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>You don’t want to be here, and you couldn’t make it more obvious.
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>Be Anon. Yup. Anon in fucking equestria. Modern equestria. As in social media is a thing here.
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>UGH.
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>Long gone are the days of sun, fun, fresh baked goods permeating airspace with the smell of buttered bread, and musical numbers breaking out in the grassy roads of ponyville, no-
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>You feel your side get nudged, breaking your more welcome internal monologue.
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>Sunny smiles at you, cocking an eyebrow.
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>She doesn’t say anything, but you wouldn’t hear her anyway. Pipp is onstage(the worst one), performing some gay pop song, that you tuned out long ago. If not for that bomb ass “T.E.A” Sunny gave you to accompany her, you’d be having fun with Hitch, and Sprout kneeling on Zebra necks-
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>”Thank yoooou Maretime Baaaaay!”
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>Pipp blows kisses to a cheering crowd. The music is done. Thank god.
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“Finally..”
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>You exhale loudly, slumping in your seat.
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>”Hey! Be nice!”
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>Sunny nudges you again.
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>Pipp starts talking, quieting the crowd down.
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>”So this is the end-“
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>The crowd collectively “awww”.
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>”But as a treat, I’m going to allow one lucky fan to come up, and tell everypony why they LOOOOVE me!”
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>What a narcissistic cunt!
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>Her eyes scan the audience,
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>”Let’s see….”
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>A sea of hooves rise, hoping to get her attention, but her gaze falls on- you guessed it.
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>”You there!”
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>She points at you.
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“I don’t want to-“
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>”Get up there Anon!”
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>Sunny nudges you with her head.
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“Sunny, but I DON’T like her. This is a bad idea.”
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>You look at Pipp pleadingly, but she just wickedly grins.
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“The bitch….”
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>She knows. She fucking KNOWS.
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>Rage bubbles up in your stomach. Does she think, just because you’re in front of a crowd, you won’t absolutely dump ass on her?
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>”Just say something nice about her anon. Consider it a lesson in friendship!”
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“Pretending to like someone? Real harmony right there.”
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>She sighs facehoofing.
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>”Just get it over with, Anon.”
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>You’ll do just that alright.
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>You stand up, weaving through a field of jealousy, and frustration at your preferential treatment all the way up the stairs to the stage.
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>Pipp kindly adjusts the mic stand for you with her best shit-eating grin.
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>You return an exaggerated one back.
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>”Okay! Now tell everypony why you LOVE MEEEE!”
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>Okay. Sure.
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>You look out at the crowd, and lick your lips.
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>Sunny is furiously micro-shaking her head.
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“I don’t love you. I think you’re a Zoomie, smartphones addicted slut.
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[YouTube] Crowd Gasp/Shock - Sound Effect (HD) (embed)
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>Pipp stares at you wide-eyed and slack jawed.
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>Sunny facehoofs.
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>It’s so quiet, you can hear a pin drop.
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[YouTube] Theater Audience Is Quiet with Scattered Coughing (embed)
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>Pipp starts to sweat.
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>”U-Uhm. Sorry about that! We’re having some audio problems! G-give me a moment…”
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>She hovers next to you, pretending to fix your mic, turning it off, to stealthily whisper to you.
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>”What’re you doing?! Say something nice!”
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“I did.”
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>”I’m serious!”
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>She turns the mic back on.
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>”Sorry for the delay!”
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>Pipp scowls at you, bean-shaped teeth grit on full display.
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>”Now. Let’s TRY THAT OVER. SAY IT AGAIN.”
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“I THINK YOU’RE A ZOOMIE, SMARTPHONE ADDICTED SLUT.”
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>-Zoomie Smartphone addicted Slut-
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> ᶻᵒᵒᵐᶦᵉ ˢᵐᵃʳᵗᵖʰᵒnᵉ ᵃᵈᵈᶦᶜᵗᵉᵈ ˢˡᵘᵗ
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>It echoes throughput the entire hall, leaving everyone in attendance speechless.
