Anon” wants to know your fetishes, but what if the anon is a pony? Then the dimensions change.
  174. “I don’t think it would have been.”
  175. >She looks away, talking out the side of her mouth.
  176. >”You don’t even know what I was gonna ask.”
  177. “I have an idea.”
  178. >She starts to play with her hooves again.
  179. >”I think we should get outta here. Talking about these things while surrounded by Asian men, and fish is a little-“
  180. “Yeah. Let’s go.”
  181. >After paying an unreasonable amount for a small bit of fish, the two of you stepped into the breezy setting sun.
  182. >You were still quite anxious. Think about it. This is playing out like all your Anon in pony land greentexts. It’s almost like someone is writing it as you go!
  183. >”Y-you know I once read a green about something like this...”
  184. >Seems Sunny had the same thought.
  185. “Yeah? Wh-what happened in it?”
  186. >She gulps, starts to sweat, and giggle uncontrollably.
  187. >”Th-they went back to her place, and....uh...Heeheeheehee...”
  188. >You know what she’s getting at...maybe?
  189. “A-are you saying you wanna...?”
  190. >”What?! NO! Are you...?”
  191. “N-not at all!”
  192. >”B-big X to doubt. I know how much you guys want to breed a pony! I’ve seen the IWTCIRD threads...”
  193. “You’re an anon too, technically!”
  194. >She shuts up at that retort, but starts to laugh.
  195. >”Why’re we getting all flustered for? It’s not like you’re a virgin or something! R-right...?”
  196. “Uh...yeah. I am.”
  197. >Her eyes widen, then quickly she looks away with a weird, embarrassed smirk.
  198. >”M-me too.”
  199. >Despite being outside, you can feel the air getting thick with tension.
  200. >”I’m feeling a little light headed...”
  201. “Are you alright? Do you need water or something?”
  202. >”No. I’ll be fine. It’s not because I’m sick.”
  203. “?”
  204. >She waves a hoof at you.
  205. >”It’s okay. Don’t worry. I’ll tell you another time, but for now, I think I should lay down.”
  206. “So you’re going home?”
  207. >You fight back a frown, she notices.
  208. >”Don’t make that face. We’ll see each other again, right? You can even call me!”
  209. “Can I?”
  210. >She gives you a seductive smile.
  211. >”You better call me every darn DAY.”
  212. >Th-thmp.
  213. >You almost touch your chest in response.
  214. >This is what it means to fall for a pony? A REAL pony? You think of what it would mean to toss your show waifu aside for a real, talking, fetlock having sweetheart like Sunny?
  215. >You exchange numbers, and stand there awkwardly for the next three minutes, both of you refusing to meet the others gaze.
  216.  
  217. “This is it then?”
  218. >”Yep. I guess so.”
  219. >You sigh sadly.”
  220. >Don’t...don’t think this is the last we’ll meet! Like I said, you can call me, and I can brag to Pipp that you were a perfect gentleman!”
  221. “Yeah...”
  222. >”....”
  223. >Sunny gently digs a hoof into the ground.
  224. >”I don’t want it to end either, but if I don’t...”
  225. “What? What’s gonna happen?”
  226. >She rubs the back of her head.
  227. >”Wanna take a picture as a souvenir...?”
  228. “Huh? What does-?”
  229. >”Will you just stop talking, and take the picture? I gotta go!”
  230. “Alright! Geez!”
  231. >She’s definitely a channer. That impatient, mood changing outburst verifies it.
  232. >You take out your cellphone, and get close to Sunny, kneeling down.
  233. “On three~ 1, 2, 3!”
  234. >As you click the button, she quickly gives you a wet horse kiss to the cheek.
  235. “OY!!”
  236. >”That was my patented octopus smooch~”
  237. >She starts to canter off, sticking her tongue out at you playfully.
  238. >You touch your wet cheek, with a blush, and a phony scowl of frustration.
  239. “I swear, no one is never gonna believe this.”
  240. >Well you do have photo evidence of the whole thing! Maybe you shouldn’t show anyone...?
  241. >Those fags don’t need to know waifus are real. Imagine all the sweaty, autistic fags that would comb the net for your Dox, so they can migrate down here to try, and steal Sunny?
  242. >Yeah, nah. Not happening.
  243. >You take your phone, and pull up the picture, wanting to see Sunny’s beautiful face, once more.
  244. “....What...? WAIT WHAT?!?????”
  245. >What type of bullshit is THIS!!
  246.  
  247. >There’s so many questions, and not one answer.
  248. >Was it your imagination?
  249. >Are you awake right now?!
  250. >You pinch your nipple, and twist.
  251. “AGH! What the fuck was I thinking?!”
  252. >You nurse your wounded chest, as a woman, and child pass by giving you an odd look.
  253. >”What’s wrong with that man, mommy?”
  254. >”Shh! He’s on crack. Don’t talk to him or he’ll try to sell us a cheeseburger.”
  255. >Ignoring them, you take your phone out again, and look at the picture.
  256. >You should call Sunny, and ask about this-wait. Did she already know about this? Is that why she was in a hurry to get away?
  257. >You want to call her so bad. Should you?
  258. >You stare at the picture of what was supposed to be a mare sloppily kissing your cheek, is instead a girl-
  259. >A GIRL.
  260. >NO HOOVES-
  261. >-kissing you instead.
  262. >Why does she look like this in the picture? She was a pony up to meet in, and leaving-
  263. >Is this magic? Is it possible it was some dirty thot impersonator who hypnotized you or something? Probably used Kyoka Suigetsu or something.
  264. >A text wouldn’t hurt, right?
  265. >What if it’s not the real number??
  266. >What if you’re in the matrix?! Is this all a simul-
  267. >”Excuse me, sir?”
  268. >A police officer taps your shoulder.
  269. “H-huh?”
  270. >”I’ve been getting complaints about a man talking loudly about ponies in front of the sushi restaurant.”
  271. “Wait, I said all that out loud?”
  272. >The cop scratches his head.
  273. >”Yes. That too.”
  274. “Shit...uh...Please be patient, I have autism.”
  275. >”Uh-huh...Maybe you should get home, son.”
  276. “Y-you too...”
  277. >Embarrassed, you sulk away, still conflicted.
  278.  
  279. >Should you feel disappointed right now, or something else?
  280. >On one hand, a girl kissed you. On the other hand, a GIRLkissed you. Is that >No hooves stuff just plain out meney autism like those guys in /nmp/?
  281. >More than that, you just want answers, and you’re too upset to think straight.
  282. >Retreating back home, you holed up in your room, and immediately hopped on the Chan.
  283. >Sure, the vast majority is filled with reprehensible faggotry, and unyielding autism that frustrates you to the point of tears, but dammit. Those bastards are closer to you than family.
  284. >Logging on, you’re greeted with the usual.
  285. >Fifty shitpost EqG threads featuring Sugarcoat, Shimmer, or the main cast, the usual generals, and threads where the op is asking something so painfully stupid, it actually causes you more pain to ignore it.
  286. “Well. May as well ask the fellas.”
  287. >After replying to a couple stupid questions threads(arguing and getting scruffed more like) you start a thread.
  288. “Are waifus real? If you’ve met one how did you know?”
  289. >You post a Pepe pic as the op. That’s sure to get replies.
  290. “Guess all I can do now is wait.”
  291. >You look at your phone. Still nothing from Sunny. Yet.
