/kinder/ dump


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                                            The War to End All Wars


                                            Partially inspired by Anonistrator's When Nonny Comes Marchin' Home.


                                            "Battery! Distance five hundred, angle forty-five, high-disperser A! Fire!"

                                            >"Aye!"

                                            >With a slight pull on the rope, complicated machinery of the battle stations starts to work, finally sending a dozen of high-dispersing airburst shells across the sky and to the enemy fort.

                                            >"Cor-nel, we have a hit! One, three, eight, ten hits!" your adjutant proudly reports.

                                            "Good work! Pre-e-pare!"

                                            >Personnel of the battle stations is in a hurry, reloading the magnificent pieces of technology.

                                            >Truly a great sight.

                                            >"Cor-nel!"

                                            "Eh"

                                            >"LIE DOWN!"

                                            >The next second, enemy high-disperser explodes ten foot above your fort.

                                            >Your adjutant has been hit by one of the fragment, so you rush toward her...

                                            >...and wipe a bit of snow off her muzzle.

                                            >Yeah, you weren't expecting this when a brightly-coloured letter ended up in your face via Derpy.

                                            >Letter was calling "anypony who wants to" to war, so you thought your experience in sheriff's office back in old U. S. of A. would help.

                                            >It didn't, though.

                                            >Wars here were only waged in winter and consisted of snowball fights that lasted until one of the sides retreated home; then the winner claimed a bunch of land at the border.

                                            >And "the General Staff" almost had you arrested for alleged war crimes when you at first supposed you could use Pinkie's party cannon as a weapon.


                                            ---- ---- ----


                                            Still unnamed


                                            >On days like these you really think you'll die of laughter some day.

                                            >Like, really.

                                            >When the applehorse offered you to be a bartender in their new "adult" (oh, man, her intonation at the time was priceless) bar, you reluctantly agreed.

                                            >You had some experience as a bartender back on Earth, but in the land of child-like ponies it was going to be something unusual.

                                            >And God is it unusual.

                                            >First of all, their "adult" cider doesn't have more alcohol percentage than some root beer; how do they even manage to get it out of the drink?

                                            >And ponies visiting your fine establishment definitely were watching too much Noir movies...

                                            >...but they were somehow getting drunk while drinking alcohol-less cider and sugar.

                                            >But running this place is definitely worth it!

                                            >After all, you get to set prices (with Apple family supplying you, well, apples and some other ingredients) and you get to watch the stuff happening here every day - win-win.

                                            >Shadowed door swings open, and a confused young stallion walks in, looking around and finally positioning himself on a stool before you.

                                            "Good evening, sir, and welcome to the Bad Apple Saloon."

                                            >AJ chose this name by herself, thinking it'd sound edgy or something.

                                            >It does, though...to the ponies.

                                            >Pony before you looks around some more time, visibly kinda scared.

                                            >"Y-yes, g-good evening..."

                                            "What can I make you, sir?"

                                            >"Sorry...I don't know..."

                                            >You slip him a cocktail list. You always keep some of those around.

                                            >"Yeah, make me a...Sunset over Canterlot, please."

                                            >Ah, the good old classic.

                                            >Sunset over Canterlot is one of the cocktails they've made up before your arrival, with you borrowing the recipe from Manehattan via Rarity.

                                            >Half a glass of cider and cold thickened cherry juice on top.

                                            >Somehow it dissolves in cider only partially, creating a range of orange-y colors.

                                            >Better not to wait with this one, though - as soon as juice warms up, it instantly mixes with cider.

                                            "Your Sunset, sir."

                                            >"T-thank you."

                                            >He takes the glass in his hooves and starts examining it, then inhales loudly and tries to drink all in one sip.

                                            >After finishing it, he gently sets the glass back and gets a little bit more...confident? Yes, something like that.

                                            "Would you like something else?"