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>Seeing as nobody is saying anything, you bestow a measured DX crotch chop upon Pipp, and step off the stage, holding two finger salutes in the air, as you speed walk out of the building before they can regain their faculties.
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>Once outside, a roar of upset horses booms from within the building.
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>The battle cry of Petal stans.
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>You promptly haul ass back home before they can find you.
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>Satisfaction flows through your veins like a generous helping of dopamine. You’ve never liked celebs and this felt cathartic to do.
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>But you’re being naïve. This world has internet. Nothing is ever over…
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>It’s been about four days since your stunt at Pipp’s concert, and the online reaction has been gratuitous. Videos critical of your actions. Critical of Pipp’s actions. Podcasts talking about it. HUNDREDS of memes. Clear lines have been drawn in the sand.
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“The internet was always a mistake.”
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>You shake your head in disgust, as you click through the various video titles.
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>YOUNG MARE DISRESPECTED BY SIMIAN INCEL!!!
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“Really? God, I’m living in the wrong equestria.”
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>NOK NOK NOK-
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>Loud banging on your door downstairs, breaks your Hoovetube browsing for the better. It was becoming cancer.
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>NOK NOK NOK NOK
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NOK
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“HOLD YOUR GODDAMN HORSES!I’M COMING!”
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>Can ponies hold their horses?
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>You barrel down the stairs hopping off the third stair, and open the up to an annoyed Sunny, who enters without permission.
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“Hello. Please. Come on in why don’t you?”
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>”Anon…you really stepped in it now!”
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>You close the door, rolling your eyes.
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“What did I do this time, besides be honest?”
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>”You haven’t seen Pipp’s Trotter?!”
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“No. Why would I? I don’t like her, remember?”
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>”Then what’s THIS?”
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>She produced a phone with-
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>pic
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“WHHHHHAAAAAAAT?!”
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>”Seems like you like her a lot to me!”
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>You’re about to pop a blood vessel.
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“Sunny. What makes you believe this…”
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>She shrugs.
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>”Because it’s on the internet.”
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“And you don’t think it could be a lie?”
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>”But…who’d go on the internet just to tell lies?”
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>It’s okay to facepalm reader.
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>You facepalm.
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“It’s not true Sunny. I’ve never even spat in that piglet’s direction! She’s lyiyto turn public opinion against me!”
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>”But why would she do that?”
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>You kneel down, putting your hands on her haunches.
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“Sunny, sweaty. I get this new internet thing is new to you, but it’s just another version of reality. Ponies will lie, and exaggerate without a lick of proof to back it up. Especially famous people-er, ponies. If they feel their ego is attacked, they will go to extremes to get control back.”
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>She looks confused.
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>”Are you saying Pipp is egotistical…?”
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“YES.”
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>”And she’s lying, so ponies will like her, and feel sorry for her?”
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“You got it!”
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>Sunny looks down in thought.
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>”Then…why’d you violate her?”
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>Your face falls into a stone cold glare.
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>”I’m joking! Heh-heh-“
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“….”
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>”Really! I believe you. I was the one who forced you to come to that event, after all.”
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>You sigh in relief. You’re glad Sunny isn’t a complete brainlet.
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>You stand, and pace back and forth.
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>”You know, I think it’s not too late to fix all this. You, and Pipp just need to sit down, and talk this out.”
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“SUNNY. She accused me of violating her! How can you talk that out?!”
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>”It’s not too late! This can all be fixed! Let me just-“
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“No. You’ve done enough. All this is technically your fault.”
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>”My fault?!”
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“You know what you did.”
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>She puts a hoof to her temple.
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>”Oy vey. So what’re you going to do?”
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>You think.
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“It’s obvious. Fight fire with fire.”
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>”This is gonna turn out bad.”
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“To the internet!”
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>You swan jump over Sunny, heading upstairs to your computer, with Sunny in tow.
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>You dance into your seat.
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>”Anon, wait! Before you do anything, just know this-“
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>You swivel around to face her.
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>”Both of you are my friends, and I don’t want to take any sides. I still think this can be settled amicably!”
