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Cherry's Halloween Spooktackular (RGRE)

By SQA-non
Created: 2020-11-05 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-01-14 08:39:07
Expiry: Never
anonocsafe/rgre/comedyreversed gender roles equestriacherry blossom

  1. >Riiiiiing riiiing! Riiiiing riiiiiing!
  2. >You are Anonymous the Ghostbooper, and you hope to God that’s a customer.
  3. >After the disaster last year, business has been drying up, but maybe this could be the turn around the company’s been waiting for!
  4. >Riiiiiing riiiing! Riiiiing riiiiiing!
  5. >Please let it be some wealthy noble with just a poltergeist or something.
  6. >Riiiiiing riiiing! Riiiiing riiiiiing!
  7. >Ok, what’s taking your secretary so long?
  8. >Peeking out of your “office” (it was more like a box of plywood you set up), you see the green unicorn seated at his desk, but instead of doing his /job/ and answering the phone, he’s got his muzzle in some dumb tabloid.
  9. “Strawberry!”
  10. >Your shout doesn’t seem to reach him as he keeps his nose in his magazine.
  11. >Riiiiiing riiiing! Riiiiing riiiiiing!
  12. “Strawberry!” you shout again, “What are you doing!? Answer the phone!”
  13. >Thankfully, your second shout gets through to him and he drops the thing with an “aaah!”
  14. >He looks around in a panic for a bit, before he registers the sound of the ringing phone.
  15. >Throwing himself towards it, he immediately rips the phone off the hook in a desperate attempt to catch the caller before they hang up.
  16. >”Ghostboopers, solicitors will be prosecuted.”
  17. >You sigh, regretting the fact that he has to answer the phone like that now.
  18. >The fact is though, the only calls you’ve been getting the past couple months have been solicitors and debt collectors, and those rats aren’t running up your phone bill without paying!
  19. >Thankfully though, based on the rapidly changing look on Strawberry’s face, this is neither.
  20. >Interest peaked, you start to lean furter out of your office to better eavesdrop.
  21. >You obviously can’t hear whoever’s on the other side of the phone, but you can hear Strawberry repeatedly giving out variations of “oh mah stars that’s terrible!”
  22. >Which every time he does, your mood improves considerably.
  23. >Man, whoever’s on the other end of that line really needs your help.
  24. >SWEET!
  25. >Eventually Strawberry starts writing things down.
  26. >Looks like an address and two sets of names, one he circles in red.
  27. >Deciding that’s enough watching from the sidelines, you make your way over to him as he hangs up the phone.
  28. “Well?” you ask him with excitement plain in your voice, “Do we have a job?”
  29. >Turning away from his notepad to look at you, you’re not greeted with the face of somepony who’s got an impending payday.
  30. >Indeed, instead he looks like he’s got some bad news.
  31. >Damn it!
  32. >You can’t believe you let yourself get your hopes up like that...
  33. >Suddenly he leaps off of his chair and sprints across the room.
  34. >What’s he-
  35. >Oh shit! He’s going for the ghost alarm, that bastard!
  36. >It was a ruse!
  37. >But by the time you realize it, there’s no way you could have beaten him to it.
  38. >Reaching the other side of the room, he slams his hoof into the big red button marked ‘Got a Ghost!’
  39. >As he does, the alarm’s klaxon starts blaring and he looks to you, elated.
  40. >”We got one!”
  41.  
  42. >A few moments later, you, Strawberry Salad, and doctor Bright Bottom have convened in the meeting room.
  43. “Are the others not coming?” you ask.
  44. >Bright adjusts her glasses, looking annoyed you pulled her away from her work.
  45. >”They said to call them in if it was something important.” she replies.
  46. >>”Which this sure is!” chimes in Strawberry.
  47. >You’d say so!
  48. >This is your first chance to make money in months!
  49. “Well just tell us now, Strawberry and we’ll brief ‘em on the way there.”
  50. >At your behest, he immediately starts nervously shuffling the various papers he brought with him.
  51. >>”Well, this poor colt called us. Said his ball bra drawer is haunted by the ghost a’ some pervy mare.”
