Untitled


                                            Derpy Boobs!

                                            or

                                            The Misadventures of Derpy Hooves Part 1


                                            Chapter 1: ????


                                            >Milk dripped onto the sorting room floor.


                                            >My face burned red and complete silence blanketed the post office.


                                            >Work crashed to a standstill.


                                            >Some ponies whispered while others snickered behind their hooves.


                                            > I stood in a puddle of shame and embarrassment and all eyes were on me


                                            > I felt a hoof plant itself onto my shoulder.


                                            > I whipped my head around at lightning speed.


                                            > The floor manager had somehow crept into the room and was now towering over me with his milk covered hoof staining the strap of my bra.


                                            >He held a stoic expression


                                            > “Sir! I’m so sorry I’ll clean it right away!”


                                            > I jumped to the floor frantically trying to wipe the floor from my accident with a towel I had stuffed into my mailbag.


                                            > "That won’t be necessary Mrs. Hooves.”


                                            > I felt his hoof drape over my shoulder, much more gently than the first time.


                                            > “I'm sorry Mrs. Hooves but you'll have to leave now."


                                            > A shiver ran down my spine and a coldness enveloped my sinking heart.


                                            > I shot my head back towards the stallion


                                            > “Sir please! It was just an accident! I swear!”


                                            > His twisted expression said anger but his eyes read disappointment.


                                            > “Sir…”


                                            > Shamefully I hung my head, beneath me the thick puddle of milk that had formed around me was now escaping the sorting room and into the hall.


                                            > The managers insisted I take a week off after the incident which I happily accepted.


                                            > The day I returned to work I had one delivery.


                                            > It was my own termination slip.


                                            > I was crushed. Ponies can be so cruel.


                                            > I had worked at the post office for as long as I could remember.


                                            > Delivering mail to the residents of Ponyville was the only thing I knew how to do.


                                            >Besides making Muffins of course.


                                            >I fell into a depression after I lost my job and stayed inside for weeks


                                            > My home had always been my favorite place in all of Equestria, but it had some problems.


                                            >The floorboards beneath my hooves creaked and on days when the wind blew especially hard I could feel the entire cottage rock back and forth.


                                            >the last time the house was furnished had to have been in the pre-Celestia era because my dad would never have chosen such gaudy furniture.


                                            >The chairs wobbled, the old red couch was filthy.


                                            > Cotton constantly escaped from the countless tears and holes in the old thing and I was always stuffing it back inside the darn thing.


                                            > On top of that we also had a termite infestation a couple years back that we never fully recovered from.


                                            > The kitchen had recently become home to a not-so-friendly raccoon that gnawed the counter into sawdust and my bedroom had a giant hole in the roof that my dad used to call a skylight.


                                            >Once a week the ground beneath me often rumbled and I hid under the dining room table, covering my head from falling debris.


                                            > My dad used to work in a mine but now he's gone.


                                            > I lost my job


                                            > My eyes don't work


                                            > My house is falling apart


                                            > And I have tits on my chest


                                            > My name is Derpy Hooves and today is going to be a great day!


                                            Chapter 2: Derpy


                                            > Two months later


                                            >I awoke before sunset every morning


                                            >Part of it was routine but for the first time in a month I actually had something to get out of bed for.


                                            > I flossed my teeth, brushed my mane, shined my hooves and wrapped industrial strength tape over my tits.


                                            >The chest is a strange place for breasts to be and I was reminded by how unnatural they were everyday.


                                            >Whether it was the looks of ponies in town that ranged from shock and disgust to the constant strain on my neck and back.


                                            >A pretty pony is a confident pony so I never let them see just how embarrassed I really was.


                                            >The worst feature of my "chest breasts" was that they never stopped leaking milk, hence the industrial adhesive.


                                            >Ever since the incident at the post office I have been trying creative ways to stop the leaking.


                                            > Before the leaking got bad I used band aids but you can ask the ponies in the mailroom how well that worked after my nipples broke like the Hoofer Dam.


                                            >After the band aids failed I switched to tape


                                            > It was a pain to take off and only worked slightly better.


