A Snek Solution to a Snek Problem


                                            >strolling through an unfamiliar section of Ponyville

                                            "Again, Trixie, I'm so sorry I couldn't help you undo the spell."

                                            >the light-blue snakepony slithering next to you smiles and pats your head

                                            >her condescension is annoying

                                            >but those cute li'l fangs of hers make up for it

                                            >"Oh please, the Great and Powerful Snixie always knows what to do when a trick goes wrong!"

                                            >shoot her a deadpan look

                                            "Snixie?"

                                            >your friend's constant smug is undiminished

                                            >"Snake plus Trixie. Years of naming Trixie's- uh, my performances has left me unparalleled when it comes to thinking of names!"

                                            "You... may want to workshop that one a bit."

                                            >to your surprise, she actually considers it

                                            >you could point her at some great spellcasters' ophidiocentric spell names, to draw inspiration from

                                            >"Of course, if Trixie is to use this in her show, she will need to add SEVERAL adjectives..."

                                            >nevermind

                                            >finally come to a particular house

                                            >go up to knock

                                            >"Wait! Starlight, before we do this..."

                                            >Trixie's horn glows, bathing the two of you in pale blue light

                                            >nothing happens

                                            >"Just something Trixie picked up while practicing her even MORE daring Mysterious Manticore Maw Mayhem Escape!"

                                            >o-kay

                                            >knock on the door

                                            >>"Just a sec!"

                                            >it opens to reveal Opal, another blue lamia

                                            >though, unlike Trixie, Opal was apparently born that way

                                            >and she's got stripes

                                            >>"Starlight Glimmer and Trixie, yes? Do come in, I made sandwiches."

                                            >go in

                                            >Trixie slithers through the door as well

                                            >her walls are covered in photos

                                            >all of them are Opal standing - er, whatever snakes do - with somepony

                                            >most taken in her backyard, though some in the house

                                            >oddly, you don't see anypony appear in more than one

                                            >"Psst! Hey, Starlight!"

                                            >briefly wonder if Trixie can whisper in anything other than a stage-whisper

                                            >she points at a familiar-looking colt

                                            >but where did you see him...

                                            >"Isn't that the guy on those missing posters?"

                                            >oh yeah, he was on the milk cartons

                                            >>"Missing posters? Bramble's gone?"

                                            >Opal furrows her brow

                                            >>"He stopped by just a few weeks ago. Though, I'm sorry to say, no telling where he went after he left."

                                            >huh

                                            >sit down at the table

                                            >she did indeed make sandwiches

                                            >dandelion, clover, and good ol' daisy

                                            >the clover is quite tasty!

                                            >Trixie takes a bite of the daisy

                                            >her muzzle scrunches

                                            >she swallows, but puts the sandwich back down

                                            "So... how exactly does this work? Breaking Trixie's spell, I mean."

                                            >>"Family secret. For generations, we've helped ponies who didn't like their experiments with transformation spells. Ex-unicorns who put pegasus wings on wrong, broken horns, so many cases of self-inflicted gender dysphoria..."

                                            >she giggles

                                            >>"Actually, a fair number of these photos are my mom or grandma. And when I have a daughter, I hope she'll keep mine, too."

                                            >that explains the sheer quantity

                                            >>"But, if I may brag-"

                                            >mutter under your breath

                                            "don't worry, I'm used to it"

                                            >>"-We have a near hundred percent success rate at rendering ponies no longer afflicted by those transformation spells! ...or potions, we do get the occasional zebra."

                                            >"See? Trixie KNEW she was the right choice!"

                                            >Celestia, that fanged smirk is cute

                                            >try to picture yourself with one

                                            >...nah, fangs look evil on you

                                            >file that away in the "if I ever become evil again" section of your mind

                                            >being friends with Trixie really gave you an appreciation for aesthetic

                                            "If you don't mind, Opal, for the ones shy of that hundred percent, what happens? Trixie isn't going to get wor-"

                                            >pause

                                            >realize you asked a lamia if your temporarily-lamia friend will get "worse"

                                            >further worse than being a lamia

                                            >buck

                                            "Er, rather, she's in no danger of becoming something completely different, is she?"