  52. >Ooooh, that’s rough.
  53. >”Did he specify what type?”
  54. >Strawberry scrunches his face in thought.
  55. >>”Ah uhhh, recon’ he didn’t. You two would probably know her though.”
  56. >Both you and Bright share a befuddled look at that.
  57. “Really? How?”
  58. >He rifles through his stack again, looking for something in particular.
  59. >Eventually, he pulls out a familiar ad.
  60. >>”He said he saw her on our poster.”
  61. >The sight of her makes you ball your fists.
  62. “Cherry Blossom. We meet again...”
  63. >The surprise in Bright’s voice is clear as day.
  64. >”Her!? The one that slimed Anonymous last year and got away?”
  65. >Strawberry nods.
  66. >>”Tha very same, supposedly.”
  67. >Bright takes a brief glance at some of the odd schematics she’s always carrying around.
  68. >”Where is the site at?”
  69. >Strawberry puts the ad away and shuffles his papers again.
  70. >>”5123 West Hollow.”
  71. >What?
  72. >Bright sighs, her expression turning sour.
  73. >”5123 West Hollow? That’s the abandoned Hayseed Manor. Who would be living out there?”
  74. >Yours meanwhile, had broken into a wide smile at all the possibilities.
  75. “Rich sons of noblemen who want to renovate a vacation home?”
  76. >Bright rolls her eyes.
  77. >”More like prank callers.”
  78. >>”Ah don’ know about that. He seemed in an awful lotta distress.”
  79. >Bright, clearly unconvinced, turns to you.
  80. >”What do you think, Anon?”
  81. >Briefly rubbing your chin in brief contemplation, it doesn’t take long to come up with an answer.
  82. “Even if the caller isn’t legit, a place like that has gotta have a ghost or two right? Then we just get to do some pro bono catching for some free PR.”
  83. >She smiles and nods along with you, seeing your wisdom.
  84. >”Good point, I’ll get the gear ready to go.”
  85. >>”An’ ah’ll call Ziggy Zaggy an’ Morning Ray in!”
  86.  
  87. >The four of you are driving out to the site now.
  88. >Ziggy’s driving as usual, you’ve crammed yourself into the passenger seat, and the other two are riding in the backseat.
  89. >Thank God that Morning is such a doormat and lets you put the seat all the way back, otherwise you’d be waaaay less comfortable.
  90. >Speaking of, you can hear her speak up from the back.
  91. >”Are we almost there...?” the pegasus whines.
  92. >Ziggy spares barely a glance over his shoulder before he rolls his eyes.
  93. >>”Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’d be there a lot faster if we didn’t have to haul all this /crap/ around.”
  94. >Bright, incensed, lens in over the center console.
  95. >>>”They’re not crap, they’re important scientific instruments that are vital to catching ghosts!”
  96. >The zebra snorts.
  97. >>”Is that why they spend half the hunt aimed at Anon’s flanks?”
  98. >Haha! Get her ass Ziggy!... Hey wait a minute-
  99. >>>”It's not my fault that his suit still gives off spectral readings after all this time.”
  100. >What the!?
  101. >Looking down at your suit though, you see she speaks the truth.
  102. >If you squint, you can still see a pink glow emanating from fabric.
  103. >FUCK! You must have washed this thing a hundred times and the slime STILL Hasn’t come out!
  104. >Having noticed your distress, Ziggy starts laughing.
  105. >>”Look on the bright side, Anon, at least you’ll finally get that bitch back for it.”
  106. >Rolling your eyes at the mare, you angrily brush your sleeves off a few times in some futile attempt to get some of the glow off.
  107. >It doesn’t work.
  108. “You all still haven’t told me /what/ this slime stuff is exactly.”
  109. >And based on the fact that as soon as you asked all three mares started deliberately avoiding eye contact with you, they’re probably not going to.
  110. >You’re nothing if not stubborn though, so you elect to stew in that awkward silence until one of them speaks up.
  111. >Morning’s the one to eventually do it, but not in the way you wanted.
  112. >”Look! The manor!”
  113. >Goddamn it, the fact they’re so unwilling to tell you makes you almost think its ghost cum or som—
  114. “Holy fuck!”