                                            > Then, one day in the living room it suddenly hit me.


                                            >I was taping a package I had dropped when I read the label.


                                            >Dr. Hooves Industrial strength waterproof adhesive strips.


                                            > It was perfect.


                                            >I had damaged plenty of packages over the years and from personal experience I can attest that there was nothing it couldn't fix.


                                            > Lamps, record players, statues, vases…


                                            >Nothing I had dropped, run over, crushed, smashed or blew up (All accidentally of course) I couldn’t put back together with this stuff.


                                            > But the best part was that it was waterproof.


                                            > As long as I stayed calm the tape could usually hold up quite well.


                                            > So every morning for the past month I cut off a couple strips and slapped them over my tits.


                                            > And it worked great!


                                            > Modern science sure is wonderful.


                                            > As I brushed my teeth I heard the front door open.


                                            >Startled, I dropped the toothbrush on the carpet and stumbled into my bedroom


                                            > A good mailmare is never Late but I found myself running behind schedule more than I had liked.


                                            >I snatched my pale navy blue work bra from my closet


                                            >When I went into town I wore bras that my friend Rarity had custom made for me.


                                            >The straps wrapped around my front legs and the breast area was a thin fabric that gripped my breasts tightly


                                            >They were more revealing than I would have liked, just barely fitting over my nipples leaving the top of my areolas exposed.


                                            >"Derpy get your fat tits in here and start the meeting already!"


                                            > I could tell who it was from the mares voice and tone.


                                            > I slipped on the bra, tightened the straps and stagged into the living room, swiping my clipboard off the wall as I made my way down the hall.


                                            > My two helpers sat in the living room waiting for me on the old couch.


                                            > Rainy Day sat upright on the sofa and Appointed Rounds anxiously tapped her hoof with a sour expression strewn across her face.


                                            > “Good morning Rainy! Good morning Appointed Rounds!”


                                            > “Morning, Derpy.” Rainy Day smiled


                                            > "Sweet Celestia you're slow! Are you paid by the hour or something?" Appointed Rounds snapped.


                                            > "No…" I replied nervously


                                            > "Well neither are we so can we get this meeting rolling?"


                                            > “Oh! Yes of course!” I giggled


                                            > Shuffling through my clipboard looking for the days notes I skimmed through pages and pages of assorted order forms, letters, bills and sketches I had scribbled throughout my paperwork.


                                            > I really needed to get myself organized.


                                            > Finally I found the paper with today's date.


                                            > "A-Ha! I found it!" I said holding the page above my head.


                                            > The two mares didn't look impressed so I just read off what I had written out for them.


                                            > “A big thank you to Rainy Days for showing up early yesterday and sorting the mail.


                                            > Rainy tipped her cap and smiled


                                            > “And Appointed Rounds…I received a couple complaints that you were throwing the mail at ponies and that you were delivering the mail to the wrong addresses."


                                            >Appointed Rounds rolled her eyes


                                            > “We’re supposed to give the mail to the customers, not throw it.”  I stressed


                                            >Despite her name, Appointed Rounds was not a good mailmare.


                                            > “I know that it can be hard when you first start but being a delivery pony is one of the best jobs any pony could have!”


                                            > “And remember. Always look at the number on the house before you put a letter in the mailbox."


                                            > "Gee, I'm sorry Derpy but not all ponies are as smart as you."


                                            > "Oh, I'm not that smart” I smirked


                                            > It felt good being appreciated for many years of mail experience


                                            >"Really? You got us all fooled Derps. You really do."


                                            > Appointed Rounds wasn’t the best mailmare but with a little help she could one day reach her potential.


                                            >I leaned in close to Appointed Rounds and rested my hoof on her shoulder, this was such a great team building moment.


                                            > “I  know numbers are hard…Heck I've struggled with math all my life…You just have to keep trying and you’ll get the hang of it!…I believe in you."


                                            >Her eyes widened and she stared at me with her jaw dropped and an expression that I could only describe as astonishment.


                                            >She slapped my hoof away and gently pushed me backwards at the neck trying her hardest not to touch my breasts.