  292. >This is a good time to do some research. It’s not creepy! You’re protecting yourself! It’s not like this situation is normal, and you’re not stalking her.
  293. >Time to use your insane detective skills, and resources to find information on this mare.
  294. “Dubba-yew, Dubba-yew, Dubba-yew, dot. Google-dot com.”
  295. >Click.
  296. >You enter the name given to you on Bronylove-
  297. >Sunny Starscout.
  298. “I wonder if that’s her real name?”
  299. >The result that pops up is a Facebook status.
  300. >Pic related.
  301. >You d’aaww at the post, but have to restrain yourself from replying to the last posts. Don’t want to seem like a creepy fuck.
  302. >You’re still at a loss. Others see Sunny as a woman, who’s roleplaying online, while IRL she’s a mare. At least you think so.
  303. “I wonder if anyone posted in my thread?”
  304. >No luck. In fact, it seems like your thread was already archived, thanks to a Corey in Da house raid.
  305. “GODDAMNIT!”
  306. >You lean on the desk, hands on your face.
  307. “This is KILLING me. I need to know!”
  308. >You take out your phone again.
  309. “I’m gonna text her. I have to.”
  310. >aid she asks why you’re doing it so early, you’ll just say, you were seeing if the phone number works.
  311. >A you start forming the message body, your ringtone comes in-
  312. >~ Making my way through the hood sippin' this Yak~Niggas bout to get blown with a mac
  313. Pla-ket-ket-ket-ket~
  314. “Hello...?”
  315. >”You didn’t call me right away~”
  316.  
  317. “S-sunny?”
  318. >”Were you expecting somepony else?”
  319. >You immediately take your pants off for some reason(?).
  320. “N-no! Not at all! I just-“
  321. >Fuck. Calm down.
  322. “I was actually about to text you.”
  323. >”Oh? Maybe I should’ve waited...”
  324. >You decide to tease her a little.
  325. “Yeah. It was filled with all these well-thought, sweet words that would melt your pony heart into a chewy caramel goo...”
  326. >”R-Really?! READ IT TO ME!”
  327. “Can’t. You called me, and the draft was deleted. Darn.”
  328. >”Agh! That’s so LAME!”
  329. >You stifle a chuckle, mentally comparing her reaction to her Facebook post.
  330. >As much as you want to keep teasing her, you need the truth.
  331. “Sunny...I need to ask you a question.”
  332. >”Okay?”
  333. >You take a deep breath.
  334. “Are you a human?”
  335. >”.....”
  336. “......Hello?”
  337. >She’s quiet.
  338. >”Why’re you asking that again?”
  339. “Well...I-“
  340. >You’re a little afraid of her response.
  341. >”Look-The truth is, I’m-“
  342. “You’re...?”
  343. >She sniffles.
  344. >”I’m a changeling.”
  345. “WHAT?!?”
  346. >”Yes! I’m actually a changeling queen.”
  347. “BUT-WHAT-“
  348. >You’re about to have a panic attack.
  349. >”Hahahah! I’m just kidding! Of course I’m a pony! You goofball!”
  350. >After hearing that, you start to settle down.
  351. >”I do have a huge marecock though,”
  352. “.....”
  353. >”Nothing?”
  354. “I didn’t see the problem.”
  355. >”WHAT?!”
  356. “Gotcha back.”
  357. >”....Darnit.”
  358. >The both of you are so gullible.
  359. “Moving on, I ask because of the picture-“
  360. >”Oh that...look...”
  361. >She’s quiet for a bit.
  362. >”It’s really complicated. How about this?
  363. A favor for the truth.”
  364. “A favor?”
  365. >What could she want from you?
  366. >”A friend of mine’s doesn’t think you exist. Let me show you to her, and I’ll show you why your picture came out like it did.”
  367. >This seems convoluted, but you’re not doing anything.
  368. “Okay, I guess. When? Where?”
  369. >”Tomorrow. My place.”
  370. >HER PLACE?!
  371. “Whoa. Are you sure? We just met-“
  372. >”I think it’ll be okay! It’s not like you’re an axe murderer or something, right?”
  373. >You slowly push your axe under your bed with your foot.
  374. “Of course not!”
  375. >”Nice! I’ll text you the addy tomorrow! I’m so excited!”
  376. “Me too. I can’t wait to see you again.”
  377. >”Heehee~”
  378. >She hangs up without warning. Probably because she got so excited.
  379. >You wonder what she’s going to show you. Hopefully, it’s no strange waifu shit, and she’s actually a mass of tentacles in a pony suit.
  380. >Going back to the Chan, you check the archives for your thread, and see there was one post.
  381. “Huh?”
  382. >You check it, and can’t help but grin.
  383. “That little horse...”
  384. >It’s a reply with no words. Just a picture.
  385. >pic related
  386.  
  387. Chapter end
  388.  
  389. >It feels like a dream!
  390. >A real HUSBANDO-tier Anon, for once! He didn’t pet you like an animal, or put his fingers where they don’t belong or anything!
  391. >He was a real gentleman. Nothing like Pipp said!
  392. >You were able to get back home before any “complications” were to happen, after what was easily the best date ever.
  393. >Is he thinking about you, as much as you’re thinking of him?!
  394. >Is it love?!? Is this happening too fast?!
  395. >Since you got home, you’ve been staring at your phone waiting for him to call you. He needs to test the number, right?! You gave him permission!
  396. >You kick your hooves into your puffy bed sheets in barely retrained anticipation.
  397. “Arrgh...what’s taking so long?!”
  398. >”Sunnyyyyyyy~”
  399. >Izzy is in your doorway, bouncing up, and down.
  400. >She gets a skipping start, leaping onto you with a soft “splat”.
  401. “BWAUUGH!”
  402. >You roll around briefly, before getting pinned.
  403. “Izzy! Get off me! This is kinda...gay.”
  404. >You blush, looking away.
  405. >Anon wouldn’t approve of this NTR.
  406. >”Only after you tell me what happened!”
  407. “Hm?”
  408. >She rolls her eyes.
  409. >”Don’t play coooooy~! The meetup! Did he pound the ponut? Mush the maregina? Frolic on the frog?”
  410. >U-unf...
  411. “N-no! We didn’t do any of that!”
  412. >Izzy’s thirsty grin falls into a disappointed frown.
  413. >”You find a human you like, and didn’t even breed him, like a mlp palcomix story?”
  414. >She gets off, letting you sit up.
  415. “Anon isn’t like that. He’s husbando material!”
  416. >”He is? Oh geez. A-are you in...slow Cosby?”
  417. “I don’t know that meme.”
  418. >”She’s asking if you’re in love.”
  419. >Pipp appears in the door this time, wings crossed in front of her like arms.
  420. >You sigh.
  421. >If rent wasn’t so expensive, you wouldn’t live with either of these two horses(well Izzy is okay).
  422. >”So? Was it everything I said?”
  423. >Izzy looks at you, levitating a tennis ball in the air.
  424. “Not at all! He was nice, and sweet! He treated me to dinner, and we laughed, and got to know each other!”
  425. >Pipp isn’t convinced clearly, as she tilts her head to the side.
  426. >”Really? Somehow I doubt that. Are you sure you’re not making it up?”
  427. “I’m not!”
  428. >”Uh huh. I bet you didn’t even meet anyone! You just went out by yourself!”
  429. >You’re starting to get annoyed.