  115. >You just caught sight of the manor yourself, and goddamn!
  116. >This thing is huge!
  117. >And decrepit.
  118. >You can feel the mood of the car dropping, and honestly?
  119. >You’re right there with ‘em.
  120. >>>”Are we certain this is the address Strawberry was given?”
  121. >Ziggy nods her head.
  122. >>”Yep, kinda hard to get /this/ place mixed up with any other.”
  123. >You sigh in disappointment.
  124. >Looks like Bright was probably right.
  125. >No prissy stallion would live in a place like /this/.
  126. >To start, it's pretty isolated, you had to drive pretty far out of town just to get to it.
  127. >Sure it's kind of a nice location, it's right on the edge of a wood, a wood that would make for a pretty nice piece of property.
  128. >/If/ the woods didn’t look like something out of a horror movie.
  129. >The trees are all some fucked up and evil kind of tree.
  130. >Black, gnarled, tall as hell, and probably dead if the amount of leaves on and around them is any indication.
  131. >To be frank, it looks like no one’s put any effort into this property in a long time, and that goes doubly for the house.
  132. >Back in the day it was probably pretty nice, but ‘back in the day’ was probably a hundred years ago at this point.
  133. >The thing looms over you like a small mountain, paint having long since shipped off to reveal the same kind of wood that all these trees are made of.
  134. >That is, where the wood hasn’t been pockmarked by the elements over the years.
  135. >Shattered windows, trim hanging on by threads, walls that are more hole than wall...
  136. >Its a regular hazard!
  137. “Looks like you were right, Bright, we got punked.”
  138. >Bright, Morning, and you all sigh in disappointment.
  139. >>>”We should at least pursue your back up idea, Anon. We already drove out here after all”
  140. >Nodding in agreement, you set out of the car.
  141. >Followed, of course, but Morning and Bright.... But not Ziggy.
  142. “You coming Zags?”
  143. >She snorts.
  144. >>”Are you joking? BUCK no. I’ll wait out here and call the fire department when the floor inevitably gives out under one of you.”
  145. >As the three of you strap into your proton packs, Morning casts a worried look Ziggy’s way.
  146. >”But how will you know that happened if you’re out here?”
  147. >Ziggy takes a peek at the car's clock.
  148. >>”Let’s say... if I don’t hear from you in three hours, I get the fire department. Or if I hear Anon scream, we know he’s got a set of pipes on him after all.”
  149. “That wasn’t a scream!” you protest, “That was the sound of me gagging, that slime was nasty!”
  150. >>”Then try to get slimed again if you get in trouble!”
  151. >All three mares burst in uproarious laughter at that.
  152. >But, unaware to all of you, a figure silently watches you suit up from a second floor window, biting her spectral lip.
  153.  
  154. >”One, two, three... HEAVE!” cries Bright.
  155. >And as she does, the three of you put your back into it, barely managing to move the massive beam of wood that was obstructing your way.
  156. >It takes all you got, but the three of you eventually drag it enough so that the three of you can enter the previously impassable door.
  157. >Dropping it with a breath of relief, you turn to the other two.
  158. “I’m starting to think this might not be worth it.”
  159. >Bright meanwhile, has immediately returned to one of her gizmos.
  160. >”But there is a strong reading coming from the other side of this door.”
  161. >Heedlessly, you shove the door open.
  162. “Alright, but let’s catch this thing and get the hell—”
  163. >As you step through the door though, you’re stunned into silence.
  164. >The room you just entered is a massive ballroom, complete with a balcony.
  165. >But that’s not what stuns you into silence, no.
  166. >What gets you is what’s on the balcony.
  167. >A pink, spectral mare in a white kimono looks down at you.
  168. >A mare you would recognize anywhere.
  169. “YOU!” you shout.
  170. >She ‘eeps’, apparently not expecting that reaction.
  171. >BUT SHE SHOULD!
  172. >>”It's the ghost that slimed Anon!” cries Morning.
  173. >The ghost, recovering from her state of shock, strikes a pose.
