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Warpone begins

By Guest
Created: 2022-01-21 06:54:01
Expiry: Never
ponywarponesgt. reckless

  1. >Equestria is under siege.
  2. >The princesses have gone missing.
  3. >The enemy will soon breach the gates.
  4. >Shining Armor is the closest thing to a commander in chief still active.
  5. >In his desperation he has sought the counsel of less reputable wizards.
  6. >They have told him of a spell.
  7. >The kind of spell your mother warned you about.
  8. >Several court mages have resigned in protest, choosing to die with a clean conscience.
  9. >Even those who remain think it is a bad idea.
  10. >Several beings from a world more accustomed to war will soon be brought here to fight for Equestria.
  11. >If the world they came from was truly as violent as believed, these creatures might not be anything more than savage beasts.
  12. >And if they are intelligent, there is still no guarantee these beings will aid Equestria, they may even join in it's conquest.
  13. >The sound of a heavy battering ram against the palace gates makes it clear there is little left to lose.
  14. >The spell is performed.
  15. >A brilliant flash of light leaves everypony dazed for a moment.
  16. >Then they notice the six new ponies standing in the center of the room looking confused.
  17.  
  18. >Shining Armor approaches and begins informing them of the dire situation.
  19. >But soon a large stallion named Bacephalus interrupts him.
  20. >“Do you guys have any wine? It doesn't have to be good, it just has to get me drunk. Oh and mares, attractive breeding aged ones preferably.”
  21. >Shining Armor is stunned silent for a second but before he can reply.
  22. >“There is no time for this.” the imperious Marengo“I see there is an urgent need for strong dynamic leadership, naturally I nominate myself!”
  23. >Sgt. Reckless challenged his nomination . . . by calling him a “cheese eating surrender monkey” and using broken English to express her belief that his parents were brothers.
  24. >Completely unconcerned with the ongoing argument, the revolutionary warhorses Nelson and Blueskin have begun vying for the attention of the beautiful mare Laili.
  25. >Laili blushes, flutters her eyelashes, and politely asks the stallions not to fight over her.
  26. >in a tone that makes it very clear she wants them to continue fighting over her.
  27. >Shining armor sighs and facehoofs.
  28. >Turns out this was a very bad idea for completely different reasons than expected.
  29. >At that moment the invaders breached the walls compromising the structural integrity of the palace.
  30. >Rocks fall, everypone dies.
  31. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  32. >“Alright, here's the sandbag, Zobit.”
  33. >“There I was in the mess, jippo on the right MV's on the left. Diggers everywhere, Then I saw it, the Julie Andrews.”
  34. >“Seems the slop jockey decided to POETS, off to get shredded I imagine.”
  35. >“Nothing on the clock but Smiths, definitely a mishcrit situation.”
  36. >“Had to work the taps and tits out myself, but I had it at full chit soon enough, I did!”
  37. >“Turned into a bit of a flap, left right and center it was, would have been a total fold up if not for my jink! I certainly rang the bell, I did!”
  38. >“Alright, Copenhagen.” Shining Armor replied after a moment to collect his thoughts“ That explains why it took so long for you to get my coffee, but why is it cold?”
  39. >“Oh” The British war horse suddenly remembered the rest of the story “well you see Oppo, just as I was finishing with the coffee I noticed it was tea time.”
  40. >“So” Shining armor rubbed his temples “you stopped making coffee to have tea.”
  41. >”Well, there's not one set of QR's for good ole Blighty and another set for the rest of the world.”
  42. >“Actually I'm pretty sure there is” Shining Armor muttered under his breath.
  43. >“I suppose it is a little pear shaped but not a complete Gash job, issit?”
  44. >Shining armor was about to say something very unkind, but then merely asked Copenhagen to go to the Quarter master and see if they had any errands for him to run.
  45. >“Ah, Pukka Gen, no time for a jolly, suspect me of being a NATO potato they will, I'll see you later in the O club with the other odd-bods.”
  46. >Copenhagen then flamboyantly tossed his British racing green silk scarf around his neck and bellowed “Tally-Ho!” as he jumped through the open window in shining armors office.
  47. >Which is a strange way for an earth pony to exit a building.
  48. >But Shining Armor had long since stopped noticing such eccentricities and resumed filling out the requisition forms for a personal coffee maker.
  49. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  50. >Every pony makes mistakes.
  51. >Some ponies forget their mothers birthday.
  52. >Other ponies tear a hole in the fabric of space/time to summon warriors from another dimension.
  53. >Shining Armor regrettably found himself among the latter.
  54. >After the princesses escaped from the enemy and returned to lead Equestria, Shining Armor presented the warhorses to Celestia as prime candidates for her royal guard.
  55. >He wasn't exactly sure whether he had truly convinced her of their value or if she simply realized what a bunch useless jackasses the warhorses really were and pawned them off on him.
  56. >Either way Shining Armor was stuck finding busywork to keep them occupied while he coordinated Equestria's defenses.
  57. >Shining sat in his office going over requisition forms, coming to one in particular that caught his eye.
  58. >”Miss Long,” he spoke into the intercom on his desk“could you arrange a meeting with the regimental band leader? I'd like to discuss the bands expenditures.”