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>What type of children's show moral bullshit is she spouting? This is WAR.
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>You begin furiously typing, hiding the screw from Sunny’s view.
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>She tries to look over your shoulders.
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>”What’re you doing?”
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“Sending a message…actually, more like a request.”
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>”A request?”
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“Correct. A valid strategy in my world for when someone would accuse another of something extreme is rather than do a back and forth over social media, armed with the truth, you’d be wiser to get it out there through word of mouth. Force the accusers hand, or hoof in this instance.”
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>”I don’t know Anon. Shouldn’t you have a lawyer or rep make a statement on your behalf?”
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“Sure, if you’re GAY.”
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>She rolls her eyes.
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>”So how does making a ‘request’ relate to getting the truth out?”
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“Elementary my dear Starscout. A request to appear on a podcast.”
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>Her eyes widen.
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>”This is a REALLY bad idea.”
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“It’s genius.Stop being a hater.”
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>”Hater?!”
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>She clutches her head in frustration, gritting her teeth.
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>”AUGH! Do what you want! Let me know when you’re ready to be sensible, and do this the RIGHT way!”
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>She leaves the room, stomping down the stairs, and storming out your house.
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“What-EVER.”
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>You turn back to the computer.
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“Already got a reply!”
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>You grin mischievously, tapping your fingertips together.
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“You picked the wrong one to #Me2, you flying pig. It’s on like popcorn.”
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>3 days later at the Cockpump-uh I mean their castle, tower thing.
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>NOK NOK.
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>”Pipp? Pipp I know you’re awake.”
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>NOK NOK.
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“……”
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>”Pipp, you can’t stay in there. You have to come out.”
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“Go away!”
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>”Pipp, you’re being silly. Come on out.”
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>You groan, throwing your blanket off, marching to your door.
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>You fling the door open, where your sister Zipp stands, annoyance apparent.
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“Leave me alone. My life is ruined!”
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>”It’s not ruined. You’re over exaggerating!”
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“I’m not! Ponies are calling me a liar online, because of that jerk Anon going on that stupid podcast, and saying all that stuff!”
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>Zipp sways her head.
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>”Of course, the internet. Come on. You need to eat something.”
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>Zipp uncaringly turns away, bound for the kitchen.
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“It’s important!”
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>You follow her, trying to convince her of the urgency of your current situation, but she just doesn’t get it.
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>Zipp begins making you a sandwich, while you keep pitching your reasoning to why she should care.
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“It’s not fair! How could he just go public with all those mean things? I didn’t do anything to him! This is all his fault for being so mean!”
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>”Didn’t you accuse him of ‘violating’ you, and said he made you pick him out, just so he could come onstage, and say how much he doesn’t like you?”
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“He DID violate me!”
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>”How?”
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>You cross your forelegs.
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“Not liking me is the same as a violation! So he actually violated me!”
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>Zipp stares at you, speechless for a moment.
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>”…and how did he make you pick him out?”
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“He’s tall! I couldn’t help but pick him!”
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>Her mouth slightly opens, and closes.
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>”…Eat the sandwich, Pipp.”
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>She slides the sandwich over to you, shaking her head.
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“…What’s with that reaction? Are you saying your precious little sister is wrong?”
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>You bite into it, giving Zipp puppy dog eyes.
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>”Don’t pull that card on me. This whole thing is ridiculous. Anon has stated multiple times, he wasn’t a fan of yours, and yet you tried to force him to say something nice about you? What did you honestly think was gonna happen?”
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“Anon has NEVER said he wasn’t my fan.”
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>”What do you think-“
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>She puts her hooves up to quote.
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>”-I detest that stupid, tween pop garbage. It’s aids, cancer, and Covid mixed in a blender with a pound of shit.”
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“My music isn’t that though. It’s ART. Hence, he’s a fan.”
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>You proudly say, taking another bite of your sandwich.
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>”That logic-I can’t-“
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“It’s flawless right?”
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>”NO!”
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>You wave her off.
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“You’re just a mare-hating Marecel.”