  430. “No! It was Anon!”
  431. >”Yeah! I even cast the disguise spell on her!”
  432. >Pipp waves off Izzy’s claim with a wing.
  433. >”You cast that spell for me when I go to get milk! That doesn’t mean a THING! Think about it Izz. Doesn’t this all sound super convenient? You, and me tried the site too, and met nothing but Cheeto dusted, neck beard momma’s boys!”
  434. >Pipp spat that out with more than a little venom.
  435. >”What makes her different? She’s just an EARTH pony!”
  436. >”Woooooooow.”
  437. “Really? We’re bringing up types now?”
  438. >You, and Izzy’s disapproving glares cause the entitled Pegasus to recoil.
  439. >”W-well-ANON ISN’T REAL! YOU’RE A LIAR!”
  440. >She rushes out the room, childish
  441.  
  442. “HE IS TOO!”
  443. >You ball up your lips, trying not to cry on anger.
  444. >Izzy rubs your back.
  445. >”Don’t listen to her. What’s important is that Anon is real to you.”
  446. “Et tu Izzy?”
  447. >She shrugs.
  448. >”I mean...you met this great guy, and all, but you didn’t rut?”
  449. “Sex isn’t everything.”
  450. >”Just what matters!”
  451. >You can feel your brow furrowed.
  452. “Anon isn’t like that! He’s a good guy!”
  453. >Izzy starts to play with her ball again.
  454. “Grrr.. watch! He’s about to call me!”
  455. >You shove your phone into her face.
  456. >”Okay.”
  457. >You both watch the phone.
  458. >And watch.
  459. >And watch some more.
  460. >”Sunny...”
  461. “Just wait! Any time now.”
  462. >Izzy starts bouncing her ball off the wall.
  463. “.....Any second now.”
  464. >....
  465. >Fifteen minutes pass. Why isn’t he calling?!
  466. >”Sunny, I got things to do, and lewd to draw for the draw thread...”
  467. “No! He’s really real! No cap!”
  468. >”No cap?”
  469. “No cap!”
  470. >Izzy sighs.
  471. “Look! See? Here’s his number!”
  472. >You show her Anon’s contact info.
  473. >She looks at it with squinted eyes.
  474. >”How fo I know that’s not Pizza Hut, or something?”
  475. “Fine! I’ll prove it!”
  476. >You tap his name.
  477. >BRRRRRRRR-
  478. >BRRRRRRRR-
  479. >Izzy looks at you with a cocked eyebrow.
  480. “Pleaaaaassse! Pick up!”
  481. >BRRRRRRRRR-
  482. >*Cl-click*
  483. >”Hmm?”
  484. >You listen along with Izzy.
  485. >”........S-Sunny?”
  486.  
  487. >After an interesting back and forth with Anon, you hung up after your agreement to meet tomorrow.
  488. >You look at Izzy, with your smuggest victory grin.
  489. >Izzy just sits there wide-eyed, mouth agape.
  490. “Well? Does that convince you he’s real?”
  491. >She puts a hoof against her cheek, her bracelet rattling with a soft “clack-clack”.
  492. >”You were for real...oh my god..”
  493. “E-yup!”
  494. >You puff out your chest proudly.
  495. >There’s no way anypony can deny this now. Even Pipp would have to acknowledge it! Lucky for her, she’ll get to see the genuine article!
  496. >”OHMYGOSH!”
  497. “What?”
  498. >Izzy waves her hooves around the place.
  499. “What??”
  500. >” We need to clean this place up! It looks like horses stay here!!”
  501. >FZZZZT*Fshoo*
  502. >You watch her ball erupt from her horn, ricocheting off the walls.
  503. “HORSES DO STAY HERE.”
  504. >”He doesn’t know that! What if he has friends looking for a waifu?! They’ll think we’re just dirty internet neckbeards!”
  505. >She stumbles to get off the bed, rushing out of the room- *KRESH*
  506. >You don’t wanna see what the ball hit.
  507. >You rub your temples.
  508. “I get the feeling this is gonna be a bad idea.”
  509. >You look around your room of miscellaneous Bad Dragon Horse “aids”,panties with heart shapes cut out in the back, and various colored sockies for wear-er researching, and Mlp paraphernalia, including the Dash jar(you know which) that you bought from a guy online.
  510. “Maybe I could stand to tidy up a bit...”
  511. _____
  512. >Your heart is thumping like crazy.
  513. >You’re actually going to a pony house. Will it be a stable?
  514. >What if it’s a bulbous colorful house, with heart patterns everywhere? Surely someone on the outside would notice such a thing!
  515. >Around eight this morning, Sunny sent you a text with the address directions. Honestly, you flew out of bed with excitement. You’ve been holding off bragging on Discord to your friends about your date, and the fact that she’s an actual pony.
  516. >Mostly because they wouldn’t believe you without pictures, and the only one you have is >No hooves.
  517. >One thing you wanted to ask about was her saying that “she wanted to prove you’re real”. What does that mean?
  518. >You look at your GPS. You’re right down the street. Was it a good idea to wear a suit in seventy-five degree weather? These dress shoes are killing you, it’s just for a visit. Not a date. You were dressed much more casually.
  519. “Fuck. Maybe I should go back, and change...”
  520. >You pull at the collar.
  521. >>KREESSSHHH-
  522. >It sounds like falling glass-
  523. >You look up, and see Sunny dumping Gooey glass, and a Rainbow Dash figurine into the trash. Must’ve been a snow globe.
  524. >With a dustpan in her teeth, she lets gravity take care of the Dumpster lid.
  525. >She’s in a long nightie, with her hair down, as opposed to the usual braid.
  526. >She looks at you with tired eyes.
  527. >”....Anon?”
  528. >You wave sheepishly.
  529. >”EEP!”
  530. >She drops the Dustpan, dashing into a moderately kept apartment building. No hearts or bright colors here.
  531.  
  532. “Why would she run away when she knew I was coming over-?”
  533. >You look at the clock on your phone.
  534. >8:05.
  535. >Okay, so maybe you’re a little early.
  536. >Should you still go up? She dropped her Dustpan after all.
  537. >You pick up the slimy cleaning tool, and head inside, and upstairs.
  538. >The directions said the second floor, room 269-
  539. >Following the numbers, you reach the aforementioned room that-
  540. “?”
  541. >You put your ear to the door. There’s muffled thuds, and horse whinnying coming from inside.
  542. >You hesitantly knock a couple times, and the noise abruptly stops.
  543. >Then hushed whispers before the door slowly opens.
  544. >It’s Sunny, hair hastily done up into her signature braid, with an uneasy, nervous smile.
  545. >”A-anon! H-h-how kind of you to come(five minutes after I sent my text)! I wasn’t EXPECTING you.”
  546. >You can feel slight irritation in her voice. Excellent move Anon. Real great start.
  547. >Feeling her passive aggressive hate glare, you try to change the subject.
  548. “Y-you dropped your dustpan-“
  549. >You hold up the wet, coagulating pan
  550. >Sunny turns pale.
  551. “By the way, what is all this ooze?”
  552. >”Buh-ahh-its from my Gak collection!”
  553. “Gak?”
  554. >She snatches it from your hand with her teeth, and throws it out the window-
  555. > [YouTube] My leg! My leg! SFX (embed)
  556. >Uh oh. Sounds like someone’s day is ruined.