                                            > Her expression quickly transitioned into a look of disgust “Oh my gosh I can’t believe you're my boss I seriously hate this stupid job so much and I want to die."


                                            > I tilted my head in confusion as she shot her head back and chugged her Starmare’s latte before tossing the cup on the floor.


                                            > “Ok, boss, what do you need us to do today!” Rainy asked sitting on the edge of her seat next to Appointed Rounds.


                                            > “Well Rainy, I also have some great news! Pinkie Pie has hired our company to deliver the invitations for her party tonight! This is the most important job of this company's entire month-long history so I’ll be handling that."


                                            > Appointed Rounds was starting to look impatient


                                            > “Derpy, I know that you sometimes have trouble organizing yourself when Fluttershy isn’t around so I’ll ask you as calmly as I can.”


                                            > It was true, I wasn’t the best at keeping things orderly like the real post office.


                                            > “Yes, Appointed Rounds?”


                                            > “Why in Equestria did you call us out to the middle of nowhere at five in the morning if you were going to do all the deliveries!?”


                                            > My ears shot down into my mane


                                            > I didn’t like being yelled at


                                            > I flipped through my clipboard until I spotted a bronze ticket in the paperwork Fluttershy had sent me.


                                            > “I also want to mention that Fluttershy got me a ticket, so the big question is:Who wants to go to Pinkie’s party and represent Derpy Deliveries!?"


                                            > I was met with blank stares


                                            > "Derpy, if anypony should be representing your company it's you." Appointed replied


                                            > “Well, I’m not much of a party pony, you know I’m more of a homebody…”


                                            > “Derpy. I’m going to go home now. Please only schedule me when you have actual work to be done.”


                                            > Appointed hopped off the couch and pulled Rainy behind her “Come on Rainy, first call is in an hour, I’ll buy us a pint.”


                                            > I listened to the mares whispering between the tapping of their hoofs tapping against the creaking wood floor.


                                            > “Don’t you think we should help?”


                                            > “Listen Rainy, I’d be working on that resume if I were you. I don’t see this job lasting much longer.”


                                            > The last thing I heard was the front door slamming shut with a force causing dust and dirt to splash from the ceiling.


                                            >Today wasn’t starting out as great as I had hoped.


                                            >I grabbed my mailbag stuffed with invitations and and trotted through the old abandoned town towards Ponyville


                                            >The streets here are overgrown with vegetation consuming the old neighborhood.


                                            > Lots of ponies used to live here but after the mine closed, everypony moved westward towards the rolling hills and apple trees.


                                            >There is no pony around for miles.


                                            > Ponyville was about a mile and a half out from here and only ever visited when I had to go to work.


                                            >I was not looking forward to attending this party.


                                            >Fluttershy told me that if we want the company to grow I need to be a bigger part of the community.


                                            > But I wasn’t like most other ponies. I spend most of my days indoors doing word search puzzle games, coloring, exploring the old town and caves.


                                            >And baking muffins of course!


                                            >Though I hadn’t done much cooking at all since the racoon moved in.


                                            > Fluttershy also said she was worried I was going to go crazy spending so much time at home and as her business partner she feared that the company wasn't going to make it into the next month.


                                            > I was happy Fluttershy was helping me take care of all the paperwork and money stuff.


                                            > I needed this business to be a success…Atleast before my house toppled over on top of me.


                                            >I don’t remember a time when the house was in good condition but I know it’s seen better days.


                                            > When the floorboards started snapping beneath my hooves I wasn't sure if it was because the house was old or the added weight of the melon sized breasts hanging from my chest was too much for the floor to handle.


                                            >Regardless, it was time to renovate.


                                            > There’s far too many holes in the floor.


                                            Chapter 2: Derpy


                                            >I trotted out of the house as the sun began to rise and made my way into town


                                            >Ponyville was a half hour trot across the old neighborhood and a twenty minute trek through a forest


                                            > Around the time I reached the edge of the forest into Ponyville I would always develop this nagging feeling that I had forgotten something.