  174. >>>”*Ahem*, Y-yes! It is IIIIIIIIIIIII, Cherry Blossom!”
  175. >Without wasting another second, you shoot a blast of protons her way.
  176. >The shot’s right on track to boop her right on the snoot, but she dives away at the last second with a yelp.
  177. >You attempt to blast her again, but she manages to scramble behind a sturdy banister.
  178. >>>”W-what the heck is wrong with you!?” she calls out from her hiding place.
  179. >Her voice sounds surprisingly afraid for a ghost, but you are unmoved.
  180. “Get out here, we’re taking you in!”
  181. >Her voice is wavering, but you can’t tell she’s still trying to put on a ‘scary’ voice.
  182. >>>”Nooooo~oooo if you want to catch me you’ll have to brave...”
  183. >She pops out from behind the banister, her face transformed into a horrific sight.
  184. >Her eyes are glowing red, her teeth have turned into spikes, and her tongue has extended into a long serpent like appendage.
  185. >>>”MY HOUSE OF HORRO—”
  186. >You cut her off with another blast, forcing her to once again retreat with an ‘AAAAH!’
  187. >As you lay down covering fire, you just barely catch sight of her scrambling into another room.
  188. “After her!”
  189.  
  190. >The three of you had been moving through the mansion at a swift pace, trying to find a way up onto the second floor where your adversary is.
  191. >This time, she wasn’t getting away!
  192. >Bright was leading the charge, her ghost detector bringing you ever closer.
  193. >At least, until it stopped working.
  194. >Now the three of you have ended up in a hallway, surrounded on all sides by doors.
  195. >And to make matters worse, no matter where Bright points the detector it's going crazy.
  196. >Which either means the damn thing’s on the fritz, or...
  197. >”We’re completely surrounded!” cries Morning Ray.
  198. “We’re completely fucked!”
  199. >Bright has been audibly smacking the device, hoping to change its reading.
  200. >So far, no luck.
  201. “What should we do?”
  202. >Giving the thing a few more shakes, she eventually turns it off and puts it away.
  203. >>”Well, if we really are surrounded, we ought to just pick a door. The outcome shouldn’t change.”
  204. >Damn, alright.
  205. >If that’s what you’ve got to do, no reason to wait around.
  206. >Eeny, meeny, miny, mo!
  207. >Reaching for door that you landed on, you put your hand on the nob and—
  208. >”ANON WAIT!”
  209. >JESUS!
  210. >Morning’s cry nearly makes you jump out of your skin.
  211. “What the hell, Ray!?”
  212. >In your shock you stepped back from the door, so she swiftly moves in and replaces you.
  213. >As she puts her own hoof on the nob, she puts on a brave face, clearly hoping to impress you.
  214. >”L-let me.”
  215. >Jeez, these ponies and their reverse chivalry.
  216. >You don’t feel like fighting her about it though, so you just nod and ready your proton pack as Bright does the same.
  217. >Morning nervously gulps, looking away from you and to the door.
  218. >Turning the knob, she attempts to reassure herself.
  219. >”W-what could be on the other side of this anyway?”
  220. >As she opens the door, she finds she’s eating her words, but that’s not all being eaten.
  221. >With a horrid sound, the door swings open to reveal not a room, but a maw!
  222. >”OH SWEET CELESTIA!”
  223. >There must be a hundred teeth in that thing!
  224. >>”CLOSE IT! CLOSE IT!”
  225. >Whatever's on the other side of the door lets out some horrible droning sound as you ready your proton pack.
  226. >But before you can fire, a massive tongue emerges and slams into your chest, knocking you aside!
  227. >You land on your back with an ‘oof!’ and you can hear the fragile equipment crunch under you.
  228. >”Anon!”
  229. >>”The proton pack!”
  230. >Struggling to get back to your feet, you see both of them rushing toward you...
  231. >...turning their backs on the ghost!
  232. “LOOK OUT!!”
  233. >Your warning comes too late though, as before they can do anything, that same leathery appendage wraps around the two of them.
  234. >”Oh Celestia it's so slimy!”|
  235. >>”I’m currently terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought!”
  236. >Scrambling upright, you charge toward them as they’re yanked toward the door.