  557. >”In any case, please! Come on in!”
  558. >Sunny steps aside, allowing you inside her abode.
  559. >Here we go.
  560. >what type of place are you expecting? Thus far it’s been pretty normal. Like she’s just a human in a horse body. Wouldn’t it be funny if the interior was like a barn with Hay, and stables, and feces everywhere?
  561. >No. it wouldn’t be.
  562. > Sunny slowly closes the door behind you.
  563. >It looks like a normal apartment, save the additional Two colorful ponies standing in the center.
  564. >Your eyes widen like whe. You first met Sunny.
  565. >”HI!”
  566. >”Hmmm...”
  567. “Whoooa.”
  568. >One is a unicorn with a bracelet around her front leg, and a tennis ball fixed to the tip of her horn, with long cerulean hair.
  569. >The other is wearing a head bracelet, with white wings that don’t match the color of her coat.
  570. “An actual Unicorn, and Pegasus...a-are you both Real ponies??”
  571. >The unicorn giggles.
  572. >”Of course, we’re real!”
  573. “NO. Like are you REALLY REAL PONIES?”
  574. >”Everyone here is a pony, but you.”
  575. >You could faint. How many RGRE anons have dreamed of this? AiEfags? You’ve ascended, and found the promise land!
  576. >”I’m Izzy! This is Pipp!”
  577. >The unicorn introduces herself with a welcoming smile.
  578. “O-oh! I’m Anon. Sunny’s friend.”
  579. >”Just friends, hmmmmmmm?!”
  580. >You see Sunny shoot her a look.
  581. >Pipp is staring at you by the way.
  582. >It’s kinda freaking you out.
  583. >”So....I wonder if anypony has something they’d like to say? Perhaps those who can fly?”
  584. >Both Sunny, and Izzy look at Pipp.
  585. >What’s going on?
  586. >Pipp looks around like she’s bored-
  587. >”Well-“
  588. >Then puts on a huge smile.
  589.  
  590. >”Hello Anon-Honey!”
  591. “Huh?”
  592. >”What?!”
  593. >”Anon-what?!”
  594. >Both Izzy, and Sunny seem just as surprised.
  595. >Pipp starts to hover, circling you.
  596. >”Sunny said you were okay looking, but she never said how HANDSOME you really are! So rugged, and dashing!”
  597. >”What?! I didn’t-“
  598. >Pipp rests her forelegs on your shoulders from behind, and blows into your ear, making you shiver.
  599. >”It’s not often we get such prime cuts of beef rolling into our humble home. Maybe we should get to know each other some time...?”
  600. “I-I just-wha-well-“
  601. >”Hey Anon! Wanna see my collection of Mlp figurines?!”
  602. >WHACK.
  603. >Sunny buck kicks Pipp into their fine China cabinet, then head pushes you into a room, with Izzy in tow.
  604. “Am I missing something?”
  605. >Sunny slams the door behind you.
  606. >”Don’t worry about it.”
  607. >Izzy says lifting a hoof.
  608. >You look around the room. It resembled a my little pony mega fan’s room. Posters of Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle bedsheets, Fluttershy Daki, etc.
  609. >You shift your leg, and feel something underfoot.
  610. >You pick up a pair of panties.
  611. “Uhhh...”
  612. >Sunny turns blue in the face.
  613. >”IZZY! WHAT ARE YOUR PANTIES DOING HERE?! HAHAHAHAHA-“
  614. >Izzy rolls her eyes.
  615. >”Yeah. They’re mine.”
  616. >She magicaks-
  617. “HOLY SHIT! MAGIC!!”
  618. >-The panties out of your hands.
  619. >”You’re so silly Anon!”
  620. >She stretches the panties.
  621. >”So Anon, you like ponies? You like ponies in PANTIES?”
  622. >She looks at you with half-lidded eyes.
  623. >You blush, feeling your senses overload.
  624. >”Izzy! That’s not wh-what he’s here for!”
  625. >”I’m just messing with him! Geez...”
  626. >Sunny takes a deep breath, while Izzy stuffs the panties into your pocket.
  627. “S-so...about the picture?”
  628. >”Picture?! You took a naughty pic?! Oh my! Sunny! You’re so bad!”
  629. >”It’s not that kind of pic!”
  630. “It’s just of her kissing me-“
  631. >”OOOOH?!”
  632. >”On the cheek! God, Izzy! You’re always in heat! I swear!”
  633. >Just how you like em.
  634. >Izzy falls onto the bed, giggling like a mad mare, while Sunny grumbles with red cheeks.
  635. >”J-just have a seat for now.”
  636. >You look around, shrug and just sit on the floor.
  637. “Okay. I guess.”
  638. >”So about the pic-“
  639. >The door is suddenly kicked open by Pipp, who has a tray of drinks.
  640. >”Sorry to interrupt, but I thought Nonny-poo might be thirsty! You must be after making such a long, arduous trip here, right?!?”
  641. >”Will you get out of my room?!”
  642. >Sunny takes a step forward, but you put a hand on her back.
  643. “It’s okay Sunny. She went through the effort after all. Let’s just accept her generosity.”
  644. >Sunny opens her mouth to protest, butsighs instead.
  645. >”Wow! Anon sure is a nice guy!”
  646. >Izzy says while laying on her stomach, and resting her chin on her hooves.
  647. >Pipp hands Juice to her roommates with her wings, and a suspiciously fizzy drink to you.
  648. >”Make sure you drink IT ALL DOWN!”
  649. “Hey thanks!”
  650. >You hold it in your hand, and look at Sunny.
  651. “So please. Continue?”
  652.  
  653. >Sunny locks her lips prepared to speak.
  654. >”Okay so about how I appeared as a human in your picture-the truth is-“
  655. >”It was me! It’s a spell! I cast it!”
  656. >Izzy is suddenly in your face.
  657. “Uh...alright?”
  658. >You lean back, but she just closes the distance. Just like when you went to Bronycon 2018, and that Celestia cosplayer didn’t understand personal space or other societal norms. At least she doesn’t smell the same, and she IS a pony.
  659. >”Pretty cool right? I can cast it on you too!”
  660. “Y-you could make me look like a pony?”
  661. >Sunny looks like she’s about to say something, but Izzy shoves a hoof into her mouth.
  662. >”Uh huh! Just like your transformation general dreams, and all you have to do is kiss a unicorn~”
  663. “What-“
  664. >Pipp pushes Izzy onto Sunny from the side.
  665. >”Stop being silly! That’s untrue, and you know it! The real way to cast the spell is to put a Pegasus wing in your mo-mouth...”
  666. >Pipp saunters up to you blushing, keeping her head down.
  667. >”M-My good sir...”
  668. >Izzy then tackles Pipp, getting back in your face.
  669. >”She’s lying! I was just prancing you before! The real way is to suck on my horn!”
  670. >Pipp retaliates by climbing over Izzy.
  671. >”Stop being gross! He has to nibble on m-my fetlocks and smell my fr-frogs~!”
  672. “Damn! You’re a FREAK!”
  673. >>The two wrestle, until Izzy accidentally knocks your drink from your hand, and onto Sunny’s limited edition, show accurate Twilicane replica, making the gold paint wear off.
  674. >”NO! MY CANE!”
  675. >”NO! MY MAREJUICE!”
  676. “What did you put in that glass?!”
  677. >Sunny seems to almost transform into a demon visibly, with her widening eyes, and grit teeth.