                                            >Opal laughs, and there's a light hiss underneath it

                                            >briefly wonder if Trixie's laugh would do the same thing

                                            >>"Oh, even when it doesn't work as we expect, the pony comes away no worse for wear. Besides, the last time a transformation stuck even past the family method was when mom tried to help the Princess herself! And I'd chalk that up to alicorn magic being weird."

                                            >you and Trixie nod understandingly

                                            >finish the sandwiches

                                            >Trixie didn't have any, but she also didn't look hungry for them

                                            >follow Opal out to her backyard

                                            >she carries a camera and tripod in her tail, then sets it up

                                            >>"Would you two mind taking a photo with me?"

                                            >Trixie poses

                                            >"The Great and Powerful Trixie always has time for fan photos! An autograph'll cost you, though."

                                            >gently pat her back

                                            >her scales still feel unfamiliar

                                            "For her wall, Trixie, like all those others she helped?"

                                            >your friend lowers her upper body a bit, a sheepish grin and blush spreading on her face

                                            >"I... I knew that. Trixie was just making a joke."

                                            >Opal curls her long body around both of you

                                            >>"Okay, gotta get both of you in frame. Give each other a big hug!"

                                            "With just your forelegs, Trixie, I'm not looking to suffocate today."

                                            >she sticks her now-forked tongue out at you

                                            >but the two of you hug anyway

                                            >her scales are surprisingly warm

                                            >not as soft as fur, of course, but not as hard as you'd expected

                                            >FLASH

                                            >the camera clicks

                                            >>"One more, just in case."

                                            >FLASH

                                            >rather than blinding light, though, your vision goes dark

                                            >something soft and wet squishes around your ears

                                            >mashing your head against Trixie's

                                            >did Opal or Trixie not dry her hooves after washing?

                                            >the surrounding embrace suddenly tightens

                                            >can barely turn your head, let alone bring magic to your horn

                                            >the odd heat slips down over your shoulders and most of your forelegs

                                            >...well, at least Trixie's scales are pretty comfortable even pressed this firmly together

                                            >in case you hadn't figured out where you are, a loud -GULP- tips you off

                                            >Trixie sighs

                                            >the sheer understatement of her reaction delays your own

                                            >Opal's throat pushes you both deeper again

                                            >instinctively struggle

                                            >"Ow! Hey!"

                                            >new plan: more-strategic struggling

                                            "Sorry, Trixie, but she ATE us!"

                                            >twist and squirm, blindly pushing your hooves and forelegs against the striped lamia's insides

                                            >the saliva soaking through your fur and the throat's tight grip foil that attempt, though

                                            >and, by how much of your body feels warm and wet, she's almost got all four hooves in

                                            "Woah!"

                                            >sudden vertigo as gravity seems to shift around you

                                            >"Eep!"

                                            >Trixie's hooves wrap tightly around you

                                            >you sure miss breathing

                                            >...and there go your hooves

                                            >at least Opal's throat isn't as tight by your head anymore

                                            >maybe you can hold her at bay long enough to-

                                            >wait

                                            "Trixie! You've still got plenty of snakey length outside! See if you can pull us free!"

                                            >feel her fidget next to you

                                            >"Trixie... already tried that. Look, I may be the greatest and most powerful lamia, but, uh... this is not a trick I have practiced blindfolded. Or at all."

                                            >well buck

                                            "Then, try to push her away from my horn. Maybe I can still teleport us away, and we'll ask for help from Twili-"

                                            >"NO!!"

                                            >her heartbeat speeds up

                                            >"There's- there's no need to get HER involved in this. Besides, Trixie is already a fantastic escape artist!"

                                            >the steady, muscular ripples driving you deeper stop

                                            >the stale air around you grows a bit sharper

                                            >"In fact..."

                                            >a cascade of mercifully-dim lights illuminate your surroundings

                                            >Trixie holds Opal's stomach walls away from the two of you to cast her lightshow

                                            >what you can see is...