  59. >“Sure can, sugar.” Lucy Long had been one of the easier warhorses to work with, she payed attention, followed instructions, and had a pleasant disposition.
  60. >Secretary work didn't exactly suit her but she was proving herself more useful than the problematic warhorses.
  61. >“One more thing mister Armor . . .”
  62.  
  63. >The door to Shining Armor's office loudly burst open with such force as to partially rip it from it's hinges.
  64. >“General!” the booming voice of one such problematic warhorse named Bucephalus practically shook the room. “I would have an Audience with you! Now!”
  65. >“I'll see him now. Thank you miss Long.” Shining spoke into the intercom, even though he could now clearly see Lucy through the doorway.
  66. >“Am I not an exemplary war horse?” Bucephalus asked rhetorically. “And a seasoned veteran? Am I not a Hyperion among stallions?”
  67.  
  68. >“I dunno, are you?” Shining Armor responded without missing a beat.
  69. >Or even looking up from his paperwork.
  70. >“Jest with me at your own peril! I have completed your task and found it was hardly the labor of Heracles you made it seem!”
  71. >Bucephalus then dropped a book full of papers on Shining Armors desk.
  72. > “Oh yeah, I see you finished coloring all the pictures, even stayed inside the lines.”
  73. > “General there are enemies to crush, lands to conquer, and, not to mention, beautiful mares to woo.”
  74. >“ . . .And?”
  75. >“And you have me trifling with these idle diversions unworthy my greatness.”
  76. >Shining armor Could have mentioned that while Bucephalus was unequaled physically he was easily outsmarted, or that he was hopelessly unfamiliar with Equestria and it's military technology,
  77. >Not to mention all of his pick up lines were real duds.
  78. >Seriously, just trying them on the mares two towns over won't fix Bucephalus's lack of female companionship.
  79. >“Yep, there sure are.” Was his considerably more diplomatic rejoinder, while he continued leafing through documents “Wow, how does one regimental band go through so many sousaphones, anyway?”
  80. >“I warn you, my passion for battle is a burning flame, the likes of which this nation, nay, this world, have never before borne witness to!” Bucephalus seemed to be speaking more to himself for a moment before returning to Shining. “A flame which you may either bask in and be warmed by or be consumed and burned to a cinder!”
  81.  
  82. >Bucephalus threatening to take over Equestria.
  83. > Is it Tuesday already.
  84. >Shining Armor always had to fight the urge to ask Bucephalus 'you and what army?'
  85. >He was woefully ill-equipped and ill-tempered to lead ponies into battle and there were few who would realistically follow him should he rebel.
  86. >All the same Shining had to placate him somehow.
  87. >“Fair enough, I do have another assignment but . . .”
  88. >“But what? Out with it!”
  89. >“I'm just not sure that you're ready.” With that Shining glanced at a different book on his desk.
  90. >“Bah! You'll find there is no trial for which I am unprepared!” Bucephalus defiantly grabbed the book and with flourish opened it on the desk. “Now tell me what this is.”
  91. “Well, it's something that comes from . . .” Shining paused dramatically.
  92. >Those improv classes Cadence had dragged him to were actually paying off.
  93.  
  94. >“From where? Tell me!”
  95. >“The East.”
  96. >“The mystic East?”
  97. >“The same.”
  98. >Apparently in Bucephalus's home the East was regarded as a strange and fearful place that even the mightiest king could not conquer.
  99. >Mentioning it made it easier to goad Bucephalus to do something he didn't want to do.
  100. >You don't want to peel potatoes? Well, I suppose that's to be expected they do come from the mystic East after all!
  101. >Digging latrines is beneath you, you say? That's exactly what the mystic East wants you to think!
  102. >You don't like playing the quiet game while the rest of us plan the battle? I guess that just means the mystic East wins after all.
  103. >Shining Armor did worry that with time the ploy might lose it's effectiveness.
  104. >He had a plan for that though.
  105. >He'd just start referring to things coming from 'Beyond the mystic East'.
  106. >The heavy silence that had fallen between the two was broken as Bucephalus reverently asked “What is it called?”
  107. >“It's called” Shining paused for effect “Sudoku.”
  108. >Bucephalus narrowed his eyes and repeated the word, soft yet fierce all at once, “Sudoku.”
  109. >He suddenly reared up and found his roaring voice once more. “Then I vow, I shall conquer this Sudoku!”
  110. >“And in so doing,” He struck an entirely unnecessary pose looking at and speaking to nobody in particular “I conquer the mystic East!”
  111. >“Okie dokie.” Shinning absentmindedly replied while trying to find his pen “Let me know when you finish because I have yet another task for you every bit as fearful.”
  112. >Shining also had a book of crossword puzzles lying around somewhere.
  113. >“Ah, but there's the difference between you and I general! I know no fear!”
  114. >He turned dramatically and left the room pausing only to frown while examining the damage he had caused to the door.
  115. >A gentle prod from his hoof sent what was left of the door falling to the ground.
  116. >He smiled and nodded, satisfied with his work.
  117. >And with that he swiftly departed.
  118.  
  119. >Shining Armor retrieved the extra strength antacid from his desk, and reached for his intercom.
  120. >“Miss long? Could you have some requisition forms for a new office door printed up and brought to my office?”

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