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>”Mare-hating- what’re you talking about?!”
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“If you don’t agree, or believe in my story, you’re a Marecel!”
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>She just glares.
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>”I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that to me.”
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“Instead of fighting with me, you should be trying to help me think of a countermeasure!”
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>”Nope. I think you should just apologize, and leave it be.”
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“And let him WIN? No way!”
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>”This isn’t a sports event! It’s life ruination!”
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“Anon has no life, if he spends it hating on me!”
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>”There’s literally no reasoning with you.”
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>Zipp starts to leave the kitchen.
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“Wait! Where are you going?! Traitor!”
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>Zipp just mumbles, passing a bouncing Izzy.
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>”Goooood morning!”
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>”Mhm.”
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>Izzy looks at Zipp in concern, then to you.
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>”Did I miss something?”
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“Don’t mind her. She’s just a hater!”
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>Izzy looks confused at first, but shrugs with a smile, heading to the fridge.
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>You think. How can you combat Anon’s expose interview? You need proof. No matter how you get it, you need to put something out there.
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>Think, Pipp! Think!
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>You watch Izzy levitate out some Cereal, and Milk onto the counter.
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>How easy is it to be a unicorn? Magic can do just about anything-
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“Magic…?”
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>A lightbulb goes off in your head.
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“Of course! MAGIC!!”
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>”Hm?”
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>Izzy looks up with a mouthful of cereal.
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“Izzy! How would you like to help me make a Hooftube video?”
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>Izzy tilts her head.
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>If Anon thinks this is done, he’s in for a RUDE awakening.
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>You thought it was over. After telling everyone the truth, and your feelings about Pipp on that podcast, you thought she’d go away. It wasn’t like she had nobody on her side. She has stans who will follow her to the grave, and all this drama is no different.
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“Are you seeing this?”
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>You rewind the video, and show Hitch.
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>It’s a poorly constructed video of a clearly magic-held, life-sized Anon puppet plopping himself on an “unsuspecting” Pipp. Izzy can be heard breathing hard, and saying ‘cut! Yaaaaaay!’ At the end.
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“Please tell me I can sue her or have her arrested.”
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>Hitch rubs the back of his head.
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>”I’m not a lawyer Anon.”
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“But she’s saying that’s me attacking her!”
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>”We’ll technically she never said you by NAME…I’m not a lawyer though.”
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>You narrow your eyes at him.
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“How many ‘humans’ do you know?”
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>He shrugs.
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>”I know a few ponies who identify as such.”
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“You’re pulling my dick.”
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>Hitch blushes nervously.
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>”HAH-haha… ʸᵉᵃʰˀ”
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>Bruh.
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>You get out of your computer chair to head downstairs, and look out the living room window.
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>You see ponies waiting for you to come out. Bags of “anti-unicorn” goo balls are strategically placed so you can be pelted around town at all times. AGAIN.
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“Uuugh. Why couldn’t that little shid just leave me alone? Why’re ponies so goddamn STUPID?!”
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>”It’s just all the younger ponies. They like having something exciting going on. Having something to belong to.”
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>Hitch says following you down.
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“What a way to tell me Zoomers be Zooming.”
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>You see a couple ponies doing the floss.
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“For fucks sake.”
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>You close the curtains in frustration, beginning to pace.
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>”Look Anon, I know what Pipp is trying to do, and I think it’s gone far enough. You two need to just sit down, and talk it out-“
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“Oh? You got some liquid on your chin.”
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>”I do?”
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>He rubs his chin.
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“Clearly from all the SUNNY D you been sucking down!”
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>He looks baffled at first.
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>”Sunny D…oh…Ohhhh! HEY!”
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>Gottem.
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>”Look, Anon. She has the right idea! We’re all friends. We should be able to sit down, and discuss our problems like grown adults! You are part of the mane si-“
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>You grab his neck, and stare into his eyes.
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“If you finish that sentence, I WILL ACTUALLY VIOLATE you.”
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>He smiles fearfully.
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>”… ʸᵉᵃʰˀ”
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>You release him, wiping your hand on your pants.
