Pone Prison/Kinderquestria Shorts


                                            Prison Pone/Kinderquestria shorts


                                            >Birthday parties are a big thing in Equestria, particularly Ponyville- the home of Equestria's best party planner

                                            >Every single pony in the town and relatives from further away will get an invite to partake in the celebrations

                                            >Because of this, a birthday party can often be a town affair, especially for important ponies with lots of connections or local celebrities like the elements

                                            >Not everypony is obliged to turn up, and no offence is caused by not doing so, however it isn't uncommon for the whole town to come to a standstill for a day in the event of a big birthday celebration

                                            >On the other hand, not being invited to a birthday party is seen as one of the gravest insults a pony can receive

                                            >Even ponies that bicker and fight all the time will still invite each other to their birthday party

                                            >To not invite somepony is basically to say that you wish they were dead


                                            >Be Anon

                                            >Out eating lunch with your friends

                                            >They're talking about dresses or some shit so you've totally zoned out of the conversation

                                            >Suddenly the talking has stopped and all eyes are on you

                                            "Uhhh, what was the question?"

                                            >"I said, what are you going to wear Anon?"

                                            "Wear for what?"

                                            >There's a collective groan and several pairs of rolling eyes

                                            >"Twilight Sparkle's birthday of course! Did you not read your invite?"

                                            >You've had no mail through your letter box except for bills for a while

                                            "Nope, don't think I ever got one"

                                            >Gasps, shouting and looks of horror come from everypony around you, and not just from your friends at the table

                                            >The entire cafe seems to be staring at you

                                            >You shift uncomfortably in your seat

                                            "What? What's the matter?"

                                            >"What's the matter?!"

                                            >"S-she didn't invite you?"

                                            "N-no, I don't think so..."

                                            >Several ponies have fainted

                                            >Most are looking at you like you just told them Santa isn't real

                                            >Teary eyed and sniffling, eyes filled with dread and disbelief

                                            >"N-nopony deserves that, I wouldn't even do that to my worst enemy!" One mare mumbles

                                            >"I'm so sorry Anon" Another says, standing up on her hind legs to embrace you in a hug

                                            >"It's going to be alright, you can get through this"

                                            >This whole situation has you baffled

                                            "I don't get what the matter is. It's just a birthday party. Me and Twilight don't even like each other"

                                            >"JUST A BIRTHDAY PARTY?!"

                                            >Several more ponies faint

                                            >"I-it's not JUST a birthday party Anon! It's going to be the biggest and best party of the year! Everypony's gonna be there, even Celestia!"

                                            >"Yeah, and there's gonna be a huge cake and singing and dancing and and.. a-and.."

                                            >"And you're not inviiitee~eed!"

                                            >The mare breaks down and throws her hooves around you

                                            >By now there is a group of ponies all crying and hugging you to try and comfort you

                                            >You still don't get what the big deal is

                                            >Sure you're missing out on some free party food but it's not the end of the world

                                            >You'd just avoid the town centre and enjoy the peace and quiet that was such a rarity in this world

                                            >Might even finally get back into woodworking that the ponies wouldn't let you do unsupervised because they didn't trust you to use sharp tools without hurting yourself

                                            >Actually you were rather looking forward to a nice day to yourself

                                            >Guess Twilight wasn't so bad after all if she's giving you this opportunity

                                            >You manage to untangle yourself form the huddle of crying ponies who don't even seem to notice that you're leaving

                                            >You feel like they'd be a lot more annoying with their childish behaviour if they weren't so darn cute

                                            >You whistle a happy tune as you walk home and lay out your plans for the day, leaving the commotion in the cafe behind you

                                            -----------------------------------

                                            >Be Twilight Sparkle

                                            >You're crowned as the princess of friendship, but you should be the princess of passive aggression

                                            >It's finally your birthday, and you can't wipe the victorious smirk from your face knowing that the stupid, annoying, mean, smelly ape known as Anonymous won't be coming

                                            >The celebrations were going to be legendary, with parties in the street, a huge cake, dancing into the night and some of the strongest alcohol available in Equestria- Appleoosa Applebuck Cider, 2% abv

                                            >You were gonna get so wasted

                                            >This party was gonna be wild!

                                            >And the best part was knowing that Anon was going to miss it all

                                            >You wondered how he was going to spend the day

                                            >Probably curled up in bed crying, shoveling ice cream into his stupid ugly mouth for comfort

                                            >Maybe he'd come and beg for your forgiveness and plead to be allowed to join in the celebrations for a few precious minutes

                                            >And you'd tell him "No!" and humiliate him infront of everypony

                                            >It'd serve him right for all that he's done to you

                                            >Making up silly stories about his species which you wasted precious time and money publishing, only to show you up in your own lecture at the Canterlot University and tell you that it was all wrong, completely discrediting your name and all that you had worked for

                                            >And then he had the nerve to call you "autistic" infront of the entire lecture hall

                                            >You were seething just thinking about it

                                            >But your mood quickly brightened once your thoughts switched back to how awesome the party would be and how miserable it would make Anon

                                            ------------------------------------------------------------

                                            >Several hours later

                                            >The party was in full swing and the entire town was having a great time

                                            >Honestly it blew all of your expectations out of the water

                                            >One thing was bugging you though

                                            >Anon had not yet come to grovel at your hooves infront of everypony and beg to be allowed into the party

                                            >He was probably still at home crying like a foal, but curiosity was getting the better of you, and you wanted to go see him cry for a bit

                                            >Briefly you considered if you were taking things a bit too far, but the memory of all those ponies laughing at you after he ruined your lecture quickly squashed that thought

                                            >You excused yourself from the party to go and 'freshen up a bit' and made your way over to Anon's house

                                            >He lived on the outskirts of town on a fairly quiet street, though you could still hear the faint sounds of the party in the distance

                                            >You stuck to the rooftops, not wanting to be seen through the windows, and crept closer to his home

                                            >As you approached you heard a cacophany of racket

                                            >Loud slamming sounds, crahing and a constant pounding din

                                            >Damn, sounded like you'd sent him into a full blown temper tantrum

                                            >You let out a pleased giggle as you peaked over the edge of the roof you were nestled on

                                            >He was gonna look so stupid flipping out and breaking stuff

                                            >The sight that met your eyes as you peeked over was not what you expected

                                            >He wasn't just kicking stuff about in a tantrum

                                            >He was recklessly destroying bits of wood with sharp metal weapons, no safety equipment or qualified pony to watch over him in sight

                                            >A radio stood on a table beside him blasting some evil noise that sounded like animals growling whilst somepony violently bashed a drum

                                            >Furthermore you could spot what looked like a pint of beer next to it

                                            >Where did he even get beer from? That was an illegal substance too strong for pony consumption

                                            >You stared in complete horror as he lifted the glass, took a few deep swigs and carried on recklessly hacking at the plank of wood

                                            >Guilt flooded your mind as you realised that this was all your fault

                                            >Your actions had pushed him over the edge and driven him to reckless insanity

                                            >Tears streamed down your face as you flew towards him shouting

                                            >"Anon! Stop, don't do it I take it all back! You can come to my birthday party!"