                                            > I usually did, but as long as it wasn’t the mail wasn't important I didn’t  turn back.


                                            >I think I left my electric toothbrush on….


                                            > No, that wasn’t it…


                                            > I riffled through my bag taking inventory, I had my lunch (A muffin) and a couple pencils


                                            > I noticed that I hadn't packed my word puzzle book and left my bubbles at home.


                                            > Darn it!


                                            > My work at Sweet Apple Acres this afternoon was going to be a drag.


                                            > I always brought at least one of the two when I left the house.


                                            > I love crosswords and wordsearches. When my eyes started to get bad the doctor suggested I use them because they were good exercise.


                                            > I'm almost completely blind in my left eye, my  pupil is like a fish aimlessly drifting inside a bowl.

                                            >Needless to say I have no control of what it does so I just let it float about wherever it pleases as I go about my life as I learned to ignore it a long time ago.


                                            > It does make it tricky to see sometimes and it throws my depth perception all off.


                                            > The bubbles are just for fun.


                                            > Who doesn’t like bubbles?


                                            > When I reached town and began delivering the party invitations


                                            >Almost everypony in town was invited and I was finding myself wiping my brow of sweat frequently.


                                            >I used to be a very quick mailmare.


                                            > Now I can't even fly because these chest breasts are far too heavy.


                                            >My dad told me my mom was a pegasus.


                                            >My dad was an earth pony so I’m naturally heavier than a purebred Pegasi.


                                            >Purebred pegasi are slender with tiny bodies, hollow bones and large wings.


                                            >I was small and chubby with a rear end and a pair of teats between my legs that made the mares in the Apple family blush.


                                            >I'm built like a tiny earth pony, I’m smaller than the average pegasi but stored fat like an earth pony so I always have a bit of a belly.


                                            >My dad said I was stout.


                                            >I wasn’t the fastest flier.


                                            >Or the most elegant.


                                            >But I had stamina.


                                            > The sun rested above city hall marking the tenth hour and the streets were still dead silent.


                                            >I dropped off Mr. and Mrs. Cakes mail which had been piling up since they left for vacation some time ago.


                                            >They switched to Derpy Deliveries because Pinkie and I were friends, they were one of my only customers willing to pay a little more to help me get back on my hooves.


                                            > There was no denying Derpy Deliveries provided a much better service as well.


                                            > I stuffed some overdue bills into the mailbox bleeding with envelopes when I heard Pinkie’s high pitched voice yelp my name.


                                            > I jumped at the shrill and sudden break in silence.


                                            >My eyes shot open, my heart skipped


                                            >And I felt milk shoot from my breast like frosting from a baking sleeve.


                                            >The sudden force broke through the industrial strength tape and I could see milk beginning to stain my bra.


                                            >"Pinkie!" I groaned as I stared at the pools of milk slowly expanding and soaking my bra.


                                            >I was doing so well keeping myself tidy this morning.


                                            >Pinkie wrapped her hoof around my neck and giggled.


                                            >"How's my favorite mail mare?" She tapped the side of my breast with her hoof.


                                            > “Pinkie! Look what you did!"


                                            > Pinkie craned her neck towards my chest and stared at my pulsating mammaries.


                                            >Pinkie put her hooves under my breasts and began to bounce them up and down


                                            >”They’re so heavy and full.”


                                            >Her eyes were large and glued to them like a filly in the window of a candy shop


                                            >I just rolled my eyes


                                            >“Have you ever painted them? They would look so neat with glow in the dark paint!”


                                            >“Why would I paint my boobs?”


                                            >Pinkie always had crazy ideas regarding what I should do with them


                                            > “Well they’re just sitting there! Might as well have some fun with them.” Pinkie giggled


                                            >“My Manehatten friend does that kind of thing all the time! You would not believe the things we get up to there.”


                                            >I honestly didn’t want to hear about what she did with her boobs at these “raves” as she called them.


                                            >Every weekend she went to Manehattan and came back with giant bags under her eyes, ripped striped socks (usually with a string of condoms hanging from the back of at least one of them) and tally marks written in sharpie all over her rump and face.


