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/kinder/ dump

By Garda
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-06-14 17:05:05
Expiry: Never

  1. ---- ---- ----
  2. The War to End All Wars
  3.  
  4. Partially inspired by Anonistrator's When Nonny Comes Marchin' Home.
  5.  
  6. "Battery! Distance five hundred, angle forty-five, high-disperser A! Fire!"
  7. >"Aye!"
  8. >With a slight pull on the rope, complicated machinery of the battle stations starts to work, finally sending a dozen of high-dispersing airburst shells across the sky and to the enemy fort.
  9. >"Cor-nel, we have a hit! One, three, eight, ten hits!" your adjutant proudly reports.
  10. "Good work! Pre-e-pare!"
  11. >Personnel of the battle stations is in a hurry, reloading the magnificent pieces of technology.
  12. >Truly a great sight.
  13. >"Cor-nel!"
  14. "Eh"
  15. >"LIE DOWN!"
  16. >The next second, enemy high-disperser explodes ten foot above your fort.
  17. >Your adjutant has been hit by one of the fragment, so you rush toward her...
  18. >...and wipe a bit of snow off her muzzle.
  19. >Yeah, you weren't expecting this when a brightly-coloured letter ended up in your face via Derpy.
  20. >Letter was calling "anypony who wants to" to war, so you thought your experience in sheriff's office back in old U. S. of A. would help.
  21. >It didn't, though.
  22. >Wars here were only waged in winter and consisted of snowball fights that lasted until one of the sides retreated home; then the winner claimed a bunch of land at the border.
  23. >And "the General Staff" almost had you arrested for alleged war crimes when you at first supposed you could use Pinkie's party cannon as a weapon.
  24.  
  25. ---- ---- ----
  26.  
  27. Still unnamed
  28.  
  29. >On days like these you really think you'll die of laughter some day.
  30. >Like, really.
  31. >When the applehorse offered you to be a bartender in their new "adult" (oh, man, her intonation at the time was priceless) bar, you reluctantly agreed.
  32. >You had some experience as a bartender back on Earth, but in the land of child-like ponies it was going to be something unusual.
  33. >And God is it unusual.
  34. >First of all, their "adult" cider doesn't have more alcohol percentage than some root beer; how do they even manage to get it out of the drink?
  35. >And ponies visiting your fine establishment definitely were watching too much Noir movies...
  36. >...but they were somehow getting drunk while drinking alcohol-less cider and sugar.
  37. >But running this place is definitely worth it!
  38. >After all, you get to set prices (with Apple family supplying you, well, apples and some other ingredients) and you get to watch the stuff happening here every day - win-win.
  39. >Shadowed door swings open, and a confused young stallion walks in, looking around and finally positioning himself on a stool before you.
  40. "Good evening, sir, and welcome to the Bad Apple Saloon."
  41. >AJ chose this name by herself, thinking it'd sound edgy or something.
  42. >It does, though...to the ponies.
  43. >Pony before you looks around some more time, visibly kinda scared.
  44. >"Y-yes, g-good evening..."
  45. "What can I make you, sir?"
  46. >"Sorry...I don't know..."
  47. >You slip him a cocktail list. You always keep some of those around.
  48. >"Yeah, make me a...Sunset over Canterlot, please."
  49. >Ah, the good old classic.
  50. >Sunset over Canterlot is one of the cocktails they've made up before your arrival, with you borrowing the recipe from Manehattan via Rarity.
  51. >Half a glass of cider and cold thickened cherry juice on top.
  52. >Somehow it dissolves in cider only partially, creating a range of orange-y colors.
  53. >Better not to wait with this one, though - as soon as juice warms up, it instantly mixes with cider.
  54. "Your Sunset, sir."
  55. >"T-thank you."
  56. >He takes the glass in his hooves and starts examining it, then inhales loudly and tries to drink all in one sip.
  57. >After finishing it, he gently sets the glass back and gets a little bit more...confident? Yes, something like that.
  58. "Would you like something else?"

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