                                            >Your actions startled the suicidal human, the sudden lapse in focus causing a fatal mistake

                                            >You screeched to a halt as your gut clenched, your birthday lunch making a violent reemergence at what you saw before you

                                            >In his surprise, Anon's grip on the blade had slipped, causing it to bite deep into his finger

                                            >Blood gushed from the wound, more than you had ever seen in your life

                                            >You fought not to pass out as you watched Anon's life essence leave his body

                                            >You needed to get him to the hospital quick or he was going to bleed out!

                                            >You began to hyperventilate as the situation started to overwhelm you, your mind unable to deal with the stressful situation


                                            >Be Anon

                                            >Stood in your front garden blasting Gojira, drinking some homebrewed beer and building some new wooden furniture for your home

                                            >You were in your own little world just jamming out and focusing on your task

                                            >You honestly hadn't felt this content in a long while

                                            >Equestria was nice and all but a guy needed some time to himself to indulge in his hobbies, and the overly sociable nature of these little ponies found it very hard

                                            >Finally you had a day without hassle

                                            >Without somepony poking their nose into your business or dragging you off on some stupid adventure, without-

                                            >Your train of thought was derailed by a shouting purple mass flopping over the roof of your neighbour's house and heading straight at you

                                            >A sudden streak of pain flashed along your finger as the saw blade slipped whilst you were distracted by the commotion

                                            "Ow Fuck!"

                                            >Fucking purple autist breaking your concentration and making you cut yourself

                                            >You looked down and saw a small cut with a little bit of blood trickling out of it

                                            >Sonofabitch that stings

                                            >Gonna need a band aid

                                            >You popped your finger in your mouth and sucked on the wound to stop blood going everywhere, and looked up to see purple smart stood a few feet away puking her guts up and babbling incoherently

                                            >What the fuck was her problem?

                                            >You finally get a day to yourself only to have Ponyville's resident autist show up and chunder all over your freshly mowed lawn

                                            "Twilight what the fuck are you doing?" You asked, giving her your most deadpan look

                                            >She looks up at you, breath coming quickly and eyes pinpricks

                                            >"I-I'm sorry Anon I didn't mean it! I-I never meant for this to happen and now you-you're..."

                                            >She looked at the bloody finger in your mouth that you sucked on as you continued to give her a deadpan stare

                                            >Her eyes boggled out for a second and she gave another dry heave

                                            >"I-I'll go get help Anon! Stay in there, you're gonna make it! You're gonna be okay you hear me?!"

                                            >And with that she took off and flew off back towards the centre of town

                                            >These fucking ponies man!

                                            >You just want a nice quiet day to yourself for once

                                            >You grumble angrily to yourself as you head inside to wash your finger and fetch a band aid

                                            >When that's sorted you go back out into your garden

                                            >Clearly fate wasn't going to let you carry on with your plans, so you pack your tools away and grab a seat, sipping on the rest of your beer as you wait for the inevitable stampede of distressed poners

                                            >A few minutes later you heard the distinct sound of multiple sets of hooves pounding on dirt road

                                            >You looked down to see what looked like half of Ponyville charging towards your house, spearheaded by Nurse Redheard and a contingent of other medical ponies

                                            >In their mad rush to 'save' you they bucked down your front gate and came swarming in

                                            >You pinched the bridge of your nose in exasperation

                                            >They could have just fucking opened it

                                            >"Stay calm Anon, it's okay! We're here now!" Redheart shouted

                                            >An inch away from your goddamn face

                                            >You winced and rubbed your ears

                                            "There's nothing wrong Redheart, I'm perfectly fine. And thanks for bucking my gate down by the way"

                                            >"But Twilight came rushing to us claiming that you had a first degree boo boo!" She replied

                                            >She scanned your whole body with a sceptical expression, making you feel rather uncomfortable for some reason

                                            >You always hated going to the doctors

                                            >Suddenly she gasped and her eyes widened as she caught sight of the bright pink band aid on your finger with little smiling pony faces on it

                                            >"Anon! Oh you poor thing, that looks serious!"

                                            "It's fine Red, just a scratch"

                                            >To emphasise your point you wiggled your fingers around and flexed them a bit

                                            >This caused several screams of shock and revulsion from the townsponies that were gathered around watching, and you could hear a few retching noises too

                                            >Nurse Redheart, despite having white fur, seemed to have gotten several shades paler

                                            >"Anon stop it you're going to make it even worse!" She exclaimed

                                            >"You're coming with me right now to the hospital where we can get it X-Ray'd and looked at properly and get a better dressing on it!"

                                            >You sighed in resignation, accepting your fate and silently cursing whatever it was that made these small ponies so infuriatingly cute and childish

                                            >You finished off your beer, which caused another outburst of shock and horror, and stood up to begin your long walk of shame

                                            >All the while various ponies came up to walk next to you and offer words of support and encouragement, brushing up against you and nuzzling your legs and the palm of your good hand

                                            >"We're here for you Anon"

                                            >"Hang in there big guy!"

                                            >"You're gonna make it!"

                                            >All this over a tiny little cut

                                            >You sighed and continued your slow plod to the hospital

                                            --------------------------

                                            >2 hours later

                                            >You sat on your hospital bed, bored out of your mind and contemplating whether it was worth it to try and escape

                                            >The medical ponies had put tight bandages and straps around your fingers to stop any bleeding and immobilise them, all the while baby talking you and assuring that you were gonna be fine

                                            >All the unnecessary bandaging was irritating, but you were just going to take it off when you got home

                                            >In the end Nurse Redheart had even kissed it better for you

                                            >You had always wanted to kiss a nurse, but that was more than a little humiliating

                                            >She also gave you a lolly pop for being such a brave colt

                                            >You're not ashamed to say that you enjoyed the fuck out of it

                                            >But now you sat here waiting to be cleared to go home

                                            >A sudden tapping came at the door

                                            "Come in"

                                            >In trotted Twilight Sparkle, her head humg in shame, refusing to make eye contact with you

                                            >She stood in silence for a solid minute, just sniffling whilst she worked up the courage to talk

                                            >"I-I'm Sorry Anon..."