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>”My point is, this has to be ended before it becomes even bigger. Izzy is involved now, so whatever you hit Pipp with, will splash over onto her! Can you really do that to her?”
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>Even though she’s an autistic fermented bean pony, she’s still a sweetheart, and more than likely has no idea what’s going on.
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“So what’re you telling me to do? Roll over, and take Pipp’s big,hard futacock, like a subby bitch?”
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>Hitch starts getting erect.
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“I think you should leave.”
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>”Look anon, I can arrange for you two, to meet. One on one. Talk this out-“
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“>You think for a moment.
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“Nah. Get out fgt.”
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>Hitch sighs, defeatedly trotting out your home.
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>A barrage of the balls fly into your doorway, some managing to hit Hitch.
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>”Crug! We hit the sheriff!”
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>”Stop right there criminal scum!”
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>You swiftly close the door while Hitch chases down the troll ponies.
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>Back to urgent matters. Striking back at Pipp.
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>You’ve done the podcast interview, so what’s next? A debunking video? Sure, but that’s risky. Unlike Pipp your fingers are thoroughly on the pulse of the inter webs, and you know that those 4kun troglodytes, and the avocado plantations faggots are looking to dox you in the name of their waifu.
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“I need a proxy to go through. Someone who hates her as much as me.”
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>That’s it! A proxy! The enemy of my enemy is my friend as Dr. Seuss once said in green eggs and ham.
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>The question is who?
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>You retreat back to your pc, and start searching Hooftube.
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“Pipp…exposed…”
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>You just see mirrors of your podcast.
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“Pipp…critiqued.”
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>There’s some videos, but the views are minuscule. You need someone with an axe to grind, that can tear down Pipp’s nonsensical stance with all the logic, and formality of a scholar.
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>Or at least willing to stretch the truth to its absolute limit.
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>Maybe you’re thinking too narrowly.
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“…Pegasus…problems.”
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>Many videos appear, but one stands out, having accrued over 500k views.
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>The uploader?
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“P053y..?”
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>Her pink mane, and yellow coat remind you of nicer times.
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“She’s the one.”
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>A commentary channel is the ultimate weapon, and with any luck, Posey will be your sword against Pipp.
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“Get ready pudgy piggy princess. It’s time for your reckoning, and the consequences will never be the same!”
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>So it’s been about a couple weeks since Posey dropped her 40 minute commentary on Pipp on your behalf(with added interview clips), and the overall response has been a positive reception.
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>Your public image has been saved once more thanks to your quick thinking, and thinly veiled racism.
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>Thus far, Pipp has chosen to attack within mere days, but all has been silent on her front-
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>DONKADONKADONKA-
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>You pause your game of Haydes, to the sound of your door being pummeled downstairs.
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“Probably Sunny here to tell me about Pipp’s newest outrage.”
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>You take your time getting to the still knocking Smoothie sales pony. Whatever she has, you’re prepared.
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>You open the door, only for a pink ball to roll in.
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>It unfurls, revealing a baggy-eyed Pipp.
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“YOU!”
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>”YOU!”
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>She kips up, taking an aggressive stance.
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>”Both of you!”
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>The two of you turn to a visibly irritated Zipp, Sunny, and Izzy.
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>”This internet nonsense has gone on long enough!”
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>Sunny says angrily.
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>”Work this out! OR ELSE!”
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>Zipp says harshly.
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>Izzy just punches into her hoof, and slams the door.
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>Alone. With the one who tried to ruin your life because she’s a narcissistic E-thot.
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>She glares at you, like she did on that stage all those days ago.
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>”How could you…how could you drop a long play on me?”
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“How could I? You tried to ruin my life with false claims!”
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>Pipp turns her nose up.
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>”I made no such claim against you! I never said your name ONCE.”
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>This little-
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“Yess as h? What about that bogus video proof you put out?!”
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>”Still never said it was you!”
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“Oh, but he was just dressed like me, and everyone pelted me with goo balls because of that?”
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>”Maybe you’re just that unlikeable.”