                                            >not encouraging

                                            >dark blue, fleshy walls shift and try to press in from all sides

                                            >dripping what's surely caustic stomach acid all around

                                            >soaking into your fur...

                                            >you shudder and light your own horn

                                            >power courses into it

                                            >and sputters away

                                            >with this much magic, you could... try to GLOW Opal to death

                                            >>"Ooh, I felt that. You're pretty strong, Starlight; I even gave you more of a dose than most unicorns."

                                            >shake your head

                                            >focus your magic

                                            >it hits where it was before

                                            >and just dissipates

                                            >>"So really, thank you for indulging in my hospitality. I could've been out a meal if you'd stopped at just one sandwich!"

                                            >a new weight visibly strains Trixie, now illuminated only by the passive glow of your horns

                                            >if you had to guess, Opal is laying on you

                                            >smugly

                                            >>"And, if I might add, you two were deli-"

                                            >"Excuse you! TRIXIE was talking!"

                                            >blink at the glaring lamia

                                            >even Opal withdraws

                                            >"Much better! Now, as Trixie was saying, Trixie is SUCH a good escape artist that she could help her assistant and best friend escape from not one, but TWO stomachs!"

                                            >furrow your brow

                                            "Trixie, what are you-"

                                            >it hits you

                                            "Oh, no. Trixie, no."

                                            >Trixie nods, wearing her usual confident smile

                                            >"Trixie, yes. C'mon, Starlight, I didn't get any sandwiches, and there's no downside!"

                                            >you're pretty sure Opal's acids are starting to burn away your fur

                                            >which is odd, because you can't feel it

                                            "What do you MEAN there's no downside?! The downside is I get EATEN!"

                                            >"Oh, please, Starlight, you're already eaten. If it works, it will be the greatest and most powerful escape act you have ever been in, and if it doesn't work, we'll die anyway, but I'll die full."

                                            >"So come on, what's one more throat? Besides, weren't you the one who okayed Fluttershy's lesson on accommodating different creatures' diets?"

                                            >the second-worst thing about being Trixie's best friend is being exposed to her unreasonable schemes and ideas

                                            >the worst thing is having to admit that some of them are actually logically sound

                                            >sigh

                                            >pull yourself up next to her

                                            >stare right in those pink-purple eyes

                                            "Alright, before I change my mind. You're a real piece of work, Trixie."

                                            >"The Great and Powerful Trixie does not disappoint with her performances."

                                            >get a nice, good look at her fangs when she opens her jaws

                                            >wider than a pony ought to be able to

                                            >before you can stare any longer, her hoof comes behind your head

                                            >at least this time, you know you're being eaten

                                            >you'd say that her being a friend means she'll be gentler than Opal

                                            >but this is Trixie

                                            >at least she won't do it on purpose

                                            >try to calm yourself as Trixie's lips rest around your neck

                                            >can't do Twilight's breathing exercise

                                            >maybe just focus on immediate sensations

                                            >and not the fact that you

                                            >literally fed yourself to two snakes in one day

                                            >what the hell happened to your survival instinct

                                            >"Mmm~"

                                            >Trixie's pleased hum around your barrel tickles

                                            >with some effort, you can fool yourself into thinking of her throat like a massage

                                            >steadily rubbing down whatever parts of your body she's fit inside

                                            >soft, yet firm

                                            >her mouth gradually sweeps your forelegs down by your sides

                                            >not the most comfortable, but certainly fine

                                            >feel your face heat up as her jaws wiggle left and right down your body

                                            >up your hips

                                            >recall that long, forked tongue she and Opal have

                                            >and how good it is at flicking up and down

                                            >your cheeks burn as her mouth stretches over your cutie marks

                                            >surely she wouldn't, right?

                                            >hear her swallow

                                            >her fangs graze gently to either side of your dock

                                            >and then past

                                            >soon to join the rest of you for the "massage"

                                            >not sure whether to feel disappointed or relieved

                                            >a few swallows later, and you're all the way inside

                                            >"Ahh..."

                                            >you're still moving, though

                                            >deeper and deeper into Trixie's snake-shaped body

                                            >and there's that sharp, acrid smell

                                            >"Thank you, Starlight. Oh, that feels so much better."