                                            >You looked at her with a raised brow

                                            >"This is all my fault, if I'd have just invited you to my birthday party none of this would have ever happened. I was so caught up in trying to get back at you that I almost got you killed."

                                            >"I just wanted to make you as upset as I was, not drive you to drinking and reckless insane behaviour!"

                                            >Wut?

                                            >"I've come to apologise, and to make things better I've recheduled my party to tomorrow and you're invited this time. I hope you can forgive me one day Anon"

                                            >She continued to look at the floor, however you saw her red, tear stained eyes peek up a couple of times to guage your reaction

                                            >Well fuck, not only had your nice peaceful day been ruined, but you were gonna have to go to her party as well

                                            >You bet it was like a 10 year old's birthday party, with jelly and ice cream and pin the tail on the donkey or whatever ponified variant they played here

                                            >But to be fair this was all kind of your fault for convincing her that humans are an ancient Equestrian race that were almost driven to extinction by ponies thousands of years ago and you'd come back to seek reparation

                                            >You'd let her believe this for a while, even somehow gotten the Royal Sisters on board despite them being alive at the time you claimed the events had happened

                                            >Maybe there was a dark secret to this happy childish land that was being covered up

                                            >Oh well, you'd gotten a free house and a load of money out of it

                                            >And then you'd thrown it all in Twilight's face and humiliated her just for shits and giggles

                                            >Yeah, you kind of feel like a total dick now

                                            >You sigh, reaching down and picking up the sniffling little pony and setting her on your lap in the hospital bed

                                            >She looked up at you with confusion and some amount of fear, and it made your heart hurt

                                            "It's alright Twilight, you've got nothing to be sorry for"

                                            >"B-but your finger... th-the party..."

                                            >You booped her little snootle with a finger, causing her face to scrunch up in an adorable manner

                                            "Hush silly pony" You said with a little chuckle

                                            "This is my fault, I should have never told you such stupid lies and exposed it infront of everypony. For what it's worth though I didn't think anypony would actually believe me. And the finger is fine by the way, like I said it's just a scratch"

                                            >She gave a little giggle

                                            >"Yeah, it does seem really silly and far fetched when you think about it, although I wonder why Celestia and Luna didn't try and correct it..."

                                            >You decide to brush it off as ponies being silly before you get yourself way too deep into some shit you did not want to be involved with

                                            >Twilight looks up at you, her tears now dried up and a small smile on her face

                                            >"Well I'm glad we finally sorted this out Anon. This day has truly been a rollercoaster of emotions!"

                                            "Haha yeah, never a dull day in Equestria is there?"

                                            >You both share a little laugh before she speaks up again

                                            >"So... friends?"

                                            "Friends" You agree, wrapping her in a hug as she giggles happily.


                                            ---------------------


                                            >Ponies fight wars and conflicts with pillow or water fights, with the most savage conflicts escalating to inflatable and rubber weapons

                                            >Deliberately inflicting an actual boo boo is a war crime, it's just expected that you'll go down after taking a hit or two from a pillow

                                            >Anon doesn't know this

                                            >Changelings invade

                                            >Are totally shocked when he won't go down after taking numerous hits from their assorted 'weapons'

                                            >Even a direct hit to the face with an inflatable hammer, which the changeling responsible for apologised profusely

                                            >Shock turns to horror as he retaliates, throwing a few kicks and punches just to get them to fuck off

                                            >Nothing major inflicted, just some bruises and a few bust noses

                                            >Changelings are quaking in fear and fleeing en mass

                                            >Anon single handedly routes the changeling invasion

                                            >Taken to Celestia's court after order has been reestablished

                                            >Goes down in history as the biggest war criminal to ever face Equestria

                                            >Sentenced to a year in maximum security prison, the longest sentence ever given

                                            >Next longest being 6 months

                                            >Anon's face when


                                            -------------------


                                            >Ponies try to give Anon the silent treatment

                                            >None are supposed to speak to him or even acknowledge his presence for a full hour, and he is not allowed to try and talk to them

                                            >Being deprived of social interaction is basically a form of torture for ponies who are extremely social and talkative by nature

                                            >This treatment is seen as cruel and barbaric and hasn't been used for decades, but no other punishment seems to phase the human at all

                                            >After only 15 minutes all the ponies have broken, most of them crying and apologising to Anon for treating him so brutally, begging for his forgiveness

                                            >When the sniffling has stopped they are all shocked to see that Anon is still sat expressionless, seemingly uncaring as he sits in his chair and twiddles his fingers

                                            >"A- Anon?" One of them calls his name, looking up at him

                                            >The human gives no reaction, apparently not even hearing the mare

                                            >Some of the guards look to each other with concern on their faces

                                            >"Anon cmon it's okay, you can talk now. Your punishment is over"

                                            >Still no reaction

                                            >The assorted guards begin to sweat nervously, wondering what is wrong with him

                                            >Any sane pony would have broken down ranting and babbling after being given the silent treatment, unable to stop the pent up thoughts and emotions they had been prevented from vocalising

                                            >Another guardsmare approaches him, placing her hoof on his leg and lightly shaking him to try and wake him from whatever daze he is under

                                            >"Anon please, talk to us, say something!"

                                            >Still no reaction from Anon, who has now shut his eyes and started leaning back in his chair looking almost relaxed

                                            >By now all the guards are panicking, making little distressed horse noises as they wonder what is wrong with Anon

                                            >"W- We've broken him! Somepony run and get the nurse!"

                                            >"Oh Celestia! Anon, talk! Please!"