                                            >I didn’t know what they were doing at these “raves” but if math was involved I wanted to stay as far away from them as possible.


                                            > “Pinkie…The party tonight isn’t a rave is it?”


                                            > Pinkie’s eyes widened and a smile extended from ear to ear before she fell to the ground laughing hysterically.


                                            > “I don’t think Ponyville is ready for that kind of party!” She hollarded


                                            >Thank Celestia…


                                            > “But if you want to come along with me on one of my trips to Manehatten you’re welcome to join me.”


                                            > “No thanks Pinkie, That sounds more like something Twilight would enjoy.”


                                            >Pinke shot me a confused look before she jumped back up and began prodding at my boobs again.


                                            >“Have you thought of getting piercings?” she started massaging my areola with the tip of her hoof in a circular motion.


                                            > My bra was already soaked through and ruined at this point so I stopped protesting and just watched her marehandle them


                                            > Like most ponies in town she was taller than I was so she had to hunch a little to get on my level.


                                            >“Piercings?”


                                            >“Yeah, like maybe some rings or those little metal ones that stick right through your nipples…”


                                            > That sounds painful


                                            > “I don’t plan on having these much longer, Twilight said she’s working on a potion to fix them.”


                                            >“Wasn’t that like, two months ago?” She snorted


                                            >Yes.


                                            >Yes it was.


                                            > “Pinkie…I know you're just trying to help but all but the sooner I get rid of them the better.”


                                            > Pinkie removed her hooves from my teats and gave me a salute “No problem Derps.”


                                            > Pinkie was such a good friend


                                            > “So who's your plus one for the party?” Pinkie asked nudging my left teat with her elbow


                                            > “Plus one?”


                                            > “Yeah, you’re supposed to bring one uninvited guest as a date if you want to get in, that's why I only sent out invitations to half the ponies in town silly!”


                                            > “Pinkie! You never told me that!”


                                            > “Yeah I did! I had it playing over the town radio all week.”


                                            > “Pinkie. I don’t live in Ponyville.”


                                            > “Oh, you don’t?”


                                            > She raised her hoof to her chin


                                            > “Where the heck do you live then?”


                                            > I started to feel panic sweat dripping from my mane, I’ve never been on a date in my life! (Not without trying of course.)


                                            >No pony would have me.


                                            >But then again why would any pony want to date a mare who looked like me.


                                            > “If you don’t have a date I can’t let you in, this isn’t a swingers party, this is a classy Manehatten swaray! So you need to wear a nice dress too!”


                                            > A date? A dress? Why didn’t she tell me all this stuff before?


                                            > “Yep! I had broadcasted it all across town! Every afternoon, six hours a day for seven days a week!”


                                            >At that moment I decided to finish my route as fast as I could.


                                            > “Sorry Pinkie but I gotta go!” I said as I started rushing down the street


                                            > “No problem Derpy! See you at the party!”


                                            >I bolted  through town like a wild bull while shoving Pinkies invites into everypony's mailbox


                                            >Unfortunately, all the extra effort resulted in completely soaking my bra. Partly from nervousness and partly because I don’t think I’ve ever tried running with these things as fast as I was.


                                            > The leaking got so bad I was leaving a trail of milk behind me and my bra was completely soaked through.


                                            >All the while I was thinking about who I could bring as a date. the only pony I could think of was Fluttershy but she disliked parties even more than I did and getting around was difficult for a mare of her bust.


                                            >After an hour of hobbling around town, I was onto my final two stops.


                                            >One I was really looking forward to and one I was dreading.


                                            >I decided to drop by Twilight's library first.


                                            > I needed a date and besides Fluttershy I considered her my closest friend.


                                            >Twilight’s mailbox laid outside the library covered in dust.


                                            > She rarely received mail since she had that weird little lizard sending her mail by magic all the time.


                                            > I don’t like that lizard


                                            >I knocked on the door and had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I didn’t want to bother her, she was a very busy pony afterall.


                                            >After a short moment her little lizard servant opened the door.