                                            >your hooves start to tingle

                                            "Uh, Trixie? When does this magic trick happen?"

                                            >she chuckles

                                            >"As soon as you go to sleep. After all, a magician never reveals her secrets!"

                                            >Opal says something, but under that extra layer of snake, you can't make it out

                                            >"Hmph! Well, if you did not want Trixie to talk, you should digest her faster!"

                                            >anger boils up

                                            >she's making it HARDER to do a trick she's never done?

                                            >with YOUR life on the line?

                                            >try to thrash around to indicate displeasure

                                            >oddly, your limbs don't respond

                                            >almost as though they're no longer th-

                                            >...

                                            >...

                                            >light filters into your eyes as you stir awake

                                            >go to stretch

                                            >somepony is holding you

                                            >yawn anyway

                                            >look down

                                            >light blue hooves are wrapped around your barrel

                                            >you're in Trixie's wagon

                                            >you're in Trixie's bed

                                            >sweet Celestia you're in Trixie's bed

                                            >she mumbles something

                                            >"Mmh... St'rl't..."

                                            >her hips push against you

                                            >that's enough of that

                                            >light your horn

                                            >teleport so you're standing by the bed

                                            >"Nnnrrr..."

                                            >she reaches out in her sleep, but finds only air

                                            "Trixie, exactly what happened?"

                                            >Trixie yawns

                                            >no fangs

                                            >still can't get that view out of your head

                                            >"Starlight? Why aren't you at-"

                                            >her eyes go wide

                                            >"When I was practicing yesterday, did you sleep on my bed?"

                                            "O-only for a second. You had been staring at an apple for five minutes."

                                            >she shakes her head

                                            >when she stops, she's blushing hard

                                            >"Trixie di- er, I didn't... DO anything, did I?"

                                            >yes

                                            "No."

                                            >and there's that showmare's smile

                                            >"Ah, of course not. After all, Trixie is a master of dream control."

                                            >shake your head as she gets out of bed and swaps her nightgown and cap for her cape and hat

                                            "So, Trixie. What, exactly, did you do to escape?"

                                            >look around

                                            "I mean, this isn't the afterlife, right? With all due respect, I like to think I did a little better than this."

                                            >"A showmare never reveals her se-"

                                            >shove your hoof in her mouth

                                            >mind drifts towards her swallowing it

                                            >immediately banish that thought to mental Tartarus

                                            >put on a slightly strained smile

                                            "That's fine and dandy for the audience, but don't you think your ASSISTANT should know, just in case something goes wrong?"

                                            >Trixie stares at you for a while

                                            >a practiced, judgemental look

                                            >purely for dramatic effect

                                            >"Trixie accepts this. But! You have to swear not to tell Twilight."

                                            >there goes her rivalry again

                                            >idly wonder how many times Trixie had buried and un-buried that hatchet

                                            >nonetheless

                                            >go through the motions of a Pinkie Promise

                                            >"Very well! When I was practicing for the Moonshot Manticore Mouth Dive, I snuck into the restricted section of Twilight's library and stole a book."

                                            >gawk at her

                                            >she walks over to a shelf

                                            >flips a lever

                                            >pushes a button

                                            >and a hidden panel slides away

                                            >Trixie levitates a magic book out

                                            >flips through pages

                                            >and shows you a particular spell

                                            >it comes with a drawing of a dragon with a pony in its belly

                                            >then an arrow to a pony in bed

                                            >how the buck did Trixie cast this

                                            >how the buck did she FIND this

                                            >"Then I just cast it on us before Opal answered the door."

                                            >your mind reels from the revelations

                                            "So... you didn't need me to save you when you performed that trick?"

                                            >Trixie gasps

                                            >"Of course I did! Waking up in bed is no way to end a performance; the audience would have been disappointed!"

                                            >"...and, also, I never actually managed to cast it successfully."

                                            "You wh-"

                                            >"But, good news! This means I can keep practicing that snake spell! Ooh, I should invite Opal to my next performance, she'll be so surprised!"

                                            >new objective: learn that restricted spell

                                            >...just in case