                                            >Anon remains totally unflinching, as if he couldn't even hear any of the clamour or feel the hooves grabbing at him and shaking him

                                            >He sits with a pile of little guard poners crying at his feet, cuddling his legs and begging him to talk again

                                            >The heart wrenching sight of so many adorable little ponies all crying and pleading almost causes Anon to break, but he is far too stubborn and petty to let himself be defeated by some pastel coloured equines

                                            >He continues this reverse silent treatment for the full hour, and even an extra 15 minutes just to make sure he'd fully gotten his point across

                                            >By this point almost all the medical staff were in the room trying to figure out what was going on

                                            >He was hooked up to various machines measuring his vital signs- heart rate, temperature, breathing etc

                                            >All seemed fine, but still the human would not talk

                                            >Several of the guards that had served his punishment were already in counselling, unable to bear the guilt of inflicting such cruelty on another living thing

                                            >The situation becomes more and more desperate with letters being sent out to various medical and scientific professionals begging them to come and save Anon

                                            >Suddenly they are interrupted by a loud ringing

                                            >The dinner bell

                                            >Anon stands up, yanking off all the various tubes and monitors that had been stuck to his body and stretching out his limbs

                                            "Fucking finally, I'm starving"

                                            >And with that he walks off to the canteen, leaving behind a large crowd of utterly perplexed ponies too stunned to even form words

                                            >Was he too harsh on them?

                                            >Maybe

                                            >Oh well, they'll forget about it in a few days at the most, and maybe some cuddles and ear scritches to calm them all down again

                                            >First thing's first though

                                            >Food time


                                            ----------------------------


                                            >Be Anon, at a sleepover with Lyra and Bonbon, your next door neighbours

                                            >You hadn't been to a proper sleepover since you were 12 or something since you had grown out of it like everyone else does

                                            >But here in magic pony land, growing out of childish behaviour seems to be an alien concept

                                            >You thought they were pulling some sort of joke when they invited you, but here you were all cuddled up on the sofa wearing your pyjamas and watching an intense horror movie

                                            >Some cute little mare was fleeing for her life from a maniacal dragon chasing her with a hoover

                                            >The loud noise had the pair shaking, and one really intense bit where the hoover almost caught the end of the mare's tail had them shrieking and burying their faces into your chest

                                            >You were just chuckling to yourself at the absurdity of the situation, enjoying your clingy little mare cuddles and snacking on the junk food you had

                                            >The movie progressed until the evil dragon accidentally hoovered up a scarf that had been knocked on the floor, which clogged it up and broke it

                                            >The dragon then fled, vowing to come back with an even more powerful hoover and scare her ten times as hard

                                            >Lyra, caught up in the excitement when the bad guy was defeated, threw her hoofsies in the air and cheered

                                            >This caused the drink that you had been holding to go flying, soaking your shirt and pants

                                            >"A-Anon I'm sorry! It was an accident!" Lyra stammered, starting to panic once she realised what she'd done

                                            >"Yeah, she didn't mean to do it Anon, please don't get mad" Bonbon said as she too realised what had happened

                                            >Lyra had been your best bud since you arrived in Equestria, the only one who would really talk to you at first other than Princesses and scientists who essentially just wanted to interrogate you

                                            >You knew she was hyperactive, easily excited and fairly accident prone, and her goofball personality was one of the reasons why you liked her so much

                                            >You were a tad miffed at having your pyjamas soaked, but you could never be mad at her

                                            "Nah don't worry about it Lyra," You said, giving her mane a friendly ruffle

                                            "I probably should have seen something like that coming"

                                            >"But what are you gonna do now? Your shirt's all icky and gross"

                                            >You stood up, startling the pair a little bit as you headed towards the door

                                            "It's no biggie, I'll just nip back to mine and grab a fresh set of PJs. I'll be back in two minutes"

                                            >"Anon wait!" The pair cried in unison, rushing over and clinging onto your legs so that you couldn't go anywhere

                                            >You stood there confused, wondering why they were holding you back and looking so scared

                                            >"You can't go outside, it's dark!" Lyra cried, looking up at you with wide eyes

                                            >Poor thing looked like she was on the verge of tears

                                            >Bonbon was also giving you an extremely concerned look

                                            "...So?"

                                            >The pair looked to each other, then back up at you

                                            >You felt like a mentally retarded child that was missing some super obvious point

                                            >"So..." Bonbon started

                                            >"It's dark and scary. There could be m-monsters out there just waiting to snatch you up and eat you!"

                                            >At the mention of m-monsters Lyra shuddered and clutched your leg tighter

                                            >"Don't go Anon, it's really spooky out there"

                                            >You were now torn between wanting dry clothes and not wanting to upset the scared little poners

                                            >The pleading looks they were giving you made your heart ache

                                            >But it would take you two minutes to go and get some dry clothes on compared to an entire night of feeling all sticky and damp

                                            "Look, I really need to put some dry clothes on. I'll be two minutes, promise" You said confidently

                                            >Anon no! I don't want the monsters to get you!" Lyra cried and began sniffling

                                            >You sighed and gave her a hug, then picked her up

                                            >You carried her over to the window and opened the curtains so that you could look out of it

                                            "Look Lyra, the street lights are on so it's not too dark. And you can see for yourself that there are no monsters anywhere"

                                            >She gave another couple of sniffles

                                            >"T-they hide in the shadows Anon, everypony knows that!"

                                            "Well if they're small enough to fit in the shadows I'm sure they can't be big monsters, I could take on a small monster or two easy peasy"

                                            >Lyra looked at you and seemed to be pondering what you said

                                            >"I just don't want you to get hurt Anon"

                                            "Aww Lyra..."

                                            >You hugged her close and she nuzzled your cheek

                                            "If it makes you feel better, you and Bonnie can sit here at the window and watch me. That way if any monster does appear you can run outside and rescue me. No monster's gonna be able to take on two brave mares AND a human!"