  237. >But you’re not fast enough though, the last thing you see as they’re pulled past the threshold is Bright using her magic to desperately aim her proton pack.
  238. >Then the door slams shut.
  239. “FUCK!”
  240. >Only a step behind where they just were, you grab the doorknob and pull.
  241. >It doesn’t budge.
  242. “Come on! COME ON!”
  243. >Maybe you can break it down!?
  244. >Getting a running start, you shoulder check it.
  245. >Yes! It gave just a little bit!
  246. >Throwing yourself at it again, you feel the rotten wood give just a bit more.
  247. >Yes! YES!
  248. >Throwing yourself at it one last time, you feel the door give out...
  249. >... and you find yourself tumbling into a pitch black abyss.
  250.  
  251. >You fell for hours!
  252. >Well, it seemed like hours.
  253. >So much so that you (apparently) blacked out.
  254. >Which brings you to now.
  255. >You’re slowly coming to, and you’re... surprisingly comfortable.
  256. >Prying your eyes open, you see you’re seated in a surprisingly high quality chair.
  257. >It's some fancy thing, soft red fabric, gold trim, and extremely comfy.
  258. >Man, you should take this with you when you leave!
  259. >Wait... hold on, focus!
  260. >How did you get here?
  261. >Taking in the rest of your surroundings, you notice you’re in what appears to be the house’s wine cellar.
  262. >Surprisingly, compared to the rest of the place, everything down here seems in great condition.
  263. >Say, if those wine barrels are as old as the house looks, they’ll probably be a pretty good vintage...
  264. >As if you just cued it up with your mind, a bottle lazily drifts in front of you and starts pouring itself into a previously unnoticed wineglass.
  265. >Speaking of previously unnoticed things, there’s a whole dinner for two set up in front of you, complete with romantic lighting!
  266. >Someone’s even already put out the dishes, but they’ve got those covers that fancy restaurants use.
  267. >What the hells going on here!?
  268. >Shooting a quick look down south, you don’t see any ropes or shackles tying you in place.
  269. >Might as well get out of here then, you’ve got two friends to save after all!
  270. >But right as you stand up, a familiar face swoops in from the ceiling.
  271. >”Wait wait wait don’t go yet!”
  272. >Cherry Blossom.
  273. >You go for your proton pack, but you find it's not on your back.
  274. >Cherry lets out a painfully awkward chuckle.
  275. >”Yeah... sorry about that. But, it was pretty busted when I caught you, so I just stashed it over there.”
  276. >Following her line of sight, you see it is as she says.
  277. >Damn, Bright’s gonna be /pissed/!
  278. >WAIT!
  279. >Since you now lack any effective weapons, you hope the dramatic pose you strike will suffice as a substitute.
  280. “What did you do to Bright and Morning you FOUL SPECTER!?”
  281. >You expected her to laugh evilly and start monologing about her plan, but instead she just looks downcast.
  282. >”Why do you have to say it like that...”
  283. >Your pose relaxes, as a natural byproduct of the shock.
  284. >”They’re just in the other room. Why? Are they your f-fillyfirends?”
  285. >She looks much more nervous than a ghost has any right to be.
  286. “What? No.”
  287. >She lets out a relieved breath, visibly relaxing and drifting down into the chair across from you.
  288. >”*Phew*, that means you’re single then... right?”
  289. >Wait what the hell.
  290. >Did she seriously set up a romantic dinner between you and her!?
  291. “Ok, what’s going on here?”
  292. >Now you get to see another emotion you’ve never seen a ghost have before.
  293. >Panic.
  294. >”What!? I thought colts liked being scared! That’s why they always want to go to scary movies and stuff!”
  295. >Oh my god.
  296. “Was this whole thing just the set up for a /date/!?”
  297. >She poignantly avoids eye contact.
  298. >”Yes.”
  299. >This is definitely not how you expected this to go.
  300. >Letting yourself plop back down into the hair, you rest your head in your hand.
  301. “But why? Last time we met up you just slimed me and ran away!”
  302. >”HEY!” she suddenly shouts.
