Hugh Review: De-Meaning The Six

De-Meaning The Six (YukkiPalehorse) - start here : https://ponepaste.org/3176 [Mean Six] [AiE] [Lewd] [Romance]

The following is a review and conversation between Anons. It has not been edited for errors of any kind.

important terms: Fridge Logic, Deus Ex Machina

 

Hugh >>37498776:

My experience reading De-meaning the mean 6 (Spoilers)

Final analysis: story was wack (bad), writing was fine. Characterization was strong. Rustled my jimbos.

 

Anon#1 >>37499059:

ah yes the sticks, what about the story did you think was bad?

 

Hugh >>37499174:

Off the top of my head, 3 points.

so first things first. >abandoned plotline.

It felt like the plotline of anon fixing or bettering the mean 6 was abandoned. The story is called De-Meaning (to make less mean) the Mean 6 for pete's sake, I felt like I got a little M knight shclama dingdonged on that one. I know its also a inuendo but its an obvious double entendre of both. I went in there with an expectation of a certain story and it looked like it was going in that direction then it ground to a halt in the middle. Even at the end, it doesn't feel like the de-meaning of the mean 6 occurred even though Anon was talking about it the whole time. For some stories there's a thing in storytelling where the writer actually needs to kindof spoil/hint at what will occur and the journey there is the entertaining part like inside a mystery novel. It's completely spoiled in a murder mystery that a mystery will occur but the story is in finding out who did the murder. I forget how writers actually deal with storyline twists but I think they do signal the reader in a way to let the reader know that there's a new thing happening.

 

Anon#2 >>37499188:

Actually I agree, the chrysalis thing is a classic "bring in a bigger badguy" kinda copout and we don't get much progress or payoff on the investment put in on trying to mentally improve the mean6.

Plus the story for a while in the middle goes in circles of anon being motivated only to suddenly slump down into some bullshit. Eventually the deadline of chrysalis comes and things sorta resolve themselves.

Feels like a bad-end that wasn't meant to be a bad end. I guess that is somewhat realistic of a failure (in this case failing the mission to de-mean the mean6) but it still wasn't satisfying to me.

 

Hugh >>37499225:

Second thing second. >fridge logic/suspended disbelief twist

This one is hard to wrap my head around. Basically I feel like the tools a reader uses to enjoy the story and the tools the writer uses to make the story were turned against them, maybe even lampshading it real bad, and I think it revolves around fridge logic and suspension of disbelief. The story starts inside the camp with Anon already helping the mean 6 even though they seem unhinged and he seems like a very reasonable guy with good intentions, so the reader suspends their disbelief in order to accept this improbable circumstances (maybe he has a really good reason otherwise for helping these ponies out) or fridge logic kicks in and people forget that Anon doesn't have a good reason to trust/dedicate so much to these ponies. This suspension or fridge logic needs to continues on as the abuse on Anon gets worse because why would Anon continue helping and not telling GoodLight if he doesn't have a good reason? in fact I think it gets stronger as the abuse and his resolve to help thee mean 6 gets stronger. Then GoodLight and lampshades the whole thing, smashing the fridge logic/suspension that the audience gave to the story in good faith or something like that. To be honest it felt like I wasn't given a choice to be duped like that, like the story betrayed my trust if that makes any sense.

 

Hugh >>37499261:

Third is third. >desu ex ending

Basically what >>37499188 said.

Anon and the mean 6 are terrible people or did terrible things and honestly if Chrysalis didn't show up then they would get some pretty bad punishment or something like that, but then Chrysalis shows up to save the plotline. The mean 6 and Anon fighting Chrysalis and Anon's(and the mean 6's?) heroic sacrifice at the end kindof wipes the karma debt from the readers mind. They are still terrible people or did terrible things and 1 good thing doesn't nullify that or turn them into good people. Fridge logic again would let that slide if it wasn't too bad but it was too bad (and I think fridge logic should be avoided if possible).

If chrysalis didn't show up in a glorious desu ex to save the plot then the ending would've been

or something very unsatisfying like that.

Sorry if this is pretentious. I'm trying to give detail to my analysis.

 

Anon#2 >>37499302:

There was some cluing in or hinting at chrysalis over time which you need to give the author credit for, but yeah things don't really click together.

I do have to say on a positive note that I really did like the characterization of each of the mean6 and the story had some great potential. Figuring out each of them was interesting and unique and you could almost see things changing slowly, before it seemed like it just stopped that is.

I need to emphasize that even though we're shitting on that guy, I actually did enjoy his writing and he's got potential to make some great things. Even if this time I didn't like it

 

Anon#1(?) >>37499309:

Bro, I fucking wish Anons would follow your example. This type of effort in story critiques gets my dick hard.

 

Hugh >>37499310:

One last point is that actually this story is pretty good because its well written enough to BE ABLE to criticize it. A worse off story wouldn't have these identifiable things to criticize other than to say its shit altogether or not. A different or worse off story might just be judged off of its jokes/writing because that's what carries it and the reader doesn't expect (or see) any sort of cohesive things in the plot at all.

Hope that clears things up JimmyJam

 

Anon#1(?) >>37499837:

By all means, this is the best review/critique for a green I've ever seen. There are plenty more here if you'd care to go through them.