                                            >Lyra sighed as she finally relented

                                            >"Okay Anon, just promise me you'll be quick"

                                            "I'll be in and out Lyra, you won't even know I'm gone"

                                            >You put her down and then gave Bonbon a hug before you left

                                            >"Be careful Anon" she said, her voice a little bit shaky

                                            >You stroked her mane and then stood up

                                            >You were surprised to find that your heart was pumping a little bit faster as you turned the door handle

                                            >The little poners had gotten so worked up about you going off in the dark that it had started to rub off on you

                                            >Not that you were scared at all, you just felt like this moment had been bigged up and given way too much importance

                                            >You stepped out into the dimly lit street and shut the door behind you

                                            >It was a pretty warm night, fairly pleasant actually

                                            >You looked up at the stars which twinkled beautifully, before looking down at the deserted street

                                            >Guess all ponies were as deathly scared of the dark

                                            >There wasn't a soul in sight

                                            >You walked down the garden path, stopping at the gate and looking back to the window

                                            >Lyra and Bonbon's heads were peeking out from below the sill, watching you intently with concerned stares

                                            >You smiled and gave them a little wave to show you were alright, but both were too busy looking out for scary monsters to wave back

                                            >Oh well, better make it quick

                                            >You walked the few feet over to your own house and let yourself in

                                            >You had left your curtains open before you left and the soft glow of the street lamps and moonlit sky streamed in through the windows

                                            >There was just enough light for you to see where you were going, so you didn't bother flicking the lights on

                                            >This proved to be a mistake as you climbed the stairs, opened the door to your bedroom and accidentally whacked your head on the door frame

                                            >The stream of profanity that came out of your mouth would make most ponies faint

                                            >You clutched your head and hissed through your teeth as you successfully made it through the open doorway and over to your drawers

                                            >You grabbed a fresh set of PJs before stripping the wet ones off and going into the en-suite to wipe off the stickiness with a cloth

                                            >You then put the clean ones on and made your way downstairs a little more carefully this time

                                            >You made your way back over to Lyra's, still clutching your sore head, and saw the two still keeping lookout at the window

                                            >They rushed over to the door as you came back in and you nearly tripped over them as they rubbed up against your legs

                                            >As you knelt down to give them a hug, Bonbon noticed the bruise on your head that must have formed

                                            >From the look on her face you could guess it was a shiner

                                            >"A-A-Anon, y-your head!" She gasped, pointing a hoof at it

                                            >Lyra then looked up with a quizzical glance before going pale, her pupils shrinking to the size of pinpricks as she gave a little whinny of horror

                                            >"Anon! The monsters got you!"

                                            >The tears were now coming in full force from both ponies

                                            >"We should have never let you go out there alone! What were we thinking?" Bonbon wailed

                                            >"I-it's okay Anon, they can't get you in here, you're safe now"

                                            >You sighed as your shirt was once again soaked, this time with pony tears as they wept into your chest

                                            "Girls calm down it wasn't monsters" You tried to reassure them

                                            "I just uhhhh... walked into my door frame"

                                            >You felt embarrassed as you said it, knowing full well how stupid you were

                                            >The pair looked up at you as you stroked their necks and down their backs

                                            >"W-well that's still a major boo-boo Anon. We're gonna have to take you to the horsepital... in the d-d-dark..."

                                            >You silently asked god for strength at the lame horse pun and tried again to reassure the sniffly little poners

                                            "There's no need to go to the doctors" You said, making damn sure you avoided that cursed word

                                            "I'll be fine, maybe just get an ice pack or something from the freezer to help the swelling go down"

                                            >Lyra immediately rushed off to go retrieve the ice pack, acting as if your life depended on it

                                            >Bonbon continued hugging you tightly and sniffling

                                            >"Are you sure you're gonna be okay Anon?" She asked, looking up at you with wide, sky blue, teary eyes

                                            "Bonnie I've had plenty worse knocks than this. It barely even hurts any more" You said with a smile

                                            >You picked her up and headed back into the living room, sitting down on the couch with her in your lap

                                            >As you sat down, Lyra came galloping back in with an ice pack held in her magic

                                            >She thrust it into your hands and then jumped up next to you, cuddling into your side

                                            "Calm down Lyra it's fine, I'm not gonna die or anything"

                                            >You chuckled, holding the ice pack to your head with one hand whilst using the other arm to simultaneously support Bonbon and give Lyra a scratch behind the ear

                                            >You winced and hissed a little bit as the freezing cold made contact with your bruised forehead, which had both the mares shoot their heads up to look at you with concerned glances

                                            >You quickly forced your expression back to an easy smile though, which had them both calm down quickly

                                            >You sat and watched some random horse tv that had come on after the movie finished in relative quiet for a while, before noticing that the two little ponies were starting to doze off

                                            >All the excitement and frights of the evening must have gotten them all tuckered out

                                            >You reached over, grabbed the remote and flicked the tv off

                                            >The sudden silence caused the pair to come round a bit as they sat up to figure out what had happened

                                            "I think it's time we all got some sleep. You guys can barely even keep your eyes open"

                                            >Lyra began to grumble in protest, but a sudden yawn cut her off and invalidated any argument she may have had

                                            >You'd had the foresight earlier on to get your sleeping bag out before you started watching the movie, and Lyra and Bonbon had dragged their duvets downstairs and laid them out either side of your sleeping bag

                                            >The two mares groggily got up and began crawling under the covers, and you went to turn off the light before joining them

                                            >There was nothing but quiet breathing and the soft rustling of sheets for about fifteen minutes or so, and you were just starting to drift off when you heard a quiet whisper

                                            >"Anon, are you still awake?"

                                            >The room was lit in a faint magical glow as Lyra used her horn to create some illumination, and you found yourself staring into her golden eyes

                                            "Yeah why, what's up Lyra?"

                                            >"I had a nightmare"

                                            >You could tell this was bullshit, neither of them had fallen asleep yet

                                            >But with the puppy dog eyes she was giving you, you could already tell you were gonna cave to whatever her next request was about to be

                                            >"C-could I maybe cuddle with you for a bit? I'm scared"

                                            >You rolled your eyes with a smile as you began to kick off your sleeping bag

                                            "Go on then" You chuckled

                                            >You crawled under the duvet and wrapped her in your arms, burying your face in her mane as she nuzzled your chest and neck

                                            >This was one of the things you loved about Equestria

                                            >The locals were a lot more touchy feely than back home, and cuddles, nuzzling and hugging were all essential parts of bonding and expressing love and friendship

                                            >From your other side you heard shuffling and a little whine

                                            >Before Bonbon could ask you for the same thing, you reached an arm out and pulled her over next to you

                                            >She gave a surprised little squeak, then a contented sigh as she realised what was happening

                                            >The two mares wriggled about getting comfortable for a couple of minutes before they eventually settled down

                                            >You wound up with one under each arm, their heads laid on your chest rising and falling with your breathing

                                            >They had curled their tails up over your body in an almost protective manner, forming a sort of blanket over your upper legs, stomach and chest

                                            >You found this to be totally adorable, not to mention incredibly soft and comfortable

                                            >Their intertwined tails felt like a layer of silk covering your body

                                            >You couldn't imagine anything like this happening back home, it'd be super weird