  678. >”BOTH OF YOU HORSES-GEEEEEEEET OUUUUUUUUUUUT!”
  679. >Having had enough of their antics, Sunny head pushes both of the mares out, slamming the door behind them.
  680. >She releases a loud sigh, hanging her head.
  681. >”I’m sorry about that. They get so different around men-“
  682. “Not gonna lie-I get where they’re coming from.”
  683. >”Y-you do?”
  684. >You rub the back of your head.
  685. “To be honest, I still don’t believe all this is real. I mean, this is the literal stuff Greentexts are made from. An actual waifu is right here! In the flesh!”
  686. >Sunny’s once enraged, upset expressions turn to fluster, and unease.
  687. >”Y-you think...you think I’m waifu-able...?”
  688. >Only now do you realize what you blurted out.
  689. “I-Uh-I..”
  690. >She hides behind her braid tail, looking at you expectantly.
  691. >Any time now, you’ll say,”Joking!”
  692. >Right?
  693. >You sit there staring at each other for what seems like an eternity.
  694. “-About that spell though...”
  695. >”R-right!”
  696. >The tension is still thick, and humid, but you press on.
  697. >She’s slow to get into her desk chair, looking over her shoulder ever so slightly.
  698. >Seductively-
  699. >You’re almost mesmerized by her form. Her colors.
  700. >”C-come over here, please.”
  701. “Okay.”
  702. >This feels so...It’s like you’re a teenager again, hormones out of wack, and everything.
  703.  
  704. >Sunny steals glances of you, out the corner of her eye every so often, as she moves the mouse back and forth slowly.
  705. >She can feel your gaze on her, but to be honest you’re not hiding it.
  706. >It’s just like your Vietnamese manwhas. Women love the strong stare of a man. All you need is for her to now say “don’t stare so much! It’s embarrassing!”, and you can have your dreamt of hentai scene, but with a pony waifu-
  707. >”D-don’t stare so m-much. It’s em-embarrassing!”
  708. >Holy shit.
  709. >Sunny is breathing raggedly.
  710. >Is this your chance?
  711. >What do you do? Where do you touch? DO you touch?
  712. >Her screen comes on, and your face falls at the tab titles.
  713. “Green m&m anal, How to tell a man likes you, How to hack 4 Chan, and Bad dragon beastly knot fall season sale...?”
  714. >”Huh?”
  715. >She turns pale again, and looks at the screen.
  716. >”ACK! TH-THIS ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK!”
  717. >You forgot for a moment that she’s still a chantard, despite her looks.
  718. >Sunny quickly x’s out the windows.
  719. >”IT WAS IZZY! HAHAHA! THAT IZZY! WHAT A CUNT, AMIRITE?!”
  720. “S-sure.”
  721. >She lets out more awkward, guilty laughter before going back to her keyboard, and typing in a link to a mysterious website.
  722. >She maneuvers through various windows until she gets to a thread with a YouTube link. “How we’re going to force the 3DPD out!!1!!1!!”
  723. >”It was this video that showed me how.”
  724. “How did you even come across it?”
  725. >Better question, how did she come to EARTH?
  726. >”I-I can’t say...”
  727. “Why not?”
  728. >She looks down sadly, staying quiet.
  729. “It’s okay. I won’t press it.”
  730. >For now.
  731. >”Thank you.”
  732. >She gives you a cute smile.
  733. “Can you click the video?”
  734. >”Uh...sure!”
  735. >Klik-klik.
  736. >You wait with bated breath as the video loads-
  737. >-an ad.
  738. >”CARL’S JR HAS A NEW BEEFY DIABETES BURGER-
  739. “Goddamit! You don’t have Ad blocker, Sunny?”
  740. >”I turned it off to watch some videos! I forgot to turn it back on!”
  741. “What videos need adBlock turned off to watch-OH.”
  742. >You blink a few times in realization.
  743. >”Oh horseapples...I could just die...”
  744. “D-don’t feel bad. It’s perfectly normal for a mare your age to have an interest in th-that stuff...”
  745. >”Stop talking like that! I’m not a kid!”
  746. “Right! You’re a growing pony!”
  747. >”EEEEEEE! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUP!”
  748. >Sunny pelts you gently with her hooves, as you fail to hold back giggles.
  749. >Ponies watch porn. Who’d imagine you’d utter that sentence.
  750. >”ATTENTION FELLOW MARES-“
  751. “The video! It’s starting!”
  752. >Someone in a guy fawkes mask with a shitty green screen effect starts to speak, with an obvious voice changer.
  753. >”FOR MANY SEASONS, WE’VE WAITED IN HIDING AS THE PIG WHORES OF THIS WORLD CONTINUE TO SQUANDER THE AMAZING GIFT OF H.M.D.”
  754. >Is this for real?
  755. >The video is unlisted, and the creator is one-“
  756. 輕浮的”?
  757. “I can’t read that name. I don’t speak moonrunes.”
  758. >Sunny stays quiet. Probably still embarrassed.
  759.  
  760. >Military music starts to play.
  761. >”HENCEFORTH, WE SHALL INVADE, TAKING THOSE DELICIOUS SALT PRODUCING APE MEN FOR OURSELVES, SISTERS!”
  762. >You narrow your eyes in suspicion. Even though this mare has her voice altered, and face hidden, her big wavy pink mane is reminding you of someone, you’ve seen before. Mostly because she has a dolphin in the background sipping a drink, pointing at her.
  763. >” Yeeeah, work that grill baby!”
  764. >The music takes a sudden change from what sounded like nationalist marching themes to cooking mama OST.
  765. >”A-and here’s how! By using th-this nifty recipe, YOU can walk freely amongst the disgusting pig women as one of them! I-if you don’t mind...”
  766. “Hmmm. I swear I know who that is.”
  767. >Sunny stops the video.
  768. >”That’s why I appeared to be a girl in your picture. The potion makes you look like a regular human girl to everyone but those who...well...you know.”
  769. “Wanna have sex with mares? But how could it possibly know?”
  770. >”I was gonna say-“believe ponies are real”.”
  771. “Oh. So autism.”
  772. >Smooth Anon. Real smooth.
  773. >Sunny’s face is crimson red.
  774. >You need to change the subject. Quickly.
  775. “S-do what’s in the rest of the video?”
  776. >Sunny is playing with her hooves absentmindedly.
  777. “Sunny!”
  778. >”Y-yes?!”
  779. “The rest of the video! What’s in it?”
  780. >She softly clicks the mouse.
  781. >The masked mare proceeds to talk about the process of making the disguise potion, and the “ingredients” it requires.
  782. “Huh.”
  783. >You put a finger under your chin.
  784. “I swear, I’ve seen these instructions somewhere before.”
  785. >”Wow! Really?”
  786. “I think so. Maybe it was /r/cringe or something? I just remember a black guy, and a wine glass.”
  787. >”Huh. Weird.”
  788. >The video ends with the masked mare showing off the thick purple concoction.
  789. >”A-and voilà! Instant disguise potion! J-just remember g-girls, it wears off after about three hours, so plan wisely...if you don’t mind! Have a good evening, and happy husband hunting!(like, comment and subscribe)”
  790. >Interesting, but still you wonder:”how did they get here?”
  791. >”There you go. The truth.”
  792. “Well SOME of the truth. I have more questions now.”
