My Oneshots (2022/01/18)


                                            [Anon, Kirin]

                                            https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/c/c7/Autumn_Blaze_ID_S8E23.png

                                            “Ma’am, I need you to hold it right there.”

                                            >”M-me? I was just leaving. What’s the problem?”

                                            “Really, Ma’am?”

                                            >“What? W-what’s wrong? I don’t normally visit this kind of place, so if I did something wrong...”

                                            “Are you really going to make me say it? Don’t make this more awkward than it has to be.”

                                            >“...”

                                            “Okay then. I guess we’re doing this. Ma’am, clearly the following is what happened. You snuck into the ‘Exotic Toys’ section. You decided you wanted something, but didn’t want to pay for it... or maybe you couldn’t afford it. You then proceeded to remove a Mortimer the Bashful Wyrm dragon dildo, currently retailing for $59.95, from its packaging. You then used... I don’t know, glue, strings or some other method to attach it to your head, thinking you’d be able to just waltz out of here with it without anyone noticing.”

                                            >“WHAT DID YOU-”

                                            “Honestly, what were you thinking? I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to-”


                                            >”Hello? I’m calling to report a fire at that smut shop by the park... Anon’s Adult Fun Emporium, I think it's called. No, I don’t know what caused it, but I can hear a lot of angry screaming.”


                                            [Anon, Twilight]

                                            >"Anon, I keep telling you, it's fine! Herds are a normal part of pony society."

                                            >The purple pony walks up to the couch, and climbs up on the seat next to you.

                                            >"Due to the ratio of mares to stallions, we form bands with multiple mares and one stallion. It's a necessary strategy to deal with-"

                                            >You shush your adorable wife.

                                            "Twilight, I love you. And don't you dare think I'm judging you..."

                                            >You look into her big lavender eyes, and wrap her in a tight hug.

                                            "But I'm not going to play along with your cuckoldry fetish. It's just too weird for me."

                                            >"AAAAAAAAAGH!"


                                            [Anon, Kinder]

                                            >Anon in Kinderquestria

                                            >except it's actually normal Equestria

                                            >running all over town like an overwhelmed mother, confiscating kitchen knives and hard candy that might get lodged in someone's throat

                                            "Are you playing with the STOVE!?!"

                                            >"Anonymous, I have a three year degree from the Canterlot Academy of Culinar-"

                                            "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is!? You could have burned the house down! Or- or hurt yourself! You are GROUNDED, mister!"

                                            >"Human, this farce has gone on long en-"

                                            "Go to your room!"

                                            >Later, Anon feels bad for raising his voice and leaves a glass of milk and a sugar cookie outside his bedroom door to cheer him up.


                                            [RGRE]

                                            >the Element of Laughter (at others expense)

                                            >the Element of Generosity (with your wife's wages)

                                            >the Element of Honesty (in service of cruelty)

                                            >the Element of Kindness (so long as it makes you look and feel good)

                                            >the Element of Loyalty (to your 'true inner prince')


                                            The mares of Ponyville are getting pretty tired of stallionists angrily demanding to know why none of the Elements Bearers are male.


                                            [Anon]

                                            Coming up with pet names for your wife in Equestria must be a pain.

                                            "Oh, yeah, honey! Right there, that's the spot!"

                                            >"Honey? Honey Heart? Our doctor? Have you been cheating on me, Anon?!"

                                            "What? No, of course not! I love you, dear."

                                            >"Dear who? Dear Treat?! The mare who runs the ice cream shop!? What, one mistress wasn't enough for you?!"

                                            "Sweetie, what are you talking abou-"

                                            >"S-sweetie? SWEETIE BELLE?! What is WRONG with you, you SICK BASTARD?!"


                                            [spoiler]"Sick Bastard?! Have you been cheating on me with an orphan?![/spoiler]