                                            >But laying here with these two little mares cuddled up to you made you feel complete

                                            >Your mind was totally as peace as the three of you drifted off to sleep


                                            -----------------------------------


                                            >Actual curse words are so taboo in Equestria because they are genuinely words of power with magical effects

                                            >Anon doesn't know this, but hasn't had any mishaps yet since he's kept his language tame in front of the childish little ponies

                                            >But this one random colt was starting to wind him up a bit

                                            >The dude had been following him around all day, calling him vile things like doo-doo head and dummy face

                                            >Anon didn't really even know why he was getting harassed, maybe he forgot to say Hi to him when they walked by each other or something

                                            >Either way, Anon decided enough was enough

                                            >He turned around to face the stallion and opened his mouth to speak

                                            "Fuck off mate"

                                            >A sudden blast of power then erupted from his mouth, sending the colt flying into a hedge

                                            >Anon was startled, not even realising that he was responsible as he ducked for cover

                                            "Jesus Christ, what the fuck was that?"

                                            >The earth began to tremble and shake at his profanity, and dark clouds began to gather as lightning cracked the sky

                                            >Nearby ponies were staring at him in horror, others were running for their lives

                                            >Anon decided to keep his mouth shut after that


                                            ---------------------------------


                                            >Decide to cosplay as Lyra for nightmare night just for a laugh and to see how she would react

                                            >Bump into her in the main market where most of the festivities are

                                            >She looks at you in confusion, then looks around at all the other ponies to see if they're as confused as she is

                                            >"B-b-but I'm Lyra!" She stammers

                                            "Nuh uh, I'm Lyra" You chuckle

                                            >She looks down at her own body, the existential crisis you'd sent her into apparent on her face

                                            >She pulls her costume back, revealing her lyre cutie mark, and confirming to herself that she is indeed still Lyra

                                            >"Look, I have the cutie mark see! I'm Lyra!"

                                            "Nah, I'm definitely Lyra, so you can't be her"

                                            >She looks around desperately, hoping that someone else will recognise her and validate her identity

                                            >As she's stood there helplessly one of her friends, Bonbon, trots up and speaks to you

                                            >"Hey Lyra, how come you're not wearing a costume tonight? And who's this you're talking to?"

                                            >You grin to yourself underneath the costume, hardly believing that this was happening

                                            >Lyra was a doofus, so you could kind of understand how she had fallen for it

                                            >But you'd always seen Bonbon as smarter and more level headed

                                            >But here she was talking to you as if you were actually Lyra

                                            "I don't know Bonbon, she says she's Lyra but clearly I'm Lyra!"

                                            >She scowls at Lyra who looks back at her with a pleading look in her eyes

                                            >"You can't be Lyra, Lyra's stood right here. Who are you really?"

                                            >Lyra lets out a scream of existential anguish as she wonders if she's even real or whether all her memories are fake

                                            >You laugh and pat her on the head


                                            ---------------------------------


                                            >Be Anon

                                            >After living in this weird world full of childish horses for a while, you remembered the gold stars that teachers used to give out for good behaviour and good work at school

                                            >You wondered if such a thing was used here, and decided to test out whether it worked

                                            >After Pinkie Pie spent a full week showing everyone she came accross the gold star you gave her for baking you a surprise cake, you decided to start handing them out to anypony who did something you deemed as a good deed

                                            >The pride and sense of accomplishment they gave quickly led to them being a highly sought after reward

                                            >Ponies started competing for these gold stars, getting you to give them missions and quests to earn them

                                            >You could have totally exploited this and got them to do all of your chores for free, but you're not a dick so you generally tried to make these gold star quests benefit the town

                                            >Most of the tasks involved stuff like helping a pony in need, giving a sad pony a hug or donating to charity; simple stuff like that

                                            >One day a young mare came to you, determined to earn her gold star

                                            >She told you that her name was Cake Batter, and from her name and the picture of a mixing bowl on her flank, you guessed that she was a baker

                                            >A task for her immediately popped into your head

                                            >You told her to go and bake a delicious cake for the upcoming bake sale at the school, and afterwards she would get her gold star

                                            >Cake batter grinned excitedly, confident that she could use her special talent to accomplish the task and make an amazing cake to sell and raise money for the school

                                            >She rushed out of the house, going full gallop as you chuckled to yourself and closed the door behind her


                                            >Later that evening

                                            >You were chilling in your living room reading a book when you heard a faint knock at the door

                                            >Wondering who it could be, you set your book down and went to answer it

                                            >What you saw had you a little surprised

                                            >The previously confident and energetic Cake Batter had returned, but now her head was hung low, and you could hear the faint pitter-patter of tears splattering the ground as she sniffled sadly

                                            "Cake Batter? What's wrong? What happened?" You asked, genuinely concerned for her

                                            >She sniffled again, her voice trembling as she answered you

                                            >"I f-f-failed Anon. I failed in my quest... I'm not w-w-worthy of a gold star"

                                            >She then began sobbing gently as more tears dropped to the ground

                                            >You didn't know how she could have failed such a relatively simple task, but you did know that you weren't gonna have a pony being miserable and feeling like a failure because of something you told them to do

                                            "Come inside Cake Batter, sit down and tell me what happened"

                                            >You let her inside, closing the door behind her and leading her to your living room, patting the couch and getting her to hop up next to you

                                            "Start from the beginning, I want to know everything that happened"

                                            >She sniffled a few more times as she tried to compose herself, still unable to make eye contact with you, and you stroked her mane reassuringly to help calm her down

                                            >"W-well after you gave me my quest, I was so excited that I galloped all the way home. I already had an idea for the perfect cake, and I just couldn't wait to start making it!"

                                            >She fiddled with her hooves a little, but gradually started to become more expressive as she told you her tale

                                            >"As soon as I got in I rushed to the kitchen and began gathering all the ingredients. Soon I was mixing them and before I even knew it the cake was in the oven."

                                            >"It came out perfect too!" she cried, waving her hooves in the air

                                            >"No burnt bits, no lumps or inconsistencies, it looked great! I even decorated it with a picture of the schoolhouse made out of icing, and made a couple of little pony figurines to go on there. You should have seen it!"

                                            >She looked at you now with a little smile; it was clearly one of her finest creations that she had put a lot of effort into

                                            "Well what happened then?" You asked

                                            "You made the cake, so how did you fail in your quest?"