  793. >Sunny looks down dejectedly.
  794. >”I-“
  795. >She’s about to say something, but stops.
  796. “Huh? What’s wrong?”
  797. >She looks off to the side, inner turmoil apparent on her face.
  798. >”What does this mean for u-us?”
  799. “Us? What do you mean?”
  800. >Sunny starts to blush, biting her bottom lip. You’ve watched enough body language videos to know that this wasn’t what she originally wanted to say.
  801. >”D-do you still want to see me? I mean...didn’t that video scare you?”
  802. >Not gonna lie. It did. There are secret forums where IRL mares converge to talk about infiltration of the female human race. How far does it reach exactly? How much do these mares know?
  803. “ Not at all! I for one welcome our mare overlords!”
  804. >Sunny giggles.
  805. >”Oh Anon. You’re such a jokester!”
  806. “Joke?”
  807.  
  808. >BMP
  809. >”But in all seriousness, What do you want to do...?”
  810. >BMP.
  811. “What I want? What about you? What do you want?”
  812. >Sunny has had barely enough time to return to her usual burnt orange hue, before adopting the usual scarlet you’re beginning to know her for.
  813. >BMP. BMP.
  814. >”N-no fair. You can’t answer like that!”
  815. “Well...what if I want what you want?”
  816. >”What I want, huh?”
  817. >BMP.
  818. >She bites her bottom lip again, leaning in towards you.
  819. >”What if want I want is-“
  820. >BMP.
  821. “Y-yeah...?”
  822. >You lean in too.
  823. >BMP.
  824. >”GRRR...”
  825. >Sunny suddenly grits her teeth, emitting a low guttural growl.
  826. “Sunny...?”
  827. >BMP.
  828. >”One moment.”
  829. >She slides off the chair, marching over to the door-
  830. >BMP.
  831. >-and flings it open, for a tennis ball to fly overhead, and land on her puffy bed.
  832. >Izzy pokes her head in, sniffing loudly like a bloodhound, and begins to search the room.
  833. >”What the heck do you think you’re doing bouncing that damned ball against my door??”
  834. >Izzy pays her no attention, continuing to sniff.
  835. “What is she doing?”
  836. >Her sniffing investigation leads her to your crotch, where she takes a huge whiff.
  837. >SSSSNNNNNNFFFFFFFFFFF-
  838. “HEY! WHAT THE FUCK?!”
  839. >You push her away.
  840. >”I don’t smell any “stank”.”
  841. >Sunny has a vein slowly forming on her temple. That can’t be good.
  842. >”Did they do it?!? I have my blue light!”
  843. >Pipp flies in armed with a blue light, and begins shining it on random areas, getting a reaction on a Flute, Sunny has sitting on her shelf.
  844. “DO WHAT?!”
  845. >”Will you two get outta here?!”
  846. >Izzy sit in your lap.
  847. >”False alarm, Pipps. They didn’t seal the deal.”
  848. >Pipp stops scanning.
  849. >”They didn’t?”
  850. >That vein is becoming more vivid.
  851. >”I am not that type of pony, who just throws her hole at anything that BREATHES. Thank you very much!”
  852. >Izzy grins her butt into your business out of Sunny’s view.
  853. >”Why not? You better lock down this guy, before someone else steals him away!”
  854. “U-uh..”
  855. >”IZZY...”
  856. >Pipp presses her snoot against your cheek.
  857. >”Hey Anon-honey! You should stay for dinner! I make a mean Dandelion salad~! You like mares who can cook right? Right?!”
  858. “Well, I-“
  859. >Izzy turns around to face you.
  860. >”Hey Anon, you like to eat, right? You ever ate a MARE?”
  861. “Excuse me..?”
  862. >You can see the frustration building on Sunny’s face, more and more.
  863. >”ANON-HONEY~! YOU LIKE SUSHI RIGHT? WANNA EAT SOME OFF MY WINGS?!?”
  864. >Pipp presses even harder into your cheek.
  865. >”YOU WANNA TOSS SOME MARE SALAD, ANON?!”
  866. >Is Izzy dry-humping you?
  867. “Girls I-“
  868. >”EAT WITH US!”
  869. >”EAT US!”
  870. >”I’m gonna kill you both. Slowly, and painfully...”
  871. >Things are getting out of hand again.
  872. >You have Pipp hugging your right arm, practically Eskimo kissing your cheek, and Izzy bouncing on your junk, and Sunny quickly transforming into the mighty oozaru.
  873. >This has to stop, so you do the only thing you can think of.
  874. “ENOUGH!”
  875.  
  876. >Your voice booms throughout the house with all the force of the canterlot royal...well, voice, stopping the three mares in their tracks.
  877. >You pick Izzy up, and place to the side, and shake off Pipp, rising to full height.
  878. >Well now you got their attention.
  879. “Look Sunny-it seems to me you have some things to work out with your roommates. A LOT of things.”
  880. >Sunny looks at you worriedly.
  881. >”I-I suppose so...”
  882. >You point a thumb at the exit.
  883. “So while you do that, I’m gonna head out. Okay?”
  884. >That look increases in intensity. Like an overly attached dog watching their owner leave fo go overseas.
  885. >”Y-yeah...”
  886. >You next look at both Pipp, and Izzy with a stern glare.
  887. >They both perk up.
  888. “Thank you both for the warm hospitality. I hope you’ll have me again.”
  889. >”O-okay..(unf)”
  890. >”Ye-yes master~”
  891. >The three quietly watch as you adjust your tie, and stroll on out of the apartment like a fucking IDIOT.
  892. >IS THIS FOR REAL?
  893. >YOU WERE IN THERE! A NEST OF HOT, HORNY MARES! A proverbial ram ranch but with pony waifus instead of eighteen naked cowboys wanting to be fucked! Can you use proverbial like that...? WHO CARES! YOU BLEW IT!
  894. >You had every anons RGRE fantasy right there, and you turned it down, for what!
  895. >To look like an anime protagonist? Well good work.
  896. >Continuing to kick yourself mentally, you somberly head downstairs, head hung low.
  897. >Too late to turn back now, after such a grandiose retreat.
  898. >Heading down the stairs, you’re met with another pony. A Pegasus. A white one with colorful hair.
  899. >She carries a bag with a bottle of sparkling cider in her mouth. How does that look to normies, you wonder?
  900. >You lock eyes, and stare at one another.
  901. “.....”
  902. >”.....Eye problem, dung stain?”
  903. >Brow furrowed, you curl your lips at her uncalled for tone.
  904. >All waifus can’t be winners, you guess.
  905. “Nice wings. As colorful as your language.”
  906. >KREEESH
  907. >She drops the bottle staring at you in shock, as you walk off with your hands in your pockets, still regretting at least not sampling the euphoria, that is pone lips.
  908. “Fuck. Am I stupid or what...”
  909.  
  910. >>”Hey! Wait a second!”
  911. >You were barely halfway down the block when a commanding voice called out.
  912. >You look left, and right.
  913. >”Yeah,you! The suit monkey!”
  914. >You turn around to face that mean-mouthed albino Pegasus from before.
  915. >She faces you with a stern frown.
  916. “What do YOU want?”
  917. >She narrows her eyes, and trots in a circle around you, giving you a complete once over.
  918. >”Hmph.”
  919. “Hmph?”
  920. >She puts a hoof to her chin in thought.
  921. “If you’re not gonna say anything, I’m just gonna go.”