  303. >”You’re the one who /booped/ me! The first colt I saw since my death and he /boops/ me! I couldn’t help it!”
  304. >Your eyes widen.
  305. “IT WAS GHOST CUM!”
  306. >Cherry glances over to a door near the back of the room, probably where Bright and Morning are.
  307. >”They didn’t tell you?”
  308. >They probably wanted to save you the embarrassment.
  309. “Well, that puts a whole lot of things into perspective.”
  310. >Cherry’s mood once again falls.
  311. >”Does this mean you’re not staying for dinner?”
  312. >Uh, of course you are?
  313. >You have self respect after all.
  314. “I’m no slut, if I’m getting slimed the gal is at least getting me dinner.”
  315.  
  316. >If you had told yourself that by the end of the night you were going to be wined and dined by a ghost, you would have thought yourself insane.
  317. >But yet, here you are.
  318. “So anyway I started blastin’. Those things are pretty hard to aim though, so I missed.”
  319. >Cherry, enraptured by your story, briefly forgets to solidify her insides, allowing the glass of wine she just tried to drink to cover her chair.
  320. >”Whoops! Haha, then what happened?”
  321. “Well, then Dr. BOTTOM sprung her trap. It looked like she just dropped a net on the ghost, but she insists it was some high tech thingamajig. “
  322. >Your seemed to have reminded Cherry of something, because she quickly darts out of the room and back in again, this time carrying something.
  323. >Hey, it's the same net Bright uses!
  324. >”Like this?”
  325. “Yeah, I think that’s actually the same net.”
  326. >She makes a show of looking it over.
  327. >”Seems like a normal net to me.”
  328. >You throw up your arms.
  329. “Thank you! I’ve been saying that for months but nobody believes me!”
  330. >Cherry casually tosses the net over her shoulder.
  331. >”So you were saying business was bad?”
  332. >You sigh.
  333. “Yeah, your call was the first we’ve had in months. If this keeps up we’ll need to take out a second mortgage on Morning’s dad’s house.”
  334. >”Well, you know what might help with that?”
  335. >You rack your brain for what she might be about to suggest.
  336. >Car wash? No you already tried that.
  337. >False flag? Eh, too glowing.
  338. “What?”
  339. >Putting her hoof to your chest, she strikes a triumphant pose.
  340. >”Why, have your own ghost around the office of course!”
  341. >Hmmm, say that isn’t such a bad idea.
  342. >’Look at this ghost we tamed,’ you’ll say, ‘imagine what we could do to the ghost in /your/ house.’
  343. “I don’t know if we could afford someone new on the payroll though.”
  344. >She lowers her voice to a husky whisper.
  345. >”That’s ok... you could pay me in /boops/.”
  346. >(Basically) FREE LABOR!?
  347. >You shoot out your hand without a second thought.
  348. “It’s a de- actually.”
  349. >And you pull it back.
  350. “It’s a deal one condition.”
  351. >”Name it.”
  352. “Can you do that long tongue thing on command?”
  353. >Just as you ask, it slithers out of her mouth.
  354. >”Ou mean ike this? By?”
  355. >You couldn’t keep the smile off your face if you tried.
  356. “Well, seeing as last time we met up, you got to slime on me...”
  357.  
  358. >You are Ziggy Zaggy, and you’re starting to get worried.
  359. >Sure you haven’t heard Anon scream, but it's dang near that three hour mark.
  360. >Maybe you /should/ actually go get the fire department...
  361. >”GH~OST BLOWJOB! WOOO WOOO WOOOOO!”
  362. >Sweet savannah!
  363. >Anon’s shout makes you jump so high you hit your head on the roof of the car.
  364. >Buck! That’s smarts.
  365. >Rubbing the back of your head, you look long and hard at the creepy manor.
  366. >You don’t see the telltale lightshow of one of Bright’s gadgets going off.
  367. >Guess that ‘Cherry Blossom’ really was in there and he’s getting his payback.
  368. >Good for him.

The Long and Short of It (RGRE)

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The Long and Short of It (RGRE) Part 2

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The Long and Short of It (RGRE) Part 3

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Źdźbło Bezwzględny

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