                                            >Her smile immediately faltered and she looked away and began fiddling with her hooves again, her voice becoming shaky

                                            >"I-I was in such a rush to bring it to the schoolhouse that I didn't look where I was going, and I tripped over and d-d-dropped it. It was completely r-r-ruined!"

                                            >She then began wailing as you wrapped your arms around her, pulling her head into your chest

                                            "Shhhhh, it's okay. It's not the end of the world" You whispered gently

                                            >"B-b-but I failed Anon! I failed to prove myself and now I'm never gonna get a gold star!" She cried, sobbing into your shirt

                                            >You stroked her mane and back, trying to get her to calm down

                                            >You didn't know how a tiny gold star that you could buy a box of for a bit could mean that much to these ponies, but still you felt absolutely terrible for indirectly causing this

                                            >You knew that you had to make things right again

                                            "Hey now, you didn't fail" you said, lifting her chin up so that you could look her in the eyes

                                            >Her ears perked up, and she looked at you questioningly as you wiped the tears from her face with your thumbs

                                            "The way to earn these stars isn't simply completing the task I give you. What matters is the the effort and the thought you put into it, and the commitment you show in helping those around you."

                                            >Her eyes seemed to shimmer a little as her sniffles stopped, and you could see the hope blossoming in her

                                            "I can see that you put a lot of hard work into making the best cake you could for the bake sale, and I'm sure everypony would have absolutely loved it; I don't see why a silly little accident should overshadow all the effort you made. I can see that you're a truly good pony who cares for others and is willing to work hard to help them, so here..."

                                            >She leaned forwards in excitement, her eyes as wide as dinner plates, as you opened the drawer next to the sofa where you kept your tub of gold stars

                                            >You took one out, ripped off a bit of sellotape, then turned back around and presented it to her

                                            >She sat there transfixed as you slowly moved your hands towards her, practically hypnotised as you stuck it to her chest

                                            >She looked down at the star, then back at you, then back at the star again

                                            >She did this for a full 30 seconds, her mind seemingly unable to comprehend what had happened as you looked at her with an amused smirk

                                            >It was just starting to get a little bit weird when she suddenly tackled you in a massive hug, wrapping her forelegs around your torso and squeezing as hard as she could

                                            >"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" She yelled repeatedly, burying her face in the crook of your neck as she aggressively nuzzled you

                                            >You returned the embrace with a chuckle, glad that the sad poner was now happy and all was right in the world once again

                                            >When she finally released you she blushed in embarrassment, looking away again

                                            >"S-sorry, I was just... so excited!"

                                            >You smiled and patted her on the head

                                            "It's alright Cake Batter, you earned it. Now, why don't you go and show all your family and friends your shiny new gold star? I bet they're all gonna be super proud of you!"

                                            >"Heehee, that's a great idea! I can't wait to show them all!" She giggled

                                            >You smiled to yourself as you led her to the front door

                                            >It really was like a kid rushing home to show their mum what they did at school

                                            >There was something so pure and innocent about the happiness it brought them, and it made you feel great knowing that you'd made them so happy and gotten them to help the town out

                                            >"Thanks again Anon, this really means a lot to me" She said, giving you one last hug as you let her out the door

                                            "I'm glad it's made you so happy. I'll see you around Cake Batter"

                                            >"See ya later Anon! Have a good night!"

                                            >And with that she bolted off, galloping as fast as her hooves could carry her

                                            >"I did it! I got my gold star! I got my gold staaarrrr~!" You heard her squealing as she disappeared into the distance

                                            >You shut the door, shaking your head as you laughed in disbelief

                                            >These fucking ponies man


                                            ---------------------------------


                                            >Anon's ability to judge the goodness of a pony and bless them with his gift of the gold star leads to him being revered as a god

                                            >Even long after his death tales are told of the mystical biped ape that can see the very soul of a pony and judge their character

                                            >The pone bible is written, telling the tale of Anon and the deeds of his disciples as they accomplished great acts of kindness and generosity in order to earn their gold stars

                                            >Followers of Godnon strive to copy these heroic feats, working hard to help old mares accross the street or giving their last piece of candy to their friend who didn't get any

                                            >The 'Churches of Anon' give out these gold star quests, and missionaries are often sent to perform kind acts in foreign lands where the inhabitants are often cruel and mean

                                            >The Church of Anon will also recognise any other good deeds a pony may do, it is not simply limited to ones the Church has set

                                            >It is written that when a pony dies, their soul is brought before Godnon to be judged for their actions

                                            >The good and the righteous shall be blessed with a brilliant gleaming golden star, and move on to eternal life in the land of rainbows and cupcakes

                                            >However, those who have been big meanies or never stopped to help others meet a much worse fate

                                            >They must re-live every single time they have been mean, inconsiderate or selfish and correct their actions in a kind and honest way

                                            >Once they have atoned and proven that they can be good and kind, Anon will finally bestow upon them their gold star and allow them into poner heaven

                                            >Meanwhile, Anon is confused as to why every single new pony spirit in the afterlife is coming up to him and asking for gold stars

                                            >Multiple generations have passed since he died of a d'awww induced heart attack; how do any of them even know about him and his gold stars?

                                            >He doesn't mind though

                                            >Turns out heaven for him was pretty much the same as normal life in Equestria


                                            ---------------------------------


                                            >Be Anon

                                            >Be currently locked up in pone prison

                                            >Apparently punching some annoying wannabe supervillain who was trying to kidnap you and some other ponies to work in his sweatshop is a crime

                                            >Ironically the supervillain is also your new cellmate

                                            >In human prison one of you would definitely wind up getting shanked

                                            >But the poners put you both together so that you'd have more time to talk things over and make friends

                                            >The supervillain, who calls himself 'Lord Meanie Pants' (his actual name is Running Stitch), is currently curled up in a ball at the far end of your cell shivering in fear

                                            >Poor evil poner thought you were gonna batter him

                                            >You weren't really the vengeful sort though, and beating up that pathetic snivelling mess would only make you feel bad and land you in a lot more trouble

                                            >Still, he was an actual criminal so you weren't about to go over there and comfort him immediately

                                            >Let him stew in his fear for a bit and think about what he's done

                                            >You hopped onto your bunk and began reading one of the books the prison provided you with

                                            >Of course the only books they'd stocked your room with were children's pop-up books, and you groaned in frustration

                                            >This caused Meanie Pants to whimper and begin shaking even harder

                                            >You sighed, growing tired of his childish antics

                                            "You can stop that crying" You said, rolling your eyes as he huddled into an even tighter ball

                                            >"B-b-but I tried to foalnap you, a-and now you're gonna b-beat me up!"