                                            >“Oh, hi…Little guy….Is Twilight home?”


                                            >“No, she’s busy.” He said coldly


                                            >He began to close the door but I stopped him with my wing.


                                            >“Please Mr. lizard! I just need to talk to her for a minute!”


                                            >He paused and looked at me in the eye


                                            >“My name is Spike, and I’m a dragon.” He replied coldly


                                            >A dragon?


                                            >He didn’t look like a dragon, he reminded me of one of those weird lizards you’d see at the reptile zoo.


                                            >More specifically, the ones that barely move so the zookeeper pony (Who always smelled like dead crickets) had to poke it with a stick just so ponies wouldn’t feel ripped off for paying twenty bits to see the darn thing.


                                            >Worst birthday trip ever.


                                            >“Oh! I’m sorry Mr. Liza…I mean Mr. Dragon.”


                                            >I felt him trying to close the door again but I pried it open with my wing.


                                            >“It’s just that you’re so small and you have tiny legs and no wings! please just let me see Twilight!”


                                            >He stared at me for a second before he finally let up, which was good because my wing was starting to hurt.


                                            >I made my way into the library, a huge oak tree with bookshelves carved directly into the wood,  the room smelled predictably like chopped lumber and syrup.


                                            >Twilight was in the center of the room sitting behind her podium looking intense.


                                            >“Twilight!” I called out trying to sound as friendly as possible.


                                            >The purple unicorn looked up from her work and rolled her eyes, I could tell she wasn’t happy to see me.


                                            > Probably because I was dripping milk all over her floor.


                                            >“Umm..Is this a bad time?”


                                            >“Of course not Derpy.”


                                            > She tossed her quill to the floor harshly


                                            >“I always have time for you.” She said in an over the top sarcastic tone


                                            >And I thought Rarity was dramatic


                                            >“I have no potion for you today, sorry.”


                                            >My heart sank


                                            > “Twilight, It’s been months! You promised!”


                                            >The little dragon walked into the room with a mop and bucket and started to clean the floor around me.


                                            >I lifted my legs as he mopped beneath my hooves with the most sour of expressions.


                                            > Twilight shot me an frustrated look


                                            >“Do you know when it’ll be ready?” I asked in a quieter tone.


                                            > I was always nervous talking to Twilight.


                                            > She was celestia’s star student


                                            >An Element of Harmony


                                            >And a librarian.


                                            >And like all ponies I read her weekly newsletter where she shared the friendship lessons she had learned over the week.


                                            >“I don’t know Derpy, but you showing up everyday doesn’t make things go any faster.”


                                            >“I’m not here everyday..” I muttered


                                            > “Derpy, you came here two months ago complaining about chest pain and I told you that I wasn’t a doctor and you should see a nurse. You then you said you were afraid of doctors.”


                                            >I nodded in agreement.


                                            > “I told you I could whip up a potion that may or may not fix your chest pain, THEN! you told me you didn’t care about what the side effects might be because anything is better than going to see a doctor!”


                                            >For a librarian she sure does yell a lot.


                                            >“Derpy! I’m a very busy mare, I’ll get to it when I can but I’m swamped with work and I’m sure you can live with having tits on your chest for a little while longer.”


                                            >I didn’t like being spoken to so harshly.


                                            >it made me nervous


                                            > “But Twilight it’s so embarrassing! I got fired from my job because of them and I need bits to hire some pony to fix my house.”


                                            > I was at the point where begging and pleading wasn’t below my anymore.


                                            > “Have you ever considered maybe cutting a couple wires in the basement and collecting the insurance bits?”


                                            > I was shocked, what kind of pony would say such a thing?


                                            > Twilight, I can’t do that! My home is my safe space!”


                                            > “I’ve seen your house Derpy, it’s the opposite of safe, it's a health hazard.”


                                            > “I’ve lived in that house my entire life, I can’t just up and leave it. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”


                                            > Twilight brought her hoof to the bridge of her nose and sighed “Maybe it’s time to grow up Derpy.”


                                            > I felt like crying.


                                            > But grown mares never cry. My dad had taught me that.