  922. >”You’re not awfully impressive, huh?”
  923. >You’re too bummed out to get upset, or fight right now, so you just about-face, and start walking away.
  924. >”HEY! Is that how you treat anypony talking to you?!”
  925. “....”
  926. >She gallops ahead of you, positioning herself in your path.
  927. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”
  928. >”Tell me what you meant!”
  929. “By what?!”
  930. >She spreads her wings.
  931. >”Well?!”
  932. “what about them?”
  933. >Her eyes widen.
  934. >”So you can see them...and me?”
  935. >You cross your arms.
  936. “Yes. You’re a Pegasus. Not my first time meeting one today.”
  937. >”*Gasp*”
  938. >A mother, and her daughter walk by the two of you. Wonder how she looks right now with her wings spread like that, to them?
  939. >They both stare at her, as they pass by.
  940. >”MOMMY! PWETTY HAWSY!”
  941. >She bunny hops, and points.
  942. >”Shh! Don’t point. I think she’s one of those BLTU people.”
  943. >So the kid sees a pony, and the mother sees a mentally ill tranny. Nice.
  944. >Well if she has that spell on, only those who believe in ponies aren’t affected. So little girls, and grown men. Ouch.
  945. >She shoots them a harsh glare, sending them on their way.
  946. >”Look, we need to talk, but not here.”
  947. “Why?”
  948. >”Do you have to question everything?! Just follow me over here!”
  949. >Using her right wing, she points to a nearby park playground bench.
  950. “I don’t even know your name! Plus, did you clean up your shattered bottle back there?”
  951. >”Uhh..that’s not important right now! Just come on!”
  952. >Guess that’s a no.
  953. “If someone steps on that, they could get hurt or slip on the liquid.”
  954. >She grabs your wrist with her wing.
  955. >”Can you stop being a FAGGOT for one second? GEEZ!”
  956. >Your eyes widen, as she pulls you along to the bench.
  957. >Could she possibly be-?
  958. >With a gentle push, she shoves you down onto the weathered wood, plopping down next to you.
  959. >You look at her with a frown.
  960. “Now what?”
  961. >She takes a deep breath.
  962. >”Why do you believe in us? Are you from /MLP/?”
  963. “What a weird question to ask.”
  964. >”Just answer!”
  965. >You shrug.
  966. “Yeah. I lurk from time to time.”
  967. >And post green, and shitpost, participate in discussions, and fap to the porn, and play SHF like a religion-
  968.  
  969. >She puts her hooves to her mouth in surprise.
  970. “Is that really so shocking? I mean almost any young adult, and some older browse the old Singapore Iguana fashion board nowadays. It’s the only place you can be yourself these days.”
  971. >”Really? I thought it was all mares-“
  972. >Come on now. Even you can’t believe a pony said that.
  973. “You’re kidding. All the threads talking about wanting to cum inside Rainbow Dash, or the fetish threads-“
  974. >”Are you stupid? Those are made by mares!”
  975. “WHAT? Impossible! That’d make them lesbians or bi-“
  976. >She releases a groan of frustration.
  977. >”Use your mind for once, brainlet! How else do we continue to have you think of us? We post thread after thread with stupid questions asking mundane, inane, irrelevant tripe just to get you to acknowledge us, so-“
  978. “So we can see you in real life?”
  979. >”Bingo! Gold star!”
  980. >Her condescending tone is wearing thin on you.
  981. “Well that’s dandy, and all, but why pull me to the side to explain this, miss—?”
  982. >”Oh! Zipp. I’m Zipp.”
  983. “Hm. Rhymes with Pipp.”
  984. >She immediately pounces on you, sniffing all over your body.
  985. “H-hey! Stop! What if someone sees?’
  986. >She starts sniffing your crotch voraciously, like Izzy did before.
  987. >You put your hands on her head, fruitlessly attempting to push her away.
  988. >Even worse, it starts to tickle,
  989. “H-Haag hahaaaa! S-stop! Hhaaaaa~”
  990. >Oh god.
  991. >You start squirming.
  992. “HAAAH-HAH HAAAAAAH~”
  993. >An elderly couple are strolling by slowly, watching the scene unfold.
  994. >The old lady shakes her head in disgust, but the man gives you a toothy thumbs up.
  995. “I-It’s not how it l-loooks!”
  996. >Zipp’s face is suddenly touching noses with you.
  997. >The elderly man’s smile drops to a disapproving frown.
  998. >”Gay af.”
  999. >They hurriedly walk away. You hope they’re not calling the police.
  1000. >”Hey! You fuck my sister?”
  1001. >Zipp refocuses your attention.
  1002. “WHAT?’ Who’s your sister?!”
  1003. >”Pipp! That’s why we met on the stairs, isn’t it? You just finished giving her the HMD, didn’t you?!”
  1004. “NO! Plus Izzy, and Sunny-“
  1005. >”You did them too?! What do you think this is?! A herd?!”
  1006. “Get out of my face so I can explain! Jesus!”
  1007. >She leans back, but that’s all.
  1008. >You explain how all the events up to now led you to Sunny, and meeting Izzy, and Pipp while Zipp sat on your lap, much to your chagrin, and the judging gazes of passerbys.
  1009. >”I see...this all sounds-“
  1010. “Convoluted? Made up?”
  1011. >”Autistic.”
  1012. “Oh.Can you get off my lap before someone gets the wrong idea?”
  1013. >”Oh! R-right. Sorry.”
  1014. >She slides off your barely restrained boner onto the bench next to you.
  1015. “Now that we’ve smoothed things out, can I ask you something?”
  1016. >Her expression is much softer now. She even smiles cutely.
  1017. >”Sure.”
  1018. “Why were you so surprised I could see you?”
  1019. >She giggles.
  1020. >”I’m not invisible.”
  1021. >”I know that.”
  1022. >She sighs again.
  1023.  
  1024. >”This may sound strange to you, but a male that can see our real form is actually quite rare.”
  1025. >You tilt your head quizzically.
  1026. “Really? But Sunny said she’s been on dates with other guys.”
  1027. >She then looks at you with a disappointed scowl.
  1028. >”Those weren’t Anons that can see “us”.”
  1029. “They weren’t? Then what were they? Doppelgängers? Mimics?”
  1030. >You lean in.
  1031. “Changelinga?”
  1032. >”Worse.”
  1033. “Worse than some body-snatching zigged bug?”
  1034. >Zipp nods.
  1035. >”Much worse.”
  1036. “Yeah? What is it?!”
  1037. >She puts a hoof up to cover her mouth.
  1038. >”EqG.”
  1039. >Mother of god.
  1040. “Wait. That’s stupid. What do dougfucks have to do with IRL waifus?”
  1041. >A noticeable blush forms on her ivory coat.
  1042. >”D-did you just refer to me as-?”
  1043. >She shakes her head.
  1044. >”No...gotta stay on topic!”
  1045. >She clinks her head a couple times.
  1046. >”Okay, so let me explain. EqG people or “Dougies” were once Pony lovers before being converted, so they can see us...to a point.”
  1047. “To a point? Like... are you partially visible?”
  1048. >”Not exactly. The spell makes us appears as An*hro to them.”
  1049. >You grimace.
  1050. >Well...it depends on the artist you suppose.
  1051. “Okay, so why are they meeting up with mares if they like human women?”
  1052. >She shrugs.