                                            >You chucked the children's book off to the side and sat up on your bed, making him jump in fright

                                            "Look dude, I don't care if you tried to kidnap me, you would have never managed it anyways. If I punch you I'm just gonna get in more trouble; they might make me stay here for another week- maybe even two- and I'd rather get home before all my food goes off and starts getting mould everywhere"

                                            >He gave you a sceptical look and maintained his protective huddle

                                            >"B-but aren't you mad? A-aren't you gonna pick on me or call me names?

                                            "I already told you that I really don't care. We're both in prison together, like it or not, and I'd rather not make life more unpleasant for either of us than it already is. Having a cellmate that's constantly living in fear around me is just gonna make things uncomfortable for me and probably downright terrifying for you, so lets just call this a fresh start and we can all get along nicely."

                                            >He uncurled himself a little at your words, his ears perking up and trembling stopping as he seemed to relax

                                            >He still looked cautious though; you could tell that you had eased his immediate fears of being beaten up, but he obviously didn't trust you to let everything go and not look for another way to get your own back

                                            >"D-do you really mean it? You won't beat me up or be mean to me? You'll just let everything I did to you go, just like that?"

                                            "Look, the only way I'm gonna do anything mean to you is if you do something mean to me. If you're a good pony and you don't try to kidnap me to work in a sweatshop for you again or do anything else unpleasant or villainous, then I have no quarrel with you"

                                            >He blushed a little and looked away at your little jab, scrunching his muzzle up

                                            >You chuckled a little, but decided to do something nice for him to hopefully gain his trust and get him to calm down

                                            "Tell you what, just to show you that I mean what I say, I'll stick with you as we're going around the prison. Keep you away from trouble, keep trouble away from you, make sure the other inmates don't give you a hard time..."

                                            >"T-Trouble?" He asked, the fear creeping back into his voice

                                            >This definitely caused you to smile

                                            >He had no idea what they do to new guys in prison

                                            "Oh yeah, we're the new guys here; fresh meat"

                                            >He shuddered at the mention of meat

                                            "Everyone's gonna be testing us, teasing us, trying to see how tough we are, that sort of stuff. If you look weak and scared then everyone's gonna be pushing you around and picking on you, and your life here is gonna be pretty miserable."

                                            >He looked at you in fear

                                            >Clearly he'd only envisioned you as the only thing to worry about in here

                                            >He hadn't even considered the other inmates

                                            >You could see his mind working, conjuring up images of all the hardened criminals that could be in here, many of them much bigger and scarier than he was

                                            >To you they were all just cute little ponies no matter how tough they thought they were

                                            >Meanie Pants started trembling a little and curling back up into his defensive ball, but you stopped him with your words

                                            "However..." You stated, causing him to pause and look at you intently

                                            "If you don't let anyone push you around and you prove yourself to be strong and fearless, you're gonna earn a lot of respect. Less ponies will try to push you around, and you might even meet some powerful friends"

                                            >He looked at you with wide eyes, entranced by what you were saying

                                            >"B-but how will I prove myself to be strong and f-fearless? I know I tried to kidnap ponies to work for me but that was just because I was behind on a large order for a very important customer, and I was really really scared that they were going to get mad at me and ruin my business"

                                            >You tried not to facepalm

                                            >He was so scared about delaying an order that he resorted to forcing other ponies into slavery to get it done quicker

                                            >That's some fucked up logic right there

                                            "Well it's simple really," You continued

                                            "You just stick with me"

                                            >He gave you a confused look

                                            >"But how do you know that you're strong enough to impress them? There could be some real tough ponies out there, there could be bullies and thieves, I bet some of them have even been in fights! T-there could even be some real supervillains in there!"

                                            >You looked at him with a deadpan gaze

                                            "Meanie Pants, I'm at least twice as tall as most ponies and I haven't met any that are stronger than me yet. I come from a much harsher and more dangerous world than you do, and I can promise you that there's not a single thing in this prison that will scare me. Just stick by me and try not to look too scared by everything and you'll be fine, you have my word"

                                            >He seemed to consider what you said for a few seconds, before realising that you were probably the only chance he had at making it through this prison unscathed

                                            >"O-okay" He mumbled

                                            >"But could you maybe drop the 'Meanie Pants' and call me Running Stitch? Th-that's my real name and I don't really like being called a meanie all the time, that was just a bit to try and scare ponies"

                                            >You gave him a smile, happy to call him by his real name

                                            >If only because his supervillain name sounded incredibly gay and you disliked saying it

                                            "Sure thing, Running Stitch"

                                            >He gave you a weak smile in return and held his hoof out to you

                                            >"F-friends?" He asked

                                            "Friends", you replied, grasping his hoof in your hand and giving it a firm shake


                                            ---------------------------------


                                            >Anon tries to spruce up his garden with a bird bath to attract some of the many exotic and colourful birds that inhabit Equestria

                                            >So far it has only attracted pegasi that keep trying to bathe in it, despite them being way too big to fit in it, and consequently scaring off all the birds that he was trying to attract

                                            >After getting sick of having to run outside every half hour to angrily 'shoo' them off with a broom, he decided to take more creative measures

                                            >He built a scarecrow and dressed it in some of his old clothes, with a big angry face painted on it

                                            >He even attached the broom to its hands to make it more threatening, and stuck it outside to angrily guard his bird bath

                                            >At first he was concerned that it would also scare the birds away, however it turns out that in kinderquestria even the birds have a higher degree of intelligence than the childish ponies

                                            >They flocked to it, enjoying the refreshing bath and the containers of bird seed that Anon had placed around his garden whilst he sat by the window and observed them

                                            >Meanwhile he could spot several pegasi sat behind his garden fence, either pouting jealously at the birds or staring intently at the fake Anon, waiting for him to get tired and go back inside

                                            >"He can't just stand there and guard it all day can he?"

                                            >"He's got to tire out eventually right?"

                                            >"How come they're allowed in there and we aren't?"

                                            >Anon didn't know what he enjoyed watching more, the colourful birds or the congregation of pegasi that sat there jealously muttering to each other whilst getting fooled by a scarecrow