                                            >“I’m sorry Twilight, it’s just that my neck is really starting to hurt and these things won’t stop leaking! Even my regular boobs have started to leak.”


                                            >Twilight’s face contorted, she gave me the same look as when my chest began to swell and my “extra set” grew in.


                                            >That was an awful day.


                                            > She spent all morning and afternoon running tests that were super boring.


                                            >“Well that's interesting…” Twilight said as she rubbed her chin.


                                            >Twilight walked over towards me and pulled down my bra.


                                            >My boobs were soaked in milk that was pooling inside the bra.


                                            >Twilight tilted her head upon seeing the adhesive I applied over my nipples


                                            >“You tape your tits?”


                                            >I nodded “If I don’t I’ll leak everywhere!”


                                            >Twilight's eyes bounced between staring at my tits and looking me straight in the eye.

                                            Before giving my left boob a rough tap.


                                            >“These are really swollen, you need to lose the tape..”


                                            >My heart sank again


                                            > She flicked my breast again “Do they hurt?”


                                            >“A little.”


                                            >She ran her hoof over a thick blue vein that led to my areola.


                                            >Twilight sighed and gave me  a cutting look of disappointment “Don’t tell me you leave this tape on all day.”


                                            >I nodded gently, I could feel my face turn red with embarrassment .


                                            >Twilight’s face scrunched into a disgusted expression before she began walking away, I followed frantically, tripping over my hooves.


                                            > “Twilight! What should I do!?”


                                            >“I can’t believe I’m about  to say this but…you have to milk yourself.”


                                            >“But I do! I haven’t bought milk in weeks!”


                                            >Twilight started to ascend the staircase at the far end of the library


                                            > “That's disgusting.” Twilight replied dryly


                                            >“Well…When's the last time you bought milk?” I asked


                                            >“I don’t drink milk. Grown mares shouldn't drink milk. I especially wouldn’t drink mare milk, it's low class and a step away from cannibalism..”


                                            > Cannibalism?


                                            >“Twilight, that's ridiculous! … I mean…I thought it was gross at first too but it’s actually pretty good! And it’s full of vitamins and minerals and stuff!”


                                            >“You never cease to repulse me.” Twilight groaned


                                            >I followed Twilight up the stairs up into the second floor of the library.


                                            >Twilight was rummaging through her cabinets grabbing bottles of glowing liquids in strangely shaped glass containers.


                                            >I watched and couldn’t help bouncing with excitement


                                            >“Are you making the potion now?”


                                            > Twilight spun around violently holding two potions in her hooves


                                            >“Yes! For the love of Celestia just be quiet for one moment!” Twilight pushed a button and a table that was folded into the wall collapsed into position and on the floor like an ironing board.


                                            > “Oh…Thanks Twilight.”


                                            >I watched Twilight begin mixing the ingredients into a beaker


                                            >Twilight was such a nice mare.


                                            >I wonder if she learned about friendship from Celestia herself.


                                            >Twilight mixed bottles of glowing liquids, referring to an old book for instructions from time to time.


                                            >“Is that old ponish?” I asked as I took a closer look at the book.


                                            >“Yeah, this book is ancient, I bet it’s so old the library grew around it.”


                                            >The pages were littered with illustrations of naked mares posing in strange positions holding their breasts.


                                            >“I’m refining some of the recipes.” Twilight said


                                            >This book calls for ingredients that are rare, so they are either hard to get or completely lost to time, so I’m just adding modern substitutes to ancient recipes.”


                                            > “So…You’re not really refining them but updating them.” I corrected as I casually flipped through the strange book.


                                            >Twilight slapped my hoof.


                                            “Do you want my help or not!?” Twilight barked


                                            >I nodded and sat back as I watched Twilight do whatever it was she was doing.


                                            >“So…Is the dragon a pet or a servant…?” I asked, trying to make conversation.


                                            >“He’s lots of things. He helps me plan, makes me food, sends letters...”


                                            >She sort of drifted off for a moment before continuing “I would say above all he’s a friend.”