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>She grins evilly.
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“No. What’s unlikeable is your shitty, rectal symphony, heinously anus garbage music!”
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>”*Gasp*”
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>She looks at you, a mixture of emotions on her face.
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>You’ve expressed multiple times you hate pop, but never have you attacked her music directly.
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>”Take it back.”
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“No.”
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>She starts hovering at eye level.
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>”Take that back! NOW!”
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“Do you put shit back in your ass? It’s the same with your music!”
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>”RAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!”
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>Pipp releases a beastial roar, before plowing into your chest like a pink cannonball.
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>Pipp used tackle! It was super effective!
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>You both go flying backwards onto your coffee table, breaking it instantly.
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>Stunned for a moment, Pipp takes this chance to start jumping up, and down on your stomach.
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>”Take this! And this troll!”
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>You groggily reach around for something to use against her, your hand falling on a cracked vase.
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>KA-KRESH
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>You down Pipp with it, earning a moment’s reprieve.
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>You slowly get up rubbing your head, but Pipp is already up, and in the air.
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>Her mane is mussed up, and her bean-shaped mouth is turned upside down in an angry frown.
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>She puts up her hooves.
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“Oh you wanna square up, bitch?”
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>”Run the ones!”
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>You put your dukes up in response.
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>You try to stay light on your feet, as you get closer.
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>You swing at Pipp, but she avoids it.
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“That was a fluke.”
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>You unleash a flurry of blows, but she dodges it like Toby McGuire in Spider-Man.
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“The fuck?”
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>You pant, as Pipp smiles knowingly.
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>”You think I never received combat training? Your attacks are like slow-motion to me! This isn’t even 10% of my power!”
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>She dares…DARES TO MEME ON YOU?!
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>She puts her hooves on her waist in superiority, before connecting with a flying drop kick in your gut.
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>You stagger back, falling to a knee, your hand falling on your conveniently placed, and just now mentioned miniature rock garden.
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>”Do you give up?”
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“Never…POCKET SAND!”
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>You chuck a fistful of grains into her unaware face.
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>”HAUGH!”
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>She desperately rubs her eyes, giving you some breathing room. Your turn.
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>You punch the ground like Roman Reigns, and charge her, spearing the plump pony into the kitchen, and through your dining table.
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>You both lay there tiredly, and bruised, panting heavily. The downside of being an out of shape keyboard warrior.
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>Pipp rolls you over, straddling your chest.
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>”I…hate you…!”
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>She weakly bonks you on the head.
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“I hate…you!”
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>You gingerly strangle her.
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>”Stupid…!”
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“Cunt…!”
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>”Ugly!”
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“Pig!”
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>”ZIGGER!”
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“ZIGGER!”
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>Your eyes lock in heated anger, and-
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>Are her eyes getting bigger?
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>Before you have a chance to process things, you’re both kissing one another like mad dogs.
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>You roll her over onto the broken wood, and hastily taking your pants off.
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“You wanna be violated that badly? I’ll show you violation!”
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>”Do it! Mess up my insides you Marecel!”
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>She parts her legs allowing-
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~~~~~~~~~
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>”Hold up.”
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“Huh? What’s the problem?”
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>The Hasbro execs exchange worried looks.
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>”All due respect, Josh…are you about to tell us this TyT episode is about to end in hatesex?”
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“Is there a problem?”
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>”YES. This is a show for children!”
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“Children can fuck.”
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>They stare at you wise-eyed.
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>”Ignoring the implications of that statement, you also can’t introduce humans to equestria-“
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“Why not? Penny was allowed!”
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>”Look Josh. Rewrite the script. Please? Make it kid-friendly. For our advertisement department. We’re trying to sell toys here!”
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>You sigh, tearing your saucy script up, page by page.
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“Fine.”
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>You leave the meeting room dejectedly.
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>Looks like you’re gonna give them more of the same trite like is seasons 5, and up of friendship is magic.
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“Someday my art will make it out there. Someday…
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END
by Guest
by Guest
by Guest
by Guest
by Guest