  1053. >”You’ve seen their threads, right? They want to convert as many as possible.We all thought it was just crippling autism at first, but we think someone is leading them. By doing so, they convince possibles that we’re outdated, and don’t exist and then we’ll start dying out and-“
  1054. “WAIT.”
  1055. >You need time to process all this, but more than anything you need details, and tons of clarification on that last part.
  1056. “What do you mean “Die out”? How does not having someone cause you to die??”
  1057. >She puts a hoof to her chest.
  1058. >”Know that “wizard” meme?”
  1059. “Yeah.”
  1060. >She sadly smiles at you.
  1061. >”If we don’t find a husband by our 30th birthday, we crumble into dust, and disappear. We die.”
  1062.  
  1063. CHAPTER END
  1064.  
  1065. >You take an unusually long, and particularly audible sip of your Chamomile tea. Yeah. Chamomile. Sure, it's not as manly as black coffee, but you need to settle your nerves, and mind from all the adrenaline pumping through your body.
  1066. >After the revelation of Zipp's disturbing news, you couldn't sit still, and dragged her, and yourself to the closest café you could find. Actually, it didn't even have to be a café. Just anywhere you could sit down, and have something to drink, and calm yourself down.
  1067. >Zipp looks around at the festive exterior of the building with big eyes.
  1068. >"S-so is this like...a date?"
  1069. >She says sheepishly while playing with her hooves in her lap.
  1070. >You almost slam the cup down.
  1071. "I need you to FOCUS. I have so many damn questions right now, I don't even know where to start! Hell, I'm starting to wonder if all this is worth it at this point..."
  1072. >"What do you mean?"
  1073. >You rub the top of your shiny with sweat head.
  1074. "Obviously, there's more going on here. Like a cold war between actual mares, and EqG-"Dougies" that I don't know about. I thought this was just going to be the ultimate fantasy of finally having a Marefriend, but now your life depends on it? This is crazy!"
  1075. >"W-well that's-..."
  1076. >She tilts to the side.
  1077. >You take a deep breath, pinching your nose.
  1078. "At least tell me this. Why do you have to find "husbands" before 30?"
  1079. >Zipp takes a measured sip of her Latte, the cup firmly fastened between her hooves, before she answers.
  1080. >"It's a curse."
  1081. "A curse?! Oh jesus."
  1082. >"Now hold on. Let me finish!"
  1083. >You sit back, and wave a hand for her to continue.
  1084. >"Before coming to this realm-"
  1085. "Realm? Like Mortal Kombat realms??"
  1086. >"HUSH. Anyway, before coming to this realm, we were warned that we had to find husbands before reaching the age of 30. Due to this world possessing no magic, it constantly gnaws at the very magical strands in our very makeup each day in order to keep the laws consistent."
  1087. >You hold your head. A migraine is coming on...
  1088. >"By bonding with the opposite sex of this world, our bodies are stabilized, and the danger of dissipating is forever removed. Understand?"
  1089. >Bonding...
  1090. "By "bonding", you mean--"
  1091. >She looks away with a slight red hue.
  1092. "Yeah. I see. So if you knew this could destroy you, why would you make the trip to Earth? How did you come here?"
  1093. >Zipp looks away.
  1094. >"I can't answer that...None of us can answer that."
  1095. "Why not?"
  1096. >"I can't ANSWER that."
  1097. >Zipp crosses her legs defensively. You recall Sunny clamming up when asked a similar question.
  1098. "This is insane. Like, I can't believe I'm part of all this now."
  1099. >You put your face in both hands.
  1100. >"I'm sorry."
  1101. "No...I mean, it's a lot to be told on only the second day of discovering that mares(mlp mares at least) are actually real, but I don't regret it."
  1102. >Zipp smiles, taking another gulp of latte.
  1103. "So things, you CAN answer...how old are you?"
  1104. >Her ears, and hair perk up, and fall back to her head.
  1105. >"......"
  1106. "Zipp."
  1107. >"......"
  1108. "Zipp!"
  1109.  
  1110. >"It's none f your beeswax!"
  1111. >She snaps at you so suddenly, you can't help but recoil.
  1112. "It's not? but I-"
  1113. >"Are you gonna say, "you just wanna help"? This isn't some anime, or cartoon show where you get to be the sole hero of all mares or some fantasy story where we all live happily ever after!"
  1114. "W-well no, but-"
  1115. >"Or are you thinking something else? That you're gonna use your "superior human stamina" and breed as many mares as you can at once?"
  1116. >You purse your lips tightly. To be honest, you were about to imply that.
  1117. >"Nailed it. Here's a little newsflash. Your stallions, and our stallions do NOT share anatomy parallels as far as that goes!"
  1118. "Look Zipp, I'm not trying to offend you, but I do want to help. Sincerely."
  1119. >She narrows her eyes, and looks away clearly ashamed.
  1120. >"Aren't you a virgin?"
  1121. >Your eyes widen.
  1122. "U-Uh,well-That's to say-"
  1123. >She smirks.
  1124. >"You should save your first time for somepony you actually love, cherry boy."
  1125. "Even if it means not being able to save your life?"
  1126. >"Of course! You're courting Sunny, are you not?"
  1127. >Courting? That's a term you haven't heard in ages.
  1128. "Kinda."
  1129. >"How would she feel if you went around throwing yourself at any mare you come across, good intentions or not? Girls don't like sharing. Mares are even more territorial."
  1130. "So RGRE..."
  1131. >"Total horsepocky!"
  1132. "Knew it."
  1133. >Not about the RGRE part. About that she lurks the chans too.
  1134. >She makes circles on the table with a hoof.
  1135. >"But--"
  1136. >You cock an eyebrow.
  1137. >"If things between you, and Sunny don't work out...."
  1138. >She bashfully smiles, refusing to meet your eyes.
  1139. "Hehe. Imagine going from being a dungstain to a possible suitor."
  1140. >"Do-don't say it like that~"
  1141. >She squishes her cheeks together like Sunny did yesterday-
  1142. >Speaking of Sunny, you wonder if she called or texted you at all since you left. You've been so distracted, that you don't recall if your phone went off or vibrated at any point. You decide to quickly check your phone, and-
  1143. "Oh. Oh dear."
  1144. >"What?"
  1145. >You look at Zipp, and back to your phone.
  1146. "My boss just text me...I-uh..I gotta go."
  1147. >You lied. You had to. After all the stuff she just laid out, how could you be autistic, or stupid enough to tell her "Sorry, but I'm gonna go talk to the girl I'm picking over you now." Even you don't lack social norms like that.
  1148. >"Oh! I see. Well, maybe we can hang out again sometime."
  1149. "I'd love to."
  1150. >"Hehe, and you owe me a bottle of Cider. I was planning to drink myself silly, but your comment shocked me into dropping it!"
  1151. "Is that so? I'll think about it."
  1152. >She winks at you, before scooting out of the stool.
  1153. >"It's probably a good time to go. The spell should be wearing off soon, anyway-"
  1154. >She sways nervously.
  1155. "What's up?"
  1156. >"Well...I wanted...uh..."
  1157. >Her mouth moves side to side.
  1158. "What?"
  1159. >"CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER? I promise I won't give it to anypony else! I won't call you all the time or at unreasonable hours! I just-"
  1160. >She hugs herself with her wings.
  1161. >"Actual guys who can see us are pretty rare, and....

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