                                            >“I don’t like him.” I replied bluntly


                                            > “He makes delivery ponies look slow. What if everypony starts sending things by dragon? I’ll be out of the job!”


                                            >Twilight rolled her eyes “I think you’ll be fine. How's the independent delivery service going anyways?”


                                            > “Not so good, I’ve been operating it out of my house and I don’t think the ponies I hired are very passionate about delivering mail.”


                                            > Twilight nodded without taking her eyes off of her brew.


                                            > “Like I said. Find a new job or a new place to live and you’ll see things will become a lot easier.”


                                            > I didn’t like to think about stuff like that.

                                            >don’t think I’m ready to move out of my house. I have too many memories there.


                                            > It’s my escape from all the ponies with wandering eyes worse than mine


                                            >The potion began to bubble over and she quickly started throwing more ingredients into it before she corked the bottle and gave it a couple shakes.


                                            >She presented me with a bottle of foamy, green liquid that glowed unnaturally bright.


                                            > I ran my hooves awkwardly across the table, my eyes glued to the floor.


                                            >I felt so embarrassed doing this but it had to be done.


                                            >Twilight was my friend…One of my best friends.


                                            > “Twilight…I know you’re a busy mare but I was wondering if you would like to go to Pinkie's party with me.”


                                            > Twilight looked up at me in shock


                                            > “Like as a date." I mumbled


                                            > Twilight didn’t even


                                            > "Derpy, Quit joking around.” She sighed


                                            > “But I’m not! Pinkie said I had to get a date to go to the party! I'm not going for fun, I need to go so I can promote my business.”


                                            >Twilight gave me the weirdest face before turning back to the old book.


                                            > “Sorry Derpy but I’m already going with someone.”


                                            > “Oh…” I sat back down and sighed


                                            > “But…If you weren’t then would you have gone with me?”


                                            > I could almost feel the insecurity in my voice


                                            > Why would I ask such a dumb question, of course she would say yes just to be nice.


                                            > “I couldn’t Imagine the two of us going to the party together…We would look so…silly…." She replied with a light chuckle


                                            > I was taken aback but I nodded in agreement .


                                            >I didn’t know exactly what she meant.


                                            >But I knew enough about myself that I could see why she wouldn’t want to go with me.


                                            >She flipped through her book one last time before cloning it.


                                            >“Most of the ingredients in the book were antiquated, I used science to create substitutes of the original ingredients that I made here in the lab. When the right compounds are broken down, they can sometimes create equivalent elements, I call it synthetic magic or natural magic, whatever you prefer.”


                                            >I just nodded my head, I had no idea what she was talking about.


                                            >I was never good at science.


                                            >“Strange magic.” I replied in a quiet tone


                                            >I was still very distracted by what Twilight had said about not wanting to go to the party with me.


                                            >She uncorked the bottle and a puff of smoke emerged, she blew the smoke away and passed the bottle to me.


                                            >I wasn’t sure how much to drink, so I took a small sip to taste.


                                            >It kind of tasted like lime but with a sour aftertaste.


                                            >I decided to take a couple big gulps taking long pauses between drinks to see if anything would happen.


                                            >Twilight leaned over the table and rested her head on her hoof.


                                            > After I finished the bottle I didn’t feel any different.


                                            >I ran my hoof over my breasts, they felt the same as they did before.


                                            > When I had taken the initial potion she had made for my chest pain the teats grew in immediately.


                                            >We waited for a couple moments but nothing had changed.


                                            >Twilight declared the concoction a dud and proceeded to kick me out.


                                            >“Welp, we tried, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.” Twilight said as she shoved me out of her room and down the stairs.


                                            “But Twilight I still have…”


                                            “Give it a couple hours, maybe it’ll kick in soon.”


                                            >Twilight pushed me down the stairs and out the door and into the streets of Ponyville.


                                            >My bra was still wrapped beneath my breasts.


                                            > The town was slowly waking up and I felt my face burn red in embarrassment as mares setting up food stands and mailmares stared at my exposed breasts.


                                            > Today wasn’t shaping into being a great day